Week 3 Sem 121
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PUBLICATIONS DIRECTOR EDITOR IN CHIEF GRAPHIC DESIGNER Jorja-Lee Wallace FEATURES EDITOR | Shannan Carroll SUB-EDITOR | Bonnie Whitehead MUSIC, ARTS & REVIEWS EDITOR | Oliver Kidd SUB-EDITOR | Jonathan Dodd SUB-EDITOR | Emily McGregor
SPORT EDITOR | Rebecca Thompson SUB-EDITOR | Linda Woelk PHOTOGRAPHERS Shaun Rotman Mitchell Willocks SPONSORSHIP Michael ‘Papa’ Penklis
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CONTACT Editor: jorja-lee.wallace@student. bond.edu.au General: scope.bond@gmail. com Phone: (07) 5595 4009
3. Weekly BUSA Report 4. Distressed Law Students 5. What is...Graduate Season? 6. Baby, You Were Born This Way? 7. New Kids on the Blocks... 8. Beck's Guide to Drinking
9. The Art of Bullshitting 10. Photos 14. Posters 16. Music, Arts & Reviews 18. Sport 20. HSA: A Year in Review 21. Odds & Ends 22. Posters 24. Haaaave You Met...?
21. COVER PHOTO: Shaun Rotman
The views and opinions expressed in Scope do not necessarily represent those of the Scope team, the Publications Director or BUSA.
FROM THE DESK OF: NICHOLAS RODGERS BondSync. It seems you can’t have a conversation with a member of BUSA without either being directed to it, having its benefits espoused at length or having it referred to. However, there is a reason for this. Since the launch of BondSync at the start of 113, it has become integrated with every aspect of the services offered by BUSA and Campus Life. Although most of the students around last year are familiar with the nature of BondSync, this article hopes to expel some of the surrounding confusion.
editor’s report Wassup wassup Scopeopeope fans?! Week 3 is well and truly upon us, and unfortunately classes aren’t graciously stepping aside while we marinate in our hangovers. I say marinate because we all know humidity plus hangover = pain. If you’re silly enough to have class on a Friday - good luck with that. With Palaver this week it seems almost illegal that such classes exist. On a more positive note, at least the rain has stopped. Yay for finally having dry clothes (and feet).
Put simply, BondSync makes it easier to stay in touch with your favourite clubs and societies by serving three main purposes. First, students join clubs on BondSync rather than having to track down elusive Presidents and Secretaries post-Club Sign on Day. Second, the means of communication are greatly simplified and improved. Messages can be sent through BondSync to all members who can opt out at will rather than relying on outdated email and phone contacts to advertise events. Finally, administration of clubs and societies has been greatly improved and simplified as part of a shift away from archaic paper lists.
This week we’re all about class. Getting to bed at a respectable hour. Waking up at a reasonable time. Whitehouse photos... You know you’re jelly you didn’t attend (I am). As for articles, we’ve canvassed the board. Ranging from the 411 on BondSync to everything you need to know about Grad Season; to major LOLs from resident Scopers Bonnie Whitehead and Beck Thompson on pages 8 and 9. If you’re a fresher boy - watch out. Page 7 holds pertinent information that may make you think twice before you go out and ‘wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah’, your flaccid penis LMFAO style at the fresher girls (or anyone else for that matter). Just like the cat fest on the Shooters stripper pole every Thursday night, no one wants to see it; put it away and pick your dignity back up off the floor. Don’t forget to read the farewell to the 2011 HSA, with words of wisdom from Westy and Win Wan on page 20. They’ve done a fantastic job - congratulations and good luck to the incoming association. That’s it for this week, next week we will be doing a Singles Awareness Day (SAD) special (seeing as V-Day falls on the following Tuesday); so keep your eyes peeled for some quality loving from the Scope team. N.B. We accept no responsibility for any embarrassment caused by any ‘special features’ that appear in the Week 4 edition of Scope. Until next week, xx
At the time of writing, the number of students who have joined BondSync sits at just under 2100. BondSync usage this semester has improved dramatically. Every club event is advertised on BondSync, more and more messages are posted by clubs each day and clubs are experimenting with the additional features BondSync has to offer. With BondSync playing an ever-increasing roll in campus life, it’s in the best interests of every student to sign up and become involved as soon as possible. New students can sign up in three easy steps: 1. Access BondSync through the drop down list on the Bond homepage; 2. Log in using your Bond student ID number and password; 3. Fill out your details. You are then free to join any or all of the 70+ clubs and societies that exist at Bond! These can be accessed through the ‘Organisations’ button at the top of the screen. If you are having any difficulties in accessing or using BondSync, please feel free to swing by the BUSA office or contact me via email at nicholas. firstname.lastname@example.org.
the Edm?itor o t s r e t t e L for the Scope tea nd.edu.au say? Feedback to student.bo Have something ja-lee.wallace@ the Editor at jor to ter let a nd Se nday | DUE: 4pm Mo Max 100 words
DISTRESSED LAW STUDENTS Madeline Wardleworth
In September of 2008, the University of Sydney’s Professor Ian Hickie presented a lecture entitled ‘Laywers are Humans Too’. Research presented in this lecture warrants consideration by all who spend time in Building Four. Hickie drew attention to his sample; some 2.500 professionals and students from 13 law schools surveyed Australia-wide. He found that 41% of law students, 31% of solicitors and 19% of barristers suffer from psychological distress severe enough to justify clinical assessment. A further report cited revealed that 11% of lawyers contemplate suicide monthly.
More generally, research indicates that the type of person who chooses to study law is highly intelligent, introverted, and has poor emotional communication skills. These numbers suggest that law students ought have eyes peeled for symptoms of depression and similar mental illness. However, the survey noted that law students tended not to identify the most basic, common symptoms of psychological distress. FYI, these include nausea, shakiness, sleeping difficulties, irritability, short temper, poor concentration, stress, and bowel disturbances. There are a host of reasons explaining why a legal education and/or career is affiliated with mental distress. Bondies frequenting the Law Fac are more prone to psychological dis-
tress due to two personal characteristics: • Perfectionism: Law students often have impressive attention to detail. But such a trait can position students to consistently believe their work is not good enough, catalysing personal dissatisfaction. • Pessimism: A US study found recently that law is the only profession whereby pessimists outperform optimists. Coupled with a competitive academic environment, a glass-half-empty kind of attitude makes law students more susceptible to stressrelated illnesses. • More generally, research indicates that the type of person who chooses to study law is highly intelligent, introverted, and has poor emotional communication skills. Mental illness can be a serious killjoy in University life. Beyond Blue, the nationwide depression initiative has explicitly recognised that depression reduces a person’s ability to function in all aspects of life, including work, social and home life. Luckily there are avenues available here at Bond, including the LifeOne program (see www.lifeone.org.au) and Bond’s Counseling team at the Medical Centre. If you’re not keen to take the above steps, Beyond Blue endorses the following strategies for students: • Exercise; • Socialise; • Eat well; • Listen to music; • Organise. Look after yourself, look after your peers, and don’t be afraid to seek assistance if needed. Godspeed.
What is...Graduate Season? Alan White Bond University Career Development Centre
No matter what stage you’re at of your degree, please don’t flip over to the next article because this one pertains to YOU! My name is Alan White and just like you; I’m a student here at Bond University. I worry about exams, subjects and what I’ll eat from Cafe Bond each day the menu continues not to change. Something I used to worry about was what in the name of pants I would do once I graduated from Bond (one of these days). The notion of ‘graduate season’ was a frightening phrase. That is, until I started working at the Bond University Career Development Centre (CDC) in 2010. While I will never be 100% prepared to move out into the real world and leave Bond behind, having an understanding of what graduate season is, how it relates to you, and how the CDC can help has made one facet of my time at Bond a hell of a lot more enjoyable. What’s graduate season? The term given to the period of February through to May every year where most of Australia’s largest employers look to hire graduating students for their graduate programs the following year. Think ‘duck season’ without the ducks, water, and weaponry. Who’s eligible? You should be looking at who you want to work for NOW if you graduate at any point in 2012, and would like to begin employment in early 2013. While employers do hire outside the graduate season timeframe, this is your best shot at graduate employment. What’s a graduate program? Tailored programs are created for students who an organisation has recently hired, and are essentially graduates from university. The programs generally allow graduates to experience a range of rotations within an organisation, and ease you (in some cases) into full-time employment. Often, these programs are also a baptism of fire and are a lot of hard work; but they give you a strong grounding within the organisation and an understanding of their mission, values and work environment. What is Careers Fair? The 2012 CDC Careers Fair will be held in the Sports Hall, 4.30– 6.30pm on Thursday the 15th of March. It’s your opportunity to meet your desired organisation for employment, or even an organisation you hadn’t considered before. You can engage with a range of staff and recent graduates who will answer your questions relating to employment, work experience and all things to do with that organisation. It’s a fantastic networking opportunity and one not to be missed.
Internship • An internship is a supervised learning program for students wanting to gain hands-on work experience in a related occupational area. They are available in either the private, public or not-for-profit sectors, as part of formal or informal programs and may or may not be paid. • Internships can last from several weeks to several months and can be full-time or part-time. • An internship can be for credit at Bond, depending on the internship and the faculty. • Internship opportunities are available for students to apply for at various times throughout the year. Ensure you know what semester they are offered and when applications are due.
You should be looking at who you want to work for NOW if you graduate at any point in 2012, and would like to begin employment in early 2013. Vacation Employment • Vacation employment may be offered in the summer or winter months and is generally a formal program that’s either part-time or full-time. It’s an opportunity to gain training and develop key skills. • Applications open at various times throughout the year. Become familiar with closing dates so you don’t miss out. • Eligibility requirements vary from each organisation. Work Experience • An informal program which allows students to gain practical experience within their chosen occupational area. Work experience is not for credit. • Due to the informal nature of work experience, it can be undertaken at any time throughout your degree. Community/Voluntary Involvement • Voluntary involvement is a flexible alternative from the more formal program, and a great way to network within the community. • Volunteering can be undertaken at any time throughout your study. • Volunteering Gold Coast offers a wide range of positions. For more information see: http://www.volunteeringgc.com.au
Who’s can come? Everyone, no matter what semester you are in! In fact, we would be disappointed if you didn’t come. If you’re new at Bond this is your chance to get a feel for what graduate season is all about, so when it’s your turn you can hit the ground running. You can also put yourself in a prime position to make strong and long lasting relationships with employers, the art of networking, which will come in handy when you apply for work experience and vacation programs.
I hope this article has given you a brief understanding of what graduate season is all about.
Employment Experience The following are the most common types of employment experience you will come across during your time at Bond, and are something you should definitely be thinking about this semester!
The CDC team are highly qualified, experienced and most of all they are as keen as mustard to help you realise your career related ambition. For more information email CDC@bond.edu.au
Remember: 1) Graduate season relates to everyone. 2) Attend Careers Fair - Thursday 15th March, 4.30pm in the Bond Sports Hall. 3) Come and visit the CDC for a career planning appointment, resume and application advice, or simply a career related chat.
Baby, You Were Born This Way? James Mackechnie After reading some of my most recent articles, I made the sad realisation that I am starting to sound a bit like a character out of Sex and the City (although much poorer and less slutty, I hope). It was this thought that reminded me of Cynthia Nixon and the recent upset she has caused to the LGBT community by saying she chooses to be gay. So I asked myself, is homosexuality ultimately a question of nature or nurture? Including Lady Gaga’s belief that we are simply born this way, there are many theories regarding the formation of our sexual orientations.
On the other hand, many accredit homosexuality to social learning theories. Some, such as the by-default theory, are actually quite comedic. They may help to explain why we all have that one friend who has joked about (or maybe even seriously contemplated) becoming a lesbian simply because she can’t find a decent man. And don’t forget Sigmund Freud, who says lesbians suffer from severe penis envy and that all gay men had an overly obsessive relationship with their mothers’ racks as children. Furthermore, nurture being the cause of homosexuality is highly problematic when we acknowledge that gay and straight parents raise the same percentage of straight children. If one’s upbringing is considered to be so important in this case, it would be logical to assume that kids with gay parents would emulate their behavior after being exposed to it for so long. Since this has been disproven time and time again, it seems undeniable that ultimately, both nature and nurture must work together to shape our sexuality.
Homosexuality. Is it a question of nature or nurture? Including Lady Gaga’s belief that we are simply ‘born this way’, there are many theories regarding the formation of our sexual orientations. As neither a practicing scientist nor philosopher, you might be wondering what authority I have to discuss (albeit very briefly) the ongoing gay debate. But, well, let’s just be honest here…
Since this has been disproven time and time again, it seems undeniable that ultimately, both nature and nurture must work together to shape our sexuality.
But, as Charles Darwin stated, “We do not even in the least know the final cause of sexuality… the whole subject remains hidden in darkness”. Yet, does it really matter whether we are born or raised gay? It is more important to recognise that it is not a choice. For who would choose to like someone of the same sex if it meant you might be killed by a ruthless dictator; if it meant having little access to equal opportunities; if it meant being unable to bear children… Despite the judgmental people, the laws and the religions that say so, heterosexuals and homosexuals are not so different after all. We share similar aspirations, qualities and the desire to be loved. And whilst we can’t change the nature of who we are, we can nurture future generations to avoid the discriminatory stereotypes and misconceptions we so readily employ in everyday life.
From a scientific perspective, it might be said that homosexuals are technically freaks of nature, whose biological determinants were somehow messed up during their foetal development. Ironically, many who argue nature over nurture often see being gay as completely unnatural. Why then are there countless other species that also tend to engage in same-sex behaviours? Take Roy and Silo for example, two penguins residing in Central Park Zoo, New York. They are known internationally not only for coupling but also for competently raising a child together from a donor egg.
P.S. Despite the title, I hate Gaga!
New Kids on the Blocks… Caro Stanley Oi, listen up. You can’t work an indie haircut. You are not a babe-magnet. Please go to the gym once in a while. Grow some facial hair. Put a shirt on. Your room is not “your pad”. You look like a twelve year old. Yes, I am talking to you, fresher boys. As a fresher girl, I am somewhat uncomfortable being in the same intake group as some of the fresher boys. I say ‘boys’ very deliberately, rather than ‘men’, as there seems to be an epidemic of eighteen-year-old boys who look like they are pre-teens awaiting the big ball drop. This would be tolerable if they were engaging in a highly intelligent and humorous way, however, this appears not to be the case. Unfortunately, it seems that not only do the vast majority of the fresher boys look like the little sister of Cody Simpson and Justin Bieber, but they are also under the impression that they evoke a similar sex appeal to that of Channing Tatum. This causes problems in several fields. Firstly, when the fresher boys take on the town. Pre-drinks kick-start the night in a cloud of Coolabah, hair product, cheap cologne and unbuttoned shirts. In a highly unfortunate turn of events, as a result of their ridiculously exaggerated impression of their attractive abilities, as the night wears on the buttons on their shirts become fewer until most are walking around revealing their rippling abs and rock hard pecs (i.e. skinny ribs and moobs, with not a chest hair in sight).
Someone really needs to address the fact that most of them appear to think they are LMFAO. Boys, you can't shuffle. Please don't try. It is a considerable health and safety hazard, not to mention a visual violation. In addition, if you can fit a small bottle of pocket deodorant in your jeans, it would be greatly appreciated. Once they reach the club (which can be a rare occurrence), issues really arrive when the fresher boys hit the d-floor. Someone really needs to address the fact that most of them appear to think they are LMFAO. Boys, you can’t shuffle. Please don’t try. It is a considerable health and safety hazard, not to mention a visual violation. In addition, if you can fit a small bottle of pocket deodorant in your jeans, it would be greatly appreciated. A further problem caused by the inflated egos of the fresher boys is that they are under the impression that they are besties with the older kids. Hate to break it to you guys, but the students heading the associations on campus are not your closest friends. Further to this, you are not the biggest drinkers in the blocks either. Please stop trying to prove your manliness by out-drinking any other male on campus, as it inevitably results in a far filthier and embarrassing night for all involved. I apologise to the group of special fresher boys who are kind and genuine – we appreciate your presence more than you know, and the standard that you set is unrivaled. To your counterparts, this situation is resolvable. Put the shirts back on and ditch the ‘masculine’ act. You might find that we actually like you the way you are, and it will make the blocks a better place.
Beck’s Guide to Drinking Beck Thompson
Ladies (…and men?), wear a sports bra. The possibilities when wearing one are endless. From storing goon sacks or flasks, to picking up a few shot glasses throughout the night; it’s like a backpack that never gets searched on entry (you hope).
For most Bondies, there are two common things: a love and passion for going out, compromised by the implications of a fast tracked uni workload and no way to fund and maintain a lifestyle you can’t afford. However, this shouldn’t ever hold you back or be an excuse. So, here are a few guidelines all Bondies should adhere to when preparing for an infamous night out… 1. Don’t wear heels. Soooo restrictive, and they become such a hindrance when turbo-dancing. If you really want to create the illusion you’re somewhat classy, wear heels to pre’s, then do the sneaky change once everyone is appropriately vision impaired. 2. Bubblegum vodka – sounds awesome… it isn’t. Amazingly, it even tastes worse than normal straight vodka. Don’t put that one on the bucket list (unless you want to be in need of a bucket later…). 3. Sober or shitfaced. Yep, one or the other – one does not simply go out for ‘one drink’. If you’re not going to commit to a night; is it really worth it? As Vince Lombardi (cheers quoteland.com) says, “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.” Coincidentally, this metaphor can apply to committing to a night out. 4. Ladies (…and men?), wear a sports bra. The possibilities when wearing one are endless. From storing goon sacks or flasks, to picking up a few shot glasses throughout the night; it’s like a backpack that never gets searched on entry (you hope). 5. Don’t try to get on the stage when the Shooters girls are dancing – they fear the competition and the bouncers don’t rate it either. 6. Avoid the stripper pole at Shooters. (1) If you’re a guy, you’ll get kicked out immediately; (2) Girls, you’ll regret that in the morning. On the other hand, round house kicking sluts in the face for being sluts is perfectly acceptable. Just mind the reaction. 7. Take a flask, or even better, a traveler’s Listerine bottle. 8. Leave a club on your own terms, because even if ‘the club can’t handle you right now’ (firstly, that’s their fault, they don’t deserve your presence anyway), it’s not worth starting anything with the bouncers. But this doesn’t mean the night is over, just move on. 9. Stay up to watch the sunrise – but only once because, well, once is enough; nothing much changes the second time. 10. Fill up a taxi. Even if you don’t know them, find people who live even remotely close and offer your 80c in ‘poochange’. 11. Continue pre-drinks at Vanity, with free drinks until 11pm. Side tip: don’t line up for that shit, just hide under the bar and receive free drinks with a sly hand.
12. Don’t use mixers. Save time, save money – drink straight stuff. 13. Eating is cheating. The age old rule, using the same logic of banning mixers, eating simply hinders one’s proficiency. In fact, your best bet is to attempt mild dehydration throughout the day to ensure you’re peaking fast and early. 14. Tie your room keys to your wrist (double knot, triple knot, reef knot, whatever), because aside from the fact you’re locked out, replacing Bond keys makes it a rather expensive night out despite your heroic efforts to stinge. 15. Do pull off the somersault© on the floor of a club to win a dance off. Some clubs, mostly those with some form of respectability in Broadbeach, frown upon this but it’s relatively worth it. 16. Be a top friend. This means that if you’re not able to wholly commit, even if that is because you have become irrationally emotional, get yourself in a taxi and allow your friends to party on (like, seriously, go hard or go home). 17. ‘Tune Up’ Karaoke Bar in Surfers… enough said. 18. Drink responsibly…
The Art of Bullshitting Bonnie Whitehead
Bondies, we’ve only hit Week 3 of sem and I’ve already got a few things to say. I tend to think of this time of sem as that awkward interim phase between the alcohol-induced coma of the surrounds of O-week, and the creeping realisation that between chunder and buses to Shooters (the order of which is entirely flexible), the need to actually attend university and complete some form of degree does exist. Still, I feel Week 3 is much too premature for me to be picking on a particular group of people, which is why I only say this with even more dislike for those to whom it applies. I direct this article to all the individuals who insist on filling my tutorial hours with self-indulgent word vomit well beyond anyone’s saturation point. Those students who feel the need to flaunt a self-assumed mastery of the art of bullshitting, and view their very presence in the room as a deftly executed performance of this skill. Those whose primary aim in life is to simply talk so much that it seems logistically impossible to not be awarded a HD participation mark they knowingly did not actually put the hours in to earn. I’ve got three words for you: just shut up. Don’t get me wrong here - I understand the appeal of dropping the odd four-syllable word every now and then to try and make it seem like you belong in that next band for participation marks. Trust me, I do it too sometimes. But honestly, there is a difference between trying to break into the HD zone, and then just being a pompous asshole. If we’re all reaching for Oxford dictionaries in an attempt to comprehend your longwinded response to a yes/ no question, then all I have to say is…really? It’s a very particular combination of unnecessary and mother effing annoying when you spend 15 minutes elaborating on how mind blown you were when you discovered the relationship between the tute readings and every other piece of metaphorical, conceptual bullshit under the sun. I would rather be trampled in a ditch by a thousand obese women, than be subjected to you projectile vomiting quasi-intellectual statements probably inspired by a combination of the Sparknotes summary of a Nietszche text, and something that just kind of came to you while you were shitfaced in the bathrooms at Don’s.
Furthermore, as if your intellectual snobbery wasn’t enough to piss off the rest of the student body, the very sound of your voice kind of makes me want to shove screwdrivers down my ear canals. There seems to be this mysterious adoption of a pretentiously articulate, slightly English sounding accent that unexplainably suddenly affects you when you speak. Kind of like you’ve recently returned from your gap yarr, or you’re just recovering from a bad head cold. Either way, rather than sounding smarter, you really just sound like even more of an arrogant prick. I’ll keep it in mind to offer you a cough drop along with your Nobel Prize in nearly fooling everyone into thinking you understood more about the thesis of the assigned reading than the academic who wrote it did.
It’s a very particular combination of unnecessary and mother effing annoying when you spend 15 minutes elaborating on how mind blown you were when you discovered the relationship between the tute readings and every other piece of metaphorical, conceptual bullshit under the sun. So anyway, when it comes to tutorials, let’s just keep things real. We’re all fighting the same battles between alcoholism, sleep deprivation and the need to trawl through mind numbingly boring papers. Unless you’re truly a studious and well-prepped individual (I hate you also) who actually has something worthwhile to contribute, stop acting like you did the work more than five minutes ago, or that you’re actually that passionate about something a dead guy said that you’re going to debate it hotly for a solid twenty minutes. There are at least nine other people in the room wanting to pass just as much as you do, but they all seem to manage that feat without adopting personality traits I could only describe as punchable. In short, quit being such a twat and just simmer down a bit.
Photographers: Mitchell Willocks | Shaun Rotman Events: Australia Day at Donâ€™s | Whitehouse
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MUSIC ARTS & S W E I REV
Tim Minchin vs Queensland Symphony Orchestra.
Saturday, the 28th of January 2012. Brisbane Convention Centre
As I walked into the spacious theatre with my four amigos, I could barely contain my excitement. The anticipation was unreal… I couldn’t even drown out that little voice inside. That little voice that kept on repeating “You are seeing Timfucking-Minchin live tonight you lucky bastard, savour every moment!”. When I found my seat, I sat anxiously and listened to the rumbles and cheers from the crowd. It was then that I knew I was seeing something big, something really big. I waited unwearyingly for the lights. After my patience was thoroughly and tortuously tested, the lights faded and the stage lit up… A giant rectangular object became clear. It was cloaked in a black cape with the Queensland Symphony Orchestra assembled around it. As the audience and myself questioned this mysterious black object, a sole violinist graced the stage. Dressed fittingly in all black, she stroked her violin. She played crescendo and allegro and in turn, the room became alive with a spirited, energetic livelihood fit only for a comedian. When she retired from the limelight, the black cape fell, and a man appeared. This man donned black skinnies, a white collared shirt with a blazer and no shoes, sported long ratty dreadlocks, and wore distinctive black eyeliner. Then, this curious man began to sing… “Yeah, I’m in a cage! (Yeah, can you see me? I’m in this cage.) I’m in a cage, I’m in a cage, I’m in a cage (motherfucker, cage motherfucker.) I’m in a cage.” If anyone knows how to swear, it’s Tim Minchin. His hilariously entertaining opening brought the audience almost to tears and relieved our nerves. All that was going through my mind was Minchin is here singing, in a cage, for me. Holy Santa Claus shit! The show went on with many favourites including “The Pope Song”, “Cheese”, “Lullaby” and more… The crowd was more than pleased, and Minchie put on a spectacular show even
when faced with difficulties… (In “Cheese” the bass guitarists’ amp failed and Minchie, took on the one minute bass solo on a keyboard. What a legend.) As for his stand-up, well if you have never seen Minchin before he is pretty spectacular. He engages with the crowd, chatting to a man in the front row who attended the show alone, likening him to a crazy American journalist with a cool, indie moustache. Another was picked out of the crowd for wearing a Pokémon hat, which he interpreted as a dead animal carcass hat. Needless to say, the crowd were in tears. My personal favourite was “Lullaby” which regards the experience of children and how much parents love them exponentially, the closer they become to looking like they’re dead. Hilarious. Here’s some of my favourite lyrics; “Hush little baby, don’t say a word. Papa’s gonna buy you a mockingbird. In the hope you get avian flu, The nice folk in A&E will take care of you.” Unfortunately however, Minchie did not perform my all time favourite song “A Song for Phil Daoust “ which was a little bit sad, but not heart-break worthy. For those of you who know what I am talking about, kudos to you. If you don’t, go on YouTube, and watch the live version. Prepare to laugh hysterically and perhaps pee yourself a little… I know I did. I mean, no, yes, what? In conclusion, Tim Minchin is freaking fantastic and you should all look him up and pee yourselves a little. It keeps you warm, Wait, what? Concert Rating (1 – stay home and play Skyrim for 48 hours, 5 – would seriously go 10+ times) 5/5 stars Top 5 Reasons for Checking Out Tim Minchin: 1. He is fucking hilarious; 2. You want to experience pee-your-pants worthy comedy; 3. You like guys who wear eyeliner (you know you do, don’t lie); 4. He is an exceptionally talented musician – literally, one of the best pianists I have ever seen; 5. You like laughing.
Rock Out With Your Mod Out JONATHAN DODD Oh, Orchid Ave. Home of debauchery and kebab wrappers. You aren’t the most accommodating road for those who favour an alternative approach to the clothing they don. Some (read: all) of us are familiar with the southern most venues, rarely venturing further north in the unknown recesses of the strip. Those rocking the pompadour that venture this far have either missed Elsewhere in a drunken stupor or are taking the back route to BCL. The Opening of Mods and Rockers in 2010 has given us one more legitimate excuse, offering haircuts and a return to tradition with the cutthroat straight shaves. It can be easy to miss this quaint barbershop, nestled between some very antithetical businesses. The distinct scooter parked out front is gone come closing time, and let’s face it, when the hell are you sober on this street let alone here during the daytime? Fortunately, speakers blaring with the huskiness of Tom Waits’ voice or the surreal music of Pink Floyd should point you in the right direction. Encapsulating the rawness and behavioural traits of the 50s through to the 70s, the owner, Lee, has dressed the place up to the nines. Three retro, fully reclinable chairs are lined up, ready to receive their next client; and even without a reservation system in place, the walk-in clientele keeps at least two of the three occupied regularly. Textured, colourful street art decorates most of the white walls, adding to the psychedelic
atmosphere reaching out to lick you upon entry. As you wait, you’re sucked into a new period separate from most else on the Gold Coast. Take the following as you will, but this barbershop is more or less a men’s club and Lee isn’t afraid to embrace that mentality. With their refreshing and social demeanour, and offerings of complimentary beer and whisky while you wait, Mods and Rockers serves as the ideal respite from Surfers Paradise. Whether guys are looking for a trim or an impromptu Friar hairstyle, a scanty $25 is all that is required. Cutthroats obviously cost a little extra but they’re well worth experiencing at least once. For those that have yet to try it, I’ll say the experience is pretty damn cool. Lee and Mods and Rockers are a part of a once-quiescent culture, slowly rousing and making waves in the Gold Coast community. The predominant Jersey Shore-ness of Surfers is slowly being diluted, making way for a more heterogeneous community that may one day cease to reference bundles of sticks on a whim, something in which I’m increasingly upbeat about. Go here. Get a haircut. Get a shave. They’ll even have a towel and wipe yo’ face.
American Psycho Review JACK KINGSTON
A WARNING! This review contains explicit descriptions of torture, murder, and other crimes. Such descriptions were necessary for the advancement of art – obviously. Seriously though – don’t read on if such things cause you bother. American Psycho is a book by Bret East Ellis that is currently banned in Queensland; yes, a successful selling book can be banned. This exaggerated censorship confuses me. I understand censorship for movies, video games and some parts of the internet, but how could a book fall in the same net? What puzzles me even further was that the film adaptation was released in Australian cinemas and made available as a MA15+ DVD. Translation: high school students can get access to the explicit sex and murder filled movie, but college students can’t read the original book. Eventually, a Melbournian friend gave me the book for Christmas. I read it – and finally understood why the censorship was in place. American Psycho is perhaps the most descriptive book I’ve read, including ‘The Hobbit’. Every character is introduced with fine details of their clothing and distinguishing features. So much detail that I would’ve skipped ahead, were it not for Ellis’ smooth narration. The book takes you through the eyes of Patrick Bateman, a businessman disgusted with humanity. At day, he goes to bars, snorts coke and dates various women. At night, he kills
hobos, rapes hookers and mutilates dogs. The book does a great job with his escalating insanity. Ellis starts with only hints and flashes to his antisocial thoughts, but as it goes on, the book breaks down more as does his mind. Sentences start repeating themselves, and it goes from first to third person. It really is an accurate portrayal of a psycho, not only in the killings, but in how his lifestyle is unexplainable and hallucinogenic. The scenes describing his murders and sex life are the reason this book was banned, such as this passage: “She tries to cry out again but all the blood loss is making her lose consciousness and she’s only capable of a weak moan. Taking advantage of her weak state, I force her mouth open and with scissors, cut her tongue out and hold in my palm, still warm and bleeding.” The amount of detail put into these chapters put a Sasha Grey film to shame. For once, the movie is a lot more toned down than the book. In one of his many attacks there are examples of bestiality, rape, murder, mutilation, necrophilia and cannibalism. And that was all on one page. This book is the only book I would tell people to read, and not tell people to read. If you can stand such films as A Serbian Film and Anti-Christ (explicit murder and mutilation scenes), then you will love this. Jack Kingston is a Bond Student who studies Psychology and likes to stabs whores and play with their blood.
| 17| MAR
Get ready for America’s biggest tournament of the year!
This Monday at 9:30am the Patriots and the Giants meet for America’s largest annual sporting fixture – The Super Bowl XLVI. This contest between America’s two largest sporting markets has been billed as the most anticipated in league history; a rematch of Super Bowl XLII. While sideline tickets will cost you $17,000, a comfy seat and a warm breakfast will cost you nothing if you’ve paid your SAM; as BUSA is opening Don’s for this sporting spectacular. Make your way down to Don’s wearing your favourite oversized jersey for a bacon and egg breakfast from 9am, and all the gameday action from kick-off at 9:30am. This is an all ages event so there will be no alcohol provided. Besides, it’s 9am, what’s wrong with you?
Alan White Generally when using the phrase ‘tonight’s going to get messy’, I would be associating ‘messy’ with the aftermath of Palaver, Whitehouse or Pub Crawl. But after the first round of Res Wars, Hannah and I can safely say it applies to dodgeball. In summary, with over 160 participants, it was the biggest Res Wars we have ever conducted, and we had a hell of a lot of fun doing it!
be split. Again, one hell of a controversial game, and it was A Block who took it out and booked a place in the final.
In male competitors alone, we had a fantastic turn out of both newbies and veterans alike. Games between A Block and the AC consisted of around 60 players, making for one hectic game of dodgeball.
The girl’s competition was thankfully a lot less violent and a little more clear cut. Continuing their strong form from 2011, the A Block girls came out of the round robin stage with three extremely convincing wins. In fact, so convincingly did they win, we were able to fit two games against the AC in for the A Block girls to practice. Not to be outdone, the 2011 participation champions ensured they made the final, with B Block storming home for 2nd after a very rough start.
With a change in rules this year, it didn’t matter how many people you had on your team – you just had to worry about how good they were at dodging the ball.
Although originally disappointed at their zero for three start, the AC girls eventually found their way; winning third spot over a spirited Green Machine.
The boys kicked off with old rivals A and B Block, in what was a fine effort from both teams. For a team with plenty of spirit and energy, the far smaller group of B Block boys came to an extremely controversial and rare draw with their A Block counterparts.
Well done to all, it was the biggest Res Wars yet. Keep it up for the rest of the semester and it’s sure to be a cracker for the campus life team!
Green Machine fought hard but came up short against the mighty AC, who were buzzing with competitive energy, and put cracks in the gym walls during the game (literally). Following tough losses to A and B Block, the Green Machine resigned themselves to the 3rd/4th play off. Doing something completely different (i.e. winning), the AC Red Devils won all three of their games and went into the final as firm and feisty favourites. After their draw earlier in the night, a dodgeball shoot out was the only way A and B Block could
The final results: Boys AC Red Devils A Block Pride Green Machine B Block Bandits Girls A Block Pride B Block Bandits AC Red Devils Green Machine MVP’s this week were Rhys Larsen and Annalese Smith
The Highlights of the 2012 Australian Open
Once again, the Australian Open was absolutely spectacular this year. Tomic was swept aside by the Fed Express in the fourth round, and even though Tomic is a wanker; not being able to see his girlfriend on TV anymore was definitely disappointing. Hewitt stepped up to the plate for the Aussies, defeating Roddick on his way to the fourth round before exciting the audience with quite a show against the once again champion of the tournament: Novak Djokovic. Taking a set off the world’s best players is clearly a sign that Hewitt can’t be ruled out just yet. The women’s singles tournament was a huge surprise this year, with a number of upsets. Stosur knocked out in the first round, Serena Williams demolished in the fourth round by the unranked Makarova, and Wozniacki the #1 seed knocked out in the quarter finals. Not to forget, Clijsters, the defending champ defeated in the semi’s which set up a final between Azarenka and Sharapova; the two screamers of the women’s games. Azarenka quickly dispatched her opponent in straight sets, dropping only three games.
Djokovic vs Nadal was the best game of tennis I have ever watched. I sat through the whole five hour 53 minute match, the longest final in tennis history, yet was never bored. We were seriously spoilt with this match. However, the results in the men’s tournament were much more expected with the semi finals consisting of the top four seeded players. A few upsets along the way such as Nishikori defeating Tsonga in the fourth round, and Hewitt beating Roddick and Raonic kept the tournament engaging. To have such fierce competitors in the semi finals set up a fantastic end to the tournament. Nadal vs Federer was pure class, but Nadal’s skill of powering through his forehand to Fed’s backhand worked beautifully as he won in four sets, stepping into the finals. Murray gave Djokovic a serious run for his money, but Djokovic scraped the victory in five sets, showing so much mental toughness. Murray, who will win a grand slam tournament one day, proved how close he is to the top guys and hopefully it will be on his own soil at Wimbledon; the English claim him. Djokovic vs Nadal was the best game of tennis I have ever watched. I sat through the whole five hour 53 minute match, the longest final in tennis history, yet was never bored. We were seriously spoilt with this match. Djokovic wouldn’t let Nadal play his normal game, and seemed to have every answer to Nadal’s fantastic play. Both warriors threw punches constantly, and at 3-4 0-40 down in the fourth set, the game looked in favour of Djokovic. But Nadal came roaring back and won the game and the set, after being down 5-3 in the tie-break. Nadal was 4-2 up in the final set and it looked like the match had turned to his advantage, before Djokovic mobilised all remaining energy and came back finishing the set 7-5. The back and forth fight of the entire match was incredibly engaging and the camera’s constant focus on Djokovic’s girlfriend should be commended. Overall, it was a marvelous match and tournament. We are so lucky with the talent of the current generation of players… and their girlfriends.
| 19| SPORT
HSA: A YEAR IN REVIEW We’re not quite grandparents but in Bond time we are definitely middle-aged, so we feel obliged to pass on some lessons learnt over the past twelve months. At the beginning of our fresher days in 102, the acronym ‘HSA’ meant nothing to us and we were the ones asking ‘Where can we buy a BUSA?’ But nearly two years on and a yearlong term on the HSA done and dusted, we look back on the year that has been and wish to share the ins and outs of association life. We never thought we could be so attached to second hand books and white dresses, but after three book sales, three Whitehouses, three Bondy 500’s, three ‘Chill Sesh’s’, three Dean’s awards, a revamped publication, countless revision seminars, open forums, a language festival, 69 constitutional amendments, one hectic SGM, and one amazing week being ‘Bondbook’ it’s over; but we will forever remain attached to the HSA. When we sat in the middle of the sundial (reference – MCWardle) plotting and planning our campaign (arguably the best campaign Bond has seen in a while, if we do say so ourselves), we were somewhat naive to what lay ahead; but we quickly learnt what Bond student politics is all about. We started as 10 people, but 12 months and one new member later we call each other family. Here is our year in review. In January, we fought over stationary and cried after our first Bondy. In May, we went to war with the LSA who encroached on second hand book sale territory, and ran our first Whitehouse. By September, we had our shit together and had book sale down to fine art. The HSA office is like our second home (the BUSA office being our first). All eleven of us have spent countless hours procrastinating from agenda points, poured heart and soul into our portfolios and learnt many life lessons from each other. Maddie ‘Fair Trade’ Wardleworth taught us how to be ethical. We aren’t allowed to use Google, and our Safari homepage is set to Bing. We only buy free-range eggs and lollies without gelatine. No Coke is allowed, and God forbid if we don’t recycle. Callum ‘President Pus’ Wood taught us everything we know and was a fine example of true leadership. Sam Nowland, the late comer but a valued addition to our family, showed us how to successfully colour block. Brock Phyland, our big brother, taught us how to hold our alcohol and kept us out of trouble. James Fitchett taught us… let’s just say he’s a funny guy and we couldn’t have asked for a better Promotions Director. Kate ‘No Money For You’ Timmerman taught us how to budget and negotiate. After three attempts to have an ice sculpture at
Whitehouse, we failed. Andrew Dibden, is a man of few words. But the ones he does say are perfect, and make him a top bloke. Emma ‘Nanna’ Devlin was our HSA carer and the voice of reason; which transformed Insight into an amazing publication. Jodi Bewicke showed us that life balance is possible, always rocking up to meetings on her bike from swimming training. As for us, one broken foot (Whitehouse injury), and many binge eating and stress relief-shopping sessions later; we walk from the HSA with some of the best memories and strongest friendships to date. We’ll stop our emotional rant now about how much we love the HSA, and leave you with what we think are words of wisdom.
In January, we fought over stationary and cried after our first Bondy. In May, we went to war with the LSA who encroached on second hand book sale territory, and ran our first Whitehouse. By September, we had our shit together and had book sale down to fine art. To the incoming associations – good luck. We hope your term is as rewarding as ours has been. You’ll sit around that table surrounded by books, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll probably shout once or twice and get mad over something; but that’s what all families are like. To the freshers – get involved. Be open to the opportunities and make the most of your time here. It goes quickly, it will be over before you know it, and you’ll turn into Hannah who is dragging out her degree because she doesn’t want to leave – not uncommon (see Alan White). Apathy is not an excuse. You can do it for the extra line of your resume, but you should do it because you’re passionate about your student experience. It’s worth it, we promise.
Love Hannah and Yasmin. PS - To Bondbook: thank-you, we love you. PPS – Whitehouse ran at a profit. WHAT UP!
|20| FSA UPDATE
BROUGHT TO YOU BY 9GAG...
HOT Naps Jumpstart Palaver Studio 54 Sunshine Pink Floyd BUFFS Gillard being dragged away and losing a shoe BUSA advocating for students Sucking up to BUSA New MLC technology NOT Humidity Talking about exams in Week 3 Assignments due already Sunburn to 60% of your body
BOND CLASSIFIEDS ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A CHALLENGE? DO YOU LIKE HELPING OTHERS? YOU MIGHT JUST BE THE PERSON WE ARE LOOKING FOR!!!
SPRING FESTIVAL 2012 Organised by ALSS and CSA DATE: February 3rd (Friday of Week 3) TIME: 6:30pm VENUE: Princeton Room The annual BIAS Social Justice Trip is organised DRESS CODE: Traditional or Cocktail as a not-for-profit event that aims to assist in the $30 SAM, $45 NON-SAM. education of Indigenous boys attending the St Theresa Agricultural College in far North Queensland. It’s a non-alcoholic cultural event, and a ticket gets you a Chinese cuisine buffet dinner, martial arts and To be considered for the trip, become a member dragon dancing performances, a chance to win the of BIAS on BondSync and click on the Social Jus- lucky draw prize and a fireworks display at the end tice link in the files tab. Fill out the application and to welcome in the Chinese New Year.! email it to the BIAS president Gemma at gemma. WANT TO ADVERTISE? email@example.com Send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org with all Applications close on Friday the 3rd of Feb at the relevant details (name, goods/services, contact 6pm. Don’t miss out on this fabulous opportunity. number etc.), plus your student ID (so we can verify We look forward to seeing your application and that you’re a student). good luck. MAXIMUM 50 WORDS FOR SALE DEADLINE: 4PM MONDAY EACH WEEK 1 very comfortable leather sofa for sale - $200.00 ONO. Height: 94 cm Length: 200 cms ( approx 6 ft) CONTACT: Kaye Hart on 0419 572 663 or khart@ SCOPE
| 21| ODDS & ENDS
Lines at Don’s on Thursday Ulcers Rudeness & obscenities Not dressing up for Palaver
HOT or NOT
H A A A A VE Y O U M E T . . . ? Ideal date location and companion? On the Lido Deck of a guest-less Cruise Ship sailing through the Maldives with the 2007 version of Jessica Alba. Or alternatively, in the right circumstances, any girl who wouldn’t have to pause to think about and consider their response if someone screamed “WHORE!” at them. Do you call a snail without a shell naked or homeless? Neither, we all need to air our junk now and then... Clothes can be so constricting :)
Name: Mitchell Willocks Age: 18 Degree: Bachelor of Law/Bachelor of Business Beginning Semester: 121 Hometown: Scarborough, Queensland, Australia FB Relationship Status: Single Star Sign: Virgo
What food would you be and why? I’d be a wrapped heart candy because they’re sweet and you have to take their wrapper (clothes) off before making proper use of them. What is your study motto? “Know EVERYTHING!” A genie grants you three wishes - what are they and why? Wish 1: A VISA Credit Card that never expires and has an endless credit limit with no repayment responsibilities. Wish 2: A perfect body that only shows the nice kind of ageing. Wish 3: An eidetic memory.
Do you judge other people for their past indiscretions? Generally no. But I do have limits like everyone else. When concerning others indiscretions that affect me I run on a three strike system. “Do the same or similar thing three times and you’re out.” Other than that, I don’t concern myself with other people’s private histories unless it becomes necessary (e.g. don’t ask a recovering alcoholic if he’s coming to Don’s). If you could swap bodies with anyone at Bond for a day, who would it be and why? Vice-Chancellor & President Tim Brailsford. The view out of his office in the arch would be epic. Choose: never washing your bed sheets again, or never washing your towel again. Never washing my towel again. The lovely cleaning staff wash my bed sheets already every Monday. It’s great. Weirdest place you’ve had a sexual encounter? In a Cotton Tree. It was a tad awkward when I eventually fell to the ground though. For future reference guys, trees may seem like a good idea when you’ve consumed your and all your friends fair share of alcohol, but trust me when I say this; tree bark is not smooth.
NEXT WEEK: Nominate yourself or dob in someone else to email@example.com