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SALISBURY e The MAGAZINE for th

JANUARY 2017

MODERN parent

THE CONTROVERSIAL ONE

ACTIVE IMMUNITY Melinda Messenger had her say, but what’s yours?

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SIMPLE STEPS TO PLANNING YOUR FAMILIES FUTURE

MUM KNOWS WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MOTHERS INSTINCTS

t s e b e h Be t y b a b r u for yo

FERTILITY ABROAD Everything you need to know

ur pregnancy

ing healthy during yo Tips and advice on stay


Vintage Tea Parties

Welcome SalisburyParenting

EXPERTS THIS ISSUE

IT’S SIMPLE LOVE

They have the answers...

Sharon Lawton is an award winning personality profiling specialist and parent group trainer as well as mummy to two boys!

Weddings ~ Christenings ~ Birthday parties ~ Anniversaries Afternoon tea parties ~ Corporate events ~ Pop-up tea and cake parties

Vicki Cockerill is a mum of one brave little NICU boy, and lives in Norfolk with Fiancé Greg and our new columnist!

2016 was a year to remember but here at Salisbury Parenting we are all routing for a happy and prosperous 2017 with lots of positivity! Keeping to being a positive parent can be the hardest of jobs at times, especially when they know exactly what buttons to press (the combust button seems to be my kids favourite) but positive parenting in a whole is a force to be reckoned with, its trending patterns in the parenting world are urging parents to adopt this new ‘positive parenting’ approach to help communication with your child and make you a happier and more confident parent so we were overjoyed when parent coach Sharon Lawton joined the Salisbury Parenting team! With the excitement of Christmas safely stored away for another year its time to step out that festive bubble and back into reality

Email beverley@beverleyscreativecakes.co.uk or call 01725 513758

Dr Phillips was embryologist at the London Fertility Centre and senior embryologist at the IVF Unit at the Chelsea and Westminster hospital.

Charlotte x The Salisbury Parenting Team

PS. We would love to hear what you had to say about this issue. Email tellus@salisburyparenting.co.uk

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Traditional finger sandwiches ~ Home made cakes ~ Savouries Nibbles ~ Sweet treats - Traditional drinks Give your guests a day to remember ~ let them enjoy delicious home baking served on delicate bone china, reminiscent of days gone by

but it is a harsh place to be when you are a new mum, there is lots of information and advice to take on but as mum, we all know our instincts, but swamped with pages of info on the internet is it swamping our judgement? New columnist Vicki Cockerill challenges Melinda Messengers decision to not vaccinate her children in a real life story of her battles with information barriers. If there is one thing that makes me smile after a babies contagious giggle, it is pancakes! We have selected some of the best recipes for you for National Breakfast Week.

SUBSCRIBE NOW!

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January SalisburyParenting

ON THE COVER

28| Mother Knows Best

Advice comes in tons when it comes to parenting, but do they really know better than mum?

32| The Real Controversy

To vaccinate or not to vaccinate? Melinda Messenger got her say, now mum columnist Vicki gets hers.

KIDS & MORE

14| Taking Control

9 | FERTILITY ABROAD 15 | BEST FOR YOUR BABY 24 | YOUR FAMILY SOLUTIONS IN 5 STEPS 28 | TRUSTING YOUR MOTHER INSTINCTS 32 | ACTIVE IMMUNITY - YOUR CHILD AND VACCINATIONS

Is hypnobirthing the new way to an easy labour?

5| Welcome

Is there a better way to work out when your baby bundle might arrive than to count back the days?

16| How Much Weight Should You Really Gain? We talk through your weight gain and how much is too much through your pregnancy.

10| Brush Away Baby

What you need to know about your babies dental check ups

11| #JustSaying

The monthly column for all your mum rants, perfect for a giggle over a cuppa.

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HEALTH & YOU

20| When Birth Doesn’t Go To Plan Two mums bear all when their birth plans went directly out the window. What to do when the plan goes pe-tong.

36| Baby Soft Skin

When your birth plan goes wrong

38| The Questions

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Gone are the days when a trip to the salon were a regular. Use these handy tips to get the skin you want at home. All the answers to the questions we get asked with the no frills, no nonsense answers.

Hello Solutions. Family coach and mum of two Sharon Lawton helps you to take the time to make your family solutions

41| Troubleshoot Toddler Simon Mathias, child psychologist answers your questions and worries

Something from us

6| Baby Boomer The one night that is to blame for the boom in September babies

How much weight should you gain?

35| Due Date Diary

24| Goodbye Resolutions.

NEWS AND VIEWS

15

Dr Caroline Phillips talks fertility treatments abroad.

45| Bananas For Brekkie

P S t a g n i h t y n a Ask us

DER R DEMAN E N IN D | 37 HING Y - BREAT S A E P E E 37| SL S PROBLEM ADDLING W S P U P E 38| ST ABIES 38| CRY B OME D SYNDR A E H T A L 39| F AWAY 39| FLAKE

6 DIGITAL EDITION AVAILABLE NOW!! Get SP on the go, all the time, direct to your mobile or tablet. Search ‘SalisburyParenting’

Did you know the last week this month is National Breakfast Week? We have some tummy ready recipes right here!

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47| Playing With The Pro

Simon Mathias, child psychologist talks playtime and what it really means

To vaccinate or not too vaccinate


News & Views

Snug it

better

Mother knows best, we knew it all along that snuggles and kisses were the answer but a study from New York University has now confirmed that a cuddle from mummy will reduce the pain felt by infants (we secretly knew this all along) The research showed that the presence of the mother reduced the baby’s gene activity linked to the pain receptors, meaning that a cuddled baby feels less pain than that of an un-cuddled baby in the same situation

ALL THE LATEST STUFF YOU WANT TO KNOW | YOUR SAY |

Keep the kisses coming

National Baby Making Day... I know what your all thinking, I have officially gone of my rocker but I kid you not, it is an actual day and to make it even more surreal... There is a specific time you need to get jiggy with it, 10.36pm. Experts have dubbed January the 2nd National Baby Making Day and this is all because one clever clogs worked out that more babies are born on September 26th than any other date of the year! So, let’s just put that into perspective... That is more babies are born on that one day worldwide, compared to the other 364 days

in the year, that is on average about 71% of couples having sex on that one night and conceiving. According to channelmum.com about 60% of these parents to be are getting down and dirty on the 2nd January, one day before the supposed day, their reason for this you ask? Couples say January 2nd is the top baby-making day because ‘the festive parties are over’ and they want to spend time together before returning to work. This year the date fell on a bank holiday giving couples and parents to be even more time together. Whilst channel mum spoke to that of 2,100 couples

We all know that when the men in our lives get a cold they claim to be dying of man flu, or your toddler accidentally nuts him and he claims it is worse than childbirth BUT some clever person came up with a tried and tested way for our partners to feel our pain when in labour (goodie) Expectant fathers in a hospital in China were given an electric shock to their upper abdomen, designed to stimulate ‘labour pains’ in a bid to increase their empathy levels for their labouring partners.

20%

of children in the UK get eczema

17% of

children don’t sleep well at night due to eczema itching

they found that while only 23% of them wanted to have Christmasconceived babies, a whopping 71% were likely to on January 2nd. So whilst most of us see the festive season as an excuse to eat our weight in chocolate and spend our hard earned cash, Founder of Channel Mum, Siobhan Freegard said “Tis the season to make babies” and it would look like she is right!

13%

of parents must alter their daily planned activities due to their child’s skin issues

9.2%

of parents spend a minimum of 2 hours a week dealing with their child’s eczema

Statistics show that there are more women over 30 now, not having children than there has been since 1983. In 1983 women had on average 1.02 children by the time they were 30 opposed to the staggering 2.34 before the age of 30 in 1941 at the same age.

DADDY LABOUR PAIN

ITCHY STATISTICS

The BABY BOOM In One Night

NO MORE FOR OVER 30

FLU FOR TODDLERS Pregnant women are being urged to have the whooping cough jab to protect their unborn babies. The number of cases of the disease grew in the first six months of 2015 compared to previous years and rose again in 2016! Figures from

314%

Public Health England showed that only half of pregnant women are being immunised, when vaccinated a mother passes on the antibodies to her unborn reducing his risk of getting whooping cough by 91%

Have you booked your toddler in for her flu jab yet? Only a shocking third of all two-four year olds had received their flu jab in 2015, despite the under-fives being the most likely to end up hospitalised with bad flu cases. The vaccination is given to your toddler via a nasal spray and the only side effect is that of a runny nose. Find out more at nhs.uk

Simon Cowell, a trend setter, who would have thought it! It’s true, since the birth of his son Eric, 3 years ago, there has been a year on year increase in the number of baby boys named Eric.


FERTILITY ABROAD

Thought Of Fertility Abroad Baffled by the what ifs of fertility treatment abroad? Dr Caroline Phillips provides advice for people considering fertility treatment outside of the UK

Dr Phillips worked at the Roslin Institute, responsible for the cloning of the first sheep ‘Dolly’. Having worked as a clinical embryologist at the London Fertility Centre and senior embryologist at the IVF Unit at the Chelsea and Westminster hospital. In 2012, Dr Phillips set up an information portal called ‘Fertility Clinics Abroad’

As more and more people leave starting a family until later in life, infertility is becoming an ever growing concern. One in six couples have either experienced fertility problems themselves, or know someone who is having difficulty conceiving. In the UK, we face a potential fertility

crisis as demand for treatment increases and the NHS struggles to keep pace. With fewer egg and sperm donors, inconsistent levels of NHS funding and the cost of private treatment on the rise, an increasing proportion of couples are looking beyond our borders for affordable fertility treatment options. Having your treatment abroad comes with many advantages, not least providing an affordable option, access to new and innovative procedures, as well as higher success rates – but as with any major decision in life, it is important to consider the risks and unique challenges of today’s ‘fertility tourist.’ CALCULATING COSTS Undergoing IVF, whether at home or abroad, can be an expensive process, so

you need to have an accurate picture of all your expenses before committing to anything. Always take the time to calculate additional expenses such as medical insurance, flights, accommodation and living expenses before you leave. If you are taking time off work, this may result in a loss of earnings for the period you are away. Also remember, most clinics will expect you to have undergone tests before your trip - mammograms, sperm analysis, HIV – so make sure you find this out before your trip. Clinics will charge extra to have these tests done on site. Watch out for hidden costs – for example, if you have surplus embryos which can be frozen, check to see if freezing them is included in your treatment price. If you are having IVF

treatment, you will require sedation and time in theatre. Make sure you find out if this is included in the overall price. Also seek out any cost saving opportunities – for example, it’s worth having a look for clinics that offer a ‘shared risk programme’ to mitigate possible failures. For example, some may allow you to pay for two cycles, and if they don’t work, offer the third round for free. At the very least this could save you some money. HOW TO SPOT THE BAD EGGS The vast majority of clinics in Europe offer a first rate service. However, as with any medical based service industry, there are always exceptions, so it’s important to be able to spot these. Poor communication is a tell-tale sign that service levels are below par – if

a clinic is slow at replying, supplies insufficient information, does not follow up or fails to take the time to translate, you should be wary. You should also ask the clinic for their embryo transfer policy. It is a blatant disregard for the welfare of mother and baby if too many embryos are transferred simultaneously, leading to multiple pregnancies. Some clinics do this to bump up their success rates, but it can be dangerous and should be avoided. Avoid clinics that ask for the full payment up front – the usual practice is to pay an instalment, followed by the remaining balance post embryo transfer. WHAT DOES SUCCESS ACTUALLY MEAN? Understanding success rates can be a

daunting and confusing process, but is an important part of selecting the right clinic. The first step is to understand the various ‘success rate’ terminologies commonly used by clinics – armed with this, you will have a clearer understanding of what ‘success’ actually means. Here is a guide to the more common terms and phrases: Clinical pregnancy: this means that a foetal heartbeat has been detected at usually 6-7 weeks within the gestational sac . The success rate is described as the number of clinical pregnancies per 100 cycles. Chemical pregnancy: this is when the hormone indicators of early pregnancy have been detected. Human Chorionic Gonadotropin or HCG, is secreted by the placental cells of the embryo. As their number increases, so does the level of HCG. Measuring this hormone level is an indicator of the health of the pregnancy as the level should double every 48 hours in early pregnancy. The chemical success rate is the number of pregnancies per 100 cycles (either initiated, aspirated or embryo transfer cycles). Live birth rate: the number of live babies that are delivered per 100 cycles (as described above). This rate is usually much lower than the clinical pregnancy rate as unfortunately some pregnancies result in miscarriage. Cumulative pregnancy rate: Some clinics describe a cumulative pregnancy rate. This is a fresh cycle followed by one or more frozen cycles with the surplus embryos if available. It will be higher than a pregnancy rate achieved just with a fresh cycle. It is worth understanding the difference and it might be something to ask the clinics about when you contact them. Travelling abroad for your treatment is a great way to save money and access wonderful new treatments, but it’s worth bearing in mind the down sides. The more you are aware of them, the better you can prepare for your experience. Being away from your support network in an unfamiliar place can be a difficult prospect, especially if things don’t go well. Always have someone on hand you can call on while you are away. Always find the time to take a break when you can – if you can afford it, take a few days away from things – stay in a nice hotel, go and see the sights, give yourself the chance to unwind and relax. Remember your well being can have a direct impact on the success of the treatment, so try to keep fit, healthy and happy!


Kids & More ALL THE LATEST STUFF YOU WANT TO KNOW | YOUR SAY |

MULTITASKING MAN! The brain of a new dad hoes through many hormone changes just like a mothers does when they spend time with their newborn. Researchers at Yale University scanned the brains of 16 new fathers at different stages in their child’s life. They found development in parts of the brain linked to detecting babies. The conclusion was that dads involved in bringing up their children adapt faster and become as suited to parenthood as a mother would.

ESSENTIAL VITAMINS

400mg

folic acid is needed from before conception, until the end of your first trimester

10mg

Vitamin D are required daily throughout your entire pregnancy

Brush Away The Baddies Baby We don’t think that our babies and toddlers are dentist ready until they start to lose their teeth but we couldn’t be more wrong. Tooth decay affects 40% of under-fives in the UK so it is vital that we get on top of our game when it comes to keeping your babies oral hygiene. The new advice from The National Institute of Health (NICE) is that the recommendation’s state that children

should brush their teeth at nursery under supervision to prevent tooth decay and gum disease caused by sugary foods and drinks. In the future, NICE plans to provide each child with a toothbrush and toothpaste. If your baby doesn’t yet have teeth you can still care for his gums in preparation for his teeth to emerge. Between 3 and 9 months old your baby’s teeth will begin

to erupt and cut through the gum into the mouth, teething is likely to make your baby irritable and restless along with causing fussy eating and a heck of a lot of dribble. During this period, it is a good idea to get in the habit of cleaning your baby’s gums with your finger. Although there may be a little fussing at first, your infant will get used to it. Many children grow to enjoy tooth brushing as part of their daily routine.

#JUSTSAYING

FEED YOUR BUMP! Try eating wholemeal pasta with spinach, ricotta and spinach. The slow release carbs will give you lots of energy and the spinach will give you an iron boost. Calcium in the low fat cheese aids your baby’s bone development and fish will give you the omega fatty acids.

£40m

Researchers say the NHS could save 40 million a year if more women breastfeed their children for seven to eighteen months. A study claims the savings would come from a reduction in childhood illnesses and breast cancer.

Cougar Gone Mummy The average age of a first time mum is now over 30 according to new figures from the Office for National Statistics! The average age for motherhood has increased from 30 in 2013 to 30.2 in 2014, the highest age on record. More women are going to university and placing their parenthood on hold for their career. Despite a small decline in 2013 the number of women aged 40 and over having children has trebled since 1991. It has also trebled for women aged 36-39!

There are thousands of companies that sell printed baby clothing with fun slogans written on but is it really okay that they go on sale with “All daddy wanted was a blow job” smacked across the front? When we printed ‘Sex during pregnancy’ it took a lot of peoples breath away, but at Salisbury Parenting we are an open lot and would like to think we have fun too, after all parenting is a lot easier and a smoother ride all round if you enjoy the journey but if there is one thing that made the office gasp, it was seeing a post on instagram of a newborn in a baby grow with ‘All daddy wanted a was blow job’ emblazoned on the front. Whilst not offence to the child sporting the child’s apparel clothing (fully aware they can’t look down from feeding and read what it says) but... To print and sell hundreds of these items a year, is it really acceptable? This in anyway is not bias with the mums as having looked, there are now maternity tops that sport the sayings ‘MILF’ and ‘I was fun, then I had kids’ as much as its a horrible thing to read, for many I am sure, the sentimental feelings behind it is upsetting many, you might as well get a baby grow printed for your newbie stating ‘accident’. To tip of the already pissed parent, these aren’t even hard to find, they aren’t tucked away on online stores or printed by a company in America only sourced on instagram, you can find them on Amazon, Ebay and even some local tourist shops now!


Your Pregnancy ALL THE LATEST ON WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW | YOUR HEALTH|

HOW MUCH WEIGHT

Is too much

DURING YOUR PREGNANCY Eating for two is just a myth, you really only need an extra 200 calories a day, the equivalent to an extra sandwich. Here is how to make sure you are gaining the right amount of weight through your pregnancy

Take Control:Self Hypnosis In Labour Hypnobirthing was launched by the University NHS Trust in Essex in 2012, offering only one class a month, teaching only 48 women a year! It now runs 10 courses a month and estimates that it teaches between 720 and 960 women a year. With Kate Middleton rumoured to of used hypnobirthing with both Prince George and Princess Charlotte, a peak of curiosity has risen in the world of hypnobirthing, breathing technique’s and

self-hypnosis during birth. Many mothers who have experienced hypnobirthing and self-hypnosis are claiming to of had a shorter and more relaxed labour leading to a natural birth with little or no pain relief and no medical intervention. The NHS are currently funding a research product into the world of hypnobirthing, with early data reporting that 80% of mothers have normal births with no pain relief or

intervention from a medical team. You can also learn breathing techniques and hypnobirthing at home in the comfort of your own bed by listening to available downloads like this one By Katherine Graves from Amazon.com


FIRST TRIMESTER: WEEKS 1 TO 12 The majority of pregnancies will gain weight slowly throughout their entire pregnancy, during your first trimester weeks 1-12 you are only expected to gain 1-2kg at this stage. The tiny baby growing inside of you will only be a small 14kg at that. Your placenta and uterus will also remain small this early on in your pregnancy and there isn’t much amniotic fluid to account for either, at this stage in your pregnancy the weight gain should be barely noticeable if at all however talking of noticeable you may notice a significant size difference in your boobs. The other thing to consider at this stage in your pregnancy is that during your first few weeks’ morning sickness is usually at its worse equally causing some weight loss if your morning sickness is severe.

IF YOU ARE UNDERWEIGHT

Your midwife will work out your BMI by weighing you. The normal range for a healthy female BMI is between 18.5 and 20. Anything lower or higher of

this bracket is considered unhealthy and your midwife will advise you on what to do next and how to gain weight throughout your pregnancy. You can simply add to your weight by adding the amount of carbohydrates that you consume, for example eating foods like brown rice and whole wheat pasta.

IF YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT

If your BMI is over 25 you will be classed as unhealthy and will be given help to limit the amount of extra weight you gain throughout your pregnancy, for your baby’s health and your own. If your BMI is between 25 and 29.9 you should aim to gain no more than 11.5kg overall and if your BMI is over 30 you should look to gain no more than 9kg. Falling into either of those categories you will be assisted by your midwife to limit your food intake and will talk you through eating and exercising that is sae for both you and your baby.

FIRST TRIMESTER: WEEKS 13 TO 27 By the second trimester your weight gain should be steady and consistent with that of your BMI, providing you eat a correct and sensible diet. Pregnancy is not an excuse to tuck into cakes and added naughty treats that you ordinarily wouldn’t have. Pregnant women in their second trimester need to be consuming no more than an extra 200 calories a day, “eating for two” is just another myth. On the basis that you are eating the recommended extra 200 calories and no more your weight gain should be averaging at 5kg over 14 weeks, equalling at 350g a week. By 27 weeks and at the end of your second trimester your little baby bean weigh 1kg and you will also have gained an extra 1kg of blood, your boobs and uterus will have enlarged and these will easily account for 200-500g each, as your baby grows as will the quantity of amniotic fluid surrounding your baby, adding another 100-200g to your weight gain, lastly your placenta will weigh one fifth of your baby. Any additional fluid

at this stage would be unusual so any extra weight your body has is being laid down for energy later, where this weight is distributed depends on where you would naturally gain weight if you were not pregnancy for example your tummy, thighs and bum.

UNUSUAL WEIGHT GAIN

At the end of your second trimester if you haven’t gained the standard amount of 5-7kg this could pose a potential risk for your unborn child. There are many risks that come hand in hand with being underweight during your pregnancy the first being that there is an increased risk of having a smaller than average baby who may not develop properly and could have a low birth weight, the second risk to take into consideration is that your baby may need to be delivered early or you could face preterm labour. Small babies that are born prematurely sometimes face more complications post-delivery. On the other

CRAVINGS DURING PREGNANCY

We have all heard the stories of people craving crazy things when they are pregnant but no one is sure as to why they occur. Doctors and scientists are blaming the change of hormones in your body, especially during the early weeks of pregnancy. This is also a time when you may be turned off certain foods that you used to love prior to being pregnant, as well as craving foods you ordinarily wouldn’t be able to stand. The standard go to advice now seems to be to indulge into your cravings in moderation, it is still important to keep your calorie intake controlled and within the recommendations. There could also be good reasons for your cravings, for example a craving of chocolate could be a magnesium deficiency, when it comes to cravings and food in the early weeks of pregnancy, eat whatever you can keep down but in moderation, go easy on yourself. Growing a baby isn’t an easy task.


hand, though, if during your pregnancy you have gained more weight than that advised by your health provider such as 10kg or more at this stage in your pregnancy, your diet would be questioned by your GP and midwife team. The added weight gain is normally more than likely down to extra excess fat. Eating too much will cause you to gain extra and unnecessary fat, this, much like being underweight carries its risks, being overweight throughout your pregnancy causes a higher risk of gestational diabetes, which means there is too much sugar in your blood. If this isn’t detected and treated early on in your pregnancy it can severely increase the risk of further birth complications. Babies of mothers with this condition are often

Giggling adventures with

SENSORY TEETHING TOYS designed to complement baby’s development

squidgeandpip.com

larger babies and can make a natural birth and delivery harder than most depending on the size of the mother’s pelvis, a struggle to deliver naturally can result in the baby becoming distressed during labour and often ending in an unplanned caesarean or induction to labour. Babies with mothers that are suffering with gestational diabetes are also six times more likely to develop type 2 diabetes later in life according to Diabetes UK. It is important to watch weight gain, even if the mother doesn’t suffer with gestational diabetes but is over the BMI scale it makes it harder to monitor the baby and pregnancy which again, could lead to an unplanned C-section.

FIRST TRIMESTER: WEEKS 1 TO 12 By the third trimester a pregnant woman with normal weight gain should have gained an extra 10-12kg by the end of her pregnancy according to the NHS. This extra 12kg is made up of several components, your baby by now should weigh an average of 3.5kg, with the placenta, uterus and boobs accounting for an extra 500g-1kg each. The remainder of the weight will be a combination of your amniotic fluid, blood volume, and fat. You can gain up too an extra 1kg or more of blood during your pregnancy. It is expected and perfectly normal to

gain fat whilst pregnant, this helps your body to cope with the demands of pregnancy and give your body the boost of energy that you may need for breastfeeding your baby in the upcoming weeks, as normal as weight gain is during your pregnancy you should ideally not be gaining more than 1-2kgs in total. Many midwife led clinics and wards won’t continue to weigh you through your pregnancy but it is recommended that you do this yourself at home and mention to your midwife any spikes or dips you notice in your weight. If weight gain or loss coin-

cides with the swelling if your hands, face or ankles this could be related to pre-eclampsia. This is a high blood pressure disorder that arises in pregnancy, whilst manageable, left untreated it can be very dangerous for both mother and baby. The early signs of pre-eclampsia to look out for include high blood pressure during your midwife led check-ups and protein showing in your urine, other symptoms can include swelling, headaches and blurred vision. Any of these should be mentioned to your midwife or GP.


SALISBURY PARENTING right. Explaining to the consultant my issue wasn’t the labour pains, it was my back (I have a prolapsed disc), however my back was the worst it had ever been. They prescribed me some diazepam and told to go home as I had not progressed at all stuck at only a few centimetres. After absolutely no sleep and more pain than stepping on lego, I returned to hospital. The midwife who had kicked us out the previous morning was on shift again. Oh god if only things could get a bit better for me!!! Thankfully, this time round she was super helpful and supportive as she had seen how much agony I was in. Finally she then asked for a consultant from the labour ward to see me who only wanted to see my drugs chart. She tried to explain my situation wasn’t a standard labour but he refused to listen. After three hours finally someone came to see me. I was told that I was to be induced as my back was clearly slowing down my labour. Three and a half days later I eventually reached “established labour” and 7 hours later I was ready to push. By this point both me and Hubby had only managed to get 4 hours sleep since the start of my labour on the Friday morning. My natural birth plan was completely out of the window. At one stage I was begging the midwife for a caesearean, however after several doses of oramorph, diamorphine and an epidural I felt on top of the world. After two hours of pushing I was exhausted, I couldn’t do it any longer and the midwife knew it.. I felt like I’d failed as a mother but more importantly, I felt like I failed as a woman. This is what we’re created to do and here I am falling at the last hurdle. They brought in nurses and extra staff to prepare me for a C-section. The midwife had told me she could see the head, but I just couldn’t give just one last push. After being re-examined I was told that there was no need for such drastic measures but instead there and then I was to have an episiotomy and the baby was delivered via forceps. Out cranked these massive tools and then it felt like my nether-regions were being ripped to shreds. Then came the cranking, I honestly felt like he was trying to replace a tyre, not deliver my baby!

What BIRTHPLANS

Though a birth plan is helpful, labour and birth are unpredictable, so what happens when your birth plan doesn’t go ‘to plan’ these mum’s tell us exactly how it is, thrown in at the deep end. Welcome to parenthood. I was under no illusion that childbirth would be painful. My sister had a two day labour resulting in an emergency C-Section as she just physically couldn’t get my nephew “out.” Given that I am smaller framed than her and the fact that my MIL also needed caesareans for the same reason I imagined that at some point throughout my labour it would be mentioned and that a natural birth would be a no go. Thankfully this wasn’t mentioned and it got to the stage of deciding what I wanted my birth plan to be. I knew I wanted a water birth but not at home. I didn’t want flashbacks whilst watching Eastenders of me squeezing a baby out with my two cat sniffing around at the midwives bag and worst still, one of them trying to get into the pool with me!! Having done some research I knew a few of the pain relief ’s meant you couldn’t be in the pool for a few hours afterwards so I decided as low pain relief as possible and the water itself is meant to help so that’s what I had planned to do.

Labour day arrived and Hubby drove us there and in I waddled. After a stay in over night we were rudely told in the morning that I should go home as I wasn’t progressing. I was only 1cm and clearly not established enough to take up a bed. Having had some cross words due to basically being ignored by all staff until then we sulked our way home. Another let down. A few hours later the contractions got worse, but they were in my back. The pain in my tummy was nothing more than a period pain but my back. Holy shit, it got to the point that every contraction made my back lock and I froze stiff. By night we returned as my contractions were every 2-3 minutes but my back was still locking to the point I couldn’t lay, sit or sleep. Hubby as my birthing partner became a punch bag who at one point I restrained myself from biting him from all the pain! Luckily, the midwives transferred me to the labour ward as they recognised the way my back and contractions were going was not

“Out cranked these massive tools and then it felt like my nether-regions were being ripped to shreds. Then came the cranking, I honestly felt like he was trying to replace a tyre, not deliver my baby!”

Then out came our little man. He wasn’t breathing. I freaked out. But at the same time I was so exhausted and out of it from the drugs that I felt numb. All of the doctors, nurses and midwives were fighting to get the baby to breathe. They finally controlled it by putting him on 100% oxygen which he remained on for the next 24 hours and he was taken to NICU. My heart sank and still sinks whenever I see pictures of new parents in their delivery suite with their newborn baby, Their first family photo, one to be treasured forever, but we didn’t get this, as Ben was taken to NICU. I guess this all comes with the unexpected birth plan. At the end of the day, all that matters is both me and Ben are 100% healthy and he is the most amazing baby who usually sleeps 7pm-9am most days (definitely makes up for my atrocious labour!!)

Lianne Harris, 30, from Essex

How To Make A Birth Plan A birth plan is a record of what you would like to happen during your labour and after the birth. You don’t have to create a birth plan, but if you would like one your midwife will be able to help. Discussing a birth plan with your midwife will give you the chance to ask questions and find out more about what happens in labour. It also gives your midwife the chance to get to know you better and understand your feelings and priorities. You’ll probably want to think about or discuss some things more fully with your birthing partner and your friends and

relatives. Remember that you can change your mind about your wishes for labour and birth at any time... After all there is no guarantee your plan will do just that... Go to plan. IT’S UP TO YOU Your birth plan is personal to you. It will depend not only on what you want, but also on your medical history, your circumstances and what is available at your maternity service. What may be safe and practical for one pregnant woman may not be a good idea for another.

It’s a good idea to keep a copy of your birth plan with you. The maternity team who care for you during labour will discuss it with you so they know what you want. But it is important to remember that you need to be flexible and prepared to do things differently from your birth plan if complications arise with you or your baby.

CONSIDERATIONS You can find out more about the things you need to think about when you make your birth plan. Pain relief, where you can give birth Forceps or ventouse You can work out whether there is anything you feel strongly about and might wish to include.


The physical pain of the operation and healing of the wound and infection were one thing but the C-section left greater mental scars on me. During my first pregnancy, I was very determined to have a home birth. I read loads of books about natural birth by people like Ina May Gaskin and had it all organised. However, 35 hours into my labour the midwife insisted on bursting my waters and they found meconium. An ambulance was immediately called and I was driven down the M4 in rush hour to the hospital. When we got there, I was still only at about 3-4cm dilation so they put me on a drip to try to progress my labour. I hadn’t been able to keep any food or water down for the duration of the labour and hadn’t slept for two nights. I was exhausted and could no longer handle the pain. Eventually I asked for an epidural. After 46 hours of labour I was still only at 5cm dilation and it was clear that both my condition and my daughter’s were deteriorating. I signed the consent form the C-section in a blur. The spinal block I was given before the operation made me shake violently so that when my daughter was delivered I couldn’t hold her for fear of dropping her. However, she was perfect and I was delighted with her. I was very weak and tired after the very long labour and operation but was determined to get back to normal life. I pushed myself too hard physically in the week after

the birth and my caesarean wound became infected. I was visited by district nurses for eleven weeks while the would healed satisfactorily. The physical pain of the operation and healing of the wound and infection were one thing but the C-section left greater mental scars on me. Having been so set on a natural birth I couldn’t help but think that I’d failed. I couldn’t understand why my body couldn’t perform this natural function properly. People kept telling me I should be grateful to have delivered a healthy baby safely but whatever means but I just couldn’t come to terms with this way of thinking. Two years later I had my son. The labour was very similar. I’d been refused a home birth because of my previous C-section. I laboured at home for 24 hours before we went into hospital. Again, I hadn’t been able to keep down liquids or food so by the time I arrived at hospital I was extremely weak. They immediately put me on a drip to rehydrate me and increase my energy levels. I also had to have another epidural because I was so weak.

How To Prepare For A C-Section THE OPERATION After an anaesthetic is administered, you will lie down on an operating table and a catheter will be inserted to drain urine during your C-section and until you can attend to your own bathroom needs. Your doctor or attending nurse will then set up a curtain above your chest to separate you from your surgical team If you have chosen regional anaesthesia, the method generally preferred by doc-

tors and hospitals, you’ll be awake during the operation. You won’t feel pain, but if you’ve had an epidural, you will probably feel pressure and pulling throughout the procedure. You should be able to talk to your partner and your doctor during the procedure. POST-OP After giving birth, you’ll be allowed to see your baby before your doctor takes

her to be tested, measured, and weighed. Your partner may be able to go with your newborn at this time while your surgical team finishes caring for you. For many new mums, this alone time can be hard; be sure to speak with your doctor or attending nurse to see if you can have another support person visit with you at this time, of if your spouse can return to the surgery room while your doctor closes your incision.

This time I did get to 10cm dilation and pushed for an hour but my son literally got stuck. I had to have another C-section. To say that I was gutted is an understatement. The morning after the operation I was having a shower in the hospital and dropped something on the floor. I could hardly pick it up because of the pain and burst into floods of tears. On my way, back to my bed a midwife snapped at me that there was nothing wrong with me and I needed to sort myself out. I was very depressed for some months after the C-section. I adored my little boy but I felt like such a failure. It was a massive effort to pull myself together and turn myself around. It’s only four years later, after the firm decision not to have any more children, that I’ve come to terms with my two failures to give birth naturally. My message is that you can’t necessarily just be grateful for the safe arrival of a baby. Having a C-section can leave serious mental as well as physical scars. I am deeply grateful that I have two beautiful intelligent children and know that neither I nor they would be here without the option of a C-section. However, I will never cease to wish that my births had turned out differently. Lucy Parsons, Mummy to two babies now 6 and 4


Sharon Lawton is an award winning personality profiling specialist and parent group trainer as well as mummy to two boys!

How many of us when setting our goals or new year resolutions, think about setting goals for our parenting? Maybe we promise ourselves that we are not going to shout as much, or not give in to “pester power” then a few days in we find ourselves repeating those same old patterns again.

SO WHY IS IT THAT OUR GOOD INTENTIONS FAIL?

Firstly, in my opinion we usually have unrealistic expectations and try to change the habits of a “parenting” lifetime overnight and become some sort of super parent. Or we have ideas around being, almost like a TV advertisement kind of parent or family. Perhaps those ads make us feel inadequate or even more imperfect than normal, cementing our negative beliefs about ourselves and how our families should be.

y l i m a F

Solutions New Year Resolutions are so last year. Family and parent coach Sharon Lawton talks New Years Solutions

Let’s think about it another way, instead of thinking about resolutions, let’s think about solutions. In life you attract whatever it is that you think about the most. If you think about negative words like giving up, stopping, doing less or having the word “don’t or should” in your parenting goal, your subconscious attracts what you don’t want – so firstly remember to write and speak your parenting or family goals in the positive and also in the present tense, as if it is happening now! Think about how you will feel and sound when you have found the solution to your parenting challenge, but we can’t do it alone. Good strategies and ideas are crucial to the outcome you desire. For 2017 here are a couple of ideas and strategies that I challenge you to commit to this year to focus yourself on becoming “the best parent you can be” My First Challenge is to Create a “Family Happiness Jar”

This is such a wonderfully simple technique and one that I absolutely love. First, get a large jar and decorate it or just label it “Family Happiness Jar” Then use pretty coloured paper cut into strips, or maybe cut with pinking scissors for an even more creative effect. Create a large number of strips and keep them in a safe place or in a pretty box beside your jar.

NOW YOU ARE READY!

Every day you add a note to your jar that describes a moment that made you happy. The more you fill it up with happy and thankful moments, the more beautiful it becomes. You might be asking “But what do I put in?” * Your happiest moment of that day * Something you are grateful for * You could also include a token or ticket stub from a trip you loved * Notes from your kids about their happiest moments or best moments from that day * Everyone comments of their favourite part of a movie you watch together or a family outing or holiday Get everyone to contribute - Whatever it is, write it down, put a date on it, and place it in the jar. Open your jar at the end of the year and enjoy all your positive family moments or open it whenever you are feeling you all need a little boost. A variation for older families is to all write down your personal goals for that year and put them in the jar, then on NYE open the jar and see how you’ve got on MY NEXT CHALLENGE TO YOU IS TO CREATE A FAMILY OR PARENTING VISION BOARD. Vision boards were really brought to our attention by the wonderful Oprah Winfrey who said “Create the highest, grandest vision possible for your life, because you become what you believe” So why not use this within our families


RE M AD AG Y AZ OU IN R F E AV O N OU TH R E ITE GO

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for our vision of parenting or what we want to achieve as a family!

Step 1: Go through your magazines and cut out the images from them. Take photographs when you are out and about, buy postcards and visit Pinterest for ideas.

Step 2: Go through the images and begin to lay your favourites on the board. Eliminate any images that no longer feel right. This step is where your intuition comes in. As you lay the pictures on the board, you’ll get a sense how the board should be laid out. For instance, you might assign a theme to each corner of the board. There are no rules, just create your own personal family brand! Or it may just be that the images want to go all over the place. Or you might want to fold the board into a book that tells a story. At my confidence group coaching programmes, I’ve coached women who come up with wildly creative ways to present a vision board and in my group parenting programmes we use this strategy on the final session of our 7 week programme and everyone loves it.

No gluing yet! Just let yourself have lots of fun looking through magazines and pulling out pictures or words or headlines that strike your fancy. Have fun with it. Make a big pile of images and phrases and words and even adding fabrics etc. to give it a 3D effect.

Just ensure you choose pictures that really speak to you and really excite you. Make sure you have words and pictures – big words like “You can do anything”, “calm”, “love each other” for example – and include your personal affirmations.

Include things your intuition is calling you to do – a vision of a new look you, or a way you desire to live. Things that cause you to say “That’s my style, I want to be like that”

Step 3: Glue everything onto the board. Add writing if you want. You can paint on it, use glitter glue or write words with markers.

I’m such a strong believer of this strategy. Numerous celebrities have shared over the years about the impact of creating inspirational vision boards and many of my clients have used it with great success.

HOW TO CREATE A PARENTING/FAMILY VISION BOARD

Focus your mind on your visions, hopes, dreams for the future as a parent or as a family. Include simple things and great big things.

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Anytime

Take your time, don’t rush it – creating a vision board can take a couple of evenings or even a week or two – the preparation is all part of the visioning for the future, so let your imagination run wild, get your creative juices following and make it really precious to you. Step 4: Leave space in the very centre of the vision board for a fantastic photo of your family where you all look radiant and happy. Paste it in the centre of your board. Step 5: Hang your vision board in a place where you will see it often. It’s really important to see these images every single day. You might decide to do this alone or get your children to do it with you and make it a whole family activity. What a wonderful way to create a joint vision for the future of your family.

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K I DS & M O R E

PARENTING

Best

Mother Knows

Everyone asks for parenting advice but the best piece you can ever be given is to trust your own instincts. Have some faith in your own abilities and bin off the negative thoughts.

Oh ye of little faith

People will offer advice because they want to feel like they are helping. Always listen to what they must say, you never know when you might need it but always trust your own instincts first, after all, you know baby better than anyone. Many mums will struggle with

being given advice and see it as a criticism but this isn’t true, for example a midwife may correct your feeding position, but it might just not work for you. Feed in the position that works for you and your baby, with what you are most comfortable with, if it doesn’t pose any risks.

Push off peer pressure.

There isn’t an expectation that you have to live up too, remember that, there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Put yours and babies needs ahead of others, you and baby are what are important. There is so much pressure around parenting it can be daunting, for example mothers feel compelled to attempt breastfeeding with ‘breast is best’ splattered everywhere on hospital posters etc. If you don’t feel able to do it, then don’t. If you have chosen something else, that’s okay. Never feel pressurised by anyone or anything, you will feel the added pressure of posters and other people’s words after birth as they prey on your low mood and hormone havoc.

Always listen to advice, but never forget to trust your own instincts first

The minute you announce your pregnancy you will be inundated with advice, tips and how to’s from your family, friends and the nosey neighbour. Every bit of help and information you receive is useful and no doubt will come handy in those aaaah what do I do moments but the best advice anyone can give you is to trust your own instincts, after all. Mother knows best.

Thou shall not compare.

Like each baby is different, so is mum. Don’t measure yourself against other parents or experiences, write your own story. There is no point in comparing your labour with friends, so she had a natural birth and you had a C-section, it doesn’t make you any less of a mother and it certainly doesn’t mean you are a rubbish one, each birth has different circumstances.

Don’t judge yourself unfairly

You cannot control labour, it is a force to be reckoned with and you can only control life with a newborn to a certain extent, but you shouldn’t feel any bit a failure for not making it out the door by 9am or not getting through labour without drug intervention. There are all sorts of reasons as to why things don’t go the way that you want them too but as my grandmother always used to say ‘Don’t beat yourself up over it, it’s not the end of the world’ If something isn’t going to plan, take a breath and give it time, remember, you just bought a human into the world, it’s okay, to not be okay.


Thurs 23rd Feb 2017

K I DS & M O R E

PARENTING

BRIGHTON AMEX STADIUM, BN1 9BL

the exhibition for mums on a mission

#shoot forthe moon

A child work & friendly bu exhibitisiness on

If you are starting, growing or simply not knowing

You will have bad days, there is no doubt about it and it’s easy to think you’re having a terrible day once the baby has crapped on your hands, the washing machine won’t work, and your routine sleeper wont nap on time but remember this is just one day. When you are having a bad day, you will automatically maximise the bad things and minimise the good things that have happened that day. The things that went wrong today won’t always go wrong, and if they happen again, you will now know how to deal with them and be prepared.

Live in the now not the then

We all have those aims and dreams of how we want to parent and what we want parenthood to look like but it’s not always possible or even realistic. Don’t beat yourself down on something that can’t be helped, so your trying to wean from breast

to bottle and he’s screaming blue murder because you don’t have the formula and don’t have time to go to the shop, revert to breast on this occasion, think in the now - he is hungry now, what can I do now. If you brood on the past you will relive it and feel anxious, enjoy the moments and live in the now!

FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS WHEN

1.The advice is all over the board.

If you brood on

the past you will relive it and feel

anxious, enjoy

the moments and

live in the now!

2.Your child defies the conventional wisdom.

They won’t always go wrong

3.You have major concerns about the “right” way.

Our roadshow has been described as ‘Life Changing’ It’s child-friendly and 100% FREE with workshops, exhibitors, networking and a Q&A panel, all of which are optional on the day. You’ll also get our famous ‘Enterpriser Handbook’ AND a goody bag. BUT space is limited so register NOW. www.mumsenterprise.events/visit

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THE LOADED QUESTION

To vaccinate or not to vaccinate... Vicki Cockerill is a mum of one brave little NICU boy, and lives in Norfolk with Fiancé Greg.

I dare you to bring it up on parent forums, and sit back and wait for war to start. Casually drop it into conversation with a friend, and watch as their eyes scan the room and land on your child. As if they have X Ray vision and they are trying to obtain if your child is up to date on their immunisations. You will likely be met with, ‘What you might NOT vaccinate’, ‘YOU MEAN YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT VACCINATED, ARE YOU CRAZY?!’, ‘Won’t they have diseases?’ As they scoop up their off spring and run out of your house ready to brand you a ‘hippy’, to all your other parent friends.

WHY ARE VACCINES NOW SUCH A TABOO SUBJECT?

Why is it not the done thing to look into this further? Does it really make you such an irresponsible parent to not vaccinate your child? Other than the vaccines I had when I was pregnant and the odd flu jab I don’t remember having any other immunisations when I was younger. I had them all, so if they are as traumatic for the child as they are made out to be surely we would all remember having them? If they are natural part of a child’s growing up why are we supposed to stay hush hush with the decisions, we have made about our children being vaccinated? My question to myself is that are we too trusting in the NHS? Was I also too trusting when Elijah’s appointment came through and I took him to get his vaccines? The ones the NHS recommend at 8, 12 and 16 weeks, which have been proven effective by the elimination of diseases such as Polio? So, why is it that the internet and parenting forums are so full of parents choosing to opt out of getting their babies

vaccinated? As a NICU mum I am very protective over Elijah. We opt to have the flu jab, not just Elijah but the whole family to avoid risking passing it onto him. I also regularly speak to his consultants about what is now on offer that has since been developed in recent years that wasn’t around when Elijah was born. I guess I am pro vaccine, not really thinking too much about it. Not really questioning it until I began to see the endless discussions, social media fall outs and claims that the vaccines are causing side effects such as autism, asthma and ADHD or worse.

DONT’ ABIDE BY WHAT YOU HEAR!

So, when the backlash over Melinda Messenger writing an article for the Daily Mail, and appearing on This Morning advising of the apparent risks of the cervical cancer HPV vaccine and the fact she would not be allowing her daughter to have it occurred recently. Although it shouldn’t be the case, many parents will take Melinda’s word for it and then potentially put their children’s lives in danger. After all this is the only vaccine that will protect you from one of the biggest female cancer killers. The hostile reaction she faced was proof of what a loaded subject this is. After all we are talking about the lives of our children. The first step, was to begin to look at the arguments for and against vaccines. I began to see that the arguments were being used again, and again. The facts may have been warped slightly, or a slightly different scenario was used, but it boiled down to repetition. So is there really any truth in them. To get a more balanced view I also enlisted the help of my friend Anna as I knew that she has been very vocal on social media about being anti vax and choosing not to vaccinate her children at this stage. I have always whole heatedly believed in science and the medical testing and procedures that are carried out. As well as the testing of when they are deemed the most effective to be carried out. Some believe that injecting a young baby is wrong as their immune system is under developed, however I am not so sure I buy into this. I look at Elijah and what he went through, what his system was subject to at just hours old I believe babies are a lot stronger than you think. If the vaccines were so overwhelming would the diseases not be present in their bodies and the vaccines unsuccessful? A vaccine, is years in development, testing and then an intensive trial period can they really be causing these life changing side effects? Why are we not made aware of them by the medical bodies that back and recommend them such as the NHS? Surely if they were causing multiple problems they would be taken of the market and deemed unsafe? Anna too agrees with the rigorous testing

YOUR CHILD’S VACCINATION TIME LINE

5-IN-1 VACCINE Protects against: diphtheria, tetanus, whooping cough, polio and Hib (Haemophilus influenzae type b) Given at: 8, 12 and 16 weeks of age PNEUMOCOCCAL OR PNEUMO JAB (PCV) Protects against: some types of pneumococcal infection Given at: 8 weeks, 16 weeks and one year of age ROTAVIRUS VACCINE Protects against: rotavirus infection, a common cause of childhood diarrhoea and sickness Given at: 8 and 12 weeks of age MEN B VACCINE Protects against: meningitis (caused by meningococcal type B bacteria) Given at: 8 weeks, 16 weeks and one year of age HIB/MEN C VACCINE Protects against: Haemophilus influenzae type b (Hib) and meningitis caused by meningococcal group C bacteria Given at: one year of age MMR VACCINE Protects against: measles, mumps and rubella Given at: one year and at three years and four months of age CHILDREN’S FLU VACCINE Protects against: flu Given at: annually as a nasal spray in Sept/Oct for ages two, three and four and children in primary school years one, two and three 4-IN-1 PRE-SCHOOL BOOSTER Protects against: diphtheria, tetanus, whooping cough and polio Given at: three years and four months of age


Health & You

period but has some concerns in regards to the long terms not short term effects. ‘I would be interested in seeing studies following vaccinated children throughout their whole lives and comparing any data to unvaccinated children in the same way. There is a real lack of comparable studies between vaccinated and unvaccinated children which is stopping parents from making an informed decision.’

ALL THE LATEST QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS. ASKED BY YOU

LOOK AT ALL THE FACTORS

I began to look at other factors that could affect a parent’s decision in not to have their child vaccinated, could it be a cultural thing? We are very lucky to live in such a scientifically developed country which has these vaccines on offer, some poorer countries do not. The parents of those countries would likely have your arm off to be able to vaccinate their children, so why are some of us choosing not to accept what is being offered to us? Is there now a distrust of some of the people who are in fact endorsing them such as the government? Are the pharmaceutical companies out to make a profit over potentially endangering children’s lives as we are made out to believe by some anti vax arguments? In my mind, would a company honestly make and market a vaccine if they knew it was going to cause serious side effects that would cause them more problems than fix? Boil it down to a business level, and a faulty product does not make a good financial decision. I am also shocked about how little the stories of those who have been effected for life, are not in the main stream media and we do not know about them. Are they being kept quiet or is it that the vaccine cannot be proven to be the cause? Anna says; ‘I asked myself the cynical questions like “Are these companies corrupt?” and “Do they ever pay anyone off?” In the UK you can apply to claim a one of tax free payment of £120,000 called a Vaccine Damage Payment if you are severely disabled as the result of a vaccine. To me, this is acknowledgement of just how harmful these vaccines can be. It also infuriates me to think that one’s life is only considered worthy of £120,000 which is quite frankly a drop in the ocean if someone were left unable to work or life a fulfilled life.’ The scaremongering is rife when you begin to look into the vaccine argument and even I found myself slightly shocked at some of the claims that the vaccines contain harmful ingredients such as anti-freeze, mercury and formaldehyde Could these arguments stating otherwise be used to scare parents to opt out? For example, aluminium salts are used to enhance the body’s immune system which leads to a greater response and make it more effective but a lower dose is in the vaccine than water, breast milk, formula and the air. Formaldehyde is used at a level that is 100x less than what can be found in fruit

Due Date Diary

and veg. ‘I do think that there is a lot of scare mongering from both pro-vax and anti-vax sides. You only have to scroll through Facebook to see a Meme that says “your child will die if you vaccinate” and a little further down “your child will die if you do not vaccinate”. There are pages of information on the web stating that the ingredients used in vaccines are fine and dandy but equally there are pages upon pages stating that the mercury, thimerosal, aluminium and formaldehyde are highly toxic to our children’s tiny bodies.’ This is where perhaps me and Anna do seem to slightly meet in our views, there is just so much information out there, you really have no idea what to trust. I think the information should be more accessible and not littered with personal view and myths.

NURSERY. BREEDING GROUNDS FOR GERMS?

When Elijah started nursery, I worried about what he would now be exposed to being with lots of different children. However, I never thought about the fact that some would not be vaccinated. I took it for granted everyone was vaccinated. I mean they do not have a badge on them

saying, I AM NOT VACCINATED. When I did think about it recently, could these children be potentially dangerous to my son? Or to the children who may have not been able to be vaccinated due to having immune compromised disorders, or leukaemia. Are the non-vaccinated children putting others at risk? The answer? I don’t know. Due to the growing levels of parents opting out, America have reported outbreaks of measles in recent years, with low vaccine rates to blame. Anna advises that, ‘In my opinion, parents of unvaccinated children are subject to a witch hunt but sadly, those pointing the finger are not always clued up on the facts. The biggest finger pointer of them all is the media!’ What can we do, put all of the vaccinated children in one class and the non-vaccinated children in another? After all, anti vax groups advise that vaccinated children are in fact unhealthier than their non-vaccinated children with more vaccinated children suffering from autism, asthma and ADHD. I Do not think the levels of non-vaccinated children would cause an outbreak but if levels continue to decline this will be something that would need to be looked into”

With only one in 20 babies born on their due day, knowing your date, and then watching it past can be distressing and have you wondering just when you might deliver. But what if we were to tell you there was a more accurate way to tackle your accuracy than counting back the days? Doctors have discovered how to tell your gestational delivery date using an ultrasound of your cervix. The cervix can be anywhere between 3 and 5cm long but experts in Philadelphia have discovered that once the cervix has shrunk to just one centimetre a pregnant woman has an 85% chance of delivering within the week. If the cervix is more than three centimetres when the due day approaches her chances of delivery on the due date given is less than 40%. Although not an everyday routine test for pregnant women it is usually seen given to women with a high risk of premature birth, however this is the first time it has been shown to work successfully on women that continue to approach full term and who get closer to their due dates.


Q&A

TELL US HERE FEEDING, WEANING, WINDING, SLEEPING, TEETHING AND TALKING. YOU NAME IT, WE’VE BEEN ASKED EITHER HERE AT SALISBURY PARENTING OR AS PARENTS SO WE HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS, RIGHT HERE FOR YOU!

Baby Soft Skin

for mum

Pre kids we would spend forever prepping for that one night out on the town, but being a mum often means we have to give up the pricey salons for a quick facial at home Let’s face it, as a mum we rarely get time to pee by ourselves let alone find the time to pop of to the beauty salon for an afternoon of pampering! So, take advantage of those cheeky 30 minutes whilst the baby naps! Giving yourself a facial at home can make a huge difference to how you feel and your skin will thank you for it too. A weekly deep cleanse will help you to correct and combat skin issues that come hand in hand with being a parent, tired and dull skin can glow and exfoliation will help regenerate new skin and allows for a deeper penetration of your serums and moisturisers. You should be spending 15 minutes a week to take care of your skin, You will thank us for it later! We have covered every skin type for you and what steps to take to get that professional pore facial in the comfort of your own home!

CLEANSE HOW TO Massage your favourite cleanser

into your damp face and neck and gently remove with a warm (not hot) face flannel and repeat once more. HOME TOP TIP double cleansing is an important step to take. The first cleanse will remove all your makeup and commuter grime your skin has collected over the day. The second cleanse softens and refreshes your skin ready for your next product.

EXFOLIATE HOW TO gently massage a scrub in circles

on your face, concentrating on the areas of oil build up such as your t-zone. HOME TOP TIP If you are sensitive to break outs, dilute the scrub with some of your cleanser and remove your scrub with warm water and a soft face cloth.

HYDRATE HOW TO Apply your moisturiser cream

all over your face and neck in massaging movements, now is the time to add eye cream if you choose too HOME TOP TIP If you don’t have an eye applicator with your eye cream, use a tapping motion with your ring finger to help drain the fluid.

MASK HOW TO Massage your chosen face mask

into your face and leave if recommended. To remove, use warm water and your cleanser. HOME TOP TIP If you have extra time try a lymphatic massage, use soft pumping movements from the nose to the outer face, this will brighten and sooth the under-eye area seeing any bags disappear.

QUESTION? ASK US GOT A QUESTION FOR THE TEAM ? Email Admin@

BREATHE BABY Listening to my baby breathe and it sounds really strange, is this normal? Like many new parents, you probably spend a good part of each night bent over the side of your little one’s crib, checking to make sure she’s still breathing. And you’ve probably been freaked out a few times watching her irregular breaths. But it’s actually normal for infants to take slight pauses and then go through periods of rapid breathing. “Occasionally catching or skipping a breath is part of the development of the diaphragm [the muscle that enables breathing] and neurological system,” Dr. Curtis says. A pause of up to 20 seconds is considered normal. By the time she’s about 6 weeks old, your baby should develop a more regular pattern of breathing. You worry about SIDS, of course, and you’re wise to be vigilant. Put your baby to sleep on her back, keep all soft bedding and toys out of her crib, and don’t smoke. If your baby ever stops breathing for longer than 20 seconds or turns blue or limp, seek medical attention.

DINNER DEMANDER My baby is ALWAYS hungry, is it me and my milk or is something wrong with him? Until your baby has regained his birth weight, the recommendation is to feed about every two hours. Keeping in mind that cluster feeding is normal, and breastfeeding more frequently than that is okay. Once your baby is gaining weight well and if the breastfeeding mum has no issues with low milk supply, the American Academy of Paediatrics recommends that parents tune into those hunger cues and feed their baby on demand rather than using scheduled feeding’s. Once your baby is eating solid foods (sometime between 4 to 6 months), again you need to tune into his cues to determine if he is hungry or not.

charlottero semag. co.uk

These cues can be subtle. Your baby will turn his head away, lean back in his high chair, may refuse to open his mouth, or has stopped making eye contact with you (or the spoon!). Your baby’s appetite will vary from meal to meal and from day to day. Do not bank that your baby will eat a certain amount at every breakfast, lunch or dinner. Simply watch your baby’s signs and feed him accordingly.


SWADDLE SWEETHEART I have swaddled my daughter since we bought her home from hospital, she feels the need to be constantly held or cuddled so swaddling is a great way to trick her into thinking she is being kept snuggled but at what age should I stop swaddling her?

CRY BABY CRY Why does my baby cry and how do I calm my crying baby, no matter what I do she just seems to scream. Babies cry, they wouldn’t be human if they didn’t, it is their way of communicating with us. Sometimes babies cry often and more regular than perhaps a friend’s baby would however there is usually a reason for this. They may cry when they

As your baby grows, she will probably outgrow her need for swaddling naturally as she may prefer her arms free or she may begin to move about in the crib and roll over. It’s time to stop swaddling your baby when she starts to show signs of rolling over or breaking out of the swaddle. Most babies are ready to go into a regular wearable blanket by 3 to 6 months at the latest.

are hungry, wet, cold, or hurt, or even for no apparent reason at all which for a parent is the worst kind of cry, but as a mother you will soon get to know what your baby’s cries sound like and can differentiate what cry means what. On average, newborns cry up to a total of 2 hours a day, and over the first few months they may cry even more. If your baby has been fed, burped, changed, and checked to make sure nothing is hurting her, it’s generally all right to let her cry for a little while as long as she is not in any danger and there isn’t a reason for her cries, It may just be her way of blowing off steam, so give her the chance to just let it all out, babies will pick up on your feelings so if you are getting wound up over the cries, step out the room and take a few breaths before re-entering. Over time, some parents and caregivers can learn to distinguish their infant’s cries and what they mean, which is often helpful when trying to calm a fussy baby.

CHILL OUT My baby and toddlers hands and feet are always freezing cold? Before you crank up the thermostat or wrap your little one in another blanket, feel his torso. If it’s warm and pink, your baby isn’t chilled. Because his circulatory system is still developing, blood is shunted more often to vital organs and systems, where it’s needed most. His hands and feet are the last body parts to get a good blood supply. It can take up to three months for his circulation to adapt completely to life outside the womb. In the meantime, it’s common for his tiny fingers and toes to feel chilly and look pale. As your baby becomes more mobile and active, his circulation will improve.

peel (although it’s most noticeable on the hands and feet). Don’t try to pick off the flakes -- you might The skin on my ba- remove skin that’s not ready to be by’s head and body shed. Moisturisers aren’t necessary is all flaky, why? either. The flaking usually lasts one to two weeks. While your baby was bathing in a lagoon of amniotic fluid, his skin was nicely protected from the watery environment by a coating of white, waxy material called vernix. But once he’s exposed to the air and the vernix is rubbed away, the upper layer of his skin dries out and begins to peel. Your child’s entire body may

FLAKE AWAY

My baby’s poop looks like diarrhoea but its all the time? Breast-fed babies have seedy, mustard-yellow stools that are liquid and unformed, while bottle-fed infants tend to have slightly more solid bowel movements with a brownish colour and the consistency of soft ice cream. As long as your child is gaining weight and has no abdominal pain or bloating, her pooping frequency is fine. It can be hard to distinguish normal bowel movements from diarrhoea, particularly if you’re nursing. Breast-fed babies commonly poop after every feeding. (It’s called the gastro-colic reflex: Whenever milk goes into the stomach, something comes out the other end.) And their stools are naturally looser. Your best bet is to become familiar with what’s usual for your baby. If the frequency, volume, or consistency changes dramatically, see your doctor.

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hates me. How do I cope with this?’

SIMON MATHIAS, CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST OF ASPIRE CONSULTANCY SAYS: Children are good at picking up on words and phrases that pull at our emotional strings. She has probably seen this being used elsewhere e.g. the playground. She is using it at home to see your reaction, maybe get attention or get her own way. Ask her questions, calmly, such as ‘what does hate look like?’ or ‘can you tell

me more?’; You can identify the real issue and deal with it. The key point is to question.

Q: Our only child , 15, is being cyberbullied. What can we do?

SIMON MATHIAS, CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST OF ASPIRE CONSULTANCY SAYS: Cyber-bullying is a real issue and there are a number of practical steps. If you know who is doing the bullying then talk to the school; if they use the school

internet ask if they have a ‘filtering device’. With mobile phones: you can get number restrictions from most providers and/ or change the number. Social networking sites and ‘internet lives’ are more difficult but consider changing the profiles and/or restricting access by others. As with other forms of bullying as parents you should listen and support your child and ensure he has good, close friends he can share things with. The key point is to provide real support when your child asks for it


Bananas

for breakfast! January is the month of National Breakfast Week so we are celebrating with some scrummy yet healthy recipes

Pineapple Pancake Mess HOW TO Toast the cashews in a large non-stick frying pan on a medium heat until lightly golden, add the coconut for just 30 seconds, then tip both into a pestle and mortar and lightly crush. Trim the ends off the pineapple, cut off the skin, quarter it lengthways and cut away the core. Chop the flesh into 1cm slices. Return the dry pan to a medium-high heat and cook the pineapple for 5 to 10 minutes, or until caramelized, tossing regularly, then remove to a warm plate. Meanwhile, crush the cardamom pods, putting just the inner seeds into a blender with the flour, milk, egg, vanilla extract, cinnamon and a tiny pinch of sea salt. Blitz until smooth. Drizzle a little oil into the empty pineapple pan, then carefully wipe it around and out with a ball of kitchen paper. Add just enough batter to lightly cover the base of the pan, cook until golden on both sides, then remove to a second plate. Repeat the process, stacking up the pancakes as you go and covering with a tea towel to keep warm. Randomly tear, fold and layer up the pancakes with the caramelized pineapple, spoonfuls of yoghurt and sprinklings of crushed cashews and coconut. Repeat until you’ve used up all the ingredients, then finely grate over the lime zest. Nice served with a drizzle of honey, if you fancy.

INGREDIENTS 40g cashew nuts 2 tablespoons unsweetened desiccated coconut flakes 1 ripe pineapple 4 cardamom pods 150g plain wholemeal flour 300ml semi-skimmed milk 1 large free-range egg 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 pinch of ground cinnamon Olive oil 4 tablespoons natural yoghurt 1 lime manuka honey , (optional)

Banana and coconut porridge INGREDIENTS

HOW TO

40g porridge oats 300ml semi skimmed milk 25g fresh coconut, grated 1 ripe banana, sliced 1/4 tsp dark muscovado sugar

Place the oats, milk and ¾ coconut in a small saucepan. Mash ¾ of the banana and add to the pan, heat gently and cook for 3-4 minutes. Top with remaining coconut and banana and sprinkle over the sugar.


Traditional Breakfast INGREDIENTS HOW TO 4 slices local lean, Start by grilling the dry cured bacon, e.g. sausages, the cooking time will vary according Wiltshire or Dorset to the type and size but 2 sausages, e.g. Newmarket, Lincolnshire allow approximately or Cumberland 15 minutes and turn 2 eggs, scrambled with regularly Around 5 minutes a little milk and few before the end of the chopped chives Tomato relish cooking time add the bacon to the grill Button mushrooms Local breads to serve pan along with the mushrooms and whilst they are cooking scramble the eggs

  



 

  

Banana Pancakes With Bacon & Syrup INGREDIENTS

8 rashers smoked streaky bacon (or pancetta strips) 140g self-raising flour 1 tsp baking powder 2 tbsp light soft brown sugar 2 ripe banana , 1 mashed, 1 thinly sliced 2 large egg 25g butter , Melted, plus a little extra 125ml milk Maple syrup

HOW TO

Heat the grill to high. Arrange the bacon on a baking tray lined with foil. Cook for 5-7 mins until crisp, then turn off the grill but leave the tray inside to keep warm. In a bowl, mix the flour, baking powder and sugar with a pinch of salt. Make a well in the centre and add the mashed banana, eggs, butter and milk. Whisk to a smooth batter without any flour lumps. Heat butter in a large frying pan. Ladle in small dollops of the pancake batter, leaving a little space between each, as they will spread out. Put 2 or 3 slices of banana onto the surface of each pancake and cook for 2 mins. When you see bubbles appear between the banana slices, flip the pancakes over and cook for 1 min more, until puffed up and golden. Serve the pancakes with the crispy bacon and a drizzle of maple syrup.

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Salisbury Parenting Magazine - January 2017  

The MAGAZINE for the MODERN parent.

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