The MAGAZINE for the MODERN parent
WELCOME TO THE WORLD
PROFESSIONAL CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST SIMON MATHIAS TALKS PLAYTIME
THE ECHO IN
IT’S TIME TO CELEBRATE GIVE, SHARE AND LOVE
YOUR EASY GUIDE TO GET RID OF COLIC
...and keeping it gone!
Vintage Tea Parties
IT’S A MAGICAL TIME
You saw them here first...
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Insta-mum crush! We LOVE mre.soeur! This mother love pin and free the nipple pin are amazing! From meresoeur.com
As a mother, no one can measure love quite like you can and with Christmas around the corner it’s a special time to spend with your family. I have never been one to get excited about Christmas, I’ll be honest I struggle with the 6.30am wakeup call I get from my daughter now let alone bringing that 3 hours forward to see if Santa has been, but this year is my daughters 4th Christmas, and the first year she has been excited at the thought of a fat man in a red suit and just like her mummy, she is buzzing about the food. How is it that one small person can bring such joy to us? This year is not only the first year I have felt slightly festive but it’s also the year I have realised as mother just how precious the moments we share with our children are. The excitement when she talks about reindeers is enough to melt even Olaf! Instead of going
slightly bonkers with the thought of a busy house with everyone and the neighbor’s dog, take the Christmas period to enjoy your tiny ones whilst they still believe and embrace the magic! Check out our tips for a calm Christmas this year (page 26) If you’re struggling to get your little one to sleep and stay asleep we have it covered (page 20) Oh and do try our screen time tips when it comes to taking time out over the Christmas holiday, they aren’t silencers, but they are sanity savers when we just need 5 minutes to breathe amongst the madness.
Charlotte x Charlotte Hagyard, Editor.
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45 | FESTIVE FOODIES 14 | YOUR BABY’S FIRST 8 MOMENTS IN THE WORLD 24 | THE ECHO IN THE NICU WARD - REAL LIFE STORY 30 | YOUR 6 GUIDE STORY TO HELPING CURE COLIC 47 | PLAYTIME WITH THE PROFESSIONAL
20| Get A Full Nights Sleep
In 10 Days Top tips and expert advice on how crack the sleep training technique.
24| The Echo Of A NICU
Mum Real Life Story - Vicki Moore is on a mission to raise awareness for NICU parents are her baby had an unexpected stay
10| Toddler Goes Tec
With screen time increasing, we look at how your child’s screen time could be educational
KIDS & MORE
Something from us
8| Yes To The Breast The one subject as mums we just cant agree on 9| Tiny Teeth
Its all about family so don’t get to het up in how brown your turkey is.
12| Say Cheese
The real reason behind why your superstar smiles
30| Colic In 6 Easy Steps
13| Is Your Carseat Safe?
Take a look at these easy solutions to help your baby with her colic.
93% of us are leaving hospital with our carseats unsafe! Follow these top tips to make sure your tot stays safe.
33| Best Of Both Worlds
Yummy Mummy of two Jayne Prigent talks business building and raising girls
The monthly column for all your mum rants, perfect for a giggle over a cuppa.
HEALTH & YOU 37| Q&A You asked and we answered
Your baby’s first 8 real world moments and how to treasure them. 18| Shall We Date? We know at SP how hard date night is once kids arrive so we teamed with GetDateNight to bring you an offer your other half cant resist!
It’s a time for family
40| Can I Still?
The do’s and dont’s of the beauty world during your pregnancy
45| Festive Foodies
P S t a g n i h t y n a Ask us
R EMANDE All the top tips on encouraging 37| DINNER D HING Y - BREAT S A E your tiny tot to brush. P E E 37| SL S PROBLEM ADDLING W 9| Treat The Tantrum S P U P E 38| ST There is only so much patience ABIES 38| CRY B left at the end of a supermarket OME D SYNDR A E H T A L 39| F trip. Treat or tantrum? AWAY 39| FLAKE
How sure are you that it’s safe?
26| A Calm Christmas
14| 8 Is The Lucky Number
NEWS AND VIEWS
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Technology. An education tool or a silencer?
Get baking this Christmas with these quick cooks
47| Playing With The Pro Simon Mathias, child psychologist talks playtime and what it really means
50| Life Insurance - It’s A
Must Do we really understand what it is and just how important it is? Ask Portmore Life.
At £10 a month, it could save your family
News & Views ALL THE LATEST STUFF YOU WANT TO KNOW | YOUR SAY |
Brushing Tiny Baby Teeth When we think of children we don’t think of tooth decay and cavities, but squash and fruit juices are causing up to a third of children in the UK to suffer with tooth decay. Follow the advice from The British Dental Health Foundation to keep your tots teeth in tip top condition. 1. Sit your child on your lap with one arm around her body 2. Add a smear of baby toothpaste to a baby specific toothbrush 3. Use small, circular motions 4. Make it fun. Invent a special tooth brushing song or game 5. If your baby wants to chew the toothbrush, let her do this under supervision, it will help remove plaque. 6. If your baby only has one or two teeth use your finger or a small piece of cotton wool to rub the gums in between.
Say YES To The Breast Wherever It’s a controversial subject that we have all argued over when it comes to how mums feed their babies and when it comes to breastfeeding there’s the added worry of feeding in public. 63% of UK mums who took part in an international poll by Lansinoh say that feeding in public is perfectly natural however 18% say they think it is embarrassing, 17% say it is unavoidable and a further 2% said it was wrong. There has been a lot about it in the news but it is a legal right for women to breastfeed wherever they like. Feeding in public can be daunting even for the most experienced of
mums, but if you are a new mum with your first baby you may find it difficult if you are stressed and worrying, your baby may pick up on this and struggle to latch properly. When in a hectic situation when there is no other option but to feed in public, the best thing to do is feed in the ‘cross cradle’ position, lay baby across your lap and in your arm and let them feed until they are finished. Learning little tips and tricks will also help you. Play some soothing and calm music whilst feeding or place a muslin over your baby’s head and your breast to stop baby from looking around and getting distracted.
If you are still subconscious about feeding in public, place a scarf, large lightweight blanket or muslin cloth around you and your baby. We love these giant muslins (below) by Aden&anais. No parent can ever have enough muslins, they are perfect for everything, from mopping up baby spit to a draping breastfeeding shield
FOR MUM, FOR BABY, FOR YOUR HEALTH Everyone says that we should eat well when we are pregnant and they aren’t wrong. Eating well and staying fit isn’t just good for you its good for your unborn baby as well. Mums to be who were offered healthy eating advice and encouraged to take a 15 minute was each day saw a reduced change in their baby’s developing respiratory system after birth. They also endured a shorter stay in hospital post delivery. For more advice on what you should be eating in your pregnancy look out for our ‘what to eat before labour’ pull out in January’s issue
There never seems to be any patience left by the time we have finished the shop
TREATING THE TANTRUM IN THE TODDLER •
Do you give into your toddlers demands for sweets at the supermarket because it seems like the easy way out? In January 2015 Aldi removed all traces of chocolate and sweets on their tills and replaced it with nuts, fruit snacks and juices. Next time you shop try these tricks to hold out from giving in to the toddler with the tantrum Print out a photo of the snack your
• • •
toddler wants and hunt the shop for it together like a game Keep your child busy whilst shopping, let them put things in the basket Talk about what you have got and why you have it when you get to the checkout Focus on foods your toddler can have and can’t have and chat about why, ask them to make a meal, i.e. what will he like with this
Of men found that the male contraceptive jab was effective! Whilst it is still in trial it has found that it left men with side effects such as acne and mood swings.
Screen Time “You’ll get square eyes if you sit and watch that any longer” we have all heard it, whether we tell it to our kids or our parents said it too us, but it is true? Is tele watching and iPad tapping that bad for our health? Headlines had a field day with the negative effect of mobile media on tiny tots. Don’t fear though, your baby’s blue eyes will not be turning square any time soon, in a world turning more and technology based every day it’s hard to keep your small ones away from it, so if you can’t beat them, join them! We look at how to have your tablet and smart phone play a positive role in your family life...
h c e t s e o G WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
ABOUT YOUR TINY TOT USING YOUR IPAD OR PHONE TO HER EDUCATIONAL BENEFIT
A lot of people see putting their tot in front of the screen as a silencer but it doesn’t need to be this way. Self-regulating your tots time in front of the screen is easily done. We are all culprits of using the odd episode of Peppa Pig to get five minutes of silence and that’s okay, what we aren’t suggesting is that a day spent on YouTube via the iPad is a good idea. Set aside a small amount of time each day to just be ‘normal’ put down all mobile devices and turn of all the televisions, get out an old fashioned board game and just connect as a family.
Apps will only work in the education form if they are formed correctly, i.e. without pop ups, distractions and invasive noises. A study carried out 4 years ago showed that some mobile phone apps can in fact be educational and improve preschooler’s learning when it comes to processing information, memory and correlation of control, but only if they are well designed, i.e. without the popups
and other unnecessary distractions. It’s just a case of sifting through to find the right ones, some apps although claiming to be educational they involve very little input from people like child physiologists and child developers.
MUMMY OR MOBILE
WHEN AND WHY
Using it wisely is easily done if you know why you are using screen time in the first place. Use the tablet to promote learning through the joint engagement between you and your children rather than a ‘shut up device’
Don’t let the mobile or tablet AGREE OR DISAGREE become your child’s new best There are a lot of parents that friend. A technological device disagree completely with should never get in the way of technology playing a part in their family bonding. Research shows children’s lives and some that that parents that wouldn’t raise their are more HOW TO HELP children without it engaged but the best place SCREEN TIME with their to stand is to know children 1. Set a timer to limit the time the limitations are better she spends in front of the screen when it comes to at reading 2. Play a game on the screen using it. Screen their with her first time needs to be children’s 3. Talk about what she’s seen on balanced with behaviour, screen to what happens in real good old fashion its shown life and make relations playing so that that these 4.Choose educational and mind your child doesn’t children boosting apps. become reliant upon have better the mobile or tablet behavioural and social to entertain them. YouTube outcomes than those that are left and tech apps can only help so more on their own. Make using the much when it comes to supporting tablet a family affair, choose a game learning but you will need the ‘real to play together or look at family world’ activities and normality to photos with your child, help them teach your child empathy, social to engage in the activity. skills, manners and problem solving.
HOW LONG? UNDER TWOS keep your screen time to a brief encounter for smaller social activities, look at family photos or skype daddy at work. 15 minutes is the current recommended time TWO TO FIVE a recommended limit of 2 hours a day, any more screen time than this will displace ‘real life’ activities that are crucial for your child’s development.
Kids & More ALL THE LATEST STUFF YOU WANT TO KNOW | YOUR SAY |
#JUSTSAYING Let’s be honest. Creating a baby is tough work on our bodies. We go through an unbelievable amount of physical changes during pregnancy.
Is Your Car Seat Safe? New research shows that 93% of parents are putting their baby at risk when driving home from the hospital due the incorrect installation and use of baby car seats. The first error being a loose harness and almost half of all seats installed were loose fitting too, more than a third were found to of been angled wrongly and so we have some advice from childseatsaftey. co.uk to make sure that your child’s seat is installed safely. •
Read the instructions and if you aren’t sure about something call the manufacturer and get a second opinion, it is always better to ask than to be unsure, no matter how small the problem. Check that the front passenger seat isn’t touching the back of the
baby’s car seat, move the seats if necessary but you should always be able to fit the flat of your hand between the baby’s seat and the passenger seat. Remove coats, snow suits and excess bulky clothing from your baby so that the harness is as close to baby as possible, if you are worried your baby will get cold you can place a blanket over the harness. Pull the straps as tight as possible. The harness should be tight enough that you can’t pinch and fold the straps. Adjust the seat as your baby grows. Check the harness and the headrest every week and alter it as necessary.
The Reason Behind Why Your Baby Smiles
MAKE EYE CONTACT
There is no better feeling than a big mushy baby smile! His cheeky chubby cheeks grinning at you, grandma says its wind but researchers have now got the answer to what is making our babies smile and it is as simple as this. So, that people smile back at them. Scientists from the University of California made the discovery when conducting a study of 13 mothers and babies interacting with each other. Most of the babies showed a
When you make eye contact with your baby whilst playing they are unconsciously picking up important cues of life based on the whites of your eyes. Babes at the age of seven months take note on the whites of your eyes which change depending on whether you are surprised or happy etc. Play peek-a0boo with a muslin and encourage plenty of eye contact to boost their developmental stage.
clear understanding and showed signs of intentionally smiling back at their mother during the survey. The researchers then tested this by programming a toddler like robot to mimic the behaviour, they set their baby look like alike to smile back at members of the group every time they smiled at them, as well as every time a baby smiled at the robot, just like the mothers had with the babies in the study group. Using the study carried out the
scientists decided that babies carefully use timings to smile to get people to smile back at them, just like when comedians play on people to time their jokes to maximize their humour. So now we know why babies smile at us, but the real question that still needs answering is why do they want us to smile?
Yet while our bodies somehow adapt and accommodate the growing baby inside us, it’s no great surprise that we don’t always just ‘bounce back’ into shape afterwards. The baby may well have been born, but the tummy certainly doesn’t just disappear overnight! Yet why is it then that we are pressured into trying to regain our pre-baby bodies in a matter of weeks? We can be our own worst enemy. We put pressure on ourselves. But we may also feel the weight of expectation from others. Skinny celebrity mums in the media don’t help! While exercise is a great way to lose the weight, a lot of mums (myself included) struggle to find the time. Fitting in exercise around the demands of one or more children, home life and work is not easy! I’ve tried to exercise at home and it’s nigh on impossible with my three preschoolers. They climb and crawl all over me. They grapple at my legs and sit on my back. I end up defeated and frustrated (and still struggling to regain my ideal weight, two years on). Let’s remind ourselves that our bodies are awesome! And that they are all completely different. I don’t think us mums give ourselves enough credit for the amazing thing that we achieve by having a baby. Why must we be burdened with the pressure of needing to lose the baby weight quickly? Let’s feel good about what we’ve achieved, rather than made to feel bad for what we haven’t. Zoe Hiljemark, devoted mum to Karl (4), Isaac (2) and Sofia (2).
Even after nine months of planning, nothing can prepare you for the overwhelming realisation that you are responsible for a very special little person. But forewarned is forearmed – so read on for what you might expect from your baby’s firsts.
Taking On The World Baby’s First 8 Moments! You made it through a whole bunch of firsts in your pregnancy, first kicks, first panic when you didn’t feel her for an hour, but did you think about your baby’s first moments?
called meconium and are a dark, green-black colour and very sticky. Once she starts drinking milk, her poo will change to a yellow-brown colour.
Being born is a tiring experience for everyone, your newborn included, so don’t be surprised if FIRST WAKING your newborn falls asleep soon afterwards. Your baby will be MOMENTS placed in a cot by your bed to nap. All babies are unique, so there’s no telling exactly what she’ll do in ‘Some pain-relief drugs, such as her first moments. She may spend pethidine, could make your baby more drowsy,’ says Gail. ‘Even if 20 minutes looking around and she’s sleepy, you’ll be advised to trying to adjust to her startling wake her up at least every three new environment, she may fall hours for a feed.’ This may sound asleep immediately or root for a like a good time for you to sleep feed. Just be guided by her. as well but, with all the hormones and adrenaline pumping around FIRST FEED your body, it might not come Once your baby is born, she’ll easily. (Another one of your first usually be placed straight onto your chest for her first feed. Many experiences – the many worries of motherhood.) Try to rest and take babies latch on immediately, but some need a little help to get into it all in. the right position. ‘Your midwife FIRST BATH will help with that,’ says Gail Johnson, from the Royal College Your baby will be given a quick wipe down after birth to remove of Midwives. If you decide to any amniotic fluid. ‘Midwives bottle feed your baby, your will try not to remove too much midwife will show you how to sterilise your bottles and make up vernix – the waxy substance that covers your baby – as it protects formula. her skin in the first few days,’ says Gail. It’ll be up to you when you want to bath your baby – you FIRST POO can do it while you’re in hospital, After your baby has had skinbut many mums wait until they to-skin contact and a feed, your get home. The water should be midwife will put her in a nappy. around 15cm deep and 37ºC – use This will need changing within a bath thermometer to check the a few hours. Your midwife will show you how to hold your baby’s temperature. legs up, where to put nappy rash cream and how to avoid leaks. Some hospital units will provide nappies, but pack some in your hospital bag just in case. ‘If you’re not sure when to change your newborn, have a peek down the back of her nappy,’ says Gail. Your baby’s first bowel movements are
If your delivery is uncomplicated, your stay in hospital is likely to be short and you’ll be ready for the drive home. The midwives should also make sure you understand how to feed your baby, who will be checked over by a paediatrician
before you’re discharged. Avoid a car park grapple with your car seat by fitting it beforehand – by law, you can’t go home without it and you’ll have to show the hospital you have one. ‘You’ll need a rearfacing Group 0 car seat, which you secure using a seatbelt or with an ISOFIX system, where the seat is clicked into a base screwed into the car’s chassis,’ says doula Kerry Pocock. Staff may want to check your baby’s strapped in properly before you leave.
FIRST NIGHT AT HOME
Woo hoo! Your first night at home with your newborn. It’s both exciting and also overwhelming. But, remember, she’ll sleep a lot at first, probably 15 hours a day (don’t get excited, it won’t last). She’ll wake for feeds every two or three hours. Dress her in a vest and babygro, and keep an eye on her temperature. You can check if she’s too hot by feeling her stomach. ‘Newborn circulation is slow, so her hands and feet may feel quite cool, but that doesn’t mean she’s too cold,’ says Gail. Keep a crib or Moses basket next to your bed so you can feed her easily. Cover her with a blanket, but ensure her feet are at the bottom of the basket so she can’t wriggle underneath the cover.
FIRST TRIP OUT
Apart from a nappy bag and muslins, babies don’t need much, especially if you’re only out for an hour or so. For the first time, pick a location close to home. ‘Go somewhere that doesn’t involve transport – your local park or café are good options,’ says Nicola. If the pram seems too big for your newborn, a sling is a much cosier way to transport her. ‘It’s normal to feel anxious about introducing your baby to the big wide world, so take along your partner, mum or a friend to help you stay relaxed,’.
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Shall We Date? SPIT-UP, DIRTY NAPPIES AND COLIC ARE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF ROMANTIC. GET READY TO REKINDLE THOSE FLAMES WITH A DATE NIGHT THAT COMES TO YOU
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on with enjoying yourself. Simply choose the number months that you’d like the subscription for and they do the rest! It really is that easy! All date nights are stay at home, so no babysitter or Bridget Jones pants required. Get Date Nights are designed for couples, but it also makes an amazing night in with a friend to just help you relax.
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n la p y a d 0 1 r u O for a
night of sleep Get the rest you and your baby need by following these few simple steps, for a full nights sleep >
with sleep training because your baby or toddler is teething, this can be helped with a spoonful of calpol, this will relieve the pain and help baby to settle better meaning you can continue to train with gradual retreat as you would normally. It’s not going to be easy, but no one ever said it would. Sleep training is hard on both of you and it will take a few days to get into the routine, you will need to give gradual retreat your full attention and be prepared for a few nights of hard work, if you are at a hectic time in your life it may even be better to leave sleep training until things have quietened down and you can relax and give it your full attention. We have put together a 10-day plan to help you and your baby get the best sleep. Consistency is your key when it comes to sleep training so you must commit to finish the steps, think of it like the AA but for a great night’s sleep! If you have a terrible night and co-sleeping whilst feeding is the only thing that will work, that’s okay, just wake up the next day allow yourself time and start again the next day.
DAY 3-4 Once you have cracked
the first step which experts say should take 3 days it’s time to step up your game and make move number two! Using step one, hold her in your arms until she is sleepy but NOT asleep, then put her down in her bed, if she becomes a little unsettled tickle her back or stoke her head, this will let her know that you are still there. The aim of this is to let your baby know that you are still there for her should she wake but to teach her that she can get herself to sleep without you constantly rocking her. Reassuring her with a ‘ssssh’ sound will also calm her.
DAY 1-2 How you start to sleep
We are officially into the middle of winter and with the early dark nights and the sun rising later in the morning its confusing to us all, but there isn’t a better time to teach your baby how to sleep. Gradually retreating is just one of those many sleep training techniques that you hear but it’s also one of the most effective to help your baby settle herself down to sleep without the aid of constant rocking or touching and it is a common favourite amongst mums and experts worldwide. It does what it says on the tin, gradual retreating is a method in which you calm your baby and reduce your personal involvement in getting baby to sleep so that she isn’t completely reliant upon you for her bedtime routine to flow nicely. By reducing the contact
(slowly) and increasing the distance to baby, it will teach her that if she wakes, she isn’t alone, you are there for her but she settles herself without your aid. Experts reckon it takes 3 nights to break the habit so let’s start here slowly with a 10-day plan and get your little one to sleep through the night and settle herself. Broken sleep is a killer in parenthood and it drives even the best of us insane, our bodies were not meant to stay awake constantly so it’s important that you find the light at the end of the tunnel. According to the NHS, gradual retreating from your baby’s sleep routine can be done as early as 6 months old but that doesn’t mean you can’t use this method with older
babies or even troublesome toddlers who need to sleep train or are going through a sleep regression. Sleep regression isn’t for everyone, but how do you know it’s right for you? It is important to consider other factors before setting out on any sleep training, for example there may be a reason as to why baby isn’t settling or why she can’t get to sleep so it is important to eliminate these things first. Babies with reflux or colic may have a harder time settling to sleep than a baby without a medical condition like reflux. Any condition like this needs to be controlled or gradual retreating just won’t work, if your baby is in pain she will just want her mummy, and quite rightly so. If your struggling
train is up to you and depends on how you put your baby down to sleep at night. Gradual retreat is all about reducing your involvement in bedtime one tiny step at a time so for example if you If you are sleep training a rock your baby toddler have your answers to sleep, stand at the ready! He is going to and hold her but don’t rock, complain he needs a wee, hold her until wants a drink, is hungry, needs she is asleep his snugly etc pre-empt these and then put and make sure they are met her down to before going up to bed. bed in her cot and once she is settled then leave the room. Should she wake after you have left simply pick her up and start again, the same goes for waking in the night. She will get used to the fact that you are still there when she wakes
Sleepy Top Tip
DAY 5-6 Half way to a sleeping baby! Put your baby down to sleep when she is awake but also sleepy or at the milk drunk stage if it’s after a feed. Sit next to her cot or basket with one hand through the bars so that she can feel you are still with her, you can either lay your hand on the mattress or place it on her back giving her the extra reassurance. This step could be a quick one and she could fall asleep instantly or you may find that you are sat there racking up the hours waiting for her to sleep. DAY 7-8 Once you have both got
the hang of how it goes you’ll be able
Sleep through the night A newborn baby, more so if breastfed will sleep for an average of 3 hours in a row at any one time before they wake and need feeding, for a two-three month old all you can expect to see if another 2 hours on top of that. By four months you can probably get a good seven hours sleep as by now they probably wont be needing a night time feed
Giggling adventures with
SENSORY TEETHING TOYS designed to complement baby’s development
to move onto the next step. Instead of hanging through the cot bars with one hand slowly getting pins and needles, just sit by the cot. She will know that you are there only this time there is no physical contact between you both. You should by now of noticed just how long it takes her to get herself of to sleep and she should also be learning to settle herself in the night if she wakes too meaning you should be settling a little bit more sleep.
DAY 9-10 She should be settling herself down to sleep for the night now without any physical contact from you and you should be moving a few feet away from the cot each night allowing her to drift off without you being too close to her. It can happen in a night or a take a few to get to this stage but it is important
to maintain no interaction with her including talking or smiling at her so she can see. Simply just be in the room for her should she need you and leave the room silently once she has fallen asleep. Babies are like little emotion magnets, they can pick up on all the things their parents are feeling so it’s crucial that you stay calm and focused, if you start to worry your baby will pick up on it and won’t settle properly. Use the quiet time in your baby’s room to reflect on your day and treasure the memories that you have made with your baby that week. Focus on your breathing and just relax.
TROUBLESHOOT POORLY BABY Illness is a huge culprit when it comes to disturbed sleep in children and it can be the reason sleep patterns change, con-
Sleepy Top Tip Avoid excitement and new things bedtime, exercise, stories, games and playing will make your baby more alert before bed. It’s a good idea to have 20 minutes of quiet play before starting your bedtime routine
centrate on getting her better and giving her lots of TLC rather than pushing sleep training on her, it might mean that you have to start again once she’s better and sleeping sounder but that is better than fuelling an infection that has kept her unsettled. Remember it only takes 3 days to make a habit and after she is better you can start again, and she will wake in the night for ‘normal’ reasons rather than the need to be settled.
happened to Elijah. I blamed myself, I didn’t grow him right, and I gave birth wrong. Of course, this was not the case but no matter what people said to me I didn’t listen. I sunk further and further into depression. My relationship with Greg was strained to say the least, I isolated myself from all my friends. I didn’t want to see anyone as I didn’t want their pity. I just wanted to be a normal mother. It took 18 months of struggling through to go and get help. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 24 months on I am happy and well. However, it led me to ask how the hell did it get to here? Why was there no help offered? Support? After care? Why as NICU parents are we left screaming with no one to hear us? To put it into perspective 90,253 premature and sick babies were admitted to a neonatal unit in the UK. [Neonatal Data Analysis Unit, 2014 report] The Tool kit for high-quality neonatal standards, which sets out what neonatal units should be providing to run a safe neonatal service, sate that all parents should have access to psychological support, including a trained counsellor. This should be available without delay from the time their baby is admitted. However, the Bliss baby report: hanging in the balance found that 41 per cent of neonatal units said parents had no access to a trained mental health worker; and 30 per cent of units could provide no access to any psychological support at all. Research has shown that parents whose baby is admitted to neonatal care are much more likely to experience mental health problems than the general new parent population, with up to 40 per cent of mothers of premature and sick babies affected A healthy growing by postnatal depression soon baby boy after birth. Amanda MacMillen said; ‘Parents of babies in the NICU may at increased risk for mood disorders.’ Disorders
such as, anxiety, depression, PostTraumatic Stress Disorder. A 2015 study by Diane Hodditch of 113 new mothers in NICU with babies a shocking 42% showed symptoms of Post Natal Depression, and 30% showed signs of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. So, in 113 mothers, 72% showed signs of mental illness. If we know this information why are measures not being put into place to prevent this? Many studies have had recommendations that there should be a trained mental health worker on site and accessible to each NICU parent. This should be done on admission, and discharge with continuing after care. I began to set out to do something about this, to get the NICU parent voice heard and doing so I came across the fantastic Little Miracles UK. The founder Marsha Davis has had premature babies of her own and we both have a common passion and drive to change NICU parent care. The organisation helps support the family, there is a closed online support group which many have found able to open up and be honest and get support and advice from other NICU parents. The Facebook page alone has over 50,000 likes, and they standing up and letting our voice be known, loud and clear. I have now teamed up with Little Miracles to campaign for better mental health care for NICU parents. One in nine babies is born needing neonatal care in England, that’s one in nine families that need care too.
I blamed myself, that I didn’t grow him right
‘The echoes of a NICU mum’ Mum to her NICU miracle boy, Vicki Moore discovered just how tough you have to be when life throws you the unexpected, but just how do you deal with it when the world as you know it falls apart?
hen Elijah was born, I didn’t just become a mum, I became a NICU Mum. Elijah was admitted to the Neo Natal Intensive Care Unit at 12 hours old. This is where he would remain for 9 days. This comparted to many family’s journeys is not a very long time at all. I will be frank with you though, those 9 days? They broke me. They destroyed the person who I was before Elijah was born, I was broken
physically and mentally. I was a shell of myself. They say that having a baby in NICU is the most anxious and traumatic time of your life. I can whole heartedly agree it is. But, the misconception is that once your baby is home, it is suddenly all okay, that it is fixed? It is not. In fact, most will struggle more when they bring a NICU baby home compared to when they were on the unit. The reason for this is because there are no NICU nurses
to give you a kind word, to help guide you through it and surprisingly you are probably going to be among the thousands of families who will not receive any mental health care or any form of after care. Looking back, I was mentally ill for a long time, I wasn’t eating, I was abusing medication and doing whatever I could to get through the day. I couldn’t come to terms with the guilt, the anger, the resentment the denial of what had
Real life Preemie petition! Vicki is amongst many mums who just feel like an echo, join the petition today and help other NICU families too. They are striving to achieve Funding/resources for mental health support for all neonatal units in the UK Mental health screening for all parents of premature and sick babies. A trained mental health worker e.g. a counsellor, assigned to all neonatal units After leaving hospital; care and professional support for as long as it is needed Provision for peer-to-peer support, or similar, for these parents You can join the petition and all further details can be found; https://petition.parliament.uk/ petitions/169168
Vicki the day before her ordeal began
Have Yourself A Calm Christmas IT’S ALL STARTING TO FEEL A LITTLE FESTIVE AND FROSTY BUT IT WON’T BE LONG BEFORE IT’S ALL GO AND FESTIVE FURY KICKS IN SO WE HAVE SOME TOP TIPS FOR MUMS WHO JUST WANT TO ENJOY THE FESTIVITIES WITH THEIR FAMILY.
hristmas should naturally be the best time of year for most us, so why, then, is it something that is lacking the whole peace on earth m’larky. Christmas seems to bring about more Tantrums, tears and ‘get to your room’ than any other time of year, maybe it’s just me and my parenting but surely I’m not alone here in thinking that Christmas is becoming a nightmare when you have
children? Obviously, we went and put a guide together for you so that you can have your holiday season without any hiccups, so employ these few sneaky techniques to ensure your sanity stays intact this Christmas holiday. When it seems like the odds are against you (because you have lost the will to live having asked the toddler to stop eating the chocolates on the tree) try some of our tricks.
Welcoming teething... So that’s the wrapping paper, fairy lights, baubles and the dog that’s getting chewed this year
BABY BRAIN AND BAUBLES Trying to organise yourself let alone small people and the entirety of the holiday itself is a mission, but try doing it all when you have a baby brain (by the way that is a real thing) and you could end up ruining Christmas by forgetting the most crucial part of Christmas, if your hosting (in which case you need to have a glass of wine because you are officially bonkers) it will help you to be as organized as ever and whilst being organized away from Christmas itself is a mission, we have the answer, it’s your handy smart phone that your toddler earlier filled with selfies. Health visitor and newborn advisor for top brand Bepanthen recommends you use as many apps as you can muster. Make lots of lists whist your feeding your baby for example, try Evernote (my personal favourite) or wunderlist. Make ‘to-do’ lists for everything you can think of, what you need to get for Christmas dinner to feed the 10 thousand when your family come over, lists of what presents you are still to get, better yet, do most of your Christmas shopping online this year, it will save you the hassle and stress of people pushing when ‘popping’ into town becomes a minor world war three. If you don’t usually shop online or don’t know where to start, simply just browse and make a ‘favourites’ list. You should be able to do this on supermarket websites and shopping sites. Don’t get too caught up in the shopping madness that is Christmas or spending too much time on the day fussing over how your stuffing isn’t browning or whether you should pull crackers before or after dinner, Christmas is a family time and bonding with your baby and spending time with your kids is the main event of the day, don’t get caught up, buy shop bought
cranberry sauce and spend the time you would have made making it with your baby, don’t feel guilty about buying pre-bought, its ok. Do you know what else is perfectly more than okay? To make your partner or husband work too you don’t have to prove to everyone you are a superwoman, in your kids eyes you’re the best!
CAROLS AND CARNAGE More accidents happen around Christmas than any other time of year, and the scary part is, most of these freak accidents can be prevented, swap your tiara for a bob the builder hat and get to toddler proofing your home - With everything that goes on over the seasonal period it can be worrying if your children aren’t safe, but the good news is, you don’t have to worry because there is plenty you can do to ensure your children are safe and sound this Christmas. So, it’s not all about the food (for most people, for me, it’s the cake!) The tinsel, the fairy lights, the flashing tree and the bright colours are all huge stimulator’s for your baby’s senses and accelerates their learning, think a huge baby sensory party in your living room, fun hey? But without saying, all of that must be done safely, plonking baby in front of some flashing led fairy lights for the best part of the morning probably isn’t going to win you any parenting points, make sure all your dangerous and breakable gifts such as perfumes, glass, cuff links etc. are all out of reach of your tiny ones and toddlers, a Christmas in A&E I’m sure won’t be as glitzy as the one you had planned. Tree decorations and fairy lights, we all love them but it’s important that they are shatter proof, babies will put anything in their mouths, if they are happy to eat the cats tail, they will be more than
Teething, you have waited four months for this to start but your baby decided what better Christmas present to give you than to start at Christmas! Surprise! So that’s the wrapping paper, fairy lights, baubles and the dog that’s getting chewed this year. Try these little stress busters for a quick solution to your festive fury.
happy to oblige to eating fairy lights, use low voltage LED lights or better still battery operated lights which don’t heat up just to be on the safe side should your baby decide that they are swapping turkey for teal lights this year.
HOSTESS WITH THE MOSTESS
Bin the bath. No one has time to have a long hot soak anymore, instead try putting oils on a tissue and having a sniff when you feel your stress levels rising. Chamomile is thought to activate the serotonin in your brain, your happy chemical!
Change it up. Have you got cabin fever from being stuck inside this holiday season? Mix it up, go crazy! Go for a walk and get some fresh air or impose on friends for coffee.
Stretch out the stress. Extend your arms in front of you, hold for ten secs and then repeat with them behind you, sit your toosh down and holding onto the edge of your chair, push your body upwards and then raise your arms in the air. This will help release some tension in your back and shoulders.
Messy confusions. Any parent knows that fighting a child to keep the house tidy is a battle they will ultimately loose but when baby is napping have a quick whip around and tidy up, you will gain a sense of control again instantly.
Positivity promises. Use positive strands of thought. Tell yourself and repeat it. ‘I am a good mother’ ‘I am a nice person’ say it over and over to believe it.
Christmas is about the family, if you ask the older generation of people they will all say it’s for the kids and they are quite right, but if you have a new baby you might feel having your family, friends, neighbours and the postman’s dog around rather daunting. Don’t feel like you have to make your baby’s first Christmas the best one ever, having a picture perfect Christmas is wonderful but honestly, your little one wont remember it at a few months old and it’s much more important to just be a mum and spend the time together bonding. Enjoy other people’s parties, the town Christmas lights and the other people’s cooing this year and save your home baking and bauble making until next year when your baby and/or toddler are old enough to get Christmas crafty with you. If guests turn up unannounced and all you want to do is feed in privacy just explain and pop off, they will understand. It is important during this time that you and your baby remain the priority always.
OBSESSIVE ONLINE We live our lives online through social media, without Facebook how we would know what Auntie Jan is doing or what part Tommy got in the school play? We are the first generation of parents to live like this and whilst it’s important to keep up your communications it might seem that looking through Instagram that all your favourite instamums are having a ‘perfect white Christmas’ but guess what, they will still of been
puked on by a colic baby, they will still have to pee with an audience, they are normal people too and those pictures more often than not have had more editing and tweaking done to them than Katie Prices boobs. Have a seasonal sweep on your social media, it should be fun! If certain people’s pictures or feeds bring you down why not just hide them for the December period and focus on what YOU want rather than other people’s standards and lives.
ME, ME, ME... OH, YEAH IM A MUM Feeling perhaps a tiny bit stressed and ready to divorce your husband or hide him in the shed? Christmas is one of the most stressful times of years for parents and whilst no one is suggesting you skip the egg nog and Christmas cake it is important to look after yourself, even more so if you are still breastfeeding! Snack on satsumas, they are full of vitamin C which will help prevent you from being struck down with mum flu, and it will bring down your stress hormone levels (cortisol) In the run up to Christmas, tag team your partner or parents into the game and have them look after the kids whilst you take some time to just relax. Where possible book yourself in for a spa day with the girls and get a little beauty treatment, paint up your nails all sparkly and find a Christmas jumper that doesn’t itch like the one your great grandmother made you 10 years ago and insists you wear each and every year, it will help you not only feel more festive but to feel a little more like you again, you might be a mummy now but it doesn’t make you any less of a person, taking time out for you is important. It will re energise you and make the time you spend with family over the Christmas period even more enjoyable.
he one thing that raises my stress levels more than my husband belching is Christmas shopping! I would quite happily eat Chinese out of the box come Christmas but when kids are involved, tantrums are thrown when the famous pigs in blankets aren’t brought out. Last year I ended up having to take my then 2-year-old to the supermarket with me the day before Christmas eve, and I can tell you, if I didn’t want to call of Christmas before going, I sure did when I got home, throwing herself on the floor because I said no to yet another bloody Santa chocolate. Note to self, do not take children Christmas food shopping with you if you would like to keep your blood pressure at a human level.
ver the last few years of being a mother I have learnt many a wise thing, from how not to accidentally squirt breast milk in my babies face to how to combat tantrums in the crisp aisle of Tesco but there is one thing that is crucial to staying sane and it is knowing when to share your workload with your partner. Christmas is such a stressful time and babies pick up on your emotions better than they can sniff out when you’re eating without them. If you are stressed and panicky your tiny one is going to pick up on this and it will make for a hard time for the both of you. Use the stress busters on page 26 to take time out for yourself, you’re not a superwoman and you shouldn’t have to feel you need to be.
ease your baby’s colic
IN 6 EASY STEPS
ntil you have a baby that suffers with colic you probably won’t understand just how hard it is, it is one of those things that you just can’t muster the hang of until you have been through it. If your baby starts crying and there isn’t a reason, or you can’t get her to stop, colic may be your answer. 1 in 5 babies born now in the UK suffer from colic and 1 in 4 of these babies are healthy other than having suffer from colic. If you are one of the many mums who thinks that their baby may have colic, you can simply follow the ‘rule of three’ it is exactly as it says. Babies with a ‘colic cry’ tend to cry for more than three hours a day, opposed to the latest statistics stating that normal healthy newborns cry for only two hours a
day, the second rule of three is to ask yourself is this ‘Has your baby been crying for more than three hours a day, for more than three weeks?’ Colic is renounced for lasting from birth to the age of around 4-5 months, and your baby shouldn’t suffer any more colic reflux whilst weaning. Although colic is one of the most common newborn problems with 1 in 5 babies suffering there isn’t actually any scientific reason as to why it actually happens, everyone seems to think that colic is based on wind, and quite right so after all for decades this is what we were told, my grandmother is still insistent it is however a recent study last year showed that winding and burping your baby had no impact on the number of babies that suffered with colic, so with leaving it to science and taking their
best guest they have taken the ‘your guess is my guess’ approach so it only makes sense to have several solutions, some which work for you and some that might not, with no explanation for colic there can’t be a treatment or solution on hand. Finding that one treatment that works for you and your baby though will mean that you feel more in control of the situation and that you can help your baby as there is nothing worse than a distressed baby and there’s nothing you can do.
KEEP THE LIGHTS DOWN LOO AND THE MUSIC SMOOTH
Have you ever had a headache that you simply can’t shift? Where you have
had to abandon the kids with granny and go lie down in a dark room that insists of no children shouting ‘muuuuuuum’ at you 24/7? If you have you will know just how painful a migraine like that can be, some scientists are now saying that there is a distinct link between migraines and colic in babies. In 2012 a study showed that there was a link, that mums that got migraines were twice as likely to have babies that suffered with colic, the same study then later discovered that 73% of children’s aged between 6years old and 18years old who experienced migraines also had colic as a baby, the remaining 27% didn’t suffer migraines and not surprisingly, didn’t suffer with colic as an infant wither, so suspiciously this led scientists to believe that perhaps colic was an early onset sign of migraines? Migraine sufferers must dim the lights, avoid noise and turn down their music, it is worth keeping noisy toys and bright lights away from your baby to see if there is a difference in her colic.
TIGER IN THE TREE
It isn’t quite as extravagant as it sounds, you do not need to be buying magical tigers much to your toddler’s disappointment. The long standing ‘reason’ for colic that people believe is digestion and wind problems, trapped wind can be painful the best of us kept alone when its in a tiny body. Tiger in a tree is a holding technique which entails placing gentle pressure onto your baby’s tummy to help release any trapped wind she might have. Lie your baby along one of your arms like a draping sloth with her tummy down and head toward your tummy, hold one of her thighs in her hand to ensure she is secure and just jiggle her gently to and from in this position.
MASSAGE PLEASE MUMMY
Another way to perhaps relieve your baby’s colic if you think it is digestive related is to massage your baby’s tummy lightly Use an oil, even one from the kitchen will do such as olive oil or sunflower oil. Choose a warm room and lie your baby on a fluffy towel, gently rub her tummy in a clockwise circular motion and around her belly button. This will stimulate digestion and promote blood flow as you are massaging the direction of her intestines, and as a bonus, it is a great way to bond with your baby and having a magic mummy touch might help to
soothe and calm her.
ALLERGIES AND ALL
If you are a breastfeeding mummy it is important to keep a food diary to note what you are eating, what you eat goes to your breast milk therefore it could potentially be a cause of your baby’s colic. 3% of babies in the UK have a cow’s milk allergy so you eating dairy may trigger her colic. There is a huge range of foods that could cause it but the best way to find out is to simply note it and see if a trend pops up.
It is a backward way of another digestive theory; it works in that if baby swallows less air when she is feeding she will then not suffer from tummy ache. Anti-colic bottles vary some have ‘vents’ in to let excess air out and some have a bag liner where you physically have to squeeze the air out each time you feed, either way the air doesn’t get into her tummy. You will need to decide and stick one bottle for 7-10 days as trapped wind can take days before dispersing.
Backward cycling. It’s another digestive trick and one that seems to work for toddlers and older children with trapped wind too. Put your baby on your lap with her back to your legs or on a blanket on the floor, whichever is most comfortable for you both, holding her ankles lightly move her little legs in a cycling motion as you would on a bike. Alternately sit her on your lap with her back on your tummy. Hold her knees together and bend them up gently into her tummy. Hold this for 5 seconds and then repeat, you might find she releases trapped wind
CALM THE CRY
Whilst searching with trial and error to soothe your baby’s colic there are steps you can take as a parent to help and calm her cries. Go back to basics, skin to skin is the first and foremost most settling feeling for your young baby and the closeness will help to calm her down. In a warm room (as your baby should have no clothes on) lay your baby on your chest or tummy so her skin is on yours, don’t worry too much about her getting cold as your body heat will keep her toasty. You could also try giving her a warm and soothing bath during her colic episode, you could even get in with her to help calm her. Babies like to feel secure and snuggled, they have, after all, just come out of a very secure and safe place so why not recreate that for them? Swaddling has been around for years and is used to recreate the feeling of being in the womb.
instantly or you might not have any success, but it is worth repeating the exercise daily.
MUMS THAT WORK
THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS
for your work and your baby!
‘Mumprenuer’ is the new working mum term in the parenting world. Whether your already building your empire or want to chase your dreams of running your own company & still being there for your kids “you can have it all” says Jayne Prigent.
Working... It’s a dull and mundane task that we have to undertake to make sure the food is on the table and the house kept warm, your boss is a pest who you think is the sandwich stealing culprit and the girl two desks over wont stop stealing your post it notes, which lets face it, is a near crime in the office world, but what if instead of mundane it was marvellous, what if you could achieve outstanding goals, be your own boss and still be home in time for bed? Sounds like I’m having you on I know, but its possible and its all right in front of you! We spoke to Jayne Prigent, Salisbury based yummy mummy to her two girls who built her own business 26 years ago with a good college training, although only a starting point in Jayne’s life she now owns three salons in and around the Salisbury city, married the love of her life, has two gorgeous daughters, Alice at university level. Freya in sixth form at St Mary’s. She is the ‘go to’ woman in business and in my eyes as a working mum trying to break out in the mumprenuer world, she’s a ‘mum crush’ you just have to aspire too. Everyone has had or will have a moment when they have to make a conscious decision about how to handle their work and family life—if they want to have a
family. It doesn’t have to be balanced. You may choose to focus heavily on one or the other.
MEET THE EXPERT Jayne Prigent, owner of local successful and self made business JAS hair group, wife, sister, mother to two and all round superwoman tells us how she built her own empire, rocking the mumpreneur life whilst still being a mummy to her two girls, Freya and Alice. jashair.co.uk
For example, the main breadwinner of the house, historically the man, but not always these days, may spend a higher percentage of his or her time focused on work. The other partner may spend more time on the family. It doesn’t have to be balanced, it just has to be what works... Here’s how Jayne did it for her family. Jayne is a highly respected and successful business woman with over 26 years experience in business under her belt she knows a thing or two, running her highly successful salon group she is seen as a no-nonsense and well renowned name, and not just in Salisbury. Jayne has been working with world wide names and approached to speak in Moscow, Russia as a key note speaker for Hairdressing In Business which Jayne says is the biggest milestone of her career yet. Along with opening a big industry conference speaking at Creative Head Salon Smart, last March. Having spoken around the world on her topics of expertise and a champion for women in business, Alongside her
Thurs 23rd Feb 2017
BRIGHTON AMEX STADIUM, BN1 9BL
the exhibition for mums on a mission
#shoot forthe moon
A child work & friendly bu exhibitisiness on
If you are starting, growing or simply not knowing Our roadshow has been described as ‘Life Changing’ It’s child-friendly and 100% FREE with workshops, exhibitors, networking and a Q&A panel, all of which are optional on the day. You’ll also get our famous ‘Enterpriser Handbook’ AND a goody bag. BUT space is limited so register NOW. www.mumsenterprise.events/visit
‘Family is important, JAS is all about family and I have a working mum head so I get it when some things just cant be avoided’ Successful business career, Jayne has established numerous charitable causes including that of local hospital charity, Stars Appeal. Inspiring and thought-provoking in herself, Jayne and her team have won numerous awards including Most Wanted Best Local UK Salon which they not only won once, but twice.
Jayne and husband Neil and daughters Freya and Alice
THREE THINGS I WOULD SAY TO Having started her career simply pottering around HELP in the hairdressing world fresh out of college in 1990 she decided to go ahead and break the barrier in the cottage industry that was hairdressing. Jayne set out to do what many of us fear, where did that stigma come from? That you can’t have a business, be the boss and be home for bed? Whilst running her own business and living her happy ever with hubby Neil (who later would go on to become the other half of JAS) Jayne then became a mummy to first born daughter Alice at 25, following in her mothers footsteps and studying business at Bristol’s University to be followed four years later with a second baby girl now 17, so there you have it, a woman, under 30, two kids, married and owns her own business which is thriving in a British city, it sounds oh so simple, right? Wrong. “Having children was a tipping point for me personally, I stepped out of hairdressing and into business. 15 years ago I undertook a residential diploma in business masters which was the real peak in my business career” Jayne says.
Daughters Freya and Alice
*Make the time for family time, clear schedules and find the time to do things that you all enjoy as a family, we plan it in advance so we never miss out,
*If private education is a possibility for your family, Do it. It is so beneficial, the hours are great for working mums and they are like a second family. *Find your motivator, It doesn’t matter what it is, but if you have that behind you it really drives your motivation to accomplish what your heart really wants
Supporting employees and having a ‘working mum’ head on can certainly help towards your goal, at the end of the day, you cant expect your staff to stop being a parent, all three salons have blossomed as a result of and who has developed a mutually reflectively supportive team and there is absolutely no discrimination when it comes to hiring a mother. “We had three pregnancies and three mums-to-be go on maternity leave in the last year and they all came back to work for JAS part time after, a job share is unheard of nowadays but they work and work together to keep their work and personal lives as best they can be” says Jayne. The question everyone has though, is how did this phenomenal lady manage to become the woman she is today with awards, 40 staff members and a happy family? Her tip was accept help when it is offered, every parent will hear it, and a lot of us turn our noses up at the idea and take it that its a sign we cant cope, but Jayne says that without the help of her hubby Neil and the children going to Leaden Hall she wouldn’t be where she is now. “The beauty of putting the girls into a private school was that the times were flexible and as a working mother this was crucial, Neil left his job at VW to spend more time with the girls and be a full time partner of JAS - this motivated me build my business as strong as I could to be able to spend quality time with my family, we plan our family time now, Freya boards at school 3 nights a week and Alice is at university but as a mother it’s important to me that we keep those family values” The best of both worlds, a situation in which you can enjoy the advantages of two very different things... What’s it to be?
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BREATHE BABY Listening to my baby breathe and it sounds really strange, is this normal?
Easy Listener Chimes are a calming sound even to adults, wear a chiming pendant on a long chain under your top just above your blooming baby bump, this will enable your baby to hear the soft chimes as you go about your day as usual. Once baby is born continue to wear your chime necklace, maybe as a bracelet or as a shorter chain round your neck. Research shows that babies can recognise sounds from outside the womb that they would have heard inside, a familiar pretty sound like the chime will help to soothe and calm her
Like many new parents, you probably spend a good part of each night bent over the side of your little one’s crib, checking to make sure she’s still breathing. And you’ve probably been freaked out a few times watching her irregular breaths. But it’s actually normal for infants to take slight pauses and then go through periods of rapid breathing. “Occasionally catching or skipping a breath is part of the development of the diaphragm [the muscle that enables breathing] and neurological system,” Dr. Curtis says. A pause of up to 20 seconds is considered normal. By the time she’s about 6 weeks old, your baby should develop a more regular pattern of breathing. You worry about SIDS, of course, and you’re wise to be vigilant. Put your baby to sleep on her back, keep all soft bedding and toys out of her crib, and don’t smoke. If your baby ever stops breathing for longer than 20 seconds or turns blue or limp, seek medical attention.
DINNER DEMANDER My baby is ALWAYS hungry, is it me and my milk or is something wrong with him? Until your baby has regained his birth weight, the recommendation is to feed about every two hours. Keeping in mind that cluster feeding is normal, and breastfeeding more frequently than that is okay. Once your baby is gaining weight well and if the breastfeeding mum has no issues with low milk supply, the American Academy of Paediatrics recommends that parents tune into those hunger cues and feed their baby on demand rather than using scheduled feeding’s. Once your baby is eating solid foods (sometime between 4 to 6 months), again you need to tune into his cues to determine if he is hungry or not.
charlottero semag. co.uk
These cues can be subtle. Your baby will turn his head away, lean back in his high chair, may refuse to open his mouth, or has stopped making eye contact with you (or the spoon!). Your baby’s appetite will vary from meal to meal and from day to day. Do not bank that your baby will eat a certain amount at every breakfast, lunch or dinner. Simply watch your baby’s signs and feed him accordingly.
SWADDLE SWEETHEART I have swaddled my daughter since we bought her home from hospital, she feels the need to be constantly held or cuddled so swaddling is a great way to trick her into thinking she is being kept snuggled but at what age should I stop swaddling her?
CRY BABY CRY Why does my baby cry and how do I calm my crying baby, no matter what I do she just seems to scream. Babies cry, they wouldn’t be human if they didn’t, it is their way of communicating with us. Sometimes babies cry often and more regular than perhaps a friend’s baby would however there is usually a reason for this. They may cry when they
FLAT HEAD SYNDROME
As your baby grows, she will probably outgrow her need for swaddling naturally as she may prefer her arms free or she may begin to move about in the crib and roll over. It’s time to stop swaddling your baby when she starts to show signs of rolling over or breaking out of the swaddle. Most babies are ready to go into a regular wearable blanket by 3 to 6 months at the latest.
are hungry, wet, cold, or hurt, or even for no apparent reason at all which for a parent is the worst kind of cry, but as a mother you will soon get to know what your baby’s cries sound like and can differentiate what cry means what. On average, newborns cry up to a total of 2 hours a day, and over the first few months they may cry even more. If your baby has been fed, burped, changed, and checked to make sure nothing is hurting her, it’s generally all right to let her cry for a little while as long as she is not in any danger and there isn’t a reason for her cries, It may just be her way of blowing off steam, so give her the chance to just let it all out, babies will pick up on your feelings so if you are getting wound up over the cries, step out the room and take a few breaths before re-entering. Over time, some parents and caregivers can learn to distinguish their infant’s cries and what they mean, which is often helpful when trying to calm a fussy baby.
How can I prevent my baby from getting a flat head?
My baby’s poop looks like diarrhoea but its all the time? Breast-fed babies have seedy, mustard-yellow stools that are liquid and unformed, while bottle-fed infants tend to have slightly more solid bowel movements with a brownish colour and the consistency of soft ice cream. As long as your child is gaining weight and has no abdominal pain or bloating, her pooping frequency is fine. It can be hard to distinguish normal bowel movements from diarrhoea, particularly if you’re nursing. Breast-fed babies commonly poop after every feeding. (It’s called the gastrocolic reflex: Whenever milk goes into the stomach, something comes out the other end.) And their stools are naturally looser. Your best bet is to become familiar with what’s usual for your baby. If the frequency, volume, or consistency changes dramatically, see your doctor.
Plagiocephaly is the flattening of one part, usually the back or side, of your baby’s head. This sometimes happens when a baby’s relatively soft skull bones are in contact with a flat surface such as a crib, bouncy or car seat for too long. To prevent this, make sure to offer your baby plenty of supervised “tummy time” while she is awake. This will help strengthen her head, neck and upper body. In addition, while your baby is on her back, alternate the side to which her head is placed. If you notice that your infant’s head is getting misshapen, talk to your doctor or health visitor. He or she may make other suggestions such as alternating the side that you feed and burp your baby on, placing a brightly coloured object or slightly tilting the cot mattress to force your baby to look to the less desired side.
CHILL OUT My baby and toddlers hands and feet are always freezing cold? Before you crank up the thermostat or wrap your little one in another blanket, feel his torso. If it’s warm and pink, your baby isn’t chilled. Because his circulatory system is still developing, blood is shunted more often to vital organs and systems, where it’s needed most. His hands and feet are the last body parts to get a good blood supply. It can take up to three months for his circulation to adapt completely to life outside the womb. In the meantime, it’s common for his tiny fingers and toes to feel chilly and look pale. As your baby becomes more mobile and active, his circulation will improve.
peel (although it’s most noticeable on the hands and feet). Don’t try to pick off the flakes -- you might The skin on my ba- remove skin that’s not ready to be by’s head and body shed. Moisturisers aren’t necessary is all flaky, why? either. The flaking usually lasts one to two weeks. While your baby was bathing in a lagoon of amniotic fluid, his skin was nicely protected from the watery environment by a coating of white, waxy material called vernix. But once he’s exposed to the air and the vernix is rubbed away, the upper layer of his skin dries out and begins to peel. Your child’s entire body may
... DYING MY HAIR?
Colouring your hair during your pregnancy is the number one controversial topic of beauty in pregnancy, the big question lies with ‘Is it safe?’ The answer, Yes. If used correctly. You should probably avoid using any sort of hair dye in your first semester and even then you should consult a colour specialist instead of using at home colour tec will do a small pre boxed dyes you can get. This is mainly because patch test to make sure this isn’t the case before during your pregnancy applying any dye to your your hormones change head. Although a reaction dramatically and there’s is rare, it is always better to a potential risk that you be safer and who doesn’t could of temporarily like a cheeky treat and an become allergic to some of the chemicals included hours relaxation in the in home box of hair dye, a salon?
We have all heard the old wives tales about certain beauty products being used whilst were pregnant, and there is a whole barrage of different info in the media, so here are you DO’s and DONT’S
... HAVING A HOT BATH? Your feet hurt and your ankles are swollen? We know the feeling and it is usually followed with a nice hot soak in the bath, but be careful of the temperature. When you are submerged into hot water like a hot bath or Jacuzzi it is difficult for you to regulate your body temperature. Therefore most saunas won’t allow pregnant women to use them. If your body temperature gets too high especially in the first 12 weeks of your pregnancy you could find yourself becoming severely dehydrated and there is an increased risk of spina bifida in your unborn baby if they are exposed to increasingly high temperatures whilst developing. Grab a cheap thermometer and test the water before you jump in, it should ideally be below 35 degrees.
...ESSENTIAL OILS It’s another no, at least not in your first trimester, essential oils penetrate your skin and get into your blood stream, therefore entering your baby’s blood stream too. However there are some you should avoid altogether in your pregnancy such as Basil, Sage and Clary Sage, they can induce your menstrual flow. Only use aromatherapy products that state they are safe for pregnancy.
Neal’s yard sell a Mothers Massage Oil which we love! If you are unsure of any of the oils, your midwife, local Neal’s Yard Store or Doctor should be able to steer you in the correct direction of what is safe.
An unsettled baby is an unhappy baby and at best, its unsettling for mum too. We have found 6 top ways to help soothe your tiny one and bring the happy baby back! Let us know what worked for you! Email your stories into tellus@ salisburyparenting.co.uk. Donâ€™t forget to add your name and town!
Six ways to. . .
soothe colic in babies
We would try anything to help soothe and protect but try these top 6
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Wrap your baby tightly in a square blanket, making sure his arms and legs canâ€™t flail and upset him. He may cry harder at first, but keep going.
The football hold, with baby on her tummy, is great, or you can try holding her as if you were going to breastfeed, but facing out
Parents have no idea how noisy it is in the womb, and most babies respond to white noise. Say a shhhh in his ear, as loudly as heâ€™s crying, to mimic the whoosh of the fluid in the womb
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Sit with baby on your knees her head toward them. Jiggle your knees with very tiny, very quick but gentle movements.
Offer your breast, your finger, or a pacifier. The sucking reflex can help with colic
DONâ€™T DO DAIRY If youâ€™re a breastfeeding mama, you also want to give up foods that can trigger baby colic symptoms. Dairy is a huge culprit.
What better excuse to eat lots of yummy food than Christmas! With so many favours, tastes and lots of festive treats it’s a time to indulge for all the family!
Shaped cheesy Christmas crackers These easy peasy cheese cracks are as simple as one, two, three. They take minutes to make and are easy enough for your toddler sous chef to help. These yummy crumbly snacks are packed with flavour with a cheese topping and are the perfect answer to a Christmas weaning treat, if the adults don’t get to them first! INGREDIENTS > 375g ready-rolled puff pastry > 1 beaten egg > 50g of grated cheddar cheese > A star shaped cutter
Great for weaning
> 1/2 cup Vegetable Oil > 1 cup Sugar > 1 tsp. Vanilla > 2 large Eggs > 1/4 tsp. Baking Powder > 1/3 cup Cocoa Powder > 1/4 tsp. Salt > 1/2 cup Flour > Edible Candy Eyes > Red M&M’s > Chocolate Cookie Icing > Pretzel Twists
Who knew stars could bring so much joy! These little treats can be swapped in for a gluten free option too by simply swapping over the flour! INGREDIENTS > 300g plain flour > 200g softened butter > 100g caster sugar > A few drops of vanilla extract
Great for th making wi the kids
Preheat your oven to 180 degrees or gas mark 4 and line your baking tray with some greaseproof paper. Roll out your puff pastry onto a surface dusted with flour and use your star shape cutter to make the shape. Place each star on the baking tray and brush a light layer of egg mixture over the top and sprinkle with grated cheese! Bake your stars in the oven for about 10-12 minutes or until they are a golden brown. Your little cheesy crackers will stay fresh for up to 2 days if stored in an airtight container or you could just eat them up straight away!
Rudolph reindeer Brownies
READY, SET, STAR Start by rubbing the flour and butter together in a bowl until you have a crumbly consistency, then stir in the caster sugar and vanilla extract and work together until a dough forms. Wrap the dough up in cling film and refrigerate for an hour. When you’re ready, preheat the oven to 130c and lightly flour a surface, then roll the dough out to 1cm thickness. Use a cutter to cut star shapes in the dough and arrange on a lined baking tray. Bake in the oven for 20 minutes until they are a pale golden colour. Serve with a dusting of snowy icing sugar.
Fun for all the family
Mix the oil and sugar together until well blended, once consistency of the mixture isnt too goey add both eggs and the vanilla extract and mix again until all the ingredients become one mixture. With the remainder of the ingredients separate the dry ones, like the salt, flour, cocoa powder and baking powder, stir and sift until these are all blended. Once mixed add the dry bowl to the bowl of oil and sugar and pour the whole thing into your baking dish. It is important that you only fill your dish about 3/4 full as your brownie will rise! Bake in the oven at 180 degrees for about 20-25 minutes. Now you can decorate your reindeer’s with m&ms, pretzels and sweeties!
Broadly speaking there are two types of play which children naturally engage in and both are really valuable. DRAMA PLAY is where children act out being adults. This helps them understand how the world works and can be done by themselves as well as with other children. They start to walk and talk like adults and their parents and can often been seen as cute as they copy how mum or dad does the washing up. It looks familiar and there are rules which they appear to follow. This is a good time to let them have a go and support them. In school or in play groups there are often toys such as shops, pretend food, dolls etc for the children to play with and act out how life works. Or at least how they see it works and this can be a real eye opener for a watching parent. If you are playing in this way with them it is good to go along with their rules and understanding and only occasionally supporting them to get it right. Over correction of errors is not helpful.
support them in being creative, avoid correcting their rules and enjoy where the play takes them. Having watched children play you will know that both types of play take place and children are play at different types at different time. That’s normal. Also normal is the squabbling, change of rules, crying and angry children when play. Thus you will see then trying to negotiate, being bossy with rules, get frustrated, etc. This is about child development and children learning to cope with other people and what they can and cannot do. For the parent watching this can be agonising. Hold fire and see if they sort it out. There are times when it gets a little out of hand and children become distressed or hit out and it is best to do something. At this point you need to explain what you are doing and why, be careful not to blame or chastise the children. The balance is to be nurturing not interfering. If you are in a group of children and parents you know well you could set some boundaries and work together to ensure the children are safe and playing well together; including the little squabbles. All children develop at different rates and if you think you child is struggling playing with others, try setting up a play date. This is where you invite one child over who you think your child gets on with; for about 1 hour to start with. Set up toys and activities for them to do; indoors, outdoors and in different rooms and just keep an eye on them. Inviting different friends helps then to develop their social and relationship skills. Try and keep brothers and sisters away from these play dates. Focus on the one child.
Play is an important part of child development, helping a child to understand who they are, how they interact with people and how the world works. At the simplest level play should not be forced or made to happen but occur naturally and freely; in other words it should avoid being over-complicated and structured. In schools play is often used to help learning such as colours, counting, being with children, etc. But it may not always support your child in developing an understanding of themselves, how they are with others and how they understand the world because a class contains other children and led by an adult. Adults are different to children.
Remember children do not come with a manual
FANTASY PLAY is different and less well defined. It helps them get involved in relationships, talking and more creative thinking than drama play. Often times it looks as though nothing sensible or organised is going on, but this is far from the truth. It may involve toys but it always involves other children and the rules are made up as they go along; sometimes putting things together that do not go like tiny green plastic army men with a baby girl doll. What is important here is not that the toys go together by they are play with other children. If you are playing with them then just go with them,
How you play with your child as a parent will depend on their age but the secret is to keep the play and games simple and allow them to explore the rules. Younger children can easily play ‘noughts and crosses’ or snap whilst older ones can progress to ‘Kerplunk’ and ’Pop ‘n Hop’ which have a few more rules and excitement. Avoid enforcing the rules rigidly, praise them when they do well and they are allowed to win as well as loose. Remember ‘Children do not come with a Manual’. For further support contact Simon Mathias on firstname.lastname@example.org or 07786541944
Simon Mathias is an expert in helping people change behaviour. Working with adults, families and children to support relationships, understanding and change in behaviours. A background in psychology and psychotherapy Simon brings a knowledge and experience in working with people. He has presented at national and regional conferences on working with children, bullying and the use of puppets and toys to bridge the communication gap. Working with organisations and groups he has run workshops on stress, resilience, body language and motivational interviewing. Areas of interest are drugs, alcohol and gambling and he has developed an approach for working with ADHD. For further support you can contact Simon Mathias directly on simon@aspireconsultancy. net or 07786541944
at Costa, The coverage lasts for a fixed period, as opposed to a permanent one, which stays in effect until you die, with a 20-year duration for about £200per year. More reason to get it done: For most parents, your age is huge and current health is your biggest asset. The math is pretty simple; the younger you are, the lower your premium, the same with your health, from things as little as smoking to genetic problems, they will affect your policy and as we all know, the older we get the more susceptible we are to ailments. The time to look into purchasing life insurance is now and no later, plus, you’ll rest easier knowing that your family is protected.
START BY FIGURING OUT HOW MUCH YOU NEED.
It’s a commonly quoted guideline that a life insurance policy should total seven to ten times your annual salary. But you’ll need to dig deeper to determine how much money your family would need to live without you or your spouse. But don’t rely on this rule of thumb, because it can underestimate or overestimate your needs, it is best talked through with your insurance broker. If you’re thinking about having more kids, factor that in too. Buying a little extra coverage now can save you a step and some money later.
TAKE STOCK OF THE COVERAGE YOU HAVE.
Why parents should have
As a parent it’s your job to consider the ‘what ifs’ in life, it’s part of being a parent - after all you baby proof your home, buy the safest car on the market, and keep the number for your local emergency GP on speed dial. It’s the same idea with life insurance. ‘You buy it and then hope you never have to use it’ it’s one of those things that we just don’t think of, but let’s be serious, we
buy pet insurance for our dog, because should he need a life saving surgery, it could be costly and even worse, devastating should your dog not survive, well the same applies to life insurance, the consequences of not having it could be financially devastating to your family. Given our modern age take on life and
the way we now look at danger, shockingly a lot of parents skip this crucial step of taking out life insurance. We receive bounty packs and leaflets a plenty of different safety features on the latest buggy or the nearest massage class to you but what is really important to the new parents of today isn’t given out in a leaflet, in fact it isn’t given out at all unless searched for and unfortunately, the younger generations of parents today don’t seem to think of life insurance. In 2010, a shocking 23 percent of family households with kids had no life coverage at all, which only
raised upward of only 10 percent in 2004, according a consulting firm that specialises in insurance. When it comes down to what we buy, cost is often the deciding factor when buying things we don’t deem as ‘necessary.’ If cost has kept you from buying or even updating your life insurance, the time to act is right now, premiums are at historic lows and the younger and healthier you are, the lower your premium cost will be. A healthy 30 year old non smoking man could be looking at £250,000 term life policy, equalling at a monthly payable amount of £10 a month, that’s less than a round at happy hour or a coffee and sandwich
For couples who were savvy enough to buy insurance when they got married, it’s time to re-evaluate your needs as soon as you start a family. Should you opt for more coverage, it’s generally simplest to add a second policy (especially if you’ve had the first one for at least five years). But price out both options it may end up being cheaper to buy a single new policy and cancel the existing one.
PICK THE RIGHT POLICY FOR YOUR NEEDS.
Your top priority should be to ensure that you have ample protection for when your kids are young. That’s why term life is the most popular choice among parents. These policies provide coverage ranging from five to 30 years, and their annual premiums are within the reach of most families. Although the cost rises as the policy length increases, it’s a good idea to invest in a term plan that covers you until your
Insurance ‘I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT LIFE INSURANCE UNTIL I HAD KIDS’ It wasn’t until we lost my grandmother and my talk of life insurance came up that I realised just how big a need it is for a family, we have 3 children and we have a mortgage to cover, if anything was to happen to my Husband or myself I’m not sure how we would of cope without. It is next to nothing to pay out each month for what you could one day need in return. Susie, mum to three. Farnham youngest child finishes university.
START YOUR SEARCH.
While you don’t want to delay your insurance application any longer than necessary, there are two moves you should make before applying. The first is to take better care of yourself. If you can stand to lose a few pounds or improve your cholesterol level, now is the time to do it. The other is to shop around. Begin by visiting a site that provides quotes from multiple carriers, they may require you to complete a detailed, confidential questionnaire, but they also make it easy to pinpoint the best rates. Before picking someone, ask to meet in person or chat for a while on the phone. You need to feel comfortable sharing your personal and financial information and confident that the broker is acting as your advocate - not selling you more coverage than you need or can afford. Whichever route you choose, it’s essential to be truthful about everything from your blood pressure to your exercise routine. If you don’t disclose your health issues, your actual premium could end up being a lot higher than you were initially quoted, or you could be denied coverage altogether. One more thing: Don’t let your hunt for a bargain come at the expense of quality. Check that the insurer has at least an A rating. After all, you need to know the company will make good on its promise to you, so you can make good on yours to your loved ones.
Ask Portmore Life WHAT. WHY. WHEN
Ask The Expert Don’t take it just from us, we spoke to Matt from Portmore Life, Southampton. With all the knowledge under his belt it wasn’t until he was expecting his first baby that insurance came into play...
My name is Matt, I am co-owner of Portmore Life. I have worked in various aspects of the life & health insurance industry from direct sales through to sales management and setting up my own brokerage. With my first child well on the way (due Feb 2017) I have had to take a little time to think what cover does my own family need? I sat down and thought about my current financial position and what impact there would be in various scenarios. What situation would my wife Gemma be in if I died? What if I had a car accident and became disabled? What if I was diagnosed with cancer? I knew first-hand what effect these situations can have on a family having lost my Dad to a brain tumour a few years ago. Mortgage Cover I have a mortgage life cover in place which means if I die my wife Gemma will be able to stay in our home mortgage free without having to worry about moving, down-sizing or struggling to
pay the mortgage. I also included some critical illness cover here giving me some breathing space if I were to be seriously ill. I chose to have 3yrs worth of mortgage payments covered should this happen – in reality if I am going to be able to recover from a serious illness it is likely it will be within 1-2yrs. Key Person Insurance As a business owner I am reliant on the income I bring into my business to pay myself at the end of each month. If I were to be seriously ill or die I wouldn’t be able to earn this money and receive a salary. Therefore I have a key person policy that covers the income I generate to the business. I can choose whether to use this to pay a replacement member of staff or draw this so I still receive my salary. Life Cover With the mortgage policy above in place, whilst if I die my wife would have a mortgage free home she will need some money to live on and bring up our child. In reality she may be able to work part-time but probably not in our child’s younger
years and not full-time with school hours and holidays to worry about. I therefore worked out a reasonable amount of money each month that would cover her bills such as utilities, house maintenance and her car etc. and multiplied this by 20yrs. My thoughts were that she would likely need to use more of the money perhaps the first 10yrs when it would be more difficult for her to work and balance the childcare, and then less of this over the second 10yrs when they will be a little older and less dependent. Running a Ltd company I was able to place this policy through my business saving Income Tax, Corporation Tax & National Insurance on the monthly payments. I made sure that this policy is in trust to Gemma and included a “letter of wishes” explaining how I would like the money to be used should she also pass away. You can find more information on different types of cover on www. portmorelife.co.uk or call Matt and the team on 02380 663 754
It’s all so confusing, how much cover/what level of cover would I need?
There is no single answer here as everyone’s circumstances are different but often people have cover for 2-3yrs of their salary for critical illnesses ? (e.g. heart attack / The Big stroke / cancer etc.) Question as this should allow time for you to undergo treatment and recover from the illness without the pressure of needing to return to work once you have used up your savings. For life cover, this will depend on whether you have a mortgage to clear and who would look after your children if you were no longer here. Keep in mind that your partner may not be able to juggle a full time job and childcare so an amount towards this should be considered. This is an area where you should take expert advise – after all this will determine how your families future looks if you weren’t here.
What actually is critical illness cover?
Critical Illness cover protects you financially from incidents like heart attacks, strokes, cancer, serious accidents / becoming disabled. It is more expensive than life cover but statistically you are 5 x more likely to suffer a critical illness than die. Sadly cancer is the most common claim on critical illness policies and UK statistics range from 1/2 to 1/3 of us will be diagnosed with cancer during our life. If this happens during the 20 or so years that your children are reliant on you then this will provide some financial protection throughout your treatment and recovery.
How often should I review my policy?
Most people’s lives don’t stand still. We work hard and strive to provide more for our families and so a good life cover adviser will touch base with you regularly (approximately ever year depending on your circumstances) to check that your cover is still relevant to you. If you have moved house or had more children for example then it would be time to update your cover. We often see people who have taken life cover 5-10yrs ago and have since had another child and a new mortgage
which the cover no longer protects. Also insurers products improve over time as they compete with other insurers. For example a critical illness policy now may cover 20-30 more conditions than a policy taken 5yrs ago.
QUICK FIXES Q How much does it cost? A A 30yr old male non-smoker would cost:
£150,000 life cover = £10 per month. £25,000 life & critical illness cover would cost £11 per month. *Based on a guaranteed rate for 10yrs level cover
Q What are reviewable premiums? A
A reviewable premium is one that will rise and fall annually in line with the claims the insurers are receiving at the time for your age group. In reality this means that each year you get older, you are at slightly higher risk so typically the premiums will increase annually.
Q What if I own a business? A
If your business is a limited company you can pay your personal life insurance through your business under an HMRC initiative called “Relevant Life Cover”. This policy will mean you do not pay National Insurance, Income Tax & Corporation Tax on the premiums you pay or the pay-out you receive. E.g. On a £50pcm policy you would save £204 per year
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Published on Dec 9, 2016
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