Top 10 Things He Doesn't Want to Hear About Your Ex
How to bend the truth so you don't bruise his ego 1. Don't say: "Everyone loved him." A guy likes to think he is the best man you've ever dated and that he's the favorite of all the important people in your life: siblings, friends, and especially your parents. When your new guy finds out that everybody loved the old boyfriend, his confidence wanes. It's bad enough that his girlfriend has certain expectations. Now, living up to the group's expectations might be a tall order.
What to say instead: "They liked him but didn't know the real person." !
2. Don't say: "He made good money." Did the old boyfriend make a ton of money? Keep that info to yourself. If the new guy finds out he makes less money than what you're used to, he will feel incompetent. Men like to feel that they can provide everything for their women, from the sexual to the store-bought.
What to say instead: "Salary isn't that important as long as you do what you love." !
3. Don't say: "He broke my heart." Relationships end. More often than not, they don't end smoothly. While this admission of past heartbreak at the hands of the ex might sound like a reassurance for the current relationship, it actually means something completely different in the mind of the average male. Even if the ex was a jerk, and you never want to be with him again, the fact that you are still dwelling on the past or carrying baggage makes it seem that in some odd way you still think about the ex. He doesn't want to know you think about the ex for any reason.
What to say instead: "We've all been hurt." !
4. Don't say: "He is doing great." Some couples keep in touch after breaking up. There's usually nothing wrong with that, as long as it remains on a platonic level. The ex and the current boyfriend have probably never met, so is it really necessary to let him know what's happening in the old boyfriend's life? Your current flame doesn't really care about your ex's pregnant sister, or his upcoming audition for Top Chef. He is just asking, "Have you talked to your ex lately?" to find out how much you two stay in touch.
What to say instead: "I haven't heard from him in awhile, but I'm sure he is fine." 5. Don't say: "He brought me here once."
Neither of you is naive. Both of you led a life before love thrust you into each other's arms. But when it comes to doing things as a couple, it's best to pretend you've never been anywhere. Ever. You spent the previous few years locked in your apartment living life through a view finder you found in your parents' basement. ("Hey look, the Grand Canyon!") Every experience is new and something that you and the current boyfriend are sharing for the first time together.
What to say instead: "I've been here before, but I can't recall when." !
6. Don't say: "He bought me this." Guys have trained themselves to say something complimentary about your personal appearance, whether it's a nice pair of earrings or a sparkling necklace. If you say that the old fling bought it for you, it's another way of saying, "Every time I put it on, he comes to mind." Men would like to think that you never, ever think of the ex under any circumstances. Especially not when standing half-naked in front of a mirror, getting dressed.
What to say instead: "I've had this for years." !
7. Don't say: "He and I planned to..." Every past couple had plans they wanted to accomplish together: drive across the country, see a baseball game in every major league ballpark, agree just once on how to decorate the apartment. But when a relationship ends, so do the joint dreams. Don't make your previous couple plans a part of your future plans with your current boyfriend.
What to say instead: "You know what I've always wanted to do?" !
8. Don't say: "He was funny." Guys love to make women laugh, especially because every woman on the planet is looking for a mate with a "sense of humor." Since we aren't all funny, pickings will be slim. But every guy think she is a riot. Even if the ex was pee-your-panties hysterical, the new guy doesn't want to know he would only be the opening act if they were in the same room.
What to say instead: "You are the funniest guy I've ever met." !
9. Don't say: "He got into fights." No guy wants to imagine that your ex may someday come back to fight for you and quite literally be ready to roll up his sleeves. They also don't want to feel like they have to engage in confrontations every time a guy smiles at you in a public setting. Most men like that their woman is a head-turner but aren't really keen on punching the chin of that head when it turns back around.
What to say instead: "I like a guy who can protect me, but not look for a fight." !
10. Don't say: "He was good/bad at sex." Ah, sex. The topical minefield of any relationship. One wrong step or word and BOOM! You are alone again and man-less. You would think guys would want to hear all about how terrible the ex was in bed. Well, we don't. Why? Because if he was so terrible, and you stuck with him for so long, then we could be terrible and you'd never say a word. We also don't want to hear anything sexual about your ex because the next time you are in the middle of the doing the sweaty belly bump, the story will cross his mind. And obviously, if he was a sexual dynamo, don't breathe a word.
What to say instead: "There were good and bad times in the bedroom." !
It's the Switzerland of sex answers. Totally neutral. Ironically, it's probably the truth. Only in porn and Matthew McConaughey movies is sex wonderful 100 percent of the time. He knows this is the truth because he has had more than his fair share of really great sex and stuff so bad he thought he was on a hidden camera show. In all cases, it's best to just avoid the topic of sex with other partners in all situations. Unless it involves filling out medical forms. Then you should start asking a ton of questions.
Published on Jul 21, 2011