CROSSWORD HOROSCOPES page 33
RSM show the umpires the rule book RSM Ladies Hockey GKT 4ths RSM 1sts
Can anyone recognise our erstwhile Sport Editor in this photo? Yet again, she’s managed to sneak onto the back page. Beat her with sticks! Despite our efforts, GKT managed to score in the second half after the referees decided that because GKT couldn’t stop Welshy’s 16s they were going to call her up for “dangerous play”. Another fine example of the talented refs, who also allowed GKT shorts to be injected with a hit, despite Spammy charging out of the goal and informing the girl that this
was illegal about an inch away from her face. She looked like she was on the verge of tears. After the RSM were told to “calm down” by the opposition on many occasions, it was only a matter of time before the game drew to a close, leaving us with our first defeat of the season, which is annoying because we would have destroyed
them if we had had a full team! Oh well, shit happens; at least we got a free lunch at the pub out of it, courtesy of GKT. A huge thank you to everyone who showed up for the match, both the usual players and those who help when they can. It is greatly appreciated. Oh, TFC was awarded to their umpires. Sorry if you were expecting an-
other hidden bum in the photo – our team mascot was unavailable. Interested in drinking, socialising, pies and maybe even a little sport? You should come and join the fun people who play RSM hockey. For more information contact firstname.lastname@example.org
by Tevong You
With the team still being finalised at 2am on Sunday, it was a Christmas miracle that we managed to get 9 players out 10 hours later for our second match of the season against GKT 4th. With a few people a little the worse for wear (Clarkey) we found our way to Oval in time for Sammy to take everyone on a bird squawking warm-up (running around like birds, obviously) to try and intimidate the opposition, who outnumbered us, 13 (including the shockingly biased umpires) to 9. The game started with RSM having the clear upper hand as far as skill went, with the forwards making some good runs to goal. The shite umpiring standard became clear as GKT struck a ball clearly outside the D and were awarded a goal which was later retracted as the umpires were swarmed by RSM complaints, including my personal favourite from Alice R: “Excuse me ref, not to be rude, but Sammy is a pretty good goalkeeper and she wouldn’t have left it if it was inside the D.” Hell yeah! You had to be there. The game continued, with some excellent runs from everyone; special mentions to Dasha and Lucy who were later awarded joint man of the match for their skilful runs, taking out 3 or 4 players from the opposition each time; legends. We managed to get some more short corners and although we did use the infallible “426” game plan, the most we achieved was almost breaking a defender’s ankle. Was that the same girl Ka’ie hit in the back of the knees with her stick in a way that would have made a Ben Gates tackle look almost legal? Hmm, maybe.