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Scan Magazine | Humour | Columns


By Mette Lisby

Who is turning Brazilian? For the World Cup, obviously. Well Denmark didn’t qualify, and my go-to team was England. My third fave team was Spain, and since the chances of my second and third back-up favourites looked dismal within the game against Holland, I just decided to throw all my support behind Brazil. At least the location will be the same throughout the tournament no matter the results! So now I consider myself a Brazilian. (Except when it comes to waxing. Boys, trust me. That’s… a yawwsssaaaa.) And I bet I’m not the only one who suddenly changed nationality. It’s like that old song: “If you can’t be with the one you love – love the one you’re with.” If our team didn’t make it, we have to love and support someone else. Just drinking beer and not shouting at the TV watching football would seem pretty stupid, right? So Brazil and the Copacabana will undoubtedly be the hottest place of 2014 –

and we can simply keep the party going until 2016, when Brazil and Rio will host the Olympics. You have to tip your bowler to the Brazilians. How did they pull this off? Both the World Cup AND the Olympics, just two short years apart? Such a clever way to get all the infrastructure in place for these events at the same time. Much better planning than in the case of London, having hosted the Olympics in 1948 and then had an 18 year wait until The World Cup in 1966, followed by and even longer wait to host the 2012 Olympics. The hosting gigs scattered just far enough apart to make sure every new construction, building and renovation is dilapidated, broken and shitty enough that we have to build it all over again for the next big event. Talking about falling apart: In my effort of being Brazilian I accidently gazed at a Brazilian newspaper and learnt that the


My A-level days were a bit of a blur. I found secondary school suffocating in its strictness, so the sudden freedom that came with teachers not giving a hoot was dizzyingly refreshing. My college was large and chaotic. Most people – teachers and students alike – were usually in the pub. “Sex!” my psychology teacher would shout as we came swaying into his classroom.

England team had visited an orphanage while in Brazil. “The despair and hopelessness on their sad little faces was almost too much to bear,” said 6-year-old Matteo afterwards. But who cares – we’re all Brazilian now. Arriba! Mette Lisby is Denmark’s leading female comedian. She invites you to laugh along with her monthly humour columns. Since her stand-up debut in 1992, Mette has hosted the Danish versions of “Have I Got News For You” and “Room 101”.

By Maria Smedstad

“Who wants to talk about Freud and sex?” Then he would glance around, dismayed: “You’re all drunk! We might as well go back to the pub!” And so we would, teacher in tow. We muddled through some kind of mock exams, after which my teacher whispered to me across the desk, “You got a G.” This came as a shock to me; I genuinely did not know that the grades went down that low. I realised I had to pull it together. For reasons best kept to myself, I attempted to revise for a psychology paper that we had not covered in class. I needed to cram two years’ worth of studying into three weeks. I remembered reading somewhere that nicotine speeds up the transfer of information from short-term memory to longterm memory, along with amphetamines and strychnine, both of which seemed less appealing, so for those three weeks I smoked – in secret – like a chimney. A

neighbour caught me, and from then on found it hilarious to do puffing motions behind my parents’ backs and winking at me. It seemed pointless to try to tell him the truth. It was worth it in the end: miraculously, I graduated with decent grades. And I have made sure there has never again been a reason for me to take up smoking, so all in all A-level college was a healthy as well as valuable experience.

Maria Smedstad moved to the UK from Sweden in 1994. She received a degree in Illustration in 2001, before settling in the capital as a freelance cartoonist, creating the autobiographical cartoon Em. Maria writes a column on the trials and tribulations of life as a Swede in the UK.

Issue 66 | July 2014 | 97

Profile for Scan Group

Scan Magazine | Issue 66 | July 2014  

Promoting Brand Scandinavia. Featuring interview with Lars Mikkelsen.

Scan Magazine | Issue 66 | July 2014  

Promoting Brand Scandinavia. Featuring interview with Lars Mikkelsen.