Summer 2011 • San Juan Horseshoe • Page25
Cowboy Movies
CONTINED FROM PAGE 12
I’m gonna put up with all that, I wanta at least be important to the success of the show.” “Huh,” said Hoss. “You’re gettin weirder, the older you get, Beans.”
“Yeah,” Pete said. “And he just about terminated California.” “So now we need a sequel to finish that
“What you gotta admit,” Dewey put in, “the theater can’t match the special effects in the movies. Those are sure gettin bigger and better.”
job,” suggested Beans. “But to tell the truth, Hoss, I don’t watch movies anymore. I just watch films.”
“Bigger, for sure,” agreed Luke. “Like in ‘Never Say Die 14,’ when that nuke went off under
“Films?” Dewey asked. “Aren’t movies and
the oil refinery – man. I wonder how they do those
films the same thing?” “What the hell, Beans,” Hoss said with disgust. “You’re goin highbrow on us. Where around here do you get to see films?” “In the privacy of my bedroom,” said Beans. “I got me a fifty-inch plasma entertainment center, and a Netflack subscription, and I can draw on the whole film oeuvre.” “I remember once me and Kathy watched a
things.”
movie in the bedroom,” said Luke wistfully. “I don’t think Beans is talkin about that kind of movie,” said Pete. “That’s another thing about the movies today that bothers me,” said Hoss. “Too many
The immediate effect was Hoss leaping up and heading for the door. “That does it! Back into the open air, you worthless pokes.” “Damn,” said Frenchy, getting out the air freshener as the Busted Flats boys dribbled out the
people watchin ’em at home, instead of goin to the theatre with everybody else.” “Yeah,” said Pete. “Loss of community, all that.” “Well, I never quite figgered that one out,”
door. “I wish they’d leave sometime before Lefty unloads one of those.” “It’s the coffee, he told me,” said Beans. “That smell better?” asked Frenchy, squirting liberally.
said Beans. “What do the movies have to do with community? Especially here? They’re made somewhere else, about somebody else, and if everyone in town showed up, we still wouldn’t get a chance to change the way it comes out. I’d rather go see the melodrama at the Arts Center. The audience at least makes a difference there; you laugh, or boo, or judiciously throw popcorn, and the actors get inspired and energized and the show just gets better and better. “If I’m gonna put on my good shirt and boots and go to the theater, get my boots all sticky in somebody’s spilt pop, and listen to people whispering or talkin on their cell phones behind me – if
“Smells like somebody pooped under a pine tree,” said Beans, hazarding another sip of Magiver’s Manhandler. ***
If you are reading this ad, the world did not end…
“Yeah,” said Dewey. “That one was something else….” A short meditative silence followed, as everyone remembered his own favorite special effect – then the quiet was rudely but richly interrupted as Lefty Forbish lifted his left cheek (Lefty was leftcheeked) and delivered a resounding and ripe special effect of his own.
“Small chins and all!” CONTINED FROM PAGE 11
“No, please I’ll be quiet. I’ll be a quiet as a little mouse sitting on your bench. As quiet as a shamrock. As quiet as the ould sod itself. Real quiet. Don’t you think my ears are a bit large for the rest of me?” “No more talking until I am done or I will skip the damn chin and send you off like you are with a big mouth and only a tiny chin. You will go down through the ages without the final piece. You deserve to go chinless with such a mouth on you.” “…and so what if we go without chins? We have mouths, good teeth, blue eyes and big ears. We have the gift of words. You have made us that way. Why punish us now for what you have done? By the by, when do you expect to get started making Guinness? “That does it. Get off my workbench. You are finished as you are! Go ye forth into the great abyss CHINLESS! “One last thing, sir…before I go I’d be wanting to talk to you about changing the venue, you know, the location of the Emerald Isle.” “What’s the matter with the present locale. It may not look like much now but after the Druids and the Celts show up it should be a roaring good time.” “Oh no it looks lovely to be sure. It’s just the proximity to England. Surely, there will be trouble. We would prefer somewhere warmer like Corsica or Sardinia. Go ahead…Skip the chin and deliver us to the Mediterranean!” - Melvin O’Toole According to insiders, the Colorado Rockies are desperate for an organ transplant. How can a franchise be taken seriously without an organ playing in the background at home games? Coors Field offers lots of sideshows but is lacking in the real keystone traditions that baseball purists love. In addition, Tulowinski needs to change his first name to Stosh or Stan and move to third base. Above we watch as Woodrow Wilson throws out the first pitch at a Washington Senators game in 1920, which has little or nothing to do with organ music.
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