LOVING ME
CHIEF EDITOR SADIRA EMBRACES THE FULLNESS THROUGH SELF LOVE
LOW PREP RECIPES
Finger licking good!
SUMMER RECOMMENDATIONS
To feed your soul
EXPERT OPINIONS
Answer your pressing questions + MORE!
ILetter from the editor
made a commitment for 2023 to do right by me. What that looked like in totality I wasn’t really sure of. I knew I had to get my health together if I intended to actually be around to see my youngest children grow into adulthood and to see my grandchildren grow up and even greatgrandchildren be born. I’ve been carrying around enough extra weight to account for a whole other person, and the blurring in my eyes, especially with night driving, was not just blinking away. I also knew I needed to revamp my credit and financial fitness after years of neglect, being a minimal earner and primarily a dependent: a wife, homemaker, and ministry support. I had to own the fact that I literally had spent my entire life committed to and focused on loving others: everybody but me. Hopefully more of you can’t relate than can to this measure of personal neglect. This was not a good testimony. I think so many of us know the commandment rehearsed by Jesus in Matthew 22:37-39 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind…[and] Love your neighbor as yourself.” However, too often, women especially, fail to acknowledge the AS YOURSELF part. We aren’t always great at taking care of and loving ourselves in healthy ways on a regular consistent basis. The statement, a command might I add, infers that we are expected to already be loving ourselves in a healthy way BEFORE we go trying to love others.
For a long time I didn’t even really know what that looked like, but one thing has led to another and can I tell you I’m walking out this new love for me, and it’s a-mazing. Those in my inner circle have assuredly heard me say my newest mantra, “It’s all about me in 2023” and I mean it whole-heartedly. I have been taking steps towards betterment on every level of my life and things are shaping up nicely. In
this issue as we focus on the theme “Loving ME - the journey into healthy self love” we have gathered some phenomenal women who are making their mark in the world and are going to give us some of their wealth, in knowledge and experience.
Holistic living is where it’s at from a health standpoint and Dr. Darnita Henry doesn’t hold back in sharing how to “turn on the power” for a life of physical wellness. My friend and co-laborer, Apostle Belinda Allen, shares unashamedly on how we can literally turn off the power and inhibit the very blessings and plan of God for our lives by having a wrong perspective and by the little powerful member called the tongue. We know life and death is in it according to Proverbs 18:21, but to hear her testimony in our “Bragging Rights” corner is a real eye opener. Also featured in this issue is a spiritual powerhouse, Apostle Alicia Kee. This woman of God hits it out of the park with her article “Is Your Love Well? Building Effective Relationships”. You will certainly have to reevaluate your current connections and rise to righteous valuation of those that you are to be connected to on any level. It’s all about the “loving YOU, so you can love your neighbor” part of the matter! Now, if your money has been funny and your future hasn’t looked so bright, Iyvette Kuyateh has got some answers to some real questions to help get you focused and on the right track financially. We want you to have some better choices in retirement and even in your journey getting there, because money is a defense (Ecc 7:12). This issue is packed with potent tools to make 2023 and beyond do better by you, it’s too much to even tell here. So dive in and splash around in all of the goodness as we become “Summer Ready” through an enormous amount of self-love strategies!
SADIRA DAVIS Editor-in-Chief @starlambpress
TABLE OF CONTENTS
THE POWER TO LIVE: LOVING YOURSELF THROUGH CHIROPRACTIC CARE
Turn chiropractic care into a lifestyle with 10 super simple steps to optimize your health.
LOVING THE FULLNESS THEREOF
Chief Editor Sadira shows how to choose to love and appreciate yourself, your body type, hair, and wonderful features!
JOURNEY INTO THE UNDERGROUND HAIRROAD BRAGGING RIGHTS
Interview with loctician Margena Massey on how to love your hair; freeing women from hair bondage.
IS YOUR LOVE WELL: BUILDING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIP IS TOXIC LOVE POISONING GOD’S PLAN FOR YOU
It can form polluted emotions, thinking patterns, and choices that lead away from God’s goodness.
Dive into three diagnostic tools you can use as a check up on how things are going with your own love.
Things that can minister to your soul, body, or spirit.
EDITOR’S ADVICE NUTRITIONAL NOURISHMENT
Enjoy these easy Summer recipes with in season ingredients sure to be finger licking good.
ASK THE EXPERTS
Experts answer your most asked questions.
Testifying, sharing what we have witnessed, of God’s amazing power and grace in our lives encourages others. It reminds us that no matter how bad a situation looks there IS HOPE with God.
Pause. Take a moment. Have a little fun with our brain teasers.
&
SANIT SOURCE y
CONTRIBUTORS
Sanity Source is built around bringing a diverse array of opinions and experts to serve our woman readers of all walks. Currently, our amazing contributors vary each issue to bring you the most relevant content for the season. We are grateful for each of their perspectives.
ALICIA KEE
APOSTLE | BUSINESS SCHOLAR
Apostle Alicia Kee, affectionately dubbed as the Urban Outfitter, has been in ministry for over 24 years. Prior to her call to ministry, she was a licensed cosmetologist for 20 years. Presently, Apostle Kee holds a BA in business and a Master’s in legal studies. She has an integrated ministry which consists of marketplace and ecclesial leadership. She is best known for her professional development and performance-based training. She uses keen insight, business acumen, and legal principles to bring therapeutics to individuals, single and dual member LLCs, as well as complex organizations. Her motto is that landscapes are in constant change and motion, Thus, visions must be implemented in scalable form to remain agile and solvent.
Email: info@thestarterway.com
DARNITA HENRY
DC | HOLISTIC CHIROPRACTOR, FUNCTIONAL MEDICINE PRACTITIONER HOLISTICALLY HEALTHY MAMA AND BABY ADVOCATE
Dr. Darnita Henry is the founder of Align Wellness Center, whose mission is to empower individuals with tools to be the healthiest version of themselves. She is a Wellness Focused Chiropractor, Functional Medicine Practitioner, and Holistically Healthy Mama and Baby Advocate. She enjoys traveling, gardening, and spending time with her family.
Instagram: @dr.mombaby @alignwellnesscenteratl Website: www.drmombaby.com | www.alignwellnesscenter.com
IVETTE KUYATEH
CHRISTIAN ATTORNEY, VICTIM RIGHTS & FINANCIAL ABUSE EXPERT WEALTH PRESERVATIONIST
Ivette Kuyateh (@KingdomSheroLawyerInHeels™️) is the owner of Kuyateh Law Group, which provides estate planning and wealth preservation strategies to protect assets and peace of mind. Ivette is a licensed attorney in California and Virginia. A former prosecutor, she is a highly sought after victim’s lawyer and expert on Financial Abuse and Domestic Violence training service providers and first responders nationwide while providing ongoing pro bono services for the North County Family Justice Center. She is the Director for Southwestern Community College’s Legal Information Clinic and serves on the board of Women of Color in the Law, Inc. She lives in San Diego, California with her husband and daughters.
Info@kuyatehlawgroup.com | www.kuyatehlawgroup.com
Phone: (619) 535-0066
INTERESTED IN WRITING A SUBMISSION?
If you have a special skill or talent, or an incredible testimony, that can feed the souls and lives of our audience of women we want to know about it. You may request a Submission Criteria Form via email.
Send your request to: StarLambPress@gmail.com.
Indicate in the subject box which form you need: testimony criteria form or featured article criteria form and we will send that out.
OUR TEAM
This small team is committed to the effort of delivering the right message that speaks to each of our readers. We are excited to grow in the future!
The Sanity Source magazine is a wellspring of truth, testimony, and resource for women of all walks to thrive.
Contact us!
StarLambPress@gmail.com
SADIRA DAVIS | Editor-In-Chi E f Sadira is the founder and editor in chief for Sanity Source magazine. She has been instrumental in changing hundreds of lives over the years as an outspoken leader and life coach: healing, guiding, and setting souls free through ministry, coaching, leadership training, conferences, and multiple published works.
AARON GIBBS | Graphi C dE si G n E r Aaron is a talented creative that produces work from illustration to architectural building design with a passion for details.
Sanity Source c/o Sadira Davis PO Box 26832 Tempe, AZ 85285
SUPPORT US
Sanity Source is available free for everyone to read so we can continue to reach the widest audience. If you can, make a gift today so we can always bring the best content to YOU!
Every contribution, however big or small, powers our work to bring you this magazine. Support the Sanity Source from as little as $1–easily from Paypal or our website.
If you can, consider supporting us with a regular amount each month. Thank you.
Paypal @SadiraDavisMinistries SadiraDavis.com/donate
“Like a good neighbor...”
LOVE THY NEIGHBOR.
Building Effective Relationships
How many of you could automatically sing the State Farm’s jingle? If I were to guess, I would say that 100% of you subconsciously finished the tune! There is something about jingles and mnemonics which aid us in the recall and delivery of information systems. But what about love? What systems do we use to aid us in the proper delivery of God’s command to “Love your neighbor as yourself?” God’s entire social construct was built on the first two commandments. Therefore, the scriptures declare that the entire Law and the Prophets rested on them. In other words, our relationship with God is perfectly expressed through our demonstrated relational value with others.
At face value, the command appears harmless and simple enough to follow, right? I mean, “How hard could it be to love others like yourself?” The reality: most of society is failing at the task miserably.
ay I suggest that one reason why people do not realize that they are failing at the commandment is because the interpretation is flawed. The interpretation is meant to essentially say, “Love your neighbor as I have loved you.” This is in keeping with Christ’s declaration, “You love because I first loved you.” In other words, the only reason you know how to properly love today is because I showed you the essence of love. Follow me further… I promise there’s nuggets here to help evaluate and build your love well
“I wanna know what Love is, I want”
can earnestly tell you that I failed at leading people—myself included. How can anyone lead others when they fail to love themselves enough to make sound choices? This was not just an Alicia problem; rather I entered the societal trap that says love is optional. Instead you can cloak yourselves with a business, success, money, and all other material possessions without having to make real value exchanges. So, you lead from a distance, from a negative account, or from a shallow pitch. These three become benchmarks in determining if our “Love is well.” Let’s fast forward.
when you don’t do the work, and every part of your life requires human resources (one of your greatest assets) for business especially? Learning how to effectively build relationships, and having healthy ones will bridge you in transitions and undergird you in times of economic shifts. People are released from jobs everyday based on a system called “value.” What you love or think you love sets the tone for the value system that will govern your decisions and future. You do not have to be an entrepreneur or solopreneur to understand this vital concept. What you must understand is that social systems still run on an economic exchange of debiting and crediting.
The debiting and crediting system is also an absolute functionality in relationships, and when you don’t do the soul work you’ll find yourself
IS IT WELL WITH YOUR LOVE?
There you go! You catch on quickly. In the late nineties, when I was pregnant with my youngest daughter, the Lord would constantly sing this song to me. One day, He verbally expressed to me that I did not know what Love was, and He was going to show me. Well, it certainly was not a hard sell, if you ask me: two kids and no real value system to measure sound relationships. Yeah, I was a ripe candidate.
I was a successful cosmetologist at the time with a salon that my mother and I owned. The salon was my first real experience with owning and managing. I met some great people during that stretch; but I
Today, I am 24 years into ministry. Recently, I was mentoring a tenured ministry helper who kept going after a business. I remember telling this person that it was not well with her love. I observed over 17 years how she related to money and people. Her love practices were not well. She was a broken cistern attempting to do the thing that I did many years prior as a cosmetologist—that is to evade the hard work of learning to love over cloaking oneself with an alternative (i.e. business). The initial legal steps, getting a business license and filing for an LLC, may cost less than $100; but the debit from a bankrupt soul can be death. Healing your love gauge is imperative if you intend to have a fruitful life.
The true question is what happens
in the red relationally. Thus, putting a business on a weak value system will either cause the business to stay on artificial life support,
falter in the earth, and eventually die. As I end this point here, I want to succinctly say that everything is not solved with a business or alternative “Love cover”. However, if your love is well you can not just live but thrive.
PROXIMITY BRINGS INTENSITY.
“Just
to be close to”
Okay...here is another song challenge for you. Let’s see how good you really are. Here we go...
By the way, that’s the Commodores for the younger generation! As we circle back to the commandment “Love your neighbor as you love yourself”, we must study out the word neighbor. The word neighbor in Greek means “to be near or nearby.” It is a derivative of the Latin vulgate of proximus which means exactly what it purports: proximity. In redundancy, you will see in writings the word close modifying proximity. This is uniquely an error as the word proximity is concise.
friction we obtain. Conversations are heated, emotions are wild, and environments can become inflamed and intense. Despite knowing this, humans still engage and seek deep relationships (or at least most do). Why? Because we were created for relationships. Now how effective we are at rendering out those relationships must be determined. Today, we call it culture. I believe culture is simply one element to successful relationships. Dynamic teams with diverse cultures learn to build sub-cultures as a means of survival. In Christendom, we call it a man leaving his mother
relationships is to ask ourselves, “Is it well with our Love?” Below are three diagnostic tools you can use as a check up on how things are going with your own love:
1. WORK PERFORMANCE AND ANNUAL REVIEWS.
Do you find it difficult to meet expectations or healthily compete in the workplace environment?
A: Don’t shy away yet! We are in an era in which everybody believes that
But I guess if you wanted to push the idea that someone is right beside you versus around the corner, close proximity would not be wrong.
Nevertheless, the premise here is to bring you into the idea that proximity brings about intensity. For example, Earth’s proximity to the sun is what sustains life. The closer a planet gets near the burning star, the more things heat up. This is how relationships are. In fact, the word ‘friend’ in which Jesus declares, “I now call you friend” makes use of the idea of proximity. The deeper and closer we go, the more
and father and cleaving to his wife (a sub-culture of the one before it). It is in this intensity that great things are born (ideas, children, etc.). It becomes an unfortunate phenomenon when we shy away from proximity. We have young children claiming they are recluses and introverts. The effect of that mentality of future generations on social constructs is heartbreaking. We gain very little and lose much. Innovation is not birthed out of starvation or isolation but a compilation of multiple humans’ efforts.
The first step that we can take as society in building effective
perfect balance can be obtained in all areas of our lives. This just isn’t ideal; and the thought of seeking it is causing more stress than the thought of choosing an acceptable compromise.
I know you are still wondering “What does my work performance have to do with my ability to love?” Here is the consideration. Scripture declares that “faith worketh by love (Gal.5:6)”. You see even your faith remains inactive if love does
not propel it. Whenever I see very low performance or the inability to compete, it is a sign that a person’s ability to “showcase love” is offline. Often, I will hear people retort at my statement because they cannot connect the dots.
However, I have performed ample coaching and industrialorganizational research revealing a person’s performance is tied to how they value themselves over how they value their employers.
Ever wonder how top performers can still outperform their peers, while their peers continue to make up excuses for their performance?
You may hear: “Well, I don’t like my job?” If you must love something before you can perform, you will always have an issue with high performance (no matter what area of your life). High performers can perform even when the environment is not ideal. One reason for this is because they may be natural starters: starters are not subject to the environment. But the truth is that performers love themselves, their brand, or their name to the point they will not
allow their performance to suffer. High performers do not have to love the job per se; but they do have to love excellence to perform well. Therefore, love propels performance. It’s unorthodox. I know. But trust me on this one.
2. HIDING MONEY AND OTHER ASSETS FROM BUSINESS PARTNERS, SPOUSES, FAMILY, OR A TEAM PROJECT.
This is abuse. Plain and simple. Church members do it. Spouses do it to one another; and teammates hide resources to get ahead. But why? Because it is not well with their love! No one is advocating that all your money is at the bidding of the community chest. What is being pointed out here is the blatant selfishness and disregard for others. I cannot begin to explain how many times I have heard people who served me in my ministry tell me what they would not do or buy. I knew then that this is a person that you can never trust to lead because they will lead with their lustful eyes first. Beware: the lust for “me, myself, and I” has taken on a new guise called “self-care.” Make sure that you are not using self-care as a cover for selfishness at the detriment of others.
3.POOR DECISIONS THAT LEAD TO RECKLESSNESS.
Let’s face it, we’ve all made poor choices. However, not all choices lead to recklessness. For example, I would coach a person that it is not in his/her best interest to pursue a particular thing. Often, I do this as an interim test to see how disciplined a person is in his or her desires (appetite). The next thing I know, this person has not pumped the brakes but pushing the gas full force and ignoring all risks. In most cases, societal norms have created insatiable appetites that can only be curbed through bankruptcy. Whether this is bankrupt relationships or banking accounts, the debit is the same. I never continue to coach or train those who ignore industry risks and standards. These types of people are negligent and reckless. They will continue to move in recklessness costing many peoples’ jobs and lives.
I challenge you to meditate on these things, examine yourself, and test and see if your love is well. Determine if you are building a life and legacy that will stand and thrive for generations to come or if you are recycling experiences and people every season and will not leave the mark God intends in the earth. Love well!
The Power To Live: Loving Yourself Through Chiropractic Care
ARTICLE | DARNITA HENRY
I am honored to delve into this topic for this issue of the Sanity Source. Self Love is a topic that I speak to my clients and friends about. A LOT. It is interesting how we have this notion of “love” for so much and so many others yet will put ourselves at the bottom of the “Love List.” Through my own journey of life and health I have learned, unequivocally, that the most important thing on that list is “Self Love.”
When I first began to explore what it means to love yourself it wasn’t an easy feat for me. I am a doctor, wife, mother, sister, and sometimes, a caretaker for aging parents. It was difficult to consider where “I” fit into this picture. I often thought that showing others love was all that was necessary. Over time, however, something awakened in my spirit that reminded me that loving myself as God loves me is required as well. What does “Loving One’s self as He would” even mean? It means treating your templemind, body, and soul as the sacred place that it is.
Many illuminating moments began when I started asking myself these important questions. Who’s among the people looking to you for guidance? What is it that you want them to learn? My answer was my children and my clients. As far as my children, I know they learn by what they see, more than listening to what I say. However, lining up what I say and what I do will provide an “in person” example, if you will. With my clients, I also strive to show them my lifestyle that what I encourage for them is attainable.
THE POWER THAT MADE THE BODY HEALS THE BODY
I began regular Chiropractic care in the summer of 2000 upon entering Chiropractic school. Prior to that time my only experience, like many in my community, was only neck or back pain and car accidents. However, I learned quickly that there were far more benefits. Chiropractic is concerned with your Nervous System, which controls and coordinates all of the body’s functions. Essentially everywhere you have an artery or a vein, you also have a nerve flowing to every muscle, cell, and tissue of your body. Those nerves are monitoring the status of the body and sending messages to the brain. The brain interprets those messages and sends messages back to the body. The role of Chiropractic is to help those messages between the brain and the body flow freely. Did you know that The power that made the body heals the body? We were so wonderfully made that what is needed for healing is right here inside of us!
A few years into school I was pregnant with my first child. I continued to receive adjustments regularly, Chiropractic care in pregnancy helps ease common symptoms including Nausea, Reflux, Headaches, Pain Management (often associated with weight gain to accommodate a growing fetus), Decreases Labor And Delivery Time, and Helps to Get the Baby In an Optimal Position for Birth. Also worth noting is that labor begins due to a series of triggers in the body
caused by, you guessed it, the Nervous System.
I delivered a healthy baby girl naturally and with no pain medication. When I returned to the chiropractor and asked her to adjust my baby her response was “You’ve taken my Pediatric adjusting class, you’re adjusting the baby.” This ignited my passion for Pediatric and Prenatal care. I delivered my first pediatric adjustment on my baby and witnessed the power of Chiropractic firsthand and since then through clients and their babies. Chiropractic strengthens the Nervous and therefore, Immune Systems. This helps kids (and adults) fight colds, reduce occurrence of ear infections, helps breastfeeding outcomes, helps balance and coordination, colic, as well as enhances overall health and well being.
Each pregnancy thereafter I was as intentional about keeping my Chiropractic visits as I was about Prenatal visits. During my second pregnancy, I was working in two chiropractic offices and raising a daughter. I began to experience the worst headache of my life a couple of days before the delivery date. After going into the Emergency room, on my delivery date, I was diagnosed with a Subarachnoid Hemorrhage Brain Aneurysm. I had two emergency surgeries over the next couple of days - a Cesarean Section and a Brain surgery. When I asked the Neurosurgeon about the prior bleeding he told me he saw during the repair he replied “The body must have created scar tissue to seal the bleed and didn't present again until now.” You see I’d
had bad headaches for a short time, years prior, that remained undiagnosed.
CHIROPRACTIC
ISN’T DESIGNED TO MAKE YOU INSTANTLY “FEEL” BETTER; IT IS DESIGNED TO MAKE YOU INSTANTLY “HEAL” BETTER.
Once I was out of the woods “emergency wise”, I definitely asked my chiropractor to adjust me. I’d had the immediate care needed for the baby and myself to survive. Now it was time to heal properly and thrive. My mother commented that one of her friend’s asked “It must be a lot on you taking care of the baby and Darnita. What are her deficits?”
To which she replied “She is taking care of her own baby and doesn’t have any deficits.”
There was a lot of prayer for me and a lot of communication between God and myself during that time. I am certain that the chiropractic care that I received prior and since this health crisis has had a major positive impact on my health and recovery.
As you continue to love yourself though your lifetime it will require a continued and renewed commitment to your health. It may be doing some type of annual regimen (cleanse, fast, etc), deciding to add exercise to your schedule, seeing a Chiropractor, etc. YOU are the best advocate for your health. Knowing that you are yours and your family’s first doctor carries a great deal of importance. It is ultimately up to you to nurture and take care of the temple you will travel in during your lifetime.
As a Holistic Chiropractor, my focus is living whole, healthy, and free. Chiropractic is really a lifestyle, more than simply alleviating symptoms. As you continue to love yourself though your lifetime optimize your health and KISS (Keep It Super Simple) yourself with these steps:
Fill your cup first. Everyone else gets the overflow. We’ve all heard the airline attendants tell us to secure our oxygen mask first, in the case of an emergency. How will you save the next person unless you take care of yourself first? It can be hard, especially when there are so many other loved ones who need you. Remember, YOU need YOU to be the best you FIRST.
A properly working Nervous System. Find a Chiropractor that aligns with the care you are seeking.
Eating Well - Proper Nutrition + Hydration plays a part in how we feel and how our minds and body works.
Proper Rest - Rest is the time our bodies get to heal and restore themselves. There are biological processes that can only take place during sleep.
#1 #2 #3 #8 #7 #6 #4 #9 #5 #10
Proper Mental Attitude - Positive thoughts lead to positive outcomes. The body listens to you. Be mindful of what you are saying to yourself.
Practice Mindfulness (can extend to eating, parenting etc). Living in the now, sometimes referred to as “being in the moment” is powerful. It allows us to not bemoan on what was or focus on what will be. Instead we are fully present, awakened, and engaged in the present. Seek Help - We are NOT meant to do everything alone. As a self proclaimed, independent worker and learner I have experienced the effects of this. Whereas we can feel more likely to achieve the outcome we desire by taking on tasks in their entirety we once again put unnecessary strain on ourselves, our bodies, and our health. Choose to let others help you.
Movement - Preferably in nature improves your brain health, helps manage weight, reduces the risk of disease, and strengthens the body.
Set and Maintain BoundariesMay include turning off access to you daily at a certain time, requiring “down time”, etc
Invest in your Health - REALLY - Time, Attention, and Resources. Ultimate investment reaps ultimate rewards.
EDITOR’S ADVICE
n keeping with this Issue’s theme I wanted to share things that I specifically felt were things or ways that promote self-love. We know that we must “love our neighbors as ourselves” according to Matthew 22:3739. Too often we fail at the standard by which that love is to flow from; which is as or how we love ourselves. My current mantra is “2023 Is all about ME!” Learn to love you better, so practice practice practice your self-love game!
Get outside! I have always loved the amazing views of the mountains both here in Arizona and on the east coast. Arizona’s beautiful blue skies are amazing, and just looking at beautiful naturescapes warms my heart. However, I haven’t always loved being out in it. In fact, I’ve always said “I’m not outdoorsy!” LOL. Yet, in my older age I have grown to understand the health benefits of getting that natural immune boosting vitamin D from the sunshine, and the powerful benefits of a daily walk. God’s great green earth still has so much to offer us, so get out and take in a dose.
2.
Recently I made the commitment to myself to take better care of this one body I’ve got to carry me through this earth journey. I made myself an appointment to get my eyes checked, which unfortunately I hadn’t done in years. I had also decided to take the leap and start with a naturopathic doctor. I happen to know a great one. During my visit with her I shared all about my very hectic, emotionally draining, high-stress lifestyle. I shared how at 50yrs old I have found myself obese from eating on the go, and having little to none or just low-grade sleep, which translates to hormonal imbalance, weight retention and feeling beat down and fatigued a lot of the time. She made a recommendation that I was unfamiliar with but apparently is helping lots of people get healthier and lose weight: peptide injections. Peptide therapy is the use of tiny proteins made up of short chain amino acids that signal your body towards better performance. They help to boost my energy, enhance my sleep quality, improve cognitive function and stress relief, burn fat and increase weight loss, have better immunity support and the list goes on and on. Well let me tell you it has been everything! It suppresses the appetite, helps build muscle, cleanses and heals my overworked adrenal glands, and I feel alert and strong for my health and weight loss journey. Check out my naturopathic doctor if you’re in Arizona: Dr. Elizabeth Livengood @ https://livengoodhealth.com
3.
This next recommendation is quite the polar opposite of my last piece of advice, but I’m going to tell you about it anyway. If there’s a Cheesecake Factory near you I want to suggest you go in and try their Mango Key Lime Cheesecake. It’s “Summerish” and light and just amazing. OMG! Honestly, I’m certain it’s almost 1300 calories for a single slice, BUT it’s going to minister to you I promise. LOL. Share it and just go for a walk after, and ONLY do this once a year. You’ll thank me later.
PHOTO
4.
Pardon the previous sweet treat distraction. In keeping in line with the really good things I’ve been doing for my body I have adopted a new AM wellness routine. I have never been into hard core workouts, and I have tried them. Unfortunately, they left me with an increased appetite, further exhausted, and still not obtaining the consistent weight loss I had desired. I just could never get “happy” about having to workout either. So many people are having weight loss surgery, and I think that’s a very serious but personal choice. I knew that was not for me. I asked God what I needed to do for me, and he led me to some information that really resonated with me. It was shorter workout times, and focused more specifically on tapping into a woman’s metabolic advantage by activating the human growth hormone (HGH). At the time I had no idea that I would be doing the peptide therapy which also does that. Nevertheless, the information helped me to embrace a different type of mindset about exercising and now I really enjoy my stretching and low-impact exercise routine. I look forward to it, and I feel great afterwards. Plus I have been consistently dropping pounds each week thus far. Win-win-win! I love how I’m lovin’ on me in this season.
5.
I want to recommend Floradix+Herbs to support low iron and overall women’s health. This is an exceptional, non-constipating, liquid iron supplement that my former chiropractor used to recommend to tons of our women clients. You can find it on Amazon, in most health food stores like Whole Foods, Sprouts, or even in some vitamin shops (i.e GNC).
6.
Thinking about health, overall health that is, I’d love to recommend a great book to deal with those “unresolved soul wounds” a.k.a “emotional baggage” us women can sometimes pick up along this life’s journey. My dear friend, Apostle Belinda Allen’s book “Your Pain Has A Past” is really blessing me real good during my current life transformations. If you are wanting to take your self-love to the next level you can’t leave out your soul. This book is for you, and will truly get to the heart overhaul and much needed repair tactics to make for soul wholeness. It’s available on Amazon or directly from her website @ belindasallen.com
7.
What I am watching these days you ask? Currently I am watching seasons 1 & 2 of the series called New Amsterdam on Netflix. I think I enjoy it so much because my heart beats to help people, to save lives. The series reminds you of the importance of every player in a grand scheme, and for me I see all of us holding a key position in God’s grand plan. It keeps you locked in with all the myriad of perspectives, the constant reality that at every minute someone’s life is in the balance, and it highlights so often the power of love. You all know I love depictions of our “godly superpower” love in action. The series is an excellent medical drama inspired by the Book “Twelve Patients: Life and Death at Bellevue Hospital.” Check it out, I think you’ll enjoy it.
8.
Do you have a lifelong plan to take care of you financially when you “retire”? Can I share with you a trusted investment tool? It’s not bitcoin, or any other cryptocurrency, and it’s not stocks, bonds, or mutual funds. All which are good things to consider for use in diversifying your financial portfolio. It’s an IUL. Maybe you’ve never heard of it, maybe you have. In my short time of working as a licensed insurance agent I came to learn that it is one of the safest, tax free ways to build and transfer wealth. IUL stands for Indexed Universal Life. Here’s a great video that I’ve shared with many clients and friends. https://youtu.be/pVJpfOB2vXA If you’ve got questions or are interested in speaking with an agent after viewing, reach out to the amazing Ivette Kuyateh at www.kuyatehlawgroup.com for a consultation on turning the tables on your future lifestyle.
PHOTO | STUDIO FIRMA/STOCKSY UNITED
ullness f Loving the
Thereof
ARTICLE | SADIRA DAVIS
here are all my “full-figured” sisters at? All of my life I have been on the fluffy side, and for most of it I’ve NOT been so settled with the realities of my body type. Thank God for revelation! For years I would diet, refrained from taking pictures, bought clothes that hid my size and shape, or even went on strike from buying clothes because I refused to buy XYZ size. Meanwhile that size kept going up. SMH and LOL. What a shame the torment that many of us go through as we struggle to accept our body types, facial features, or even our hair. Honestly, it really doesn’t matter whether you are full figured or slim, heavy busted, heavy bottomed, both or neither, have big curly hair
or thin straight hair, or if you think your nose is the size of someone else’s whole face or you hate your eyes and eye color. The fact of the matter is YOU “are fearfully and wonderfully made” by the master architect, the builder of men God almighty (Ps 139:14). God knew exactly what He was doing when he made you and according to Him it was good! What we need is a change of our vantage point. I mean I can certainly benefit from losing a few pounds (and I am working on it) but the truth is when we have self-hatred it’s typically rooted in other heart issues versus being solely a physical issue. So I want to share with you some of my process towards “loving the fullness” of who I am.
For those of you who don’t know me, I have always been a teacher, an encourager, a positive and optimistic life coach and builder of people. I have literally been a soul builder my whole life. No, I’m serious, all of my life I’ve had this natural ability to tap into people’s souls (heart/ mind /emotions) and identify issues and aid in repairing them with the love, counsel, wisdom, and insights from God. Over a course of time I finally heard the Holy Spirit say to me, “when are you going to use the things you’ve been using to help others, on yourself.” Gasps! I was stunned. I have never thought I was someone who didn’t practice what they preached, rather I have prided myself on being someone who is authentic and not hypocritical. Of course there’s nobody that can check you better than God, although he often uses people to effectively
help us also. He showed me that it wasn’t the spiritual stuff but it was the soul stuff that had me doublestandarding. Nevertheless, I took some time to deeply look within, to look at me and make some honest assessments. It was upon this assessment that I had to sit in the fact that there were so many parts of my life that I didn’t love. Some of them were in my ability to change and others weren’t, but I made a commitment to tackle the things that I could. The serenity prayer absolutely presents this frame of thinking we need to have. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” by Reinhold Niebuhr, the Lutheran theologian. I mean who are we to challenge God anyway, when He says, “I’ve made you beautiful!” To be fearfully and wonderfully made has to do with being made reverently, distinguished, marvelously with unique difference. WOW. Yes, not just me but YOU too. God did his thing and there’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
So I started on a journey of perfecting. Please understand this “perfecting” I reference is from a biblical standpoint, and is more about maturing and shoring up with God’s standards not mans. Definitely not my own. As we go back to discussing weight and body type, then if you’re a larger structured person you work at being healthy-fit and not small, or if you have big fluffy curly hair then you investigate what works with its natural characteristics to make it shine and look amazingly curly. Our goals have to move from changing who we are to really
embracing and becoming the best versions of ourselves. Invest in yourself on whatever level that you need to be more mindful and appreciative.
To choose to love and appreciate yourself, your body type, hair, and wonderful features. You are rare and valued!
There’s an exercise I use with many married couples I coach and it is to write down the things you love and admire most about your mate, then opposite to that list write the things that you think can be improved. Making this list is the starting point of a transformation process that will turn things in the direction you desire. You know the saying, “knowing is half the battle.” It’s from here that you can use the “snowball effect” to improve your self assessment. In finance, the “snowball method” is a debt reduction strategy where you pay off the smallest debt first (no matter the interest rate) while making minimum payments on all other debts. Then once it’s paid off you take all that money that you were paying on the smallest debt and pay on the next smallest debt, and so on and so forth until you have tackled many debts and eventually are debt free. Well we can use this strategy with other areas of our lives as well. Give your attention and resources to bettering or enabling greater acceptance of a part of yourself until you master perfecting it and
loving it. You know that confidence and self-acceptance are BUILT!
One of the things on my list in my process of learning and loving me was embracing my natural hair. Back around 2007 right in the wave of the most recent natural hair movement I decided to jump in and forgo relaxing my hair to see what my hair in its natural state even looked like. Like many black women I had been getting my hair relaxed since I was a young girl. I’m ashamed to admit that it almost took me 10yrs to wear it out in public in its full organic state, the afro that is. My motivation wasn’t even initially about loving myself as much as it was wanting my twin bonus daughters to love themselves. I realized that I had to model for them self-love and self-acceptance to help them build a healthy self-image. I mean how are we teaching self-love if all we are doing is modifying and mutilating ourselves to become a socially acceptable construct. I was still trying to be the faithful teacher of what’s good but was somehow omitting the powerful lesson for myself at that time. Thank God for growth, of which I do attempt to be consistently in the process of. Fast forward to 50 and here I am loving all of me, ‘the fullness thereof,’ after trudging through process after process of self-assessment, perfection planning, and execution. I did this “snowball” strategy over and over to deal with many things. What is true now, is that I love myself! I love my curves and this amazing body that has brought four amazing children into this world, and carried me faithfully through the ups and downs of life for 50
years. How can I not celebrate it! These hands and arms have loved, cared for, cooked for, hugged, and healed countless people. My strong curvy hips, legs, and feet have been true to the call to carry this weight across the United States and to other countries, many days being up and on the go for 10+ hours. Rarely sleeping more than 6hrs yet have maintained generally good health. No surgeries, no high blood pressure or high cholesterol, no diabetes, no major health issues ever. You can go ahead and applaud her, she’s been good to me, this body, the “earthsuit” of Sadira. I promise my boasting is in the Lord, not of myself. What I realize is that ONLY he could have been so incredibly brilliant to construct me in such a way that would enable all that I’ve been able to accomplish all these years. Additionally, I learned that what you water and celebrate will grow, and in fact serve you better. It’s the changing of the vantage point that helped me come to a place of celebration rather than criticism. Guess what? Now’s your time. It’s time to do some assessing, to look honestly at how great you already are. To choose to love and appreciate yourself, your body type, hair, and wonderful features. You are rare and valued!
I know you might still be stuck in wrong thinking, we don’t often convert easily. That’s why I want to give you a few key tips to begin to ‘love the fullness” of who you are. List what you love the most about yourself. Then what you believe needs some improvement. Ask yourself why you believe that it needs improvement. Often selfhatred comes from an external
source. Somewhere we received seeds of doubt and disdain. Maybe you were picked on about it, maybe you did the forbidden act: comparing yourself to others. Or maybe it does need improvement from a health standpoint. Decide the ‘why’ and determine if it’s something you have the power to change or if you need to establish a “learn to love it plan”.
Water your point of view with positive self-talk: positive affirmations. Remember what we water grows.
Say I love you! Practice honoring and appreciating your body with love through giving it healthier food choice, exercise (find what works for you), chiropractic, massages and healthy relationships. Sometimes we have people in our lives that are like weeds, sucking the life out of us and blocking our sunshine. You have to remove them even if you love them. Surround yourself with people who also love and honor you. We most certainly benefit from the positive watering from others, those that help us see our greatest qualities when we still aren’t fully convinced.
Last but not in any way least. Get with your maker! God can help you to understand your greatness better than any person. He can help you see your worth and understand what you were meant to contribute to the world that no one else can do like you. He will show you and teach you how to walk in your specific superpowers.
Whatever you do in this life, learn to love yourself, because YOU are stuck with you until the end! I am forever in love with me: Sadira.
Loving Me Affirmation Who I Am
Proverbs 30:32 says “If you have foolishly exalted yourself, OR if you have plotted evil [against yourself], put your hand on your mouth [shut it].” Let us open our mouths with wisdom, speaking life, and agreeing with all God has said about us. “[We] shall not die (be defeated, destroyed or in desolation) BUT LIVE (thrive and have a prosperous journey), AND declare what the Lord has done [for us, in us, and through us] (Ps 118:17).” Declare with me:
I AM made in the image of God. (Genesis 1:27)
I AM known of God, chosen, and formed by HIM. (Jer. 1:5; Ps. 139:13-18)
I AM made for a special purpose and I will fulfill it. (Prov. 16:4; 1Pet. 2:9)
I AM God’s handiwork, created to do good works. (Eph. 2:10)
I AM made for love: to love and be loved. (Rom. 13:8; Jn 15:12; 1 Cor. 16:14)
I AM powerful, creative, resourceful and can do anything. (Phil 4:13)
I AM royalty and am a possessor of my inheritance through Jesus Christ. (Rom 8:17; Eph 1:11)
You, women of God, are all this and so much more! Do NOT stop here but search the scriptures and meditate on them day and night that you might have good success, that you may be assured of God’s truthfulness, faithfulness and love. AND that you may present yourself to HIM as approved. (Joshua 1:8; 2Tim 2:15; Prov 30:5)
You are a daughter of the King!
ARTICLE
| SADIRA
DAVIS
If you don’t know, hair is a BIG deal to women, and in many ways affects their self-esteem. The old adage “a woman’s hair is her crown and glory” has been taken to heart by most. However, through the generations how she wears her “crown” has “run the gamut.”
Since I’ve had my own personal natural hair journey I was super excited to learn more about the
other journeys. I especially wanted to hear from someone who has landed on their feet with a head full of beautiful long locs, and has led a whole movement of helping others. I sat down with “Underground Hairroad” boss Margena (Gena) Massey to get some insight on recent hair trends and how she is using her business to positively impact her community.
you haven’t noticed over the last 7-10 years there has been a huge decline in black women relaxing their hair and going “natural.” That term “natural” has so many meanings so we want to lend some context here. Whether she has chosen to do the “big chop” and cut all the chemically treated hair off or the slower “grow and trim cycle” until it’s all out black women have been choosing a natural “hairroad” and forgoing relaxers (aka perms) by the groves.
Simultaneously, many of these women have embarked upon a journey of greater self-acceptance: appreciating their hair in a more natural state. Again that “natural state” looks different from one black woman to the next. Some have moved to use the silk press, still going for the silky straight look but just avoiding the excess chemicals. Some are wearing their hair’s natural curl patterns with or without a splash of color. Some have moved to more protective styles, so while their hair is unrelaxed, they have it braided under wigs and weaves as a new lifestyle or while trying to master the new natural hair relationship. Others have joined the massive movement of the significantly lower maintenance style of braids or locs.
Nevertheless, the single most important thing about this trend is that these black women are elevating in a measure of selflove that hasn’t always been so widespread and blatant. We start our chat with Gena on her personal journey down a path to leading the Underground Hairroad. Our conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
Sadira Davis: So Gena, how did you get here? How did you start this journey?
Gena Massey: I’ve been doing hair my entire life, well since I was at least around 6 or 7. I have vivid memories of myself watching SoulTrain doing my dolls’ hair every Saturday. While most kids were outside playing I was perfecting my craft back then. By the time I was in 4th grade I could braid hair to the scalp (cornrow) and by the time I was in middle school I was doing my aunt and cousins hair on the weekends. I knew I had talent but I didn’t really see it as “my gift” from God. As I went into high school I continued to do hair for family members, but at the time I was consumed with all that life had to offer as a teenager and student. After high school I enlisted into the United States Army, where I continued to do hair for my friends in my spare time. It wasn’t until I finished my enlistment and obtained my Bachelor’s degree in Sociology that I decided to pursue my true passion: hair. I had begun out lining my oldest son’s hair, then my nephews and other family and friends. In 2007 I enrolled in a 12 month barber course and completed it within 11 months. By this time I was married with 3 relatively young children. So I worked in that field for a few years but got pregnant again with my youngest son, which took me out of the workforce temporarily. It was while I was on this hiatus, focused on family and motherhood, that I learned how to do locs, all types of locs from traditional to interlocking. I forgot
to mention that I had been natural myself for several years at this point, so natural hair in general became of interest to me.
So your journey of helping others essentially started with your own personal journey of switching from using relaxers to going natural?
Yes, and I am someone bent on mastery and excellence so in 2015 I went back to school for 6 months and obtained my barber instructors license, so I could teach. Once I landed my first teaching position I discovered that teaching was also a passion of mine. In addition to my clientele as a master barber/stylist and loctician I’m also an adjunct instructor at Atlanta Technical College. As I mentioned earlier, hair had always been of interest to me and surely many people thought I would have become a cosmetologist. The thing with me is I always prefer to travel the road less taken. I tell people all the time that had I not been a barber I would have been a mechanic or something women aren’t traditionally supposed to do (lol). I believe God gives everyone at least one natural talent that translates into “your gift”.
So learning to embrace your natural hair, and have the specific tools to manage it is ultimately freedom. “
Indeed. You know in the past I used to call you “the product queen” because you were always trying to find the right concoction or right system to obtain your desired hair results, but it did seem like you were on a quest that was never ending until you loc’d your hair. I would definitely describe you as passionate about hair. So what exactly inspired the “Underground Hairroad? I’m sure you get asked why that’s the name of your business?
I do. Of course most of us are familiar with the Underground Railroad, the network of those who were against slavery and were aiding slaves in their escape. Similar to Harriet Tubman freeing physical slaves, I see myself as someone who is freeing women from hair-bondage. Most women, black women especially, have lived a portion of their lives in
bondage to their hair. They restrict themselves from many things based solely upon the state of their hair. How many women have you heard say, “oh I’m not going to XYZ because my hair’s not done, or if I can’t get my hair done.” Or limiting themselves in life or even when on vacations, won’t swim or hike or whatever, because they don’t want to get their hair “messed up.” Definitely in bondage to their hair. So learning to embrace your natural hair, and have the specific tools to manage it is ultimately freedom. I help women navigate that journey to freedom.
Wow, that’s deep and I can certainly identify with that bondage, especially in my younger years. So when you do a consultation with someone about going natural (i.e the Underground Hairroad) what does that look like? What’s that process?
“
love your hair and it will love you back.
It’s definitely unique to every woman. Before I loc’d my hair I removed the chemical use but I was still using various ways to straighten my hair. Blowing it out, using beveling irons, lots of heat for several years. The bottom line is my hair still wasn’t growing as desired, it wasn’t thriving, and I just wasn’t getting the results that I wanted. I decided I had to stop using all the excess heat and try to wear it in its most natural state. I figured in its most organic state it will surely thrive. That’s when I started wearing my afro, and trying styles that kept it in that natural curl pattern. I had to get used to seeing myself with that afro, but for me I realized it was still tedious and required more maintenance than I really wanted to do. Which led me to try to just keep it braided because I could wear it like that longer, I’d even push it for a couple of months. Yet, I still wasn’t fully satisfied because when it was down it was just so much work involved. From there I began doing some
research, searching “what can I do to my hair where I don’t have to comb it everyday”. That’s when I stumbled upon micro locs/sisterlocs, and it caught my attention, because it’s a protective style, low maintenance, and seemed like it checked all the boxes to meet my needs. Every woman’s hair needs or desires aren’t the same though.
There’s a question that I have to ask because I have heard you on many occasions talk about loving on your hair. What do you mean by that?
You have to treat your hair like a garden, being attentive to its needs and care. You have to show love to your hair in order to get whatever positive results you’re looking for. Love your hair and it will love you back. You also should be eating a healthy diet, taking a good multivitamin for women and/ or a hair-skin-nail vitamin, plus drinking lots of water, getting your vitamin D and speaking well over it. Love your hair!
Embracing your authentic self certainly adds to greater self-love and heightened confidence and selfesteem.
I love it! Now I’ve learned, from talking to others and by my own personal journey, that there’s something about going natural that ignites a new level of self-love. It’s like something is unlocked or liberated in you. Share with us how embracing your natural hair has bolstered your self-esteem, self-love, and confidence.
(Gena swings hair) Well you know this hair is everything! I finally have the hair I’ve always wanted that I didn’t know I needed. I love my hair, and the growth and health have definitely made me feel good about myself. It’s like there’s a whole other part of me that I’ve discovered that was hidden all this time. Embracing your authentic self certainly adds to greater self-love and heightened confidence and self-esteem.
Ok last thing. What are any tips you’d give to someone who’s considering a natural hair journey or is still in the “it’s complicated” phase of the relationship with their hair?
Identify your hair goals. Then do your own research. Talk to multiple locticians or hair care specialists whatever route you’re considering. Also, there’s a book that was very instrumental in my years of hair study that I’d recommend. Its “The Science of Black Hair: A Comprehensive Guide To Textured Hair Care” by
Audrey Davis-Sivasothy. If you’re considering a hair loc journey be prepared to make that initial investment in yourself. Comb coils which are the least expensive range from $100-150 for the initial loc appointment. Two-strand twists or braid locs can range from $250-350. Remember one of the variables is depending on the type of loc and how much hair you have. Last, the micro locs/sister-loc (interlocking) styles typically cost from $350+. Whatever you decide, love you, your hair is a part of you and it deserves as much love as every other area of your life. If people are in the Atlanta area I regularly do consultations. I also have many hair videos and tips on my social media.
This was an amazing interview, and very insightful. I pray that no matter what status of relationship you’re in with your hair that you choose the high road, the road to love. Whatever you do, love you wholly: spirit soul body and hair of course!
Margena Massey, a native Georgian and veteran barber/ stylist and loctician is the founder of Underground Hairroad, an entity that is focused on empowering individuals to be “free” and enable them to have healthy, attractive, well kept hair. Follow socially IG: @ underground_hairroad. You can also reach her via email @flair4locdhair@ gmail.com or on StyleSeat as Gena Massey to schedule a consultation or an amazing loc’d look.
BRAGGING RIGHTS
FROM BARRENNESS TO BIRTHE, MY TESTIMONY
had been 15 years of marriage and still no child had been birthed out of my husband’s and my union. Time had gone by so quickly I hadn’t noticed the pressures of age creeping up on me. Nor did I feel the pressures of desire or the need to breed immediately. I knew I wanted a child but I had been content with life’s process or what I thought was its process. Never had I considered that I had been living within the confines of my stubbornness and what I had spoken over my own life.
I can recall getting my menses as a child, I was appalled. I hated everything about it. It didn’t help that I started having severe cramping that would confine me to the bed plus nausea. “I never want kids, if it’s like this” were my thoughts every month. I despised the very thing that was the vehicle towards one day experiencing motherhood.
I can recall going in for a routine check up and my first pap smear, I was so nervous. I remember my doctor encouraging me to just relax, but the thought of having to be in this vulnerable position infuriated me and then having to have my breast checked made me feel violated. Being a woman was too much for me to grasp.
I can still hear the echo of my doctor after I explained what I had been experiencing and after some tests, “It seems that you may have polycystic ovarian syndrome and I want to recommend that you become a vegan just to get your hormones balanced.” All I knew is that this was just another thing tied to being a woman, and
Testifying, sharing what we have witnessed, of God’s amazing power and grace in our lives encourages others. It reminds us that no matter how bad a situation looks there IS HOPE with God. We can “boast in the Lord” or as the song writer said, “brag on Him!”
I can remember thinking, “I like ice cream and dairy way too much to ever become a vegan.”
At birth it was discovered that I was lactose intolerant, and my mom had to give me alternative options for milk— although true, my body had learned to adjust to my abuse towards it. I would just pop some Lactaids and keep it moving, So I thought…
Fast forward to my reality of being childless, and I could hear my doctor’s words. “You really need to become a vegan”. Remember, this was during a time that veganism was not popular, so there were no alternatives on the market then. Needless to say, I had stubbornly neglected his suggestion until the day of my epiphany, that I needed to do something to repair my body of the damage I had put it through for so many years. In 2016 I became a vegan, I quit eating the way I had been eating, cold turkey, it was a miraculous moment.
I knew this was the right decision because I had no desire to look back. It was supernatural, seriously, it had to be because, prior to this point I had no desire to change how I had been eating. I was finally on a journey towards motherhood via body repair.
There were many changes I started to make along with my new vegan lifestyle. I got on an exercise and nutrition plan. I implemented herbal therapies, from noni steams to herbal supplements and teas. Then one day, I was awakened in my soul by the Holy Spirit. The revelation of my
need to properly feed my body was only the beginning to my soul’s desperate need to be fed truth.
The damage that I had done to my physical body was a reflection of the damage that I had done to my soul and my spirit. God took me up in a vision and I literally was in my mom’s room laying on her peach satin comforter, crying. I literally saw myself as that girl going through my menstrual cycle and woman woe’s and the revelation hit me like a ton of bricks. I was living under a curse that I had placed upon myself as a child. It was my own mouth that had locked up my womb. The Holy Spirit revealed in that moment that everything I despised about being a woman was the natural functioning of my body that was connected to reproduction.
This was a crucial part in my deliverance from barrenness. God set me on a new journey of soul and spirit healing and repair. I went through a lot of self deliverance with renouncing the words I had spoken over my life. I also began to repair my body with my words by speaking well of my body and its functions. I spoke well of my womanhood. I told my body that I appreciated it. I also commanded and gave my body permission to function as it was designed.
Fast forward to 2021, after 19 years of marriage, I gave birth to a beautiful, smart, God sent girl, “Journee”, my promise fulfilled, yet the journey continues.
Belinda S. Allen, Apostle Phoenix, AZ
Ask the Experts
Let’s Talk About Your Estate and Wealth
Preservation Gameplan
Ivette Kuyateh, (@KingdomSheroLawyerInHeels™️) is the owner of Kuyateh Law Group, which provides estate planning and wealth preservation strategies to protect assets and peace of mind. Ivette is a licensed attorney in California and Virginia. She is also a victim’s lawyer and expert on Financial Abuse and Domestic Abuse and a passionate resource for the community she serves.
Info@kuyatehlawgroup.com | (619) 535-0066 | www.kuyatehlawgroup.com
Q Q
AWhy should you hire an attorney to do your estate plan?
A poorly drafted estate plan can often create MORE problems than it can solve. Broken estate plans lead to “fires” your family will have to put out at the cost of hefty attorney fees, loss of time, loss of sleep and family disputes that often leave long lasting damage to relationships. No matter how good the document drafting service provider you use, it can not replace a legally trained mind that can spot red flags and help you navigate complexities of blended family considerations, generational wealth and advanced tax planning, specialty drafting for special needs, mental health or substance abuse protections that may arise. As a wealth preservation attorney, I’m always encouraging my clients to reduce expenses and save money. But THIS is an area none of us can afford to mess up.
ADo I need a will or trust?
First, I like to educate my clients on both. When someone dies without a will, they die intestate before the law, meaning their state’s probate code will act as their will. The judge will decide how their estate is divided according to that state’s laws. Having a will ensures your wishes are known before the probate judge so in essence, it is a guarantee that your estate and your family will end up in court. Until your will is probated, assets are inaccessible to be transferred to your heirs which can create havoc in many families. In the meantime, court costs and lawyer fees begin to add up. Bottom line, probate court costs money and time. A basic revocable living trust creates an instrument for the transfers to occur during your lifetime so there is no need for the court to get involved. As owner of your
property, you transfer it to your Trust, and you accept it as Trustee of your Trust. Upon your death, your Trust becomes irrevocable and your Successor Trustee(s) step in to manage your property according to your wishes. Depending on your assets, a will may be sufficient for your planning, but chances are if you own real property, you’ll want to put it into a Trust. Always talk to an attorney who can guide you in your specific situation.
Q AWhat wealth preservation strategies do you recommend for your clients looking to build their estate?
As a wealth preservation attorney, part of my job is helping my clients understand how to play the money game. Paying their fair share of taxes without overpaying is key. I encourage them to look into tax free or tax deferred investment options for their money to grow in. Cash Value Life Insurance Policies are one of my top “go to” options in order to grow wealth without ever having to pay taxes on it. Not only are life insurance policies a pretty quick way to grow the value of your estate, but they are also one of a very limited group of investments that are typically protected against creditor claims. Insurance policies have evolved into sophisticated wealth creation tools with bells and whistles where your money can grow tax free and be accessible to you during your lifetime. Annuities are another type of creditor proof investment where your money can grow tax free until distributions are taken. Annuities are created when you exchange assets for the right to get payments distributed to you over time as a fixed income stream. If done properly, you can count on having that income stream for life, so you don’t outlive your money. Don’t procrastinate and talk to a financial professional that can help you put together a game plan.
No Legal Advice Intended. The contents of this editorial are intended to convey general information only and not to provide legal advice or opinions.
GOD’S PLAN FOR YOU POISONING TOXIC LOVE IS
ARTICLE | SADIRA DAVIS
“W
hen I grow up I’m gonna get married, have two kids, a dog or a horse and live in a pretty house with a white picket fence” said many little girls. Certainly those details vary from one girl to the next, but there’s more often than not an “ideal” landscape of life that is imagined. Of course, imagining a picture perfect future is not bad, dreaming and vision casting are great mental exercises. However, we’ve got to do a better job of arming both young girls and seasoned women alike with the tools to “guard their hearts with all diligence” and to identify and navigate through toxic relationships and demon driven predators so they may seize the dream, the plans of God for them. In the book of Hosea 4:6 it says, “my people are destroyed [perish, have death and deficit] for [due to] a lack of knowledge.” In my 20+ years of coaching I would say 4 out of 5 women have been sexually assaulted, most in childhood, but also some in adulthood. I would also say that 5 out of 5 women have either witnessed a woman in their lifetime suffer domestic abuse, have personally suffered, or both. What do we do when love has gone wrong, and when toxic relationships have created a wedge between us and God, through discouragement and doubt, and inadvertently from God’s great plan for our lives? We die, and regrow new and better than ever.
Sometimes we are challenged in life to let things die: old false narratives we’ve believed, toxic relationships, and the guilt and shame that is likely attached to both. Let that old you, the little girl that learned underdeveloped survival strategies, die. Today, as adult women, our first level of defense is knowledge. We need to understand what abuse is, and more specifically domestic abuse. Most women who are being abused may not think so if they are not being physically beaten, and that is so far from the truth. According to the United Nations (un. org), “domestic abuse, also called ‘domestic violence’ or ‘intimate partner violence’, can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic [financial], psychological or religious [spiritual] actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone.” When we don’t know what is inappropriate and unacceptable, or when we have been clouded in our emotions and mind by the abuse, it can often be misunderstood and confused to be acceptable.
Going back to the scripture “guard your heart with all diligence…” it further says, “because from out of it flows the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23).” This text is so important as it emphasizes why we MUST be so intentional to do this ‘heart guarding’. It is because how we process all of life is going to be conditioned upon the state of and effects upon our heart. Our “heart” is the seat, place of origin for our feelings, how we think, our intentions, ultimately what we use to make many of our decisions. Now that we understand that framework let’s revisit the dream.
Intimate relationships from the very first one we ever have in the world are intended to give us a conceptualization of the living God. Once that dream is polluted by any form of abuse or dysfunctional behaviors it moves us further and further away from God and what he has planned for us. It is a full on strategy and
attack of the devil. An important statement that I often rehearse to those I train is, “people are NOT the devil, but the devil uses people.”
Since the overthrow at the Garden of Eden Satan and his cohorts have been capitalizing off of the strength, power, giftings, and physical capabilities of humans. He is the first abuser of men having manipulated Eve and Adam and all their lineage even up until now. Our redemption, deliverance, is only found in Jesus Christ, who has provided us freedom and power over this enemy of our lives.
Toxic relationships poison the plan of God for your life, they emphatically form polluted emotions, thinking patterns, and choices that lead AWAY from all the goodness of God intended for us.
Some of the manifestations from the impact of abuse are: self-hatred, addictions, eating disorders from refraining from proper nutrition to over-eating, social withdrawal, depression, fear and all types of phobias, poor concentration, distrust and difficulty forming and maintaining healthy relationships, even and unfortunately sexual deviance. Of course this is not a comprehensive list, and all those listed have other linked behaviors. It’s a web of destruction and distraction to keep the person from being “whole” and fully functioning in their God-given purpose and from reaching their destiny. Toxic relationships poison the plan of God for your life, they emphatically form polluted emotions, thinking patterns, and choices that lead AWAY from all the goodness of God intended for us.
You might be saying, “Sadira, you went too far!” Yet I fully understand that we must face the hard truths in order to heal, and I wanted to give the “big picture” view so we can more seriously consider and manage the relationships in our lives. A manipulator is
RELATIONSHIP RELATIONSHIP RELATIONSHIP RELATIONSHIP
Healthy Relationships
Mutual Respect
Good Communication Trust
Honesty
Individuality Understanding Compromise
Anger Control
Problem Solving
Fighting Fair
Self-Confidence
Generosity
Affirming
Being A Role Model
Healthy Agreed Levels of Intimacy
Healthy Exchanges / Reciprocity
Unhealthy / Toxic Relationships
Disrespect
Argumentative, Undevelopled Listening Skills
Control
Dishonesty
Dependence, Inappropriate Attachment
Hostility / Intimidation
Self-Serving
Verbal or Physical Violence
Accusation/Guilty/Control
Bullying
Shaming
Financial Abuse/Exploitation
Manipulative
Bad Example/Embarrassment
Exploitive Intimacy/Sexual Violence
Taking Good/Giving Bad
Adapted
TOXIC TOXIC
seasoned at enticement and false display and stages things in a way that are typically off the radar for months. The physical and sexual abusers are typically not going to commit an offense against you on a first encounter, they do a lot of grooming of their victims before assault. Every predatory person operates in highly structured, proven, ancient demonic tactics to embondage, torment, and ultimately destroy if possible. We need God. We need tools. We need righteous support systems, and ancient techniques (in the word of God) to overthrow the works of darkness that want to keep us from our destiny.
Guarding our hearts requires boundaries but not prison bars. We need to readily be able to keep out the bad but also as easily let in all the great love that’s headed our way.
We can’t do anything about the unfortunate things from our childhood or past relationships, but we get to heal and be responsible and intentional going forward. We get to begin again, new, even if it begins today. We have to invite the Lord in to help us face the pain of our past, to heal, and to learn what love and proper relating looks like. Of course, we know that the Lord has modeled for us the greatest examples of love, of being a benefactor. However, it is also spelled out clearly in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) which says: “Love is patient [forbearing], love is kind [useful/benevolent]. It does not envy [not jealous], it does not boast, it is not proud [puffed up]. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking [selfish], it is not easily angered [provoked], it keeps no record of wrongs [forgiving]. Love does not delight in evil [iniquity/injustice/destruction] but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails [is enduring].” These few
verses alone give us a good gauge on how to test and prove when there’s love and when there’s not. Most of us haven’t mastered love, BUT because we know love is not harmful then there should be a willingness to upgrade and to learn proper behaviors, and to expect it from others who desire to be in our lives. If there’s an unwillingness to modify wrong/bad/toxic behaviors then that’s a good indication that you might be in an abusive relationship, and may have to consider separating from that person. Of course the ‘Golden Rule’ is also a good gauge and practice, “treating people the way we desire to be treated (Matt. 7:12).”
I have included a “Relationships Basics Chart” with information compiled from the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), since oftentimes we may not have had great examples of what healthy relating is supposed to look like. Here are some very basic things to help you to distinguish healthy elements vs unhealthy elements in a relationship. This guideline is useful for all relationships (family, friends, romantic, and professional).
In closing I want to add that every person should learn and practice healthy boundaries. That means guarding and governing your heart space appropriately. It also means knowing how and when to say yes and be compliant and how and when to say no and make your exit. Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend’s bestselling book Boundaries is a great resource, a worthy read with great strategies on how to set healthy boundaries. Keep in mind guarding our hearts requires boundaries but not prison bars. We need to readily be able to keep out the bad but also as easily let in all the great love that’s headed our way. Remember you’re not alone, toxic relationships encroach upon us all, whether it’s unhealthy family members or an unfortunate chosen relationship, but we must begin to deal with them accordingly. Our future, our legacy, and our destinies depend on it. God has always had big dreams for us even before we began to imagine our future as little girls. Let’s get healthy, master love, and go on and see what the end is gonna be!
The end of a relationship doesn ’ t mean it was a failure or that you are a failure .
It was a lesson , an experience , and a part of your growth . Remember that .
PHOTO | ELISA PHOTOGRAPHY
NUTRITIONAL NOURISHMENT yummy
In this issue we want to excite your taste buds with a little “yum” and a little “fun” so we’re featuring some exciting and new recipes that are both tasty and nutrient rich. All of the needed ingredients are in season and should be at their best. Sweet potatoes love the heat and are better in warmer months. Kale holds steady through Spring, and pineapple and peach harvests peak from March through late Summer. So we present the nutritious sweet-treat: Sweet
SWEET POTATO
brownies
Serves 6
Ingredients
1 cup cooked sweet potato mashed
Potato Brownies, a delicious Pineapple Lemonade, and this super quick, easy, and refreshing Spring Kale Salad. Last but not least we have a Georgia Peach BBQ Turkey Wing recipe. We felt it just wouldn’t be right if we didn’t have some kind of “finger licking good” protein to accompany that salad. Try one recipe or all four but love your palate while you are loving yourself in these Summer months.
1/2 cup Almond Butter can sub any nut butter
2 tablespoons Pure Maple Syrup
¼ cup Cocoa Powder
½ cup Chocolate Chips optional
Method
Preheat the oven to 180C/350F and grease a loaf pan and set aside.
In a high-speed blender or food processor, combine all the ingredients and blend well until a smooth brownie batter remains.
Pour the mixture into the greased pan and bake for around 20 minutes or until cooked through. Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely before slicing into pieces.
COOKING METHOD
georgia peach bbq turkey wings
Serves 4-6
Ingredients
8 pounds turkey wings (about 8 split wings, tips discarded)
1/2 cup canola oil
3 tablespoons store-bought barbecue spice blend
1 shallot, chopped
4 cloves garlic, quartered
3 ripe peaches, pitted and chopped (about 2 cups)
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 tablespoon pure maple syrup
1 cup vegetable or chicken stock
2 dashes Worcestershire sauce
1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
Kosher salt
2 tablespoons chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.
Place the turkey wings in a large mixing bowl. Pour in the oil and barbecue spice blend. Massage the wings until evenly coated on all sides. Place the seasoned wings on the prepared baking sheet. Set the oil remaining in the bowl aside. Roast until the wings reach an internal temperature of 165 degrees F and are golden brown and crispy, about 1 hour 20 minutes.
Meanwhile, prepare the barbecue sauce: In a small saucepan over medium heat, pour in the oil remaining from the bowl the wings were tossed in. Add the shallot and garlic. Cook until softened, 3 to 5 minutes. Add the peaches, tomato paste and maple syrup. Cook, stirring frequently, until the mixture begins to caramelize. Pour in the stock and stir to combine. Reduce the heat to medium low. Simmer, stirring occasionally, until slightly thickened, about 20 minutes. Stir in the Worcestershire sauce and paprika. Use an immersion blender to puree the mixture until smooth. Add kosher salt to taste.
Remove the wings from the oven and brush generously with the sauce. Return to the oven and broil for 3 minutes, until the sauce bubbles and begins to brown. Serve immediately garnished with parsley and with extra sauce as desired.
kale salad
Serves 4
Ingredients
1 large bunch curly kale
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
3 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice (from about one medium lemon)
½ teaspoon fine sea salt
Freshly ground black pepper to taste
¼ cup nutritional yeast
Method
Tear the kale leaves from their stems and break into bite-sized pieces. Wash and dry thoroughly. (Discard stems or save for juicing or pesto.)
Sprinkle the oil, lemon juice, salt, and pepper over the kale and use your hands to massage the dressing into the leaves. Do this however you like — you really can't go wrong. In a minute or two, you'll have a tender, delicious salad.
Sprinkle with the nutritional yeast for a pop of umami that beautifully complements the earthy kale, fruity olive oil and tangy lemon juice.
pineapple lemonade
Serves 4
Ingredients
1 cup Lemon Juice fresh squeezed {approx. 4 – 5 medium lemons}
1 cup Pineapple Juice chilled
1 1/2 cups Sugar
1 cup HOT Water
4 cups COLD Water
Method
Roll each of your lemons on a cutting board to loosen up the juice inside.
Then cut lemons in half, squeeze out the juice, remove any seeds, and transfer juice to a pitcher.
Heat 1 cup of water to HOT, dissolve sugar in the hot water… stirring well, then transfer sugar-water to pitcher.
Pour pineapple juice into pitcher, and 4 cups COLD water, stir well, and transfer to the refrigerator.
Chill for at least 1 hour, stir well before serving and ENJOY!
Selah Moment
{Intentional Pause for Reflection}
Pause. Take a moment. Have a little fun. Word Search
Find the right word.
