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Sex and the Wedding it can be overwhelming and, as a consequence, the craziness can overshadow any thoughts of romantic interaction.

but that never matters. Perception is what matters, in cases like this when we question ourselves. On the other side of things, most in the circle of wedding guests can make us remember fun times, unexpected quirky and wonderful moments… the varied joys and triumphs of life… and that does energize us. This sweetness is absolutely much of what the experience of the wedding celebration is about, and brings on a beautiful flow of feelings and inclinations. But add friends to the recipe of family and you often get such a diverse mix of emotions that

22 Rainbowweddingnetwork MAGAZINE

Sex after the wedding also can have its limitations – and not just in the terrible jokes people make about the inevitable deeroticization of marriage and commitment, joint mortgages and the arrival of the actual gifts we so enthusiastically posted on our registry. “Home Making” becomes housekeeping, which can infringe on personal time, much of which becomes short when the new bills stack up, or the mundane sets in a few months or years after the wedding. On the other hand, the natural progression of a relationship brings new opportunities for creativity and exploration. Committing to a lifelong partner means we can continue

to delve deeper into communication and our own ideas of what our own sexual identity might evolve to become. We have years to explore together; we have nights and nights of going beyond the casual sex into something even more intimate and -oftentimes- more interesting and more fulfilling as well. What About the Marriage Vows? For many couples, there is an implicit assumption that marriage is about moving from the possibility of several partners to a commitment to one. Many actually vow this promise as part of their ceremony. Remember, the opposite of “adultery” is not “commitment” so much as it is eroticized partnership. Eroticized partnership over time is alive and alert mutuality, which involves first an alive and alert self, then a partner. The best way to talk about the ethics of commitment is to swear that if one of you starts getting turned on to an outsider, for whatever reason, that you will speak of it. That act of trust will probably get you back together – or to the truth and the therapy you need.

Volume 5, Issue 2  

Autumn/Winter 2010

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