Page 1




2010 Kwantlen


page two | April 07 2010 | vol. 2 issue 20



The Runner |


The how-to’s on virtual suicide Website allows you to clear your Facebook profile and send a note to friends along the way [ERIN BALL] [THE NEXUS]

VICTORIA (CUP) — Virtual suicide, the act of erasing the online profile that an Internet user has created, is becoming more common — thanks in part to one site that has raised Facebook’s ire. That site is, which was created by an art group out of Italy, Les Liens Invisibles. The name of the site refers to seppuku, a form of Japanese ritual suicide reserved for samurai. While other sites help users delete personal information from many different social networking websites, specializes in committing virtual suicide specifically on Facebook. Once a user gives the site their Facebook username and password, will log in, send online friends a message with last words, and deactivate the account. They

also create a memorial page for the virtual deceased that will show up when friends try to visit the deactivated home page. The site cannot actually delete a profile on Facebook and users can simply log back in to reactivate their account. Fully deleting one’s profile is possible, but takes much persistence on behalf of the original user. In December of 2009, Facebook threatened legal action against seppukoo. com in order to stop them from offering their services to Facebook users. Facebook has also blocked users from typing the words “” into their status updates. Some Internet users have used and other sites such as suicidemachine. org to commit virtual suicide as a form of social activism. Some users believe that the distracting nature of the Internet is preventing them from having an authentic life. Other users are concerned about corporations having access to personal information posted online. If users choose to share their information with everyone on Facebook, it can be considered public information and third-party businesses can

use it for targeted advertising. “Many feel the world is sliding towards techno-fascism, and sites like Facebook only escalate people’s reluctance and genuine fear of social media and pervasive computing,” says Irwin Oostindie, the executive director of W2 Culture and Media House, an independent social media centre in Vancouver. Debbie Gascoyne, an English instructor at Camosun College in Victoria, is a social media user and proponent. She says the use of virtual suicide websites is ironic. “People are using social media to illustrate their disapproval of social media,” says Gascoyne. “It would be equally effective to simply stop posting updates, or to erase their account. Posting an RIP (message) is, in a way, just another update, isn’t it?” does the same thing as seppukoo. com, but offers its services for a wider variety of social-media networks, including Twitter, MySpace, and LinkedIn. The site allows you to watch your virtual suicide as it happens. As with, it is unable to permanently delete Facebook accounts.





Immigrant Women and the Law WHERE: Richmond Campus - Conference Centre WHEN: 7:00pm - 10:00pm WHAT: Come out for a panel discussion on gender issues facing women. The evening will feature a presentation of two papers on legal issues of importance to immigrant women in Canada and France.


06 2010


KSA EXECUTIVE BOARD MEETING WHERE: Surrey Campus - KSA Office WHEN: 10:30am WHAT: Come out and have your opinions heard on important student issues.




‘Music at Midweek’ at Surrey Campus WHERE: Surrey Main- Atrium WHEN: 12:00pm- 12:45pm WHAT: A free concert during your lunch break. Could it get any better? Listen to Kwantlen’s guitar ensembles playing classic and contemporary compositions.



Conan fever: Will fans go loco for Coco on his new tour? [JESSICA STEWIN] [THE MANITOBAN]

WINNIPEG (CUP) — In a post with the fitting title “No Bread for the Redhead,” TMZ reported that Conan O’Brien isn’t making any money from his upcoming 30-city comedy tour. Rather, the former Tonight Show host is reportedly doing the whole thing so he can employ his former staff members. There are expected to be about 40 people that make up the tour production staff, many of whom worked with O’Brien during his short-lived stint on the Tonight Show. But while this philanthropic move by O’Brien adds to his credibility and might make him the boss of the year, the move to do the shows without a payout to him is really no sweat off his back. The O’Brien team received US$45 million from

NBC after leaving the show, with US$33 million going to the host himself. For those of you who have forgotten about the scandal in January, or maybe for those who have just recently emerged from under a rock, Conan lost the job as host of the Tonight Show when NBC decided to bring Jay Leno back to his old timeslot that Conan had taken over. NBC offered O’Brien the opportunity to host a show at 12:05 a.m., after Leno, but O’Brien turned down the offer and took a $45million buyout package from the network instead. Despite generating mixed support and criticism as the Tonight Show host, being replaced by Leno resulted in widespread sympathy and exceptional publicity during the dispute. Although it was expected that O’Brien would take a late-night slot with

another network, nothing has been announced yet — though his contract stipulates that he can’t appear on TV again until September 2010. So he announced a tour. O’Brien has promised that the show will be “a night of music, comedy, hugging and the occasional awkward silence.” The Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour has been selling tickets fast with new dates being added, which is good news for the crew. The tour will include O’Brien’s sidekick Andy Richter, and likely bandleader Max Weinberg as well. Currently, there are 33 cities on the standup tour, including three Canadian stops. O’Brien’s tour is set to kick off on April 12, making a stop at the Orpheum Theatre in Vancouver April 13 and 14, a casino in Enoch, Alta. on April 17, and Massey Hall in Toronto on May 22.


07 2010

Music @ Midweek WHERE: Langley Campus - Auditorium WHEN: 12:15pm WHAT: Spend an afternoon listening to Kwantlen’s talented woodwind Ensemble.


10 2010

Kwantlen’s Big Open House WHERE: Surrey Campus WHEN: 11:00am - 2:00pm WHAT: Attend Kwantlen’s ‘Big Open House’ and learn about exciting opportunities and options that Kwantlen offers that you may not have known about, or win some free prizes.

NEWS & POLITICS | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 20 | April 07 2010 | page three


Kwantlen: Is there an app for that? Despite the rise in popularity of iPhone applications created by Univerisities, a Kwantlen app is not currently on the radar [DENNY HOLLICK] [COORDINATING EDITOR]





Danger on B.C.’s slopes

Peacock on the lam

Koerner’s Pub at the University of British Columbia must stop serving alcohol following an incident where an underage girl who was served alcohol there later fell from a roof, seriously injuring herself, reported The Pub is run by UBC’s Graduate Student Society, and was “caught in two separate incidents in the past month [of serving minors].” Koerner’s was caught serving four underage drinkers in the month, according to the report.

America wants Canada to stay in Afghanistan after the 2011 withdrawal date, but Prime Minister Stephen Harper ruled out that possibility, according to The possibility was ruled out last Tuesday when Harper met with U.S. Secretary of State Hilary Clinton. The 2,800 Canadian troops are set to come home between July and December 2011, according to the report.

When you’re going to university, there are two things that go together harmoniously: the student and their cell phone. The iPhone has been so popular amongst students that many universities have taken the time to develop mobile applications. Currently, universities such as Ryerson and University of Saskatchewan (USask) have implemented mobile applications for their students, but are amongst a minority of universities that have taken the time to keep up with technological trends of our generation. Applications are an excellent way to distribute information to students such as campus events class cancellations, grades, class schedules and other information significant to students. It’s also a great way for the university to collect feedback and communicate with other students and professors.

Mobile applications can also work as a catalyst for improving student life around campus and getting students involved, just by better informing them. These applications aren’t just limited to iPhones. By making applications mobile browser based, they can also be accessed on other devices such as the Blackberry, Android and iTouch. Maggie Fung, the Executive Director of Information and Educational Technology at Kwantlen thinks the creation of an iPhone application for Kwantlen would be an excellent idea, but said that nothing is currently in development now. Many universities have their mobile applications designed by computer science students as class projects, as opposed to having to invest large amounts of money into development and staffing costs. Some universities such as USask have classes specifically focused on mobile application development. This class

has even gone on to start developing applications for other institutions. Kwantlen also has a computer science program, but nothing on the Kwantlen website specifies anything focused around mobile application development. With students becoming increasingly tech savvy, the demand for universities to be more technologically integrated is constantly growing. Jenny-Lynn Hutcheson, a third-year Kwantlen student and iPhone user thinks you should be able to access your e-mail and your myKwantlen homepage from your iPhone, saying that “there should be an app for everything. “I can’t leave the house without it, I’m obsessed with it.” Hutcheson continued saying that a Kwantlen iPhone application is a “stellar” idea. Kwantlen athletics score updates, email, and push reminders for tuition and registration deadlines are just some of the things she would love to see.


Kwantlen students jingle all the way

National Healthcare comes to Americans at a cost of almost a trillion dollars This could be the end of the trail for 1,500 bunnies that are entering breeding season at the University of Victoria due to the failure of a project to relocate the animals, according to the Globe and Mail. A cull could be the only solution left, which would involve trapping the bunnies and then having “veterinarians administering lethal injections,” according to the report. There will be no announcement prior to this happening. The cull is not guaranteed to happen, but is seriously being considered because many of the rabbits are “injured or malnourished,” according to the Globe.


For some, writing jingles may not be the first thing that comes to mind when it comes to music composition, but for two first-year music students at Kwantlen’s Langley campus, that’s exactly what music writing is about. Adrian Talens and Mark Armstrong from Kwantlen’s own music program have even gone as far as approaching businesses around Langley in regards to writing jingles for them, but have yet to find a customer. However, things may change soon enough, as Talens and Armstrong have composed a 30-second jingle as their entry for a contest put on by Langley flooring company, the King of Floors. Dubbed the King of Floors’

Hockey Anthem Challenge, the contest is aimed at finding a suitable jingle to play on TEAM 1040 Radio, a station dedicated to hockey coverage. “One day my dad told me that there was this contest, a hockey anthem songwriting contest,” said Talens who saw this as their opportunity to break into the jingle-writing scene. “We got some of our friends together and made a short music video in the Kwantlen hallways.” explained Talens. “It’s become kind of a big hit, at least around the music department, so I’m hoping that the buzz spreads and we win the contest.” If Talens and Armstrong take the top spot in the contest, the two will walk away with a gift certificate for $5000 worth of laminate

flooring, and their song will be played on TEAM 1040 Radio. “We really don’t know what we’re going to do with [the laminate flooring] if we win, but it’s pretty cool,” said Talens, who is more excited about getting their song played on Team Radio, “We want to get our names out there and if we win it would give us credibility as artists.” Talens hopes that by winning the contest, businesses will take them more seriously regarding their jingle-writing proposals, and that the two will be able to make a business for themselves out of jingle writing. You can vote for the video by viewing it on YouTube and giving it a rating of five stars at: watch?v=60P2kSXCnEU


page four | April 07 2010 | vol. 2 issue 20

The Runner |


MICHELA FIORIDO // THE RUNNER The Women’s team look on as they raise their 2009 British Columbia Colleges’ Athletic Association (BCCAA) provincial championship banner.


On Mar. 25, Kwantlen’s finest athletes and coaches came together at the Cascades Hotel and Convention Centre in the heart of Langley to celebrate a year of sports. Among the VIPs were Kwantlen President Dr. David Atkinson, Prince Carino (former Kwantlen Basketball Star), and Michelle Roots (Former Kwantlen basketball player). Saying Kwantlen won it’s worth in medals may be a bit of a stretch. However, the amount of newly found success is something to boast about. Let us begin from the bottom and work our way up.

Men’s Soccer: Way back in April when the team came together for the first time at the identification camp, chemistry formed quickly. There were only good vibes within the team. However, as the year passed and the team slowly progressed into training camp it became apparent to all players and coaches that this year would be a struggle. By the time training camp rolled around, half of the returning players left, leaving Kwantlen with a core group of five veterans. As the first road Despite a challenging year, the trip approached, the returning told his players he would Eagles brought home several med- coach no longer be coaching them. A summer spent training als and a championship banner whole a certain system over and over again only to be thrown into the trash. But the new coach brought vitality to the team. He was encouraging and motivational and the players responded positively towards that. But conflict arose again and the new coach stepped down, leaving the team with someone new. By the end of the season the team had only managed to accomplish a 1-0-11 record. Riad Rasheed received the MVP award. While Tom Johnston received the Academic Excellence Award.

Kwantlen Athletics: A year in review

COURTESY OF KWANTLEN ATHLETICS The Eagles badminton team had a successful season, with women’s badminton doubles Ashley Jang and Michelle Simard talking home bronze 2010 Canadian Colleges Athletic Association National Badminton Championships.

afterwards when it became apparent to the league that the Eagles had played an ineligible player. Not to mention that by the end of the first semester over half of the team was dropped due to a lack of performance in school. However, the Eagles persevered. With five games left in the season they knew they needed a perfect recorded to make the playoffs. The men made believers out of us to say the least. The Eagles went on a 4-0 run in which they defeated Quest, Lanagara, and Capilano. It came down to the final game where they needed a win to make provincials. The men couldn’t deliver. They were steamrolled 104-76 by a furious Capilano Blues team that they had defeated the night before in the closest of affairs. Needless to say the team was crushed. Mike Davis walked away with a bevy of awards. He received the President’s Outstanding Athlete Award, was named the SIRC - Canadian Colleges’ Athletic Association Academic All Canadian, and was named the Men’s Basketball Most Valuable Player. Varinder Singh walked away with the Patrick Dooley Memorial Award. Davis and Doug Meyers were also mentioned for being named BCCAA Athlete of Week during the course of the season. Lenny Piprah received a five year completion award.

Golf: The Eagles golf team delivered a pretty mediocre season with not much success finishing seventh in the BCCAA. The most valuable player award went to Scott Robertson who also received the Jeff Norris Golf Award.

Women’s Basketball: The women had a successful year making the playoffs for the first time in four seasons with an 8-10 record. They too got off to a slow start losing their first three games. However, they bounced back with a two game win streak against Camosun College and Columbia Bible College. The team then lost four straight only to bounce back again with another two game winning streak. The women then ended the season winning three of five games. The Eagles are saying good-bye to their former head coach Gary Pawluk who served the team for two years. They are now happy to announce that Matthew McKay will be their head coach for the 2010-11 season. Taminder Dhaliwal walked away with the President’s Outstanding Athlete Award in addition to being named the most valuable player. She also accepted the Team Athletic Award on behalf of the women for the best GPA among all teams. Collectively, the women scored a 2.9. Emily Wright received the five year completion award.

Men’s Basketball: A lot of credit has to be given to this team even though they did not reach the BCCAA playoffs. The team got off to a slow start losing 10 of 12 games. However, the men did beat Douglas College once within that span of games but were disqualified

Badminton: The badminton team had a very successful season winning a total of five medals. The team played in three tournaments prior to the provincial playoffs in order to qualify. In all three tournaments they did not finished lower than fourth. At provincials the team won

second overall in the team event with a 14-11 record. The Eagles won bronze in the men’s doubles, and silver in the women’s doubles and mixed doubles. At nationals, the women’s doubles won bronze after losing to the tournament champions, Cambrian College. Simon Wu won the most valuable player award.

Women’s Soccer: The gem of the Eagles athletic season has to be the women’s soccer team. The women began the season with a strong performance against the University of Northern British Columbia. However, the women curtailed into a four game losing streak. What could be seen as the “TSN turning point” of their season was a convincing 4-1 victory over the rival Douglas College Royals. The women went on to split the next six games with a 3-3-0 record. It came down to the final game. All the women needed was a tie and they would qualify for the provincials. The women beat UBCO 1-0. In the provincials the women were in a difficult bracket being the last seed. However, they persevered. The women won two straight against Thompson Rivers University and Vancouver Island University in shootouts to reach the cup final. The Eagles faced last year’s champions, the Langara Falcons. The women took an early 2-0 lead and held it within the first half. However, a second half break down saw the Falcons tie up the game with only two minutes left on the clock. The game was undecided after extra time, so yet again the Eagles went to a shootout. The Eagles won 3-2 (5-2 in the shootout). This meant that the unranked Eagles had qualified for the nationals in Ontario at Humber University. The women, not surprisingly won their first game against the hosts, Humber, in a shootout. Next up the women faced Concordia University College, a very strong team out of the Alberta Conference. The girls were out of it early as the Thunder took an early lead. The Eagles struck back late but came up short as they could not pull even. The Eagles lost 2-1. However, the women refused to go home empty handed. Two days later they played College Francois-Xavier-Garneau. Not surprisingly the game was decided in the shootout. The Eagles won bronze 4-3 in penalty kicks. Sarah Davies won the BCCAA Academic Excellence Award, Brittany McNeill, team captain, won the Joseph Segal Family Foundation Athletic Leadership Award, Sam Lewis won the Charter Bus Lines Freshmen Academic Award, and the most valuable player award went to non-other than Amelia Ng, starting goal keeper.

SPORTS | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 20 | April 07 2010 | page five


Kwantlen Recreation: Twins Looking For Good Company [DOMINIC SRAMATY] [SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF]

DOMINIC SRAMATY // THE RUNNER Gagandeep Jangal is a regular at the Kwantlen gym, coming to the gym nearly daily since the new semester began.

Since the students of Kwantlen have come back from their winter vacation two athletes in particular have been ripping it up at the Kwantlen Gymnasium. Gagandeep and Taminderdeep Jangal have been coming into the gym and working out every day since the beginning of the new semester. Athletic Office Coordinator Adrian Cheng has praised them for being loyal to the recreational program which offers an abundance of fitness courses, intramural competitions, and yoga classes. He says, “I wish there were more students like Gagan and Taminder. They are fantastic role models for the program and it’s a shame that they have no one to play against on a daily basis”. If you are finished class between noon and four o’clock why not stop by? The brothers are waiting. They are up to play anything from table tennis to

DOMINIC SRAMATY // THE RUNNER Kwantlen students enjoy letting loose, while playing a game of ping-pong.

badminton and basketball to indoor soccer. They are definitely hungry for a friendly challenge. The athletic department also offers a fitness centre for you


women on WEIGHTS

Myth #8 Recording your progress is a useless waste of time. [MICHELA FIORIDO] [SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF]

Not at all! How are you supposed to remember how many pounds you lifted and how many reps you did last week for each exercise? Let’s be honest, most students can’t even recall what they ate for breakfast. Recording your progress has a lot of benefits and takes on several forms. For one, you can (and should) record what you eat every day. Not only does it

endorphin junkies. Regardless of your skill level, head down to the gym and give the twins a challenge. They’ll be glad you did.

BIKIN’ make you more accountable for what you eat but it also lets you see if you are eating enough calories compared to the calories you are burning through exercise. It is very important to maintain a certain caloric intake if you want to reach your fitness goals. You can also record such things as your weight, body fat percentage, BMI index, and certain body measurements. You would only have to record these at the beginning of a fitness program and at every 30-day mark. It is motivating and more fulfilling to see actual progress in the form of numbers. How will you ever know if you are meeting your fitness goals if you never recorded your starting points? You won’t know. That’s the point of recording your progress, it gives you valuable knowledge that you can use to fine-tune your workouts and to motivate you. Furthermore, it is important to record the weights, reps, and sets that you do in the gym. By recording these numbers you are able to keep building on them week after week and

you’ll also know when you’re slacking off or when you’ve hit a plateau and need to change things up. If you don’t, you’ll just slump down on the seated bench press, plug in 40 pounds and go “Oh I guess this feels alright for today.” Alternatively, if you check your notebook (which you should bring to the gym) you will see that you have been pushing 40 pounds for the last week and a half and it’s time to add 5-10 pounds so that you keep moving forward in strength gains. There are lots of templates on the internet for recording weights as well as a plethora of iPhone apps to choose from to assist you with recording progress. It is also easy to make your own charts with excel or word. I’ve been recording my weights and reps for years and I find it immensely fulfilling to look back to my old notebooks and see how much I’ve progressed since my first year at Kwantlen. Before starting any fitness routine, consult a qualified fitness professional.

Why you should add cycling to your workout plan. [MATT LAW] [HEALTH BUREAU CHIEF]

Cycling and mountain biking is a great way to have fun and work on your fitness. It is also a great thing to add to your current workout routine, which will help build cardio and strength. These are just a few of the reasons why two wheels are so great for getting fit.


Low impact… or at least until you crash: Cycling is great for rehab or for those that hate running. You can go farther and see more while creating less stress on your body and joints. If you want more impact to build bone density hit the trail for a mountain bike ride.


uncomfortable, cycling is great. You can coast when you need to recover and you are gravity assisted on the way down. Shedding the pounds become fun when you are not pounding the pavement in running shoes.


Mountain bike for full body: Once you get off the smooth road and hit the trails it is a whole different world. You use more stabilizing muscles to keep yourself upright and your core gets a great workout. Your arms and shoulders get a good work out too when you are fighting to pull the bike over logs and boulders.


You will eventually look good in spandex: You may laugh now but it is true and you will come to appreciate how great cycling shorts are.

Great for cardio: going out for a long ride is a fun way to de-stress and have an adventure but it also leads to increased blood capillary growth which means more blood flow and oxygen getting to your muscles. You’ll become a more efficient machine.

Pure fun: Get your friends together and head out for a ride. Cycling can be very social and you forget you are working out. Riding a bike was fun when we were kids there is no reason it can’t be now.


Shaving your legs: Guys you finally have an excuse to take your girlfriend’s pink lady Bick to your legs.

Great for beginners: If you are just starting to get fit and are carrying a little extra weight that makes running

6. 7.

page six | April 07 2010 | vol. 2 issue 20


The Runner |



Lack of energy in your sexual relationships? Try this... [NATSUMI OYE] [CURRENT EVENTS BUREAU CHIEF]

Hey! Guess what! You can lose weight and you don’t even have to exercise! The Dr. Bernstein diet advertises medically safe weight loss with no need to exercise. This is the perfect solution for those people out there who struggle with their image, but stubbornly refuse to get up and exercise. In all fairness, the entire weight loss industry is overwhelming. There is a ton of information out there advocating different methods of weight loss, so which one do you go with? And what do you do if you have tried several methods and none of them have worked? How about turning to the one who advertises on the radio that you can go on a diet and lose a bunch of weight without having to exercise at all. It’s the perfect solution. Lets face it, no one has time to exercise anyway, and life would be a lot easier if you could look great without the effort. These diets may be expensive though, and can be inconvenient.

No worries. You can Google “weight loss without exercise” and come up with around 44 million results. What’s wrong with attempting this path to fitting into those skinny jeans? And why is it horrible that any weight loss program would advocate a lifestyle that is absent of regular exercise? At the end of the day it doesn’t matter if you’re fat, skinny, or somewhere in between, everyone needs to exercise. Sure if you are obese and you lose a lot of weight on a no-exercise program you will alleviate some of the health problems and risks that you face, but you’re still putting your health at risk by remaining inactive. Some of the negative consequences to not participating in a regular exercise routine include: “coronary heart disease, strokes, high blood pressure, breathlessness, flabby body, little energy, stiff joints, osteoporosis, poor posture,” weight gain and it may lead to a “lack of energy for your sexual relationship,” according to BBC World Service. On the other hand, there are many wonderful benefits to regular exercise outside of simply looking great and

The Runner is student owned and operated by Kwantlen Polytechnic University students, published under Polytechnic Ink Publishing Society. Vol. 2, Issue no. 20 April 6, 20010 ISSN# 1916-8241 #205-12877 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C. V3W 1E6

EDITORIAL DIVISION: Co-ordinating Editor // Denny Hollick Culture Editor // Melissa Fraser

MIKEBAIRD // FLICKR Try to get some exercersise in as often as possible. It will improve your quality of life.

feeling great, which include: “increased relaxation, better sleep and mood, strong immune function,” as well as “stronger bones, a lower heart rate, an improved complexion,” and of course the ever-elusive weight lose, according to So get off your ass and go for a run, lift some weights and maybe do some sit-ups. You may just wake up the next morning feeling a little bit better about yourself. If you are against feelings

of happiness and general well being though, please, by all means, continue to sit at a desk all day and use studying as an excuse for why you never make it outside your front door for a run. A 4.0 GPA will not save you from having a stroke though, nor will it protect you from the fight that erupts between you and your partner after you roll over and pretend to sleep for the eighth night in a row.

News Editor // Kassandra Linklater Production Editor // Cat Yelizarov Media Editor // Christopher Poon

BUREAU CHIEFS: Arts & Design // Mae Velasco Creative Writing // Jared Vaillancourt Current Events // Natsumi Oye Entertainment // Kristi Jut Environmental // Abby Wiseman Health // Matt Law Lifestyle // Jeff Groat


Politics // Cole Griffin

Rant: The random phone calls to retail stores [RYAN KEIGHER] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Lately, I have been noticing an increase in phone calls regarding select items consumers are looking for Here’s the deal. I work for a running store. Sure we carry

walking shoes, cross trainers, tennis and volleyball shoes, but that’s all common. However, the harassing phone calls have increased. Do not get mad at me because we do not carry what you are looking for. The internet can help you with your search. We do not carry ice skates, roller blades, skis and snowboards, golf clubs, weights, laser pointers, basketball hoops, pool tables and cues, jewellry, trophies and plaques, suits and my all time favourite, rifles. If I had a rifle, I probably would have taken a shot at you as you walked in for getting mad at me for not carrying the items you are looking for; next time try Wal-Mart. We are also not 411. Do not call me asking for directions to a completely unrelated location or where you can find daycare in the area. I will not give out others’ personal information, provide phone numbers or come to your house so that you can get your internet up and running so that you can do your shopping online. I might know a thing or two about human kinetics and biomechanics, but I cannot solve or diagnose your problem over the phone. Nor can I see you point at something over the phone. With that being said, we are all runners at all the stores, it’s kind of a requirement to

work there, so by you saying “oh, the runner there helped me” still doesn’t clarify who helped you. I cannot expect you to pronounce all the brand names correctly because you may not have heard of them all, and that is okay because that is why you have us to do the shoe-selling for you. Please stop correcting me for pronouncing the brand names correctly. It is especially worse when you start adding letters to these brand news that you think you can correct me at pronouncing. However, although it sounds like I am complaining a lot, from my over six years of providing service I still love helping customers get the right fit, the people I work with are great, customers are almost always friendly and I work in an active and healthy environment, so who can complain about that? Just stop harassing me over the phone about things completely unrelated to our store.


Do you have an opinion? We would like to hear it! Maybe you’ll even get paid for it! Email for more info:

Sports // Michela Fiorido Dominic Sramaty Student Affairs // Chris Yee Travel // (Vacant)

CONTRIBUTORS: Max Hirtz, Ryan Keigher, Jessica Pambid, Luis Valdizon Cover Art // Cat Yelizarov

BUSINESS DIVISION: Operations Manager // DJ Lam Office Co-ordinator // Victoria Almond Distribution // The Now Newspaper

FASHION | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 20 | April 07 2010 | page seven




Carley Smulders Q. What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. Flip flops on rainy days. Q. How much of your own wardrobe do you make? A. Close to none. I hate wearing what I make. Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. A panther because he


already has a really cool print to work with. Q. What piece of fashion would you want to be reincarnated as? A. Madonna’s pointed bra. Q. Where do you find inspiration? A. I find it from my family. based on what they find interesting and cool.

Chauntelle Walsh Q.How much time each morning does it take you to put and outfit together? A. I do it the night before because it takes me forever. I’m working with very little resources. Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. Pantylines.


Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. A cat, just because I love cats. I wish they would sit still and I could do that. Q.Where do you find inspiration? A. Typically, magazines. Q. What’s next? A. I was hired as a designer at Mac & Jac.

Mary Anastasia: Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. When people put on clothes then wear them out and they tug on them. You know when you see a girl wearing a skirt and she’ll be pulling it down. Just leave it. You look fine. Q. Which blogs do you follow? A. Q. What piece of fashion would you want to be reincarnated as? A. A mens tuxedo would be fun.

Jewels of Eden

Modern Alice

Kiara Matheson Q. How much of your own wardrobe do you make? A. I used to make a lot of clothes because I hate matching. That’s why I learned to sew, but now, I think my sisters benefit more from what I’m sewing. Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. The flow of coming up with designs. My mood can stunt my design process.

Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. I don’t know if I would dress an animal. I live downtown and I see a lot of animals that have been dressed and they always look so uncomfortable. Q. What’s next? A. I’ll probably sleep for two weeks. I’ve always imagined owning my own business, but I know that’s more than five years away.

Heidi Abramyk Q. How much time each morning does it take you to put and outfit together? A. During school its like a hoodie and jeans and I’m good to go.


Jing Liang Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. I’m quite acceptable to a lot of things. But, please wear something that is suited for yourself. Don’t wear things that other people tell you to wear. Q. Which blogs do you follow? A. It really tells what it feels like

Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. A lot of times you just have to put your mood behind and just get the job done. Q. Describe your line in three words.

to be a plus size. Q. Describe your line in three words. A. For the full-figured, creative professional. Q. Where do you find inspiration? A. I’m a very big history person so I always look back to what they wore and their lifestyle and why they did it.

A. Technical activewear for fencers. Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? Q. Kitty cats but I already dress my cats up so...

Q. Where do you find inspiration? A. I usually get inspired by people, if I have a really good friend that always wears purple or something, I get inspired by the colour purple because they’re such a good friend and they’re always in my atmosphere.

page eight | April 07 2010 | vol. 2 issue 20


The Runner |



Joyce Hu Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. I don’t really care about what other people wear. Q. Describe your line in three words. A. Functional. Practical. Established Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. A dog! Because I love


dogs! They’re happy, unlike us, who have so much to do all day. Q. Where do you find inspiration? A. I really love drawing so I will look at artists’ pictures and fashion illustrations. Q. What’s next? A. I’m going to find a job right away and I’m willing to go anywhere to get it.

Norie Sakata Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. I have to follow trends, but I hate trends. I have some friends who look in a magazine and get the exact same outfit. Q. How much of your own wardrobe do you make? A. We make size 8 in class, but I’m not size 8. So if I was

size 8, then everything. Q. What piece of fashion would you want to be reincarnated as? A. I want to be a scarf. Q. Where do you find inspiration? A. People around me. There are so many artistic people around me.


Ron and Rose Lingerie

Amanda Tan Q.How much time each morning does it take you to put and outfit together? A. Usually when I come to school I just wear whatever.

Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. I’d dress something like a horse or a zebra. Something with four legs. It’s an interesting silhouette.

Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. Not that much. It’s more my aesthetic. I have a very feminine aesthetic.

Q. What’s next? A. I don’t know. Hopefully find something that lets me work with two things I’m passionate about: fashion and being eco.

Anita Ng Q. How much of your own wardrobe do you make? A. Because of school, only like 10 per cent.


Kala Vilches Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. The word fashionista. Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. I think I design very emotion-free. I really enjoy the research side of design. Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. A sloth. They’re my

I’m in a peppy mood then I end up making something frou frou. If I’m getting ready to go out and it’s night then I’ll make something dark, black, drapey.

Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. When it’s sunny out and

favourite. I don’t know what I would dress it in. Something really dapper. Just to get my hands on a sloth would be the greatest. Q. Where do you find inspiration? A. I find inspiration in social movements. A couple years ago I designed stuff based on the civil rights movement.

Q. Describe your line in three words. A. Street meets active. Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. I dress my pugs. They have so much personality in their face.

Eri Akai Q. How much of your own wardrobe do you make? A. Usually I like to make my own t-shirts and stuff because they’re so easy and I feel stupid to pay like $30 for it. Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. A lot. But only if I’m trying to connect it. Q. Describe your line in three words. A. Fun and playful but functional. Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. I don’t think I would dress any animals I’m not interested in that. Q. What’s next? A. Career! I’d like to go into design.

Mikki Fox Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A.Probably leggings as pants.


Masion de Clara

Q. Do you follow any blogs? A.

Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. If I’m in a good more I tend to do more fun, frilly things. If I’m a dark mood, it tends to be more sombre clothing.

Q. What’s next? A. I’m headed back to Calgary and in the next couple years hopefully open my own boutique.

FASHION | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 20 | April 07 2010 | page nine


Wabi Sabi

Free Rein

Jordana Kokoszka Q. How much time each morning does it take you to put an outfit together? A. Two minutes. Q. What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. Flood pants, for sure. Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. I think being in a good


mood definitely helps the creative juices role. Q. What piece of fashion would you want to be reincarnated as? A. I’d want to be a big cozy coat. Q. Where do you find inspiration? A. The process of doing. Fabric, too.

Felice Lee Q. How much time each morning does it take you to put an outfit together? A. 10 seconds? Q. What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. Uggs

Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. Elephants. I went to india and they dress up their elephants there. and they make it really extravagant. Q. What’s next? A. Rest.

Q. How much of your own wardrobe do you make? A. Zero.


Vel Riders

Monica Lee Q. How much time each morning does it take you to put an outfit together? A. I would say I usually visualize it the night before. Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. I need to have an overall feeling for what an outfit or a line would look like. I think

that translates into colours and silhouettes and details. Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. Zebra because I could see something translucent on its print.

Jacq Smith Q. How much time each morning does it take you to put an outfit together? A. I like to plan it the night before. I don’t really do mornings very well.

Q. Where do you find inspiration? A. Right now, I find it in nature especially.

Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. If I’m in a fowl mood I don’t produce a lot of work.

Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. When I was little, I used to dress up my cat. Q. What piece of fashion would you want to be reincarnated as? A. Something from Dior couture. Q. What’s next? A. I’m going to be starting

Nina Chen Q. How much of your own wardrobe do you make? A. Probably one per cent. It’s too much work. Q. Which blogs do you follow? A. I always go onto thesartorialist. Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. A giraffe because its so big and interesting.

Lutz Athletix

Q. What piece of fashion would you want to be reincarnated as? A. I would be a blazer jacket.


Jessica Kestell Q. How much time each morning does it take you to put an outfit together? A. Gosh, it depends on the mood. Q. How much of your own wardrobe do you make? A. I used to make more but with school I don’t really have the time.

Q. Describe your line in three words. A. Technical. Sporty. Funky. Q. What piece of fashion would you want to be reincarnated as? A. A very well-made corset. Q. Where do you find inspiration? A. Sometimes its just being in the right place at the right time.

Brittany Crook Q. How much of your own wardrobe do you make? A. Since I’ve been in school I haven’t made very much, unless it’s a project I can make to fit me. Q. What piece of fashion would you want to be reincarnated as? A. Something more conceptual than an actual

piece that someone would wear. Q. What’s next? A. I probably am going to take some time off until the fall then look for an industry job, unless something comes up at The Show. A lot of opportunities come up then.

Q. What’s next? A. I’ll take a year off and try to save enough money to make it in New York.


page ten | April 07 2010 | vol. 2 issue 20

The Runner |



Ulterior Venture

Katie Kirkpatrick Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. I’d have to say it’s still pink and red mixed together. Q. How much of your own wardrobe do you make? A. Before I started school I used to make a lot more, but now that I have to do it everyday, not as much.

Bria Lear Q. How much of your own wardrobe do you make? A. Probably one per cent. No one has time in school. Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. I was not into the whole designing process last semester and I think as a result my collection is pretty dark.

Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. Monkey. Because they can do buttons and things. Q. Where do you find inspiration? A. Art, the city, texture, colour fabric all over the place. Q. What’s next? A. Hopefully some travelling and maybe more writing and media stuff.

Lars McKinnon Q.How much time each morning does it take you to put and outfit together? A. Less than 10 minutes. Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. It comes through. If I’m feeling happy or confident the designs are better. Q. Describe your line in three words. A. Space-tech ninja.

Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. A raven because I could put it in all black. Q. What piece of fashion would you want to be reincarnated as? A. Rick Owen’s leather jacket. Q. What’s next? A. Work. Blanc and Noir.

Q. Describe your line in three words. A. Functional. Practical. Versatile. Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. My dog ‘cause he’s cute. Q. What’s next? A. I”m working for Fidelity Denim right now so we’ll see where that takes me.


Restored Authority

Maggie Harding Q.How much time each morning does it take you to put and outfit together? A. Less than five minutes. Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. I really have to be in the mood to design; I don’t like to design that’s not where my creativity is.

Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. Ooo I don’t like dressing animals. Q. What piece of fashion would you want to be reincarnated as? A. Maybe a hat so I can see above people for once in my life.

Elizabeth Morelos Q.How much time each morning does it take you to put and outfit together? A. Let’s say 45 minutes. Q. Which blogs do you follow? A. Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. A tiger just because I’m a

tiger myself and that would be a definite challenge. Q. What piece of fashion would you want to be reincarnated as? A. A shoe. Q. What’s next? A. I got hired as a designers for International Fashions. The label is Pressed and I’m the basics designer.

Dear Noela

Melissa Kim Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. When people wear boots that have heels then they wear blue mini shorts but no tights or anything it. I don’t know what they’re thinking. Q. Describe your line in three words. A. Urban sophisticate for scooterists. Q. What’s next? A. In life? Ooh that’s scary. I just take it day by day.

Paper Moon

Tanya Ens Q.How much time each morning does it take you to put and outfit together? A. I’m pretty low maintenance so probably five minutes. Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. Shants I hate shants. You know those pants that have the zippers at the knees that you can zip off

Moose and Muse

and turn into shorts. I can’t stand them. Q. How does your mood affect your design? A. I’d say music more affects my designs than anything. Q. What piece of fashion would you want to be reincarnated as? A. Maybe a good ol’ pair of slippers.

Annching Wang Q.How much time each morning does it take you to put and outfit together? A. Not long at all. Being a fashion student is really hectic. I don’t have time to think about it. Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. Excess.

Q. Which blogs do you follow? A. I write my own blog it’s Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. A white tiger just because they’re one of my favourite animals.

FASHION | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 20 | April 07 2010 | page eleven


Sky High Swimwear


Mariko Aramaki Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. Crocs. Crocs and socks especially. Q. How much of your own wardrobe do you make? A. During the program we don’t have too much time to be making stuff for ourselves to wear.

Q. Describe your line in three words. A. Luxurious flamenco attire. Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. An ostrich just because it’s an interesting silhouette and it would be interesting. Q. Where do you find inspiration? A. Flamenco is my main passion.

Katrina Op de Beek Q. How much of your own wardrobe do you make? A. Some dresses and evening stuff but other than that not a lot. Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. A giraffe because I’m 6’1” and I’ve dealt with long bodies. Q. What piece of fashion

Maternalistic Libi Hilzerman Q. How much time each morning does it take you to put and outfit together? A.When I get ready for school it takes me up to 5 minutes to decide what to wear, which usually ends up being something comfortable and cozy to work with all day. Q.How does your mood affect your design? A.I must have some kind of a vibe or feeling to be able to picture design ideas in my head. Mood is the inspiration

and foundation of all of my designs.

Sixteen twenty-eight

Q.Describe your line in three words. A. Post-pregnancy clothing line.

Deanna Hooper Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. When I see people wearing Ugg boots.

Q.If you could dress any animal what would it be? A.I would never want to dress an animal, as much as they would never want to be dressed by me. Most likely. Q.What’s next? A. Find a substantial job in the apparel industry of B.C.

Q.How much of your wardrobe do you make? A. Most of my wardrobe is second hand, I dont have enough time to make my own clothes. I wish I did

would you want to be reincarnated as? A. A unitard. Q. Where do you find inspiration? A. I follow some high fashion but a lot of it is just what I like. Q. What’s next? A. I’m hoping to go to UBC and do my bachelor of education and become a home-ec teacher.

though. Q.Describe your line in three words. A. Voluminous, sophisticated and contemporary. Q.If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. Koala bear hands down. Q.What’s next? A. Secret clothing society or maybe make a biodegradable home? Anything is possible.


Sara Lanyon Q.How much time each morning does it take you to put and outfit together? A. I pick up whatever’s on the ground that I wore the day before usually. Q.What’s your biggest fashion pet peeve? A. People that wear one outfit from one store. Like they go to the Gap and they buy the Gap hat, the Gap jacket, the Gap t-shirt, the Gap pants... Q. If you could dress any animal what would it be? A. I’d dress my dog. Maggie! Because I know her personality and I could express it through what clothing I put on her. Q. What piece of fashion would you want to be reincarnated as? A. It would be these jeans because I wear them almost every day and they’ve been to a lot of fun events and they’ve met a lot of cool people.


page twelve | April 07 2010 | vol. 2 issue 20



This century’s hottest trends [COLE GRIFFIN] [POLITICAL BUREAU CHIEF]



The Beatniks: While the beatniks are often charicatured in black turtle necks with accompanying berets, the fact is beatnik poetry was accompanied by bohemian fashion. The bohemians, for those of you unfamiliar, dressed as poorly as possible in a direct attack on the idea of fashion. They wore lampshades for headwear and potato sacks for skirts. The reason you never see or hear about this era of fashion is because we are all trying to forget it. Fortunately Jack Kerouac dressed like a biker.

The Jazz Age: The roaring twenties are best known for the birth of jazz, prohibition, and Al Capone. However this was also the age of zoot suits and flapper dresses. That’s right, shorter skirts cut to look like tubes and wide shouldered jackets topped by broad brimmed hats were as freaky as it got. It seemed daring at the time though. Cab Calloway and Tallulah Bankhead were the epitomes of style.




The Depression: What do you do when all the money is gone? You starve and go hungry of course. Then you hit the rails searching for work. While not a particularly distinct era of fashion the thirties are notable for bring Hobo chic into the mainstream. Threadbare tweed jackets, tattered skirts, folded newspaper stopping the holes in your shoes, and a bindle were all you needed to make the scene. Now all you had to worry about was getting knifed in a boxcar over a can of baked beans.

The Bikers: Blue jeans, tight tees, leather jackets and brylcreem, brylcreem, brylcreem, was all a cat needed to swing to be cool. The girls wore bobby socks and poodle skirts or, if they were fast, Capri jeans and their boyfriends work shirts. If you were cool and you ever actually ran across a guy who dressed like Archie Andrews, it was a fair move to kick his ass. Elvis was, is, and always shall be the King of this Era.

The Mods: Peaking in the early sixties, the mods were an eclectic group with a broadly influenced culture. When you’re thinking of mod icons you’re thinking of Austin Powers, or early pictures of The Who, also those girls in the mini-skirts who pumped their fists and shook their heads wildly. One of the most amazing and lasting contributions of this era was the Bikini, named after the testing sight of the first a-bomb, Bikini Atoll.


The Second World War: While London felt the blitz and mainland Europe lived in fear under the tyranny of fascism, there was a second war hardly spoken of in History books. That war was between two of the biggest names in high fashion, Hugo Boss and Burberry. Sure, Burberry put in a good effort with its earthy browns and loose fits, but who dressed better than the Nazis? Honestly, these guys dressed so well I would be inclined to acknowledge their innate superiority on first glance. Not to mention their direct influence on an even greater fashion icon: Darth Vader

The Runner |

Beatles a toke, next thing you know Sgt. Pepper was giving a magical mystery tour and free love reigned. Then a Hell’s Angel stabbed a girl at a Stones show in Altima, next thing you no free love, and all anti-war. Suddenly those long hair freaks weren’t just dressing funny and preaching pipe dreams, they were halting the war effort and bombing the establishment. Bell bottoms were every where, and Jimi Hendrix was the fashion guru.



Disco: Leisure suits and bad dancing. John Travolta. That is all.


Hip-hop: Track suits appear to be the one enduring mainstay of hip hop culture. As soon as they appear to be out again, some rapper brings them back in. When I think hip hop fashion, I think Adidas. But the fact is hip hop fashion is the most contrived category in the history of fashion, with every other rap star trying to change the game with his own fashion line. Clothing lines like Fubu and whatever the hell Puffy’s thing is called, suck ween and only serve to erect greater divides between us. That’s why true hip hop fashion cannot be pinned down, for it is as ethereal as pure love.



The Hippies: One day Cary Grant met Timothy Leary and introduced him to a little thing called LSD, around the same time a guy named Bob Dylan offered the

Book Review: Survival (Species Imperative #1)

Metal: Tight jeans, leather jackets, or torn plaid shirts and T-shirts swearing allegiance to your favourite metal band. Metal was the first style of dress wherein you were required to wear a rock tee to be cool. Also long hair with crazy volume did not hurt. What’s amazing though is how much influence the old school skid-dogs still have on fashion today. Rock Ts have pervaded every subculture, and that whole grunge era was really just a metal era with looser jeans.



Looking for a good story by an actual Canadian author? Then look no further than Ontario’s own Julie E. Czerneda, an exbiologist who’s put her use of science to good work by creating some of the best science fiction titles in the country. One of her best titles, Survival, which is the first book in her “Species Imperative” series, epitomizes her writing style and gets you hooked right from page one, even if you’re not normally a fan of science fiction. In Survival, a young salmon biologist named Mac (Mackenzie Winifred Elizabeth Connor Wright) is quite content to simply study her fish in her floating lab on the Fraser River

(That’s right, it takes place in Vancouver). However, over hardships with funding and a mysterious visit from a government agent who she is quick to knock into the water, her research gains the attention of an alien named Brymn. Brymn is a Dhryn, and his species has a dark little secret that her studies of salmon might help to solve. At first she’s skeptical and dismissive, but when her lab is attacked and Brymn and she barely escape with the help of the tall, dark and hansom agent, it becomes clear that there’s more going on with the Dhryn than she could have imagined… and the consequences could have a lasting effect on the future of the galaxy. Packed with friendship, adventure, suspense (which is quite well done, thanks to the mysterious intermissions) and an intelligent sense of humor, Survival and its sequels, Migration and Regeneration are absolute must-reads. You’ll be gripped in the story, enthralled by the suspense and rewarded by the humor and romance from the crack of the cover to the satisfied whump of the finished book falling to your chest after a night of unforgettable enjoyment.


Want to write a review? E-mail culture@ with your ideas.

FREE FOOD FREE DRINKS FREE MEETING Every Friday at 2:00 pm Runner Office: #205 - 12877 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C. Discuss the upcoming issue & other important decisions

CREATIVE | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 20 | April 07 2010 | page thirteen



Chapter Eleven “Oh, wow,” Vintis, whispered as it stared out through the window at the beautiful nebula. It had heard about this nebula, of course; there were numerous star charts and holographic tourist flexies describing its beauty and discussing its scientific properties. Seeing the nebula with its own two eyes, however, was a totally different thing all together. “They call this the Hysteric Arm,” Klezyp whispered to its ear, its warm breath comforting behind Vintis. “Thousands of years ago it was a star. One day it went nova and took its whole solar system with it. If you look close,” Klezyp pointed past Vintis as what looked like a cluster of dark thorns sitting in space, “you can still see the debris of several rocky planets.” Klezyp placed its hand on Vintis’ shoulder. “It’s beautiful,” Vintis whispered. “It looks like someone took an old-fashioned tazer to a J’r,” it smirked. Klezyp giggled and hugged Vintis tight. Vintis smiled. “Have you seen this before?” it asked. “Once, on my way to Kapilo,” Klezyp nodded. “I didn’t really take notice of it, though. You’ve seen one yellow and black cloud of dust, you’ve seen them all.” Klezyp chuckled. “It looks different with you in my arms, though. It almost looks… tranquil.” Vintis smirked. “Tranquil like a tazered J’r?” Vintis asked. Klezyp laughed.

“Excuse me,” a voice inquired, “are you two having a nice flight?” Both Klezyp and Vintis turned and looked up at a tall, regal female Jukkopo wearing the red uniform spacesuit of a Commander. Vintis smiled up at her and held Klezyp’s hand as it nodded. “I’ve never seen a nebula before,” Vintis informed the Jukkopo. “We were admiring the view.” “I am pleased to hear that,” the Jukkopo smiled, her eyestalks bobbing. “Allow me to introduce myself. I am Commander Ltezi, first officer of this ship.” She extended a tentacle for both Vintis and Klezyp to shake in turn. “I’m Klezyp,” Klezyp smiled, “and this is Vintis.” Ltezi smiled at them. “Relatives?” Ltezi asked politely. Vintis smirked and nudged Klezyp. “Only if Klezyp pops the question,” Vintis chuckled. Klezyp giggled as it blushed. “Ah, to be young again,” Ltezi giggled. “It’s been far too long since I’ve had a mate. You’re a lucky woman, Vintis,” she added. Vintis looked up at Klezyp and sighed. Klezyp winked. “Tell me, Commander Ltezi,” Klezyp asked as it put its arm lovingly around Vintis, “have you ever ferried Zwitii before?” it asked. Ltezi sighed and bowed her eyestalks. “I am ashamed to say no,” she admitted. “Why do you ask?” “Because I’m not a woman,” Vintis grumbled. Ltezi turned her eyestalks to it.


“Oh!” she exclaimed. “I apologize. I often do have troubles telling alien genders apart.” “You shouldn’t have that problem here,” Vintis grumbled. Klezyp laughed aloud as Ltezi gave Vintis a curious look. “We appreciate you checking on us, Commander,” Klezyp said quickly. Ltezi smiled at it. “I check on all of our passengers,” Ltezi chuckled. “Should either of you need anything – food, refreshments, perhaps a private room,” she added with a sinister tendril twitch, “Just let me know.” “How about a tour of the ship?” Vintis asked on a whim. “Can we meet the captain?” “Vintis!” Klezyp suddenly hissed as Ltezi reared up in shock. Vintis furrowed its brow. “What?” it asked. Ltezi sighed. “I am afraid that seeing the Captain is forbidden,” Ltezi explained. “Since you have never seen a nebula before, I can safely assume you’ve never traveled in space before, am I correct?” she asked. Vintis nodded. Ltezi swallowed. “Space travel comes at a cost.” “More like a sacrifice,” Klezyp whispered to Vintis nervously. Ltezi nodded. “Navigation is such a tricky thing,” Ltezi explained. “If we could design computers to handle the rigors of fasterthan-light travel, believe me, we would. However, it takes a dedicated, devoted and totally focused mind to guide a starship safely through the vacuum.” Ltezi sighed. “You cannot meet the Captain because,

well… technically you’re aboard her,” Ltezi finished. Vintis stared at the alien. “Klezyp, care to translate?” it asked. Klezyp swallowed. “It was nice to meet you,” Klezyp said to Ltezi. The Commander nodded and turned to lumber over to another patron. Klezyp turned to Vintis and stared into its eyes. “Vintis, the ship’s computer has a living Jukkopo at its core,” it explained. “Every ship has a cybernetically integrated Captain. Without one, space travel would be dangerous.” Vintis swallowed. It turned back to the view of the nebula. “That’s horrible,” Vintis whispered in shock. “I didn’t know.” “It’s no one’s fault,” Klezyp whispered as it kissed Vintis’ cheek. “Just do what I do and ignore it. The Captains choose to make their sacrifice. It’s a lot of ‘greater good’ stuff.” “I’m sure,” Vintis muttered. The Nebula suddenly looked very cold and tortured. “Come, let’s get some sleep,” Klezyp whispered. “Uixynki is only three days away.”



To be continued next week... Check out other Shifting Ice chapters at


A boy and his God [A.D. GENTLE] [CONTRIBUTOR]

God was young when the boy found him: he had a bad temper but a short memory, which meant he had the capacity to forgive and move on. The boy fed God on meat and bones, since God drank blood instead of water. In time, God grew increasingly foul until the boy had to put him outside. Nearly a man, the boy found God intolerably offensive and took him to the vet to be put down. The man didn’t shed a tear to watch God die. This is why: A year ago, God had been struck by a car and crippled. He spent his days lost in spasms and drool with one unblinking eye pressed into the carpet, where ants explored it in little lines. He’d vomit occasionally and loose

his bowels in the kitchen (thankfully not the carpet). The love had long been gone by this point anyway. Now he was a thing to be kept out of sight when company was over. As he watched God’s reign fade on the vet’s table, he recalled with displeasure the time he’d gotten his first girlfriend (Eve Appleseed) into his bedroom. Not five minutes after she took her shirt off, in comes God having what looked like a fit. The girl screamed, thinking he had rabies and was going to bite her, and she screamed again as he had a bloody vomit (including a half-digested snake) while he pushed his face into her outstretched hands. Now that he thought about it, he wondered why he hadn’t done this sooner.


page fourteen | April 07 2010 | vol. 2 issue 20



The Runner |


Being in control This is Jeff Groat. He’s the Runner’s sex columnist. He has only one qualification for the job: his last name sounds like a dirty word. That’s good enough for us. [JEFF GROAT] [LIFESTYLE BUREAU CHIEF]

LUIS VALDIZON // THE RUNNER In an interview with King Khan and the BBQ Show, we learn that they not only avoid questions they don’t like, they make shit up too.

King Khan and the BBQ Show: King Jerks This is Kristi Jut. She loves music. She’s also a ginger. And she does have a soul. And she likes music with soul, too. [KRISTI ALEXANDRA] [ENTERTAINMENT BUREAU CHIEF]

Being a longtime fan of The King Khan and BBQ Show, I was more than thrilled when Arish Khan (better known as King Khan) and Mark Sultan (BBQ) invited me into their modest hotel room above the Biltmore Cabaret for an interview with The Runner. Seriously, I was riding the shanty, vintage red carpeted elevator with the guys who started the Spaceshits and later came to write “fishfight”, the song that initially sparked my love for the Montreal-based twosome. I was elated; it was surreal. Once inside the hotel room,

though—notebook ready, digital recorder in hand—my questions were met with sarcasm and a mild air of condescension. The idols of my early twenties weren’t disappointing, but their response was dismissive at best. And who can blame them? They’ve heard it all before. So they went to jail last year? Surprise, surprise: they didn’t want to talk about it. Did they care to elucidate on that time they stole robes from Quebecois nuns? Nope. And the things they did want to talk about? Well, that’s off the record. Of course. If I took this interview at face value, I’d have learned that Sultan and Khan met when they invented the wheel together. Khan’s children are actually inflatable, and despite Khan and Sultan now living on different continents, they have no problem making time

to rehearse ‘cause there’s this underground tunnel they’ve built from Montreal to Berlin that allows them to meet halfway. But I get it. They’re so busy with press, they’ve got to fuck around with some people to get their kicks, and that’s fine. But dear god, am I relieved I left my King Khan and BBQ show albums at home that night. Imagine asking for an autograph after that mess. Whether it’s Bette Midler, Justin Timberlake or jeez, even Seth Rogen, don’t meet your idols, kids. Unless you really want to be disenchanted them, in which case, it’s best to do it more often as possible.


DOWNLOAD THESE: Fishfight The King Khan & BBQ Show Tastebud The King Khan & BBQ Show


David Cat-kinson


Birth control is such a hot topic these days that even those cats in Parliament can’t go a session without discussing all the salacious details. For some background, the sexy Canadian government wants to put maternal health at the top of the G8’s agenda, but is not including funding for contraception and abortion in the made-in-Canada proposition. Add in some Liberal rhetoric, some Conservative double-speak and Jack Layton’s moustache and here we are with an insulting export of Conservative ideology. So what are we talking about? What is this medical care that we take for granted (and enjoy) in our rich corner of the world? In Canada, sex and pregnancy are two separate things and there are a variety of ways in which to keep it so, including the pill, condoms, and surgery, such as vasectomies. Now the old cliche still rings true, despite being a little worn: the only method that works 100 per cent of the time is abstinence, but that’s not the point of this article or this column for that matter.. I’m going to assume that we are all consenting adults who have sex and enjoy having sex, and choose to do so in a responsible way. So with saying “no, thank you” aside, there are a number of ways to enjoy safe sex. Condoms, sponges, diaphragms and other “barrier” types of contraceptives all work on the same principle of “no sperm past this point,” although they all work in their own ways. Keep in mind that condoms are an effective form of contraception, and they protect against the transfer of STI’s. If you don’t like “placing” foreign objects between you and your partner, or if you prefer a more natural, intimate

feel to your sex, then the pill is another means of birth control. It’s very important to take it at the same time every day for it to be effective, but since it’s basically just a dose of female hormones, it can cause some bothersome side-effects to the woman taking them. Side effects such as bloating, increased blood pressure, nausea, headaches and acne are all commonly experienced. Trust me. Working in a similar way as the pill, shots can be taken for effective birth control for one to three months, but again, expect some side-effects from this one. There’s also the Nuva Ring which a woman inserts once a month. Or the IUD, which a doctor inserts in a woman once every five years. Do a little research, women, and see what’s best for you. If pills and latex aren’t your kind of thing, you can always opt for the more invasive surgery. Vasectomies and hysterectomies – or ‘tying the tubes” as they’re called – work to block the sperm from either leaving, or entering the parts of the body that are important for pregnancy. Usually, these are common among monogamous or married couples who don’t want to have any more kids, rather than university students wanting to let loose. No knives, please. In a more unreliable vein, is the “don’t worry baby, I’ll pull out” method. Timing is everything. Also worth noting is a University of Buffalo study that found that as marijuana use increased, male infertility followed, as levels of seminal fluid and sperm counts dropped the more a man smoked the green. Although definitely not an effective means of birth control, it’s probably worth keeping in mind. And since we’re fortunate enough to live in Canada, all of this can be discussed in great detail – and in private – with your doctor.


Follow Groat In The Sack on Twitter. @groatinthesack


vol. 2 issue 20 | April 07 2010 | page fifteen



You’ll encounter a childhood friend during your commute. They stole your pogs, time for revenge.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22

You will pretend to enjoy watching hockey, but nobody will be fooled. You will be chased from the arena.

GEMINI May 21 - June 20

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr.19

Raining cats and dogs will take on a whole new meaning. Best take some kitty litter and dog treats with you.

Like a shark drawn to blood, you kill at the smell of leather. Avoid Turkish airports at all costs.

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

You may not be a Jedi, but don’t let that stop you from battling with the Sith. Do your best.

CANCER June 21 - July 22

Sugary treats will be in abundance. Don’t make a fool of yourself, bring an extra toothbrush.

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

Pop Tarts will make a suprising comeback this week. Be sure to dust off your toaster.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

You will stop flushing the toilet to conserve water. You will wake up without any roommates.

Your premonitions about being brainwashed by the radio are true. Go to Costa Rica.

LIBRA Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

CAPRICORN Dec. 22 - Jan.19

Fast food will challenge you to a race. Strap on your running gear and put it in its place.

While digging around in the freezer you’ll come across a body. It’s your imaginary friend.


AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

You finally realize what you’ve been missing your entire life. Go out and buy a baguette. It will be huge.


iPad updates will cost you

We covered the announcement of the iPad back in January, we also featured the iPad in our Rip Off Kwantlen for that week. Well, back by popular demand, we present the Apple iPad. This time around, the newly-released device is in our crosshairs because of the recent news that Apple will charge for software upgrades for the iPad. It’s kind of like the the same sort of crap that Apple pulls with the iPod Touch, charging for OS updates that come free on the iPhone. As if the iPad doesn’t cost enough as is (check out issue 14’s Rip Off Kwantlen), leave it to Apple to find all sorts of ways to bleed out your wallet.

INTERESTING FACTS: TREES, APPLES AND EYES Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

page sixteen | April 07 2010 | vol. 2 issue 20


The Runner |

Vol. 2 Issue 20  

The fashion issue