The completely meaningless Salient Game Awards for 2016! by Cameron Gray
Game awards are usually turgid affairs, filled with meaningless waffle about how awesome games are and a bunch of men in suits pleasuring themselves over how they’re totally artists and not at all soulless, out-of-touch, corporate stooges who take pride in nickel-and-diming.
The #FucKonami Memorial Award for Dodgiest Games Company The two-man shit factory called Digital Homicide are possibly the worst games development company in the history of the industry. Not only are their games halfbaked shovelware cobbled together from pre-bought assets, their complete inability to take criticism has seen them them sue games critic Jim Sterling for over $10 million and attempt to file a subpoena for the information of 100 Steam users in order to sue them as well. Valve rightfully swung the banhammer and removed all of DigiHom’s games from Steam not long afterwards; hopefully they won’t come back.
To that I defiantly say nay! If I’m going to give out some awards, I’m only slightly serious about, they will be ultimately meaningless in the larger scheme of things, and it’s not all going to be sunshine and rainbows. Let’s do this!
The “No Refunds” Award for Biggest Disappointment
Without a doubt, it has to go to No Man’s Sky. I was one of many who had the misfortune of getting unreasonably hyped for the ambitious space sim, and I feel for those who believe they were ripped off. My 3/5 was based off of a first impression and I got increasingly bored waiting for something even vaguely interesting to happen. Since launch, Hello Games have fallen silent, the player base on PC has dropped dramatically, and the game’s marketing is under investigation by the UK Advertising Standards Authority for being potentially misleading. Oh dear.
Wellington Tremayne’s Game of the Year (so far) Miss Tremayne is an... interesting person, to say the least: her favourite game of the year, Alice: Madness Returns, came out five years ago! But if Dunkey can have Super Mario Bros 2 as his GOTY fourteen years running, then I’m cool with that. In her own words: “Alice is a psychological horror game that is beautiful, violent, and, quite frankly, a pain in the ass. The game is magnificently difficult, even for seasoned players. Still, the twists, turns, and metaphorical underpinnings of Madness Returns are fascinating.” Good luck back at Mount Holyoke, Wellington!
The “Garme Jurnalizm” Award for Best Games Writer Who Isn’t Me The British Khaleesi of Butts Laura Kate Dale takes the gong, specifically for her work in breaking the news of the PS4 slim model. Mostly because it was actual investigative journalism, which is a rare beast these days in the gaming industry. She risked quite a bit to get the story out and it was great to see it come to fruition when the official announcement came. On top of all this she did it just a couple of months after undergoing gender reassignment surgery, of all things; how’s that for diversity?
Cameron Gray’s Game of the Year (so far) There is only one choice for me. I’ve sunk the most time into it; I’ve had the most fun with it; I’ve talked about it more than any other release this year. I’ve got a poster on my wall with one of the characters and a Pop Vinyl figure of the same one, a rarity for me. It is the one and only OVERWATCH! Go ahead Blizzard, stick that on the back of the box.