Holl & Lane, Issue 7 Preview (Celebrate)

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HOLL AND LANE T H E T E AM SARAH HARTLEY

Creator / Editor in Chief

www.sarahhartley.net editor@hollandlanemag.com

KIMIKO MAINPRIZE Assistant Editor

www.sliceofheavenloft.blogspot.ca

MIA SUTTON

Editorial Media Planner

www.thechroniclesofchaos.com

JESS DOWNEY

Advertising Media Planner www.chaoticandcollected.com

STEPHANIE BARCHETTI Public Relations Specialist

IJL For advertising inquiries, please email advertising@hollandlanemag.com for our media kit.

For press and promotion inquiries, please email stephaniebarchetti.pr@gmail.com For contribution inquiries, please email stories@hollandlanemag.com, or check our website for Contributor Openings.

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CONTENTS ENTERTAINMENT, 7 8 10 11 112

STORY BEHIND THE SONG, COURTNEY COLE TOP TEN WEDDING MOVIES TEN SONGS TO CELEBRATE TO ON OUR BOOKSHELF

STYLE AND BEAUTY, 13 14 20 22

DISCO SUMMER SUMMER TRENDS FOR LESS PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT

08 STORY BEHIND THE SONG

INTERIORS, 23 24 28

UNIQUE PARTY VENUES HIDEAWAY HAVEN

BUSINESS, 35 36 38

LIFE AT HOLL & LANE MY SMALL BUSINESS: LIFE COACH

FOOD AND FITNESS, 40 41 43 46 47 48 50 51 52

SARAH & ELLIE DO THE OLYMPICS TOP FIVE PILATES MOVES AT HOME FRESH KALE FRITTATA SPRING ROLLS SOUR SWEET PEANUT GINGER POWER BOWL ROASTED FENNEL & CARROT WITH LENTILS LIME NO BAKE CHEESECAKE GLUTEN FREE CHOCOLATE BROWNIES

14 DISCO SUMMER

DO IT YOURSELF, 53 54 55 56 57

CAKE STAND PARTY BACKDROP COLORFUL TASSEL BANNER POLKA DOT DRINK STIRRERS

LIFE STORIES, 58

59 STUDENT SPOTLIGHT: BRAVE TRAGEDY 60 COMMITTED 64 I GOT MARRIED ABROAD 66 HAPPILY SINGLE

28 HOME TOUR: HIDEAWAY HAVEN

FAMILY, 67 68 71 76 78

MY INFERTILITY STRUGGLE LIFE THROUGH THE LENS I WAS A SURROGATE MY HUSBAND LEFT US

TRAVEL, 81 82 89

POSTCARDS FROM: ALASKA I MOVED TO EUROPE

IN EVERY ISSUE 4 92 94

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EDITOR’S NOTE REGULAR CONTRIBUTORS ISSUE CONTRIBUTORS -3-

MY INFERTILITY STRUGGLE

EDITOR’S NOTE June 1st marks one year since the very first issue of Holl & Lane hit the digital newsstands and though it doesn’t feel like an entire year has gone past, it also feels like I’ve aged about fifteen years. The first year of owning a business is wildly unpredictable. I hit publish one year ago without having a clue what I was doing, what the future would hold, what relationships I’d develop, and what I would learn along the way. I decided to write it all down and you’ll find what this first year has been like on page 36.

MY OBSESSIONS LAURA MERCIER SECRET CONCEALER, $25 I got this concealer recently and after putting it under my eyes it looks like I've suddenly gone on a week's long vacation where all I did was sleep. sephora.com

One thing that has become clear to myself and the entire H&L team, is that the heart of this magazine is truly the life stories. We are so proud of what we’ve been able to share in this past year and are so excited for what we have in store coming up for you. But with that also comes the tides of change. We want to do our best to focus on who we are at our core and take away the distractions from that. So beginning with our next issue (launching July 1st), you’re going to see a revamped H&L. We’re going to focus on nurturing your heart, your home, and your body. We’re going to cut through the noise and bring you stories on Interiors, Food, and an expanded Life section. It’s a scary change, but we feel a necessary one and we hope that you’ll love this new direction as much as we do.

So to those of you that are old friends, we hope that you’ll celebrate how far we’ve come in a year. And for those of you who are new friends, welcome, and we hope that you will find something within our pages that resonates with you on a deep and meaningful level.

Thank you for sharing in this part of our world.

Yours, Sarah Hartley, Editor-in-Chief

BLACK AND DECKER FLEX VACCUUM, $80 Is it weird to be in love with a cleaning product? We bought this recently after our cheapy dustbuster died and I use this EVERY DAY. It makes cleaning up after my son and my cat much easier than bringing out my giant vaccuum. blackanddecker.com

BLANKNYC, $88 As far as I can tell, there isn't much better than a long sweater that has leather elements. I want to cozy up in this immediately. blanknyc.com

J.CREW FACTORY STRIPED TEE, $37 I'm forever on the hunt for the perfect striped tee and I think this one might just be it. jcrewfactory.com -4-

CO N T RI B U T E LET US SHARE YOUR STORY! VISIT HOLLANDLANEMAG.COM/CONTRIBUTE FOR DETAILS.

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The H&L Girl Is: Creative, smart and capable, she is strong and uses her passions to help others. She enjoys being a part of something bigger than herself. She is innovative and professional but knows how to have a good time. The H&L Girl is modern, genuine and brave.

THE HOLL & LANE GIRL ALLYN LEWIS OF ALLYNLEWIS.COM Growing up focused on ballet, Allyn didn’t enjoy the typical childhood. While living with her single mom, she took care of her younger sisters, danced, and went to school. When her dad committed suicide her senior year in high school, her world was shattered, but the strength and resilience to get through that time unknowingly prepared her for a future as an entrepreneur.

Meeting a former business partner through Pittsburgh Fashion Week gave her the first taste of running her own business. After a year and a half of running a PR firm, she decided to break off on her own and opened Releve Public Relations. Though she still does PR for some clients, the majority of her days are spent developing her lifestyle website and community for entrepreneurs, #GemNation. Her focus, which has come through loud and clear over the years, is in helping others and turning their struggles into strengths. Her need to help others motivates her business, which has always been about people.

In Her Words: “The surface definition [of success] for me at the moment is being able to make enough money to comfortably pay my bills, get some money in savings, and travel more. The deeper, more long term version is being able to create something that inspires others and feels like living instead of working. Success isn’t an end destination or a goal, it’s a lifestyle. It’s about being in tune with the person you want to be and aligning your efforts in life to create your ideal life.”

INTERVIEW BY SARAH HARTLEY // PHOTO BY KATE STUTZ PHOTOGRAPHY

ENTERTAINMENT

Celebrate who you are in your deepest heart. Love yourself and the world will love you.

- Amy Leigh Mercree -7-

COUNTRY STAR

COURTNEY COLE

The STORY Behind The SONG INTERVIEW BY SARAH HARTLEY // WORDS BY COURTNEY COLE

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G

rowing up near New Orleans, Courtney Cole spent her childhood dancing and singing to the music all around her.

So it was no surprise then, at five years old, that she got onstage for the very first time, singing “I Got You Babe” with her father in her church talent show.

Eventually, her love for country music drew her to Nashville where she feels like she’s always belonged. Her parents met in a two-stepping bar and with music a huge part of their lives, she has always felt drawn to the emotion that country music provides.

Later came an audition for a TV show - CMT: The Next Superstar.

After the show ended, Courtney was offered a full-time publishing deal! Finally, in September 2015, Courtney’s self-titled EP was released. We talked with Courtney about the story behind her song “Ladylike”.

What is Ladylike About?

“Ladylike" is ultimately a song about owning who you are as a person! Mistakes, quirks, and all.

What is the meaning of the song and what was the inspiration behind it.

The inspiration for “Ladylike” came one day when I was goofing around with a friend. I did something that he thought was weird (which is usual) and he said "oh well that's ladylike!" I immediately thought, "that's a song!!"

In the song you sing, "you ain't never met a lady like me"- what is your definition of "ladylike"?

Growing up in Louisiana my definition of ladylike was being eloquent, well-mannered, polite and classy. The problem with that stereotype was that it felt a bit stuffy and didn’t leave room for having fun. I think you can be classy but still let loose and be yourself !

Do you think the stereotype of being ladylike is changing?

I definitely think that the understanding of what it means to be ladylike is shifting with our generation. Some people will always be more traditional, and some people will be a little more out of the ordinary. Neither is right or wrong, but I think our generation is a bit more open-minded and I love that!

How do you hope women feel after listening to your song?

I hope people feel empowered to own who they are when they listen to the song. We all have quirks and things that make us unique. You don't have to fit the mold. Be the mold!

Courtney’s EP is available on Spotify.

Click to Listen.

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TOP TEN WEDDING MOVIES WORDS BY ERICA MUSYT

27 DRESSES

Jane is always a bridesmaid and never a bride. In fact, she’s the best bridesmaid there ever was having been in 27 weddings!

When Jane’s sister becomes engaged to the man she is in love with, Jane finds it incredibly challenging to be the best bridesmaid she can be.

BRIDESMAIDS

Annie is going through a tough time when her best friend, Lillian, becomes engaged.

Having just lost her business, boyfriend, and all of her money, Annie devotes herself to being the best maid of honor she can be. When Helen, the groom’s boss’s wife, throws a little competition her way, Annie is determined to make things perfect while taking the bridesmaids down one wild wedding road!

RUNAWAY BRIDE

Having run from the altar, literally, three times before, Maggie Carpenter is labeled the “Runaway Bride” by big city writer Ike Graham. When his information is disputed by Maggie herself, Ike is quickly fired. Upon hearing that Maggie is engaged once again, Ike shows up in her hometown in hopes that she will run from the altar once more in order to save his reputation. What Ike doesn’t expect is to find love for himself.

WEDDING CRASHERS

For years John and Jeremy have been sneaking into weddings to take advantage of the lonely single gals with the romance in the air. When John meets Claire at a wedding his world is turned upside down as he falls in love with her.

THE WEDDING DATE

FATHER OF THE BRIDE

When George Banks’ daughter Annie returns from Italy engaged, he is forced to deal with the reality that his little girl is all grown up. Through wedding plans, meeting the in-laws, and dealing with an outrageous wedding planner, George is discovering that it’s not so easy to let go.

MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING

With her sister’s wedding approaching, single-girl Kat decides to hire a male escort to play her boyfriend and trick her family and friends. While trying to prove to everyone that her romantic life is full of love, she is also attempting to make her ex-fiance, also the best man to the groom, jealous. Hoping that her charade goes off without a hitch, there is still one thing that Kat didn’t plan for.

THE WEDDING PLANNER

Julianne and Michael made a pact that if they were both still single at the age of 28, then they would get married to each other. Just a few days before her 28th birthday, Julianne gets a call from Michael announcing that he is engaged himself !

With this news, Julianne comes to the realization that she is in love with Michael and decides to win him back just days before his wedding.

Mary Fiore is the most successful wedding planner in all of San Francisco. She can make strangers fall in love with all the tricks she knows. When a handsome doctor rescues Mary from a runaway dumpster they spend a romantic evening together that makes Mary believe in love again. Come to find out that the doctor is the groom in one of the weddings she is planning, Mary is more confused than ever!

MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING

THE WEDDING SINGER

At 30 years old Toula is still single and her family worries about her. After taking a job at her aunt’s travel agency, Toula meets Ian and they fall hopelessly in love. The only problem is that he isn’t Greek! As Toula works to gain her family’s acceptance of Ian, she herself comes to terms with her own identity.

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Robbie Hart has one of the most romantic jobs in the world he’s a wedding singer. When he is left at the altar Robbie loses all hope of ever finding love again. Enlisted by Jules, to help plan her wedding, Robbie falls in love with her and needs to figure out how to stop her wedding from ever happening.

SONGS TO CELEBRATE TO WORDS BY MICAH CHAPLIN

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GOOD LIFE

02.

Andy Davis

FIREWORK Katy Perry

03.

I GOT THE FEELING NOW Eric Hutchinson

04.

GOOD TO BE ALIVE Andy Grammer

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ROCKSTEADY Marc Broussard

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WELCOME TO NEW YORK Taylor Swift

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START THE DAY EARLY Stephen Kellogg & the Sixers

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FRIDAY NIGHT Todd Carey

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MY HALLELUJAH SONG Julianne Hough

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NO STOPPING US Jason Mraz

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ON OUR BOOKSHELF

WORDS BY AMY COOK

NON-FICTION

How to Be a Wildflower: A Field Guide by Katie Daisy

Celebrate the outdoors and leisure time with this amazing book by artist Katie Daisy. Within the pages of this magical book, her paintings come to life with amazing quotes, places to travel, how-to ideas, recipes and more. The book is meant to be used over and over again. Grab your backpack, some water, and this delightful guide and get outside to celebrate the great outdoors‌ and you!

Stick and Stone by Beth Ferry

Stick and Stone are two friends just trying to make it in the great big world, playing together and enjoying life. When Stone is made fun of, Stick comes to his rescue, but when Stick needs Stone to return the favor we see what being a good friend is all about. A celebration of friendship and a great way to introduce anti-bullying practices to your young children.

CLASSIC

FICTION

Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

CHILDREN’S

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

This book is a celebration of life and the unforgettable people you meet along the way who shape you in ways you never thought possible. Louisa is a quirky 20-something who is looking for a new job. Will is an ex-multimillionaire playboy and business mogul who has recently been confined to a wheelchair.

When Louisa is hired to be a caretaker/babysitter for Will, the two have nothing in common, but as fate would have it, their lives will be intricately woven together as they come to rely on each other more than either of them could have realized.

This is a wonderful novel about the daughter of first generation Irish-American parents. Francie Nolan is the narrator and heroine of this novel that takes us back to Brooklyn in the early 1900s. Francie is the girl you cannot help but cheer on. The oldest of three siblings, and a voracious reader, Francie tries to carve out a path for herself despite being poor and a girl in a time when it was unfortunate to be both. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn will have you turning pages furiously to see if she breaks the mold of her parents in the search of her very own version of the American Dream.

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STYLE & BEAUTY

Live a life of discipline and live a life of celebration.

- Sunday Adelaja - 13 -

DI SC O

SUMMER - 14 -

WORDS BY ELYSIA PURNELL IMAGES BY MARIA PALERMO MAKEUP & HAIR BY HANNAH DONNOVAN WARDROBE BY KRISTI BOUTIQUE & CALLIGRAMME

Disco never dies. Get the perfect summer party looks through an effortless retro chic. This season is saturated with plunging necklines, shimmering textures, silky pajama slips, and a grandeur of Donna Summers-approved accessories.

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CALIFORNIA LOVE: MIX-ANDMATCH UNDERGARMENTS TO ACHIEVE A ROLLED OUT OF BED, SUN-DRENCHED LOOK. MESSY-HAIR, "I DON'T CARE'S" ENCOURAGED.

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CHOOSE STATEMENT PIECES WITH TEXTURE AND MOVEMENT AS A PLAYFUL GO-TO WITH MINIMAL STYLING EFFORT, YET MAXIMUM WOW-FACTOR.

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BYODB (BRING YOUR OWN DISCO BALL): SYNONYMS, SEQUINS AND DISCO, FIT PERFECTLY LIKE A PAIR OF JOHN TRAVOLTA DISCO PANTS. PULL OFF AN ELEGANT PARTY LOOK WITH A DEEP V NECKLINE AND CONTRASTING THE VIBRANCY OF THE SEQUINS WITH A NEUTRAL COLOR PALETTE.

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POWER DUO: A LONG FITTED BLAZER WITH A SILKY SLIP DRESS PROVIDE A VERSATILE GLAMOUR, READY FOR A WORK-TOHAPPY-HOUR EXCURSION OR BEGGING OF A NIGHT ON THE TOWN.

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TWO SUMMER TRENDS FOR LESS

WORDS & IMAGES BY MEGAN DECKER

After looking at the Spring/Summer runway shows, I decided to do a little shopping to see how I could create street level looks from the designer inspiration!

There were so many lust-worthy trends to choose from and I decided to replicate the "Petal Pushers" and "Solid Stripes" trends. Now, I know what you are saying...flowers and stripes, how original!

My personal challenge though, was to find a way to wear these two common "warm weather" patterns in a new way. (I have to admit, I love stripes and flowers, so I don't care how many times they send them down the runway, I will always get excited!)

The color palette alone made it easy for me to visualize a new approach to my floral look--navy blue, burnt pumpkin and brown were predominant in a lot of the clothing I looked at. In addition to this new color scheme, flower species and scale make this standard pattern fresh. I purchased a blouse with an unexpected pattern--more simplistic than any of my other floral garments but just as pretty and feminine. A floral blouse will be a very versatile piece to have this season, you can dress it up with a skirt (as shown) or wear a pair of frayed denim shorts with it, for a casual-cool look.

For my stripe look, I changed it up by creating a "pattern on pattern" outfit. I love pattern mixing and I encourage you, if you haven't done so already, to try it with some of your clothing. Bold or subtle, it makes a fun, eye-catching statement. I ended up purchasing a vertical stripe, wide leg pant and paired it with a horizontal stripe, mock turtleneck knit top. The key to successful mixing is to find a common denominator in your patterns- color is always a safe bet.

I hope you all have a chance to hit the stores and treat yourself to some new fashion and try a new approach with some of your favorite trends as well. And don't worry about feeling guilty...there are tons of runway inspired looks at very affordable prices.

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PRODUCT SPOTLIGHT ORIGINS A PERFECT WORLD™ AGEDEFENSE TREATMENT LOTION WITH WHITE TEA WORDS BY IVY O

Oily skin, dry skin, acne-prone skin, if you suffer from one or all of these things, I have one word for you: Toner. What is toner? To be used after cleansing your skin, it’s your secret weapon to healthy skin, and the one thing you should definitely be adding to your skincare regimen if you haven’t already.

This month’s Product Spotlight, ORIGINS A Perfect World™ Age-Defense Treatment Lotion with White Tea, will soon be part of your morning and nighttime beauty routines the minute you try it. Alcohol and oil-free, this formula will help you unclog and minimise those pores which will benefit those who suffer from oily and acne-prone skin. Minimising pores is also key in reducing the number of impurities that penetrate our skin on a daily basis, whether or not you wear a lot of heavy make-up (think pollutants in the air, or even dirt, dust and grime, including the filmy residue left after using some cleansers).

Think of toner as an extra cleanser that not only helps restore your skin pH balance in cases where certain cleansers can alter it, but it also acts as a way to get rid of the extra “stuff ” stuck on our skin that our cleansers may not always get.

What else can ORIGINS A Perfect World™ Age-Defense Treatment Lotion with White Tea do for you? First of all, it creates an age-defending protective bubble on your skin, making it easier for your favourite moisturiser to bind to your skin. The protective barrier created by this toner helps to target lines, wrinkles and dark spots before they even happen.

Make-up maven or not, toner should be a part of everyone’s skincare regimen!

HOW TO USE IT: After each cleansing of your face, you should saturate one or two cotton pads, using it on your face and neck, followed by your favourite moisturiser to lock in the benefits of that toner.

WHAT IT IS FORMULATED WITHOUT: Parabens Petrochemicals Sulfates Phthalates Synthetic Fragrances GMOs Synthetic Dyes Triclosan - 22 -

INTERIORS

Life is what you celebrate. All of it.

Even its end.

- Joanne Harris - 23 -

UNIQUE PARTY VENUES WORDS & IMAGES BY MARIE NORTON

WE LOVE A GOOD PARTY AROUND HERE AND UNIQUE PARTY VENUES ARE ALWAYS AT THE TOP OF OUR LIST. WE SPOKE WITH MARIE NORTON, A FLORIDA BASED WEDDING AND EVENT PLANNER, FOR WAYS TO TAKE NON-TRADITIONAL VENUES AND TURN THEM INTO SPECTACTULAR PARTIES.

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The Train Depot: The historic Venice Train Depot is ideal to host a party, meeting or special event. Built alongside the Intercoastal Waterway this venue has beautiful views all around. With wood floors, brick walls and large windows, The Freight Room accommodates up to 80 guests beautifully.

With an affordable price of $33 per hour this fantastic rental includes banquet tables, chairs and an elevator for handicapped guests.

For this fun filled birthday party we filled this room with bold and brightly colored linens which really popped off the brick walls. The wall space in between the oversized windows created a picture perfect photo booth spot. The food and dessert tables fit perfectly along the length of the room, accessible to the guest’s whether they were at a table or up playing the various carnival games throughout the room.

Photo by: Dion Photography

A Spanish Style Courtyard: To emphasize the area’s Spanish heritage, the South Florida Museum in Bradenton, Florida modeled their elegant courtyard to resemble Hernando DeSoto’s home in Barcarrota, Spain. Embellished with wrought-iron gates, chandeliers and lamp posts, ornate columns and archways and a gorgeous fountain with a full-scale replica of DeSoto on horseback. For this featured wedding the bride choose colors that complimented the buildings existing décor beautifully, utilized the entire depth of the courtyard and highlighted the architectural details.

In connection with the Bishop Planetarium and the Parker Manatee Aquarium the open-air plaza sits adjacent to the covered colonnade offering a panoramic view of the resident manatees. Not only available for weddings, this venue is an ideal spot for fundraising events, anniversary celebrations, and reunions. With everything this venue has to offer the beauty is built right in.

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The Pelican Club: In 1914, The Gasparilla Inn in Boca Grande, Florida became a favorite vacation destination spot for the powerful and wealthy and Boca Grande Pass became famed for the tarpon fishing each spring.

In 1932, they created an exclusive room to accommodate trophies, exchange fishing tales, smoke cigars and play billiards. Optimal for functions with 50 guests or less, The Pelican Club is a splendid location for dinner parties, birthdays and wedding rehearsals.

Photo by: Lana Ponomarenko Photography

For this event the client wanted to offset the darker wood tones with soft pinks, mint greens and crisp whites. With the removal of the room’s more common darker furniture and placing the tables in a u-formation we acquired the intimate family style dinner feel the client wanted. To neutralize the room’s normal manly vibe, we nestled in lush blooms and cozy candles amongst the seaside historic collectables.

A Barn: This highly demanded rustic ranch has been the premier spot for barn weddings in Charlotte County. Nestled amongst the oak trees out Bermont Road in Punta Gorda, Florida is Cypress M. Ranch. Allowing weddings, parties and other various events from October to May 1st, this barn is equipped with a brand new onsite kitchen, restrooms, a bomb fire pit, cafĂŠ lighting, a bridal suite and the cowboy quarters.

When decorating this fantastic venue the possibilities are endless! Being that you rent essentially a blank barn the opportunity is there to do ceiling draping, rent an extended dance floor & lighting, bring in antique & rustic furniture to really tie in the country chic feel. The massive barn doors make a perfect backdrop, the window cut outs allow for hanging florals or chandeliers and the use of the entire grounds allows for a more diversified event with lawn games, bonfires and photo opportunities.

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The Beach: In Florida, the beach is a must have location to throw just about any event and a beach on a private island – well that’s just fitting for a wedding. The Palm Island Resort located on the northern 2 miles of Palm Island in Cape Haze, Florida offers secluded island wedding packages for destination weddings. With 2 beach locations for your ceremony and multiple reception locations. This highly demanded island with limited availability books far in advance for your dream island wedding.

A Clubhouse: The Bobcat Trail Clubhouse was an ideal place to host a baby shower for a dear friend. With its super economical price of $50.00 we could not go wrong locking in this venue when we needed an affordable location to host this party. Most clubhouses are rented solely to the community residences but if you know someone who lives there you can find a hidden gem nestled in a local subdivision.

Renting an affordable facility allows you to stretch the budget further on food and décor.

This bride and groom wanted to have a before and after cocktail hour on the beach. So it came to no surprise that they spared no expense to get comfortable and stylish vintage furniture for their intimate wedding for 28 guests. Saying their I do’s as the sun was setting they chose to utilize nature at its finest and get married in front of fallen tree roots along the water’s edge. Covered in a multitude of hydrangea blooms and roses the entire beach set up lead to magnificent photos for this couple to cherish. At the reception location, the courtyard fountain was glowing with candles and flowers drawing guests in as they made their way into the reception tent.

The tables were covered with natural driftwood, flowers and candles and guests enjoyed cocktails, dinner and dancing island style.

With a soft taupe color on the walls and an oak wood floor we softened the room with white table cloths and chair covers with pink runners and chair sashes for this ‘Sugar & Spice’ themed baby shower. Soft white pipe and drape and a crystal chandelier created a perfect back drop on what would normally be a blank canvas, for the chevron cake and candy bar on top of the silver pinch wheel linen.

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HOME TOUR

HIDEAWAY HAVEN

WORDS & IMAGES BY KATIE MCNAMARA

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ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS PREVIEW?

CLICK HERE TO GET THE FULL ISSUE

My house is my haven! It was built just over a year ago and since moving in we have enjoyed making it our perfect family home.

We have decorated it in bright, fun things that we love.

Apart from one room in the house, we have painted the entire house in white, and even though it is white on pretty much every wall it is still very colourful. The only room in the house that isn’t is our lounge and when we told the painter we wanted to paint it in a very dark blue colour he thought we were crazy, but once it was all done he understood why! Anything that we put on the wall just pops off it, including the bird wall! The colourful display of prints have been painted by my favourite Australian and New Zealand artists.

WE OFFER PRINT ISSUES, DIGITAL ISSUES, AND PLENTY OF SUBSCRIPTION OPTIONS!

Our kitchen was really my labour of love for the entire house. I wanted it to be the hub of our home and be functional, stylish and a little bit different! I saw a picture on Pinterest of a kitchen with a lowered dining table attached to the kitchen bench and knew straight away that it was something I wanted to do. It is so functional and is where my little family of four sits down to every meal.

All the bedrooms and bathrooms again follow my design aesthetic - light base with bright colour everywhere. I had so much fun designing my kids’ rooms, I think I probably spent the most time of them out of anything.

We feel very fortunate to have such a beautiful home and one that we love so much. It is constantly changing and evolving as my children grow and I cant wait to keep adding colourful treasures to it that I love!

ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS PREVIEW?

CLICK HERE TO GET THE FULL ISSUE WE OFFER PRINT ISSUES, DIGITAL ISSUES, AND PLENTY OF SUBSCRIPTION OPTIONS!

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ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS PREVIEW?

CLICK HERE TO GET THE FULL ISSUE WE OFFER PRINT ISSUES, DIGITAL ISSUES, AND PLENTY OF SUBSCRIPTION OPTIONS!

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ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS PREVIEW?

CLICK HERE TO GET THE FULL ISSUE WE OFFER PRINT ISSUES, DIGITAL ISSUES, AND PLENTY OF SUBSCRIPTION OPTIONS!

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BUSINESS

When success is uniform, the celebration becomes universal.

- Israelmore Ayivor - 35 -

BEHIND THE SCENES

LIFE AT HOLL & LANE WORDS & IMAGES BY SARAH HARTLEY

WHEN YOU TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH AND START A PROJECT YOU’VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF, IT’S BOTH TERRIFYING AND EXHILARATING. H&L EDITOR IN CHIEF OPENS UP ABOUT WHAT THE FIRST YEAR IN BUSINESS HAS BEEN LIKE.

W

hen I was growing up I wanted to do all kinds of things with my life- I wanted to be a teacher, a librarian, a fashion designer, work at McDonalds (I assumed this meant free fries), and I wanted to work for a magazine. This dream stayed with me throughout high school and when I graduated I went to a college known for its journalism program. But before even getting there I had reservations after learning a bit more about the industry. I didn’t want long nights away from my family, I didn’t want to work with people who were unkind or with people who stepped on others to get where they wanted to go. Stereotypes? Perhaps, but it deterred me anyway.

So instead I transferred into the interior design program and then into the fashion program. And it was then that my heart became set on working in the fashion world and the magazine world faded from my mind. After working as an Assistant Buyer and finding that I was living the life I rejected journalism for, I left and it was then that my journey towards Holl & Lane truly began.

I moved back to my hometown and began working in health insurance where I was truly and utterly depressed each day with the turn that my life had taken. So feeling that need to have some creativity back in my days I started blogging and slowly but surely more doors opened for me and my love of writing was renewed. My blog eventually lead me to a new job at an architecture firm (where I still am) and it was there that I found that I was more creatively fulfilled during the day which lead to me being happier at home. But I continued blogging and specifically after becoming a mother in February 2014 I found that my following grew. I wasn’t doing anything differently except being honest.

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I had gone through a fairly miserable pregnancy and throughout it I blogged. I talked about how hard it was, how I didn’t like being pregnant, my fears for becoming a mother. And to my surprise, instead of being ridiculed, I was given support by others who had felt the same but were afraid to say those words out loud. And that sentiment continued as I experienced new motherhood. Life as a mom was anything but easy, especially once I went back to work. But I continued to tell my story in an honest way and others could relate to that.

At the same time I had started my new job, the voice in my head to start a magazine had gotten louder and louder. I was determined that I was going to fulfill this dream at some point in my life and finally in April 2015 I decided “why not now?”

So I told a few close friends about it, for accountability, and I jumped in. I talked with my friends and family, asked them to work with me for the first issue. I wanted to take this newfound honesty and produce it on a bigger scale. I wanted others to be able to open up and tell their tough stories and feel the way I did after telling mine- that I wasn’t alone, and that they aren’t either. On June 1st, the first issue of Holl & Lane was released.

It was easily in the top five of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done. Here I was, pouring my soul into something I had no experience in, and putting it out there into the Internet world- a volatile world. But those fears? They were quickly dimished by the response I received of people really relating to what I was doing. But then my first real wave of “what have I gotten myself into” hit and it was when I began learning exactly what this new life would entail. Though I have learned a lot in the last year, these are the most important:

ASK FOR HELP

It’s amazing how willing people are to help you if you just ask. After quickly learning that I wouldn’t be able to handle a magazine of this magnitude on my own if I wanted it to succeed, I “hired” some teammates. There are currently five of us on the team and almost all of us have been together since that first issue came out. These women are amazing. They give up large chunks of their personal time, and for no pay, help me to realize this dream. They love H&L the way that I do and believe in its mission as strongly as I do. Together we run our social media channels, we work with contributors and photographers, we edit and plan each issue and our blog and we collaborate on ways to make H&L heard. And not only are the women on my team amazing, but my family and friends have been incredibly supportive of this venture.

Never once asking me what the hell I’m doing, but instead sharing the magazine and talking it up to their friends and financially supporting our campaign.

BALANCE

I’m the person that gets laser focused when she’s passionate. If I’m not careful, all of my free time gets spent working on H&L which is great when you’re building a business, but not great when you are a wife and mother and need to also spend time with them. After many, many late nights and even less time spent talking to my husband once my son was in bed, I finally learned to adopt “office hours” which helps me be a bit more present. I’m still working on finding the balance, especially because I have a full-time job and only get to work on H&L in my downtime. But it’s also made me more efficient in the time that I spend working on the magazine.

TREAT YOUR BUSINESS LIKE A BUSINESS

When starting out, I had a hard time seeing the value in what I was building. Sure, I thought it was fantastic and I heard the same from my inner circle, but I didn’t realize just how good this could be and so therefore it was treated as a hobby. I was pouring energy, time and lots and lots of money out of my own pocket into this “hobby” without treating it as what it actually is- a business. Once I made that switch in my mind, there was also a positive switch in our business.

COMPARISONS

In the world that we live in now, it’s so easy to get sucked into comparing yourself to other people. Why are they more successful? Why is it taking me longer? What can I do better? Do I need to do what they’re doing? If I’m not careful, these questions will suck me down into a hole that is tough to get out of. At some point I just had to realize that we will get to where we want to be when it’s our turn. I have to trust in what we’re building and I have to let go of what the journey has looked like for other people.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO DREAM

I am a dreamer by nature and I cannot help but float my biggest ideas out there almost daily. My big dreams also tend to come with unrealistic expectations so while it’s important to let your dreams out and express them, it’s also important to temper them with real life. And that is what my team has helped me do. They allow me to dream and then they help me figure out how to put my dreams into action if they’re reasonable. But as a business owner, you have to be allowed to do that. You have to be able to see into the future and plan your next move or your next ten moves. And you have to surround yourself with people who let you do that.

So though I still have so much to learn, and hope I never stop, in fact, I am proud of the way this journey has gone over the last year. I’m proud of the magazine, I’m proud of the stories that we’ve told and the people that we’ve helped. And I’m proud to know that I have your support in this journey.

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GO FUND ME THANK YOU’S Earlier this year H&L launched a Go Fund Me campaign in order to continue running the magazine and friends, family and readers responded to help us not only catch up on previous bills but also put us into a position to begin printing issues to sell in our local boutiques. A big thank you to this list of people who have made this dream possible with their donations.

EMILY BIRUKOW GINA SCHULTZ JOY SCHWARZKOPF TOM MATTINGLY JENNIFER STRIGHT KARL SCHWARZKOPF ROSE VANDEN EYNDEN RJ STRIGHT AIRE PLICHTA REESE MIA SUTTON JOSH BALTZELL CALVIN WILSON JOE REETZ LYNNE HARTLEY KATHLEEN DICHIARA MIGUEL ROMAN KIMIKO MAINPRIZE JESS DOWNEY MARGAUX MILITELLO BROOKE SAXON-SPENCER LINDSEY SMITH SUSAN HARDISKY JENNIFER DUDLEY SARAH WISSINGER RICKI PICKLES TRACEY TOBER *ANONYMOUS

If you’re interested in donating, please visit gofundme.com/hollandlanemag

life coach

NAME: KATIE SWANEY OCCUPATION: LIFE COACH You are a coach focused on helping women to achieve their dream life. Tell us more about what you do and the coaching process.

I work with women who want more. That could be launching a business, working for a promotion, or doing something just for them. A key piece of a strong coaching relationship is focused on trust. If my clients don’t trust me, it will be impossible for them to open up during our calls. I’m an open book on calls.

I give my full background and why I became a coach. If my clients have other questions, I’m more than willing to answer them.

For my clients, it all begins with giving them permission to want what they want. We talk through the current state of their life and what the desired state is. Then, we start figuring out how to get there. Much of this is letting (and prompting) my client to talk and get it all out. As a coach, my role (and ultimate goal), is to get the client to get to the answer on their own. I ask questions and provide experiential context as needed. Each call ends with some homework for the next call. We take what we talked about and create an actionable list to work on or accomplish before the next call.

How did you get started? Were there any special courses or qualifications needed?

I’ve always loved holding space for people (even when I didn’t - 38 -

refer to it as holding space). I enjoy listening to people - both the actual words they say and the underlying meaning and unspoken words. I coach employees on a daily basis at my full-time job and it’s far and away my favorite part of the day.

At the beginning of 2015, I knew I wanted to do something with life coaching, but I didn’t know what or how. I looked into coaching programs and certifications, but none of them felt right. I joined a free challenge hosted by a company called Hello Fearless in mid-January and was blown away by the content, creator, and the other woman I was getting to know. That free challenge got me in touch with the amazing Sara Davidson (CEO of Hello Fearless) and I joined her program Boss School. Through that program, I was able to deepen my relationships with an incredible tribe of women from around the world, while also doing deep inner self-development and outer business-development.

What is a typical day like for you?

Currently, I work a full-time day job and am growing my coaching business on the side. My typical day is a little all over the place, between both myself and my family. Generally, I get up in the morning and get ready to go to my day job. Sometimes those mornings are relaxed and I have time to really ease into the day. Most days are a bit more rushed. Sleep is a commodity at my house (I have two little ones under 5), and I take every extra minute I can. I use my lunch breaks to work on Katie Swaney Coaching. This is everything from creating content, growing relationships with amazing people, discovery/coaching calls, or continuing to develop my skills through

reading or workshops. When I get home, its family time. I try to focus on my munchkins until they go to bed. It’s incredibly important to me to soak up that time. They’re getting so big, so ridiculously fast. Once they’re in bed, I spend some one-on-one time with my husband and do a bit more work on my business.

What has been the most challenging aspect of running your own business?

At this point in time, the most challenging aspect is balancing everything. With a full time job, husband, two adorable kids under 5, and my coaching business, I have to be as organized and flexible as possible. It’s been a lesson in flexibility like no other I’ve experienced. At the beginning of each week, I sit down and figure out what I have to get done in the week - these are the non-negotiable things. Once those are scheduled in my planner, I look at the nice-to-do’s: what I would like to get done, but I have some wiggle room on. Some of these I’ll schedule out and some I’ll put on my general to-do list.

Tell us your favorite "success" story.

I have favorite stories from each of the amazing women I’ve worked with. The ability and honor to get to watch them take strides toward their dream life is something I’ll never take for granted.

My favorite story to date comes from a recent client who was working on launching a business she was passionate about. She was coming up against a lot of resistance from people in her life who were “friends.” I use the quotations intentionally. As we talked more about their relationship, we noticed a trend that any time she experienced success, these women were not acting the way we would expect friends to act. She was able to identify this trend and put herself first. Listening to her story and hear the light bulb turn on during our conversations was incredible. I’m so proud of her for taking the step and giving herself the permission to put herself and her dreams first.

What are a few tips you can share with our readers to get them started on living their Dream Life?

Without a doubt, the number one tip is to give yourself permission. Permission to want more. Permission to dream big. Permission to be 100% you. Permission to put yourself first. Permission to let go of anything no longer serving you. Each and every one of us deserves to live the life we dream of and aspire to.

The second tip is to do something. We can talk about what we want until we’re blue in the face. But, you know what?

Nothing will happen if we don’t actually take action. Set goals and begin taking steps towards them. I don’t care how small those steps are: a step is a step.

The third step is accountability. Tell someone your big vision. Fill them in on your journey and the goals you’ve set to get to that big vision. Ask them to check in on your progress. Let me tell you, when you have someone else checking in, you don’t want to respond with “Oh, umm, yea...I haven’t done anything.” You want to be able to tell them all of the steps you’ve taken and goals you’ve reached.

Since this is our celebration issue, tell us what you do to celebrate the big, and little, wins in your life.

Celebration is such an important piece of life for me in the last year. I believe everything deserves a celebration. Rocked out a week of work? Have a glass of wine to celebrate. Finished the race you were training for? Treat yourself to a massage.

I try to have a mini-celebration daily, because I firmly believe that there’s something to celebrate every day. Sometimes it’s a dance party with my munchkins. Sometimes it’s a relaxing bubble bath with a glass of wine. Sometimes it’s a night on the town with my husband or friends. Find the things that make you happy. Make a list you can break out at any time to remind yourself of how you can celebrate the moments in your life.

INTERVIEW BY: KIMIKO MAINPRIZE // IMAGES PROVIDED BY: KATIE SWANEY

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FOOD & FITNESS

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.

- Oprah Winfrey - 40 -

SARAH AND ELLIE DO THE OLYMPICS

AFTER WATCHING THE LONDON OLYMPICS, ELLIE AND HER FRIEND SARAH DECIDED THEY WANTED TO TAKE ON THEIR OWN CHALLENGE. THEY WANTED TO TRY OUT ALL OF THE EVENTS THAT HAD BEEN HELD AT THE LONDON GAMES - ALL 114 OF THEM! HEAR THEIR TALE OF THIS INTERESTING CHALLENGE. WORDS & IMAGES PROVIDED BY ELEANOR FARROW

IN

2012, my friend Sarah and I decided to take on a challenge. We’d both loved the London Olympic Games – Sarah was sure she would from the start, I was sure I wouldn’t – and we had made a visit to the Aquatic Centre to see some of the Paralympic Swimming which was fascinating. Disappointment reigned as the games came to a close - the Rio Games were four years away and the atmosphere wouldn’t be the same after such a long break. So, to keep ourselves entertained and to prolong that Olympic feeling as long as possible we decided to try each of the Women’s events from the London Games. 114 events covering a variety of sports.

Some sports we’d never played before, some sports we had never watched before, some we hadn’t really heard of before but all of them, old and new, offered us a new experience. I can promise we weren’t drinking when we made this decision!

The idea of keeping the London Olympic spirit alive was always going to be a way to try new sports, but it quickly became a way of seeing what was available right on our doorstep, meeting new people with passion for a particular pastime or connecting with people that are as new to the sport as we were but, most importantly, of having a huge amount of fun. As well as participating in new sports we have also been able to watch a lot of great sporting

activities such as the Badminton Grand Prix, the Women’s Cycling Tour and the British Canoe Slalom Competition. We have met some great sports men and women like Robin Surgeoner, Zoe Newson, Jake Sheaf and Chris Gregory as well as the hugely inspirational coaching staff who have really made this challenge possible.

Both Sarah and I are from Essex and at the very start of the project we were keen to complete as many of our events in the Essex area as possible. We wanted to highlight what is possible on your doorstep in general and just how much is going on in Essex in particular. There have been very few events that we have needed to venture out of the county for which has been very encouraging and some of those that weren’t available in 2012, like Indoor Velodrome Cycling, are now open and available at the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park in Stratford. We have regularly swum at the Aquatic Centre 50m pool and to be able to use the same facilities as the Olympic Athletes is an amazing experience especially as sessions in the pool are reasonably priced.

Each year we’ve been hampered in one way or another and so being flexible with ourselves has become the norm. Thankfully, the vast majority of the people we have contacted have been over the

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ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS PREVIEW? moon to help us and not only with the events they specialise in; we really have been made to feel so welcome at so many clubs and we think this attitude really goes a long way to encouraging newcomers into new sports.

we complete an event. Our blog has also been picked up around the world and there are some women in Fort Worth, Texas, who saw it and are now trying events in their hometown too. We also hope to throw a big ‘end of challenge’ party in August so our party planning skills will be tested as well!

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Our project has also been ‘just’ a hobby for us. We both work full-time in charity-based jobs that really keep us busy so our events have been restricted to days off, occasional weekends and sunny and not so sunny evenings. We are also not flush with cash – we’ve kept an eye on everything we’re spending so that we can afford and also so that we really are aware of how accessible sports are.

Our private lives have been non-stop as well! Between us we’ve had 3 new jobs, 2 house moves, 3 medical procedures and 1 wedding (Sarah was the blushing Bride and I was one of the very proud Best Women). We’ve had problems with weather as well with too much rain, too little rain, freezing cold, snow and ice and last year we had to cancel a trip to Jersey for our Pistol Shooting event because Storm Abigail knocked out all the ferries!

Our challenge began in 2012 with the Table Tennis event which seems so long ago now. We used a makeshift table in the workshop of the theatre I was working in at the time and it felt very surreal. We were beginning something that would test us in a variety of different ways, provide us with endless pub conversations, heavily involve complete strangers as well as our friends and loved ones, create a lot of Excel spreadsheets and would see us working together on this magical project for four years. It is safe to say that the gravity of the project had not hit home on that morning in September 2012.

Naturally, we have both had our favourite and least favourite sports, some that we’ll never try again and some that we are longing to pick up after we finish. I think it is fair to say that these have not been what we predicted. I have enjoyed Boxing, Archery and Shooting a great deal and Sarah’s new found love of Road Cycling has seen her clock up many, many miles beyond the ones in the project.

My absolute favourite event so far (this changes from week to week) has been the Pole vault. It is such a specialist event that we certainly thought that we would find it difficult to experience at any level but with some expert intuition from our Athletics coach, Chris, I could use the pole effectively to lift off and launch myself up and on to the crashmat. It is such a highly skilled event that feels so brilliantly silly when you get it right!

One of Sarah’s favourites has been the Canoe events. She really enjoyed being on (not in! – we only capsized once each) the water and so close to the river banks. Despite it being so wobbly and the fear of going in, once we got up some speed and were gliding along, it felt so brilliant. As there were 5 different events in the Kayaks we spent some time with the club and it felt like we really developed in our ability and the things they taught us. It's still on Sarah’s list to get a canoe once we've finished and explore the River Colne!

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We have been very fortunate in that our project has brought about many different experiences as well as the sporting ones.

We have followed some of the Walk the World Cultural Olympiad Walks that were set up at the same time as the 2012 Games to highlight the influence different countries have had on our towns and cities. We have also been asked to write articles for various magazines, papers and websites and to give interviews in print and on the radio about ourselves and our project. In 2016 we will be giving our first talk and I think I’m finding this more daunting than most of the sports we’re trying!

We’ve been writing our blog since we began and this has been an education in itself with our writing skills being tested each time

Our challenge should finish at the end of August when the Rio Games will have come, entertained, and gone again too. At the end of 2015 we had 29 events to do including the 10m Diving, the Horse events, the Triathlon and the Sailing. Our last event of 2015 was the Taekwondo, a sport that Sarah became really interested in during the 2012 Games and that I was looking forward to after our other experiences with Martial Arts. It was, again, a wonderful club full of enthusiastic people of all ages and abilities and once again reinforced one of the things we learnt quickly at the beginning of the challenge – that most sport is possible if you have the passion to take it up and an inclusive club to join and, most importantly, that there are small, grassroots clubs around every corner.

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TOP FIVE

MAT PILATES MOVES TO DO AT HOME WORDS BY EDEN COIRO // IMAGES BY NICOLE BEDARD

Pilates is amazing. It strengthens and lengthens your body.

Seemingly simple movements prove to be challenging and powerful when done with correct form and muscle-awareness. It is an exercise discipline that can be made increasingly difficult merely by flexing or extending one’s body (arms, legs, etc) during different movement patterns. And most amazing? It can be done anywhere.

Here are 5 Pilates exercises that will leave your core toned without leaving the house.

OBLIQUES ROLL BACK (ABOVE)

Preparation: Seated tall, knees bent, legs hip width apart, feet flat on mat.

Arms long, reaching parallel to floor.

Movement: Roll upper body away from legs without actually resting lower back on mat. Simultaneously, rotate upper torso and sweep arm down and back. Maintain abdominal connection as body rotates back to center and lengthens to return to starting position. Simultaneously, sweep arm forward again.

Perform 8x on each side.

Modification: Add a resistance band around feet. Hold onto both ends with hands. Assist abdominals for roll back.

Challenge: Add weights to hands. Instead of sweeping arms back, bring one arm forward and one back – maintaining same hand height – “slice and lean”.

1

2

3

4

SHOULDER BRIDGE (ABOVE)

Preparation: Lying on back, knees bent, legs hip width apart, feet planted on floor. Arms long by sides.

Movement: Lift hips off of mat, creating a bridge position from shoulders to knees. Maintain a level pelvis and lift one foot off floor, extend leg straight into air with pointed toes. Flex foot and lower straight leg down to parallel

with planted leg. Return gesture leg back into the air and point toes again. Bend knee and return foot to planted position. Lower back to the floor. Repeat on other side. Perform 4x each side.

Modification: Omit the leg lifts and perform only the pelvic tilts.

Challenge: Perform with arms lifted in the air, decreasing stability.

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TEASER

(ABOVE)

Preparation: Lying on back, legs long, parallel and squeezed together. Toes pointed. Arms long, by sides.

Movement: Slide shoulder blades down back reaching arms towards floor, gently tuck chin, sequentially flex spine off of mat, engage abdominals and bring straight legs into the air.

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Modification: Start with legs in tabletop and maintain while lifting and lowering upper body.

Challenge: Extend arms long into the air, parallel with length of legs when bringing legs into the air.

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OBLIQUES

THE HUNDRED (NOT PICTURED)

(ABOVE)

Preparation: Lying on back with upper body flexed off mat. Legs in a 90 degree tabletop position. Hands cradling head.

Preparation: Lying on back. Legs parallel and squeezed together with knees bent at 90 degrees. Arms long by sides, palms down.

Movement: Extend right leg long while simultaneously rotating upper body toward bent left knee. Maintain flexion as body transitions to extend left leg, and rotate towards now bent right leg. Perform 8x.

Modification: Feet on mat.

Movement: Slide shoulder blades down back, gently tuck chin. Lift head, neck and shoulders from mat. Reach arms off mat, level with shoulders. Simultaneously extend legs onto a diagonal off floor.

For 5 counts inhale while performing small, vertical pulses with arms. For 5 counts exhale while continuing to pulse arms. Complete 10 sets for a total of 100 (hence “The Hundred”)

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Challenge: Hold weighted ball or fitness circle in hands and reach past bent knee as upper body rotates to that side.

Modification: Maintain planted feet on the floor, knees bent.

Challenge: Add a ball or fitness circle between ankles to add lower body resistance.

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Fresh Kale Frittata

WORDS & IMAGES BY KELLY AGNEW

Cook time: 30 minutes Prep time: 10 minutes Serves: 4 Ingredients: • 1 tbsp butter • 2 cups kale • 1/2 cup leeks • 2 cloves garlic, crushed • 6 eggs • 1/3 cup milk or nut milk of choice • 1/2 cup shredded goat cheese • 1/2 tsp sea salt • 1/4 tsp black pepper • 1 tomato, thinly sliced Instructions: 1. Turn on oven to 350F. 2. In a pan on medium heat, sauté garlic and leeks in butter. After a minute, add kale and continue to sauté. Once heated through, remove from stovetop.

3. In a medium-sized bowl, mix eggs, milk, cheese, salt and pepper. Add kale mixture.

4. Pour mixture into glass baking dish (square or pie-shaped).

Top with sliced tomato. Bake in oven for 30 minutes or until cooked through (eggs should no longer be runny).

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Spring Rolls

WORDS & IMAGES BY CATHERINE SHORT

Ingredients: • Rice paper (look for the package in your grocery store's Asian food aisle) • 1 Small Cucumber • 1 Small Carrot • 1 Avocado • Romain Lettuce • Basil leaves • 1 Bottle of peanut sauce (or make your own) Instructions: 1. Slice the cucumber and carrot into match sticks. Peel and scoop out the avocado. Chop the ends off the romain lettuce so one sheet will fit, with room, in the middle of the rice paper.

2. Add warm water to a shallow dish. Wet one sheet of rice paper at a time. Carefully lay it on your work surface making sure to keep all the edges smooth. Place basil leaves first and then one romain leaf in the middle. Nestle the slices of cucumber, carrot and avocado inside the lettuce leaf. Roll the spring roll like a burrito, working from the bottom before folding the sides in.

3. Dip in peanut sauce and enjoy!

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Sour Sweet Peanut Ginger Power Bowl

WORDS & IMAGES BY JENNA SHOLINDER

Makes: 2 servings Time: 30 minutes Ingredients: • 1 cup dry quinoa • 2 cups water or broth (to cook quinoa) • 1 head broccoli • 1 zucchini • 3 radishes • 2 green onions • 1/2 cup whole peanuts • Optional golden beets, snow peas, carrots, cauliflower, cherry tomatoes (whatever you have) Sauce Ingredients: • 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar • 2 tablespoons chunky peanut butter • 1 teaspoon minced ginger • 1 tablespoon honey • 1 tablespoon soya sauce • 2 tablespoon water Instructions: Sauce 1. Add all the ingredients to a mason jar and shake (a lot - it will take a little while for the nut butter to disperse)!

Toppings 1. Preheat oven to 425 for the broccoli.

Cook quinoa according to package directions (1 cup quinoa to 2 parts liquid / bring to boil and then simmer on low for 15 minutes).

2. Cut broccoli into florets, add to a baking sheet with a small drizzle coconut oil and lots of sea salt and cracked black pepper. Roast at 425 for 15 minutes (or until soft) and then turn up to broil for 5 minutes to crisp. Watch to ensure it doesn't burn -it will go quickly!

3. Slice or chop the zucchini and add to a pan with a bit of coconut oil and lots of sea salt. Stir fry on medium heat until heated through.

4. Thinly slice radishes (using a mandolin ideally - be careful!) and leave them raw. Toast peanuts lightly in a dry pan. Cut green onions on a bias.

Prepare any other toppings the way you like.

5. Assemble and enjoy! I like to lay all the ingredients out in individual bowls so everyone can dress their own how they like.

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Roasted Fennel and Carrot with Lentils WORDS & IMAGES BY JESSICA TURNER

Ingredients: • 2 fennel bulbs • 20 carrots • 8 radishes • 2 tbps coconut oil • 1 cup uncooked dried beluga black lentils (3 cups cooked) • 1/2 tsp salt • 1 tsp cumin seeds lightly toasted • 1 tsp caraway seeds lightly toasted Sauce Ingredients: • 1 cup yoghurt • 1/4 cup tahini • 1 tbsp lemon juice • 1/4 tsp salt Instructions: 1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

2. Wash the carrots and remove the head of the carrot, any fatter carrots cut in half (lengthwise), so the carrots are all similar width. Place the carrots on a baking tray and rub 1 tbs of coconut oil over the carrots. Place in the oven for 40 minutes - 1 hour.

Turn the carrots every 20 minutes so they evenly crisp up and cook.

3. Remove the outer shell of the fennel and keep to one side. Cut the fennel into quarters lengthwise and cover in 1 tsp of coconut oil. Place on a baking tray and in the oven for 10 minutes.

4. While the carrots and fennel cook turn to the black lentils. Rinse the black lentils and place in a pot with 1/2 tsp salt and the outer fennel shell. Add just over 2 cups of water and bring the lentils to a boil.

Leave the lentils cooking for 35-45 minutes until the lentils are soft. If there is any remaining water drain the lentils and discard the fennel shell (this was just to add flavor). Add the caraway seeds and cumin seeds.

5. After the fennel has been in the oven for 10 minutes, wash the radishes, remove the stem and stalk and cut in half. Coat them in 1 tsp of coconut oil and place in the oven with the fennel for 30 minutes.

Turn the fennel and radishes every 10-15 minutes.

6. Now it’s time to make the yoghurt sauce. Take the yoghurt, tahini, lemon juice and salt and mix together in a bowl.

7. The vegetables are done when you can easily place a skewer through them and they are nicely crisp.

8. Time to assemble 4 plates. Place the lentils on the plate, add some carrots, the fennel, and place radishes delicately over the top of the lentils. Using a spoon spread a dollop of the sauce along the side of the plate. Enjoy!

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Lime No-Bake Cheesecake

WORDS & IMAGES BY: CHRISTINE SIMARD

Prep Time: 45 minutes Cooling Time: 1.5 - 3 hours Graham Cracker Crust Ingredients: • 1 1/2 cups of grounded graham cracker • 5 tablespoons of melted butter • 1/4 cup white sugar • Pinch of salt Lime Curd Ingredients: • 1 egg • 1/4 cup sugar • Pinch of salt • 5 tablespoons lime juice • zest of 1 lime • 1 tablespoon of unsalted butter Cheesecake Ingredients: • All of the lime curd from above • 8 ounces room temp cream cheese • 1/2 cup heavy cream • 2 1/2 tablespoons sugar • Pre-baked graham cracker crust

Graham Cracker Crust Instructions: 1. Pre-heat the oven to 350 F. 2. Mix all the ingredients together until combined.

3. Press into an 8 or 9-inch tart shell and bake for 12-14 minutes. Let it cool while making the lime curd. *Note: In a rush, you can save time and buy a prebaked graham cracker crust from the store.

Lime Curd Instructions: 1. Continually whisk the egg, sugar, salt, juice and zest in a bain marie over low heat for 4-5 minutes, until mixture thickens.

2. Remove from the heat, add the butter and stir until smooth.

Let it cool while making the cheesecake.

Cheesecake Recipe Instructions: 1. Whisk the cream and sugar until stiff peaks.

2. In a separate bowl, cream the cream cheese and curd until smooth on high. Add the whip cream on top and gently fold in.

3. Pour the cheesecake mix into the pre-baked graham cracker crust and freeze for 1 hour in a rush or 3 hours in the fridge *Note: You can make a lemon version of this by replacing the lime with lemon.

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Gluten-Free Chocolate Brownies WORDS & IMAGES BY JESSICA TURNER

Ingredients: • 1/2 cup + 2 tbsp canola oil • 3 tbsp boiling water • 3 tbsp non-dairy milk • 2/3 cup brown rice syrup minus 1 tbsp • 2 eggs • 1/2 cup + 2 tbsp cacao powder • 4 tbsp oat flour • 2 tbsp brown rice flour • 1 tbsp arrowroot flour • 1 tsp pshyillum husk • 1/4 tsp baking powder • pinch salt Instructions: 1. Preheat the oven to 375F degrees and line 8 x 8 inch tin with greaseproof paper.

2. Whisk all the wet ingredients on high speed for 3 minutes.

3. Sift in the flour and cocoa powder, add the remaining ingredients and fold into the mixture.

(You can use an all purpose gluten free flour instead of my flour mix of oat, brown rice and arrowroot).

4. Pour into the tin.

5. Bake 5 minutes at 375F then turn down to 350F. Bake for 18-20 minutes in total. The brownie is done when the edges are coming away from the tin and the top is cooked but still wobbly.

6. Remove from the oven but leave in the tin for at least 15 minutes.

7. Then cut into your desired brownie bite sizes.

8. Leave to cool on a cooling rack.

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DIY

It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.

-Bill Gates - 53 -

DIY CAKE STAND

WORDS BY SARAH WISSINGER // IMAGES BY NICHOLAS MALBURG

You will need: • Plate • Candlestick • Ruler • Dry erase marker • Super glue Instructions: 1. Use a ruler to locate the center of your plate. Mark a small dot in the center using a dry erase marker.

2. Super glue your candlestick to the bottom of the center of your plate.

Allow to dry for 48 hours before use.

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DIY PARTY BACKDROP

WORDS BY SARAH WISSINGER // IMAGES BY NICHOLAS MALBURG

You will need: • Three rectangular, plastic tablecloths in different colors • Scissors • Pushpins Instructions: 1. Unfold your tablecloths and layer them on top of one another.

2. Attach your layered tablecloths to your wall with push pins.

3. Starting at the bottom, cut your layered tablecloths into 3-3.5” strips, leaving about 4” uncut at the top.

4. At the top of each section, braid the strips together for about 3”. This will separate the colors and make your backdrop look fuller and showcase all of the color strips!

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DIY COLORFUL TASSEL BANNER WORDS & IMAGES BY KRYSTAL KRISTIANSEN

You will need: • Plastic Table Cloths • Washi Tape • White Ribbon or String • Scissors • Hot Glue Gun Instructions: 1. Unfold plastic Table cloth. Notice the lines made by the manufactures folding process and use those for a guide (mine were every 7 inches). Cut every second ‘line’. Do this as many times as you want tassels.

2. Take one piece and fold it back along the line, this would mean your piece of table cloth is folded in half again. Then cut 1cm strips from the bottom, until about 1.5-2 inches from the fold at the top.

3. Once you have all of the fringe cut, open the piece back up and place it with the fringe to either side, left and right. Begin to roll from bottom to top.

4. When you’ve rolled to the end pick up your creation and start twisting the middle uncut section to make it tight. Twist until it starts to roll together, and form a loop at the top. Use a decorative Washi Tape to wrap around it, and add a dab of hot glue to really secure the end of the tape.

5. String the finished tassels onto a long piece of string, or ribbon and hang.

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DIY POLKA DOT DRINK STIRRERS WORDS & IMAGES BY JESS DOWNEY

You will need: • Glue • Pencils (the cheap wooden kind with an eraser) • Ink pads • Kraft paper (or other paper of your choice) • Scissors • Sponge brush Instructions: 1. Cut paper into strips that are 1 inch wide and 5 inches long.

2. Fold each strip in half.

3. Cut a small triangle out of the non-folded end.

4. Using the foam brush, apply glue to paper and end of stick. You just want to make a thin coat. If you coat it too heavy the paper will get too wet and wrinkle.

5. Place stick in the crease of folded paper and fold over to stick the two halves together.

6. Press down firmly to be sure it sticks.

7. Stamp with pencil (using the eraser side).

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LIFE STORIES

Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.

-Plautus

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STUDENT SPOTLIGHT

D

WOR D S & I M AG ES BY TAY LO R M I HA L I K

o you ever question why things happen the way they do? I’m a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason, good or bad; yet sometimes we may not always fully understand or agree.

Things happen in certain ways and everything defines us as the people we are today. Sometimes we have complete control on life happenings and many times we don’t. Yes, life should be a wonderful journey but always expect the unexpected.

August 18th marks the day of my mother and stepfather’s wedding day. And the hardest day of my life. Although it was a very busy morning, everyone at my house woke up in “wedding mode”. The most that was on my mind that morning was to get ready and be on time. I so was honored to be a bridesmaid. This is where my story begins. I happened to be the one driving at the time, my little sister in the passenger seat; en route to the salon. We were at a Y- intersection, attempting to make a left turn. I can’t exactly remember what my sister and I were talking about but we were enjoying the day. I mean what daughter wouldn’t be anxious to see her mom in her wedding dress?

Blink. Everything seemed as if it was in slow motion but it happened so quickly. Several lives were changed forever. Subconsciously silent, cloudy thoughts filled my head as everything came to a stop. You know those movies where there isn’t any sound, although there is still unfortunate chaos? Frozen in time, I felt like I was trying to wake up from a horrible nightmare; if only it were a nightmare. Screaming, screeching, and shaking, everything soon became confusion. I frantically looked for my sister, although she was already standing next to the motorcycle, which was on its side. She appeared to be the first person to approach the couple, as they lay motionless.

Fear took over as I heard the sirens and saw people rushing to the center of the road. Hysterical, not knowing what was going on, our family soon arrived and led us away from the scene. I was again in slow motion as they covered one body and loaded another in an ambulance. I now understood. Everything became surreal and the tears fell down my face.

My sister and I were involved in a car/motorcycle accident on our mom’s wedding day, which resulted in one unfortunate, tragic death. Gratefully, my sister and I were okay, other than a concussion and horrific memories we’ll never forget. The accident report revealed that the man and his wife had been speeding and were said to have veered into the back of my car.

Later I found out the man who died was actually an uncle of someone I knew from high school. Moving forward, the wedding was delayed although still proceeded to take place. Our family thought it was best to continue with the prior plans to travel to Hawaii in order to calm our emotions.

A few days after, I realized the friends and family of the victim were mourning, posting hateful comments on social media. I can’t even begin to explain the amount of people who were bashing my family and I: “How could you go on with the wedding?”, “You’re all heartless for going to Hawaii when some of

us are suffering”. The most devastating, “She should have to live with this nightmare for the rest of her life.” I knew people could be cruel, but experiencing someone’s death at a young age was a struggle. With the pressure of additional outside voices judging me, it made it harder to overcome. The thing is the majority of people didn’t have a clue what really happened, they just believed what they heard or what people had told them. Reporters even tweaked the original story, publishing rude and incorrect information to the public. The comments are truly unforgettable. I settled with blaming myself for the entire situation for the longest time, eventually having to go through therapy. The thought of driving was terrifying. I recall not even being able to get in a car. To go day after day with the weight of such wrongful guilt was extremely stressful. Regardless of what people thought about the accident, or me, my heart still went out to those who suffered a loss. Two families are forever affected by this tragedy. My whole life changed after that accident. My own family’s life was affected, especially my mom; considering that was her wedding day. A wedding is supposed to me the happiest day of a person’s life right? The emotion of ruining that for her, I’ll never get back. Although she never blamed me, I know I couldn’t express my apologies enough to heal her pain.

It’s amazing you don’t really think about how easily something can change your life forever. I realized that no matter what, everyone is going to have his or her own opinions of whatever you choose to do. Let’s face it, that’s life and people are great at judging us. I’m guilty of it at one point, we all are. However, I learned that the longer you care what people think about you, the more likely you allow yourself to believe it’s true. Life gets taken for granted far too often. I never understood that concept until just three years ago.

I used to have the tendency to put bothersome things in the back of my mind. It felt easier that way. I didn’t realize until after I read my story aloud, that I never let myself have the closure that I needed to overcome this tragic story. I can’t thank my friends, my boyfriend, and most importantly my family for always being such great supporters through everything. I’ve never felt closer to my family as I am since the accident. When you experience something this tragic, it’s not easily forgotten.

I still have flashbacks. I’m aware of what happened and no longer blame myself. I’ve chosen to continue to live my life and accept what happened. That’s all you can do really.

You may be ashamed or distraught about something that you’ve experienced personally. Take my advice; don’t be afraid to express your emotions. I know not everyone is able to relate to my exact life story however, at least one part should bring a memory that’s relatable. Instead of fearing it, embrace it; because it happened for a reason. I wish to inspire you to overcome that hardship you’ve gone through or may be currently going through. No matter what type of tragedy, try writing out your feelings, you’ll feel better. If not now, give it time. As for myself, it took three years to overcome. Just believe in yourself.

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COMMITTED GETTING ENGAGED IS OFTEN ONE OF THE HIGH POINTS OF A WOMAN’S LIFE. BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE PERFECT ENGAGEMENT SUDDENLY BECOMES A SOURCE OF ANXIETY AND QUESTIONING IF YOU’RE MAKING THE RIGHT DECISION? WORDS BY ANONYMOUS // IMAGE BY KONSTANTIN KOPACHINSKY

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I

was sitting at my desk when my heart began to race and my palms started to sweat. Terrible thoughts were reverberating through my mind like warning bells. What if I don’t love him enough? What if I’m making a mistake?

What if he isn’t “The One?” What if we get divorced? What if the very fact that I am able to have these thoughts means I’m having doubts? Doubt means don’t, doesn’t it? The thoughts got louder and faster each passing moment. If you really loved him you wouldn’t be thinking any of this. This isn’t how you’re supposed to feel. This is not what you should be thinking or feeling when you’re engaged. This must mean you shouldn’t be getting married.

carefully building together for over half a decade. I saw our years of laughter and late nights and meaningful conversation, the plans we’d discussed, the meals we’d cooked and the coffees we’d shared and the times we’d held each other through pain and joy and change.

As dark and confused and scared as I already felt, the thought of leaving him, of creating a future without him in it, filled me with despair. In that moment I knew something deeper was happening with me. Yes, something was wrong here, but not with the person I’d chosen to marry and not with our relationship. Something was wrong with me.

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The thoughts kept coming, unstoppable and uncontrollable As a child, if I forgot to tell my parents I loved them before bed, and filling me with terror. I couldn’t catch my breath. I felt I’d lie awake with dread that they would die before morning completely disconnected from my body while at the same time because of my mistake. At some point I became fixated on the all too connected to the panic coursing through my brain. My number four. Everything from the number of times I pumped computer screen swam before my eyes, and the soap dispenser to how I read lines in the urge to get as far away from my desk as books had to be done in sets of fours to pre“Prior to getting possible came over me as I succumbed to vent bad things from happening. I became the panic attack. I grabbed my things, sent engaged, I had felt a anxious if I brushed against an object on a quick note to my team that I was taking a one side of my body but could not perfectwarm contentment at ly replicate the same motion on the other sick day, and left. the thought of spend- side. After the rest of the family was asleep, Four days prior, I had gotten engaged to check locks over and over again, never ing our lives together. I’d my wonderful boyfriend of over five years. sure that the doors and windows were seSo how could it be The proposal was sweet and intimate, and I cure from robbers and murderers. I’d open felt joy as he placed the ring on my finger the oven four times to make sure my cats possible that I was and asked me to be his wife. We’d been dishadn’t gotten stuck inside. As a teenager, now a mess at the cussing our future for months – years, even.

I developed a profound fear of premarital We had plenty of chemistry and shared thought of marrying pregnancy. I’d avoid kissing or even holdall of the same values. We’d talked about ing the hands of boys I was dating out of him?” everything from finances to children to fear that they were contaminated and that where we wanted to live and what we wantI would somehow accidentally get preged to do. He was my best friend in the world and the person nant from touching them. I’d take test after test to make sure around whom I felt the most myself. Prior to getting engaged, I hadn’t gotten pregnant, even though I was perfectly familI had felt a warm contentment at the thought of spending our iar with how biology worked. I wondered if I had accidentally lives together. So how could it be possible that I was now a committed blasphemy against the Holy Spirit; I worried I had mess at the thought of marrying him? written a curse word in essays and would reread them multiple times to check; I ruminated over whether I had somehow hurt The week that followed that panic attack was hell. I was my friends’ feelings and would ask repeatedly if they were mad out of town for work and couldn’t eat or sleep or focus, and I at me, even as they assured me I had done nothing wrong. The was filled with dread as I tried to attach meaning to all of my insatiable need for absolute certainty and an intolerance for thoughts and emotions. I spent evenings in my hotel room gomistakes dictated much of my life. ing down a Google rabbit hole, searching for answers that only made my anxiety worse. It seemed as if every article I came Times of transition were the worst for my anxious thoughts across said the same thing: If I felt anything other than pure joy and behaviors – the year my family moved houses; the changand bliss, if I could even question whether my man was THE es from elementary school to middle school and then to high man, then it was all a mistake. Each time I came across this school; the onset of puberty. Transitions took away my abilmessage, I would burst into fresh tears and wonder how I could ity to feel in control – they encompassed new territory and have been so wrong for so many years about my relationship. therefore held potential dangers and pain for which I might be I wanted to fight against those thoughts, those words, as they unprepared. were agony. Worse, I shielded my distress from my friends and family as I was too scared to tell anyone what was happening.

I don’t remember the first time I came across the term “obsessive-compulsive disorder,” but at some point as a teenager, On the flight home I had reached my limit. The lack of food I recognized that many of its symptoms sounded like me. Yet and sleep had taken its toll, and the thoughts had left me deI didn’t seek help. Why wouldn’t I want to stop the thoughts, pleted of energy. I thought: I’m going to have to call this off. the irrational checking and doubting and worrying? I did. But And I tried to picture doing just that – to picture a future withthen, the possibility that I might have a real disorder that I out my fiancé, and to mentally deconstruct the life we’d been couldn’t control felt like a massive character flaw. I was em-

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barrassed of my inability to reason with my thoughts and stop performing rituals. Instead of talking to my parents or seeking professional help, I came up with my own coping mechanisms. I had become quite good at concealing my symptoms from other people for fear of judgment, and I wrote off my obsessions and rituals as mere quirks of a type-A personality.

And so it went. The transition to college was particularly painful, as the upheaval from my familiar home environment sent me into a tailspin of anxiety and depression that lasted most of freshman year. Though change had always been difficult, the transition out of my parents’ house was especially traumatic. I feared failure throughout school even as I grew to love college and fell in love with my now-fiancé.

My worries as a student mutated into new fears as I transitioned to the working world and worried constantly about getting fired, no matter how well I performed.

Like many people, I have been inundated over my lifetime with messages like “you just know,” “the One,” and the impossibly idealistic standards of love as portrayed in movies and romantic novels. The infatuation stage of relationships, known for butterflies and fireworks, is often depicted as “true love,” and so when those feelings get replaced by the warmth of committed, long-term love, many of us panic and think we have fallen out of love. This message is promoted again and again by a culture with an atrocious divorce rate and an appetite for Hollywood romantic fantasies – a culture that knows very little about how to actually stay married or what real love is. When you take these kinds of messages and add them to the brain of someone who lands on the anxious or obsessive-compulsive spectrum, you’re going to encounter all kinds of problems. Divorce is one of my biggest fears, so it’s only natural that I would fear making the “wrong” choice and bringing that fear into fruition. I doubt whether I’ve locked the door behind me in the morning; why wouldn’t I doubt the biggest decision of my entire life?

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Fear, doubt and worry would ebb and flow depending on my stress levels or circumstances, always present but mostly manageable after years of practice. But then after a few steady years of relatively little change or transition in my life, my boyfriend proposed to me. For the first time my two decades’ worth of symptoms directly affected the course of someone’s life besides my own.

The day of my panic attack at work, I didn’t reflect on how difficult other life transitions had been for me. I didn’t think about the fact that I have never felt certainty about anything in my entire life (at least, not in the way others described).

My other OCD symptoms didn’t even cross my mind. Even though OCD is known to touch multiple areas of a person’s life, I’d never thought to research how it might manifest in romantic relationships, and I was comparing myself to what I’d seen of engagements in movies or on social media.

And yet one lucky Google search provided a trove of information on this exact topic – as well as how “Relationship OCD” is often triggered by major transitions such as the decision to marry.

Relationship OCD or ROCD is characterized as a form of OCD in which the sufferer experiences intrusive, unwanted and distressing thoughts about the strength, quality, and ‘true nature’ of their love for their partner (“Relationship OCD and The Myth of ‘The One,’” OCD Center of Los Angeles). The thoughts are ego-dystonic, which means that they aren’t in sync with the sufferer’s actual feelings. This is why the thoughts cause such a high level of distress. The person with OCD cannot dismiss the thoughts as irrational the way someone without OCD could. He or she worries that because the thought originated in his or her own mind that it must be true, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Unfortunately, it is not yet particularly welcoming of other more taboo forms. In my experience, if you’re obsessive, your obsessions aren’t going to fall into neat little categories; they can touch any and every aspect of your life, even – and often most especially – the most societally inappropriate of areas like your relationship. Nothing is sacred to OCD.

After that initial Google search, I committed myself to begin learning about real love and successful marriage. I read articles from marriage counselors and therapists and religious clergy. I opened up to married friends and was surprised at how many admitted to having had at least minor doubts about getting married. I became familiar with the teachings of Sheryl Paul (whose work is invaluable and to whom I will forever be indebted). I read The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller and a slew of other literature about love and commitment that I previously didn’t know existed. And slowly, ever so slowly, I began to work on both my false beliefs about love and my disorder, because at this crossroads in my life the two go hand-in-hand. With the help of a therapist, I am learning to recognize and alter my negative thought patterns through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). I am finally releasing myself from the stranglehold of OCD and learning how to live my life without rituals and catastrophizing. I am learning how to sit with uncertainty and accept that nothing in life is guaranteed, but that I cannot allow fear of failure to prevent me from living.

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With my fiancé, I feel truly known. I am supported. I am appreciated. We enjoy each other’s company and affection.

Most of all, he chooses to love me with his words and his actions, and I choose to do the same for him. I truly believe we will have an excellent marriage, and that we have the strength to make it last a lifetime. Is he the One? I no longer believe in such a childish thing. The idea of the One takes away our accountability as relationship partners; it gives people a trump card if they choose to leave when their relationships hit roadblocks (“Oh, this is harder than I thought; he/she must not be the One.”). It is a concept my OCD loves to dissect, should I let it, when in reality every relationship has highs and lows. But ultimately, what I am learning is that I get to choose whether to let this disorder overtake my life and my choices. I can let fear obliterate my joy, or I can choose to move forward into this most wonderful of transitions – the decision to make a life with another person. ◆

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I GOT MARRIED ABROAD WORDS BY KIMIKO MAINPRIZE // IMAGES BY KYLIE SASO

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My husband and I were married in September of 2015 on a picturesque farm in the rolling hills of Umbria, Italy. The sun was shining, we were surrounded by only our immediate family and two friends who flew in just for the occasion. My brother officiated the whole thing, and when he pronounced us Husband and Wife, we couldn’t have been more thrilled. While this was not initially the wedding I had dreamed of, it turned out to be everything I actually wanted and more.

Planning a wedding, no matter where you are, can be incredibly stressful.

Once you add in a remote location abroad, there are a whole new set of challenges to overcome. Here are a few things we had to consider before getting married abroad: Guest list: Who is absolutely the most important people you need there, and would they be willing to travel with you? Asking people to fly halfway around the world, or even a few hours away, can be costly and stressful for even the most seasoned of travellers and a lot of people may refuse your invitation based on costs alone. We decided in the beginning that a destination wedding with just our immediate families and one set of friends was all we wanted and that we would have an intimate Reception Dinner when we returned home to celebrate with more of our friends and family. Your loved ones get very invested in you and often just want the opportunity to celebrate your marriage with you, so being able to host an additional party for a bigger group once you return is a nice gesture.

Actual Location: Does it have a special meaning to you? Try to choose somewhere that is worthwhile for you and your guests to travel to and make it a group vacation. Traveling for your wedding often makes it a family affair, so keep this in mind and try to plan activities for friends and family so that they can make the most of their trip. On the farm where we were married, our host used to be a professional chef so they offered a pizza and pasta evening for us and our guests to learn how to cook these meals together and to celebrate our wedding. It was a fun way for us to treat our guests to a great experience.

The Photographer: These are memories you want to make sure are captured correctly and to your taste. My biggest tip here is to do your research and set your budget. Many photographers are willing to travel with you if you pay their expenses, or you can find someone local to your destination.

We chose the latter after reviewing a few local photographers’ blogs and testimonials. In the end, we chose someone due to budget and also based on her work. While it can be challenging to communicate long-distance to see if the fit is right, we went with our gut and were so pleased with the communication we had from the time we booked her (several months in advance).

Is It Legal? In many countries, you can go through the process of having your marriage legalized by hiring a translator and providing documents from your home country to swear you have never been married or that you are free to marry after a divorce. While this sounds like lots of fun to some, to us it just wasn’t important for our wedding abroad to be legal. We treated our ceremony seriously, as if it were to be our only one, but we booked ourselves in at City Hall for the same day as our Reception Dinner and took two friends as witnesses. It was quick, kind of hilarious, and made the whole thing legal without having to concern anybody else.

While a destination wedding is not for everyone, it was absolutely the perfect fit for us. We were able to pledge our love and commitment in front of those near and dear to us and still celebrate with our closest friends and family once we returned. If you are getting married, and trying to find a way to cut down on some of the expense that comes with a wedding at home, consider getting married somewhere far, far away. It just may be the perfect fit for you, too.

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HAPPILY SINGLE

WORDS & IMAGES BY LEIGH BROADWAY

During the late 1970’s, I blossomed into a vibrant, young woman consumed with lofty expectations and great anticipation of a grand life which of course, included a “Hollywood handsome” and well-to-do husband. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I imagined that my husband should be about 6’2 with perfect teeth, and a descendant of at least one former American President. Well, in any case, life happened, and my dreams and wondrous visions of my knight in shining armor didn’t materialize according to plan.

In the midst of my early twenties as I waited and yearned for the arrival of my perfect husband, I decided to explore a few of my great passions. Politics and public service were logical career choices inspired by my Mother’s love of social activism in the 1960’s and 1970’s. As a result of her strong influence during these tumultuous decades, I became active in student government during my junior high and high school years. The 1960’s and 1970’s were turbulent times and the environment of social unrest fueled a glorious desire in my heart to right the wrongs of society and save the world! Yes, you might say my goals were rather admirable for a single, less than worldly “twenty-something”. I never obtained a law degree but I began to relish the freedoms and opportunities to explore life as a single woman in an evolving, sometimes treacherous social landscape.

There were many significant changes in my life over the next few years which shaped my perspective of singlehood in a “couples driven” society. I never saved the world however, in 1980 I was introduced to someone by the name of Jesus, who died on a cross to save the world. Now, if I’d met Jesus earlier, I might have chosen Hebrew studies as my major instead of political science and saved myself the expense of all those prelaw textbooks. Nonetheless, my personal relationship with Jesus Christ challenged me to live and experience life as a single woman and find total fulfillment in Him first, while waiting for my soul mate.

Over the next 10 years I entered my early thirties and many of my friends met and married the man of their dreams. I could have constructed a phenomenal quilt from the multitude of bridesmaid’s dresses I wore to each of their weddings. Each time I attended a beautiful wedding I wondered if my promised husband was going to be seated across from me at one of the reception tables. Every now and then I would catch the fleeting glance of a possible candidate, but nothing solid ever materialized. I became quite the expert at maneuvering myself in the crowd of hopeful bride-to-be's to earn a shot at catching the diminishing bouquet of fragile flowers. Superstitious? Perhaps, but the marital time clock was ticking and I was willing to keep my options open in hopes of finding the perfect husband. I realized I was learning to become comfortable with my singlehood and began to truly appreciate my favorable status.

Singlehood was no longer a burden, but a high calling to be savored and enjoyed.

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The 1980’s and 1990’s were an exceptional season of spiritual and emotional growth in my relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I continued to mature in my faith and began a more inwardly focus on becoming the woman of God that a man of God would consider as marriage material. Well, it appeared my husband and I were not ready for each other so I kept myself active by volunteering in my community. My local church presented many wonderful opportunities to serve and help other individuals grow in their faith.

My heart was still on the lookout for that amazing man of God. As time passed I realized I was becoming quite comfortable in my “single” skin. This season of my life brought great prosperity and I was able to take a few trips overseas to explore other cultures. I even considered the prospect of finding a husband on another continent as the inventory of eligible husbands on US soil appeared to be dwindling. I thought I might help God out a little by remaining open to foreign options for a mate.

My travels took me first to Israel, and then to the continent of Africa. No, I didn't find a husband during my international excursions but I experienced another level of self-discovery. I loved the reality that I could get up and go and use my time as a single woman to work on my own idiosyncrasies, imperfections and more importantly my character. I came to the conclusion that I was a work in progress and that God had a master plan in mind for my singlehood. God was using my collective life experiences to prepare me to become the best wife I could be for my husband-in-waiting.

The 2000’s brought about many unexpected changes and defining moments in my life. I remained an unmarried woman in my mid-forties with a great career, practically a cardinal sin in most cultures. I imagined that in my mid-forties I would be married to a loving guy, with a lavish career, who drove a late model luxury sedan, and at the least, had a great pair of dentures. Time pressed on and during this time my Daddy Julius experienced a steep decline in his health. I had the privilege of caring for Dad and was by his side when he transitioned into eternity. I never earned a law degree, I didn’t save the world, but as a single woman I have experienced the joyful and sometimes painful journey of learning to become a woman that a man would consider for a marriage partner. My availability as a single woman has allowed me to work on my own character, care for others, and travel the world. I am a happily single, 50 plus and fabulous woman of God! ✴

FAMILY

How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes! –Maya Angelou - 67 -

MY INFERTILITY STRUGGLE WORDS & IMAGES PROVIDED BY CAITLIN LINDQUIST

ONE IN EIGHT COUPLES HAS TROUBLE GETTING PREGNANT OR SUSTAINING A PREGNANCY. EVEN WITH THAT HIGH RATE, INFERTILITY IS OFTEN KEPT SECRET. BLOGGER CAITLIN LINDQUIST BREAKS HER SILENCE IN THE HOPES OF LETTING OTHERS KNOW THEY’RE NOT ALONE. Tell us about your journey and struggle with infertility.

Since I was a little girl I always knew I wanted to be a mother and have a family full of my very own best friends. The relationships that I share with my parents as well as my siblings mean so much to me, and that is something that I want for myself and for my own family. As soon as my husband, Ben, and I got married we wanted to start "trying" right away, but chose to wait until after we had finished law school and taken the Bar exam to allow the anxiety of it all to dissipate.

Once the exam was over, we "pulled the goalie" so-to-speak, and I think I expected it to happen right away. But after nine months of watching friend after friend seemingly get pregnant after their first try, I felt a little (ok, a lot) discouraged

(and majorly envious), but I tried to lift my chin up as best I could and just keep marching on.

But when "Aunt Flow" came to visit every 25 days, I would sit and cry on the toilet in disappointment. It was then that I decided to make a visit to my gynecologist. Truth be told I was hoping to receive some answers (or miracles), but all I ended up walking away with were pregnancy rate statistics and suggestions to track my ovulation, which we had already been doing for several months. I felt defeated. But ever the optimist that I am, I just assumed it would happen naturally eventually, and kept plugging my cycle dates into the iPhone apps and urinating on the ovulation test kits hoping to hit the jackpot.

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We tried every formula we could think of - procreating at the exact time of ovulation, hours before, the day before, days before, even the days after... and all of the above combined. Nothing seemed to work.

After constantly being awkwardly asked when we were going to have kids - by friends, family and even complete strangers who read and follow my blog - I decided it was time to try something else.

My sister-in-law has a blood clotting disorder and after an ectopic pregnancy, she had undergone IVF with success, so I decided to pick her brain a bit about the process. I wasn't sure if meeting with a fertility specialist would help, but I was hoping that maybe they could at

least pinpoint why we hadn't been able to achieve pregnancy yet. Was there something wrong with me? Wrong with my husband? I guess I really hadn't even allowed myself to consider those possibilities until this point. I just chalked our lack of pregnancy up to those aforementioned stats given by my gynecologist in the months before.

After doing some research on embryologists and local fertility teams, I finally made an appointment to discuss our options. I wasn't sure what to expect at our first appointment, but I think I walked away even more worried and confused than ever. Everything that goes into our ability to get pregnant - from our age to egg quality to your partners use of hot tubs or hits to his man-parts over the years, everything seems to play a part, and it can certainly feel overwhelming. But we walked away from that appointment with a new determination to see this through... and to get there, we were going to just take a deep breath and put one foot in front of the other.

a head start by giving your partners semen, well, a head start.

Because my blood work had indicated nothing was wrong with me, (that we could see), IUI was the next logical step. Plus, an IUI can also help pinpoint any issues you might have or help shed some light on how your body reacts to certain fertility drugs. Despite the (four) failures, I am glad we chose to go this route first.

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But after the fourth failed IUI, we were told our chances of achieving pregnancy would no longer increase and would simply plateau. So we could either continue spending our money on more IUI's, or we could start saving our pennies for the next step - IVF. We chose the latter.

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Before I dive into our path to IVF, I first must address something - and this is something I haven't shared publicly before.

But, throughout the whole fertility process, it's easy to get down on yourself. To feel alone, defeated and downright depressed.

And that's exactly where I was.

After months of not getting out of bed, bothering to brush my teeth or to even leave the house, I decided to get proactive about my life and health and seek help.

Mind you, this was all about the time I visited the gynecologist ad we moved to Arizona.

The first thing we decided to do was to have my husband's sperm analyzed. Once his quality and quantity had been verified and ruled out as a suspect, we thought that the next step should be drug-assisted IUI - intrauterine insemination. It's a process that is a lot less invasive (and a whole lot less expensive) than IVF and we were hoping this would bypass whatever was preventing us from getting pregnant. And if you're wondering, no, the fact that some semen comes out after sex thanks to gravity won't affect your ability to get pregnant. I have had to be assured of this numerous times. Needless to say, I was hoping that by maximizing the number of sperm in my tubes we would walk away with a little Lindquist.

After seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist for a few months and starting celexa, a SSRI antidepressant, I was starting to finally feel like myself again. With this newfound sense of myself (and reduced depression and anxiety), my husband and I chose to take six months off before starting IVF to save up our money and in hopes that we would get pregnant on our own now that I was in a happier, healthier place. Stress really does play a role in our ability to get pregnant - and after hearing so many stories about "a friend of a friend of a friend" who finally got pregnant after they stopped "trying," we thought, maybe it could happen to us, too. But, it didn't.

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However, six months, ten pounds, swollen follicles and four failed IUI's later, it was time to re-evaluate. I must say that I am not saying an IUI won't work for you - because I have friends whom it has worked for on the first try (oh, to be them, am I right?!). IUI's are truly a wonderful thing and a great way to get

We gave ourselves a six month timeline (until my thirtieth birthday) before diving into IVF. But after summer had come and gone with Aunt Flow's continual monthly visits, we knew it was time.

In August of 2015 we started our first round of IVF. First came the preparation phase, followed by the (not so) super awesome stimulation phase and the ever-dreaded egg retrieval before

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allowing my body to calm back down before we started stimulation again for the FET, frozen embryo transfer.

I am so incredibly happy to report that our first round of IVF was a success. We got pregnant with two beautiful identical twins, I know... what are the chances of that?! Miracle babies in more ways than one. And for 9 weeks I carried those two babes around simply just glowing with excitement knowing that our family was growing, and wherever I went I wasn't alone. It was like I had this happy little secret behind my smile and smiling eyes. But sadly, very very sadly, 9 weeks was all I got with them.

a healthy diet and exercise to doing all of the things our doctor's recommend - we know that at the end of the day, we have done all we can. And it will happen.

Why do you think it's so important to be open and vocal about your struggle? Why did you decide to talk about it on your blog?

After years of feeling sad and alone, feeling helpless and defeated, I knew I didn't want to feel that way anymore. I have always been a very open and honest person, and communication has always played a significant role in my life and in my relationships. I also believe that communication is central to our success - success in the workplace, success in a marriage, and success in life. So it was important to me not to hinder the success of our fertility treatments by bottling up my stress or sadness.

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After bleeding a few weekends in a row, I was informed I had a sub-chorionic hemorrhage, a fancy way of saying bleeding internally as a result of embryo implantation, something that is quite common. I wasn't that worried about the bleeding from then on until the cramps came along. After rushing to the ER one Sunday under the advice of the weekend fertility staff, we heard our twins heart rates drop - they had been at 117 and 123 two days before (Friday), and by then, Sunday, they had dropped to 45 and 57.

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The next day, Monday, I went back to our doctor for an ultrasound where no heartbeats were detected. We had lost them.

Our babies. Our little family. To say that we are heartbroken would be an understatement. We only knew them for a few short weeks but already they were our kids, our babies, our hearts. I don't think I have ever been so sad or cried so hard in my entire life. It was, and has been quite frankly, a very difficult time. And while it's easy to let yourself feel let down, we have to remain hopeful and remind ourselves that WE WILL GET PREGNANT AGAIN. WE CAN GET PREGNANT. AND WE WILL HAVE CHILDREN OF OUR OWN. Say it like a mantra. I know I do.

So, after carrying our precious little (dead) babies around inside me for 32 days after detecting no heartbeats, I finally had a "complete miscarriage." I won't go into details on what that was like, because it's a bit of a horror story and quite frankly, no one should ever let that deter or worry them. It's something you just have to accept that happens. And you deal with it as it comes. But the best advice I can give you is to keep your eyes glued to the light at the end of the tunnel: the day when your uterus is clear and available for rent for another beautiful little baby to occupy and live in for 10 months.

Aside from allowing yourself to be open about fertility, I have heard and read the horror stories of the stress infertility can place on a marriage. I never wanted that to be us. Fertility treatments are stressful enough for anyone - from physical to emotional to financial stress - and who would want to keep that to themselves and suffer in silence? Because you are not alone. And if you let people be there for you, you will realize just how much you needed it.

But sadly, women today aren't talking about their fertility struggles - it seems to be a taboo subject - and that, quite frankly, makes me sad. According to the CDC, 6.7 million women around the world struggle with fertility. But yet, women still seem to feel embarrassed to talk about it, or feel guilty, ashamed or inadequate. And why? You are not a failure, you are not alone and it isn't just you. It's ok to talk about openly. And once you open up, other people open up too.

And do you know what, it's been great. I feel like a weight has been lifted, I can share my struggles with others who can relate, and we can be there for each other, and feel some sort of comfort in the fact that we no longer have to struggle alone, in silence. We can be there for one another and cheer each other on, and how can that not feel good?

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So, once my uterus was clear and we followed my HcG levels back down to 0 (and I tested my blood (Thrombo test) for reasons why I miscarried only to come up empty handed), I finally got my period and got the go-ahead to begin the preparation phase for our next round of IVF. Our next transfer date is upcoming and I truly cannot wait for the day to get here. It's filled with hope, and that's all I can do right now. Hope. And pray. Pray that we get pregnant once more, and this time, stay pregnant.

So we may not have all of the answers on why we can't seem to get pregnant on our own, and why I miscarried our twins, we have to just do all that we can to realize our dream of having a family. From hoping and praying to taking care of myself with

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So my hope in opening up about our struggle is that it will inspire and encourage others to open up too and understand that they aren't alone in this, it's going to be ok and there are others who can help. And I am happy to say that I believe I have inspired others to do just that: I have several blogger friends who also have chosen to share their fertility struggles openly after talking with me about how and why I decided to go public with ours.

But if you choose not to be open about it, that's ok too. Everyone experiences and works through their grief in different ways, but that doesn't mean you need to feel ashamed of what you are going through. Simply understanding and knowing that you are not alone because more women are willing to be open and honest about it, I think, will truly help others.

We will have much more with Caitlin in Issue 8, out July 1, 2016.

MOTHERHOOD THROUGH THE LENS

Motherhood is the greatest thing, and the hardest thing that I have ever done. I am the mother of two precocious boys, Luke (6) and Jacob (4) and I wish I could express just how amazing they have made my life! My husband and I married young and were working to finish school and start our careers, and although I had always known that I wanted to have children, I never really gave much thought to when. I guess I just always assumed that there would be some big moment, some eye-opening epiphany when my maternal clock started ticking and I would just KNOW that it was the right time to start our family. But it wasn't like that at all. In fact, I had no warning whatsoever!

My first pregnancy was an absolutely surprise. But it was as if in the few milliseconds that it took for me to register that yes, the stick really did have two lines and yes, I was actually pregnant, whatever maternal clock was hiding inside stampeded front and center! And almost instantly there wasn't anything I wanted more than to start my family. And even years later, through all of life's crazy ups and downs, and when I think of all the should-haves and could-haves, I can honestly say that was the best "surprise" to ever happen to me.

WORDS & IMAGES BY SUE WHITE

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It's been six years now, and somehow that feels like a lifetime ago and like it was just yesterday all at the same time. Time is a funny, tricky thing. It can seem to drag by so slowly that you feel like the day will never end and you'll just never make it to bedtime! And then suddenly it seems to fly by at super sonic speeds and before you know it you're crying your eyes out in the car after leaving your five-year-old at his first day of kindergarten. And before you know it, all of those little moments become so big and important that you never want to forget or let them go. Which is why I love to document our life and story, to capture all of those tiny, everyday moments that seem so routine, but make up who we are! And I never want to forget even one little detail!

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i was a surrogate.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU FOUND OUT THAT ONE OF YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS WAS UNABLE TO HAVE A FAMILY OF THEIR OWN? WOULD YOU STEP IN AND OFFER TO CARRY A BABY FOR THEM? THAT’S WHAT DESTINY DID AND FOUND IT TO BE ONE OF THE MOST REWARDING EXPERIENCES OF HER LIFE. WORDS & IMAGES BY DESTINY STILLWAGON

When I was a young girl playing house with my sister and cousins, I always liked playing the role of the mother. I always assumed that all little girls wanted to be mommies when they grew up, that they had names picked out for their future children and a happy picture of what life would be like as a mommy. Unfortunately not all women grow up being able to physically have children of their own.

This is where my story as a surrogate starts.

I am Destiny Stillwagon, mother of three, good friend of Nicholas and Amber Lomansky. Amber was born with one kidney and without any reproductive “equipment” so to speak. Her kidney was failing so Nicholas selflessly donated one of his to her in early 2013. The transplant was successful, both healed beautifully and they were then ready to start their family. In June 2013 Nicholas and I had met up with a couple other friends at a Tigers baseball game in Detroit. It was on the drive home that I had casually inquired about he and Amber having any kids in the near future now that the kidney transplant was successful. Nicholas explained to me that Amber was told early on in her childhood that she would not ever be able to have children. I asked if they thought about a surrogate, he said yes but the candidates they were thinking about asking haven’t had children of their own yet so they weren’t certain on whom to ask. I spoke up right away and volunteered to be their surrogate. I have three children of my own with my youngest being seven at the time. I was done having children for myself but was okay with one more pregnancy.

After talking it over with Amber we decided that we were going to do this. We started planning right away. I got medical insurance, did a physical exam including my annual checkup and looked into local obstetrician gynecologists while they did research for local clinics that did in vitro fertilization (IVF). They located a nearby clinic and we made the appointment to make sure we were good candidates for IVF. >> - 76 -

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It turned out we were great candidates so the appointment was made for the day of conception. During the IVF procedure, mature eggs were collected from my ovaries and fertilized by Nicholas’ sperm in a lab. Then the fertilized egg(s) were implanted in my uterus. I took a home pregnancy test two weeks later and we were pregnant! I had tears of joy that this worked and that we had decided to do it!

ration, epidural and the incision, baby Lomansky was born at 8:49am on October 10th. He weighed a very healthy 10lbs 3oz.

The doctor lifted him over the curtain to show him to me then he was whisked away to meet his eagerly awaiting parents. It was agreed that since I was in the surgery room for the cesarean, they would do a tubal ligation (tie the tubes). I was officially done having children.

We kept this our secret until we made it past the first trimester.

We decided to have genetic testing done in the meantime due to a high rate of cancer in my family and my age, which was 34 at the time. The tests came back negative for Down’s Syndrome, as well as other tests. It was at Amber’s 34th birthday party in April 2014 that we announced the pregnancy. Everybody was overjoyed! I told my children about the pregnancy and explained to their level of understanding what was going on. They were okay with the idea. A month after the announcement, we found out we were having a boy. His name was to be Wilfred Paul Lomansky.

I felt great after having the baby. I healed perfectly and was told that the surgery was a textbook cesarean. Friends came to meet the new member of the Lomansky family at the hospital as well as stopping by my room to check on me. I waited until the day of discharge to see him. From day one, I had emotionally and mentally detached myself from Wilfred. He was my little buddy throughout the pregnancy and we even did a little fistbump in the hospital to congratulate ourselves on making it through this whole process together. Even though he is biologically my son, he is officially Nicholas and Amber’s son.

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Amber and Nicholas tried to make it to every doctor appointment and ultrasound. When one couldn’t make it to an appointment, the other made notes and even recorded the baby’s heartbeat for the other to listen to. Baby Wilfred was growing healthy and strong. I was eating as healthy as I could, even having organic fruits and vegetables delivered to my house. They made a mp3 player of their voices and music for Wilfred to listen to through the belly.

By the beginning of October the doctor suggested that the baby be delivered by a cesarean section because of his weight. I had my other three children naturally so I was a little nervous but agreed to it. The evening of October 9th, I had stayed the night at Nicholas and Amber’s house because we had to be at the hospital very early the next morning. After all the prepa-

In October 2015, Wilfred celebrated his first birthday surrounded by his family and friends. It was an Eric Carle “Hungary Caterpillar” themed party. A couple months later, he took his first step. He will grow up knowing the whole story. I am Aunt Destiny to him and my children are his cousins. He has three branches on his family tree so he has a lot of love and family to help him grow and flourish.

I can honestly say that this has been one of the most rewarding things I have done in my life. I am so proud of the way I handled myself physically and emotionally throughout the entire process. I gave Nicholas the son he wasn’t sure he would ever have to pass on the Lomansky name and I gave Amber what she thought she would never have...a chance to be a mommy like she has dreamed of since she was a little girl. ✴

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My Husband Left Us WORDS BY KELLY RASH // IMAGES BY BETH WELLS OF LIZ ANNE PHOTOGRAPHY

W

hen you get married you expect it to last forever. You make a commitment to share life with someone and start a family and dream about the life you’ll lead together as you grow old alongside one another. Never do you expect that person to come to you one day out of the blue and say they no longer wanted the life that you’ve created together. That is exactly what happened to me. To say it came as a shock is an understatement, but as the months have passed since that moment I am left with a lot of clarity and strength as a woman and as a mother, and I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. Throughout this experience, I’ve come to find joy in a circumstance that to most, and even to myself at one point, seemed really unfortunate or unfathomable. Over the course of time I have come to be very thankful for the growth it’s caused within me and I’ve become so excited for all the future holds for me and my boys.

When I first met and married my soon-to-be ex-husband, I thought that I had found someone who would keep my heart safe and who would care for me forever. Over the years following when we first got married, I sacrificed a lot of those hopes as he slowly stopped pursuing me and treating me like he had before, which I chalked up to growing comfortable and a little stagnant within our marriage and the routine we had fallen into. Eventually I gave up on any hope of that happening anymore and we grew apart. But I still never thought or expected that would lead to divorce, which was something I never wanted for myself. I held onto hope that he would come around again, would snap out of it and agree to counseling and miss what we had had before. But instead what he chose was to walk away. >>

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When he left us, everything I knew as normal in my world completely unraveled. I was a stay at home mother to my twin boys, Liam and Noah, who were 15 months old at the time and was suddenly placed into a situation where I had no income or anywhere to live. I am so thankful to have parents who were so willing to help us in our time of need, and took us in to live with them. So just like that, six days after he decided he had had enough, we were packed in a car and moving halfway across the country to live in the town I grew up in on the outskirts of Los Angeles.

to just how common my situation is, in a world full of hopeful couples coming together in marriage and having children.

Needless to say, I don’t understand why it’s so easy for people to give up on these things and to just walk out on their families without even trying to make it work. But this situation has made me a stronger person and I love that I can walk with these other women as they become stronger as well. I’ve been able to help countless ladies already through my social media outlets, just by sharing my story and sharing my growth, which has been an amazing experience and I look forward to being able to share our journey coming full circle, and finding someone who will love the three of us unconditionally and get the family that I’ve always wanted with someone who will cherish me and my boys.

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There was a lot of getting used to in that time, and things went from pleasant to ugly and back again as the adjustments were made. My main focus was protecting my boys and ensuring that their life remained as normal as possible amidst the chaos that we had been swept up into. I am so proud to say that they adjusted so well, and really began to thrive within their new home, and that was the starting point of me really opening my eyes to the situation we had been in during my marriage and the toxic environment I had them living in for the first year and a half of their life. I had begun to realize that the home life we’d been living had turned into one of resentment and lacked in love, and that is something that I never wanted my children to grow up in when I dreamt of being a mama someday. It blew my mind that I was so caught up in caring for my little boys that I never saw what had been in front of me all along, though they themselves had seen it. When we finally got out of that situation, I began to blossom, which encouraged the boys to bloom as well. They started to open up more, play more, talk more and love more, because I’ve been able to show them how to do those things with abandon. That was the beginning of me finding joy in a seemingly unfortunate circumstance.

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I hope someday to be able to find love again. A love that will be everlasting and never cease to amaze me, a love that is straight out of the fairytale books. I won’t let what happened to me get in the way of those hopes and those dreams. I know that type of love exists out there. I have to believe that for myself and for my boys. I know I am a better woman for what has happened, and will be able to carry that into my next relationship. I’d love to experience pregnancy again someday and have a houseful of laughter, bare-feet padding through the halls and countless adventures. These are the things I cling onto for hope when I have the days where my world feels so dark and far from ever getting better. And I know that it’s out there, its just a matter of finding it when the time is right. Until that day, I will continue to grow as a person and raise my boys up on my own to be gentlemen - men who will cherish what is right in front of them and never let go.

There is still a lot of unknown in regards to this divorce, since it’s still an ongoing process. It definitely is the hardest and most trying thing I have been through to date, but I know there are better things out there for us in the future and everything happens for a reason. That thought is what is keeping me going in all of this, aside from the need to be strong for my little Liam and Noah. Things are far from being over for us right now, but I have faith that things will also continue to get easier. Our situation has been a little different than most, since I haven’t had to experience joint custody or sending my children off to spend time with him quite yet, which is something I am dreading if the court decides to rule that way, since I never wanted to be apart from my children. But I know if it comes to that, we will find a way to get through those times. I know there is hope for us yet, no matter what that will look like, for the three of us to get the happy ending we deserve. For now, we will continue following the course life has put us on, my little boys and I, and continue to grow into the people we are intended to be as the three of us, while we hope for the greatness that is in our future. ✴

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The decision to move back in with my parents was both tough but necessary. Since I had been a stay at home mom, all of my income was dependent upon my husband as I looked after the boys and kept up with the house. Suddenly that was all gone, and I found myself in a very needy situation that I was not comfortable being in at 26 years old and as someone who had been doing life on her own for years. But being back home with my parents has been the biggest blessing and it’s made me grow a lot as a person the last few months. I am thankful for the boys to have gotten to spend every day with their grandparents and getting to know them. I am thankful for the built-in babysitters I have right here at home for when I need to catch a break, which is such a blessing as a single parent. I am thankful for the roof they have placed over our heads and how much they’ve helped me pick up all of the pieces. I will be forever grateful for them and I hope one day I can repay them for all that they’ve done.

Since becoming a single mother, my eyes have been opened

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TRAVEL

Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living!

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POSTCARDS FROM

ANCHORAGE, ALASKA WORDS & IMAGES BY BETHANY BARTON

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POTTER MARSH A long and winding boardwalk through this open water marsh allows for ample wildlife viewing against a beautiful mountain wall. Photographers and birdwatchers alike flock to Potter Marsh to look for Arctic terns, trumpeter swans, northern pintails, red-necked phalaropes, and bald eagles.

Moose and muskrat are also sighted, as well as spawning salmon in the summer months.

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BELUGA POINT Beluga Point, at Milepost 110 on the Seward Highway south of Anchorage, is not only one of the most picturesque locations in Anchorage, but also offers seasonal whale sightings in late summer. Belugas visit the inlet during July and August to feed on the Pacific Salmon run. This beautiful cluster of rocks and shoreline are a perfect place to escape the city and watch the sun set.

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EAGLE RIVER NATURE CENTER Just thirty minutes northeast of downtown Anchorage, Eagle River Nature Center boasts incredible views of the Chugach mountains and great opportunities for scenic wildlife viewing. The Eagle River Visitor Center at the entrance, once a privately owned bar and lodge, now gives visitors access to local information, naturalist materials, and souvenirs.

MANN LEISER MEMORIAL GREENHOUSES The Mann Leiser Memorial Greenhouses are amongst a large horticulture complex that is responsible for the production of the thousands of plants that landscape and beautify the city. The greenhouses, named for one of Anchorage’s favorite horticulturalists and gardeners, are filled with bench seating among tropical garden plants, fish pond, and aviary.

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GIRDWOOD Located in a valley within the Chugach mountains, the historical mining community of Girdwood draws visitors with its unique beauty, gold mines, and miles of hiking trails through the forest and mountainside. Most notable, the Crow Pass trail that follows a portion of the original Iditarod Trail, is accessible from Girdwood, as well as the well-loved Winner Creek Trail.

ALYESKA Ride the Aerial Tram at the Alyeska Resort for one of the best panoramic views of Chugach State park and the Turnagim Arm. With steep terrain and ample snow, Mt. Alyeska is the most-loved ski resort in the state.

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ANCHORAGE BREWING COMPANY Gabe Fletcher started ABC in 2012 and recently settled in this gorgeous warehouse space in South Anchorage. A gorgeous tasting room, large wooden brew barrels, and lots of tasty beers make this spot a local favorite.

LAKE HOOD During the warmer months, Lake Hood functions as the worlds largest and most active seaplane base. In the winter, ski-equipped planes can also utilize the lakes frozen surface. This busy thoroughfare averages nearly 200 flights per day.

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CARR-GOTTSTEIN PARK Hidden in an affluent South Anchorage neighborhood, this grassy, marshy park offers one of the best coastal overlooks without all the tourists. Popular place for dog-walking and enjoying the sunset.

FLATTOP MOUNTAIN The summit of Flattop Mountain sits 3,510 feet above Anchorage with spectacular views of the inlet and city below. Hiking, berry-picking, and even paragliding are popular activities here, and on a clear day, views of Denali can be seen to the north.

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I Moved To Europe WORDS & IMAGES BY BRITTANY FORBES

I’ve been living in Europe for the past year and a half and when I think about how to explain this crazy adventure, I never know where to begin.

There is a well-known song by the band One Republic that starts with the lyrics, “Woke up in London yesterday Found myself in the city, near Piccadilly Don’t really know how I got here I got some pictures on my phone” I could say that they were singing about my life and I actually wouldn’t be that far off. First, I am currently sitting in a coffee shop in Piccadilly Circus, right smack in the middle of London. (I’m spying on the girl sharing my table in this cramped café and she is writing in a leather bound notebook about the various manifestations of sadness in cats. I swear. ) Second, I do have some pictures on my phone, but as I’ve recently dropped that in the bathtub, I’m trying not to dwell. (That’s a lie. I am SO dwelling.)

Third, as far as not knowing how I got here, well, I do know, but it did all happen quite quickly. I moved to London over a year ago from the tiniest little town on the east coast of Canada. I applied for a two year visa, got approved and booked a flight four days later. I suppose looking back, I didn’t want to give life a chance to take back this crazy blessing, so I moved quickly. I told hardly anyone I was leaving, friends and family alike, and have spent the next year apologizing for that slight oversight.

Over the past 15 months, I have spent the majority of it living in London and then spent the end of summer and into autumn living in Paris, city of lights, love and ridiculous amounts of cheese.

I’ve travelled to numerous countries, fallen in love with both people and places, tried various animal parts disguised as food and dyed my hair pink. I’ve also started a blog, lived in a hostel, been detained in an airport and have developed a tolerance for fog.

I have another 9 months to go before I return to Canada and plan my next steps. What those next steps might look like, well, I’m not so sure at the

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moment and I’m trying to be okay with that. Most days I don’t feel ready to go home. Europe is beautiful, magical, romantic and filled with opportunities. Living here can be exactly how you picture it in your daydreams. Other days, I want to book the next flight back to Canada. Living abroad can be an epic struggle because you aren’t just here on vacation and then heading back to your normal life. But at the same time, you are only here temporarily because at some point, your visa will expire and you will be trying to pack your huge new life back into the small little bag you came with and surely, you will realize that you are bigger than when you first arrived. Your life is more.

It’s open, it’s crazy and sparkling and you won’t head home the same person as before.

abroad and travelling, I have seen first-hand just how true some stereotypes are. Canadians are kind. We are forgiving. We are a humble, hearty, welcoming group of people. But we also plan a lot. We have, what I’ve noticed - and what has never made sense to me - a set of priorities about life that doesn’t always work, but which we aim to achieve anyway. It goes a little something like: find a partner, marry them, buy a house and a car, get a dog, have a kid, keep having kids and now that’s your life, so be grateful. Also, your career will happen Monday to Friday between the hours of 9 and 5 and it’s okay if you don’t like it, because how many people are really living their dreams? Not many, so don’t stress if you aren’t either. Everything is always okay.

There are some huge differences between living in Canada and living in Europe and I think that’s what is making it tough for me to make a plan for when I head home. I love the way Europeans live, but I love the way Canadian people are just so Canadian. I want the best of both worlds, so I guess I am trying to create the perfect mix for myself. Europeans simply put, live their lives. They do things, they talk about things, they wake up and just GO, accepting whatever happens during their days. They say ‘yes’ to things. They travel, they spend 5 hours sharing a dinner with friends and they do that every week. They don’t say no to a glass of wine because they have to work tomorrow. They say yes to the glass of wine because it means another half hour of sitting with friends and relaxing and that is a priority here. Us Canadians, for all of our positives, may have a few things mixed up when it comes to prioritizing. Since living

There isn’t anything wrong with this way of thinking, if that’s what already works for you. But sometimes, when things make no sense, the only way to try and figure out your own thoughts about life, love, anything really, is to do something completely different. Run in the other direction. Sometimes it’s necessary to move to a new country, maybe even one where you can’t speak the language. It can be necessary to let yourself fall in love with the person who is all wrong for you, because maybe they will end up teaching you what is so right about you and you can fall in love with yourself again. It can be so fulfilling to do the things that don’t fit into that perfect plan for your life. Learn about new places. See how other people live. Be open-minded and be accepting. You don’t need to go to the biggest, busiest city, but you can if you want. You don’t have to say ‘yes’ to booking a 10 dollar flight to Denmark with a group of strangers,

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but maybe you should. You don’t have to date everyone who comes along, just for the experience, but it could be fun (and trust me, if you are travelling abroad, remember that you are the one with the accent and that you will have a whole new pack of suitors who find you exciting and exotic).

What I have learned since living in Europe is that the way of life that I have been taught is “normal” is only one way to live in the great big world. I have the chance to shape my own life and live the way that makes sense for me. That doesn’t mean taking on another culture and adopting it as my own, but it does mean that I am finding it easier than ever to give myself permission to live my life the way I design it. I like to think of myself as a collector of ideas and thoughts that I pick up along the way and I am simply figuring out how to apply the ones I like to my life.

skiing in the mountains. Who would argue that we shouldn’t do that more? I am now giving myself permission to work hard, but to also do it for a reason, so that I can enjoy more.

Not because that’s ‘just what you do.’

It’s been eye opening to change my lifestyle. When I was in Canada, I worked 4 jobs at one time. I paid for my apartment, all of my bills, my transportation expenses, and had a night out here and there with friends. I gave all that up, work one job now, have a really convenient temporary living situation, have less bills and yet somehow I have more. I have more time, for one. I have more joy, because I’ve made it a priority to relax and be happy. I’ve given myself permission to not plan every step I take in the future. I have accepted that when I return home, my life will not look like the “normal” Canadian experience of a 9 to 5 job, with a kind and gentle husband who chops wood in the winter and two kids that I cart off to hockey practice Sunday mornings at 7 am. My life at the moment looks more like running through the streets of Copenhagen in the middle of the night with 4 new best friends and the wrong guy at my side. Memories are worth something. I’ve also learned that. My life may be a lot more of me sitting in coffee shops, like the one I’m in now, sharing a table with a girl writing about cat sadness, while I write about how I’ve been moved to tears by a sunset in Finland. It takes all kinds, right? I think the biggest thing I am taking away from living abroad so far is just how okay it is to do everything differently.

It’s okay to plan less and experience more. It’s also totally okay to plan more and experience less, but that’s just not for me at the moment, and I’m getting used to that. For now, I’ve got friends to meet with, laughs to share and a world to explore.

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In France, for example, there is such an emphasis on being with friends and sharing experiences, usually over food and wine, that how could I not add that to my own way of being?

It just makes sense. Let’s be with people! Let’s laugh until the early hours of the morning with friends and let’s not only do that when we are 21, but let’s do it when we are 31 and 41 too. French people have jobs that they have to get up for in the morning, but somehow they all seem a bit less stressed and rushed about it. In London, people are constantly leaving.

Everyone seems to travel more, simply because we are in a big city and life gets hectic. Londoners work hard but they also seem to recognize that for all your hard work, it’s okay to treat yourself. They give themselves permission to relax. Isn’t that a novel idea? They are constantly jetting off for weekends to the countryside, city breaks to a sunny place or a week away,

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REGULAR CONTRIBUTORS FIND OUR CONTRIBUTORS AROUND THE WEB.

AMY COOK, Books Wife and mother by day, nerdy bookworm by night.

Her superpower is substitute teaching middle schoolers.

Lover of wine, literature, pie, and all things Gone With The Wind.

ERICA MUSYT, Movies Erica is a 30-something Virginia native who is passionate about family, friends, and the movies! She buys books faster than she reads them, loves ladybugs and all things purple.

A movie star at heart, Erica is delighted to be a contributor to the Holl and Lane movie section!

MICAH CHAPLIN, Music By day, Micah works in the insurance industry, but she’s also a part-time librarian and bartender. She is an author and blogger with a passion for baseball, music, and craft beer. A native Iowan, she goes to more concerts than movies and occasionally serves as merch girl for musicians passing through her city.

IVY O, Beauty Singer, blogger and recovering perfectionist, Ivy is also French grade school teacher by day who has a shameless affinity for all things fashion, beauty, food, photography and pockets. You’ll most likely find her browsing her favourite clothing and beauty stores at her local mall, or with her nose in a good book and a soy latté in hand.

MEGAN DECKER, Style Megan and her husband live in Portland with their amazing dog, Rico. She has worked in fashion for the last 10 years and lives and breathes it. Other aspects of life that she has a passion for are: exploring new restaurants, music, outdoor activities, traveling, animals and community involvement.

KELLY AGNEW, Recipes Millennial, yoga enthusiast, flexitarian, healthy eater and exercise addict. Kelly is a marketer by day and a lifestyle blogger by night. She is passionate about inspiring women to take control of their lives by balancing nutrition, exercise and general well-being.

She shares her stories in hopes to inspire others to live holistically and fully.

CHRISTINE SIMARD, Recipes

JENNA SHOLINDER, RHN, Recipes

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Christine is currently studying to be a Pastry Chef at San Francisco Cooking School.

Once she graduates, she hopes to work somewhere in Europe. Last year, Christine and her husband moved from Ottawa, Canada to San Francisco, California.

Jenna Sholinder lives outside Vancouver in Mission BC. She is surrounded by farms and fresh produce which is often reflected in her recipes.

Jenna is an Registered Holistic Nutritionist and received her Registered Holistic Nutritionist designation from the Canadian School of Natural Nutrition. She runs her food blog as well as a general nutrition practice with an interest in pre-natal health.

REGULAR CONTRIBUTORS FIND OUR CONTRIBUTORS AROUND THE WEB.

CATHERINE SHORT, Recipes

EDEN COIRO, Fitness Eden Coiro is a fitness professional voted “Boston’s Best Exercise Instructor” by The Improper Bostonian, and winner of “Best Fitness For Moms” by Boston’s A-List. As a mother of three children under three she finds creative ways to stay fit, involve her children in her healthy lifestyle and keep a positive outlook on the threering-circus that is her life.

SARAH WISSINGER, DIY Sarah is a project assistant by day and blogger by night.

She co-authors The Surznick Common Room blog with boyfriend, Nick, where they share DIY projects, delicious recipes, home decor, budget-friendly fashion, favorite books, and more!

You can find her singing and dancing at a concert or binge-watching a Netflix show!

KRYSTAL KRISTIANSEN, DIY Krystal is a self-proclaimed DIY addict, Wife and Mama from Atlantic Canada. She loves comfy, lived in spaces, appreciates a good cup of coffee and isn’t afraid of a little (or a lot) of colour in her designs! When she’s not at the park with her handsomes, she’s in the workshop, or blogging projects at mintygreendream.com.

JESS DOWNEY, DIY Jess Downey is a freelance writer, lifestyle blogger, stationery store owner, and DIYer. She’s a former Brooklynite who now lives in the Midwest with her husband and dog, Brooklyn. Most days you can find her creating crafts and tasty food and drinks and writing on her lifestyle blog, Chaotic & Collected. On other days, she’s pinning things to cook or craft, eating bacon, drinking beer, or watching Food Network.

NICOLE BEDARD Photographer

MOLLY WANTLAND Photographer

ANDREA COAN Photographer

Lifestyle blogger, full-time adventurer and amateur baker.

In her blog, a short blonde, she shares musings on life, style, adventures in gluten-free baking and beyond. She strives to live more graciously than yesterday and to grow in her faith each day. For Catherine, it’s important to stretch her mind, travel far and always have a stash of dark chocolate.

Nicole is a Commercial, Editorial and Lifestyle Photographer focusing on Family and Children. She began her photography career in the sports/ fitness industry, which has provided her a unique skill set to capture quick playful moments and fun facial expressions of energetic little ones.

Molly is a family and portrait photographer in Middle Tennessee, with a love for family, friends, and Oldies music.

Her intent in each session is to photograph real personalities, genuine emotions, and those ‘small moments’ that make life so sweet!

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Based in Seattle, WA, Andrea Coan is an adventure-seeking photographer in every way.

She documents the unexpected details whether it’s the garnish atop a renowned chef ’s dish or the spanning beauty of isolated landscapes in Iceland. Andrea keeps it simple, capturing each moment in its purest form.

ISSUE CONTRIBUTORS FIND OUR CONTRIBUTORS AROUND THE WEB.

ALLYN LEWIS http://www.allynlewis.co

JENNA SHOLINDER http://www.realfoodwanted.com

AMY COOK https://www.instagram.com/amy1939/

KATIE MCNAMARA https://www.instagram.com/laviekid

BETHANY BARTON http://www.bethanybartonphoto.com

KATIE SWANEY http://www.katieswaney.com

BRITTANY FORBES http://www.letterstorayelle.com

KELLY AGNEW http://www.kmnutritionandwellness.com

CAITLIN LINDQUIST http://www.thedashofdarling.com

KELLY RASH http://kellyandthemisters.blogspot.com

CATHERINE SHORT http://ashortblonde.com

KIMIKO MAINPRIZE http://sliceofheavenloft.blogspot.ca

CHRISTINE SIMARD http://gourmetine.com

KRYSTAL KRISTIANSEN http://mintygreendream.com

COURTNEY COLE http://courtneycolemusic.com

LEIGH BROADWAY https://twitter.com/leighbroadway

DESTINY STILLWAGON

MARIE NORTON http://www.livelovebreatheweddings.com/

EDEN COIRO Http://Mindbodybaby.com ELEANOR FARROW http://www.sarahandelliedotheolympics. blogspot.co.uk

MEGAN DECKER https://www.instagram.com/zyla2decker/ MICAH CHAPLIN http://unabashedly--me.blogspot.com

ELYSIA PURNELL http://www.elysiapurnell.com

SARAH HARTLEY http://www.sarahhartley.net

ERICA MUSYT http://www.lookingtothestars.com

SARAH WISSINGER http://www.thesurznickcommonroom.com

IVY O http://www.findingtheglitter.com

SUE WHITE http://www.suewhitephoto.com

JESS DOWNEY http://www.chaoticandcollected.com/

TAYLOR MIHALIK

JESSICA TURNER http://cravinggoodness.com

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Photo Contributors Cover page - JACKY MITRIUS http://www.howlandrose.com Page 21 - JACKY MITRIUS http://www.howlandrose.com Page 33 - NICOLE BEDARD http://www.nbphotog.com Page 38 - NICOLE BEDARD http://www.nbphotog.com Page 56 - MOLLY WANTLAND http://www.simplymphotography.com Page 67 - JACKY MITRIUS http://www.howlandrose.com Page 81 - MOLLY WANTLAND http://www.simplymphotography.com Page 95 - ANDREA COAN http://www.andreacoan.com

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