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FELIX May hew: IRA must call ceasefire again before talks

The student newspaper of Imperial College Issue 1050 February 16th 1996

Bookshop bid may cost ÂŁ80K Y

Y The Northern Ireland Secretary Sir Patrick Mayhew visited Imperial College on Wednesday, amid the furore following the IRA bombing of Docklands last Friday. H e spoke to a packed Mechanical Engineering lecture theatre on the Ulster peace process in the wake of the breaking of the paramilitary's ceasefire. College stepped-up security for Sir Patrick's arrival to address the gathering, organised by the Conservative Society. H e described the current situation as "a time of great disappointment |and| great anxiety", and spoke of his sympathy for the victims of Friday's attack and their relatives. He also expressed hope that the peace process could be brought back on track as quickly as possible, and that this would be through round-table discussions between the factions in the province. He explained the hurdle preventing the setting up of allparty talks on the future of the province, as a "question of conti-

Continuc.d mi page three

College authorities have indicated that they may ask for up to ÂŁ80,000 a year from the bidder successful in their application to run the new bookstore. IC's Estates Department are planning to launch an 'invitation to tender' to gauge the interest of major book companies, such as Blackwells and Dillons, in managing the proposed shop. They will also consider an application from I C U , who currently run the shop on the Sherfield Walkway, but Union officials are concerned that they will be priced out of the market. The insist they could offer at least as good a level of service to students, but haven't the extensive capital of larger chainstores. The Director of Estates, Ian Caldwell, insisted that the bids "will be judged on.a balanced set of criteria between service, the financial deal, and the risk."



Sir Patrick Mayhew: not too busy after the bomb to talk to ConSoc

t The Right Honourable Michael Foot entertained a pack theatre on Wednesday evening, speaking on H G Wells, the subject of the former Labour leader's new biography. page 4

The Estates Department are planning to include the large bookstore on the ground floor of the library (Felix 1044) when it is expanded as part of the current expansion plans.

s The papers for next year's sabbatical positions will come down this evening at 6pm. Although further candidates have stood in the past week, two of the posts remain uncontested. page 3

University of London U n i o n President Ghassan Karian outlined the new shape of U L U ' s constitution. Under discussion was the representation of the medical schools. page 2









ULU constitution debated


News i n brief


leges brought about by the Tomlinson report have changed The University of London this. Union's constitution became a Under the new rules, subject of heated discussion at London's medical schools togethICU Council meeting on er have only 4 delegates to the Monday evening. Ghassan Karian, President ol U L U , was Senate between them. Some medics have said that this means invited to the meeting to talk on that they will have less representhe four month review of the tation on the new body. One constitution. In his speech, M r Karian said council member suggested that the fact that the medical schools that the recent Education A c t will still send delegates to G U C which reformed the structure of separately from their parent colstudent unions, and pressure to leges was just "half-cocked make the Union more accountappeasement", defeating the aim able were the main driving forces of the integration of the medical behind the review. The U L U inischools. M r Karian said that tiated a consultation process there would be another review in which began in September, and five years time. is now reaching its conclusion The Sports and Societies with ratification by the student sabbatical post was proposed as a unions of the University. solution to the conflict of interThe main changes from the est between the Sports Council old constitution involve reprePresident and the V P for Sports sentation of the medical schools and Recreation. The two posiand the proposal to introduce a tions will be merged to form the new Sports and Societies sabbatnew post with the aim of improvical post. The medical schools are ing efficiency. currently grouped together as A motion to implement the "Med Group" and send 20-30 new document, sponsored by delegates to the General Union U L U V P Tara Jefferson, was Council of U L U but the mergers approved by Council. between medical schools and col-


students and staff alike to be aware of this method of entry by criminals.

e d The burglar apprehended in the Southside Halls two weeks ago as reported in Felix 1048, has been charged by the police on three counts of burglary. The name of the burglar has not been released yet, though he is believed to be from the London area. IC's Deputy Head of Security, Kenneth Weir, still has some property in his possession recovered at the time of the burglary, for which no owner has come forward. If you lost a large men's suit at the time of the thefts, M r Weir at the security control in Sherfield w i l l be pleased to help you.

A A ground breaking appearance of St Mary's Dramatic Society at I C U next week has raised hopes of more cooperation between Mary's and I C . Shakespeare's play Measure for Measure is currently being shown at St Mary's Union. The production is being brought over to South Kensington for performances on Tuesday and Wednesday.

s t The Albert Hall was taken over by the massed bands of H e r Majesty's Royal Marines this week as they presented the Mountbatten Festival of Music 1996 in aid of charity. Security was tight, however, with several roads closed to parking and the area patrolled by police all week.

s n The Physics department was the victim of yet another computer hardware robbery over the weekend. A.selection of memory chips were taken from personal computers in a fourth floor teaching laboratory. P H O T O : IVAN C H A N

U L U President Ghassan Karian spoke to I C U ' s C o u n c i l meeting on Monday, encouraging members to support his new constitution.

Security believe that the thief 'piggy-backed' in to the building behind a legitimate user of the department, and urged

' 0 Two geology students called to Union disciplinary after breaking into I C U Print Unit earlier this month have been charged with the cost of the damage they catised. Last Friday's meeting also banned from entering the Union premises for the rest of this term. The I C band Herb had to pull out of the Jazz, Rock and Ents . Friday night rock "Abandon" on finding that one of their member was no longer allowed in the building. Senior Union sources have expressed disappointment that the punishment was too lenient.

w h Researchers in America announced this week that they have discovered a new type of lifeform, distinct from all others. The work in Wyoming's Yellowstone National Park concentrated on the genetic differences between various microbes, utilising recent advances in structural molecular biology. This has meant that microbes that are outwardly similar in structure have been revealed to be somewhat different at a genetic level. The discoverer of these new lifeforms claims that it will revolutionise the way scientists classify species. On a related note, builders in Romania have uncovered a cave containing 31 new species. The cave was originally under water, but became separated when the Black Sea water level fell. Inside the cave, there has been no sunlight for 5 million years, and the creatures have established an alternate food chain exclusive of photosynthesis. Scientists have established that all the energy for the ecosystem originates from when bacteria oxidise the hydrogen sulphide abundant in the cave.










N I m i n i s t e r appeal to S i n n Fein continued from front page

dence" in the intentions of nationalists: "there has to be confidence that the ceasefires are real". Both the British and Irish governments have stated that they will not meet with Sinn Fein until the IRA reinstate the ceasefire that was broken on Friday after seventeen months. In response to the continuing demands of Sinn Fein to be immediately included in all-party talks, Sir Patrick said that "we share that desire", but that democratic talks are impossible with the threat of violence: "no one can have a gun under the table or a gun outside the door". He went on to outline the state of the Northern Ireland peace process, and the position of the government and other parties on the continuationof the process in the light of the IRA's resumption of violence. H e restated the government's aims for the process: "we are about trying to help., achieve a lasting settlement", saying that any settlement was "not to be imposed [and must be | founded on consent".

recommendations in the report, he said, and pointed out the section calling for all parties to sign up to the principle of democratic methods. The report also concluded that the I R A was not going to accede to government demands that it decommission weapons before joining talks, and suggested that talks start before decommissioning. The process hit problems last week when the government gave support to the Unionist proposal of holding elections in Ulster leading to all-party talks. Sir Patrick said the intention of this plan was to "enable all parties to have a democratic mandate." H e finished by telling of the Irish people's horror at the prospect of

a return to violence, saying that the terrorists "live in a kind of rock pool", and that 17 months of peace had "reduced their support to a minuscule level." The minister then opened the floor to questions from the audience. O n being asked about decommissioning of paramilitary weapons and how to measure the stability of any return to the ceasefires, he said "of course The minister attacked [decommissioning] remains the reports from nationalists that the best [path]". H e agreed with the government had ignored the conassertion that the ceasefires clusions of the Mitchell report on should include a ban on punishthe future of the process, saying ment beatings", forced expulsions they were simply "not true". The government had accepted all six and other crimes the paramili-

taries have continued to committhroughout the ceasefire: "we have not had a true peace." H e asserted that the activities had as much political purpose as the bombing campaign, intending to "subvert the R U C " and "tell the people the IRA are in charge". The spectre of a return to the use of internment of terrorist suspects without trial was raised by Ian Bayley, who suggested that the policy could be acceptable to the people of Ireland if it was operated by some sort of AngloIrish body, representing all sides of the community. Sir Patrick commented "every country has [provisions in the legislature] for internment", intended to be used "as a matter of last resort." The British power comes under the terms of the Emergency Provisions A c t, which is up for renewal by Parliament in the near future. The Labour party has previously stated its opposition to keeping the power of internment within the act, but the government is adamant. Sir Patrick said "it is necessary as a matter of prudence to keep that power", adding "I feel very strongly [that it should remain an option]". H e also praised the Labour Party's "staunch support for the government", insisting that no party would risk peace for party political reasons.

Sir Patrick became uncomfortable only once during the questioning, looking agitated on the subject of last Friday's bomb at Canary Wharf. A member of the audience asked whether he thought that the leadership of Sinn Fein had prior knowledge of the docklands bombing. Sir Patrick replied he was "unable to answer that", since the leadership themselves were the ones to ask. When pressed for his own opinions, he stated firmly: "I don't want to share my personal view." He instead reminded the audience of a widely reported incident last year, when the Sinn Fein president Gerry Adams was addressing a party rally, and responded to a shout from the crowd of "Bring back the I R A " with "They haven't gone away, you know." One member of the audience took exception to this, shouting out: "That was out of context and you know it." Sir Patrick replied staunchly: "Perhaps the context was the context of last Friday." The gathering ended on a note of mild confusion. As the audience prepared to leave, a member of the Conservative Society informed the minister that a bottle of whisky adjacent to the podium, which he had assumed to be a gift, was merely to be autographed and returned.

f:?c , ,',?,r,Sabb elections "very boring" A r

Y Two of the contests for next year's I C U sabbatical positions look set to he straight one-horse races. A third is dependant on one candidate obtaining most of his quota of seconders' signatures in the final 24 hours before papers come down. Piers Williams, Pub Board chairman and 'publicity and promotions' secretary for S T O I C , is the only person standing for the position of Deputy President (Finance and Services). Similarly, Alex Feakes, news editor of Felix and ex-joint editor of the Royal College of Science Union maga-

sion of a valid I C Union card to be eligible to vote, but little more than 50% of students have one.

zine Broadsheet, faces only New Election as his bid to edit Felix next year. Although two students have signed up for the position of Deputy President (Clubs and Societies), James Handley only had seven seconders' signatures as Felix went to press. Each candadate needs to have twenty seconders to be eligible to run. H i s opponent, Neil O'Shaughnessy, has been fully backed.

Ents D J Luke Moralis have put forward their candidacies. Only Eric Allsop has the requisite support in the bag: Luke needs further seconders names, while Mark Bridge, who signed up on Monday February 5th, is still hunting for a proposer.

The position of I C U President is the only one that might be more hotly contested. In the past week, Eric Allsop, the present I C U Council Chair, and

Union officials are also conThe 'new election' campaign cerned that the elections will see will be run by the current Deputy a very low turnout of voters when they are held on March 4th and Presidents. The position is open for all posts. 5th. Students must be in posse-

Tim Townend, the current Deputy President (Clubs and Societies) commented: "It looks like it's all going to be very boring this year."

In recent years, the Imperial College Union membership ID came as part of the college security swipe card, so every student was automatically issued with one. Separate I C U membership cards have been issued this year in an attempt to remove some of the technical problems associated with using magnetic swipe cards to register votes.










H E funding backtrack by Shephard E There are signs this week that the Government is being forced to reconsider its position on university funding. In the face of almost universal opposition to cuts in the higher education budget, splits between education ministers have come to light. The Education Secretary, Gillian Shephard, has told the Committee of Vice Chancellors and Principals ( C V C P ) that she will present them with broad proposals on the size, structure and funding of higher education. The proposals are expected to be vague, allowing details to be filled in after fuller consideration. The committee has also been presented with a timetable for the discussion of these issues, in time for its meeting today. The move is an attempt to head off action threatened by the C V C P if the current funding crisis is not resolved. These mea-

sures, including the imposition of a ÂŁ300 top-up fee on students, are timed to coincide with the general election, and could damage the Government's campaign [Felix 1049). Many within the C V C P feel that the government's promise of public discussion on higher education is merely a delaying tactic. Clive Booth, vice chancellor of Oxford Brookes University and outgoing vice-chairman of the committee, said: "For too long Government has been saying 'we need a debate'. However, the time has come for some decision." In future discussions, vice chancellors will be attempting to "tie |the Government] down as much as possible on policy and issues." T h e committee has already produced its own proposals on the future of higher education funding, which will be presented to ministers by the end of

the month. Differences of opinion on the future of higher education have even emerged within government ranks. Last week saw the launch of a report on university funding from the Conservative Political Centre (Felix 1049). Speaking at the launch, the Higher Education minister Eric Forth criticised parts of the government's education policy. H e questioned the government's intention to continue increasing availability of higher education: "It needs to be asked whether the current rate o i 30 per cent is about the right proportion." M r Forth also rejected the report's proposal that student maintenance be paid for by an income-contingent loan: "One of the things that irritates me at the moment is that people think that if you talk about income contingent loans frequently enough, the

problem will go away. That simply won't do." The income contingent loans scheme is also supported by the C V C P and other groups. Sir Eric Ash, former Rector of Imperial College and non-executive director of the Student Loans company described the idea as "entirely sensible", and inevitable " i n one form or another". The report also proposes a national academic credit transfer scheme, an idea which is supported by the C V C P . Discussions between Government and universities may not be the only way of making progress on the funding issue. The Association of University Teachers repeated its call for a Royal Commission to be set up to examine the "nightmare issue" of funding. The proposed Commission w o u l d examine opinions from all sides of the debate, and report next summer with a solution.

Foot on Wells Y

vision o f U t o p i a , collecting his idylls of humanity in this tome. It is perhaps saddening to then learn that towards the end of his life he became despondent a n d bitter. Perhaps it is not surprising, considering these last thoughts were written during, and after the Second W o r l d War, soon after which he died. Michael Foot clearly admires Wells as a novelist but above all as a visionary thinker. A s such i t would be inappropriate to compare these two characters on From his allegorical treatthese grounds, Foot seems to be ment of Imperialism in "War of the perfect pupil and humble disthe Worlds", criticising its inhuciple of Wellsian thought. manity, to his prognostication Despite a frail frame and a regarding the effects of atomic malignant tunour on his left eye, power in "World Set Free", Wells Foot delivered an eloquent trained his mind not only on the speech and, unlike Wells in his contemporary problems of old age, is still resolute in his humanity, but also those of the beliefs. future. To illustrate, Foot read a In particular, he is no less passage from "World Set Free" in anxious about the nuclear threat, which Wells imagined the Strand despite the recent non-proliferapopulated with unemployed peotion treaty (which, he says, Wells ple "shamelessly begging." predicted as being the only way to control this form o f technologLater Wells wrote about his

H G Wells is often referred to as the father of Science Fiction. H e is seldom recognised as the social thinker that he was. O n Wednesday evening, as indeed in his recent biography, Michael Foot attempted to highlight this aspect of Wells' work. A better biographer could not have been chosen by Wells' himself for such a task (Foot was leader of the Labour party between 19801983, and is a staunch socialist himself).


Former Labour Party leader, Rt Hon Michael Foot reached deep for his speech on Wednesday evening. He spoke in the Haldane library, and attended a reception afterwards. ical advancement). It is easy to be cynical about Foot's motives to publish this work exactly 50 years after W e l l s ' death, but in fact a

European U n i o n directive has been issued to extend the copyright period. It seems Foot is a genuine socialist warrior to the last.




Didn't they d o well?





1996 .






week Felix will print the manifestos of this year's candidates. To prepare you, we interviewed the current sabbs to see if they stuck to their plans. Next

Tim Townend Reading Tim Townend's manifesto with a year's hindsight, his promises seem courageously precise. Here is a man who pinned his colours to the mast, and in his own inimitable style he has a insistent answer for every question. RW: So have you promoted and encouraged the arts societies? TT: No one's prepared to get off their arses: I've been working hard on getting sponsorship for SCAB e social and cultural amusements boarcl.1, but it's taking some time... they have a much lower purchasing power than the rest. RW: So what the sports clubs: you said you would obtain a high level of coaching in all of them?

TT: All the major sports clubs have the option of coaching (he reams off a list from hockey and rugby to table tennis) RW: And what about 'extending and unifying recreational resources'? TT: Hmm... it's proving very hard... RW: And extending clubs' social links? TT: It's difficult to get people to organise things... Here follows sizeable exegesis on poster boards and refurbishing the SCR into a clubs and socs room. It all sounds fairly impressive. RW: So then, overall, do you think you're doing a good job? TT: Is that the end of my manifesto? RW: Yeah, we've gone through all your points... TT: But what about sponsorship? RW: umm... TT: Shit! 1 didn't even put it in! Yeah! Sponsorship's gone really well.... I hope people don't take things too badly, but basically, the way things are

structured, sabs, spend too much time in day to day running rather than implementing new ideas. That's the way in all these incidences, I've only gone halfway, and I don't suppose I'll get anything finished.

Matt Crompton

g manifesto] Yes we do MC: keep prices down, I do that at every committee that we do. DaVinci's for example, food is actually cheaper now there's the £1 thing. MB: Was that your idea then MC: Not expressly my idea but I backed it fully. I argued against some prices rises too, we've kept all of the prices down as much as we could. We haven't move to Sherfield, we're now looking at much better plans to try and expand and improve existing facilities over here. The Ents lounge is a priority at the moment. We plan to do something with that over the summer, but there's various other things as well, such as the clubs and societies room. Yes, I think I've done a good job. Shame I was ill though, that really buggered everything up this term. It means I now do 15 hour days. MB: So don't get ill then MC: Yes, don't you dare get ill. But whoever stands should expect, I did anyway, especially at this time of year, to be working all hours. Although perhaps not as much as I do now. That's life I suppose. MB: It must be strange, just getting to grips with the job then watching all these new people getting ready. MC: I'm looking forward to the Mary's hustings actually, to see other people

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around things that people said to me when I asked them, before I actually got here, when actually I had time to ask people what they thought. They would say things like "oh, you know we really like the sport pages, we think it's really important to keep up to date with how the sports teams are doing.". But when Sarah White it comes down to it, my hands are comSW: Well what did I actually say I was pletely tied, because I can't go to every fixture and write a report for them, and if going to do though? I can't see anything people don't deliver the goods, there's there, g from manifesto] 'I'm very little you can do. And I guess I feel enthusiastic' No, I'm not totally enthusithat's probably the most frustrating thing astic. I am enthusiastic most of the about it. time. I'm very determined. ... It didn't People here are quite keen to react, really say anything. usually negatively, but are much more MB: A good exercise in not saying anyloathe to actually contribute. When I say thing then. contribute I'm not expecting everyone to SW: My mum helped me write it, she's drop everything and rush and write a six very good at things like that. page epic. You know, contribute their ideas, make suggestions, say "this is what I think would be good", and people Rachel Walters just don't do that. It is quite difficult. I feel slightly proud of the Mary's thing. Rachel, being a writer by nature, reeled Everybody says every year "I'll try and off the following self analysis without letimprove relations with Mary's" and I ting me get a question in. Make of it think I've done that. The fact that I've what you will. got a news reporter who's a Mary's stuRW: Well, I think I've done a reasonable dent, who's really keen and rushes over, amount of it. The big thing I wanted to and that was something that was really do was to expand the coverage of what important to me. We've had an awful lot was happening in college and to try and more news coverage of things that've to have a better level of communication been happening over there. between different groups of people that The other thing I talked about was Clubs are here, and have a more representaand Societies. Well yeah, I think a lot of tive basis of the sort of things that go on, that stuff tends to only appeal to the not only at Imperial but also nationwide. I think we've done that. I've made a big individuals involved. I think by spreading it out more, making it much more a effort to improve contact with the people week ahead - what's going on at that actually make decisions about Imperial thing, it makes it less of a couImperial at a time that's quite crucial, ple of pages to flick through. Yeah, I with big changes. So I think I've done think that's improved a little. I wouldn't that well. It's something I guess I for one moment suggest it was an focussed on. unmitigated success at all. I'm reasonOther stuff, like sport and stuff... it's so ably happy with things. ironic, because I based my manifesto

get flanned. Everyone who goes the Mary's hustings to speak should wear white tops, so the shaving foam doesn't show up so much. MB: Thanks!

T S u m m e r '96 in Procter & G a m b l e UK, Scandinavia, Spain and France

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week, or buy those vital books, EfeEJoy!

So you thought Rag Week was over? Wrong-ol Starting today, the medics go nuts For charity! Tickets to all events will be on sale at I C , so now's your chance to get to know all the friendly people at St. Mary's and raise money For the Cystic Fibrosis Trust! Lovely!


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Alter a quick survey done by some enthusiastic physics students it has transpired that most of the I C population (student and non-student) has no knowledge of the existence of the "Student Textbook Exchange - Secondhand Bookshop" that operates on campus and has been running For the last seven years. The secondhand bookshop buys From graduating students textbooks oF every major discipline (engineering, physics, chemistry, maths, geology, etc), has a large selection o l literature, Fiction, popular science, as well as Foreign titles, dictionaries, chess books, miniature music scores and much more. The stock changes daily so what you might not Find today might be there tomorrow. A l l at prices usually less than halF oF the original price of the book. There are also a lot oF out-oF-print books available. The bookshop is operated on a non-profit making basis by Bob Speerand is situated on Level 3 oF the Physics Department (next to the Blackett lilts). You can also sell any old books and textbooks in almost any condition but the better they look the more you are going to get For them. There is usually groovy soFt music playing inside, a comFortable reading area is situated right outside it (Food and drink allowed - For a change), chess and backgammon sets are available Free oF charge and a selection oF popular magazines (Time-Out, Felix, etc.) is also available. So whether you're looking lor that expensive textbook halF-price, want to get rid oF some old stuff while making some cash, or are just interested in what you might Find, come along to the secondhand bookshop. We're open 12 - 2pm, 12 - 5pm on Wednesdays.

l l for people w h o are going places Are you planning to travel this summer? If you are a University student not yet in your final year. Shell may want to give you ÂŁ300, to help you on your way. Interviews will be held in late April or May. Why not complete an application form which can be obtained from your Careers Advisory Services? The

deadline f o r s e n d i n g in application is 2 9 t h


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In association with Christies, the Royal Academy of Arts is currently miming an exhibition of the career of Frederic Leighton, regarded as one of the greatest British painters of the late nineteenth century. 120 paintings and sculptures, as well as oil sketches and drawings chart his career. The exhibition marks the centenary of Lieghton's death, and runs from yesterday until 21 April.

exhibition: frederic leightonachell insight: snack attack^ column: simon baker. cd rom magazine: blender,** gig+interview, the wannadies + frank black, singles:,,*,,,,,,til, and vinct* (in that order album: various-the best...album in the world...even album: our lady peace - naveedv, album: babyon zoo - the boy with the x-ray e y e S a w album: the saw doctors - same ouT town™*™,;* film: j i i r n a n j L a a o s m a n film: sense and sensiblity isttx'k theatre: an ideal husbancL theatre: Stanley , aire samuel



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8pm EVER





TICKETS £10 £6 (not including cultural show) A L L TICKETS INCLUDE 2 FOOD VOUCHERS Tickets On Sale In Union Office and From

Mon. 19 Feb. in J C R The Daily Telegraph Open Mic Award g i v e s a n y o n e i n t e r e s t e d in b e c o m i n g a comic their first chance to stand up a n d b e funny. To enter, simply send a five minute a u d i o c a s s e t t e ' of your best stand u p m a t e r i a l to The Daily Telegraph Open Mic Award;PO Box 168, WC2H 9NX We will arrange for you to perform at a Newcastle Brown Ale National Comedy Network gig + at one of 4 0 leading universities na t i o n w i d e. Those who make it through to the Grand Final Will be taken up to the Edinburgh Festival where the winner will be chosen by a celebrity panel.






The Daily Telegraph Open M i c A w a r d is open to all new come ;, and the winner will p »ive a £1 000 pi ze plus a booking on the l l i l p c ^ s f t e : 6 i o * n Ale National Comedy Network r






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A t last for those dieters w h o can't resist a snack b e t w e e n meals, Procter a n d G a m b l e have d e v e l o p e d Olestra, a fat free fat. But just h o w healthy is a fat free d i e t a n d h o w healthy is Olestra?

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ould fat make you thin? Olestra is the dieter's dream: a fat like any other fat with one vital difference - it contains absolutely no calories. For some, Olestra is the ultimate slimming product that promises to take the guilt out of gluttony. But some scientists find the idea of Olestra just too hard to swallow. Twenty-five years after first creating Olestra, U S food manufacturers Procter and Gamble last month received the go ahead from the American F D A (Food and Drug Administration) to manufacture foods containing Olestra. A new range of low-calorie snack foods to be sold under the name Olean will soon be on sale in America. Plans are afoot to make them available in the U K . But there was just one condition to the F D A s approval of Olestra. A l l foods made with it most carry a warning saying: "Olestra may cause abdominal cramping and loose stools. Olestra inhibits the absorption of some vitamins and other nutrients". This is exact role of carotenoids in the diet has not took part in tests to assess the effects of eating Olestra. The F D A has ruled "with reahardly an appetising advert for any food and been established. Olestra can also give you wind, diarrhoea sonable certainty" that Olestra is "harmwith a message like that you may wonder if and in some cases it causes anal leakage. But less". Olestra really is good for you. Olestra genuinely gives food the same Procter and Gamble scientists, Chris Olestra is a specially designed fat made the pleasant texture as normal fats. The allHassall, points out that eating too much of a mixture of sugar and vegetable oil. It can important "mouth-feel", so often absent fibre gives you diarrhoea and too much fat be used for cooking and works just like any from diet foods, is very much there with can also lead to anal leakage. Michael other fat but, because o l its structure, the Olestra. But what are the chances that it will Jacobson, Chief Executive of the Center for body cannot break it down and absorb it make you thin? Dieticians and doctors have Science in the Public Interest, and one of into the blood stream. Olestra' has no calodiffering views. George Blackburn, nutrition Olestra's strongest opponents says "Olestra ries because it stays completely unchanged scientist at Deaconess Hospital Boston says: acts like a laxative and robs the body of as it slips through the body. What is more, it fol"ft could (make a difference) if people nutrients. We don't need Olestra potato has a strong affinity for vitamins A , D and K. low the dietary guidelines; that is, they eat chips. It's crazy to add a substance to the O n its way through the digestive system everything in moderation. If they use it as a Olestra sucks up these vitamins and vacu- food supply that makes people sick." licence to overconsume, it'll have no effect". Whether or not Olestra makes people ums them out of the body. Procter and Geraldine Fitzgerald, a U K nutritionist, says sick is exactly what the F D A had to find out. Gamble have partly countered this effect by "I very much doubt it will work. Nearly all adding extra vitamins to Olestra so that, like After wading through around 150,000 American studies have shown that people pages of test results, a panel of specialists a hoover with a hill bag, it is already too hill decided the substance was not poisonous will eat just as many calories by suppleof vitamins to pick up any more. menting their diet with other foods." Olestra also sucks up nutrients called and did not interfere with the action of Nutrasweet and other low calorie sweetcarotenoids as it passes through the body. medicines. Olestra had to undergo very stringent testing. The F D A has never tested eners have done little to overcome the The role of carotenoids is not hilly undera food additive with the potential to take up weight problem of either America or stood, but it is suggested that carotenoids such a large part of people's diet. Normally Britain. Olestra snacks may let us enjoy the are essential for a healthy immune system tests involve giving rats 100 times the pleasure of eating for half the calories and and may be useful in preventing some forms amount of the food additive that a htiman with less of the guilt, btit it is unlikely to of cancer. Eating just three grammes of would normally eat. For Olestra this would solve many people's weight problems. Olestra causes a 40% decrease in mean feeding rats on nothing else, which carotenoids. Procter and Gamble would certainly kill them. Instead, 8000 have not altered Olestra to deal ^--J men, women and children across America Natalie Barb with this effect because the ^?W.JL

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"Zis one thing to be Mnotbtv thing to t Tickets

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destroyed all the credibility that their political wing had started to We are rapidly approaching that build, and plunged the talks into annual Hollywood event which cap* '. m crisis. This was a particularly evil tures the whole world's attention. I and fruidess attack by the IRA, refer not to a l i z Taylor divorce, but which has merely succeeded in the Oscars. As has been the case of strengthening the call for arms late, Britain seems well placed, with decornrnissioning and turned the Emma Thompson's Sense and Irish Government against Sinn Sensibility almost certain to secure a Fein. One might imagine that number of nominations. Gerry Adams would immediately However, were an Oscar to be |j seek to condemn the bombing. awarded for Best Actor in an No. He blamed the Government. Evading Role, the Royal School of Mines would What is more, he telephoned the White House be odds on favourite for its shenanigans above, shortly before the explosion to say that he had and in, the Felix print room. As we learnt last some "disappointing news." This is extremely week, two of their leading lights, on falling significant. Despite his protestations, did Adams through the false ceiling, said that 'they were know of the bomb before its explosion? The vital lost' when Security got hold of them. I know just question is that if he did, and if he is serious what they mean. One minute I'm walking along, about peace, why didn't he warn the authorities? minding my own business, and then I suddenly If not, and he is not intimately linked with the find myself in a service void. It could happen to IRA, then why on earth-should we be talking to anyone. I think that anyone who has the front, him? It is widely known that British intelligence and the quickwittedness, to come out with such has much evidence (although not enough to a laughable excuse should not be disciplined, but bring charges) on the alleged terrorist activities of given a show on Channel 4. Mind you lads, if both him and Martin McGuinness, supposedly a you'd wanted a little more credibility, you could former head of the IRA. General Council. One have said you were conducting a geological sur- can only hope that the peace process has not vey and thought that you were down t'pit, since been irreconcilably damaged. it was so dark and cramped. If they'd said you On a happier note, I saw that it was the 40th were mad, you could have blamed the very high birthday of the Routemaster bus. As anyone who workload, which we all know is a problem. knows me will realise, I am not an enormous fan Last Friday, I was driving through West of buses - they tend to attract the slowest, rudLondon and heard on the radio that there had est and weirdest members of society. The excepbeen an explosion in Docklands. I immediately tion to this sad state of affairs is the Routemaster, thought that this must be due to gas, but later a design classic that manages to avoid bringing heard that it was the work of the IRA. My reac- out the worst in people and creates a contented tion was one of anger and despair. The peace had atmosphere within its dignified body. I know indeed been slow and difficult, but the ceasefire that they cost more to run, being crewed by two had held and the international efforts being people, but dare I say, what the Hell. If cost made were looking positive. Then as soon as the became a problem, we could always charge proposal for elections was made, which met tourists quadruple fare to travel on these famous with Sinn Fein's total opposition, the IRA chose vehicles. Not that I think tourists are gullible you to return to their old ways. In doing so, they have understand...

cd magazine - blendeiian Blender is a magazine with a difference: it comes on CD-Rom. It also costs more than a small Caribbean island. And it's a huge bunch of arse. Seriously, it does cost more than a small Caribbean island, and it is a bunch of arse. After receiving the initial package of an impressivelooking box, I was disheartened to find that the box contained only one measly C D with no mates. Slipping it deftly into my machine I was then rather perturbed to find that I had to fill my hard disk full of Mac software. The Blender box distinctly says 'for Windows and Mac', but it appears to be only for Mac users and people who wish that they had a Mac. The 'magazine' contains a large number of articles, but unfortunately it appears that the creators have tried to fill the C D with impressive graphics and music at the expense of any content. To my further annoyance, the graphics

and music were tediously slow and generally of a suspiciously low quality. To my knowledge eight bit sound cards are extinct, so why are Blender providing us with pathetic eight bit samples? I have heard better music emanating from the Stock Aitken and Waterman studio. Blender is essentially a very good idea, adding sound and visuals to articles in a potentially entertaining and interesting fashion. The magazine format on C D should work well, but unless you have a computer worth several thousand pounds, it will just be articles with crappy sound and visuals which take several decades to load. Putting this fact to one side, the only other problem holding Blender back is the extortionate cover price. Until this situation is remedied, I would advise buying a copy of Computer Shopper and some L S D - it will have the intended effect of Blender but at a lower price, and with better visuals.

gig+mterview the wannadies + frank black, ics are a Swedish band that regular The m readers©! these sacred pages must have heard of. Their third album, 'Be A Girl', was unnoticed by many &eners, a fact that has left the band feel? ing justly /frustrated since, the album gives a refreshing view of* how pleasant music can be minus the obvious manufacturing process of pop. % Nevertheless, the hand arc nut bitter and have a seme of homotir. "When I me£ up with them, they crack, cl jokesaixnitth.cir^^rdlal >el, BMG, releasing their recent alHtnv, , in the universe as we know it except I^JMfflff Scandinavia: and Japan". JVleam\hile vocalist Christina remarked ,iix)ut still-l^t5^%' SIKCCSSIIII in i w iv that shows thai tin rand dwi't - 1

great. They |tist wish that everyone^!least had a chance to listen to it. So do I. That evening, they played to Astoria theatre hill of Frank Black fans I niiTUinaieh, their happy sounding tunes wereJ they can get their vocals soun| on the album then they vvt. 'Ifevertheli ss. Might Be St ^ q p s u a l impact butit di<j| h n b a i wHIfc t h f i f c o v e r ' ^ l J i f l l ' ' Violent IcnTC'.s blister In The Sun' was played with •.;u5«>. group of Ffahk Black fans is


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various: the best...album in the world...ever 1,1,1 It is not entirely clear why the producers felt the need to put two sets of ellipses in the title - the implication seems to be that they've left something out. Perhaps "The Best...01e' Favourites... Album In The World... But It Won't Go Down Well With Those Who Don't Appreciate Britpop... Ever" was deemed to be a little too wordy to fit on the C D cover. This is the compilation for anyone who has been asleep for the past year. We've got them all here - 'Country House', 'Wonderwall' and 'Common People' ; Radiohead, Cast, Sleeper, Ash and Elastica... But they've managed to sprinkle in a couple of sporadic bits of the Eighties, too, including The Smiths, New Order and The Stone Roses. It's all so familiar and the music has become its own rip-off; The Lightening Seeds Life of Riley has become that jingle they play over the football results; Wonderwall is simply that Mike Flowers Pops song. Still, it's a bit of an epic - it's been in the office . and played and played and overplayed and we still laugh at Morrisey's "you go home and you cry and you want to die" and people start jumping up and


ennvasripway that his was a man who an witll The Pixies,; many intricate and complex ideals tha liantly puts oh record into the live are:


down whenever Parklife' comes on. You simply cannot listen to 'The Size Of A Cow' without starting to sing along, even though Bjork's exceptionally imtating 'It's Oh So Quiet' is beginning to grate. It's not exactly innovative, and you could be forgiven for saying that much of this two C D set is getting a little bit tired. But there are far fewer duff numbers than you would normally expect to find padding this kind of compilation, and for late night have a few beers and sing-a-long-a-Blur sessions, this is really superb. "He lives in a HOUSE, a very big HOUSE, in the counttnaaaayy....." (8)





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album: our lady peace Canada is not exactly renowned for suppl world with credible musical talent "Ah, about Bryan Adams?" 1 hear you cry. "Yeah about Bryan Adams?" I reply. It comes as surprise, therefore, to find aa album, and a album at that, by a Canadian band who good it's either an aural illusion or |tist plait Put simply, 'Naveed istbr sortoi teni will cause wrdidtawaJ symptomsif ten to it at every avadabte^pp >


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up j.inis - 20 Ibb lp|||e -%S H silvertliuir-f tri isy 21 feb - astoria - £9.50...... the wannadies - 22 fobgarage 7|lii'; i l l gwar - 22 feb - forum.! £ 8 1 s.iu-(lixioi\ -113 Feb, lluaj|iil § i - £ 1 1

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arena - £1 7.SO, £20 fkldfer ~£7.50 supergrass - 29 lob, 2 mar astasia -£10i i dr. rolvrt - 29 feb - subterams ~£lbc steeleve span - 29 fob - mean fiddler M i l goldie presents metalhendz 29 fob, 1 mar - forum - " £F150f£lSlpulp 4- edwvn Collins - wernbiey afela - f mar -• £12.50' tarter Usui ~*2 mar * shvpmi herd's bush empire - £9.50 megadog - 2inK5iH-4)ri#tOQ: < academy-£17 :


downhill from here." It's at this point that horriblv mistaken. and 'Hope' follow equally impressive, songs are all but musithe pedigree of the lijtfee title track, vocals are lmpasgjlirig, the rhythm ^ U S is on a high* nt on taking yal*with it. Of ffflk time \ on re iea< I u: uo almost anyI f O u r Ladv Peace wanttdtakf you. testol the all mm docs no mspigefspiration, with'Julia' parttoafafK' outBy die time it's all over you're left dazed, just about ready to plav the whole unto check that vour ears weren't play's with you. And when you've discovered SfWDgn't, yo«r Tiost likely d e $ g ^ l A e t $td blether on aboi it how gooept fe'to *w*Wi» at vra», •m A hit l i k i M

effects), and Animal Army' (using a very Lou * Reed-ish bass line) also stand out. alok If you listened to a couple of particular tracks you might think that this Babylon Zoo character Okay, so we have a formula here - quiet starts and was doing hard rock. However, if you listened to a couple of different ones you manic choruses. Jas Mann played might think that he was into psyall the instruments on this album chedelic ballads. In other words, which, I must say, is pretty good. it's hard to classily this type of It is awash with political infermusic but I get the leeling that ences (I think the word 'fascist' Jas Mann was going for a categoappears in every track) which ry created by Pink Floyd's 'The perhaps have some meaning to II Wall'. The similarities are uncanJas the Mann himself but which I • ny the segued tracks, the songs didn't find particularly illuminathates and politiabout personal ing. We're talking a lot of melancal regimes and, most of all, the choly and "this world is bad" feelsneering vocals. ing. At the end ol the day, this album 'Spaceman'stands out as the , comes nowhere near 'The Wall' best song by a long way. as far as quality is concerned but the potential for However, other tracks such as the 'Is Your Soul an album of that stature is definitely there. (6) For Sale' (almost Pink Floyd-ish with its piano and vocal intro gently overlaid with weird sound

-album: babylon zoo - the boy with the x-ray eyes

album: saw doctors same oul' town nr. trout

then/Les Moran and Davy Carton's lyrics can always raise an interesting thought, or at least a smile. The overall feeling that I get of the Saw It is difficult to write about the Saw Doctors without using words like "charm", "folksy", "tradition- Doctors is that of a high IQ Shane MacGowan on al" and "rootsy" because these are words that Prozac. In other words, this album is just not to be describe them so well. However, to categorise missed. (9) them as just another Irish folk band would do them no justice. 'Same Oul' Town' is an album of rare class in which biting social comment and heartfelt longing ("I want you more than a pint after closing time" - 'I Want You More') are masked by deceptively sweet sing-along melodes. There are some weaker tracks. The title track, for example, falls into the age-old trap of a slow song ending up like a dirge. However, even




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film: sense and sensibility wexxistock

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Sense and Sensibility has already won Emma Thompson a Golden Globe for Best Adapted screenplay as well as having several other nominations. It reaches our shores with high Oscar prospects and a completely British luwie cast. However, contrary to most British period costume dramas, this isn't from the Merchant Ivory him company but is directed by Taiwanese Ang Lee (Eat Drink Man Woman) who seems to give the film a bit more life and realism than a Merchant Ivory production. We enter the story as mother and three daughters, Elinor (Thompson), Marianne (Kate Wins- Jj| let) and Margaret have lost their father and • are left with little money due to the laws governing inheritance. Before the Dashwood women leave their home Elinor falls in love with the endearing Edward Ferrars (Hugh Grant), brother of their stepbrother's wife, the domineering Fanny Ferrars. This obvious mutual attraction goes unsaid and is prevented from blossoming as Edward is forced off to London by his family. Fanny couldn't let Edward marry someone without money or social stature. Mrs Dashwood's cousin, Sir John Middleton takes the four women under his wing aided by Mrs

Jennings who tries her best to marry off the two daughters. This unwanted interference is not very productive yet Marianne's affairs of the heartflourishas she falls hook, line and sinker for the dashing Willoughby (Greg Wise). When he comes to her rescue when she sprains her ankle! All this is much to the dismay of the more restrained but no less infatuated Colonel Brandon (Alan Rickman) who has a tragic lost love past. He isn't willing to wear his heart on his sleeve so will Edward visits the Dashwoods as he promised and confesses his affections for Elinor? Who will Marianne chose, the reliable and caring Colonel Brandon

the charming rogue Willoughby? The story unfolds with little moments of comedy often supplied by the bluntness of Mr Palmer (Hugh Laurie) and you soon become thoroughly engrossed in the intricate relationships of the characters. The quality of the cast makes the story believable, it's romantic and sad but not over the top as can often happen with British films aimed at the American audience, The beautiful scenery adds to the sense of escapism of the film and even though this is a period drama it's very easy to identify with the characters. Even the most cynical audience can't fail to leave the cinema with a warm glow alternatively this could be because the heating was up too high!

renoir 7 reitdez-vous in pans

film: jumanjL


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'In the jungle you must wait, until the dice read six or eight'. These were the words with which Alan Parish disappeared into the mysterious board game, Jumanji, after starting the game in 1969 with his soul mate Sarah. 26 years later, two unsuspecting children, Judy (Kirsten Dunst) and Peter (Bradley Pierce), find the game in the derelicked Parish household. After starting the game with the remaining two pieces, they inadvertently release Alan (Robin Williams) back into the real world, sporting a very long beard and classic jungle attire. It turns out that perils from the jungle haunt the players until someone reaches the end, and to make matters worse, the players that start have to go on. After tackling the rather large lion and killer mosquitoes that they have released into the world, the 3 strong team go off to find Sarah (Bonnie Hunt), who is still undergoing psychiatric treatment after seeing Alan disappear. The plot continues with the four of them playing the game, apprehensively reading the messages in the centre of the board and awaiting

their fate. Together they manage to survive a monsoon, vicious monkeys, herds of rhinos and a rather amusing hunter called the Exterminator. Although the plot sounds rather weird (to say the least!) it is nonetheless very enjoyable for a wide audience, including all you logically minded, scientific Imperial students. A t the very least, you'll marvel at what represents some of today's best examples of computer rendered graphics. If you want a totally fantastic and wacky film, with loads of laughs, then go and see Jumanji.








T O D A Y Friday, 16th February IN T H E M A I N DINING H A L L , SHERFIELD BUI L DI NG, I M P E R I A L C O L L E G E , EXHIBITION R O A D , S W 7 D o o r s o p e n 8:30 p m . F o o d served until 10:30



Live Music and Dance Until 2:00 am. Tickets: 7 pounds Members, 8 pounds Non-Members. B E T H E R E A N D T A K E P A R T I N O U R F R E E P R I Z E Y O U C O U L D B E T H E L U C K Y W I N N E R OF: A

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theatre: an ideal husband laire samuel




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This revival of Peter Hall's 1993 production of A n Ideal Husband is now playing in the theatre in which it was premiered, just over 100 years ago, on 3rd January 1895. At the same, time, another of Wilde's plays, 'The Importance of Being Earnest' was also playing in the West End, to similar acclaim. Only a few months later both had closed, and Wilde was sentenced to two years imprisonment with hard labour. Taken to be the author's most autobiographical work, A n Ideal Husband portrays the Wildean figure of Lord Goring (Martin Shaw) as the oldest friend and confidante of the M P Sir Robert Chiltern (David Yelland), who is being blackmailed by Mrs Chaveley (Anna Carteret). The play has hardly dated over the past century: Wilde's accurate observation of the behaviour of relatives, politicians and the scurrilous nature of the Press is just as applicable today. Wilde preferred his play to be described as a simple story of a lost bracelet, with its major theme being the difference between the ideals and needs of men's and women's love. It is the only area which nowadays may not be considered to be politically correct. A very well-padded Martin Shaw as the dandy Lord Goring steals the show. Not only does he have the best lines, but with his extrav-

-theatre: Stanley

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Pam Gems, currently the only British female playwright showing in the West End, has written a stunning play of jealousy, greed seduction and spiritualism on the life of the English artist Stanley Spencer. Like his contemporary at the Slade, Dora Carrington, his was a life of unconventional relationships, but fulfilled with true love. But unlike Carrington and the Bloomsbury set, who he frequently condemned as paintingforfashion and from the mind, Spencer always paintedfromthe heart. To him, painting was an emotional and spiritual experience, enabling him to express his God given talent in an English style of religious art. The set reflects his strong religious beliefs by surrounding the auditorium in Spencer's canvasses, which are strongly reminiscent of church frescoes. Spencer (Antony Sher), in his round glasses and scuffed shoes is, even with his artistic maturity, emotionally just a boy. Unable to come to terms with his experiences in the trenches of WWI, he is brutally honest with his wife (Deborah Findlay), whom he treats almost

agant cravats and button holes he is Oscar Wilde reincarnate, either lounging casually on a chaise longue or clashing from pillar to post attempting to prevent his friend's downfall. He is excellently supported by a superb cast, on a very simple open stage which still manages to convey the opulence of the Victorian Mayfair setting. As in any of Wilde's social comedies, we are not short of laughs, but the sympathetic direction instils a new poignancy to the increasingly strained relations between Sir Robert and his wife (Penny Downie), making a truly delightful production.

maternally, showing resentment at the loss of attention he suffers when their children are bom. Patricia Preece is the tall, elegant, upper class artist, the complete opposite to Stanley and his wife, who seduces Spencer purelyforhis influence and money. Such is the power of her hold over him, Preece with her own childlike outlook of superficial beauty, convinces him to divorce his wife, marry her as well as signing over the house to provide her with an income, but once married preferring to remain with her lover, Dorothy Hepworth (Selina Cadell). Whether Preece was quite as calculating, hedonistic and narcissistic in real life as depicted here, we are not sure, but Anna Chancellor portrays her with such conviction that at the end one is not sure whether to applaud her, such is the hatred she inspires. This is an unusual love story: with the part of Stanley written for Antony Sher, he brings a realism to the role since he is an artist too, and his honesty brings some engaging comic moments. O n leaving though, one is left with a feeling of optimism that even after all he suffered, somehow he could still be at peace with himself and his god.
















18 february g


g 1.10pm Ents Lounge.


n 3 - 5pm. Basketball, union gym. Contact Kashif, Aero II, (R)

g 5-7pm. Union G y m , 2nd Floor I C U . Beginners welcome. 1 st lesson free. (R)

7.30pm Variety Show '96. £3 for members, £6 for non-members.

c 8.30-10.30pm. Main Evening.

Dining Hall.


s The funniest way to end your week - the Bust-a-Gut Comedy Club. Tonight's acts are Dylan Moran (below) - one of the most original new acts on the comedy circuit, and Barry Murphy, best known for his support slots with Sean Hughes. There'll also an Open Mic slot and all for just £2.50 or £2 with entscards. Afterwards, indulge yourself in total Hedonizm: the most upfront club sounds, and top banging tunes. Plus chill-out in U D H with ambient jungle, dub and other laid back vibes. It's a bargain at £1 after 9pm.

f r i d a y

Gliding at Lasham Airfield. For more information contact to Thursday meeting first. (R)

Gliding at Lasham Airfield.



. 10 am. A walk along the Thames from Henley. A l l welcome. Bring lunch. Meet at South Kensington Tube.


l p m . Table Tennis room.


s 2pm. Southside gym. Intermed. aerobics.(R)

8.00 pm Variety Show '96. £3 for members, £ 6 for non-members.




Standing Room Only - Live 5th Round F A S a t u r d a y Cup action on the B I G screen. See posters for details. S u n d a y gun. These goggles should become your best friend, unless in the specified 'safe zone' you should be wearing your goggles at all times. H o w much will it cost? Paintball can be a Welcome to the heady world of paintballingrelatively expensive sport. However, I C U ' s the fastest growing sport in Europe. Paintball paintball club has excellent contacts with is the ultimate adrenaline rush and this article sites, which allow us to negotiate prices that is the ultimate guide to getting you started. In are substantially cheaper than the normal. brief, it is most like a grown up version of During a typical day, which involves 8-10 cops and robbers or cowboys and Indians. The games, we expect average first time players to players are normally split up into two teams spend around £ 3 0 . This estimation includes and the idea is to mark the opposition with the site 'green fee' which contributes to the paintballs fired from a gun (paintball marker). upkeep of the site, rental of protective gogTheir effective range is about thirty yards, gles, overalls, gun (and gas to power it) and with a fair degree of accuracy. paint. Depending on If you are interested the site, you may in taking your be playing i n friends into the woodland, with woods and shooting streams and lakes. them, then contact Alternatively, either myself, some venues have Warren Hirst an urban setting, (email: w.hirst@ic'. with specially or Richard adapted buildings Swinford (r.swinand surroundings. The games tends W e have provisionalto differ from site ly planned the next to site, but you trip to be on 16th or may be playing a 17th of March. It normal two flag will be to ' H o t game, where the Shots', who are objective is to capbased at R A F ture the opposiGreenham Common tions flag and - a spectacular site return it to your with superb facilibase, while at the same time stopping the other team doing the ties. The playing zone has over 100 two story buildings to play in and around. A l l glass has same to your flag. Whatever the game, the been removed to allow you to jump in and outcome relies greatly on your tactics and out of windows (there are doorways, for the cunning or your complete disregard for cauless energetic), staircases allow access to tion and a mad dash for the flag under a hail upper levels and these are notoriously hard to of paint. capture. Does it hurt? This is one of the most Please contact us by e-mail if you are common question we get asked (after " H o w interested and we can get more details back much does it cost?"]. The answer is, if you are to you. Enquiries from anyone are welcome, wearing sensible clothing - a jumper and however, remember it is a lot more fun to go tracksuit trousers under the overalls which paintballing with your friends so drag them are supplied then, no. Paintball injuries tend along. W e are happy to be joined by other to fall into the sprains and bruises category. societies, departments and halls who are However, to uphold this excellent reputation looking for something different to do. safety is the key word at all sites. O n arrival you will be issued with a set of industry stanKeep low, shoot straight and may your balls burst on impact. dard goggles before you even see a paintball


















february C


t 12 - 2pm. Tabic Tennis room, Union building (R)

12.00 pm. Bagritt Centre, Mech Eng.


12.15pm. Meet outside Southside, go sailing. (R)


s 12.30pm. Beginners body toning (45 mins) 5.30pm. Beginners aerobics 6.30pm. Intermediate aerobics. Southside G y m . (R)


12.30pm. Lecture Theatre 2, Physics.


b 12.30 - 1.30pm. Room G02, Materials dept, R S M . A l l welcome. (R)

i 12.30 - 1 . 1 5 pm. Southside Upper Lounge. (R)



5 - 6pm. Southside G y m . Intermediate/Ad(R) vanced step class.

c 1.00pm. Southside Lounge. cheapoC D ' s ? W e have it all! 1.00pm. Southside Lounge.

Want to buy (R) (R)

h 3.20 - 5.20pm. Sports centre. 'Club Night' (R)


s 5 - 8pm. Ents Lounge, (R)

7 - 10pm. Great Hall.



s 5.30pm. Advanced aerobics.


t C

1.30 - 3.30pm. Lesson. Union G y m , 2nd Floor Union Building. Beginners welcome. (R) 1st lesson free.

(R) 6pm in the Clubs Committee Room.


s (R)

. Meet the R C S A at 170 Queen's Gate • (Rector's Place) 6-8pm F R E E Food and Drink

s The weekly festival of excess that is Frolik! Bar until midnight and dancing 'til l a m .

f 5.00pm. Circuit training. Union gym.

s l p m Table Tennis room.

s 12.45 - 1.45pm. Southside Lounge.

h Guest Speaker and food. Jeremy Newmark on Hizb-ut-Tahris. 12.45pm in the C C R , top of union building

12.15pm. Southside Lounge. Contact Alex a.cinelli@ic,, 0171 352 9111 for details. (R)


c 12.30 - 1.30pm. Brown Comitee Room. Come and sign up for our many trips to Musicals. Note the location change- look out (R) for directions.

5.15pm. Great Hall. Any ability.


7pm in S T O I C Studios.


7.30pm. Brown Committee Room. Further or Info: (R)





n e x t






d i a r y

C 2nd e 7 - 9pm. Great Hall. A l l welcome.


7pm. Beit Quad. A l l levels welcome, and free instruction. (R)

c Ecumenical Group. 6pm at the Chaplaincy (R) Office, Northside, Princes Gardens

s 7pm. Standing Room Only - More live F A Cup football. Alternatively, try out a whole new concept in quizzes as we go live with Camel T V . The Ents Lounge will be transformed into a working T V studio, with a game show happening live on stage, which you will all be part of as part of the quiz. Prizes include clubwear, Cds, free cinema tickets, posters and loads of promotional freebies from bands, films etc. It's free, and starts at about 8pm in the Ents Lounge.







YHA Grim weather forecasts certainly'didn't deter the fell-wanderers from visiting the Brecon Beacons, the walking was superb. Getting wet was the order of the day for Saturday, with a snowball fight, and the Sgwd yr Elra waterfall was impressive, although we were disappointed when the Rocking Stone didn't rock.

d e a d l i n e : n o o n ,

G 8.15pm. Weeks Hall basement. Soup run for (R) the homeless.

r 8 - 11.30pm Ents Lounge. Admission is £1 for a night of swing, hip-hop and jungle with (R) the African Caribbean society.

s 8pm. Your weekly chance to use your head full of trivia to good use, with £ 5 0 or a crate of beer at DaVinci's Bar Trivia.








On Sunday, the club headed for the mountains to conquer Pen y Fan. The biting wind did little to spoil the amazing view at the top, and the weather improved sufficiently to allow a spot of sunbathing during lunch. As the walk ended a snow covered path enabled those with a sense of adventure to complete the descent on their backsides. Get out of here! the Youth Hostelling Association meets on Thursdays at l p m in Southside.

F e b r u a r y

1 9 t h




1 996


february g

s 12.30pm. Die Hard circuit training 5.30pm. Beginners aerobics.


c 12 - 2pm. Rm 140 Huxley. A G M - C o m m ittee elections. Voting at l p m . e-mail consoc(« (R)

1.10pm Ents Lounge.


c l p m . Southside G y m . Friday Prayers



Next week, I C radio's Pete and Alick continue their run of big name DJ's from Kiss F M coming to do DJing (ie mixing), interviews and publicity for their club night in London on our show. Naturally, they are very excited about this... C o l i n Faver: Monday 19th February 9 - 11pm. Colin Faver and Brenda Russell are running a club night called "Deep Space Mission II" "at The End, West Central Street, W C 2 on Saturday 17th February.

n 3 - 5pm. Basketball practice, union gym. bring trainers.

g l p m . Aero 266.


g 7pm. Social, Southside Upper Lounge. (R) a 6.15 - 7.45pm. Table tennis room. Beginners' Kunalini yoga class. More information from mpn(«, ex 48237. (R) n 6.30 - 7.45pm. S C R in the Union.






G 8.15pm. Weeks Hall basement. Soup run for the homeless. (R) e Night Skate - everyone welcome. Call Alex on 0/7/ 352 9111 or (R) A l p m Southside Lounge. 'Take a walk on the wild side.' (R)

E-mail Kashif at

c Society


The Hellenic Society presents the second Greek evcening, taking place on Friday 16th February in the Main Dining Hall.Greek 5.30pm. Advanced Step Aerobics. Southside food from Ouzeri restaurant will be served Lounge. (R) from 8.30pm to 10.30pm. Drink, live music g and dancing until 2.00am. 5-7pm. U n i o n G y m , 2nd Floor I C U . For details visit our web pages at Beginners welcome. 1st lesson free. (R), where s you can also find information about the other G e t ready to shake your booty, and keep the sand out of your bits with Sex O n The activities of the society. Alternatively you can e-mail any member of the committee: Beach: a night of the absolute best swing, n.doukas, h.hatzakis, s.xanthopoulous, funk, soul, hip hop and jungle. Plus you can d.crassa or a.mershin all lay your hands on some freebies tied in with Please note that you will not see many Spike Lee's new film Clockers. There's posters for this around college. The society record bags, T-shirts, and caps to be won. A l l has decided to have only three posters per this for just £1 or free before 9pm. event in order to reduce pollution. s

f r i d a y


has V A C A N C I E S f o r current

c Annual Dinner at Jury's Kensington Hotel. Sir Rhodes Boyson M P and M a t t h e w Carrington M P speaking. Cost £25 s 5-1 l p m . DaVinci's. What is there to be said? Pamper yourself with the best value Cocktail Night for miles. A l l your favourite tipples, plus non-alcoholic cocktails.


N O N - S A B B A T I C A L positions.


part o f it's c o m m i t -

ment to welfare,

I C U is




alarms available t o vulnerable students. G a s


posts available a r e : p o w e r e d


alarms are free,

electric alarms are only



t h u r s d a y Haldane Book/Record


Both the

Ordinary member to Refectory Services


a r e available





o n presentation


of a



Ordinary member to Executive


To s t a n d f o r t h e s e sign u p o n the

notice board by the







The Experience of Structura Angela Stultz Crawlle of Jamaica will be speaking at IC on Thursday about the social consequences of 'structural adjustment'- the International Monetary Fund's policy on development which stipulates that borrowing must be linked to the opening of economies to international market forces. Jamaica is a particularly interesting case as it was one of the first countries to take part in the process of structural adjustment. In 1977, following several years of recession and oil price increases, the Jamaican economy was in decline. The government was forced to borrow heavily, primarily from the I M F which lent on the condition that an austere fiscal policy was embraced. This included the cutting of government spending and the removal of all food subsidies. The I M F encouraged Jamaica to target developing industries, arguing that the economy's vulnerability was due to its lack of diversity. The I M F has been similarly involved in the economic affairs of Jamaica ever since. However, little improvement has been





So why has Jamaica lost both its social services and failed to revive its economy? The answer must be related to the country's debt problem. As the W o r l d Bank has pointed out, "In 1991/92 half of tax revenues went to service external debt, while roads deteriorated for lack of maintenance, schoolchildren were short of books, and hospitals were short of medicines. The indirect efforts compounded the problem by slowing growth. The high debt burden makes business reluctant to invest in Jamaica, and encourages young people to move abroad if they have acquired education and skills to achieve access to the international labour market." Jamaica's problems are complicated with no easy solutions. Without dealing with the debt problem and re-examining the present policy towards the countriy's infrastructure, the situation can only get worse. The Jamaican example certainly challenges the validity of structural adjustment. T h i r d W o r l d First: 12.45pm, Thursday February 22nd, Huxley 341





t in Jamaica

realised; as Richard Bernal, Jamaica's ambassador to the U N has commented: "The policies of the 1980's have reinforced old structures, especially dependence on imported food. W e have, seen none of the promised upsurge in production. The hightech agro-chemical projects have failed. The vulnerability of the economy to external forces is greater than ever." The economy may not have changed but the social conditions in Jamaica have. The damage that has been done to the social infrastructure as a result of the government's tight fiscal policy has been immense. Basic services have been fundamentally damaged. For example spending in education has gone down by 30% in real terms. As a result, thousands of teachers have left the country in search of better pay and work conditions. More immediate problems have been experienced in the health service; an acute lack of funding has resulted in many workers being forced into the private sector. A t present, 64% of nursing positions are vacant.







mrfk Get a Life! Let me guess, you're a scientist, you like your drink, and most importantly, you're totally broke. When you leave Imperial with your first class degree, little will have changed, except your overdraft will no longer be interest free and alcohol will become a luxury you can no longer afford. To tread those corridors of wealth that you've been dreaming about, you need more than a first class degree, you need a life. Unfortunately drinking the 'chaps' under the table is likely not to impress future employers. You need a C V that reads as well as Terry Venables latest line up, err, okay bad example, how about the Brazilian line up? A s an alternative to lying in order to bulk up your C V , you could do something valuable with your spare time (that's when the bar is closed). SciTech is a student consultancy run by. IC students. It is a concept originally Irom Europe where companies are able to pay students to work on projects for them. The companies get a cheap yet competent work force, and the students get a chance to make useful contacts with the industrial world, whilst gaining valuable C V points. For more information about SciTech, turn up to one of the meetings in room 307 in C i v Eng, contact us through e-mail at scitsl(<v or via the Union pigeon holes under SciTech. There are positions to be filled on the committee, specifically within the European Network and IC Liaison or you may just wish to add your name to our student database in order to partake in future projects.


s Summer Vacation Training opportunities are now available on the database in the Careers Office. Apply to U R O P for research opportunities. "Improve, your interview skills" is a short course on Wednesday 21st February in Huxley Room 343 from 2-4 pm. Sign up in the Careers Office. For more information and careers advice come to the Careers Office, Room 310 Sherfield Building, which is open between 10am and 5.15pm Monday to Friday.

y F R E E Homoeopathic treatment is available to students of Imperial College on Monday afternoons at Imperial College Health Service, Princes Gardens. A L L ailments and conditions can be helped by Homoeopathy, which uses safe and natural remedies to enhance our general health and well-being. Whatever the problem - eczema, asthma, hay fever, anxiety, depression, insomnia etc. Homoeopathy offers an alternative approach which can not only sort out your particular problem but also improve your overall level of health at the same time, so you become less susceptible to illness in future. So, don't delay, contact Rosalind George on (0171) 603 8600 to make an appointment today

s Exam stress workshops will be held at the Health Centre over two sessions - from 3pm to 4 . 3 0 p m - on the afternoons of Wednesday 6th March f 996 and Wednesday 13th March 1996 To take full advantage of these sessions, you are advised to attend both. These workshops W i l l be led by Psychotherapist Claudio Calvi. Everyone suffers from stress before and at examinations. For most people stress improves their performance; but if you have a significant or debilitating examination stress problem, these workshops are for you. For bookings, please ring Liliane Carter on direct line no (0171) 594 9381 or internally on 49381 .This service is entirely free of charge, so don't hesitate to register and solve your problem. WE ARE HERE T O HELP. D O CALL!

p The stop smoking group starts on 22nd February at 12.15pm. The group will meet weekly for five weeks, and each session is one hour. There's no need to change your smoking habits before you come. Contact Margaret Reddoch at the health centre, on extension 49393 for more information.




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L E T T E R T O I C U : R E P L I E D T O BY I C U STAFF arettes but no cigars, despite repeated requests made to the staff - I know of many people who would enjoy such a service. Union in recent issues of Felix The bars' shortcomings realwere very reassuring - how nice ly pale into insignificance when to see a body so concerned with one considers the D a Vinci's food the welfare of students, providing counters. Quite apart from the services at affordable prices and food itself, which is, at best, an unmissable Ents. programme. What a shame that they did not somewhat like the curate's egg, it is the running of the outlet that is paint a fully balanced picture. infuriating. It is all too frequent When compared to those of for certain foods to run out even other universities, such as by l p m , especially potatoes and Manchester, Cardiff and Birmbread. What use is this to a stuingham, the facilities in our union dent arriving for his lunch from a are extremely poor. W h i l e humanities lecture or meeting? I Imperial may be a relatively small feel I need not answer that. One university, the union does not or two of the staff are completematch up even to that of similar ly obnoxious to all customers, an sized universities, such as H u l l . I image that people will be left fully agree with Rachel Walters' with when they think about D a comments in the editorial of Jan. Vinci's. Furthermore, a senior 19th on the state of the union's facilities, while the proportion of member of staff blatantly lied to me about signs up in Da Vinci's students regularly using the building in the evenings may be falsely stating the availability of food at different times of the quite low, a capacity of around day. H e promised me personally 500 on most nights hardly that he would change them enables access for all, as demonthree months on there has been strated by the queues regularly no action, what are people supseen outside the Quad. I am posed to think when senior memaware that this capacity is being bers of staff lie while giving off an slightly increased, but this will do image of sincere regret? little to ease the frustration of These grumbles apart, the people having to wait outside. union does provide a reasonable Such frustration is not calmed by service. Events such as Welfare the holier-than-thou and generally arrogant attitude displayed by W e e k do have limited effect within the college community the majority of Stewards. (not necessarily a fault of the The union is the only one I union or its officers), but resknow of (and I have visited earch needs to be done to find around thirty different unions in ways of increasing the knowledge the past couple of years) not to of and participation in such have any pool tables available. events. Perhaps it may be easier The bar facilities arc undeniably inadequate for their purpose. It is for the union to interact with the general student community with quite unbelievable that we should the greater presence of staff on have two small bar areas, even the reception desk, providing a with the seating in Da Vinci's much needed break from the being inconveniently removed, previous miserable, grudging serboth of which are served by vice that greeted visitors. To coninsufficient bar length and staff. clude: the union is doing well, Perhaps more frustrating to most but could do much better on the people is the service offered at fronts mentioned above. A n d the bars and food counters. There without forward planning (which seems to be some inability to appears to be lacking at present), keep all the beers in the Union

Dear I C U , The propaganda accompanying the calls lor comments about the

Bar on tap throughout a week, not to mention at the right temperature (and water content, it seems?]. I cannot understand why the bar continues to sell cig-

the union will be unable to cater for future needs. Yours sincerely, Chris Bragg Physics 3



Sadly we have to agree with Chris Bragg's comments on the level and quality of services and environment at I C U when compared with those of other major institutions. Unfortunately IC was late in recognising the necessity of such developments. Many of the other colleges had started investing time and money into student services back in the early eighties. Long term planning in student unions is crucial to students to give three major benefits: 1. The satisfaction and welfare of students who use and run the services. 2. The ability through such services to attract future students when coinpetition between colleges is tough. 3. The generation of income through well-used services to enable the Union to have autonomy in future growth and development of all aspects of commercial and non-commercial services (from clubs and societies to welfare, student development, etc.) Over the past few years we have started to redress the balance. Da Vinci's was totally refurbished, toilets were replaced, the Union Offices were moved to a more central, approachable position, the Bookstore was completely refitted and the Newsagents was developed. There are plans for a major development of the entertainment venue and bar/food areas. We have had to put some of these on hold while we are uncertain of our permanent location. We do, however, recognise that the Union cannot stand still until decisions are taken about its future. We are currently looking into a relatively small scale development which would at least improve the environment in the short term. Comments like those from Chris are very welcome. They show us that in fighting for improved student services and facilities we are truly representing student opinion. IC students, both present and future, deserve facilities at least as good as those of any other university in the country, and we will get there. We were disappointed with the lack of response to the Felix appeal. We need your input to make this the Union that you want il to be.



Queuing is as a result of the increased demand for the services offered on a Friday night. The actual capacity for the union on a normal Friday night is 750, which compares favourably in relation to other London colleges. This increases to 1200 on carnivals. As events become more popular, we have tried to inform people of the need to arrive early. If people are unable to get in, this because we have to observe legal fire limits. Our non-operation of a one-in one-out policy is a result of discussion with local residents, fire authorities and police. We have to carefully observe it, as any problems caused outside Beit could result in the loss of our licence. Bar


The suppliers of pool tables, as well as insurers, require that they are positioned in full view of a member of staff all the time: with our restricted space, this could be very difficult. Everybody would agree we should have more space, both in front of and behind the bar. The keeping of cask ales can be a tricky business. One of the most important requirements is cleanliness. To ensure all ales are served in top quality condition, the lines must be cleaned regularly. Sometimes this may lead to a specific brand not being available for a short time. We endeavour to offer a varied selection of traditional ales: although we have nine handpumps, we have offered in excess of thirty different ales in recent months. This inevitably means that certain ales are not available at all times. We always endeavour to serve only quality products, but if a customer is not satisfied they will always be offered an alternative. Cigars will be available behind the bar in the very near future. Catering


I put signs up 48 hours after speaking to you, and they were continually ripped down and replaced. I got fed up with this behaviour, but I should have thought of an alternative. Sorry. Food running out is unfortunate, but we inevitably have it happening a certain amount in attempts to avoid wastage.

















































feels the need. Now the obvious drawback to this plan is the lack of pockets in your average pair of In a vague attempt to move from lycra shorts. But Gerald has covthis job in July into a position in ered all bases by sticking a mars which I will get paid rather more bar down his pants. Usually when for considerably less hours, I Gerald trains the mars bar is found myself in one of those wholly uneaten by the time he's graduate recruitment interviews this morning. I'm still in a state finished, although often fairly wet and squishy. of great nervous tension: I susGerald is one of the more pect the memory will haunt me dedicated runners (Honest), and for years. M y interviewer asked generally exercises 4 or 5 times a what was 'the most creative week. As Gerald agrees eating the thing I had ever done'. I'm not mars bar after the run would be going to tell you what I said in quite a grim task, so he does not, response, because it's simply far too embarrassing. What worries prefering instead to buy a new one. However Gerald has hit me almost as much as the realihard times recently, his bank balsation that I have, developed the ance reaching the "5 pounds over ability to spout management the limit, no you can't have any consultant-esque cheesy drivel is more you skint bastard" stage. the fact that he honestly seemed This caused Gerald to introduce to feel that it was a good reply. some cost cutting measures, and Still, all is not lost, and into the first obvious thought was to the void left when I rushed off to cut down on the excess mars bars. be an executive, Civil Engin'The mars bar recycling plan' eering's M r Cedd Burge has ably involves having the same mars stepped to take over the rest of bar down his pants every time he the editorial... goes out. It was all going very well / have a little story about until one fateful day, after 3.5 Gerald Johnson, a pillar of months of hard slog with the same strength in the highly dedicated sweaty mars bar, the man felt an X-Coitntry community. Gerald oncoming desire to lose conciousis unfortunately a diabetic, and ness, and had to make the decihas to put himself through the ritsion that was later described by ual steroid / cocaine jokes every me to be "about as stupid as the time he gets his needle out. When bloke who decided to bomb exercising, low blood sugar can be Canary Wharf". Felix quoted a particularly big problem, and Gerald as saying "urrrr, where the possibility of being a long way am I?" from a chocolate machine if one

Dear Felix, Having noticed that your letters page has been rather sparse recently, we decided to write you a nice whinging letter. Whilst enjoying a 'good" night out at the Union on Friday 9th, we couldn't help noticing the appalling behaviour of many IC students. During the course of the evening our enjoyement was interrupted several times by the worrying sight of fights being broken up by Union stewards,who also had the disagreable task of throwing out numerous juvenile drunkards. By far the most annoying behaviour was that of three - to our mind typical I C students, who seemed to find the constant and extremely loud impersonation of farm animals (especially donkeys and sheep) very amusing. Their attitude towards young ladies was equally childish. One young lady, who had the misfortune of passing by their table several times, was repeatedly greeted with cries of "Geeezuss!!", and

seemed considerably distressed. W e see nothing funny in this, we must assume that it was a private joke amongst them. Surely this conduct is unbecoming of socalled adults. Is it suprising that so many people are embarrassed to say that-they study at IC? Yours sincerely, Rupert Ingham, Lawrence Gould, Markos Daskalakis (CivEng 2) Dear Felix, with the auditions for comperes now complete, preparations for the O S C International Night now begin in earnest... Destiny Amana and Shilpa Patel will be the hosts on March 1st. This showpiece event in the college calendar has had an average attendance of over' 1000 students in the past few years. If anyone would like to help with the organisation of the actual night, the O S C meets every Wednesday at 12.30pm in mech Eng L T 1 room 220. Usman Malik (Ents Officer) Kamal Patel (Vice Chairman)

F The indispensable guide for Felix contributors and helpers monday, high noon s

tuesday noon s

s monday 1.20pm

tuesday 6pm s

' g

thursday night g
















monday 6pm






s tuesday noon s

friday morning r .










We're Going To Barbados, You're Not!

'Storming' Ladies




Please understand we don't want no trouble... After many months of random shooting in the dark, we finally hit our target this term with a cheeky collaboration of the hockey and football clubs. This provided the necessary impetus for what has the potential to be one of the finest sports tours ever; Barbados '96.

Once again the Imperial College Ladies sent their opposition home empty handed following a scintillating display ol fitness and skill. Despite being down to f) men, (Schwa'' - Sports Ed.) the IC girls reduced the U C L defence to sieve status. Shockingly, the First half remained scoreless.

G i v e

U s Y o u r

M o n e y

friendly fixtures against the University of the West Indies and the Barbados Community College.

port. The tour is ambitious but with a drop of the shoulder and a bit of a shimmy we reckon we can taste a little paradise.

After booking half an aeroplane to the West Indies it was

For fund-raising events we have organised a varied and exciting repertoire; A n open pool tournament for all students, a sponsored head shave (girls included), a sports dinner for representatives from every sports club, a naked bungee jump, an open 6-a-Side football competition and many glorious raffles. Let's face it we're going nowhere without your support, and the last thing we want is empty terraces. So if you spot one of our events, turn up and spare us some loose change or pretend you've got no money.


The second half saw Helen showing off her brilliant individual skills, in a move which saw the ball ending up in the back of the U C L net.Owing to sheer luck and a terrible shot U C L missed a penalty, and from this point on the I C defence remained solid. After someconfusion in the U C L box, Mamamia Eva used brute force to power the ball over the line following a shot from Juliette.

A n y w a y )

Forty of IC's most responsible football and hockey athletes will be gracing the island of Barbados this August, comprising of three squads; Ladies hockey, clear that we've now split the men's hockey and men's football. defence and only have the goalie The hockey teams will be particto beat. Its a one on one situation ipating in the 'Barbados Hockey Federation' tournament and the with our fund-raising events just needing the ever vital crowd supfootballers will be playing several


Crossword by Clansman 23. Piper confused by old penny that is torn? (6) 26. Dido sat in peculiar summations. (9)

Across: 1. Destroy silk tax? (8) 9. Sir Thomas Moore's ideal place. (6) 10. Cufflink nudger plays a card game. (4,5) 12. Coin tampered with in vase by mythical creature. (7) 1 3. Wolf snake all at sea in frozen water droplet! (9) 15. A door south leads to fake gems. (6)

27. Road damaged by royal southerner - or admirers. (7) 28. Assistant -with a bit of a watch? (4,5) 30. Rent row over church pit. (6) 31. North-east twice in loss at solitude. (8)


16. Later advance in time. (3) 18. Plant eleven acres - prime vegetable. (3) 19. Scolded Colombian ambassador hid in a secret place. (7) 20. Natural Goddess with no afterthought. (3) 2f. Telephone evening news first - count up to it. (3)


• :, • '



2. Playing a scene about gin? (6) 3. Bequester of final debter? (7) 4. Rocket G o d . (6) 5. Also an exclamation, we hear. (3) 6. Rope man, we hear, is tough.

condition. (9) (9) 8. Sat astern without a nasty set 7. Share out poor paint in bad of vermin homes. (8) 11. Shrub that repents? (3)










14. Nice colour in the family. (7) 16. Each right page shone around head pieces? (9) 17. Assenting to current church home next to conservative England. (9) 18. Part of flower given to man in

Scottish city. (8) 22. Change one on issue. (7) 24. Handle on a hotel? (6) 25. North-eastern silt exposed in parts of the sea. (6) 26. Adder saves python first what a snake! (3) 29. A u t u m n in the U S without French ambassador for everything? (3)



1 6TH 1 996



Hockey Put

For Hockey

On Drug

Virgins Fai To Score On \/





) P O R T S M O U T H 55-0


A virginal score on Valentine's Day didn't reflect the hard work and commitment that was evident in every players performance. Against the wrath of the Pompey forwards and the speed and quick wits ol their backs, a makeshift IC V X tried and tried but couldn't quite score. The award for back of the match goes to Becky who stood in at scrum half following an injury to the

captain after twenty minutes. Jane gets the vote for forward of the match for taking a lot of dirty tactics on the chin, whilst Sarah gets loudmouth of the match for obvious reasons. W e l l done Virgins, who played proudly in a difficult match. (Sarah W reckons that being complimented by the england student hooker leading a pack full of internationals is worth a mention to all those involved. So here it is.)












n League H


was thy game

And enemies

come done

On pitch as well as bar us this day our


goal And forgive


N The conditions were atrocious, the mud was knee deep in the best of places, but everything was alright because Jurgen forgot his lurid pink tights. As for the race, Gerald ran with his shoes i n his hands, whilst Gary got into the spirit of Valentine's Day by running with a rose between his teeth. The women won the league and went to the pub to celebrate. The men went to the pub anyway. Anyone who would like to marshal the Hyde Park relays on Saturday, meet at 12.30 at the Union. You'll get a free t-shirt (and a look at Jurgen's pants.) The party in the union afterward is sure to be a huge hit (rave on





us our

passes scored



lead us not into


tion But deliver

us from

For thine are the And the And the Forever

defeat goalposts

spirit humiliation and ever


t t C 6 - 0 The Lawn Tennis Club had a good day on Sunday, hammering Surrey 6 - 0 in the first round of the winter league knockout competition.

SportsNews The



to Ken:

Ken, who art in heaven

As we let in those goals













- 0

2 -0

In somewhat of a renaissance for the sport, the 3rds won a game! Progressing in fine style into the last sixteen of the B U S A championships, their grandiose performance was eclipsed only by the Cantona-esque bad sportsmanship of the R H U L goalkeeper. Two fine strikes led to goals from Apeman and Butlins .Even without Ken, there was no doubt that on the day we were the best. The cost of the match was 5000 pounds.

Thy goalposts

Although I C ' s forwards dominated the set-pieces, the game was scrappy overall, with many opportunities missed by both sides. A score from John Evans, masquerading as a scrum half, settled the contest and although S O A S scored a late try, I C were victorious.




7 AET)

W i t h buoyant fans, IC's women set foot on Welsh (astro) turf on Monday. Despite some superb 2-0 attacking play, IC were down at half time. The second half, though, showed our ladies' determination, in pulling a goal back through a Joke penalty corner, only to find themselves two goals behind once more. I C fought back though, with tremendous strikes from Joke and Sally, which exemplified IC's team approach to the game. Extra time was required, but from then on there could only be one winner. Bring on Exeter!

Rugby Boys Earn Difficult W i n Having donated two of their players to the opposition I C had a close win over the S O A S . IC took the lead early on with a highly logical run by Julian Harrison from well inside his own 22. His try was met with a model conversion from A n d y Mayes.



| - N

e s Day





declared the career of former world heavyweight champion Tommy Morrison


IC Athletics Clubs Committee

IC 6

- 0


is sponsored

over, after it was discovered he is HIV



positive. His previous opponents have been advised to take precautionary tests.