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VOL. 3 ISSUE 01 | SEPTEMBER 07 2010




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St. Thomas forms advisory committee in wake of condom controversy Students’ union told to keep condoms out of welcome kits because of university ‘practice’ distribution of condoms on campus, but rather a longstanding practice. “I thought that the time where the university would oppose the distribution of condoms on campus had passed. In my time at STU, I’ve seen the university start to distribute condoms in residences for instance,” Henry said. “I think what we ran into was the institutional remnants of a policy, practice [or] attitude within the university that no longer exists, but was never fully dealt with.” Jeffrey Carleton, university spokesperson, confirmed that there is no university policy “one way or the other” about condom distribution on campus. “It’s a practice that, the more we looked into it, the more we saw a wide variation from year to year.” In response, St. Thomas University president Dennis Cochrane has formed an advisory committee to look into the broad issue of student health. The committee will provide Cochrane with advice on the is-


FREDERICTON (CUP) — Confusion surrounding St. Thomas University’s condom distribution policy has opened the door for the university to discuss student health. In July, the students’ union made headlines after revealing that they weren’t allowed to include condoms in this year’s welcome week kits — information and supply packages handed out to first-year students. “[We were] originally told by residence life that we were not allowed to include condoms in welcome week kits,” said Ella Henry, students’ union president. “When we asked for clarification, we were told it was the result of a campus ministry policy. We sent an email to the president of the university asking whether there was actually a campus ministry [or other] policy on the distribution of condoms on campus.” Henry said she was told there was no campus ministry or university policy on the


“I think what we ran into was the institutional remnants of a policy, practice [or] attitude within the university that no longer exists, but was never fully dealt with,” said STU student union president PHOTO COURTESY THE AQUINIAN

sue of student health, including advice on condom distribution on campus. Carleton said Cochrane wants the group to be advocates for student wellness on

campus and “bring forward ideas on student-based education, action and events related to student health.” Ten people, representing various campus groups, will

form the committee. Henry said they are expecting an answer on whether they can include condoms in this year’s welcome week kits before September.




University of Victoria’s Student union execs cut own pay to trim deficit





VICTORIA (CUP) — The University of Victoria student union executive directors are taking some time off — kind of. “Given the budgetary pressures of the [student union], the executives have decided to take a number of days off during the summer because we want to reduce the cost to the [organization],” explained Kelsey Hannan, director of finance for the student union. “We’re saving . . . money because our wages are a lot.” Each of the four executive

directors earns $1,030.50 in gross salary for 37.5 hours of work per two-week pay period. All four decided to reduce their hours, and therefore their salaries, by 10 per cent this summer by taking a Friday off each pay period. Total savings are estimated at approximately $3,500. Hannan says the initiative shows a commitment to financially helping the student union. “Everyone here needs to be making an effort to reduce the costs and we need to be part of that too,” he said. The executives are currently

only taking pay-cuts for the summer, but Hannan says they will look into continuing to do so for the fall. The student union is looking at other avenues to decrease its debt by increasing advertising revenues and possibly reallocating some funding from other areas. Hannan says it’s important the student union post a positive budget this year, but doing so will mean making some tough choices. “The amount we’re spending right now is not sustainable,” he said.

“Everyone here needs to be making an effort to reduce the cost and we need to be part of that too.” -Kelsey Hannan, Director of Finance


home game Newton Athletic Park Women 12 pm Men 2 pm







Eagles VS UBC-O



take the challenge at

Get Involved - Give Back week begins

Free movie and popcorn every Monday in the KSA Lounge

Movie Mondays

Send event information to

listings on the monthly WH@K Calendar.






new every Tuesday

Pick up your issue of the Runner

Every Monday to Thursday in the Blossoming Lotus Studio on the Richmond Campus








3pm - 7pm Every Wednesday in September Langley campus

Langley Farmer’s Market

Free concert in Langley Auditorium every Wednesday at 12:15 pm

Music @ midweek



16 23



Grassroots Lounge - Surrey Campus


Every Thursday in Langley recreation

Belly dancing


17 24




home game Newton Athletic Park Women 12 pm Men 2 pm

Eagles VS TRU







page four | September 07 2010 | vol. 3 issue 01


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KSA draws attention to Translink’s bad buses The Kwantlen Student Association recently held a ‘beat-the-bus’ competition to highlight the inefficiencies of the current transit system and how it impacts students trying to travel between campuses. ABBY WISEMAN COORDINATING EDITOR

There’s a bike, a bus and a jogger all traveling from Surrey to Langley Kwantlen campuses. Which one would arrive first? Well in modern times you would think the bus, but as the Kwantlen Student Association proved on Wednesday, September 1, the bike is superior. The stunt was to make a point to Translink that service between the Kwantlen Cam-

puses is not up to up to snuff if they want students to use the proposed Upass. In the end the bus rider Ashley Fehr arrived at Langley campus in 79 minutes; jogger David Palermo arrived in 66 minutes and cyclist John O’Brian arrived in 59 minutes. “I know I’m not alone in the students who take longer to get to their campus than to get into Vancouver,” said Fehr who lives around Guilford and commutes to Surrey campus.

In order to make the Upass more desirable for students who don’t take public transit, the KSA is trying to turn it into a multi-pass that may partner with Gold’s Gym and Lady Bug Organics. No confirmation on the cost of a multipass have been announced. But if the referendum for the basic Upass goes ahead in October, each student will pay $30 a month whether they commute or not.

KSA Cloverdale Campus rep discusses with media that the current transit system. MATT LAW // THE RUNNER



UPASS a no-go for another year

Resign I did not have sexual relations with that woman


The Kwantlen Student Association is expecting the university to have its hands on a $30 dollar Upass deal this September. But that doesn’t mean students will have their hands on the pass. “Once the program is offered there is all kinds of work that needs to be done,” said Matt Todd, KSA director of external affairs. “Things like who prints it, who keeps track of it, how much will it be, will there be an administration fee?” Todd says that in anticipation of the offer, the university and the KSA have begun work on some of the questions, but they are unsure of when the work will be complete. Right now, the university suspects the UPass won’t be fully implemented until September 2011, despite pressure from the KSA to have it ready by January. The university has to establish things such as new software,

David Palermo, avid marathon runner, came in second. He beat the bus by thirteen minutes. MATT LAW // THE RUNNER

I did not discuss the HST before the 2009 election


training of staff, mailing contracts and a number of other aspects to make sure the implementation runs smoothly. In preparation for the UPass offer, Kwantlen along with the KSA have looked at the option of adding more services to the pass other than just unlimited transit use in the Metro Vancouver area. Todd points out that a number of students live in the Fraser Valley, where access to transit does not compare to that in Vancouver, so by making the

UPass a “multi-pass” it would still benefit students who drive. “For example we’re in negotiation with a fitness centre so that your UPass would function as a fitness interpass so even if using the bus has no value for you the pass would still be of value in accessing the fitness facilities,” said Todd. Todd also says the KSA is working on a Surrey-Langley campus shuttle, which he says could be running by January 2011.


NEWS & POLITICS | The Runner

vol. 3 issue 01 | September 07 2010 | page five



Changes come to Fir building

Three cheers for The Zalm

Kwantlen continues on its quest to make the university as leader in sustainability



It seems like Kwantlen’s Surrey campus is on a never ending episode of extreme makeover, and the latest to go under the knife is Fir building. The renovations include replacing stucco with zinc cladding that requires no maintenance for 40-100 years. Replacing windows to make the building more energy efficient, updating the roof, and adding a new coating on existing concrete blocks. All this is a part of Kwantlen’s goal to reduce natural gas consumption 25 per cent and electricity usage by 45 per cent. On top of that the school is improving indoor ventilation, using non-toxic materials in the building process and using natural cleaners. The school is also on a quest to make its campuses LEED certified. LEED, which stands for Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design, is a standardization program

The Surrey campus is looking a lot like Highway one: constantly under construction. KYLE BENNING // THE RUNNER

developed by the U.S. Green Building council that awards environmentally friendly buildings. Kwantlen’s already received Gold status for the Cloverdale campus and the Surrey campus

library is vying for platinum. According to a capital projects summary released in 2009, Kwantlen projects that it will spend $46 million on building improvements.


Interested in writing a news story? E-mail the Runner at


Opinion: Do we really need an app for that? Student Affairs Bureau Chief, Chris Yee, examines the need for the KSA to put out a student life app CHRIS YEE STUDENT AFFAIRS BUREAU CHIEF

Mobile applications, or “apps,” for iPhones, iPod Touches, Android phones, and other mobile devices, are now offered by a handful of Canadian universities. Starting with the University of Saskatchewan’s offering, which was the first in Canada, at least four other institutions followed suit: the University of Alberta, the University of Toronto, and Ryerson University. Naturally, the question arises: what about Kwantlen? While we could talk about

everything an app could do for Kwantlen students, like providing services and information such as schedules, email, and campus announcements, we’ll focus on a single area where such services and information could be useful: student life. To make things even more specific, let’s focus on what a KSA app may look like. Right now, the KSA website serves this purpose of providing information about it to Kwantlen students. It has a prominently placed schedule for various events and meetings, slightly less prominent promotional links


to a selection of services and initiatives (like SHIP and the forthcoming U-Pass), contact info for its various student staff members and representatives, and various other things. It’s navigable enough, and it doesn’t go too long between updates (at least where the schedule is concerned). It could be better, but it’s pretty good at what it does. Of course, the KSA website is designed for regular web browsers, not for ones on mobile devices. Perhaps the primary purpose of a KSA app would be to provide the services of the KSA website in a more convenient form, in a

Every Thursday at 12:00 pm Runner Office: #205 - 12877 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C.

form that is adapted for mobile devices like iPhones, various other smartphones and iPod Touches. But if this is so, then the best bet for a KSA app would to be a browser-based app, perhaps of the type offered by the University of Toronto and Ryerson for campus use, as opposed to the stand-alone apps like the ones offered by the University of Saskatchewan and the University of Alberta. Then again, perhaps all that is needed is a facelift to the KSA website, one that includes some tweaks for mobile devices.

Since former premier Bill Vander Zalm started his crusade against the Harmonized Sales tax, B.C. has seen a grass roots political movement that has been desperately needed in this country. It didn’t really matter what the issue was. It could have been our suffering medical system (of which my girlfriend and I waited two-and-a-half hours the other day to see a doctor), an education system that is closing schools and laying off teachers or the need for affordable housing in Vancouver. It was none of these. The Zalm decided to lead the charge against the thing that enrages people in this country the most – taxes. If you notice a hint of sarcasm you’re right. I don’t think any of our politicians (former or current) have ever fought this hard for something. But I digress. This isn’t about our lazy politicians and their empty promises – well I guess it is since Ol’ Gordo told us the Liberals wouldn’t be bringing in the HST. What this is really about is Canadian citizens finally rallying together and holding their elected officials accountable for the decisions they make. Who cares what Vander Zalm’s motives are. He lit the torches and handed out the pitch forks to the docile mob that is the Canadian public. Canadians whine and moan about their politicians being liars and not representing the voters, yet we do nothing about it. What a crock. We are incredibly lucky to live in a country where we can protest things like the Olympics or the G8 and not be sent to the Gulags. I really hope that Vande Zalm pursues this to the point of a recall. Politicians need to be reminded that they are accountable to the voters and the voters need to get off their asses and hold politicians accountable. So to Mr. Vander Zalm I give three cheers. You have fired up the Canadian people in a way that I have not seen in my lifetime. Other politicians take note. This sort of grassroots political movement is exactly what we need in this country.

Discuss the upcoming issue & other important details


You could write all about your love or disdain for the Liberals too! Email for more info:

page six | September 7 2010 | vol. 3 issue 01


The Runner |


The Eagles take on Idaho State On August 18, the Eagle took on a top ranked NCAA team with a full house eagerly watching on. Despite the team’s best effort, the Kwantlen Men’s Basketball team was no match for Idaho State. lead at half-time led by some accurate shooting from the three point line (53 per cent in The Eagles kicked off their the first half). 2010-11 season with an exhibiThe Eagles climbed back tion game against the NCAA, and cut the deficit down to 10 Division 1 Idaho State Univer- in the third quarter before the sity Bengals. Bengals went on another run to The school was brimdefeat the Eagles 84-60. ming with excitement as the “This is a level of basketball game day grew closer, and an that we won’t see in our league extraordinary show of school so it was great to see the guys spirit was presented by the hold their own against a bigfans. Standing room only. ger athletic team.” said Men’s Idaho State started the game Eagles head coach Bernie Love. strong, as they took a 45-28 DOMINIC SRAMATY SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF

“We competed for the full 40 minutes which to me was very important.” Mark Drabowski led the way for the Eagles with 17 points. Last season’s BCCAA All-Rookie Team member Doug Meyers contributed with 12 points and five rebounds, while Harold Keech and Ali Bosir had 8 points each. There should be no doubt that this season for the Eagles is filled with an abundance of promise.

The team has managed to keep much of the core group of players from last year together, with the addition of several new off season acquisitions; of which includes high school allstar Harpreet Randhawa, Didar Grewal, Clayton Dendy, Mike Cocoran, and former Douglas College star Mark Drabowski. Next up for the Men’s Eagles will be on Saturday, September 25, as they match up against the Eagles Alumni at home.

The Kwantlen Eagles basketball team went head-to-head against the NCAA Idaho State University Bengals on Saturday Aug. 18 at Kwantlen’s Surrey campus. The Bengals started the game with a strong 45-28 lead which the Eagles weren’t able to recover from. KYLE BENNING// THE RUNNER

EDITORIAL | The Runner

vol. 3 issue 01 | September 07 2010 | page seven



The Runner is student owned and operated by Kwantlen Polytechnic University students, published under Polytechnic Ink Publishing Society. Vol. 3, Issue no. 1 September 07, 2010 ISSN# 1916-8241 #205-12877 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C. V3W 1E6

EDITORIAL DIVISION: Co-ordinating Editor // Abby Wiseman Culture Editor // Kristi Alexandra



News Editor // Kassandra Linklater Production Editor // Melissa Fraser


Letter from KSA flushing dollars down the drain the editors Student thinks the KSA should ask before committing your money to big projects

Media Editor // Matt Law

BUREAU CHIEFS: Arts & Design // Mae Velasco Creative Writing // Jared Vaillancourt

We at The Runner value maintaining the integrity of the newsmagazine that we work so hard on. To do this we must remain as transparent as possible, since you, the student population, are the only reason we are here. Recently we’ve had to invite the KSA to come in and temporarily overtake the operations end of things at the paper. This was not an easy decision to make, but in the end the KSA has a lot of experience dealing with the financials of a not-forprofit organization–which we are– and it’s their experience we need to draw upon. By asking for the KSA’s help we are able to concentrate on what we do best: putting out papers. One thing I’d like to make very clear is that this will not effect the subject matter that The Runner chooses to publish. The KSA has been given no power over editorial content and the paper will continue to be unbiased. By building a strong foundation for this very young paper, we are hoping to create something that Kwantlen students can enjoy and be a part of for years to come.

We are looking for outstanding students for our next issue. If you or anyone you know is doing something rad at Kwantlen let us know!


One thing caught my eye during the big Sodexo controversy of the last few weeks, something that slipped under the radar, that no one seems to have really commented on: a single line in Emery Warner’s contentious polemic: “The Grassroots Café is a yummy food provider that does not seek to gain profits over people. They hire students and purchase locally. They were snubbed out of the contract to occupy the space that Sodexo is currently in.” Wait, what? They were snubbed out of what contract? They didn’t previously occupy the space that Sodexo is currently in; that was Chartwells. What can that mean? Well it turns out that it means that the Kwantlen Student Association (KSA), which already runs one of the cafeteria spaces at the Surrey campus, tried to put in a bid to run the other Surrey campus cafeteria. I don’t recall the Kwantlen Student Association asking the students–whose interests they purport to represent and whose money funds their entire operation–if we wanted them to run another cafeteria on campus. It would seem that they just assumed that they ought to spend our student fees to expand their food service business. Every semester, you pay around $45 to fund the KSA. Collectively, those $45 payments add up to over one million dollars per year. It is the KSA’s responsibility to use that

money to enhance the student experience at Kwantlen. With your money, they hold student events, lobby on your behalf to the government, give away free stuff like condoms and feminine hygiene products, and operate the Grassroots café. That means that when the KSA decided to put in a bid to run the other cafeteria, it was your money that they were putting on the line. Running a cafeteria is risky business; they could easily lose a lot of your money. The question naturally arises as to whether the KSA should risk your money operating another cafeteria on campus, rather than letting a private company risk its own money operating a cafeteria on campus. To answer that question, a good place to start is to look at how they run their existing cafeteria business, the Grassroots Café. If you ask anyone on the KSA payroll whether the Grassroots café makes any money for the students, you’ll hear something like this: “the Grassroots café turns a small profit, which is then reinvested back into student services”. That sounds fantastic—but it’s not true at all. I’m reasonably sure that if the Grassroots cafe did turn a profit, the KSA would reinvest it into student services, but that never ever happens. Here’s a quick rundown of the Grassroots café’s losses since 2005:

2005 $32,681 Total $354,707 or $50,672 per year. The Grassroots café consistently loses a lot of money. And they aren’t doing that on purpose—a note in the 2008 budget document reads: “The Finance Committee strongly suggests that the General Manager, the Director of Finance, the Director of Operations and the Commercial Services Manager work together to ensure that the café break-even in 2008”. They tried to break even in 2008, and ended up losing $52,606. Don’t get me wrong. I love the Grassroots Café. I think it’s great that students work there, the food is pretty good, they serve beer, the staff are friendly — it’s a nice place to be. But it’s also important that the students understand that, thanks to the KSA’s incompetent management, the Grassroots Café is the place where student fees, in large numbers, go to die. Which brings me to the KSA’s attempted bid to expand its cafeteria business. A successful bid by the KSA to run the space that Sodexo now occupies would have been a commitment to lose more of your money. They have demonstrated that they don’t know how to run a café without losing an average of over $50,000 per year—there is no reason to expect that another cafeteria would be any different.

Year Losses 2009 $24,426 2008 $52,606 2007 $47,771 2006 $149,275

To read the full letter visit The Runner’s website or Colin’s blog:

“ pay around $45 to fund the KSA. Collectively, those $45 payments add up to over one million dollars” -Colin Fraser, Kwantlen Student

Current Events // Natsumi Oye Entertainment // (Vacant) Environmental // (Vacant) Health // (Vacant) Lifestyle // Jeff Groat Politics // (Vacant) Sports // Dominic Sramaty Student Affairs // Chris Yee Travel // (Vacant)

CONTRIBUTORS: Kyle Benning, Colin Fraser, Antonio Su Cover Art // Melissa Fraser

BUSINESS DIVISION: Operations Manager // DJ Lam Office Co-ordinator // Victoria Almond Office Assistant // Brittany Tiplady

Distribution // The Now Newspaper WE F**ED UP: Last issue, in our feature article “Interest in Film Studies piques”, we wrote that there was a “proposed minor in Film Studies” for Kwantlen’s BFA. Unfortunately, reporting that was inaccurate, as there is no proposal as of yet. Apologies to Dr. Dorothy Barenscott and the students who may have wet their pants a little at the idea. It’s just not happening...yet. WE F**ED UP: Apologies to Negin Alipoor, whose name was spelled differently twice on one page. It’s Negin, not Negrin. Sorry!


page eight | September 07 2010 | vol. 3 issue 01

The Runner |


Healy album sounds like singles

A throw back to early Death Cab The Lonely Forest SELF TITLED (Trans) JJJJJ CHRIS YEE STUDENT AFFAIRS BUREAU


Former Travis frontman Fran Healy’s debut solo album, Wreckorder, is a nice attempt to get away from his radio-friendly roots, but his pop-rock past still haunts this 10-track disc. The album, which comes out on October 5 from Ryko records, swings from indie pop, folk and radio-rock, making you wonder whether this is a true record or a collection of singles. The album’s opening ballad “In the Morning” sets the tone for an epic album with

layered violins, frantic rhythms and choral backup vocals. The follow-up track, “Anytime”, continues the violins flowing into beautiful melodies and Chris Isaak a la “Wicked Game” vocals–easily one of the better songs on the album. “Sing Me to Sleep” features female vocalist Neko Case, who pairs perfectly with Healy’s wistful voice, creating a song that can only be described as lovely. The middle of the album sags a little with more radiorock songs like “Holiday” and the cliche-ridden “Fly in the Ointment”. It also hits some melancholy notes with “As it Comes” and “Rocking Chair”. All in all the record is a solid effort with some nice folk undertones and soothing vocals. It pairs perfectly with the falls cold and rainy mornings.

Anacortes band, The Lonely Forest, is something of a phenomenon in the Seattle scene right now. Hell, they’ve even attracted the attention of Death Cab for Cutie guitarist Chris Walla, who signed them to his Warner Music/Independent Label Group imprint, Trans. Listening to their self-titled debut release, I can see why. The Lonely Forest is John Van Deusen, doing triple duty as the band’s singer, guitarist and keyboardist; guitarist Tony Ruland, drummer Braydn Krueger; and bassist Eric Sturgeon. Their self-titled, digital-only EP is due out on iTunes September 14. Produced by Walla in addition to being released on his label, it’s a preview of their upcoming full-length, Arrows, which will be released early 2011. The first track off the EP, the anthemic, possibly reversepsychological “Turn Off This Song and Go Outside,” is a fitting opening to their first release on Walla’s label, with more than a passing resemblance to Death Cab’s early output. While Van Deusen’s delivery in “Turn Off This Song and Go Outside” is reminiscent of Ben Gibbard’s, the song’s soaring harmonizing in the chorus certainly makes an impact on the listener. The following track is a forlorn, Grandaddy-esque song called “Ramshackle House,” driven by backing vocals on sustain punctuated by piano chords, quickly segues into the third “Live There”, a veritable love song to their Cascadian home of tall evergreens, the smell of the ocean and cool mountain breezes. Though the song is slightly pedestrian on its own, the contrast provided by the more experimental “Ramshackle House” buoys “Live There”, especially when both are so thematically similar. Taking the lyrics literally, the two songs together are a clever play on the band’s name. If “Live There” merely states the Lonely Forest’s Northwestern allegiances, the dynamics of the fourth track, “Let It Go,” pound it home. Craggy riffs and chiming, gently soaring harmonics frame a story of closure, acceptance, and possibly a young life cut short. The EP ends with an acoustic reprise of the first track, which distils the energy of the opening, serving as a fitting coda to the whole affair. Whether you think the Lonely Forest is being sincere or just precious, you can’t deny this first effort on a (quasi-)major label is pretty damn tight.

Recipe: Zesty Greek Chicken Reci Ingredients: 8 boneless, skinless chi chicken thighs half cup white wine 1 whole orange g -in ch chunks with rind fresh f h th thyme y andd bbasil il to taste 1 each of green, yellow, red pepper p 1 large tomato 1 red onion

cucumber half cup red wine vinegar half cup olive oil basil, oregano, and black pepper to taste optional feta cheese and black kalamata olives

Directions: FFry chicken hi k andd sauce iin a pan on medium di hheatt until til chicken hi k andd oranges bbegin tto bbrown. Prepare the salad by chopping ingredients into medium sized chunks and let sit until chicken is ready. y Once chicken is cooked cut into strips or chunks and serve on top of the salad with a slice of fresh orange as a garnish. serves four.

Recipe courtesy of: Matt Law’s Li’l Kitchen | The Runner


vol. 3 issue 01 | September 7 2010 | page nine



The keys to Sexcess This is Jeff Groat. He’s the Runner’s sex columnist. He has only one qualification for the job: his last name sounds like a dirty word. That’s good enough for us.

JEFF GROAT LIFESTYLE BUREAU CHIEF The key to a great visit to England is to get out of London take in some of the country side and its history. MELISSA FRASER // THE RUNNER

Journey in swingin’ England Editor Melissa Fraser, who went to England recently, gives us a glimpse of London and the country’s midwest. MELISSA FRASER PRODUCTION EDITOR

Old Meets New – When you cross the Thames through Central London and take a look at the parliament buildings on one side and the London Eye on the other, it’s a perfect split of old meets new. The parliament buildings and the tower that houses Big Ben has been on the same site since the 11th century. They stand as defining landmark in London. No one’s denying. Across the Westminster Bridge stands the London Eye, the city’s latest addition the skyline. Also known as the London “Eye-sore” there are more than enough people who stand against the Eye as a true London landmark. But, give them 100 years and they’ll come around. They always do.

chose had a boat cruise of the Thames. While I wouldn’t suggest spending only one day in London, I would suggest choosing one day to have a tour bus cart you around to the important stops with a guide letting you in on all the history. When else you would get to see Tower Bridge (pictured here) from the Thames? Shakespeare’s Birthplace – Shakespeare’s birthplace and childhood home is in Stratford Upon Avon, just an hour or so west of London. I was thinking of writing a sonnet to sum up the experience of being in the house Shakespeare lived, but there’s nothing like a gift shop to squash any inspiration that I may have felt after touring the holy grounds.

Blenhiem Palace – In the same-ish area as Shakespeare’s birthplace is Winston Churchill’s birthplace. While it was Churchill’s grandparents, the Duke and Duchess of Marlborough, that lived in this huge palace, Churchill’s mother hit a bump in the road and had to stop the night she gave birth to him. Churchill’s uncle went on to be the next Duke of Marlborough and now his nephew holds the title and lives in the palace. There are all sorts of palaces open to the public throughout the UK. Royalty was pretty much forced to open their doors and charge an entrance fee so they could afford the property tax on the hundreds of acres. Lucky for us, we get a glimpse into their lives for just $25.

Time management: Abstain from alcohol until after doing the deed, minimizing any embarrassing “whisky-dick” moments. And instead of dirty-talk, bring your notes along and quiz each other.

Thames River Cruise – We actually had one full day in London and no other time. The best bet for seeing as much of London as possible without the stress of navigating the city was to take a hop-on/hop-off tour. It was a great way to see Central London and the one we

Networking: Get out there and mingle, you saucy baby. Study: No one likes a fumbling fool. MELISSA FRASER// THE RUNNER

New technology, old-time blues People are in love with nostalgia. Young people love to prove how much they know about things that happened years before they were actually aware of them (Yeah, you’re the world’s biggest Pavement fan. You’ve been following the band’s career since you were three. Very likely.), all while excluding those who

Passion for going the extra mile: Sometimes it’s better to give. Be proactive: Bring condoms, towels, handcuffs, lube, etc.



University is an honourable establishment where we come to further our education, stretch our minds and gain those skills that make us employable – oh and we also come to get laid. It’s September and the hallways and classrooms are buzzing with fresh-faced first years and strung-out third and fourth years on the downward crash of a long, long caffeine buzz, all hoping that they will, in fact, move on to bigger and better things... in bed. There are enough distractions already facing a university student on an hourly basis like working or finding a job, securing a loan and catching the bus. It can be quite a tough act working a blossoming love life in with a full course-load and two part-time jobs . But it can all fall into place for a student if they look at things from the proper perspective and looked at through the lens of big “S” Success. Success in life is often boiled down to a list of vapid maxims coined by some squeaky-clean hack, but really success in the sack is no different from any other professional’s required skill-set. Here’s what I’ve found works for me:

were around during that time (“Yeah right, Mom. You don’t even know who Stephen Malkmus is!”). Luckily for us youngsters, technology has propelled us into being even more in touch and knowing more about the popular culture of yester-year (or yesterdecade) than we ever thought before, in thanks to streaming websites like and How else am I, a 20-something col-

lege student who was weaned on shit like the Spice Girls and at the very best Pearl Jam, supposed to get right into the greats like Muddy Waters, Otis Redding and, hell, even Big Bill Broonzy? With the help of our 21st century friend, the Internet, we can regale in all of the glory of musical artists of the past, before we were even an embryo of a thought. Ah, now for some whiskey and oldtime blues...

Right tools for the job: You never know ‘til you try it – toys might be the answer to getting things done right. As well, leave your prejudices at home, Kwantlen is Gay and Lesbian friendly. Communication skills: It’s important to be receptive to each other’s wants, needs and desires. Discipline: Latex is fun!

page ten | September 07 2010 | vol. 3 issue 01


The Runner |



“Grandfather?” the distant voices asked. “Are you awake?” Jotun stirred at the sound, his eyes opening to reveal the smiling, tear-stained face of the woman sitting next to him. He took in a staggered breath of purified air and did his best to smile back at her. “Sing,” he greeted her, his strength failing as his hand inched for her. She gasped and grabbed his hand, pulling it into her warm ones. Fresh tears flowed down her cheeks. “Grandfather, save your strength,” Sing urged him, her voice catching as she swallowed a sob. “You are very weak. Time has not been kind to you.” Jotun smiled and shook his head. “How?” he asked. “I have such wonderful grandchildren. That is most kind of Mr. Time, wouldn’t you agree?” he asked, coughing as he struggled for another breath. Sing closed her eyes and looked over at a monitor in the corner of the room. “Sing, please, do not cry,” he said hoarsely. Sing’s lovely brown eyes hovered back to him, still swimming in tears. “Grandfather,” Sing said, sharply, as though she needed to speak quickly, “I have spoken to the doctors. Mr. Sam… Sampson does not believe you have much more time.” She took in a deep breath to stifle the sob he knew she didn’t want him to see. He squeezed her hand, not wincing as she did the same. “You are still brave, Sing,” Jotun whispered, closing his mouth as he worked to take in another breath from the tube across his nostrils. “My youngest grandchild; her heart the size of a planet.” Sing brought their hands up to her lips as she allowed the tears she had been stalling to flow freely. “Everyone’s here,” Sing whispered, her voice having cracked too much to speak. “Your three sons and my mother, Grandfather. My sisters and cousins are here.” She looked past him to people he couldn’t see with his head leaned towards her. She swallowed and looked down upon his face, her eyes

working as if to memorize the old features. She smiled. “Everyone’s here.” “Even Anna?” Jotun asked, forgetting his wife was long dead. Sing closed her eyes and squeezed their hands tightly, her back heaving as she swallowed her sorrow. “Yes, Grandfather,” she chocked. Kimiko, Sing’s older sister, appeared by her side, her hands patting the young woman’s back. She looked at Jotun and smiled. “Anna’s here, Grandfather,” Kimiko offered, her eyes beginning to glisten. Jotun could hear other stifled sobs to his left. He angled his head to see his entire family, including Dr. Sampson and his nurse, smiling down upon him with restrained sorrow and resignation. He smiled at them. “So…” he coughed. Dr. Sampson hesitated as he drew a forced breath. “So nice… of you all to come,” Jotun finally forced out. He allowed his smile to widen. “You all look so sad. Why is there no music? Is this not my farewell party?” he asked. Sing let go of his hand, burying her face in hers as Kimiko engulfed her in a hug, tears now flowing down her cheeks as well. Jotun’s sons, Wong, Eric and Sam-Zhu were crouched down next to his bed, their wives behind them, and their hands to his sons’ shoulders. “Anything, father,” Eric offered meekly, his wife chocking back her tears. “We’ll get a violinist up here at once. She’ll play the most beautiful music for you.” “Oh, how lovely…” Jotun began, but then he stopped. The nurse had acquired a violin, perhaps from behind her back, and had started to play. Jotun closed his eyes. “Yes. How lovely indeed.” He took in a deep breath, and then paused. “Grandfather?” Sing asked, her eyes on his face. Everyone fell quiet. The breath left Jotun’s lungs. For a moment, no one spoke. Dr. Sampson approached and held a finger to the old man’s neck, checking for a pulse. He sighed. “He’s… gone,” Sampson took a step back. He shook his head. The nurse lowered her violin, allowing the holographic image to dissolve between her

fingers. “Are we done?” the nurse asked. Sampson looked across the body at Kimiko and Sing, the former still cradling the latter as that worthy silently wept. He turned to the nurse and nodded. “We’re done,” he replied simply. Everyone but Kimiko and Sing stood up and lifted their chins, closing their eyes as they concentrated. Slowly, clothing and flesh flickered out of existence as their holographic matrices, so tangible and real to human sensation, simply dissolved away. Beneath the illusion lay metal and wire, alloy and energy, the humanoid shapes reassembling themselves into something taller, thinner and with more appendages. Artificial eyes opened to regard the eroded hospital room in terms synthetic brains could understand. Holograms masking the room itself, and indeed all across the planet, faded away as the faithful billions stopped what they were doing and allowed the truth to shine out. “Sing?” Kimiko asked meekly, her holographic mask fading away as buildings became ruins and cities, oceans and empires were erased from the surface of the Earth. “We’ve honored our debt. There is nothing left for us here.” Sing nodded, her eyes still on the body of Jotun. “Goodbye, Grandfather,” she whispered as she kissed his forehead. She looked up as the machine that had been Anna walked through what had once been a wall, its scanners regarding the man with sorrow. “It was just an accident,” it said to the body. “Great Maker, Jotun, we never meant to destroy your world. We never meant to kill your people.” It leaned down as Sing allowed her hologram to dissolve. “We gave him what we took,” Sing sobbed, lubricant staining her scaffolding. “The only survivor led a full, rich life. We honored our debt.” She looked up at Anna and unfolded herself. The two machines shared a hug, their fellows already ascending back into the sky. “We honored our debt.” Alone, Anna and Sing buried the last of the human race.

CULTURE | The Runner

vol. 3 issue 01 | September 07 2010 | page eleven


Meet your editors We at the Runner would like to extend a warm welcome back to Kwantlen for the Fall 2010 semester. Three of us are new around here and we had a lot of fun getting to know the ins and outs of the paper this summer. Now that school’s back in we’d all like to get to know some of you as well. Here’s a bit about us and feel free to drop by the office and we can all get to know each other a little better.





Who are you? A depressive writer type.

Who are you? Do you want me to be clever or do you want real answers?

Who are you? Can Kristi answer all my questions for me?

Who are you? I’m Abby.

Why are you here? Because my mom and dad had sex one day in 1987. 1986!

Whatever you want. I’m Matt Law. Media Editor.

Where do you want to be in five years? In the Cosmo offices in New York City.

Why are you here? I don’t know. I’m not good at these things.

Why are you here? Here’s the boring answer: I want to contribute to student life at Kwantlen and I think this paper’s really important.

If you had a pet monkey what would his name be? Bananas?

What did you dream about last night? I was having this wicked dream where the entire journalism program was sent out to a sniper battle.

Describe your childhood in a song. I want to say the Full House theme song but I don’t know what it is. What’s your biggest grammar pet peeve? Just bad spellers. I know that’s not a grammar thing but it really bothers me. What colour describers your aura? Sunset. Why? Because Shannon Sayer has a gift for seeing auras and she told me that’s what my aura looked like.

If you were a planet what would be your dominant gas? Methane, most definitely. Describe your childhood in a song. (sings) My childhood was good. What’s your biggest grammar pet peeve? Iregardless. People who say irregardless. It’s regardless, goddammit. What do you want to do when you retire? Exactly what I’m doing now: absolutely nothing.

Where do you want to be in five years? I want to have a massive empire. Describe your childhood in a song. My childhood? Kristi: No yours. What was the last website you were on? (with disdain) Facebook... I know. Awful. Oh no no no! Actually, the Harvard Business Review. yeah right... What do you want to do when you’re retired? I want to retire at 35 and I want to sleep.

Why are you here? I’m here to be the coordinating editor of this paper and make it awesome. Where do you want to be in five years? I want to be working with a documentary film crew in some crazy remote area. If you had a pet monkey what would his name be? Pet monkey. I don’t know. Something like Tony. If you were a planet what would your dominant gas be? Oh my god, I don’t do science. Oxygen? I don’t know. Is that a gas? Describe your childhood in a song. Something really epic. What’s a really epic song? Something by Meat Loaf, probably. What colour describes your aura? Purple, because it’s bright and colourful and down to earth and looks good on everyone.

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The Runner |


HOROSCOPE LIBRA Sept. 23 - Oct. 22 Take some time to yourself this week. Eat marshmallows and wear a Hamburglar costume.

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov. 21


Aug. 23 - Sept. 22 If you don’t know who Edith is, you are never going to get a job or succeed in life. Sorry.

If you could have dinner with any famous dead person it’s best you choose Abraham Lincoln.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Put a piece of cheesecake in the blender with some peas. Blend on high speed for three minutes.

CAPRICORN Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

The best way to get to know your neighbours is to hold a town hall meeting. In your pajamas.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20 - Feb. 19

You’ve been stressing about that orange tree for years now. Cut it down. Cut the damn tree down.

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

Make the most of your new jacket by setting it on fire then putting it in a bowl of noodle soup.


ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 19

Every third day of the sixth month for the rest of your life you will have to eat a giant plate of curry.

TAURUS Apr. 20 - May 20

If you’ve been reading the news you should know by now your destiny involves amber lights.

GEMINI May 21 - June 20

CANCER June 21 - July 22

Have you noticed you aren’t as interested in salsa as you used to be? Well you aren’t. So there.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22

Reading about metaphysics may seem like a good idea but it will give you a bad case of jaundice.

You have outgrown your favourite socks. Your only hope is to start wearing slippers in the rain.


That damn bookstore again

WEIRD STUFF: SAY WHAAAAT? All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

If you haven’t looked for your textbooks online you might want to start. This is just another example of how Canadian universities milk students for all they’re worth. The “MASS MEDIA COMMUNICATION IN CANADA” text for the journalism program is $98.20 (new) and $63.50 (used) in the Kwantlen bookstore. On it is $88.95 (new) and $17.54 (used). Why the big difference Kwantlen? Of course you don’t get bulk discounts like Indigo, but a $45.96 difference on a used textbook? Students have enough costs as it is.

Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a “Friday the 13th.” A polar bear’s skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear. Source:

Vol. 3 Issue 1  

the transit issue