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Content 1. Ionic - Nikhil Mane 2. Eureka! - Saahil Dama 3. Monocle - Sushrut Munje 4. Epifunny - Krushna Dande

A Saahil Dama, Ishan Dabri, Krushna Dande production.

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IONIC Fruits R Us Have you ever stopped to think what life would be like without fruits? I mean, what would you send to people in hospitals? Lilies, maybe. But isn’t that what they send dead people? What about random friendly neighbor visits? You know what I mean. Indians love gifting fruits. Indian relatives specially love calling you and handing you a bag of sorry apples with the air of a diamond merchant giving his mistress a diamond ring. So fruits are a good thing. They are a way for us to send a very special message to our friends and loved ones, a message that says, "Here are some fruits." This is considered very thoughtful, especially if you take the effort to accompany the fruits with a card harbouring some deeply heartfelt sentiment produced by the Heartfelt Sentiment Division of a greeting-card company: “Thinking of you! At this special time! And hoping that ball I whacked at yours wasn’t very hurtful.” One of my friends was a real fruit and not the cute, edible kind. She used to worship a potato that was shaped like some god. It was during these times that I began to formulate some theories about organized religion and also, women in general. Fruits must also have some religious significance. What doesn’t? In our land, anything goes. If any such significance exists, however, it is lost on me.

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Fruits are what eventually become of one of those beautiful and amazingly adaptable life forms that Mother Nature comes up with when she's not wiping out entire villages with earthquakes. Scientists have counted some fillion dillion species of flowers; although I suspect that toward the end there they were just making stuff up. Like all things fruity, and by extension floral, there are types of fruits. Again, I have no knowledge about this, but I read one sleepy night that they are annuals, quarterfinals, occidentals, rinds and geeks. Fruits come from plants. Plants had to develop some really clever systems for reproducing, because they are rooted in the ground and thus cannot easily find drunk females. Some of these uglier plants reproduce by means of bulbs that crouch underground. The more attractive ones reproduce with bees. Bees are willing to have sex with plants because the queen bee has to take care of something like 600,000 babies at the same time and is never in the mood. If you're interested in starting a fruit thingy of your own, you should first determine where in this vast country is it that you live. I have no idea how to do this. But, if you live in the ‘posh’ areas of town, you need to grow fruits with poisonous spines, so health fanatics can't eat them. And if you live in the older parts of town, you would plant extra seeds, because the people will just steal most of them and sell them back to you saying that they are from Nasik, Nagpur or some other ‘known-for-frigging-awesome-fruits-land.’ If you really get into fruits, you can join a club, which will give you a chance to meet lots of people you would not otherwise have met. You would have interesting talks and probably get all fired up.


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You would then go home and make a Facebook page along with a like-this page that states something very obvious in a very stupid way. Then all you would do is add people, suggest it to people and some such Facebookish stuff. Then you start poking people and playing Farmville to ‘fuel the passion’. Then you die. - Nikhil Mane

You can find more of Nikhil at his blog. Nikhil is also the managing editor at: Simple! Magazine

A Saahil Dama, Ishan Dabri, Krushna Dande production.

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EUREKA! Life As We Know It 'On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.' - Fight Club Let us face the facts. No glitter. No fancy euphemisms. No beating around a godforsaken bush. The hard, ice-cold facts. You are going to die. It might be in five decades, five days or by the time you finish reading this sentence. Your life is going to end. Someday or the other you are going to take your last breath and the little organ the size of your fist beating relentlessly inside your chest is going to stop. Life is a novel and every novel has an end. So will yours. People will cry, mourn. But eventually they will toss your cold corpse into the pyre and forget you. You will be nothing but the tiniest speck of dust in the vast history of the universe. Your existence will be erased before the last smouldering ashes feeding on your corpse die out. Life is about being remembered for a little more. Most of our life is wasted in brooding over trivial things that don't weigh an ounce in the big picture. We get so intimately involved in these tiny things that we lose track of things that really matter. Like a pupa cocooned in its own utopian world, we forget that there actually a world outside, and a brutal one at that. We clutter

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our insatiable existence with psychological and emotional makebelief farce until it becomes impossible to break out of that bubble. Our life gets encompassed by the vain attempts we make to fill the void. Death can strike you down before you know it. You wake on the right side of the bed to the sun pouring onto your face. Your pup comes and licks your face. There’s warm coffee awaiting you. The sky is clear. The first face you see is that of your loved one. The beauty outside tempts you. You grab your brown jacket and favourite hat. Step out of the house to be greeted by a cool wind. You thank God for the wonders he is bestowing you with, and get hit by a drunk truck driver. You are dead before you hit the ground. Scenario two – You live a miserable life looking for a million things, but never knowing what it is you want to find. Eighty years down the line, you lie on your deathbed surrounded by your loved ones shedding endless tears. Your brain is clogged with cancerous cells, which is almost ironic because before they came in, your brain was clogged by the numerous things that were so dear to you, yet so worthless. You know your end is near. And then of course, you die. So it doesn’t really matter which way you go. You are bound to meet your fall. Some things are beyond our control. Death tops the list. But till that moment comes, people go to surprisingly large extents to avoid it. Romance, sanguine hopes for the future, dreams, goals, promises. Hogwash. None of these things matter. In life, these things aren’t going to get you anywhere. They will only weigh you down and quicken your pace to the grave. Stop hoping, don’t waste time in pointless romances, let go of goals. Life is not a movie, shot frame by frame and with a dozen retakes. You have one chance to make it or break it. None of the weight that you are carrying in your backpack is going to help you then. Instead, let go of these. Embrace freedom. Embrace ecstasy. Embrace salvation. Embrace life.


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Death is beyond our control. I have said it once and I say it again. Don’t fear it, because it will come when it has to, and when it does, there is nothing you can do about it. What we do control, is one thing - our life. One shot at glory; to be remembered for eternity. Stop hoping, work for it instead. Don’t sell your love. Give it to the one that truly deserves it. Keep no goals. Enjoy the journey instead. Expect nothing. Let every day surprise you. Live large. Have no regrets. Be passionate. Be ambitious. Live in the now. Fear nothing, for the ultimate will definitely come one day. Appreciate life. Be motivated. Laugh. Cheer. It’s your life, make it large because that is all that you have. In the end, death will always be waiting. - Saahil Dama

You can find more of Saahil at his blog. A Saahil Dama, Ishan Dabri, Krushna Dande production.

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MONOCLE Basics 1.1 ‘Philosophy’ is a generic term and often misunderstood. It would be best to have a look at the definitions, available online, first. Philosophy is the study of general and fundamental problems, such as those connected with existence, knowledge, values, reason, mind, and language. It is distinguished from other ways of addressing such problems by its critical, generally systematic approach and its reliance on rational argument. The word “philosophy” comes from the Greek philosophia, which literally means “love of wisdom”. Philosophy can also be defined as love and pursuit of wisdom by intellectual means and moral self-discipline. Investigation of the nature, causes, or principles of reality, knowledge, or values, based on logical reasoning rather than empirical methods. The critical analysis of fundamental assumptions or beliefs. Shying away from words that seem heavy only adds to one’s ignorance. Understanding their meaning is essential. Especially when they speak of ‘logical reasoning’ and ‘pursuit of wisdom.’ Wisdom, that helps you live a better life in a deeper sense. How does that help? We will be discussing that soon.

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Happiness comes if you have the right setup. And we strive all our lives to be happy and satisfied. ‘Being satisfied with what we have’ is not a preferred viewpoint because it does seem full of limited aspirations. And that charges us lions to go that extra mile and achieve excellence. At times, even that fails to satisfy and we are left looking for more happiness by trying even harder and reaching greater heights. But is it really necessary? Why do we get confused between ‘Goals’ and ‘Means’? We will come to religions too, later. A careful study done by one of my favorite authors Fritjof Capra throws light on how the basics of Eastern Mysticism (Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Chinese Thought, Zen) which are also the core concepts of Quantum Mechanics. In his own words, as in the book ‘The Tao of Physics‘“Mystics understand the roots of the Tao but not its branches; scientists understand its branches but not its roots. Science does not need mysticism and mysticism does not need science; but man needs both.” Also, “the mystics explore it through meditation. The nuclear physicists explore it through experimentation and hypothesis. It’s the universe as we understand it today, a ‘cosmic dance’ of paradoxical yet unified relationships- an organic vision brilliantly evoked by a gifted and thoughtful physicist” I will share more from this book and others in the coming ‘the Basics’ columns. It is time we open our minds to good stuff. Philosophy is as cool as it gets. As cool as it gets. Yes, as cool as it gets. Love and peace. - Sushrut Munje

You can find more of Sushrut at his blog. Sushrut is also the co-founder of: Simple! Magazine A Saahil Dama, Ishan Dabri, Krushna Dande production.


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EPIFUNNY Fickle

One of the large numbers of things I spend unhealthy amounts of time on is the fickle nature of humanity in general. There have been a gigantic number of changes in human civilization and most people pay about as much attention to them as they would a drunken person passed out on the street. One example of huge change in the past few years is health food. First, the world ate nothing but health food. Like apples, spinach and stuff. Real dirt cheap, and tasting like it. Then some of the greatest minds in the universe came up with fast food, or in today’s babble, ‘junk food,’ and people everywhere erupted into songs of joy. At least that is what I think happened. Or should’ve, anyway.

True story But then, a couple of years later, farmers realized that they were losing out on their hard-earned cash because somehow people preferred tasty food to their rubbery produce. So after a quick assassination of Ronald McDonald and installation of their men, a

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complete shift took place. Health experts who’d never been seen until that day started to damn fast food, inventing terms like cholesterol et cetera to support their claims. A change happened overnight. Produce became health food. The man stuffing himself with a burger became a pitiable sight. And most importantly, fast food became junk food. And the scary part is: no one questioned them. There’s a scene in George Orwell’s magnum opus, 1984, where the country whose rally was being held switched its alliance. The country they were fighting were now allies, and the previous allies were now mortal enemies. The speaker after being handed a card, changed his speech mid sentence without faltering. The people, instead of falling in disarray, realized that the photos of the previous allies plastered all over town were a masterful trick by the enemies and tore them down in frenzy. The scene is one of the most chilling in the book. Orwell meant it to be fiction, but it is coming true in more ways than one.

One of them in that badass moustaches are in style. Take the zodiac, for instance. A month ago, a significant fraction of the population went about saying, ‘Oh, I’m a perfect Capricorn,’ or ‘I knew you were a Pisces!’ Then, a few days ago, astronomers found that the Earth had been wobbling for centuries, which meant that all the age-old ‘wisdom’ of psychology suffered a great setback. People, as you may have guessed, were rather put off by the fact that the personality they were diligently sticking to for their cognitive lifespan because of the time of their birth was not entire-


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ly accurate. For days, Facebook was flooded by status messages like ‘Leo forever’ or something similarly retarded. Classic overcompensation, some may say. Others may say absolutely retarded. However, a few people were happy. Some rejoiced that the crab was now a bull, or the twins were a water bearer.

Choose your childhood-scarring idol

It is only logical to say that man’s drive for adaptation to his surroundings has overflown into his mindset. This is something that must be stopped, and we must make a conscious effort to do it. When someone tells you something, research. Everything that is told to you isn’t true, most of it is just opinion. This is opinion. It is your choice whether or not to believe it, and it is still your choice if you want your mindset to be changed regularly. But opinion also contains advice, and my advice is that when in 2020 health experts announce that cholesterol lengthens lifespan, try not to be one of the hundred thousand people trampled to death in the rush to McDonalds. - Krushna Dande

You can find more of Krushna at his blog. A Saahil Dama, Ishan Dabri, Krushna Dande production.

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