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B a r r y ) . T o the best of m y k n o w l e d g e t h e l e t t e r wasn't anonymous. I was not to k n o w that there was no such person i n C o l l e g e . I especially d i d not know, as M r Booty pointed out to me as if I were a n ignoramus, that K B a r r y was a m e m b e r of the I R A . W h y , the s n i v e l l i n g little pratt! M a r k y o u me, if he should b r i n g another little offering i n . 1 shall squeeze his testicles to a pulp. Y o u c a n h a v e f a i t h i n me M i k e , K i r s t e n a n d M a r y , saviours of a l l that is decent.

Dear Steve W i t h reference to the letter c o n c e r n i n g maths staff i n the C h r i s t m a s issue of F E L I X . O u r feelings o n r e a d i n g this letter were ones of shock — as ' a bolt out of the blue' doesn't go h a l l w a y to d e s c r i b i n g the surprise of this attack — a n d disgust at this unsigned display of backstabbing. T h e m a n y other maths students w i t h w h o m we have discussed this letter feel similarly. If this person is dissatisfied with D r Pitman's teaching, h e / s h e should first have done at least one of the following: 1 Seen D r P i t m a n himself. 2 Seen the Senior T u t o r i n maths. 3 Seen h i s / h e r a c a d e m i c rep a n d h a d h i s / h e r grievance a i r e d at staff/student committee. H a d a l l these failed to achieve a n y t h i n g , we still feel that a n anonymous letter to F E L I X is not a reasonable course of a c t i o n . V a r i o u s people, students a n d staff, h a v e w o r k e d h a r d to i m p r o v e r e l a t i o n s w i t h i n the maths d e p a r t m e n t . These relations are i n general good a n d we realise that if they deteriorate, it is the students w h o w i l l lose out most. W e hope that i f there is a n y h a r d feeling w i t h i n the staff at the m o m e n t , it w i l l be dispelled. Tours M i k e Booty, M a t h s D e p R e p K i r s t e n P r a t t , former M a t h s D e p Rep M a r y Attenborough, former Maths Dep Rep

Ed's Note I p r i n t e d the letter o r i g i n a l l y because I t h o u g h t it was a pleasant change for someone to a c t u a l l y have the courage of his c on vic tions a n d sign the letter ( K

Page 2

Dear Sir M a n y p e o p l e r e a d i n g the letters i n the last issue of F E L I X may have c o n c l u d e d that five of the letters o r i g i n a t e d f r o m members of the I R A , four of w h o m were dead. F r o m personal experience I c a n say that these people are not in the I R A . I think it w o u l d be a bad habit for F E L I X to pu bl i s h so m a n y l e t t e r s u n d e r f a l s e names. I hope this w i l l soon cease. Tours faithfully G Tuite Private and Confidential Dear Steve It has been brought to m y attention that i n F E L I X 570 (page 3), y o u have contravened S e c t i o n 2(i) of the F E L I X C o n s t i t u t i o n " t o express the views a n d o p i n i o n s of the students of I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e , both i n d i v i d u a l l y a n d collectively, i.e. i n terms of decision reached at U n i o n G e n e r a l M e e t i n g s . . . " I n the U G M report i n F E L I X 570 y o u have d i s t o r t e d the m o t i o n passed o n the F E L I X E d i t o r , a n d as such, I must ask you to p r i n t a true a n d accurate report of that meeting. I hope that y o u take note of the m o t i o n w h i c h was passed o v e r w h e l m ingly at a U G M a n d w i l l i n future p u b l i s h F E L I X i n a c c o r d ance w i t h its constitution.

Dear Mr Marshall Miss Snee writes i n F E L I X 571 that she was surprised that Security think she has the key to the J C R C l e a n i n g C u p b o a r d . I base m y t h i n k i n g o n the fact I hat some eight weeks ago, o n her request I gave her the key. Two weeks later i n the A n t e R o o m , Sherfield B u i l d i n g , I told her the key h a d not been returned. She said it h a d been given to a t h i r d party but she w o u l d m a k e sure it was returned It never was. Since that time a l l requests for the key have been referred to M i s s Snee. I wonder has M i s s Snee lost her m e m o r y , the key or both? Tours faithfully R o b e r t Dickens Superintendent Security Sir T h e current c a m p a i g n that is about to take place i n the pages of F E L I X c o n c e r n i n g ^he next C h a n c e l l o r of the U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n is disgraceful. H o w c o u l d a n y sane person have the temerity a n d insensib i l i t y to o p p o s e H e r R o y a l Highness M r s A n n e P h i l l i p s for this post? W h a t worse, one of the c a n d i d a t e s is t h a t l e f t i c J a c k Jones, a n e x - T U C hack w h o isn't even a member of the House of Lords. It w o u l d n ' t be so b a d if it were L o r d V i c of the Feather, or even V i s c o u n t S c a r g i l l . E x c l u d i n g the fact that she w i l l not be as good a chancellor as her G r a n d m o t h e r w o u l d be at s h o w j u m p i n g , a n d that she is m a r r i e d to a s t a m m e r i n g imbecile, there is no l a w f u l i m p e d i m e n t w h y she should not be honoured in that way. O f course, the strain of being in such a position is such that only royalty, or myself c o u l d bare it, so I shall e n d this passionate p l e a f o r P r i n c e s s A n n e to be elected by a d o p t i n g a phrase that was first a i m e d at Sen M u s k i e w h e n he lost a p r i m a r y i n the 1972 U S E l e c t i o n s " V o t e for A n n e , or she'll c r y " .

F a i l u r e to do so w i l l , I a m sure, result i n further action. Tours sincerely J o h n Passmore President I m p e r i a l College U n i o n

Ed's Note Y o u r accusation is a disgrace to y o u r office, sir! I challenge y o u to point out a n y falsehood i n the U G M report featured i n F E L I X 570.

Dear Steve I ' d just like to say th ank y o u to everyone w h o helped m a k e the R a g C o n f e r e n c e a success, especially N i c k W a t m o u g h , J i m Sarsfield a n d C a r o l i n e G o d i n . Tours sincerely Barney M c C a b e

Pettifogger J a r n o y c e , B S c .

l •Ladle* Rayleigh Bicycle, 16" wheels, good condition, fitted dynamo lights, carrier and stand, £35. Contact Gill Crockett, Physics 2 letter-racks or phone 731 4699. •Guitar amplifier* plus two column speakers, 60 watts per channel, £90 ono. Phone 567 7825. •Person wanted to share flat, own room, SW1, £80pcm. Ring internal 2387 (Juliet). •York. Anybody requiring a lift to York during this term please contact Philip Moore, Electrical Engineering 1. • Part-Time Job: Ithaca College (American university in London), 35 Harrington Gardens, SW7 need someone for approx 10 hours a week (afternoons), January—May. £2.25 per hour. Involves occasional typing, mostly answering phone and running errands. For more information ring 3701166. •America: Want to work and travel in the US and Canada next summer? For details of job schemes and work visas contact BUNAC, Green Comm Room, 3rd floor Union, Friday lunchtimes. •Found: Ladies sheepskin coat. Ring Martin 3184. •British Red Cross Society First Aid Classes commence 6:00pm, Thursday, January 15 in Bot/Zoo Common Room. Open to al I staff and students. •The Photographic Shop is open again this term on Tuesdays at 12:30 till 1:00. Allfilmsattradeprices! •Congratulations to Ann for the first field landing of 1981, two miles short of the airfield at 10:30am, January 1. (RIP theflatRat!) •Hamsoc RAE Course: Learn how to become a radio amateur. Wednesday, January Hat 13:00inElecEng 1207. •I wish to protest most strongly about Andy Black. H Root, Park West, West Brompton. •Anyone interested in joining a Ski Club trip to Aviemore, Scotland, for a weekend in mid-February, please give their names to Ski Club, c/o Union Office, as soon as possible. •Chem Eng Soc 37th Annual Dinner, will be held on February, 6, 1981 Tickets, £5.50 for studentsand£7.00for staff, can be obtained from the Chem Eng Soc Hon Sec. •Oramsoc Auditions fortheEaster production are on Sunday, January 11 at 2:00pm. Anyone interested in acting in this venture (not to mention anyone desperately yearning for the smell of the footlights and the sight of the greasepaint) should wander up to the Dramsoc Storeroom on Sundaydinnertime. •Ford Transit Crew Bus, 13 seats, 1976, petrol 160cc, MOT 11 months, reasonable condition. Ring internal 2232. Price £1400.

Premiere in College

NOTICES IN MEMORIUM The students of RSMU wish to send their good wishes to their dearly departed messenger George. After serving RSM faithfully for five and a half years he has been exiled, by our powers to be, to the Biochemistry department. All the best and wishing you a speedy and safe return. RSMU

Exec

Important Notice Friday, February 27, The Mines Review. Professional entertainment. Education films. Bar till late. Not recommended for heart condition patients, Mary Whitehouse or those who dislike erotic misdemeanors. Coming

FELIX, January

Soon:

9,1981

Roger Stotesbury's "The Traveller in The Forest" will be shown at Imperial College next week. Two years in the making, it is a film of one man's journey from conformity, through isolation, to discernment. It is a story of an unsuitable marriage, a daily walk across London Bridge to the desk, the effect of unemployment and a search beyond society The film stars Suki Kalirai and Viv Brown. It will be shown in the Southside Penthouse Dining Room (top of Falmouth Hall lift) on Wednesday, January 14 at 5:30pm: Thursday. January 15 at 5:30, 7:00, 8:30, and 10:00pm: and, Friday. January 16 at 5:30, 7:00, 8:30, and 10:00pm. Tickets are 75p and can be obtained from the Haldane Library, or on the door if still available.


M o o n e y

s h o c k e d

f I went rigid when I heard the news3 By our Special Correspondent A happy New Year was not had by Victor "It tastes as good coming up as It does coming down" Mooney this year when he read In The Times of December 31 that his lifelong ambition, a knighthood had not been granted. This came as a shock to Royal Arch Freemasonry circles, especially as "Sir" Victor had recently stored up the best food for Prince Phillip's visit to stagger him with an eyeball rolling frenzy of delight resulting In the Press Secretary of the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme congratulating College on having such a "superb caterer". It was evident at a n early stage that S i r V i c t o r expected such a n h o n o u r . W h e n asked i n F E L I X o n N o v e m b e r 28 i f he were not a cook " w h a t w o u l d y o u r a t h e r b e ? " , he said: " O h s o m e t h i n g like S I R F r a n c i s Chichester". T h e honours list c a m e as a shock to m a n y I C students as w e l l . M a n y of t h e m have been e a t i n g M o o n e y s for several years n o w , c o m f o r t i n g themselves w i t h the thought that, e m a c i a t e d sick a n d u n d e r n o u r i s h e d as they were, their suffering was not i n v a i n , a n d that by s u p p o r t i n g this t r u l y great m a n i n such a w a y they c o u l d at least feel p r o u d w h e n he assumed his r i g h t f u l title — " S i r " V i c t o r . It has been suggested that all profits f r o m refectories this year s h o u l d go to the C o n s e r v a t i v e B o a r d of F i n a n c e (under the a d m i n i s t r a t i o n of M a j o r - G e n e r a l W y l d b o r e - S m i t h C B , D S O , O B E — the O B E costing as little as £7,000, i n c i d e n t a l l y ) i n o r d e r to prevent the same t h i n g h a p p e n i n g next year.

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IC's most decorated man hits the headlines

Bill's wife Sue

C O L L E G E ' S resident P e a r l y K i n g a n d local celebrity. Bill West h a d a busy X m a s . On Christmas Sunday, Bill and his wile v i s i t e d C r a v e n C o t t a g e for the F u l h a m v B a t l e y R u g b y L e a g u e fixture. L o n d o n ' s " n e w " p a p e r The Standard c a r r i e d a p i c t u r e story the next day. First, F E L I X , then a L o n d o n e v e n i n g paper — w h a t next Bill?

South Wales A r g u s , Wednesday, Decern b e M o 7 l 9 8 i T -

Having a lovely time here. Went to the Imperial today. Food, beer service terrible. f

esta bazofia, Signor Mooney?" W h e n F E L I X sent its ace p o l y g l o t t a l reporter, B B VVolffe, to find out h o w the Breakfast B a r staff felt about their s u p r e m o not b e i n g h o n o u r e d , he asked " t P o r q u e no a l q u i l a n u n cocinero en l u g ar de u n p i n c h e p a r a h a c c r l a c o m i d a ? " o n l y to r c c i e v e the i n e v i t a b l e repost " V a y a usted a escupir a o t r a p a r t e " . (It is t h r i l l i n g to be u n d e r such a m a n . ) V i c t o r M o o n e y ' s c a t e r i n g career started o n Joe's stall in the M i l e E n d R o a d i n 1948. H e w o n fame as the C a t e r i n g C h i e f at the Selsdon P a r k H o t e l a n d later at the St J a m e s C o u r t H o t e l , before he m o v e d to the G r a n d H o t e l ( H a r r o g a t e ) . S h o r t l y after c o m i n g to I C he w o n the G u i l d of C a t e r i n g M a n a g e r s M e r i t A w a r d as C a t e r e r of the Y e a r i n 1957. A l t h o u g h I C ' s c a t e r i n g has degenerated into a disgusting state since he c a m e here, he has kept his r e p u t a t i o n as a m i l d m a n n e r e d buffoon, always m a i n t a i n i n g a strict " d i g n i f i e d silence'' w h e n criticised in the pages o f F E L I X . Nevertheless his kitchens, even though they c o n tr ave n e Sections 12 to 37 of the P u b l i c H e a l t h A c t \9~T c a n p r o d u c e upside d o w n cakes, c h i l l i c o n carne w i t h rice, sponge p u d d i n g w i t h r as pber ry j a m , c u c u m b e r sandwiches, a n d even 1 H 1 . baked m i n c e beef r o o l ; that are t r u l y fit for the M o n a r c h y . T h e was in w h i c h S i r V i c t o r has " b u t t e r e d - u p " [a c u l i n a r y term] members ol the R o \ a l F a m i l y ; n o t a b l y P r i n c e P h i l l i p the G r e e k (who receives the best food, whilst students a n d the stall, w h o are c h a r g e d V A T . pa> t h r o u g h the nose to subsidise people r i c h enough to pay at the check out a n d tat e n o u g h a l r e a d y to stuff themselves silly) s h o u l d surely have been e n o u g h to tilt the balance i n his favour. F E L I X c o n t a c t e d B u c k i n g h a m P a l a c e to e n q u i r e if P r i n c e P h i l l i p p a i d V A T o n his I C meals, as he is not a student, but no i n f o r m a t i o n was a v a i l a b l e . T h e reaction i n C o l l e g e to the news o l S i r V i c t o r ' s lack ol honours has been v a r i e d : M s R a e Snee, B S c , A R C S (a liver the pair" sneered v i n d i c t i v e l y . " M o o n e y ? H e ' s about as useful as a o n e - a r m e d taxi d r i v e r w i t h c r a b s " . M r Steve M a r s h a l l B S c , A R C S y c o n s i d c i a b h more) said: " I went r i g i d w h e n I heard the news; it was like a bolt from the b l u e " .

FELIX, January

CX.I

loci prl*

mg publican Chuck Walsh saying "Come in and see outside his pub. The Imperial, in Rosemary Road, Clectonon-Sea. But the siijn above his saloon bar door suggests his service is bad. "My signwriter thought I was mad," said Irishman Chuck. "But it has aroused curiosity and increased my custom."

me* raM tlorf Tt) for/

1 hanks to Patrick's mum for spotting this little journalistic gem

9,1981

Page 3


Welfare The Welfare Centre and the Residence Office have been combined into one unit which is g o i n g to be called the Student Services Office. We have moved into a new office in 15 Princes Gardens which will be open every weekday from 9:30 to 5:30pm. The Student Services Office brings under one roof all the services that were provided by the Residence Office and the Welfare Centre and so will deal with: College Accommodation Student Services will deal with the same aspects of application to College accommodation, the billing, etc., as the Residence Office used to. Privete S e c t o r Accommodation We have details of all types of accommodation currently available in many areas of London. We also have an ' A c c o m m o d a i o n G u i d e ' which includes a list of flat agencies. Legal Advice We can help with all kinds of legal problems including making claims under the small claims procedure in the county court. In certain cases where you may have to have a solicitor as, for example, you would if you wanted someone to represent you in a magistrates court we have lists of solicitors who do legal aid work — so you don't have to pay — together with the areas of the law that they s p e c i a l i s e in. We also have lists of solicitors who speak languages other than English.

Reshuffle Landlord Problems These can be many and varied. One of the problems is knowing just what your rights are. Other problems, s u c h as involving an i m m i n e n t b r e a k d o w n in r e l a t i o n s h i p s between tenant and landlord, can often helped through an intermediary such as ourselves. Consumer Problems Recent government legislation has given the consumer considerable protection. However, it is still up to the individual to find out what his rights are in any transaction that appears to have gone wrong and summon up enough energy to commence battle! This is where we can provide reinforcement with advice and assistance when appropriate. Immigration/Home Office Problems We don't exactly have a hot line to the Home Office, but lots of useful contacts with organisations that give advice in these areas, including our list of specialist solicitors, if we can't help directly ourselves. Insurance This area is covered by various leaflets on all types of insurance, including cars, motor bikes, cycles and life. Covenants A useful way of supplementing your income by reclaiming tax paid by your parents on their contribution to your grant. Forms explaining the procedure can be collected from student services.

Benefits We have the complete current range of Department of Health and Social Security leaflets, including information on all aspects of the N H S , m e d i c a l treatment a b r o a d , N a t i o n a l I n su ran ce c o n t r i b u t i o n s , c h i l d benefit, unemployment benefit and various other ways of supplementing a low income. We also have details of rent allowance and rate rebate schemes. Grants Advice on eligibility for grants, details of certain discretionary allowances and lists of charitable organisations offering some cash help can be provided. Miscellaneous We also have an assortment of leaflets covering consumer matters and many other areas, reference books on such things as holiday jobs, working holidays and copies of Which from this year as it comes in. Michael Arthur

Haldane

Library

Books and records are now being lent for three weeks, instead of two, as a result of a decision by the Library Committee last term. Fines for late return of books and records will now be charged at 10p per week or part of a week. Please return your books on time — we don't like charging fines! (Any money from them is used to buy more books, so you still benefit.) Loans can be extended either in person or by phone (external ext 2106, internal 3980), if no other user has requested them.

flunt ©0dnz Visits friends Episode Seven

1 thought daddy was God!" cried tiny Charlotte of disappointment. But her mother in a transport only put the dripping teddy bear on the window sill and turned down the lamp.

Page 4

FELIX, January

Aunt Deidre pondered on the click-click-clacketyclick of the point-wheel intercourse and shuddered. The man opposite her smoked a cheap cigar till its fiery tip burnt his yellowed fingers and he cried: "Oh!" and dropped it in sarcastic tribute at Aunt Deidre's feet.

9,1981


Telephone Extension

Rag Conference Held At IC ICU were the hosts of the 1980 Rag Conference during the Christmas vacation. Unfortunately, the FELIX man on the spot, B B Wolffe, was called away on urgent business and so was unable to write a report. Nevertheless, FELIX presents the following report: It was a d a r k T u e s d a y afternoon on D e c e m b e r 16, as delegates from a l l over B r i t a i n , a n d from H e m e l H e m p s t e a d , converged on I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e to confer o n the p o p u l a r subject of R a g . D u r i n g the two a n d a h a l f h o u r registration period B a r n e y M c C a b e , R C S U pianist, P W P resident c o m e d i a n a n d contender for a post as U n i o n b a r cleaner next year was to be seen f r a n t i c a l l y o r g a n i s i n g i n a last m i n u t e dash. H o w e v e r , the delegates were ready i n line for a super slap u p M o o n e y d i n n e r , w h i c h lasted for e xac tl y one h o u r . T h e n there followed " d r i n k i n g " i n the U n i o n B a r , from w h i c h several delegates were forcibly ejected, a n d others left of their o w n a c c o r d , bitterly c o m p l a i n i n g about the h i g h price of beer, a n d the capitalist thugs w h o impose such prices.

Dogs Attack

Delegates

U n f o r t u n a t e l y whilst r e t u r n i n g from the U n i o n B a r to Southside, w h e r e the guests were a c c o m m o d a t e d i n the most l u x u r i o u s of surroundings, two delegates were attacked by a pack of dogs, w h i c h h a d been r o a m i n g E x h i b i t i o n R o a d . T h e people were rushed to hospital, but the dogs refused to go. W e d n e s d a y was a glorious day w h e n the sun shone, the w i n d blew, a n d the r a i n r a i n e d it) that order. A f t e r a one a n d a h a l f h o u r M o o n e y breakfast, the delegates were i n t r o d u c e d a n d simultaneously h e a r d a m e d i t a t i o n o n R a g f r o m the B i s h o p of L o n d o n , the R t R e v d G E l l i s . T h e C h a r i t i e s C o m m i t t e e then gave a talk on the difference between the K a i s e r s left e l b o w a n d spoons. In the afternoon, the delegates w h o by n o w i n c l u d e d W R e e s - M o g g , were given a very severe t a l k i n g to by the police, w h o h a d broken off a r e c o r d i n g session especially for the occasion. T h e business part of the day c o n c l u d e d w i t h a talk on p u b l i c i t y , given by a p u b l i c a n . A f t e r a s l a p - u p M o o n e y m e a l , i n c l u d i n g T H E b a k e d m i n c e beef r o l l , delegates a n d L o r d F l o w e rs socialised on a p u b c r a w l a r o u n d some local d r i n k i n g houses.

Food

Poisoning

T h u r s d a y began w i t h a talk on " E v e r y t h i n g you've always w a n t e d to krrbw about M c M i l l a n a n d G r a h a m . . . a n d alternatives, but were too frightened to a s k " . T h i s was so scandalous that I refuse to lower the tone of the a r t i c l e by e n l a r g i n g o n it. A f t e r l u n c h , delegates p a i d a visit to the sales, a n d bought or shoplifted assorted articles of c l o t h i n g , a n d beer glasses. T h e R a g C o n f e r e n c e R e v u e , s c h e d u l e d for t h a t e v e n i n g was c a n c e l l e d , o w i n g to a l l p a r t i c i p a n t s h a v i n g food poisoning. A n extra item, however, was a d d e d to the p r o g r a m m e , L o r d D e n n i n g spoke on the i n t e r p r e t a t i o n of the L a w w i t h respect to R a g M a g a z i n e s from 1808, w h e n he got his First Class M a t h s Degree, to the present day. O n F r i d a y m o r n i n g a discussion was held on C R I B , w h i c h I t h i n k means C r i m i n a l R e s e a r c h a n d I n f o r m a t i o n B u r e a u , a n d seems a silly t h i n g to talk about. T h e conference ended on a h a p p y note as M r M o o n e y h a n d e d out special " V i c ' l l F i x I t " badges. I have been u n a b l e to research fully what the delegates h a d for breakfast, as the Breakfast B a r ladies can't u n d e r s t a n d any E n g l i s h except "sausages". C a p t a i n L i n d l e y was asked h o w m a n y delegates were at the conference but said " I d o n ' t k n o w , I d o n ' t stand a n d count ' e m , a n d it's not u p to me to count ' e m e i t h e r " .

Rag Chairman

Dead

I a n H o d g e s o n , this year's R a g C h a i r m a n w o u l d n ' t k n o w a n y t h i n g H E W A S N ' T E V E N T H E R E ! ( N e i t h e r was S i r J a m e s G o l d s m i t h whose news m a g a z i n e ' N o w ! ' c e r t a i n l y is a rag). W h e n B a r n e y M c C a b e realised that the conference was a total flop a n d w o u l d seriously damage his chances of b e c o m i n g U n i o n B a r C l e a n e r next year, he said: " I d o n ' t k n o w w h a t I ' l l do, I t h i n k I ' l l stand for I C U Deputy President". Some of this report m a y be true, but the rest of it isn't.

I T S E E M S l i k e l y that the i n t e r n a l p h o n e system w i l l be extended to E v e l y n G a r d e n s i n the very near future. M r B u r r i d g e of the C o l l e g e Estates d e p a r t m e n t has t o l d F E L I X that the c l a i m for a tie line has been w i t h the G P O for a m o n t h now, a n d that as soon as it is g r a n t e d it is a s i mpl e m a t t e r to hook a phone o n the e n d . I n i t i a l l y , o n l y one phone line w i l l be p r o v i d e d , t o B e r n a r d S u n l e y H o u s e , w h i c h w i l l enable the h o u s e k e e p e r of E v e l y n G a r d e n s to keep i n contact w i t h C o l l e g e . T h e p h o n e w i l l be situated near the housekeeper's flat a n d w i l l be a v a i l a b l e for the use of students of a l l the E v e l y n G a r d e n s houses. O n a less o p t i m i s t i c front, the phone system i n the Southside H a l l s of Residence has still not

Iranian Abomination T O W A R D S the e n d of last t e r m a large n u m b e r of posters w r i t t e n i n I r a n i a n were stuck on walls a r o u n d C o l l e g e a n d various West E n d U n d e r g r o u n d stations w i t h a n e x t r e m e l y strong adhesive. T h e poster depicted scenes of battle w i t h the only E n g l i s h s c r i p t b e i n g the address of I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n . T h i s is not the first time this a b h o r r e n t a d v e r t i s i n g technique has been used to deface College walls a n d shops i n K e n s i n g t o n a n d the West E n d ; remnants of others m a y still be seen etched onto the walls i n K e n s i n g t o n H i g h Street â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a l l b e a r i n g the address of I C U n i o n i n E n g l i s h . T h e latest o u t r a g e w a s b r o u g h t to t h e attention of the President. J o h n P a s s m o r e , by F E L I X after d i s c o v e r i n g one g r a c i n g its o w n walls. A f t e r t r a n s l a t i o n , it was discovered to advertise a n event staged by I C I r a n i a n Society o n D e c e m b e r 13, 1980 in the U n i o n Building. A n executive meeting was held w h i c h d e c i d e d to fine the I r a n i a n Society ÂŁ10 for use of adhesive instead of B l u - t a c a n d the m o r e s e r i o u s l a c k of an E n g l i s h t r a n s l a t i o n ; b o t h contraventions of U n i o n p o l i c y . (See E d i t o r i a l . )

Pressure of Academic Work M R P H I L L I P C O L L has resigned f r o m his post on the U n i o n C o u n c i l as E x t e r n a l A f f a i r s Officer. P h i l told J o h n Passmore of his decision last M o n d a y a n d e x p l a i n e d t h a t it w a s d u e to "pressure of a c a d e m i c w o r k " .

FELIX, January

9,1981

been connected to the i n t e r n a l phone system. T h i s w o r k s h o u l d have been c o m p l e t e d by the start of O c t o b e r but the c o n t r a c t e d firm, R e l i a n c e , seem less t h a n R e l i able. A l l that needs to be done to complete the system is that one c o n n e c t i o n needs to be m a d e w h i c h c o u l d be done by C o l l e g e electricians i n a day if it were not for the fact that such a n " i r r e s p o n s i b l e " a c t i o n w o u l d render the c o n t r a c t e r not liable for any future fault that m i g h t develop. W h e n connected, there w o u l d be just one i n t e r n a l to Southside c o n n e c t i o n (and vice-versa). I C R a d i o a i m to put this c o n n e c t i o n to good use as Southside residents w o u l d be a b l e to p h o n e the station directly from their l a n d i n g . T h e s y s t e m m a y be extended to the other H a l l s if it passes satisfactorily.

Labour on Fees M R N E I L K I N N O C K , the o ppo s i ti o n spokesman for e d u c a t i o n h as a n n o u n c e d at the a n n u a l conference of the W o r l d U n i v e r s i t y Service ( W U S ) that they w i l l be i n t r o d u c i n g a s l i d i n g s c a l e o f u n i v e r s i t y fees f o r o v e r s e a s s t u d e n t s i n o r d e r to protect those from the poorest b a c k g r o u n d s . H e a d d e d that this system w o u l d be i n t r o d u c e d as soon as the L a b o u r P a r t y were r e t u r n e d to power a n d that the scale of fees w o u l d be a "steeply descending order of p r i o r i t y " .

Centenary O N J A N U A R Y 1, the N a t u r a l H i s t o r y M u s e u m celebrated its 100th A n n i v e r s a r y . T h e m u s e u m began due to an a l l i a n c e struck up between S i r R i c h a r d O w e n a n d M r G l a d s t o n e in the earlv 1860s. W i t h M r G l a d s t o n e ' s strong support. Sir R i c h a r d O w e n w a s a b l e t o get t h c i m u s e u m o n a firm footing by 1885 w i t h a vast array of m o d e r n a n i m a l e x h i b i t s to a visitor's left on e n t e r i n g , fossils a n d minerals to the r i g h t , a n d flora at the top. T h e m u s u e m is renowned for its massive c o l l e c t i o n of insects a n d i n 1980 was n a m e d ' M u s e u m o f t h e Y e a r ' . T o c e l e b r a t e its c e n t e n a r y , t h e M u s e u m is presently staging an exhibit e n t i t l e d ' N a t u r e stored, nature s t u d i e d ' w h i c h shows the g r o w t h ol the c o l l e c t i o n . In M a y , a m a j o r p e r m a n e n t e x h i b i t w i l l be opened o n D a r w i n ' s ' O r i g i n of the Species'. It is perhaps i r o n i c a l that the M u s e u m ' s c h i e f founder, S i r R i c h a r d O w e n , was a m a j o r opponent of D a r w i n ' s views. Page 5


BEBBEBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEB

If IB

My very own FELIX calendar Monday

Wednesday

Tuesday

©

N

Thursday

©

©

Friday

©

©

ENTSfilm:Godfather, Mech Eng220

©

©

©

Knitwear Sale, JCR RCS End of World Party

©

©

RSM Barnight

©

©

©

©

ENTS film:

Goodbye

Emmanuelle,

Mech Eng 220

©

©

©

©

Guilds Dinner and Dance

©

© ENTSfilm:Force 10 From Mech Eng 220

Inter-Hall Rag Collection

Navarone

©

® RSM Rugby 7s Guilds Soccer 6s Guilds Bar Games Night

©

©

Mines year Rag Collections (till 4th)

©

Mines Disco, JCR

ENTS film: Omega Man, Mech Eng220

©

©

®

Sunday

©

•©

©

Saturday

©

©

RCS Rugby 7s

©

JCR Valentines Party

©

©

© RSM UGM

©

©

©

©

©

©

RCS Elections

RCS Results UGM

©

©

©

Bristol 24hr Pedal Car Race

©

©

©

Rag Race (till March 8)

©

Monopoly Rag Collection

©

©

©

RSM Camborne Weekend

@

Mines Review

©

©

RSM Final Year Rag Collection

©

©

©

©

©

©

IC Results UGM, Great Hall ENTS film: i4po/ca/ypse Now, Mech Eng 220

©

©

IC UGM, 1pm, Gt Hall ENTS film: All The President's Men, Mech Eng 220

IC Election Hustings UGM, 1pm, Gt Hall

Guilds Election UGM

©

©

ENTS film: Heaven Can Wait, Mech Eng 220 RCS Election Hustings UGM

Guilds Field Cup

©

©

RSM Elections RSM Brighton Trip

© ENTS film:

Every

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J

Way

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REFEC OPENING

TIMES

WAITROSE

OPENING

Southside (Upper Dining Room)

Mon

Mon-Fri

Breakfast

Tues

9am-6pm

11:30-2:00

Mon-Fri

Wed

9am-6pm

3:00-6:00

8:00-9:30

Union

Sherfield (Lower) Mon-Fri

Southside (Main Dining Hall) Lunch

12:00-12:30 Sherfield ( J C R ) Mon-Fri

8:30am-4pm TIMES

During Termtime: 9:15am-5:15pm

12:00-2:00

During Vacations: 9:15am-2:30pm L Y O N PLAYFAIR OPENING

5:00-7:00

3:00-4:30

9anrb8pm

Mon-Fri

Seven days a week

12:00-2:00

9am-8pm

Fri

B O O K S H O P OPENING

Dinner

10:15-11:45

Thurs Sat

TIMES

lpm-7pm

TIMES

Termtime and Easter Vacation Mon-Fri 9:30am-9:00pm Sat 9:30am-5:30pm

SOUTHSIDE

SHOP

8:30-6:00 ( l u n c h 2:30-3:30) M o n - F r i 9:00-1:00 S a t u r d a y

Other Vacations: M o n - F r i 9:30am-5:30pm H A L D A N E LIBRARY OPENING M o n - F r i 9:30am-5:30pm

TIMES


Wednesday, January 14 Trip to Roller Disco

Amnesty International Last term the Imperial College G r o u p staged a twenty-four hour sponsored fast in a successful effort to raise funds and publicise its aims; the group would like to thank all those who showed their s u p p o r t by c o n t r i b u t i n g to o u r f u n d s , sponsoring members and buying our Christmas cards and publications. This term we are participating in the national campaign organised by Amnesty concerning the use of torture by security forces in Chile. Events in Chile have been highlighted in the British press with the arrest and torture of Britons Claire Wilson in July last year, and D r Sheila Cassidy in 1975. But what is not generally k n o w n is that an e s t i m a t e d 1,500 C h i l e a n s have ' d i s a p p e a r e d ' between 1973 and 1977, and that many of these will have been t o r t u r e d in secret d e t e n t i o n c e n t r e s . H u n d r e d s of t h o u s a n d s have been forced into external exile following the coup of 1973 a n d d i s s i d e n t s have been b a n i s h e d to remote parts of the country. By July 1980, the repression was worse than at any previous time. However, the present British government has discounted human rights considerations when it announced the renewal of diplomatic relations with Chile last year, and the decision to allow the resumption of arms sales to that country. The British Section of Amnesty is planning a major parliamentary initiative on Chile, which hopes ot pressure the government into revealing details of the arms trade with Chile, so that the public can make its own judgement on the extent that repression in Chile is supported by Britain. W e urge all concerned people to write to their M P s asking support for this move, and to sign the petition protesting against the use of torture, which is obtainable from R Sloss (Botany P G , int 2096) to be presented to the Chilean amassador in February.

ICCAG T H E S T A R T of a new year seems like a good time to remind you about I C C A G and its activities. I C C A G stands for Imperial College Community A c t i o n G r o u p , b u t , a l t h o u g h it m a y s o u n d otherwise, we are neither a political nor a religious group. W e are just a small College society whose aim is to D O something to help some of those in need in London. For example, every Tuesday and Friday night, a small group of us (not the same ones all the time) travels in a minibus to Charing C r o s s Bridge to give soup, bread and biscuits to those sleeping rough there. O n Saturdays a few of us help at a club for handicapped children and their friends, while others sometimes help to build an adventure playground. Some of us are hoping to go to the homes of old people and fit draught e x c l u d e r s a n d o t h e r i n s u l a t i o n ; o t h e r s have "adopted" an old person to visit and do shopping for. A t Christmas, in collaboration with Dramsoc, we arranged a concert in an old people's home, and the blood transfusion people come to College twice a year at our request. Why don't you think about coming along to one or more of our activities this term? G i v e us a try — you can get as little or as much involved as you like. If you are interested, keep reading the I C C A G articles in F E L I X , or contact Sean Coyle, Elec E n g 2.

Friday, January 30 Dinner And Dance The roller skating trip will be to a roller disco, meet in the Union Bar by 7:30pm on Wednesday. The cost will be £1.80 plus 50p skate hire, or you can bring your own skates. Dinner and Dance will be held in the Royal Garden Hotel (non-Mooney food!). Tickets are available in the Guilds Office; £25 per double ticket including a bottle of wine, and unlimited corkage and half-price cocktails will be available beforehand at Sloanes.

#

Friday, January 16 Mines Disco in JCR Sunday, January 25 RSM Rugby Sevens Wed, February 4 RSM Barnite

Hope you all had a good Christmas and New Year and I trust your livers won't get any time to recover. Hope you can find some time to join in this term, and maybe it is time to start thinking what Union posts you may like to stand for. Lots of love Crispin

ICYHA T H I S W E E K E N D we plan to go to Dorset and the line-up for the rest of ther term is given below: Jan 23-25: Yorkshire Dales Feb 6-8: Salop/Welsh Border February 20-22: Somerset M a r c h 6-8: Lake District Easter Holidays: Scotland For further information, come to butties every Thursday, 12:30pm, Southside Upper Lounge N e w members welcome.

Exec Gossip) H A P P Y C H R I S T M A S (? - Ed) and I hope you are all being good boys and girls going to your lectures and getting on with the academic side as the good old exams are only a few weeks away. Last term ended in glory with myself battling it out at Governing Body about IC and Nuclear Fuel Technology. It was all to no avail however as all the wise old men of College decided to stand by their decision of last June to maintain the course regardless of who did the course, etc. The other gem at Governing Body was the discussion document on the pros and cons of independence from the University of London which was not discussed but deferred to a future meeting. Graduate Studies on the Monday after you all went home had a long discussion about the length of time it takes research students to do research. Refectory Committee saw a major argument between M r Mooney and Estates about Bar Hoists in the Union and Southside. N o w for the bad news, the External Affairs Officer post is vacant as Phil Cole has resigned. Papers are up in the Union Lower Lounge and anyone interested should see me or Phil Cole to find out what the job entails. The other news is that this is normally the time of y e a r w h e n p e o p l e d e c i d e t o s t a n d for sabbaticals. Already people have voiced their intentions. If anyone is considering standing for H o n Sec, D P , or President they should contact the relevant person and I'm sure those who wish to edit our illustrious newspaper F E L I X have already spoken to the Greatest Living editor in England. John

Passmore

Your chance to meet Kodak K o d a k

L i m i t e d will

i n t e r v i e w i n g at U n i v e r s i t y J A N U A R Y

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W e n e e d engineers a n d scientists,

D U R I N G T H E next few weeks the Photographic Society has two competitions and five lectures. The first of these competitons 'The Black and White Competition' on Tuesday, January 13 will be marked by a professional judge. So I hope you all bring your entries on Tuesday, January 13, showing the class of the IC Photographic Society. There are arranged some colour demonstration next week and also, in the 'pipeline' is the start of short lectures by the members on their thing, such as choosing a camera, flashgun, etc. The other competition is the 'Colour Print and Slide O p e n Competition'. S o all you keen photographers let your skill be judged, enter your photograph . . . .

Page 8

Old Preversions (incorporating

computing, marketing and accountancy trainees. Your careers service has t h e d e t a i l s . C o l l e c t a c o p y of " K o d a k a n d Y o u r Future" a n d apply as indicated. L o o k forward to seeing you.

FEUX,

January

9,1981


City and Guilds present 30th Annual Engineers'

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WEEK

JANUARY

12 to

16

Man 12: Lecture by D r Iqbal entitled: A World In Turmoil: A Muslim Perspective, 6:00pm, M e c h Eng 640. Tues 13: Talk by Yousof Islam, formally Cat Stevens, 1:00pm, Mech Eng 220.

CATSTEVENS

Thurs 15: Lecture by D r Darsh entitled: The Application Of Islamic Laws And Punishments, 1:00pm, M e c h Eng 540. ALSO a book display in the L y o n Playfair Library and a Poster Dislay in the Sherfield Concourse.

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Page 9


G r a d u a t i n g t h i s y e a r

?

New enterprise seeks more star crews BRITISH T E L E C O M - settin pace in telecommunications. New name — formerly Post Offi Telecommunications, our new name gives us an identity distinct from the Post Office from which we separate later this year. New style — we shall remain as innovative as ever in the field of technical development, but intend to stress the commercia aspect of our business. New direction — we know that the demand worldwide for new audio, visual and information services is about to erupt. We aim to pinpoint new and profitable areas of application possibilities in telecommunications — and move fast to satisfy them. New purpose — our intention is to reshape our business and consolidate our resources. Our plans include building up teams of energetic, innovative and intelligent graduates who will respond enthusiastically to this stimulating environment.

— whatever your discipline, we can offer promising careers in

Engineering/Science Research & Development • New Services Planning . Large Project Supervision . Power Engineering

Management Accountancy • Marketing . Management Services • Customer Service • Personnel

Data Processing Programming . Systems Analysis . Computer Centre Management O u r

M i l k R o u n d D a t e this Year:

M o n d a y

19th

J a n u a r y

We are holding informal interviews. Your Careers Office will tell you where and what time, and will show you our brochure "British Telecom — our business and your career". British

M Page 10

I

PART OF THE POST OFFICE FELIX, January

i 9,1981


5. 6. 7. 8.

m

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o o o o o o o S a n t a Clues Prancer d r i n k s A r c t i c Lite, and Dasher sings ' H a r k T h e Herald Angels Sing'. These are the only possibilities for the information I asked for, although it isn't possible to allocate all the attributes to the reindeer uniquely. O n e solution is: Dasher Blitzen Rudolf Donner Prancer Purple Green Red Yellow Blue Ribbons PackssleighBells Sack Lights Port Gin Rum Whiskey Arctic Lite Hark Silent NightJingle Bells WhileShep O Come with the reindeer harnessed in this order, with D a s h e r at the back, a n d Prancer at the front. Kamikaze Chess Let's start with some basic observations about the position. 1. Obviously neither side will make any pawn move. 2. If W h i t e moves his black-square bishop, Black c a n play B x B c h e c k , forcing K - N l , and now White's position is hopeless. 3. If W h i t e moves his rook off the back rank, B l a c k c a n move his black-square bishop, and again W h i t e cannot now force B l a c k to do anything. 4. If W h i t e permits (or forces) B l a c k to play B x B check at any time, he must make sure his

B-N2 B-B3 B-N2 B x B mate

Silent Audit 99V p, 9 8 V P , 95V p, 9 0 y p , 5 0 V p , V p. Of the four sworded puzzles, this one was u n q u e s t i o n a b l y t h e m o s t s w o r d e d of a l l , although the idea behind it is extremely simple. The point is that although each m o n k tendered £1, they didn't all offer a £1 note. A n d so the shopkeeper was able to deduce, for instance, that a m o n k w h o offered 50+10+10+10+10+10 pence wanted a candle costing more than 90p. In fact, the smallest coin tendered defines a limit to the amount of change expected.

m

2

N o b o d y solved the chess puzzle (I warned you it was difficult) a n d the only person to get the o t h e r t h r e e r i g h t w a s Roland Marslin, Physics 3, a n d he wins a total of £14 in prizes. Roland was the only person to get Silent A u d i t c o r r e c t ; i n c r e d i b l y he s o l v e d it without cl correction slip. There were several correct replies to the other t w o puzzles. O p e n Fire was w o n by Jasper of I C Radio, and Santa C l u e s by D a v i d Bogle of C h e m E n g . T h e y c a n collect £2 each from the F E L I X Office. T h a n k s a n d congratulations to everyone who entered, a n d especially to Stephen Harris and Katharine Herbert w h o d i d better than most, but were unlucky i n the draw. Open Fire T e n missiles are needed. T h e diagram shows a symmetric solution. A s I intended, it's easy to find a solution with ten missiles, a n d even easier to convince yourself it is possible with nine missiles. It isn't.

R-QB8 B-Q5 R-R8 B-B6

2

2

2

2

2

N o w , we k n o w they all wanted differently sized candles, so the shopkeeper could only make his deductions if the smallest coins tendered by each of the six were different. Let us make a table of possibilities: Smallest Coin Tendered

Minimum Prize of Candle £1 99V p 98>/p 9sy 9ov p S0'/jp

'/ p 2

rook is not i n a position to block the check. F o r i n s t a n c e 1 . B - B 6 B x B c h is n o g o o d , because of 2 . R - N 2 . Putting all this together, we see that White must shuttle his Bishop up a n d down the diagonal, and his rook back a n d forth along the back rank (making sure it is always either b e h i n d his b i s h o p , o r else o n the 'safe' square, K R 8 ) until he can force Black to play B x B mate. F o r m i n g this strategy is the first part of the problem, and it's no small achievement to do so; congratulations if y o u got this far. B u t worse is to c o m e , since in deciding the best tactics, you have to consider what are the best counter-tactics for B l a c k . It's done like this: In the diagram I have put numbers o n certain squares of the board. B l a c k ' s best play is as follows. 1. If possible, play B x B without giving mate. 2. If this is not possible, make sure that the number of vacant squares between the t w o white-square bishops is equal to the number of the square o n which the white rook stands. Black will be able to achieve one of these aims as s o o n as (and only if) White makes a slip. White's best play is similar. 1. M a k e sure that the number of vacant squares between the two white-square bishops is equal to the number of the square o n which the rook stands. 2. Never move the rook from a lower to a higher numbered square. This will eventually force Black to play B x B mate. All rather complicated, so here are a couple of examples. In the first, W h i t e blunders o n his first move. B-K5 1. R - Q B 8 B-Q4 2. B - B 3 B-B3 3. B - K 4 B-N2 a n d White is 4. B - Q 5 stuck, since afterr BxB 5. B-B6 6. R x B B ( N )-B2 he cannot force Black to mate him. This is how it should be done. 1. R K B 8 B - Q 4 (there's nothing better for Black) 2. R - Q 8 B B3 3. B-B3 B-N2 4. B - K 4 B-B3

FELIX, January

9, 1981

Max Change Given nil

'/ P IV2P 4'/ P 9'/ P

2

Ip 2p 5p lOp 50p £1

2

2

2

2P

2

2

49>/p 99>/ 2

V2P

zP

S o the m a x i m u m amount of change the shopkeeper could possibly have given was

V +lV +4 / +9 /2+49 / 99 / =£1.65. 2

2

1

2

1

1

2

+

1

2

But we are told that he did hand out £1.65 in change. S o the amounts handed in change to the individual m o n k s were V2P, IV2P. 472P, 9 V P , 49V2P. a n d 99V2p which determines the prices of candles as 99V2P, 98'/2P> 95V2p, 9OV2P. 50V2P, a n d V2P ( t h i s l a s t o n e presumably for a birthday cake). I hope this is enough of an explanation; it's by no means as complete as it might be, but to go into greater detail would be unnecessarily tedious. B u t if anyone still doesn't understand, write to m e at the usual address and I'll send you a really detailed solution. A l s o , I hope that everyone got a correction sheet to say that the amount of change was £1.65, not £1.66. That mistake cost me my second consecutive night's sleep, but for s u c h a lovely puzzle (adapted from a Tantalizer by Martin Hollis) it was w o r t h it. 2

Compiled

by Phil

Webb

ACC T h e next general meeting of A C C will be T u e s d a y , J a n u a r y 13, 1981 in the B o t / Z o o C o m m o n R o o m . A representative of each c l u b is required to attend s i n c e the main topic is . . . money. Keys T o w a r d s the e n d of last term a key to the new volleyball court was mislaid. If y o u k n o w the whereabouts of this key c o u l d y o u return it to the U n i o n Office P D Q s i n c e its loss c o u l d mean the loss of the court to s o m e users. Phil's Bit I need urgently (!) photos of C o l l e g e sports . . . . s w i m m i n g , rugby, r o w i n g , s q u a s h , etc (not for F E L I X ) . If y o i u have any, please c o u l d y o u let m e have them via either the F E L I X Office, 3 M letter-racks or F a l m o u t h 132. Cheers Phil

Page 11


Old Centralians

s

Trust Travel Scholarship 1981

Welcome Back T o e x a m s , extremely h a r d w o r k , essays, lab reports, p r o b l e m classes, tutorials

British Red Cross Society FIRST AID C L A S S E S commencing 6:00pm THURSDAY 15 JANUARY Bot/Zoo Common Room Open to all staff and students

T h e O l d C e n t r a l i a n s Trust will a w a r d a travel s c h o l a r s h i p to a value of £100 (or p o s s i b l y more), to assist an undergraduate of the C i t y a n d G u i l d s C o l l e g e to undertake a study project a b r o a d d u r i n g the s u m m e r v a c a t i o n of 1981. T h e a w a r d will be m a d e in a c c o r d a n c e with the f o l l o w i n g c o n d i t i o n s : 1. E a c h a p p l i c a n t must s u b m i t detailed p l a n s of his or her project — a s c h e m e of investigation in the general field of s c i e n c e , t e c h n o l o g y or e n g i n e e r i n g — to be carried out a b r o a d , d u r i n g the s u m m e r vacation of 1981. Field work or v a c a t i o n work w h i c h is the n o r m a l requirement of a degree c o u r s e or a c o u r s e at a University S u m m e r S c h o o l c a n n o t be c o n s i d e r e d . Preference may be given to a p p l i c a n t s w h have not previously u n d e r t a k e n a v a c a t i o n project a b r o a d . 2. T h e subject of an applicant's project must be approved by his or her professor or tutor. 3. A s c h o l a r s h i p may be a w a r d e d to a g r o u p e x p e d i t i o n but the total w i ll not n o r m a l l y e x c e e d £100. Individual a p p l i c a t i o n s a r e r e q u e s t e d f r o m t w o m e m b e r s of t h e g r o u p , w h o must clearly indicate the nature of t h e i r i n v e s t i g a t i o n s c o v e r i n g d i f f e r e n t a s p e c t s of the G r o u p project. P r e f e r e n c e may be g i v e n to a G r o u p e x p e d i t i o n s w h o s e m e m b e r s are all undergraduates. 4. E a c h project must i n c l u d e a n a p p r o x i m a t e time-table a n d travel itinerary. 5. A budget giving details of e x p e n s e s involved must also be s u b m i t t e d a n d s h o u l d i n c l u d e travel a n d a c c o m m o d a t i o n e x p e n s e s , together with cost a n d details of any s p e c i a l e q u i p m e n t that may be required. 6. A p p l i c a t i o n forms may be o b t a i n e d from the Secretary, O l d C e n t r a l i a n s , R o o m 303, Sherfield Building. The completed forms s h o u l d be returned not later t h a n M a y 12 1981. 7. A p p l i c a n t s w h o a r e s e l e c t e d w i l l be i n t e r v i e w e d in L o n d o n d u r i n g M a y . T h e award will be a n n o u n c e d as s o o n as p o s s i b l e after the interview. 8. E a c h holder of a travel s c h o l a r s h i p will be r e q u i r e d to s u b m i t a preliminary a n d a final project-report; the p r e l i m i n a r y report, w h i c h need only be brief, within a m o n t h , and the final report within four months of his or her return from a b r o a d .

Friday, January 9 •Life Sci Party, 8:00pm, JCR, 50p ticket. Sunday, January 11 •Wargames Club Meeting, 1:00pm, SCR. Tuesday, January 13 •Storm the Russian Embassy! Petition for the release of the Swedish "Angel of Mercy" Rauol Waldenberg, held for 35 years in a Russian prison. Meet 11:20, Beit Arch. •Riding Club Meeting, 1:00pm, Elec Eng Building. •STOIC Transmission, 1:00pm, JCR and Halls. An interview with Lord Flowers. •Rail Soc Slide and Photo Evening, 5:40pm, Union Upper Lounge. All welcome. •Photo Soc B&W Competition, 7:00pm, RSM 303 (Min Tech). Bring your entry before 7:00pm. W e d n e s d a y , January 14 •Wargames Club Meeting, 1:00pm, SCR. •Radio Amateurs' Exam Course for transmitting licence qualification, 1:00pm, Elec Eng 1207. Free to all. Further details from J Savage, Physics 3. Thursday, January 15 •IC Youth Hostelling Association Regular Butty Meeting, 12:30pm, Southside Upper Lounge. New members welcome. •STOIC Transmission, l:00and6:00pm, JCRandHalls. With News-Break. •Hang Gliding Club Meeting, 12:30pm, above Stan's Bar. •IC Gliding Club Meeting, 5:30pm, Aero 254. •Shirley Williams on The Brandt Report and its implica tions for us in Britain, 1:30pm, Reed Lecture Theatre, Sherfield.

WEEKS H A L L FILM NIGHT S U N D A Y 11 J A N U A R Y Elliot G o u l d in BUSTING

L a s t o r d e r s 10:20pm. W O M E N FREE (Eat y o u r h e a r t out I C U . )

McBagpipe is wearing the sporran of the man who is wearing the sporran of the man who is wearing the sporran of McPorridge

A l a s that one of these four recollections untrue! W h o is wearing whose sporran? Solutions, comments and criticisms to c/o FELIX Office. There is a £2 prize for first correct entry chosen at 1:00pm Wednesday.

and McThistle is wearing the sporran of the man who is wearing the sporran of the man who is wearing the sporran of the man who is wearing the sporran of M c O c h a y e

This year's H o g m a n a y celebrations at the Inebriated H aggi s surpassed all r e c o r d s for the a m o u n t of w h i s k y c o n s u m e d . T h e five guests w h o stayed till the e n d left in the not-so-early hours of the m o r n i n g a n d sang themselves to sleep t r y i n g to find their way h o m e , all of t h e m unaware that e a c h was wearing the s p o r r a n of one of the others. T h e b l a m e for this falls u p o n A n g u s M c O a t u p , the c l o a k r o o m attendant, w h o is n o w trying to sort out who has w h o s e . B u t he was as p i c k l e d as the rest, a n d this m o r n i n g , deafened b y the resounding c r a s h of aspirin o n glass, his b r a i n is s t u c k in a groove. Still, t h r o u g h the fog he half r e m e m b e r s that:

FELIX SW7

is published 2BB.

(589

by the Editor

5111 ext.

1048

2881)

Copyright

FELIX

and

McLochnessmonster's sporran is not being worn by McBagpipe. College

Union

Editor:

S.J.

Publications Marshall,

Board,

Advertising

Finally, g o o d luck with this week's puzzle. It's much easier than it looks.

and is printed Manager:

me the on

Solutions to the C h r i s t m a s puzzles are o n page 11, together with the winners' names.

and

1980.

is

If anyone c a n think of a good way of raising prize m o n e y for the weekly competition, (or donate/bequeath/covenant) w o u l d l i k e to w o u l d they let me k n o w , please. (There will be a prize - Ed.) The obvious way to d o this w o u l d be to find a c o m p a n y or small business w h o w o u l d be p r e p a r e d to s p o n s o r t h e competition in return for the publicity they w o u l d get, so if y o u k n o w of s u c h a firm, please get in t o u c h.

McPorridge is wearing the sporran of the man who is wearing the sporran of the man who is wearing the sporran of the man who is wearing the sporran of McThistle.

for and on behalf of the Imperial

int

CertX F i l m 9:00pm.

B a r o p e n s 8:00pm.

by the

MA.

Union

Smith.

Print

Unit, Prince

Registered

at

the

Consort CPO

as

Road, a

London,

newspaper.


http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1981/1981_0572_A