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VOL. 2 ISSUE 16 | MARCH 09 2010 NEWS AND CULTURE FOR THE STUDENTS OF KWANTLEN POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY


page two | March 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 16

NEWS & POLITICS

CANADIAN UNIVERSITY PRESS

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

AROUND KWANTLEN

Women with MBAs still not advancing as quickly as men 40 per cent of the workforce is female, but less than 14 per cent of top global executives are women [RENEE GIBLIN] [THE CONCORDIAN]

MONTREAL (CUP) — A new study is showing that Canadian women graduating from leading business schools start out with lower salaries then their male counterparts with a gap that widens over the course of their careers. The research, conducted by the non-profit women’s opportunity organization Catalyst, indicates that women graduating with a Master of Business Administration degree will advance slower than men and earn less throughout their careers. “Even (after) decades of creating opportunities for women, inequity is still entrenched in the workplace, and it starts with womens’ first jobs,” said Christine Silva, director of research at Catalyst and co-author of the study. Silva’s research showed that

biases in the job market begin at entry-level positions. She said that certain assumptions about the roles of women, their aspirations for a family, and other stereotypes can play a role in the way management views female employees. This can stunt or slow a woman’s progress in the company. The study explains that 40 per cent of the workforce is female, but women represent less than 14 per cent of corporate executives of top global companies, and only three per cent at Fortune 500 companies. The problem is not that top Canadian companies don’t want to invest in training women — many businesses have implemented programs to increase women “inclusivity.” Silva said the problem starts with their first job, where women with MBAs will often work at entry level whereas

men will receive jobs in midlevel positions. Silva also said that 25 per cent of women left their first jobs due to difficulties with the manager, compared to only 16 per cent of men and on average women earned $4,600 less in their first job than men. Companies are willing to invest more time and research to pinpoint the problem and increase women’s role in businesses, Silva said. But as of now, the study points to a problem with equality in the workplace. “Seeing women with MBAs starting from behind is a problem and giving it time is not working.” The study drew findings from 4,143 respondents who had completed full-time Master of Business Administration programs currently working in full-time jobs.

WHAT’S HAPPENING AT KWANTLEN

MAR

08 11

WHERE: Surrey - March 8/Richmond March 9/ Cloverdale - March 10/ Langley - March 11

2010

WHAT: The KSA and Kwantlen have teamed up to promote healthily living. Complete free health tests, talk to experts, get free stuff and enter to win an iPod iTouch.

MAR

Networking for Success Presentation

09

CUP CARTOON

Road to Excellence: Health and Wellness Fair

2010

WHERE: Surrey Campus - Conference Centre A WHEN: 4:00 p.m. WHAT: Come out and listen to Sue Clement speak about how to network proactively. Go to http://www.kwantlen.ca/careers/ workshops-events.html to register.

MAR BEN HORNE // THE QUILL

SCHOOL MONEY

10 2010

University of Toronto halts aggressive investment policy after $1.5 billion loss [DANIELLE WEBB] [CUP ONTARIO BUREAU CHIEF]

TORONTO (CUP) — After losing close to a third of its endowment and pension funds in the 2008 recession, the University of Toronto has taken dramatic steps to curb the U.S. “Ivy-league” investment strategy they’ve employed for the last ten years. In 18 months, the school lost more than $1.5 billion and wiped out nearly 30 per cent of its endowment and pension funds. After the university found itself using operating funds to cover annual expenses that were normally covered by endowments, members of the university community started to panic. University president David Naylor established a committee to look into the operation of the University of Toronto Asset Management Corporation (UTAM). Rather than boosting the university’s financial situation, UTAM appeared to be dragging it down. “In light of these concerns, the president felt that it was appropriate to establish a committee to provide him with

an independent assessment of UTAM,” read the introduction of the report penned by the President’s Committee on Investment Policies, Structures, Strategies and Execution. Former University of Toronto chancellor and notable benefactor Hal Jackman led the investigation. “The oversight and management of the university’s pension funds and endowment must be undertaken with a laser-like focus on these important obligations — obligations that translate into long-term financial responsibilities,” Naylor wrote. The report — which took roughly six months to complete — suggested that the University of Toronto remember that their stakeholders are an important part of their investment policies, and restructure UTAM with that in mind. The U.S.-style of aggressive investing that U of T was attempting to mimic involves a strong exposure to alternative investments, hedge funds and private equity in an effort to boost returns. This investment strategy was pioneered at Ivy

League schools in the U.S. like Harvard and Yale. With high returns in mind, UTAM was created in 2000 to manage the university’s pension funds, endowment and other investments. UTAM was run by its own board of directors and was not obligated to report to any member of the university administration regarding their operations. According to the report, many board members did not know whether their job was to oversee investment portfolios or to act as a board of directors for the corporation, hiring the CEO and approving compensation packages. “Members of the university community, including the UTAM directors and management, are still not clear where ultimate responsibility rests,” the report stated. The report found that while UTAM suffered losses in line with similar funds and operations because of the 2008–2009 recession, it did not bounce back nearly as quickly and did not enjoy the same growth in good years as their U.S. counterparts.

Green Wednesdays - “Buyer Be Fair” WHERE: Langley Campus WHEN: 7:00 p.m. WHAT: Get to know the business of ‘fair trade’,’ and if conscious consumers and businesses can use the market to promote social justice and environmental sustainability. The floor will be opened for discussion after this exciting documentary. E-mail Gary.Jones@ Kwantlen.ca to reserve your seat.

MAR

12

2010

Feel The Rhythm XII WHERE: Langley Campus Auditorium WHEN: 7:00 p.m. WHAT: The Kwantlen Music Department presents ‘Feel the Rhythm’ with the entire Kwantlen ensemble.

MAR

15 2010

Career Day Bootcamp WHERE: Surrey Campus -Room G1055 WHEN: 1:00 p.m. WHAT: Get yourself in gear for the March 25 Career Day Fair by attending this 30 minute bootcamp. Come discuss your portfolio, your resume, and the do’s and don’ts of impressing a future employer.


CAMPUS NEWS

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 16 | March 09 2010 | page three

THE ELECTION

POLITICKING

Student election gets dirty

The Results: The 2010 KSA Election

This is Matt, the Runner’s political columnist. He thinks dirty politicking is just plain dirty.

[MATT LAW] [HEALTH BUREAU CHIEF ]

Right before the ‘extended reading break,’ the Kwantlen Student Association held its annual election. Here are the results. Why should you care? These are the people who will decide how your student fees are spent, and how much you could be paying in the future. [CHRIS YEE] [STUDENT AFFAIRS BUREAU CHIEF]

February’s KSA general election saw incumbents reshuffling into new positions, but also a spate of new officials - including new External Affairs, Finance, and Academic Directors – being elected into office. A total of 320 votes were cast in the elections, which ran from Feb. 8 to 11. According to Derek Robertson, the election results were released to the public Feb. 15, although the document was dated Feb. 12. In the running for the Director of External Affairs and Finance positions, incumbents ran but were defeated by new challengers. Incumbent Director of External Affairs Derek Robertson was defeated by Matt Todd, who was a White Rock city councillor for six years, according to an interview published in the February 9, 2010 issue of The Runner. Steve Lee’s nearly four year streak as Director of Finance, dating from the court-ordered election of October 2006, was broken by fourth-year accounting student Shanal Prasad. Robertson received 129 votes to Todd’s 156, while Lee received 128 votes to Prasad’s 155. Ashley Rose Fehr left her position of Director of Academic Affairs, which she held since the 2008 election, to pursue the Director of

Operations seat, going on to win it. Fehr received 126 votes to Greg K. Procknow’s 47 votes and Sarah Williams’ 120 votes. The now-empty position of Director of Academic Affairs became a battleground for a spate of new candidates. Bradley Head won the seat, receiving 122 votes to Matthew DiMera’s 115 votes and Ken McIntyre’s 53 votes. Reena Bali was acclaimed to the position of Director of Events, receiving 231 “Yes” to

incumbent on the list, from the 2009 general election. Sean “Obama” Bassi was acclaimed to the position of Surrey Campus Director, receiving 109 “Yes” votes to 37 “No” votes. He ran for and was voted Surrey Campus Representative in the 2009 election. Meanwhile, in the running for the Richmond Campus Council positions, the Richmond Campus Representative seats saw some competition. Three positions

“Steve Lee’s nearly four year streak as Director of Finance was broken by fourthyear accounting student Shanal Prasad.” 60 “No” votes. The Surrey Campus Council candidates were largely uncontested, with both the Campus Representative and the Campus Director candidates being acclaimed into their positions. A maximum of four Representatives were available on Surrey campus. The candidates for the Surrey Campus Representatives were Karamveer Dhillon (with 79 “Yes” votes to 37 “No” votes), Harman Mann (76 “Yes” to 39 “No” votes), Erick Nguyen (90 “Yes” to 40 “No” votes), and Pavanpreet Sodhan (72 “Yes” to 32 “No” votes). Harman Mann was the only

were available, with Thinesh Balasubranamiam (with 29 votes), Nicole Joe (with 54 votes), and Arash Samari (with 30 votes) winning the seats. Gaven Pangley was left out, with only 22 votes. Nicole Joe was a Campus Officer for two terms prior to this year’s (in the 2009 and 2008 elections). Harj Dhesi, a Campus Representative in the 2008 elections, was acclaimed to Richmond Campus Director, with 58 “Yes” to 19 “No” votes. Notably, Richmond was the only campus where a Campus Officer had run during this year’s general election. Julia Vo was acclaimed to the position, with 64

“Yes” votes to 15 “No” votes. As for the Langley Campus Council positions, Jennifer Campbell was elected for what will be her third term as Langley Campus Director since the 2008 general election, with 36 votes to Derek Takahashi ‘s 27. The running for the Langley Campus Representative positions was uncontested, with the two candidates, Balninnia Sandhu (29 “Yes”, 11 “No” votes) and Amy Singh (34 “Yes”, 9 “No” votes), being acclaimed to the positions. The multi-campus director positions saw an influx of new candidates – indeed, more so than the 2009 and 2008 elections. The running for the Liaison positions was far more sedate, with largely no challengers for the incumbents. Incumbents for the Women’s and Mature Liaisons retained their positions, with 210 “Yes” to 68 “No” votes for Women’s Liaison Nousha Bayrami, and 223 “Yes” to 56 “No” votes for Mature Liaison Robert Kovacic. The International Students’ Liaison candidate, newcomer Gurbraksh Dhaliwhal, received 222 “Yes” to 56 “No” votes. No one ran for the Students of Colour Liaison, First Nations Liaison, Queer Liaison, or the Students with Disabilities Liaison in the 2010 election, pending appointment by a motion of council.

YOUR MONEY

B.C. Budget bad for students, good for recovery Finance Minister Colin Hansen announces the $1.7 billion dollar deficit, HST needed to cover the rising cost of health care, and no raise to the minimun wage in speech to the legislature [KASSANDRA LINKLATER] [NEWS EDITOR]

If post-secondary students were hoping that this would be the year for financial relief on postsecondary expenses, they’ll have to keep on waiting. On Mar 2, B.C. Finance Minister Colin Hansen

delivered his speech in the legislature in regards to the tabled 2010 provincial budget. Despite the Conference Board of Canada’s quarterly economic forecast stating that “British Columbia will finish first this year, [with] B.C.’s economy expecting to grow by 4.2 per cent in 2010,” the provincial government still faces a $1.7 billion dollar deficit. This deficit is sure to hit students hard. “Next year, post-secondary students will pay $288 million more in tuition fees than corporations pay in income taxes. This is not how we build our economy,” said B.C. Federation of Labour President, Jim Sinclair in an interview.

The budget also does not contain any plans to raise the minimum wage, which is currently on an nine-year $8 an hour freeze. Although B.C., particularly Vancouver, in rated as having one of the highest costs of living in the country, the current minimum wage is the lowest in the country. To make matters worse for students, the Harmonized Sales Tax (HST) will come into full effect this July 1, increasing the cost of a number of things from school supplies to a cup of coffee. Hansen repeatedly referenced the “unprecedented global downtown,” in his speech, but added “although it will take time, we are on our

way to recovery.” Many blame the deficit and provincial spending cuts on the Olympics, however Hansen was quick to argue that expected 4.3 per cent GDP growth in the province is “partly due to the incredible success so far of the 2010 Olympic and Paralympic Winter Games, which many hail as a turning point in B.C.’s history.” Despite the changes in the global economic landscape, the B.C. Liberals played it safe with targeting the areas of support for key social services, health care, education, balancing the budget by 2013-2014, and stimulating the B.C. economy for job creation.

Some of you might remember that a KSA election was held three weeks ago. I know it is hard to remember an event as insignificant as this after watching the Olympics for two weeks but it did happen. The votes were cast and new members of the KSA were elected over the two week break. Great, democracy works right? Unfortunately, during the last week of the election I was disgusted to see the type of smear tactics that were used. Whoever was behind these tactics is scum. Some of it was stupid, taking down election posters of certain individuals is something I would expect from juvenile students who have yet to realize the world is bigger than them. But the thing that made me angry was the intensely personal attack made against an individual running in the election. Some of you might have seen the posters around campus, I don’t know if they were real or fake, nor do I care. I don’t have any connection to the person they were directed at and I hadn’t planned to vote for him or her anyways. What does bother me is that it was done at all. I really hope this was not perpetrated by another person running in the election or anyone under their influence. But whoever did do this should be held accountable. There is no room for this type of action, especially in student politics, it belittles everyone including the voters. I honestly hope that whoever did this is found and dealt with accordingly. You are a coward and an asshole and I hope that there is truth to the saying, “what goes around comes around.”

FREE FOOD FREE DRINKS FREE MEETING Every Friday at 2:00 pm Runner Office: #205 - 12877 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C. Discuss the upcoming issue & other important decisions


page four | March 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 16

news & Sports

Senate

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

bears

Senate looking for students to B.C. Liberals allow participate in planning committee Grizzly Bear Hunt [Mae Velasco] [Arts and Design Bureau Chief]

The Kwantlen senate is currently looking for students to join several committees, which will cover areas needed to improve and work upon within Kwantlen Polytechnic University. Students may use this opportunity to get to know how curriculum policies are handled, what leads to the approval of courses and/or activities, and how Kwantlen’s academic policies are created. As stated in the University Act, “The senate is the senior academic governing body at Kwantlen Polytechnic University.” The committees have been running since the college became a university

Here are the Commitees The Senate Standing Committee on Academic Planning and Priorities: This is important for deciding what gets funded and why. What are our priorities from year to year? One example would be the focus on retaining students or to develop internationalization. What work needs to be done on the budget and if the fund matches with what they see as the key priority.

in January of 2009. It consists of representation from administration (deans), faculty, and students. Each committee typically calls for two student senators each year. One example of these decisions that are affected within the Kwantlen community would be discussions regarding the reading break and length of classtimes. Recently they have been discussing student university life experiences. Much of the term has been spent in discussing support services to ensure student retention and success in university-level work. When asked about her thoughts on the committees, Larissa Petrillo, Faculty of Social Sciences representative stated, “It’s a very engaging and vocally promising in the

past where the Senate is very much aware of the student representatives.” “It looks good on your resume. It teaches a lot about how an institution runs, how to conduct business professionally, and how to make good decisions. It also gives you a chance to see instructors in a different light. The Chair of the Senate, the president, acts as our ‘teacher’ and the instructors have to pay attention like students for a change.” said Petrillo.

The Senate Standing Committee on Curriculum: The faculty council out sees the new courses first. Any new course is passed through this Committee and then it goes to Senate. All new programs go to this Committee. If you want to know what new programs are planned for the next few years at Kwantlen this is the place to be.

ing for classes. Students often know more about this field than the faculty senators, and have a lot to offer in terms of cutting edge technology.

The Senate Standing Committee on Educational Technology: Plenty of decisions about technology are really important to the classroom as well as register-

If interested in sitting on Committees for Senate or for more information please email Jan Penhorwood at Jan.Penhorwood@ kwantlen.ca as they look to fill these seats.  

The Senate Standing Committee on Program Review: As a university, one of the requirements would be to do a full review of the academic program every few years. These cycles go through this Committee regularly. This is where the strength and weaknesses of a program will decide to make it better.

Mens Soccer

Mens soccer hire new head coach

DomINIC SRAMATY // THE RUNNER Ajit Braich is the new head coach.

[Dominic Sramaty] [ Sports Bureau Chief]

As of Feb. 25, the men of the Kwantlen Eagles soccer team are breathing huge sighs of relief. Ajit Braich, head coach of North Delta Youth Soccer has been named to the head coaching position for Kwantlen’s Men’s Soccer Program. After the 1-0-11 season the

Eagles preformed last year, the idea of having a head coach committed to the development of the program comes as great news. The boys had to endure three different head coaches in 2009 who implemented three different coaching styles. Considering the shortness of the BCCAA season, isn’t easy to adapt to. The team eventually began to fall apart and the demise of their short season was inevitable. Now with the introduction of a head coach who has committed himself to a full year, the boys’ heads are no longer facing downward. Ajit brings 25 years of professional coaching experience to the program holding a CSA National “A License” and instructing coaches at the provincial level. Braich has also coached at the semi professional level in the European leagues in addition to playing in the years before he began to coach. He is also involved in a number of programs in the Lower Mainland, including the U-14/U-15 of the Coastal WFC, who participates in the USL Super Y League and the

Punjab Hurricanes who, under his guidance, won the 20092010 Division I championship, therefore advancing them to the Premier Division of the Vancouver Men’s Soccer League. When asked what his plans were for the future of the program Ajit said, “We need to get acquainted with the existing players and then find other players within the community to compliment them.” He also added that, “As the program slowly starts to develop long term goals will be implemented.” When asked if he could create a championship quality team out of the Kwantlen Eagles, Ajit simply stated, “in order to create a championship you need a strong program first. Therefore we have to work on creating a credible program before we can talk about championships.” One thing is for certain, the future of this program definitely looks bright as the pre-season is just around the corner. The first ID – Camp is set to begin on March 26th something that the Kwantlen Eagles soccer team is relieved to hear.

[Abby Wiseman] [Environmental Bureau Chief]

Spring is in the air. Flowers are blossoming and the chirping of birds is everywhere. Now let’s kill some bears. Well at least that’s what the B.C. Government thinks spring is all about. Every year, trophy hunters are allowed to kill bears in northern B.C. for sport. According to the B.C. Government in a statement called “Protecting B.C.’s Grizzly population,” the Grizzly bear population can be sustained and still allow for nine per cent of bears to be hunted. Although they said only six per cent usually are. They haven’t said anything about the black bear population. The David Suzuki Foundation has sent out a letter frowning on the B.C. Government for allowing this practice to continue. “The results are devastating. In the 30 years that the government has kept records, close to 11,000 grizzly bears have been killed in B.C., 88 per cent of them by sport hunters,”

>>

in brief

said the Foundation. The only bears not allowed to be killed are the white Spirit Bears or Kermode bears, which were represented at the Winter Olympics opening ceremony. Remember the giant lit up bear? That was the Spirit Bear. It seems that the bear hunt is about as popular to Canadians as the seal hunt; a McAllister poll said that 79 per cent of Canadians oppose the hunt. When it comes to questionable practices it’s best to follow the money, and according to the Government the hunt generates $120 million a year. The David Suzuki Foundation and Dean Wyatt of the Commercial Bear Viewing Association said it’s unnecessary for bears to be killed since tourists will pay a lot of money just to photograph wild bears. Each bear killed is one less bear that tourists will pay top dollar to photograph,” said Wyatt, “Only a total ban on trophy hunting will ensure that bear populations can support the high-end viewing operations that add valuable income to coastal communities.”

[Natsumi Oye] [Current Events Bureau Chief]

Portable WI-FI soon to be a reality for Canadians

Gordo applauds Carbon Tax as Vancouver weather heats up

Autonet may be coming to Canada by the end of the year, according to Maclean’s magazine. Autonet, developed by Sterling Pratz and Doug Moeller, is a router that plugs into the cigarette lighter of cars, creating a WiFi hotspot in the car, according to the article. The device is currently available in the U.S. It costs $399, is easily installed manually, and is growing in popularity, according to Maclean’s.

Why all the warm weather Mother Nature? Premier Gordon Campbell is blaming it on global warming, according to the Globe and Mail. The exceptionally warm winter Olympics this year have given global warming activists a new platform, and Campbell a new fighting point in the carbon tax battle. B.C.’s carbon tax “is set to jump again in July, including an increase to 4.45 cents a litre for gasoline,” reports the Globe.

Health and Wellness fair coming to all four Kwantlen campuses Kwantlen Student Association and Kwantlen Polytechnic University are putting on a Health and Wellness fair featuring SEXPO this week. The event is happening at different campuses throughout the week, starting in Surrey on Monday and finishing up in Langley on Thursday. Topics to be covered include nutrition, fitness and sexual health, according to the Facebook event posting. The “Road to Excellence” health fair will feature interactive stations, according to the KSA website.


SPORTS

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 16 | March 09 2010 | page five

WOMEN’S BASKETBALL

Eagles women come together to earn playoff berth [MICHELA FIORIDO] [SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF]

On the final night of regular season BCCAA action, the Kwantlen Eagles needed one of two highly unlikely events to occur. Either they had to defeat the fifth place Capilano Blues or the last place Columbia Bible College Bearcats had to defeat the Quest Kermodes that night. The Eagles ended up getting what they wanted, edging the Blues by just two points in a 68-66 win in Kwantlen’s home gym. Ultimately they didn’t need the win after all as the Bearcats defeated the Kermodes, putting the Eagles in the sixth and final playoff spot where

they competed for a provincial championship in Nanaimo at this year’s tournament hosted by Vancouver Island University (VIU). The tournament ran Mar. 4-6. Chantelle Doerkson and Shmyla Thandi both played incredibly well in the Eagle’s final game against Capilano, each scoring double doubles in points and rebounds. The Eagles had to be mentally prepared for their first playoff game, which was against the host school, VIU. The last time the Eagles faced VIU Mariners they lost by an abysmal score of 91-47. Despite the teams best efforts, the Mariners beat the Eagles 74-46. MICHELA FIORIDO/ THE RUNNER The Eagles landed a sport in the provincials, but despite best efforts, lost the first playoff game 74-46.

WOMEN’S HEALTH

women on WEIGHTS

Myth #4 You can multi-task while getting in an effective work out [MICHELA FIORIDO] [SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF]

Sorry to break it to you, but you can’t. If you’re that girl who thinks they’re tearing it up on the stairmaster while reading their favourite magazine, you need to put down the Cosmo and listen up. You are compromising your fitness goals. This goes for girls who think they can study for their biology midterm while riding the cycling machine or those who are glued to reruns of Gossip Girl while running on the treadmill. In order to maximize your fitness goals, you need to be completely focused on the task at hand. Moreover, these distractions only prolong your workout – finding a magazine from the rack to read, setting it up, finding a channel to watch, etc. Plus what happens when you’re halfway through your favourite show and your 30 minutes of “cardio” are up? You continue for another 30 minutes of lackadaisical time on the treadmill thinking that you are in fact getting in a better workout because the television motivates you to continue. This is not a good thing, it’s really just a waste of time, plus you’ll annoy others who abide by the 30 minute equipment rule in gyms. Twenty minutes of sustained, focused cardio that really elevates your heart rate is far more effective than an

MEN’S BASKETBALL

hour of dogging it while you watch TV. You go to the gym to maintain your health and keep fit, not to watch television. Fitness is important, it’s not something that should be done superficially. Yes I know that fitness can sometimes be boring, and yes you think you don’t have time to both go the gym and watch your television shows separately so here is a list of tips to help you fight the temptation to multi-task at the gym: Get a PVR and record all your shows: you’ll get to see them, plus you won’t waste time watching commercials. Moreover, you’ll actually enjoy them instead of watching them half-heartedly. Come on, can you REALLY follow that 90210 plot-line while running? I know I can’t!

1.

Listen to music while working out: this will combat the boredom you may feel, plus if you pre-make a playlist you won’t be distracted by the device. Listening to music can even motivate you to perform better.

2.

Trade long, distracted workouts for short, intense ones: not only will you save time, but you will be completely focused on fitness and will move quickly from exercise to exercise, maintaining a high heart rate the whole time. For cardio do high intensity training for 20 minutes instead of jogging for 45 minutes. Less running, less time, and better results? I’m in!

3.

Read women on weights next week for more ways to speed up your workouts.

4.

Before starting any fitness routine, consult a qualified fitness professional.

>>

Have a question about fitness. e-mail: news@runnerrag.ca

Men hold heads high after disappointing end [DOMINIC SRAMATY] [SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF]

Losing is never an easy pill to swallow when playing at the BCCAA level, especially when a playoff berth is on the line. The Eagles Basketball team can tell you all about that. On Feb. 20, while most of the Kwantlen population was either home or downtown, these elites fought for their playoff lives. Having won four straight games coming into the final weekend, the Eagles, who everyone thought were out of it early, made a serious push to make the playoffs. It came down to the last game of the season against the Capilano University Blues, a team they had beaten the previous

evening 81-76. The Eagles lost 104-76. According fourth-year year player and BCCAA Second Team All Star, Mike Davis commented that the reason they lost, “was a mix of us playing poorly and them making a ton of shots. Once they got off to a quick start [11-2] it was too much of a deficit to come back on.” Ali Bosir, rookie teammate of Davis added that “It came down to us not being ready and they were prepared.” However, the boys are holding their heads high. Varinder Singh another member of the team was quick to point out the four game winning streak as the highlight of their season and with most of the core group of players coming back in addition to a few high

school signings the team is looking to do some serious damage in the upcoming season. Harold Keech a player that was signed in the preseason could not join the team due to concussion issues. However, after going through the precautionary measures and some serious off season training both Bernie Love – Head Coach - and Keech are confident that he will make a good addition to the team next season. Love has also been keeping a close eye on both Julio Epondulan III and Paolo Santos both of which have delivered stunning performances in their senior year at St. Patrick’s Secondary.

PUMP IT!

From princess to pumped: The curl & press Meet Hayley. Hayley is the Miss B.C. Ambassador. Hayley is also on mission to win a bet against a fellow classmate. The stakes: eternal glory and her pride. Follow Hayley as she ditches the crown to master the chin-up. [HAYLEY WOODIN] [CONTRIBUTOR]

While my Olympic break may not have been so productive homework-wise, it was definitely productive ambassadorwise and at least somewhat productive workout-wise. I am quite proud to say that I have perfected the half chin-up, and for someone who couldn’t even hang with arms fully extended for more than two seconds, this is considerable progress. (I would also like to add that if I jump, I can execute what would be a full chin-up if you took out the jumping…) But time is not on my side, and it is time to kick it into high gear. I have begun a selfprescribed weightlifting regimen that has worked

miracles on my arm and upper back muscles. At the beginning of our fabulous two-week break, I found that I had considerable difficulty holding the bar by itself minus any weights. So I took my time and slowly but surely, I progressively added the one-and-a-halfpound weight to the bar, and then the two-and-a-quarterpound weight and finally the five-pound weight. I call my program the Curl & Press. I may not have invented it, but I most certainly have mastered it. The workout includes an arm curl proceeded by a vertical arm extension. After holding the weight in the air for several seconds, you bring

your arm back down to the curl position before bringing it back down to your side. That’s one. Then you repeat with your other arm. That’s two. Aim for 100 “curl and presses,” although your arms may give way long before that. Once you can fairly easily complete 50 of these with each arm, you’re ready to move up weight-wise. My little routine takes going through a couple of songs on my iPod or an episode of Friends to complete, a mere 20 minutes at the most, breaks included. Next stop, 10 pounds (ambitious, I know) and a little cardio, because the less you weigh, the less your arms have to pull up.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY

page six | March 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 16

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

h d t r a i y B y p p a H [CHRISTOPHER POON] [MEDIA EDITOR]

W

ell ladies and gents, it’s been a full year since the Runner began churning out those magnificent issues which you almost certainly eagerly await each week. I know that sleep has been lost on our account; you have certainly spent countless Monday nights excitedly counting down the hours before the next issue of the Runner hit the stands, and for this, we thank you. In case you’re new to us, here’s a quick history on who we are, and why you should care. This is the first all-encompassing studentrun newspaper at our school. Sure, there’s the Kwantlen Chronicle, but only secondyear journalism students are in charge of creating content for it and putting it together. The Runner on the other hand, is open to every single Kwantlen student, regardless of your year, faculty, and campus. Now, let’s get back to it. Like all publications, things started out a little rough here at the Runner. While we had a lot of people interested in contributing, and a lot of enthusiasm, translating that into something workable proved far more difficult than imagined. There were conflicting ideas as to how to go about it and who should do what. You can probably imagine.

As time progressed, so did things on our end. Not only were we responsible for putting out the paper, but, being the first group of editors and contributors, we were also responsible for creating and implementing a set of policies and bylaws that are meant to ensure the paper’s success, long after we’ve left. And while the majority of it was boring, mostly bureaucratic jib-jabbing, our main focus had always been the continuing production and evolution of the paper. On that note, we’re also pleased to say that the Runner has never missed a publication deadline, no matter how tense things got on our end. Sure we had our troubles, sometimes people were flakey, sometimes things were promised and didn’t arrive, but we made due, and we always ended up getting a finished product out to the printer. We have also made contact with various student newspapers across the country, and we’ve been able to take a lot of valuable information from publications such as the Ubyssey (from UBC), The Peak (from SFU), and of course, Brandon University’s The Quill (whom we love dearly). On the operation side of things, we have a business division here at the Runner, and without somebody at the helm making sure bills were paid, and supplies were coming in,


www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

vol. 2 issue 16 | March 09 2010 | page seven

The Runner we wouldn’t have been able to translate our motivation into anything tangible. We are very thankful to them for everything that they’ve done to allow us to succeed thus far. Our first few issues were a little rough around the edges; people didn’t submit things, others wrote overlapping stories, layout had to be decided upon, etc. However, as we slowly gained our footing, and began surveying the various students of our campuses, we began to fill our pages with things that students wanted to see. We had our traditional-themed issues like our Halloween or Christmas issues, but we also went off the beaten path with things like our Lenin Head Issue, and our Religion Issue. We also began running recurring sections in our paper, things like Kyle Slavin’s movie column, ‘Six Degrees of Separation,’ or Jeff Groat’s ‘Groat in the Sack.’ Perhaps because I’m intensely biased seeing as I’m the writer of this piece, but I’m most proud of our ‘Rip-Off Kwantlen’ section, which has pointed out some of the costly injustices affecting all Kwantlen students. We decried the cost of the Richmond campus’ yoga studio, and were happy to see prices drop in the following weeks. We also took offense to the price of beer when first offered in the Grassroots Café, which

have also dropped since. And while there may have been other powers at play, we’d still like to take some of the credit. After all, we’re here for you, the students. Without the amazing student body across all four Kwantlen campuses, we would not have been able to last as long as we have. We truly appreciate everything that you, the reader, have done for us, and encourage you to keep up with your praise, your criticism, and even your poorly-worded rants. We’re just happy that we were able to draw you to some sort of a conclusion, no matter how joyful or angry. Finally, we’d like to thank our amazing team of contributors and bureau chiefs, without whom our paper surely would have fallen apart by now. These are people who have donated their time and energy to make sure that The Runner is the best that it can be, and the end result has been truly remarkable. The copy that you hold in your hands can be directly attributed to the collective efforts of nearly 60 passionate students who have come together at some point or another over the past year, and worked towards getting us to where we are today. Thanks to everyone that made this possible, and we look forward to being with you in the years to come.


page eight | March 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 16

CULTURE

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

OLYMPICS

S.YUME // FLICKR

Olympics ignite passion in Canada He started out a skeptic, a cynic, another angry tax-payer. But, as the Olympics took over the city, his outlook was forever changed. This country will never be the same after the Vancouver Olympics, and neither will Christopher Poon. [CHRISTOPHER POON] [MEDIA EDITOR]

I

’ll admit, going into the Olympics, I had every intention to ignore the event and carry on as if nothing was going on. I was grossed out by the amount of Coke, junk food, and cellphone ads that had begun associating themselves with the Olympics. What was more disgusting was the use of so much taxpayer money for what I originally viewed as an glamorous party for an elite few. My dismissal of the games worked well enough for the first couple of days, but as the Olympics rolled along, I found myself swept up in a patriotic fanaticism I would have never expected of Vancouver, much less myself. On that final Sunday night, I found myself wandering the streets with 150,000 other Canadians, most of us clad in some combination of Canadian apparel and flags, and cheering loudly with the rest of the country. Here’s how I went from opposing the games, to having one of the best times I’ve ever experienced in this country. -----It was easy to go into the games with nothing but cynicism. After all, at a cost of $6 billion, there are so many other things that the money could have gone towards. The only thing that remotely interested me was the ‘free’ concerts; shows that were being paid by the kind taxpayers of our great province, and cities. I watched the opening ceremony out of boredom, and found it mostly an embarrassment of our city and country (save for K.D. Lang’s brilliant rendition of Hallelujah). An athlete had

died earlier in the day, the fourth pillar failed to rise, and Gretzky had to endure an agonizingly-long ride in the rain, on the back of a pickup truck as he was paraded in front of so many yokels through downtown Vancouver on his way to light the cauldron. Things seemed bleak for Vancouver’s games, and I pretty much gave up on the games then and there. However, things took a turn for the better on the third day of the games, when Alexandre Bilodeau won the first Canadian gold medal at an Olympic games held in Canada. I watched as Bilodeau embraced his brother, who suffered from cerebral palsy, and listened as the announcer detailed the backstory of the brother’s condition and how it had been an inspiration for Bilodeau. They then cut to Bilodeau being interviewed after winning his medal, and subsequently tearing up when the interviewer asked him about his brother’s condition and the role it played in his performance. There were huge celebrations, and in the coming days, there were even more. I began hitting up free shows nearly every night of the first week, I was there when the barricade gave way at Alexisonfire, and the crowd broke into O’ Canada before politely leaving the place, I was downtown when Jon Montgomery won his medal, and the spirit of Canada seemed to emanate from every passerby. People were decked out not only in Canada gear, but flags, pins, tattoos and paint. Every single one with a smile on their face. People were hugging complete strangers, it all seemed absurd to me.

And it was then that I realized, this is what it’s supposed to be about. Nevermind the corporations, the ridiculous amounts of Coca-Cola, RBC and McDonalds garbage that was floating around, it was about being Canadian, and sharing that with the world. I began watching the games with a sense of excitement I had never before experienced. I felt joy when our women bobsledders took first and second, I felt heartache when our men’s hockey team lost to team USA during the preliminary rounds, and the amazing thing was, the Canadians all around me carried each other through every step of the way. Vancouver came alive during these games, a normally sleepy city, with a laid-back reputation suddenly found it’s wake-up call, and the people embraced it with enormous passion. Nearly every night the streets were flooded with people simply reveling in the feel-good times that the country had awoken to. I have never hugged/highfived/sang O’ Canada as many times as I did during those two weeks. The medal haul near the end was also a nice bonus, but really, it was about experiencing being Canadian in a way that I’m sure many during these games have never felt before. For me, the lasting impression of these games will be the overwhelming show of national unity, and how, despite corporations and sponsors, the real spirit of the Olympics will always prevail. At the end of it, it all made sense. ‘From far and wide, O’ Canada, we stand on guard for thee,’ We certainly did.


CULTURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 16 | March 09 2010 | page nine

DEMOCRACY

Protestors use Olympic platform to raise their voices Demonstrators knew they were a minority at Vancouver’s Winter Games, but they weren’t discouraged from taking to the streets. [MELISSA FRASER] [CULTURE EDITOR]

JEFF GROAT // THE RUNNER Above, demonstrators block the intersection at Granville Street and Howe Street during the Feb. 12 protest. Below, protestors took to pointing the finger at the IOC and the Canadian government for human rights violations.

JEFF GROAT // THE RUNNER

On Feb. 12 a crowd walked through the streets of downtown Vancouver. From the Art Gallery to the corner of Robson Street and Beatty Street, they blocked intersections, they beat drums and they faced off with the police. While the rest of the city was settling in to watch the opening ceremonies, between 2000-4000 Olympic protestors took to the streets. “No Olympics on stolen native land,” and “What is democracy? This is democracy!” echoed off the high rises. From a distance the people shouting in balaclavas and would have given the protests a negative, angry feel. But for those among the crowd the energy was positive, despite the message of corporate and government shame. That afternoon it seemed as though protestors and police were ready for a fight. Organizers made the crowd aware of their rights as citizens while the police showed up on horseback and occupied the rooftops of nearby buildings. After acculumating just outside BC Place on Beatty Street one of two things had to happen: the protest would climax in violence, or it would fizzle as the boredom of

inaction set in. The city saw the latter as organizers thanked the protestors and said that they would be at the intersection all night but everyone was welcome to leave. The reaction from the Olympic-supporters was mixed. Some stopped and ask questions while others were completely against the message. A crowd of anti-protest protestors held signs that read “You say protest we say party.” It was democracy at its finest. Just like we vote, or Stephen Harper campaigns, or the CBC reports on Parlaiment, protestors took advantage of their rights. A number of other demonstrations popped up throughout the two weeks, including the ongoing Olympic Tent Village that was set up on West Hastings and the violent, window-smashing the morning of Feb. 13. But, of course, the Olympics went on and the media disregarded the protestors in favour of the partiers. The protestors were the minority but they were a minority reminding the city that the Olympics were more than just a two week party. They were reminding officials that people were aware of the cost and the injustice the Olympics brought to some.

MATTHEW J VAN DEVENTER// THE RUNNER

FREE AT LAST

DENNY HOLLICK // THE RUNNER DENNY HOLLICK // THE RUNNER Canada showcased its talent during the Olympics with all sorts of free events. Artists, such as Sam Roberts, played shows to tens of thousands of screaming fans each night in Vancouver, Richmond and Surrey.

The best things in life are free and entertaining [KYLE BENNING] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Even if you didn’t have tickets to a sporting event, there was still a lot to do over the magical 17 days of the 21st Winter Olympics. The games allowed many known Canadian artists and bands to show Vancouver why they are so popular. Like any music fan, I had planned to pack my schedule with concerts and attend as many as possible. But being a bigger sports fan, watching the sporting events changed my

schedule. The first concert I attended was Our Lady Peace at O Zone. After standing in line for Alexisonfire for an hour and not getting in, I was a little sceptical about the rest of the concerts considering that Alexisonfire had to cancel their show. But O Zone seemed like it would be a good venue for any concert. They had the setup on a football field which gave lots of space for lots of fans. Our Lady Peace was welcomed with cheers and screams of approximately 20,000 fans.

One thing that really stood out at this concert was when Raine Maida told the crowd of something he encountered on his way to Richmond from Whistler. “We were just on the outskirts of Vancouver when we saw this sign about the same size as a stop sign and it said Vancouver is free of nuclear energy. That’s pretty fucking amazing.” For a free concert, it was worth it. But if Our Lady Peace was to have a concert here again, I wouldn’t pay more than $40 to see it.

The other concert I went to was Marianas Trench at Holland Park. The start of the show was set back because of the CanadaSlovakia hockey game. But the 604 band made it worth the wait. They gave the 25,000 people in the crowd one hell of a show. Bras were being thrown on the stage after the first few songs and Josh Ramsay put one on the mic stand. The concert was one of the best that I’ve ever gone to and I would pay to see them play live again.

But not all free shows are worth going to. If you can remember, the KSA paid Danny Fernendes to perform at Surrey campus at the beginning of the fall semester. The best advice I can give is that go to the free concerts of established artists or bands because they will play more than a few good songs.

f>

Tell us your Olympic stories at facebook.com/ runnerpaper


CREATIVE

page ten | March 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 16

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

SCI-FI

Shifting Ice: Rest For The Wicked [JARED VAILLANCOURT] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Chapter Seven It was a difficult week for Vintis. Kyraa refused to say two words to it at work, Izraal on the streets seemed even more keen to ignore it than ever, and to make matters worse, any Pyryx it ran into insisted on stopping to chat with it. Vintis wouldn’t mind if they had anything relevant to say. “So I hear Brakksys is cold,” the Pyryx sitting next to it on the transport was saying. “Indeed it is,” Vintis muttered. The Pyryx chuckled. “Kir is hot,” he commented. “It’s basically one large desert, but a real desert, not one with sand like on an Izraal world,” he informed Vintis. That worthy nodded its head, its eyes focused straight ahead. “So I hear.” “I hear Brakksys only has one sun,” the Pyryx continued. “That’s rather unusual, isn’t it?” he asked. Vintis nodded. “Kir has two. That’s pretty common, though. That’s why I moved here to Kapilo, you know; it has two suns, just like Kir.” “So it does.” “I also hear Brakksys is very cold. Is it true it’s covered in ice?” “Brown dwarfs don’t usually allow water to melt, yes.”

The Pyryx chuckled. “I find that fascinating, don’t you?” he asked. Vintis looked up at the large, imposing alien. It did its best to smile. “This is my stop,” it informed him. The Pyryx looked out of the window and blinked, but nodded and moved to allow Vintis to leave. As it stepped off of the transport, it shook its head and sighed. Despite the unusual attitudes of the aliens around it, Vintis did have something to look forward to every night. Although Klezyp was busy taking census reports in cities all across Kapilo, it returned every night for dinner with Vintis. It was refreshing to have another Zwitii to talk to, especially one with a sense of humor like Klezyp’s. “So Kyraa won’t speak to you anymore?” Klezyp asked as it considered the piece of fruit perched tentatively between the pair of feeding sticks it was holding. Vintis sighed. “I hear she requested a separate office,” Vintis sighed. “It’s like I don’t know her anymore.” “It’s not entirely her fault,” Klezyp commented after swallowing the fruit. “From what I understand, this Jaxal was well liked, especially amongst the local Izraal. Some of the denizens of the city I went to today asked about him.”

Vintis looked up at Klezyp with a surprised expression. “He was pretty well known for a barkeep,” Vintis mused. Klezyp scoffed. “He’s more or less a martyr now,” Klezyp grumbled. Vintis sighed. “Of course,” it muttered. Klezyp picked through their salad for another piece of fruit. “I should have expected the Izraal to rally behind his death. Theocratic species are known to do that.” Vintis looked up at Klezyp as that worthy chuckled. “What?” it asked. Klezyp shot Vintis a coy smile. “I thought we didn’t want to talk about the war,” it remarked. Vintis smirked and examined its feeding sticks. “I suppose it was inevitable,” Vintis sighed. “If everyone else jumps off an iceberg…” “So do we,” Klezyp chuckled. Vintis smiled and took a sip of its mist. “Well, so long as we’re on the subject, I came across some hearsay today.” It said coyly. Vintis rolled its eyes. “Pray tell,” it muttered sarcastically. Klezyp giggled and cleared its throat. “I hear the Oulu and the J’r have gotten involved,” it said. “One on the Izraal side and the other behind the Pyryx in retaliation.” It rooted through the salad as Vintis ran both hands over its head and

groaned up at the ceiling. “Great stars,” it moaned, “soon you’ll be telling me the Jukkopo are stepping in!” Klezyp chuckled as it pulled another piece of fruit from the salad. “The Jukkopo don’t have thousand-year-old treaties with either side,” Klezyp commented. “Good news is, neither do we.” This last bit caught Vintis’ attention. “It doesn’t matter,” Vintis grumbled. “Brakksys is on the other side of the galaxy. We couldn’t get involved if we tried. Could you imagine the blockades?” it asked. Klezyp looked up at it and raised it glass. “From zero to fleet admiral in one conversation,” Klezyp chuckled. “Dear me, Vintis, you are a Zwitii of talent, indeed!” Vintis took a second to register this before it smiled and engaged in the toast. “So,” Vintis asked after downing its drink, “shall I walk you home again?” it asked. “I think,” Klezyp, replied impishly, “you can come inside this time.”

and it does everything and fits perfectly, but it is still incomplete in her mind. An idea forms, awakened by the desire for a thinking flesh motor. Could there be someone out there in just as tight a spot as me? Can I find my locksmith? She begins to plan.

Could it have been this easy all along? Will this be the one? In a moment, she has on her sexiest heels and is out the door.

>>

To be continued next week... Check out other Shifting Ice chapters at runnerrag.ca

SHORT STORY

Fit-me-not [A.D. GENTLE]

“Do you have anything else?” She leans forward across the finger-smudged glass counter. “I’m looking for something that will fit.” The shop owner looks the woman over: the quivering leg, the subtly thrusting hip, and the twitching eye. “What do you currently use?” she asks. After a moment’s pause, the woman pulls out a folded paper and places it on the counter with her twitching fingers. “Do you do custom work here?” Her hand lingers protectively over top of the little paper square. “Yes, we do custom fittings. There is also a catalogue in the back of pre-made one-of-a-kinds that have found their way back here. Would you like to take a look at that before we continue?” “Look at this first and tell me if I should bother.” The shop owner picks the folded square up in one hand and sensuously spreads it open with two fingers from her other hand. Her teasing smile falters as she says, “What caused this? Is it from surgery or is this how you were born?”

The woman’s lips press together into a thin line of silence until the other nods, acquiescing. “Forgive my rudeness. We can do a custom fitting now if you’re ready. It won’t cost more than anything else on that wall.” She points to the bizarre array at the back of the store, but the other’s eyes do not stray. “I’m ready. What do I do?” “Have a seat in back while I close the store.” The owner locks the till, locks the door, flips off the neon open sign, and pulls down the blinds. She takes two jars from beneath the counter and follows the incense trail of the other woman to the back room. A week later, the woman returns to the shop near closing hour. “It’s ready,” announces the shop keeper upon seeing her and brings the package from the back room. “Let me briefly explain how to use it. There are five buttons on the right and a knob underneath which will extend these parts.” “Thank you,” she says and leaves. That night, the unfortunate woman takes the item in her

Oddly endowed sought. Respond to xxx-xxx-xxxx It costs her $38 a week to run the ad in the personals of the local paper. Within two days, she has over 20 responses. Each is indeed oddly endowed, but not for what she wants. In the second week, there is a response different from the rest. The voice claims, “I can be as oddly endowed as you like”. The woman dials the return number. Two rings. Then an androgynous voice says, “Hey lover. Are you looking for me?” “Am I? Can you be what I need?” “I bet I can! I’ll host.” The voice gives her the address. “I can be there in twenty.” She hangs up, her heart beating her out of breath, and puts her hand on the model.

Two knocks, then the door opens. “Surprise!” says the soft, wet lips around the voice from the phone. “You’re a woman!” she exclaims, but the owner of the voice is smiling and pulling her inside. With a package under one arm, she surrenders to the mystery in front of her. Although the apartment is modest, floor to ceiling, wall to wall, every inch of the tables available . . . she un- wraps the model and cradles it intimately. “Let me hold it. In fact, let me do much more than hold it.” She feels the weight lift from her hands and from her heart as she passes it to the other. The other slides it into a worn, leather harness and tightens the straps. “My name is Yes. While you’re with me, you can say it as much as you like. Want to shower with me? Want to do more than just shower?” “Yes!”


CULTURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 16 | March 09 2010 | page eleven

JAMMIN’ WITH GINGER

Media pressure gives Little Boots big shoes to fill Named the 2009 artist to watch, the british songstress says she feels lucky to be in the spotlight [KRISTI JUT] [ENTERTAINMENT BUREAU CHIEF]

Victoria Hesketh, better known as the English electro-pop sensation Little Boots, has been listening to a lot of ABBA lately. She says that’s what’s on her iPod right now. It’s not hard to discern where inspiration for her upbeat dance-synth style comes from. In a sense, she writes what she listens to. But when asked if she listens to her own music, she gave a resounding “no.” “When you listen to [your own song] a hundred times in the studio, it gets a little weird,” she says. Though Little Boots has just broken into the music scene, the 25-year-old artist isn’t new to music. She started making music at 13-years-old and bought her first synthesizer at 17. While still in university, she joined the band Dead Disco. With them, she played several sold-out shows and even the Carling-Leeds music festival. “I knew I wanted to go pro when I was 16,” Hesketh says.

“I got my first synth when I was 17, but before that it was just me and a piano.” Since those times when Little Boots was just Victoria with a piano, she has been named the 2009 artist to watch by Rolling Stone, the NME’s artist of the year and has played alongside acts like the Pet Shop Boys and Annie Lennox, “which was so cool because she is amazing!” she exclaims. But is the pressure of those titles ever too much? “I think there’s pressure on everyone,” she says, “the media needs to stop doing these things to people but there’s nothing I can do about it [so to be given those titles] I have to consider myself a little more lucky.” And any musician would feel lucky given the opportunity to play the shows and festivals Little Boots has in the past year. She’s had the opportunity to perform a little differently in each separate experience. “Playing festivals, there’s this different energy, a bigger energy—but the shows where it’s just me, it’s a little more

PHOTO COURTESY WARNER MUSIC Little Boots. the electro-pop goddess is proof that buying a synthesizer when you’re a teen really can pay off.

intimate. I think it’s good to do both,” she concludes of her past year of touring. When asked if there was one memorable experience from her past year on the road that’s made her grateful to be making

KSA SPEED DATING

CHRISTOPHER POON // THE RUNNER There’s nothing wrong with categorizing people based on what gets them into bed.

I enter the student lounge that fateful February evening and immediately grab a beer—two beers, off the serving-it-rightless cashier (I asked) and proceed to the reception desk. I am given a heart-shaped sticker with a number on it (simple identification purposes), a small blue pamphlet so that I, a speeddater amongst speed-daters, can write down my choices for future dates, and a sheet of paper with various short descriptions to identify character/personality traits. I then proceed to mingle with some of the other horny hopefuls already there, in particular a sleek smiling brunette whose name rhymes with… well I probably should refrain from leaking her name, but she has a smile to blind the moon, and her appearance,

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download these: Remedy - Little Boots You’re Out - Dead Disco

THE PRESIDENT’S HEAD

In the mind of a speed dater

[TODD EASTERBROOK] [CONTRIBUTOR]

music as a professional, she couldn’t pinpoint it. “Not just one,” she says in her thick, feminine English accent. “It’s been the whole year, really.”

very… tidy. We immediately hate each other. The organizers tell us to select the sheet of paper that has, boxes with statements such as, “Is an English Major”, or “Has a snake”, or “Takes the bus to school”: all lame and far too G-rated for a speed-dating seminar that has four luscious amazons already double-fisting before the thing has even started. The object here is to get as many peoples names written on your sheet under the appropriate heading in the fastest time. The first person to have their sheet full becomes the best (or most alcoholically inspired) mingler and receives a free beer courtesy of the KSA. My thoughts were on things other than English majors and busing to school. The statements should have been written thusly to spice things up a bit: this person “Has a nipple ring/

tongue ring/clit ring/prince Albert/all three connected with a pleasurably tugable chain”, or “Has set of D’s”, or “Can’t remember the names of all their sexual partners”, or “Likes it in the ass”, or “Loves giving oral”, or “Hasn’t had sex in six months”, or “Is a virgin (way to put a target on yourself!)”, or my personal favourite, “Will screw after gin and a compliment”. Yes! That is more like it! The “Has a snake” line is good; they were on the right track with that one, but the fatal flaw there is that the question was entirely wrong from the beginning. We are speed-daters, not soul-mate searchers. Our minds were on one thing, sex! Humping! Fucking! Shagging! Coitious! Boinking! Hiding the pickle! Playing the clitar! Blowing the skin-flute… And sure, making love is somewhere in there too—if you’re a sentimentalist. Just a thought for next time. On a more serious note, although the first speeddating seminar at Kwantlen was successful and the beers were cheap in the student lounge, a problem with this event is inherently evident: it simply does not cater to diverse sexual preference. The homosexual community at our beloved university has not been represented here in any way. Perhaps next time this can be taken, along with my suggestions, into more careful consideration.

David Atkin-turtle

MELISSA FRASER // THE RUNNER

CONNECT WITH

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PROCRASTINATION

page twelve | March 09 2010 | vol. 2 issue 16

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

MY LIFE IS AVERAGE - NODNAS

HOROSCOPE ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr.19

Don’t plan on getting any rest this spring, you’ll be far too busy with that gerbil you bought.

TAURUS Apr. 20 - May 20

PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 If you can eat eight fully-loaded baked potatoes in one sitting you will see your creator.

No matter what you do, don’t say any of the following words this week: pretzel, finger, jelly.

GEMINI May 21 - June 20

CANCER June 21 - July 22

Eat out more. Who ever makes your meals wants you dead, even if it’s you making them.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22

Look up more pictures of puppies on the Internet. Who doesn’t like a good picture of a puppy.

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

LIBRA Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

If you could be a part of the West Coast vs. East Coast rap battle, you’d be Tupac. Fo’ Sho’.

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

CAPRICORN Dec. 22 - Jan.19

This spring is about new beginnings. Get rid of everything you own and move to Winnipeg.

If you want to get good grades this semester you have do at least six push-ups every night.

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 - Dec. 21 Nine masked men will try to rob you on Wednesday unless you stay away from the aquarium.

Your relationship with your best friend should be based on more than just whipped cream.

If anything says memories, it’s a picture of a monkey that was caught doing something wrong.

RIP OFF KWANTLEN

It’s a good time to spend all your time wasting time. It’s also a good time to get some thyme.

THE SMART ZONE

HST dollars to fund healthcare

WEIRD STUFF: NATURAL IMMUNITY TO AIDS

Are you fucking kidding me? Way to chokehold the public into accepting HST by linking it to our most essential service. Now whenever someone decries HST, Campbell and Hansen’s lot can merely shrug their shoulders and point to the province’s healthcare. Bam, problem solved.

It is possible to be naturally immune to Pasteurella pestis and HIV, the viruses that cause two well-known wide spread killers, The Black Plague and AIDS.This is thanks to a genetic mutation in ones DNA called CCR5-delta 32, or Delta 32 for short. This mutation cuts off the means for a virus, to attach to our white blood cells and enter the immune system. It must come from both parents to cause immunity, but if in possession of only one chromosome for delta-32 it is likely to delay the virus from spreading for long periods of time. This mutation isn’t known to ever have a negative effect on any individual, only positive.


Vol. 2 Issue 16