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AUT OUT The Association of University Teachers (AUT) and the National Association of Local Government Officers ( N A L G O ) will be holding a day of action on January 15 which will take the form of a national strike. The A U T , which will be striking for the first time in its history, is dissatisfied with the inadequate funding of Higher Education: its action is intended to express the strength of its members' feelings on this issue. N A L G O members are striking in support of their flat rate £14 per week pay claim and against the 5.2% which they have been offered. T h e A U T is c a l l i n g o n all m e m b e r s b a l l o t t e d to w i t h d r a w t h e i r l a b o u r , a n d t h e r e f o r e not t a k e l e c t u r e s next W e d n e s d a y . P i c k e t s will b e o n d u t y , but will be i n s t r u c t e d not to try to o b s t r u c t e n t r y to t h e C o l l e g e . R a t h e r , t h e y w i l l try to p e r s u a d e n o n - s t r i k i n g c o l l e a g u e s of t h e j u s t i c e of t h e i r c a u s e . S o a s not to be d i s r u p t i v e , t h e A U T h a s a l s o i n f o r m e d t h e C o l l e g e of t h e s t r i k e , a l l o w i n g t h e m to rearrange interview s c h e d u l e s . T h e G o v e r n m e n t h a s p l a n s to c u t the b u d g e t f o r u n i v e r s i t i e s by 2 % p a o v e r t h e next five years. Professor Frank L e p p i n g t o n , P r e s i d e n t of I C A U T , h a s s a i d that s u c h a c u t w o u l d have s e r i o u s c o n s e q u e n c e s for H i g h e r E d u c a t i o n as t h e u n i v e r s i t i e s c o u l d not m a i n t a i n t h e q u a l i t y of e d u c a t i o n w i t h o u t i n c r e a s i n g , or at least s t a t i c , u n i v e r s i t y f u n d i n g . T h i s , he said, w a s i n d i c a t i v e of t h e w a y t h e present Government undervalued education. He h o p e d that next w e e k ' s s t r i k e might persuade Tory ministers to e a s e f i n a n c i a l r e s t r i c t i o n s . ICU President Carl Burgess h a s e x p r e s s e d his s u p p o r t f o r the A U T ' s c a m p a i g n . In a m o t i o n to be put to T u e s d a y ' s I C U G M , he will a s k s t u d e n t s to s u p p o r t the s t r i k e by not attending C o l l e g e on W e d n e s d a y . H e f e e l s that in a n i s s u e w h i c h will d i r e c t l y affect the e d u c a t i o n of f u t u r e s t u d e n t s , I C U h a s a d u t y to s u p p o r t the teachers action. N A L G O , w h i c h has m e m b e r s in t h e l i b r a r i e s , in S t u d e n t S e r v i c e s , a n d in S h e r f i e l d , is demonstrating against a pay offer w h i c h is 1.7% b e l o w t h e rate of i n f l a t i o n a n d 2 . 3 % l e s s Free

t h a n t h e rise in a v e r a g e earnings. N A L G O members who are e m p l o y e d by u n i v e r s i t i e s earn c o n s i d e r a b l y less than their counterparts w o r k i n g for p r i v a t e i n d u s t r y or in t h e civil s e r v i c e . T h i s is d u e to t h e l i m i t e d a m o u n t of m o n e y w h i c h t h e u n i v e r s i t i e s c a n a f f o r d to set a s i d e f o r their s e c r e t a r i a l a n d a d m i n i s t r a t i v e staffs. A m e m b e r of I C N A L G O s u g g e s t e d that t h e C o l l e g e ' s h i g h staff t u r n o v e r w a s d u e to l o w p a y l e v e l s . E m p l o y e e s l e a v e to h i g h e r p a y i n g j o b s after an u n u s u a l l y s h o r t t i m e , f o r c i n g C o l l e g e to f i n d a n d train n e w staff w h o n e e d t i m e to l e a r n t h e i r j o b s . Unless they were paid a wage w h i c h w a s in line w i t h t h e w o r k that w a s b e i n g d o n e , a s t a t i c , e x p e r i e n c e d staff c o u l d not be expected. T h e strike will have limited support from the other two

Prof

Leppington

main campus unions, A S T M S and N U P E . A S T M S has agreed not to c r o s s p i c k e t l i n e s or to w o r k w i t h a n y A U T or N A L G O s e c t i o n , while N U P E will be w o r k i n g to r ul e o n W e d n e s d a y .

Is That All? S t u d e n t G r a n t s a r e to be i n c r e a s e d by o n l y t w o p e r c e n t (a £42 i n c r e a s e o n the L o n d o n g r a n t of £2165) f o r t h e a c a d e m i c year 1986/7. Education Secretary, Sir Keith J o s e p h a n n o u n c e d the c h a n g e s in t h e H o u s e of C o m m o n s o n D e c e m b e r 16. T h e G o v e r n m e n t is a l s o p r e p a r i n g to w i t h d r a w c e r t a i n b e n e f i t s w h i c h are c u r r e n t l y a v a i l a b l e to s t u d e n t s , although they may increase g r a n t s by a n a d d i t i o n a l £36 to c o m p e n s a t e students for the l o s e of b e n e f i t s . S t u d e n t s will no t b e a b l e to c l a i m a n y u n e m p l o y m e n t or s u p p l e m e n t a r y benefit d u r i n g the s h o r t v a c a t i o n s . In a d d i t i o n , s t u d e n t s w h o live in h a l l s of r e s i d e n c e will be b a n n e d f r o m c l a i m i n g h o u s i n g benefit d u r i n g t e r m - t i m e . T h e G o v e r n m e n t is a l s o i n t e n d i n g to c u r b c l a i m s f r o m s t u d e n t s l i v i n g in private flats f r o m next J u n e . IC W e l f a r e A d v i s e r L e s l e y G i l l i n g h a m is p a r t i c u l a r l y c o n c e r n e d that s t u d e n t s l i v i n g in t h e C o l l e g e ' s h e a d t e n a n c i e s m a y not be e n t i t l e d to h o u s i n g benefit. It is not c l e a r w h e t h e r

t h e s e r e s i d e n c e s w o u i d be c l a s s e d as h a l l s u n d e r t h e p r o p o s e d r e g u l a t i o n s . If h o u s i n g b e n e f i t is w i t h d r a w n , t h e flats in L e x h a m G a r d e n s , in particular, will b e c o m e t o o e x p e n s i v e for m o s t s t u d e n t s . T h e p l a n s to r e d u c e t h e b e n e f i t s p a y a b l e to s t u d e n t s w e r e o u t l i n e d in a D H S S p r e s s s t a t e m e n t e a r l i e r this w e e k . S o m e of t h e p r o p o s a l s a r e c o v e r e d in t h e g o v e r n m e n t ' s white paper on social security. T h e D H S S h a s a l s o b r o u g h t out a consultative document which d e a l s w i t h the p r o j e c t e d c h a n g e s in h o u s i n g b e n e f i t . Wednesday's G u a r d i a n reported that the G o v e r n m e n t i n t e n d s to m a k e it i l l e g a l f o r s t u d e n t s to c l a i m a n y b e n e f i t o n flats or h o u s e s w h i c h t h e y a r e not occupying. F E L I X c o n t a c t e d the D e p a r t m e n t of E d u c a t i o n a n d S c i e n c e on W e d n e s d a y and s p o k e to P r e s s O f f i c e r , R i c h a r d D u c k e n f i e l d . H e s a i d that the c h a n g e s will s a v e a r o u n d 4 5 % of t h e m o n e y s p e n t o n h a v i n g b e n e f i t s p a i d to s t u d e n t s .

Friday 11 January

No 725


New Year H a p p y new year everyone. A U T Strike N e x t W e d n e s d a y the A U T , the l e c t u r e r s ' u n i o n , is o r g a n i s i n g a d a y of a c t i o n . T h i s d e s i g n e d to m a k e t h e p u b l i c a w a r e of t h e g o v e r n m e n t ' s f a i l u r e to invest in h i g h e r e d u c a t i o n . T h e A U T is t r a d i t i o n a l l y a moderate union. Indeed s o m e of t h e i r l e a d e r s ' l a c k of e x p e r i e n c e in o r g a n i s i n g s t r i k e a c t i o n is a l m o s t

comical. The A U T , though, h a s d e c i d e d that t h e present government's lack of s u p p o r t f o r h i g h e r e d u c a t i o n is s o s e r i o u s that they shoul d strike. S t u d e n t s have suffered a p p a l i n g c u t s in real t e r m s in g r a n t s a n d b e n e f i t s . Imperial C o l l e g e s t u d e n t s h a v e n e v e r r e a l l y t a k e n part in p r o t e s t s a b o u t t h e p r e s e n t c u t s . T h e last grants march was s u p p o r t e d b y w e l l u n d e r 50

F E L I X is p u b l i s h e d by the E d i t o r for a n d on behalf of Imperial C o l l e g e U n i o n P u b l i c a t i o n s B o a r d a n d is printed F o u r t h A v e n u e , 4 F a r n h a m R o y a l , K e n n i n g t o n . T e l e p h o n e 735 6437: E d i t o r H u g h S o u t h e y ; B u s i n e s s M a n a g e r J Martin S t i n g ' T a y l o r ; C o p y r i g h t F E L I X 1986. I S S N 1040-0711

s t u d e n t s . R e c e n t l y the government announced c u t s in H o u s i n g B e n e f i t a n d a 2 % rise in s t u d e n t g r a n t s . It is a b o u t t i m e that a p a t h e t i c IC s t u d e n t s g o t off t h e i r a r s e s a n d p r o t e s t e d . W h y not w r i t e a letter to y o u r M P o r l o b b y h i m / h e r . A s a start w h y not support the A U T strike and b o y c o t t l e c t u r e s . If y o u r l e c t u r e r s are p r e p a r e d to p r o t e s t a b o u t lack of f u n d i n g for y o u r e d u c a t i o n , surely y o u s h o u l d join their protest. Hon Porn Night T h e d e c i s i o n by the R S M U R u g b y C l u b to h o l d t h e Honorary Pornographer's N i g h t s h o w s t h e m to be a m a z i n g l y n a i v e . In this i s s u e of F E L I X J M a r t i n Taylor, I C U A c a d e m i c Affairs Officer and Christine Taig,"Women's O f f i c e r b o t h w r i t e a b o u t the n e e d for I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e to a t t r a c t m o r e w o m e n . U n f o r t u n a t e l y b o t h of t h e m f a i l e d to m e n t i o n H o n P o m ' s Night. H o n P o m ' s

Benefit Update Welfare Assistant, Lesley Gillingham, follows up her last feature on benefits with an update for those of you who bothered to apply. If you have an questions contact Lesley in Student Services. A n y o n e w h o has submitted a c l a i m for benefit over the last y e a r (1985) s h o u l d r e a d the r e l e v a n t s e c t i o n of t h i s article. If y o u are e x p e r i e n c i n g d i f f i c u l t i e s with a n y benefits, please call into Student Services and see L e s l e y , the W e l f a r e A d v i s e r . 1. Unemployment benefit A n y o n e w h o read the a r t i c l e at t h e e n d of last t e r m in F E L I X a n d s u b m i t t e d a c l a i m for U n e m p l o y m e n t b e n e f i t in the C h r i s t m a s v a c a t i o n wil l h a v e r e a l i s e d that t r y i n g to c l a i m this p a r t i c u l a r b e n e f i t could, and probably did, p r o v e d i f f i c u l t d u e to eligibility rules. A s long as you had paid enough National Insurance c o n t r i b u t i o n s in t h e r e l e v a n t tax y e a r ( s ) y o u s h o u l d have had no trouble in s u b m i t t i n g a c l a i m . If y o u applied and have received a giro — well d o n e ! If y o u h a v e not heard, or have been d i s a l l o w e d , call into S t u d e n t S e r v i c e s a n d let u s c h e c k for y o u . D e c i s i o n s 2

h a v e b e e n w r o n g in t h e past a n d a p p e a l s have been successful. Immediate a c t i o n is r e q u i r e d a s o n l y a l i m i t e d a m o u n t of t i m e is a l l o w e d in w h i c h to m a k e a claim. Please bring e v i d e n c e of y o u r c l a i m a n d any c o r r e s p o n d e n c e with the U n e m p l o y m e n t B e n e f i t Office. 2. Housing benefit (vacation) It is p r o b a b l y t o o e a r l y to w o r r y if y o u h a v e not h e a r d about your Christmas v a c a t i o n c l a i m but if y o u h a v e h e a r d n o t h i n g by the b e g i n n i n g of F e b r u a r y , c a l l into the Student S e r v i c e s Office. The "chasing up" procedur e can then begin. If y o u a r e c l a i m i n g f r o m Hammersmith and Fulham and have already submitted a c l a i m for t e r m - t i m e a n d d i d not r e c e i v e f o r m H B 8 f r o m the b e n e f i t o f f i c e , c a l l i n t o S t u d e n t S e r v i c e s to get o n e . It m u s t b e s u b m i t t e d immediately, otherwise y o u r H o u s i n g B e n e f i t wil l not b e r e a s s e s s e d a n d y o u wil l not r e c e i v e a n y e x t r a m o n e y for this v a c a t i o n .

3. Housing benefit (termtime) M o s t p e o p l e will h a v e r e c e i v e d an a s s e s s m e n t . If y o u haven't or y o u t h i n k y o u have been w r o n g l y a s s e s s e d , c h e c k . W r i t e to the H o u s i n g B e n e f i t O f f i c e r e q u e s t i n g a b r e a k d o w n of the a s s e s s m e n t . W i t h o u t this, nothing c a n be c h e c k e d . If y o u d i s a g r e e w i t h the b r e a k d o w n or t h i n k that y o u h a v e b e e n f o r g o t t e n , c a l l into the Student Services office and we will p h o n e for y o u . 4. Housing benefit (pre1985-86) A n y o n e still w a i t i n g to receive money or a s s e s s m e n t for last a c a d e m i c year, particularly from Westminster H o u s i n g Benefit Office, s h o u l d contact Student Services i m m e d i a t e l y . It is still p o s s i b l e to a p p e a l e s p e c i a l l y in the light of recent d e c i s i o n c o n c e r n i n g o n e s t u d e n t ' s c l a i m , in w h i c h the H o u s i n g Benefit O f f i c e i n s i s t e d that h i s file h a d l a p s e d d u e to t h e l e n g t h of t i m e his c l a i m h a d

Friday 11 January

N i g h t is the sort of event that g i v e s I C it's r e p u t a t i o n for b e i n g s e x i s t . U n t i l w e l o s e t h i s r e p u t a t i o n w e wil l have p r o b l e m s attracting w o m e n to I C . W e m u s t try to attract m o r e w o m e n , then m a y b e we wouldn't n e e d to g a w p at t h e m o n a film s c r e e n . FELIX It's the n e w y e a r s o w h y not take u p a n e w interest. C o m e and work on F E L I X . F i n d out w h a t it i n v o l v e s by c o m i n g in next T u e s d a y at 6 p m or W e d n e s d a y at 12.30pm. Alternatively c o m e to the F E L I X s o c i a l e v e n i n g next T h u r s d a y at 8 p m (free d r i n k p r o v i d e d ) . Credits T h a n k s to M a r k H u n t e r , Rosemary Hosking, Dave J o n e s , J Martin Taylor, Bill Goodwin, Richard Smith, Sunny Bains, Chris Edwards, Nigel Atkinson, John Burgess, Jim Clayden, Andy Vickers, A a r o n Kotcheff, Mark Cottle, Chris Stapleton and a n y o n e I've f o r g o t t e n .

been outstanding, e v e n t u a l l y his file w a s r e o p e n e d a n d r e a s s e s s e d ! If y o u think y o u m a y have been forgotten and you m a d e a c l a i m over six m o n t h s a g o , c a l l in. W e n e e d to a c t a s a p . Supplementary benefit and Certified Housing Benefit S t u d e n t s w h o s t a y e d in L o n d o n o v e r the C h r i s t m a s vacation and claimed s u p p l e m e n t a r y benefit a n d certificated h o u s i n g benefit - h o w d i d y o u get o n ? O f p a r t i c u l a r interest to S t u d e n t S e r v i c e s are c l a i m s s u b m i t t e d by s t u d e n t s r e s i d i n g in H a l l s or H o u s e s o v e r the v a c a t i o n . The government's white p a p e r o n the s o c i a l s e c u r i t y r e v i e w m a k e s it very c l e a r that the g o v e r n m e n t is d e t e r m i n e d to p r e v e n t students claiming s u p p l e m e n t a r y benefit a n d u n e m p l o y m e n t b e n e f i t in the s h o r t v a c a t i o n s a n d h o u s i n g b e n e f i t if living in c o l l e g e h a l l s of r e s i d e n c e . W e n e e d to k n o w h o w many people were s u c c e s s f u l in t h e s e c l a i m s so we can see how many s t u d e n t s are r e a l l y g o i n g to be a f f e c t e d by t h e c h a n g e in t h e r e g u l a t i o n s . T h e s e n e w r e g u l a t i o n s s h o u l d be i m p l e m e n t e d by S e p t e m b e r 1986. If y o u are h a v i n g d i f f i c u l t i e s with b e n e f i t s of a n y k i n d or w o u l d like more information on what y o u a r e e l i g i b l e to c l a i m for, at p r e s e n t , s e e L e s l e y in t h e S t u d e n t S e r v i c e s Office. FELIX


Bot-Zoo Dear Editor, This term there has been much speculation c o n c e r n i n g t h e f u t u r e of several U n i o n rooms, including the L o u n g e and the B o t - Z o o C o m m o n R o o m . W e w o u l d l i k e to put t h e r e c o r d s t r a i g h t in a c c o r d a n c e with i n f o r m a t i o n g i v e n to us by Professor Anderson. The Bot-Zoo C o m m o n R o o m has been allocated to t h e D e p a r t m e n t o n a c c o u n t of r e q u i r e m e n t s f o r s p a c e c o n n e c t e d with new research contracts and grants. T h e research s p a c e is to be u s e d to c r e a t e a new m o l e c u l a r / i m m u n o l o g y i n f e c t i o u s d i s e a s e unit to w o r k o n p r o b l e m s of p a r a s i t i c d i s e a s e in developing countries. The r o o m k n o w n as the L o u n g e w a s to be a l l o c a t e d to t h e D e p a r t m e n t to be d i v i d e d into a s e m i n a r / c o m m o n r o o m and a lecture theatre. This now seems unlikely but r o o m ( s ) in t h e U n i o n B u i l d i n g a r e a are still u n d e r c o n s i d e r a t i o n f o r u s e for t h e B i o l o g y D e p a r t m e n t by the C o l l e g e . A s m e m b e r s of t h e D e p a r t m e n t a n d of t h e U n i o n w e feel that a n y U n i o n r o o m will b e m o r e u s e d by s t u d e n t s if part of it b e c o m e s a new. B o t - Z o o C o m m o n R o o m t h a n if it r e m a i n s in its p r e s e n t u s e . W e a p o l o g i s e to t h o s e w h o work hard on the L o u n g e b e i n g the o n l y party r o o m in C o l l e g e . H o w e v e r , m u c h s p a c e in the U n i o n is w a s t e d , e s p e c i a l l y on the first f l o o r . T h e B o t - Z o o is fairly u n i q u e in C o l l e g e , being a c o m m o n room u s e d by m a n y staff a n d s t u d e n t s , a s w e l l as p e o p l e from a r o u n d Beit Q u a d , a n d is e s s e n t i a l to t h e undergraduate, p o s t g r a d u a t e a n d staff c o m m u n i t y of t h e D e p a r t m e n t . T h e q u e u e s in the B o t - Z o o twice a day testify to t h i s . Mr Burgess's present arguments are simply s e r v i n g to d e l a y a d e c i s i o n a n d m i t i g a t e a g a i n s t the undergraduates and p o s t g r a d u a t e s in t h e D e p a r t m e n t a n d C o l l e g e by c a u s i n g a break in s e r v i c e w h e n t h e B o t - Z o o c l o s e s in March. FELIX

It s e e m s u n r e a l i s t i c for M r B u r g e s s to c o n s i d e r that the D e p a r t m e n t will allow a r o o m in w h i c h it i n t e n d s to invest c a s h , in o r d e r to create a civilised c o m m o n r o o m a n d lecture theatre, to be r u n by t h e U n i o n in v i e w of the g e n e r a l state of Union rooms. The College c a n in the e n d act w i t h o u t Union agreement. We w o u l d therefore suggest that t h e best interest of t h e g r e a t e s t p r o p o r t i o n of s t u d e n t s w o u l d be s e r v e d by a s p e e d y a g r e e m e n t to c o n c e d e s o m e u s e of t h e U n i o n as s o o n a s p o s s i b l e , if not t h e L o u n g e . T h e i n t e r e s t s of s t u d e n t s are a l s o not b e i n g s e r v e d by M r Burgess misleading them by s t a t i n g t h a t t h e y c a n prevent C o l l e g e d o i n g a n y t h i n g in t h e U n i o n Building. Yours sincerely, Tom Harper, Zoology 3 Year Rep Ford, Life Sci Div Charlotte Rep

Job Withdrawal Dear Sir, In v i e w of t h e r e c e n t a n n o u n c e m e n t that o u r G l e n r o t h e s f a c i l i t y is to be c l o s e d e a r l y in 1986, it f o l l o w s that w e will be w i t h d r a w i n g f r o m next year's graduate recruitment programme. P l e a s e a r r a n g e to b r i n g this to t h e a t t e n t i o n of p o t e n t i a l c a n d i d a t e s by w h a t e v e r m e a n s is appropriate and withdraw o u r literature. W h e r e undergraduate s have a l r e a d y a p p l i e d to us, I w i l l r e p l y to t h e m d i r e c t l y . faithfully, Yours For GENERAL INSTRUMENT MICROELECTRONICS LTD D Rennie Manager, Human Resources

Cute!

e x p l a i n t h e s i t u a t i o n in a c o v e r i n g letter w i t h t h e first bill? T h e n we c o u l d have b u d g e t e d for this extra rent. O n informing student s e r v i c e s that I c o u l d not p a y this bill until after C h r i s t m a s I w a s t o l d that m y total bill in t h e first w e e k of next t e r m w o u l d be £595 ie £ 4 5 0 for rent until t h e e n d of t h e E a s t e r t e r m a n d £145 a s o u t l i n e d a b o v e . T h i s w o u l d leave me a p p r o x i m a t e l y £120 with w h i c h to s u r v i v e t h e s e c o n d t e r m ; it w o u l d h a v e to c o v e r p u r c h a s e of t u b e p a s s p a y m e n t of g a s a n d electricity bills, together w i t h e s s e n t i a l s like f o o d etc. W h i l s t I d o not o b j e c t to paying the extra w h e n I c a n a f f o r d it, I d o o b j e c t to t h e g e n e r a l l a c k of c o m m u n i c a t i o n , a n d , it a p p e a r s interest b y t h e Student Services Finance Assistant. I ask student s e r v i c e s to e n s u r e that errors s u c h as these cannot o c c u r a g a i n a n d , a l s o that w e are i n f o r m e d as to t h e true situation s h o u l d this f a r c e be r e p e a t e d . Yours faithfully A L Beck

Hamlet Havoc Dear Sir, I a m a r e s i d e n t in a s i n g l e r o o m in a flat in H a m l e t Gardens. Recently, I r e c e i v e d a f u r t h e r rent bill f o r £75 in a d d i t i o n to t h e o n e I p a i d at t h e b e g i n n i n g of t e r m . O n a p p r o a c h i n g the S t u d e n t s S e r v i c e s O f f i c e . I w a s t o l d that this is d u e to m y not b e i n g c h a r g e d for t h e C h r i s t m a s v a c a t i o n in m y first b i l l . Yesterday, I also receivced yet a n o t h e r b i l l , for £145, w h i c h , I a m t o l d , is for t h e C h r i s t m a s v a c a t i o n rent, p l u s an e x t r a £5 a w e e k w h i c h the Student S e r v i c e s Finance Department n e g l e c t e d to c h a r g e m e , a s they billed e v e r y b o d y for l i v i n g in a d o u b l e r o o m , i n s t e a d of f i n d i n g o u t t h e true facts. H a d they d o n e so, they w o u l d have r e a l i s e d that s e v e n t e e n p e o p l e in H a m l e t G a r d e n s are l i v i n g in s i n g l e r o o m s . A l t e r n a t i v e l y , if it w a s n e c e s s a r y to o b t a i n t h e rent m o n e y a s s o o n a s p o s s i b l e after t h e start of t e r m , w h y c o u l d t h e y not

)Nor\dbeaters Flights • Trains • Ski Group

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U L U Travel Imperial College, The Junior Common Room, Sherfield Building, Prince Consort Road, London S W 7 . 01-581 8882

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Dear FELIX, I u s e d to t h i n k y o u r m a g w a s the best, but n o w I'm not s o s u r e , w e d o n ' t all want those boring beefcake t y p e s . L a y off t h a t c u t e h a i r y g u y , or I'm g o i n g to start r e a d i n g B r o a d s h e e t for my photo-loves. Angry Wham! fan, Mining 2

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y R S M U ' s H o n Porn's Night t o o k p l a c e in t h e L o u n g e in t h e U n i o n B u i l d i n g in D e c e m b e r 10. T h e e v e n t received no publicity, with d e t a i l s of t h e event b e i n g p a s s e d m a i n l y b y w o r d of mouth. T h e show consisted of s t r i p p e r s a n d pornographic films a n d was a t t e n d e d b y a b o u t 100 students. Last s e s s i o n H o n P o r n ' s Night was cancelled o n the d a y of t h e event after r e p o r t s of t h e c o n t r o v e r s y s u r r o u n d i n g it w e r e f e a t u r e d in t h e D a i l y Express. A large number of students, mainly from other U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n c o l l e g e s , still a r r i v e d t o picket the U n i o n Building. I C U w a s later c o n d e m n e d by t h e U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n U n i o n f o r f a i l i n g to b a n t h e event. T h e c a n c e l l a t i o n w a s m a d e b y last y e a r ' s R S M U President Mike O s b o r n e after h e w a s c a l l e d to a meeting with Lord Flowers, t h e n R e c t o r of IC.

Appeal The World University S e r v i c e ( W U S ) , w h i c h IC U n i o n supports every year, is a p p e a l i n g f o r m o n e y a n d e d u c a t i o n a l m a t e r i a l s to b e s e n t to N i c a r a g u a . D u e to the U S trade e m b a r g o , many Nicaraguan schools are p a r a l y s e d by lack of stationary. A t t h e first U G M o f t h i s t e r m t h e r e will b e a collection for the appeal.

Lord Flowers talks to Professor A s h , his successor as IC Rector, during the Guilds Cocktail Party on 11th December. T h e first ever student party in 170 Queensgate proved to be a great success according to Guilds President Roger Preece. T h e Union invited academic staff, MP's and leading industrialists to meet students and hear about the College at the end of its centenary year. T h e anniversary has been used to raise the profile of the college in industry and to develop stronger links with the City and Guilds Institute, Prof Ash and College Secretary J o h n Smith have indicated their approval of the event which may now be run annually.

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r College security has been aler t e d f o l l o w i n g t h e d i s a p p e a r a n c e of t h e F E L I X O f f i c e ' s C h r i s t m a s tree. T h e theft w a s d i s c o v e r e d b y Editor Hugh Southey when he o p e n e d up the F E L I X O f f i c e last F r i d a y . ' T h e t r e e h a s great s e n t i m e n t a l v a l u e ' said an o b v i o u s l y upset M r Southey'. Chief Security Officer, Geoff Reeves has taken t i m e off f r o m h i s S o a k e r i n v e s t i g a t i o n to h a n d l e t h e c a s e p e r s o n a l l y , a n d is a p p e a l i n g for a n y o n e w h o m a y h a v e s e e n t h e tree, w h i c h is five feet tall a n d dark green, to c o m e forward. T h e s p a t e of t h e f t s continued, when on T u e s d a y it w a s d i s c o v e r e d that a C h r i s t m a s c a k e h a d also disappeared from the FELIX Office. FELIX Business Manager J Marilyn Taylor was unable to c o m m e n t at t h e t i m e , 'It's r u d e to talk w i t h y o u r mouth full' he e x p l a i n e d afterwards. 4

masked One of the mean, raiders who is believed to have stolen the FELIX tree. If you see Christmas this man do not approach but contact Mr Reeves instantly.

A sizeable contingent from IC w a s p r e s e n t in C e n t r a l L o n d o n this y e a r f o r t h e traditional N e w Year c e l e b r a t i o n s . A n u m b e r of people, including our reporter, met in t h e Q u e e n s b e f o r e p r o c e e d i n g to Trafalgar Square. A s has b e e n u s u a l f o r t h e last three years, the fountains w e r e s h u t off a n d t h e r e w a s a lar g e p o l i c e p r e s e n c e . Nevertheless a large (although smaller than p r e v i o u s years') c r o w d i n d u l g e d in t h e u s u a l g o o d spirited merry making a n d the p o l i c e a d o p t e d a 'softly softly' a p p r o a c h . A l t h o u g h alcohol was banned from Trafalgar S q u a r e , there w a s still c o n s i d e r a b l e e v i d e n c e of d r i n k i n g , n o t least a m o n g IC students. A n u m b e r of p e o p l e w e r e a d m i t t e d to h o s p i t a l , m a i n l y w i t h m i n o r w o u n d s or, like at least t w o of t h e IC contingent, alcohol p o i s o n i n g . B o t h IC students had been d i s c h a r g e d by 6.00am.

Friday 11 January

Resignation Aeronautical engineering student Adrian J o h n s o n has resigned as U n i o n P u b l i c i t y O f f i c e r , after b e i n g g r a n t e d a b r e a k of s t u d i e s until O c t o b e r . M r J o h n s o n resigned his post as G u i l d s D u p l i c a t i n g O f f i c e r at t h e e n d of last t e r m . In a letter t o t h e Guilds H o n S e c Dave Page he criticized the G u i l d s E x e c f o r not e n c o u r a g i n g support for Guildsheet.

Fares Fair L o n d o n T r a n s p o r t wil l b e i n c r e a s i n g its f a r e s o n S u n d a y 12th J a n u a r y . T h e s t a n d a r d Central T u b e fare will be i n c r e a s e d f r o m 4 0 p to 5 0 p a n d a w e e k l y t r a v e l c a r d s for z o n e s 1 a n d 2 will g o u p to ÂŁ5.60. S i n c e 1982 b u s p r i c e s h a v e i n c r e a s e d by 8 2 % a n d u n d e r g r o u n d prices by 52%.

Budding B u d d i n g writers with an u r g e to w i n a h o l i d a y in H o n g K o n g are r e m i n d e d that e n t r i e s f o r t h e Spectator Y o u n g Writer's C o m p e t i t i o n o n J a n u a r y 27. FELIX


What's Brewing F E L I X investigates research b e i n g carried out in the C h e m i s t r y Department of Imperial C o l l e g e into the h u m b l e c u p of tea. T e a and coffee are the two most popular hot drinks w o r l d w i d e ; s o it s e e m s s u r p r i s i n g that w h i l e a great d e a l is k n o w n a b o u t their c h e m i c a l c o m p o s i t i o n , m u c h l e s s is k n o w n a b o u t the p r o c e s s e s involved in brewing. D r M S p i r o of t h e C h e m i s t r y D e p a r t m e n t at Imperial C o l l e g e h a s b e e n l o o k i n g into t h e k i n e t i c s of tea and coffee infusion; that is t h e rate at w h i c h water soluble constituents are e x t r a c t e d f r o m t h e t e a leaves or coffee particles during brewing. Since s o m e t y p e s of t e a a n d coffee c a n contain as many as t h r e e h u n d r e d d i f f e r e n t chemicals, the research focuses o n the extraction of t h e m o r e i m p o r t a n t c o n s t i t u e n t s such as caffeine and the aflavins, ( w h i c h g i v e t e a it's r e d c o l o u r ) . A s e r i e s of experiments have investigated the w a y factors

Smal ficte ANNOUNCEMENTS • W i n e T a s t i n g S o c i e t y begin 1986 in the w a y they mean to carry o n . W h i t e B u r g u n d y is the s u b j e c t f o r T u e s 14's tasting. C a r r e s s the c o c k l e s of y o u r heart with a clean c r i s p c h a r d o n a y f r o m p l a c e s like C h a b l i s t , M e u r s a u l t . these w i n e s are n o r m a l l y £10 plus s o taste e x a m p l e s before y o u b l o w y o u r grant. O n l y £3 m e m b e r s , £4 n o n m e m b e r s 6.00pm Beit S C R . • L i s t e n to T h e F o u r t h D a y of the W e e k ' on 999/301 M W 6 till 8 p m every S a t u r d a y . • U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n P o s t g r a d u a t e S t u d e n t s h i p s A p p l i c a t i o n forms a n d further details c a n be o b t a i n e d f r o m : S e c r e t a r y to the S c h o l a r s h i p s C o m m i t t e e , University of L o n d o n , R o o m 21A, S e n a t e H o u s e , Malet Street, L O N D O N W C 1 E 7 H U . C l o s i n g date 1 M a r c h 1986. • Y a c h t R a c i n g Interested in a W / e n d ' s r a c i n g u p o n a 34 i n c h y a c h t with IC Y C l u b ! — C o n t a c t T H a r p e r L S 3 or H D a h l e M i n E n g 3 or A C C Pig H o l e s . • V e n e z a u d e u x i e m e tasting d e T e r m d u p r i n t e m p s . S a m p l e z les d e l i g h t s de B u r g u n d y B l a n c . N o u s i n c l u d o n s le C h a b l i s et M e u r s a u l t le etc, p l a c e usuelle le c o s t c e n'est pas tres exhorbitant a £3.00 p o u r les m e m b e r s et £4.00 les autres. Etre la o u etre e l s e w h e r e .

FELIX

i n f l u e n c e d , but f o r o t h e r s s u c h a s c a f f e i n e it is not. The research has been a b l e t o s h o w that t h e ratedetermining step for the brewing process involves d i f f u s i o n of c a f f e i n e t h r o u g h t h e b e a n o r leaf c o u p l e d w i t h d i f f u s i o n of w a t e r i n t o t h e s o l i d . In t h e future D r S p i r o h o p e s to use a computer simulation s t u d y to g a i n a better u n d e r s t a n d i n g of t h i s process. In 1982 this w o r k w a s f e a t u r e d a s part of a Tomorrow's World p r o g r a m m e , but a s t h e d a t e was April 1 many viewers b e l i e v e d it t o be a h o a x . It was however quite genuine! The Brooke Bond and TyPhoo tea companies w h o have provided s p o n s o r s h i p for t h i s r e s e a r c h o b v i o u s l y feel that this t y p e of objective characterisation, w h e n c o m p a r e d to the u s e of t e a t a s t i n g p a n e l s , is i m p o r t a n t f o r their f u t u r e

s u c h as temperature, size of p a r t i c l e s , p H , a n d stirring c a n influence this process. O n e i n t e r e s t i n g result of t h e i r w o r k is that t h e rate of i n f u s i o n d o e s not i n c r e a s e with stirring. A l t h o u g t h this m i g h t s e e m s u r p r i s i n g , it is consistent with traditional recipes for tea making w h i c h suggest there s h o u l d b e little o r n o s t i r r i n g during brewing. However, o n e f a c t o r that d o e s h a v e a large influence o n the p r o c e s s is t h e p a r t i c l e s i z e , with finely divided tea or coffee having a greatly e n h a n c e d rate of i n f u s i o n . T h e rate is a c t u a l l y dependan t on the inverse s q u a r e of t h e r a d i u s of t h e coffee particle, or the i n v e r s e s q u a r e of t h e t h i c k n e s s of t h e t e a leaf. Other experiments looking at t h e effect of v a r y i n g p H s h o w t hat -f or s o m e c o m p o n e n t s like t h e a f l a v i n s t h e rate is

• O n e new F o r d E s c o r t available o n 1 year lease f a v o u r a b l e terms offered c o n t a c t F T u r r i n e l l i C h e m E n g 1V.

developments. They hope that t h e p r o d u c t i o n of a q u a l i t y instant t e a f o r vending machines or t r a n s p o r t c a t e r i n g will b e made possible. In t h e f o o d a n d d r i n k s i n d u s t r y g i n g e r e x t r a c t s art used to flavour a n u m b e r c products including ginger beer and ginger cake. At present simple traditional extraction methods are used to prepare a s o l u b l e g i n g e r extract from ginger root. D r S p i r o in conjunction with a large f i r m is c u r r e n t l y m a k i n g a s y s t e m s t u d y of p o s s i b l e new solvents, a n d the o p t i m a l c o n d i t i o n s of t i m e and temperature required to p r o d u c e t h e g i n g e r e x t r a c t . O n e of t h e s o l v e n t s to b e s t u d i e d is supercritical carbon d i o x i d e . It is a l r e a d y u s e d to p r o d u c e d e c a f f e i n a t e d c o f f e e , a n d is p o p u l a r w i t h m e d ic a l authorities w h o are c o n c e r n e d a b o u t t r a c e s of s o l v e n t s that a r e at p r e s e n t f o u n d in s o m e f o o d s . D r S p i r o ' s w o r k is providing information w h i c h is of u s e t o t h e f o o d a n d d r i n k s i n d u s t r y in t h e s h o r t t e r m . In t h e l o n g t e r m this w o r k c o u l d w e l l h a v e w i d e r a p p l i c a t i o n s in t h e e x t r a c t i o n of s o l u b l e substances s u c h as medicinal drugs, dyes or f o o d s t u f f s , f r o m a l l k i n d s of biological materials.

• H i g h Diving lessons. Contact D Idenden P h y s i c s 2.

FOR SALE • R o l a n d R S — 0 9 String S y nt h/ O r gan hardly u s e d . O n l y £200 o n o . C o n t a c t Pete W i l s o n C o m p 2.

• T o o u n c o - o r d i n a t e d to join E V E N S & G . J o i n Cavers and B u m b l e along c o n t a c t S S e a w e e d C h e m E n g 3. • R E 4 K B a n d K B 4 R E . (Even t h o u g h s h e doesn't look well). • T o the p l a y g i r l in 211! H o w a r e things Julie. • W h e r e d i d J o h n s l e e p after the b e a c h party. A s k J K . • W a n t e d o n e female for n i c e very y o u n g m a n . C o n t a c t M C C o m p t 2. • W a n t e d o n e S e c r e t a r y f r om a m a s s a g e parlour. A p p l y D G M a t h s 2. • I s IP V i s i t i n g M i c k e y M o u s e w h e n he takes his R u c k S a c k W a l k i e s . • W a s h e r W o m a n S e r v i c e available C h e m E n g IV.

• L a d i e s p u s h b i k e £10 o n o . C o n t a c t A d a m C a t t l e , G e o l o g y 3, t e l e p h o n e 879 3778 e v e n i n g s . • S a n s u i P C - V i d o C D Player only 4 months old—18 months guarantee left. P r o g r a m m e m o r y index play. R a p i d a c c e s s . N e w £300 sell f o r £230. C o n t a c t A Belk P h y s i c s 3.

• D o u g S m i t h , P i n c u s h i o n 2pts A i d equals FRIG. • A r e y o u into V o y e u r i s m J o i n V o y s o c . C o n t a c t D Willis C h e m 3. • T i m P a l m e r IS the c h a i r m a n of R C C a n d represents all the b o t t o m b e r p s in S&G.

WANTED • C o m p e t e n t pianist/synth player w a n t e d for m o d e r n b a n d b e i n g formed. Apply Dan Salmons, Physics 1.. ; I • S U B W A R D E N R E Q U I R E D for M i n i n g H o u s e . A p p l y in wr it in g to D a v e M i l l e r (Warden) 55 E v e l y n G a r d e n s S W 7 . C l o s i n g date 24 J a n u a r y 1986.

ACCOMMODATION • D o u b l e r o o m available for s i n g l e male in B a y s w a t e r . £37 per week i n c l u d i n g bills etc. C o n t a c t S i m o n Ext 4641.

RCS Ents present: Virgins & Monsters Do Holland Club 8pm T CD f\l I €3 hi T £1.50 in advance £1.00 fancy dress £2.00 on the day Bar Extension SERVICING & REPAIRS at

RICKY'S GARAGE (Personal service guaranteed.)

I t QUEENS GATE PLACE MEWS.

• D o e s P 8 really take 6 h o u r s ? • D o y o u think the a g e of r o m a n c e is o v e r ? Y o u ' r e w r o n g b u y 100 great c a v i n g love stories f r om N P a t t i n s o n C h e m 3.

PERSONAL • G r a h a m , W h e n w a s t h e last time you had a gamble? • G r a h a m , has the P e n n y d r o p p e d yet? • V e n e z a u d e u x i e r i e tasting de T e r m . • 6 6 / 3 0 e q u a l s o n e driving l i c e n c e . • W h o ' s got the biggest mother in the capital? M a r London.

Friday 11 January

SOUTH KENSINGTON. L O N D O N S W.7 T«l :0I-WI I S M

E N D S L E I G H S E R V I C E S

I N S U R A N C E LIMITED

71 O l d B r o m p t o n R o a d South Kensington London SW7 3JS Telephone 01-589 6783

5


by Felicity the Catty A s the new term b e g i n s with a flourish, students returning from their holidays with rosy c h e e k s t w i n k l e s in t h e i r e y e s , a n d that o v e r w h e l m i n g e a g e r n e s s to get b a c k to t h e a c a d e m i c life, w e m u s t ( d i s t a s t e f u l as I k n o w it is, dear children) turn our e y e s to t h e m o r e s o r d i d s i d e of I m p e r i a l .

Graham

Brown:

College

Horrified Geoffrey Hungerford gave Student S e r v i c e s t h e k i n d of t e l l i n g off w h i c h o n l y t h e s e l f righteous 'hell-fire and damnation' brigade can do w i t h o u t r e a l i z i n g just h o w p o m p o u s they are really being. With typical m i s s i o n a r y d i p l o m a c y he d e s c r i b e d t h e m a l e half of the c o u p l e w h o had p r o v o k e d his w r a t h as a 'playboy' and though a l l o w i n g t h e c o u p l e to r e m a i n in t h e i r flat, h e p r o c l a i m e d i n d i g n a n t l y that h e ' w o u l d not b e t h e r e to let t h e m in in the e v e n i n g ' . S u c h t o l e r a n c e is p e r h a p s t h e best m e a s u r e of t h i s man's 'Christian Charity'.

Conservative

Did y o u know, for i n s t a n c e , that N a z i h e a d q u a r t e r s s e e m s to have m o v e d from the R e i c h s t a g in B e r l i n , to S o u t h s i d e in I m p e r i a l , G r a h a m B r o w n , last y e a r s C o n s o c chairman and l o o n e y (no, I d i d n ' t s a y t h e two were connected) a p p a r e n t l y r u n s his flat w i t h the s a m e k i n d of h u m a n i t y for w h i c h H i t l e r w a s reknowned Not only does o n e get i n t e r r o g a t e d a b o u t t h e p u r p o s e of o n e ' s visit, b e f o r e b e i n g a l l o w e d into t h e i n n e r b u n k e r , but it is r u m o u r e d that strongly A r y a n m u s i c is h e a r d emanating from two inch gap round the door where the i n t e r r o g a t i o n occurs. O n t h e s u b j e c t of r i g h t wing loonies, I have i n f o r m a t i o n p e r t a i n i n g to Hamlet G a r d e n ' s illustrious warden w h o has been t r y i n g ( w i t h o u t s u c c e s s ) to s a v e t h e s o u l s of t h e f l o c k of s t u d e n t s w h o m h e shepherds. Student S e r v i c e s (an u n g o d l y lot a s w e s h a l l s e e later) h a v e apparently allowed s t u d e n t s to live in sin, (I'm s o r r y , but I h a d to s a y it) in accommodation intended for married s t u d e n t s .

P a r r y of a ' l a c k of communication and interest'. P e r h a p s s o m e o n e m i g h t l i k e to tell M r B e c k that w e ' r e o n to h i m . 'Nuff said. S t u d e n t S e r v i c e s s e e m to b e u p s e t t i n g a lot of p e o p l e lately. W h a t a b o u t t h e f a m o u s c a s e of ' T h e snubbed Ex-Officer'! Well t h e m a n in q u e s t i o n ( w h o s h a l l r e m a i n n a m e l e s s but w h o s e initials a r e M A ) w a s sen t a n i n v i t a t i o n to Student Services Christmas P a r t y , but late e n o u g h to avoid subjecting the g a t h e r e d c o m p a n y of m e r r y - m a k e r s to his presence. By some u n f o r t u n a t e t u r n of fate, this g e n t l e m a n ( M i c h a e l A r t h u r if y o u h a v e n ' t g u e s s e d by n o w ) f o u n d out a b o u t t h e party, t u r n e d u p on s o m e pretence about h a v i n g p a p e r s to s i g n , t o o k in t h e s c e n e for a n a w k w a r d m o m e n t , a n d left n e v e r (they h o p e d ) to be seen again. Maybe M A s h o u l d try a n e w d e d o r a n t !

S o m e n e w s of o u r staff now: Nigel Atkinson, FELIX's slimming p h o t o g r a p h e r , l o o k s like h e may lose more than just w e i g h t if his p r e s e n t w o m a n has her way. A n y w e d d i n g p l a n s for the 'little and large' c o u p l e c o u l d m e a n that o l d s n i p , s n i p for B i g N i g e . Pity really, this m e a n s that t h e r e w o n ' t ever b e a c h i p off t h e e v e r decreasing Atkinson block. Lastly presidential c a n d i d a t e s s e e m to b e j o c k e y i n g for position n o w that e l e c t i o n t i m e is j u s t a r o u n d t h e c o r n e r P r e e c y is performing publicity stunts t e n to a d o z e n , C h r i s t i n e T a i g has finally gotten onto c o u n c i l (sort of) a n d J Martin T a y l o r has retuned from his holidays newly c o i f f e d ( a n d v e r y n i c e he l o o k s tool). W h o k n o w s w h a t t h e f u t re m a y h a v e in store... W e l l , l o t s of l o v e k i d s . . . a n d r e m e m b e r : s e x is great.

Looney

S p e a k i n g of C h r i s t i a n s , that o t h e r w e l l k n o w n S o l d i e r of G o d M r R o g e r P r e e c e h a s b e e n f o u n d to b e t h e s o u r c e of a p u z z l i n g article submitted a n o n y m o u s l y f o r t h e last F E L I X . It s e e m s M r P r e e c e w a s d e t e r m i n e d to p r e e m p t his a p p e a r a n c e in B e l o w the Belt by writing t h e s t o r y h i m s e l f . A pity t h e n that o u r e d i t o r rejected the c o p y as l a c k i n g interest a n d set his staff o n r e s e a r c h i n g t h e matter m o r e deeply. C o m p l a i n t s have been levelled against Student Services finance assistant Dave Parry. A n d y B e c k has b e e n t r y i n g to a c c u s e h i m of not t e l l i n g h i m t h e c o r r e c t c o s t of his rent w a s a c t u a l l y less t h a n it w a s s u p p o s e d to be. T h o s e in the know however have f i g u r e d out by n o w that M r B e c k is d o i n g n o t h i n g m o r e t h a n c a r r y i n g out a vendetta against M r Parry. T h i s c o n c l u s i o n is j u s t i f i e d b y t h e f a c t that M r B e c k h a s c l a i m e d for h o u s i n g benefit d e c l a r i n g that he w a s p a y i n g t h e h i g h e r rent. A n d y B e c k has bee n w r i t i n g letters to us (see letters p a g e ) a c c u s i n g M r

The Literary Magazine of Imperial College Union C o m p o s e picture

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.

Submissions can be sent to the Phoenix Editor, Chris Edwards, via the F E L I X office or the Chemistry Undergraduate letter-racks.

Friday 11 January

»*»•

FELIX


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a h a v e n for h e a v y d r i n k e r s w h i c h in itself h a s lost many c u s t o m e r s . T h e bar d o e s rely o n t h e C C U b a r nights, the drinkin g and s p o r t s c l u b s a n d after d i n n e r d r i n k e r s to b r i n g in m o n e y but M o o r e a g r e e s that it c a n n o t s u r v i v e o n these events alone. W h i l e a c k n o w l e d g i n g that t h e C o l l e g e has many 'active' d r i n k e r s a n d that t r a d i t i o n is p a r t i c u l a r l y i m p o r t a n t to t h e b a r he a l s o f e e l s t h e r e is a limit to t h e b e h a v i o u r that is a c c e p t a b l e a n d m o s t c l u b s r e c o g n i s e this a n d control their o w n m e m b e r s if t h e y s t e p o u t of line . H e s e e s t h e U n i o n as a n o i s y , lively bar w h i c h c o u l d n e v e r have a l o u n g e bar atmosphere. However, t h e r e is a s e c o n d b a r in t h e S n a c k B a r w h i c h will initially o p e n o n Wednesday lunchtime and e v e n i n g a n d d o e s offer greater comfort and space. It is h o p e d that this bar c a n be e x p a n d e d but t h e e x t r a staff r e q u i r e d c a n o n l y be p a i d if t h e bar t a k i n g s justify it. S T O I C a r e c u r r e n t l y p r e p a r i n g to ins t al l a t e l e v i s i o n in t h e L o u n g e w h i c h will s h o w v i d e o s in the e v e n i n i n g s a n d it is h o p e d a m i c r o w a v e oven can be r e i n t r o d u c e d s h o r t l y to p r o v i d e hot f o o d throughout opening hours.

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T h e c h a n g e o v e r has been p a r t i c u l a r l y h e c t i c in b o t h a r r a n g i n g to o r d e r s u p p l i e s a n d in t i d y i n g up the bar a n d this has required a t errif ic a m o u n t of effort. M o o r e particularly thanked Martin P a r s o n s a n d the r e f e c t o r i e s staff for their h e l p , p a r t i c u l a r l y in e m p l o y i n g e x t r a staff to get t h e bar into s h a p e , a n d a l s o t h e staff of all t h e o t h e r C o l l e g e b a r s for t h e i r h e l p a n d a d v i c e . M o o r e is o b v i o u s l y fully c o m m i t t e d to t h e j o b in h a n d but t h e c h a n g e s that n e e d to b e m a d e all r e q u i r e to be j u s t i f i e d by m o n e y a c r o s s t h e c o u n t e r . W h y not g o f o r a d r i n k in t h e U n i o n ' s Union Bar tonight?

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I r o n i c a l l y he n o w f i n d s h i m s e l f in d i r e c t competition with S o u t h s i d e w h i c h he r e a d i l y a d m i t s is a larger and more c o m f o r t a b l e bar with t h e great a d v a n t a g e of a r e a d y m a d e market. In c o m p a r i s o n the U n i o n is s m a l l a n d fairly i s o l a t e d a n d h a s lost m a n y r e g u l a r c u s t o m e r s d u r i n g the t u r m o i l of last t e r m . T h e U n i o n B a r u s e d to t a k e more money than S o u t h s i d e but the S o u t h s i d e bar h a s b e e n extensively modernised o v e r a p e r i o d of y e a r s w h i l e the U n i o n has been treated m u c h less f a v o u r a b l y .

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In f i l m s I r i s h m e n are usually portrayed as either l o u d m o u t h d r u n k s or b o r n entertainers. M o o r e Lyttle d e f i n i t e l y fits m o s t e a s i l y into t h e latter c a t e g o r y , thankfully he has the l a n d l o r d ' s k n a c k of p u t t i n g his c u s t o m e r s at e a s e a n d s e r v i n g b e e r at t h e s a m e time, s o m e t h i n g sadly l a c k i n g in r e c e n t w e e k s . H e ' s not a s t r a n g e r to Imperial e i t h e r h a v i n g w o r k e d r e g u l a r l y in C o l l e g e b a r s for a f e w y e a r s c u l m i n a t i n g in 1981 w i t h a six m o n t h spell as m a n a g e r of S o u t h s i d e B a r .

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Friday 11 January

Union

Bar

tonight?"


Firstly, look at it from A n n ' s point of view. H e r last statement indicates that s h e has n a r r o w e d it d o w n to two possibilities, o n e of w h i c h has a o n e as its s e c o n d figure. T h e r e are 31 perfect s q u a r e s from 13 ito 1300 w h i c h gives far too many possibilities, s o it must be a perfect c u b e . T h e perfect c u b e s between 13 and 1300 are: 27, 64, 125, 216, 343, 512, 729, 1000 of w h i c h 64 and 729 are perfect s q u a r e s . T h e a n s w e r s to the first two q u e s t i o n s must have left two of these. If it was less than 500 a n d a perfect s q u a r e this w o u l d leave just 64 s o t h o s e weren't the a n s w e r s A n n got. Les s than 500 and not a perfect s q u a r e gives three possiblities a n d is a l s o w r o n g . Greater that 500 and a perfect s q u a r e leaves just 729 and is w r o n g . T h u s the a n s w e r s A n n got must have b e e n : G r e a t e r than 500 a n d not a perfect square, w h i c h leaves 512 and 100. S i n c e these were both lies, the actual n u m b e r is less t h a n 500 a n d a p e r f e c t s q u a r e i.e. 64. T h u s there are 64 m e m b e r s of T T S o c in B o b ' s department.

s In t h e C h r i s t m a s E d i t i o n of F E L I X , M e g a b r a i n a n d t h e E n e r g i s e S p o c k C a m p a i g n presented six d e v i o u s d i l e m m a s for y o u r delectation. T h e a n s w e r s to five of t h e m are p r e s e n t e d b e l o w j u s t to p r o v e that t h e y c a n be d o n e . T h e r e are t w o w a y s to c h e c k y o u r s o l u t i o n to t h e w o r d s e a r c h . T h e first is to l a b o r i o u s l y s e a r c h for e v e r y w o r d in t h e g r i d b e l o w . T h i s will p r o b a b l y t a k e as m u c h t i m e as s o l v i n g t h e p u z z l e . T h e s e c o n d m e t h o d is to r e a d t h e u n u s e d letters f r o m left to r i g h t a n d t o p to b o t t o m . T h e y s h o u l d s p e l l out a h e a d - l i n e f r o m F E L I X n o 717 (18th O c t o b e r 1 9 8 5 ) — ' S C O O T F O R Y O U R H O O T ' . S o l u t i o n s to t h e o t h e r n o n p r i z e p u z z l e s are a l s o g i v e n w i t h a s m u c h e x p l a n a t i o n as p o s s i b l e .

We have received several enteries for the cryptic c r o s s w o r d and so t h e c o r r e c t a n s w e r is p r i n t e d here. T h e winner has been a n n o u n c e d in this w e e k s E d i t o r i a l . U n f o r t u n a t e l y , w e have had no solutions for the Electric n i g h t m a r e . F o r o n c e , w e are p u z z l e d ! It really is e a s y ( o n c e y o u know the answer) and r e q u i r e s no c o m p l e x a l g e b r a a n d v e r y little p h y s i c s . W e still h a v e t h e £5 p r i z e for this c o n u n d r u m , s o w e wil l l e a v e t h e c o m p e t i t o n o p e n for o n e m o r e w e e k . A s a n e x t r a c l u e , try to u s e s y m m e t r y in the solution.

V LI T

T h e p i c t u r e s h o w n b e l o w w a s not a p u z z l e . S o all t h o s e of y o u w h o t h o u g h t y o u s o l v e d it d i d n ' t — h a .

T h e 3 c m m e a s u r e m e n t in this p u z z l e is a r e d h e r r i n g . S i m p l e g e o m e t r y g i v e s us a r u l e a b o u t t h e d i a g o n a l s of a r e c t a n g l e being the s a m e length. Well, a r e c t a n g l e is m a r k e d in t h e diagram below, one diagonal was g i v e n as 8 c m , h e n c e t h e o t h e r o n e , w h i c h h a p p e n s to be a r a d i u s , is a l s o 8 c m — E a s y wasn't

Opinion

T O T h e trick h e r e is to r e a l i s e w h a t t h e s e n t e n c e 4-4-4 4-4-4 (or s e n t a n c e s ) a r e a b o u t . T h i s c a n be d o n e 4-4-4 s i m p l y , by r e a d i n g t h e e n d of t h e 4- + 4 4-4-4 passage:...had had had pleased the teacher. 4-4-4 T h e last f o u r w o r d s m a k e s e n s e , t h e y are a 4-4-4 4-4-4 p a s t t e n s e v e r b ' h a d p l e a s e d ' a n d an o b j e c t + 4-4 'the t e a c h e r ' . T o c o m p l e t e t h e s e n t e n c e , a 4-4-4 ++4 s u b j e c t is r e q u i r e d . T h e b e g i n n i n g of t h e 4-4-4 p a s s a g e is a l o n g w a y b a c k , a n d t h e r e are n o 4-4-4 ++4 o t h e r n o u n s t h a n t h o s e in t h e first t h r e e ++4 words. S o the subject c a n only be a ++4 4-4-4 q u o t a t i o n — o f a past t e n s e of t h e v e r b to + 4-4 be—'had had' had pleased the teacher. T h o s e of y o u that are a w a k e w i n o w r e a l i s e +4 that t h e p a s s a g e is a b o u t s o m e t h i n g that A l a n +4-4 JJJ a n d W i l l i a m w r o t e or s a i d , a n d o n e of t h e m w r o t e , o r s a i d ' h a d h a d ' . P u n c t u a t i o n of t h e ++4 first t h r e e w o r d s c a n o n l y b e ! — W i l l i a m , w h i A l a n — L e t us n o w a s s u m e that A l a n h a d 4.4-4 w r i t t e n ' h a d h a d ' , t h e n t h e first s e n t e n c e m u s t be—William, while A l a n had had 'had had', had+++ h a d ' h a d ' , . (Of c o u r s e , W i l l i i a m c o u l d h a v e ++* written 'had had'! ^.+^ ++4 T h e c o m p l e t e s o l u t i o n is t h e r e f o r e e i t h e r JJj 1) W i l l i a m , w h i l e A l a n h a d h a d ' h a d h a d ' , h a d ++4 had 'had'. ' H a d had' had p l e a s e d the teacher. 2) William, while Alan had had 'had', had +4-H had 'had had'. 'Had had' had pleased the ++^ teacher. ++4 D o n ' t f o r g e t t h o s e c a p i t a l letters! ++< 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- + 4- 4- 4- 4- + + + 4- 4- + + 4- 4- + + 4- + + + 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- + 4- 4 4- 4- 4- + 4- + 4- 4- 4- 4- + + 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- + 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- + + + 4- 4- 4- + 4- 4- 4- 4 4- 4- 4- 4- + 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- + 4- + + + + + 4- 4r + + 4- 4- 4- 4- 4- + + 4- 4- 4

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This week we have a linguistic puzzle to keep you busy. There are 9,864,100 possible combinations of these ten letters, not all of which are words in the English language, but how many are 7 You may only use each letter once. The that hands in the person most words that can be found in the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary by 1.00 will be handed a pm Monday five pound note (After they've been checked-so no cheating) ! By the way, there is at least one ten-letter word.

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Hon Porn's Night At the e n d of last term, R S M U R u g b y C l u b held their H o n Porn's Night. R S M U President, D a v e P e a r c e justifies the club's d e c i s i o n s to h o l d the event. T h i s is o n e of t h e m o r e c o n t r o v e r s i a l i s s u e s in I C . I feel it is n o w t i m e to repl y to all t h o s e w h o c o n d e m n e d t h e R S M U for h o l d i n g it. It is a s h o w w h i c h is o r g a n i s e d by t h e R S M R u g b y C l u b . It is h e l d o n c e a year and usually involves two female strippers and a n u m b e r of p o r n o g r a p h i c films. In m y first y e a r , 1983, 4 0 0 people attended-more than m o s t U G M ' s — d u e to t h e interest c a u s e d by t h e c o n t r o v e r s y . In 1984, it w a s m o v e d to a n a l t e r n a t i v e v e n u e d u e to c e r t a i n o p p o n e n t s in I C f a i l i n g to c a n c e l it at t h e b a l l o t b o x , i n v i t i n g o u t s i d e c o l l e g e s to p i c k e t it a n d n a t i o n a l p r e s s to report it. T h e R e c t o r , then Lord Flowers, asked

day 11 January

t h e R S M U P r e s i d e n t to m o v e it a w a y f r o m I C or c a n c e l it, w h i c h he d i d . T h i s y e a r it w e n t a h e a d as it h a d a l w a y s b e e n traditionally, quietly and w a t c h e d by m e m b e r s of t h e R S M U Rugby Club. Having explained the event a n d its r e c e n t h i s t o r y , I wil l try a n d s u m m a r i s e t h e o b j e c t i o n s . It is s a i d to be s e x i s t a n d d e g r a d i n g to w o m e n , b e c a u s e of t h e i r e m p l o y m e n t in s e x a c t s o n s c r e e n for a p r e d o m i n a n t l y male market. I a g r e e that it is s e x i s t , b y d e f i n i t i o n , b e c a u s e it is m a d e for a predominantly , but not w h o l l y , m a l e m a r k e t . B u t that's not the p o i n t . If m a n u f a c t u r e of b r a s is s e x i s t s a s it c a t e r s for a solely female market. T h e p o i n t is, is it d e g r a d i n g

to w o m e n ? D o t h e audienge come away f e e l i n g t h a t w o m e n are for sex only? I feel not a n d f o r t h e following reasons: Firstly the a u d i e n c e do n o t w a t c h it f o r s e x u a l pleasure—that's difficult w i t h d o z e n s of o t h e r s w a t c h i n g — r a t h e r the thrill comes from watching something socially taboo. S e c o n d l y , s e x is a n a t u r a l act. H u m a n s f i n d it p l e a s u a b l e , s u r e l y no a c c i d e n t of G o d . B u t at t h e s a m e t i m e y o u k n o w that the feelings behind the sex o n t h e s c r e e n are just a c t e d a n d not r e a l . T h i r d l y it is s a i d to b e immoral, who decides these m o r a l s ? If t h e m a j o r i t y in society had decided them t h e n it w o u l d be i l l e g a l .

A n y n a t u r a l a c t r e g a r d e d as i m m o r a l m a k e s p e o p l e feel guilty a n d suffer the degradation and character d e s t r u c t i o n that g o e s with i t — s u r e l y that is w r o n g ? F o u r t h l y , it is h e l d but o n c e a year. T h i s cannot overwhelm a mind with r e p a c i o u s lust. Fifthly, w h e n I c a m e away from s u c h a night I d i d n ' t g o a n d maltreat a n y w o m e n . I still h a v e t h e respect that I went into the event w i t h . R a t h e r , I l e a v e with a broader mind having s e e n the event a n d m ad e m y o w n m i n d u p a b o u t it. R e a l i s e t h i s t o o , w e in t h e R S M , feel v e r y s t r o n g l y that we decide what we do ( w i t h i n t h e law of c o u r s e ) . W e ' r e not a n i m a l s or i m b e c i l e s — w e need 'A' l e v e l s a s w e l l . In t h e next f e w w e e k s t h e r e wil l be a questionnaire going round R S M asking Union member numerous questions including their view on H o n Porns. N o I don't think H o n P o r n s is d e g r a d i n g to w o m e n , but t h a n k y o u f o r the c o n t r o v e r s y that has made me think, d i s c u s s and realise this. David Pearce President RSMU.


Ift

â&#x20AC;&#x201D;reviewsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; Violence is golden. T h e problem with m a k i n g a film centred a r o u n d a racist c h a r a c t e r is that it i n v i t e s t h e c h a r g e that t h e f i l m itself is s o , p a r t i c u l a r l y w h e n the direction, script and camera angles force the a u d i e n c e to i d e n t i f y w i t h t h e c h a r a c t e r . In s p i t e of t h e s e f a c t s I d o n ' t b e l i e v e that M i c h a e l C i m i n o ' s n e w f i l m Year of the Dragon is f u n d a m e n t a l l y racist. T h e v i c t i m s of t h e c e n t r a l character's r a c i s m , the N e w Y o r k C h i n e s e , are p o r t r a y e d as v a r i e d a n d as h u m a n as a n y o t h e r g r o u p , a n d c e r t a i n l y not as a F u M a n c h u , or any other, stereotype.

to c o n t r o l C h i n a t o w n after the b e n i g n l e a d e r is u s u r p e d by a l o n g e r m o r e a m b i t i o u s m a n . in this

s u p e r i o r a n d f r i e n d tells him. It is a v e r y e m o t i v e a n d p o w e r f u l film p h o t g r a p h e d

All the per f or m anc e s are e x c e l l e n t but I p a r t i c u l a r l y enjoyed Kevin Kline's easy going cowboy and Linda Hunt's shrewd saloon o w n e r , b o t h of w h o m h a v e wonderfully infectious s m i l e s . I a m t e m p t e d to s a y m o r e a b o u t t h e hat a s an i c o n in t h e W e s t e r n , but I'd p r o b a b l y lose my readers, s o i n s t e a d I'll just s a y that t h i s is a real Y e e - h a film a n d I l o v e d it.

T h e racist in q u e s t i o n is a New York policeman S t a n l e y W h i t e , p l a y e d by M i c k e y R o u r k e . W h i t e is arrogant, selfish and o b s e s s e d , but for all t h e s e faults h e still p r o v e s to be sensitive and vulnerable. T h i s w i d e r a n g e of emotions and characteristics are s u p e r b l y p o r t r a y e d in o n e of t h e best p e r f o r m a n c e s I have seen for a l o n g t i m e . R o u r k e is an actor w h o always a p p e a r s to be s u p p r e s s i n g a violent rage b e h i n d a gentle smile, s o m e o n e who m a y e x p l o d e at a n y m o m e n t , a n d as s u c h is w e l l s u i t e d to t h e role as Stanley White. W h i t e is a V i e t n a m v e t e r a n b r o u g h t in, as N e w York's most decorated c o p ,

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Who Plays Wins. L a u g h t e r a n d f u n s e e m to be g o i n g out of f a s h i o n , gloom and despondency are b e c o m i n g the r a g e , but not at t h e V a u d e v i l l e . H e r e , t w o m a s t e r s treat t h e i r

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h a v e b e e n c o v e r e d , but recently there has been a m i n o r revival in the W e s t e r n , a n d t h e latest e x a m p l e of t h i s is t h e L a w r e n c e K a s d a n film Silverado. S o m e p e o p l e h a v e e x p r e s s e d the belief that this m a y w e l l be t h e last b i g W e s t e r n , if that is s o t h e n it's a f i n e s w a n s o n g for the g e n r e .

p o s i t i o n he s e e s h i m s e l f f i g h t i n g the w a r a g a i n , o n l y this t i m e t h e r e is n o j u n g l e to h i d e in a n d this t i m e he is g o i n g to w i n . H e a l s o c o m e s into c o n f l i c t w i t h his s u p e r i o r s w h o at first r e f u s e to b e l i e v e that t h e r e is a p r o b l e m , t h e y d o n ' t w a n t to m a k e t o o m u c h t r o u b l e ; ' L i f e is a b o u t getting along', White's a u d i e n c e to a t r u e b a n q u e t of wit talent, m e l o d y a n d f u n . Richard Stilgoe is not just a c o m e d i a n , he is a l s o a lyricist and m u s i c i a n . T h e c o m b i n a t i o n of t h e s e t h r e e skills m a k e s him a s h o w m a n of great a p p e a l . S o m e of his s o n g s are s i m p l y h i l a r i o u s , s o m e are v e r y s h a r p , t h e y are all t o p i c a l . Peter Skellern by c o m p a r i s o n is t h e p e r s o n i f i c a t i o n of art. A gifted pianist and a s o n g w r i t e r of s o m e n o t e , he g e t s the o p p o r t u n i t y to d i s p l a y his c r e a t i v i t y o n o n e or t w o o c c a s i o n s without interruption from

w i t h s o m e i m p r e s s i v e but not i n t r u s i v e c a m e r a m o v e m e n t s . I c o u l d talk a great d e a l a b o u t this f i l m but s p a c e p r e v e n t s m e f r o m saying m u c h more other t h a n that this a f i l m to s e e and think about. T h e f i l m w o r l d s e e m s to b e at a bit of a l o s s for m a j o r themes: space, and disaster his b e a r d e d , b o u n c y f r i e n d . T h e t w o of t h e m fill t h e s h o w p e r f e c t l y . T h e r e is s u f f i c e n t s u r p r i s e in t h e r e p e t o i r e to e n s u r e that the w h o l e a u d i e n c e is w r a p p e d in c o n c e n t r a t i o n a n d t h e r e is s u f f i c e n t h u m o u r to r a i s e a laugh a minute. Stilgoe and Skellern work well t o g e t h e r , t h e i r t i m i n g is p e r f e c t a n d c o n t a i n s an e l e m e n t that c a n n o t be p e r f e c t e d by r e h e a r s a l . Whatever your education, y o u will l a u g h at t h e m . T h e y entertain the m u s i c a l Maestro and the S o c i a l W o r k e r a l i k e â&#x20AC;&#x201D; s e e t h e m if y o u n e e d c h e e r i n g up.

Friday 11 January

V e r y briefly, b e c a u s e I w a n t to p a s s o v e r this o n e as q u i c k l y a s p o s s i b l e , a n d b e c a u s e it d o e s n ' t e v e n d e s e r v e the s m a l l a m o u n t of p u b l i c t y that this r e v i e w w i l l g i v e it, Best Defence. T h i s film p r o v i d e s an interesting c o m p a r i s o n with Lawrence Kasdan's b e c a u s e William H u y c k , the d i r e c t o r a n d c o - w r i t e r of Best Defence, w r o t e t h e w e a k e r of t h e S t a r W a r s a n d I n d i a n a J o n e s s e r i e s of screen plays and K a s d a n w r o t e the better o n e s . T h u s w h e n b o t h are g i v e n free r e i g n o n their o w n p r o j e c t s t h e d i f f e r e n c e is unmissable. This dreadful film also a b u s e s t h e t a l e n t s of t w o very funny people, D u d l e y M o o r e as t h e d e f e n c e research scientist and E d d i e M u r p h y as the t a n k driver d e m o n s t r a t i n g the w e a p o n at a M i d d l e E a s t e r n s a l e s drive. P a s s i n g o v e r t h e s u s p e c t m o r a l s of the i n v o l v e m e n t that M u r p h y h a s in a w a r he s t u m b l e s o n to I w o u l d h o w e v e r like to m e n t i o n that d r e a d f u l s c r i p t w h i c h is full of laboured double entendres a n d t h e sort of m a t e r i a l that is a b o u t a s f u n n y as b e i n g run o v e r by a tank. G o a n d see the other films instead.

Jim Clayden FELIX


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r t . M i c h a e l M o o r c o c k m u s t be o n e of t h e m o s t i n f l u e n t i a l S F w r i t e r s of all t i m e . A s e d i t o r of t h e m a g a z i n e ' N e w W o r l d s ' he h e l p e d establish the so called 'New Wave' which marked a definite reaction against ' f a n t a s t i c future' a n d ' b u g eyed monster' stories. M a n y currently well k n o w n a u t h o r s o w e t h e i r first b r e a k to M o o r c o c k w h i l e his o w n v o l u m i n o u s o u t p u t h a s h e l p e d g r e a t l y to dissolve the b o u n d a r i e s b e t w e e n w h a t is a n d isn't S F . H i s latest b o o k The Laughter of Carthage l a n d e d o n m y d e s k at t h e e n d of last t e r m but b e c a u s e it is a s u b s t a n t i a l r e a d it h a s t a k e n m e unt il n o w to r e v i e w it. A s i n g l e b o o k is not s u f f i c i e n t to f u l l y understand Moorcock's w r i t i n g a n d s o , a s t h i s is s o m e t h i n g of a n advert for the man's b o o k s , I shall r a m b l e o n a bit. M a n y of his b o o k s f o r m parts of a

s e r i e s a n d in a d d i t i o n t h e r e are a n u m b e r of t h e m e s and characters w h i c h run t h r o u g h o u t his w o r k . H o w e v e r for c o m p l e x reasons, books, chapters a n d e v e n t s a r e not a l w a y s in a n o r d e r w h i c h c o u l d be d e s c r i b e d in a n y w a y a s chronological. Furthermore c h a r a c t e r s m a y often be c o m p l e t e l y different people f r o m b o o k to b o o k . T h i s a p p l i e s p a r t i c u l a r l y to t h e J e r r y C o r n e l i u s s e r i e s of b o o k s w h i c h are p e r h a p s his m o s t u n c o n v e n t i o n a l writings. T o describe Michael M o o r c o c k ' s work as v a r i a b l e is s o m e t h i n g of a n u n d e r s t a t e m e n t a n d to f u l l y c a t a l o g u e it w o u l d be a s u b s t a n t i a l j o b , but a m o n g t h e better titles T h e Elric s e r i e s a n d The Oswald Bastable t r i l o g y a r e worth reading. Laughter of Carthage is a relatively c o n v e n t i o n a l n o v e l w h i c h w i t h its p r e d e c e s s o r Byzantium Endures f o r m s part of a n on going series chronicling o n e C o l o n e l Pyat. T h e two b o o k s s h o u l d really be read in o r d e r as Byzantium Endures c o n t a i n s a s h o r t introduction which explains s o m e t h i n g of h o w t h e character arose and the n a t u r e of his m e m o i r s . P y a t is b o r n o n t h e 1st J a n u a r y 1900 in K i e v a n d is b r o u g h t u p by his m o t h e r a n d b o h e m i a n f r i e n d s in the pre and post r e v o l u t i o n a r y t u r m o i l of

Applications are invited for

S o u t h e r n R u s s i a . H i s life a n d travels take him t h r o u g h a c r o s s s e c t i o n of m o d e r n history as he formulates fantastic schemes and revolutionary inventions whilst continually failing on the v e r g e of g r e a t n e s s d u e to his p e c u l i a r p e r s o n a l q u a l i t i e s . Laughter of Carthage p i c k s u p P y a t ' s s t o r y as he is f l e e i n g O d e s s a in 1920 o n a steamer r o u n d the B l a c k S e a and then a c r o s s E u r o p e and A m e r i c a up until 1924. P y a t is a c o m p e l l i n g character whose story s e e m s to be c o n n e c t e d in s o m e a l l e g o r i c a l m a n n e r to t h e m o r a l h i s t o r y of twentieth century civilisation. He b e c o m e s involved with many important movements and technological innovations whilst never achievin g the f a m e he b e l i e v e s he d e s e r v e s . P y a t is a g e n i u s , a liar, a n a d d i c t , a n e g o t i s t , a racist a n d a bigot w h o engenders fascination rather t h a n s y m p a t h y . H e is also a survivor and a visionary. Pyat's dreams a n d his v i e w of w o r l d h i s t o r y as a battle b e t w e e n the m y t h o l o g i c a l i n f l u e n c e of B y z a n t i u m a n d C a r t h a g e s e e m in s o m e w a y to be an a t t e m p t to e x p l o r e t h e w a y s o c i e t i e s are d r a w n to logically ridiculous p h i l o s o p h i e s s u c h as f a s c i s m . O n a n o t h e r level

entirely, both Pyat and the c h a r a c t e r of M r s C o r n e l i u s , w h o a p p e a r s regularly, will b e f a m i l i a r to a n y o n e w h o has read the J e r r y Cornelius books. S e e m i n g l y yet a n o t h e r Moorcock cryptic connection. Laughter of Carthage is p u b l i s h e d by F l a m i n g o a n d c o s t s ÂŁ4.50 in p a p e r b a c k w h i c h s e e m s a lot for a p a p e r b a c k t o m e , but t h e n again book prices generally seem extortionate these days.

'I mean, if I was up there acting out, I would be classifiably insane. There is a big difference between acting and acting out. Acting out is some guy showing his genitals to wicked old ladies in Hyde Park, and I don't do that.' William Hurt Kiss of the Spider Woman

Applications are invited for

WARDEN

SUBWARDENS

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Free flat provided Applications from IC Union Office on a Standard Application Form. Job Description will also be available. Forms to be returned to Carl Burgess, President ICU, no later than 5.30pm Fri 24th Jan.

Applications to the warden of the house. Questions answered by Student Services or the warden. Closing date for applications: Holbein 15th Jan; Mining 24th Jan.

The Post is only available for couples FELIX

Friday 11 January

11


Y o u might have i m a g i n e d that, b e i n g a s t u d e n t s ' u n i o n , IC U n i o n w o u l d have policy on a c a d e m i c affairs H o w e v e r , y o u w o u l d be w r o n g . H u m a n r i g h t s in C h i l e m a y be w e l l c o v e r e d , but t h e U n i o n d o e s n ' t h a v e a view on teaching standards, examinations, c o u r s e content, etc. H o p e f u l l y this s i t u a t i o n will b e put to r i g h t s at next Tuesday's Union General M e e t i n g . Of c o u r s e the full text of t h e p r o p o s e d n e w p o l i c y w i l l be c i r c u l a t e d in ' E x e c N e w s ' , but in a n t i c i p a t i o n that this m i g h t not be t o o w i d e l y r e a d , I a m s u m m a r i s i n g the main p o i n t s in this a r t i c l e . Teaching Standards T h e m a i n p o i n t s of t h e p r o p o s e d p o l i c y a r e that lecturers should receive s o m e t r a i n i n g in h o w to p r e s e n t l e c t u r e s in a n interesting and coherent m a n n e r , a n d that t e a c h i n g p e r f o r m a n c e s h o u l d be s e e n as a n i m p o r t a n t f a c t o r for l e c t u r e r p r o m o t i o n . It also calls for the ' a s s o c i a t e l e c t u r e r s c h e m e ' u s e d by the P h y s i c s d e p a r t m e n t , w h e r e b y t w o or m o r e lecturers collaborate on e a c h l e c t u r e c o u r s e rather t h a n l e a v i n g it to just o n e p e r s o n , to be e x t e n d e d as widely as possible.

Academic Affairs Officer Course Content and Design In t h e o r y , m o s t s t u d e n t s are a l l o w e d to d o s o m e H u m a n i t i e s o p t i o n s as part of t h e i r c o u r s e . H o w e v e r , t h e r e are often o b s t a c l e s p l a c e d in the w a y of d o i n g t h e m , s u c h as t i m e t a b l e c l a s h e s . A l s o , the marks g i v e n for s u c h c o u r s e s a r e often u n r e a l i s t i c a l l y l o w g i v e n the a m o u n t of w o r k i n v o l v e d . T h e r e s h o u l d be a r e a l i s t i c p r o v i s i o n for h u m a n i t e s o p t i o n s in all c o u r s e s , a n d the p r o p o s e d n e w p o l i c y is p r e s s i n g for this. T h e i n t r o d u c t i o n of t h e M E n g d e g r e e is t h e m o s t important new d e v e l o p m e n t since four year c o u r s e s s t a r t e d . Its i n t r o d u c t i o n is to be w e l c o m e d , e v e n if it is rather b e l a t e d . B u t t h e C o l l e g e still h a s m u c h m o r e to d o b e f o r e f o u r y e a r c o u r s e s get t h e r e c o g n i t i o n f r o m i n d u s t r y that t h e y w e r e i n t e n d e d to h a v e . Examinations T h e proposed policy calls for all c o u r s e s to offer S e p t e m b e r r e - s i t s or supplementary assesment, at least for t h o s e w h o fail in t h e first y e a r . A l a r g e

Women's Officer At t h e e n d of last t e r m I w a s c o - o p t e d o n to the IC U n i o n C o u n c i l to act a s Temporary Women's Officer. What, you may ask, does a 'Women's Officer' d o , a n d w h y a m I d o i n g the job? E v e r y o n e at IC M u s t be a w a r e of t h e v e r y l o w p e r c e n t a g e of f e m a l e students here—this causes m a n y p r o b l e m s for s o m e of the w o m e n h e r e a n d a l m o s t all of u s w o u l d l i k e to s e e the s i t u a t i o n c h a n g e . T h e r e are m a n y p e o p l e at C o l l e g e w h o feel i s o l a t e d , l o n e l y , i n t i m i d a t e d , a n g r y , or just b o r e d with the s o c i a l a t m o p h e r e f o s t e r e d by the u n e q u a l b a l a n c e of t h e s e x e s . T h i s isn't to s a y that p l e n t y of p e o p l e d o n ' t f u l l y e n j o y t h e i r IC s o c i a l life, but m o s t w o u l d a g r e e that more w o m e n a r o u n d the p l a c e w o u l d be a g o o d t h i n g . T h i s is n e v e r g o i n g to h a p p e n a s l o n g as I C k e e p s its t e r r i b l e i m a g e a n d its u n b a l a n c e d a t m o s p h e r e which a significant number of w o m e n (and m e n ) f i n d 12

Christine Taig totally o f f - p u t t i n g . M a n y post-graduate women, e s p e c i a l l y , are a p a l l e d at the c o n t r a s t b e t w e e n I C a n d their p r e v i o u s c o l l e g e . T h e r e are w a y s in w h i c h the u n i o n c a n improve the a t m o s p h e r e h e r e ; by introducing a positive n o n s e x i s t p o l i c y to rid c o l l e g e of m a t e r i a l w h i c h m o s t w o m e n and many men find o f f e n s i v e , w h e t h e r it be a r t i c l e s in u n i o n p u b l i c a t i o n s , p o s t e r s or r a g m a g s , by f o l l o w i n g u p , quickly a n d effectively, individual w o m e n ' s c o m p l a i n t s of s e x u a l h a r a s s m e n t by staff or s t u d e n t s ; by m a k i n g it c l e a r that if m o r e w o m e n are to c o m e to IC, a t t i t u d e s w i t h i n the u n i o n will h a v e to

J Martin Taylor n u m b e r of s t u d e n t s w h o p r e s e n t l y h a v e to h a v e a y e a r off w o u l d t h e n b e a b l e to c a r r y o n into t h e i r s e c o n d y e a r . In d e p a r t m e n t s w h e r e re-sits are h e l d the f a i l u r e rate is noticably lower. Women Students T h e r e are t w o p r o b l e m s w h e n it c o m e s to r e c r u i t m e n t of a h i g h e r n u m b e r of w o m e n s t u d e n t s to IC. First, m o r e effort m u s t be m a d e in s c h o o l s to e n s u r e that g i r l s a r e n o t discouraged from studying science subjects, p a r t i c u l a r l y at t h e a g e of t h i r t e e n or f o u r t e e n w h e n t h e y m a k e t h e i r c h o i c e of O-level subjects. T h e new p o l i c y will press for a c t i o n by t h e C o l l e g e , a l o n g with o t h e r u n i v e r s i t i e s , to i m p r o v e s c h o o l l i a s o n at

c h a n g e to m a k e t h e p l a c e less h o s t i l e t o w a r d s t h e m . The Women's Officer can not be e x p e c t e d to d o this s i n g l e - h a n d e d l y ; s h e will not b e t h e r e s o that a l l w o m e n ' s p r o b l e m s c a n be d u m p e d into her l a p ; but s h e will be a b l e to r e m i n d and persuade other c o u n c i l a n d e x e c u t i v e m e m b e r s to take action when n e c e s s a r y . S h e will be a v a i l a b l e for i n d i v i d u a l w o m e n to d i s c u s s particular problems and h o p e f u l l y will f o l l o w t h e s e up a n d g i v e a d v i c e as a p p r o p r i a t e , s h e will organise s c h e m e s s u c h as the d i s t r i b u t i o n of r a p e a l a r m s , self d e f e n c e c l a s s e s and so on. S h e should also w o r k in c o n j u c t i o n with t h e college senior women's t u t o r a n d the s t u d e n t counsellor. M o s t i m p o r t a n t l y the W o m e n ' s O f f i c e r will r e p r e s e n t all f e m a l e IC students, the post being s i m i l a r to that of the p o s t g r a d rep. T h i s d o e s n ' t mean only representing the ' a c t i v e f e m i n i s t s ' or W I S T m e m b e r s at c o l l e g e ! I s h a l l b e c o n t a c t i n g all w o m e n s t u d e n t s s o o n (no m e a n task—the percentage may

Friday 11 January

this level. S e c o n d , this C o l l e g e n e e d s to i m p r o v e its i m a g e s o that it c a n attract a h i g h p r o p o r t i o n of t h o s e w o m e n w h o do apply for s c i e n c e and engineering courses. T h i s is as m u c h a U n i o n p r o b l e m as o n e for t h e C o l l e g e authorities, indeed it is a p r o b l e m w h i c h deserves c o n s i d e r a t i o n by all staff a n d s t u d e n t s h e r e — w e c a n all d o o u r part to i m p r o v e I C ' s i m a g e in t h i s r e s p e c t , a n d t h e proposed new policy r e c o g n i s e s this. So What? I feel that as s t u d e n t s w e s h o u l d be p u t t i n g f o r w a r d ideas about how university e d u c a t i o n c a n be i m p r o v e d . In t h e past t h o s e that h a v e b e e n a d v a n c e d to C o l l e g e b y A c a d e m i c Affairs Officers h a v e b e e n t h o s e that a p p e a l e d to t h e m p e r s o n a l l y , rather t h a n a U n i o n v i e w . H o p e f u l l y by h a v i n g U n i o n p o l i c y on the subject our v i e w s will h a v e m o r e w e i g h t . A t least I h o p e it will l e a d a few m o r e s t u d e n t s to t h i n k a b o u t a c a d e m i c affairs, a n d if y o u d i s a g r e e w i t h parts of t h e p r o p o s e d p o l i c y or y o u h a v e o t h e r i d e a s that y o u t h i n k s h o u l d be i n c l u d e d t h e n c o m e a l o n g to t h e U G M a n d let us h e a r y o u r v i e w s . J Martin Academic

Taylor Affairs

Officer

be s m a l l but that's still a lot of p e o p l e — s o this m a y t a k e s o m e time!) but in t h e m e a n t i m e if a n y o n e h a s comments, criticisms, q u e s t i o n s or i d e a s as to what the W o m e n ' s Officer s h o u l d be d o i n g p l e a s e contact me via the U n i o n O f f i c e — l e a v e a n o t e or u s e the i n t e r c o m as I'm in the building most lunch times. A s to w h y I'm d o i n g t h e j o b at t h e m o m e n t at the last U G M , it w a s d e c i d e d that the p o s t of W o m e n ' s O f f i c e r s h o u l d be c r e a t e d , a n d that s h e s h o u l d be e l e c t e d by all f e m a l e s t u d e n t s a n d h a v e full s p e a k i n g and voting rights on C o u n c i l , the body w h i c h m a k e s m o s t of t h e d e c i s i o n on U n i o n policy. However, b e c a u s e of the U n i o n c o n s i t i t u i t o n this post w o n ' t be o f f i c i a l until it h a s b e e n a p r o v e d at t w o consecutiave U G M s . Until this h a p p e n s the e x e c u t i v e a n d c o u n c i l t h o u g h t it s u f f i c i e n t l y i m p o r t a n t to a s k s o m e b o d y to start d o i n g the g r o u n d w o r k for t h e p e r m a n e n t post. H a v i n g b e e n at t h e U G M I v o l u n t e e r e d to d o t h e j o b a n d as n o b o d y o b j e c t e d too strongly, here I a m . FELIX


RSM

N o w s e e m s a g o o d t i m e to reflect o n w h a t h a p p e n e d d u r i n g t h e first t e r m a n d to l o o k a h e a d to this c o m i n g t e r m . I t h i n k t h e first t e r m w e n t very s m o o t h l y a n d yet a g a i n w e p r o v i d e d t h e best, a n d best a t t e n d e d , J C R p a r t i e s . W e s h a l l be h a v i n g a f e w m o r e this t e r m , including the infamous 'Mines Review'. We hope y o u ' l l c o m e a l o n g to s u p p o r t that a n d y o u s h o u l d be a b l e to s e e ' T h e Greatest S h o w on Legs', ( y o u k n o w , the B a l l o o n D a n c e , etc). T h a n k s to all t h o s e w h o h e l p e d a n d c a m e a l o n g to t h e H o n P o m ' s n i g h t in Foreign Students W e e k â&#x20AC;&#x201D; m o s t of u s are still w o n d e r i n g what all the f u s s > is a b o u t ! T h e b i g event this t e r m is the C a m b o r n e w e e k e n d on F e b 8 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; i n fact it's p r o b a b l y che m o s t i m p o r t a n t w e e k e n d of t h e y e a r . W e ' r e h o p i n g to t a k e 3 or 4 c o a c h e s full of t e a m s a n d supporters, so make sure y o u j o i n us for t h e trip of a lifetime. T o w a r d s t h e e n d

Cricket

T h e E n g l a n d ' B ' T o u r to B a n g l a d e s h may have been c a n c e l l e d but IC c r i c k e t c l u b lives o n . If t h e r e is a n y o n e out t h e r e w h o is i n t e r e s t e d in p l a y i n g c r i c k e t whatever standard then the nets at L o r d s c o n t i n u e s t h r o u g h o u t this t e r m . T h e r e are still a few p e o p l e yet to be i n v i t e d . A n y o n e w h o h a s no t b e e n i n v i t e d yet, or t h o s e w h o d i d not s i g n up at F r e s h e r ' s Fair, p l e a s e d r o p a n o t e to m e , in M e c h E n g P G Letter r a c k s a s a p . For those who were unable to g o to nets last t e r m , I will s e n d y o u a n o t e t e l l i n g y o u w h e n to c o m e . A f t e r 28th J a n u a r y lists will be u p o n the U p p e r W a l k w a y a n d all m e m b e r s will be FELIX

of t h e E a s t e r v a c a t i o n w e are planning a R u g b y team visit to t h e Delft S c h o o l of M i n e s in H o l l a n d . W e a l s o need supporters, and we c a n g u a r a n t e e that all w h o attend will have a great t i m e , s i n c e t h e D u t c h are s u c h g o o d hosts. T o raise m o n e y for R a g w e are p l a n n i n g to h a v e a virtually n o n - s t o p football match or competiton l a s t i n g for a f e w d a y s . W e n e e d lots of t e a m s f o r that, s o l o o k out for it. I h o p e y o u all h a d a g o o d rest at C h r i s t m a s a n d are r e f r e s h e d for this c o m i n g term. Finally, we have the R S M U E l e c t i o n s at t h e e n d of t h e t e r m , s o if y o u f a n c y t a k i n g u p a U n i o n post, start a s k i n g this y e a r ' s o f f i c e r a b o u t it, a n d get elected.

W e ' r e g o i n g to k e e p y o u b u s y this w e e k with f o u r s o l i d d a y s of e n t e r t a i n m e n t a n d e n j o y m e n t . F o r starters t h e r e is the first i n s t a l m e n t of a u d i t i o n s for this t e r m ' s p l a y s , Kennedy's Children by R o b e r t P a t r i c k a n d a r a d i o play Albert's Bridge by T o m S t o p p a r d . W e d o n ' t just n e e d a c t o r s either, If y o u ' r e i n t e r e s t e d in d o i n g

things like c o s t u m e research then please c o m e a l o n g . M e e t in t h e U p p e r L o u n g e at 2 . 3 0 p m o n Sunday. O n Monday and Tuesday are t h e t w o b r o a d c a s t i n g of P e t e r S h a f f e r ' s p l a y Equus o n I C R a d i o : t h e first t i m e this p l a y h a s e v e r b e e n staged on the radio. S o listen to t h e IC R a d i o o n 9 9 9 / k H z a n d catch up with it o n e e v e n i n g . W e d n e s d a y brings the s e c o n d half of a u d i t i o n s for Kennedy's Children a n d Albert's Bridge in c a s e y o u c o u l d n ' t m a k e it o n S u n d a y . A g a i n , it t a k e s p l a c e at 2 . 3 0 p m in t h e Upper Lounge.

Postgrad Group H e l l o to all y o u 15U0 P o s t g r a d s out t h e r e . T h e P G g r o u p is a l i v e a n d f u n c t i o n i n g , albeit b e h i n d t h e s c e n e s . T o a n y of y o u with specific P G problems I a m still a v a i l a b l e to h e l p o n 6 2 0 4 / 6 2 8 9 / 3 5 0 0 (IC U n i o n ) or d r o p m e a n o t e to M e c h E n g . In a c c o r d a n c e w i t h U G M and C o u n c i l policy, the P G G r o u p c o m m i t t e e will a c c e p t a W o m e n ' s o f f i c e r to be c o - o p t e d o n t o t h e C o m m i t t e e to d e a l w i t h specific P G Womens

p r o b l e m s . T h e r e w i l l be a n informal meeting on T u e s d a y 14th J a n u a r y when any w o m e n wanting to be t h e P G W o m e n ' s officer s h o u l d introduce t h e m s e l v e s to t h e m e e t i n g . It w i l l b e f r o m 1 2 . 3 0 p m to a b o u t 2 . 0 0 p m in t h e Holland club over ploughmans lunches and h o p e f u l l y t h i s 'event' w i l l continue fortnightly depending on how many t u r n up. Gareth Fish ICU P G G r o u p Chairman.

Guilds D&D T h i s a m a z i n g event, t h e h i g h l i g h t of t h e G u i l d s c a l e n d e r , is b e i n g h e l d at the P a r k L a n e H o t e l , for t h e s e c o n d t i m e , o n 31st January. O p e n to all I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e S t u d e n t s (and f r i e n d s ! ) t h e r e is n o limit o n t h e n u m b e r s of p e o p l e w h o c a n a t t e n d â&#x20AC;&#x201D; t h e m o r e the m e r r i e r , as t h e y . . . u m . . s a y . T i c k e t s are a v a i l a b l e f r o m the G u i l d s O f f i c e a n d will be o n s a l e until at least 20th J a n u a r y . To, c o m e along, dress up in y o u r ball g o w n s a n d dinner suits and enjoy an e v e n i n g of g o o d f o o d (for carnivors and vegetarians) a n d m u s i c at o n e of t h e best h o t e l s in L o n d o n .

a b l e to s i g n u p for 2 nets o n a first c o m e first s e r v e d b a s i s . H o p e f u l l y t h e r e will be a s o c i a l e v e n t s o o n c o u r t e s y of R o g e r W i l s o n , and another meeting before t h e e n d of t e r m . A n y f u r t h e r q u e r i e s to m e w i l l be gratefully received. G a r e t h F i s h ( H o n S e c IC C r i c k e t C l u b Int 6289).

Hockey

IC m e n ' s h o c k e y first e l e v e n w e r e b e a t e n 4-0 at H a r l i n g t o n in t h e last s i x t e e n of the U A U c o m p e t i t i o n . T h i s is the f u r t h e s t Imperial h a s ever g o t in the c o m p e t i t i o n .

IC's John Stonham playing competition. IC lost 4-0 to Friday 11 January

in the UAU men's Leeds.

hockey


1430h

1300h

Upper Lounge Dramsoc Audition. T h e first half of the audition for Kennedy's Children

TV Lounges STOIC s p e c i a l feature broadcast

1630h Union Gym Wu Shu Kwan K i c k the boring S u n d a y habit, literally! Learn to look after yourself a n d enjoy fitness with IC Kung Fu Club

Monday

Southside Lounge Boardsailing Club. R e g u l a r meeting to o r g a n i s e W e d afternoon trips. M e m b e r s h i p £4. Southside Lounge Q T stunt c o o r d i n a t i o n meeting

1230h

Union Upper Lounge Orienteering Club. M e e t i n g to o r g a n i s e travel a r r a n g e m e n t s for the weekend. 1245h Volleyball Court Basketball s h o o t i n g practice. For all players; to t e a c h beginners h o w to shoot, a n d help more e x p e r i e n c e d players improve their shooting. 1300h JCR ICCND Bookshop B u y y o u r posters b a d g e s a n d cards. 10% d i s c o u n t to m e m b e r s . Union Building Islamic Society c o n g r e g a t i o n a l prayer. Beit Gym Keep Fit Please bring suitable c l o t h i n g a n d j o g g i n g shoes. 1830h Volleyball Court Badminton Club. welcome.

Everyone

2030h Southside Bar Southside Bar D i s c o

Saturday

Southside Upper Lounge Hang-gliding meeting Southside Upper Lounge Waterski Club. C o m e a l o n g a n d s i g n up for W e d n e s d a y and S a t u r d a y trips. 1300h 9 Princes Gardens Islamic Society prayers Beit Gym Keep Fit Please bring suitable c l o t h i n g a n d j o g g i n g shoes. 1730h Volleyball Court Basketball training for first and s e c o n d team m e m b e r s . 1745h Great Hall Wind Band rehearsal 1800N Southside Gym Keep Fit Please bring suitable c l o t h i n g a n d j o g g i n g shoes. Eve 301M/999KHz Equus First broadcast o n IC R a d i o of Peter Shaffer's play adapted for radio 1930h Greaf Hall IC Badminton Night. Everyone welcome.

1300h 9 Princes Gardens Islamic Society prayers

Sunday

1130h More House, 53 Cromwell Road Catholic Soc M a s s all w e l c o m e for reflection a n d worship. 1300h Senior Common Room Wargames Meeting. 10-15% d i s c o u n t available on g a m e s . M e m b e r s h i p £1.50. 9 Princes Gardens Islamic Society prayers

Lower Union Lounge Caving Club meeting

9 Prince's Gardens (basement) Islamic teachings c o u r s e series D: M u s l i m Beliefs. 1400h

1800*1

Mech Eng Foyer Make Kids Toys for h a n d i c a p p e d children

TV Lounges STOIC s p e c i a l feature programme Union SCR Burgundy Tasting B i g f l a v o u r s o m e wines at a price y o u can't N O R M A L L Y afford until n o w ! A d m i s s i o n £3 for m e m b e r s , £4 for n o n members

1430h Union Upper Lounge D r a m s o c Auditions. Your s e c o n d c h a n c e to audition for Kennedy's Children. 1900h

Southside Gym Imperial Workout wear something comfortable and any type of training shoe. A t o w e l / e x e r c i s e mat is also useful.

Junior Common Room Advanced Dancing C l a s s

Eve

Junior Common Room Medals Dancing C l a s s

301M/999KHz Equus repeat b r o a d c a s t o n IC R a d i o

Great Hall IC Orchestra R e h e a r s a l 2000h

Thursday

1830h Union Gym Judo Coaching Session. Instruction from B J A resident and guest instructors. A l l welcome, especially beginners. 60p mat fee. 1900h

1230h Union Upper Lounge Audio Society collect today r e c o r d s ordered o n T u e s d a y . Mines B303 Scout and Guide s l i d e s h o w . 1245h

JCR Dancing C l u b Intermediate 1930h Gate

JCR Sherlield North American Stall Information o n B U N A C work and play in U S this s u m m e r . Southside Lounge Riding Club meeting

2000h

Junior Common Room Beginners Dancing C l a s s

JCR Dancing C l u b B e g i n n e r s

Tuesday

1000h Sherlield Consort Gallery Chaplaincy c o m m u n i o n service

9 Princes Gardens Islamic Society prayers

1315h

Brown Committee Room Amnesty International Meeting.

Music Room, 53 Princes Opsoc rehearsal

2000h

SCR Wargames meeting

Brown Commitee Room Rubber/Duplicate Bridge

9 Princes Gardens Islamic Society prayers 1730h

I230h

14

Soutnsiae uym Keep Fit Please bring suitable clothing a n d j o g g i n g shoes.

1230h

Wednesday 1230h

Holland Club PG Group Meeting Informal meeting over a p l o u g h m a n ' s lunch Chem 231 Catholic Society M a s s , l u n c h and people. Quiet after q u a n t u m theory, transisters etc. E v er y on e w e l c o m e . Union Upper Lounge Audio S o c i e t y b u y y o u r d i s c o u n t r e c o r d s , order today, c o l l e c t T h u r s d a y . Southside Upper Lounge Scout and Guide lunchtime butties

Southside Gym Keep Fit Club. Brief G e n e r a l M e e t i n g w h i c h all c l u b m e m b e r s s h o u l d attend. 8e/f Gym Keep Fit Circuits. Free to m e m b e r s of IC K e e p Fit C l u b . M e m b e r s h i p £1

130011 TV Lounges STOIC W a t c h N E W S B R E A K for the latest C o l l e g e a n d C i t y news. Southside Upper Lounge Balloon Club meeting. 9 Princes Gardens Islamic Society prayers Green Committee Room-Top floor of Union building SFSoc Library meeting. A c c e s s to the S F S o c library of over 1000 titles, plus discussion and organisation of future events.

1300h Above Southside Shop Micro Club. A l l m e m b e r s have all a c c e s s to o u r computers and word p r o c e s s i n g facilities m e m b e r s h i p £2.

Friday 11 January

1330h 9 Prince's Gardens Quranic Recitation

FELIX


_.

V

. ,...M»» .'

if

cut by £ 1 1 0 0 as a result of housing benefit changes.

occasionally O T T Edge of Darkness on B B C T , compelling stuff but is plutonium really like that?! Such is the appeal of secrecy, or is it the danger of secrecy? T h e field of official secrecy is the subject o f an event at the Friends Meeting H o u s e , Euston R o a d on Tuesday 14 January to be addressed by a mega-cast o f public figures including D a v i d Steel, Roy Hattersley, Ralph Nader (who he, ed?) and C l i v e Ponting. The Secret Rally is part of a T i m e Out-sponsored freedom of information campaign and it is suggested tickets are bought in advance.

If while you're contemplating how to save money by spending pounds you feel like getting out to see something a little different may I suggest some circus. C i r c u s Senso at the Albany E m p i r e until 18 January is in fact an updating of the circus idea incorporating alternative theatre and dispensing with the repugnant spectacle of performing animals (eg I C U G M s ) . T h e nearest tube is New C r o s s and prices vary (with some special reductions). See T i m e O u t for more details. Another multiple act which might be worth seeing is The January is sale time out there in consumer land. Forget that there's a sale at A l l i e d Carpets 400 days a year. Now is also the time between getting your ••''•liritiiifaith* i grant cheque and finding you've got £ 2 5 to last for the rest of the term. S o perhaps like me you'll be going out on your annual shopping trip, or maybe now is the time you can finally afford that immitation C a p p o Dimonte doobery holder you've always wanted. A n y w a y good luck to you as you prop up good old capitalist society, bless its cotton socks ( £ 2 . 9 9 at Sparks & M e n s a ) . T he object of this is not to pontificate on what to buy — if you want a pair of diamante shin pads that's your problem and I've not got the faintest idea where you'd get them. W h at I would like to suggest is that you stock up on whatever you need for the next couple of years in case, as reported nationally this week, the student grant is

A n d lastly to plug some suitable live music. Bastions of the truly alternative scene Here and Now are currently playing their farewell tour. T h e date to remember is 31 J a n u a r y at Dingwalls — should be a goodie! If a bit of psychadelic revival is what turns you on man (as I believe they used to say when I was tripping out on M a r m i t e butties before bedtime) then Zodiac

Magnificent Seven at the M a n in the M o o n theatre, 392 Kings R o a d , on M o n d a y 13 J a n u a r y . A s well as various mime and alternative entertainments this includes Covent G a r d e n street festival winners T h e Vicious Bo ys . C o s t is £ 2 . 5 0 / £ J .50 — cheaper than a film. But if films are what you want, two suggestions I'd have the pomposity to make are

Mindwarp and the Love

Defence of the Realm at the O d e o n H a y m a r k e t and Orion's belt at C a n n o n cinemas in Chelsea or Tottenham C o u r t R o a d (these used to be the Classic cinemas). Both are political thrillers. Defence of the Realm concerns a journalist apparently stumbling on a parliamentary sex scandal which then leads to something nuclear. While Orion's Bell is a Norweigian story which starts with some dubious goings on in the arctic. B o t h these suggestions stem partly from seeing the brilliant but

Reaction are playing Alice in Wonderlaijd at Gossips - D e a n Street on 13 J a n u a r y . Z o d i a c and C o recently supported D r and the M e d i c s (who are now so 'cult' it is difficult to get into the same universe they are playing). It's recommended that you don't stand too close I to the P A if you don't want your mind warped too much. Finally I hope there will s6on be some details of a Cramps tour in this country in February. C a n your newspaper do the T i m e O u t !

I l i i l l p l l B l i

1730h Aero 254 Gliding Club Meeting. A r r a n g i n g lifts to L a s h a m , videos & films. 1745h Mech Eng 342 Imperial College Choir. Rehearsal.

Bof Z o o Common Room Christian Union Meeting Southside Gym Imperial Workout wear s o m e t h i n g c o m f o r t a b l e and any type of training shoe. A t o w e l / e x e r c i s e mat is also useful.

1830h 1800h TV Lounges STOIC FELIX

Union Gym Judo training. A n informal session

1930h Volleyball Court Basketball beginner s training. Room 2E, ULU ULU Gay and Lesbian meeting 2115h Weeks Hall ICCAG S o u p R u n , tea, s o u p and meeting L o n d o n ' s d o w n and outs.

Friday 11 January

T O N I G H T ! RCS Ents present... The Fancy Dress Party! Holland Club 8pm £1.50 in advance £1.00 in fancy dress (Virgin Maids'n'Monsters) £2.00 on the day Bar Extension

15


Ennals Quits in Star Wars Protest Richard Ennals, the Research Manager of the Computing Department and logic programming coordinator for the Alvey programme, has resigned in protest at the SDI project. Mr Ennals, a key figure in the Alvey programme which is researching into to the next generation of 'super computers', announced his resignation at the British Computer Society Debate on SDI. M r E n n a l s is c o n c e r n e d that S D I wil l not b e f e a s a b l e a n d f e a r s that t h e G o v e r n m e n t will p u s h f o r a g r e a t e r m i l i t a r y s t a k e in Alvey, using the funding r e v i e w d u e in 1988 a s l e e v e r a g e . H e e x p l a i n e d in a G u a r d i a n i n t e r v i e w that 'the i n t e n t i o n of all t h e d e s i g n e r s h a s b e e n to produce powerful systems for c i v i l u s e . ' Professor Bruce Sayers, h e a d of t h e C o m p u t i n g department, c o m m e n t e d that the A l v e y p r o j e c t ' s funding depended only on 'how well the project w a s g o i n g ' a n d that e x t r a money would c o m e from i n d u s t r y if the g o v e r n m e n t s funding were reduced. M r E n n a l s is a l s o c o n c e r n e d that, f o l l o w i n g r e m a r k s m a d e by D e f e n c e Secretary Micheal Heseltine during C o m m o n s questioning, work on SDI will t a k e r e s o u r c e s a w a y from Alvey. Mr Heseltine, although 'enthusiastic' a b o u t A l v e y w a s u n a b l e to g u a r a n t e e that S D I w o u l d not divert r e s o u r c e s f r o m the c i v i l w o r k o n A l v e y to m ilit ar y w o r k . Colleagues have described Mr Ennals r e s i g n a t i o n a s a 'very b r a v e move'. Professor S a y e r s s a i d that the r e s i g n a t i o n w o u l d ' h a v e n o effect' o n SDI or Alvey and added that a n e w a p p o i n t m e n t had already been arranged.

I C

U n i o n

16

' P r o g r e s s i n g '

A n d r e w Healey, the chemistry student who was a d m i t t e d into h o s p i t a l w i t h T h a l l i u m p o i s o n i n g last t e r m , w a s r e p o r t e d to be ' p r o g r e s s i n g ' a n d 'in m u c h better s p i r i t s ' e a r l i e r t h i s week. Mr Healey has been in i n t e n s i v e c a r e in C h a r i n g Cross Hospital since Friday N o v e m b e r 22. The Philip laboratory, where Mr Healey had been w o r k i n g , has remained c l o s e d s i n c e he w a s t a k e n ill. P o l i c e are still investigating the incident.

Prof Attacks Funding Professor Sir Geoffrey W i l k i n s o n , h e a d of t h e Chemistry Department, criticised the poor funding of r e s e a r c h a n d t e a c h i n g in B r i t a i n w h e n he w a s f e a t u r e d in a n O b s e r v e r a r t i c l e o n D e c e m b e r 29. Professor Wilkinson, a Nobel Prize-winner, said that f u n d s w e r e i n s u f f i c i e n t to t r a i n s t u d e n t s in t h e n u m b e r s r e q u i r e d by industry. He cited the C h e m i s t r y D e p a r t m e n t at IC a s a n e x a m p l e ; o n l y £220,000 w a s left after salaries had been deductec from the department's b u d g e t of £ 1 . 2 m i l l i o n . H e w a s a l s o q u o t e d as s a y i n g that a l u d i c r o u s p r o p o r t i o n of t h e c o u n t r y ' s b a s i c science budget was spent on nuclear physics.

a c c o u n t s for a r r o u n d 5 0 % of t h e C o l l e g e ' s expenditure on materials. In a d d i t i o n t h e S E R C p r o v i d e o n l y y of t h e c o s t to t h e d e p a r t m e n t of e a c h research student, a figure of a r o u n d £2000. Professor Wilkinson c o n f i r m e d that t h e r e w a s 3

Professor Wilkinson d e s c r i b e d t h e a c u t e l a c k of funds for research students a s 'very w o r r y i n g ' w h e n he s p o k e to F E L I X o n T u e s d a y . H e s a i d that t h e situation was particularly b a d in c h e m i s t r y , w h e r e c o s t s a r e h i g h b e c a u s e of the l a r g e c o n s u m p t i o n of m a t e r i a l s , e s p e c i a l l y oil b a s e d c h e m i c a l s . At IC t h e chemistry department

G e n e r a l

M e e t i n g

Tuesday l p m ,

H e a l e y

G r e a t

H a l l

too m u c h emphasis on r e s e a r c h into h i g h e n e r g y nuclear physics. He said that this w o r k w a s not l i k e l y to be of m u c h c o m m e r c i a l benefit, a n d a d d e d that t e a c h i n g c o r e s c i e n c e s s h o u l d be a pr ior it y .

s The Union Bar opened u n d e r U n i o n c o n t r o l for t h e first t i m e last F r i d a y . T h i s f o l l o w s s e v e r a l m o n t h s of n e g o c i a t i n g for the bar by Union sabbaticals. Deputy President Dave Kingston s a i d that t r a d e in the bar s e e m e d to b e i n c r e a s i n g . H e a d d e d that he w a s p l e a s e d that a l a r g e

Friday 11 January

n u m b e r of B e i t H a l l residents were using the bar. W h e n a s k e d by F E L I X if he h a d a n y p l a n s f o r c h a n g i n g t h e bar in t h e i m m e d i a t e future, he s a i d that he h o p e d to e x p a n d t h e f o o d s e r v i c e a n d put a T V a n d v i d e o in t h e L o u n g e Bar.

FELIX


Spring Term 1986 Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday 15

14

13 January

Thursday

Friday

16

17

UFC

22

21

20 Council Quentin's Birthday

Saturday

Sunday

18

A e r o s o c Dinner

23

24

25

26

31

1 February

2

8

9

15

16

I

Civ E n g S o c D i n n e r

29

28

27

30

Guilds Dinner and D a n c e

4

3

5

6

7 R C S Annual Dinner

12

11

10

UGM Field C u p

13

14

UFC

St Valentines D a y Party

SFSoc: Picocon

18

19

20

21

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23

24

25

26

27

28

1 March

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

14

15

16

21

22

23

17 Council

|

U G M (Hustings)

12

11

10

UGM

UFC

Council

19

18

17

13 Results

20

S F S o c Film: T h e R o c k y Horror Picture S h o w

E n d of term

24

25

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28

29

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1 April

2

3

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8

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10

11

12

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New

ULU Travel in the JCR open 9.30am to 5.30pm Monday to Friday

Libraries

Calender

Haldane

Sherfield

open Monday to Friday 9.30am to 5.30pm (full service) open Monday to Friday 5.30pm to 9.00pm, 9.30am to 5.30pm (readind only)

open 12.00noon to 2.00pm Monday to Friday JCR

Bars Union and Southside

Refectories

open 10.30am to 11.45am, 12.00noon to 2.00pm, 3.00pm to 4.30pm Monday to Friday

open 12.00noon to 2.00pm daily, 6.00pm to 11.00pm Monday to Thursday and Saturday, 5.30pm to 11.00pm Friday, 7.00pm to 10.30pm Sunday

Union Snack Bar

Southside

JCR

open 10.00am to 3.00pm Monday to Friday

open 11.00am to 2.30pm, 3.30pm to 6.30pm daily

open 12.30pm to 2.00pm Monday to Friday

Lyon Playfair

open 9.30am to 9.00pm Monday to Friday, open 9.30am to 5.30pm Saturday

2,-S


Phew, What A Scorcher The full extent of plans for the Union Building were revealed in a document which came into the possession of FEELSICK earlier this week. The document, a memo prepared by John Smith for the College Secretary's Planning Group, was accidentally mailed to Student Services by Mr Smith's bungling minion Michael Arthur. From there it was passed to our reporter by Union Spy, Dave Parry. Both sources asked not to be named, but because we like to think we are going to work for the Guardian, we shopped them. In t h e m e m o M r S m i t h outlines radical p r o p o s a l s for c r e a t i n g m o r e s p a c e in t h e U n i o n B u i l d i n g . H e i n t e n d s that t h e U n i o n s h o u l d m o v e all its f a c i l i t i e s to t h e s p a c e left at H a r l i n g t o n after t h e g r a v e l h a s been excavated there. T h e U n i o n w i l l be t a k i n g u p r e s i d e n c e in s e v e r a l h o u s e b o a t s a n d a n o l d b a r g e in t h e l a k e f o r m e d by t h e g r a v e l e x c a v a t i o n s . T o c o m p e n s a t e for t h e l o s s of all but o n e of its sports pitches, C o l l e g e will buy t h e U n i o n a l a r g e n u m b e r of table tennis tables and intends to r e s u r f a c e t h e Q u e e n s L a w n w i t h A s t r o t u r f . In t h e e s t i m a t e d three year interim period between now and the c o m p l e t i o n of l a n d s c a p e g a r d e n i n g at H a r l i n g t o n t h e U n i o n is to b e t e m p o r a r i l y h o u s e d in t h e n u c l e a r r e a c t o r at S i l w o o d . P r o d u c t i o n of F E E L S I C K will be contracted out to E d d i e S h a h ' s p r i n t w o r k s at W a p p i n g . It is t h o u g h t that, like M r S h a h ' s p a p e r , F E E L S I C K wil l not b e p r i n t e d in c o l o u r . T h e l a r g e a m o u n t of s p a c e r e l e a s e d is to b e u s e d by N i r e x , w h o are c u r r e n t l y l o o k i n g at p r o p o s a l s f o r s i t e s to s t o r e m e d i u m a n d h i g h level radioactive waste. A s p o k e s m a n that at t h e f o u r o t h e r s i t e s t h e y had encountered strong local o b j e c t i o n s , but t h e C o l l e g e administration had been very r e c e p t i v e to t h e i r p r o p o s a l s . It is b e l i e v e d that B e i t H a l l wil l not have lead shielding installed, but w i l l i n s t e a d b e i n c o r p o r a t e d into the B i o l o g y A n i m a l H o u s e , f o r s t u d y of t h e l o n g - t e r m e f f e c t s of r a d i a t i o n o n s t u d e n t s . U s e of t h e r a d i o a c t i v e m a t e r i a l wil l a l s o c u t d r a s t i c a l l y t h e f u e l bills f o r t h e B e i t B u i l d i n g . C o n c e s s i o n s were m a d e by C o l l e g e to t h e U n i o n in t h e c o u r s e of n e g o t i a t i o n s . F r e e c o l o s t o m y b a g s a r e t o be m a d e a v a i l a b l e to s t u d e n t s f r o m t h e U n i o n B a r to a i d i n c o n t i n e n c e

p r o b l e m s in s a b b a t i c a l s . A l s o , places on Aeronautical E n g i n e e r i n g c o u r s e s wil l be m a d e a v a i l a b l e to t h o s e s a b b a t i c a l s w h o w i s h to run f o r U L U Presidency. Carl Burgess and Dave K i n g s t o n said they were "very pleased with the deal". I C U C o u n c i l has been c a n c e l l e d for t h e n e x t five y e a r s a s Q u e n t i n F o n t a n a felt that f u r t h e r d i s c u s s i o n s within the U n i o n w o u l d prejudice the issue, a n d that t h e matter of t h e U n i o n m o v i n g w a s " t o o trivial to w a r r a n t d i s c u s s i o n at C o u n c i l " . College Secretary, J o h n

S m i t h w a s unavailable for c o m m e n t o n a n y of t h e a b o v e p r o p o s a l s , as he w a s busy a r r a n g i n g t h e p u r c h a s e of a y a c h t o n w h i c h to retire t o Barbados. T h e Rector, Eric A s h s a i d that he h a d not b e e n i n f o r m e d of t h e matter b y M r S m i t h , a n d that M r B u r g e s s w a s " t o o i n c o h e r e n t f o r a n y o n e to undertand what he was talking a b o u t " w h e n t h e y last met. O n b e h a l f of t h e U n i o n , M r B u r g e s s said,"I feel t h i s is a very a d v a n t a g e o u s m o v e for the U n i o n . A l l I've h a d in r e t u r n is l o a d of grief. S t u d e n t s really p i s s m e off."

e F e r g i e h a s d e n i e d all k n o w l e d g e of b e i n g e n g a g e d to P r i n c e A n d r e w , in a n e x c l u s i v e r e v e l a t i o n to F E E L S I C K yesterday. F e r g i e t o l d F E E L S I C K at a p r e s s c o n f e r e n c e at t h e t i n y K e n s i n g t o n flat, " H e n e v e r p r o p o s e d to m e . T h e r e ' s absolutely nothing between us. It's a c o m p l e t e fabrication." D e s p i t e F e r g i e ' s fervent denials, intrepid F E E L S I C K reporters waited patiently f o r a n y s i g n s of R o y a l m e s s e n g e r s to t a k e P r i n c e A n d r e w ' s r e g a r d s to F e r g i e . H o w e v e r , after m a n y h o u r s of w a i t i n g o u t s i d e S t u d e n t S e r v i c e s in P r i n c e ' s G a r d e n s it w a s d e c i d e d that n o - o n e w a s g o i n g to t u r n u p . D o n F e r g u s o n is t h o u g h t to b e r e l i e v e d that P r i n c e A n d r e w h a s not p r o p o s e d to h i m .

Sarah

Ferguson


E complains... He complains, right... A l r i g h t , I'll g e t o n w i t h it... A b o u t t h e w a y . . . I've l o o k e d after t h e P r i n t Unit. R a t h e r t h a n tell m e personally... T h e w?ÂŁker w r o t e a letter... It w o u n d m e u p . . . A n d it r e a l l y p i s s e d all m y m a t e s . . . In t h e o f f i c e . Everyone knows... T h e H o c k e y 3rds matches are well-crucial... There's always some m u g who'll p a s t e - u p . . . B u t t h i s c r a p is what y o u expect... Especially from hairy w i m p . . . W h o a p p e a r s in c h e a p Photo-loves... I won't talk to h i m a g a i n . . . U n l e s s h e b u y s m e a b o x of chocolates.

Story I think... T h a t n e w C h e r e l l e single's... Really the business... I heard... A r e a l l y w a c k y story... T h e other day... I w a s p l a y i n g hockey... T h e other day... T h a t C h e r e l l e s i n g l e ' s really good... A n d someone s m a c k e d me... O n t h e thumb... With a h o c k e y stick... It r e a l l y hurt... I played again... T h e n I went to t h e h o s p i t a l . . . T h e y s a i d don't play h o c k e y again... S o . . . T h e next d a y I p l a y e d hockey... C h e r e l l e ' s really g o o d . . . G u e s s what... N o g o o n . . . G u e s s . . . N o I didn't... G u e s s again... Y e a h that's right... S m a s h e d m y t h u m b up again... Now... I like C h e r e " : too... G o o d s t o r y innit?

Credits T h a n k s to D i a n a R o s s , beer, fags, D i a n a R o s s , Cherelle, H o c k e y 3rds, S w a n lager, m y m u m , D i a n a R o s s , beer, D i a n a Ross, and everyone w h o helped o n F E E L S I C K this week.

Another story If y o u r e a d . . . T h e rest of this page... Y o u will s e e a letter... F r o m M a r k C o t t l e . . . One-time Gluidsheet editor... H e c o m p l a i n s . . . H e

Group

"

T 'Wonderful service'

- Finchley

housewife

A

SPG s

HM

Government

Approved

p

Dear F E E L S I C K , I must c o m p l a i n about the d i s g u s t i n g state of t h e U n i o n Print Unit. Whilst I a p p r e c i a t e that t h i s is probably d u e to the b u n c h of m i n d l e s s h a c k s t h a t y o u a l l o w t o u s e it m o s t of t h e y e a r . I still t h i n k y o u c o u l d d o s o m e t h i n g a b o u t it. J u s t last w e e k I w a s p r o d u c i n g a p a s t e - u p i n t h e r e a n d it t o o k m e t w o d a y s to f i n d a p a i r of s c i s s o r s . T h e d i s m a l s t a t e of s o m e of t h e e q u i p m e n t is b e g i n n i n g t o make the C C U offices look exemplary â&#x20AC;&#x201D; thse so-called journalists are obviously a b u n c h of a n i m a l s . F u r t h e r , it h a s c o m e t o m y a t t e n t i o n that t h e s o called Print Unit M a n a g e r , M r H u g h S o i r t h e y , is neglecting his job. Cont r ar y to t h e i m a g e h e p u t s a b o u t of a h a r d - w o r k i n g i n s o m n i a c , he s e e m s to s p e n d all h i s t i m e ' o n t h e piss' with the H o c k e y C l u b . It s e e m s M r S o u t h e y is s o d e d i c a t e d t o t h e ' l a d s ' that h e s e e m e d w i l l i n g t o risk risk h i s v a l u a b l e , a n d a l r e a d y b r o k e n , t h u m b at t h e e x p e n s e of s p e n d i n g Saturday rescuing his f a i l i n g n e w s p a p e r . If t h i n g s c a r r y o n like t h i s , I s h a l l b e o b l i g e d to steal t h e p r i n t i n g press and do the job myself. Yours, Mark Cottle

Dear Hugh, Well the best o n e w a s w h e n w e a l l fell a s l e e p o n t h e tube on the way back from the Field C u p we were standing o n the Earl's Court platform and C o r n s went up to this g u y a n d s a i d ' f u c k off, S h i t f a c e ' it w a s really f u n n y w e all pissed ourselves and then he got his plunker out a n d p i s s e d all o v e r t h e live rail in f r o n t of t h e s e t h r e e o l d w o m e n I'm s u r p r i s e d h e d i d n ' t get z a p p e d a n d t h e n w e all c h u n d e r e d u p t h e curry we'd had an hour a g o , it w a s r e a l l y g r e a t a n d then... ttaiiM Johnson

Dear F E E L S I C K I w a s distressed to s e e there were n o references to t h e B i s h o p of D u r h a m in last w e e k ' s s p o r t s p a g e . I w o u l d have thought y o u might have mentioned his refreshing views on the s u b j e c t of t h e 12 d i s c i p l e s , n a m e l y that they o b v i o u s l y constitute a s o c c e r team plus substitute. H e quoted recently from the writings of S t J o h n t h e D i v i n e a n d the R o m a n S p o r t s Correspondent, Greavsicus o n t h e s u b j e c t of t h e Crucifixion. T h e Bishop has m a d e it c l e a r that J e s u s w a s c r u c i f i e d in the press after t h e defeat of t h e t e a m D y n a m o B e t h l e h e m , of :which he w a s manager, by A r i m a t h e a A t h l e t i c in t h e f i n a l of t h e H e r o d T r o p h y . P e r h a p s it w a s t o o m u c h t o hope for s u c h enlightened v i e w s t o a p p e a r in y o u r Godless magazine. Rev KHI Rowe Godalming Chaplaincy

Dear Sir, I a m writing to c o m p l a i n a b o u t t h e l a c k of G o d in recent F E E L S I C K S . I n o t i c e d that y o u r s t o r y o n the replacing the l o c k s o n t h e T i z a r d e n d of S o u t h s i d e with booby-trapped c o m b i n a t i o n d e v i c e s that let off c l o u d s of m u s t a r d gas when tripped contained no reference to the great sacrifice made for humanity by o u r lord J e s u s C h r i s t w h e n he d i e d o n the C r o s s . L o c k s a r e a n i m p o r t a n t part of e v e r y d a y life, a n d s o it w a s d i s c o n c e r t i n g not to f i n d a n y m e n t i o n of p r a y e r in t h e e n t i r e a r t i c l e o r e v e n a quote from Genesis C h 1 4 , v2. I f e e l that t h e s e ommision s are u n f o r g i v a b l e , b e c a u s e it is w e l l k n o w n that t h e o n l y people w h o count are Christians. Atheists, agnostics, and Catholics c a n all g o t o H e l l a s f a r a s I am concerned. Yours David Ashpit

F E E L S I C K is p u b l i s h e d a n o n y m o u s l y to piss off Imperial C o l l e g e U n i o n , a n d is printed b y s o m e very s h a d y c h a r a c t e r s in d a r k e s t G o d a l m i n g . T h e editor h a s e m i g r a t e d a n d n o b o d y h a s s e e n the B u s i n e s s M a n a g e r s i n c e he w a n d e r e d into W e e k s H a l l o n e time.


OPINIONATED

s t u d e n t s u p p o r t is e a s i l y t h e m o s t g e n e r o u s in t h e u n k n o w n universe, as the table shows. Comparison of something

Conservative Education Policy T h e f a l s e p r o p h e t s of t h e 60s h a v e g r a v e l y d a m a g e d the British E d u c a t i o n system. The Robbins P r i n c i p l e , w h i c h o p e n e d the w a y f o r every 18 y e a r o l d m i d d l e c l a s s o i k to loaf a r o u n d f o r t h r e e y e a r s at Uni had the unfortunate s i d e effect of a l l o w i n g t h e e n t r y of a 'few m e m b e r s of the w o r k i n g c l a s s o n the g r o u n d s of s o - c a l l e d 'ability'. The Conservative G o v e r n m e n t is p u s h i n g ahead with massive reforms w h i c h f o r t h e first t i m e wil l allow the working class a c h o i c e they've never had before; they c a n either s t a r v e to d e a t h o r j o i n t h e a r m y . T h e U K s y s t e m of

Country

System

ÂŁ million

Argentina

Fascist

7

Chile

Fascist

9

South Africa

Fascist

46

El Salvador

Fascist

38

Bolivia

Fascist

1

UK

We're trying

1000 000

N o c o u r s e at I C i n c l u d e s options on 'Ordering people around', 'Wearing a suit', ' F u n n y h a n d s h a k e s ' o r ' H o w to l a n d c u s h y d e f e n c e contracts'. What these wimps, commies and q u e e r s in t h e U n i v e r s i t i e s d o n ' t r e a l i s e is t h a t in a f e w years time w h e n nutters like m e t a k e c o n t r o l w e ' r e g o i n g to s h u t t h e m d o w n , burn the b o o k s , d e m o l i s h the b u i l d i n g s , r e p l a c e t h e m with fields a n d use them for

fox-hunting. T h e n we're g o i n g to i n v a d e F r a n c e , stop w o m e n from voting, s h o o t all t h e t r a d e unionists, sterilise the working classes (who s p e n d all t h e i r t i m e b r e e d i n g i n s t e a d of w o r k i n g at t h e c o t t o n mills), froth, froth, gibber, bloody pinko suversives, froth, Maragaret T h a t c h e r is g o d , f r o t h , g i b b e r , C e c i l Parkinson, gibber, SDI, gibber, gibber...

T h e c u r r e n t ' c u t s ' are in fact m a s s i v e i n c r e a s e s , w h i c h are in f a c t p a i d f o r o u t of S i r K e i t h J o s e p h ' s O W N P O C K E T . It j u s t shows you. Did Shirley bloody Williams do this? Did she hell. A n d do students thank him for this? Do they hell. What a b u n c h of d o s s e r s . Universities aren't p r o d u c i n g t h e k i n d of graduates industry needs.

REVIEWS

n W h e n I g o to s e e a f i l m , I w a n t to s e e o n e w i t h lots of blood, sex and hamsters being blown up with d y n a m i t e . T h e t r o u b l e is that if I w r o t e a b o u t h o w the 50p p e e p s h o w d o w n W a r d o u r S t r e e t is I'd l o o k really untrendy. S o I w e n t to s e e P e t e r G r e e n a w a y ' s A Pee and Two Ones. T h i s f i l m m u s t be really g o o d , b e c a u s e I didn't k n o w what the hell w a s g o i n g o n half t h e t i m e . Complexity and pretentiousness are the two m a j o r i n f l u e n c e s in c i n e m a these days; this film has both, with most moving scene being when Natasha Kinski banged a kipper against wall while reciting passages from Salinger's ' C a t c h e r In T h e R y e ' . It w a s a sympathetic treatment that t r u l y s u m m e d u p t h e human condition. However the best a c t i n g p e r f o r m a n c e w a s g i v e n by B a r o n von Ostwald's truss, and thoroughly deserved the O s c a r for Best Supporting R6le. In c o m p l e t e c o n t r a s t , Emanuelle and the Z o m b i e Flesheaters from Mars w a s the other film I s a w this week. Actually I quite enjoyed this one, e s p e c i a l l y the cleverly crafted s u b plot w h e r e a b l o o d - c r a z e d z o m b i e rips N o r m a n

T e b b i t t ' s a r m s off in a protest against the high u n e m p l o y m e n t rate amongst cadavers, s c r e a m i n g : " T h a n k s to y o u , w e c a n o n l y get bit parts in c h e a p o B - m o v i e s like this." B u t a f i l m w i t h a title like that c a n ' t b e a n y g o o d , a n d it w a s n ' t d i r e c t e d by P e t e r G r e e n a w a y either, s o I'm g o i n g t o s l a g it off s o m e t h i n g rotten. Music N o w available from local record s h o p s a n d the F E E L S I C K Office are c o p i e s of D a v e J o n e s ' n e w album, cassette, compact disc a n d video, 'Out Of T h e S h a d o w s ' . Dave, next year's F E L I X E d i t o r is p a y i n g f o r h i s 76th f a r e w e l l t o u r w i t h the m o n e y saved by using his e l e c t i o n p u b l i c i t y a s t h e album cover

When it comes to the crunch, button to press.

Sir Keith

really

micro s T h e w i n n e r of last w e e k ' s ÂŁ5 p r i z e w a s A S m a r t A r s e of M a t h s 1. H e r e is n e x t w e e k ' s p u z z l e - e n t r i e s to t h e F E E L S I C K b y A p r i l 1st please. IC O C C U P A T I O N T h r e e IC s t u d e n t s , C a r l , D a v e , Q u e n t i n , a r e , not necessarily respectively President, D P and Hon S e c . Carl spent a lazy week on a freeby abroad. The H o n S e c has a silly m o u s t a c h e . T h e D e p P r e s is v e r y l a z y a n d w a s b e a t e n in t h e U L U elections. T h e President gets drunk frequently. Q u e n t i n is 148 y e a r s o l d , a n d didn't vote for Dave K i n g s t o n at U L U . Dave Kingston wanted to b e A c t i n g P r e s i d e n t last week. C a n y o u tell f r o m t h i s

knows

which

i n h o w m a n y t h o u s a n d s of p o u n d s a r e s t a s h e d in t h e Queen Mother's Powder R o o m , and how long Dave K i n g s t o n is g o i n g to s u l k .

Win! Win! Win! W a c k y Dep Pres, Dave K i n g s t o n h a d f o r g o t t e n to b a n k all t h e m o n e y that h a s a r r i v e d at t h e U n i o n O f f i c e o v e r last y e a r . W e ' a t F E E L S I C K R e a l l y w a n t to s a v e D a v e t h e h a s s l e of b a n k i n g ail t h e m o n e y . S o here's the Easter F E E L S I C K competition; inside one c o p y of F E E L S I C K is t h e k e y to w h e r e t h e m o n e y is s t a s h e d all y o u h a v e to d o is f i n d it a n d t h e m o n e y is your. Save Dave a job and win a fortune!

W e T o n y

H a t e S p e n c e r

*

e


Do the Bish

W a c k y B i s h o p of D u r h a m , D a v i d J e n k i n s p r o v e s t h a t b e i n g a C h r i s t i a n isn't all p r a y e r a n d n o p l a y . A f t e r E v e n s o n g he r e a l l y l i k e s to let h i s h a i r d o w n a n d d a n c e t h e n i g h t a w a y , a s he d e m o n s t r a t e d at last n i g h t ' s C h r i s t i a n S o c i e t y m e e t i n g . A f t e r a brief d i s c o u r s e o n " J e s u s w a s s n o r t i n g c o c a i n e w h i l e he w a s o n t h e m o u n t a i n " , h e s h o w e d t h e e n t h u s i a s t i c a u d i e n c e h o w to d o t h e T i m e - W a r p f r o m t h e Rock y Horror Picture Show.

Smith Scandal College Secretary, John Smith, enjoys a good dance just like everyone else. However, he likes to be reminded of his I time in the Gilbert and Ellis Islands. Grass skirts are hard to come by in Godalming, and so Mr Smith had to make do with a little number from Littlewoods. He can be seen here enjoying himself with a few friends in the traditional : 'Coconut Dance'.

put your hands hips...

on

your do a pelvic drive you

thrust, insane.

that'll

t Dave Kingston, I C U Deputy President, h a s revealed that h e is in fact a m a s o n . T h e S o c i e t y of F r e e m a s o n s h a s many members holding i n f l u e n t i a l j o b s in C o l l e g e , though no-one suspected h o w low the o r g a n i s a t i o n h a d s u n k in its s e a r c h f o r n e w m e m b e r s until n o w . It is b e l i e v e d t h a t M r Kingston has s u d d e n l y been offered the c h a i r m a n s h i p of N u r k a n d Dingbat, a directorship with United Sprockets, and a s e a t in P a r l i a m e n t . H o w e v e r M r K i n g s t o n d e n i e d that being a mason had a n y t h i n g to w i t h g a i n i n g these posts, claiming i n s t e a d that t h e y w e r e o f f e r e d o n t h e s t r e n g t h of his abilities. It w a s r e a l i s e d that M r

Kingston had become a m a s o n at a m e e t i n g of t h e B o a r d of A c a d e m i c S t u d i e s ( B O A S ) on Tuesday. When he s h o o k h a n d s with College Secretary, J o h n Smith, Mr Kingston was h e a r a to e x c l a i m l o u d l y , " W o w ! W h i c h l o d g e are y o u ? " M r S m i t h is u n d e r s t o o d to h a v e b u r i e d h i s f a c e in his h a n d s at t h i s point. S u s p i c i o n s arose that M r K i n g s t o n w a s t r y i n g to j o i n w h e n , at a r e c e n t C o l l e g e dinner, he a s k e d w e l l known Freemason, Frank R o y s i s , "if I g i v e y o u B o t Z o o a n d the U D H , c a n I j o i n ? " C o m m e n t i n g o n the development, Mr Roysis s a i d , "I n e v e r t h o u g h t w e ' d let a p l o n k e r like h i m i n , but t i m e s a r e h a r d . "

Frog Farce

John

Smith

(right)

and a few

friends

S t u d e n t s in t h e P h y s i c s Department staged a walkout en masse y e s t e r d a y , after a s e n i o r lecturer told the ' W i d e Mouth Frog' joke. Protests w e r e first r a i s e d b y t h e students when Professor N e w t had r e a c h e d the point where the frog meets an elephant. H o w e v e r their complaints went unnoticed, a n d the breaking point c a m e w h e n the lecturer r e c a n t e d t h e p u n c h - l i n e of, " y o u d o n ' t m e e t m a n y of those round here."

W h e n interviewed by F E E L S I C K , J o e Pratt, a s p o k e s m a n f o r the s t u d e n t s said, "lecturers don't take their c o u r s e s s e r i o u s l y e n o u g h . O n e even throws bits of p a p e r at u s . " However Professor Newt t o l d F E E L S I C K that s t u d e n t s lack a s e n s e of h u m o u r , a n d h e felt t h e j o k e w a s q u i t e r e l e v a n t to a course on 'Amphibian B e h a v i o u r in R e l a t i o n to Statistical Q u a n t u m Mechanics'.

http://felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1986/1986_0725_A  

http://felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1986/1986_0725_A.pdf

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