Worse, I have been using Him as nanny, nurse, saviour and soporific. Embarrassing. It davvned on me that I do not know what a Master really is and that the Master is just completely beyond whatever the mind can conceive. In fact, the whole process for me was one of' reawakening to the unknowable. Without realising it (although I'm sure my friends knew), I had become identified with all sorts of spiritual parts of the mind — over many years of being a disciple and seeker, perhaps it happens to all of us to some extent. Anyway, I encountered arealcrowd of wiseass knowledgeable spiritual hotshots during this process, all focused on improving me, learning how to "let go", becoming a better healer, more knowledgeable, a more skilled therapist, a committed meditator, all thinking they were understanding Osho....and alf of these have opposite parts who do not want to learn anything at all.! ln the presence of the Master, somehow the whole thing is ridiculous, these parts are so tinny, and let go simply happens — occasionally - and I do not know how this happens, and for that I am so grateful, Grateful to Osho and the incredible clarity with which the "Psycho logy of the Buddhas" was conceived and transmitted. It became clear in Sedona that I am completely responsible for my own transformation, for waking up. And that it does take a certain effort. Even though "easy is right". Osho has given everything that is needed. It seems time to acknowledge this, and live it - living the under standing that I am not the mind, day by day, moment by
moment is what I'm left with now. And all the falling into ditches that entails. I remember Osho once saying something like "why be a beggar — my job is to make emperors of you all". While in Sedona I was vvalking through a beautiful canyon early one morning, in complete bliss, and somehow could just see how unnatural it is for humans to be so trapped in the mind — as though it is all just a collective misunderstanding thathas become really outdated and almost boing! So, here I am, back in this sweet town, Fremantle, feeling fresher, lighter, and ready to go on learning. And that big bag of intractable neuroses? - well, I' ve schlepped it right on home again. What to do7 M a Dev a D h a r a
Back in the 80's I did yoga with Ma Upidesh and came into contact with other Sannyasins in Fremantle. My parents wanted to renovate their house and I discovered the existence of the Oregon Building Company at the Fremantle commune, Prabhat designed a house for them and the Oregon builders won the contract to build it. This involved lifting off the roof, blowing out the walls and rebuilding - which is exactly what then happened to me! At this time I vvas practicing Transcendental Medi tation and was fascinated to watch big Sam, IRahim and company meditating around the pools and ponds in the back yard. The energy was incredible. An eight foot photo of Osho was placed on the first story of the new house and I decided at that time to get married. I re turned to live at home for the three months prior to my wedding. As there were no rooms as yet I curled up in a sleeping bag under the photo of Osho. Whoops, fatal! I invited the Oregon builders to my wedding and it was on that day I experienced let-go for the first time on the dance floor. My gift from the builders was the Osho book, Meditation The First & Last Freedom,which came with me into the desert ~here I spent the next five years. Finding no way to create balance in my life with my husband I went to Poona for a short holiday (which extended to one year!). The day I left for this two-week vacation was 19 January 1990, the day Osho left His body. I arrived in Poona not knowing anyone and was greeted with a wall of celebration energy, so tangible you could almost touch it. Within the next few days fifteen thousand Sannyasins arrived in Poona to "Greet the Breeze of the Buddha" and in the first Sannyas celebration after He left ldis body I found myself with eighty-three others being pushed off the fence. YaHoo!
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