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Longshot — Lust Under Wrong Management (Part one in a series) AP Faith and Values Diamanté Gallant Miller picks up a French fry, examines it and takes a bite. It‟s an early fall afternoon, we are seated Gladys‟ Knights chicken and waffle eatery in Atlanta. “I think we should have maybe gone somewhere else”, he says. There are birthers here some times, they can be nasty. They throw Bishop Bible Tracts and CD cases at people.” „Birthers‟ is Diamate‟s name for members of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, the home of beleaguered pastor, Bishop Eddie L. Long. I am meeting with him at his request. He wants to share his tale of being a „Bishop Boy‟ under Long. Call Me Butterbean... “I first met Bishop when I was thirteen; I‟m twenty-three, now . I was playing Wesley Snipes‟ character, Noxeema in (Long‟s) reworking of Too Wong Foo...as a spiritual vehicle. He was going for something that would attract the young boys „on the fence between boyhood and manhood‟. He thought that us being in „costume‟ (drag) would awaken our dualness - male/female. It‟s wild how that seems like a bunch of B.S., now.” Diamanté continues as he swipes a fry through a glob of ketchup on his plate, “When we met, he smiled at me embraced me and said into my ear, „Call me Butterbean‟. I didn‟t know then I eventually would call him, „Daddy‟.” “As Bishop spent more time with me, I became more involved with church. I went to Longfellows (Youth AcadDiamanté G. Miller attended emy) , was part of the drama ministry, weightlifting ministry and an officer in N.A.K.I.D. (New Apostles Keeping in New Birth for eight years, in addition to being a member Discipleship). It was demanding, but fun. I enjoyed the energy...but—but that was then…” of N.A.K.I.D., he was romantiCandlelight, Choir Robes, and Booty Meat cally involved with Bishop The waitress comes over to our table, Diamanté asks for Eddie Long for three years another Coke. He sighs, looks around the dining room and (top); Long addresses his continues, “You see, it (the relationship) didn't start out that congregation with „new growth‟—a custom hairpiece way...us being together, I mean. At first, we shopped for clothes and accessories, got manicures, and talked on the reportedly made from chinphone—I got him to start texting and using a camera phone, chilla fur and “baby hair” from a six-month old (bottom) as you‟ve seen (on the Internet). He pauses and laughs nervously, “Bishop would always call me after gym class— everyday. Then one day, just after I turned sixteen, he texted me a told me to pack a bag, we were going on an adventure.” Reportedly, Long wore a short robe and little else when he greeted Diamanté (left); Long made a present He pauses as if lost in thought, absently picks up a fry and drops it to his plate and continof a line shirt and the name Milk n‟ Cookies! after their ues, “My mom was cool; she was a birther, so she let me go. Anyway, I met Bishop in a “ceremony of commitment”. Long often joked that the room at the Ritz-Carlton on Peach-tree. When he opened the door, all I saw was booty number 68 meant that he owed him one (right) meat hanging from under one them short choir robes. Before I could get over the surprise of hanging bishop booty, I realized that he had on some pearl colored flip-flops and that damned raggedy toupee. This was when he first started wearing it; it‟d be cocked and crooked. He looked like that mama (Esther Rolle) from Good Times. He says it‟s chinchilla and young baby hair, I think it‟s monkey fur with some texturizer on it. “Anyway, I stepped into the room, thinking that maybe he was getting ready for a role for a church play or something. Then I noticed that he had sherbet smelling candles lighted all over the room— but under that smell was Brut and ass. And he got some old school belly slappin‟ music playing… I think it was...umm...Tender Love or Tenderoni . No! Wait, it was International Lover. He had a mix though, like Do You Really want to Hurt Me, You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real), As We Lay...the wildest was I‟ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts. When We Gonna Get to the Good Part? Diamanté, again let‟s out a heavy sigh, “Well at least he didn‟t get with me that night. I kept him talking, put him off with questions. He was touchy feely though, told me it was okay to „touch thine anointed, appointed and double-jointed‟. After a while, he got pissed, said I had my „ass on my shoulders‟—he wanted to „get to the good part‟. I couldn‟t do it that night, I just couldn‟t. I told him I had to leave due to an emergency. He didn‟t believe me though. But what could he do? He couldn‟t stop me dressed like that, so I left.” He takes a sip of Coke, “Eventually, he wore me down and we did some things. I‟m not proud, but he used all kind of Sherman Bottoms was stuff to get at me. It was so bad, I thought he had to have corporate ties with Sony (PS3), EA Sports (Madden franalso a member of New chise), and Apple (iPod and iPad). Gifts really picked up after the ceremony of commitment.” Birth and N.A.K.I.D., he When asked about the ceremony, Diamanté stated that it was a story for another time, that he had to get to a class. He too, wore number 68 did however, offer that he got a „line shirt‟ for his efforts. “Sad thing is it turned out everybody was number 68. If you want to know about it ask Squirrel (Sherman Bottoms). You wrote about him before, he‟ll talk to you. I got to go but, we'll talk. I promise.” With that, Diamanté retrieves his book bag from the floor and heads to an afternoon class at Morehouse College. © KnowledgeOtherwise

Eddie Longshot  

Satire/parody

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