The Pepperbox | Page 20
AIBT
Wednesday, December 7th, 2016
How to survive the holidays with your family Isabella Loch Reporter
Nigella Baur Feature Editor
T
he holidays are upon us, and that means your extended family will soon be invading your personal space and offending you and your “crazy millennial opinions.” Whether you have an overly religious grandmother trying to help you find Jesus, or an aunt who “isn’t trying to be racist”, the holidays can be a difficult time. Don’t despair though, we talked to our North Pole correspondents to give our readers prime advice to surviving the holidays. If your grandparents ask you about how your grades are, use
a lot of modern slang words, like “lit”, “sus”, or “ratchet”. This will confuse them and they’ll forget what they asked you in the first place. If someone decides it's time to start rehashing that awful Christmas where your aunt accused your mom of stealing her favorite serving plate and it erupted into an all out brawl, the best idea would be to sneak off to your room and blast Christmas music as loud as possible. This will keep your Christmas spirits high, and who knows, maybe your family will hear it and stop ruining the holiday. Because of the recent election, politics will be a major topIsabella Loch/PEPPERBOX ic of conversation this holiday Our highly trained North Pole Pepperbox correspondents season. To avoid any confrontation with your conservative off your back, start talking like family, anytime someone men- again”, just get up and leave the Siri for the rest of the day. Antions “making America great room because there’s no way swer their questions in a almost this conversation will end well. The holidays can often have monotone, “I didn’t quite get religious significance for many that. Do you want me to search people, so when your cousin the web?” Maybe start making starts preaching to you about beeping sounds and doing the our Lord and savior Jesus Christ robot while you’re at it. That’ll and you’ve heard it all before, show them how truly addicted just pop in your headphones, to technology you are. And of course, when that inpull up your hood, and smile and nod while secretly jammin’. evitable question from your visIf your uncle has too much to iting family about your relationdrink and starts getting misog- ship status comes up, we’ve got ynistic, remind him that Susan you covered. Just start screamB. Anthony could probably take ing until they stop asking questions. This will also show them him in a fight. We know you absolutely why you’re still single. Dealing with your intrusive cannot wait to be minding your own business, amusing your- family can be difficult, but if you self on your phone, and some- stick to these methods of avoidone just has to make a comment ance, absolutely nothing can go about your generation and wrong, and you’ll get the stresstheir addiction to technology. free holiday season you’ve been For an easy way to get them looking for.