family, friends, acquaintances, and boyfriends
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with him and went along with these conversations as if I, too, had experienced it. One day, while my aunt was out, Aaron said he was coming over. What?! Why?! I thought to myself. I had snuck boys over before, but there was always at least one other person at home with me. I was nervous, but I told him it was cool. When he got there, he asked why my heart was pounding. I came up with some dumb ass excuse. Next, he led me to my room. My heart was pounding harder now. Louder. It was deafening me. I couldn’t hear Aaron when he told me to climb into the bed with him. I smiled and laid next to him. After just laying there for a little while, he pulled me on top of him. He started kissing me. I think he knew that I was nervous. He turned me on my back. As he hovered over me, he joked, saying, “You sure you’ve done this before?” “Of course I have. Just come on nigga,” I told him. All of a sudden, it happened. I couldn’t believe I was actually doing this. It was the worst. Why would someone want to put themselves through so much pain? I just closed my eyes and waited for it to be over. I believe this was the day I lost my innocence. I always talked about sex, but I never had the nerves to do anything. Because I had lied about it, I put myself in a situation where I was experiencing something I wasn’t ready for. After that day, I continued to have sex, losing more and more of my innocence every time. I even went as far as having sex with a girl. I know it isn’t right to blame your own problems on someone or something else. I do think that it would have happened anyway. I just think that the emotional stress of Katrina left me in a position where I was looking for someone, anyone. Not that Katrina is the reason for my bad decisions. On top of that, I was trying to be older, more experienced, to impress this boy, so he wouldn’t think I was inexperienced and run to school and tell everyone at school. In the beginning, I pretended to be experienced when I was really innocent. Because I was pretending to be experienced, I lost my innocence before I was ready to.