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Hangman Putting Put t ting the e cat out to to dry
FRIDAY 30 OCTOBER 2009
hangman.felix@imperial.ac.uk
Beginner’s Guide to Political Correctness Avoid ruining your cool new image with an untimely and unwanted social faux pas. Anonymous Hangman Editor With the BNP currently dominating the media, it seems only appropriate to provide a comprehensive guide on what you’re legally allowed to say, think and do.
Race As a student of such a culturally rich university, it is imperative that you understand the many pitfalls that may befoul you Racism was made illegal by the government in 2007, but many people are still unclear as to what racism actually entails. Tip 1 - If the first thing you notice about someone is the colour of their skin, you are a racist. You must train yourself to first identify other universal features, such as eye colour or clothing. Try to act surprised if they tell you that they are of a different ethnicity to you. This tells them that you hold no prejudice and only judge people by the clothes they wear.
Tip 2 - Avoid those naughty words! Before you become the next Anton Du Beke, make sure you’re well-equipped with the latest ‘ok’ terminology.
Tip 3 - Don’t hold racial stereotypes. If you’re sitting on the tube, nervously staring at the angry-looking MiddleEastern man across from you, don’t move to another seat. Instead, kindly ask him to stop playing with his shoes and ask politely if you can inspect the contents of his backpack. You are looking for any suspicious looking items, such as wires or AK-47s. IMPORTANT: To ensure that you cause no offense, repeat this process with every other person on the carriage. Tip 4 - If, after following tips 1 to 3, you still unsure if you’re racist, here is a quick scientific test:
The Oxford Dictionary Definition: “noun - prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women, on the basis of sex.” If you spotted a difference, you are still racist. Hangman’s advice is to avoid being around people of a different ethnicity to that of your own.
Gender It’s a constant talk-point riddled with common misconceptions. Hangman is here to separate fact from fiction and educate you on the mysteries of the opposite sex. Tip 1 - The first obvious step is to identify your own gender. Before you take a peek, there is a much quicker, NHS-approved, gender test below. Do you enjoy ‘The Notebook’?
DISCLAIMER If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this issue of Hangman, or any previous issues, feel free to send your thoughts and opinions to hangman.felix@imperial.ac.uk Here at Hangman we endeavour to only ever use reliable sources and provide you with hard fact.
“Hangman provides an in-depth and highly professional insight into our world and current affairs. The students of Imperial can only benefit from its pearls of wisdom” Boris Johnson
Mmm, I still think that geek won...
If you answered YES, you are a girl. If you answered NO or ‘What the fuck is the Notebook?’ Then you are a boy.
What exactly is Sexism?
Keep a diary of taboo words and try out some new ones for yourself. Whilst this may seem counter-intuitive, you will reap the long-term benefits. I recently called a good Chinese friend of mine ‘captain chopsticks’. He is no longer a good friend of mine.
Chumps vs Geeks: Round 2 “Oi, you facking geek! Never go out, eh bruv? Never been to Tiger Tiger, eh bruv? Never use gel in your hair, eh bruv? Still a virgin, eh bruv? Ever even touched a pair of knockers, eh BRUV? WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THE STREETS, EH BRUV? See you in the city, GEEK
Spot the Difference
The key phrase here is, ‘typically against women,’ which implies that men are more sexist than women. The Oxford Dictionary is therefore sexist towards men. We suggest you find a new dictionary guys! Tip 2 - ‘A woman’s place is in the kitchen’ This once-popular phrase has now fallen out of favour with society so you must take steps to avoid making similar sexist stereotypes. As a male you must now take it upon yourself to cook, clean, wash up, shop, feed the children, talk over films and take two hours to park the car. Tip 3- It is wrong to say that women are mentally inferior to men. It is much better to just think it.
Tip 4 - Don’t listen to feminists Femisists are striving for equality, but believe that women will always be inferior to men. If men view themselves as superior to women and feminists view themselves as inferior to men, they are both thinking exactly the same thing and therefore they have equal views and opinions. What more do they want?
Weight Fat people: Fatties, elephants, chunksters, porkies, bean bags, lardy legs, scale breakers, cakies, waddlers, celery-dodgers, fridge raiders, big apples, hippos, bed breakers, flabby wobbly bobs. These are just a few of the clinical terms that you can use to describe obese people. Tip 1 - Hangman does not believe that weight is an issue. You’re fat because you eat too much. Calories in greater than calories out. That’s science you fat twat! Tip 2 - Don’t befriend fat people. You will then be known as ‘that fat person’s friend’. Leave them alone. Hopefully they’ll starve themselves from depression, or conversely binge themselves to death. Happy times.
10 Reasons to LOVE the Rugby Team After receiving a bounty of tearful complaints from the rugby team regarding a previous hangman, we thought it only fair that we rectify the situation by giving you reasons to LOVE the rugby team. So here they are (Please accept our deepest apologies):
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