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R. Anthony Harris publisher senior designer website mgt.

RVA VOL.3 I S S U E 5 D O G DAY S cover image by David Kenedy Thanks mom!

Parker managing editor creative director Adam Sledd manager senior writer Christian Detres advertising fashion Jeff Smack designer Marisa Browne Ryan Schell copy editors AD TEAM Christian Detres Jeff Smack Ian M. Graham Kim Frost Ant Ross Trimmer INTERNS Matt Ramsey

WRITERS Curtis Grimstead Matt Ramsey Shannon Clearly John Sarvay James Wayland Ward Tefft Jeff Byers Lauren Vincelli Shelley Briggs Tony Foresta Sean Patrick Rhorer Parker Adam Sledd PHOTOS Katie Kibler David Kenedy Michelle Dosson Grant Pullman Ian M. Graham ILLUSTRATION John Baizley Adam Juresko Jeff Smack

08 Exhibition 12 Kevin Orlosky 16 Best Friends Day 26 Baroness

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32 I object!

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42 ALL TEETH AND KNUCKLES Club Hits To Hit The Club With - THE LOW BUDGETS Leave Us A Loan - CHUCK RAGAN The Blueprint Sessions - SAVAGE LAND Demo - VARIOUS ARTISTS Kurt Cobain About A Son: Music From The Motion Picture - STRUNG OUT Blackhawks Over Los Angeles - TIGERSHARK/APESHIT 12”TIGERSHARK/THANK GOD 10” - QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE Era Vulgaris - GOON MOON Licker’s Last Leg 48 Summer’s Days Are Numbered Mix 50 Josh Small is Tall 54 The Walk Around With Cory Branan

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58 Richmond’s Downtown

hibited. RVA Magazine is published monthly. All mate-

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rial within this magazine is protected. RVA is a registered trademark of Inkwell Design L.L.C. THANK YOU.

70 The Kids Are Alright


THE W H I T E C A N VA S GA L L E RY OPEN HOUSE RECEPTION FRIDAY, August 17 5:30 pm- 8:00 pm

“Fun with ChiChi and Other Tails” Whimsical mixed media work of fantasy people and animals August 17,  2007 –  September 12, 2007 We will be featuring new work by Richmond artist Vicki Bruner. White Canvas Gallery is located next to La Diff in the Historic River District 111 South 14th Street Richmond, VA 23219 Hours:  Tuesday - Saturday  10:00 AM – 6:00 PM Sunday                   12:00 PM – 5:00 PM First Friday hours     10:00 AM- 8:00 PM For info visit www.whitecanvasgallery.com 804.782.1776

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Ladies Love Lars

J.Pocklington

30”x 48” oil on panel 2006 J.Pocklington “Paintings and Drawings of People You Don’t Know and a Self-Portrait That’s Not Even Me”

The Eric Schindler Gallery - September 14-October 6, 2007 Friday, September 14, 7 to 9pm for the opening reception Eric Schindler Gallery is located, in Richmond, Virginia, at 2305 East Broad ST., in Church Hill www.ericschindlergallery.com


K E V I N O R LOS KY P r o f i t

n o t

P R O P H E T

Kevin Or losky is passionate about r aising awareness and commenting about what’s going on in the wor ld around him through creative outlets. “I have always been the rebellious type and have realized there is nothing more provocative than to challenge who we are as people. Since I’m an ar tist, the only way to bring attention to my conclusions is through my ar t.” His new series (r ecently displayed at his solo show Pr ofit Not PR OPHET at Sycamor e Rouge in Peter sbur g) being a perfect example with layer s of symbolic depth; mixing elements of mythology -- animals and cer tain per sonalities they take on -- with politics. “In ter ms of the animals, I use them as symbols. T hey have gener al char acteristics that I associate with society whether it be c o n s u m p t i o n , f i e r c e n e s s , o r f e a r. ” K e v i n f e e l s i t ’ s h i s d u t y t o m a k e w o r k t h a t i s n’ t j u s t v i s u a l l y p l e a s i n g b u t a l s o m a k e s p e o p l e question what society has become. “The ar t that sticks out to me and usually sticks out in histor y is the ar t the provokes thought, pushes boundaries, and brings the wrong in humanity to light, wor ks such as Goya’s “The Third of May 1808,” Picasso’s “Guer nica,” Daumier’s “Rue Tr a n s n o n a i n ” a n d s o m a n y o t h e r s . S o , t h i s h a s o n l y r e i n f o r c e d m y d e s i r e s t o p r o d u c e a r t t h a t c a n m a k e a d i f f e r e n c e i n s o m e o n e ’ s l i f e . W i t h t h e s t a t e o f A m e r i c a r i g h t n o w, i t ’ s h a r d n o t t o. ” Add the symbolism with his technique of mixing realistically-rendered subjects with abstr act energetic (but well-thought-out) paint application and you have wor k that packs a visual punch, especially in his new series which comments on politics and the cur rent and ongoing state of s o c i e t y. “ We l i v e i n a t i m e w h e n p e o p l e a r e c o m p l a c e n t w i t h t h e g o v e r n m e n t c o n t r o l l i n g t h e m t h r o u g h t y r a n n y. I f i n d t h i s t o b e t h e m o s t f r i g h t e n i n g t h i n g I h a v e e v e r w i t n e s s e d i n m y l i f e . N o t

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“OUR DISREGARD” O i l a n d E n a m e l o n C a nv a s 44 x 42 2007 Complacent, the American people have failed to embrace the potential of creating a more solid national foundation subsequent t o t h e 9 / 1 1 d i s a s t e r. O u r c u r r e n t a d m i n i s t r a t i o n h a s s u s p i c i o u s l y used this event to fur ther per sonal interests and political gain, squandering inter national suppor t and the American peoples surge of patriotism. It is no longer brought up as a reason to unite and i m p r o v e t h i s c o u n t r y, b u t a n e x c u s e t o d e c l a r e w a r s , i n f r i n g e o n r i g h t s a n d i n c r i m i n a t e i t s p e o p l e . I t h a s s p a w n e d a s u p e r f l u o u s “ Wa r o n Te r r o r ” . T h i s p r o p a g a n d a i s u s e d t o g a i n c o m p l i a n c e f r o m t h e people, controlling them through fear and ignorance. A war cannot b e d e c l a r e d a g a i n s t t h e a b s t r a c t . Te r r o r i s a m b i g u o u s.


o n l y t h a t … I d o n’ t t h i n k i t c o u l d b e a n y m o r e o b v i o u s a n d p e o p l e j u s t a r e n’ t s e e i n g i t . S o , I s e t f o r t h t o b r i n g i t t o t h e i r a t t e n t i o n t h r o u g h b e a u t y, a j u x t a p o s i t i o n t h a t m a y b e h a r d t o g r a s p, b u t a m e d i a g r e a t f o r c o m m u n i c a t i o n . M o s t o f t h e w o r k i s v e r y s y m b o l i c , not necessarily obvious but if given the right direction it will open the door for the v i e w e r. I w a n t t o e n g a g e t h e v i e w e r i n t o a c o n v e r s a t i o n a b o u t t h e s e c r i t i c a l s u b j e c t s without having to physically be ther e. It is in a way just a means to r estor e hope, if in n o o n e e l s e b u t m y s e l f. ” Before moving to Richmond in mid 2006, Kevin had been living in Chicago with his gir lfriend, ar tist Andrea Olsen, for about a year and a half when he star ted becoming r e s t l e s s . U n s a t i s f i e d w i t h t h e d e t a c h e d a n d u n f o c u s e d a r t s c e n e C h i c a g o h a d t o o f f e r, he had aspir ations of gr ad school and a mor e nourishing environment. Richmond was in his sight for r elocation. T hey visited Ric hmond in A pril of 2006, tour ed VCU, and spent t i m e s e e i n g w h a t t h e c i t y w a s l i k e a n d w h a t t h e a r t s c e n e w a s l i k e h e r e . “ We b o t h w e r e s u r p r i s e d w i t h t h e c o n c e n t r a t i o n o f a r t i n s u c h a s m a l l c i t y. I f y o u w o u l d h a v e t a l k e d t o me three year s ago and told me I was going to be in Richmond, I would have laughed.” But about a year after relocating, Or losky has found fer tile creative grounds for himself here. “Being in Richmond has helped me get more focused and less frantic. I can spend more time with my thoughts and do what I want to do ar tistically instead of wor king my ass off to live with no time to focus on my ar twor k. There’s a ver y progressive ar t scene here that’s striving for change, but I’m not sure ever yone is ready for it, which I t h i n k s h o u l d m a k e i t s t r o n g e r a n d g i v e i t m o r e r e a s o n t o p u s h i t f u r t h e r. I t ’ s a r a t h e r r e f r e s h i n g s i t u a t i o n y o u d o n’ t s e e i n m a n y o t h e r p l a c e s . I t f e e l s g o o d t o b e a p a r t o f. ” Besides creating his own ar twor k, Kevin has been keeping up with his new nonprofit, A r t o n W h e e l s . “A r t o n W h e e l s h a d s t a r t e d w i t h A n d r e a w a n t i n g t o o p e n u p a n a r t center and I had been looking into gr ad sc hools. VCU had been one of my top c hoices

for printmaking and of all the places we’d looked at, Richmond seemed like the best community to do something like that. Richmond is pretty saturated with ar t center s though. I had wor ked at a nonprofit print shop in Chicago called Anchor Gr aphics, which had a program called Press on Wheels, which I kind o f s t o l e t h e n a m e f r o m . We c o u l d n’ t r e a l l y o p e n a n ar t center here but what we can do is tr avel to other organizations and teach classes, get our selves a small pr ess and focus on print making. T her e’s no print shop here, not a lot of oppor tunities for printmaking going on, outside of the colleges in Richmond. There’s a major void that needed to be filled, especially when teac hing kids printmaking. It’s r eally pr ocess-oriented a n d r e q u i r e s t o o l s t h e y u s u a l l y d o n’ t g e t t o u s e . We decided Ar t on Wheels was a good oppor tunity to fill t h a t v o i d . We b r o u g h t o u r f r i e n d R a c h e l ( K e t t e n a c k e r ) i n t o A r t o n W h e e l s . We n o w h a v e 5 0 1 c 3 s t a t u s f r o m t h e I R S a n d a r e a l e g i t n o n p r o f i t . We h a v e a p r e s s t h a t i s 1 5 i n c h e s w i d e , a n d b u i l t a t a b l e o n w h e e l s . Yo u c a n e a s i l y t a k e t h e p r e s s o f f t h e t a b l e . We ’ v e a l r e a d y d o n e wor kshops with Galler y5, Ellwood House Daycare, Ar ts i n t h e A l l e y w i t h S t . B e n e d i c t i n e . We a r e l i n i n g u p a l o t of other wor kshops, one being with Unique Kids which is an organization for kids with autism.” F o r i n f o v i s i t w w w. k e v i n o r l o s k y. c o m

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“ W E O N LY P O I S O N O U R S E LV E S ” Oil and Enamel o n C a nv a s 17 x 35 2007 12

A m e r i c a n s o c i e t y w i l l e v e n t u a l ly s e l f - c a n n i b a l i z e . O u r o w n p o i s o n s w i l l d e s t r oy u s b e c a u s e w e v a l u e p e r s o n a l i n t e r e s t s f a r m o r e t h a n we value our nation. P r e - o c c u p a t i o n w i t h s e l f - r i g h t e o u s n e s s, p e r s o n a l a ge n d a , a n d g r e e d h a v e b e c o m e o u r d r i v i n g f a c t o r s.

“ P O L A R I Z AT I O N O F A DY I N G N AT I O N ” E n a m e l , X e r ox Tr a n s f e r, Wa t e r c o l o r on Mylar 21 x 18 2007

T h e p o l i t i c s o f t h i s c o u n t r y h a v e c e n t e r e d t h e i r p l a t fo r m s o n s u c h s i n g u l a r, o p p o s i n g v i e w s t h a t t h ey p r a c t i c a l ly u s e t h e m t o d e f i n e p a r t y a f f i l i a t i o n . T h i s i s c r e a t i n g a bl a c k a n d w h i t e go v e r n m e n t t h a t u l t i m a t e ly p o r t e n d s a s e g r e g a t e d a t t i t u d e a m o n g c i t i z e n s. R a c i a l s e g r e g a t i o n h a s g i v e n w ay t o a s e g r e g a t i o n o f e t h i c s. I f c o n t i n u e d o n i t ’ s


“ W H AT E V E R I T TA K E S � O i l a n d E n a m e l o n C a nv a s 32 x 52 2007

We f i e r c e l y p r o t e c t o u r o b s e s s i o n w i t h c o n s u m e r i s m a n d m a t e r i a l i s m . We focus so diligently on this capitalistic society that we have no room left f o r t h e i m p o r t a n t i s s u e s o u r n a t i o n i s f a c i n g. I t i s b e yo n d b e i n g c o n t e n t w i t h o u r l i f e s t y l e s , i t i s a d i r e n e e d f o r t h i s l i f e s t y l e . We h a v e r e a c h e d a point of absurdity so satirical that it is as ridiculous as shopping with gas masks on, during a nuclear holocaust.

c o u r s e t h e o n ly r e s u l t c o u l d b e C i v i l Wa r, t h e a b s o l u t e m a n i f e s t a t i o n o f s u c h p o l a r i z a t i o n . I u s e t h e f l a m i n g g i r a f f e a s a s y m b o l o f p o l a r i z a t i o n , a n h o m a ge t o S a l v a d o r D a l i w h o u s e d t h e f l a m i n g g i r a f f e t o p o r t r ay h i s p r e d i c t i o n o f t h e S p a n i s h C i v i l w a r i n 1 9 3 6 . T h e g i r a f f e i s d e v o u r i n g a c o r p s e , s i g n i f y i n g t h e i m m i n e n t d e a t h o f o u r c o u n t r y i f p o l a r i z a t i o n l e d t o a c i v i l w a r.

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BEST FRIENDS DAY by Shelley Brig gs Best Friends Day star ted o ut o f a ne e d t o d o s o m e t hing. A f e w f r ie nd s s it t ing a r o und in t he A ug us t he a t , r e a liz ing t ha t a no t he r s um m e r is going to come to an end befor e we kne w it, a nd m a ny o f us w o uld r e t ur n t o o ur bus y s c he d ule s o f s c ho o l a nd w o r k a nd t he ine v it a ble d is a p p e a r a nc e o f t he w ar m weather. We w anted to do something to f ina li z e t he s um m e r, w he r e a ll o f o ur B e s t Fr ie nd s go t o ne la s t d ay t o ge t he r t o c e le b r a t e o ur li v e s, R ic h m o nd , and eac h other. T he fir st Best Friends Day w a s in 2 0 0 2 . I t c o ns is t e d o f o ne d ay a t H a d a d ’ s L a k e , 4 0 t ig ht b r o ’ s, a nd t he b e g inning o f a R ic hm o nd t r a d ition that does not seem to be ending anytime s o o n. Flye r s w e r e m a d e a nd ha nd e d o ut , a nd t he n ig ht b e fo r e w e m a d e s o m e s hit t y s t e nc ils, t ur ne d o ur t - s hi r ts inside out, spr ay painting “BFD 4 EVA EVA” o n t h e ne w ly r e v e r s ible s hir t a nd c o m p le t ing a ha nd - p a in t e d b a nne r a r o und 3 in t he m o r ning. Best Friends Day ha ppened a g a i n t he nex t ye a r d ur ing t he la s t w e e k o f A ug us t a nd t he c r o w d h a d go t t e n a lit t le b ig ge r. A s ho w a t nig ht w as added, and mor e and mor e f riends fr om Ric hm o nd a nd o ut o f t o w n w e r e c o m ing o ut fo r t he w e e k e nd . Pe o p le w e r e o f f e r ing a m a z ing a r t w o r k fo r p o s t e r s and t-shir ts. By the thir d year, BFD had tur ned int o a fo ur- d ay lo ng w e e k e nd , a nd m o r e b a nd s w e r e p lay i ng, a s c a v e nge r hunt w a s a d d e d , a nd p e o p le f r o m e v e r yw her e seemed to know something a bout it. O r a t le a s t w he n t hey fo u nd o u t yo u w e r e f r o m R ic hm o nd , t hey a lw ay s a s k e d w ha t t he he l l B e s t Fr ie nd s D ay w a s. Now in its 6th year, Best Fr i e nd s D ay is b ig ge r t ha n e v e r a nd I b e lie v e b e t t e r t ha n e v e r. B F D ha p p e ns e v e r y ye a r b e c a us e o f R ic hm o nd . B ecause of the kids w ho go to BFD, and wear the t - s hir t s, a nd p ut o n t he b e ne f it s ho w s, a nd a t t e n d t he b e n e f it s, a nd buy a r t a t t he a uc t io n, a nd q uit t he ir jo b s to go to Hadad’s, and hitc hike to Ric hmond e v e r y ye a r, o r d r i v e d o w n he r e a n d n o t k no w a s ing le s o ul bu t k no w t ha t it i s go ing t o b e a f uc k in’ g r e a t t im e . I t is a bout e ver yone having a gr eat time and loo k ing o ut fo r o ne a n o t he r a nd b e ing p o s it i v e a nd b e ing w it h t he ir f r ie nd s. T hat is w hy Best Friends Day ha p p e ns e v e r y ye a r.

Super 8 stills of last years migration to BFD by Stuart Squier. CLICK TO VIEW THE VIDEO. The next several pages are photographs of last year ’s BFD by David Kenedy.

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image by John Baizley

BARONESS Playing Friday, August 17th at Alley Katz by Tony For esta Intro by Parker Forming in Savannah, Georgia, (circa 2003) Baroness is taking the metal world by the horns, wrestling it to the ground and twisting it’s balls. There’s even an unconfirmed theory that these Lexington, Virginia natives were raised by a special breed of mystical bears that live deep in the surrounding Blue Ridge Mountains. One thing is for 26


sure; these guys are a sonic force to be reckoned with. Their infamous live shows prove that these guys’ colossal but technical sound (which can go from intense to subtle-but not for long) confirms them as one of the new powerhouses in the aggressive music arena. Just listening to their debut EP, First , and it’s follow up, Second , will have you moving and shaking like your soul was on fire. By the way these beasts have a new album, The Red Album , dropping on September 4th which will be their Relapse Records debut. Pick it up and check them out live or the bears will gallop out of the Blue Ridge and tear your hear t out.

TF You just recently recorded right? Are you satisfied with the results? How different is it from your previous work? Baroness We are all very excited about the new recording. The songs tend to be shor ter then our previous recordings, but there are 10 of them. All I can say is that there is a definite progression on this album that we all feel came very naturally. TF What do you do in your spare time as a hobby? Baroness Live.

Tony Foresta You guys just recently signed to Relapse records. How does it feel to be running with the big dogs now? Baroness Relapse has been extremely suppor tive, and great to work with. As far as running with the big dogs, I’m not really sure. We have not done any big tours yet, but there are a few in the works and I believe we are all excited to experience touring on a different level.

TF What was the album that impressed you most recently? Baroness Tomahawk’s Anonymous TF Tell us about your favorite Best Friends Day Memory. Baroness Hadad’s is the krispity jam.

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TF Will you guys be par ticipating in the Scavenger Hunt? Baroness Do we look poor? TF What is the band that you dream of touring with most? Baroness Doesn’t the dude from Limp Bizkit have a new band going? TF Summer, have you ever kissed a dude? Baroness I prefer kissing women because they tend to have less hair on there upper lips. However, I was once accosted by Tony Foresta where he tried to kiss me. It was curious moment indeed, but at least he uses a Mach 4.

Baroness A sad panda? TF When you guys are back home in Savannah, GA do you ride bikes alot or are you car people?

TF What are your upcoming touring plans? Baroness Were heading out September 19th for a three week US tour Baroness Bikes and cars can in suppor t of the new be FUN. album which comes out September 4th. After TF I heard John doesn’t drink that were heading over anymore is this why his ar t to Europe for three more is so damn weird? weeks with (band) Made Out of Babies. Baroness I recently watched a documentary on “non TF Any surprises planned drinkers”. In it they stated for the Best Friends Day that one of the major side gig? A surprise NOFX affects of “non drinking” cover by any chance? is a tendency to produce weird psychedelic ar t work. Baroness Gangst up! I guess your right on the mark with that assumption TF Any last words? my friend. Baroness PEE POO + PEE TF Do you know what a Blue POO= STINKY DEE DOO Hippo is?

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=D5B9A5 vegetarian restaurant Monday through Friday 11am till 11pm Saturday and Sunday 5:30 till 11pm 917 west Grace st. Richmond VA 804.213.0170


I object! Playing on Thursday, August 16th at Skateland.

Inter view by Shelley Briggs I object! is a str aightedge band from New Yor k that has been spotted in Richmond from time to time playing fast music and spr eading the message of DIY cultur e in the punk scene. T he band is r etur ning to Richmond to play Best Friends Day for the second year. Due to some questionable occur ences and the need for some impor tant infor mation, Best Friends Day felt the need to sit I object! down and ask a few questions.

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Shelley Briggs For the r ecord, state your name.

SB And on that evening, did you see anything str ange occur?

Io! I object!

Io! Kids in tight black jeans holding hands and rolling around in a big circle.

SB On what grounds do you object? Io! We object to war and bros... the r eal issues impor tant to PUNXXX! SB What wer e you doing on the evening of August 17th, 2006? Io! Roller-skating and head banging.

SB How did you r eact to what was going on around you? Io! We love fun and BFD is just that‌music and hanging out. We had a blast and look forward to 2007! SB How many Best Friends Day events have I object! attended?


I m a g e s a n d a r t w o r k c o u rtesy of the band

Io! Only 2006 so far… SB How would you describe your music to Judge Judy? Io! I would star t to describe how we sounded and she would cut me off mid-sentence and belittle me in front of ever yone.

SB What ar e your feelings about the r ecent Supr eme Cour t r uling on minority quotas within public schools? Io! T her e could be two ways to look at the r uling. Either it was a way for the rich white to ensur e they can completely finally r emove poor black kids from their childr en’s white rich schools or it was a way to finally let minorities stand on their own and see

that all these year s of integr ation has changed the way society views r ace. As for how we view the policy, it’s hard to say. I guess I hope for the good of the two views. But who really knows? SB If Best Friends Day had a sidebar, what would I object drink? Io! Shir ley temples!!! 33


P i n k R a z o r s

image b y M i c h e l l e D o s s o n

P l a y i n g S a t u r d a y, A u g u s t 1 8 t h a t S e c r e t L o c a t i o n I n t e r v i e w b y To n y F o r e s t a a n d W a r d Te f f t ( B e s t F r i e n d s D a y D u d e s ) Intr o by Par ker Pink Razor s are one of those bands that make Richmond, Virginia proud. This four some is responsible for giving pop-punk a kick in the f a c e a n d s e n d i n g i t b a c k t o i t s r o o m f o r d i s g r a c i n g t h e f a m i l y. P i n k R a z o r s h a v e c a t c h y p u n k s o n g s t h a t b a l a n c e m e l o d y, l y r i c s , a n d p o w e r chords to create fresh tunes that put the “punk” back into punk rock. T heir live shows ar e high-ener gy-sing-along-beer-swilling good times. T h e y ’ v e a l s o r e c r u i t e d s o l o a r t i s t E r i n To b e y ( a l s o f r o m t h e b a n d s A b e Fr oman and Mt. Gigantic), to r eplace original guitarist/second vocal ist Mike Mor ris (taking over NYC as you r ead this). Be sur e to pic k 34

up their 2005 debut Scene Suicide, as well as second album, Waiting to Wash Up, along with their new Fir st Degree 7”. These guys are now BFD staples, s o c h e c k o u t t h e s h o w … j u s t d o n’ t plan on shaving your legs. In honor of B F D, W a r d a n d To n y d u g a l i t t l e d e e p e r i n t o w h a t t h e R a z o r s h a v e b e e n u p t o. . . check it. B F D Yo u r e c e n t l y h a d a c h a n g e i n t h e l i n e u p. . . d o t e l l .

image courtesy of the band


(Jeff Grant) both saw them once i n 9 7 o r s o b u t w e d i d n’ t k n o w t h e y w e r e s t i l l a b a n d . D o n’ t t h e y h a v e t h a t s i n g e r, D r o p D e a d Fr ed?

BFD What is your favorite Best Friends Day memor y?

BFD Do you have any tour plans coming up?

P i n k R a z o r s We l l , t h e y s a y i f y o u r emember Best Friends Day then y o u w e r e n’ t r e a l l y t h e r e . F o r e x a m ple, one year at Hadad’s my friend Nina fell in the mud and hur t her ar m. She showed up at the show that night in a sling. When I asked her what happened, she said she broke her wrist and that she had told me ear lier while at Hadad’s that it really hur t, and apparently I s a i d , “ W h y d o n’ t y o u f u c k i n g cr y about it?” I’m sure I meant it in the best way possible. Justin wonder s why you never see people using the bathroom at Hadad’s.

Pink Razor s Last week I took a tour of some Fr ank Lloyd Wright houses but that pr etty much wore me out…maybe some vineyards?

BFD Are you stoked to be playing with Drop Dead? Do you even know who Drop Dead is? P i n k R a z o r s Ye a h , J u s t i n a n d I

BFD How do you feel about the new Apple iPhone? Do you think that it will make The Pink Razor s obsolete? P i n k R a z o r s We a r e n o t l e g a l l y allowed to discuss Motorola or any of their products. BFD Are you a bike band or a car band? P i n k R a z o r s H a s n’ t A d a m ( M o n roe, dr ummer) shown you his Snakeboard? That answer s the question.

B F D Yo u g u y s p l a y e d a f u l l s e t d o i n g S c r e e c h i n g We a s e l c o v e r s before. Is there any chance you will do it again? Are you sick of people asking you that? Pink R azor s No, and just you. N o w B e n We a s e l p u t o u t a n e w record and is playing shows - c o i n c i d e n c e ? B o y, w e r e a l l y p a v e d t h e w a y f o r h i s c a r e e r, huh?

i l l u s t r a t i o n s b y J i m C a lla han

P i n k R a z o r s Ye s , E r i n To b e y h a s joined our band since Mike Mor ris moved to NYC . T hat’s old ne ws dude…get with it!

BFD Jeff will you play your set dressed as Lar r y Bird? Pink R azor s No, I think the hair bleach made me stupid. Maybe we’ ll dress up like ear ly Metallica or Nuclear Assault. BFD Are Pink Razor s planning on using Best Friends Day as a networ king strategy to make friends in Richmond? P i n k R a z o r s We u s u a l l y l o s e friends after playing shows, so we’ll see.

BFD Is it tr ue that Jeff put out the now legendar y Hoor ay for Richmond VHS Comp? Please tell us how that came about. P i n k R a z o r s Ye s ! I ’ d l i k e a c o p y t o o if anyone has one. It was like thir ty b a n d s a n d f o u r g o o d o n e s . Wo r t h i t for the Adam Juresko in a basketball jer sey footage alone, total DIY editing and duplicating with my now legendar y “thr ee VCR” method. 35


KYLESA P l a y i n g ( a f r e e s h o w ) o n S u n d a y, August 19th at The Bike Lot.

I n t e r v i e w b y W a r d Te f f t In 2001, as Richmond was preparing for the fir st Best F r i e n d s D a y, t h e m e t a l s c e n e of Savannah was bracing under the force of their newest creation: Kylesa. Over the next 6 year s, Kylesa has incited numerous circle pits, walls of death and next-day bang-over s across the US and throughout Europe. A second dr ummer was added to the line-up a couple of year s a go, insuring that the beat will, in fact, go on. Guitarist Laura Pleasants and I recently met in MySpace to clear up some frequently asked but as yet unanswered questions about her band. W a r d Te f f t L a u r a , y o u h a v e been called the hottest chick in metal. Elaborate. 36

Kylesa I believe that Cristina Scabia from Lacuna Coil wear s that crown. Metal and hot chicks r ule man! Except when it’s false metal. Then it’s kinda lame but the chicks ar e still hot. Perha ps one day w hen

I’m really old and wear more eye makeup (and kinda look like the mother character in BRAZIL) I can be crowned queen. W T M y f r i e n d S k a n i n’ K a r l l o v e s ska dancing at your live music

s h o w s . Wo u l d y o u d e s c r i b e y o u r b a n d as crossover? If not, how would you describe your music to a blind per son? K y l e s a F i r s t o f a l l , S k a n k i n’ K a r l i s s o out of touch. Who the hell skanks these


days? Especially at a Kylesa show? I got a message for you, K a r l . B u t i t c a n’ t b e p r i n t e d . S o r r y. W a r d , t e l l h i m t o d a n c e his w ay over to me by the keg. But to receive the message, he has to be wearing roller blades. But yes, I would say that our music has a crossover appeal... not like crossover thr ash but crossover in a sense where a lot of different types of people dig o u r s o u n d . M o s t i m p o r t a n t l y, I would describe our music to a

Kylesa The crowd was great. Drinking from a keg and roller-skating is a winning combination. It was the fir st night of the weekend so ever yone seemed to be amped on having a good time. I remember the crowd being ver y energetic and enthusiastic when we played. Lots of movement and head banging, which r ules. The wondrous thing about BFD is the relaxed vibe of fun that

blind per son as follows: We a r e a b a n d f u l l o f colorful riffs that dance upon a br utal psychedelic g r o u n d . Yo u c a n r e a l l y hear the color s if you look hard enough. I like to think of us as a band representing the war mer or ear thier color s. Like red. Like blood.

for the past couple of year s. What are some of your better memories of the weekend? Kylesa Last year was m y f i r s t B F D. T h e w h o l e weekend was a blast. I

W T Yo u ’ v e b e e n t o h a n g out at Best Friends Day

ever yone shares. Ever yone is there to have a good time and there is no attitude or negativi t y, w h i c h c a n h a p p e n a lot at music festivals. And of cour se, BFD is more about having a good time with your friends than seeing a bunch of bands. Live music comes with the fun and friends, and that’s cool.

really enjoyed playing at the roller rink...playing on that little cor ner stage with people stage diving and people roller skating in the background was a great sight to see. Thrashing to Annihilation Time and Municipal Waste w as pr etty amazing. I was blasted out of stage diving retirement and had some memor able moments. I played a game

and snack bar s. what is Kylesa planning on doing to step things up?

WT This year you will be playing at the bike lot. that’s a big step up from roller skates

Kylesa I anticipate that the crowd will do some sick tricks that synchronise [sic] with our sick riffs. At least, that would be cool. Maybe have a stage diving contest with skateboards a n d b e e r. . . a n d w h o e v e r l o o k s the best when landing wins a prize (you know kinda like a hor se race finish).

of pick up basketball against a team where their center was like 7’ 2”. So we lost that one but it was fun. the real highlight was the water par k. Long live that place! Those rope swing things are the shit. I have high hopes for this year and the fun ness of it all. WT How did the crowd compare to other venues?

W T Yo u w e r e s e e n o n t h e W a s t e DV D b e i n g p u s h e d back onto the stage while tr ying to stage dive. Do you have any special moves that you will be implementing this round? K y l e s a I h a v e n’ t s e e n t h a t DV D y e t b u t I d o recall successfully stage diving sever al times, ok? I doubt I’ll be imple-

P h o t o s c o u r t e s y o f t h e b a n d . Ts h i r t i m a g e b y J o h n B a i z l e y.

37


in the past. Havoc has released our last two cds on the vinyl for mat. I’m r eally not sur e why they put out our s t u f f. M a y b e b e c a u s e t h e y t h i n k w e ’ l l h a v e a h i t s i n g l e . WT Do you open your mouth when swimming at Hadad’s? Kylesa

N o. I l i k e t o k e e p i t s h u t s o I d o n’ t c h o k e .

WT What can one expect to hear if they play a Kylesa album backwards? Kylesa Quality words and sounds of wisdom and disill u s i o n m e n t f u l l o f c o l o r. menting such moves this year b e c a u s e t h e W a s t e i s n’ t p l a y i n g and I only stage dive to thrash metal. My moves will be displayed at the water par k. Sweet aquatic moves. WT “Sweet aquatic moves.” That sounds really metal. Are we in store for synchronized water pits and stage dives from the rope swing?

Kylesa Tight pants when wet are ver y constricting. But studded belts ar e alw ays encour aged a n d c o u l d c o m e i n h a n d y. WT Where do you stand on Hadad’s posted s i g n : “ We l c o m e t o o u r o o l . ( n o t i c e t h e r e ’ s n o P in it. let’s keep it that way)”? Kylesa Reminds me of “drool” and that’s kinda fitting. T hat mixed with “ooze.” It’s sw ampy and nice.

Kylesa Absolutely!

WT Who puts out your r ecords? And why?

WT Are tight pants and studded belts recommended for water use?

Kylesa Right now Prosthetic Records puts out our cds. But we have wor ked with a lot of people

38

W T F i n a l l y, w h e n I w a s d r i v i n g t h r o u g h r u r a l M i s s i s s i p p i this spring, I went to the bathroom in a r andom gas s t a t i o n a n d s a w “ K Y L E S A” t a g g e d o n a m a c h i n e t h a t d i s t r i b u t e d H o r n y G o a t We e d . A r e t h e r e m o r e s p o n s o r ships in the future for your band? Kylesa I met the guy who wrote that tag when we p l a y e d i n N e w O r l e a n s a f e w m o n t h s a g o. A b u n c h o f kids drove from Mobile and I told them about how you found a Kylesa tag in some random roadside bathroom by the “hor ny Goat” and one of them piped up and t o o k t h e c r e d i t . We h i g h - f i v e d a f e w t i m e s . H e s e e m e d proud but did not bring any hor ny goat product. I think a sponsor ship will probably happen.


3JDI NP OE

/UI45 3JDINPOE 7" 4IPDLPF#PUUPN  

NEW FLAVOR!

Charlottesville Grand Opening August 25

kulturerva.com mysmokestack.com 8 yr anniversary event coming soon!

$IB SMPU UFTW JMMF 8.BJO454IPQ#

$IBSMPUUFTWJMMF 7" 5IF$PSOFS  


d e b t . T he s e la b e ls a r e no t a b o ut t a k i ng a r is k ye t r un ni ng a la b e l is a ll a b o ut t a k ing a r is k , ” s ay G r im s t e a d . Sa nd w ic he d b e t w e e n t he he e ls o f t he ne a r ly s o ld ou t P ink R a z o r s F ir s t D e g r e e 7 ” a nd t he fo r t hc o m ing B r a inw o r m s / T he C a t a ly s t s p lit 7 ” c o m e s t he B e s t Fr ie n d s D ay c o m p ila t io n L P. C o m m e m o r a t ing t he s ix t h a nnua l B e s t Fr ie n d s D ay, G r im s t e a d a t t e m p t s t o p r e s s a l l o f t he f un a nd ex c i t e m e nt o f H a d a d ’ s, ir r e s p o n s ible a m o u nt s o f a lc o ho l, r o p e s w ing s, s c a v e nge r hunt s, s ho w s, a nd m o r e int o 5 0 0 L P s.

Rorschach Records’

BFD 6 Compilation by Jef f Byer s “I w as tir ed of local bands ge t t ing f uc k e d by la bels,” explains Cur tis G r im s t e a d , owner of the Ric hmond-bas e d Ro r s c ha c h Recor ds, on w hy he star ted t he la b e l. “T her e ar e r ecor d la bels g i v ing lo a ns to bands to r ecor d and I w a nt e d t o g i v e suppor t to bands instead o f a l o t o f 40

“ I t hink t his r e c o r d is g r e a t b e c a u s e yo u ge t t o t a k e it ho m e , ” s ay s G r im s t e a d . “ T- s hir t s a r e c o o l but it ’ s a ls o c oo l t o ha v e s o m e t hing t a n g ible a nd t o b e a ble t o s ay ‘ I s a w t ha t b a nd t he r e ’ a nd r e f le c t o n m e m o r ie s o f a go o d t im e . ” G r im s t e a d p o in t s t o t he lo ng o ut - o f - p r in t t he Ag g r e s s io n o f P r o g r e s s io n c o m p ila t io n L P f r o m

t he la t e 9 0 s t ha t c o m p ile d a bunc h o f R ic hm o nd b a nd s t o ge t he r s ho w c a s ing t he c it y ’ s t a le nt f r o m t ha t e r a ; fo r b e t t e r o r w o r s e . “ I f yo u lo o k a t t he R ic hm o nd b a nd s o n t he B e s t Fr i e nd s c o m p, a t le a s t o ne m e m b e r w a s o n t he Ag g r e s s io n o f P r o g r e s s io n L P. I t w a s a d o c um e nt o f o ne s p e c if ic t im e a n d I ’ m s t o k e d t o b e a bl e t o d o t ha t w it h t his c o m p, ” s ay s G r im s t e a d . T he L P f e a t ur e s m a i nly ex c lus i v e t r a c k s f r o m b a nd s t h a t w ill o r ha v e p e r fo r m e d d ur ing B e s t Fr ie nd s D ay : P ink R a z o r s, B r a inw o r m s, S na c k Tr uc k , M unic ip a l Wa s t e , T ige r s ha r k , K y le s a , B e s t F w e nd s, U lt r a D o lp hin s, D e a d f a ll, D y na m it e Ar r o w s, I r o n L u ng, R a ge r, a n d Env ir o nm e nt a l Yo ut h C r unc h. O ne hund r e d c o p ie s w ill b e o n c o lo r e d v iny l a nd a f t e r m a k ing t he init ia l c o s t b a c k , t he c o m p ila t io n w ill go t o v a r io us c a us e s. Tw e nt y - f i v e p e r c e nt w ill go t o B e s t Fr ie nd s D ay, 5 0 % w il l go b a c k t o t he b a nd s a nd a no t he r 2 5 % w il l go t o M a r t y Za nin , w ho is c ur r e nt ly go ing t hr o ug h t he Pe a c e C o r p s, a nd his c a us e t o he lp p e o p le in El Sa lv a d o r.

“ B e s t Fr ie nd s D ay is cool because it g i v e s s o m e t hing to the city,” says G r im s t e a d . “ Yo u know, you have e v e nt s lik e M a c Roc k in Har risonbur g a n d T he Fe s t in Florida w her e e v e r y t hing is c e nter ed ar ound music. B e s t Fr ie n d s D ay is center ed ar ound ha ng ing o ut w it h people that you like a n d ha v e n’ t s e e n in aw hile fr om all t he w ay f r o m N e w Yor k to Florida. B a nd s p l ay ing m akes it extr a tighter.” Af t e r T he C a t a ly st/Br ainwor ms split, G r im s t e a d w ill b e r eleasing the Ant le r s f ull le ng t h r ecor d. Antler s is c o m p r is e d o f ex and cur r ent m e m b e r s o f M a s s Movement of the M o t h, G r e go r Sa msa, Triple Twins and O l i v e Tr e e . C o p i e s o f t he B est Friends Day c o m p ila t io n w ill be av aila ble during B e s t Fr ie n d s D ay and will cost $7 or $8 . C u r t is s t ill n eeds to figur e that o ne o u t .

You can contact Ror sc hac h Recor ds by visiting www.r or sc hac hr ecor ds.net or e-mailing r or sc hac hr ecor ds@yahoo.com


ALL TEETH AND KNUCKLES

w i t h a g oo d d o s e of

THE LOW BUDGETS

of s o n g s a l r e a d y

debut album Feast

m u s i c of t h i s p r ev i o u s

the anti-social lyrical

written. Instead,

O r Fa m i n e o n S i d e

band. These songs are

Club Hits To Hit The

co n t e n t fo u n d i n s o n g s

Leave Us A Loan

T h e Low B u d g e t s a r e

O n e D u m my Re co r d s ,

s t r i p p e d - d ow n - ye t -

Club With

by Pe a c h e s o r Cex ,

Chunksaah Records

r e m i n i s c e n t of w h e n

C h u c k Ra g a n r e co r d e d

c a t c hy, a n d m u c h m o r e

Lujo Records

co u l d yo u g e t a ny m o r e

pop-punk actually

a n u m b e r of s o n g s

hear tfelt than Feast Or

hipster than this?? In

I n t h e w a ke of p o p -

meant fun, rudimentary

fo r a 7” s i n g l e s s e r i e s

Fa m i n e . W h i l e t h i s i s

Despite the lip

fact, the talent that

p u n k i n n ov a to r s D e a d

t u n e s f i l l e d w i t h k i t s c hy

r e l e a s e d by N o I d e a

l i ke l y o n l y av a i l a b l e to

s e r v i c e p a i d to n ot

d o e s s e e p t h ro u g h

Milkmen calling it a

lyrics, while still

Re co r d s , n ow co m p i l e d

those who subscribed

b e i n g a “h i p s t e r ”

o c c a s i o n a l l y co u l d b e

d ay, fo r m e r m e m b e r

maintaining a great

o n to t h i s CD. W h i l e

to t h e s i n g l e s e r i e s ,

t h ro u g h o u t A l l Te e t h

c h a n n e l e d to b e t t e r

Jo e J a c k Ta l c u m h a s

uniqueness.

t h e of f i c i a l a l b u m s e e s

find someone who

A n d K n u c k l e s’ a l b u m , I

u s e s i f t h e g o a l h a d n’t

quickly re-sur faced

S e a n Pa t r i c k R h o r e r

t h e fo r m e r H o t Wa t e r

s co r e d o n e a n d b e g

c a n’t i m a g i n e a b e t t e r

b e e n to s u c c u m b to a

a s o n e fo u r t h of

M u s i c g u i t a r i s t /s i n g e r

t h e m to b u y i t .

wo r d to a s s o c i a t e

l a u n d r y l i s t of c l i c h é s . I

P h i l l y ’s T h e Low

CHUCK R AGAN

ve n t u r i n g i n to m o r e

S e a n Pa t r i c k R h o r e r

w i t h t h i s r e l e a s e.

l i ke d a n c e m u s i c … j u s t

B u d g e t s . M u s i c a l l y,

The Blueprint

ex p e r i m e n t a l t e r r i to r y,

Clearly drawing

n o t w h e n i t ’s t r i t e.

a b i t of Ta l c u m’s

Sessions

The Blueprint Sessions

SAVAGE L AND

f ro m t h e e l e c t ro n i c-

S e a n Pa t r i c k R h o r e r

p r ev i o u s e f fo r t s c a n

No Idea Records

r e c a l l h i s w r i t i n g f ro m

Demo

Ru m b l e s e a t a n d eve n

Self-released

m e e t s - ro c k s t y l e of

b e h e a r d , ye t t h i s

LCD S o u n d s y s t e m

i s n’t a r e h a s h i n g

B e fo r e r e l e a s i n g h i s

the anthem-laden Fro m t h e m e a n s t r e e t s

42

Local band names are in RED


of H a r r i s o n b u r g

w h a t s u c h a r e co r d i n g

single Nirvana song?

Wa s h i n g to n . M u c h i n

fo r a n i n t e r e s t i n g l i s t e n ,

full-length Blackhawks

(please note the

s h o u l d… l e ave t h e

Co u l d i t wo r k ? Do e s

a similar fashion, this

i f n o t h i n g e l s e.

O ve r Lo s A n g e l e s .

s a r c a s m ) co m e s

l i s t e n e r w a n t i n g m o r e.

i t wo r k ? I n f a c t , q u i t e

soundtrack juxtaposes

S e a n Pa t r i c k R h o r e r

T h e a l b u m r eve a l s t h e

S av a g e L a n d . S h a r i n g

A s o l i d n ew b a n d t h a t

e f f e c t i ve l y. S e t fo r

a s e l e c t i o n of t h e s e

p a r t of t h e i r l i n e -

w i l l h o p e f u l l y ve n t u r e

release later in this

audio clips alongside

STRUNG OUT

S i m i Va l l ey a t t h e i r

u p w i t h t h a t c i t y ’s

to R i c h m o n d a g a i n

ye a r, Ku r t Co b a i n

s o n g s f ro m m u s i c i a n s

Blackhawks O ver Los

ar tistic best with more

h a r d co r e f avo r i t e s

s oo n . - S e a n Pa t r i c k

A b o u t A S o n t a ke s a

Co b a i n h i m s e l f n o t e d

Angeles

f eve r i s h m o t i v a t i o n

T h e Fro n t l i n e, t h i s

Rhorer

unique documentar y

as influential on

Fat Wreck Chords

to r i g h t s o c i a l w ro n g s

a p p ro a c h u t i l i z i n g

h i m . B a s i c a l l y, i t ’s

n ew e n d e avo r s e e s

ve t e r a n p u n k s f ro m

t h a n eve r b e fo r e.

these guys taking a

VARIOUS ARTISTS

Co b a i n’s ow n vo i c e

l i ke h av i n g a s e m i -

Still masterfully

B l a c k h a w k s wo u l d

dramatically dif ferent

Kur t C obain About A

captured during

n a r r a t e d m i x t a p e f ro m

splitting the dif ference

m a ke a ny p u n k o r

d i r e c t i o n , o p t i n g fo r

Son: Music From The

ex t e n s i ve i n t e r v i ew

t h i s e n i g m a t i c f e l l ow.

b e t we e n m e t a l a n d

m e t a l h e a d g l a d to c a l l

m o r e a g g r e s s i ve, r a w

Motion Picture

sessions with

F e a t u r i n g s o n g s f ro m

punk, Strung Out

S t r u n g O u t t h e i r ow n

m u s i c i n s t e a d of a

Barsuk Records

journalist and Nirvana

as wide a range as Bad

co m b i n e s t h e co m p l ex

a n d t h e t wo wo u l d

biographer Michael

B r a i n s , M e l v i n s , Le a d

p r e c i s i o n of m e t a l co r e

h ave to m o s h i t o u t

more traditional st yle of h a r d co r e. B l a z i n g

A s o u n d t r a c k fo r a

A ze r r a d a n d t e a m i n g

B e l l y, a n d C r e e d e n c e

and the irresistible

i n t h e p i t to s e e w h o

t h ro u g h f i ve t r a c k s ,

documentar y about

i t w i t h foo t a g e f ro m

C l e a r w a t e r Rev i v a l to

s i n g - a l o n g p o t e n t i a l of

wo u l d c l a i m t h e b a n d

this demo does just

Ku r t Co b a i n t h a t

various locations

n a m e a f ew, t h i s m a ke s

9 0 s p u n k i n t h e i r n ew

( E l m e r- g l u e d m o h a w k s

d o e s n’t i n c l u d e a

t h ro u g h t h e s t a t e of 43


t a n g l e d i n 3 - foot l o n g ,

TIGERSHARK/APESHIT 12”

E a c h of t h e s o n g s i s

w i t h t h e g u i t a r a n d t h ey

by s u r p r i s e w a s t h e

we l l - co n d i t i o n e d

TIGERSHARK/THANK

s u p e r h e av y, d a r k ,

fo r m t h i s s u p e r t i g h t

f i n a l t r a c k “ T h e…I…

h a i r ?) .

GOD 10”

a n d a we s o m e. O n e of

b a s s h e av y s o u n d .

U m…We…U h h ,” w h i c h

T h e A p e s h i t s i d e of

Molsook Records/

t h e t h i n g s t h a t m a ke s

On the split with Thank

r e m i n d e d m e of s o m e

t h e 12 ” i s o n e of my

Ke e p a n e a r o u t fo r

Perpetual Motion

T i g e r s h a r k fo r m e i s

Go d , t h e b a n d t a ke s

s l owe r Fu g a z i s o n g s . I

f avo r i t e t h i n g s I h ave

t i t l e - t r a c k “B l a c k h a w k s

Machine

t h e g u i t a r to n e i s ve r y

i t to t h e n ex t l eve l .

a p p r e c i a t e w h e n h e av y

heard in this st yle in

u n i q u e, m o s t h e av y

The opening track

b a n d s p rove t h ey c a n

a l o n g t i m e. A p e s h i t

O ve r Lo s A n g e l e s ,”

t h e s e r e co r d s .

“C a l l i n g ,” “A l l

Tigershark has not

bands these days

“H e’s n o t a B a r t e n d e r,

w r i t e s o n g s t h a t a r e n’t

co n s i s t s of fo l k s

t h e N a t i o n s” a n d

j u s t d ro p p e d o n e b u t

h ave a ve r y fo r m u l a i c

H e’s a n d a r t i s t ” i s t h e

t y p i c a l fo r t h e m . W h e n

f ro m R i c h m o n d w h o

“M i s s i o n S t a t e m e n t ”

t wo n ew r e co r d s i n

M a r s h a l l g u i t a r to n e

fastest song the band

most bands do this it

h ave t r a n s p l a n t e d

fo r p o t e n t i a l h e a d -

the past month. These

t h a t i s b e co m i n g

has, and it rips. This

s o u n d s l i ke a g u y w h o

t h e m s e l ve s to

b a n g i n g a n d /o r

t wo r e co r d s we r e

rather boring

o n e s h owc a s e s j u s t

h a s b e e n t r y i n g to t a ke

B ro o k l y n , s o yo u

righteous fist shaking.

r e co r d e d to g e t h e r a n d

a n d m o n o to n o u s .

h ow g o o d a n d f a s t of

t h e s a m e s h i t fo r f i ve

may be familiar with

- M a t t Ra m s ey

a c co m p a ny e a c h o t h e r

T i g e r s h a r k ’s g u i t a r h a s

a d r u m m e r J o n ny Z

ye a r s a n d j u s t c a n’t g e t

t h e i r p a s t e n d e avo r s .

r a t h e r n i c e l y. T h e s p l i t

a g oo d r a n g e of l eve l s

i s . I t m i g h t ve r y we l l

i t o u t . I f yo u a r e a f a n

A p e s h i t p l a y a fo r m of

w i t h A p e s h i t co n s i s t s

t h a t m a ke s i t s o u n d

b e my f avo r i t e s o n g

of b a n d s l i ke I s i s o r

H a r d co r e t h a t i s s i m i l a r

of f i ve s o n g s t h a t a r e

g oo d w i t h o n e g u i t a r.

by t h e b a n d . T h e

B a ro n e s s , yo u s h o u l d

to t h a t of S a n D i e g o

p r e t t y s t r a i g h t fo r w a r d .

T h e b a s s i s ve r y i n s y n c

s o n g t h a t to o k m e

d e f i n i t e l y l i s t e n to

i n t h e 9 0 s ( G r av i t y

44


Re co r d s p ro d u c t i o n s ,

c a t c h i n g o n ve r y e a s i l y.

released a limited

m i s s t h a t ex p e r i m e n t a l

T h e vo c a l s s h i f t q u i c k l y

edition tape that has

QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE

p u n c h a n d i n g e n u i t y of

Swing Kids). I heard

Ra t e d R a n d S o n g s fo r

q u a l i t y, b u t f a n s

their demo a while

f ro m J e l l o B i a f r a - i s h to

the full Tigershark

Era Vulgaris

t h e D e a f — p e r h a p s I ’m

l o o k i n g fo r s o m e t h i n g

back and thought

s o u n d i n g s t r a i g h t ev i l .

demo and one song

Interscope Records

s t i l l l o n g i n g fo r N i c k

a l i t t l e m o r e s t a b l e (ye t

it was alright, but

T h e m u s i c , j u s t l i ke t h e

f ro m e a c h of t h e

O l i ve r i , o r p e r h a p s t h e

s t i l l s a f e l y r e m ove d

fo u n d my s e l f r e a l l y

vo c a l s , d o e s n o t fo l l ow

n ew r e co r d s I h i g h l y

I t s a y s a l o t fo r t h i s

band reached a plateau

f ro m t h e b e a t e n

impressed with this

a ny fo r m u l a , w h i c h

r e co m m e n d i t i f yo u

bizarre band that

of s o r t s a n d i s n ow

path) might find this

r e co r d i n g , i t ’s a l o t

ke p t m e i n t e r e s t e d

l i ke t h e s e t wo r e co r d s

t h o u g h I wo u l d r a t e t h i s

refining their output as

co n t i n u i n g d i s t i l l a t i o n

more chaotic and is

t h ro u g h o u t t h e i r s o n g s

a n d h ave a c a r w i t h a

a s o n e of t h e i r m o r e

o p p o s e d to r e d e f i n i n g

of i n g r e d i e n t s m o r e

m a s t e r e d ve r y we l l .

o n t h e r e co r d s . T h ey

t a p e d e c k ( i t ’s g o o d

p e d e s t r i a n of f e r i n g s ,

i t . W h i l e Lu l l a b i e s a n d

p a l a t a b l e. I t ’s s t i l l a

D e f i n i t e l y fo l l ow t h i s

a r e o n e of t h o s e b a n d s

driving music). These

which still puts it head

E r a Vu l g a r i s a r e s t r i k i n g

d i s h fo r t h o s e w h o l i ke

b a n d b e c a u s e t h ey ’r e

t h a t wo u l d b e t h row n i n

t wo r e co r d s r u l e a n d

a n d s h o u l d e r s a b ove

albums featuring a

s o m e co m p l ex i t y a n d

o n l y g o i n g to g e t

the screamo categor y

fo r a nyo n e w h o i s a f a n

m o s t co n t e m p o r a r y

true genius at the peak

precision in their ar t ;

b e t t e r.

but I think there is much

of T i g e r s h a r k ’s d e m o o r

fare jamming the

of h i s co n s i d e r a b l e

w h i l e p ro m o t i n g t h e

m o r e to t h e m t h a n t h a t .

t h e i r l i ve s h ow yo u w i l l

a i r w ave s t h e s e

a b i l i t y, t h ey a r e n’t

album, Josh Homme

not be disappointed.

days. The preceding

n e a r l y a s i nve n t i ve

d e s c r i b e d i t a s “d a r k ,

Cur tis Grimstead

Lu l l a b i e s to Pa r a l y ze

a n d ex p l o r a to r y a s

h a r d , a n d e l e c t r i c a l .”

a n d t h i s e f fo r t l a c k t h e

their predecessors. I

I ’l l co n f e s s t h a t I

A s fo r T h a n k Go d , t h ey h ave a ve r y p a r t i c u l a r

Pe r p e t u a l M o t i o n

s o u n d t h a t I co u l d s e e

Machine has also

45


co u l d n’t co m p r e h e n d

in a hungr y embrace

T h e a l b u m co m e s to

i n t h e s o n i c l a n d s c a p e,

Goon Moon

t a p e s t r y of s o u n d o n

what that meant until I

t h a t m e s m e r i ze s a n d

a c l o s e w i t h “Ru n ,

t h e r e i s n o d o u b t t h a t t h ey

Licker’s L ast Leg

L i c ke r ’s L a s t Le g , t h e

g ave t h e d i s c a s p i n .

disturbs in equal

P i g , Ru n ,” a j a r r i n g

a r e a m o n g t h e i n d u s t r y ’s

Ipecac Recording s

latest masterpiece

measures. The Deser t

song that challenges

m o s t d a r i n g a n d exc i t i n g

“ S i c k , S i c k , S i c k ,” t h e

Sessions stalwart

“ S i c k , S i c k , S i c k ” fo r

a c t s . E r a Vu l g a r i s i s a n i c e

Jeordie White and

I d i d n’t k n ow w h a t

single currently in

“M a ke I t W i t C h u” i s

t h e t i t l e of “H e av i e s t

c h a p t e r i n t h e i r l e g a c y,

C h r i s Go s s o n c e

to ex p e c t w h e n I

ro t a t i o n , i s a s m a s h i n g

a l w ay s g u a r a n t e e d

S o n g o n t h e Re co r d ,”

p rov i d i n g h a r d co r e

again unite under

sampled this album,

success that is as

to s a t i s f y a n d p rove s

a n d co n c l u d e s w i t h a

f a n s a n d n ewco m e r s

t h e Go o n M o o n

a n d I t h i n k i t ’s s a f e to

m o o d y a n d d a r k a s a ny

to b e a wo n d ro u s

d ev i l i s h s y m p h o ny fo r

a l i ke w i t h a h o s t of

m o n i ke r, fo r m i n g

s a y t h a t eve n i f I h a d a

Q OT SA c l a s s i c w h i l e

s h owc a s e fo r t h e

the damned that had

p o l i s h e d a n d i nv i t i n g

the unruly nucleus

p r e co n c e i ve d n o t i o n

p l u n g i n g u s i n to t h e

b a n d ’s s of t e r s i d e.

me smiling and head

tracks.

of a b a n d t h a t i s

of w h a t i t wo u l d s o u n d

o oz i n g s u b t ex t t h a t

O n l y Q u e e n s co u l d

banging in unison.

wo u l d l i ke to s e e m o r e

truly as strange as

l i ke, i t wo u l d h ave

h a s a l w ay s i n f e c t e d

g i ve u s a s ex s o n g

ex p e r i m e n t a t i o n i n t h e

i t s n a m e. A l o n g

r e m a i n e d a s u r p r i s e.

t h e b a n d ’s wo r k .

that is as delicate as

While I miss the early

f u t u r e, b u t s o l o n g a s J o s h

with an assortment

F ew r e co r d s a r e t h i s

Other standout tracks

a feather while still

d ay s w h e n t h i s s t e l l a r

Homme is driving the bus,

of s t e l l a r m u s i c i a n s ,

o r i g i n a l a n d c a t c hy,

include the dirty

r e t a i n i n g e n o u g h of

ensemble under the

I ’m a l w a y s w i l l i n g to b u y

W h i t e a n d Go s s t a ke

baiting the audience

g r i n d “M i s f i t Love,”

t h e i r q u i r k y v i b e to

d i r e c t i o n of a v i r t u o s o

a t i c ke t .

u s o n a wo n d ro u s

with soothing melodies

a p u l s i n g p e r ve r s i o n

instantly enthrall.

was finding their way

-J a m e s Wa y l a n d

t r i p t h ro u g h a r i c h

a n d hy p n o t i c b e a t s

that wraps the listener 46

Pe r s o n a l l y, I

r e l e a s e d by I p e c a c .


d r e n c h e d i n a we i r d

u n d e r l y i n g h a r m o ny

s h o u l d h ave a ny l i v i n g

B a l l .” Ru n n i n g ove r 9

eve r yo n e o n b o a r d a l l

’07 m i x . I p e c a c s co r e s

w a r d ro b e t h a t v a r i e s

t h a t b l e e d s t h ro u g h

being shucking and

minutes, this amazing

t h e w a y t h ro u g h to t h e

again with another band

g r e a t l y f ro m t r a c k to

each track, giving the

j i v i n g i n n o t i m e. “L a y

t r a c k ve e r s f ro m o n e

a b s u r d co n c l u s i o n .

d e s i g n e d fo r t h o s e w h o

track. The first three

r e co r d a s t r a n g e s e n s e

Dow n” i s a n u p l i f t i n g

s t y l e to a n o t h e r i n a

s o n g s s e e a s l ow

of c h a o s a n c h o r e d i n

piece that summons

s e r i e s of we l l - exe c u t e d

L i c ke r ’s L a s t Le g i s

a p p r e c i a t e a d i ve r s e

b a l l a d g i ve w ay to

co h e s i o n .

The Beatles and The

transitions, including

a g r e a t a d d i t i o n to

a p p ro a c h to m u s i c . Yo u

Foo - Fi g h t e r s a t t h e i r

a s l i d e i n to o n e of t h e

a ny m u s i c l ove r ’s

w i l l s e l d o m k n ow w h a t ’s

a d r i v i n g ro c k o p u s

w a n t s o m e t h i n g n ew a n d

t h a t t h e n f a d e s i n to

T h e f i n e s t of f e r i n g s

m o s t p l ay f u l , a n d

s we e t e s t j a m s I ’ve

co l l e c t i o n . I d o n’t

co m i n g n ex t o n t h i s

a s u l k i n g t h row b a c k

a r e “F e e l L i ke T h i s ,”

s o a r s i n to a g l e e f u l

eve r h e a r d a t a b o u t

k n ow w h a t yo u’r e

s p l e n d i d r e l e a s e, b u t

to t h e b l u e s

a g roov y a d m i s s i o n

s t r a to s p h e r e of h o p e

3 minutes in. This

i n to, b u t I ’m p r e t t y

i f yo u’r e l i ke m e, yo u’l l

i n t e r wove n w i t h 8 0 s

of g u i l t , a n d “E ve r y

a n d r hy t h m . I f L i c ke r ’s

b u f f e t cove r s s o m u c h

s u r e Go o n M o o n h a s

r e g a r d e a c h n ew g e m a s

s y n t h . T h e j o u r n ey

Christian Lion Hear ted

L a s t Le g i s a s p i n o n

t e r r i to r y o n e wo u l d

i t cove r e d a t s o m e

ye t a n o t h e r co m p o n e n t of

Go o n M oo n t a ke s

M a n W i l l S h ow Yo u ,”

t h e T i l t - A -W h i r l , t h e

t h i n k i t wo u l d b e h a r d

point on this stellar

a n i m p r e s s i ve t r e a s u r e.

us on is a winding

a B e e G e e s cove r

s e co n d to l a s t of f e r i n g

n o t to g e t l o s t , b u t

album. This disc is

- J a m e s Wa y l a n d

ro a d t h a t f e a t u r e s

that is as scary as it is

is an entire amusement

Go o n M o o n ex p e r t l y

currently battling

a v a r i e t y of s t y l e s

h e ave n l y. T h e f u n ny

p a r k co m p l e t e w i t h a

carries the audience

w i t h To m a h a w k ’s

a n d a p p ro a c h e s ,

a n d l i k a b l e “H a r d co r e

n u m b e r of w a c k y r i d e s

t h ro u g h t h e p e a k s

A n o ny m o u s fo r t h e

but there is an

Q3” i s s e t to a b e a t t h a t

e n t i t l e d “ T h e Go l d e n

a n d v a l l ey s , ke e p i n g

to p s p o t i n my s u m m e r

47


SUMMER’S DAYS A R E N U M B E R E D M I X T HE THRILLS “On e Ho r se To w n” So Much fo r the City 3 : 1 3 T HE HIVES “ Tw o -Tim in g To u c h & B ro ke n B o n e s” Tyrann o sau r u s Hive s 2 : 0 0 S AVES THE DAY “ We dn e s d a y t h e T h i r d ” In Reve r ie 3 :3 9 THE NEW AMSTERDAMS “ Fo u r M o re Ye ar s” Para To da Vi da 2 : 5 1 TAKING B A CK SUNDAY “ N u m b e r F i ve w it h a B u llet ” Whe re Yo u Want to Be 3 : 4 9 E XPLOSIONS IN THE SKY “S i x D a y s at t h e B otto m o f t h e O ce a n” The Earth is Not a Cold Dea d Place 8 : 4 3 INTERPOL “So n g Seven” Ant ics [ B o n u s D i sc] 4 : 4 0 A CTION A CTION “ Eig hth G ra d e S u m m e r R o m a n ce” Do n’t Cut Yo u r Fabr ic to Th is Year’s Fa sh io n 3 : 2 3 T HE MOLDY PEA CHES “ L u ck y N u m b e r N i n e” The M oldy Peache s 2 : 0 7 G ET UP KIDS “ Ten Min ute s” So m eth in g to Wr ite Ho m e Abo ut 3 : 12 HEY MERCEDES “ Eleven to Yo u r S eve n” Eve r yn ig ht Fire Wo rks 3 : 56 T HE BOOKS “ Twelve Fold C h a i n” Lo st an d Safe 4 : 4 4 ELLIO TT SMI TH “ T h ir te e n” New M o o n 2 : 4 8 B EAT HA PPENING “ Fo u r te e n” Beat Happ en in g 1 : 5 0 C AESARS PALA CE “ Fiftee n M i n ute s To o Late” Lo ve fo r the Streets 1 : 5 3 I GGY PO P “Sixteen” Lu st fo r Life 2 : 2 6 S EX PIST OLS “Seventeen” Neve r Min d the Bollo cks He re’s the Sex Pistols 2 : 0 0 ALICE COOPER “I ’m Eig hte e n” Lo ve it to Death 2 : 5 8 ROLLING ST ONES “19th Ne r v o u s B re ak d o w n” Hits (Hig h Ti de an d Green Gra ss) 3 : 56 H e r e are some songs for you to count off your Summer fun. Chec k o f f a l l o f y o u r r o a d t r i p s , r o m a n c e s , b ike rides, break-ups, hook-ups, porches, popsicles, parties, b e a c h e s , b e n e f i t s a n d b e s t f r i e n d s . I h o p e your Summer was a s rad as mine! If you have any suggesti o n s f o r n e x t m o n t h ’s m i x j u s t h o l l e r. - L a u ren Vincelli   - lauren.vincelli@yahoo.com C h e c k out these songs and more on the RVA Mix Last.FM Play lis t a t w w w. l a s t . f m / u s e r / RVA m i x / 48

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s hH SM A LL IS JJ oOS S.m. a. l l

TA L L

is

B y Je f f B ye r s

Many evenings after my initial interview with Josh Small, while three other friends were having a late dinner at Mojo’s, I finally called Small to ask him some better follow-up questions. “I’m going to be honest Josh…writing about you is kind of hard because I feel there’s a little Small on my shoulder shouting at me “You’re putting that! In there!?” and I expect you’ll corner me at Mojo’s sometime and shout at me how I fucked your ar ticle up.” “I might. It could happen.” “Alright, well I’m going to get back to this thing.” “Good luck,” says Small immediately releasing his infectious laughter. For years now, Josh Small has inspired many with his brand of folk music. After the novelty of watching a grown man play the banjo and curse a lot in songs wore off, audiences began to take note that motherfucker can actually sing and play! Josh recently released his second full length album, Tall by Josh Small on Suburban Home Records. This record was four years in the making after his self-titled release on Pop Faction Records. The result is twelve songs that show the maturation of a man and his music. And like most of his friends who’ve seen him grow and evolve over the years, you wholehear tedly believe that everyone needs hear this record. However, to get a more 50

accurate representation of Bad JS, I’d suggest asking him about the Redskins or Disney’s 1973 animated version of Robin Hood. It would do him better justice than abbreviated quotes. “I’m glad to surround myself around a bunch of talented people,” says Small about his record. One of the immediate marks of change in Josh’s approach to recording his songs is his collaboration with other musicians on Tall . Small’s first CD held a simple setup as him and his guitar with the occasional background vocals or banging file cabinets. Yet on Tall , Small allows others to enter Lance Koehler’s Minimum Wage Studios in Oregon Hill to mix it up and add their own flavor to Small’s creations. The result works especially well for Small on the album’s highlights “Who’s Foolin’ You” and “Indiana”. But why the need for all the bells and whistles? “People are stupid. They need more than just a dude and his guitar to get the song’s point across,” says Small. “Or maybe on the flip side I’m not doing enough job getting the song’s point across. It could go either way.” With the addition of drums, organ, violin, a wind section amongst other instruments, Small finds his own voice through the interpretation of others and their instruments.


“All the arrangement on the record I had little or nothing to do with,” says Small. “And that’s an impor tant par t of the whole thing. I try to get good people that I trust what they do. I know if I get Drew Liverman to make a font for me, it’s going to be good so I don’t have to worry about it. And that’s what I did with the other people playing on the record. I trust them because they’re good. “The recording process with Lance was great because he understood what I was trying to do but could look at the songs from an outsider’s perspective. My goal was to make a heavily vocal album a la Harry Nilsson but sometimes you just don’t end up writing what you wish you did.” Mainly though, Small wanted to write a kickass album and bring up his level of musicianship. Tall is a great sounding record and while it’s only available on CD right now, it’s the type of album that should be listened to in an LP format (which eventually should be coming out). Small isn’t trying to sound cool by aping an old timey sound; it’s who Small is. While many from his generation were discovering and reveling in the sounds of Black Flag and Minor Threat, Small was discovering his dad’s record collection. Yet Small’s owes more to his dad than just his musical tastes. Small’s dad, Bobby Joe, made the cover of Josh’s album. “I asked my dad to make the cover for my record before I had a record to come out,” says Small. “Well I knew I eventually was going to make a record but I didn’t know when.”

Bobby Joe has always done his own clothing yet it was after Josh’s niece passed away that Josh’s dad took up embroidering. Embroidering is very time consuming and laborious and with that, Bobby Joe found time to reflect. What came out of Bobby Joe’s creations were on the psychedelic, folk-ar ty tip including a pair of jeans acting more as a charm bracelet with iconic characters like Elvis, John Henry, The Three Little Pigs as well as commemorative items for his family like a snail for his wife. Josh came home one day and liked his dad’s ar t so he gave his dad an old high school jacket to embroider the cover for Tall . On the back of the CD, Small stands proudly wearing the jacket. Does he ever wear it out in public? “It’s kind of weird to wear your own record cover around,” says Small. Usually the understanding between children who try to become full time musicians and their parents can cause conflict. Yet Small is blessed that his parents understand and continue to suppor t him. “I’m the first generation of my family to ever go to college. Mom and Dad worked their asses off to get me an education and they’re calm about me not using it as a career. They both love music and they really like that I’m doing it.” Josh plans on touring for a month and a half star ting in September with label mate Tim Barry and William Elliot Whitmore. The trip will take them cross-country and into Canada. In the meantime, you can order his CD through www.suburbanhomerecords.com.

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After my first experience seeing his live show, I was left speechless. It was the spark I needed in order to take the initiative to start writing my own songs. I made sure to stop by Cory’s merchandise table and have him promise me that he would never stop playing music. He obliged. Since then, his songs have become even more fascinating with the matured literary techniques he executes in his lyrics and his increasing confidence as a songwriter. Taking motifs from literary figures ranging from Miguel De Cervantes to David Berman of the Silver Jews while continuing to wear his influences through his songs with pride -- whether that’s a love for John Cougar Mellencamp or the pilot episode of Miami Vice. His wit as a lyricist has refused to falter and as a fan, I can’t contain my excitement for what the future holds for Cory. image by Jennifer Heimbaugh

T h e Wa l k A r o u n d w i t h

Cor y Branan By Shannon Clear y

Cory Branan is unlike any other songwriter I have ever encountered. His songs never fail at leaving an audience spellbound and grinning. Whether it’s the summertime love song “Tall Green Grass” with its aspirations to get lost with your significant other; or a straight-ahead rock song with ruminations about the dirty south with “White T-Girls,” he never fails to capture a particular feeling. That feeling is the intricate palpable connections we all feel towards one another, yet we sometimes forget to acknowledge.

At his tour stop in Richmond at Empire, I had the opportunity to sit down and talk to Cory. Our conversation spread the gamut from his background to his songs to even Ryan Adams and Memphis. ------Shannon Cleary Where would you say that your life with music began? What triggered your need to write songs and share those with others? Cory Branan I never felt the need. I started playing guitar when I was nine or ten. I may have gotten a lesson or two, but never paid attention. I wanted one when I turned fourteen. I can’t pinpoint the band. I’m sure it was some hair metal band that I wanted to play like. Then right on the heels of that was Guns N’ Roses’ Appetite for Destruction, pretty much changed my life. I don’t know, I used to sit and wank and fucking learn all my technique, like picking stuff, in those first couple summers in my room. Where I’d be like (imitates guitar shredding sounds). Complete wanking in the room. I don’t use any of that shit anymore. I just strum and finger pick now. There’s probably someone or some band that would be hard to defend that I liked a lot back then. I was raised up with country music and music in the church. My grandfather and great grandfather were fiddle players. My dad’s a drummer. There was a little music around. Only had a few records in the house, Joe Cocker’s Mad Dogs and Englishmen, The Beatles’ Help!, and Arlo Guthrie’s Alice’s Restaurant.


I didn’t have a lot of influences besides pop stuff you hear. Prince was probably a turning point for me. I was like holy shit. Anybody who grew up in an area away from a big city, you only get your culture through MTV or whatever, but it was also the community I played in punk bands, death metal bands, and all kinds of stuff. But I was playing my wanker metal Steve Vai guitar. But much later, I’d play coffee shops all by myself. I’d play Neil Young and all that shit. Pretty much, my heroes were John Prine, Tom Waits, and Leonard Cohen. I discovered all those guys around the same time when I was twenty-four years old. I was like holy shit. I probably started doing this when I was twenty-five, I got a late, late jump in the game. SC You mentioned once in one of our past conversations how you saw similarities between Memphis and Richmond. I was wondering if you could elaborate on that a little bit. CB Well you have cities that are steeped in the nation’s history. There’s this palpable history that has come and gone in both cities. Ours, it’s musical, but it’s definitely cultural. You got the burned out warehouse district and stuff like that. At the same time you have beautiful architecture. Then there are punk rock kids using venues in a lot of the old rooms around the town for things they were never created for. It looks a little roughneck here as well; again I haven’t

been here long enough to know. Memphis is kinda roughneck, but in a good way. I don’t know, any city I usually compare to Memphis, I’m complimenting the city. I love Memphis, but yea it just seems like a lot of chill kids here. But then again, I’ve only been here a handful of times; there could be a lot of fuckers here, kinda like Boston. SC I don’t know if this is a fair statement, but when The Hell You Say came out, there were a lot of reviews that compared you to Ryan Adams and I feel as if there was a slight rebellion to that comparison. Is there anyone you would rather find yourself compared to? CB It’s just, he plays with aesthetics, you can tell and it’s fine. I mean hell I like the guy (pause) sometimes (laughs). Comparisons are natural. I mean you do it when you shop for bread or ice cream. It’s just natural. To compare, it has to have a basis, but yea I don’t know, I don’t even know who I would consider contemporaries. They wouldn’t be well known if I could even pick them out. I don’t mind. I might see a couple more people at shows. SC Is there any particular way you feel you approach songwriting? I feel like there is definitely a very literary aspect as to how you approach lyrics and there is also a very accomplished atmosphere in your songs, especially with more lightpicking songs like “Tall Green Grass” or

“Lilly.” With those songs, it seems like they take you to a place. I don’t know if that’s something you intend on doing upon writing songs or… CB Well yea kinda, I mean they all come different ways. Some of them are based on sound, like I’ll like the way three words sound together or something, but as I’m writing it I usually have a musical idea that suits it or is completely wrong for it and makes a sort of juxtaposition to the idea. I don’t think it out very much, and it’s not like “oh I don’t think it out,” it’s more based on a natural laziness (laughs). I do take time with the words though. Like mainly I don’t want to feel like a dick. I don’t want to sing anything that I wouldn’t say, of course you have to sometimes, it’s literal lyrics, a conversation, but I do like things that aren’t contrived or forced, but I don’t like fucking diary writing. Like whatever (coughs) Ryan Adams (laughs) comes out of my mouth is genius. I don’t like people that think like that or people that think, like I don’t think my life is that fucking interesting. I mean I think that my life is indicative of everyone else’s, the things we share are that, but I think you have to be able to get outside of that. I guess the more soft shell crab, the less lobster, its gotta be permeable. That’s probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever said (laughs). But yeah, it’s a balance. I balance a lot of my songs. If I’m gonna say something incredibly sweet, I’m gonna fucking toss one off, or it needs to be, if I’m gonna crack a joke it’s gotta be in a sad context. Not always, but there has to be

some balance, it’s not gonna be all sunshine and beautiful, there has to be something in there. I guess just for me, that’s how things are. SC On 12 Songs, you worked with the drummer of Big Star, Jody Stevens on “A Girl Named Go” and “She’s My Rock N’ Roll.” Is there anyone else you’ve ever wanted to work with or anyone else you have worked with in the past as

far as recordings are concerned? CB Yea, I mean just all the badass Memphis guys I worked with so far. Jim Spake on Sax. Rick Steff who plays with Lucero now, he’s on the last one. There are a lot of Memphis guys that are badass that I’ve got to work with. There’s this pipe player I just worked with when I cut “It Gets Worst At Night” for the Lucero Tribute album. Fucking crazy bagpipe player. Anyway, yea there are all kinda


people. There’s Jimmy Hodges, There’s Harry Peel, There’s all kinds of Memphis guys I want to work with. There are some more horn guys I got my sights on. I don’t know, but then there are singers. I’d really like to do something with Gillian Welch. Nashville is two to three degrees of separation between everyone and I lived there for a little bit. I only met her briefly. I would really love to do something with her. I just fucking love her. She’s so good. It’s hard to find somebody that can sing and write and play like that. The three coming together, it doesn’t happen very much. Even my heroes, they have unorthodox voices, Waits, Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen, their voices are great for what they do. They’re not…well maybe they are mesmerizing voices, but hers is like undeniable. Like my Grandfather would listen to her and my punk rock niece is gonna listen to her and they are both gonna get it. I love her. SC Is there a new record in the works?

im ag e b y G ar y Q ui c k

CB I have three written. We’re in between labels, we’re talking to quite a few and I’ve talked to a few private investors and there are just different things. There’s talk of maybe releasing my own and starting my own record label. I don’t know if I want another full-time job that doesn’t shit. I kinda want to do something interesting. I had the idea of putting out singles. A song, like two songs, an A and B-side or whatever, and putting one out every month and doing one every month for like eight months. Then having them all in different prints, have different artists do the actual packaging, have them all come together and do a fifteen hundred run of each and have them all go away and then maybe put them all out as one record which wouldn’t be as collectable, but I gotta think of all the logistics of all that shit. I don’t know, it kills me to fucking get it out, with these songs sitting here and not getting them out, but I want to do it right. I can’t listen to the records I’ve put out so far, but it doesn’t mean that I’m ashamed of them by any means, but I could definitely do a lot better. I want to get it right. I don’t know, but yeah I miss the studio. I enjoy it. Cause we don’t really think about it too much, there’s no more than two or three takes on any song I’ve ever done. It’s fun. I miss

it. A lot of money involved in that shit. SC Now with the fan website Last Chance Diner, the Webmaster videotapes a lot of your shows which feature new songs of yours. Is that ever a concern for you to see these songs released in a primitive stage, in a way that isn’t necessarily the way you intend for the songs to sound as they are released on your records? CB It would bother me if people were actually watching. I don’t think anybody is watching them. If they do, it’s cool, but we’re talking maybe a hundred people tops that look at that. It’s just that’ll go away or maybe it won’t, I mean hell it’s the Internet. I don’t mind. There are some of them that are bad and I go on there and ask “Could you maybe not do that, I had one too many Guinness that night.” But yea, I don’t really care, my publishers have copyrighted them all so I’m not really worried. But yea, there’s a concern. I guess my main concern is that people will get “demo love.” If no one’s familiar with that, it’s when you demo up something on your records and you go in to cut it and you just don’t think it sounds right because your ears have gotten so used to what you’ve done with it. I get that a lot where people accuse me of overproducing my records. And I’m like there are never more than three or four instruments going on. I mean a couple songs have a little bit more going on, but we don’t layer guitars, we don’t do anything. There are only like two or three takes top. That shit is pretty raw. It’s just that it’s more than just an acoustic guitar. I mean fucking Simon and Garfunkel had more than an acoustic guitar, it’s like give me a fucking break. I get bored, you know. But yea hopefully a new record and as soon as we get all the business taken care of where I can get this thing working right, there should be a new record every year. Where I can avoid this staggering backwater feeling by sitting around with a ton of songs. It’s cool playing them for people, but after a while it’s just the clubhouse gets a little small. I just want to play songs for people and it’s cool if a few people know it, but I just want to play for people. I don’t have any aesthetic loyalties. They are just songs. They are not punk, country, singer-songwriter crap, they are just songs for people. I would just like to get to where I could make a living enough to have one kid. One kid is all I want


and to just buy the diapers and the formula. I still live in an apartment to keep the overhead low. I’d probably need a wedding ring too. I’ll get the wedding ring, and then figure out the kid, in that order.

couple different people. I do love John Cougar Mellencamp. That part’s true.

SC Well, are there any stories behind any of your songs you’d like to share?

CB Ok, yeah that one comes from fucking Memphis man. There’s a little group there called the Heathers, just a group of people that wont stay out of my fucking business. Now this is years ago most of the Heathers are doing things now, but its just people who are into shit, because they don’t have their own shit going on. It drives me nuts. They wont let you make any wrong moves. I don’t know what people expect out of people there. It’s big small town shit. That one is sort of a companion piece to “The Ballad of Rosemary Brown” which is about the virgin whore complex thing. It’s the dude’s version of that. It’s almost a dumb rock song but there are lines in it that hit pretty close for me. There’s just some really good flip offs in that one. There’s some shit in that that is almost kinda my credo. But it just came out of me being pissed off, where a lot of good songs come from. I usually don’t write from that compulsion, but hey I got one out of that one.

CB Yeah, let me see. A couple of them are about girls (laughs) yea, a couple of them. A lot of them are composites. Like “Tame” is sort of about a girl I knew, but it’s mainly a composite of a bunch of girls. As it turned out when I met my girlfriend, it was about her, but I hadn’t met her yet when I wrote it. A lot of them are just grab bags. SC Would it be easier if I just named a couple? CB Yeah, go for it. SC I mean you’re probably gonna be embarrassed, but how about Attack of the Fifty Foot Hangover? CB Oh god, that’s a horrible song. That song probably just came from a bottle. Just poured that song right out on to the guitar. Yeah, I don’t think there’s anything keepable in that song. SC Well, to be a little more serious, how about the new one “Summer Time”? CB That one’s just, I don’t know. I remember all that shit as far as just hanging out on the cove, couldn’t go more than three coves over, but we went fucking six. It’s about all the great grand rebellions that amount to jack shit. I was afraid the song was gonna turn into Bob Seger’s “Night Moves,” which I heard the other day and as I’m getting older, I’m starting to appreciate all of these songs that are really, really great. “Night Moves” is a great fucking song. Except when he talks about “points all her own sitting way up high/Way up firm and high,” that’s a little fucking perverted. But the rest of that song is genius. There are two bridges in that one. But, yea I guess it is my Night Moves kinda looking back. The second verse in that one about the honeysuckle didn’t actually happen to me. But I was reading some Samuel Beckett or someone and I remember him talking about associating a flower with a girl. I think I took that a step further maybe. I was just like, man what if she put it in her lingerie drawer and every spring that would fucking wreck somebody. I gave some girls some good advice on how to fuck some dude up, so I apologize dudes if anyone ever pulls that shit on you. But yea, with that one, it’s not exactly a person. It’s an amalgamation of a

SC How about “Ballad of a Bad Man”?

SC I guess last, but not least, how about that new one “The Walk Around”? CB I had that chorus for a couple years, and I don’t know why I liked that chorus so much but it just kinda reminded me of Jonathan Richman. Then, I didn’t have any verses for it. Those were all really separate things. I had a little noodle about amnesia. I wrote the other two to go with it, because I wanted to write a song with three verses that didn’t have jackshit to do with one another, but were still tied in. Like the city girls, they’re so fast and I’m just like “hey I just want to walk around.” The other one is about how I can’t dance but I still kinda want to. The walk around will be fine. The walk around will be my dance. They work in but it’s really weird how through the first verse and pretty much all of them you wonder, ‘what the hell does any of this have to do with the song?’ But that one’s alright. I’ll probably cut that one. I have like a Violent Femmes thing going in my head; like The Violent Femmes meets popcorn-era James Brown, something in there. I haven’t decided yet. But that’s the thing. I get pulled along by the song. Like on 12 Songs with “Muhammad Ali and Me,” there’s way too much, but I couldn’t do one thing less on that song last time. It had to have drums and it had to have the booty beat and the horns. It’s just you’re gonna fucking record a song about bragging, It’s just gotta do that. The consequence of that is that’s the only one I felt was really successful because my friend played that record and his three year old was dancing to it. Like I’ve seen kids dance to that song and that’s probably the coolest thing I’ve ever accomplished with my music. Just kids not knowing, saying “I don’t know what I’m doing,” but they gotta dance. As you can imagine that doesn’t happen very often with my music. SC Well I think that’s a great note to end on, thanks for the interview.


Here’s hoping change is in the air

RICHMOND’S DOWNTOWN

by John Sarvay

Change is in the air for Richmond’s downtown. Richmond is in the midst of an ambitious plan for its downtown even as Broad Street er upts with creative boils ever y month as thousands of First Friday social butterflies converge. New buildings are on the rise – a movie theater on Boulevard, an architecturally strong federal cour thouse, a new hotel, condominiums and nightclubs. Demographic trends are pointing in a positive direction. There’s a resurgent creative energy on the streets. This is usually when Richmond chokes. In the quest for a downtown nir vana, Richmond should take care not to destroy the ver y things that make it unique – diver sity, affordability, creativity, a sense of histor y, architectural integrity. If handled well, the city’s new Downtown Plan will be a creative catalyst that connects diver se neighborhoods to a 24-hour downtown that is a draw for tourists and suburbanites, and that balances the free mar ket with affordability. Handled poor ly, it could represent another political boondoggle – in a city famous for its exclusive, politically driven bad ideas – and fur ther divide the city by social class, educational status and race.

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i m a g e s c o u r t e s y o f D o v e r K ohl

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Early drafts of the new Downtown Plan – crafted in July during a public design process that drew upwards of 1,000 residents, planning exper ts, policymakers and developer s to Plant Zero in Manchester – seem to point Richmond in the right direction. “I urge you to think about this as a Continental Congress for your city and its future,” Victor Dover, principal of the Miamibased urban planning firm that is helping craft Richmond’s new Downtown Plan, told a crowd of 400 at the kick-off session in July. “You are at a real crossroads in your histor y. It’s a historic moment in the way you view your river ; it is your largest and most impor tant public space.” Those gathered agreed, even if no one wore a powdered wig and tri-corner hat to the meeting. Over the course of seven days, hundreds of people par ticipated in a crash course in urban planning. An active five-hour session put markers in the hands of 200 people who literally drew their visions for downtown on some 60 maps. There were five days of open design sessions and small group discussions. And a threehour presentation that provided 400 people a snapshot view of the working draft for the new Downtown Plan wrapped things up. Near the top of everyone’s list – protect the public space we call the James River. Make it more green, more connected and more accessible to the public. “The principle is that there is access to and along the river, preser ving the river and its views,” Dover said during the wrap-up session. “The big idea is that it’s not just a ditch with water in it 60

sur rounded by buildings -- the James River is Richmond’s great, wet Central Par k.” But it’s not all about a Central Par k with class five rapids; the draft Downtown Plan is about the whole of the central city. It includes six key design principles for Richmond’s downtown – which stretches from Jackson Ward across the river to Manchester, and from VCU to the foot of Church Hill: 1. Recognize that Richmond is an urban city and build on that by making pedestrians a priority; restoring two-way traffic patter ns downtown; and embracing public transit. 2. Protect the James River and treat it as the centerpiece of the community by improving public access; protecting the viewscape; and making Mayo Island a public space with trails, access to the water and an amphitheatre for concer ts. 3. Connect buildings to people by requiring that new constr uction be urban in nature with door s and windows facing the street, and by refor ming development regulations. 4. Emphasize diver sity by providing variety and choices by diver sifying land uses, building types and sizes, and oppor tunities for those at all income levels; by suppor ting


programs for those of lesser means and education; and by fostering the full range of transpor tation choices – feet, bikes, buses and cars. 5. Turn Richmond green with the creation of more and better parks; a sustained street tree campaign; and by promoting green architecture and low-impact stor m water designs. 6. Save the city’s history by strengthening the commitment to preser vation; requiring new architecture wor thy of Richmond; and promoting and explaining our histor y. That’s the urban planning boilerplate – the big picture stuff. What does it all really mean? For star ters, it means that a lot of people want Richmond to run – not walk – to the future. And for the city to make it a future wor th creating. “We plan so we can set the city up for the people who will come after us,” Dover said. “Why do we work for the benefit of the city? Because this in fact affects ever yone in the region ... it belongs to ever yone, it is the living room of the region.” 61


If downtown is Richmond’s living room, what sor t of things will it take for people to feel comfor table enough to kick their shoes off and stay awhile? How about a downtown that ever yone can appreciate? That’s a vision shared by Rachel Flynn, the city’s director of community development. “The public deser ves the best spaces,” she said in an inter view. “Some of our citizens, especially the poor, may never see another city outside of Richmond. They deser ve to see the best city.” The best city is a public city, a city where rich and poor, black and white, hip and square, tourist and resident can mingle in shared spaces. “If your city is really good and really successful, it’s because people of all backgrounds feel accommodated,” Dover said at the planning kick-off. “The natural environment doesn’t work if it doesn’t take diversity into account – human beings are the same way. 64

“The quality of your public space is the most impor tant thing for your city,” Dover said at the planning kick-off. “You’re not finished until you make those spaces great.” But it isn’t really about space. It’s about community. And that’s what makes a new Downtown Plan so impor tant – it creates a vision that helps to drive future policy, to change existing regulations and to guide development and investment.

Dover expressed confidence that there is more than enough vacant space downtown for creative pioneer s to be able to afford to live side-by-side with upscale developments for year s to come. But he also acknowledged the impor tance of focusing both public and private attention on the success of the ar tistic community, small businesses and the wor king-class. Which makes public involvement in the next steps in the process so critical. Later this summer, Dover Kohl retur ns to town for a second round of hands-on design and public input. The more input they get from students, local business owner s, ar tists and the residents of downtown neighborhoods like Jackson Ward, Oregon Hill and Manchester, the better.

The Downtown Plan draft calls for Richmond’s center city to be an appropriate balance of residential, commercial and civic space – an urban downtown that emphasizes mixed-use and mixed-income row homes, apar tments and condominiums, offices and storefronts. It calls for an urban downtown that balances the needs of commuter s and residents, ar tists and developer s, cultural spaces and neighborhood communities.

Next steps include ongoing revisions to the draft-in-progress, another public design process in September, the deliver y of a final draft to the city, a hear ty round of public hearings and, if all goes well, public approval. Even after the city signs off on a new Downtown Master Plan, the process of implementing it will be a long one – plenty of time for more public input!

“Many cities have affordable housing strategies. Richmond needs an affordable culture strategy,” Dover said during a meeting with creative and cultural organizations.

Keep current with Richmond’s new Downtown Plan at the city’s Depar tment of Community Development website (http://www.richmondgov.com/depar tments/ communitydev/) or at Buttermilk & Molasses’ Downtown Plan page (http://floricane.typepad.com/buttermilk/richmond_planning_and_ development/index.html).

So, if you want to see a new Richmond, step up.

John Sar vay works as a leadership consultant with Luck Stone Corporation. His views on cultural and community issues can be found at Buttermilk & Molasses (http://floricane.typepad.com).


A short story in 4 parts by James Wayland image by Adam Juresko Sara slipped into her sports-bra, adjusted herself so that she was comfortable, then ducked into a tee shirt. She pulled on her knee-high socks, the only kind she liked to run in, and eased into a pair of sweatpants. Next she put on a long-sleeve shirt, after which she dug through her bottom drawer until she unearthed another pair of sweatpants, which she also stepped into. Sara tightened the drawstring at her waist and tied it in a square knot. She finished her bulky wardrobe off with a heavy hooded sweatshirt and pulled her hair into a ponytail before putting on a headband. She took a look at herself in the mirror and stifled a giggle. It was absurd that athletes stooped to such lows to shed excess pounds, but some took it even farther than she dared. Sara didn’t want anything to do with pills or enemas, and she wasn’t about to wear plastic bags over her clothing, but some of her peers engaged in those and other dangerous practices. She was determined, but she wasn’t crazy. It was hard enough being the only girl on the wrestling team, but at least there were other females taking it to the mat in her district. Gibson High had three and Charity had two, so times were definitely changing in Johnstone County. Last year, Chelsea Johnston, the Charity Bobcats’ wiry bantamweight, took fourth in the regional finals, and this year Sara was determined to take her skills even farther. Sure, some of the guys gave her shit--most of them even, but she could give it right back when they squared off. She was a quick study, and she relished her stamina even more in light of the name-calling and taunting she endured. She wasn’t a “dyke” and she wasn’t a “jock”, she was simply good at wrestling. Her brothers had preceded her, enjoying success and fellowship as part of the Kingston High squad, but that didn’t make her part

of the fraternity. Maybe her siblings loved watching her wrestle and cheered her on at every meet, but she had never felt at home on the team. Coach Stanley was happy with the points she gave him, but she could tell that even he was having a hard time adjusting to a female presence in tights. “Oh my, Sara, that can’t be safe,” her mother cried when her daughter passed through the living room on her way outside. “I’ll be fine,” she said with a smile. “If I want to go to state, I need to lose eight more pounds before Sunday.” Her mother sighed. “Maybe you should just wrestle at a higher weight, . . . or cheer.” “We’ve been over this a thousand times, mom. There isn’t a cheerleading gene in my body.” “I know,” her mother said in sad little voice. “I just don’t like watching you put on all those clothes so you can go sweat yourself to death.” “I have no such intent,” Sara said, “But I’m going to get in a few miles before it gets dark. I love you, mom, I’ll see you in a bit.” “You be careful out there, dear. Take some of that stuff off if you get too hot.” “I will,” Sara said quickly, dashing outside and letting the door slam closed behind her with a resounding thud. She did a few generic stretches and then started to jog, allowing her body to warm up before she started pushing too hard. It was a chilly evening, but there wasn’t much of a breeze. Sara lived with her mother in a nice split-foyer in the foothills. It was scenic country; curvy roads wound through the forest, rising and falling with the hills and valleys that shaped the land. Sara lived in a small community and the population was spread throughout the region. It wasn’t uncommon to find people who had no neighbors for miles, and the nearest grocery store was thirty miles to the east.

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Little more than a mile from the house, Sara crossed a bridge that spanned a large creek that often attracted fishermen from miles away. It was rich with trout and the surrounding area was beautiful. A rusty pickup with a beatup camper shell was parked on the side of the road. There was a faded logo on the door of the vehicle for a company called Talented Tree Trimmers (and other odd jobs) and there were two redfaced country boys standing beside it, both cradling fishing poles and beers. One wore a cap fashioned after the rebel flag, and the other had on a black button-up shirt with the slogan “Female Body Inspector” printed neatly over the breast pocket in white letters. They were waving at her and trying to get her attention, their eyes big and their mouths twisted into loopy grins. “We seen a bear,” the one wearing the cap slurred, clearly excited. “Like at the fucking zoo,” his friend added. Sara didn’t say anything, she just kept running. Seeing a bear wasn’t anything special, but she wasn’t dumb enough to regard it as a trip to the circus when it happened. She knew to keep her distance and she knew to summon the authorities if necessary. Once, a black bear had decided to camp out at the playground at the local park 68

and the Game Warden was brought in to tranquilize the animal and escort it away. The teenage wrestler had been one of several children at the park the day “the bad man shot the bear” as she had told anyone who would listen for weeks afterward. Fifteen minutes later the chiseled athlete was running full-speed, taking quick breaths and quicker strides. Her head bobbed and her chest rose with each step, her feet rising and falling as she cut through the wind, her arms pumping at her sides. She was like a machine, relentlessly plowing ahead, sweat oozing from her skin, her muscles straining beneath her skin. She reached the spot where she always turned around and ran in place for a few seconds, raising her knees as high as she could, enjoying the burn in her thighs and calves. Then she set off again, forcing herself to go as fast as she could, ignoring the fatigue that threatened to slow her down. The trees that she raced by were dark blurs, the shrubbery a rolling green wallpaper that rushed past as she pushed on. No matter how hard it became to maintain her speed, she willed herself on, refusing to relinquish her quick pace despite the aches and pains that now resonated within her weary joints. She felt an alarm go off in her head as she approached the bridge where she had encountered the hicks earlier, but she was moving too fast to do anything but slow down. She immediately turned her attention from her

physical prowess to her physical surroundings, but her body was already reacting. Her nervous system was consumed by a nightmarish fire that spread throughout her being in an instant, her subconscious having already garnered the information her conscious mind was only beginning to take in. It was far too quiet by the bridge and there was a bitter coppery smell in the air. Sara could feel the aftershocks of a violent attack, as though there were echoes of the pain and torment that had occurred only moments ago still lingering in the air. She could clearly see the blood all over the door to the pickup, smeared across the handle and the window. She saw the guy wearing the cap inside the vehicle, his eyes wide with terror, his mouth stretched into a horrid grimace. The euphoria of extreme exercise was immediately lost in a rising wave of terror that crashed into the bewildered teen with the force of a hurricane. As her feet slide on the asphalt, she caught sight of the massive animal lumbering across the road just ahead. There was something in the bear’s mouth, something pale and rubbery that oozed crimson from one end. Sara finally found her footing and came to a halt, struggling for balance as she realized what the bear was chewing on. It was a mangled arm… TO BE CONTINUED


www.myspace.com/carnivalof5fires


A m e r i c a n A p p a r e l M ĂŠ l a n g e J e r s e y Ta n k American Apparel Poplin Hooded Zip-Up Jacket C h e a p M o n d a y Ti g h t F i t O v e r d y e d B l a c k J e a n ( N e e d ) Creative Recreation Cesario (Hospitality)

The Kids Are Alright C o nc e p t / Ar t D ir e c t io n: D e t r e s / K ible r / Wit t k o w s k i P ho t o g r a p hy : K a t ie K ible r St y l is t : N ic k Wit t k o w s k i M o d e ls : N ic k / L a ur e n / Je nna / Fr ie nd s L ig ht ing / Se t C o ns ult a nt : G e o r ge We is t r o f f e r

A m e r i c a n A p p a r e l S h e e r J e r s e y S h o r t S l e e v e D e e p V- N e c k B D G Te e C a r d i g a n ( U r b a n O u t f i t t e r s ) Nudie Jeans Thin Finns (Need)


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Nick: American Apparel Baby Rib Cardigan R e a s o n C o n s p i r a c y Te e ( H e n r y ) C h e a p M o n d a y Ti g h t F i t U n w a s h e d ( N e e d ) Va n s A u t h e n t i c ( N e e d )

Lauren: American A p p a r e l A c i d Wa s h J e r s e y V- N e c k Short Sle e v e S u m m e r Te e American A p p a r e l Ve g a s L e g g i n g


Lauren: Panda Songs Shirt Dr e s s ( R u m o r s ) Urban Outfitters Gran d p a C a r d i g a n Little Ghost Designs Big B o x ( R u m o r s )

Nick: A m e r i c a n A p p a r e l S h e e r J e r s e y S h o r t S l e e v e D e e p V- N e c k Nudie Jeans Slim Jim Dry Black (Need) Creative Recreation Black Snake (Need)

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Nick: American Apparel Polyester Micro-Fiber Boa r d S h o r t


Jessica: A m e r i c a n A p p a r e l N y l o n Tr i c o t M a i l l o t - V S w i m s u i t


American Apparel B a b y R i b C a r d i g a n No Mas “Wimbledon ” Te e ( H e n r y ) Nudie Jeans Grim Ti m ( N e e d ) Something Special F e d o r a ( N e e d )

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Nick: American Apparel Fine Jersey Short Sleeve Henley Ti g h t P a n t ( U r b a n O u t f i t t e r s ) Lauren: StarFeather Jumper Shorts (Rumors) Found belt S p a r k l e a n d F a d e C r o c h e t P a t t e r n F o o t l e s s Ti g h t ( U r b a n O u t f i t t e r s ) Amy Shutt Anchor Necklace (Rumors) Charles Albert Nautical Sling Back (Need)

Special thanks go out to a LOT o f p e o p le t his m o nt h. Al l t he lo c a l r e g ula r s ar e r e pr esented her e o f c o ur s e â&#x20AC;&#x201C; N e e d Sup p ly, Ru m o r s, H e nr y, Am e r ic a n A ppar el, but we w ant t o g i v e a s ho ut t o ne w c o lla b o r a t o r s U r b a n O ut f it ter s and fr ont por c h deniz e n s / w ic k e d c o o l t r uc k p o o l p r ov id er s, C la r k a nd f r i e nd s. N o w o r r y, N ic k is w e ll r e s t e d no w. Enjoy.

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2


i n fa c t s p e n d s o m e t i m e r e c e n t ly a t a p a r a m i l i t a r y a r t s c o m mune in the Smoky Mountains, a l t h o u g h I ’ m n o t s u r e e x a c t ly what part of the state would qu a l i f y a s “ s av a ge j u n g l e ” .

L e t t e r s To L a z i o : Dear Lazio, I am about to embark on a journey into the s av a ge j u n g l e o f Te n nessee. I heard from a b i r d t h a t y o u h ave explored the TN area. C a n y o u i mp a r t s o m e m u ch n e e d e d w i s d o m r e ga r d i n g t h e l o c a l s and their customs? --Catherine Catherine, I’m not sure where y o u ’ r e ge t t i n g y o u r i n fo r m a t i o n , b u t I d i d 80

Here’s the thing you need to k n ow a b o u t Te n n e s s e e : i t ’ s haunted. The entire damn state is a spooky Indian burial ground where all manner of d a r k a n d my s t e r i o u s s h i t h a p p e n s a t n i g h t . S e r i o u s ly, y o u c a n ’ t e ve n w a l k a r o u n d d ow n t ow n C h a t t a n o o ga w i t h o u t k i ck i n g u p b o n e s . E ve r y f i ve minutes you’re going to trip and fa l l o ve r a p a r t i a l ly s u b m e rge d skull, and if you think that’s bad just wait until the sun goes d ow n . I h o p e y o u ’ r e fa m i l i a r w i t h t h a t l o ve ly l i t t l e fo o t n o t e o f A n d r e w J a ck s o n ’ s p r e s i d e n c y k n ow n a s “ T h e T r a i l o f Te a r s ” , because you’re about to see i t f i r s t h a n d e ve r y n i g h t , p e r fo r m e d b y a t h o u s a n d w a i l i n g C h e r o ke e g h o s t s . Other than that, all you need

t o ke e p i n m i n d i s t h a t d a i ly t e a t i m e i s t a ke n ve r y s e r i o u s ly, although where some might add m i l k o r s u ga r, Te n n e s s e e n a t i ve s p r e fe r t o f l avo r t h e i r t e a w i t h a liberal helping of sour mash w h i s ke y. G o o d l u ck . O h , a n d i f t h e “ b i r d ” y o u ’ r e r e fe r r i n g t o i s o n e - e ye d D ave , t e l l h i m h e ’ s a dead man. Dear Lazio, W hy i s i t i n t o d ay ’ s s o c i e t y i t s n ow c o n s i d e r e d o k ay fo r g u y friends to grab a girl friend’s ass o r b r e a s t s ? A n d h ow c a n a g i r l ge t t h e m t o s t o p , s h o r t o f c a s t r a tion or a long heart-to-heart? - - R e p u l s e d i n R i ch m o n d Repulsed, What do you want from me here, R e p u l s e d ? D o y o u r e a l ly w a n t a s i x t e e n - p a ge e s s ay ch a r t i n g g r o p i n g b e h av i o r f r o m T h u c yd i d e s ’ H i s t o r y o f t h e Pe l o p o n n e s i a n Wa r t o t h e f r a t b oy s a t 3 M o n ke y s l a s t F r i d ay ? B e c a u s e I d i d my d o c t o r a l t h e s i s o n ch i c a nery in the ancient world, and b a ck t h e n t h e r e we r e n ’ t a ny

19 - ye a r o l d h a r l o t s carousing about in hot pants with “Sexy” embroidered o n t h e b a ck s i d e . Un fo r t u n a t e ly fo r y o u , the “editor” of this “ m a ga z i n e ” i n s i s t s t h a t my r e s p o n s e t o your letter remains short and concise, so as not to “confuse and terrify” our readers. So then, long story short, your three best bets are: 1) stop being a harlot, 2) cultivate a p a r t i c u l a r ly r a n c i d b o d y o d o r, a n d 3 ) b u y a t a s e r, a n d s e t i t i n f r o n t o f y o u e ve r y t i m e y o u s i t d ow n a t a b a r. I f n o n e o f t h a t w o r k s , I ’ d s u g ge s t y o u p i ck u p a n d m o ve to a place where the b a r c r ow d i s a l i t t l e more enlightened— m ay b e s o m e w h e r e l i ke r u r a l Te n n e s s e e .



RVA Volume 3 Issue 5