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Libyan Link

Union Scuffle In the e a r l y h o u r s of T h u r s d a y m o r n i n g a scuffle e r u p t e d i n the u n i o n bar. T h e i n c i d e n t w a s s e r i o u s e n o u g h for o n e of the c o n c e r n e d parties to be a p p e a r i n g before a u n i o n d i s c i p l i n a r y h e a r i n g i n the near future. A c c o r d i n g to a u n i o n s o u r c e t h e a t m o s p h e r e at the e n d of W e d n e s d a y e v e n i n g h a d b e c o m e r a t h e r fraught. T h e b a r staff w e r e hassled b y a clientele that b e c a m e i n c r e a s i n g l y difficult. A s p o k e s p e r s o n f r o m t h e R S M U stated that 'we w e r e a l l out of t h e r e b y 1 1 p m ' a n d that t h e y k n e w a b s o l u t e l y n o t h i n g about the i n c i d e n t .

Paper Money T h e n e w s p a p e r of K i n g s C o l l e g e , C a s e y L, is b e l e i v e d to be suffering f i nanc i al difficulties. A K i n g ' s C o l l e g e student t o l d F e l i x that t h e p a p e r h a d u s e d u p a l l its £6000 grant a n d hadn't m a n a g e d to raise the £4000 f r o m a d v e r t i s i n g that it e x p e c t e d to. In response, M s T u r n e r , editor of Casey L, said that £2000 w a s left o v e r f r o m a £8000 grant, w h i c h w o u l d last at least until the 2 4 t h A p r i l , w h e n s h e said that she w o u l d l e a v e . She s a i d t h a t the paper c a m e out u s u a l l y o n c e e v e r y t w o w e e k s . She a d d e d that t hey ' w e r e d o i n g disastrously ' but w e r e n o w d o i n g fine.

I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e has m a d e a 'substantial' offer for the t h i r t e e n y e a r l e a s e h o l d of the e x - L i b y a n E m b a s s y o n E x h i b i t i o n R o a d . T h e c o l l e g e is n o w a w a i t i n g p l a n n i n g p e r m i s s i o n to c o n v e r t the b u i l d i n g for a c a d e m i c use. A l t h o u g h t h e r e m a i n i n g l e a s e h o l d is c o m p a r a t i v e l y short, the p r i m e p o s i t i o n of the b u i l d i n g has kept the v a l u e of the leasehold high. T h e U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n holds the f r e e h o l d a n d this has b e e n a major c o n s i d e r a t i o n i n the d e c i s i o n to m a k e a n offer. W h e n t h e t h i r t e e n y e a r lease expires, IC w i l l p r o b a b l y be able to e x t e n d it further.

A p p l i c a t i o n s for the access fund are n o w closed. T h e e x p e c t e d last m i n u t e flood d o u b l e d the t o t a l n u m b e r of applicants f r o m 220 o n T h u r s d a y to 560 b y 5 p m o n Friday. M r C u l l e n , the p e r s o n in c h a r g e of the access fund , t h a n k e d F e l i x for h e l p i n g to p u b l i c i s e the fund's existence. M r C u l l e n felt that the most effective w a y of c o m m u n i c a t i n g w i t h students was t h r o u g h F e l i x a n d that articles i n F e l i x had d i r e c t l y c o n t r i b u t e d to t h e last m i n u t e surge in a p p l i c a t i o n s . M r C u l l e n s a i d that he h a d ' m a d e g o o d progress' w i t h w i t h the e n o r m o u s pile of applications. Successful a p p l i c a n t s w i l l r e c e i v e their m o n e y b y t h e e n d of t e r m .

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W e have a fantastic offer for a l l y o u students, a cut w a s h a n d b l o w d r y b y o u r t o p stylist ( w h i c h n o r m a l l y costs a r o u n d £21) F o r o n l y £11 M e n

£12 W o m e n

C h e c k us o u t !

What A Mug A b e e r m u g was t h r o w n f r o m T i z a r d H a l l o n M o n d a y night, n a r r o w l y m i s s i n g a l o c a l resident. A c c o r d i n g to J o h n H a s s a r d , T i z a r d ' s w a r d e n he c o u l d h a v e b e e n k i l l e d h a d the glass hit h i m . T h e student w h o t h r e w the glass, w h o didn't c o m e f r o m T i z a r d H a l l , is due to face a d i s c i p l i n a r y h e a r i n g w i t h i n the n e x t w e e k . T h e most s e v e r e p u n i s h m e n t the student m i g h t suffer is e x p u l s i o n f r o m college. T h e r e s i de nt c a l l e d t h e p o l i c e after t h e i n c i d e n t a n d has w r i t t e n to S i r E r i c A s h a n d the m a y o r of K e n s i n g t o n a n d C h e l s e a . D r H a s s a r d said that the i n c i d e nt c a n o n l y strain relations w i t h the m e w s residents w h i c h w a s p o o r at the best of times. H e said that it m i g h t t h r e a t e n p l a n n i n g p e r m i s s i o n for a n e x t e n s i o n to the g y m a n d he w a s also c o n c e r n e d about d a m a g e to the o v e r a l l r e p u t a t i o n of the col l ege.

Theft Corner Access Closed

HAIRDRESSERS 15A H A R R I N G T O N R O A D , SOUTH KENSINGTON 071-823 8968

C o m p u t e r s w o r t h £3500 w e r e stolen f r o m the H u x l e y b u i l d i n g this w e e k . T h e r o o m i n w h i c h t hey w e r e kept w a s w e l l s e c u r e d e x c e p t for a bit w h i c h c o u l d o n l y h a v e b e e n k n o w n about b y s o m e b o d y k n o w i n g the r o o m w e l l . T h e security p r o b l e m has n o w b e e n s o l v e d . Some vending machines have been b r o k e n into, the a m o u n t s t a k e n b e i n g 'not w o r t h the b o t h e r ' a c c o r d i n g to Geoff Reeves, IC's chief s e c u r i t y officer. H e suspects that p e o p l e s l e e p i n g r o u g h or h a r d up h a v e b e e n responsible a n d a d d e d that there h a d b e e n m o r e thefts f r o m cars i n the last three m o n t h s t h a n i n the last three years. A J a g u a r c a r p a r k e d b e h i n d the C h e m i s t r y b u i l d i n g h a d its w i n g m i r r o r s r i p p e d off this w e e k . S e c u r i t y officers said that this was p r o b a b l y due to 'kids t a k i n g it out o n a c a r or two.'

STRESS RELAXATION SESSIONS Tue 26 Feb & Thur 28 Feb Giving up smoking seminar Friday 1 M a r c h No charge—sign up in the Union Office a.s.a.p.

U R O P : Undergraduate Research Opportunities Programme

A r e you thinking of doing paid U R O P work with a member of I C faculty during the summer vacation 1991? If you are, please try to settle details as soon as possible so that the member of faculty can, if necessary, a p p l y for funds.

For further details of the UROP scheme, see the UROP 1990-1991 Directory available (free) from the UROP office, Room 313C, Level 3, Mechanical Engineering Building.


Ken Livingstone Speaks K e n L i v i n g s t o n e , L a b o u r M P , attended the Labour party A n t i - W a r meeting o n T u e s d a y . Professor S t e v e n R o s e , a recognised expert on c h e m i c a l warfare a n d f o r m e r l y at the b i o c h e m i s t r y d e p a r t m e n t of Imperial C o l l e g e o p e n e d the m e e t i n g . Professor R o s e e x a m i n e d the r o l e of b i o l o g i c a l a n d c h e m i c a l w e a p o n s are p l a y i n g in the Gulf Conflict. H e said that w e s t e r n g o v e r n m e n t s h a d not c o m p e t e l y r e m o v e d their s t o c k p i l e of c h e m i c a l w e a p o n s , a l l of w h i c h are i l l e g a l u n d e r i n t e r n a t i o n a l l a w s . H e a d d e d that w e s t e r n g o v e r n m e n t s h a d failed to c o n d e m n President Hussein's c h e m i c a l attacks o n the K u r d i s h p o p u l a t i o n . C o m m e n t i n g o n the possible threat of b i o l o g i c a l w e a p o n s b e i n g used b y Iraq h e said that t h e y 'don't m a k e m i l i t a r y sense' a n d that a b i o l o g i c a l attack w o u l d ' h a v e a b e g i n n i n g but a b s o l u t e l y no e n d . ' Professor Rose d e s c r i b e d t h e w a r as a n ' u n m i t i g a t e d disaster e n v i r o n m e n t a l l y ' a n d a d d e d that the U n i t e d N a t i o n s r e s o l u t i o n w a s ' a fig leaf of r e s p e c t a b i l i t y to c o v e r up the n a k e d n e s s pf U S i m p e r i a l i s m ' . H e w e n t o n to say ' a c o n t i n u e d w e s t e r n p r e s e n c e i n t h e Gulf after the w a r w o u l d be a constant e x p e n s e to us a n d a n i r r i t a t i o n to A r a b n a t i o n a l i s m . ' K e n L i v i n g s t o n e said that the r e a s o n for the r e l a t i v e l y s m a l l size o f th6 p e a c e m o v e m e n t in B r i t a i n as c o m p a r e d to the US c o u l d b e b l a m e d u p o n the u n i q u e l y c o n s e r v a t i v e B r i t i s h press. H e a d d e d that there was n o t h i n g l i k e e c o n o m i c d e c l i ne to precipitate the s m a s h i n g of a t h i r d w o r l d r e g i m e , a n d that w e o n l y h a d to l o o k b a c k at the F a l k l a n d s to see the readiness to beat the w a r d r u m . 'Massive e c o n o m i c forces' w e r e b e h i n d this w a r as t h e result of t h e ' O p e n d o o r ' policies d r a w n up b y the U S at the t u r n of the c e n t u r y w h i c h stated that all obstacles to the e x p a n s i o n of the U S economy should be removed. This policy,

Mend-a-Bake

PETER THOMAS









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D

a c c o r d i n g to M r L i v i n g s t o n e , ' l a i d d o w n the pattern of U S foreign p o l i c y ' for the best part o f this c e n t u r y . T h e present e c o n o m i c s y s t e m meant that 'the w h o l e w o r l d s u p p o r t s the U S ' either d i r e c t l y o r i n d i r e c t l y because of the n e e d to trade in dollars. T h e present p r o b l e m s w e r e signs of 'resistance' that are e m e r g i n g , s a i d M r L i v i n g s t o n e . Q u o t i n g statistics, M r L i v i n g s t o n e said that 2 2 % of the w o r l d ' s p o p u l a t i o n was n o w i n e c o n o m i c d e c l i ne in r e a l terms, as c o m p a r e d to o n l y 3 % i n the 1960s a n d 70s. M r L i v i n g s t o n e w e n t o n t o say that 'eventually the A r a b nations will be r e u n i t e d , a n d it w o u l d be better to h a v e t h e m as friends' a n d 'the A r a b s w i l l h a v e to solve their o w n p r o b l e m s in their o w n w a y — w e can't s o l v e t h e m for t h e m ' . M r L i v i n g s t o n e w a s a s k e d h o w he c o u l d ' r e c o n c i l e his v i e w s in the M i d d l e East w i t h his s u p p o r t for S i n n F e i n ' to w h i c h he r e p l i e d that S i n n F e i n h a d r e c e i v e d the o v e r w h e l m i n g support o f the Irish p e o p l e in the o n l y free e l e c t i o n that h a d o c c u r r e d i n I r e l a n d this c e n t u r y . W h e n c h a l l e n g e d that S i n n F e i n n supports the k i l l i n g of i n n o c e n t people, M r L i v i n g s t o n e r e p l i e d that h e d i d not, b u t that e v e r y British government did. M r L i v i n g s t o n e w a s a s k e d to w h a t extent he t h o u g h t that the A m e r i c a n s h a d p l a n n e d the w a r before the Iraqi i n v a s i o n of K u w a i t . H e r e p l i e d that he d i d not t h i n k that it w a s p r e m e d i t a t e d because the w h o l e affair h a d the 'ingredients of a c o c k - u p ' a n d was a n u n e x p e c t e d o p p o r t u n i t y f or the W e s t t o reassert its influence i n t h e W o r l d . W h e n a s k e d w h y N e i l K i n n o c k a n d the L a b o u r front b e n c h s e e m e d to b e t o e i n g the T o r y line o n the w a r he a n s w e r e d that he c o u l d n o t c o m m e n t because ' N e i l hasn't s p o k e n t o m e s i n c e 1 9 8 6 ' but that he h a d fared better t h a n T o n y B e n n to w h o m N e i l K i n n o c k hadn't s p o k e n since

1984. K e n L i v i n g s t o n e finished b y s a y i n g that 'I'm not a fan of f u n d a m e n t a l i s m but I recognise its force as r e p r e s e n t i n g a g r o u n d s w e l l of c h a n g e a m o n g s t the o r d i n a r y A r a b people'. H e d e s c r i b e d B r i t a i n as 'the most b a c k w a r d of all W e s t e r n d e m o c r a c i e s — a r e a l b a c k w a t e r ' . T h e o n l y w a y to i m p r o v e the situation w a s to cut the ties w i t h a heritage of a d e c l i n i n g e m p i r e . H e d e s c r i b e d the 'special r e l a t i o n s h i p ' b e t w e e n B r i t a i n a n d the U S as the ' P M l i c k i n g the P r e s i d e n t ' s arse a n d getting a 21 g u n salute'.

Sabbatical National Elections T h e a t r e Trip T h e election p a p e r s for the four s a b b a t i c a l posts of I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n are g o i n g up this M o n d a y . T h e posts o p e n a r e President, D e p u t y P r e s i d e n t , H o n o r a r y Secretary and F E L I X Editor. Candidates must h a v e a p r o p o s e r a n d a full list of s e c o n d e r s b y F r i d a y 1st M a r c h , w h e n the p a p e r s c o m e d o w n . Hustings are o n the 7 t h M a r c h a n d E l e c t i o n s o n the 11th a n d 12th. A l l p r o s p e c t i v e candidates s h o u l d c o m e to the F E L I X Office as s o o n as possible to discuss a n d a r r a n g e their p u b l i c i t y r e q u i r e m e n t s .

T h e N a t i o n a l T h e a t r e o p e n s its doors to students o n W e d n e s d a y 2 0 t h F e b r u a r y . T h e trip w i l l i n v o l v e a b a c k s t a g e tour of the three theatres a n d w i l l l e a v e Beit Q u a d at 5 . 0 0 p m . If interested, contact D r a m s o c o n e x t e n s i o n 3531 as soon,as possible, as places are l i m i t e d .

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Short Time Short Time is about a c o p o n the edge...oops, s o r r y , a c o p w i t h a short time left b o t h o n the beat a n d i n his life. S a i d c o p is one B u r t S i m p s o n (either a desperate p u b l i c i t y b i d or a gaffe of vast a n d d e g e n e r a t e p r o p o r t i o n s ) a n d all his life he has l i v e d for the future, p l a n n i n g for his kid's H a r v a r d e d u c a t i o n a n d his o w n long-term f i n a n c i a l s e c u r i t y . A f t e r a m i x - u p at the d o c t o r ' s (doesn't it a l w a y s h a p p e n to y o u , b o y s ' n ' girls?) B u r t is told, to his d i s m a y , that he has o n l y a few w e e k s to live a n d , e v e n w o r s e , that his life i n s u r a n c e o n l y pays up if he gets w a s t e d i n a c t i o n . So b e a r i n g i n m i n d 111* D o u g i e ' s future B u r t sets out to k i l l himself, p r o v o k i n g m u c h b e m u s e m e n t f r o m his m i l d - m a n n e r e d partner, p l a y e d b y Mat F r e w e r i n a frantic effort to escape type-casting as a robot v i d e o j o c k e y (and thus m i s s i n g out o n a l u c r a t i v e contract w i t h M T V ) . If I w a n t e d to d a m n this m o v i e I n e e d say n o t h i n g m o r e n o w t h a n t h e r e follows a series of t o u c h i n g t a b l e a u x as B u r t confronts his t r u e feelings, as w e l l as his b u m b l i n g attempts to c o m m i t s u i c i de o n the beat, i n v a r i a b l y (and n a t u r a l l y ) e n d i n g i n c o m m e n d a t i o n s for h e r o i s m . H o w e v e r this w o u l d be unfair, since it w o u l d i g n o r e the s t a r t l i n g s i m i l a r i t i e s b e t w e e n

this a n d the o t h e r p a r e n t - k i d d y - l o v e f i lm out this w e e k (see e l s e w h e r e this issue). First of a l l w e are treated to a n o t h e r b i z a r r e Sesame Street c r o s s o v e r since B urt's partner is n a m e d E r n i e a n d , b e i n g p l a y e d b y F r e w e r , he bears m o r e t h a n a slight r e s e m b l a n c e to the G r e a t Y e l l o w O n e b o t h in c h a r a c t e r a n d l o o k s . I c a n n o t b r i n g myself to b e l i e v e this is a c c i d e n t a l . S e c o n d l y , i n b o t h , w e are treated to acting p e r f o r m a n c e s w h i c h scrape the edge of s a c c h a r i n e s e n t i m e n t a l i t y w i t h o u t actually t a k i n g the p l u n g e a n d t h i r d l y , do

The Crop The Crop, w i n n e r of three C r i t i c ' s Prizes at the B r i g h t o n F i l m C o n f e r e n c e for Best F o r e i g n F i l m , Best N e w D i r e c t o r a n d Best S u p p o r t i n g A c t o r opens i n B r i t a i n o n F e b r u a r y 15th. It is a m a s t e r f u l ly s o m b r e r e w o r k i n g of the great Y u g o s l a v d i r e c t o r V a r s c h e k ' s Hard Winter (Die Unglucklischewinter); the d i r e c t o r has m a d e his debut w i t h a c o m p a s s i o n a t e a n d m o v i n g p o r t r a y a l of a s i m p l e potato f a r m e r before the o u t b r e a k of hostilities i n the First W o r l d W a r . Perter W e i n s t a g (better k n o w n as R a l p h M a l p h in Happy Days) c o m m a n d s the s c r e e n w i t h a p r e s e n c e r e m i n i s c e n t of the e a r l y w o r k of F r i t z L a n g as he fights to raise-his p e o p l e f r o m the e a r t h to a l a n d he calls G l u c k l i c h u b e r a l l e s (the l a n d of love). U n f o r t u n a t e l y for Perter, the w o m a n he loves, F a l i a (played b y G l e n d a Jackson) is p r e g n a n t w i t h the bastard s o n of the B u r g e r m e i s t e r (Vincent Price). T h e roots of Perter's faith are tested i n a m o v i n g scene intercut w i t h Falia's seduction, w h i c h swirls w i t h b a r e l y r e s t r a i n e d e r o t i c i s m . Perter is forced to l e a d the v i l l a g e r s o n a quest across the S i b e r i a n steppe i n s e a r c h of his v i s i o n , i n a trek that b r i n g s h a r d s h i p a n d p a i n to those he loves. In a d r a m a t i c a v a l a n c h e sequence F a l i a is c r i p p l e d i n the t h i r d m o n t h of her p r e g n a n c y ; a potato blight threatens the v e r y stability of the v i l l a g e .

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w e e n d up r o o t i n ' for the hero p o p kids ? Y e p , I t h i n k so; b y the e n d of the m o v i e B u r t has so efficiently t u r n e d his life a r o u n d that I w a s p r a y i n g he didn't destroy the 12 certificate b y a c t u a l l y snuffing it. O r does he ? Short Time is a l t e r n a t e l y f a i r l y m o v i n g , if y o u ' r e easily m o v e d , fairly e x c i t i n g , if y o u ' r e easily e x c i t e d , a n d a m u s i n g , e v e n if y o u ' r e a m i s e r a b l e s o d ( W o u l d the r e a l A l a n B a i l e y please s t a n d up?). A f i lm greater t h a n the s u m of its parts. The Flying Gerbil

(Die Kroppe) of taste) after eating a b a d potato, the villagers o s t r a c i ze her, c a l l i n g her ' T h e B a d O n e ' a n d the v i e w e r is left full of guilt but also anger. T h e f i lm is a stark m e t a p h o r for o u r times, f r o m its m e t a p h y s i c a l use of the potato as a s y m b o l for f o r n i c a t i o n to the p r o l o n g e d (sometimes s e v e r a l minutes) shots of e m p t y fields. P e r t w e e ' s crisp d i r e c t i o n gives a c h a l l e n g i n g a n d s o m e t i m e s f r a n k l y d i s t u r b i n g insight into one m a n ' s l o v e for his root vegetabl e. The Crop is also r i c h in i n c i d e n t a l detail; try a n d spot C l i v e D u n n i n a rare c a m e o role as S t a l i n , or the m o m e n t briefly g l i m p s e d w h e r e T a r k i n tries to sell Perter a h a r d c o r e p o r n v i d e o . U n f o r t u n a t e l y the film is m a r r e d b y the c l o w n i s h buffoonery of U n a Stubbs, a p p e a r i n g as the n a i v e a n d v o l u p t u o u s daughter of D i e n s t a g (Lionel Blair), a l t h o u g h the sequence i n w h i c h she is d r a g g e d a w a y b y the merciless agents of the secret p o l i c e (Frank M u i r a n d A r t h u r M a r s h a l l ) is s t r i k i n g l y effective.

W i t h stout d i r e c t i o n f r o m J o n P e r t w e e , p r o v i n g himself m o r e t h a n s i m p l y a fine actor, this film leaves the v i e w e r ' s m i n d full of c o m p l e x resonances w h i c h persist l o n g after the f i l m has e n d e d . W h e n F a l i a gives b i r t h to the t w o h e a d e d fish (in a d r e a m sequence h a n d l e d w i t h a m i n i m u m

A l t h o u g h shot in b l a c k a n d w h i t e , a n d distracting at times w i t h t h e p o o r Italian t r a n s l a t i o n of the S e r b o - C r o at dialogue, The Crop is a n u n m i s s a b l e treat for students of the tuber, a n d a treasure for generations to c o m e . The Amazing Flying Gerbil Machine An d Friend.


The Adventures of

Ford Fairlane A n d r e w D i c e C l a y is an A m e r i c a n c o m e d i a n w h o specialises i n the n e w b r e e d of hate c o m e d y . T o l a u n c h h i m as a m o v i e star i n a m a i n s t r e a m c o m e d y / a c t i o n f i l m , s u c h as this, m a y s e e m to be s o m e t h i n g of a b a d m o v e . A n d i n d e e d it is. F o r d F a i r l a n e is a n A m e r i c a n c o m i c strip detective (is it just m e , or does this s o u n d familiar?) w h o specialises i n R o c k ' n ' R o l l . H e gets i n v o l v e d in a plot w h i c h is either so (a) c o m p l e x or (b) b a d l y w r i t t e n , that I didn't u n d e r s t a n d a w o r d of it. H o w e v e r , it does i n v o l v e a brainless bimbette, 3 C D ' s , a r e c o r d p r o d u c e r w h o pisses in the p u n c h , J i m i H e n d r i x ' s guitar, a penis c a l l e d Stanley, the l e a d singer of a h e a v y m e t a l b a n d , an e x p l o s i v e m i c r o w a v e a n d a k o a l a . F o r d does v e r y

Flesh Gordon 2 F l e s h G o r d o n M e e t s the C o s m i c C h e e r l e a d e r s

E m p e r o r W a n g m a n a g e d to s u r v i v e the c a t a c l y s m i c e x p l o s i o n o n the planet P o r n o a n d has n o w r e a p p e a r e d o n the Ice P l a n e t w i t h the Frigid Queen. Further research and e x t e n s i v e tests w i t h the s e x r a y h a v e n o w p r o d u c e d the I m p o t a n c e R a y , w h i c h he uses o n a n e a r b y p l a n e t . H e r e the C h e e r l e a d e r s of C o s m i c H i g h , faced w i t h a n unsatisfied sex d r i v e go in s e a r c h of the most v i r i l e m e m b e r of the h u m a n race—Flesh Gordon. T h e y k i d n a p F l e s h f r o m Dale's l o v i n g clutches, f o r c i n g D a l e a n d o u r o l d friend F l e x i Jerkoff to persue F l e s h i n a spaceship p o w e r e d b y the e n e r g y of c o p u l a t i n g c h i c k e n s , facing the dangers of a n a s s - t e r o i d belt a n d the c h i c k e n s r u n n i n g out of steam, t h e y finally meet up w i t h F l e s h a n d the C o s m i c

little a c t u a l d e t e c t i v e w o r k , p r e f e r r i n g to profane, p u n c h a n d p u c k e r his w a y t h r o u g h the f i l m , w h i l e his r e d - h e a d e d b o m b s h e l l of a secret ary solves the case (and gets t h r o w n out of the w i n d o w ) . Despite the a b o v e , the f i l m is not as g o o d as it sounds. T h e r e is p o t e n t i a l b o t h i n the script, despite the r i d i c u l o u s l y sentimental ending, a n d in Clay's p e r f o r m a n c e , b u t t h e y are b o t h b a d l y let d o w n b y gross d i r e c t o r i a l m i s h a n d l i n g . T h e director, R e n n y H a r l i n , is best k n o w n for his w o r k in a c t i o n m o v i e s , a n d it s h o w s . T h e c r as he s a n d fights are superb, but m a n y of the best lines lost. T h e r e is s o m e po t e nt i al for a cult f o l l o w i n g here, but o t h e r w i s e a p o t e n t i a l l y g o o d m o v i e seems c o n d e m m e d to sink w i t h o u t trace. Pendragon.

—Film

C h e e r l e a d e r s i n the l a n d of the T u r d People. E s c a p i n g to the Ice Planet t h e y have to stop W a n g f r o m b a t h i n g the E a r t h i n i m p o t a n c e r a d i a t i o n so s t r o n g that F l e s h is i n d a n g e r f r o m it, t h o u g h it w o u l d be too late for h i m as his o r g a n w o u l d h a v e been transplanted. I t h i n k that sums up the plot, w h i c h o n p a p e r is f u n n y a n d , i n d e e d , the f i lm has a few g o o d f u n n y lines to offer. W h i l e the a c t i n g is a b y s m a l , the are m o d e l s a m u s i n g a n d i n s e v e r a l cases v e r y c r u d e . U n f o r t u n a t l y , it has totally lost the spirit that the first f i l m h a d a n d is n o t h i n g m o r e t han a c h e a p sequel. If y o u l i k e s e e i n g b i g tits o n the b i g s c r e e n this is y o u r film, o t h e r w i s e don't go a n d see it! Killer

Bob.

Men at W o r k O h dear. A m o v i e w r i t t e n a n d d i r e c t e d b y E m i l i o Estevez, a n d s t a r r i n g himself a n d his brot her, C h a r l i e S h e e n . W h o are t h e y playing? G a r b a g e m e n . W h a t do t h e y do? F i n d a d e a d b o d y . W h a t do they do w i t h it? C a r r y it a r o u n d w i t h t h e m , a l o n g w i t h a m a d V i e t n a m vet a n d a k i d n a p p e d P i z z a m a n . M e a n w h i l e C a r l (Mr Sheen) is m a k i n g the d e a d m a n ' s c a m p a i g n m a n a g e r fall i n l o v e w i t h h i m , b y u s i n g his k n o w l e d g e of her, g l e a n e d f r o m w a t c h i n g her in her a p a r t m e n t , b y m e a n s of a p a i r of b i n o c u l a r s . U h - h u h . —

T h i s film s h o u l d have b e e n r e a l l y b a d . It n e a r l y m a k e s it, but the p r i n c i p a l s have e n o u g h feckless c h a r m to sustain the t h i n g , at least for a n u n d e m a n d i n g adolescent a u d i e n c e . In its favour, it i n i t i a l l y a v o i d s g o i n g straight for the w h a m b a n g a c t i o n a p p r o a c h , instead o p t i n g for s o m e t h i n g that is a fairly close

i m i t a t i o n of c h a r a c t e r d e v e l o p m e n t . But not that close. T h e twists are o b v i o u s , the jokes s i m p l i s t i c a l l y f u n n y , a n d the c l i m a x , w e l l , silly. T h e r e are w o r r y i n g h o m o p h o b i c u n d e r t o n e s i n t h e treatment of the p o l i c e m e n , a n d the V i e t n a m vet, a l t h o u g h getting a l l the best lines, is not e x a c t l y sympathetically handled. Admittedly, I did l a u g h o c c a s i o n a l l y . But not that m u c h . Not great. Pendragon.


A squidgy chocolate box of adoring missives brought to you...

Valentines Messages • SPUNKY PANTS Be our V i x e n A l l our love. F o x y and Gloves! • T O T H E PRESI D EN T : I want to bury m y nose in y o u r bum-fluff, but only if y o u ' l l lick black cherry yogurt off m y wellies. L o v e Dirty Oo-Er. • A N D Y — I love your horn—Pete. • J E N N I F E R Pennells (Wow what a surprise) nothing compares to you, happy valentines day from your blue eye one I love you x x x x x • T O m y gorgeous little creature. L o v e and tenderness forever. Fluff Bums... • SAILOR, T h a n x 4 watching m y despair I will always love you, Peanut. • MR P Is that a saxophone in y o u r pocket, or are you just pleased to see m e — L o v e Pete. • F O R A s h a and A m a r , I have stood here before inside the pouring rain, with the w i n d running circles, running round m y brain. I guess I'm always hoping that y o u ' l l end this reign, but it's m y destiny to be the K i n g of Pain. Sting ' K i n g of P a i n ' • FOR NADIA, Y o u k n o w I can't lie If I say that baby I love y o u T h e n baby I love you A n d I do I do' H a r r y Connick Jnr. 'We are in Love' • D A R L I N G CHRIS Do y o u have the leather bondage-wear to match your jacket? Love S.M. • T O F L A P S , m y birthday is as follows: a 747, a Merc 500, a flat on the Champs d'Elysee or failing those can I have another weekend away? L o v e from A E M F XXX • T O M Y cute Polly-Bear. Yo u'r e so strong and so hunky , let's make beautiful jigsaws together. Absolutely all m y love, Lisa Simpson. • D E A R A D A M , Please, please, please can we have E d w a r d Scissorhands? P.S. Photos t o m o r r o w (Tues?). • T O CHRISTIE Brinkley (Jennifer). Can I see some more of you and your dove's eyes? F r o m Prince, Physics. • Y A S M I N dearest, to a stunningly beautiful lady w i t h angelic eyes tht speak and with a smile so breathtakingly sweet that it never fails to melt m y heart. Happy Valentine. Lots of luv Secret Admirer. • P A R E N T A L Guidance, similar to receiver! A r e y o u a chemophile as well? If so then do sommut soon before the interest rate drops, I'm t w o w i l d about your, but only underground! • DEAR MARO I love you backwards....Adba M a w r a m • H E L L O SAILOR, I just wish I could be merry ' n ' happy again in those doodie mansion-like quarters of yours. Yours indefinitely (but no longer). F r e d and Barnie. • A N : A B T E I L I N G , JO W e n n wir zusammen k o m m e n konnten

die reaktion ware explosiv. V o n : einem kostbaren bewunder! • AUNTIE, I love it w h e n you call me dearie It all becomes so clear It makes me feel less weary O o o h h I love you dear—ie. L o v e Rich. • K A T I E POOOOS.... Please have me back...I do like dogs and teddy bears really! • MICHELLE... Y o u are the minibus of m y dreams. Can I ride you? • O O O H LOUISE, Y o u are a tease, Y o u are m y pride and joy, Please, please, please, Play with m y little toy!! Love Richard. • T O MS T I M B E R L A N D W i l l y o u be my perky this Valentines. F r o m Pi nky. • IAN R I C H A R D S I fly in just for breakfast A n d place m y bottom on your bread, Next time y o u take your hat off, There'll be a dropping on your head. L o v e A Pidge. • MURRAY, I love your wibbly-wobbly bits. Love J . • T O BRONNIE, Let's break all the rules a n d allow my hard center to meet your soft. Let's neutralise. F r o m Lewis. • THE CHASED, I'm still searching but with no sight, m y love for you still shines a light. The Follower. • MR B R E A D M A N A little grizzly loves you, He visits every night, He steals y o u r cash, A n d hits y o u r head, A n d fills you mouth with shite. Love A Bear. • T O M Y Bumble Bee, Let's not hesitate, let's pollenate. F r o m your favourite flower. • TO MY Desciples, Don't hesitate, let's procreate. F r o m the Guru. • T O S/A A l l m y love and Affection. J . • T O JO & E M M A 'Roses are red, violets are gree, open your legs, and I'll give y o u some cream!' F r o m Matt a n d Dave. • TO MR R Y o u killed m y son you bastard, Y o u snapped his wings in two. Next time y o u get plastered, I'll be looking out for y o u . Mrs Pidge. • MICKY Be my Valentine, and I speed-a-way to your heart. Love Steve. • H E L L O Sweetheart, y o u are the Princess of m y heart. I will always love y o u — y o u r prince. • T O T H E Bread M a n I love you,

W h y do you hate me so much? F r o m A Pidge. • Bzzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzzz. T h e y ' r e in your dreams A n d y . L u v R. • ROYSTON 'Is the w i n d still blowing? I hope not! xxxxxxx—S$!S$xx!! • A B L A C K Labrador called Guinness attracts attention. Let's tune to the same wavelength: from one to L u x e m b o u r g is heard Bobby M c F e r r i n . I'm not, even though you thought I was a n d I am, even though you thought I wasn't. Hopefully the wibble is free on Saturday night. • B H A R T I M i , m y valentine, I will love y o u always, always, always! • I. R I C H A R D S I come in every morning, I see you every day, I think you're really horny, But y o u chase m y mates away. A Pidge. • T H E SUN The sun still rises, powerful free from all, the m o o n still hiding yet seeing all. Sun and m o o n both they fly, never to meet, can they die? T h e M o o n . • TO T H E Bread Man Is that a b r o o m in your hand or are you just pleased to see me? A . N . Other-Pidge. • M R T — L e m o n c u r d will always r e m i nd me of y o u ! • I DEDICATE A l l m y love to Natalie, m y babe. • T I L L T H E N awaiting your reply Night and Day. • I.R. Oooer, P h w e o r r Finbarr Y o u r bacon makes me sizzle, Y o u r cakes they are so sweet, Y o u r curry tastes like donkey poo, Y o u r pizzas taste like feet. Love EVA. • I.R. Grrrr A.B. • RICHARD I k n o w I agreed to do it on the steps of the Albert H a l l , but I want to keep the negatives. L u v R. • I L O V E y o u r LJL's. • T O T H E T W A T with the hat... Watch out for me tomorrow morning. A Grizley. • A M Y , Y o u just name the ocean, I'll swim it. Want you, need y o u , miss you, love y o u . J B . • I.R. I'd love to wake up with y o u tomorrow. A Grizley. • D E A R J.G. I have been thinking about y o u since I started m y PG. Here wishing y o u well and all the best with your Biology course. Take care of yourself. Love J i m m y . • I.R. I've got a big hammer and I'm not afraid to use it. A Bear.


Roland Flowerdew uncovers a barking vicar, a potato inspector and a man who thinks he's Robin Hood.

Eccentrics

T h e r e is t h e case of the E n g l i s h m a n w h o d e c i d e d to c o r n e r the r i ce m a r k e t i n S a n F r a n c i s c o . T o further this e n d , he b o u g h t up t h e entire r i ce stocks of the city, w i t h the intent to s e l l it at a profit later. U n f o r t u n a t e l y , s e v e r a l c l i p p e r s c a r r y i n g r i ce s a i l e d into the h a r b o u r , so the b o t t o m fell out of the m a r k e t . Suffering f r o m s h o c k , he d e c l a r e d himself e m p e r o r of the U n i t e d States of A m e r i c a . T h e cards d i s p l a y e d a r o u n d E d i n b u r g h generated newspaper, then radio and t e l e v i s i o n interest i n e c c e n t r i c i t y , w h i c h e n a b l e d a l a r g e n u m b e r of p e o p l e to hear about the i n v e s t i g a t i o n . T h i s t e c h n i q u e is k n o w n as m u l t i - m e d i a s a m p l i n g . S i m u l t a n e o u s l y , D r W e e k s used the 'snowb a l l ' m e t h o d , w h e r e friends are a s k e d to ask o t h e r friends if t h e y k n o w a n y eccentrics. T h e o t h e r friends ask t h e i r friends a n d so o n , u n t i l a w h o l e c h a i n is built up. O v e r t w o years, these t w o m e t h o d s a s k e d a n e s t i m a t e d 30 m i l l i o n p e o p l e i n B r i t a i n w h e t h e r t h e y w e r e , or k n e w a n y e c c e n t r i c s . T h i s s a m p l i n g figure is o n l y e x c e e d e d b y the n a t i o n a l census i n scope. S o m e h a v e q u e s t i o n e d t h e v a l i d i t y of these s e l e c t i o n m e t h o d s , s a y i n g that t h e y are unscientific a n d o p e n to abuse. T h i s is p a r t l y true; h o w e v e r , D r W e e k s n e e d e d to locate e c c e n t r i c s , rather t h a n c o n d u c t a n o p i n i o n p o l l . T h e fact that his s a m p l e size w a s so l a r g e m e a n s that it is u n l i k e l y to be u n r e p r e s e n t a t i v e of t h e w h o l e population. F o l l o w i n g u p the returns f r o m this s u r v e y , D r W e e k s a n d his t e a m c a m e across the f o l l o w i n g : • T h e m a n w h o i n v e n t e d the ' B a l l o o n W i r e Strategic D e f e n c e Initiative'; a p l a n to s u r r o u n d E d i n b u r g h w i t h b a l l o o n s a r m e d w i t h lasers c o n n e c t e d to v i b r a t i o n sensors. H i s i d e a w a s that, in the e v e n t of a n u c l e a r s t r i k e , the lasers w o u l d neutralise the r a d i o a c t i v i t y . H o w e v e r , the

FEATURES t u r n m e a n s that t h e y are i n c r e d i b l y h e a l t h y : the a v e r a g e e c c e n t r i c visits his d o c t o r t w e n t y times less f r e q u e n t l y t h a n his ' n o r m a l ' c o m p a t r i o t . E c c e n t r i c s u s u a l l y start b e c o m i n g e c c e n t r i c fairly e a r l y i n life, f r o m about s e v e n years o l d a n d u p w a r d s . F r e q u e n t l y their parents are or w e r e fairly strong d i s c i p l i n a r i a n s , b u t this m a y be because of the b e h a v i o u r of their c h i l d r e n . T h e r e is often a history of e c c e n t r i c i t y i n the families of e c c e n t r i c s . E c c e n t r i c s are also e x t r e m e l y c u r i o u s a n d h i g h l y m o t i v a t e d . A l t h o u g h s o m e of their ideas m a y be ' w a c k y ' , m a n y c o u l d be put to g o o d use, but o n l y if p e o p l e stop d i s m i s s i n g t h e m as b e i n g s t u p i d . E c c e n t r i c s feel i n v i s i b l e to the rest of the w o r l d - for m u c h of the t i m e t h e y enjoy this, because it a l l o w s t h e m to get o n w i t h their l i v e s w i t h o u t m u c h interference. H o w e v e r , p e o p l e t e n d to o v e r l o o k t h e m as c o n t r i b u t o r s to the benefit of m a n k i n d . T h i s t h e y find irritating, b e c a u s e one of the m a i n m o t i v a t i o n s for a n e c c e n t r i c is to i m p r o v e the lot of others. T h e y often feel that t h e y are a h e a d of their t i m e a n d that the rest of the w o r l d is out of step w i t h t h e m .

' A r e y o u e c c e n t r i c ? If y o u t h i n k y o u are, or k n o w s o m e o n e w h o m a y be, contact D r D a v i d W e e k s at the R o y a l E d i n b u r g h H o s p i t a l . ' T h i s message w a s o n cards displayed around Edinburgh, w h e n D r W e e k s d e c i d e d to investigate eccentrics a n d e c c e n t r i c i t y i n 1984. His u l t i m a t e a i m was, a n d still is, to l o o k at the thought processes of s c h i z o p h r e n i c s , w h o s e b r a i n s s e e m to function i n a sort of secret c o d e , intelligible to no-one but themselves. Instead of j u m p i n g i n at t h e d e e p e n d , D r W e e k s t a c k l e d the lesser, but e q u a l l y interesting, p r o b l e m of e c c e n t r i c s . W h a t m a k e s a n e c c e n t r i c eccentric? A n e i g h t e e n t h c e n t u r y Scots l a i r d s u d d e n l y d e c i d e d to t a k e to his b e d . A c o u p l e of years later, he h e a r d that B o n n i e P r i n c e C h a r l i e h a d l a n d e d in S c o t l a n d , w h e r e u p o n he j u m p e d to his feet d e c l a r i n g 'I'll arise the n o o ' . H e w a s later found in bed between two nubile serving w o m e n , w h o , h e s a i d , w e r e s i m p l y to keep him w a r m .

I s a m e p e r s o n has c o m e up w i t h other, more practical, inventions. • T h e militarist, w i t h 30 m o d e l t a n k s across his l i v i n g - r o o m floor. H e h a d t a k e n to his b e d to r e a d b o o k s o n m i l i t a r y history. D u r i n g the i n t e r v i e w , he p u l l e d out a h a n d g r e n a d e a n d a s k e d ' F r i g h t e n e d , de a r i e ?' • T h e v i c a r of a c h u r c h i n B e r k s h i r e , w h o b a r k s d u r i n g s e r m o n s to l i v e n things up. • T h e o l d l a d y w h o said 'I'm t r y i n g to become a cultivated enigma.' • A n o t h e r o l d lady, w h o a d d e d a n o t h e r B e a t i t u d e to those g i v e n i n the S e r m o n o n the M o u n t : 'Blessed a r e the c r a c k e d , for t h e y shall let in the light.' • T h e potato inspector, w h o eats n o t h i n g but potatoes, a n d goes o n potato h o l i d a y s to P e r u . • T h e m a n w h o w o r k s for the M i n i s t r y of Defence. H o w e v e r , in his spare t i m e he identifies w i t h R o b i n H o o d , to s u c h a n extent that he w a l k s a r o u n d c o m p l e t e w i t h b o w a n d a r r o w , a n d d r e s s e d in Lincoln green. W h a t distinguishes these p e o p l e f r o m the 'man-in-the-street'? T h e study f o u n d that e c c e n t r i c s are e n o r m o u s l y creative, and many have vivid dreams. Although t h e y k n o w that the rest of the w o r l d c o n s i d e r s t h e m p e c u l i a r , t h e y have the self-confidence to i g n o r e others. T h i s n o n c o n f o r m i s m m e a n s that t h e y are r e m a r k a b l y free f r o m stress, w h i c h i n

Most e c c e n t r i c s are m a l e , but the n u m b e r of f e m a l e e c c e n t r i c s is i n c r e a s i n g , p r o b a b l y b e c a u s e of the i n c r e a s i n g i n d e p e n d e n c e of w o m e n . It seems that female e c c e n t r i c s t e n d to b e c o m e so later in life t h a n the males: D r W e e k s f o u n d that t h e y t e n d e d to get m a r r i e d a n d raise c h i l d r e n , t h e n t h e y 'get r i d ' of their husbands a n d restart t h e i r l i v e s w i t h a n a m a z i n g burst of c r e a t i v i t y . D r W e e k s c o n s i d e r s that society needs eccentrics. T h e i r a b i l i t y to cast off preconceptions and ignore conventions m e a n s that t h e y c a n p r o d u c e r a d i c a l ideas w h i c h c a n be put to g o o d use. H e also d r a w s p a r a l l e l s b e t w e e n the h i g h o c c u r r e n c e of e c c e n t r i c s i n B r i t a i n a n d B r i t i s h c r e a t i v i t y . O v e r half the w o r l d ' s n e w c o m m e r c i a l l y - a d o p t e d ideas a n d i n v e n t i o n s c o m e f r o m B r i t a i n . H e says ' E c c e n t r i c i t y is essential if s o c i e t y is to h a v e a sufficient v a r i a b i l i t y w i t h i n itself to adapt successfully to c h a n g i n g c o n d i t i o n s . '

IZIT + HIPJOINTS Free before 9.45pm then £2.50 or £1 (Ents card) B A R TIL l a m DISCO TIL 1.50am


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Essequibo.

U Expedition Guyana '90 T h e G u y a n a '90 E x p e d i t i o n w a s b o r n t w o y e a r s ago w h e n a poster a p p e a r e d o n the Life Sciences n o t i c e b o a r d s a y i n g , ' A n y o n e w a n t to go to B r a z i l ? ' . It w a s a n o p p o r t u n i t y far too g o o d to miss, a l t h o u g h the B r a z i l i a n s w e r e less t h a n k e e n to h a v e s e v e n biologists w i t n e s s i n g the t r e a t m e n t of their forests. So w e p l u m p e d for G u y a n a , a t i n y c o u n t r y , also i n the A m a z o n i a n B a s i n , n o r t h of B r a z i l , w h i c h is 8 0 % rainforest. G u y a n a '90 was an ecological conservation m i n d e d e x p e d i t i o n to s t u d y the flora a n d fauna of the t r o p i c a l forests. N o o n e s e e m e d to h a v e studied the forest t h e r e since D a v i d A t t e n b o r o u g h i n 1957, a n d earnest o r g a n i s a t i o n for the trip b e g a n . First stop w a s a n o v e r n i g h t stay i n T r i n i d a d , our i n t r o d u c t i o n to the l a i d b a c k C a r r i b e a n life, r u m p u n c h , c a l y p s o , m o s q u i t o s a n d m i n d - n u m b i n g heat. N e x t m o r n i n g , a q u i c k flight t o o k us o v e r the coast of S o u t h A m e r i c a . T r e e s stretched e v e r y w h e r e b e n e a t h us, e x c e p t w h e r e the s n a k i n g b r o w n r i v e r s cut t h r o u g h the dense g r e e n carpet; a b r e a t h t a k i n g first g l i m p s e of w h a t was to b e c o m e o u r home. W e t o o k a t a x i f r o m the airport into the c a p i t a l (and o n l y ) c i t y, G e o r g e t o w n , w h e r e 8 0 % of the G u y a n e s e p e o p l e l i v e . H e t o o k us i n t o the h u b b u b of G e o r g t o w n ' s m a r k e t square. H e r e , full of e x c i t e m e n t a n d a n a i v e w o n d e r at the foreign s u r r o u n d i n g s , w e w a t c h e d i n s t u n n e d disbelief as a defenceless o l d m a n w a s r o b b e d of his b a g b y a t e e n a g e thief w h o l e a p e d just out of his r e a c h , l a u g h i n g w i t h the c r o w d w h o s t o o d b y . W a t e r Street, w e f o u n d out later, was not a place to go s h o p p i n g a l o n e . G o i n g out a n y w h e r e a l o n e or at n i g h t w a s a b a d i d e a , as ' w h i t i e s ' w e r e sitting d u c k s for the bandits. D u r i n g a pleasant e v e n i n g stroll i n the t r o p i c a l air o n t h e first night, four of us w e r e r o b b e d b y a c o u p l e of b r o k e n bottle w a v i n g yobs. W h i l e w e w e r e i n G e o r g e t o w n w e s a w v e r y few E u r o p e a n s o n t h e streets. Part of the r e a s o n for the tense a t m o s p h e r e is the v e r y u n s t a b l e p o l i t i c a l situation, as most of the p o p u l a t i o n are of East Indian descent, but g o v e r n e d b y W e s t Indians, u n s y m p a t h e t i c to their needs. T h e P e o p l e s N a t i o n a l P a r t y g o v e r n m e n t h a v e b e e n a c c u s e d of ballot r i g g i n g i n the past, a n d the p e o p l e are d e m a n d i n g free a n d fair elections this t i m e . Riots a n d r a c i a l friction are i n c r e a s i n g as t h e elections, d u e a n y t i m e , approach. T h e c i t y itself, o n c e a c o r n e r of the C o m m o n w e a l t h , still retains m u c h of the past; the statue of Q u e e n V i c , the g r a n d b u i l d i n g s of t h e H i g h C o u r t a n d St Georges Cathedral and rattling Morris Minors. Almost every building in Guyana is w o o d e n a n d o n stilts, as the l a n d is m o s t l y b e n e a t h sea l e v e l a n d p r o n e to flooding. In the c i t y c e n t r e , i m p r e s s i v e

elaborate w h i t e w a s h e d houses s e v e r a l stories h i g h l i n e the b r o a d Parisian-style streets w i t h grassy c e n t r a l w a l k w a y s , s h a d e d b y scarlet f l o w e r i n g flame trees. T h e r i c h s u b u r b a n areas a l o n g the sea w a l l contrast s t r i k i n g l y w i t h the p o o r e r quarters w h e r e m u d d y p o t h o l e d roads t h r e a d t h r o u g h the r u n d o w n shacks a n d c h i l d r e n p l a y a r o u n d stagnant drains a n d d e c a y i n g r u b b i s h heaps. H a v i n g e x p e c t e d to be at o u r st udy site w i t h i n a w e e k , the p r o b l e m s w e h a d o r g a n i s i n g food, e q u i p m e n t , p e r m i s s i o n a n d transport d e l a y e d d e p a r t u r e a s e c o n d w e e k . T h e s m i l i n g G u y a n e s e officials w a n t e d to h e l p , but t h e i r i n b r e d l o v e of r e d tape a n d b u r e a u c r a c y w a s a constant obstacle to progress. In b e t w e e n d a i l y meetings w e w e r e i n v i t e d to t e a c h at l o c a l schools. A t p r i m a r y schools, w e s h o u t e d to be h e a r d a b o v e the c l a m o u r of h u n d r e d s of c h a t t e r i n g c h i l d r e n , d r a w i n g a tree w i t h m o n k e y s , s n a k e s a n d parrots to illustrate o u r talk o n v e r y basic rainforest e c o l o g y .

night, but s o m e t h i n g bit a h o l e i n a s w i m m i n g c o z z i e ! W e staggered a r o u n d t r y i n g to c o o k d i n n e r i n a n e x h a u s t e d stupour, a n d i n the e n d s t r u n g u p our h a m m o c s for o u r first n i g h t b e n e a t h the stars. T h e f o l l o w i n g day, w e h a d o u r first e n c o u n t e r w i t h the A m e r i n d i a n s . J o n a s , a short, d a r k t r i a n g u l a r t o r s o e d m a n w i t h wiry dark hair and a solemn expression p a d d l e d s o m e of us across the r i v e r to s e a r c h for a s t u d y site. A l i g h t i n g b y s o m e beautiful rapids, our guide l e d us up a s m a l l grassy h i l l t h r o u g h l i m e trees a n d c o c o n u t p a l m s to the v i l l a g e . This c o m p r i s e d of s e v e r a l w o o d e n p a l m t h a t c h e d huts o n stilts, s e e m i n g l y o c c u p i e d b y o n l y a few c h i c k e n s . W e w e r e met b y C a p t a i n A n d r e z , the 68 y e a r o l d boss of t h e village. A br i g ht e y e d , r o u n d faced, l o q u a c i o u s m a n w h o w e l c o m e d us eagerly. H e t o o k us to the s m a l l w o o d e n stilted s c h o o l b u i l d i n g , built b y O p e r a t i o n R a l i e g h i n 1988, u n u s e d

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d i m a n d the air r e l a t i v e l y c o o l . It w a s i n c r e d i b l y silent, the a t m o s p h e r e s o o t h i n g a n d secure, the a n c i e n t g r e y t r u n k e d trees w e r e t h e e p i t o m y of c o m p l e t e serenity. T h e o n l y sounds w e r e the w h i s t l i n g a n d c a l l i n g of t h e birds a b o v e , the p e r i o d i c s q u a w k of m a c a w s , the b u z z i n g of w a s p s a n d the helicopter w h i r of the H e r m i t h u m m i n g b i r d s that d a r t e d around, sometimes only inches from our faces.

s c h o o l , w h e r e c r o p s of c a s s a v a , y a m s , peas a n d sugar c a n e w e r e t e n d e d b y the villagers. H e w o u l d often visit us for breakfast o n S u n d a y (his o n l y d a y off) or i n the e v e n i n g s w h e n he c o u l d be p e r s u a d e d to take a shot of r u m , w h i c h made him even more talkative than usual. A v e r y religious m a n , of h i g h m o r a l s , the C a p t a i n h a d a n o p i n i o n about e v e r y t h i n g , f r o m the t r i v i a l e.g. a w o m a n w i t h a first toe l o n g e r t h a n t h e others w i l l m a k e a bossy wife, to the d e e p l y p h i l o s o p h i c a l , ' N o matter h o w h a r d t h e y l o o k , scientists w i l l n e v e r find G o d ' . H e t a l k e d endlessly o n history, politics, w a r , science, f a r m i n g , c o n s e r v a t i o n , l o v e a n d religion with astounding knowledge, c o n s i d e r i n g h e didn't e v e n have a r a d i o a n d posessed n o b o o k s . H e w o u l d i n v a r i a b l y e n d up o n the subject of the new road from Brazil w h i c h was planned to r u n past K u r u p u k a r i c u t t i n g t h r o u g h the forest to t h e coast, a n d w a s r e p u t e d l y p r o g r e s s i n g r a p i d l y at a rate of 1 0 k m a w e e k , m u c h to the C a p t a i n ' s o b v i o u s dismay. He loathed Brazilians and was a p p a l l e d at the prospect of t h e r o a d a n d the h a v o c it w o u l d b r i n g to his peaceful village.

W e s a w s e v e r a l species of m o n k e y s , often d i s t u r b i n g t h e i r f e e d i n g a n d s e e i n g a r u s t l i n g b r a n c h i n the c a n o p y . W i t h m u c h p a t i e n c e , their br i g ht orange, l o n g h a i r e d bodies c o u l d be v i e w e d as t h e y m o v e d slowly and carefully between trees. T h e e x t r e m e l y r a r e B l a c k Spider Monkeys were even more timid. Although initially i n q u i s i t i v e , t h e y s e e m e d to e v a p o r a t e i n t o the leaves o n c e d i s t u r b e d . In contrast, C a p u c h i n s w e r e obstreperous creatures, s c r e e c h i n g a n d s w i n g i n g f r o m tree to tree t h r o w i n g debris d o w n to

D e p a r t u r e d a y d a w n e d o n the 17th O c t o b e r a n d w e h e a d e d for o u r destination, K u r u p u k a r i , 200 miles s o u t h of G e o r g e t o w n o n the E s s e q u i b o R i v e r , where, we w e r e realiably informed a p o n t o o n w o u l d c a r r y us across the r i v e r . W e travelled in a Toyota Landcruiser d r i v e n b y the m a d R a s t a f a r i a n , M r Baptiste, w h o insisted o n s t o p p i n g for s e v e r a l beers b e f o r e breakfast a n d l a u g h e d a n d s w o r e r i o t o u s l y for the entire j o u r n e y . T h e e q u i p m e n t was p a c k e d into a M e r c e d e s U n i m o g l o r r y w i t h huge w h e e l s , l o o k i n g l i k e it c o u l d get anywhere through anything. Our driver, E l v i s , h e l d t h e l a n d s p e e d r e c o r d for the j o u r n e y , a n d he was w a r n i n g us h o w b a d the j o u r n e y w a s . N o n e of us b e l i e v e d him. T h e 200 m i l e s to K u r u p u k a r i t o o k a tortuous n i n e hours. H o u s e s t u r n e d to fields a n d as the t a r m a c e n d e d a n d the forest b e g a n a feeling of g r e a t e x c i t e m e n t g r i p p e d us a l l . T h i s was w h a t w e h a d c o m e to see. T h e cruiser w e n t in front w h i l e the U n i m o g l u m b e r e d b e h i n d , s q u e e z i n g b e t w e e n the trees w h i c h h u g g e d the n a r r o w r o a d a n d p o k e d their b r a n c h e s t h r o u g h the w i n d o w s . T h e most serious obstacles w e r e the s w a m p s . B o t h v e h i c l e s got s t u c k a n d w e h a d to w a d e i n the m u d to c l e a r logs a n d attach the w i n c h before t h e y c o u l d be freed. E v e n t u a l l y a s h e l l - s h o c k e d t e a m fell f r o m the v e h i c l e s into a s m a l l c l e a r i n g at the edge of the Essequibo at K u r u p u k a r i . T h e r e was no v i l l a g e a n d n o p o n t o o n (dismay!). T h e site w a s o c c u p i e d b y the C a n a d i a n Y o u t h C h a l l e n g e International g r o u p (YCI), w h o t o ld us that the p o n t o o n h a d b e e n b r o k e n for t w o y e a r s , but there was a n A m e r i n d i a n settlement across the river. W e l l , w e c h a t t e d to the Y C I gang, t h e n w e n t for o u r first blissful s w i m . W e w e r e assured that the P i r h a n a o n l y c a m e out at

since the g o v e r n m e n t h a d n o t p r o v i d e d a teacher. A f t e r a c o u p l e of h o u r s l o o k i n g at possible c a m p s i t e s i n the forest, w e d e c i d e d to stay in the s c h o o l h o u s e a n d w a l k i n to t h e forest e v e r y day to w o r k . D a w n started e a c h day w i t h the distant r o a r i n g of the H o w l e r M o n k e y s s h o u t i n g across the mist s h r o u d e d tree-tops. T h e m a m m a l t r a p p e r s w o u l d go off before breakfast to c h e c k their traps. T h i n g s w e r e n ' t a l w a y s easy; m a m m a l s w e r e elusive a n d not i n c l i n e d to be t r a p p e d . T h i s was a l l r a t h e r c o n d u c i v e to n e r v o u s b r e a k d o w n but fortunately Jacuzzis i n the r a p i d s a n d the delight of w a n d e r i n g t h r o u g h the v i r g i n forest i n our spare t i m e kept us sane. H u g e buttressed trees, t o w e r e d majestically straight up into the dense canopy. T h i c k w o o d y vines spiralled around branches and trunks. Here and there a tree h a d t o p p l e d o v e r slightly, still h e l d up b y o t h e r trees a n d c r e e p e r s , but l e t t i ng shafts of s u n l i g h t s p a r k l e t h r o u g h the green. O t h e r w i s e the light was quite

chase us a w a y . W e also c a u g h t sight of large troupes of S q u i r r e l M o n k e y s , or S a k i - W i n k i , a n d B e a r d e d Sakis. T h e A m e r i n d i a n s w e r e v e r y hospitable; A u g u s t i n e , t h e master f i s h e r m a n w o u l d b r i n g us fish e a c h m o r n i n g f r o m the p r e v i o u s night's m o o n l i t h u n t . O t h e r villagers b r o u g h t us sweet b a n a n a s , refreshing c o c o n u t s , b e r r i e s a n d fresh l e m o n s a n d l i m e s . W e ate l i k e kings a n d o n l y resorted to eating r o d e n t s o c c a s i o n a l l y ! E v e n the c h i l d r e n , w h o w e r e i n i t i a l l y t e r r i f i e d of o u r strange w h i t e s k i n , s o o n greet ed us s h y l y , offering rats a n d insects w h i c h t h e y h a d caught, to h e l p us w i t h o u r studies. T h e y also let us i n o n their tree secrets, sniffing b a r k a n d s n a p p i n g twigs to identify t h e m , s o m e t i m e s offering gems of stories about the m e d i c i n a l or food uses of the plants. W e b e c a m e especially close to C a p t a i n A n d r e z — k n o w n as C a p t a i n because of his u n q u e s t i o n a b l e k n o w l e d g e of the r i v e r . H e passed us v e r y e a r l y e v e r y m o r n i n g o n his w a y to t h e fields b e y o n d the

St

v

A f t e r three w e e k s at K u r u p u k a r i , w e met w i t h a t e a m f r o m the M i n i s t r y of Agriculture a n d Wildlife, w h o were s u r v e y i n g the B l a c k C a i m e n p o p u l a t i o n (very b i g alligators w i t h s h a r p teeth w h i c h w e w e r e n ' t s c a r e d of at all!). T h e y w a r n e d us that the i m m i n e n t N o v e m b e r rains c o u l d l e a v e us s t r a n d e d b e y o n d the impassable swamps. The Captain c o n f i d e n t l y p r e d i c t e d f r o m t h e c o l o u r of the m o o n ' s h a l o that the r a i n s w o u l d c o m e late, if at a l l this y e a r . In fact, s p e n d i n g C h r i s t m a s w i t h the A m e r i n d i a n s was quite i n v i t i n g , but after m u c h debate w e d e c i d e d for safety's s a k e to p a c k up a n d w a d e , t h r o u g h the s w a m p s to d r i e r forest. A f t e r g e t t i n g settled i n t o life at this i d y l l i c site it w a s h a r d to l e a v e , after the last s w i m a n d f i n a l farewells w e c l a m b e r e d b a c k onto the L a n d c r u i s e r s a n d h e a d e d for the n e x t c a m p . Site 2, at a p l a c e c a l l e d M i m u , was set i n a w h i t e s a n d y c l e a r i n g , b y a n ice-cold m a g e n t a c o l o u r e d creek. T h e l a n d w a s o w n e d by D e m e r r a r a W o o d s Timber Co., w h o operate small-scale s e l e c t i ve felling. A t e a m of t h e i r foresters w h o l i v e d i n a p a l m - t h a t c h e d hut b y the creek, h e l p e d us b u i l d shelters f r o m w o o d a n d t a r p a u l i n , usi ng the u b i q u i t o u s , r a z o r s h a r p cutlasses—one for h a m m o c k s , the other as a k i t c h e n / c o m m u n a l r o o m . W e w e r e s o o n b a c k into the r o u t i n e of w o r k , w i t h help f r o m the G u y a n e s e w i l d l i f e t e a m . Monkeys w e r e arguably more abundant here a n d w e definitely s a w m o r e snakes (no fatalities though). O u r n e a r b y c r e e k was f o u n d to be the night t i m e haunt of a young Spectacled Caimen w h i c h we d i s t u r b e d one e v e n i n g . F r e s h footprints o n the r o a d e a c h m o r n i n g p r o m p t e d night-time s e a r c h e s for J a g u a r s , but t h e y

s e n s i b l y kept out of sight. Signs of tapir, deer, anteater, a g o u t i a n d l a b b a w e r e also seen o n our t r a v e l s. B e i n g n e x t to the jungle t r a c k , w e w e r e often v i s i t e d b y passing t r a v e l l e r s , p a r t i c u l a r l y ' p o r k k n o c k e r s ' . These wandering gold and gem prospectors, getting their i n t e r e s t i n g n a m e f r o m their s u r v i v a l o n b u s h p i g meat w h i c h t h e y tenderise b y b a s h i n g w i t h h a m m e r s . T h e y live a r o u g h life, a l w a y s o n the s c r o u n g e for food a n d t o b a c c o a n d a l w a y s r e a d y to strike a d e a l . N o t o r i o u s for their s t i c k y fingers t h e y set the c a m p o n edge w h e n t h e y a r r i v e d a n d often left i n the d e a d of night, s o m e t i m e s w i t h m o r e t h a n t h e y c a m e w i t h the p r i c e of their r a w g o l d w a s too g o o d to pass u p a n d w e e a c h bought a p e n n y w e i g h t — e n o u g h for o n e r i n g . A b o u t a w e e k into our stay at M i k u , w e s a w the first traffic f r o m B r a z i l pass b y , i n d i c a t i n g that the n e w r o a d h a d b e e n c o m p l e t e d . It w a s d i s t u r b i n g to i m a g i n e the changes to K u r u p u k a r i w h e r e w e h a d b e e n so r e c e n t l y . A f t e r a n o t h e r ten days, the N o v e m b e r rains b e g a n , i n infrequent showers, but b e c o m i n g d a i l y m o r e fast a n d furious. O u r last few e v e n i n g s w e r e spent frantically d i g g i n g gutters to d i v e r t the torrents. O n t h e last night, the w e i g h t of w a t e r c o l l e c t e d i n the roof a n d split a massive hole i n the t a r p a u l i n , c o n v i n c i n g us that it w a s t i m e to leave. W i t h both vehicles piled high with bodies a n d e q u i p m e n t , w e s l i p p e d o u r w a y b a c k t o w a r d s G e o r g e t o w n , s o r r y to l e a v e o u r b e a u t i f u l h o m e , but l o o k i n g f o r w a r d to a hot s h o w e r a n d c o l d beer. A f t e r s e v e n w e e k s i n the forest, the u n f a m i l i a r sights of b u i l d i n g s a n d c r o w d s of p e o p l e t u r n e d G e o r g e t o w n into a M a n h a t t a n i n o u r eyes. M i r r o r s , r u n n i n g water, toilets, w a l l s , ceilings, doors a n d stairs, beds, p a v e m e n t s a n d traffic all seemed bizarre. The culture shock was eased a little b y a night i n a n airc o n d i t i o n e d h o t e l w i t h a s u p e r b m e a l , but it still t o o k s o m e t i m e to adjust. G e o r g e t o w n s e e m e d l i k e a different c i t y n o w that w e h a d G u y a n e s e friends to take us a r o u n d . W e w e n t r a v i n g at reggae street parties a n d clubs, s q u e e z i n g in w i t h w i l d d a n c i n g locals. S h o p p i n g for s o u v e n i r s at m a r k e t s , w e n o w p a i d G u y a n e s e p r i c e s , often half w h a t w e previously paid. Mark Johnson, who masterminded G u y a n a '90 is a l r e a d y o r g a n i s i n g e x p e d i t i o n s for 1992 to G u y a n a a n d T r i n i d a d . W e s t r o n g l y advise a n y o n e w h o is interested a n d doesn't m i n d snakes, c r o c o d i l e s , p i r h a n a or nasty s k i n i n v a d i n g parasites (didn't tell y o u about that one) to j u m p at t h e c h a n c e of b e i n g i n v o l v e d . D I A R Y D A T E : T h e G u y a n a '90 w i l l be tel l i ng t h e i r s t o r y w i t h slides o n the e v e n i n g of F e b 2 1 , i n Beit W 2 / 3 . Cheese a n d W i n e . L o o k out for posters.


Manic Street Preachers —Motown

Junk 12"

LP

MUSIC

' W e live it up i n hell W e destroy r o ck a n d roll' E x p o u n d i n g the gospel of ' h e r o i n - t a i n t e d r o c k ' n ' r o l l ' to the disciples of a n a r c h y a n d a n y o n e else w h o c a r e s to listen, the have exploded Manic Street Preachers o n t o the m u s i c scene o v e r the last few weeks.

'...every 14-year o l d w h o sees us doesn't c a r e that w e s o u n d a w f u l . H e goes h o m e , sells his r e c o r d c o l l e c t i o n a n d w a n t s to b u r n d o w n B a r c l a y s Bank...' t h e y t o l d N M E . A r e t h e y for real? T h i s c o m e s f r o m four w o r k i n g class W e l s h b o y s w e a r i n g e y e l i n e r , tight w h i t e trousers a n d a n i c e line i n h o m e - m a d e shirts, featuring s u c h significant slogans as ' C u l t u r e of D e s t r u c t i o n ' a n d ' C o n d e m n e d to R o c k ' n ' R o l l ' . ' W e ' r e the m o s t b r i l l i a nt b a n d , I t h i n k , in the last fifteen y e a r s , just b e c a u s e w e don't w a n t to do w h a t ' s b e e n d o n e before' t h e y a n n o u n c e d o n S N U B T V . R e l e a s e d o n the s m a l l i n d i e l a b e l H e a v e n l y , Motown Junk is a p p a r e n t l y their t h i r d single. T h e r e a r e t w o other t r a c k s — S o r r o w 16 a n d We Her Majesty's Prisoners. A l l t h r e e feature fast a n d furious guitars a n d s h o u l d b e p l a y e d v e r y l o u d l y , but t h e i r p u n k y style sounds s o m e w h a t d a t e d . O r i g i n a l a n d b r i l l i a nt t h e y are not, b u t t h e y ' r e n o t b a d a n d t h e y c e r t a i n l y k n o w h o w to get n o t i c e d . If t h e y c o n c e n t r a t e d m o r e o n m a k i n g m u s i c instead of t a l k i n g shite t h e y m i g h t get s o m e w h e r e . EGOR.

Manufacture

I just m a n a g e d t o hear this E P o v e r the noise of Blue Monday w h i c h the flat b e l o w insist o n p l a y i n g v e r y l o u d l y a n d v e r y often. T h i s is the debut single of The Starlings w h o o r i g i n a l l y c o m e f r o m N e w Z e a l a n d . T h e r e are five t r a c k s — s t a r t i n g w i t h a c o v e r of The Byrds classic Wasn't Born to Follow, w i t h a d d e d d a n c e b e a t h o w v e r y o r i g i n a l . T h e title t r a c k Letter from Heaven w a s i n s p i r e d b y the story of a c o n v i c t e d d r u g s m u g g l e r w h o is h u n g before his m o t h e r r e c e i v e s his last letter. The H e n c e the title: Letter from Heaven. w o r d s (there aren't m a n y of them) are s u n g o v e r b l u e s y riffs, e n d i n g w i t h ' L o o k into the eyes of d e a t h a n d n e v e r feel y o u r b a b y ' s b r e a t h ' (apparently a q u o t a t i o n f r o m a n episode of The WaltonsW). T w o of the t h r e e songs o n the B-side s e e m to r e v e a l a n o b s e s s i o n about r a z o r blades. Razor Girl—'She c u t 666 into m y skin' and 'Helloween Candy—there's razor blades i n the H e l l o w e e n C a n d y ' (??) aren't r e a l l y w o r t h a m e n t i o n . (Please note that H e l l o w e e n is n o t a s p e l l i n g mistake.) T h e final t r a c k , My Sympathy, has a definite Velvet Underground feel to it. L o u R e e d type v o c a l s glide o v e r a n acoustic guitar, nicely helped along by some 'atmospheric' b a c k i n g vocals. I haven't a clue w h a t t h e y are s i n g i n g about, but it sounds good. EGOR.

Echo & The Bunnymen -ULU

Rose (Felixist e x t r a o r d i n a i r e ) has l i k e n e d this r e c o r d to quote C h e l s e a s u p p o r t e r s o n a c i d u n q u o t e . I c a n n o t better this d e s c r i p t i o n e x c e p t to say that the a v i d is of the i n s p i r a t i o n a l r a t h e r t h a n m u s i c a l v a r i e t y . Manufacture are o b v i o u s l y of the industrial s c h o o l of t h o u g h t w i t h m a s s i v e bass a n d v a g u e electro t w i t t e r i n g s s w a m p e d in a t e r r a c e a n t h e m , but this 1 2 " has n o n e of the p o w e r o r interest of similar waxings. T h e flip c o n t a i n s t w o r e m i x e s of a t r a c k that didn't r e q u i r e one. A s s u m i n g y o u e v e r find a c o p y , don't bother. Stone.

10

6.2.91

S p r i n g , the t i m e for r e j u v e n a t i o n , flowers, s u n a n d little w h i t e rabbits h o p p i n g around making even more hopping rabbits. Its a s h a m e the s a m e can't be s a i d for E c h o a n d the B u n n y e n . T h e y c o m b i n e d p e r f e c t l y w i t h the m o n o t i n o u s a n d b o r i n g supports to p r o d u c e a n e v e n i n g I h a v e easily forgotten. M y o n l y m e m o r y is a f i x t e e n stone stage d i v e r that m a n a g e d to c o m p l e t l y miss the a u d i e n c e a n d c o l i d e face d o w n w i t h the floor. H o w a n y o n e c o u l d stage d i v e to T h e B u n n y m e n I c a n ' t u n d e r s t a n d but p e o p l e m a n a g e d it despite the efforts of a v e r y s l o w h i p p y . E v e r y t i m e s o m e b o d y got up o n t o the stage he r a n out o n l y to b e a s e c o n d late a n d see t h e m l a n d face d o w n i n the c r o w d . T h e o n e t i m e he w a s n e a r l y o n t i m e he s e e m e d hesitant as to w h a t to do. T h e result, a v e r y s h o c k e d m a n h i t t i n g the floor s i x feet b e l o w . S o r r y , but w h e n y o u are m o r e interested i n the light s h o w t h a n the b a n d its a b a d sign. Anna B

P O S T - A B O R T I O N S Y N D R O M E

O n T u e s d a y 19 F e b , IC Pro-Life Society w i l l be hosting a s p e a k e r f r o m the B r i t i s h V i c t i m s of A b o r t i o n , w h o w i l l talk about this e m e r g i n g a r e a of c o n c e r n . M e c h E n g 664, 12.40pm


Clubs & Sports Sailing T h e C a s t a w a y s ' C u p is a s a i l i n g c o m p e t e d for b y a l l the i n d i v i d u a l colleges f o r m i n g the U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n , for w h i c h I m p e r i a l t r a d i t i o n a l l y enters t w o teams. T h e first part of the c o m p e t i t i o n w a s r u n as a league, i n w h i c h the first t e a m f i n i s h e d s e c o n d , close b e h i n d G u y s H o s p i t a l , w h i l e the s e c o n d t e a m d r o p p e d out of sight. T h e top four teams t h e n w e n t t h r o u g h to the semi-finals. U n f o r t u n a t e l y for IC one of our first t e a m helms t h e n h a d to go h o m e , a n d his s e c o n d t e a m r e p l a c e m e n t w a s not of t h e s a m e c a l i b r e , as IC n a r r o w l y lost to U n i v e r s i t y College, w h o m t h e y ' d beaten e a r l i e r . G u y ' s H o s p i t a l e v e n t u a l l y t h r a s h e d IC in the final, but d i d n ' t enter into the spirit of the c o m p e t i t i o n , a n d it w a s left to IC a n d U C to celebrate i n the n o r m a l f a s h i o n .

Water Polo A n y w o m e n o u t there? C o m e a l o n g don't be shy, enthusiastic b e g i n n e r s w e l c o m e . F u n o n F r i d a y s 7.30-9.00pm for a great g a m e . H a v e y o u got a s w i m m i n g costume? If y o u haven't, b u y one n o w so that y o u c a n p l a y a g a m e w h i c h n e v e r has a d u l l m o m e n t . M o n d a y s a n d F r i d a y s at the College S w i m m i n g P o o l . R e g u l a r exercise. T h e r e w i l l be s w i m m i n g p r a c t i c e f r o m 6.30 o n t h e s a m e night i n c l u d i n g t r a i n i n g . U n l e a s h y o u r talents at W o m e n ' s W a t e r P o l o , y o u ' l l l o v e it. Z a p a l o n g .

Dramsoc I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e D r a m a t i c S o c i e t y w i l l be r u n n i n g a series of a c t i n g w o r k s h o p s e v e r y W e d n e s d a y at 2 . 3 0 p m i n the C o n c e r t H a l l . T h e s e are o p e n to e v e r y o n e a n d w i l l c o v e r topics f r o m stage fighting to i m p r o v i s a t i o n . E n t r y is free.

Cricket I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e C r i c k e t C l u b sent a t e a m to the U A U 6-a-side C u p at N o r w i c h o n S u n d a y F e b r u a r y 3. Despite a n e x c e l l e n t effort by P a u l W i l t s h i r e , w h o a v e r a g e d o v e r 100 w i t h a s w a s h b u c k l i n g 73 not out, I C C C w e r e k n o c k e d out after o n l y t w o matches. T h i s was m a i n l y due to i n e x p e r i e n c e of the i n d o o r g a m e , h o w e v e r w e w i l l t r y a g a i n n e x t year, h o p i n g A n d y J o n e s a n d D a n i e l Jaffe w i l l do better t h a n 0 a n d 3 r e s p e c t i v e l y . D o n ' t forget C r i c k e t Nets at L o r d s e v e r y T u e s d a y at 9 p m . A l s o o n M o n d a y 18 F e b r u a r y t h e r e w i l l be a c u r r y night for m e m b e r s of I C C C . Meet at Southside at 6.30pm a n d o n to K h a n ' s at 8.30pm.

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T h i r d W o r l d debt is one of the f u n d a m e n t a l causes of i m p o v e r i s h m e n t . 3 r d W o r l d 1st, a n a t i o n a l c a m p a i g n i n g o r g a n i s a t i o n o n 3 r d w o r l d issues is participating in a Europe-wide campaign d i r e c t e d at r e q u e s t i n g the major b a n k s to: a) r e d u c e , b y at least half, t h e debts o w e d to the b a n k s b y the largest d e b t o r countries, a n d , b) c a n c e l c o m p l e t e l y the debts o w e d b y the poorest countries. C o m i n g Events 1. Stall i n the J C R : T u e s d a y 19 F e b , 12.30-2.30pm. C o m e to o u r stall if y o u w o u l d l i k e to do a n y of t h e f o l l o w i n g : sign a p e t i t i o n or a letter to y o u r b a n k

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manager; have all your cheques stamped w i t h t h e m e s s a g e 'stamp o u t t h i r d w o r l d debt n o w ' ; p i c k u p a leaflet, b u y or b r o w s e t h r o u g h a s e l e c t i o n of b o o k s , food a n d craft p r o d u c t s f r o m T h i r d W o r l d p r o d u c e r g r o u p s ; talk to us. 2. A talk o n the debt crisis b y R o b W i l k i n s o n of the W o r l d D e v e l o p m e n t M o v e m e n t o n T h u r s d a y 21 F e b r u a r y f r o m 12.45-1.45pm i n M e c h E n g 542. 3. F o l l o w - u p to the letter w r i t i n g c a m p a i g n w i l l take place d u r i n g our w e e k l y m e e t i n g s o n F r i d a y s at 12. 45p m in Southside U p p e r L o u n g e .

Film - Internal Affairs Last s u m m e r , after a b r e a k of a few years, R i c h a r d G e r e c a m e o u t w i t h a p a i r of films of a c o m p l e t e l y c o n t r a s t i n g nature. T h e first Pretty Woman, was a h a p p y fairy tale r o m a n c e , t h e other, Internal Affairs, a r i v e t i n g t h r i l l e r . W h e n R a y m o n d A v i l l a ( A n d y Garcia) starts to investigate c o r r u p t i o n in the Lost Angeles police department: malpractice w h i c h t h e y b e l i e v e also i n c l u d e s D e n n i s P e c k ( R i c h a r d Gere), a n officer m u c h respected for his a p p a r e n t efficiency. T h e film c o n c e r n s these t w o p r i n c i p a l characters and how R a y m o n d gradually u n c o v e r s the s h a d y side of P e c k . T h e f i lm has a c r a c k i n g n a r r a t i v e d r i v e and moody atmosphere and some e x c e l l e n t p e r f o r m a n c e s . T h e title is a d o u b l e e n t e n d r e w h i c h refers not s i m p l y to the L A P D d i v i s i o n of that n a m e , but also the w a y in w h i c h the m o n s t r o u s

Peck cunningly and cruelly manipulates b o t h R a y m o n d ' s e m o t i o n s a n d his wife. T h e i n t e r p l a y b e t w e e n the t w o m e n is frequently e l e c t r i c. C o m e a l o n g a n d see it n e x t T h u r s d a y , 21 F e b r u a r y , at 7. 30p m i n M e c h E n g 220.

Cross Country W h i l s t o r d i n a r y p e o p l e g a t h e r e d fuel a n d k i n d l i n g for the onset of the c o l d snap, the P h o n o e c i a n Spartans w e r e g i r d i n g t h e i r not i n c o n s i d e r a b l e loins to attempt a n o t h e r feat of abjectly s u b l i m e athletic i n s u b o r d i n a t i o n . T h e s n o w s w i r l e d , the glasnost w i n d b l e w , but at the top of the tree there w a s little c h a n g e . F r a n k , frightened to a f r o z e n standstill i n his vest a n d shorts b y the p r o s p e c t of a first i n d i v i d u a l w i n , c a m e the u s u a l a n d s p l e n d i d 5th; A l e x after a brief hiatus f r o m the top 10 was in w i t h a bullet at 8th, w h i l e B i l l a n d L a u r e n c e fought it out to c o m e 13th a n d 14th. F r o m out of the m e t a p h o r i c a l a n d p e r s o n a l g l o o m flew a shaggy h a i r e d h e r o . D u n c a n w a s o n l y held b a c k at 35th b y f a i l i n g to a d e q u a t e l y

t i m e h i s J o i o r h y t h m s w i t h his m e n s t r u a l c y c l e , a gross l a c k of p r o f e s s i o n a l i s m f r o m a n o t h e r w i s e perfectly p r e p a r e d athlete. N e x t , i n quasi g u r k a fashion, w e r e D a v e , Ian a n d J o l l y B o b b y i n 5 0 t h , 51st a n d 5 2 n d . O u r A s i a n disciple t h e n returned spurting blood, while Dave s p l e n d i d l y l a r d e d himself i n t o a l l but last. O n the girlie front, E d w i g e c o n t i n u e d her c o n t i n e n t a l assault to c o m e 2 n d , w h i l e H e l e n , w i t h h e r terrific t e a m spirit, c a m e 11th a n d left i m m e d i a t e l y . M a l e B o n d i n g w a s forged i n the A n v i l of S i b e r i a w h e n the course m a r k e r s h a d to be c o l l e c t e d o n a w i n d s w e p t a n d desloate w a s t e l a n d w h i c h days b e f o r e h a d b e e n r e c o g n i s a b l e as R i c h m o n d P a r k . S u c h is life at the top...

11


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A N UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE T O EVENTS IN A N D A R O U N D IMPERIAL C O L L E G E . _ _ _ _

Dear FELIX, I, t o o , g r a d u a t e d last y e a r a n d a t t e n d e d t h e C o m m e m o r a t i o n D a y c e r e m o n y last

JT K l l / r V Y Hang Gliding Southside Upper Lounge. Come and find out

O c t o b e r . I w a s v e r y d i s a p p o i n t e d w i t h the w a y m y graduation photographs came o u t — w h e n t h e y w e r e b e i n g t a k e n I got

! the r i g ht r e s p o n s e to a p h o t o g r a p h w h i c h is s u p p o s e d to r e m i n e d y o u of o n e of t h e biggest days of y o u r life. I h a v e a s k e d a

about weekend training. Weekly meeting. Yacht Club Meeting Huxley 413. Rag Meeting

t h e i m p r e s s i o n t h a t t h e p h o t o g r a p h e r just d i d n ' t care a b o u t t h e w a y t h e subject l o o k e d . W h i l e w e w e r e w a i t i n g i n l i ne his assistant c a m e r o u n d a n d s t r a i g h t e n e d t h e

f e w o t h e r p e o p l e w h o g r a d u a t e d at t h e s a m e t i m e w h a t t h e y t h o u g h t of t h e i r photographs and only one person was r e a s o n a b l y h a p p y a n d e v e n he said that

Union Lounge. 3 r d World First Meeting Southside Upper Lounge. A G M and elections. Huxley Soc Bookstall

g o w n s a n d h o o d s but w h e n I w a s s t a n d i n g i n t h e 'studio', t h e p h o t o g r a p h e r b a r e l y l o o k e d at m e , h e just focussed t h e camera and, without a n y warning, took

his ' g r e w o n h i m ' . O t h e r c o m m e n t s I h a v e r e c e i v e d a r e that t h e p h o t o g r a p h e r s w e r e ' a d e q u a t e ' (from A m a n d a B a k e r ) a n d C h r i s t o p h e r H o m e (last y e a r ' s C & G

JCR. Friday Prayers

t h e p i c t u r e . F o r t h e first p h o t o g r a p h he t o o k so l o n g to focus t h e c a m e r a that I

President) said that his hair w a s u n t i d y w h i c h the photographer c o u l d have told

Southside Gym. See Islamic Society. Kung Fu Union Gym. C.U. Prayer Meeting

had dropped m y smile a n d the photograph shows me w i th a very peculiar expression. F o r the second p h o t o g r a p h I w a s r e d u c e d to k e e p i n g a

h i m a b o u t — a n d that his e x p r e s s i o n w a s awful. I h a v e r e s o r t e d to h i r i n g a g o w n a g a i n (at a cost of S I 7 ) a n d g e t t i n g a f r i e n d of

413 Maths. Yoga Southside Christian Union Meeting 308 Computing. Swimming

f i x e d s m i l e o n m y face u n t i l h e h a d t a k e n t h e p h o t o g r a p h — w h i c h l o o k s a l m o s t as b a d . I felt that it w o u l d n ' t h a v e t a k e n m u c h effort for t h e p h o t o g r a p h e r to s a y o n e s i m p l e w o r d , s u c h as ' R e a d y ? ' , before he r e l e a s e d t h e shutter to w a r n m e that

m y parents to t a k e s o m e m o r e p h o t o g r a p h s of m e . T h i s w a y I k n o w that the photographer will take some care o v e r t h e w a y I l o o k a n d w i l l t r y to c a t c h m e at m y best. T h e l a s t i n g i m p r e s s i o n of C a m e r a 7 that I o b t a i n e d w a s that t h e y

Sports Centre. New members always welcome. Fencing Club Training

he w a s about to t a k e t h e p i c t u r e a n d g i v e m e t i m e to get p r e p a r e d , p a r t i c u l a r l y as

h a d a c a p t i v e a u d i e n c e a n d that t h e y h a d a j o b to d o w h i c h t h e y w a n t e d to

Club training. Shaolin System Nam Pai Chuan Southside Gym.

t h e y are, as T i m W a l k e r p o i n t s out, t h e o n l y c o m p a n y a v a i l a b l e o n site a n d that t h e y w r e c h a r g i n g a l o t of m o n e y ( m y

c o m p l e t e as q u i c k l y as p o s s i b l e — n o m a t t e r h o w it t u r n e d out. Yours sincerely,

Water Polo Sports Centre. Come along and join in. Southside Disco Southside Bar.

p h o t o g r a p h s cost &30).

- M y mother's verdict o n the photographs w a s that t h e y w e r e 'not b a d ' w h i c h is n o t

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Real Funding Dear Andy, Baa! T h e r e is s u p p o s e d to b e a c o m m i t t e e s t r u c t u r e i n I C U that exists to ensure that w h e n a d e c i s i o n is m a d e , it reflects the v i e w s of the student p o p u l o u s . Students at IC are r e p r e s e n t e d b y the sabbaticals a n d elected representatives, b o t h s o c i a l a n d a c a d e m i c . Y e t these people h a v e so little to say at the relevant meetings. I w r i t e w i t h p a r t i c u l a r reference to the C o u n c i l m e e t i n g of F e b r u a r y 11 1991. A n y o n e w h o attends o n e of these, a n d any student is so entitled, w i l l h a v e n o t i c e d that few people b o t h e r to take part i n i m p o r t a n t discussions. For e x a m p l e , £4,000 was p a s s e d f r o m U F C s (University F u n d i n g C o u n c i l ) budget, w i t h o u t a full U F C b e i n g c a l l e d . T h e C h a i r m a n ( B enj amin T u r n e r ) is a m e m b e r of C o u n c i l , but a l l o w e d this to h a p p e n .

T h e r e w a s a definite conflict of interests, but the v a r i o u s r e pr e s e nt at i v es of the populous appeared unconcerned. There was m o r e debate c o n c e r n i n g a n e w society f o r m i n g , a n d t h e n t h e r e was about £4,000 b e i n g r e l e a s e d for m a r k e t r e s e a r c h , w i t h the p o t e n t i a l for a m u c h h i g h e r e x p e n d i t u r e (from w h e r e ?) s h o u l d the a u t h o r i s e d c o m p a n y suggest it. A l t h o u g h w o u l d this pass (!) t h r o u g h the c o m m i t t e e s t r u c t u r e I a m c o n c e r n e d that thousands m o r e c o u l d be ' r u b b e r - s t a m p e d ' in a s i m i l a r w a y . It is d i s a p p o i n t i n g that so few m e m b e r s of C o u n c i l (the U n i o n ' s s o v e r e i g n b o d y ) q u e r i e d the r u s h release of funds so that the President c o u l d c o n f i r m his plans to the c o m p a n y i m m e d i a t e l y after the meeting. R D Eyers, Publications Board Chair.

Real Driving Dear Andy, Let's get straight to the p o i n t , no r e l i g i o n , no s e x , just d r i v i n g . W h a t is a P e t r o m i z e r ? W e ' l l b e l i e v e the c l a i m s m a d e w h e n w e see t h e m — a n d l o o k f o r w a r d to h e a r i n g f r o m D r J o h n Speight. In response to the cars a n d the e n v i r o n m e n t article in F E L I X 891 there are a few points w e w o u l d l i k e to m a k e , but first o n e que s t i o n. 1. W h o w a n t s a P o r s c h e a n y w a y — a l l Porsches sold t o d a y h a v e c a t a l y t i c c o n v e r t e r s fitted as s t a n d a r d , y o u n a m e us o n e R e a l M a n w h o ' d d r i v e a c a r w i t h a c a t — m u c h better to b u y a c a r w i t h o u t o n e to a v o i d the b o r i n g job of c u t t i n g the t h i n g out of the e x h a u s t a n d fitting a bit of d r a i n pipe in its place? 2. 120 k p h ? A r e y o u i n t o w n ? If y o u get b o r e d at this speed t a k e some a d v i c e f r o m a R e a l M a n a n d either a) d r i v e faster or b) t h r o w the car s i d e w a y s for the sheer h e l l of it. 3. If o n e in four d r i v e r s a r e not concentrating on driving m a y we h y p o t h e s i z e that S H E is p r o b a b l y adjusting her m a k e - u p in the rear v i e w m i r r o r (what else c o u l d it p o s s i b l y be for girls?) Before y o u j u m p to the t y p e w r i t e r to say that w o m e n h a v e less accidents t h a n m e n — o f course they don't a n d the r e a s o n for this is b l a t a n t l y o b v i o u s to a l l . W o m e n don't d r i v e as fast as m e n . It's a sure bet that if t h e y c o u l d t h e y ' d h a v e a lot m o r e accidents. 4. Y o u m i g h t find it a l a r m i n g to find that a c a r is m a d e e v e r y s e c o n d but rest assured that m o s t of these w i l l not be R e a l C a r s . F o r e x a m p l e a F i e s t a is not a R e a l C a r , a L a n c i a D e l t a Integrate S4 is! A R e a l C a r m u s t have: a) A m a l e d r i v e r b) N o c a t a l y t i c c o n v e r t e r

c) R u n o n l e a d e d p e t r o l d) 4 w h e e l d r i v e e) A t least 2 5 0 b h p A R e a l C a r does not h a v e e n o u g h r o o m for sex—if it does t h e n the e n g i n e isn't big e n o u g h . A s for p i c k i n g y o u r nose m a y w e r e m i n d w o m e n d r i v e r s — t w o hands o n the steering w h e e l unless c h a n g i n g gear. 5. E l e c t r i c v e h i c l e s ! A r e y o u joking? By definition e l e c t r i c v e h i c l e s c a n n o t be e x c i t i n g to d r i v e . M a x i m u m t o r q u e at z e r o revs m a k e for a b o r i n g p o w e r c u r v e . W h e e l s p i n b e c o m e s i m p o s s i b l e . W e don't w a n t w h e e l s p i n to tear a w a y f r o m traffic lights l i k e boy-racers, it is m e r e l y a necessity to soften the gear c h a n g e f r o m first to s e c o n d . A s far as t h e e n v i r o n m e n t goes (and that's not far is it?) e l e c t r i c v e h i c l e s s i m p l y shift the source of p o l l u t i o n f r o m the e x h a u s t p i p e to the c h i m n e y of the p o w e r station. 6. T h e L o t u s C a r l t o n g i v e s us the H o r n . 176 m p h . W h e r e a n d w h y ? E v e r y w h e r e and w h y not? May w e n o w pose o u r solutions to Britain's m o t o r i n g p r o b l e m s . 1. B a n all w o m e n f r o m d r i v i n g . T h i s w i l l r e d u c e the n u m b e r of cars o n the roads b y at least 5 0 % a n d e m i s s i o ns b y a similar amount. 2. R e m o v e a l l speed limits a n d the d r i v e r ' s l i a b i l i ty for p e r s o n a l injury to others. T h i s w i l l further r e d u c e the residual congestion—traffic speeds w i l l increase d r a m a t i c a l l y a n d the r e s i d u a l pedestrians w i l l be faster at c r o s s i n g the roads. 3. Issue all R e a l M e n w i t h Lotus Carltons, p r e f e r a b l y w i t h a N i t r o kit as 176 is a bit s l o w , o h a n d a c o w c a t c h e r w o u l d be a bit useful. Yours sideways, Some Real Men.

LETTERS

What's O n AN UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE TO EVENTS IN A N D A R O U N D IMPERIAL COLLEGE Keep Fit Southside Gym. Intermediate Rock 'n' Roll JCR. Swimming Sports Centre. New members always welcome. Beginners Rock 'n' Roll JCR. Water Polo Sports Centre. Come along and try one of the most physically demanding sports. Latin American JCR.

TUESDAY C.U. Prayer Meeting Chaplain's Office 3rd World First Stall JCR. See boxed announcement. Riding Club Meeting Southside Upper Lounge. AudioSoc S.C.R. for cheap records, CDs and hi fi discounts. Radio Modellers Southside Lounge. Cathsoc Mass Mech Eng 702. Followed by lunch. Sailing Club Southside Lounge. Pro-Life Soc Talk Mech Eng 664. Post Abortion Syndrome. PhotoSoc Southside Lounge. New members to join. Radio Modellers Student training workshop, Mech Eng. Keep Fit Southside Gym. Amenesty International Clubs Committee Room. Weekly meeting. Wine Tasting Soc Union Lounge. Weekly meeting. Everyone welcome Improvers Ballroom JCR. Canoe Club Beit Quad store or 8.30pm in Southside Upper Lounge. Judo Union Gym. Ballroom Bronze Medal JCR. Yoga Southside Gym. Pancake Party More House. Organised by Cathsoc. Cricket Nets Lords. Meet at 7.45pm in Mech Eng Foyer. Must bring whites.

WEDNESDAY Keep Fit Southside Gym.


LETTERS

What's O n AN UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE TO EVENTS IN A N D A R O U N D IMPERIAL COLLEGE Bike Club Southside Lounge. Cycling Training Meet at Beit A r c h . Wargames UDH. A l l welcome. Micro Club Meeting Top floor NW corner Union Building. Every week. Kung Fu Union Gym. DramSoc Union Concert Hall. Diving Swimming Pool. Shaolin System Nam Pai Chuan Southside G y m . Basketball Club Volleyball Court. Women's Team Kung Fu Club Union Gym. Wu Shu Kwan.

THURSDAY Fencing Training Intermediate & advanced coaching. Balloon Club Meeting Southside Upper Lounge. YHA Meeting Southside Upper Lounge. Postgrad Lunch Chaplains Office (10 Princes Gardens). See West London Chaplaincy. Fencing Training Beginners Training. Third World Debt Crisis Mech Eng 542. Rob Wilkinson of the World Development Movement speaks. Breaking the Shackles In Huxley 340. Michael Newman talks about T.H. Huxley and H.G. Wells at Imperial College. See Huxley Soc for info. Fencing Training General. Gliding Club Meeting Aero 266. Come and arrange a trial flight. A l l newcomers welcome. Keep Fit Southside G y m Midweek Service Chaplains Office (10 Prince's Gardens). See West London Chaplaincy. New Beginners Ballroom JCR. Judo Union Gym. Improvers Ballroom JCR. Intermediate Ballroom JCR. Southside Disco Southside Bar. ICCAG Soup Run Meet Weeks Hall Basement.

Real Opinion Dear Andy, At the risk of b o r i n g e v e r y o n e to death, I'd l i k e to c o n t i n u e the great IC A b o r t i o n D e b a t e . So far w e ' v e h e a r d f r o m Pro-Life, Christians, a prat a n d a G r e e k goddess. As I fit n o n e of these categories I h o p e to offer an o r i g i n a l p o i n t of v i e w . A b o r t i o n enthusiasts at I m p e r i a l a p p e a r to agree o n the n e e d for a t i m e limit, a n d t h a n k f u l l y no o n e has yet a d v o c a t e d the g o o d o l d N U S stance of a b o r t i o n o n d e m a n d up to b i r t h . A t h e n a suggested this limit s h o u l d be 'the time at w h i c h the b a b y c a n safely be r e m o v e d a n d s u r v i v e ' , but this is a r b i t r a r y a n d i m p r a c t i c a l . It d e p e n d s o n the h e a l t h of the m o t h e r , o n the e q u i p m e n t a v a i l a b l e , o n h o w m a n y n u r s i n g u n i o n s are o n s t r i k e that w e e k , on lots of t h i n g s . T h e o n l y w a y to tell if a b a b y w i l l s u r v i v e is to d e l i v e r it b y C a e s a r i a n s e c t i o n , h o o k it up to a m e g a e x p e n s i v e i n c u b a t o r , p u m p it full of drugs, a n d w a i t a n d see. I doubt this w o u l d be a satisfactory s i t u a t i o n , either to the m o t h e r w h o w a n t s r i d of the c h i l d , or the t a x p a y e r w h o is s p l a s h i n g out o n thousands of i n c u b a t o r s . T o a v o i d this you c o u l d err o n the side of c a u t i o n , a n d set a l o w e r l i m i t at w h i c h t h e c h i l d definitely c o u l d n ' t s u r v i v e , but I don't t h i n k this w o u l d satisfy A t h e n a . T h e suggestion I favour is the o n e I t h i n k Jason P i k e was a i m i n g at i n F E L I X 888. If w e c o u l d identify a t i m e ' t ' at w h i c h life b e g i n s w e c o u l d use that as our limit. Before the e g g / f o e t u s / e m b r y o / c h i l d is just a b l o b , and y o u c a n do w h a t y o u w a n t w i t h it; d e s t r o y it, e x p e r i m e n t o n it, p l a y football w i t h it, the c h o i c e is e n t i r e l y that of the w o m a n c o n c e r n e d . But after t this sack of c h e m i c a l s , D N A a n d w h a t h a v e y o u is b y definition a l i v e , a n d must enjoy the s i m p l e right not to be k i l l e d just because it isn't w a n t e d . So it's off to the B i o l o g y D e p a r t m e n t to d e f i n e ' t ' . W h e n does life begin? A t fertilisation? A t i m p l a n t a t i o n i n the

w o m b ? O r w h e n the b r a i n starts to function i n a p a r t i c u l a r w a y ? O r not until birth? E v e n later, w h e n the c h i l d first realises it is al i ve? F o r t y ? M a y b e B i s h o p B e r k e l y w a s right, a n d n o b o d y is e v e r a l i v e because t h e y are a l l just figments of your imagination. A r m e d only with a biology ' 0 ' Level, I w o u l d t e n t a t i v e l y suggest that life begins at c o n c e p t i o n , for the usual reasons (identifiable i n d i v i d u a l , u n i q u e D N A , etc). If s o m e o n e out there k n o w s better, please say. As far as I c a n tell, a b o r t i o n is the k i l l i n g of a h u m a n b e i n g , w h i c h c e r t a i n l y shoul dn' t be e n c o u r a g e d . T h e r e are, of course, times w h e n k i l l i n g p e o p l e is o k a y . For instance, s h o o t i n g a n a r m e d terrorist or p s y c h o p a t h is usually a p r e t t y wise m o v e . K i l l i n g a foetus is n e c e s s a r y if c o n t i n u i n g w i t h the p r e g n a n c y w i l l injure the m o t h e r . B u t w h a t of p r e g n a n c i e s a r i s i n g f r o m rape or incest? A n d w h a t about p r e g n a n c i e s 'injurous to the m e n t a l h e a l t h of the m o t h e r ' ? I dare not pass j u d g e m e n t o n these cases, for fear of p r o v o k i n g the w r a t h of A t h e n a a n d other feminists; but I don't t h i n k it s h o u l d be solely up to the w o m a n i n v o l v e d w h e t h e r to k i l l her c h i l d . W e are t a l k i n g about 180,000 a v o i d a b l e deaths a y e a r : there must be s o m e n a t i o n a l c o n s e n s u s o n w h e n this is a n d isn't a c c e p t a b l e . I h o p e that o n e day p e o p l e w i l l stop r e g a r d i n g a b o r t i o n as a n o t h e r m e a n s of f a m i l y p l a n n i n g , a n d w i l l r e c o g n i s e it as a specialised a n d r a t h e r g r u e s o m e f o r m of infanticide. M a y b e t h e n the s o c i a l pressures w h i c h t o d a y force w o m e n to h a v e a b o r t i o n s w i l l be r e m o v e d . If the a n g u i s h a n d despair m a n y p r e g n a n t w o m e n suffer is r e p l a c e d w i t h c o n c e r n for the w e l f a r e of their c h i l d , that w o u l d do m o r e t h a n a n y a m o u n t of legislation to r e d u c e the senseless s l a u g h t e r this country currently condones. Yours, Ultan

McCarthy.

Simple Truth To whom ever it may concern. I h a v e h a d an a b o r t i o n . Y e s , I a m the s c u m of the e a r t h w h o has k i l l e d a n o t h e r human being. T h i s h a p p e n e d t w o y e a r s ago a n d I still cry myself to sleep o n a r e g u l a r basis. But w h a t k i n d of life c o u l d I h a v e g i v e n m y c h i l d i n a s h i t t y little bedsit s o m e w h e r e w i t h no job a n d no m o n e y ? N o w I a m g o i n g to stir up a l l y o u r selfrighteous, u n f o r g i v i n g C h r i s t i a n s: w o u l d God h a v e g i v e n me the m o n e y I needed? No, the g o v e r n m e n t w o u l d a n d w e all k n o w that it is not e n o u g h to b r i n g up a

small baby properly. T h e p o i n t of this letter is: I a m fed up w i t h p e o p l e w r i t i n g into F E L I X s h o v i n g their o p i n i o n s d o w n o t h e r s ' throats. E v e r y o n e is e n t i t l e d to their o w n o p i n i o n s , but y o u ' v e h a d y o u r say n o w . Please let's stop this c o r r e s p o n d e n c e . It hurts m e a n d o t h e r s l i k e m e . I do not w a n t to forget m y c h i l d , but I don't w a n t to be r e m i n d e d b y n a r r o w - m i n d e d idiots w h o h a v e no i d e a of the hell I w e nt through. Name and address withheld by request.


ANNOUNCEMENTS • URGENT! URGENT! URGENT! We are looking for a second or third year engineering student with lots of initiative who is available at times during the day to help us with market research of the chemical and pharmaceutical industries as part of a project for Raychem, a leading manufacturer of sophisticated materials. Flexible hours, very competitive pay, working with two MBAs from London Business School. Interested? Ring Georgina Baker on 081-740 1448 or Charlotte Haynes (ex-IC student) on 081-740 4574 for further information. • G U I L D S Dinner and Dance tickets ready from the Guilds Office, level 3 Mech Eng.

Editorial

• INDUSTRIAL SOC. Talk by Michael Tripp. February 20th. Chem Eng Lecture Theatre 1. ACCOMMODATION • C H E A P : £30 p/w until Easter in Earls Court. Extra person required to share with 3 male UGs from IC in double room. It's cheap because it's being subsidised, normally £42. Phone 071-373 6127 late evening (after 11pm is a good time). • S I N G L E ROOM available from April to end of June, Battersea, £55 p/w. Phone 071-924 4142. FOR SALE • R E E B O K Energy Return Women's white shoes. Bought 12.4.90. Aerobic 4100 ERS: Aerobics, LOW. Size 10 USA, 8 U K , 42 Eur. Made in Korea. Worn very little, mostly used on carpet in m y flat. Unsuitable for me as my foot has changed after a fracture. Original price £39. What offers? Contact Nesta Coxeter on ext 8950, Room 741, Mech Eng. • HIGH QUALITY flying jacket. Very warm. £250 ono. Phone Steven Ralph on 071-373 2910.

Exams and other Problems O n c e m o r e o u r n o n - s a b b a t i c a l editor is swept u n d e r t h e r i s i n g tide of his d e p a r t m e n t a l e x a m s . So, t h e task of p r o d u c i n g this a n o r e x i c F e l i x (and rant) falls to the lesser m i n i o n s k n o w n as the student staff. W e a r e not a c l o s e d s h o p . W e w a n t as m a n y p e o p l e as possible to join us. So w h e t h e r y o u a r e a n e w Or o l d m e m b e r of this e s t e e m e d college, c o m e a l o n g a n d h e l p out. Lies, Damned Lies and Market Research C o n s i d e r a point raised b y t h e letter ' R e a l F u n d i n g ' , c o n c e r n i n g the w a y the U n i o n handles f i n a n c i a l matters. N o w , this is y o u r m o n e y a n d yet most of y o u s h o w no c o n c e r n as to h o w it is spent. B e l i e v e it or not the U n i o n a c t u a l l y consists of the 5000 or so students that m a k e up IC, a n d it does n o t exist to g i v e a few d o z e n h a c k s s o m e t h i n g to do i n their spare time. T h e o n l y w a y things c a n get a n y better is if Y O U get i n v o l v e d (all of you). Students a n d N o r m a l P e o p l e O n c e again it appears that s o m e p e o p l e w a n t the C o l l e g e to b e c o m e I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e P i c . O n e of the m a i n functions of U n i v e r s i t i e s is to educate not o n l y

students, but also the g e n e r a l p u b l i c . S o m e a d m i n i s t r a t o r s are t r y i n g to restrict p u b l i c access to o p e n lectures i n College. F u r t h e r d i v o r c e f r o m the r e a l w o r l d serves no o n e but the pen-pushers. N e ws M e e t i n g 3.00pm W e d n e s d a y A l l w h o are interested i n this v i t a l a r e a of F e l i x w e l c o m e . F r e e Coffee (and m i l k a n d suger, if required). Credits Typesetting & Printing: Rose and A n d y News E d i t o r s : A n n a & A d a m H. A r t s E d i t o r : A d a m T. Music Editor: John Features E d i t o r : R o l a n d Photo E d i t o r : R i c h a r d Collating: G A E L t d . T h e T e a m : Stef, James, C h r i s R i l e y , Ian, the F l y i n g G e r b i l , his A m a z i n g M a c h i n e , t h e i r freind, K i l l e r B o b , the p o t a t o , Rufus & Fizz, E G O R , A n n a B and all y o u lovers out there!

Felix is produced for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board and is printed at the Imperial College Union Print Unit. Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB (Tel 071-225 8672). Editor: Andrew Butcher, Manager: Chris Stapleton, Business Manager: Jeremy Burnell. Copyright Felix 1991 ISSN 1040-0711.

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15


ENYIRO

The 'Greens' have been campaigning since t h e e a r l y 1970s, but it w a s not until the 1980s that t h e p u b l i c at large b e c a m e environmentally aware. W i t h the e n v i r o n m e n t a l society s u d d e n l y b e c o m i n g a n i n c l u s i v e , not a n e x c l u s i v e organisation everyone w a s jumping o n the ' e n v i r o n m e n t a l l y a w a r e c o n s u m e r ' b a n d w a g o n ; o r g a n i c food, l o w e n e r g y lightbulbs, b i o d e g r a d a b l e b i n liners. R o i s i n O r o s z of A r k p o i n t s o u t that 'people r e a d a n d b e l i e v e w h a t t h e y see a t Sainsbury's, whilst g o v e r n m e n t p u b l i c a t i o n s a r e still ignored.'

Success for Environmental Lobbyists Chris Riley

Instantly t h e press b r a n d e d industry t h e ' b a d guys'. P r e s s u r e g r o u p s i n h e r i t e d t h e halo a n d w e r e a s s u m e d righteous. It w a s their role not to see ICI's p o i n t of v i e w . ICI justify t h e i r w o r k as t r y i n g to increase people's s t a n d a r d of l i v i n g . Instantly w e h a v e a c l a s h b e t w e e n p e o p l e w h o put t h e e n v i r o n m e n t first a n d p e o p l e w h o put p e o p l e first. A s a journalist put it last week; ' T h e Kurds or the Birds', w h e n r e f e r r i n g to t h e help that has b e e n f l o o d i n g i n t o rescue t h e wildlife i n t h e Gulf, w h e n t h e v i c t i m s of c h e m i c a l w e a p o n s w e r e sadly n e g l e c t e d .

THERE

Environmental & Appropriate Technology Society EVENTS TUESDAY 19 FEB Environmental Consequences of Paper Use-Mech Eng 213/214, 12.45pm WEDNESDAY 20 FEB Environmental Question Time—RSM Room 1.31, 7.30pm FRIDAY 22 FEB Social Evening and A G M

IS

ANOTHER WAY... an exhibition on the Middle East—the history, the conflicts...the solutions? From Tuesday 19th to Thursday 21st February in the JCR Imperial College J e w i s h Soceity

C l e a r l y t h e planet c a n s u r v i v e w i t h o u t us. W e can't s u r v i v e w i t h o u t t h e planet. So w h a t effect, if a n y , h a v e t h e e n v i r o n m e n t a l lobbyists h a d u p o n t h e w a y industry operates? B P admits that it has t a k e n e n v i r o n m e n t a l m e a s u r e m e n t s w h i c h it p r o b a b l y w o u l d not have t a k e n so q u i c k l y w i t h o u t pressure. ' W h a t has c h a n g e d is the rate at w h i c h e n v i r o n m e n t a l k n o w l e d g e has s p r e a d ' . B P a r e a w a r e that a n offensive attitude t o w a r d s green issues is not c o n d u c i v e to r a i s i n g equity. ' S u c h issues s h o u l d b e t a c k l e d i n a pro-active way.' A l t h o u g h a p p a r e n t l y c o n t e n t for n o w to k e e p A n t a r c t i c a out of b o u n d s B P admits that e l s e w h e r e e n v i r o n m e n t a l costs have also r e n d e r e d areas u n o b t a i n a b l e . ' T h e c u m u l a t i v e effect of t h e e n v i r o n m e n t a l l o b b y is e n o r m o u s . 2 5 - 4 0 % of t h e future d e v e l o p m e n t s , (effectively 4-6.5 b i l l i o n barrels of oil), c o u l d b e p r e v e n t e d n o w because of e n v i r o n m e n t a l restrictions.' T h e e n v i r o n m e n t a l m o v e m e n t have finally a c h i e v e d r e c o g n i t i o n w i t h i n i n d u s t r y a n d for the first t i m e future i n d u s t r i a l objectives w i l l o n l y be a c h i e v e d b y w o r k i n g together.

THIRD WORLD DEBT CRISIS Tuesday 19th February 12.30-2.30pm JCR come along to our stall and sign a petition to reduce the debt ALSO Thursday 21st Fe b r ua r y 12.45-l.45pm

a talk by Rob Wilkinson of the World Development Movement SEE CLUBS A R T I C L E F O R MORE DETAILS

/1991_0893_A  

http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1991/1991_0893_A.pdf