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18 January 2002 Issue 1224


T h e Student N e w s p a p e r for Imperial C o l l e g e

We like this helicopter, Black Hawk Down reviewed (Page 23)

Tony Hawks Pro Skater 3 Soundtrack. Yum. (Page 14)

Summer Ball Axed are complex, however, a n d mostly involve many personal favours b e i n g called i n b y members of the D r a m a Society, DramSoc, w h o acted as technicians for the event. M a n y of DramSoc have external friends w i t h equipment that w a s b o r r o w e d for the event, b u t it is impossible to repeat that a g a i n this year, a n d as s u c h ÂŁ25,000 is required i n order to p u t o n the event, whatever the venue.

Council, the sovereign body of the Union, d e c i d e d last T u e s d a y that this year's summer b a l l should be cancelled. This decision w a s suggested b y a 'working group' headed b y Union President, Mr. S e n G a n e s h , w h i c h also consisted of a n u m b e r of others formerly involved w i t h the Summer Ball, w h o have had prior experience w i t h the problems associated w i t h this event. The m a i n reasons c i t e d for the decision were financial, a n d the meeting, w h i c h occured last week, w a s finalised w i t h the decision that if College were to announce unconditional sponsorship for the U n i o n to have the Ball, t h e n it w o u l d go ahead. H o w e v e r the deadline for College to s h o w their support w a s before the council h e l d on Tuesday e v e n i n g (see page 2 for more detail o n that event), a n d sadly it h a d not b e e n forthcoming, therefore Mr. G a n e s h w a s forced to suggest the cancellation of the project. In the past, the Summer Ball has acted as a l e a v i n g party for the graduating year, as w e l l as just b e i n g a general get togeth-

College h a d offered to underwrite the venture, b u t only u s i n g money that the U n i o n inists is o w e d to t h e m anyway, w h i c h w o u l d therefore count as a huge deficit i n t h e U n i o n budget, a n d h a s therefore b e e n d e e m e d unacceptable. H a p p y revellers at last year's B a l l er for a l l students to have a good time. Previously it has b e e n h e l d off-campus, but last year it w a s h e l d o n the College grounds themselves, a n d this proved a success b o t h as far as student enjoyment w a s concerned, as w e l l as financially. The reasons for its feasability last year

an t! a Wednesday m olun


O n top of this, not one student has volunteered to organise this event, m e a n i n g that everything w o u l d have to be done i n the next four months. It h a s b e e n suggested that plans for next year's Ball shoul d start b e i n g d r a w n u p now. will

college news

Union Shake-Up? A l l the discussion over the past few months on the subject of the n e w Union structure came to a head last Tuesday. There h a d been hopes that the shakedown of the structure would clear away some dead wood from the system, but it seems that the force of conservatism has won, w i t h very few changes being made that w i l l affect the average student.

past f e w months have seen many theories put forward, but the final options were laid out by Union President Sen Ganesh on Tuesday, during a five hour C o u n c i l meeting that w a s almost entirely on this subject.

Since these changes w i l l modify the Union constitution, a t w o thirds majority is required over t w o separate sessions to affect the changes, a n d each session is meant to have a 'quoTo understand the changes rate' number of Union officers made requires a strong underpresent. The majority w a s easistanding of Union policy, howly reached, w i t h David Francis ever the reasons for the change (Deputy President of Education are m u c h easier to explain. Since t h e rector, Sir Richard and Welfare), the only person Sykes, announced t h e n e w w h o voted against t h e n e w changes being made. However, move to a faculty system that while there were more than the College is undertaking at the quorate amount of votes cast, moment, it has been obvious that the Union must change i n this w a s due to many votes being proxied from non-present some w a y so as to reflect this, members, a n d therefore i f in order to have any chance of someone h a d cared to say 'quorepresenting the students w i t h rum', the meeting w o u l d have in the various departments. The

The Union Advice Centre The Union offers a free, confidential and impartial professional advice service for students and staff on legal, academic, financial, housing, immigration, and benefits questions through the full-time Advisor based in the Union Advice Centre. Further information is also available on other questions concerning health, drugs, alcohol, tax and student rights from a wide range of leaflets in the Advice Centre reception. Drop by the East Wing of the Union j | • j Building in Beit Quad, or phone • »coMeae directly for an appointment on: * union m

(020) 7594 8067.






advice centre

to have been declared invalid. This practice, however, is usually considered a waste of time, due to the l o w turnout that C o u n c i l generally h a s . It i s interesting, therefore, to note that the n e w changes w i l l a d d around an extra 40 members to Council, most of w h o m w i l l be Departmental representatives. However, since the Union is a part of College, all changes w i l l have to go through t h e College's o w n governing bodies, and it has been noted that many of the members of these bodies w i l l not like the idea of an eighty strong Union Council, seeing as the College Council only has 20 members. If the changes that are being made b y this 'sovereign' student body, therefore, are not liked b y College, they c a n return the suggested amendments to the Union, stating any of their o w n changes that they feel should be considered. While they c a n not actually state what should be i n the Union Constitution, they can make very strong suggestions, a n d i n the mean time make life quite uncomfortable for the Union, both financially a n d politically. W h i l e this reporter is certainly not sugg e s t i n g that these tactics w o u l d b e undertaken, it is notable that if this were to occur t h e n a n y external observers may see this as a n infringement of student rights, and public knowledge of anything along these lines occurring could be heavily detriment al to b o t h t h e image of Imperial College as a whole, as w e l l as the v i e w of the Union that other political student bodies may have. However, if College feels the changes the Union wants to make are foolish, they w i l l have no choice but to step in, so it is a narrow path that must be trodden. O n a less global level, how-

4I s s u e

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18th January 2002 Editor: w i l l D u g d a l e Deputy Editor: A l i Wren N e w s : Vacant M u s i c : Dave E d w a r d s Books: J o n M a t t h e w s A r t s : J o n Brenner F i l m : Darius N i k b i n Sports: Vacant C r o s s w o r d : Dr. H o t Fudge W i t h T h a n k s To: Joe, Helen, J , B o b b y C Felix, Beit Q u a d , Prince Consort Road, London, S W 7 2BB Tel: 020 7594 8072 E m a i l : Printed by: MCP Litho Limited Felix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040 - 0711 Copyright © Felix 2001 ever, t h e important changes that have passed this first draft of a n e w Constitution are mainly i n name. N o longer are there Constituent College Unions (CCUs), but are n o w Faculty Student Associations (FSAs), but these seem to have been mapped from the o l d to the new. In addition, there are n o w three Dep Reps (Departmental Representatives) for each department, one for Undergraduates, o n e for taught post-graduates, a n d one for Research students. E a c h of these w i l l have a space on Council, giving m u c h more power to all F S A s (with about 20 extra members each), apart from the M e d i c s , w h o have gained less than 5 members. Obviously there are more changes, but this reporter only just understands these ones (and has probably made several errors), and this is only the first draft of a long process. Watch this space. will

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world news

Russian Row

Bag Bombs

A scuffle b e t w e e n R u s s i a n and A m e r i c a n diplomats - over civil liberties, to boot - shows that while the C o l d War is over, the t w o former enemies are still capable of behaving pretty icily w h e n they feel like it.

M a n y U.S. experts fear a n e w round of domestic flight delays w i l l begin today, as thousands of business commuters and holidaymakers flock back to the planes. This Friday w a s named b y Congress - w i t h President Bush's support - as the date b y w h i c h all airlines a n d airport security checkpoints must meet new, tougher, standards for preflight screening. The n e w measures are aimed at t h w a r t i n g and restricting the activities of terrorists; a major priority for the A m e r i c a n people and their current (Republican) administration. They include mandatory b a g X-rays, sniffer dogs to search plane cabins a n d holds just prior to take-off a n d h a r s h penalties for carrying suspected terrorist items.

executives have criticised the schedule as " u n w o r k a b l e , " g r u m b l i n g that the l a w s, p a s s e d just before Congress recessed for Christmas, are "too rushed to fully implement." Security teams, they say, are still understaffed. To check all travelers could cause long delays. Not to do so could be fatal.

However, many senior airline


The dispute, w h i c h started w i t h t w o junior delegates from the U.S. Consulate in Vladivostock, rapidly spun out of all proportion this week, as the right-wing administrations of the t w o countries e a c h sought to blame the other. A demonstration in Vladivostock to free a n imprisoned Russian journalist, one Grigory Pasko, set the stage. He w a s convicted last year of high treason for t e l l i n g Japanese media about naval nuclear w a s t e d u m p e d at sea. Eyebrows were raised i n M o s c o w , however, w h e n it

was learned the two Americans h a d attended the demonstration - a n " u n w i s e d e c i s i o n " , a c c o r d i n g to one uncredited Kremlin source. The U.S. State Department insisted their behaviour w a s not unusual, a n d "perfectly normal diplomatic practice." Presidents B u s h a n d Putin are both said to be concerned. Joe

HE UNION i f l R Drop by the Union Bar for a quiet drink. Open Sunday evenings 6pm-10:30pm.

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l Hear the Rector speak about the College's plans for the future and now they affects you

12 noon, Frjda)p8th January Great Hall^ Shfffield Building

lifestyle feature

All offers of employment HOLLY BARNES If there's one t h i n g that I've learned this year, it's that being unemployed isn't all it's cracked up to be. Believe me, few things in this life are more depressing than the queue to s i g n on of a Wednesday morning - except perhaps the realisation that it's the most exciting part of the week. A t university there's always something you could be doing and, more t h a n likely something you should be doing but there's simply bugger all to do if you're u n e m p l o y e d . A n d , of course, there's the fact that it's pretty hard to live on ÂŁ42 per week. Basically, it may be a learning and g r o w i n g experience, but it's certainly a lifestyle that I strongly recommend you avoid at all costs. But I'm sure you k n o w all that already after all, it's fairly unlikely that any of you are genuinely considering unemployment as a lifestyle choice. The real question is, what's the solution? H o w do you avoid the dole queue and the exciting w o r l d of the Job Seekers A l l o w a n c e ? Well, a good degree, a w e a l t h of knowledge, bucketloads of experience and a real desire to do whatever it is you w a n t to do w o u l d certainly be a good s t a r t i n g point. A n d charm, good looks and a nice shiny suit can't hurt, either. But the real sticking point isn't w h a t you know, or even w h o you k n o w - it's h o w you talk about it. A c c o r d i n g to the latest research b y the Association of Graduate Recruiters, 43% of leading graduate recruiters "reported skill shortages in three of the attributes ranked most important b y employers - interpersonal skills, initiative/proactivity and oral communication" (and before you get carried away thinking that the other key skills they were looking for were technical or scientific, you may as w e l l k n o w that they were "for graduates to be good team players, motivated and enthusiastic, flexible and adaptable"). These findings are backed up by the results of an Industry In Education study of the nation's largest employers, w h i c h concludes that employers are "looking at personal skills more than degree content" w h e n it comes to hiring recent graduates. So w h a t do w e conclude from all this? Well, firstly, my Careers A d v i s o r wasn't lying w h e n she started wittering on about

the importance of 'Personal Transferable Skills'. Secondly, that a good degree does not automatically entitle you to a good job. A n d thirdly that it might, perhaps, be a good idea to get some practice at this communication, teamworking and leadership malarkey. A n d h o w do I do that, you ask? (OK, so you don't, but play along here). By getting involved in clubs and societies, charity work or local volunteer projects, I reply. Well, actually, I don't - the employers do. You see, yet another report (this time by TimeBank) indicates that three-quarters of the UK's top employers give preference to candidates w i t h volunteering experience on their CV, whilst over half of the companies surveyed said that "voluntary work experience can actually be more valuable than experience gained in p a i d employment". A n d , whilst most of the figures I'm quoting here refer to 'traditional' graduate recruitment fields (banking, consultancy, engineering, management, IT etc), remember that they apply just as strongly (if not far more so) to less technical fields like media, law, the arts and teaching. Oh, and apparently they're pretty important for doctors too... So, anyway, volunteering. It's a deceptively simple concept, w h i c h actually encompasses a massive range of possibilities - and almost certainly includes some of the work that you're already doing. A t one extreme, it could mean making a huge commitment to changing the world, savi n g lives or raising tens of thousands of pounds for charity - but on the other h a n d it can mean m u c h simpler things like gett i n g involved in running your favourite society, working in your local school for a couple of hours a week, or just helping out w i t h the next Rag event. A n d , if you do w a n t to do something " w o r t h y " (a tired and cliched phrase I'll admit, but you get the idea), there are lots of opportunities for you to get involved on campus, w i t h the Pimlico C o n n e c t i o n (teaching in local schools - head to to find out h o w to get involved) and the Community A c t i o n Group (who deliver food to the homeless, help out at local homes for the elderly and repair tools for C e n t r a l A f r i c a n farmers - check out to find out more) the t w o most obvious examples. A s i d e from these



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however, volunteering also includes all sorts of other activities. Responsible for running publicity or arranging fixtures for your society? Year Rep i n your department? Help out w i t h collections, work in the U n i o n or get involved w i t h organising events? That all counts. A n d so does cari n g for elderly relatives, looking after small relatives or your friends' children, and a million more things besides. To be honest, it's almost certain that you're already doing (or have done) some k i n d of voluntary work (and, indeed, part of the point of this article is just to make you realise its value) but it's also fairly unlikely that any one activity could possibly have taught y o u every one of those key skills. Fortunately, t h o u g h , there are lots of opportunities available on campus - head over to the U n i o n to find out more, get in contact w i t h a n e w society or just think about g e t t i n g more i n v o l v e d i n w h a t you're doing already. Hopefully, however, you'll k n o w all that already, too. Two schemes that you might not k n o w about, however, are M i l l e n n i u m Volunteers and Insight Plus. The first is a major government initiative to increase the number of y o u n g people volunteering i n their local community. A n y o n e aged between 16 and 24 can register online (at w w w . m i l l e n n i u m volunteers. gov. uk) to "use w h a t you're i n to to help yourself and others", and w h i l s t the scheme does include plenty of opportunities to work at your local shelter or home, there's also the potential to get involved in anything from sports coaching to the environment to y o u t h groups to m u s i c to journalism. Moreover, the scheme is b a c k e d by a host of b i g employers, there's support and mentoring every step of the way, and you'll receive a recognised a w a r d after contributing 100 hours. Insight Plus ( approaches the problem from a slightly different direction. L i k e I said before, lots of us already do a lot of voluntary work, so instead of encouraging you to get involved w i t h n e w projects, it's designed to help you to make the most of your current commitments. Basically, you look at what you're d o i n g (be it voluntary work, involvement in a society, a part-time job or family commitments) and analyse what skills you've gained as a result - thus turn-

ing you into a m u c h hotter prospect at interview. The scheme also includes a series of tutorials and workshops, plus the promise of official accreditation on completion of the course. Sadly, however, Insight Plus is currently only available to students at p a r t i c i p a t i n g u n i v e r s i t i e s , w h i c h (at present) doesn't include Imperial. Sorry. Anyway, if all this isn't enough for you, the final option is to head to your local Volunteer B u r e a u - for example, the Kensington & Chelsea Volunteer Bureau (check out; the H a m m e r s m i t h & F u l h a m Volunteer Development A g e n c y ( or W a n d s w o r t h C ouncil Volunteer Bureau (check out ) - w h o should have lots of information on local schemes and volunteering i n general. For a complete list of centres, check out the National Volunteer Bureau's central w e b s i t e (at, w h e r e y o u ' l l find details of pretty m u c h every voluntary group i n the country - so wherever you live i n London, there should be a support group for you.

The only negative thing to say about these initiatives is to contrast w h a t Imperial's doing w i t h the investment and involvement w i t h that made by other universities and student unions. The current Insight Plus roll-out is unlikely to include Imperial (although that may have something to do w i t h the fact that the NUS w a s a founding partner i n the scheme), whilst the Union has not chosen to get involved i n M i l l e n n i u m Volunteers (unlike several other student unions - such as Leicester, Birmingham and Brunei - who both back the scheme and provide their o w n volunteering opportunities). Fortunately, the situation is likely to improve in the near future, as the College, the government and the funding councils all seem to have recognised the importance of volunteering and student development in the modern job market, and are thus making a major investment (including dedicated staff) in this field over the next few years. In the meantime, however, there are still plenty of opportunities all around you (we are in the centre of London, after all), so stop making excuses, get off your backside and

do something w i t h your life. So, yeah, that's about it. Volunteering is good, b a s i c a l l y G o o d for lots of reasons and, quite frankly, I'd like to think that enhancing your employability is the least of them. It's (mostly) fun. It's a diversion from lectures, lab and revision. It makes you feel better about yourself. A n d , b y and large, it makes the w o r l d a better place. But you k n o w all that - it's just that, faced w i t h a hundred other things that you shoul d be doing, " d o i n g some g o o d " tends to fall to the bottom of the pile. W h i c h is perfectly understandable. But hopefully, all you need is that one extra reason that'll get you to make that first step towards getting involved - and I honestly hope that the prospect of joining me in the queue at the Job Centre every other Wednesday is it.

Holly Barnes is currently unemployed. All offers of employment, freelance work, a regular income, unbridled gratitude, free love or one way tickets to Acapulco should be addressed to

union talk

Nightline Night-line is a confidential l i s t e n i n g a n d information service provided by student volunteers for students from all across London. Nightline, as it is n o w i n L o n d o n , can find its roots here at Imperial where it w a s set u p in 1971 following the suicide of a student the previous year. Over time it expanded from Imperial to m a n y parts of L o n d o n a n d is currently associated w i t h about '50 different institutions i n c l u d i n g I m p e r i a l . T h e r e are e v e n Nightlines in America, Canada and Germany. It is essential for those students i n difficulty, w i t h emotional problems or worries to have someone they c a n talk to. To ensure that someone is always available for students to talk to, N i g h t l i n e operates every night d u r i n g t e r m time from 6pm to 8am. Thus w h e n offices are s h u t t i n g d o w n and it is the n o r m a l time for counsellors and advisors to go home there is someone there for y o u to talk to. T h u s it doesn't act to replace others you c a n go and talk to (such as your friends, Warden, Personal Tutor, College Counsellors etc,)

but aims to provide a service w h e n they are unavailable or if you w a n t to talk to someone outside of where you study or live. Nightline isn't a counselling service. It provides those that ring w i t h someone to hear their worries and problems. What they do is listen, and then provide you w i t h any information you may need. They can supply you w i t h information on agencies and organisations, w h i c h you c a n then contact in you o w n time, or phone lines, w h i c h c a n provide advice. The phone number is 020 7631 0101. They also have a w e b s i t e from where you can find out more about Nightline and h o w to volunteer if you w i s h to get involved. A l s o if you w i s h to talk to t h e m by "email listening" you can find out more details on the website. E m a i l listening is a n e w service offered by Nightline and allows you to email them w i t h you worries or reguests for information. The w e b site address is If you think you w a n t to talk to someone, regardless of the p r o b l e m , the

Nightline w e b s i t e is a very good place to start. It contains the links to many of the nations most frequently u s e d welfare related w e b s i t e s , r a n g i n g from those concerning Finances, through to Travel, Crime & Safety as w e l l as the more "obvious" ones on sexuality, sexual health, and the law. It should also be noted here the benefits that could be obtained b y hel ping to run a service s u c h as this. To volunteer, i n a manner s u c h as this, i n a truly unselfish w a y c a n b r i n g personal rewards that w i l l stay w i t h y o u forever. H e l p i n g on a phoneline like this one is an excellent w a y to give something back to the community, w h i l s t m a k i n g friends. It's not about C V points, or job applications, or first/second/third interviews or theses or money; it's about d o i n g something good. Simple as that. If you think you'd like to help, just call the number or visit the website. I promise y o u you won't regret it. Deputy President (Education

David & Welfare)

Students there for students. Confidential listening, support and information 6pm to Sam every night of term

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-'S)^ 020


7631 0101

Summer opportunities in Investment Banking UBS aims to be the most successful integrated investment services group in the world. Our organisation encompasses Investment Banking, Private Banking and Asset Management all operating on a global scale. UBS Warburg is offering summer internship positions across international locations in the following areas: Corporate Finance, Equities, Credit Fixed Income, Interest Rates and Foreign Exchange, Information Technology, Operations and Human Resources. To find out more about trading at UBS, please join us at the event below. Event

W o m e n s Trading Game & Presentation


28 January


UBS Warburg, 1 Finsbury Avenue, EC2



The reception will give you the opportunity to talk one on one to female traders from Equities, Credit Fixed Income and Interest Rates and Foreign Exchange. To attend this event please sign up via the events calendar on our website: Please note that places are limited. To learn more about the unlimited summer opportunities at UBS, please visit the graduate careers section on our websites:

The closing date for summer internship applications is 15 February 2002.

Aimed at penultimate year and first year undergraduates, this event is designed to give an overview of Investment Banking with an emphasis on Trading. The event will be followed by a trading game, which will give you an insight into the pace of the trading environment. The game, hosted by traders, will educate you on some of the products we work with.

UBS will only achieve its global business objectives if we respect and promote differences in background, perspectives and expertise. This in turn will promote creativity and innovation, and create business opportunities. Building diversity at work is critical to the success of the business.

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i Morgan Stanley invites you Investment Banking Opportunities in Asia We invite interested undergraduate students (class of 2003) to apply for 2002 Summer Analyst Positions. Deadline for resume submission: February 1, 2002. Applications will only be accepted online. For more information on this opportunity and to apply online, please visit our website: If you have any questions, please contact Morgan Stanley IBD Asia Recruiting Team: Apply online at


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felix talk

Rag Ramble With just four weeks to go until the start of Rag Week 2002, the final elements of this year's line-up are n o w falling into place check out the Rag website at for more details. This week, however, rather than telling you what we're doing, it's time to find out where all the money's going, and what it's going to buy. This year's nominated charity is the Shooting Star Trust, a charity set up in 1995 to help children in our area who are not expected to live beyond early adulthood. They're currently trying to pull together the funding to build and kit out the first specialist children's hospice serving West London. Rather than focusing on one particular disease or illness, they want to provide help to local children w i t h all sorts of lifethreatening conditions - everything from cancer to muscular dystrophy to cystic fibrosis to cerebral palsy. The n e w hospice w i l l give them somewhere to live safely and comfortably, away from the sterile, depressing environment of hospital. Obviously, this kind of care is particularly important to chil-

dren who have no chance of recovery and no medical treatment left to try, but it's also incredibly valuable to their parents, who w o u l d otherwise be left to tend for them and the rest of the family alone. So for the charity have bought a site in Hounslow, and are bringing together the last of the funding to put up some walls (and perhaps the odd ceiling) this summer. However, they still need more money to kit out the hospice - and that's where we come in. They need everything from beds to kitchens to PCs w i t h special controls, and we're looking to provide enough funding to make real progress. Indeed one of the best things about working w i t h the Shooting Star A p p e a l is that our efforts can make a really big difference - potentially helping to make the project a reality by the end of the year. So, in true Blue Peter stylee, we've made up a wish-list of the kind of things that w e want to buy... • For £1000, w e can provide equipped music room.

a fully-

• £2000 w o u l d fund an electric bed for a childs room. • For £5000, w e can supply a children's play area (complete w i t h paddling pool). • Next, £7000 w i l l fit out an entire child's room, including a state-of-the-art bed. • £10 000 w i l l provide a complete multimedia room. • For £15 000, w e can fit out a video and book library and a family lounge. • £20 000 provides four bedrooms to house families visiting sick children. • Finally, £25 000 w i l l fund and run a new minibus, complete w i t h wheelchair lift So that's what Rag Week is for, and that's w h y w e want you to come along to events, get out on the streets and raise money for the Shooting Star Appeal. The most cunning part of the equation is that it'll happen while you're out doing mad stuff, maybe getting drunk and definitely having a laff w i t h your mates. Nice, huh? See you in Rag Week! helen & dave

IC Radio IC R a d i o goes d r i n k i n g !

quite well, and from such humble beginnings, we've grown to be London's premier student station.

For those that m i s s e d the fun and frolics yesterday, IC Radio h a d a huge relaunch party, involving drinking, silliness and all those things we're good at. It w a s a chance to meet some of the ex-members from yesteryear and find out w h a t things were like i n days of old. Or at least, that's how I imagine it w i l l have been, but due to print deadlines, I'm actually w r i t i n g this Monday night and none of it's occurred yet. But be assured w e ' l l let you kno w the full story next week, w h e n w e ' l l have a special full page feature all about IC Radio, some of the history, and photos of the n e w studios, and the carnage at the relaunch party. So if you were there, be afraid, you may have b e e n caught...

it w i l l be yet, but w e ' l l advertise the date and time here and w i t h posters around college. For the uninitiated, the basic premise is that some of our D Js give some tips and tricks for those w h o ' d like to be the next Judge Jules, and then give oneon-one tuition to people in turn. It's a great w a y to get started if you've always w a n t e d to have a go, but have never had the opportunity to, so w a t c h this space for more details.

Happy Birthday A little k n o w n fact, but IC Radio reached the grand old age of 27 this M o n d a y (14th). Back t h e n w e were operating off a reel to reel tape deck and a microphone, in a room in Linstead, so w e ' v e moved on

The Breakfast s h o w A s some of you may know, this academic year we've started producing breakfast shows every weekday morning from 8 till 10am. The idea is to you tune your alarm clock to 999am (in Southside a n d

Linstead) or s w i t c h on your P C w h e n you w a k e up, and w e ' l l ease you into the day and make sure you're up and about in time for your lectures.

L e a r n to m i x That's right, the famous IC Radio mix masterclass is back. We've not finalised w h e n

Requests Of course, as your radio station, we're more than happy to play your requests. Let us kno w what you w a n t to hear and any dedication you w a n t to make, on phone extensions 58085 and 58100, or email Listen! A s ever, we're broadcasting quality radio programmes 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You c a n l i s t e n on 9 9 9 A M in Southside and Linstead halls, and on the internet at w w w . i c r a d i o . c o m anywhere.

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FIE Party No idea w h a t this is. Noone tells me anything. You're probably not allowed to just turn up, but if this means something to you, it's on now. dBs, 5:00pm

Trivia The capital of Azerbaijahn? Who k n o w s ? These people do. H o w clever do they need to be? Very, apparently. More t h a n me. DaVinci's, evening-ish

Wednesday Thursday C he e sy Wotsits Drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky drinky drink. Drink, Union, 'till late

Sound Band Night Experimental bands experiment w i t h experimental instruments, w h i l e p o s s i b l y experim e n t i n g w i t h experimental drugs. dBs, 6:00pm

Friday Supersonic Don't know. A g a i n , I'm meant to be doing publicity, but since I'm not in the main office, I never find out anything. Indie, I hear. So Pulp then. Union, 'till late

Chinese Society S h o w

Juggling Club ,yy xyxxyy Sxxyjy C h r i s t i a n Students y^lkMm&v:,. In action, apparently, vo B e c a u s e it w o u l d be A w a y away, leave t o w n Wypyx ^PSpy.rr.y'), xyx: not really sure about this . : • • • a:ut go awijv. Yny yay xx-x y-xx^yy\yxxixxxy. '.'•M' WmXXXxPyJyiyX yxx ixxxx •':'!.•:•' on,.-no .... • yXyXyXiX. ' ^ xxy <::•••'>: you like whatever it is in the air again, catch I'm' -bs;:: away. Perhaps c l i mb a they're doing, which I'm XX : people to chat to about and Silent Bob are on, sure you will. firey bit. Yay! y X ':. X xx'y. y/xxyyxy. all sons. Concert Hall, 6 00pm The country all weekend h^Wi?'r - ''p.y yxyxxx Union Top Floor. 6:00pm Concert Hall 5:00pm

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Amelie A h , ooh, oh, h o w sweet, eee! yay! wow... gasp. Very sweet film for girls, I think. Or maybe boys who are ' i n touch w i t h their feminie side'. Take your girlfriend, perhaps?

Spy Games Brad Pitt. I'd have 'im, if I were inclined, but I suspect this is a w e a k attempt at getting girls to go to this obviously boy-ish film. Take your girlfriend?

Bandits Billy Bob Thornton, who, w i t h a name like that, must, allegedly, be inbred, and Bruce Willis, who, w i t h a name like that, must, allegedly, be Australian. Girlfriends?

The Others Rah rah rah. Pretty scary stuff, where they are all ghosts w h o think they are alive. M a y b e . I see dead people? Probably not, but you could take your girlfriend.

Fresh P r i n c e of B e l A i r

Red Dwarf

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Troubie. 4.00pm C o m p a n y of Snakes Former members of Whitesnake and Rainb o w come together to share tips on perms a n d w a n k into their guitars b i g stylee. Rock on, etc. Mean Fiddler, 8pm, £12.50

Beta B a n d M m m m , weird noises. Or, as the Radio 1 G i g Guide w o u l d prefer to describe it, "quirky folk-hop w i t h prog tendencies". Nope, prefer my description. Shepherds Bush, 7pm, £13

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C r i m e i& P u n i s h m e n t i n xiiiyxxxxxxxy. • Dalston Wf^yxxXXXyx-X VYyXAXh-' C a t c h the, ahem, highK *; , x,yXyy'X. yy-y ,:yy/yj l i g h t s of B r i t i s h art title alone, this minimal- xx>xx.;>. v-: •:: yy r'..-::,••:'•>•• bo.'orcj it, gi>f> consignor! ist drama comes with a XXxX yyyXy Xy:\ yy,; ;\,::, X yfyyj.. to the TOf-yclc bin of fate. pay what you can price :XX < '"XXX XxXy. •., Light goof. on. light qooft tag every Tuesday night yxx'xyyy'yx' x.y y: )y'cif)':... off... M m m m , impxesshns?. Areola Theatre. 8pm. £9 National Theatre. 6pm. £5 £3






45s L o u d rocking next b i g things play a residency at the Metro. Get in a pound cheaper if you can track d o w n a copy of their latest favourite single. Metro Club, 8pm, £5








Marlena Shaw L i t t l e - k n o w n US jazz vocalist S h a w shows off her impeccable taste in the c o m p a n y of saxophonist Denys Baptiste. M m m m , jazz - nice. J a z z Cafe, 8pm, £18

Best In S h o w Pret a Porter w i t h dogs, perhaps, so still got the supermodels. Not that I'm bitter or anything. I could still have them, you know. A n d your girlfriend, so there.

. X '.is, XyXXXXXX. , ... . '•*!••>.. 'x'yyyxxijy J i m m y Eat W o r l d Despite being the purveyors of one of the silliest bad names I've heard for many a year, Jimmy Eat World are apparently "good". So there. Astoria, 7pm, £10 Tim

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i n g life inside Robben Island p r i s o n (where Nelson Mandela was .' . •

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music reviews O U T THIS W E E K Due out on M o n d a y 21 January: SINGLES A L K A L I N E TRIO - Private E y e B L A C K R E B E L M ' C C L U B - Love Burns S T E L L A B R O W N E - Never K n e w Love ALBUMS C H E C K E N G I N E - O n Top

Station 17 Hitparade

Various Tony Hawk's...

Fugu Fugu 1

Out now on Mute

Out now on Maverick

Out Monday 4 February


There is a fantastic, bizarre story be hi nd this album. Station 17 originated i n a Hamburg mental institute i n 1988. Social worker Kay Bosen thought that a number of his patients could benefit from b e i n g allowed to express themselves musically, however they liked. 13 years a n d four albums later, the b a n d has prospered, and I a m a satisfied listener. Hitparade is their fifth album, and is a collection of their most famous tunes remixed b y some of G e r m a n y ' s better dance DJs i n a variety of styles. A n d it is odd. H a v i n g not heard the b a n d before, my initial expectations were for something typically G e r m a n - perhaps industrial metal w o r t h y of a nuclear war, or g a b b a techno w o r t h y of a t h o u s a n d nosebleeds. But this is miles a w a y from either - unusual, chilled techno electronica, w i t h more t h a n a few nods to hip-hop and trip-hop. For me, the glorious moment on this album is the very understated Der Weg Nach Nirgendwo. It's s l o w a n d brooding, but pleasant too, like a ray of sunshine falling on Tricky's dark m u s i c a l world. The vocals on this track, as on most of the others, are s u p p l i e d b y s i m p l e speech - w e hear old men and y o u n g children smoothly rounding off the electronic rhythms, and it matters little if you can't understand the G e r m a n . There are some unfortunately cheesy moments too, w i t h a significant minority of tracks sounding like sub-standard Daft Punk grooves. But don't w o r r y too m u c h about that - i n general, the tracks on Hitparade are usually fine a n d sometimes excellent.



[The full title is Music From And Inspired By Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3]. So this is a first - a soundtrack album for a computer game. Not surprising really, since music is being used more and more i n computer games now. I confess though that w h e n I played Tony Hawk's (the game, that is), I didn't really pay m u c h attention to the music 'cause I w a s too busy grinding. Listening to this album, you c a n tell that the songs are i n the game. It's got the skateboardy nu-metal a n d hip-hop feel. It's got a few w e l l k n o w n popular artists too, like Sum 41 (pic above), A l i e n A n t Farm, Outkast and Papa Roach. This is guite a good compilation, w i t h only one or t w o songs (out of 13 in total) w h i c h weren't w o r t h another listen. One track that stood out w a s the N O F X song What's The Matter With Parents Today?, w h i c h has a classic line: " M u m and Dad, I think you oughta stop smoking so m u c h pot". The Sum 41 track is just like their previous songs, w i t h its upbeat theme, a n d Outkast's Bombs Over Baghdad has a cool beat. The album also comes w i t h an interactive C D , w h i c h has some clips' of Tony H a w k talking about his various battle scars a n d some skateboarding stunts. The menus w o u l d have looked a lot more impressive played on something better than a dying laptop. So, to round up, this is not a b a d compilation if you like your nu-metal/hip-hop thing, although I think only the biggest Tony H a w k fan w o u l d contemplate buying it. Go on, prove me wrong.


on Ici


From the cover - a '50s beach picnic scene - and the song titles - Ondulations, Angel Fair With Golden Hair - w e c a n make a good guess as to w h a t this is going to sound like. French orchestral lounge music. Not that it sounds anyt h i n g like A i r - the p r o d u c t i o n a n d arrangements give it more of a Beatles feel, circa Abbey Road. The tracks w i t h floaty female vocals sound incredibly like similar efforts from Stereolab, though m u c h less contrived. O n the flip side, the tracks w i t h male vocals s o u n d very m u c h like O l i v i a Tremor Control. In fact, most of the album sound s infuriatingly s i m i l a r to some indeterminate one or another, almost as if it were a compilation of tracks b y likem i n d e d '60s-inspired combos. Of course, Fugu 1 flows along better than any compilation w o u l d . The tracks are so short (18 i n 45 minutes) that the listener drifts along, barely aware of the shifting tracks and the variety of instruments tickling and teasing the ears. The album is loosely split into t w o parts and, although the interlude is barely noticeable, the subsequent track Au Depart indicates that s o m e t h i n g has changed. This is an exotic delicacy that can lead to d i s a s t e r if i n c o r r e c t ly prepared. Perhaps I should give y o u a sardonic w a r n i n g of: "don't try this i n your bedroom". Fugu's efforts haven't l e d to a cloying muzak disaster, because they're not trying to be too clever. The end product is not quite a delicacy, but an aural connoisseur w o u l d have little to complain about.


reviews music INTERVIEW with King Adora Before their recent g i g at the Electric Ballroom (see review, left), Felix spoke to M a x i and N e l s ta from K i n g Adora. F E L I X : C a n y o u please t e l l us w h a t K i n g A d o r a are a l l about?

LIVE: King Adora @ Electric Ballroom Teenage drama queens i n feather boas and glittery fairy w i n g s crammed inside the Electric Ballroom (home of the highly recommended Full Tilt night) to see the much-revered all-singing, all-dancing K i n g A d o r a . The impression I got w a s not of a b a n d who were some k i n d of " g l a m revivalists" just because they wear eyeliner a n d sing impolitely about sex, but of a pretty w i c k e d pop band. The sparkly butterflies were i n for a shock w h e n their pop idols inflicted us w i t h not one but t w o relatively mediocre support bands. One could have been led to think that the Candies and their fellow minion posse were strategically positioned to make even a lacklustre K i n g A d o r a seem excellent i n comparision, but w a s this the case? Definitely not, for K i n g A d o r a b l e w the Ballroom apart. This w a s one of M a x i Browne's "glory g i g s " ! From the moment they took to the stage w i t h a rousing rendition of live favourite Bionic, moshing w a s taken to stratospheric levels, w i t h people flung to the far corners of the room b y the brute force w i t h w h i c h w e were musically moved. W i t h the c r o w d w h i p p e d into a frenzy, the b a n d experimented w i t h some material from their forthcoming album, the Suede-esque Tokyo Honey. E v e n M a x i ' s facial expressions a n d poses w o u l d have done Brett A n d e r s o n proud, for imitation is the finest form of flattery. This track, w h i c h w a s n ' t extremely stunning for such a talented bunch, w a s greeted w i t h so m u c h favour that it seemed like the c r o w d w o u l d have lapped u p a performance of the Yellow Pages.

M A X I : Our b a n d is about decadence, rock and roll, having fun, decent tunes, live music, debauchery and glamour. Things a lot of bands out there don't have. So h o w w o u l d y o u describe y o u r m u s i c to t h e u n t r a i n e d ear? M A X I : Sleaze-rock! H o w d i d y o u g u y s get t o g e t her t h e n , a n d w h y " K i n g A d o r a ' " ? M A X I : I w a s making music w h e n I s a w N e l s ta performing w i t h another band, a n d I thought "right, I'm poaching h i m for my band". Nelsta k n e w the other t w o , a n d so w e started jamming together. A s for the b a n d name, w e were out s h o p p i n g one day and w e s a w this huge six-foot vibrator i n a shop w i n d o w . It's name w a s K i n g Adora, advertised for "maximum, heightened sensation". A n d that's w h a t we're all about. W h a t ' s y o u r favourite p a r t of b e i n g i n a b a n d ? M A X I : There's lots of things I like doing. Touring, both playing live and having fun on the tour bus. E x p l a i n "fun" to me. I hear y o u r b a n d is n o t o r i o u s w i t h t h e groupies...? M A X I : Groupies?! L e t s just say we're young a n d w e like to enjoy ourselves. We have a laugh on the bus, you know, playing a show, partying, getting wrecked. It's quite like the stereotyped notion of the tourbus, i n films and all. I u n d e r s t a n d that y o u took p a r t i n v a r i o u s prestigious tours. W h i c h w a s y o u r favourite a n d w h y ? M A X I : M y favourite w a s the M a n s u n tour. We're quite similar to them, as w e dress up a n d like to have a good time. The crowd found us easy to relate to; w e were poaching their fans. N E L S T A : We learnt a lot from t h e m as people, about the business and touring - they've gone so far and done so w e l l . W h a t w a s the h i g h p o i n t of b e i n g i n K i n g A d o r a for y o u ? M A X I : Touring in J a p a n . We learnt lots about the culture i n the six days w e were over there. You have a n e w a l b u m c o m i n g out soon... M A X I : Yes, we're going i n to record it next week. N E L S T A : We've just finished doing a demo actually. Is it a massive change of d i r e c t i o n for y o u ? H o w is it different to Vibrate You, t h e last a l b u m ?

justice live as the b a n d s i m p ly churned t h e m out one b y one. The set b e i n g short b u t sweet, I conclude that K i n g A d o r a have the talent for w r i t i n g instantly likable and infinitely moshable songs, all of w h i c h sound just different enough from the others to be interesting.

M A X I : It's a lot darker and heavier, less feel-good. We're technically more tight on it; it's the album we've always w a n t e d to make but never had time. The last one w a s done i n such a rush. N E L S T A : We've used different producers on it too. If a f a n asked y o u for y o u r socks, w h a t w o u l d y o u do? M A X I : I'd give them away. C a n I h a v e y o u r socks then? M A X I : Yeah, sure. If t h e fans c o u l d give y o u a C h r i s t m a s gift, w h a t w o u l d it be? M A X I : Just to keep supporting us and coming out to our gigs. N E L S T A : Fags, booze, socks... but w h a t I'd really like is a Hohner Professional L90 Goldtop guitar! So if anybody's got the money, please give me one!



Highlights included the excellent L a w , the intense Smoulder, the distinctive Suffocate a n d the Pixies-influenced Big Isn't Beautiful. Suffice to say, these were the singles, a n d the pure energy put into t h e m b y both the b a n d and the moshers made them memorable. However, the "album-fillers" weren't done

clubbing reviews

Dekefex @ Mass

Moorish Delta 7: Interview

The t o u r i n g c l u b collective that is Dekefex brought their awesome sounds to one of the most d o w n places to be i n

Moorish Delta 7 are a three-piece hip-hop outfit from Birmingham. The trio - Cipher J E W E L S , 'The Captain'; Malik, 'The Street Poet'; and, Jawar, 'The Bull' - g r e w up together on grimy council estates. In addition to putting out their o w n tunes, they also have an agenda to promote l o c a l u n d e r g r o u n d artists. The latter includes their 7 Entertainment project and the compilation 'Experiment T. I had a chat w i t h them at M a s s , ... Jawar, I read an interview where you described Cipher as 'serious' yet 'chilled, and said that there was a kind of 'yin/yang' thing about his character. Also, you're the 'Life of the Party' but also the 'livewire'... There's a lot of duality here? Malik: Exactly.

South London. A s ever Dekefex had put together a night that took in guest artists such as the established - but not establishment - alt hip-hop D J Vadim, a n d b a n g i n g s o u n d s of B a d Company. A l w a y s one to promote u p c o m i n g artists, less w e l l - k n o w n but soon to be heard i n good clubs everywhere, collectives s u c h as M o o r i s h Delta 7 w e r e a w e l c o m e inclusion in the night. The residents, D J Skeletnx a n d D J N U , laid d o w n a scratchy stylee m i x of old skool, n e w skool, a n d any skool. I have not heard s u c h a flow of poetry for a while. A n d , mercifully, emcees seem to be getting a lot more intelligent (or the true ones always were) t h a n in the dubious days of the b i r t h of jungle and 'intelligent' D n ' B . One favorite lyric (on a free sampler C D given a w a y on the night) w a s 'I'll strap a N o k i a to your head a n d ring you till your b r a i n fries'. Nice. The m a i n emceeing acts of the night were M o o r i s h Delta 7 and P h i Life Cipher. Both of these gave a m a z i n g performances. Beats ranging from funky to dark rap cuts to pure and simple hip hop gave the backdrop to tales of u r b a n strife a n d everyday life. Then it w a s d o w n to some serious beats that demanded serious d a n c i n g from D J Vadim (with Demolition Man), a n d the occasional b-boy breakdancing m a k i n g us a l l feel t e m p o r a r i l y i nadequat e . Anyone w h o has heard D J V a d i m does not need me to explain the maestro's fusion of beats, breaks, a n d found sounds. Never heard of D J Vadim? W h y not? Get yo' ass on the dance floor boy!


Cipher: You get that i n the songs anyway, y o u c a n feel it i n the expression. Take A r t of Survival' that's there i n the feeling, it's experience. But again, some of our sounds are more simple love of hiphop. J a w a r : It's the voice of the people ... That's something I wanted to ask you. You grew up on council estates in Birmingham... On your website you talk about 'Silent Screams' being the voice, but whose voice? Is it yours? The people you grew up with? Yours and their collective experience? J a w a r : It's the voice of the people. We have no-one to answer to but the people on the streets. We don't need to answer to the record companies saying 'play like this' or the media. The people on the streets is the only people w e have to answer to. Malik: H o w w e represent, it's our generation. A l l of our past experiences are in it. Like you said before, your music falls into

two broad categories: the urban tales, and the hip-hop for the sake of hip-hop. fd like to ask about the former. You describe Art of Survival' as a futuristic urban song. In what way do you mean futuristic? Is it prophetic? Apocalyptic? A vision? An inevitability? Or is it a warning? Malik: Every day people are getting hungrier and hungrier. It's just the w a y it is. It's the feeling on the streets and i n the cities. Jawar: It's at the level of the streets, those are the sounds i n every tune. Malik: It's not a prediction, it's just that that's h o w the vibes is going right now. One final question: what's your favourite sound, each of you? I don't mean like a genre like 'soul' or whatever I mean a single sound like this [snaps fingers] or this [drums on wall]. Cipher: A drum. More specific? Cipher: O h , I like a l l drums. A snare drum. Malik: Piano. Jawar: A w o m a n . Cipher: You know, there's a duality. We argue, of course w e argue, but w e w i l l always back each other up. This is three in one. It's more than music. This is w h a t keeps us going, it's w h a t w e depend on. We give each other counsel and support. E v e n if it's not music, whatever it is. That's w h y it doesn't sound manufactured. If any one of us left, it wouldn't be Moorish Delta 7. M D 7 is the three. Malik: We've had so many tunes over the years. A n d certain vibes happen. We don't look to the next man. Cipher: We do something different if it feels right. That's w h y it's genuine.


reviews clubbing


New Year's Eve with Ministry Of Sound @ The Millennium Dome There are t w o sides to every story, or so the cliche says, a n d M i n i s t r y of Sound's N e w Year's Eve event at the M i l l e n n i u m Dome is no exception. People's expectations for the event w e r e as extreme as those for E p i s o d e I, a n d w h e n you b u i l d something u p like that, all you c a n really expect to be... is d i s a p p o i n t e d . I have heard people c o m p l a i n that they spent a n hour i n the queue to get in, a n d another hour to get bar tokens. They b i t c h about the state of the toilets after midnight; they moan about Brandon Block being completely mashed. For me, these were no problem: I s a w this as a festival a n d anticipated such things as eventualities. History has s h o w n that the organisation of an event of this m a g n i t u d e is guaranteed to be less t h a n perfect. A n d sure, this wasn't the best night of m y life, but it w a s a great, messy w a y to see i n the N e w Year. I arrived at 7 p m ( w h e n there w a s no queue), a n d w e n t straight i n to find myself in the belly of a monster: five arenas, fifty D J s and only fourteen hours to do it all i n . A s the Dome s l o w l y became populated, there w a s an opportunity to explore the site as the sounds of M o S resident Gareth Cooke gradually w a r m e d up the c r o w d . E v e r y t h i n g about the place - the fairground, the food stalls, the s t u p i d hats, the hooters - said that this w a s a summer dance festival i n mid-winter. The only difference b e i n g that there w a s to be no m u d , no sunstroke and definitely no rain. For me, the party b e g a n w i t h Frenzic i n the World Dance tent. W h e n this tent opened its doors at 8 p m there w a s a deluge of people eager to get some of its deep, high-energy v i b r a t i o n s . W i t h i n half-an-hour this place w a s b o i l i n g over.

Back at the m a i n stage, Ferry Corsten got the c r o w d on their feet w i t h a sizzling set of uplifting trance. By now, the god-like sound system w a s thoroughly s h a k i n g the foundations (I stood near to the left speaker stack and boy, do my ears k n o w it). Thousands of people of all d e n o m i n a t i o n s w e r e u n i t e d by the desire to party, and Ferry Corsten w a s g i v i n g it to them. L o o k i n g over the event from the balcony of the R u l i n arena, the whole t h i n g w a s put into glorious perspective. The r i p p l i n g audience of the m a i n stage, the distant fairground, the lasers cutting across the diameter of the dome. It w a s awesome. Dick Clark duties for the night were taken b y Dave Pearce. For some, the thought of a "Dangerous" Dave Pearce set is as appealing as the Paul Daniels M a g i c Show. Whilst there w a s a minor, yet noticeable, tempo drop from Ferry Corsten's set to Pearce's (some people b e h i n d me actually sat d o w n and started rolling at this point), it w a s actually comprised of some creditable records bolted together i n a pleasing fashion. A t 11.50pm a giant c o u n t d o w n began i n the m a i n arena, a n d as the iron tongue of midnight tolled twelve they cracked open the visuals and a shitload of spectacular pyrotechnics exploded in and around the m a i n stage. But once w e h a d hit the climax of midnight, I felt spent and in desperate need of a tiger nap. However, a belated A n n e Savage set put a spell on the c r o w d like a voodoo incantation, s u m m o n i n g us to dance like zombies to her frenetic sound. By the end of it I h a d u s e d up that very last drop of serotonin. No amount of energy drinks could save me now. It w a s three in the morning and the

floor of the dome w a s a w a s h w i t h empty plastic bottles and beer cans - w h i c h made it a complete fucker to dance on. A r o u n d about this time, Siamese t w i n s A l e x P and B r a n d o n Block appeared. It s e e m e d that legendary caner Brandon Block h a d gone a little too far in his celebrations - his a w k w a r d m i x i n g stopped me i n my tracks every time. This aside, his shambolic D J i n g still entertained, and his c a l l i n g card " O i ! O i ! " w a s not left out. Thankfully, A l e x P stylishly fini s h e d off their set w i t h some tight, t h u m p i n g house. The pristine toilets of the M i l l e n n i u m Dome h a d by n o w d e s c e n d e d into full faecal chaos - inch-deep b r o w n water greeted anyone u n l u c k y enough to need any k i n d of number. This w a s w h e n I realised that the festival experience w a s finally complete. W h e n Tiesto eventually arrived, I w a s h o p i n g he w o u l d revive my flagging spirits. L i k e his G o u r y e l l a co-producer, Ferry Corsten, he specialises in uplifting trance, and so I w a s h o p i n g a little bit of that m i g h t be just w h a t the doctor ordered. A l a s , he just didn't get my fire burni ng . The d a w n set w a s t a k e n by J u d g e Jules, w h o t u r n e d i n a diamond-edged performance, p l e a s i n g the c r o w d w i t h out feeling the need to go anthemic. But I w a s a c h i n g for bed, and no D J in the w o r l d w o u l d have got me to dance. Sunrise: brilliant lemon-coloured light cut through the glass of the east side of the dome, g i l d i n g the interior, and dissolving the distant silhouettes of people. That, and the clarifying m o r n i n g chill, gave me a moment of lucidity, and for the first time I felt like I w a s in 2002.


arts reviews





The Thief of Tears Etcetera Theatre, Camden

Rent Prince of Wales Theatre

The Oxford A r m s Pub on C a m d e n H i g h Street is an ideal place to get some shelter on a w i n t e r day after w a n d e r i n g through the C a m d e n Market all the afternoon. The pub looks old and w o r n out, but what's special w i t h the place is that upstairs it hides a cosy connoisseurs' venue: the Etcetera Theatre.

The nation w a s consoled at A d a m Rickett's departure from Coronation Street only b y the steamy launch of his scantily clad pop career. So imagine the delight of his latest project, promising a bubbly fusion both his soap acting talent w i t h his boybandesque dulcet tones. After torturing the rest of the country for the past months, Rent is n o w back in London for a disappointing 8 weeks only (disappointing in its longevity, not brevity).

The current production is Jeffrey Hatcher's "The Thief of Tears", a monologue from the trilogy "Three Viewings", aw arded in 1993 w i t h the Rosenthal N e w Play Prize. Natalie Bromley graduated last summer i n E n g l i s h at Cambridge, a n d she has already s h o w n her skills as an actress at the E d i n b u r g h Festival. Her first appearance on the L o n d o n theatre scenery sees her i n the challenging double role of producer and actress. The show lasts for half an hour and the stage is as static as a stage can be: the only object on it is a bench that at some point the character turns into a coffin, but through her convincing acting only. The thief of tears is a young A m e r i c a n woman, of granny's funeral. She's a thief of tears because she hangs around the funerals of u n k n o w n w e a l t h y people and as she kneels d o w n on the coffin to moan she tries and steals jewelry from the dead body. She's content w i t h her w a y of living until she tries to steal the ring that she has dreamt about d u r i n g her childhood that her past starts to pour out through the leaks of her conscience. The d y n a m i s m of this play is terrific, y o u c a n say anything, except that it is boring. The mood switches so many times b e t w e e n comic, dramatic, a n d tragic tones. The skilled lightwork transforms the scenery accordingly but is on Natalie the most of the burden. Hatcher has m a n a g e d to write a monologue fit to challenge the actress and to strip bare her skills and shortages, but I must say that Natalie comes out very w e l l from this trial, s h o w i n g a confidence w o r t h that of an experienced actor and proving herself able to act i n both dramatic genders. Concluding, the theatre is a bit far a w a y and a trip to C a m d e n for a very short play could seem w a s t e d but if you happen to be in the right place at the right time, t h e n it's value for money at £5-9. For those w i t h t h e s p i a n ambitions instead it is a must: take it as a technical challenge. C o u l d you do that?


Ominous from the start, the show begins w i t h Rickett setting the scene. Playing Mark, as an amateur arty-film-type, he annoys most of the characters as he introduces them, poking his cine-camera i n peoples' faces. This introduction, a n d most of A d a m ' s performance is startlingly confusing. H i s Peewee Herman-ised A m e r i c a n accent stutters a n d vomits its w a y through the show, tearing into his songs. The set, around w h i c h the characters bounce, is faultless. Graffiti scarred brickwork, misted i n steam as it drifts from sewers provides a convincing backdrop of a r u n d o w n N e w York side street. The said street gives rise to the characters squat in w h i c h most of the characters live (legally thanks to the generosity of Benny, an evil-type). The basic plot (and it is basic) follows A d a m a n d his b a n d of squatters as they are faced w i t h eviction from the squat. But there's a t w i s t < g a s p > . Benny's ultimatum is for the squatters to help h i m stop a "homelessness demonstration" or face eviction. Confusing HIV/AIDS subplot emerges w h i c h seems to affect all the characters, but w h i c h unsurprisingly the publicity material makes no reference to. The emotional tumult of friendships, romances, arguments and deaths should engage you, even at a musical, but so plucked from thin air, and so quickly do they surface and disappear, that it's hard to feel anything but pity for people as they writhe around the stage i n pretend agony. There have to be more entertaining w a y s of spendi n g three hours (and £15), than seeing Rent. The pure energy from the cast, a n d sterling si ngi ng performances from several, are not enough to demystify poor acting, unemotional situations, and a flat, confusing plot. D i d they lose it or d i d I?








N O N S E N S E .



P R E S E N T .





P A S S E N G E R S .

B A C K .

W A T E R .

Join us for an informal presentation at our European Headquarters, One Cabot Square, Canary Wharf at 6pm on 4 February. Meet ex interns, junior and senior professionals and find out more about the opportunities we can offer for Summer 2002. Places will be allocated on a first come first served basis, so to attend please email It might be a summer internship. It might last just eight to twelve weeks. But, for those prepared to work hard, ask questions and show initiative, it's also a real job with real responsibility. We'll expect you to ask questions when you join us. S o why not get into the swing of it by asking a few at our presentation. Find out about an investment bank that's on its way to becoming the world's number one. Discover whether there's a role that's right for you in our Investment Banking, Fixed Income or Equity divisions. For more information and to apply, please click on


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Dress Code: Smart/International






Thursday 7


February 2002

Dinner - Cultural Show - After Show Party V e n u e :

G r e a t

h a l l / M D H


M e m b e r s :


N o n

M e m b e r s :



n v o i l o b l e

f r o m

U n i o n

• imperial • • • college union

reviews book

The Third Policeman Flann O'Brien, £4.99

Pest Control Bill Fitzhugh, £5.99

The Third Policeman is a truly unique novel w i t h obvious Irish origins, a tale set i n a reality where the basic rules of our w o r l d no longer apply. It surrounds an i n d i v i d u a l w h o is forced from one strange situation to another, the fact that you w i l l never know the name of the m a i n character is an indication of the style of this novel.

One of the most humorous books p u b l i s h e d i n 2000 w a s Dave Barry's B i g Trouble and w a s reviewed in Felix i n the autumn of that year. A l t h o u g h nothing this year came close to the hilarity of this story I d i d happen to read over Christmas a very amusing and well-written debut novel by Bill F i t z h u g h called Pest Control. Bob Dillon (you can see where some of the jokes comes from straight away) is an unhappy exterminator i n N e w York City. Bob is trying to find a better w a y of dealing w i t h the city's dirtiest and most unwelcome creatures. You see, Bob is an environmentally friendly b u g exterminator and decides to quit his job in the hope that he can breed "super" bugs that w i l l kill your common household pests without the need for pesticides and poisonous sprays.

He is brought u p i n circumstances that are a little strange. A n only child w h o s e parents both die w h e n he is very young, he is sent to an expensive boarding school. M e a n t i m e somebody else is left to look after the family farm, namely John Divney. A t boarding school he starts to develop an interest in de Selby, an eccentric physicist/ philosopher from the e n d of the nineteenth century. By the time he leaves boarding school and returns to the farm he intends to devote his time to cataloguing all of de Selby's works and the w o r k of all his commentators. However, once this is complete he needs money to p u b l i s h it. The farm is not doing w e l l , however. A t J o h n Divney's suggestion the decision is eventually made to murder old Mathers w h o keeps his money in a black metal c a s h box. J o h n Divney hides the box until it is 'safe' to use the money but does not reveal the h i d i n g place for three years, d u r i n g w h i c h time a rather strained relationship builds u p b e t w e e n them. Once the h i d i n g place is revealed our protagonist goes to collect it. What follows is a tale of his attempts to get hold of this box. This tale moves from strange t o , bizarre to completely obscene, an army of three l e g g e d m e n and bicycles w i t h personalities are just t w o examples from the w o r l d created by O'Brien. The aura of surreal abnormality w i t h i n this novel makes it a wonderful book to escape into and I w a r n you, you w i l l probably w a n t to read it twice. W h a t starts out as a murder becomes a black comedy, eventually reaching a dark conclusion, do not be fooled b y the appearance that this is a comedy of circumstance, there is a very grave moral underlying. The T h i r d Policeman b y F l a n n O'Brien is p u b l i s h e d b y Flamingo priced at £4.99.


Bob places his advertisement for his n e w extermination service in the local papers and the ad falls into the hands of a middle man for a world-wide assassination service w h o believes that Bob and his title of "The A s s a s s i n " is a veiled reference to his status as a hit-man. G e t t i ng an idea of the trouble i n store, Bob begs off the lucrative job he's offered. But w h e n the victim is accidentally killed anyway, the middleman, a s s u m i n g Bob's managed the job w i t h unusual finesse, duly sends h i m his fee. Every thing sounds status quo until the UPS package w i t h the money gets held on the w a y to Bob; his wife and daughter, impatient w i t h his approach to pest control, w a l k out on him; and the brother and murderer of a Bolivian drug-lord w h o wants to cover up his o w n crime informs the w o r l d that it w a s the work of the Exterminator and offers a $10 million bounty to whoever kills Bob, attracting all the top exterminators in the field. Pest Control is a very w e l l w r i t t e n and humourous novel. The characters stand out as very real people and Bob is the your typical " m a n in w r o n g place at the w r o n g time." The t w o main stars of this novel without a doubt are Bob's y o u n g daughter and the bugs themselves w h o finally come to Bob's assistance towards the end of this very light but highly entertaining read. Pest Control is the first of four books by Bill F i t z h u g h and is published by Arrow, priced £5.99.


film reviews


Lord Of The Rings: Fellowship Of The Ring

Va Savoir released 8th January

A s one of the most h y p e d a n d eagedy awaited releases of last year, many of you may have already seen Lord Of The Rings. For those w h o haven't, it is a truly excellent film. It may not live up to its hype as the n e w Star Wars or the best move ever made, but it's still definitely w o r t h seeing.

Life is story, story is life. The A r t s and their connection to the lives of those involved i n t h e m is a particular fascination of Jacques Rivette; and he is back w i t h it again i n his n e w comedy. In a previous film Rivette used Pericles as the central axis of the narrative, and n o w for Va Savoir he has chosen Pirandello's As You Desire Me, a piece about illusion a n d identity. The film's six lead characters are all related in some w a y to a touring production of the play and the long sequences w e are s h o w n from performances of it let us d r a w parallels b e t w e e n the actors' lives and those of their onstage personas, w h i l s t at the same time not a l l o w i n g us to forget that the film w e are w a t c h i n g is itself fiction.

The film opens w i t h a brief r u n - d o w n of the story of the ring that immediately d r a w s the viewer into Tolkien's fantasy w orl d. The special effects i n this scene - and, indeed, though out the film - are among the most realistic I have ever seen. Director Peter J a c k s o n follows i n the epic footsteps of Ridley Scott (in the likes of Blade Runner a n d Gladiator), creating a real yet alternative world, full of rich textural detail that aids the suspension of disbelief. Moreover, the film as a whole is very atmospheric, fuelled t h r o u g h o u t b y a dark, b r o o d i n g sense of dread. Foreboding runs throughout, especially in the scenes w i t h the ring wraiths. After this opening, the pace slows as w e are s h o w n Hobiton on the eve of Bilbo B a g g i n s ' birthday. A g a i n the special effects are excellent, w i t h the three and a half foot hobbits played b y digitally reduced actors. The film could quite easily have fallen into farce and h i g h c a m p without the naturalistic, solid performances by Elijah Wood and the other hobbit actors. One of the most memorable scenes of the film is the fight between Gandalf a n d Saruman i n Orcthanc (the tower of Isengrad). Christopher Lee and Ian M c K e l l e n are perfect for the roles of w a r r i n g sorcerers a n d are truly realistic and frightening. However, there is a glaring continuity error: Saruman takes Gandalfs's staff from him, yet it turns up later (with no explanation as to h o w it w a s returned). Another major flaw w i t h the film is the ending. Despite

W i t h audiences d w i n d l i n g , their production arrives in Paris, and the female lead, Jeanne Balibar, immediately reacquaints herself w i t h an old beau, in an effort to alleviate boredom. This leaves her director, co-star lover, Sergio Castellitto, alone in his attempts to find the long-lost G o l d o n i manuscript that he believes w i l l save his flagging company. Fortuitously he comes across a beautiful young graduate, Helene de Fougerolles, whose family just happens to have the entire G o l d o n i back catalogue - but de Fougerolles' loutish half-brother stands in the w a y of obtaining it and some careful manoeuvrings ensue. The troupe's love-interest musical-chairs is a central to Va Savoir, w i t h m u c h farce-like humour coming from all the various partner s w a p p i n g . The art/life blurring is good to w a t c h , w i t h coincidences and overplayed scenes a d d i n g to the feeling of artifice, as exemplified by the huggy-kissy, onstage happy ending. H a v i n g previously made the titanically long Out One (over 13

remaining true to the book, it's comes across flat, offering no sense of completion or finality - and consequently the film works far less w e l l as a movie i n its o w n right than Star Wars. It is this ending that stops Lord Of The Rings being as outstanding as other films like Goodfellas and Die Hard and moves it into the 'very good but not great' category.

hours, if you were wondering), Rivette manages to stretch out this comedy to a lengthy t w o and a half hours, but this does allow for a leisurely accumulation of humour and characterisation. The first act is a little slow, but after that w e are treated to the fantastic, intellectual musings about love a n d art of the sort that is only found in N e w Wave cinema. Quite simply, this is just a lot of fun.

Alex Dunbar

Adam Joyce

reviews film


Felix O n F i l m Competition W h e n a routine drug deal is not w h a t it seems. Clayton Pierce, anti-terrortist agent, w o r k i n g undercover, finds out that the deal is actually a nuclear bomb. In a w o r l d where the truth has a price. A n d the price is the truth. Timelapse is a straight-tovideo B-movie w h i c h you have a chance to w i n . Just answer this simple question: Who directed this year's The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Chicken Wing? a) Peter J a c k s o n b) Barrie Osborne c) Colonel Sanders A n s w e r s to:

Blackhawk Down released 18th January 17:37, 3rd October, 1993: American UH-60 Blackhawk helicopters drop 120 elite soldiers into downtown Mogadishu to kidnap Somalian warlord Mohammed Farrah Aidid's top advisors and military officials. The operation is scheduled for an hour. 09:11, 4th October, 1993: 18 Americans are dead and 73 wounded in the biggest single firefight involving American troops since the Vietnam war. Somalian officials claim that one thousand militia have been killed; independent observers place the estimate somewhere around five-hundred. In 1993, Somalia w a s suffering from terrible famine, hundreds of thousands h a d already d i e d and millions were facing starvation. The country's most powerful warlord, M o h a m m e d Farrah A i d e d , w a s q u e l l i ng food distribution in an attempt to w i n Somalia's long and bloody civil war. Faced w i t h a humanitarian disaster on a b i b l i c a l scale, the U n i t e d Nations intervened, w i t h food airlifts and peacekeeping forces. In the meantime, the U.S. military set up operation Task Force Ranger, to root out a n d remove A i d e d and his staff. The operation culminated w i t h intelligence pointing to a b u i l d i n g in central M o g a d i s h u , where A i d e d ' s top lieutenants were hiding. A highly trained t e a m w a s assembled to ki dnap them. If everyt h i n g w e n t according to p l a n then the m i s s i o n w o u l d take one hour and there w o u l d be no A m e r i c a n casualties. Blackhawk Down tells the story of the k i d n a p p i n g and the subsequent Battle of M o g a d i s h u in graphic detail. Rarely before has the A m e r i c a n public been exposed to the bare physical reality of warfare. Ridley Scott's movie should put off any prospective army recruit. I mean, w h o w a n t s to have their legs b l o w n off by a rocket propelled grenade? Not me. I w o u l d prefer to get legless d o w n Southside. Despite the breath-takingly realistic action sequences the movie's centrepiece is a message about friendship, heroism, and the true nature of war. But this is really a case of Hollywood rewriting history. The truth is that the operation w a s characterised by incompetence on behalf of the A m e r i c a n leadership, a complete failure of intelligence, and infighting.

Francis Ford Coppola once said that the artistic obligation of any director making a w a r movie is to make an anti-war movie. Ridley Scott's Blackhawk Down is not anti-war. It is an attempt to hide historical events such as this b e h i n d a w a l l of cliched sentimentality, in a patent refusal to serve u p the real truth about the sheer idiocy of A m e r i c a n involvement in Somalia. It also champions the ignorance of the i n d i v i d u a l soldiers as they sacrifice their lives unquestioningly for a cause that proved to be so trifling for US policymakers that President C l i n t o n called off the whole of operation Task Force Ranger the next day. In the light of recent events in A f g h a n i s t a n this movie w i l l provide real insight into the methods employed the US i n their covert operations abroad. The importance of intelligence gathering. This is modern A m e r i c a n warfare. No longer the interminable struggle b e t w e e n the huge armies of t w o nations. Instead you have short and isolated encounters b e t w e e n highly trained and equipped A m e r i c a n forces and third-world militia armed w i t h rocks and Soviet machine-guns. The sheer m i s m a t c h b e t w e e n US soldiers and Somalian militia makes painful v i e w i n g at times. A n d as so often in Ridley Scott movies, the plot and characters take a back seat and you are left w i t h a series of d a z z l i n g and often disturbing images and impressions of a terrible battle. The acting is completely forgettable a n d Ridley Scott is the only star of the show. The characters are all faceless cliches. There's the idealist w h o cries, the pragmatist w h o smokes, kills, and lives life on the edge, and the guy w h o always has a picture of his wife and child handy just w h e n he's going to die. "Tell her...ugh... that I lo... lov... loathe cheesy deaths," I clearly remember h i m saying, before realising that he's m i s s i n g a torso. The dialogue is always corny to the point of hilarity. Producer, Jerry Bruckheimer's presence is felt only too w e l l . There is a clear p a r a l l e l here w i t h Pearl Harbour and Armageddon in terms of the moralising and hero-worship. But w h a t partly redeems the movie is the action, at times on a par w i t h the opening t w e n t y minutes of Saving Private Ryan, w i t h the only criticism b e i n g that there is too m u c h of it. The action becomes diluted, especially w i t h cliched characters. Because w h o cares w h e n a cliche dies? It's already dead. So overall, it may look and sound spectacular, but Down is boring.



coffee break

Crossword by Dr. Hot Fudge Across 1. W i z a r d gives s e c o n d goblin to t w o queens. (8) 4. Wooly garment makes dash from church. (6) 9. Perfect partners cheat b a d l y in d e p a r t m e n t store. (7)


11. M u s i c a l drink gives an understanding. (7) 12. Prophet on e c s t a s y goes to crooked jail before hospital. (6) 13. Bloke outside temporary settlement gets battered? (6) green team 15. Sickly comes to mutual conclusion. (9)


16. Insect holds g u n over point. (4)

A n s w e r to 1223 - Across: Veranda, Lucifer, C h i m n e y Sweepers, Tawny, Tacit, Smile, Dry Rot, Nipple, A c m e s , Phalli, U n p l u g , Naive, Atrip, Taste, Oral Stimulation, Pretext, Manager. D ow n:

Vacated, R a i l w a y Carriage, Nanny, A s y l u m , Lawful, Cheat,

French Polishing, Rosette, Stain, Iambi, Ensue, Pea-Soup, Greener, Artist, Vacuum, Piste, Train.

19. One extra in copyright object. (4) 21. Girl's furniture is an ornithological device. (4, 5) 25. Toast at the bar? (6) sheep in 26. C o o k e d syphilis, perhaps. (6) of carriage 28. Picture w i t h ring on. (7) 29. E q u a t i o n of class at university of louisiana. (7)

Hey there good buddies. Fudge and Cyclops are back in business, bringing you the latest in p u z z l e d o m and all-purpose lubricants for another term of fun-filled madness. Our apologies for not making an appearance last w e e k but w e were late i n returning from our break in Thailand, 30. Currency group i n vegw h i c h w a s spent filming our u p c o m i n g masterpiece: "Bangkok C h i c k etable. (6) Boys II - Cyclops sheds a tear." The w i nner of last week's collaboration 31. Calculated by compacrossword is M i c h a e l Bye, Physics II. I don't k n o w who those t w o idiots ny politician and U t a h were w h o served u p that d i s g u s t i n g vomit in the guise of a x-word, but editor. (8) rest assured t h e y ' l l never be a l l o w e d to do it again. Until next time, be excellent to each other. Dr. Hot Fudge

1. 2. 3 5.



cian? (6) D e c o m p o s i n g over the top in circle (7) besides East L o n d o n college. (4) T u m o u r i n cheek of irish mother. (6) D e s t r u c t i o n of god before charge. (7)

Removes extensions surrounding endless track. (8) 8. S p i d e r s m a n g l e d i n crash ad. (9) 10. C u r e d leader holding the French. (6) 14. Foreigner receives allowance after January 2001. (9) 7.

17. L a t e d r i n k t a k e n i n nocturnal headgear. (5-3) 18. Teacher holds flagpole at east river. (6) 20. P r o s i t u t i o n v e h i c l e s ? (7) 22. Case of legal clothing. (7) 23. Organise again at holiday destination. (6) 24. M a n t akes h e a d l e s s N e d to battle over penny. (6) 27. Hairstyle of a french zero.(4)

know o -ftn civil tranters.

Frtt packet of crisps, SIR? How obowfsofM italiciouJcUcola+t?

~~3 CD CD CT CD' U)


break coffee

G F Q Q - The Great Felix Quote Quiz b y

B o b b y

C y c l o p s


Dr. Hot

F u d g e

Number of players: 60

Bond Quotes Special!

The L e a d e r B o a r d - top 15

1. "Red wine with fish. Well, that should have told me


2. "His name's Jaws....he kills people." 3. "Tve never killed a midget before, but there can always be a first time!" 4 . " I feel a slight stiffness coming on." 5. "You defy all my attempts to plan an amusing death for you! You're not a sportsman Mr. Bond! Why did you break up the encounter with my pet-python?" Bonus Question. To what does Bond liken drinking Dom Perignon 53 above a temperature of 38 degrees Farenheit? ]

Name A n d r e w Ince Simon N o r t h Daniel Sauder Christopher Dent Chris Ince A n t h o n y Rodriques John Anderson Rebekah H y m a s Arosha Bandara Gregory M a n n Geoff Lay K i m Randell Vuk Cerovic Fred M a r q u i s Chris Toffis

Score 73 73 72.5 69 68.5 67 65.5 62.5 61 59.5 58 58 55 51.5 51

A n s w e r s to or to the Felix Office West W i n g Basement, Beit Quad.

Answers to lyric special: 1. Raindrops Keep Fallin' O n M y Head/B. J Thomas - B u t c h C a s s i d y & the Sundance K i d 2. Windmills of Your Mind/Noel Harrison - Thomas C r o w n Affair (orig.) 3. U p Where We Belong/Joe Cocker - A n Officer a n d A Gentleman 4. Fame/Iren Cara - Fame 5. M o o n River/Audrey H e p b u r n - Breakfast at Tiffany's Bonus. A l l of these films w o n an Oscar for best song in the respective motion pictures.

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'You amuse me, Mr. Bond!'








n i l

Welcome back 'Packers! I hope you accept my apologies for my absence last week, but the 'Doc is such a d e m a n d i n g actor to work w i t h : he refuses to shoot unless he gets his t w o fudge-fingers at 9am. Back to more pressing matters: it's time for another helping of G F Q Q ! Remember, the quiz ends in M a r c h at the end of the Spring Term, so keep sharp and send i n your entries if you w a n t to w i n the super G r a n d Prize! The end-of-term prize ('Bad Motherfucker' w a l let) at Christmas w a s w o n by S i m o n N o r t h after a tie-break question w i t h A n d r e w Ince. These t w o characters are still t i e d at the top of the leaderboard - w e need challengers to dislodge them from their perch. To start the year w e have a special B o n d G F Q Q featuring famous quips from both 007 himself and various villains/henchmen from B o n d films from across the years. I'm surprised w e haven't touched upon this subject before... where else can you find names like Holly Goodhead, Fatima Blush, Plenty O'Toole and, of course, Pussy Galore? Well, same rules as always (Film, Character/Actor) - good luck, see you next week! Bobby Cyclops

The Royal College of Science Union Presents the Second Annual


t h

- 27

t h

J A N U A R Y 2002



0 To book your ticket or for more information, email or pop into the R C S U office (on U n w i n R o a d between

C i v E n g and


e e s If you play a match, you can have it reported in Felix. A l l you have to do is write it down, and get it to the Felix office in any way you like by 11pm on Wednesday evening. It w i l l then, hopefully, be published bv the followincr Friday, and. everyone w i l l know of your w i n . I'm assuming you w i l l w i n . If you don't, you can report it too, and at least you'll get sympathy, or some-

sport active

Netball ICI18 I C S M 34 What can w e say... too m u c h drinking at School Disco & too much dacning - sore feet... w e l l if w e can't play netball, w e have to say w e can play better drinking games! We started w i t h scores drawing all the way, until they started getting more, that is. Ruthyb a b y w a s superb & q u i c k

around the court, a n d t h e n Claire kept that ball from going out of the centre third. But even Claire (our medic w h o plays for the right team!!) couldn't always stop the 6+ ft (we're sure there should be a height limit i n netball - if you can reach the ring without jumping y o u shouldn't b e allowed to play... r a i n b o w coloured socks are always going to put people off.

too) shooter from getting the b a l l . K a t h r y n kept t h e G o a l Attack (GA) completely out of the shooting b y blocking her out of the 'D'. Beckie (out most valuable player of the match) scored m a n y a m a z i n g goals from all sorts of positions, and H a n n a h , w i t h her d a n c i n g spins, got free of her G o a l Defence (GD) at every turn, finishing off w i t h some beautiful

goals. J e s s fought against Hannah - a medic w h o h a d decided to do trials w i t h us, but n o w plays for the medics... traitor! Just a few grunts a n d grimaces for t h e first m a t c h , though i n the 3rd a n d 4th quarters, the medics extended their lead, despite all our efforts. We played a good match, but couldn't quite pull it off. Jess

Ladies Hockey ever Nobody w o u l d have believed it. Five-nil to t h e ladies' seconds! It w a s more than w e could ever dream of. The m a t c h s t a r t e d w i t h a smooth move from Bex taking the ball into their half, w h i c h w a s where it stayed for the

remainder of the game. Less t h a n five minutes i n , our supreme captain N i k k i scored w e were all astonished. A couple of minutes later the t w o J e n s c o m b i n e d light forces resulting i n Jenny D placing a nifty one past their keeper.

After some excellent defending of the centre line b y A n i t a and Sally, Chloe grabbed the ball and took he score to 3-0. Half time came and passed, and our magnificence w a s not surpressed. One more each from N i k k i and Jenny, some fantastic

Live sport o n t h e

RSM Football A cold January w i n d b l e w over the desolate, waterlogged pitch. Stobbs wandered aimlessly from the changing rooms and by the time he reached the pitch, the mighty R S M were 1-0 d o w n , after only thirty seconds. However, it w a s clear to everyone that this early surge w a s just a flash i n the pan. The pitch glowed, the crowd silenced and SOAS quivered in their feeble boots as the mighty ex-skipper graced t h e field w i t h his presence. That w a s the best it w a s ever going to get for SOAS, and b y the looks on their faces, they k n e w it. Rob Thomas (the defensive prodigy) inspired the dynamic movement of n e w left back, bionic G a z N o r t h a m as he stormed u p the pitch w i t h the

debutant extraordinare Ludo b y his side. Sweet interplay w a s t h e theme i n the presence of the legend, Sir A n d y M a s o n w h o co-ordinated the rising stars' E l Capitane Schluch-es-Menzies. Lord Peter took the ball from w h a t seemed an uncompromisi n g position. H e played what s e e m e d a n impossible b a l l through to t h e deviant yet explicitly talented James Stewert who split the defence like a grade 1 clipper through a taliban's beard. Dear Lord, Pete w a s great, Ludo rolled a six, Bertie got shirty and n e w keeper Johnnie played the strikers like a cheap G e r m a n harmonica. Thanks to Ken w h o scored four goals. Final score: R S U 4-1 SOAS.

runs from Marianne, excellent tackles from M a r y Hafia, a n d marvellous defending from Karen H and the score stood 5-0 as the final whistle blew. A n d where w o u l d w e have been without the somewhat bored, belly-shuffling Karen M i n goal?


S a t u r d a y 19th J a n . Aberdeen v Rangers 5.35pm b a r o p e n a t 12 n o o n


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Wednesrfdty*"23rd J a n . Dumfermline v Rangers

7.45pm imperial

G r o u n d P r i n c e


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