Page 1

The Newspaper of Imperial College Union

Founded i n 1949

FEUX STOLEN!

Mystery surrounds the disappearance from all over College of about three thousand copies of last Friday's FEUX. FELIX was distributed in the usual manner between 5:00am and 7:00am on Friday morning. Shortly before 11:00am it became apparent that there were no copies left at the distribution points, whilst few students were carrying copies. I n v e s t i g a t i o n s b y F E L I X staff r e v e a l e d that copies h a d been removed

en masse f r o m m e s s e n g e r s

FELIX

had

been

placed

desks a n d o t h e r p l a c e s t h a t

earlier on

i n the

morning.

No

messenger, h o w e v e r , was a b l e to i d e n t i f y w h o h a d r e m o v e d

the

copies.

If students w e r e to h a v e r e m o v e d

FELIX

they

immediate

conclusion

was

that

FELIX

had

been

have

needed

the m a j o r i t y of copies of

a

substantial amount

of

c u n n i n g t o h a v e a v o i d e d t h e m e s s e n g e r s i n so m a n y p l a c e s , a n d to t a k e c o p i e s a w a y w i t h o u t b e i n g s p o t t e d b y a n y o n e else. A l s o , a

group

o f say ten p e o p l e c o u l d h a v e r e m o v e d

a handful

of

c o p i e s at a t i m e , w i t h o u t a r o u s i n g s u s p i c i o n . Leaving

aside

the

practicalities of

the

theft,

there

is

the

q u e s t i o n o f m o t i v e . It h a s a l r e a d y b e e n s u g g e s t e d t h a t c e r t a i n people or groups of people were offended FELIX Steve

a f t e r h a v i n g seen it on Friday Marshall,

FELIX

Editor,

by the contents

morning.

of

A s w e l l as t h i s ,

has a n g e r e d

many

students

t h r o u g h o u t h i s f o u r y e a r s a t C o l l e g e . It m a y h a v e b e e n d e c i d e d , e v e n m o n t h s a g o , t h a t t h e last issue w o u l d be s t o l e n as a n aet o f "revenge",

The

would

Marshall.

i n o r d e r to frustrate M r

T h i s i m m a t u r e a c t h as c a u s e d a lot o f d i f f i c u l t y . F E L I X

has

c o n f i s c a t e d b y t h e C o l l e g e d u e to t h e c o n t e n t i o u s n a t u r e o f s o m e

had

of

excess o f ÂŁ 4 0 0 l o r m a t e r i a l s a l o n e ( p l u s p e r m a n e n t s t a f f s w a g e s ) .

the

articles. O n

Friday

morning,

administrators in Sherfield who a u t h o r i t y to c o n f i s c a t e College

were

Governing

though,

would

of

the

be l i k e l y to h o l d

most

the

a U n i o n p u b l i c a t i o n on b e h a l f of the

preparing

for

that

morning's

meeting

of

the

Body.

group

who

was

felt

personally olfended

rather

large.

Freemasons

who

wished

attention

non-Masons.

of

The

outside

paying

The to

prime

keep

by

the contents.

suspects

were

The

College

their activities from

Captain

L i n d l e y received

the

several

u n f a v o u r a b l e m e n t i o n s , b u t l a t e o n F r i d a y m o r n i n g he h a d h a d

advertisers,

Midland

deprived of publicity. Stealing F E L I X

Ban k , were

also

is c o n t r a r y t o S e c t i o n 1

o f t h e T h e f t A c t ( 1 9 6 8 ) . T h e m a x i m u m s e n t e n c e is s e v e n y e a r s ' imprisonment

A n o t h e r p o p u l a r theory was that F E L I X h a d been taken by someone

t o b e r e p r i n t e d a n d t h e e s t i m a t e d c o s t to t h e U n i o n is i n

disappearance expected

and

up

of F E L I X

to

ÂŁ200

compensation.

If

the

w a s a s t u d e n t p r a n k , t h e n it is n o t

that s u c h a n e x p l a n a t i o n w o u l d s o u n d p a r t i c u l a r l y

h u m o r o u s i n C o u r t . A l t h o u g h F E L I X is free, it is c l e a r t h a t it is the

Union's property,

and

that

it is d i s t r i b u t e d o n

the

understanding that only one or t w o are taken by each student and

t h a t it is n o t

to be c a r r i e d a w a y

in bulk.

n o i d e a w h a t h a d h a p p e n e d , a n d i n a n y c a s e , it is not

thought

he h a s t h e o r g a n i s a i t o n a l a b i l i t y to s u c c e s s f u l l y r e m o v e

FELIX

without

Rector.

at G o v e r n i n g B o d y . U n i o n d i s c i p l i n a r y a c t i o n w o u l d be t a k e n

M a s c o t r y (who received a n u n f a v o u r a b l e report in w h i c h

against those w h o p e r p e t r a t e d the theft, if they w e r e students.

RCS

being

noticed.

O t h e r suspects

it w a s p o i n t e d o u t t h a t o n e

included

of t h e g r o u p

who

the

had made

an

Mr

J o h n Passmore,

waste oi U n i o n m o n e y " .

I C U President, condemned

the

''silly

H e w a s a s t o u n d e d w h e n t o l d a b o u t it

Editorial Comment

a t t e m p t to b r e a k i n to the M i n e s B u i l d i n g , h a d been p r e v i o u s l y

I b e l i e v e t h i s theft t o h a v e b e e n p e r p e t r a t e d b y a s m a l l g r o u p o f

c h a r g e d w i t h theft), V i c t o r M o o n e y , w h o t h o u g h t the a r t i c l e o n

s t u d e n t s at t h i s C o l l e g e w h o ,

him

a c t i o n s . T h i s is i n d i c a t i v e o f t h e i r m e n t a l i t y .

r e p r e s e n t e d the o p i n i o n o f the E d i t o r , r a t h e r t h a n that of

no d o u b t ,

feel j u s t i f i e d i n t h e i r

most of the C o l l e g e , o r even a R a g stunt f r o m outside C o l l e g e .

S t e a l i n g F E L I X h as q u a s h e d a l l o f t h e t w o w e e k ' s h a r d w o r k

M o s t o f these p o s s i b i l i t i e s c a n be d i s m i s s e d f a i r l y e a s i l y . It it

p r e p a r i n g a r t w o r k a n d t e x t a n d t h e p r i n t i n g i t s e l f for a b u m p e r ,

were

c o l o u r f u l , e n d - o f - y e a r issue. T h i s issue is p r a c t i c a l l y t h e s a m e as

an

attempt

academic

staff to

by

someone

smother

in College

F E L I X

due

a d m i n i s t r a t i o n of to

references

Freemasonry,

it w a s n o t s u c c e s s f u l as m e s s e n g e r s

back

v i a the

to

send

internal

mail

to

academic

kept stall.

to

topics Also

t h e o r i g i n a l o n l y it h a s b e e n q u i c k l y p r i n t e d ( w i t h n o c o l o u r s ) i n smaller

F E L I X s t a f f l a t e r d i s t r i b u t e d c o p i e s t h a t h a d b e e n r e t a i n e d , to offices i n t h e S h e r f i e l d B u i l d i n g . T h i s d i s t r i b u t i o n w a s a l l o w e d to go a h e a d , w h i c h m i g h t i n d i c a t e that n o - o n e there w i s h e d FELIX

n o t to b e w i d e l y r e a d .

No. 588 (Second Edition)

number

to

ensure

that

it is d i s t r i b u t e d as e a r l y

as

possible. I a m d e t e r m i n e d to i d e n t i f y those r e s p o n s i b l e a n d t h e n I w i l l i n f o r m t h e p o l i c e , as t h e m a t t e r is b e i n g d e a l t w i t h i n t e r n a l l y b y Mr

Reeves,

t h e C h i e f S e c u r i t y O f f i c e r , at t h e m o m e n t .

It w i l l

o n l y be a m a t t e r o f t i m e b e f o r e t o n g u e s s t a r t w a g g i n g

Friday, June 19,1981

Free!


Dear Sir I must apologise to J M u r p h y a n d a n y b o d y else too stnpicl lo see t h r o u g h m y ' s l i p of the p e n ' in d e s c r i b i n g the a r m s i n d u s t r y as ' l a b o u r i n t e n s i v e ' i n (he last C N D c o l u m n . It is of course c a p i t a l - i n t e n s i v e , a n d equivalent investment in m a n y other industries such as h o u s i n g a n d energy c o n s e r v a t i o n creates l a r more jobs. H e n c e the c o n n e c t i o n b e t w e e n the a r m s race a n d unemployment. M u r p h y brings out the tired old chestnut, a n d accuses I C E N D of b e i n g c o m m u n i s t s . W e ' r e s u p p o r t e d by p e o p l e r a n g i n g f r o m t h e left to the centre, i n c l u d i n g I C C a t h o l i c C h a p l a i n c y , a n d we a d o p t neither a pro-Soviet n o r p r o N A T O stance. O n a n a t i o n a l scale the entire Q u a k e r movement is in C N D — h a r d l y c o m munists. T u accuse us ol b e i n g c o m m u n i s t s is as s t u p i d a n d irrelevant as if I were to accuse the v o c i f e r o u s r i g h t in the C o l l e g e of being n e o - N a z i s or associated w i t h the N a t i o n a l F r o n t ; a suggestion f r o m w h i c h I ' m sure they w o u l d recoil i l l horror. B e a r i n g i n m i n d the above. M u r p h y ' s i m p l i c a t i o n that we are i n t e l l e c t u a l l y h a n d i c a p p e d is a joke. 1 have yet to see a n y a n t i C N D w r i t e r back his or hei a r g u m e n t s w i t h r e f e r e n c e s to a n y t h i n g concrete (our leaflets always c o n t a i n references); the standard technique of M u r p h y a n d B e n i t a C o r t a z z i is personal insult a n d libellous a c c u s a t i o n . So whose is the i n t e l l e c t u a l handicap? 1 ours Ian H e a v e n s B A (Hons) ( C a n t a b ) Phvsics P G IC C N D Group

Dear Mr Marsha/I Dear Sir I believe y o u r friend calls you W e were very surprised to sec Steve, at the end of M a y a group t h a t y o u d o n ' t t h i n k we are of b o r i n g students in the m i d d l e b o r i n g , it's so nice to k n o w. W e of equally b o r i n g exams went to do not agree however, we think Chiswick Amateu r Regatta and that the students are very b o r i n g , w o n not just one race but in a a n d t h a t F E L I X is t o o . T h e staid u n e x c i t i n g fashion w o n the standards are so low these days. c o m p e t i t i o n by b l a s t i n g the T h e letter Irom Messrs H a y w a r d opposition by more t h a n two a n d H o l l i c is a p r i m e example. boat lengths in every race. It is meaningless piffle, it says A m a z e d by their o w n m e d i o c r i t y n o t h i n g . W e do not consider that the I C N o v i c e F o u r s u b m i t t e d a this sort of p u r i l e r u b b i s h (which suitably r i d i c u l o u s article w h i c h , was late a n y w a y ) is the sort of despite the fact that I d i d not t h i n g w h i c h should be p u b l i s h e d w r i t e i t , y o u c o n s i d e r e d too in a paper w h i c h supposedly b o r i n g for print. caters for a selection of the most If being insulting is the o n l y intelligent people in the c o u n t r y . way to get into F E L I X then I So m u c h for a n active letters think you're a sod. page. 1 ours higheadedly It is a l s o o u r o p i n i o n t h a t Number 3 F I T , I X relies on too m a n y overw o r k e d cliches. T h e 'jokes' are Dear Sir always the same. T h e C a p t a i n T o d a y the British G o v e r n m e n t is L i n d l e y joke is a case in point: we r e a p i n g the rewards of a policy of asked h i m bow many times c o n t i n u a l l y b a c k i n g u p (be F E L I X h a d used this joke, a n d Loyalist people in I r e l a n d . he said " I don't know, I don't Throughout the centuries the stand a n d count ' e m , a n d it's not Loyalists have bad their way. u p to me to count t h e m e i t h e r . " W h e n e v e r they d e m a n d e d a n y Q E D . C a n we have an interestt h i n g they got it. eg w h e n they i n g F E L I X please? wanted to d i v i d e I r e l a n d they W e do hope that you are w e r e b a c k e d by the B r i t i s h k e e pi n g well, a n d that you enjoy G o v e r n m e n t , or whenever they your holiday. Yours sincerely d i d not agree to p o w e r - s h a r i n g w i t h the C a t h o l i c m i n o r i t y , they J o h n Hollie , Zoo 2 opposed it a n d h a d their way. D a v i d H a v w a r d , Biochem 2 B r i t a i n , w i t h this p o l i c y has succeeded in c r e a t i n g one of the most reactionary a n d bigoted Dear Sir groups of people in the w o r l d ; the I s h o u l d like to say that whatever L o y a l i s t s of N I r e l a n d in a e v e r y b o d y else thinks. I for one s p e c t r u m of racism a n d bigotry a c t u a l l y enjoyed r e a d i n g F E L I X w o u l d be classified w i t h other this year. In a C o l l e g e where racists a n d fascists such as the K u n o t h i n g e v e r h a p p e n s it is K l u x K l a n or N a z i s . (For further o b v i o u s l y d i f f i c u l t to r u n a r e a d i n g on this aspect read The newspaper and personally I Protestants of I Isler by Geoffrey w o u l d m u c h r a t h e r read about B e l l , a l i b e r a l Protestant from X B o b P e g g selling out t h a n b o r i n g I r e l a n d . T h i s book analyses the r u b b i s h about b o r i n g U n i o n L o y a l i s t m e n t a l i t y a n d is a must allairs. I have also observed that for anyone t r y i n g to u n de r s tand the p r i n c i p a l a c t i v i t y of I C the X I r e l a n d situtation.) students (apart from d r i n k i n g ) seems to be m a k i n g groundless In the early part of this century insults about each other. It w o u l d the L o y a l i s t s were h a n d e d the t h e r e f o r e seem l o g i c a l for a r e i n s ol g o v e r n m e n t ol the representative newspaper to do a r t i f i c i a l l y c r e a t e d state o f N t h e s a m e e s p e c i a l l y s i n c e the Ireland. T h i s slate was c h a r a c letters pages are filled, week-in terized by O r a n g e P o g r o m s , slate week-out, w i t h v e r b a l attacks on violence a n d massive d i s c r i m i n a t h e e d i t o r . (It s t r i k e s m e . tion against the m i n o r i t y c o m i n c i d e n t a l l y , that such letters m u n i t y , not to m e n t i o n rule by w o u l d never be p r i n t e d in a n y the same party lor fifty years. other newspaper.) H o w m a n y of T h e tone of repression in X these c l i t i c s oiler to w r i t e articles I r e l a n d may be guaged Irom the themselves? O r better s t i l l , go out tact that M r V o r s t e r e , the S o u t h a n d do s o m e t h i n g newsworthy. A A f r i c a n m i n i s t e r for justice s p e c t a c u l a r suicide w o u l d make a w i s h e d i n 1963 for " j u s t o n e g o o d story, a n d I c a n t h i n k of clause in the X I r e l a n d S p e c i a l several people w h o w o u l d benefit Powers A c t " in exchange lor a l l from d o i n g just that. F i n a l l y , his o w n coercive legislation. since so m a n y people have taken Ii was no suprise to read the a s t a n d against y o u r c o m m e n t s i oritenls of M r Boucher's letter in about V i c t o r M o o n e y . a l l I c a n last week's F E L I X . M r Boucher's say is: il G o d h a d intended us to I n lei contains that curious eat M o o n e y s , he w o u l d not have m i x t u r e of u n t r u t h s , distorting ol g i v e n us tastebuds. reality, paranoia concerning f ours E d g a r S h a v e II (anag, Phvsics a b a n d o n e d

u n f a v o u r a b l e o p i n i o n of their "wee U l s t e r ' a n d t u n n e l vision with respcel to R e p u b l i c a n s , that

is p e c u l i a r to the U l s t e r L o y a l i s t species M r Boucher's statement " t h a i Loyalist p a r a m i l i t a r i e s have o n l y d e v e l o p e d i n r e s p o n s e to the Government's non-committed actions in N I r e l a n d . " is untrue. T h e British G o v e r n m e n t began direct rule in 1972 a n d the U V F were m u r d e r i n g innocent C a t h o lics in 1966. eg G u s t y Spence, leader of the U V F , is at present s e r v i n g a life sentence lor m u r d e r i n g a C a t h o l i c in 1966. F u r t h e r m o r e , has M r B o u c h e r never heard of the ' B ' specials, a stale c o n t r o l l e d p a r a m i l i t a r y organisation d i s b a n d e d by the British G o v e r n m e n t embarrassed by their m u r d e r o u s activities? M r Boucher's ignorance of the situation is further exemplified by the s t a t e m e n t t h a t " t h e s e Loyalists arc not well a r m e d " . The Loyalists o w n the vast bulk of the ' 1 0 4 . 0 0 0 l e g a l l y h e l d firearms eertilieates in N I r e l a n d , a n d have a total m o n o p o l y on rifle d u b s . In 1974 the I ' D A boasted of h a v i n g 50.000 men. T h e U D R c u r r e n t l y have 7.000 l u l l a n d p a r t - t i m e members, the R U C h a v e 8 . 0 0 0 . the B r i t i s h A r m y h a v e 1 1 . 6 0 0 . not to m e n t i o n the U F F , the U V F , the O r a n g e V o l u n t e e r s , the R e d H a n d Commandoes and M r Paisley's (whom M r Boucher refers to as a moderate) private a r m y , r e c e n t l y r e v e a l e d to journalists on a m o u n t a i n top. H o w can anyone with any i n t e l l i g e n c e c l a i m that the Loyalists arc not w e l l - a r m e d ? M r B o u c h e r states that the w o r l d m e d i a are c o n s t a n t l y " g e t t i n g it w r o n g " . H a s it ever o c c u r r e d to M r B o u c h e r that p e r h a p s t h e y a r e " g e t t i n g it r i g h t " a n d that his views are not supported a n y w h e r e but in X Ireland a n d B r i t a i n ? T h i s is a classic s y m p t o m of the L o y a l i s t m e n t a l i t y , disbelief in any derogatory c o m m e n t about their " w e e U l s t e r " , from the w o r l d press. F i n a l l y M r Boucher's statement " t h a t most p a r a m i l i t a r i e s ' actions are against R e p u b l i c a n s y m p a t h i e s " w o u l d be l a u g h a b l e if the s i t u a t i o n was not so serious. As a v i c i m of, a n d witness to O r a n g e ogroms a n d assassination attempts in the early 1970s in N I r e l a n d , let me a s s u r e M r B o u c h e r that the o n l y q u a l i f i c a t i o n n e c e s s a r y for m u r d e r b y L o y a l i s t p a r a m i l i t a r i e s in N I r e l a n d is the misfortune to have been b o r n a C a t h o l i c . (For an analysis of m o t i v a t i o n of murders in N I r e l a n d read Political Murder in , Y Ireland, a book p u b l i s h e d in the early 1970s.) If M r B o u c h e r insists on w r i t i n g letters let's hope he gets his facts right next time. It is obvious to everyone in the w o r l d except the B r i t i s h G o v c r n C.'onlinued on page 4.


Seats

Sabbaticals

Pinched

Fined

O V E R T H E P A S T l o u r months, sixty-live chairs have disappeared from the U n i o n L o w e r Refectory. It is suspected that some have been d i s t r i b u t e d a r o u n d the U n i o n , but the m a i n l i n e of t h i n k i n g seems to be that Beit residents have nicked them. H o w e v e r , w h e n F E L I X asked a Beit resident about this a l l e g a t i o n , he t o l d us t h a t t h e r e w a s n ' t enough r o o m in a Beit r o o m for extra f u r n i t u r e , a n d that there were two chairs a l r e a d y . M r Reeves ( C h i e f S e c u r i t y Officer) w o u l d appreciate it if the chairs c o u l d be returned as soon as possible, otherwise a search w i l l have to be c a r r i e d out.

T w o of next year's p o t e n t i a l s a b b a t i c a l officers have been d i s c i p l i n e d by C o l l e g e lor their part in a recent mascotry r a i d . M r Barney M c C a b e , Deputy President-elect, M r Marco L e d w o l d , H o n o r a r y Secretarye l e c t a n d l o u r o t h e r s (one o f w h o m has a c r i m i n a l record for theft) were each l i n e d £25 i n c o n n e c t i o n w i t h an attempt to enter the M i n e s B u i l d i n g i n M a y . T h e r a i d went b a d l y w r o n g , the mascot was not there, a n d early on in the r a i d , one m e m b e r of the t e a m fell a n d was k n o c k e d unconscious, rendering him i n c a p a b l e of t a k i n g his f i n a l exams. Despite this setback, the rest of the g r o u p c a r r i e d on.

FELIX Motor Rally The A n n u a l F E L I X M o t o r R a l l y took place on Sunday m o r n i n g , with a team f r o m R C S U M o t o r C l u b winning by a hair's breadth. T h e R a l l y was due to start with eight teams but lour dropped out at the last minute lor a variety of reaons. As the R a l l y coincided with the " B a n b u r y R u n " , this meant that no teams from G u i l d s were able to enter. T h e emphasis from the usual C C U teams was changed this year and a team from the orchestra, a motorcycle pair, and a team lead by F E L I X Sports Editor. P h i l W e b b , took part, together with the w i n n i n g R C S U team. At 9:30am, the teams left the F E L I X Office with their instructions to plan their route on the pavement. T h e R a l l y consisted of two parts: d r i v i n g to varied locations around L o n d o n lo gain specific information and collecting "treasure" on the way. Surprisingly, only one team managed to find the club "that might offer them honorary membership" in C r a v e n Street. T h i s was the "Treasure Hunters' C l u b " . What about " H o w many took pari in the famous uprising led by the soldier whose statue in the M a l l overlooks Horseguards Parade:'" T h e statue is of the D u k e of Y o r k . He's the one who had 10,000 men, of course, but that would only score hall points for the correct answer was 10.001. A Scaramouche clue was " W h a t business at the junction ol Plough R o a d and Y o r k R o a d , S W 1 0 , is a source of wicked fabrications?" W h y . the candle factory, naturallyA new idea this year was to ask the teams .to make rubbings of various plaques. T h e drain rover near Bclgrave R o a d inscribed " A S m c l l i e " served to annoy some Sunday motorists who came across the R C S U team, who had mistook the cover in the middle of the road lor the correct one. Unluckiest team of all was the orchestra one. who incurred penalty points lor being just three seconds late w h i c h lost them the R a l l y . Later they realised they had not put a wristwateh in the treasure bag—very ironical. The results were: First: R C S U M o t o r C l u b (Paul Johnson. Spish, A n d y Wilson) 120pts. Seconds: I C S O ( T i m Jones. R i c h a r d Diekins. Dominic X u d d . Isobel C o l lins) 118pts T h i r d : (Phil W e b b . M i k e Clil't. Louise Innes) 9Ipts Fourth: M o t o r b i k e team (Felix O ' C o n n c r . K a r e n L i p p i a l t ) 45pts. Prize: the R C S U team will have their names engraved on the Rally pot in the U n i o n Bar,

Next year's rents Next year's H a l l rents w i l l be: Singles: Soulhskle, Linstead. gUJBa WeekSingles:

New Ben

Single-:

(Jarden. O l d Beit, £18.00: Evelyn (iclns. 9 Princes Gdns

£19:50:

Doubles: l.inslead

£10.00:

Doubles: Eyrlyn Gdns. Garden Hall. Beit Singles Basemenl Triples:

£14.50:

£11.50.

Byelaw changes T h r e e changes to I d ' s byelaws, w h i c h h a d been passed by two U n i o n M e e t i n g s , were accepted by the G o v e r n i n g Body on F r i d a y . M a k i n g the E m s C h a i r m a n a m e m b e r of C o u n c i l , a n d e x t e n d i n g the grounds for L i f e M e m b e r s h i p were accepted q u i c k l y , t h o u g h some G o v e r n o r s strongly opposed abolishing ICWA. '

Women in Hall: the Final Word T h e R e c t o r has recently received a p e t i t i o n from a n u m b e r ol students a r g u i n g t h a t t h e p r o p o s a l s a g r e e d b y the S t u d e n t s R e s i d e n c e C o m m i t t e e c o n c e r n i n g the r e d i s t r i b u t i o n of women's places in H a l l s are c o n t r a r y to the best interests of w o m e n at I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e . A f t e r c o n s u l t a t i o n w i t h the S R C the R e c t o r is satisfied that the w e l l b e i n g of w o m e n students has been carefully considered. T h e changes proposed for next session s i m p l y represent the next step i n the p o l i c y w h i c h has been evolved over m a n y years to increase the n u m b e r of m i x e d residences in the C o l l e g e a n d to increase the n u m b e r of places for w o m e n as their o v e r a l l n u m b e r s increase, this year i n c l u d i n g the p r o v i s i o n of an a d d i t i o n a l sixteen places in H a l l lor w o m e n students. T h e achievement of a satisfactory balance is difficult a n d w i l l r e m a i n so u n t i l there is a substantial increase in the n u m b e r of w o m e n students o v e r a l l , but it has always been seen that there must be a reasonable percentage representation of w o m e n i n any m i x e d h a l l . N e w m i x e d halls have been i n t r o d u c e d , i n the past a n d as proposed n o w , by first increasing the n u m b e r of places allocated to w o m e n in e x i s t i n g m i x e d halls a n d then tr an s fer r ing a block of these places to an a l l - m a l e h a l l . T h e proposals n o w m a d e w i l l result in the f o l l o w i n g changes: B E I T H A L L : Decrease in women's places from 46 to 28 a n d a n equivalent increase of 18 places for men. S E L K I R K H A L L : Decrease i n w o m e n ' s places from 30 to 24 a n d a n equivalent increase of 6 places lor men. T I Z A R D H A L L : T o become m i x e d w i t h 24 w o m e n ' s places a n d 96 men's places. W E E K S H A L L : T o become m i x e d w i t h 16 women's places a n d 50 men's places. There w i l l be no other changes. H a v i n g m a d e the decision that T i z a r d and Weeks H a l l s s h o u l d be m i x e d it w o u l d be i n a p p r o p r i a t e , as the petitioners must realise, to p r o v i d e o n l y two or three women's places in each a n d so quotas i n m u l t i p l e s of eight have been agreed. O v e r the next few years the n u m b e r of w o m e n ' s places w i l l continue to be increased u n t i l it is possible lor further residences to become m i x e d . B e i l H a l l , f r o m w h i c h most protests about the proposed r e d i s t r i b u t i o n have c o m e , w i l l still have 28 women's places to 87 men's places.

Last Aid Last M o n d a y d u r i n g the one d a y u n o f f i c i a l s t r i k e by L o n d o n a m b u l a n c e m e n I C R e d Cross volunteers m a n n e d two R e d C r o s s a m b u l a n c e s b a s e d at Brixton and N o t t i n g H i l l Police S t a t i o n for the t w e n t y - f o u r h o u r period. T h e a m b u l a n c e s w e r e to provide emergency '999' cover i n c o n j u n c t i o n w i t h the police, a p o l i c e m a n b e i n g assigned to ride w i t h each vehicle. D u r i n g the twenty-four h o u r period o u r volunteers were c a l l e d o u t to d e a l w i t h e m e r g e n c i e s v a r y i n g from a n i n j u r e d c h i l d to a w o m a n going into labour. O n e c a l l was for a "suspected d e c e a s e d " at S h e p h e r d s B u s h Green. The ambulance arrived to find the " d e a d " m a n " d e a d d r u n k " . H e was taken to h o s p i t a l for a check up a n d then by police v a n to " r e c o v e r " i n the cells of Shepherds B u s h P o l i c e S t a t i o n . T h a n k s to a l l the I C R e d Cross D e t a c h m e n t members w h o gave u p t h e i r t i m e to c o v e r t h i s emergency was expressed by the E m e r g e n c y C o - o r d i n a t o r at Scotland Y a r d .

'Nuke the Reds!' says Rector S i r H e n r y T i z a r d , R e c t o r of I C 1929-1944, l e d a g r o u p w h i c h s u b m i t t e d plans for a n attack o n Russian cities by B r i t a i n u s i n g atomic bombs a n d g e r m w ar fare weapons to the j o i n t chiefs of staff technical warfare c o m m i t t e e in 1946. These have recently been found in documents at the P u b l i c Records Office. Reports i n c l u d e d a list of a l l R u s s i a n cities w i t h a p o p u l a t i o n of m o r e t h a n 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 w i t h i n b o m b i n g range of B r i t i s h bases. A total of fifty-eight target cities m a k i n g u p 17.5% of the Soviet U n i o n ' s u r b a n p o p u l a t i o n lay w i t h i n range of the bases. T h e c o m m i t t e e c o n c l u d e d that the most profitable objects of attack by the new weapons w i l l n o r m a l l y be c o n c e n t r a t i o n s of p o p u l a t i o n , centres of d i s t r i b u tion a n d c o m m u n i c a t i o n . ( F o r those of y o u w i t h two " E " s a n d a " D " , T i z a r d H a l l is n a m e d after Viscount Falmouth.)


j u d i c i a l ponderosity a n d democ r a c y S o u t h A m e r i c a . I w i l l do m y utmost to alert the relevant authorities i n that area to y o u r intentions a n d hope that they w i l l send y o u to practice y o u r sutteeism elsewhere. Recent events, however, have shown that these foreign types seem to have a l i k i n g for E n g l i s h rogues.

Continued from /'«.£,''' 2. ment a n d the L o y a l i s t s that N I r e l a n d does not work. The only p o l i t i c a l framework that has any hope o l w o r k i n g is for t h u U l s t e r Protestants to take their place as a natural minority within an A l l I r e l a n d context. F o r this to be achieved the Loyalist phenomenon which successive B r i t i s h G o v e r n m e n t s have created a n d l o r centuries led a n d n u r t u r e d o n a diet of b i g o t r y a n d h a t r e d , must one d a y be faced. U n t i l that d a y , m o r e - people w i l l die, B r i t i s h soldiers, C a t h o l i c s a n d Protestants a l l v i c t i m s o f the sad tragic state w h i c h the British G o v e r n m e n t insists o n m a i n t a i n ing despite d a i l y evidence that their insane p o l i c y does nol work. 1 ours sincerely Gerry O'Reilly

.'1 strictly letter Sir

private

and confidential

I w o u l d like to be the first to complain about your final a t t e m p t at p r o d u c i n g a h u m o r ous a n d d i d a s c a l i c F E L I X , byrendering my condemnation and disgust at the w a y i n w h i c h y o u have wasted the v a l u a b l e resources p u t at y o u r disposal, o n such i g n o m i n i o u s suttra. The record of your misd e m e a n o u r s speaks for itself. N o t b e i n g content w i t h p r o d u c i n g decadent filth a n d poltrooneristic m a t e r i a l to degrade the m o r a l s of the p o o r student to the lowest of levels, y o u have n o w e m b a r k e d u p o n a c o n c a t e n a t i o n o f three F E L I C E S i n t o one. T h e purpose o f this is, n o d o u b t , to a l l o w yourself m o r e t i m e to i n d u l g e i n pastimes of a more frivolous nature. I was a p p a l l e d to r e a d that y o u . i n t e n d to visit that bastion of

A l l things said, I t h i n k you're v e r y funny. I only hope that M a r k S m i t h ' s perspicaciousness lives u p to that of y o u r o w n . Yours sincerely Paul Donovan P S : R u m o u r s that I have only w r i t t e n this letter to prove to y o u that I d o have g r a n d e u r c o m m a n d over the E n g l i s h language are totally u n f o u n d e d a n d are w i t h o u t trace o f fact. M a y I a d d that I w h o l e h e a r t e d l y agree w i t h one ' E ' J a r v i s ' s correspondence in the last F E L I X . M e m b e r s o f that irreverent, isopodous institut i o n , the I F , should really stick to activities of w h i c h more note has been taken over the years. I f any m e m b e r s o f the aforementioned g r o u p find themselves w i t h spare time o n their hands, then I urge t h e m i n the strongest possible terms to come a n d oiler their services at the F E L I X Office. I w i l l be most pleased to find use for their l i m b s o n the p r o d u c t i o n of the I C U H a n d b o o k .

I w o n d e r i f a n y of y o u r readers have noted the close resemblance between C a p t a i n L i n d l e y a n d Colonel White, Supreme C o m m a n d e r - i n - C h i e f of the S p e c t r u m O r g a n i s a t i o n in the G e r r y A n d e r s o n puppet series ' C a p t a i n S c a r l e t ' ? I w o n d e r i l by a n y chance thev are related? S.I.G. The Mvsterons

• A b o x of r e c o r d s / t a p e s went m i s s i n g f r o m t h e I C R a d i o O f f i c e in S o u t h s i d e in t h e first w e e k o f t e r m o f J u n e . T h e tapes were m y o w n personal property a n d c o n t a i n e d m a t e r i a l w h i c h is i r r e p l a c e a b l e . T h e intrinsic value of the r e c o r d s / t a p e s is v e r y s m a l l a n d I w o u l d be grateful for a n y information leading to t h e i r r e t u r n . D M Fuller, IC Radio

Station

Manager.

• A - R e g i s t r a t i o n r e d h e a d s e e k s male h o r n - p l a y i n g rabbit to play o n Wednesday evenings. • T o w h o m It m a y c o n c e r n : T h e o c c u p a n t s of flat 14 w i s h it t o b e k n o w n that a s of t h e 19th d a y o f J u n e Y e a r o f o u r L o r d M C M L X X X I , they will h e n c e f o r t h b e in r e s i d e n c e at t h e i r respective c o u n t r y retreats in the Aegean, the Highlands, the West C o u n t r y , the land of the B r i g a n t e s , the Harz Mountains and Knotty A s h . P e r s o n s a t t e m p t i n g to p a r t a k e of a f t e r n o o n t e a at t h e a f o r e m e n t i o n e d a b o d e , s u b s e q u e n t t o this t e m p o r a l p o i n t , a r e w a r n e d that t h e y m a y c o m e into c l o s e p r o x i m i t y w i t h a g i m b a l jawed logomaniac. Given under o u r hands: the Gonads. • M i k e R ( G e o l Staff) B e e n s u r p r i s e d l a t e l y ? M o r e in s t o r e ? S i g n e d : T h e G a n g . P S Shame about your Kodak film. • V O T E H E X H A M , for chief

rockends.

•Genuine French Nightclub open d a i l y . F o r d e t a i l s , p h o t o s , fre e s a m p l e s , etc, s e e N i c k C o x , F a l m o u t h 3 2 4 . • B o l l a r d s . S e e I M o r r i s C h e m 1. • Y o u t o o w i l l b e l i e v e a m a n c a n fly. S u p e r m a n 3. F o r m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n s e e Mike, R o o m 256 F a l m o u t h .

Captain Lindley

• R W W qualifies for a B l a c k - a n d D e c k e r thru t h e k n e e c a p s . L o t s of love DNW. •Electrical Engineering died today. Mass remembrance over the Q u e e n s ( D N W / W e hate slimy p r o d u c t i o n s ) . • B e s t w i s h e s t o F l o o r 1. H a p p y r e t u r n s for n e x t y e a r , D o u z e .

Cher Steve C o n c e r n a n t certains oeuvres litteraires reeemment parues (sic-Ed) dans votre p u b l i c a t i o n , i l me semble q u ' i l soit (sic-Ed)grand que ees cheres temps (sic-Ed) demoiselles de l ' I F essayent (sic-Ed) d ' a t t e i n d r e leur soixanted i x e n steno. et pas tin mot de moins, plutot q u e de (sic-Ed) lettres de eonneries (sic-Ed). C e e i , afin (sic-Ed) eviter qu'elles (sic-Ed) n'aient (sic-Ed) f a i r de causer p a r leur c'uls (sic-Ed) (bien jobs soit-ils (sic-Ed)). V e u y e z (sic-Ed) agreer, m o n sieur la gueulade de m a tete v a e h m e n t (sic-Ed) soulee. Mike Kleyn EFT P S : C a n I come a n d see y o u i n Brazil. Sir Y o u r current c a m p a i g n against the President is disgraceful. I have frequently been present at cases i n w h i c h J o h n has been i n v o l v e d , a n d o n every occasion I was firmly of the o p i n i o n that he got to the last bottle. / am. sir, his obedient servant J Pettifoger M S e (Wellongong) Sir Y o u r current c a m p a i g n against t h e P r e s i d e n t is d i s g r a c e f u l . F E L I X is certainly not a papei I w o u l d let my wife o r servants read. lours huh The R e d -Baron" Sherfield B u i l d i n g

• A n y r e d p o r t left K e r m i t ? F i r s t F l o o r Muppets. • W h e r e are y o u h i d i n g m y sweet. • D o n M o n r o — H a n d s off o u r r e d h e a d . I C S O Brass section. • N o t e s m i s s i n g ? F o r expert advice o n p h o t o c o p y i n g notes, s e e D Elleman, R o o m 76 W e e k s H a l l . • G o o d try N i g e " Y o u r J o k i n g " Walls; y o u get three points for a refusal a n d zero for t e c h n i q u e , cheers—Long B l o n d e Hair. • F o r s e x u a l l y inhibited girls, there are free l e s s o n s w i t h t h e M i c h e l i n M a n , Linstead A 2 . Anytime, please bring your o w n toothpicks.

Colonel White

Small Ads • H a c k of t h e Y e a r — S t e p h e n G o u l d e r . • F o l d a b l e b i c y c l e , nearly new , V G C , £45. Contact Miss J Newton-Mowes, M a t S c i P G , int 2 4 2 5 . • Y a m a h a R D 2 5 0 , fast a n d r e l i a b l e , £ 3 8 0 o n o , q u i c k sale. B r u c e 794-4760. • L a d i e s C l a u d Butler 5-spd bicycle. Huret G e a r s , as n e w (8mths old), £ 9 0 . P h o n e int 3 6 5 5 o r 2048 . • 1 0 c u b i c ft B o s c h c h e s t f r e e z e r in e x c e l l e n t c o n d i t i o n , , £ 1 0 0 . P h o n e int 3331 o r 1316 d a y - t i m e o r 5 8 9 - 4 3 3 2 after 6 p m a n d w e e k e n d s . • S e l m e r 50w C o m b o A m p £75ono. C o n t a c t J Griffin, R m 123 M e c h E n g o r int 3 5 5 6 . • H o w a b o u t Broadstairs, Kent for a low c o s t self-catering ho liday with f r i e n d s ? V i c t o r i a n h o u s e , s l e e p s u p to 10, f u l l y e q u i p p e d . N e a r c h a l k cliffs and sandy beaches, g o o d for swimming, canoeing, walking a n d fossilh u n t i n g ! P l u s great local fish a n d c h i p s h o p (37p f o r c o d a n d c h i p s , M a y ' 8 1 j . A v a i l a b l e m i d - J u l y a n d all S e p t e m b e r . M o r e d e t a i l s f r o m S u e , int 2 8 9 8 o r e v e s 650 4679. • E n g l i s h for o v e r s e a s students, private tuition, one-to-one, small groups, experienced teacher. Telephone Lester 352-1414.

• T h e A l l steel B i c y c l e C l u b : P e r s o n s with 2cwt steel b i c y c l e with 4 s p d S t u r m e y A r c h e r a n d integral d y n a m o h u b w h o a r e interested in a tour of the H i g h l a n d s ( m a x s p d 1 0 m p h ) to o b s e r v e t h e r a r e s i g h t o f a g a n n e t at work should contact J a m e s Sebastian G r a y ( G e o l 2) at o n c e f o r f u r t h e r details. • A n y o n e i n t e r e s t e d in C R A P . . ( C a m p a i g n for Really A s t r o n o m i c a l Peas a n d beans) contact R o n G o u l d ing, ext 4130. S o c i e t y m e e t s M o n d a y e v e n i n g s at s i x in R o o m 3 3 3 n e w Chemistry Building. • T o the four P h y s i c s Library Carrel's sweethearts; please reveal more. Signed the Physics Library Carrel's lechers! • S i m o n the gay, bastard, paedophile geologist (what a player) h a s s o m e " B a a a d N e e e w w w s " . T o raise funds he is h a v i n g t o s e l l h i s c o l l e c t i o n o f f o s s i l mags, vibrating hammers, inflatable e t c . F i r s t c o m e , first ammonites, A p p l y Linstead Hall. •BE1 invite e v e r y o n e t o a G o b - o n - a W i m p evening. Featuring Dave (Wollen Hairdo) Smollet a n d Slimey (Easter Island) R u s s e l l . M e e t B e i t A R e h , 7:30. PS: U p yours Harrison! • P h o t o s h o p S a l e : T h e P h o t o s h o p still h a s s o m e 400 a n d 200 A S A E k t a c h r o m e f i l m . T h i s will g o o n s a l e at a r e d u c e d P h o t o s h o p p r i c e t o c l e a r it o n Wednesday, June 24, O l d D a r k r o o m . A l s o o n e o r t w o b l a c k a n d w h i t e films left.


REVIEW

OF THE

YEAR

Did so little really happen? I C U ' s year started with a bang (or a smash) when thieves broke into the U n i o n Office and stole about ÂŁ5,000 w o r t h of trophies from the cabinet. A t that time the U n i o n h a d been pressing for better locks a n d a n alarm for the cabinet, but due to slow moving administration i n the Estates Dept, headed by M r D C l a r k , no action had been taken; despite letters from last year's D e p u t y President, M a l c o l m B r a i n . E v e n now, the cabinet is not l o c k e d , but a n alarm has been fixed u p. It seems unlikely that Estates will get r o u n d to doing anything about this for s o m e time. A n o t h e r area where Rae Snee, Deputy President, has crossed swords with Estates has b e e n o v e r S o u t h s i d e s e c u r i t y . A f t e r Estates had assured her that the w o r k of fitting new locking doors in the lower levels would be completed by early M a y , it later transpired that estimates were still being considered after the supposed date for completion.

Union Meetings O n e area of U n i o n politics w h i c h has been ot c o n c e r n this year, as indeed in most previous years, has been the low attendance at U G M s . O u t of nine meetings held, five were closed due to inquoracy. T h e F r e s h e r s ' U G M was stopped by Steve G o u l d e r , as was a meeting in the spring t e r m , giving him a reputation as M r Q u o r u m Caller. A t the second meeting, motions o n overseas s t u d e n t s a n d G r e e k s t u d e n t s fees w e r e passed, as was a m o t i o n o n lecturer training. This meeting also passed a motion o n limiting to once a t e r m motions o n the same matter.

Barney

McCabe,

ICU

stresses

a point

during

Elections

this year

were

did

produce

some

Deputy the fairly

unexpected

President-elect, election uncontroversial, candidates.

run-up.

T h e third meeting in the first term was well attended a n d motions were passed affiliating C N D a n d opposing S o u t h A f r i c a n sponsored students o n n u c l e a r fuels c o u r s e s . T h e meeting also passed a motion criticising Steve Marshall's recent satirical attacks o n D a r e Afolabi a n d others. S o o n after C h r i s t m a s came another meeting—one of the worst attended, as many students didn't k n o w about it, or were doing exams. H o w e v e r the meeting passed a motion on bicycles before closing due to lack of business. T h e next meeting was something of a mix-up. T h e date had to be brought forward hurriedly, after the F E L I X Editor pointed out to the E x e c that bye-law changes given their first reading before C h r i s t m a s would be lost if the next meeting was not held within forty College days. S o the date was changed and the turnout disappointingly low. This d i d not stop the meeting being very heated, as the low attendance seemed to be blamed o n the E x e c , some of w h o m reacted angrily. The Sabbatical Hustings Meeting came next. T h i s was very well attended and a motion of N o C o n f i d e n c e in the F E L I X Editor was proposed w h i c h proved very interesting. T h e results meeting was closed due to inquoracy. In t h e t h i r d t e r m , b o t h m e e t i n g s w e r e stopped but a motion d i d get passed o n the U n i o n ' s distribution of finances. T h u s over the year eight motions were passed. T h e m o t i o n o n C N D affiliation caused a stir, as there were legal problems over spending U n i o n money o n matters outside the U n i o n constitutional powers. T h e in-phrase at that time for most of the U n i o n was ultra vires, whilst for F E L I X it w a s ejustem generis. T h i s legal principle s h o w e d the limited way in w h i c h the byelaws w o u l d be interpreted if tested in court, a n d after many telephone calls a n d letters from the U n i o n to its solicitors, the decision was finally t a k e n not to affiliate to CND. A n o t h e r motion w h i c h was part of a larger campaign by some students in the U n i o n was that i n v o l v i n g S o u t h A f r i c a n s t u d e n t s o n nuclear courses here. T h e College policy is to allow this, but s o m e students have picketed G o v e r n i n g B o d y , organised debates a n d lobbied the R e c t o r t o change this, but without any apparent success. O n e thing to c o m e out of this year's U n i o n meetings were some changes in the U n i o n Byelaws. T h e first, to disband I C W A had been going through "first readings" for a few years, b u t n o t u n t i l t h i s t e r m w a s I C W A finally abolished (subject to G o v e r n i n g B o d y ' s approval). In O c t o b e r , J o h n P a s s m o r e , I C U President, organised a freshers' concert with N o Dice. D u e to lack of action o n his behalf, the concert lost £500, a n d J o h n Passmore admitted total responsibility for the flop, a n d said "I don't k n o w what I'll do . . . 1 think I'll resign."

Mark Clegg, strikes night

Consoc

Chairman

an unconventional away

at No

pose

and PWP whilst

Chairman,

dancing

the

10.

Edinburgh A w a r d S c h e m e came in N o v e m b e r , and this resulted in M r M o o n e y being described as a superb caterer in College, a n d C a p t a i n Lindley admitting he didn't k n o w exactly what was going o n . T h e visitors the next week were less welcome. T h e y abused the U n i o n O f f i c e staff a n d stole J o h n P a s s m o r e f o r a few h o u r s . F r e d S a n g e r , double N o b e l prizewinner, c a m e in D e c e m b e r , and Shirley Williams came in J a n u a r y . S h e returned later in the year to inaugurate the S D P at the College. In F e b r u a r y the N a v y came to tell us what they d o , a n d D r M a g n u s P y k e c a m e to wave his arms about. This m o n t h also saw D r G a r r y H u n t , G i l e s S h a w M P and R a y m o n d B a x t e r . In M a r c h we h a d M a r k Carlisle M P , P a t r i c k M o o r e , and Ian M c G r e g o r . S o this year I C has had its fair share of important visitors, but the fatal attraction of the College seems elusive to this writer.

Visitors

but

Visitors to College this year have been most interesting. Sir K e i t h J o s e p h pointed the way in O c t o b e r ; Prince Phillip a n d the D u k e of

Headbangers? JCR

during

No,

a display

International

of Martial

Week.

Arts

in the


Mascotry M a s c o t r y reared its head this year again. T h e first t e r m saw G u i l d s get C i t y University's C a r r o t a n d then C i t y return to inadvertently steal J o h n P a s s m o r e . It is often claimed that I C students d o not need U L U because theyu have all the facilities, clubs a n d societies necessary in their o w n College without going outside. T h e same could be said of mascotry. D u e to the unique division of C C U s aspiring mascot violators c a n practice inside their o w n College. T h i s happened in M a r c h when R C S U violated " D a v e y " the M i n e s mascot. T h e mascot was taken to a n R C S U G M a n d M i n e s repossessed it after a n "ugly scene", in M a y , R C S U made a s e c o n d attempt to take " D a v e y " , this time unsuccessful. R i c h A r c h e r , R C S U President was unaware of most of the a c t i v i t i e s of t h e m a s c o t r y g r o u p , a n d h i s resignation came as the culmination of a long period of bitterness. Rag fortunes this year have fluctuated; a high attendance for the traditional tiddlywinks followed by lesser numbers for other events. T h e R a g C h a i r m a n was forced to resign, but Rag W e e k was enjoyed by everyone w h o took part.

Mark Carlisle

to Mark Clegg:

"My, my, Sonny,

Steve Marshall Boring T w o events that most students don't k n o w a lot about were M e e t I C a n d I N C O S T . C a p t a i n Lindley organised M e e t I C a n d L i z L i n d s a y , I N C O S T . T h e College would d o well to hire her in t w o years time for the next M e e t I C to m a k e it m o r e sucessful. S h o u l d the U n i o n r e c i p r o c a t e the gesture with its next conference though? R a c h e l S n e e as D e p u t y President this year, has to s o m e extent wasted her abilities in often unnecessary attacks o n F E L I X personnel. S h e seems to spend too m u c h time being " d i s g u s t e d " to change that w h i c h she has been disgusted about. A s for J o h n P a s s m o r e , well, his leadership c o u l d not be called inspired or dynamic. H e has frequently faced severe criticism at U n i o n meetings but shrugged it off, m u c h a s h e t r i e d t o f e n d off F E L I X . It is n o t t h o u g h t t h a t a list of t h e E x e c ' s achievements this year w o u l d be very long, however, credit is d u e to t h e m for keeping the U n i o n ticking over since last year. C o u n c i l this year has been rather to o obsessed with its o w n self-importance to be of m u c h use. Fortunately it has not got bogged d o w n in " p o l i t i c a l " issues and the discussion of these matters are usually brought to a U G M (if its not inquorate!).

Handbook Help A r e y o u multi-talented a n d staying in or a r o u n d C o l l e g e for the s u m m e r ? If s o w h y not pop into the F E L I X office a n d see what's happening o n the I C U n i o n H A N D B O O K . W h a t e v e r y o u ' r e into we c a n use y o u . If y o u are a literary genius then y o u are especially w e l c o m e as articles o n eating-out, going-out, pub guide e t c . etc are needed now. S o pull y o u r finger out while you've still got the chance.

W i t h o u t a doubt though, the most contraversial aspect of the U n i o n this year has been F E L I X . Steve M a r s h a l l has never let a chance slip to point out the inadequacy a n d pettiness of those i n College administration a n d in U n i o n posts. H e has not shied away from defending the c o n c e p t of editorial freedom, refusing to be told what to d o by anyone. H i s editorial reign has been m o r e c o n c e r n e d with " q u a l i t y " than " q u a n t i t y " . H e seems to hold the U n i o n a n d its institutions in not inconsiderable disrespect, a n d there are very few peeople w h o c a n deal with h i m to their o w n advantage. Steve Marshall's editorial style has s o often resulted in the n e w s p a p e r being the news. H i s c a m p a i g n against D a r e Afolabi whilst being disgraceful was the talking point of many groups for s o m e time. T h e issue that caused the greatest controversy was at the start of 1981 a n d c o n c e r n e d the non-awarding of a k n i g h t h o o d to M r M o o n e y . A l l sections of College felt strongly about that issue either for or against, a n d strong pressure was put o n Steve M a r s h a l l to apologise to M r M o o n e y . H o w e v e r , he p u b l i s h e d a n article w h i c h explained what h a d happened a n d this was accepted as a n apology, by U n i o n C o u n c i l , even though it s h o w e d little sign of remorse or regret in it.

T i z a r d Hall Assistant

Sub-Wardens

A p p l i c a t i o n s are invited for two posts of assistant sub-warden w h i c h have been created in T i z a r d Hall for the academic year 1981/2. Rentfree a c c o m m o d a t i o n i n a single r o o m will be provided. T i z a r d Hall will have approximately 94 m e n a n d 24 w o m e n residents a n d the duties of the assistant sub-warden are to help the w a r d e n a n d sub w a r d e n with the day-to-day

you've got a big one!"

T h e other major issue w h i c h a r o u s e d passions were the insulting r e m a r k s made by Steve M a r s h a l l about P r i n c e ss A n n e . T h i s resulted in a motion of N o Confidence in h i m being brought to the Hustings U G M . W i t h his c u s t o m a r y disregard for precedent, he refused to speak in his o w n defence, but instead h a d a statement read o n his behalf (which included criticism of the E x e c ) in w h i c h he offered to resign there a n d then. T h i s was a dramatic m o v e , but the meeting d i d not sieze the opportunity of throwing h i m out, however. It is very difficult to say what the effect of t h i s y e a r ' s F E L I X h a s b e e n . It h a s b e e n claimed that F E L I X has made it difficult for the U n i o n to deal with College. I'm sure the people in College have more sense than that. F E L I X has been very controversial, and this means that most people read it, if only to be s h o c k e d b y b a r e b o t t o m s a n d o b s c e n i t i e s (for M r M a r s h a l l caters for all tastes). T h e controversy that so often surrounds F E L I X "hatchet-job" c a n to o easily be c o n c e r n e d with the style and nature of the article, rather than what the article was about. T h i s is a pity. B u t at least Steve M a r s h a l l c a n claim to have published what the U n i o n really thinks about certain people a n d institutions, as exemplified by what elected representatives are happy to say in the U n i o n B a r , r a t h e r t h a n o n C o l l e g e committees. organisation of the Hall a n d to contribute to its social life. B o t h female a n d male students of Imperial College are invited to apply a n d although the successful applicants would normally be postgraduates, applications from others will be considered o n their merits. Applications withacurriculumvitaeandnames College referees if possible, should be sent to Dr M H R Hutchinson, Warden, Tizard Hall, before July 3, 1981.

EXEC PARTY! T h u r s d a y 25th J u n e , 8:30

J C R , b a n d , bar extension 'til 2

Entrance by U n i o n C a r d


o n l y t o the u n i v e r s i t y , b u t also to the w o r l d at l a r g e . H e r e a g a i n he

A Considered Opinion

comes

his knowledge.

concerning

in College life

pressure

from

below

especially

in the

the acts w h i c h h a v e b e e n p e r p e t r a t e d b y his s u b o r d i n a t e s , often without

The role of the Rector

under

a d m i n i s t r a t i o n b l o c k i n t h a t h e has t o d e f e n d , i n p u b l i c at least,

a student's

useless

public

group

o f students

departure

Thus whether

it b e a

suicide o r the wastage

relations exercises, belonging

o f a prestigious

cover-up

of money o n

or the attitude towards a

to a m i n o r i t y society,

group

of academics

orthe

for another

university, the decisions have been m a d e collectively at a lower It is d i f f i c u l t , if n o t i m p o s s i b l e t o d i s e n t a n g l e t h e r o l e o f t h e R e c t o r as a p o s i t i o n w i t h t h e p e r s o n w h o h o l d s t h a t post a t a g i v e n t i m e . I t is a c o m m o n p l a c e ,

but nevertheless t r u e , to say

level a n d cannot, w i t h o u t great risk, be altered. T h i s present R e c t o r c a m e t o the post f r o m the S R C a n d has attempted

to a p p l y

to this C o l l e g e

the policies

w h i c h he

t h a t e f f e c t i v e l y t h e w a y t h e j o b is d o n e is a n i n t e r a c t i o n o f these

f o l l o w e d at the c o u n c i l n a m e l y the e s t a b l i s h i n g o f " c e n t r e s o f

t w o aspects. H o w e v e r , I shall e n d e a v o u r to e x a m i n e i n a little

e x c e l l e n c e " . H e does not like s m a l l i n s t i t u t i o n s v i z his n u m e r o u s

more detail how

attempts

this i n t e r a c t i o n works.

t o close

down

or amalgamate

the department of

T h e post o f R e c t o r is t h a t o f h e a d o f t h e C o l l e g e ; a l l a s p e c t s o f

a e r o n a u t i c s a n d r u m o u r s (the t r u t h o f w h i c h I h a v e b e e n u n a b l e

t h i s C o l l e g e . H e is t h u s h e a d o f t h e a c a d e m i c staff, h e a d o f t h e

to v e r i f y ) t o s p l i t u p R S M i n t o t h e o t h e r t w o c o l l e g e s . H i s i d e a s

t e c h n i c a l staff, a n d h e a d o f t h e a d m i n i s t r a t i v e staff. A s s u c h he is

of centres

subject to e n o r m o u s pressures f r o m e a c h section o f the C o l l e g e .

C a m b r i d g e , etc) w h i l e p o s s i b l y v a l i d f o r t h e s h o r t t e r m , i n t h e

The

l o n g r u n w i l l lead to a decline of o r i g i n a l research because s m a l l

pressures,

w h i c h normally have

t h ed i s t r i b u t i o n o f

of excellence

institutions have

e x a m p l e a p p o i n t m e n t s o f new lecturers from departments have

w h e n the m o d e s o f t h o u g h t i n h e r e n t i n the centres of e x c e l l e n c e

to b e b a l a n c e d b y the a d m i n i s t r a t i o n ' s u n q u e n c h a b l e thirst for

h a v e been e x h a u s t e d there w i l l be n o o r i g i n a l scientists i n o t h e r

n e w a d m i n i s t r a t o r s . I c o u l d g o f u r t h e r i n t o the c o m p e t i t i o n for

p l a c e s t o fill t h e

t h i s essay m o r e t e d i o u s t h a n is n e c e s s a r y . course,

that the R e c t o r

T h i s all means, o f

has t o b e a genius i n o r d e r to keep

Small

deprived of money.

Herstmonceux,

resources at t h e i r base, c a n take a w i d e v a r i e t y o f forms. F o r

resources f r o m v a r i o u s c o m m i t t e e s but to d o this w o u l d m a k e

been

(eg here, U M I S T ,

This means

that

gaps.

is i n d e e d

b e a u t i f u l , a n d efficient,

where

creative

processes are i n v o l v e d . B u t w i t h a R e c t o r w h o c a n n o t c o n t r o l t h e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n a n d i n d e e d , w i t h its c e n t r a l i s i n g a i m s , a p p e a r s

whoever

to b e i n s y m p a t h y w i t h i t , s u c h a d r e a m w i l l h a v e t o r e m a i n a

h a p p e n s to b e the R e c t o r , are a l w a y s m o d e r a t e l y u n h a p p y . T h e

d r e a m u n t i l the l e a d i n g position o f B r i t i s h science i n the w o r l d

o t h e r m a i n f u n c t i o n o f t h e R e c t o r is t o r e p r e s e n t t h e C o l l e g e not

has b e e n e r o d e d .

everybody

happy;

t h e result

is t h a t

most

people,

__, The

, , , Mole

4 "

t A A Nr l v S / M O MOZART OPERAS 13th-18th JULY 1981 Cosi fan tutte Don Giovanni Le nozze di Figaro Monday 13th July 7.00 p.m. Tuesdoy 14th July 7.00 p.m. Wednesday 15th July 7.00 p.m. Thursday 16th July 7.00 p.m. Friday 17th July 7.00 p.m. Saturday 18th July 7.30 p.m. 700 stalls promenade places available on the day of performance one hour before curtain up. £2.00 each including VAT. Further details: 01-240 l°ll 124-hour information servicel. Bargain offers for promenaders. Stalls seats for Amphi prices! Proms ticket stub will entitle you to drastic reductions on seals lot o number of performances by The Royal Opera. Full details supplied with tickets.

Midland Bank

Royal Opera House Sponsored by Midland Bank Limited. The Royal Opera House Covent Garden Limited receives financial assistance from The Arts Council of Great Britain.


1. What is the collective name for a group of IF students? a) A clutch b) A lay c) A gaggle d) A snatch e) A poke

2. What is the Rector doing in this photograph? a) Playing with his organ. b) Operating the controls of his greenhouse. c) Playing patience to avoid falling asleep at Commemoration Day. d) Beaming up the Captain. e) Realising he has brought his shopping list instead of the notes for his speech.

Which of the following happens every two years? a) The Rector changes his expression. b) Meet IC c) Estates fix a window. d) Mooney changes his chip fat. e) Bob Foggon's 35th Birthday.


4. Mr Afolabi has appeared quite often in FELIX this year, but what is his first name? a) Dennis b) Denton c) Dare d) Danny e) Diogenes 5. Who was described in FELIX as "fat and horrendously ugly"? a) Princess Anne b) Ruth Hildebrand c) Jeremy Nunns (Jasper) d) Rachel Snee e) Mary Attenborough

What event a) b) c) d) e)

1

did Captain Lindley organise on Wednesday, May 13? A seashanty evening A screening of Carry On Sailor Meet IC A salt beef and rum party A keelhauling of S J Marshall (Rtd)

Captain Lindley held a command before he came to IC. Was it: a) The Lusitania b) The Isle of Wight Ferry c) The Titanic d) The Torrey Canyon e) A few old sheds. 8. Who is the most overpaid, pompous, stuck-up, employee of Imperial College? a) Victor Mooney b) Captain Lindley c) John Thole d) Annie Latrine e) Stan 9. Which of the following has not been found in a Southside Refectory meal? a) Food b) Lord Lucan c) Rusty tractor wheel d) A colostomy bag e) The Chefs gold ring 10. Where will Steve Marshall be by the time you read this quiz? a) Wormwood Scrubs b) In bed c) Rampton d) Brisbane e) Rio De Janeiro Answers

elsewhere

in this journal


Victor Mooney: D e s p i s e d a n d rejected, a figure of f un t h r o u g h o u t t h e C o l l e g e , m a n y s t u d e n t s feel V i c t o r M o o n e y to be personally responsible for t h e p o o r R e f e c t o r y s e r v i c e . T h e y s e e h i m as t h e o b j e c t for t h e hate a n d d e r i s i o n that swells u p i n t h e m w h e n e a t i n g t h e poorly served "cheeps" and unnatural t a s t i n g meat c o u r s e s . P o w e r l e s s to s t r u g g l e against the R e f e c t o r i e s , w i t h a U n i o n w h i c h s o often t u r n s a blind-eye t o t h e iniquity a n d u n j u s t n e s s of V i c t o r M o o n e y w i t h h i s o w n y a c h t , h o w c a n s u c h a s t u d e n t register his d i s a p p o i n t m e n t w i t h t h e m e n a c e of Mooney's monsterous monopoly? O n e very important thing to be r e m e m bered when considering the Refectory s e r v i c e s , is that V i c t o r M o o n e y h a s b e e n at this C o l l e g e for t w e n t y - e i g h t y e a r s . O n e of t h e earliest r e f e r e n c e s t o V i c t o r M o o n e y i n F E L I X w a s i n 1955 w h e n h e t o o k over a l l t h e C o l l e g e c a t e r i n g w h e n M i s s " Q u e e n i e " B o w n i n g left, F E L I X w i s h e d h i m " t h e best of l u c k o n h i s n e w , a n d difficult venture". L a t e r o n that y e a r i n a S u g g e s t i o n s B o o k someone wrote " G o o d old M o o n e y ! Keep ! u p t h e g o o d w o r k ! K e e p off t h e g opposite w h i c h the "dietician-in-chief" wrote " n o t e d " . T a k i n g into account the p r o p o s i t i o n that s t u d e n t s w e r e in t h o s e d a y s a bit m o r e c i v i l , " k e e p u p t h e g o o d w o r k " is still a c o n g r a t u l a t o r y r e m a r k . H o w m a n y people today, twenty-six years later, would feel a b l e t o similarly praise" h i m ? T r i p p i n g t h r o u g h the y e a r s , to 1956, V i c t o r M o o n e y again has praise heaped u p o n h i m , t h i s t i m e for h i s " m a g n i f i c e n t a n d

The Truth.

determined effort" in opening a new r e f e c t o r y i n o n e d a y , despite set b a c k s w h i c h w o u l d h a v e " d e m o r a l i s e d a lesser

Praise T h e s e a r e s o m e e x a m p l e s of t h e laudatory statements made about V i c t o r M o o n e y , a n d at n o stage is there e v e n t h e m e r e s t hint of U n i o n c r i t i c i s m of h i m . B u t a few things n e e d t o be r e m e m b e r e d a b o u t e v e n t s at that t i m e . F i r s t l y , M r M o o n e y w a s a v i v a c i o u s t h i r t y - t h r e e y e a r - o l d full of n e w ideas a n d eager t o p l e a s e , t h e r e w e r e less staff w h i c h c r e a t e d a better a t m o s p h e r e , a n d t h o s e staff s h o w e d s o m e sign of p r i d e in their w o r k . A l s o , at that t i m e , t h e C o l l e g e w a s m u c h s m a l l e r a n d easier t o r u n .

Decrepitude M e a n w h i l e in 1957, M r M o o n e y was e x p e r i m e n t i n g to c u t the size of " e n o r m o u s supper queues". Perhaps those experim e n t s w o r k e d t o o well. A t this time also I C ' s c a t e r i n g b e g a n i n this w r i t e r ' s v i e w it's l o n g p r o c e s s of c o l l a p s i n g i n t o a n i n e x o r able pit of d e c r e p i t u d e . F o r i n s t a n c e the S u g g e s t i o n s B o o k c o n t a i n s r e m a r k s about p e a s ; c o m p a r i n g t h e m to lead s h o t , g r e e n bullets a n d indigestible ball-bearings. T h e s u b s t a n c e of t h e c o m p l a i n t s h a s r e m a i n e d fairly similar a l t h o u g h s i n c e t h e n t h e style h a s c h a n g e d ; e g " T h e white of a n e g g w a s rubbery, the yoke more so. T h e peas were h a r d . T h e c h i p s w e r e leathery a n d t h e w h o l e

d i s h w a s quite c o l d . " And, "For sometime I h a v e b e e n c o n f u s e d r e g a r d i n g engineering t e r m s , e g d u c t i l i t y , rigidity, tensile strength, h a r d n e s s a n d b r i t t l e n e s s . Your pastry d e m o n s t r a t e s t h e l o t . " (A possible first reference to T H E b a k e d minced beef roll?)

Complaints In 1 9 6 1 , M r M o o n e y w a s p e r s o n a l l y a t t a c k e d i n FELIX for i g n o r i n g sugestions a n d c o m p l a i n t s , a n d f o r h i s total indiff e r e n c e . C o u l d this p o s s i b l y be t h e same Mr M o o n e y w h o o n l y s i x y e a r s earlier was hailed as a h e r o b y t h e U n i o n ? Y e s . A t the start of t h e A u t u m n t e r m , 1961 FELIX r e p o r t e d the l o n g q u e u e s in the R e f e c t o r y . A t t h i s t i m e , t h e demand o u t s t r i p p e d t h e s u p p l y , a n d t h e staff had to try v e r y h a r d to get e v e r y o n e served. E v e n i n 1 9 6 1 t h o u g h , c o m p l a i n t s of e x t r a n e o u s m a t e r i a l s finding their way into h e l p i n g s of f o o d w e r e m a d e , e g a "bundle of w i r e , t w o t h i r d s of w h i c h I u n f o r t u n a t e l y s w a l l o w e d w h i l e e a t i n g y o u r otherwise e x c e l l e n t a p p l e p i e " . M r M o o n e y gave his n o w f a m i l i a r r e p l y o f a s k i n g the comp l a i n a n t s to t a k e t h e m e a l back to the c o u n t e r at t h e t i m e .

Bring it back T h i s s i m p l e r e q u e s t — b r i n g it back at the t i m e — i s o n e of t h e best defensive ploys u s e d b y V i c t o r M o o n e y t o k e e p criticism of the r e f e c t o r i e s to a m i n i m u m ; w h y else use it for t w e n t y y e a r s ? W h a t s t u d e n t is going to r i s k t h e d i s g r u n t l e m e n t o f others by r e t u r n i n g t o t h e c o u n t e r t o make a c o m p l a i n t a b o u t t h e f o o d t o t h e staff who often, t h r o u g h n o fault of their own, find d i f f i c u l t y u n d e r s t a n d i n g English, thus h o l d i n g u p t h e q u e u e a n d u p s e t t i n g an a l r e a d y t o u c h y staff m e m b e r . A cry of "the peas a r e c o l d t o d a y " might be better, and a w a r n i n g like " d o n ' t h a v e t h e salad, there's glass i n i t " w o u l d s u r e l y help others to avoid the o d d d i s h that e v e n M r V i c t o r Mooney a d m i t s " w e fall d o w n o n " . V i c t o r M o o n e y hit the h e a d l i n e s again in 1973. H e w a s c o n d e m n e d for his attitude to U n i o n m e e t i n g s , h a v i n g " d e v e l o p e d a fine art i n f e n d i n g off q u e s t i o n s like some dispasi o n a t e o b s e r v e r . L i s t e n i n g t o his Union m e e t i n g offerings it s e e m e d h a r d l y credible that he h a s a n y r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s towards I C c a t e r i n g at a l l " . A l s o " M r M o o n e y ' s general a i m s s e e m e d t o be t o pass o n the blame and r e s p o n s i b i l i t y t o o t h e r s . P r i c e ' i n c r e a s e s ' are t h e f a u l t o f c a s h i e r s o v e r c h a r g i n g , the c o n t i n u a n c e of t h e habit is t h e fault of s t u d e n t s n o t c o m p l a i n i n g , a n d t h e fault for the b a d quality of t h e f o o d lies with the refectories having too many c u s t o m e r s . "

Propaganda This photograph shows a typical meal served congealed beans, and an unrecognisable third

up in an IC refectory; portion.

shrivelled

chips,

T h i s is a n e x a m p l e of t h e l o n g catalogue of lies a n d deceitful p r o p a g a n d a p u t about


by V i c t o r M o o n e y o v e r t h e last t w o d e c a d e s . N o s t u d e n t h a s the k n o w l e d g e o r time t o fully c h a l l e n g e t h e s t a t e m e n t s . Student representatives o n the various r e f e c t o r y c o m m i t t e e s c o u l d find it easy t o be t a k e n i n b y V i c t o r M o o n e y ' s false facade of c o n c e r n a b o u t the s t a n d a r d of c a t e r i n g here. In 1970, t h e u n h y g e n i c n a t u r e o f t h e k i t c h e n s w a s w i d e l y r e p o r t e d i n The Sun, when refectory boycotts were organised and a U G Mp a s s e d a m o t i o n of n o c o n f i d e n c e i n t h e r e f e c t o r y c h a i r m a n at that time. R e p l y i n g t o a c c u s a t i o n s of c o c k r o a c h infestation M r J i m K e a r n s a C o l l e g e e m p l o y e e t o l d The Sun they w e r e " h o g w a s h " , because there were cockroaches i n all kitchens.

Stupid D u r i n g t h e early 7 0 s t h e r e w a s m u c h criticism of the high price rises i n t h e refectories as a whole, but despite the boycotts a n d U G M motions, nothing was d o n e . In 1975 M r M i k e W i l l i a m s , a n e x F E L I X E d i t o r c o m p l a i n e d bitterly a b o u t t h e stupid attitudes taken b y V i c t o r M o o n e y and Peter Teague, then I C U President. V i c t o r M o o n e y tried t o increase refectory p r i c e s b y 4 0 % w i t h o u t i n c r e a s i n g the qu ality ; M r Teague wanted refectory boycotts. M r . W i l l i a m s c a l l e d for e a c h side t o trust e a c h o t h e r . I suggest that this U n i o n h a s t r u s t e d Victor M o o n e y long enough, a n d he has b e e n a l l t o o willing t o b e t r a y that t r u s t .

Why? B u t w h y is the r e f e c t o r y s e r v i c e s o b a d ? T h e r e a r e m a n y p o s s i b l e replies t o this often a s k e d question. V i c t o r M o o n e y ' s favourite a n s w e r is " W e h a v e t o p r o v i d e a c a p a c i t y s e r v i c e until C h r i s t m a s a n d for half that n u m b e r for t h e rest of t h e y e a r . " L e t ' s c o n s i d e r that a n s w e r a bit m o r e fully. V i c t o r M o o n e y lets o u t a n i n t e r e s t i n g figure. F o r one t e r m t h e r e f e c t o r i e s a r e u s e d h e a v i l y a n d for the o t h e r t w o t e r m s n o t s o h e a v i l y , but at n o time is t h e f o o d a n y g o o d . W h e t h e r p u s h e d to c a p a c i t y o r t i c k i n g o v e r , V i c t o r M o o n e y just c a n 't s e e m t o get t h e catering right.Secondly, Victor Mooney seems aware that t h e n u m b e r s using the r e f e c t o r i e s is d r o p p i n g a l l t h e t i m e . I suggest that this is b e c a u s e , at first, t h e r e f e c t o r i e s a r e u s e d in t h e m a i n b y s t u d e n t s in their first y e a r at C o l l e g e . A s t i m e progresses those students b e c o m e more s e t t l e d i n , c o o k i n g for t h e m s e l v e s , o r finding local eating places.

Excuse A n o t h e r popular excuse for the catering h e r e , is that the r e f e c t o r i e s a n d b a r s h a v e to be self-financing. C o l l e g e d e c i d e d that it's U G C grant w o u ld be spent o n mainly a c c a d e m i c e x p e n d i t u r e , t h u s m a k i n g it harder for the U G C to c u t I C ' s without harming College academically. S o the r e f e c t o r y s e r v i c e h a s t o p a y it's o w n w a y . If it m a k e s a loss it c a n be b a i l e d o u t b y the B a r profits, b u t n o t h i n g else. O n e y e a r ' s loss w o u l d have to be r e c o u p e d by next year's higher p r i c e s .

H U E S T U D E N T S at a L o n d o n college p r o t e s t e d angrily about the cockroaches. T h e y f o u n d thorn i n t h e k i t c h e n s a n d i n the h a l l s of r e s i d e n c e . S o m e of t h e insects e v e n scuttled a r o u n d the c o m mon rooms while students watched television, says t h e . m a g a zine of< students at t h e Imperial C o l l e g e of Science a n d Technology. It w a s the last straw w h e n three students found cockroaches i n their v o l au-vent.

'Hog-wash' Students are now p l a n n i n g to boycott the d i n i n g hall. Student William Honeyborne said yesterday: " S p r a y s no l o n g e r h a v e a n y effect because there are so many cockroaches. " We canont give the date of the boycott because wo do n o t w a n t it a n t i c i p a t e d i n the k i t c h e n s . " C o l l e g e staff m e m b e r J i m Kearns, said: "These c o m p l a i n t s a r c a lot of hogvvash. i n a l l k i t c h e n s there a r e a c e r t a i n n u m ber of c o c k r o a c h e s . "

A n extract from The Sun, January 19 1970. If Mr Mooney were a commercial caterer he would probably hit the headlines more often.

But there are other reasons which might h e l p to e x p l a i n t h e s i t u a t i o n . If t h e uncooked food is of a poor quality, then no matter how well c o o k e d , in a flyless, c o c k r o a c h l e s s k i t c h e n , by e x p e r i e n c e d staff, it still will come out as rubbish, eg a sausage made of sawdust will never be "fit for a K i n g " (or Prince Phillip). But even "sawdust sausages" could not be expected to survive the battering given to them in Mooney's kitchens. I said it was important to recall that Victor Mooney has been at this College for a long time. During that period he has buiit up good relationships with many influential people in College and the Union. He has been made a member of at least two C C U drinking clubsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;no doubt for his services to annual dinners, and by assisting the rising stars in College has made life a bit easier for himself. When dignatories have visited the College, eg for Meet IC or Royal Visits, Victor Mooney has ensured that the food is of the highest qualityâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;thus giving a false impression of the catering here. Whilst the functional catering is often to be highly recommended, it must be remembered that the Refectories are here to provide a service to students and staff, not to entertain rich outsiders.

Immunity O v e r the y e a r s t h e n , I suggest that V i c t o r M o o n e y h a s built u p a n a l m o s t c o m p l e t e immunity from criticism a i m e d ath i m p e r s o n a l l y , o r at the b r a n c h of t h e d o m e s t i c s e r v i c e h e is p e r s o n a l l y r e s p o n s i b l e f o r maintaining. This does n o t help, because the a u t h o r i t i e s i n t h e U n i o n often w a n t pe o pl e i n C o l l e g e t o b e c r i t i c i s e d , i n t h e h o p e of getting s o m e a c t i o n o u t of t h e m . If s e r i o u s c r i t i c i s m is n o t a c c e p t e d , t h e n o n l y satire a n d s a r c a s m a r e left.

Criticism T h e c r i t i c i s m s of V i c t o r M o o n e y a n d the c a t e r i n g have t e n d e d t o o v e r s h a d o w w h a t is being criticised. T h e catering has b e c o m e a long-standing joke, a n d students n o doubt ask t h e m s e l v e s is it really w o r t h b o t h e r i n g t o c o m p l a i n , is it really w o r t h c a u s i n g a fuss? I suggest that b e c a u s e of t h e n a t u r e of the c o m p o s i t i o n of t h e C o l l e g e few s t u d e n t s a r e p r e p a r e d t o struggle against the r e f e c t o r y s y s t e m . W i t h i n the first few w e e k s they h a v e become ground d o w n by the food a n d are m o r e i n t e r e s t e d i n their d e g r e e t h a n i n t a k i n g part i n a n y p r o c e s s of c h a n g e . T h e College authorities must not think for o n e m i n u t e that t h e l a c k of a c t i o n b y t h e U n i o n a n d the often h u m o r o u s a t t i t u d e a d d o p t e d by F E L I X t o w a r d M r M o o n e y m e a n s that the c a t e r i n g h e r e is g r u d g i n g l y a c c e p t e d b y " t h e silent m a j o r i t y " of s t u d e n t s , b e c a u s e it is m o s t e m p h a t i c a l l y n o t .

Peroration In the 1950s V i c t o r M o o n e y w a s r e g a r d e d as a c o m p e t e n t r e f e c t o r y m a n a g e r . S i n c e that t i m e , the s i z e of t h e C o l l e g e has g r o w n , the d e m a n d s made o n t h e r e f e c t o r y manager have increased, a n dV i c t o r M o o n e y ' s reputation has taken a tumble. I suggest that this is b e c a u s e the j o b h a s g o n e outside hisability. Despite the most f e r o c i o u s c r i t i c i s m of h i m i n F E L I X a n d at U n i o n m e e t i n g s o v e r the last t w e n t y y e a r s , there has been n o general i m p r o v e m e n t i n the taste o r r e d u c t i o n i n the e x t o r t i o n a t e p r i c e s of r e f e c t o r y f o o d . W h y s h o u l d I C be s o sadly striken with such unappetising food? W h y should the f o o d r e m a i n s o b a d for s o l o n g , e v e n t h o u g h the k i t c h e n s have t h e most up-to-date e q u i p m e n t ? I believe that there is o n e c o n n e c t i o n b e t w e e n t h e s e a n d all the p o i n t s ever m a d e a b o u t t h e f o o d h e r e in the last 28 y e a r s . T h a t c o n n e c t i o n is n o n e o t h e r t h a n Victor Mooney. T h e p l a i n t r u t h is that V i c t o r M o o n e y s i m p l y isn't u p t o h i s j o b of o r g a n i s i n g the c a t e r i n g h e r e . It's n o t a n e a s y j o b , t h e r e a r e m a y b e o n l y a s m a l l n u m b e r of p e o p l e w h o c o u l d d o it. U n f o r t u n a t e l y , V i c t o r M o o n e y isn't o n e of that s m a l l n u m b e r . Whatever good he has done, whatever w r o n g he h a s s u f f e r e d , this writer a s k s y o u to a c c e p t that V i c t o r M o o n e y s h o u l d n e v e r have b e e n g i v e n c o n t r o l of t h e c a t e r i n g h e r e , that n o o n e regrets it m o r e t h a n t h o s e r e s p o n s i b l e f o r his a p p o i n t m e n t a n d V i c t o r M o o n e y himself, t h e r e c a n b e n o i m p r o v e m e n t i n the c a t e r i n g whilst V i c t o r M o o n e y is still h e r e , s o t h e s o o n e r he goes t h e better.


CAPTAIW

LMVm r

CAJCEWDAft

J-


R e g u l a r p a t r o n s of M r M o o n e y ' s f i n e r e f e c t o r y facilities c a n n o t have failed to have n o t i c e d that m a n y of the c a t e r i n g staff are of Italian, S p a n i s h o r F r e n c h e x t r a c t i o n . F o r the a i d a n d benefit of all o u r r e a d e r s , w e p r e s e n t b e l o w a guide of useful p h r a s e s w h i c h w i l l be of i n e s t i m a b l e v a l u e i n c o m m u n i c a t i n g w i t h o u r f r i e n ds w h o s e r v e in the r e f e c t o r i e s , f r o m w h o m g o o d s e r v i c e a n d civility is a n u n e x p e c t e d p l e a s u r e .

How to converse with refectory staff of foreign extraction F R E N C H

I T A L I A N

Do you serve indigestion tablets with every course?

V o u s devriez servir entre chaque plat des pilules contre les m a u x d'estomac.

C o n ogni portata servite anche delle pasticche digestive?

c S i r v e n pastillas digestivas con cada comida?

When I want a cold meal I will ask for one.

Je vous le d i r a i , lorsque je voudrais manger f r o i d !

Se voglio u n pasto d i solito lo o r d i n o .

C u a n d o quiera u n frio se lo pedire.

Was this omelette made with pterodactyl eggs?

D i t e s - d o n c , c'est des ceufs dc plesiosaure q u ' i l y a dans cette omelette?

Questa frittata e stata fatta con uova d i dinosauro?

i H a hecho esta tortilla con huevos de pterodactilo?

Frozen food should be de-frosted before you serve it.

Je vois que vous n'avez pas eu le temps de degivrer cette n o u r r i t u r e .

P r i m a d i servire i c i b i surgelati bisogna sghi acciarli.

L o s alimentos congelados hay que descongelarlos a n tes de servir.

May I have another plate for the maggots ?

D o n n e z - m o i done une c u vette p o u r y mettre les vers!

M i darebbe u n piatto a parte per i v e r m i ?

i T i e n e otro plato dejar los gusanos?

Do you supply a magnifying glass with your meals ?

11 me faut une loupe pour trouver ce que vous me servez!

C o n i suoi pasti da anche una lente d i i n g r a d i m e n t o ?

c N o dan una l u p a , junto con la c o m i d a ?

That fly looks extremely wellcooked.

Oh la belle mouche! C ' q u ' e l l e est bi e n c u i t e !

Q u e l l a mosca e cotta alia perfezione.

Esta mosca esta m u y bien guisada.

Get your dirty thumb out of the soup.

S o r t e z - m o i ce gros de m a soupe!

T o l g a i l suo s u d i c i o dalla m i n e s t r a .

dito

Saque el dedo gordo de la sopa.

Did you have a recipe for this or did it just accumulate from the left-overs ?

D i t e s - d o n c , vous l'avez fait a partir d'une recette, ou bien vous avez s i m p l e m e n t accomode les restes?

Questo piatto e cucinato secondo una ricetta o sono degli avanzi messi insieme?

i Este plato lo hacen con receta, o con las sobras de los demas?

That sauce looks very artisticâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; just like paint.

C'est de la belle sauce artistique, o n dirait de la peinture.

Q u e l l a salsa ha u n aspetto veramente artistico, sembra vernice.

E s t a salsa es m u y artistica, parece p i n t u r a .

Has the electricity been cut off. I asked for a hot meal.

V o u s n'avez plus de feu? J ' a i demande u n plat c h a u d .

E mancata la corrente? volevo u n pasto caldo.

Io

i L e s han cortado la l u z ? H e pedido u n plato cabente.

How many times have you heated up this meal?

C o m b i e n de fois vous l'avez deja rechauffe, ce plat?

Q u a n t e volte e stata r i s c a l data questa pietanza?

cCuantas veces ha recalentado este plato?

Has the cook been having a bath in this soup ?

P o u a h ! Q a de la soupe ? O n dirait q u e le chef s'est lave les pieds l a - d e d a n s !

I n questa minestra ha fatto il bagno i l cuoco?

: Se ha banado el cocinero en esta sopa?

Why don't you try employing a chef instead of a washer-up to do the cooking?

E t si vous employie z u n chef, plutot q u ' u n p l o n geur, p o u r faire v o i r e c u i sine?

Perche n o n impiega u n cuoco per cucinare invece d i uno sguattero?

i P o r que no a l q u i l a n un cocinero en lugar de un pinche para hacer la comida?

Now get someone who can add up to total that bill.

M a i n t e n a n t , allez me c h e r cher q u e l q u ' u n q u i sache faire p r o p r e m e n t une a d dition.

E d ora c h i a m i q u a l c u no che il conto lo sa fare.

i N o hay nadie que sumar la nota?

How many pebple chewed this before I got it?

V o u s l'avez donne a macher a tOL:" le m o n d e , avant de

Q u e s t o , quanta gente lo ha gia masticato?

c'Cuantos clientes lo han masticado antes que yo?

pouce

freddo

me servir.''

â&#x20AC;˘

plato

para

sepa


k n o w n College nobodies and hushed whispers of excitement circulated as t h e B a r o n Flowers and his good lady wife arrived on t h e scene. Amids t the heady chit-chat the effervescent first lady was heard proclaiming how well the College W i v e s ' stall at the R a g Fete had done. At this point Brian w o k e up and piped "so it should have . . . I made the j a m . "

EHowfl on Ftwtt

By B.B. Wolffe I was most surprised at all the fuss the editor has been m a k i n g over this C a p t a i n Lindley fellow. T h e last thing I remember hearing about h i m was that he was rushing a r o u n d telling V i c t o r M o o n e y to slap a writ on the paper following the N e w Y e a r ' s H o n o u r s s h o c k e r . Reading between the lines on the issues that I've m i s s e d , 1 gained the impression that people aren't too sure of who he is or exactly what he does. A s D o m e s t i c Secretary he's employed to ensure that everything's ship shape a n d Bristol fashion in the domestic section (which includes B o o k i n g s , C l e a n i n g Services, Messengers and Refectories). S o m e of the staff in Sherfield seem to think he's also that white bearded c h a p who advertises fish fingers on the box ( C a p t a i n Birdseye?) but there's not a scrap of truth in the r u m o u r I c a n tell you! H i s big thing seems to be " M e e t I C " , the C o l l e g e ' s P R job on the local r e s i d e n t s . Basically the idea is that we wheel in a few of the geriatrics from the locale, fill 'em up with food a n d wine, s h o w them a few displays in the J C R a n d then pray to G o d that they don't c o m p l a i n w h e n you're blasting M o t o r h e a d at 50 watts per c h a n n el from your b e d r o o m and urinating o n their geraniums! T h e old salt seems a little confused about the whole affair though. H e was under the impression that about five h u n d r e d people were due to attend the recent d o , but only one h u n d r e d and seventeen had actually accepted invitations. Imagine h o w the p o o r exhibitors in the J C R felt after spending m a n y h o u r s preparing their displays. A p p a r e n t l y so few people actually turned up that M a r t i n P a r s o n s ( M r M o o n e y ' s understudy) was seen wandering a r o u n d pressing wine o n any strangers in the vicinity of the buffet. T h e r e was so m u c h wine flowing that even J o h n P a s s m o r e couldn't manage it by himself! A n y w a y , as his title suggests, he is well versed in nautical matters a n d is quite often seen t r i m m i n g his sail a n d setting off on some vital mission or other. W h e n at a party with the M e w s residents o n c e , he was most embar rassed w h e n s o m e o n e strolled over and said loudly " W h y it's Petty Officer L i n d l e y ! " W h e t h e r this was a statement of rank or a c o m m e n t o n his attitudes remains uncertain.

SKcfaj FUtgena Senior W a r d e n and well-known socialite D o n M o n r o threw a wild beef steak party at the back of W e e k s Hall a few weeks ago. D o n (Kermit to his friends) invited all the well-

D o n M o n r o has also been very busy in recent weeks following the controversy of the r e d i s t r i b u t i o n of w o m e n i n t h e H a l l s of Residence. T h e Senior W a r d e n was rightly c o n c e r n e d that Residence C o m m i t t e e should act on an informed basis a n d quickly prepared a questionnaire on the topic for distribution in the Hails a n d H o u s e s . T o avoid the possibility of one side or the other (for whatever reason) copying the forms a n d unfairly weighting the results, he set about the task of individually stamping the forms with a different number. It was not until he was stamping the very last form however, that it was pointed out to him that he was stamping the top half of the form above the "tear off and r e t u r n " slip.

Skakz a Lm 1 see that s o m e b o d y has written an article on F r e e m a s o n r y in this issue. W h a t a surprise it was to me (a mere W a t e r Buffalo) that s u c h things actually happen in College! I m e a n , I c a n hardly imagine any of the top College k n o b s like B r i a n a n d V i c t o r roaming a r o u n d half naked chanting a load of m u m b o - j u m b o . It strikes me that it might be a bit of fun when you've had a few too many, but do they really take it seriously enough to partake in all this cloak a n d dagger nonsense? A n y w a y , I k n o w for a fact that the handshake business is completely w r o n g , as I o n c e saw a retired captain and a M a c D o n a l d s chef swapping s u c h niceties at a party. H e r e ' s a friend and I demonstrating the real grip.

Q u i c k as a flash he s u m m o n e d forth an example of characteristic wit. " O h shit!" he said, stamping the last form.

Jilted JPJCH J o h n P a s s m o r e ' s part in the redistribution of w o m e n in H a l l saga p r o m p t e d one w r y c o m m e n t from D o n M o n r o . K n o w i n g J o h n is keen to be a subwarden next year when he takes o n a P h D , he quipped " W e l l , he c a n forget Beit I suppose!" S u b s e q u e n t l y it a p p e a r s t h a t J o h n h a s actually applied for a subwardenship, but in M i n i n g H o u s e (more his league I suppose). H a v i n g been the greatest I C U President in l i v i n g m e m o r y a n d k n o w i n g m o s t of t h e selection committee, he naturally a s s u m e d that he w o u l d have a " g o o d c h a n c e " of getting the job. Imagine my surprise then, when a very g o o d source told me that when interviewed he was considered " a complete and utter prat". T h e job was given to s o m e o n e else.

N e w s has reached m y ears of the s o r d i d goings-on in the U n i o n Office. O n the day of the D e r b y not only was J o h n (I did it my way) Passmore off getting pissed as usual, but matronly administrator J e n H a r d y - S m i t h was running a b o o k ! W e l l , it was only a sweepstake really, and I gather that " N a p " H a r d y - S m i t h joyfully set about the task of m a t c h i n g the names of punters to their horses by drawing n a m e s w t i t t e n o n p i e c e s of p a p e r o u t of alternate hats. W h e n Rae Snee and C h r i s t i n e Teller were a s k ed to dr a w , a peculiar situation arose w h e n Rae drew C h r i s t i n e Teller's name from the " n a m e s " hat. A l l the bets were that C h r i s s y would return the compliment w h e n she drew the horse!

Wto pdh tke ahima m College? It came as no surprise to me that someone has at last d r a w n attention to the similarity between C a p t a i n W h i t e and C o l o n e l Lindley (see letters page). F o r some weeks now I have had this feeling that a scandal would s o o n break in the higher orders. Imagine m y h o r r o r

w h e n I discovered that B r i a n himself is the spitting image of C a p t a i n Scarlet's sidekick, Lieutenant G r e e n . If all the top College bods turn out to be w o o d e n headed marionettes, then who's really in charge? L e t ' s hope that it's not C o l o n e l W h i t e !


o

Wmm t Meet Primelia College I After Captain Birdseye, the Domesticated Secretary of Primelia College, had stood and counted all the people | visiting 'Meet PC he decided to get a more detailed I breakdown of their number. Amble, Bumble, Crumble and Drudge were each in charge of a stall, and the good Captain asked Amble how many visitors each of the four stalls had had. "Well," replied Amble, "the product of the four

In the first Scaramouche puzzle described the intriguing telephi

m in the

East European town o f Kuratowskigrad. Y o u will remember that there is n o central teleph. exchange, a n d y o u c a n only phone o n e hous> from a n o t h e r i f t h e r e i s a n independ> cafa/ es none underground cable joining the two ~" each cross, a n d n o cable r>»" e jable serves nt '°uSt es N o w •-' - No e t t

numbers

is 270. No stall had fewer visitors than mine, and each of the people

t

visiting the exhibition came to just one of our

four stalls." "I'm afraid you haven't given me enough information," retorted the Captain after only a brief week's reflection, "I can't even deduce the four numbers, let alone which number belongs to which stall." "You're quite right; let me also say that the difference between the numbers of Bumble's visitors and Crumble's visitors is at least as large as the number of people who did not visit Bumble's stall." But this was all too much for Captain Birdseye, whose stomach was recalling a particularly choppy night on the Isle of Wight ferry. But that was his own fault, as Amble had given him enough information to deduce the numbers of visitors to each of the four stalls How many?

* « o /,„„_.

the

P U z z h

six

..normed me o i his friends, a n d n o town is connected t o less than five T h i s m e a n s t h e r e m u s t b e a t least •en houses in the town (see diagram). B u t . n y friend has since written t o point out a slight inaccuracy: while I was right in saying that n o one is connected t o less than five others, I should have said that m y friend is the only c o n n e c t e d t o exactly six others S o n o w what is the smalk there c o u l d b e i n K i answer

P e r on s

nes.

ouse Olv v o u Ork s

3

Possible

r

Spelling B Or, in the case of most of the FELIX staff, spelling b awful. Here are a few of my favourite words whose spelling is somewhat surprising. How many of them are correctly spelt here? (Okay, so I'm a peddant.) 11 liquefy rarefy

iridescent inoculation

putrefy mars (disfigures) stupefy consensus liquefaction loth (unwilling) rarefaction supersede putrefaction stupefaction

M/hich of the following poker hands is the best to hold in an ordinary game of poker? Which is the worst? Whichhands are of equal strength? The game is being played with an ordinary 52-card pack and there are no wild cards. (AS means ace of spades, etc.) (a) (b) (c) (d) (e)

AS AS AS AS AS

AH AD KS KH AH AD QS QC AH AD QS QH AH AD 6S 6 C AH AD ™~

o


Postamble

o

A n d here's my third end-of-term puzzle page, and welcome to it! A s before, the puzzles are of two types. Unmarked puzzles are for amusement only. They're on the easy side, but that doesn't mean they're trivial, and if the answer to the poker puzzle opposite seems obvious, then think again! The sworded puzzles each carry a £2 prize which will be awarded to the first correct solution opened at 1:00pm on the first day of next term. In addition, for the person who answers the most prize puzzles correctly, there is a cash bonus of £2, plus a £10 voucher redeemable at Mend-a Bike. If there is a tie for this prize, then I will use 'Kuratowskigrad Revisited' as a tie-breaker, and award the prize to the person who finds the smallest number of houses. Incidentally, I've no idea what the smallest possible value is; I'll award the prize to the person who submits a correct solution with the lowest number of houses. M a n y t h a n k s again to P e t e a n d W i l l , the managers of Mend-a-Bike, for their continuing

Blanche

(White)

generosity, to Grey Spider for the chess puzzle, to Gerald Donovan for some of the easy ones, and to Steve for the trichromatics. Answers to the sworded puzzles, as usual, to me c o FELIX Office. The correct solutions will appear in the first F E L I X of next term. Answers to last week's puzzle, the Phoenix puzzle, and some of the unmarked puzzles on this page are somewhere else in this F E L I X . (Sorry we can't be more specific, but we didn't know where there would be room at the time of priming this page!)


FREEMASONRY A Helping Hand in College? F o l l o w i n g the r e c e n t c o n t r o v e r s y o v e r the P 2 L o d g e in Italy a n d t h e a l m o s t inevitable c o r r u p t i o n that follows after all the higher e c h e l o n s of a s o c i e t y d e d i c a t e t h e m s e l v e s t o p e r p e t u a t i n g t h e i r o w n i n t e r e s t s , the E d i t o r d e c i d e d to investigate the part F r e e m a s o n r y p l a y s i n t h e r u n n i n g of Imperial College. The subject of F r e e m a s o n r y is, b y its v e r y n a t u r e , p o o r l y p u b l i c i s e d a n d there c a n be few n o n F r e e m a s o n s w h o h a v e a n y k n o w l e d g e of the C r a f t itself, let a l o n e its influence i n the College. This article attempts to shed a little light o n b o t h , b u t c a n n o t h o p e t o be definitive. B e l o n g i n g t o a m a s o n i c lodge s h o u l d n o t be t h o u g h t of as a c r i m e . T h e a u t h o r feels that while t h e t r u e c o n c e p t of m a s o n r y itself is not n e c e s s a r i l y a point of c o n t e n t i o n , it d o e s i n d e e d p r o v i d e a m e a n s . of c o r r u p t i o n . T h e popularised view 'amongst nonF r e e m a s o n s is that M a s o n s a r e a g r o u p of p e o p l e w h o w a n d e r r o u n d f r o m t o p job to t o p j o b b y s i m p l y k n o w i n g t h e right secret handshake, a n d prance a r o u n d half-naked w h e n being- initiated i n t o t h e L o d g e . T h e p o p u l a r i s e d v i e w a m o n g s t M a s o n s is that n o n - M a s o n s h a v e n o i d e a w h a t the secret h a n d s h a k e is ('cos it's s e c r e t ) a n d c o u l d n ' t possibly k n o w what happens during a M a s o n ' s initiation. W e l l , tbe former d e s c r i p t i o n is n o t far f r o m the t r u t h a n d the latter s t a t e m e n t is w a y off the m a r k as M a s o n i c l i t e r a t u r e m a y be o b t a i n e d w i t h ' ( r e l a t i v e ) e a s e . ( S e e o t h e r s o u r c e s of r e f e r e n c e s list at end.) T h e M a s o n i c C r a f t is b a s e d o n K i n g S o l o m o n ' s T e m p l e ; all r e f e r e n c e s in the initiation c e r e m o n i e s a n d c u r i o u s p a s s w o r d s are d e r i v e d f r o m this s o u r c e a n d m a y be r e a d a b o u t q u i t e freely i n W a l t o n H a n n a h ' s e x c e l l e n t b o o k Darkness Visible. W a l t o n H a n n a h (a n o n - F r e e m a s o n ) , w h o is n o w in C a n a d a , r e s e a r c h e d the b o o k while he was a C h u r c h m a n b a s e d in Q u e e n s g a t e , in c o n j u n c t i o n w i t h a s e n i o r m e m b e r of the a c a d e m i c staff at I C . M r H a n n a h o b t a i n e d i n f o r m a t i o n b y p o s i n g as a M a s o n utilising M a s o n i c r o b e s s o l d off by a M a s o n ' s w i d o w . A n e n l i g h t e n i n g b o o k , well w o r t h a r e a d if y o u c a n find a c o p y .

THE FIRST DEGREE GRIP: recognised by all masons as the Notice that the thumb presses into the first joint of the handshake. where it meets the hand.

universal forefinger

w h i c h t o the u n s u s p e c t i n g n o n - F r e e m a s o n w o u l d go totally u n n o t i c e d , eg d r a w i n g o n e ' s glass a c r o s s the t h r o a t before d r i n k i n g , w h i c h is a n e x t e n s i o n of a " c u t m y t h r o a t a n d h o p e t o d i e " p e n a l sign of the F i r s t Degree. H o w a M a s o n " u s e s " his massive c o l l e c t i o n of " c o n n e c t i o n s " d e p e n d s , of c o u r s e , o n the i n d i v i d u a l ' s p e r s o n a l i t y . O n o n e h a n d , F r e e m a s o n r y is a large, v e r y a c t i v e s o c i a l c l u b that c o l l e c t s m o n e y for c h a r i t y a n d p r o v i d e s funds for a h o s p i t a l (the R o y a l M a s o n i c H o s p i t a l â&#x20AC;&#x201D; t h e r e is one near H a m l e t G a r d e n s ) , but o n the o t h e r it c a n be s e e n as a n unfair r o u t e to p o s i t i o n s w h i c h w o u l d be h a r d e r to r e a c h by c o n v e n t i o n a l m e a n s a n d , at a n e x t r e m e , d o w n r i g h t c o r r u p t i o n as in Italy.

T h e n w e have P a s t M a s t e r s , the S e n i o r a n d J u n i o r D e a c o n s a n d the Inner G u a r d . T h e s e are the " o f f i c e r s " of a M a s o n i c L o d g e a n d c o n t r o l all of its f u n c t i o n s a n d are i n s t r u m e n t a l i n t h e i n i t i a t i o n of a n e w C a n d i d a t e to the L o d g e . O u t s i d e the t e m p l e s t a n d s the T y l e r , the o u t e r g u a r d to the m e e t i n g w h o helps c a n d i d a t e s d r e s s for initiation a n d " f e n d s off" i n t r u d e r s . T h e o r d i n a r y M a s o n s w e a r a p r o n s to i n d i c a t e their D e g r e e . T h e F i r s t is of plain w h i t e l a m b s k i n , the S e c o n d is the s a m e b u t w i t h t w o blue r o s e t t e s in the l o w e r c o r n e r s a n d the T h i r d is b o r d e r e d w i t h b l u e , has m e t a l tassles a n d a t h i r d r o s e t te in the point of the flap. Office b e a r e r s w e a r jewels a n d e m b l e m s of their office f r o m c o l l a r s of blue silk.

I h a v e m e n t i o n e d t h e " D e g r e e " of F r e e m a s o n r y . T h e r e are t h r e e m a i n levels of the Craft, " F i r s t D e g r e e " or " E n t e r e d Apprentice"; " S e c o n d Degree" or "FellowC r a f t " ; " T h i r d D e g r e e " or " M a s t e r M a s o n " . A f t e r this c o m e s the " R o y a l A r c h " , b u t I will n o t d w e l l o n t h i s h e r e . M a s o n s of a l l O n first i m p r e s s i o n s , F r e e m a s o n s might d e g r e e s m a y b e l o n g to the s a m e L o d g e , be r e g a r d e d as k i d s w h o h a v e n o t yet g r o w n w h i c h usually o p e n s its c e r e m o n i e s in the u p . F r e e m a s o n r y c a n n o t be d i s m i s s e d so easily w h e n o n e realises t h e r e are o v e r half a . F i r s t D e g r e e (at w h i c h S e c o n d a n d T h i r d D e g r e e M a s o n s are present). T h e L o d g e o r m i l l i o n F r e e m a s o n s in G r e a t B r i t a i n alon e. M a s o n i c T e m p l e s h o u l d ideally be in the M o s t o c c u p y s e n i o r j o b s a n d are p l e d g e d to f o r m of a d o u b l e c u b e facing East a n d W e s t . help o n e a n o t h e r o u t w h e n " i n n e e d " , e v e n T h e h e a d of the L o d g e , the W o r s h i p f u l t h o u g h the i n d i v i d u a l s m a y be c o m p l e t e M a s t e r , sits in the E a s t . H i s e m b l e m , the s t r a n g e r s to e a c h o t h e r . T h e y r e c o g n i s e o n e S t o n e M a s o n s t e e - s q u a r e is usually c a r v e d a n o t h e r firstly b y a U n i v e r s a l H a n d s h a k e , m o r e c o r r e c t l y c a l l e d the " F i r s t D e g r e e " o r , or p a i n t e d o n his p e d e s t a l . T h e M a s o n i c s y m b o l s of a s q u a r e a n d c o m p a s s e s usually " E n t e r e d A p p r e n t i c e " h a n d s h a k e (see rest o n a c u s h i o n w i t h the V o l u m e of S a c r e d b e l o w ) a n d t h e n l a t e r by d r o p p i n g L a w . The Worshipful Master's direct f o r m a t i o n s of w o r d s f r o m the M a s o n i c ritual s u b o r d i n a t e , the S e n i o r W a r d e n sits i n t o e v e r y d a y c o n v e r s a t i o n , eg r e f e r e n c e to o p p o s i t e in the W e s t . T h e J u n i o r W a r d e n a knife a n d f o r k in a r e s t a u r a n t as " w o r k i n g t o o l s " . T h e r e are e v e n M a s o n i c g e s t u r e s , (with p l u m b line e m b l e m ) sits in the S o u t h .

A d i f f e r e n t f l o o r c o v e r i n g (a " t r a c i n g b o a r d " ) is laid d o w n d e p e n d e n t o n w h i c h D e g r e e the L o d g e is c o n d u c t i n g its b u s i n e s s i n . W h e n the L o d g e transfers f r o m F i r s t D e g r e e t o S e c o n d D e g r e e it d o e s s o to the e x c l u s i o n of the F i r s t D e g r e e M a s o n s , w h o are a s k e d t o leave. T h e r e are r e c o g n i s a b l e h a n d s h a k e s of the v a r i o u s d e g r e e s , a n d these are u s e d d u r i n g the rituals; the F i r s t D e g r e e grip b e i n g r e c o g n i s e d by A L L M a s o n s is o f t e n T H E M a s o n ' s g r i p . P h o t o g r a p h s illustrating the S e c o n d a n d T h i r d D e g r e e grips are s h o w n b e l o w . B e s i d e s the p o p u l a r i s e d h a n d s h a k e s , there are signs a n d ge s tu r es r a n g i n g f r o m p e n a l t o t h e " S i g n of S y m p a t h y " a n d p a s s w o r d s u s e d in the rituals. M e m b e r s h i p is b y i n v i t a t i o n o n t h e r e c o m m e n d a t i o n o f a M a s o n . If t h e c a n d i d a t e ( w h o s h o u l d be o v e r t w e n t y - o n e a n d m a l e ) a c c e p t s he u n d e r g o e s an i n i t i a t i o n c e r e m o n y d u r i n g w h i c h h e is b l i n d f o l d e d , m a d e to roll u p his left t r o u s e r


p r i c e is so c h e a p " . W e a s k e d M r M o o n e y d i r e c t l y if he w a s a M a s o n a n d he d e n i e d a n y s u g g e s t i o n that he w a s . H o w e v e r , if he were a M a s o n he w o u l d be u n d e r o a t h not t o divulge the fact to u s . It is a w e l l - k n o w n fact that M r M o o n e y often b o o k s d i n n e r s in the S h e r f i e l d B u i l d i n g u n d e r the n a m e of " T h e White Lodge Golf C l u b " . M r Mooney does not play golf (see F E L I X i n t e r v i e w N o . 569) a n d the a f o r e m e n t i o n e d golf c l u b is i n f a c t a M a s o n i c L o d g e . If M r M o o n e y is not a l r e a d y a F r e e m a s o n , t h e n p e r h a p s he w o u l d like to be. F o r the G r a n d L o d g e t o c h o o s e I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e in w h i c h to dine I c a n o n ly t h i n k that they are getting a v e r y g o o d de a l i n d e e d . M a n y t o p officials in the S h e r f i e l d B u i l d i n g are F r e e m a s o n s . T h e y m o s t l y b e l o n g to t h e Hammersmith Arts and Sciences Lodge. ( T h i s is c u r i o u s s i n ce d i n n e r s are b o o k e d u n d e r the G o l f C l u b â&#x20AC;&#x201D; s u r e l y s o m e o n e i n C o l l e g e b e l o n g s to this L o d g e ? ) T h e " C o l l e g e L o d g e " is quite a c t i v e . It h o l d s r e g u l a r m e e t i n g s in its T e m p l e â&#x20AC;&#x201D; t h e Q u i e t R o o m i n t h e b a s e m e n t of t h e S h e r f i e l d B u i l d i n g . It is quite p o s s i b l e t o c a t c h g l i m p s e s of w e l l - k n o w n C o l l e g e figures in M a s o n i c regalia if y o u w a n d e r o u t of the S h e r f i e l d g r o u n d level toilets b a c k e n t r a n c e d o w n to the Q u i e t R o o m . If y o u ' r e v e r y l u c k y , y o u might e v e n c a t c h a g l i m p s e of a n initiate ( 4 0 0 A S A film, a v o i d flash a n d s e n d i m m e d i a t e l y to F E L I X for hefty payment!) N o t s o l o n g a g o , the Islamic S o c i e t y w e r e p r e v e n t e d f r o m utilising the Q u i e t R o o m a s a p r a y e r r o o m ! R u m o u r s a b o u n d of a M a s o n i c influence but I'm quite c o n v i n c e d they have no factual basis. Incidentally, the t w o c l e a n e r s ' c u p b o a r d s near the Q u i e t R o o m ( w h i c h the c l e a n e r s d o n ' t h a v e a k e y to) are u s e d for s t o r i n g M a s o n i c regalia. A n d n e x t to the Q u i e t R o o m is a s n o o k e r r o o m w h i c h is u n d o u b t edly p u t t o g o o d use o n a L o d g e night.

leg a b o v e the k n e e a n d right sleeve, a r o p e n o o s e is h u n g r o u n d his n e c k a n d his left b r e a s t b a r e d . A l l m e t a l o b j e c t s are r e m o v e d f r o m his p e r s o n (see b e l o w ) . D u r i n g t h e i n i t i a t i o n h e is t o l d t h e " s e c r e t s " of M a s o n r y (grips, p a s s w o r d s , etc) a n d t h e n he p l e d g e s a n o a t h o n the B i b l e w h i c h if he b r e a k s m a y result in h i m h a v i n g his t h r o a t c u t , his t o n g u e t o r n o u t , his left b r e a s t laid o p e n , his b o d y s e v e r e d in t w o a n d b o w e l s b u r n e d t o a s h e s , his h e a d c u t off, h i s right h a n d c u t off a n d s l u n g o v e r his left s h o u l d e r t o w i t h e r a n d die. It m a y all s o u n d v e r y silly but it s e e m s to be a n adult g a m e w o r t h p l a y i n g for the benefits it r e a p s if the n u m b e r of F r e e masons high i n the College administration s t r u c t u r e is a n y t h i n g t o go by. It is of great i n t e r e s t that the M a s o n i c D i n n e r s , w h i c h u p until e a r l y this y e a r w e r e h e l d at the B r i t i s h M a s o n i c H e a d q u a r t e r s in G r e a t Q u e e n Street, have n o w been shifted to the r e f e c t o r y i n the S h e r f i e l d B u i l d i n g . T h i s m e a n s that F r e e m a s o n s f r o m all o v e r the c o u n t r y c o m e t o I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e to eat! I a m i n f o r m e d b y a M a s o n w h o travels four h u n d r e d miles to attend these dinners that " t h e f o o d is s i m p l y e x c e l l e n t a n d the

S o w h a t d o e s it all m e a n . W h a t ' s w r o n g w i t h the C o l l e g e d i g n i t o r i e s d r e s s i n g u p a n d p l a y i n g in a n undignified m a n n e r , h a v i n g a few b e e r s a n d a few s m o k e s in the s n o o k e r r o o m . A b s o l u t e l y n o t h i n g ! B u t is that all there is to it? L e t m e c o n c l u d e by a s k i n g a c o u p l e of q u e s t i o n s : H o w c a n I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e c a t e r i n g be r e c o g n i s e d by r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s of o v e r half a million B r i t i s h F r e e m a s o n s as the best d e a l in t e r m s of quality a n d p r i c e of f o o d , e v e n b e t t e r t h a n the c a t e r i n g it c a n p r o v i d e itself at the G r e a t Q u e e n S t r e e t h e a d q u a r t e r s ? W h i c h p e o p l e in C o l l e g e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n are holding posts purely and simply b e c a u s e they are F r e e m a s o n s a n d not o n a n y p r o v e n ability?

S o u r c e s of R e f e r e n c e : Darkness Visible by W a l t o n H a n n a h Freemasonry Exposed and Explained by W i l l i a m M o r g a n (1826). ( P u b l i c a t i o n of this b o o k led to its a u t h o r ' s m u r d e r . ) H a s b e e n reprinted. Why Shouldn't Walton Hannah

I Be

A

Freemason

by

T h e r e are m a n y M a s o n i c t e x t s s u p p o s e d l y u n d e r s t o o d o n l y by F r e e m a s o n s â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a list a n d longer list of g e n e r a l r e f e r e n c e s is g i v e n in Darkness Visible.


The Shape of Things to Come by next year's editor The retiring editor has kindly donated the space to me in order to express m y plans for the c o m i n g year. I would like to outline the major events in chronological order. PG FEUX T h e r e will be one P G F E L I X only on Friday, August 7. C o p y deadline for that issue will be W e d n e s d a y , July 29. I hope to spend a great deal of time over the s u m m e r p r e p a r i n g feature articles for the c o m i n g year, w h i c h I feel are greatly needed. This means that I will only have time for one issue, so I hope you do not take this as an early sign of laziness. If any of you P G s have some bright ideas for articles then please c o m e in a n d see me. I'd like to see a lot of w o r k by y o u in this issue. Freshers' FELIX C o p y deadline for the F r e s h e r s ' F E L I X is W e d n e s d a y , September 23. Please ensure that any articles reach the office by that date. I cannot guarantee inclusion of any piece, but shall consider each on their merits as space is limited. I w o u l d like to remind the publicity officers of c l u b s a n d societies that I d o not want a repetition of H a n d b o o k articles. Y o u r articles s h o u l d o n l y i n c l u d e n e w s of r e c r u i t m e n t events and the activities of the first few weeks. I would also like to remind those people who were too lazy or inefficient to contribute their articles to the H a n d b o o k that they will not be given an opportunity to use F r e s h e r s ' F E L I X as a substitute.

RCS Centenary T h e r e will be a special i s s u e o n F r i d a y, N o v e m b e r 27 to celebrate the R C S C e n t e n a r y , which will coincide with the C e n t e n a r y Ball. This will include a history of the R C S and also any other interesting items I can find. FELIX 600th Issue A l l being well, the s i x - h u n d r e d t h issue of F E L I X will be on Friday, D e c e m b e r 11. T h i s will hopefully be a bumper C h r i s t m a s number too and will include articles on the foundation and history of F E L I X . Imperial College 75th Anniversary This takes place in July 1982. I have no plans as yet.

Solutions T h e solution to the last puzzle s h o u l d be self e x p l a n a t o r y . T h e p r i z e w i n n e r is A d r i a n T o t t e n h a m , C h e m E n g P G , and he can collect his prize from the F E L I X Office on M o n d a y afternoon. T h e P h o e n i x puzzle was rather trickier. A t s o m e stage in the game, the position shown in the diagram was reached, B l a c k just having played B — Q 4 c h e c k . W h i t e b l o c k e d the check with P — B 4 , w h e r e u p o n B l a c k played P x P en passant, double check. W h i t e then destroyed the evidence by playing K x P , and at this stage the k i n g was k n o c k e d from the board. I received correct entries from A n d r e w B r i t t o n , D a m i a n H a s s a n and J o h n M u r p h y , and of these A n d r e w B r i t t o n was chosen as the winner. H e now goes o n to the second part of the competition, which involves finding S e a n G i b l i n , and persuading him to hand over the £10 prize. G o o d luck!

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You needn't miss all the scandal. Leaving College this year? Interested in k e e p i n g in t o u c h w i t h w h a t ' s going o n ? T h e n w h y n o t s u b s c r i b e to F E L I X for a y e a r . F o r a m e r e £7.00 y o u c a n have y o u r v e r y o w n c o p y of F E L I X d e l i v e r e d t o y o u r d o o r e v e r y w e e k . ( S t u d e n t s living o v e r s e a s c a n a r r a n g e to have F E L I X sent to t h e m as well, but the rates will vary.) If y o u are i n t e r e s t e d t h e n e n q u i r e at the F E L I X Office for f u r t h e r details o r r e t u r n the f o r m b e l o w :

Please, please, please s e n d m e F E L I X for a year. I willingly e n c l o s e a £7 c h e q u e / p o s t a l o r d e r / c a s h . Name Department A d d r e s s to w h i c h F E L I X s h o u l d be sent

C h e q u e s payable to: ICU Publications

Board

(FELIX).

A t t e n t i o n all P G s ! N o w 1 k n o w that y o u ' r e all v e r y b u s y l o u n g i n g a r o u n d a n d d r i n k i n g coffee all d a y , but I t h i n k that y o u c a n s p a r e a little t i m e to c o n t r i b u t e to the P G F E L I X o n A u g u s t 7. A f t e r a l l , it will be m y o n e a n d o n l y issue o v e r the s u m m e r a n d I'll n e e d to fill it u p w i t h s o m e t h i n g ! S o if y o u ' v e a n y i n t e r e s t i n g ideas for a r t i c l e s , o r p e r h a p s w a n t to write a letter or t w o , t h e n c o m e into t h e office a n d d i s c u s s it w i t h m e . C o p y deadline is W e d n e s d a y J u l y 29. C o m e o n c h a p s , let's go!


Lindley

in

the

D o c k

John William Garbutt Lindley, came to this College three years ago after a long career In to the the Royal Navy. He rose to the rank of Captain and was a Naval Aide-de-camp Queen. He was Flag Captain to the Flag Officer for Scotland and Northern Ireland and Commander of HMS Cochrane (usually known as Rosyth Naval Base). As Domestic Secretary he Is in overall charge of many areas of College, eg Refectories, Halls of Residence, Security. So that students may gain a better knowledge of him, FELIX Is proud to present a telephone conversation with him which occured last November. The topic of discussion Is the visit to College of Prince Phillip In connection with the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme. We had hoped to pad out the story with a few factual details concerning the visit and felt Captain Lindley might have been able to help us. The following text is a complete and accurate report of the ensuing conversation and contains the now Infamous sentence concerning Captain Llndley's numeracy. We feel Captain Lindley says more about himself In this short exchange than we ever could! G o o d afternoon. I'm S e a n G i b l i n from F E L I X . I'd like to ask y o u s o m e q u e s t i o n s about the visit of the D u k e of E d i n b u r g h to C o l l e g e today. C o u l d we have s o m e i n f o r m a t i o n w h i c h might be of interest to students for this week's F E L I X ? What is it that you want to know? We'd like to k n o w w h y he w a s here, a n d s o m e t h i n g a b o u t t h e D u k e of E d i n b u r g h Award scheme. Well, at the moment, just a minute, I have secretary, and I'm right up to my eyes. I've time to deal with the matter. You're right, has been here all day, for the Duke Edinburgh Award Scheme.

no no he of

(At t h i s p o i n t s o m e r o w d i e s e n t e r e d t h e F E L I X Office. M r G i b l i n a s k ed to be e x c u s e d to deal with t h e m , a n d C a p t L i n d l e y put the p h o n e d o w n . M r G i b l i n p h o n e d back. T h e telephone rang fifty-eight times (we c o u n t e d 'em!) without C a p t L i n d l e y a n s w e r i n g it. M r G i b l i n tried a g a i n , a n d C a p t L i n d l e y p i c k e d it up immediately.) Captain Lindley G o o d afternoon. contacted

It's S e a n

Giblin

again. I

Oh, never mind that Mr B u t c h e r a n d then Miss O ' C a l l a g h a n , w h o referred me to y o u . Look. At the moment I've got quite a few things. Can you come over in the morning and have a quick chat? Well, I don't think there's e n o u g h time for that really, we'd like it in this week's issue if at all possible. What is it you want to know particularly? Well First of all, you must understand that we provide facilities, as it were, um, we're not involved in the detailed running of the thing. I mean, what they do, their programme and so on, they set up themselves. What was particularly interesting was that w h e n I a s k ed M i s s O ' C a l l a g h a n what was g o i n g o n , s h e s a i d that s h e had been told by the P a l a c e not to make any c o m m e n t whatsoever o n the visit of P r i n c e P h i l l i p Now hang on....hang on. Just a minute, just a minute. Let's get that in perspective. That's exactly what s h e said to me. Look, do you want to know what the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme is about? We've got e n o u g h information o n that. What is par ti c u l ar ly interesting is that w h y , w h e n we a s k ed for information from C o l l e g e , w e were s t o n e w a l l e d . I've been in t o u c h with the Press A s s o c i a t i o n to ask them if they k n o w a n y t h i n g about the Duke's visit to C o l l e g e , and they were most s u r p r i s e d when I s a i d that we couldn't get any information from C o l l e g e .

Well, look. What I'm going to do, is to talk about the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme, not what sdmebody said. All that happened was that y e s t e r d a y a f t e r n o o n we got a question about TV recording, and we had to ask whether this was, er, agreed with the organisers etc and the answer was No, they did not wish it to be done. Full stop. That's all it is. There's no mystery. So a statement that no a d d i t i o n a l press c o v e r a g e is required is false? You telling me? Look, I'm not going to get involved in this kind of enquiryâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;you must come and see me. I do not conduct telephone conversations of this sort. I understand you w a n t e d me to talk a b o u t the D u k e of Edinburgh Award Scheme. That I am quite prepared to do. We'd like to k n o w h o w l o n g this event has been a r r a n g e d for as well, for example, h o w long a g o the J C R was b o o k e d . Oh, I can look that up. I don't know off hand, but it wasn't done five minutes ago, I can tell you. I mean it was done some time ago, and it was done properly. So there's no mystery about that either. J u s t to check visitors?

a few facts, were there 550

I wouldn't know, I don't count 'em. Look what is we're trying to do? Do you want to know about the visit or not?

"Where do they come from?" I know, because I've got a list in front of me. It doesn't say they came from well, you know, Manchester, Glasgow and so on, but I'm not involved in organising the conference. I had h o p e d y o u might have been able to tell me about foreign visitors. Were there a n y from a b r o a d ? Yes, that is correct, I'm sure, because I saw 'em, but as to where they came from, I don't know. We're simply not told that kind of information. But it's the Tenth G e n e r a l Council and Sixth International Conference 1980 and that's what we know. They were welcomed by the Rector, at 11:30am er it really isn't up to us. They run their own show, not us. Is it c o m m o n for this to h a p p e n ? I w o u l d have thought that of all the people in C o l l e g e , y o u , C a p t a i n L i n d l e y , w o u l d have been privy to the most detailed information available c o n c e r n ing what's g o i n g o n . Of course we don't know. Why should you suppose that? But anyway, we're getting a long, long way from what we're talking about. Are we talking about the Duke of Edinburgh Award S c h e m e or not? I'm trying to be helpful. You're trying to lead me into various sorts of situations

Y o u must u n d e r s t a n d

Well, I think, C a p t a i n L i n d l e y , that you've got the w r o n g i m p r e s s i o n of

I'm not going to understand anything.

Have I?

any information that I've got has been obtained with great difficulty b e c a u s e of the apparent attitude in C o l l e g e block

people w h o write for F E L I X .

There isn't an attitude in College block. Don't try and manufacture something where there isn't anything. There is no attitude at all. If you want to talk to me about the Duke of Edinburgh Award S c h e m e , I'm perfectly happy so to do. If you start saying to me were there 550 visitors, the answer is I don't know, I don't stand and count 'em, and it's not up to me to count them either but there were quite a lot. Do y o u k n o w roughly where they all c a m e from? All over the country. A n d that satisfies your c o n c e r n . You're not absolutely sure how many people are here Oh God, I don't know. If I'd got this information from s o m e w h e r e else I wouldn't have had to bother y o u . Look. It isn't a question of bothering me. The Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme hired the Great Hall. I don't know how many people. We know roughly. I suppose if I went down and asked Mr Mobney how many for lunch etc, etc, he could probably tell me precisely. But I don't see quite what this does. You say

Look, I'm perfectly happy to help you if you want some information about the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme as far as I'm aware of it. But if you ask me who came from where and so on, they know, I don't. S o p e o p l e from outside IC c a n c o m e in a n d have a c o n f e r e n c e a n d people in authority s u c h as yourself don't actually k n o w what is g o i n g o n , a n d short of rough details No, no, no, no, no. That's not what we're saying, that's just not what we're saying. To say that you don't know what's going on because you don't have a total list of every visitor, that's just not so. We have students there, we could talk about what the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme does and that sort of thing, but you know that a l r e a d y . If y o u ask me questions that I can answer, then I willingly will, but I do not want for a moment that you should feel that anybody is trying to suppress anything, because if you suggest that, then I'm sorry, but you've got the wrong end of the stick. I'm glad to hear that. It's just unfortunate that the only person in C o l l e g e w h o has actually said that is yourself. T h a n k y o u very m u c h Captain Lindley. Goodbye.


Quotes of the Year T h e E n t s C h a i r m a n h a d just explained that E n t s c o u l d n o t a d v e r t i s e gigs o u t s i d e of C o l l e g e as t h e G L C w o u l d n o t a l l o w it. " P e r h a p s y o u c o u l d put t h e m up and hope nobody notices t h e m , " retorted Ian M o r s e , the F E L I X Printer.

" F u c k i n g Royalty! Fucking Royalty! F u c k i n g R o y a l t y ! " — J P a s s m o r e , o n hearing Princess A n n e had been elected as C h a n c e l l o r of the University of L o n d o n .

" F o r us ignoramuses—just what is a B S c ? " W o r d s i m m o r t a l i s e d by f o r m e r E x t e r n a l Affairs Officer, Phil C o l e , following ten minutes d i s c u s s i o n o n t h e G r e e k B S c d e g r e e at Council.

" T h e y wouldn't get out if they were in M Y police s t a t i o n " — M r Reeves, C h i e f Security Officer, in reference to the R C S U mascotry vandals.

"I often have a leak while changing in the d a r k r o o m . " S o m e obscure reference to light leaks while changing the F E L I X typesetting paper by M a z Fellows. " C A R E F U L ! T h e s e are the only originals I've got"— S J M a r s h a l l . " I ' m n o t as s t u p i d a s I Goulder.

look"—Steve

C a p t a i n L i n d l e y h a s a few n i c e c a t c h phrases, eg " N o w let's get this straight "; " N o , let me correct y o u . . . . " ; " L o o k , we're not t r y i n g to h i d e a n y t h i n g "; " W e can cooperate...."; " L e t ' s talk sense...."

' T h e y only give h i m ' M e e t I C to stop him meddling in anything else' — L i z L i n d s a y .

"I daren't pick m y nose unless H E says s o ! " — M i c h a e l A r t h u r , m a k i n g finger gestures, a n d referring to the Senior W a r d e n , D o n M o n r o , w h o was present. "I hope y o u aren't going to print any of t h i s . " — M i c h a e l A r t h u r ' s most used phrase. " Y o u are nothing but a creature crawling across the floor. Y o u ought to be confined to a cage with nothing more than bread and water to survive u p o n . " — M r s Pingree, the College A r c h i v i s t , admonising S M a r s h a l l who had just presented A r c h i v e s with a signed c o p y of his 1979/80 R a g M a g .

like?"—Sara

" H e ' s s o t h i c k h e ' d h a v e t o t a k e his trousers off to see what colour underpants he was w e a r i n g . " — S J M a r s h a l l .

"I've had a lot of 'assle this w e e k " — C o l i n P a l m e r , and frankly we're not s u r p r i s e d .

" E r e , what's this F r e n c h letter doing in FELIX."—Scaramouche.

"I don't k n o w ! " — R a e Snee. " H e ' s in a meeting, c a n y o u ring back l a t e r . " — A L L the secretaries in Sherfield.

A n d finally,

" W h a t ' s a 13-incher M c G u i n n e s s in P i z z a H u t .

" O h , I take it all with a pinch of s a l t " — a M o o n e y classic.

Review Imperial College has continued this season to be the foremost college in London University in the sporting field. The level of activity and i n t e r e s t in S p o r t at IC has r e m a i n e d high—this interest leading to many s u c cesses. Once again, the Boat Club has shown that IC is a force to be reckoned with in the rowing world and this kind of success can surely do IC's reputation no harm at all. The Football Club achieved a whitewash of the ULU leagues—winning all of them. Hockey Club achieved not only first and second place in the ULU League but a convincing win in their Middlesex League—matching them against top class opposition next season. The Rugby Club's season has been marred by some heavy defeats from top class club opposition, but is still considered a force within L o n d o n C o l l e g e s — w h i l s t L a d i e s Rugby Club has continued from its promising start last season to eminence this season. Despite poor facilities, some of the indoor clubs have flourished this season and now the Volleyball Court seem to be sorted out (thanks to Nick) prospects are good for next session. Next year's officers have been elected and I would like to wish Lesley Good Luck as next year's Sports Editor and remind her of the FELIX motto "Keep the claws sharpened". Phil

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Life Membership A p r o p o s a l c o n c e r n i n g an i n c r e a s e in Life Membership subscriptions is being put to Joint C o u n c i l o n M o n d a y , J u n e 22. S h o u l d this proposal be accepted the Life Membership rates will be raised from January 1, 1982 to: (i) Full member of the Union for 3 academic years. Cost £10. (ii) Full member of the Union for less than 3 academic years. Cost £15. (iii) Research assistant and member of the Senior C o m m o n Room for at least one academic year or A n academic member of staff. or A member of administrative staff qualified to degree level or A member of College staff for a period of not less than 5 years. Cost £25. Therefore I would urge all new graduates to take out their Life Memberships before January 1982.

Incost 81 During the Easter vacation IC U n i o n played host to the Fifth International Conference for Students of Technology. A great deal of hard work had gone into the preparations for the conference throughout the year by many students from IC. During last summer invitations to attend the conference were sent to all the major academic institutions throughout Europe but the response was a bit disheartening. In the end we had 44 students attending the conference including two delegates who were sponsored by U N E S C O . These two students came from Malaysia and Kenya. The students arrived on Wednesday, April 1 and were settled into their Southside acommoda-

tion. Unfortunately the heating system was being altered so some rooms were not very warm! A welcoming ceremony was held for the delegates i n the U n i o n that a f t e r n o o n . W e were very pleased to have Prof Sutton present to welcome the students on behalf of the College. M r Alan Goodyear from U N E S C O was also present and he outlined his organisation's connection with the previous conferences. W o r k started on the Thursday with all the delegates split into their chosen working groups. The four topics which were discussed were: the Information Revolution; Transportation in an Energy Conscious Society; Educational Preparation for a Scientific or Technical Degree; and, the Role of Research in Universities. The organisers of each group managed to a t t r a c t s o m e very d i s t i n g u i s h e d s p e a k e r s to contribute to the conferences. These people included D r Tony Ridley, Managing Director of London Transport, M r Paul Sieghart, a barrister concerned with Privacy Law. Dr J o h n Spice, Head of Nuffield Science Foundation and Dr Waller of the National Research Development Corporation. The general procedure was for our students to introduce the topic and to guide the delegates into the various international aspects of the subject. O n the Thursday evening the whole party headed into the West E n d for a visit to the theatre. The show which had been chosen, Euita, proved to be a very popular choice and the evening was rounded off by a trip through Soho. T h e w o r k i n g g r o u p s met again o n F r i d a y morning but in the afternoon the party split up in order to visit some companies. The visits which had been arranged were to G E C Computers L t d at D u n s t a b l e a n d t h e F o r d M o t o r C o at Dagenham. Unfortunately the workers at F o r d were on a 'go slow' so the delegates had a shortened visit. T h e G E C visit was very interesting and was well rounded off with a super afternoon tea! O n Saturday work started again but we were without our two Polish friends as they are supporters of

'Solidarity'! In the afternoon several delegates went to see Q P R play but I think they were disappointed through the lack of goals. That evening we held a dinner for the delegates in Southside. M r Peter Foster, Deputy Chairman of the Board of Governors, was our guest speaker and M r Alan Goodyear replied on behalf of the guests. Prof Sutton also attended the dinner and e v e r y o n e s e e m e d to enjoy the e v e n i n g . O n Sunday the group descended upon Silwood Park where we were received by M r Fisher, warden of the park. Following a super lunch at Silwood we headed back to London via Windsor where there was lots of time to visit the castle and have afternoon tea! Later that evening we all met in the U n i o n B a r where an i n t e r n a t i o n a l darts competition was held! Monday morning was back to work and in the a f t e r n o o n the delegates v i s i t e d B r i t i s h Telecommunications at Ipswich and the Metal Box C o m p a n y at W a n t a g e . T h e s e w e r e b o t h very i n t e r e s t i n g visits a n d were enjoyed by everyone. O n Tuesday the final reports were put together and were discussed by the group as a whole. A lot of very interesting information had been compiled and was presented in very differing ways. The reports of the groups will be produced before the end of June. A t the final session it was decided to hold the Sixth I N C O S T in Gliwice, Poland next easter providing the political situation is relatively stable. T o end a very enjoyable week a pub crawl a r o u n d the v a r i o u s h o s t e l r i e s in S o u t h Kensington was arranged. O u r European visitors took advantage of the cheaper English beer and consumed their fair share! O n Wednesday most of our delegates left but all p r o m i s i n g to a t t e n d a g e t - t o g e t h e r in Trondheim, Norway in October. After all the hassle of the preparations for the week the conference was a tremendous success and was enjoyed by all concerned. Elizabeth Lindsay ICU Hon Sec


Greater

London

Cross

Red

Blood

Transfusion

Service

This Service provides voluntary Blood Donors to hospitals in Greater London when it is essential that freshly drawn blood is used. This F R E S H B L O O D S e r v i c e is c o m p l e m e n t a r y to the N a t i o n a l B l o o d T r a n s f u s i o n S e r v i c e and cooperates with the Department of Health in the N a t i o n a l H e a l t h S e r v i c e . O u r D o n o r s are prepared to travel to any hospital in the Greater London area usually at a moment's notice in order to try and save lite. Sometimes it is possible to give up to twenty-four hours notice, ie when an operation is scheduled for a specific time. The Service always does its best to send Donors to hospitals as near to their place of work or home as possible. Demands are increasing and volunteers are urgently needed to ensure that all calls are met. A report and seal is sent to the Donor after every donation. Volunteers must be between the ages of eighteen and sixty-five and are required to have a medical examination at St Bartholomew's H o s p i t a l . A n y o n e who is i n t e r e s t e d s h o u l d i m m e d i a t e l y c o n t a c t the S e c r e t a r y , G r e a t e r London Red Cross Blood Transfusion Service, 4 Collingham G d n s , S W 5 , 373-1055/6/7 or contact Roger Serpell, Aero Dept, int 3707.

The Private Life of Steve Marshall Stephen John Marshall entered the worid on December 14, 1958 in Wolverhampton. Little did he realise then that he was destined to become editor of no less than four publications. Steve was an unusually perceptive child whose wasp collection was the envy of many a friend at W o o d End Juniors school. A t an early age he exhibited an aptitude for scientific investigation: his mother was horrified to find a frog partially dissected on her bread-board and was annoyed further when he boiled a piglet in caustic potash in her best a l u m i n i u m s a u c e p a n . O n a n o t h e r o c c a s i o n he made n i t r o g e n t r i iodide in his garden shed laboratory and left it outside to dry. W h e n he i n v e s t i g a t e d a s u d d e n b a n g he discovered the remains of the poor sparrow which had mistaken the black powder for food.

Making of Mankind-Richard E Leakey, Michael Joseph, £9.95. In this book the author has created a lasting r e c o r d of his c o m p e l l i n g t e l e v i s i o n s e r i e s . Beautiful photographs recall the many places where the series was filmed. Traditional Islamic Craft in Moroccan Architecture-Andre Paccard, Editions Atelier 74—2 volumes—£125.00. C o m p r i s e s m o r e t h a n 1,100 p a g e s , 2,000 photographs (almost all in full colour). F o r the first time in the history of Islamic architecture, the great Moroccan master craftsmen reveal their secrets. ICON, The Imperial College Review, 20p, is on sale in the Bookshop. The latest issue covers art, music, literature, three c o n t r i b u t i o n s — a philsopher, a priest and an engineer, consider which books or stories have most influenced their outlook in later life. Compelling reading. A pity there is to be only two issues a year. Recommended Reading Lists. We have had some enlightening answers to our request for titles for next term. Examples: Nearly Essential Reading! Name Department recommended books. Nil Classification, a what no book! List of titles, no name or department List of titles, O K . Number of students, nil One department listed 127 titles that are essential r e a d i n g . T h e c o s t p e r s t u d e n t w o u l d be approximately £2,000.

SCC It is important that all S C C clubs and societies give their account book to D r Rzepa before the end of term. Stephen Goulder SCC Chairman 1981/2

The

Staff

enormous amount of hard work he managed to raise the magazine back to its previous heights, as befits a p u b l i c a t i o n f o u n d e d by H G W e l l s . Despite many sleepless nights pasting up he still man age d to w o r k h a r d on his degree a n d graduated with an Upper Second last year. During his year as F E L I X Editor Steve has once again been the source of some controversial items. His criticisms of M r Mooney and Captain Lindley may not have earned him friends in high places, but many students have expressed their enjoyment of such articles. Other Marshall ideas were less popular, but even a series of U G M motions seemed to have no effect. He can only really be judged by his results—the issues which he produced. These seem to have provoked a great deal of interest and have always been well read. D e s p i t e b e i n g F E L I X E d i t o r he h as s t i l l r e m a i n e d relatively u n k n o w n in p u b l i c . H i s defence at U G M s has been carried out by a staff orator and his face is rarely pictured in the newspaper. For some reason, presumably modesty, he prefers not to be recognised. For a year he has lived in a semi—nocturnal existence, arriving late in the office and remaining there until the small hours. In recent months his plans for the next year h a v e b e e n the c a u s e of s o m e a m u s e m e n t amongst the staff. Firstly he decided to take 3 months holiday in South America. We accidently espied his plans to t a k e p o t — n o o d l e s a n d Cadbury's Smash to the Andes, which raised a few titters, but "three pairs socks, two pairs pants" for 3 months was hilarious. The need for vaccinations prompted Dr Haines' article in the previous issue and he is still busy trying to memorize all the types of poisonous snakes

Bookshop News Lead Tides Smiley's People-John Le Carre, Pan, £1.75 Le Carre's best, the ultimate espionage novel, more tension and excitement than anything else he has written.

by

Steve is planning to go to Australia next year, with a holiday in South America in the intervening months. He is pictured here with his mother on Blackpool beach during an earlier expedition.

Another early love of Steve's was money. He decided that writing was a good way to earn extra cash, but eventually settled for cartooning. Soon papers of great repute (Titbits, Weekend, etc) carried Marshall cartoons, the subject of which were only l i m i t e d by what w o u l d " s e l l " . By studying other cartoonists he developed his own drawing style and brand of humour. It was his cartooning abilities which led to his involvement in F E L I X . O n his first day at IC he wandered into the office and announced his desire to contribute to the editor, Duncan Suss. Presuming that any editor would own a car, he then cheekily asked for a lift with his belongings. Duncan managed to arrange a lift for him and thus secured a weekly cartoon from the keen Chemistry fresher. With the encouragement of Bill Tidy. Steve managed to become a member ot the C a r t o o n i s t s ' C l u b of G r e a t B r i t a i n , an o r g a n i s a t i o n r u n by a n d for p r o f e s s i o n a l cartoonists. During his first summer vacation he produced a book of his cartoons which aroused in him a desire lo edit the IC Rag Mag. Steve was very keen to produce a memorable publication, which indeed he did. In fact it was during its production that he first became a centre of controversy. The D e p u t y P r e s i d e n t , M a l c o l m B r a i n , was very concerned, because the "sick" jokes and phallic crossword that Steve intended to include were totally unacceptable in his eyes. Despite the fuss and a threat to have his "head caved i n " by the D P . he stuck to his guns and produced a classic Rag Mag. In his third year he took control of The Phoenix which was near extinction after failing to appear for two y e a r s . By c a r e f ul p l a n n i n g a n d an

Unfortunately he has had to postone his little jaunt in favour of setting up a PhD.... in Australia. Somehow we feel that Aussieland will be ideally suited to M r Marshall's requirements (and it is very far away). However nobody has yet warned the Australians. We wish him every success in the venture. W e s h o w e d this article to Steve for his comments. "People might be interested," he said, ...but if they're not stuff 'em?'

A rare picture of Steve taken during his Grammar School days. We feel that this picture captures his youthful enthusiasm and vitality which have remained with him throughout his year as Editor.


I feel that this Editorial is going to be somewhat of an anti-climax to those of y o u who expect me to slag off all those lazy, inefficient ponces w h o have the audacity to call themselves U n i o n Officers or College administrators. 1 have nothing specific to say about anything at the moment and everything y o u are about to read is purely a collection of jottings that come to m i n d as I sit here thinking about ways of filling the entire back page. I will resist the t e m p t a t i o n to r e c o u n t personalia as I u n de r s tand the F E L I X staff are k n o c k i n g s o m e t h i n g t o g e t h e r a b o u t me overleaf (dread the thought!). S o m e people this year have accused me (or even praised m e , dare I say it) for being far too ou ts pok en and downright rude. I m u s t admit that I never i n t e n d e d to b e c o m e n o t o r i o u s as F E L I X E d i t o r o r t o impose my character o n F E L I X to the extent that I have. I originally aimed to take a laidback a p p r o a c h , keeping out of the limelight (as it were), adding balance here a n d there with an editorial c o m m e n t o n a few pertinent issues. T h e n D a r e Afolabi came along! It all started w h e n M a r k S m i t h (Editor-elect) c h o p p e d the last paragraph off his A f r o - C a r i b article to m a k e it fit—it just happended to be about apartheid. H e a s s u m e d I (it wasn't even me) had " c e n s o r e d " him. (Don't they always?). M r Afolabi sent me a stormer of a letter accusing me of infringing the I C U C o n s t i t u t i o n , c e n s o r s h i p , a n d w o r s t of a l l , r e s t r i c t i n g freedom of e x p r e s s i o n . N o t h i n g annoys me more than being a c c u s e d of acting against one of my o w n strong beliefs—I've always been strongly in favour of freedom of e x p r e s s i o n — no matter how right-wing or left-wing your views may be. Nevertheless, I kept m y cool. T h e n Afolabi sent another letter and another, and another I reacted. My reaction p r o v o k e d a c h a i n r e a c t i o n . F e e d b a c k ispleasing, positive or negative; I started to take more personal interest in F E L I X and have used it to p r o v o k e interest ever since. H o w e v e r , I w o u l d a d d that I hold M r Afolabi a n d others like h i m in considerable contempt, I a m not racist (I A M sexist), and I believe the apartheid system is very, very w r o n g . While the member s of the A n t i - A p a r t h e i d G r o u p d e s e r v e e v e r y p r a i s e for t h e i r determined efforts, they must realise they will achieve nothing concrete. T h e only situation where they c o u l d have gained s o m e headway c o n c e r n e d t h e a d m i s s i o n of w h i t e S o u t h A f r i c a n s t u d e n t s to the C o l l e g e ' s n u c l e a r technology c o u r s e . W i t h o u t wishing to be

labelled as a evil supporter of the Fascist Regime, 1 cannot agree with this move as, like the Rector, I believe academic freedom is a far more important consideration. W e r e the left-wingers to actively campaign a b o u t t h i n g s c l o s e r to h o m e s u c h as r e f e c t o r i e s , H a l l r e n t s a n d the C o l l e g e ' s d e t e r m i n e d efforts to waste t h o u s a n d s of pounds on utter flops s u c h as Meet IC then this place might be just a little more lively. I have attempted to keep F E L I X concentrated firmly on internal matters this year and I believe this is the right policy—perhaps this the reason why U G M s failed so abysmally this year. I have criticised the U n i o n , or more correctly, its officers without second thought for the c o n t i n u a n c e of a " g o o d w o r k i n g working relationship" with them. I detest most of t h e m anyway. J o h n P a s s m o r e , who still i n s i s t s o n g r e e t i n g me p l e a s a n t l y , will be forgotten next year, t u c k e d away on his P h d in the M i n e s department, which lowered their usual high standards in accepting h i m . H o w e v e r , personalities in College administration (Victor M o o n e y and C a p t a i n Lindley c o m e eagerly to mind) will still be here next year. V i c t o r M o o n e y is hardened to criticism after twenty years of it, so I attempted a new a p p r o a c h this year. The " N e w Y e a r s H o n o u r s S h o c k " seemed to cause quite a jolly stir (you s h o u l d h a v e s e e n the o r i g i n a l a r t i c l e we decided N O T to print). I was surprised by the o u t c r y , I m u s t a d m i t . I h a d no o f f i c i a l correspondence from V i c t o r M o o n e y himself but the Rector was disgusted. J o h n Passmore agreed with the Rector that it was disgusting (I saw h i m laughing!). I was told by a senior Sherfield m a n sympathetic to the cause, that " i t is n o t u n u s u a l for a s e n i o r r e f e c t o r y manager who often caters for Royalty with thirty-years experience to receive a C B E or something similar". It was suggested that I had hit V i c t o r M o o n e y below the belt. M y repost was the same as always, V i c t o r M o o n e y has been hitting us all below the belt for many years. E v e n w h e n the College are eventually find of h i m , the refectories will still need a good five years sorting out. It's simply pathetic. C a p t a i n Lindley is altogether another kettle of fish. Prior to this year, the C a p t a i n had c o m e off lightly, if mentioned at all, in the pages of F E L I X . I believe that my predecessors were actually put off by his pretentious use of rank. I find it difficult to have any faith in the naval defence of this c o u n t r y after meeting and talking to C a p t a i n Lindley. T h e amazing thing is that the top officers in the Sherfield Building talk about the C a p t a i n in a far more cutting manner than I would ever consider publishing. N o t only has he been a figure of fun in the U n i o n , but also in Sherfield. W h a t a pity Topic doesn't have a gossip c o l u m n ! This m a n has the responsibilities w h i c h most directly affect students. A s D o m e s t i c Secretary, he is V i c t o r M o o n e y ' s b o s s , i n o v e r a l l c h a r g e of a l l refectories and bars; he has direct responsibility for Halls of Residence and H o u s e s ; he is in charge of the b o o k i n g of r o o m s and all cleaners; a n d , to top it all, he looks after the s e c u r i t y of the entire C o l l e g e . T o o m u c h responsibility for one m a n , without having to contend with F E L I X as well (not to mention M e e t IC) y o u might well say. Obviously. S o m e of the thing I never got r o u n d to. I would have liked to have had more feature articles but there just weren't enough staff to write t h e m . I had envisaged an article on College-owned flats; you k n o w , the ones they don't tell students about, leave vacant for ages, then move in some College person for a few w e e k s, on a "need basis". H o w many people realise there are two fully-furnished flats in the U n i o n Building? I'm not sure if many in the

U n i o n realise it. These two flats are m a r k e d only by unassuming front d o o r s o n the west staircase of the U n i o n Building and are omitted from the diagram in the H a n d b o o k . T h e y are both k n o w n as "Refectory F l a t s " , intended for people in the refectory service—often those who w o r k in the U n i o n Refectory, so that they haven't far to walk in the mornings presumably. T h e flats are let at very low rates. T h e disgraceful thing is that one of these flats has b e e n left e m p t y for t w o y e a r s ! O K , flathunters, now you k n o w , I suggest y o u look up your squatters' rights before the College find a "needy person". They've been looking for two years, so they're b o u n d to find one real soon. V i c t o r M o o n e y has a very nice flat near Southside. Recently redecorated I understand. £1,000. A number of College employees live in N o 8 P r i n c e s G a r d e n s a n d o t h e r s are sprinkled a r o u n d Princes and Evelyn G a r d e n s . H o w e v e r , a lot seem quite legitimate and will warrant no further attention. 68 E v e l y n G a r d e n s . I n t e r e s t i n g l i t t l e number. This house contains six flats originally intended for married IC students. T o the best of available knowledge, only two are occupied by students. O n e is home sweet home for Stan, the d r u n k who used to swear at people in the Southside B a r before he was m o v e d to the Holland C l u b . H e was obviously thought to be in n e e d by M i s s W h i t e , w h o was t h e n Secretary to the " A c c o m m o d a t i o n Selection C o m m i t t e e " and a friend. T h e way of the w o r l d , I suppose! A g a i n in 68, one flat had been empty for fifteen months. Miss W h i t e has denied that the flat was empty for this period and the College e v e n d e n i e d t h a t the flat w a s e m p t y I N W R I T I N G to C a m d e n C o u n c i l H o u s i n g A i d C e n t r e after a married student couple had applied for it, k n o w i n g it to be empty. A t least twelve people applied for the flat in 1979 by the time it was leased to M r C h a p p e l l s , a senior engineer in the Estates department, just three weeks after C a m d e n C o u n c i l had requested information from College. It was leased on the grounds that "no one else had applied for it". Rent £32.20 per week. N o t bad for a flat suitable for a married person with children. Y e s s i r , C o l l e g e - o w n e d flats s u r e is a n interesting topic. Is there anything else that springs to m i n d while I've got a pen in my hand? W e l l , what about the latest episode of petty backslapping amongst U n i o n h a c k s — i e the practice of awarding engraved pewter pots at the last U n i o n C o u n c i l of the year. Rae Snee wants to put a motion to C o u n c i l to stop the awarding of pots as it's costing a lot of money. W h a t another noble thought! M i n d y o u , she's clever enough to realise that while J o h n P a s s m o r e is stupid enough to give her a U G A , even C o u n c i l wouldn't let her have a pot. L i z L i n d s a y is up in arms! She wants an I C U pot to "complete her set" and she isn't about to let Rae Snee do her d o w n . Personally, I thought a pot was for pissing i n ! Finally, I would like to thank M a r k S m i t h , Patrick C o l l , T i m Hillyer, C o l i n Palmer, Phil W e b b , A n d y D i x o n , M a r t i n T a y l o r , Shanne W o o d h o u s e , D ave B r i t t o n , D a v e J a g o , Steve G o u l d e r , " E r i c " Jarvis, Pallab G h o s h , Paul P a r k e r , C a r o l i n e G o d i n , Paul D o n o v a n , S e a n G i b l i n for h e l p i n g o n F E L I X this y e a r . Sincerest apologies to anyone I've missed out. I'd like to extend a special thanks to M r s A d a m s and M r s V a r y , the B o t a n y / Z o o l o g y tea ladies who have made 3:00pm a great time to be a r o u i n d. A l s o M a z Fellows, the photot y p e s e t t e r - o p e r a t o r a n d Ian M o r s e , l i t h o operator, who I have put up with all year (variation o n an old theme). A s for the rest of Imperial College, I hate you all. A d i o s .

FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB. (589 5111 ext. 1048/int. 2881) Copyright FELIX 1981. Editor: S.J. Marshall, Advertising Manager: MA. Smith. Registered at the CPO as a newspaper

http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1981/1981_0588_B  

http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1981/1981_0588_B.pdf

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