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If you require a flat for next year, want someone to share with, have places to spare in your d i g s , or want info on flats in general contact the F l a t share '76 scheme being run by I C U . Forms are available from I C U , the Residence office, and the Haldane L i b . T h e scheme runs throught the summer.

F O U N D E D IN 1 9 4 9

NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION

NO. 4 2 5

F r i d a y 25 J u n e 1976

Fromone to another T H E J O I N T WORKING Party of t h e C V C P and U G C h a s c o m e out firmly against fee d i f f e r e n t i a l s b e t w e e n home a n d o v e r s e a s s t u d e n t s (OS) i n i t s final report published this w e e k . I n s t e a d , they c a l l for a fee differential between full-time postgraduates and undergraduates. On the basis of this proposal, tuition fees for full-time university students w o u l d b e l e v i e d at £250 f o r u n d e r g r a d u a t e s a n d £450 for p o s t g r a d u a t e s in 1 9 7 7 / 7 8 . T h e reports a l s o c a l l s o n universities to c o n t a i n , by voluntary agreement, the p r e s e n t o p e n - e n d e d commitment on O S . T h e l i m i t a t i o n of OS would be made b e t w e e n a university and the U G C a c c o r d i n g to the u n i v e r s i t y ' s need. T h i s would i n effect stop u n i v e r s i t i e s from m a k i n g up t h e i r numbers w i t h O S . C o l l e g e s such as I C w h i c h h a d large numbers of O S w o u l d k e e p to their present l e v e l s of O S intake and would therefore not suffer under t h i s p r o p o s a l . T h e c h o i c e of d i s c r i m i n a t i o n is d e s c r i b e d by S i r B r i a n F l o w e r s as " r e a s o n a b l e and certainly undeniable". S i r B r i a n went t o comment: "Overseas students are a s t r a i n o n the t a x p a y e r s a n d a heavy one at the moment. Given the p r e s e n t circums t a n c e s , w e ought to a c c e p t v o l u n t a r y r e s t r a i n t and run the r i s k of d i s c r i m i n a t i o n b e t w e e n and postundergraduates graduates". " I f o n e c o m p l a i n s too much then the c h o i c e i s b e t w e e n h i g h e r f e e s for p o s t g r a d u a t e s and something much w o r s e " , he added. F o r those P G s who are also overseas students the Working P a r t y ' s f e e s p r o p o s a l means that although they w i l l not be much b e t t e r o f f , they not b e -much certainly w i l l w o r s e off.

FREE!

Flowers on power

OVERSEAS STUDENTS FEES

IN A MAJOR speech, at Tuesday's National Energy Conference in London, the Rector, Sir Brian Flowers, expressed considerable anxiety about proposals to develop a fast breeder reactor system as the basis for Britain's nuclear power stations. Sir B r i a n , who is Chairman of the R o y a l C o m m i s s i o n o n Environmental Protection, w a s s p e a k i n g prior t o the p u b l i c a t i o n of the C o m m i s s i o n ' s report o n the e n v i r o n m e n t a l h a z a r d s o f the n u c l e a r p o w e r i n d u s t r y .

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College tuition fees F O L L O W I N G the 3 0 % i n c r e a s e helped from the 1975/76 i n t u i t i o n f e e s for c o l l e g e s i n fund. h i g h e r a n d further e d u c a t i o n T h e a v a i l a b l e funds will a n n o u n c e d by the S e c r e t a r y also be u s e d to alleviate of S t a t e for E d u c a t i o n l a s t next s e s s i o n s 30% i n c r e a s e a s D e c e m b e r , t h e C o l l e g e i s to well a s this s e s s i o n ' s £70 impose sessional fees of increase. £211, £426 for home a n d H e l p w i t h the h i g h e r l e v e l overseas under graduates o f f e e s w i l l be r e s t r i c t e d to r e s p e c t i v e l y and £ 2 0 1 , £416 students w h o pay their own for home a n d o v e r s e a s p o s t f e e s and h a d a l r e a d y begu n graduates. t h e i r s t u d i e s at I C i n 1 9 7 5 / 7 6 o r w h o h a d made t h e d e c i s i o n T h e H a r d s h i p F u n d set up to e n t e r the I C before M a r c h by the University Grants 1975. C l a i m s b y I C s t u d e n t s Committee ( U G C ) w i l l operate for r e m i s s i o n i n 1 9 7 6 / 7 7 w i l l for the session 1976/77. be considered b y a s p e c i a l In addition, the U G C h a s p a n e l o f a c a d e m i c s t a f f s e t up w i d e n e d the a p p l i c a t i o n o f the by t h e B o a r d o f S t u d i e s . f u n d to c o v e r a l l s t u d e n t s w h o are Application forms wer e i n a t t e n d a n c e i n 1 9 7 5 / 7 6 o b t a i n a b l e from Mr J B e v a n , and not o n l y those w h o wer e R o o m 344 S h e r f i e l d B u i l d i n g .

In h i s o p e n i n g remarks the R e c t o r s a i d that t h e C o m m i s s i o n a c c e p t e d that n u c l e a r p o w e r o f f e r e d the p o s s i b i l i t y of m u c h l e s s p o l l u t i o n than c o n v e n t i o n a l power s t a t i o n s . However they feH'that nobody should rely for something as basic as energy on a process that produces in quantity a by-product as dangerous as plutonium unless he is absolutely convinced that there is no reasonable alternative course of action. I am bound to say that we have not been wholly convinced that this is the case by the evidence sumbitted to us' T h e R e c t o r t h e n o u t l i n e d the awkward d i s p o s a l problems of P l u t o n i u m a r i s i n g b e c a u s e of its long radio-active life.

17% for PGs A V E R A G E I N C R E A S E S o f 17% in the p o s t g r a d u a t e g r a n t s f o r the next s e s s i o n were a n n o u n c e d of S t a t e for by Secretary Education, Mr M u l l e y , on M o nd a y in the H o u s e of C o m m o n s . T h e n e w grant l e v e l s (with last y e a r ' s i n brackets) are £1,380 (£1,180) for t h o s e o u t s i d e L o n d o n a n d £925 (£790) for students l i v i n g at home.


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Extremist thoughts on Union Management I N C L U D E D B E L O W are a collect io n of v i e w s , a n d q u e s t i o n s , w h i c h c o u l d make peopl e t h i n k what they want from t h e i r U n i o n . C h a n g i n g the curren t U n i o n P o l i c y c o u l d lead to a better d e m o c r a c y .

s e e n t o be Immediately r e l e v a n t , t h e a t t e n d a n c e f i g u r e s might dramatically change.

T h e Student U n i o n N o matter how e f f e c t i v e t h e P r e s i d e n t of a U n i o n , i s , it Is a l m o s t I n e v i t a b l e that there w i l l often o n l y be a s m a l l number of s t u d e n t s i n t e r e s t e d i n I n t e r n a l / e x t e r n a l p o l i t i c s . A t Imperial C o l l e g e , w i t h about 4 0 % p o s t - g r a d u a t e s a n d about 40% O v e r s e a s s t u d e n t s , t h e r e l e v a n c e of the U n i o n u n f o r t u n a t e l y t e n d s t o be e v e n l e s s than a t other U n i v e r s i t i e s . U n i o n m e e t i n g s a p p e a r t o draw a r e g u l a r , s m a l l percentage of politically motivated m e m b e r s . F o r many more s t u d e n t s , the U n i o n o n l y h e l p s fund t h e i r a c t i v i t i e s . P e r h a p s the majority make l i t t l e u s e of the f a c i l i t i e s , a n d s o p r o v i d e a large pool of r e s o u r c e s f o r the i n t e r e s t e d f e w . One Interesting phenomenon in t h i s institution i s that i t s members a r e conservative (small ' c ' ) . T h u s , when a n ' e x t r e m i s t ' motion Is put t o a U n i o n M e e t i n g it is l i k e l y to be h e a v i l y d e f e a t e d .

T h e ' m a n a g e m e n t ' of Imperial C o l l e g e U n i o n Is v e s t e d in a c o m m i t t e e of a b o u t 4 0 s t u d e n t s ( I C U C o u n c i l ) . T h i s may a p p e a r t o be . d e m o c r a t i c , but C o u n c i l c a n n o t c l a i m t o be r e p r e s e n t a t i v e of U n i o n Members (Members r e p r e s e n t t h e b o d i e s w h o e l e c t t hem). In m a n y i n s t a n c e s C o u n c i l erupts into e x p l o s i o n s of f l i p p a n c y , w h i c h a r e u n b e c o m i n g to the management committee. D e c i s i o n s made by a large g r o u p of p e o p l e (who h a v e not a l w a y s c o n s i d e r e d the f u l l I m p l i c a t i o n of t h e i r v o t i n g ) may s u p e r f i c i a l l y be d e m o c r a t i c , but may not be in the b e s t i n t e r e s t s of the U n i o n . It i s d l f f u c u l t for peopl e to h o l d their c o n c e n t r a t i o n for longer than 2 h o u r s , a n d c a n result in incorrect d e c i s i o n s being made, w h i c h w o u l d put C o u n c i l i n t o d i s r e p u t e . Y e t , m e e t i n g s l a s t about 5 hours, a n d have occured roughly every 3, w e e k s d u r i n g t h i s s e s s i o n . In a d d i t i o n , the large time committment t o a t t e n d i n g the meeting may u n f o r t u n a t e l y d i s c o u r a g e s o m e s t u d e n t s from h e l p i n g the U n i o n , and may a l s o not a l l o w C o u n c i l Members to a d e q u a t e l y read d i s c u s s i o n papers relevant to i s s u e s being considered at the M e e t i n g .

Union Meetings B e a r i n g in mind the c o m m e n t s in the f i r s t s e c t i o n , it i s v e r y d i f f i c u l t t o s e e how the U n i o n ' s a c t i v i t i e s c a n be o p e n l y s h o w n t o a f f e c t the q u a l i t y of life! o n c a m p u s . If the matters d i c u s s e d c o u l d be

Union Council

Well known after only a year T h e impefta! C o l l e g e Orienteering C l u b has only been i n existence since last October, and it w a s o f f i c i a l l y recognized b y the A t h l e t i c s Club Committee in January of this year. S i n c e i t s i n c e p t i o n , c l u b members have been competing i n Orienteering ' E v e n t s ' on m o s t S u n d a y s , i n f o r e s t s a l l o v e r South of E n g l a n d . I n t o t a l , members h a v e c o m p e t e d i n o v e r 20 d i f f e r e n t events and T O C ' i s now a w e l l know name i n o r i e n t e r r i n g c i r c l e s . The c l u b h a s a l s o organised i t s o w n e v e n t s on W e d n e s d a y a f t e r n o o n s for members of I C a n d other L o n d o n C o l l e g e s . T h e s e have been held on Hampstead Heath, Richmond P a r k and W i m b l e d o n C o m m o n . T h e c l u b o w n s 10 w h i s t l d s * w h i c h are u s e d f o r i n t r o d u c i n g n e w c o m e r s t o t h e s p o r t . It i s a group member o f the B r i t i s h Orienteering F e d e r a t i o n , a n d four o f the c l u b a r e i n d i v i d u a l members o f B O F . O n l y t w o members o f t h e c l u b , A l a n Leakey a n d D a v i d R o s e n , ' h a d had any significant orienteering experience before the c l u b w a s f o r m e d . H o w e v e r , many o f t h e n e w c o m e r s a r e a l r e a d y producing good results and R o b A l l i n s o n i s w e l l o n t h e w a y to a c h i e v i n g a gold standard. A l a n L e a k e y h a s been running very consistently, rarely m i s s i n g a 'gold' time. D a v i d Rosen has been having h i s most successful season, and i s currently clear leader of t h e S o u t h E a s t ' G a l l o p p e n ' , h a v i n g won three o f t h e f o u r e v e n t s . Members h a v e a l s o c o m p e t e d for t h e University of London Orienteering Club i n s e v e r a l major c h a m p i o n s h i p s i n c l u d i n g the. M i d l a n d , S o u t h e r n a n d S c o t t i s h . F o u r from I C w e r e a t the J a n K j e l l s t r o i m International Orienteering weekend i n 7

the L a k e d i s t r i c t at E a s t e r , a n d a w e e k l a t e r , f i v e from the C o l l e g e took part i n the B U S F C h a m p i o n s h i p s a t S t i r l i n g . H e r e , D a v i d R o s e n w o n the I n d i v i d u a l r a c e , a n d the n e x t d a y w a s a member of t h e w i n n i n g U n i v e r s i t y o f L o n d o n T e a m i n the r e l a y . F o r the next y e a r , the c l u b h o p e s to continue to g r o w a n d there is already news of a keen orienteer coming to the C o l l e g e next t e r m . L a s t term, w e were fortunate to be a b l e to u s e the A C C m i n i b u s o n three o c c a s i o n s a n d there w a s a n o t i c e a b l e improvement i n c l u b s p i r i t w h e n w e were a l l a b l e to t r a v e l together. It i s h o p e d that w e w i l l be a b l e to u s e the m i n i b u s e v e n more regularly i n future. We h a v e b e e n fortunate i n g a i n i n g a l o t o f support from members o f the c r o s s - c o u n t r y c l u b a n d P e t e J o h n s o n i s a member o f both c o m m i t t e e s . N e x t y e a r w e w i l l a l s o try t o e n c o u r a g e r e g u l a r p a r t i c i p a t i o n by p e o p l e who are l e s s a t h l e t i c a l l y m i n d e d but w h o j u s t e n j o y a s t r o l l i n the c o u n t r y . We h a v e h a d v e r y l i t t l e r e s p o n s e from the w o m e n a t C o l l e g e a n d t h i s i s a n o t h e r group that w e w i l l be v i g o r o u s l y e n c o u r a g i n g . Colours for 1975— 76 were awarded to:Full: Alan Leakey Half: Rob Allinson John G ibbins Pete Johnson Steve Webb Mike Welford The Committee for 1975— 76 was Captain : David Rosen Secretary : Alan Leakey Treasurer : John Gibbins Transport Officer: Mike Welford David Rosen

S l i g h t m i s - m a n a g e m e n t of a U n i o n may b e c o n s i d e r e d d e m o c r a t i c , but the r e a l danger Is that the r e s u l t c a n b e that the w h o l e U n i o n management i s ignored by the p a r t i e s w h i c h it s e e k s to h e l p a n d that i s not d e m o c r a c y . R e d u c t i o n of the s i z e of C o u n c i l a n d / o r a n e v e n s t r i c t e r control on reports to C o u n c i l (more W o r k i n g P a r t i e s , w i t h reports b e i n g t a k e n a s read) c o u l d g r e a t l y improve a s i t u a t i o n w h i c h h a s s e v e r a l t i m e s been c h a o t i c d u r i n g the l a s t three y e a r s ! C o m m i t t e e e Management I s o m e t i m e s ponder o n a q u e s t i o n : "Why do Intelligent people resort to the use of Standing Orders to conduct Is t h i s r e a l l y good d e m o c r a c y , meetings?" when some members are distracted through boredom? Should a chairman always remain s i l e n t ? Is there s u p p o s e d to be some e l e m e n t of d i s c r e t i o n s o that the b u s i n e s s c a n be e x p e d i t e d . Of c o u r s e , the C h a i r m a n the r i s k of b e i n g c h a l l e n g e d , runs p r o v i d e d that the C o m m i t t e e is a l e r t , w h i c h it s h o u l d b e ! E x e c u t i v e or s u b - C o m m i t t e e d e c i s i o n s should be a c c e p t e d , not d i s c u s s e d a g a i n . H o w e v e r , the power to o v e r - r u l e a d e c i s i o n must a l w a y s be v e s t e d in the s u p e r i o r body. Gordon

Jackson

Parker's Piece THE N E W postgraduate grants for 1 9 7 6 / 7 7 w e r e a n n o u n c e d to the C o m m o n s by M r M u l l e y , S e c r e t a r y of State f o r E d u c a t i o n , o n M o n d a y . T h e s e bring t h e value of a L o n d o n studentship to £1,380 (previously £1,180). F o r students outside L o n d o n the n e w figure i s £1,270 (£1,085) and for t? b s e l i v i n g at home £^25 ( £ 7 9 0 ) . In the light, o f recent w a g e r e s t r a i n t s b y t h e G o v e r n m e n t a n d the U n i o n s , a r i s e o f 17% might, at f i r s t s i g h t s e e m q u i t e r e a s o n a b l e . It i s o n l y w h e n o n e l o o k s more d e e p l y into t h e s e f i g u r e s that one r e a l i s e s how c r i m i n a l l y l o w they a r e . L a s t m o n t h , n e w undergraduate ( U G ) f i g u r e s w e r e a n n o u n c e d w h i c h gave them a grant for the next a c a d e m i c y e a r of £955 for L o n d o n , a n 18% r i s e . T h i s i s 1% more than the p e r c e n t a g e P G r i s e . T h i s i s a n i n s u l t i n i t s e l f , but e v e n more s o w h e n o n e c o n s i d e r s that the U G grant i s a l r e a d y h i g h e r than a P G grant i n terms o f " r e a l " w e e k l y a l l o w a n c e . Some r e s h u f f l i n g o f U G a l l o w a n c e s h a s been made s o that it w i l l not be w o r t h w h i l e to c l a i m S o c i a l Security during the Christmas and Easter vacations. E v e n w i t h t h i s t a k e n i n t o a c c o u n t , the real v a l u e o f a n . U G grant for the 31 w e e k statutory term time w i l l b e £27.90 per w e e k . A P G w i l l r e c e i v e £ 2 6 . 5 3 over the w h o l e y e a r . When o n e a d d s to this the a v a i l a b i l i t y of d e m o n s t r a t i n g w h i c h i s r e s t r i c t e d , a n d the f a c t that U G s h a v e a n o p p o r t u n i t y to earn l a r g e amounts d u r i n g the summer v a c a t i o n , the new f i g u r e s a p p e a r e v e n more a b s u r d . F o r L o n d o n s t u d e n t s there a r e e x t r a d i f f i c u l t i e s a s the vaSue o f the L o n d o n weighting in percentage terms h a s a c t y a l l y been reduced. O n e c a n o n l y c o n c l u d e from these f i g u r e s that the G o v e r m e n t p u t s l e s s Continued on page 6


X

De IF Only Collum ONCE AGIN, despite de end o' teim fateeg I'am reachin' fo' de crayon box an' gittin' de Big Boys book o' Adjectives f'om under de short table leg. Trouble wid dishin' out de amazin' prose an' politerkal comment (showin' great unnerstandin') each week is de studes commin' roun' de fron' door ev'ry Friday pm yellin' fo' de nex masterpiece. I not falliri' into de overproduction trap. If I can't manage to cobble together de 'maculate english fo' de Felics then de life aint worth .botherin' 'bout. De TP collum de only thin' wot am makin' de kew fo' de squash corts tollerable on de Friday mornin's. I noticin' aftah mah comments on de efforts bein' printed f'om de IF chicks dat de standard o' de aforesaid artikal risin' dramatically as de truth sinkin' in dwon in Cromwell Mews. De fear o' de great Pres commin' roun' t' sort dem out 'avin' mirakeruless effects on de outputs. Trouble am, not I enouff emphersis bein' put on de correc' an' proper use o' english dese days. Po' a starters, even I noticin de mix up wid de odd english word croppin' up in de coloquial froggy. As fo' de 'Pee Ess' bit tacked on de end, I 'avin' to send it down de interperators to git de translation, only to find out it some comment 'bout me. Strikin' me it a bit. to much like de dreaded contempt. Time to git de Presidential Luger out o' de safe deposit box an' arrestin' de affendin' items wid de NUS thu gs. Any more o' dis an we goin' t' 'ave to re-instate de special tribunerals run by de reliable druncks font de Union Bar, issued wid de card sayin', 'Good mornin' miss, I see yo' am pleadin' guilty. De penalty am death, but seein' as yo' f'om de famous IF I willin' to here de excuses an' special circumstances roun' de back o' de Gym aftah de hearin'. Alterertaverly, we bustin' in on de amazin' Julia Ross while she soakin' in de sunken bath o' asses milk an' chuckin' de fan heater in an' turnin' de whole schmozzle into de giant size milk shake. I not normally in de habit o' reply in' to de critics on account o' de fac' dat it beneaf de diggernity o' us low creative talents to ascend to de high level o' de oppersition wot am racked wid de jealosy over de crappy artikals wot I gen'rally issue each week. Not dat de IF got all de visual talent roun' de college RCS got de Chesty Morral wid de inderpendant fron' suspension, Mines got de H Matress, an' de Guilds got de prize winnin' rag collecter wid de bum yo' can stand de tea cup on. Back to business. I noticin' your Union thinkin' o' rebellin' an' pullin' outta de LSO, not dat it worry in' de Andrew Previn an' his banjo band, but some o' us needin' de cash, not f mention de prestigue o' controllin' de IC Union an' de ULU at de same time, also de numerous other colleges in de orchestrah. De P Teague am to tight wid de cash fo' de LSO suberscriptions, wot ensurin' a years free f'om lef wing subversion an' visitin' rugby teams puttin' de boot in. It called protection in de trade. Anyway, wot five hunered softees to a big rich union like yo's. On de other hand, by de time all de different committees discussed it, like de U F G , ICU UGM, de RCC , SCAB, ACC, SCC, CCU, AAC, UFO, an' such like I not Surprised yo' reluctant to give it to me. Judgin' by de amounts o' alcohol consumed at de all-night Counsel meetin's, it am

a wunder to me dat yo' can come to any descissions at all, even wid holdin' de vote in de khazi. Thinkin' o' takin' de holiday to get away f'om all de tension but I y'am wunderin' 'bout de reliability o' de NUF Travel Service. I would feel happier if dey'd let me on de flight deck pussonly to check dat de navegater got de AA continental handbook open at de right page fo' sunny Barcerlona an' a newly magnitized nittin' needal in de compass. Also dat de pilot got de handbook open de right way up. Las' year I aimin' to Trinidad but endin' up in Prestwick aftah de good engin' packin' up on de NUS Charter Dakota. De Stewerdess stuff not much good either, we not gittin' de tastefull Martinis an' de prawn salads served at de beck an' call, all dey managin' is de pile o' ready wrapped sarnies tossed out o' de cardbord box. I dunno. Might be better stickin' to de Coconut Airways aftah all. I hearin' nasty rumours bein' put roun' by people wid moufs wot am so big as to be hazerdous to de healf. Dey sayin' de revoltin' Rick Perker am churnin' out dese gramatical goodies, well, he can't sharpen his pencel widdout causin' multiple lasserations to de fingers, an as fo* suggestions dat de P Teague writin' it, I sayin' cobblers, he could n't even keep de Peters Patter collum goin' fo' more dan 2 weeks. De controversy am over. De mighty lips am sealed an' it likely dat dis am de lars' artikal wot I cobblin' together fo' de Felics. It never really 'predated. D E Pong an' D Susss guy always missin' out de vital lines an 'addin' de misprints an' such like. I thinkin' de proof readers

Trevor Phillips:

ICU President

1974-7?

o n l y b o t h e r i n ' w i d d e h e a d l i n e s a n ' de page numbers. I s i c k a n ' tired o' d i s h i n ' out d e t h r e a t s t o improve de s t a n d a r d o ' v a r i - t y p i n ' . T h i s time it am f o ' r e a l . I c o m m i n ' r o u n ' de F e l i c s o f f i c e s n e x Tuesday to do a f e w irrepairable adjustments to de o f f set l i t h o a n ' tie a f e w k n o t s i n d e proof r e a d e r s fingers. W e l l , I o f f f o ' de q u i e t game o ' darts i n d e U n i o n B a r , d e n b a c k o n de 14 bus f o ' d o w n t o w n H o l b o r n , n o w where am de b l o w p i p e ? TP

<7 F Only?. Alice through the E E C . ONE DAY ALICE happened, just to be climbing up a steep, steep wooded mountainside. She took out her pocket television set and saw that Mr Wilson (ie Callaghan) was about to hold a referendum on the Eurovision Song Contest — could we bear the excrutiating pain of it each year anTi could Cliff Richard still go on representing us now that he is an OAP? Alice realised this would have a direct bearing on the Marche Commun, in which, she felt, we must remain. However, she came across Le Tigre Presque Mort and was very concerned, seeing as she had campaigned vehemently to stop the IC1 from giving dogs cigarettes to smoke! She wept'buckets and tears and asked the Tigre why he was nearly dead. He managed to stutter a few words "The c . . c... Contest., .c... cruelty", of course Alice immediately linked this with the subject of the Referendum and rang up the RSPCA to enquire whether such singing could have such a drastic effect on animals. She used a trunk call, naturally, because she was in a forest — the line was engaged. A few steps further on she began to hear music "How sweet", she thought, "A Christmas carol". But soon, soon the

d r e a d f u l truth f i l t e r e d t h r o u g h . It w a s the German team f l e x i n g their v o c a l chords for the c o n t e s t w i t h ' O T a n n e n b a u m ' . Horror upon horrors i n true s o n g c o n t e s t s t y l e e a c h team h a d d e c i d e d to c o p y e a c h other, h e n c e the F r e n c h v e r s i o n 'Mon B e a u S a p i n ' . The whole wood r e s o u n d e d w i t h the d r e a d f u l c a c o p h o n y , so A l i c e s a n g the ' R e d F l a g ' l i k e a g o o d S o c i a l i s t a n d a l s o b e c a u s e it h a p p e n s to be the s a m e t u n e . S h e then t r i e d the s t r a i g h t l i n e t e s t w h i c h i n d i c a t e s w h e t h e r one h a s l o s t one's equilibrium due to h o r r e n d o u s n o i s e s — s h e f a i l e d m i s e r a b l y . L e t there be a moral t h e r e . A s y o u h a v e p r o b a b l y g u e s s e d , the m o u n t a i n w a s a n E E C B u t t e r m o u n t a i n and s o it w i l l not s u r p r i s e y o u that s o o n s h e came upon a n E E C Wine L a k e . What will s u r p r i s e y o u i s that there w a s a R e d I n d i a n s a i l i n g or c a n o e i n g o n i t ! E x p l a n a tions wered needed. "Big.chief-jam-buttysay-much-bitter-for-buttis-in-europeanb u t t y - c i u b " ( E E C to i n t e l l e c t u a l s ) . E e k by G u m ! e x c l a i m e d A l i c e , a s she l e a r n t that e v e r y o n e w a s n o w i n the E E C . E x c e p t L e T i g r e P r e s q u e Mort, who had j u s t d e c i d e d to s t o p p l a y i n g s i l l y - b i l l i e s . Continued

on page 11


4

una

we daren't print at the time : About Mooney Food? Sir, A s I left the U n i o n L o w e r R e f e c t o r y last T h u r s d a y (27th M a y , 3.35pm approx.) w i t h , in one h a n d , my (late) dinner, which I had just purchased, to go into the L o w e r L o u n g e where a f r i e n d w a s w a i t i n g for me, I n o t i c e d a pool of w a t e r on the foyer floor. T o my a m a z e m e n t I found that I w a s s t a n d i n g in it, and it w a s g r o w i n g larger by the s e c o n d , b e i n g s u p p l i e d by a f i r e h o s e . T h e one end of t h i s h o s e w a s c o n n e c t e d to the water s u p p l y ; at the other w a s a member of the G u i l d s Union(!) Naturally, my food became rather dampened by t h i s not t o o p l e a s a n t e x p e r i e n c e ; and I, not finding the r e f e c t o r y ' s c u l i n a r y s t a t u s the peak of a g o u r m e t ' s delight at the best of t i m e s , c e r t a i n l y was not going to eat its produce after the whole bloody plate had been waterlogged. I r e q u e s t e d that the p e r s o n directly r e s p o n s i b l e for the a q u a t i c e v e n t s buy me another plate of s a u s a g e a n d c h i p s . He refused. I pointed out that the o r i g i n a l s wer e now a good d e a l m o i s t e r and about

60 degrees colder than previously. He still refused, but s a i d t h a t , and I q u o t e , "they look a l r i g h t to m e . " He then, along with other members of his company, p r o c e e d e d to eat some of the chips, and the sausage, maintaining that they wer e "O.K.". Amongst his confederates at the time were Messrs A h l e r s , H o y l e , and D e a r i n g , to name the most r e c o g n i s a b l e ones, the three presidents (past, present, and future, s o to s p e a k ) of the i l l u s t r i o u s G u i l d s U n i o n , who a l l seemed to view the incident as b e i n g h u m o u r o u s . N o doubt I too would have found it funny if I had been p i s s e d out of my h e a d . I, however, was sober and hungry and w e t . A n d not b e i n g in the l e a s t bit keen on wet, cold refectory chips, w a s m e r e l y p i s s e d off. I remain, hungrily, yours, IVOR P L A T O R - S O G G Y C H I P S

Clje

Union officials Re: FELIX

DINNER

Dear Moron, I dont mind not g e t t i n g a c o m p l i m e n t a r y to y o u r a n n u a l a b o r t i o n , but I do o b j e c t to b e i n g referred to a s " Y o u r Henchman" especially as it w a s o n l y through me that y o u got a b l o o d y g u e s t s p e a k e r in the f i r s t b l o o d y p l a c e . 1 hope y o u get a n u n e x p l o d e d frankfurter in your bloody m e a l . A n d if y o u t h i n k for one moment that t h i s error c a n be a l l e v i a t e d by y o u r c o m i n g w h i n i n g to my door craving forgiveness, you've got another thing coming. I fart direction. Yours,

in

your

general

LUIGI.

Re: ICU Elections notice printea on the front cover of FELIX No. 411 with the incorrect date as to when nominations closed.

Dear P i n g - P o n g Y O U IDIOT - Y O U M O R O N - YOU CRETIN. YOU HAVE ABOUT AS MUCH I N T E L L IGENCE AS A SU PRISE P E A ! A s your lithe s u p p l e br ai n w i l l h a v e g r a s p e d by now y o u r e a l l y c o c k e d up the e l e c t i o n s bit on the front page l a s t F r i d a y . I respectfully request, and if y o u d o n ' t c o m p l y , I s h a l l remove some parts of your a n a t o m y , that you put that right IN LARGE L E T T E R S next F r i d a y . Y o u r e a l l y r o c k e t e d to new heights of mediocrity with that A B O M I N A T I O N ! I hope you c a n read t h i s if you c a n ' t , I'll s e n d over a c o p y in b r a i l l e . John (annoyed).

THANKS

Creeb

I B e l i e v e in Schrodinger, the Physicist Almighty. Equator of Eigenfunctions and waves, And in his only equation incorporating Del squared P s i , Which was conceived in the bath, borne onto virgin paper, Suffered under differential Calculus, was formulated, equated, and solved, It failed under relativity; but on the third day it rose again, And transcended C l a s s i c a l Mechanics, And sitteth at the centre of Atomic P h y s i c s with solutions weighty. From whence it will come to fox the quick and the slow. I Believe in the Royal Society, the Royal College of Science, the commutation of observable.

Colin Grimshaw of the Audio—Visual A i d s section in E l e c Eng w o u l d l i k e to convey his sincere thanks to I C U n i o n for a w a r d i n g him H o n o r a r y L i f e Membership of the Union and social colours.

NOTICE P o s t g r a d u a t e s p l e a s e note that there w i l l be an i s s u e of FELIX published on Friday July 16th. All c o n t r i b u t i o n s for t h i s i s s u e must reach the F E L I X o f f i c e by 12 noon o n F r i d a y 9th July.

The analyses of four vectors, the radiation of a Black Body and the functions everlasting Amen From the " A u t h o r " of ' T H E C R E E D ' Comes: A silly Soliloquy of Shakespeare, for Tired and Torpid Followers of P h y s i c s . Hamlet: Div D or not Div D — that is the question; Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The reflections and translations of outrageous lattices, Or to take ions against a cell of atoms, And by transposing end them? to ionize, to excite — No more; and by an excitation to say we add The energies and the thousand thermal shocks That matter is heir to. ' T i s a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To Ionize, to excite; To excite, perchance to plasma. A y there's the rub; For in that excitation of ions what plasmas may form, When we have shuffled off this magnet's c o i l , Gerald Taranto II Must give us ' G a u s s ' . Soc Sec ' G A D Soc'.

FREE D e s k — to w h o e v e r it. R i n g 837 8 3 7 5 .

wants

It's A Caribbean Connection on Friday 2nd July 8.00pm till 2.00am with THE CIMARONS, THE MELTONES, C A R I B E S LIMBO DUO. RAPHAEL CHERRIECAf YPSO BAND. D J : S T E V E B A R N A R D , of RadioLondon C a r i b b e a n f o o d , late b a r s and d i s c o . T i c k e t s : £1 from Student Union Office, R C A .


5

X

Chemical ArsonThe Truth

Quotes of the Year

(See F E L I X N o . 408 about the story of the truant who t r i e d to burn d o w n the C h e m i s t r y B u i l d i n g . )

Re: General            ! "  #$  %&  "' () /  +,-.  

  0 1 *  " / - Paul Ekpenyong Re: RCS F lect ion s   2      1 1  f l i n s Morrell  /   3$4 (    (RCS President-elect) Re: NUS Conference  & 5   6       " !  4 (# " " /   (     8 99:;< 7 - A l i s t a i r Stewart (Deput y P r e s i d e n t N U S ) R e : Photography       =         A ' 3$4 %&     > ! '  5   @AB

     - a w e l l - k n o w n c o l l e g e a d m i n i s t r a t o r ? (  '    R e : T y p o g r a p h y (of c o u r s e ! )       C  E "   " D  / /   > G i l l McConway ( F e l i x staff) R e : D a n c i ng C lub  K

        "/   % F  GH " I  J   (

      OPPOQ R /  $  L M N â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Anon. Re: National Abortion Campaign Conference  U C     

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%& " T  S (   $3   "    Z[ ^ `aabc VWW X Y \] _ d Paul Ekpenyoug Re: F E L I X  

=        S S$   $3  P h i l Dean ( F E L I X Sub-Editor)

R e : R C S Elections

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      S $J   7 ( F E L I X staff) R e : C l i v e D e w e y , who a s k e d him if h e w a n t e d t ea Ă&#x2020;Ă&#x2021;Ă&#x2C6;Ă&#x2030;Ă&#x160; r Ă?Ă? U     Ă&#x2026;   ! Ă&#x2039; $ /    $ Ă&#x152; Ă?Ă&#x17D; -Paul Ekpenyong R e : (dubious)  C



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R e : Dave C h a n c e (see last w e e k ' s iront page)     

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    Ă?   $    S    T Nick (in the c h a i r )

  

T

Brayshaw

L a s t w e e k s attempt to burn d o w n the H a r w o o d l a b w a s g r e e t e d w i t h w a v e s o f apathy from the o c c u p a n t s of the l a b . T h e w o u l d - b e fire bug w a s roundly c o n d e m n e d , the f o l l o w i n g c o m m e n t s are t y p i c a l â&#x20AC;&#x201D; " W e s h o u l d have let the w h o l e b l o o d y t h i n g burn d o w n . " " H e s h o u l d n ' t have set fire to it, he c o u l d h a v e p u s h e d it d o w n . " I c a n now r e v e a l that the man b e h i n d the a r s o n attempt w a s none other than D r ' G o d f a t h e r ' K i r k b r i g h t , the top man in a n a l y t i c a l c h e m i s t r y . T h e d o c t o r g a v e the f o l l o w i n g s t a t e m e n t s at v a r i o u s times â&#x20AC;&#x201D; " M a k e an a p p o i n t m e n t . " ' 'Sorry must r u s h . " " I ' m due at a m e e t i n g . " " N o I'm not the ' M r B i g ' b e h i n d t h i s a r s o n a t t e m p t , e v e n though we have .run out of money for the new c h e m i s t r y block." " N o that w a s not me m o v i n g a n o p t o - a c o u s t i c s p e c t r o m e t e r b a c k i n t o the b u i l d i n g after D r F l e e t h a d f o i l e d the a r s o n attempt." T h e youth r e s p o n s i b l e w a s of c o u r s e Dr A d a m s , d i s g u i s e d in dark g l a s s e s . D r A d a m s i s N o . 2 in the K i r k b r i g h t ' B r o t h e r h o o d ' (or s h o u l d it be the P e r s o n h o o d ? ) WILL T H E R E B E FURTHER AT T EMPTS T O DEMOLISH T H E HARWOOD LAB? Dr K i r k b r i g h t i s c u r r e n t l y w o r k i n g on the a n a l y s i s o f n i t r o g l y c e r i n e by a t o m i c a b s o r p t i o n . Dr F l e e t i s c o v e r i n g g l a s s y c a r b o n e l e c t r o d e s w i t h mercury f u l m i n a t e . . A.H.

Monster hunt at Loch Morar S t u d e n t s who attended T i m Ă&#x; ^ Dinsdale's talk on } ] 5  K    3$4

à " å  âãäü Ìçè Ê (IC N a t u r a l History Soc), will recall that help is needed for this year's hunt. L o c h Morar h a s a s i m i l a r 'monster' tradition to Loch Ness, and also has the advantage of crystal clear water for much improved underwater work. The 1976 Loch Morar Expedition is being run by members of Royal Holloway College, assisted by students from E a l i n g T e c h , and e l s e w h e r e . More p a r t i c i p a n t s are r e q u i r e d for the e x p e d i t i o n , w h i c h w i l l run through J u n e , J u l y , and

WELFARE I s h a l l be k e e p i n g the Welfare C e n t r e o p e n one d a y a w e e k d u r i n g the summer h o l i d a y s . T h i s w i l l be e v e r y Wednesday from 12.30 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; 1.30pm i n the u s u a l p l a c e : at the top of the U n i o n B u i l d i n g . If y o u want to c o n t a c t me at any other time, ring the Union Office. Do not forget that y o u c a n claim social security as before t h i s summer. T h e new r e g u l a t i o n s do not come i n t o effect until October. L e a f l e t s e x p l a i n i n g the procedure a n d

A u g u s t . Whatever your p e r s o n a l views on the presence or absence of 'monsters' in S c o t t i s h l o c h s , y o u m a y be attracted by the idea of s p e n d i n g a w e e k o r two i n the h i g h l a n d s t h i s y e a r . M i k e P a r s o n s of R o y a l H o l l o w a y i s o r g a n i s i n g student m e m b e r s h i p i n L o n d o n , and I have r e c e i v e d copies of the expedition's application forms and 1975 report for d i s t r i b u t i o n a m o n g s t interested parties. T h e s e can be o b t a i n e d from m y s e l f â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Dept of Z o o l o g y , room 2.4 ( i n t e r n a l phone, 2 4 8 1 ) . Jim Brock ( P r e s i d e n t Nat H i s t Soc)

WAFFLE c o n t a i n i n g a d d r e s s e s of l o c a l employment and social s e c u r i t y o f f i c e s are a v a i l a b l e at the c e n t r e a s w e l l a s information on l e g a l , accommodation, consumer problems, etc. P l e a s e a l s o come to the C e n t r e or l e a v e a m e s s a g e at the U n i o n O f f i c e i f y o u are a w i l l i n g b a b y s i t t e r or w o u l d l i k e to h e l p out o n c e a w e e k at the C e n t r e next y e a r . T h a n k s muchly SUE KALICINSKI


una Continued from page .2

Parkers Piece

The long hard year T h e e n d of a l o n g , h a r d y e a r l o o m s p l e a s i n g l y a h e a d a s I p u t p e n t o p a p e r for the l a s t e d i t o r i a l o f t h e s e s s i o n . It i s not w i t h s o b s a n d s n i f f l e s that I l o o k f o r w a r d t o my imminent departure a s e d i t o r o f t h i s p a p e r , but w i t h a s i g h o f r e l i e f . U n l i k e my p r e d e c e s s o r I d o not w i s h to e p i l o g u e a t l e n g t h . I hope that my s u c c e s s o r h a s , o r i f h e h a s n o t y e t done s o , w i l l l e a r n from the m i s t a k e s I m a d e . F E L I X I believ e i s now firmly e s t a b l i s h e d i n i t s p r e s e n t form and I hope i t c o n t i n u e s to p l a y i t s important role w i t h i n t h e Union i n a responsible and constructive manner. T h a t o f f my c h e s t I s h o u l d l i k e to thank a l l t h o s e p e o p l e w h o h a v e h e l p e d me throughout the year e s p e c i a l l y J e n Hardy-Smith, R i z Shakir, Peter T e a g u e , John Downs (despite h i s insults) and the P u b l i c a t i o n s department o f c o l l e g e . I c a n n o t depart h o w e v e r , w i t h o u t a f e w c o m m e n t s about the F E L I X s t a f f w h o hav e w o r k e d s o l i d l y throughout the y e a r with almost Spartan-like fervour. T h e y are: Ian M o r s e (offset l i t h o o p e r a t o r ) , f o r whom w o m e n a r e o b s t a c l e s to b e sur» mounted a n d w h o t h i n k s Q P R a r e the b e s t f o o t b a l l team a r o u n d ; G i l l M c C o n w a y a sports fanatic whose pet hates are Mooney f o o d a n d b a d h a n d w r i t i n g ; P h i l D e a n , w h o l i v e s more i n B e x h i l l a n d d i d not o f t e n get p a s t t h e o f f i c e o n the way to the P h y s i c s d e p t ; T e r r y W e s t o b y , our A r t s E d i t o r w h o s w e a r s he n e v e r

edited anything; Duncan S u s s , a Mancunian w i t h a wry s e n s e of humour a n d c o u l d s c r e w money o u t of S c r o o g e ; N i g e l W i l l i a m s , w h o s e grey p h o t o s a l w a y s s e n t P h i l a n d I a n up the w a l l ; D a v e K n i g h t s , who t a l k s and laughs in s e v e n different octaves; Dave F o x a l l , who p o s s e s s e s the m o s t e x t e n s i v e v o c a b u l a r y o f a b u s e I've e v e r come a c r o s s a n d e a t s l i k e a horse; John M c C l o s k e y , a n Abbott a l e freak w h o s e a m b i t i o n i s t o own a m o t o r b i k e shop a n d t h i n k s that p u k i n g i s t h e r a p e u t i c ; C l i v e D e w e y , w h o h a s a penchant for C o l l e g e a d m i n b i r d s a n d h a s a very springy head; T o m Stevenson, who c a n make FELIX sound l i k e The Times o v e r the phone a n d h a t e s me h e a d l i n i n g h i s reviews; A n d r e w H a l l , l i t e r a r y S p o r t s Editor who never s e e m e d to quite understand how I became editor; C h r i s Simester (alias Hie) , who coughed up a l o t of r e v i e w s a g a i n t h i s y e a r ; a n d finally Dave H o p k i n s , our Welsh N e w s E d i t o r w h o i s s o m e t i m e s found s i n g i n g crude rugby s o n g s o v e r the i n t e r n a l e x t e n s i o n s in t h e F E L I X o f f i c e . L a s t but by no m e a n s l e a s t , a v e r y s p e c i a l thank y o u to my C R I T I C S — m a y they l i v e l o n g a n d w e l l . Paul Ekpenyong

y a l u e on P G education than on U G e d u c a t i o n . A f t e r three y e a r s o n a U G grant P G s a r e e x p e c t e d t o t a k e a f u r t h e r c u t i n l i v i n g s t a n d a r d s f a a further three or more y e a r s . It w o u l d not be s u r p r i s i n g i f the d e m a n d for research p l a c e s d r o p p e d a n d s t i l l l e s s s o i f the Government used this as an excuse for further c u t s . I am s u r e no P G e x p e c t s nor n e e d s a f i n a n c i a l i n c e n t i v e to do the work h e or s h e d o e s , but the f i n a n c i a l deterrent of the p r e s e n t l e v e l o f f i n a n c i n g r e q u i r e s a l o t of e n t h u s i a s m and d e d i c a t i o n to beat i t . In future, t h i s l e v e l o f s u b s i s t e n c e w i l l be t o l e r a t e d by an e v e r d i m i s h i n g , if d e d i c a t e d , f e w . s u r p r i s i n g that many It i s h a r d l y good g r a d u a t e s opt for i n d u s t r y w h e r e they c a n e a r n £2,500 to £3,500 o r more in their f i r s t y e a r , often h a v i n g t h e opportunit y t o o b t a i n h g h e r q u a l i f i c a t i o n s and"degrees at the s a m e t i m e . T h e 17% r i s e i n grants r e p r e s e n t s o n l y an 11% r i s e i n the e x p e n d i t u r e o n s t u d e n t s h i p s . T h e t o t a l i s a l r e a d y l o w at £ 2 4 m i l l i o n s , l e s s than the amount a n y good nationalised industry can l o s e in a week. R e s e a r c h a n d p o s t degree e d u c a t i o n are the core o f our e d u c a t i o n s y s t e m . We rely on t h e s e sectors to t r a i n o u r lecturers a n d those r e s e a r c h e r s w h o constantly refresh a n d a d v a n c e the body of knowledge available. The G o v e r n m e n t i s r e s t r i c t i n g the f l o w to t h e c o r e . Soon the e d u c a t i o n s y s t e m w i l l be a hollow shell following stagnant patterns. STOP THE ROT NOW! RICK P A R K E R I C P G G Chairman

IMPERIAL COLLEGE STUDENTS UNION.

L O O K I N G FOR FLATS?

TEMPORARY ROOMS will be available in Southside at the end of the summer vacation.

18-25 September 50p per night.

C O M E TO T H E UNION O F F I C E 10am-5pm

on these days as

ROOMS ARE TO BE LET ON A CASUAL BASIS.

OD C

K 1976

DO NOT BRING LARGE AMOUNTS OF LUGGAGE

BRING A •

SLEEPING B A G


7

FILIX

PROFILES:

Paul Ekpenyong I ' V E B E E N teasing P a u l a l l week thatl'd leave this space b l a n k , a s a momento t o h i s many s p o o f p a g e s . T h a t , t h o u g h , w o u l d be t o o u n k i n d a gesture to s o m e o n e w h o ' s put a tremendous amount of w o r k i n t o the U n i o n ' s h a r d e s t s a b b a t i c a l j o b . S o here g o e s ! B e l i e v e it or not P a u l E s i e n Inang U k o r e b i E k p e n y o n g (phew!) w a s born i n E a s t L o n d o n i n 1953. A f t e r v a r i o u s ' l i b e r a l s t u d i e s ' at T o t t e n h a m T e c h n i c a l C o l l e g e , P a u l came to I C in 1973, s u p p o s e d l y to s t u d y M a t h e m a t i c s . H e s o o n r e a l i s e d t h i s m i s t a k e a n d r e s o l v e d to make a b i g i m p a c t o n the I C s o c i a l l i f e a n d the a c t i v i t i e s of I C U n i o n . Three y e a r ' s later he c a n j u s t i f i a b l y s a y he h a s s u c c e e d e d ( e v e n S i r B r i a n ' s s e c r e t a r y k n o w s h i m as P i n g p o n g ) . T o c a l l P a u l an a l c o h o l i c a n d a gourmet w o u l d c e r t a i n l y be true, but that i n i t s e l f w o u l d g l o s s o v e r many a humerous o c c a s i o n . A f t e r a l l how w o u l d y o u g o a b o u t c e l e b r a t i n g the f a c t that y o u n e v e r get a h a n g o v e r , h o w e v e r m uc h b o o z e y o u c o n s u m e d ? P a u l ' s a l c o h o l i c i n t a k e h a s at t i m e s g i v e n r i s e to many a precarious s i t u a t i o n , p a r t i c u l a r l y during h i s year a s F E L I X E d i t o r . N e v e r t h e l e s s , d e s p i t e w a l k i n g a l o n g a n d a c r o s s t h e tube l i n e s at West K e n s i n g t o n s t a t i o n (after o n e too many g l a s s e s of A b b o t ) , a n d d e s p i t e a rather arrogant e n c o u n t e r w i t h a t a x i driver in Soho Square, w h i c h w a s only r e s o l v e d when P i n g p o n g jumpe d o n t o the t a x i - c a b bonnet s c r e a m i n g ' t a k e me to S o h o ' ( e v e n he c a n ' t remember h o w m uc h h e ' d h a d to d r i n k that n i g h t ) , P a u l has m a n a g e d to s u r v i v e h i s y e a r a s e d i t o r . One n o t a b l e i n c i d e n t h a p p e n e d at the e n d o f h i s f i r s t term a s F E L I X E d i t o r at a p a r t y g i v e n by R i c k y G r a h a m a n d f r i e n d s . P i n g p o n g a r r i v e d rather d r u n k , to put it p o l i t e l y , a n d p r o c e e d e d to d o w n h a l f a bottle o f w h i s k e y i n two g u l p s . M i n u t e s l a t e r he was seen chatting to J o h n D o w n s a n d J u l i a R o s s . Apparently he m a n a g e d to t a l k i n t e l l i g e n t l y f o r h a l f an hour before p a s s i n g o u t , c l u t c h i n g a p i n t o f l a g e r ! A f t e r b e i n g c a r r i e d home he d e c i d e d to w a l k into a s h o w e r f u l l y c l o t h e d . O n o c c a s i o n s he h a s b e e n s e e n s o b e r , a l t h o u g h h e s t i l l m a i n t a i n s frequent a p p e a r a n c e s i n the U n i o n B a r , d e s p i t e t h e fact that the bar staff o n c e d e c i d e d to s t r i p h i m after h o u r s , a n d d e s p i t e frequent threats from h i s bank m a n a g e r . H i s e a t i n g h a b i t s are p r o b a b l y l e s s w e l l - k n o w n , a l t h o u g h many s t u d e n t s w i l l h a v e g u e s s e d them after h i s frequent journalistic a t t a c k s o n Mr M o o n e y ' s c a t e r i n g . M a n y r e s t a u r a n t s , e s p e c i a l l y the G r e a t A m e r i c a n S u c c e s s , h a v e a l s o e x p e r i e n c e d t h e b y p r o d u c t s o f P a u l ' s g a s t r o n o m i c d i s s a t i s f a c t i o n . In f a c t h e ' s

Mark Caldwell "PLEASE PAUL, CAN I HAVE THE F R O N T P A G E " i s a c r y that I h a v e heard many a time t h i s y e a r . It i n v a r i a b l y c o m e s from no l e s s e r a p e r s o n than Mark C a l d w e l l , who h a s , for the past two y e a r s b e e n the C h a i r m a n o f S T O I C . H e i s u s u a l l y t r y i n g to get one o f h i s now famous "Film Talk" programmes blazened across the front page of FELIX. M a r k i s the sort of c h a p that o l d l a d i e s refer to a s " W h a t a p o l i t e y o u n g m a n " , f o r he is p o l i t e a n d e x t r e m e l y >ne might not e x p e c t to modest. A trait find i n ' a media man. Often seen strutting b e t w e e n the S T O I C studios and the U n i o n — l i n e s of c o m m u n i c a t i o n are v e r y t e n u o u s t h e s e d a y s — Mark p r e s e n t s the t y p i c a l image of a p u b l i c s c h o o l b o y . ( H e ' l l p r o b a b l y shoot me for s a y i n g that b e c a u s e h i s o p i n i o t v o f t h e s e b a s t i o n s o f upper c l a s s education is extremely l o w . ) Although he came here t o s t u d y P h y s i c s , a s u b j e c t he d o e s not f i n d p a r t i c u l a r l y f a s c i n a t i n g , he h a s s p e n t a s u b s t a n t i a l part o f h i s time involved w i t h S T O I C . F i r s t prompted by a S T O I C n o t i c e i n T o p i c w h i c h he found l y i n g around i n K e o g h H a l l , he w e n t o n e production meeting after another and has

a l w a y s c o m p l a i n i n g about the h a m b u r g e r s at G A S . H e h e a t e d l y b a n g s h i s f i s t on the t a b l e v a i n l y t r y i n g t o g e t t h e b i l l r e d u c e d . He doesn't l i k e their m i l k s h a k e s either. S l o p p y w a i t e r s e r v i c e i s another s o u r c e o f a n n o y a n c e t o P i n g p o n g , w h o at t i m e s h a s h a d t o be f o r c i b l y r e s t r a i n e d from a s s a u l t i n g w a i t e r s . R e s t a u r a n t s a r e n ' t the o n l y p l a c e s that P a u l ' s got e v i c t e d from. M a n y o f h i s f r i e n d s remember a c e r t a i n e v e n t that took p l a c e at a West E n d C i n e m a . A s p u r i o u s comment to a n e x t r e m e l y v o l u p t u o u s d o o r g i r l s a w P a u l a n d h i s f r i e n d s ( w h o ' d a l r e a d y p a i d for t h e i r t i c k e t s ) promptly e v i c t e d from the building. So f ar I h a v e n ' t s a i d m u c h about P a u l a s a n e d i t o r , a l t h o u g h T o n y J o n e s d o e s n ' t s e e m to h a v e l e f t me m u c h room f o r m a n o e u v r e . P i n g p o n g h a s a great c a p a c i t y f o r w o r k , s u r e l y f o s t e r e d by h i s unique a b i l i t y to go w i t h o u t s l e e p for l o n g p e r i o d s . H e r a r e l y d i s p l a y s a n y after e f f e c t s , a l t h o u g h r e c e n t l y he h a s l o o k e d a bit h a g g e r e d (I d o n ' t t h i n k h e ' s learnt j u d o y e t ) . A s an e d i t o r h e ' s b e e n a great s o u r c e o f i n s p i r a t i o n t o h i s f e l l o w staff members of the l a s t t w o y e a r s a n d h a s e n c o u r a g e d a d e l e g a t i o n o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y (from c o p y r e a d e r s o n w a r d s ) . H e ' s a p l e a s a n t , humerous c h a r a c t e r w h o g e t s o n w e l l w i t h p e o p l e . A f r i e n d w h o ' s n e v e r a f r a i d to make a fool of h i m s e l f i n the i n t e r e s t s of h i s j o b ( j u s t l o o k a t the q u o t e s f i l e ) . In h i s y e a r a s e d i t o r , P a u l h a s done m u c h to iron-out the remaining t e c h n i c a l d i f f i c u l t i e s of offset-litho, as well a s e x t e n d i n g the role that F E L I X p l a y s at I C . It i s p e r h a p s unfortunate that he w i l l be remembered for the m i s t a k e s he h a s made rather than the s t a b i l i t y he h a s g i v e n t h e p a p e r . U n l i k e the p r e d e c e s s o r , w h o P a u l d e s c r i b e s a s a ' n o s t a l g i c sentimentalist', Pingpong is a self-confessed c y n i c , whose intermittent d i s r e g a r d of w o m e n h a s o f t e n fouled up h i s r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h the s a m e . T h i s term h e ' s f i n a l l y g o t h i s s e x l i f e s o r t e d o u t , a l t h o u g h there w a s a time when he w a s f r a n t i c a l l y w r i t i n g out programmes f o r the C D C computer i n a n effort to g e t h i s c o n f u s e d o b j e c t i v e s s t r a i g h t e n e d o u t . So now y o u k n o w w h y the C D C ' s b e e n ' g o i n g d o w n ' r e c e n t l y , i t ' s P a u l ' s l o v e - l i f e stretching its f a c i l i t i e s ! A f t e r 7 0 0 w o r d s I t h i n k I've s a i d enough t o d e s t r o y P a u l ' s c r e d i b i l i t y , a n d g i v e n y o u a c l e a r i d e a o f the m a n h i m s e l f . A l l that remains to be done i s to g a t h e r together the remnants of t h i s y e a r ' s staff a n d s i f t through the b o o k s that P a u l s u g g e s t s I r e a d T h e l a t t e r i n c l u d e How to get your bum^bitten ( t w i c e ) by an IF President a n d Sensual Massage. B o t h a r e a v a i l a b l e from your local Cromwell Mews bookshop. P S P a u l d o e s n ' t w r i t e the T P c o l u m n . C l i v e Dewey (PPS: Really Clive, I wish you'de left this space blank or at least presented me with an air ticket to Brazil (one way) — Paul.)

not l o o k e d back s i n c e . N e i t h e r h a s S T O I C . H i s first interview proved abortive when, after sweltering under studio l i g h t s for h a l f a n hour, h i s i n t e r v i e w e e s didn't show up. H i s second interview with Don Monro w a s i n h i s own words " b l o o d y a w f u l " . S i n c e then h i s i n t e r v i e w i n g technic has improved although he h a s made i n e v i t a b l e s l i p s n o w a n d then. O n c e , interviewing Prof L a i t h w a i t e he muffed h i s t h i r d q u e s t i o n o n the fourth or f i f t h r e - t a k e . P r o f L a i t h w a i t e was "quite cutting" about the w h o l e affair. Mark h a s s h i e d a w a y interviewing a c a d e m i c s s i n c e then and finds l e s s of a problem t a l k i n g to film stars although they too c a n get out o f h a n d . I n t e r v i e w i n g Barry Humphreys of B a r r y M c K e n z i e f a m e , he h a d t e a s p i l t o n h i s n o t e s by B a r r y , w h o turned up d r e s s e d i n drag a s Dame E d n a E v e r i d g e . M a r k ' s comment l a t e r w a s "How do you talk to a man who pretends to be a woman?" H i s many interviewes include M e l B r o o k s w h o took o f f M a r k ' s g l a s s e s a s he w a s a b o u t to i n t r o d u c e a f i l m c l i p , C h r i s t o p h e r L e e w h o t h r e a t e n e d to w a l k off the i n t e r v i e w if D r a c u l a w a s brought i n t o the c o n v e r s a t i o n a n d G l e n d a J a c k s o n w h o t h r e a t e n e d t o p o k e h i s e y e s out w i t h the w o m e n ' s l i b f l a g p o l e ! H o w e v e r , s a y s Mark, this latter interview w a s h i s most enjoyable. T h e " F i l m T a l k " s e r i e s , of w h i c h t h e s e i n t e r v i e w s are a p a r t , h a s a c h i e v e d a great d e a l o f s u c c e s s and m o s t o f them are made o u t s i d e t h e C o l l e g e . T h e y are b r o a d c a s t o f f the I L E A ' S C h a n n e l 7

network a n d r e p l a c e d a rather s i m i l a r but i n f e r i o r programme they u s e d t o put out. A s w i t h other m e d i a m e n , M a r k i s always worried about his audience. A u d i e n c e r a t i n g s are a y a r d s t i c k b y which a programme is adjudged s u c c e s s f u l . T h e f o r m u l a that h e h a s f o u n d that w o r k s i s " n o i s y o r d i r t y f i l m c l i p s and b i g n a m e s " — the p r e c i s e i n g r e d i e n t s of "Film Talk", he w a s q u i t e c h u f f e d t o f i n d w e l l o v e r 100 p e o p l e s i t t i n g q u i e t l y i n the J C R w a t c h i n g the re-run of the T i m C u r r y i n t e r v i e w . The s u c c e s s of S T O I C w i t h "Film Talk a n d the "Lunchbreak" m a g a z i n e programme h a s brought i t s r e w a r d s . T h e Rector has taken a keen interest in STOIC since being interviewed and the r e s u l t , after many l e t t e r s from M a r k , i s that S T O I C now h a v e u s e o f e d i t i n g facilities costing about £6,000. In addition, "Film Talk" i s now an "industry approved" programme; this f a c i l i t a t e s procurement of c l i p s for the programmes. H a s he e n j o y e d b e i n g S T O I C C h a i r m a n . Y e s . H e has been interviewed by B B C R a d i o L o n d o n , m e n t i o n e d i n the E v e n i n g N e w s and h a s a glowing j o b reference from B a r r y B r o w n , p r o d u c e r o f B B C ' s F i l m N i g h t . H e i s c u r r e n t l y t r y i n g t o get into o n e o f the i n d e p e n d e n t T V c o m p a n i e s — " a n y o n e w h i c h ' l l t a k e m e " . I'm sure that d e s p i t e h i s l a c k o f l u c k a t the moment h e w i l l e v e n t u a l l y b r e a k t h r o u g h and F E L I X w i s h e s h i m t h e b e s t for the future. P a u l Ekpenyong


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ACROSS DOWN I. C 2 4 H 4 0 0 5 from b i l e 1. T a k e out a m i l . w i t h c r y 9. S o u n d s i f y o u are a l l a b l e of pain for i n d i a - r u b b e r to hear 2. C h a s e s and more than s t u n I I . G r e a t and form idable h o b b i t 3. F i s h eggs, to i r o n s o u r c e 12. R e s u l t if 32 done 4. I s Guiness a Nigerian 13. Not for d r u n k e n d r i v i n g ? v e r s i o n of t h i s 14. B a c k up g i r l (not quite 5. A l e s s e r e x a m on horse) 6. K n o w but f o o l 15. P u t extreme i n c i r c u l a t i o n 7. A n o i d e r of pillar 17. G o back drunk 8. D r a t , h e l l , short of court 1 9 . T e n or a m i x e d baroque of s e s s i o n for s l u t s feature 10. A house g o d in l a r g e house 21. A n n o y killer status of 11. Speak s o m e t h i n g B o n d ' s y e l l o w bird 16. A i d from loot 25. N e a r l y h i l l h e s i t a t i o n s e e d 18. E q u a l l o o k s c l o s e l y scar. 20. Q u i e t instrument 27. T a r s p e n c e r 22. T h e s m a l l e s t o f l i t t e r s 28. P o n idge c o n s t i t u e n t 23. G o up in s a m e o l d w a y 30. A l t e r n a t i v e to scientific 2 4 . I t i s in 27, a f e a t u r e , y o u management might say 31. P r e f i x b a d l y 26. M o r e , or l e s s 32. R e s u l t i s 12 27. P u t up w i t h 24 i n i t i a l l y 33. See boat but not quite 2 9 . M e t a l from egg attack 3 4 . 6 t u t s C a t h o l i c s , but m a k e s it 31. G o up r i v e r through F e n Poly Sorry f o l k s , rso p r i z e for t h i s l a s t mind b e n d e r ! T h e s o l u t i o n w i l l be p u b l i s h e d in the f i r s t issue of the autumn term. Have a nice holiday! No correct solutions were r e c e i v e d for C r o s s w o r d N o . 4 0 .

FELIX Published by the Editor on behalf of I . C . U n i o n P u b l i c a t i o n Board, printed Off-set L i t h o on the premises. F e l i x Office,PrinceConsort R d , London SW7 2BBT e l . 01 589 S i l l ext 1048,1042 ©FELIX, 1976

A VICE CHANCELLOR Leaps t a l l b u i l d i n g s ir. a s i n g l e bound, i s more powerful than a locomotive, i s f a s t e r than a speeding b u l l e t , walks on water, gives p o l i c y to God.

A HEAD OF DEPARTMENT Leaps short b u i l d i n g s i n a s i n g l e bound, i s more powerful than a shunting engine, i s j u s t as f a s t as a speeding b u l l e t , walks on water i f sea i s calm, t a l k s with God.

A PROFESSOR Leaps short b u i l d i n g s with a running s t a r t and favourable winds, i s almost as powerful as a shunting engine, i s f a s t e r than a speeding b u l l e t , walks on water i n an indoor swimming p o o l , t a l k s with God i f s p e c i a l request i s approved.

A READER OR SENIOR LECTURER Barely c l e a r s a p r e f a b r i c a t e d hut, loses a tug of war with locomotive, can f i r e a speeding b u l l e t , swims w e l l , i s o c c a s i o n a l l y addressed by God.

A LECTURER Makes high marks on the w a l l when t r y i n g t o c l e a r t a l l buildings, i s run over by locomotive, can someties handle a gun without i n j u r i n g himself, dog paddles, t a l k s to animals.

A GRADUATE STUDENT runs i n t o b u i l d i n g s , recognizes locomotives two times out o f three, i s not issued ammunition, can stay a f l o a t with a l i f e j a c k e t , t a l k s to w a l l s .

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Many thanks to G i l l McConway, Ian Morse, P h i l Dean, Duncan Suss, Dave Knights, Dave Hopkins, Terry Westoby, Dave F o x a l l . John McCloskey and C l i v e Dewey.

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One 5ft x 6'4ft s l e e p e e z e e Beautyrest Divan. Ten years old. Any offer c o n s i d e r e d . P h o n e Dr M S t r e a t , int 3770.

AN UNDERGRADUATE F a l l s over doorstep when t r y i n g t o enter b u i l d i n g s , says look at the choo-choo, wets h i m s e l f with a water p i s t o l , plays i n mud puddles, mumbles to h i m s e l f .

A DEPARTMENTAL SECRETARY L i f t s b u i l d i n g s and walks under them, k i c k s locomotives o f f the t r a c k s , catches speeding b u l l e t s i n teeth and eats them, freezes water with a s i n g l e glance, she i s God.


9

MUX

R e v i e w s Music Alberto Y Lost Trios Paranoias (Transatlantic) T H E D E B U T A L B U M from e v e r y b o d y ' s f a v o u r i t e p e r v e r t s h a s s o far h a d much p u b l i c i t y for i t s s u p p o s e d o u t r a g e o u s n e s s , not l e a s t by those g u a r d i a n s of p u b l i c m o r a l i t y the News of the World a n d Sunday People. L e t me k e e p y o u i n s u s p e n s e no l o n g e r — e v e r y t h i n g y o u have r e a d about t h e a l b u m (that h a s a l r e a d y been b a n n e d from WH S m i t h s a n d B o o t s ) i s true — w e l l a l m o s t . Y e s , there are p l e n t y of four l e t t e r w o r d s , y e s the s o n g s are about s a d i s m , d e b a u c h e r y , b o n d a g e — y o u name i t , the A l b e r t o s c o v e r it ( a l l o v e r ) . C o u l d it be that the n a t i o n a l p r e s s h a v e f i n a l l y t w i g g e d to the f a c t that rock ' n ' r o l l m u s i c h a s gone b e y o n d the the s w e e t s i x t e e n syndrome? O b v i o u s l y they c a n ' t be a w a r e that F r a n k Z a p p a s a i d it a l l o v e r a d e c a d e a g o w i t h priceless little ditties like 'Brown Shoes Don't Make It', a n d a s far a s four-letter w o r d s g o , h e l l L e n n y B r u c e was l a y i n g them d o w n o n v i n y l a good

Back Street Crawler - Second Street (Atlantic) IT W O U L D be n i c e to s a y that before d y i n g so t r a g i c a l l y on 18th May t h i s y e a r , P a u l K o s s o f f left us w i t h a r e c o r d that w a s a monument to R o c k ' n ' R o l l . S a d l y . t h i s i s not s o , w h i c h i s not to s a y t h i s i s a b a d a l b u m . In f a c t i t s a n album w h i c h I found q u i t e e n j o y a b l e , a l t h o u g h l a c k i n g any sort o f o r i g i n a l i t y , (the band h a v i n g strong l e a n i n g s toward s y t l e of B a d C o m p a n y , w h i c h i s i n e v i t a b l e I s u p p o s e ) it c o n t a i n s p l e n t y of h i g h o c t a n e energy a n d f e e l i n g , two s u p e r latives that become m a n d a t o r y when d e s c r i b i n g any work P a u l K o s s o f f w a s involved in. T h e b a n d i t s e l f i s tight ' n ' h o t w i t h T e r r y W i l s o n o n b a s s and T o n y PI tunagel on drums l a y i n g d o w n a f i r m rhythm o n which John 'Rabbit' Bundrick builds h i s fine keyboard work. T h e n there's ' K o s s ' of c o u r s e , d o i n g what c o m e s n a f u r a l l y ,

Joe Cocker - Stingray (A&M) AFTER T H E suprisingly up-tempo a p p r o a c h of the m a n ' s l a s t e f f o r t , Jamaica Say You Will, o n h i s l a t e s t r e c o r d i n g , C o c k e r returns to the more f a m i l i a r , l a i d b a c k mood of / Can Stand A Little Rain. R e c o r d e d i n K i n g s t o n , w i t h j u s t about the most i m p r e s s i v e l i n e - u p any R & B s i n g e r h a s e v e r u s e d — the i n i t i a l b a n d being C o r n e l l Dupree, E r i c G a l e , Richard T e e , S t e v e G a d d and G o r d o n E d w a r d s , w i t h the l i k e s of E r i c C l a p t o n and B o n n i e B r a m l e t t thrown i n for good m e a s u r e , the album h a s that distinctive reggae u n d e r c u r r e n t , that s e e m s to i n f e c t most artist's work when they record in Jamaica. T h e album o p e n s w i t h B o b b y C h a r l e s 'The Jealous Heart' w h i c h C o c k e r s i n g s

Your Mother wouldn't like it... w h i l e before F r a n k . What the n a t i o n a l s f a i l e d to g r a s p h o w e v e r , i s the m a i n point of A l b e r t o ' s e x i s t e n c e — S a t i r e , the b a n d s p a r t i c u l a r f o l l y b e i n g ' t o take the p i s s out of the m u s i c b u s i n e s s , a n d more s p e c i f i c a l l y the m u s i c i a n s w h o k e e p it a l i v e . T h e v achieve this w i t h outrageous p a r o d i e s , incorporating the above mentioned lyrical overtones. I he f i r s t track i s 'Tortue You' w i t h i t s spade-like heavy breathing, complete with s e n s o u s l y r i c s l i k e ' g i v e me a w h i p a n d a j e l l i e d e e l ' , a l l good c l e a n f u n . L o u R e e d c o m e s under the A l b e r t o ' s hammer w i t h 'Anadin', n e e d l e s s to s a y a s p o o f of the V e l v e t s 'Heroin'. "Dread Jaws", the bands reluctant T o p T e n s h o t , g i v e s B o b M a r l e y the once o v e r , ( s u b s t i t u t e ' N o Women N o C r y ' w i t h — no l e g s he c r y ' ) . 'Pavlov' i s a p i e c e o f p u n k - r o c k that w o u l d do e v e n the R o m o n e s j u s t i c e . S i d e T w o o p e n s w i t h the utterly s i c k 'Dead Meat' w h i m s i c a l tale about a l a d w h o y e a r n s to be a butcher a n d rub

rawmeat i n his face. The Albertos reckon " m o s t m u s i c i a n s s u c k " it s a y s o n the p r e s s h a n d o u t , a n d the band l e a v e the l i s t e n e r i n no doubt as to whom they think s u c k the m o s t , those b a s t i o n s of m o r o n i c m u s a k H a w k w i n d a n d P i n k F l o y d . D u r i n g 'Mandrax Variations — Parts', the b a n d m a k e d i r e c t reference to the m u s i c of " w i n d a n d F l o y d , w i t h p a r t s of S i l v e r M a c h i n e a n d E c h o e s , given new arrangements, a n d F o l l o w the G u r u ' i s a d i s a r m i n g s t e p b a c k into B a r r e t i a n F l o y d p s y c h e d e l i a . I c o u l d go o n , but I g u e s s y o u ' v e got a p i c t u r e of what t h i s a l b u m ' s a l l a b o u t . My only disappointment w i t h the record i s the s a d o m i s s i o n of the a l l time p i s s - t a k e that a l w a y s p r o v e s a k i l l e r i n t h e i r s t a g e a c t — t h e immortal Captain B e e f c a k e routine, complete with farting s a x o p h o n e . T h e A l b e r t o s are really a b a n d to s e e , but t h i s album i s the next b e s t t h i n g , y o u ' l l p r o b a b l y g e t i n t o it — but your mother w o u l d n ' t l i k e i t . IAN MORSE

The Last Record Album and f i n a l l y T e r r y W i l s o n S l e s s e r s i n g i n g up a storm w i t h h i s R o d S t e w a r t / F r a n k i e Milleresque vocals. S e c o n d Street o p e n s p o w e r f u l l y w i t h 'Selfish Lover' the strong drumming of B r a u n a g e l s t a n d i n g out h e r e . K o s s o f f s guitar i s c l e a r a n d c r i s p i n the t y p i c a l K o s s o f f manner; a n d the w h o l e b a n d r e a l l y w o r k s up some h e a t . 'Blue Soul', the next c u t , i s a m e l o d i c b l u e s w i t h tasteful piano and a c o u s t i c guitar, t a k i n g the s o n g a l o n g u n t i l t h e band b u r s t s ' b a c k , w i t h the v o c a l i s t b a w l i n g out the l y r i c s w i t h a lot o f e n e r g y . U n f o r t u n a t e l y the album nose d i v e s w i t h the next t w o s o n g s — 'Stop What Your Doing' a n d 'Raging River', w h i c h are s t r a i g h t r o c k e r s w i t h l i t t l e to s a y for them, but the l a s t t r a c k o n the f i r s t s i d e . "Some Kind of Happy" i s a r e a l

creaser, and once a g a i n , W i l s o n - S l e s s e r i s on top form, b a c k e d up by a g i r l c h o r u s w h o make t h i s the c u t o f t h e whole album. T h e s e c o n d s i d e o p e n s w i t h 'Sweet Beauty' — another b a l l a d w h i c h i s g i v e n added momentum by the guitar p l a y i n g of K o s s . T h e r e m a i n i n g t r a c k s - 'Just for You'. 'On Your Life' and 'Leaves in the wind' are g o o d , but f a l l into the same c a t a g o r y a s s o many F r e e a n d B a d C o m p a n y s o n g s . Nevertheless, despite its faults this r e c o r d i s a n e s s e n t i a l a d d i t i o n to any c o l l e c t i o n that c o n t a i n s work b y e i t h e r (or both) of the a f o r e m e n t i o n e d b a n d s , a s it i s t h e l a s t statement by someone w h o had more than a p a s s i n g i n f l u e n c e o n both F r e e a n d B a d C o m p a n y , a n d for that matter B r i t i s h rock a s a w h o l e .

Rock casualty a relatively restrained m anner , in c o m p a r e d w i t h sonie of the v o c a l f r e n z y that a p p e a r s on other p a r t s of t h i s r e c o r d . T h e next o f f e r i n g i s one of three Matthew Moore s o n g s i n c l u d e d . 7 broke down' w h i c h p r o v e s to be the a l b u m s s o l e track w h i c h s h u f f l e s a l o n g w i t h any sort of u r g e n c y , the rest b e i n g the moody hiidilv emotional, often unbearably p o i g n a n t i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s that have b e c o m e the C o c k e r h a l l m a r k . Inevitably, Bob D y l a n is represented on S t i n g r a y , he p r o v i d i n g two o f the c o m p o s i t i o n s . O n e o f w h i c h , the p r e v i o u s l y u n r e c o r d e d 'Catfish' p r o v i n g to be the a l b u m s f i n e s t p i e c e , w i t h J o e i n fine voice, a n d m a k i n g t h e most o f t h e s h i v e r i n g , i c e - c o l d arrangement g i v e n to

hangs on

the song by the b a n d . T h i s i s t h e fourth track i n , a n d from n o w o n C o c k e r s i n g s w i t h the r a s p i n g , r a g i n g i n t e n s i t y that o n l y t h i s man c a n g i v e to s e e m i n g l y romantic s o n g s . A s the s e c o n d s i d e p r o g r e s s e s , the intensity l e v e l gets h i g h e r , * u n t i l w i t h 'Worrier' a n d 'Born Cocker sounds a s thru Indifference', totally w a s t e d a s he l o o k s o n the g r o u p ' s c o v e r p h o t o . N o wonder J o e i s a forerunner in t h e r o c k c a s u a l t y s t a k e s . If y o u l i k e J o e C o c k e r a l o t then y o u ' l l p r o b a b l y get i n t o t h i s a l b u m , but if y o u r s i s j u s t a p a s s i n g i n t e r e s t , t r y some o f the l e s s i n t e n s e r e c o r d i n g s , l i k e 'Jamaica'. IAN

MORSE


FIIIX

Music Catherine Howe: Silent Mother Nature (RCA) When I f i r s t l i s t e n e d t o t h i s a l b u m I must admit that i t made v e r y little i m p r e s s i o n o n me and I t e n d e d to d i s m i s s as y e t another p i e c e of v i n y l . H o w e v e r , I am r a p i d l y r e v i s i n g my o p i n i o n after l i s t e n i n g t o it a c o u p l e of more t i m e s . A l l t h e s o n g s o n t h e a l b u m are w r i t t e n and s u n g by M s H o w e and a l l c r e d i t to he r for p u t t i n g d o w n s u c h m a r v e l l o u s l y r i c s . She a l s o s i n g s them b e a u t i f u l l y a n d i n d e e d the album i s v e r y w e j l p r o d u c e d . She h a s a s t y l e that i s somewha t a k i n to that of C a r l y S i m o n a l t h o u g h s h e is p o s s i b l y not a s p o w e r f u l * a s i n g e r a s Ms Simon. O f the a c t u a l t r a c k s on t h e a l b u m , "Freedom Enough", "It Took My Breath Away" and the title track "Silent Nature" are o u t s t a n d i n g on s i d e o n e . T h e f i r s t h a s a v e r y c a t c h y rythm a n d Ms H o w e s i n g s w i t h d e l i g h t a n d g a y abondon; her c o n c e r t piano playing together with Paul Keogh's electric g u i t a r c o m b i n e to g i v e a good e f f e c t i n m a t c h i n g w i t h her v o c a l s . H e r v o c a l t a l e n t a r e , h o w e v e r , not really r e v e a l e d until the t i t l e track i n w h i c h s h e c o v e r s the f u l l range of c h o r d s . T h e s e c o n d s i d e o f the a l b u m c o n t i n u e s i n the same p l e a s a n t v e i n a s s i d e o n e w i t h "All The Music In Me" the b e s t t r a c k . A g a i n , a lot of rythm i s e x p r e s s e d in t h i s tune a n d there i s a c r i s p , c l e a r f l u t e s o l o by P e t e r Z o r n . T h e rythm c h a n g e s a n d p i c k s up h a l f w a y through the track — a n o t h e r f l u t e s o l o b a c k e d by a f a s t p e r c u s s i o n that t r a i l s o f f at the e n d of the t r a c k . Whether M s H o w e w i l l g e t the r e c o g n i t i o n s h e d e s e r v e s remains t o b e seen with C a p i t a l R a d i o ' s Mike A l l e n p l u g g i n g h e r , s h e w o u l d appear t o be i n w i t h a c h a n c e . A n y w a y , I l i k e d the a l b u m and i f y o u are l o o k i n g for some e a s y l i s t e n i n g then t h i s album i s r e c o m m e n d e d .

Kool and The Gang - Love and Understanding (Polydor) K o o l a n d T h e G a n g a r e a band that have c o n s i s t e n t l y f a i l e d to i m p r e s s me w i t h t h e i r s t y l e of m u s i c . I t ' s n o t that I d o n ' t l i k e the p a r t i c u l a r m u s i c a l genre t o w h i c h t h e i r m u s i c b e l o n g s . I t ' s j u s t the a w f u i j n e s s they make o f t h e w h o l e t h i n g . O n the o t h e r hand t h i s c r i t i c i s m might seem unfair s i n c e the apparently r e c e i v e d no m u s i c a l t r a i n i n g w h a t s o e v e r . A l l I can s a y i s , tough b a n a n a s . A n y w a y , o n t o t h e a l b u m i t s e l f . It k i c k s o f f w i t h the t i t l e t r a c k "Love and Understanding" which despite its good p i e c e s m a n a g e s to be t o o l o n g a n d s l i g h t l y o v e r b e a r i n g —. i t ' s n e a r l y t e n m i n u t e s l o n g . B u t , t y p i c a l l y of the b a n d , the next t r a c k , "Sugar", i s a b e a u t i f u l combination of the bandls musical talent. T h e backing v o c a l s by Tomorrow's E d i t i o n a n d Something Sweet really set off t h i s t r a c k b e a u t i f u l l y . It a l s o c o n t a i n s a rather n i c e a l t o s a x s o l o by D e n n i s Thomas. T h i s t r a c k i s f o l l o w e d by "Do It Right Now", a b r a s s y s o u n d i n g tune w h i c h i s followed by a equally cheap sounding t r a c k c a l l e d "Cosmic Energy". " C o s m i c . E n e r g y " i s the sort o f m u s i c that C a p i t a l RadTo's Greig Edwards delights in p l a y i n g w i t h a g u s t o that I a l w a y s f i n d a bit nauseating. T h e o n l y track o n s i d e t w o - worth m e n t i o n i n g i s "Summer Madness" w h i c h , a s w i t h the t r a c k p r e c e d i n g a n d that

f o l l o w i n g i t , w a s r e c o r d e d l i v e a t the R a i n b o w T h e a t r e . It i s a b e a u t i f u l l y m e l o d i c tune t i n g e d w i t h a l i g h t d e l i c a t e p e r c u s s i o n . It f e a t u r e s a g o o d p i e c e of arp p l a y i n g b y R o n a l d B e l l . A l l i n a l l , t h o u g h , a rather d i s a p p o i n t i n g album from the G a n g . I l o o k f o r w a r d with a n t i c i p a t i o n to a time w h e n they r e a l l y get a n d p r o d u c e a n album worth l i s t e n i n g to i n i t s e n t i r i t y .

The Steve Gibbons Band - Any Road Up (Polydor).

One p o i n t that d o e s b u g me w i t h 'Hush' i s w h y the C a r p e n t e r s d o n ' t s o n g more o f t h e i r o w n c o m p o s i t i o n s . Out of t h e t e n s o n g s o n t h e a l b u m o n l y t h r e e , 7 Need to be in Love, Sandy, a n d / Have You are p e n n e d b y R i c h a r d Carpenter and l y r i c i s t John Bettis. Y e t the C a r p e n t e r s e x c e l much more o n t h e i r o w n m a t e r i a l than they d o o n other peoples. A n d they don't make b a d v e r s i o n s o f t h e latter! F o r s t a r t e r s y o u have a splendid reworking of N e i l S e d a k a ' s Breaking Up is Hard to do i n a happy 5 0 ' s rendition set against a marvellous string arrangement. J a c k i e D e S h a n n o n ' s Boat to Sail a n d R a n d y E d e l m a n ' s Y.ou a r e n ' t far b e h i n d e i t h e r !

L e d by S t e v e G i b b o n s , a man the p u b l i c i t y bumph d e s c r i b e a s a " p o e t , story t e l l e r a n d t h i r d g e n e r a t i o n r o c k ' n ' r o l l e r " , the S t e v e G i b b o n s B a n d are a In a l l then a rather m o o d y , s o m e t i m e s f i v e - p i e c e b a n d w h o have b e e n around p e n s i v e , album that w o n ' t d i s a p p o i n t , for about three y e a r s n o w . T h e y p l a y but i s more for C a r p e n t e r s f a n s than what I c a n o n l y d e s c r i b e a s a g r e s s i v e n e w c o m e r s to t h e i r w o r l d . rock but not i n s u c h a w a y a s t o b e CLIVE DEWEY ostentations or g r o s s . The c l e a r , precise v o c a l s of Gibbons i s s u p o o r t e d b y the t w i n l e a d g u i t a r s o f ex—Move man T r e v o r .JBIuxton a n d the drums of B o b L a m b . T h i s i s the b a n d ' s first album and quite f r a n k l y for a debut a l b u m , it i s " S A T U R D A Y NIGHT A T T H E B A T H S " , astonishingly good. T h e album moves directed by D a v i d B u c k l e y ; starring from a l l rock time "Take Me Home" Robert A b e r d e e n , E l l e n Sheppard and thorough a b a l l a d t ype r o c k "Johnny Don Scotti. Cqpl" to the more c o n v e n t i o n a l , s l i g h t l y c o m m e r c i a l tune "Spark of Love". W H A T E V E R T H E o r i g i n a l intentions were T h e y are a b a n d w i t h o r i g i n a l i t y a n d w i t h regard to the m a k i n g o f t h i s f i l m , s t y l e of t h e i r o w n . T h e b e s t c o m p a r i s o n the e n d r e s u l t i s a b a d l y made soft c o r e one c o u l d m a k e w o u l d be to s a y that p o r n o . Y o u k n o w , t h e sort o f p o r n , • l i k e m u s i c a l l y , they w e r e somewher e b e t w e e n L a s t T a n g o i n P a r i s or E m m a n u e l l e where the Who a n d B a d C o m p a n y . T h e y are not the d e e p s i g n i f i c a n c e of what i s t r y i n g a s l o u d a n d h e a v y as B a d C o m p a n y but to be s a i d i s submerged by t e c h n i c a l t e n d , i n my o p i n i o n , h a v e to the Who meanderings and hazy and unnecessary a l t h o u g h i n the same m u s i c a l s t y l e . It i s d i v e r s i o n a r y s i d e p l o t s o f very l i t t l e i n t e r e s t i n g t o note that the a l b u m i s value. released on Roger Dal trey's Goldhawke M i c h a e l (Robert Aberdeen) i s a n out Label. of work p i a n i s t w h o e v e n t u a l l y f i n d s a Y e t d e s p i t e t h e i n f l u e n c e that the j o b i n c l u b run for h o m o s e x u a l s a n d Who might exert o n them, t h e i n d i v i d u a l i t y lesbians. S c o t t i ( D o n S c o t t i ) i s the of t h e band s t i l l h o l d s firm a n d s h i n e s compere at the c l u b and n e e d l e s s to s a y , through i n the p e r s o n a l i t y of S t e v e is a homosexual and Tracy (Ellen Gibbons. Sheppard) is Michael's photographe r I s h a l l go o n about h o w g o o d the g i r l f r i e n d . . t r a c k s o n s i d e t w o are b e c a u s e that w o u l d On h i s opening night, M i c h a e l refuses take p a g e s a n d p a g e s — i f y o u want to to a l l o w T r a c y to a t t e n d t h e s h o w . When enjo y some b l o o d y g o o d m u s i c don't j u s t the s h o w i s f i n a l l y o v e r he g o e s out f o r s i t there a r e r e a d t h i s , g o out and buy the a s t r o l l w i t h S c o t t i a n d h e y p r e s t o , they album n o w a n d d i s c o v e r for y o u r s e l f the are i n b e d m a k i n g i o v e — the w a y i n n e w phenomenon i n rock k n o w n a s the w h i c h the w h o l e thing is presented St eve G i b b o n s B a n d . EKPENYONG s u f f e r s from the f l i p p a n t attitude of "I t o l d y o u s o (re h o m o s e x u a l t e n d e n c i e s ) , d i d n ' t I". C A R P E N T E R S : ' T h e r e ' s a K i n d of H u s h * ( A & M R e c o r d s A M L K 64581) He then g o e s to meet h i s g i r l f r i e n d at he r s t u d i o ' and i n not s o many w o r d s T h e r e ' s a rumour g o i n g aroun d r e c o r d she f i n d s out that he made i t w i t h S c o t t i . c o m p a n y c i r c l e s that the p r o f i t s o n t h e J u s t at the point when one w o u l d Carpenters' records p a y for A & M ' s e x p e c t the s t o r y to r e a l l y b e g i n t o e n t i r e U K o p e r a t i o n s . T r u e or f a l s e , the d e v e l o p it s t o p s . I t ' s f i n i s h e d . T h e C a r p e n t e r s s t i l l s e l l a l o t of r e c o r d s a n d director has finally exhausted himself no doubt their n e w a l b u m w i l l prove t o after 9 0 m i n u t e s . be no e x c e p t i o n . If Mr B u c k l e y w a s trying to t e l l u s Y e s g i r l s a n d b o y s y o u c a n get your how h y p o c r i t i c a l about s e x p e o p l e a r e , h a n k i e s o u t , the C a r p e n t e r s a r e i n town e v e n the s e l f p r o c l a i m e d l i b e r a l s , then again w i t h a soppy sentimental and it w a s not h i s fault that the m e s s a g e r o m a n t i c a l b u m that mummy d e f i n i t e l y , s e e p e d t h r o u g h . A n y w a y , d o w e not k n o w w o u l d approve o f . t h i s a l r e a d y ? Surely the f u l l import o f a The Carpenters, whose mode of guy m a k i n g l o v e t o h i s g i r l f r i e n d a n d u n p r e t e n t i o u s Middle of the Road m u s i c then to a h o m o s e x u a l i s that he c a n l o v e a p p e a l s to a l l a n d s u n d r y , h a v e p r o d u c e d both the male and female of h i s s p e c i e s . a n o t h e r fine effort that e x u d e s b e a u t i f u l This tedious film h a s o n l y one harmonies, excellent orchestration and moment of s p a r k l e i n i t . T h a t i s w h e n arrangement (by R i c h a r d Carpenter") a n d the " s t r a i g h t s " meet t h e " g a y s " i n a all-round technical perfection. 'Hush' football m a t c h ( A m e r i c a n f o o t b a l l , of i s c e r t a i n not t o d i s a p p o i n t many, y e t c o u r s e ! ) I s h a l l l e a v e the game to c o m p a r e d to some of t h e i r previous your i m a g i n a t i o n . e f f o r t s , n o t a b l y ' N o w a n d T h e n ' , the

Cinema

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album l a c k s some of that c h a r i s m a that I've c o m e to e x p e c t from R i c h a r d a n d Karen. In short ' H u s h ' i s l i k e l y t o a p p e a l to an a v i d C a r p e n t e r s fan w h o a l r e a d y h a s many of the d u o ' s part o f f e r i n g s , w h e r e a s the n e w c o m e r w o u l d be b e s t a d v i s e d t o p u r c h a s e one o f the C a r p e n t e r s ' p r e v i o u s offerings.

PAUL

EKPENYONG


1

FELIX

STOIC: Review of the year's activities I A M J U S T A S W E E T t r a n s v e s t i t e from Transexual T r a n s y l v a n i a . So sang T i m C u r r y i n a c l i p from t h e "Rocky Horror Show" w h i c h o p e n e d the f i r s t 'Film Talk' of the s e s s i o n . T h i s w a s the first programme i n the s e r i e s t o be r e c o r d e d i n the near b r o a d c a s t q u a l i t y s t u d i o s of the I L E A ' S Educational Televison Centre. Next came D i r k Bogarde. He was i n thee country t o promote his latest film 'Permission to Kill' a n d a s w e l l a s a p p e a r i n g o n S T O I C , he w a s i n t e r v i e w e d by C a p i t a l and R u s s e l H a r t y . H a v i n g r e c o r d e d the i n t e r v i e w , c l i p s from h i s many f i l m s h a d to be a c q u i r e d . T h e r e i n l a y a p r o b l e m . If y o u want a c l i p from a f i l m w h i c h i s n o l o n g e r o n r e l e a s e y o u h a v e to p a y £270 for e a c h minute of film used to the K i n e m a t o g r a p h R e n t e r ' s S o c i e t y , a bod y w h i c h l o o k s a f t e r the i n t e r e s t s o f the d i s t r i b u t o r s . F u r t h e r investigation revealed that if your programme i s industry approved y o u d o n ' t hav e t o p a y a n y t h i n g . F i l m T a l k i s now an i n d u s t r y approved programme. N e x t , T e r r y - T h o m a s , w h o h a d come from I b i z a to premote 'Spanish Fly'. S e v e r a l c r i t i c s v e h e m e n t l y e x p r e s s e d t h e i r doubts a s t o the q u a l i t y of t h i s f i l m . T h i s

Theatre When the n e w N a t i o n a l Theatre building was being planned it w a s d e c i d e d that b e s i d e s the t w o c o n v e n t i o n a l a u d i t o r i a there s h o u l d be s s m a l l s t u d i o theate w i t h f l e x i b l e s e a t i n g a r r a n g e m e n t s , to be known a s the C o t t e s l o e . B e c a u s e the C o t t e s l o e i s not y e t r e a d y , the National Theatre Company h a s taken o v e r the Y o u n g V i c , i n t h e c u t by Waterloo S t a t i o n , for a s e a s o n l a s t i n g through the summer. T h e f i r s t p r o d u c t i o n , Shakespeare's Troilus and Cressida opene d l a s t week a n d runs u n t i l J u l y 22nd i n repertory. Troilus and Cressida w a s w r i t t e n at about the same time a s H a m l e t a n d t h i s p r o d u c t i o n c o n t a i n s many o f the f a m i l i a r faces from the N a t i o n a l ' s "Albert F i n n e y " Hamlet, thus h e l p i n g t h o s e o f u s w h o d e l i g h t i n s p o t t i n g the parts that S h a k e s p e a r e wrote for the same a c t o r ; for e x a m p l e F e s t e , T o u c h s t o n e a n d t h e P o r t e r i n Macbeth, o r h e r e , P o l o n i u s Agamemnon, O s r i c and A j e x . T h e a u d i e n c e i s g r e e t e d , on a m v a l , by an i m p o s i n g c i r c u s r i n g s u r r o u n d e d by a four foot h i g h w a l l a n d s u r f a c e d w i t h neatly r a k e d damp s a w d u s t . A t o n e moment I w a s a l m o s t sorry that t h e d e s i g n e r h a d forgotten the l i o n t a m e r ' s c a g e , a l t h o u g h the s m a l l s p a c e e n s u r e d that t h e b a t t l e s never got out of h a n d . Instead of Liberty H o r s e s and performing s e a l s we hav e a l o t o f v e r b a l c l a w i n g , some w a i l i n g a n d a b i t o f s u l k i n g before the l o n g p l a y r e a c h e s it c l i m a x i n t h e fight between Hector and A c h i l l i e s , aided by h i s h y m i d o n s , unpleasant l o o k i n g men w i t h m a s k s a n d a v a r i e t y o f nasty w e a p o n s , who d i s p a t c h Hector i n a number o f w a y s . T h e p l a y i s t h e o n l y o n e that S h a k e s p e a r e w r o t e about the G r e e k s ( u n l e s s y o u i n c l u d e A Midsummer Night's Dream) and t a k e s p l a c e d u r i n g t h e s i e g e of T r o y . W h i l s t the t i t t l e might s u g g e s t a momenta! l o v e m a t c h i n t h e s t y l e o f

i n t e r v i e w took p l a c e i n D e c e m b e r a n d the s t u d i o w a s f r e e z i n g . T e r r y - T h o m a s s t r e n g t h e n e d h i s c o f f e e w i t h the c o n t e n t s of h i s brandy f l a s k . Another s t a r of S p a n i s h F l y , L e s l i e P h i l l i p s w a s i n t e r v i e w e d at the C o l l e g e shortly after. He w a s making a film c a l l e d 'Not now comrade' o u t s i d e the Albert H a l l . In t h e l a s t l u n c h b r e a k of t h e S p r i n g T e r m B a r r y H u m p h r i e s made a s e c o n d visit to the T V S t u d i o . T h i s time, instead o f the u b i q u i t o u s Australian Housewife Dame Edna E v e r a g e , we w e l c o m e d the m a n h i m s e l f . A t the time Dame E d n a w a s , and s t i l l : i s starring in " H o u s e w i f e S u p e r s t a r " i n t h e West E n d . T h i s programme w h i c h w a s t r a n s m i t t e d l i v e w a s t h e l a s t to be made i n R o o m 306, E l e c E n g , the home o f the T V s t u d i o s i n c e i t s inception nearly 7 years a g o . T h e studio i s n o w b e i n g r e b u i l t i n R o o m 208. Apart from ' F i l m T a l k ' this y e a r ' s other m a i n p r o d u c t i o n s h a v e b e e n w e e k l y e d i t i o n s o f 'LUNCHBREAK' our weekly m a g a z i n e programme. M i c h a e l W i l l i a m s ' presence a s anchor man lent the programme authority w i t h i n t h e C o l l e g e

previous w h i c h it h a d l a c k e d during years. E d i t i o n s of note include our coverage of rag week and a memorable s t r e a k round the A l b e r t H a l l . T h e U n i o n H u s t i n g s a n d E l e c t i o n s were c o v e r e d live with considerable success. " D e s p i t e technical limitations, our coverage d o u b l e d the number o f p e o p l e w i t n e s s i n g both e v e n t s . " LUNCHBREAK IS R E C O R D E D is every Wednesday e v e n i n g . O n e t e c h n i c a l problem which confronted us last year was the l a c k of e d i t i n g f a c i l i t i e s . F o r e x a m p l e , w h e n c u t t i n g from o n e item to the n e x t , the p i c t u r e w o u l d r o l l f u r i o u s l y for about t e n s e c o n d s . T h e C o l l e g e h a s recently acquired editing f a c i l i t i e s and t h e s e w i l l i m p r o v e the t e c h n i c a l q u a l i t y o f our p r o d u c t i o n s , p a r t i c u l a r i l y L U N C H ! B R E A K , c o n s i d e r a b l y . Programmes for next y e a r ; w e l l there w i l l be i n t e r v i e w s with Glenda Jackson, Peter Cushing, M e l v i n Frank (director of " A T o u c h of C l a s s , " " D u c h e s s and Dirtwater F o x " ) . T h e r e w i l l a l s o be a d o c u m e n t a r y o n the making of A T V ' s S P A C E 999 including interviews with Gerry A n d e r s o n (of ' T h u n d e r b i r d s ' fame), Martin L a n d a u a n d B a r b a r a B a i n i n h e r d r e s s i n g room a n d a l o o k at t h e s p e c i a l e f f e c t s . MARK

CALDWELL

Troilus Cressida at the Young Vic

Romeo and Juliet the p l o t c o n c e r n s m o r e , at l e a s t i n t h i s p r o d u c t i o n , the challenge of H e c t o r to t h e G r e e k s , t a k e n up by A j a x w h i l s t A c h i l l e s i s s u l k i n g i n h i s tent w i t h h i s b o y f r i e n d P a t r o c l u s . T h e r e i s a w e a l t h o f minor c h a r a c t e r s , not l e a s t a m o n g s t whom are T r o i l u s , a s o n o f P r i a m , K i n g o f T r o y , who loves C r e s s i d a , at a d i s t a n c e , and C r e s s i d a , w h o t h i n k s it might be f u n to e n c o u r a g e h i m . A f t e r t h e i r night o f buss it i s announced that, i n a n exchange with the G r e e k s , Cressida will be h a n d e d o v e r to b e w i t h h e r father, C a l c h a s . w h o h a s d e f e c t e d . She i m m e d i a t e l y turns h e r a t t e n t i o n s to D i o n e d e s t h e G r e e k commander w h o c a r r i e s o u t t h e exchange; unfortunately Toilus sees t h e s e a d v a n c e s a n d the t w o s u i t o r s meet i n b a t t l e ; what h a p p e n e d n e x t I found it hard to d i s c e r n ! Robert E d d i s o n p l a y s , the engaging Pandarus matchmaker between Troilus and C r e s s i d a , h i s n i e c e . In a d e l i g h t f u l s c e n e he p o i n t s out to her the h e r o e s a s they p a s s by i n p r o c e s s i o n . T h e r s i t e s c o u l d be s a i d to be the T o u c h s t o n e o f the p l a y ; P h i l i p Stone d r a w s a f i n e p o r t r a i t of t h i s j o l l y t a p s t e r , c u t t i n g h i s teeth o n some f i n e w i t w i t h A c h i l l e s a n d A j a x . Y o u w o u l d be w e l l a d v i s e d to r e a d up y o u r A e n e i d before y o u g o ; a p l a y g o e r near me h a d to hav e the p l o t e x p l a i n e d in loud whispers. Fortunately the costumes do d i s t i n g u i s h Trojan from G r e e k but it i s h e l p f u l to k n o w w h o ' s who beforehand a s a P l e t h o r a of familiar names p a s s before y o u . T h e programme does g i v e a short l e g e n d a r y b i o g r a p h y o f the c h a r a c t e r s . What marred the e v e n i n g most w a s the l a t e a r r i v a l o f about f i f t y p e o p l e — t h e Y o u n g V i c i s nolr w e l l designed for t h e a c c o m m o d a t i o n of latecomers — please arrive early. T h e N a t i o n a l Student D r a m a F e s t i v a l b r i n g s f i v e a w a r d w i n n i n g p r o d u c t i o n s to the R o u n d h o u s e from 2 7 J u l y to 7 A u g u s t .

At last I shall see G a s , L e e d s U n i v e r s i t y ' s production which w a s s o highly praised in E d i n b u r g h i n A p r i l . T h e other p r o d u c t i o n s to be s e e n are Carp d'Etat ( K e e l e ) , G a l a t e a (St A n d r e w s ) , The Key ( R o s e Bruford) a n d England October 30th 1975 ( C e n t r a l S c h o o l o f A r t a n d D e s i g n ) . THOMAS STEVENSON

Continued from page 3

IF Only... H e w a s now angry b e c a u s e no o n e h a d t o l d h i m that e v e r y o n e w a s j o i n i n g up._He too w a s k e e n to j o i n s o that h e c o u l d take a d v a n t a g e o f the H o n e y H i l l s a n d Ice-cream m i n e s . A l i c e s a i d he c o u l d join the club. A l i c e t h e n c a m e out o f the wood a n d suddenly r e a l i s e d that e v e r y o n e h a d forgotten about the d r e a d f u l s o n g s they must p u t up w i t h i n the E E C . A l i c e , h o w e v e r , a great l o v e r o f E E C M a n d S c r u s t y l o a v e s m u s e d that a h a l f b a k e d s o n g i s better t h a n no b r e a d at a l l . Which j u s t g o e s to s h o w that M a r k s a n d Spencer are expanding a l l o v e r the continent. In a c t u a l fact e v e r y o n e l i v e d in c o m p l e t e E E C harmony a ter P a t r i c k Moore h a d i n v e n t e d the a n t i - e u r o - s c r e e c h - e a r - p l u g s . HUMT

FARNBOROUGH 76 INTERNATIONAL AIR SHOtf, If y o u a r e g o i n g t o F a r n b o r o u g h Sept 1 0 t h , I l t h , 12th — be sure to v i s i t the E u r o a v i a s t a n d , N o r t h H a l l A . 15. S a y h i t o t h e I C s t u d e n t s w h o w i l l be r u n n i n g the s t a n d .


Orienteering

Control 9 takes its toll

» o r t Cross

Country

Wet going O N A W E T m i s e r a b l e summers day l a s t S a t u r d a y , f i v e I C post-graduate cross country runners d e s c e n d e d o n H a m w e l l to s e e the soggy r e m a i n s o f a carnival procession pass by. Someone q u i e t l y b l e w a whistle which started the Hanwell Carnival ' 5 ' , leaving Pete Johnson and A l a n L e a k e y s t a n d i n g c h a t t i n g o n the s t a r t i n g line. Down to t h e canal, m i n d i n g the r i g h t a n g l e b e n d onto a three foot w i d e b r i d g e w i t h no h a n d r a i l s o v e r a backwater, along the tow p a t h , p a s t some r e a l l y f o u l s m e l l i n g f a c t o r y fumes w h i c h w o u l d h a v e brought t e a r s to M o o n e y ' s e y e s h a d he b e e n r u n n i n g t h i s t i m e , up o v e r s i x l o c k g a t e s to a m a i n r o a d w i t h all that beautiful carbon monoxide w h i c h makes running s o e n j o y a b l e , b a c k d o w n to the canal, past 'Southside' again a n d up to the f i n i s h ; a g o o d five m i l e s ! R o b A l l i n s o n a s always was first home in 4th p l a c e i n a very good time of 2 4 . 4 1 . Steve Webb r u n n i n g " a b l i n d e r " w a s 8 t h , not q u i t e

b r e a k i n g the 5 minute m i l e barrier with 25.08. Paul Clarke just recovering from injury w a s 38th i n 27.30. P e t e J o h n s o n j u s t broke the s i x minute m i l e b a r r i e r w i t h 2 9 . 1 8 for 58th p l a c e c l o s e l y f o l l o w e d by A l a n L e a k e y 30.38 i n 65th p l a c e . T h e team w a s a very creditable 4th, just m i s s i n g m e d a l s by 10 point's. It w a s f e l t that some L o n d o n P r i d e w a s n e e d e d to s e t t l e our s t o m a c h s — s o the D o v e w a s v i s i t e d a f t e r w a r d s . If y o u h a v e a t h i r s t a n d n e e d some e x e r c i s e there i s the H o r s h a m 10 f o l l o w e d by the K i n g a n d B a r n e s 10 i n the e v e n i n g o n July 19th; see our U n i o n n o t i c e board for d e t a i l s .

Stop

Press

I C ' s D a v e West w o n t h e 400 metre h u r d l e s i n t h e Southern C h a m p i o n s h i p s l a s t Sat urda y at C r y s t a l P a l a c e i n t h e very f a s t time o f 5 2 . 5 s e c . T h e w e e k e n d b e f o r e h e w a s 4th i n the O l y m p i c T r i a l s for the same e v e n t .

O N S U N D A Y a s m a l l party o f three t r a v e l l e d t o T h o r n d o n P a r k , n e a r B r e n t w o o d to t ake part in a r e l a y o r g a n i s e d by H a v e r i n g Orienteering Club (usually referred to as HAVOC). Traditionally, relay teams competeunder s i l l y pseudonyms, and I C h a v e t a k e n t h i s o n e s t a g e further by e n t e r i n g the i n d i v i d u a l members o f the teams i n a s i m i l a r manner . T h u s the E m p i r i c a l O v e r s h o o t e r s team again featured s u c h stars as R B r a u n s c h u l t z and L K Seltzer. U n f o r t u n a t e l y no-one c o u l d t h i n k up a name w h i c h , i n t h i s c l e a n f a m i l y sport, w a s s u i t a b l e for A l a n L e a k e y ; h e thus r a n under h i s o w n name, w h i c h w a s c o n s i d e r e d to be s i l l y enough anyway. The navigation w a s not unduly c o m p l i c a t e d , a g o o d n e t w o r k o f p a t h s , a l l o w i n g one to f o l l o w o n e s p r o g r e s s on the map by r u n n i n g a l o n g a path and c o u n t i n g the number o f other p a t h s w h i c h one c r o s s e s . T h i s c a u s e d p r o b l e m s for R o b A l l i n s o n , w h o i s i n c a p a b l e of counting higher than three while running. A s a result he spent some time l o o k i n g for control seven about 150 m e t r e s too far to the north before r e a l i s i n g h i s m i s t a k e . Some areas of the w o o d s were

Hullo dere brudders an' \ As you all knows, dis is sisters'. Dis is yore Fehcks am Last Felicks wot e d i t o r speakm' -from d e ah is edit/'n', an' is am editorial harem in de ah-deal occosbun to revoo print'm' palace . •. moh 3 real accomplishments •'•

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c o v e r e d i n k n e e - d e e p ferns and b r a c k e n , w h i c h o w i n g to the mornin g r a i n w e r e a b s o l u t e l y saturated: Control nine, in a s m a l l d e p r e s s i o n i n one o f these a r e a s , w a s particularly difficult to f i n d , and A l a n L e a k e y l o s t n e a r l y 10 m i n u t e s f i n d i n g t h i s c o n t r o l . T h e other team members were more fortunate h e r e , R o b A l l i n s o n falling into the d e p r e s s i o n aimlessly while - wandering through the b r a c k e n , a n d Ian Isherwood, o n s e e i n g another orienteer apparently rising v e r t i c a l l y out o f the g r o u n d , this correctly d e d u c e d that p e r s o n must have b e e n v i s i t i n g the c o n t r o l . The I C team eventually f i n i s h e d *5th o u t o f about 20 teams in the C l a s s ' A ' r e l a y . R o b A l l i n s o n brought them i n 6th o n the f i r s t l e g w i t h a time o f about 39 m i n s for h i s 5km c o u r s e ; 5 m i n u t e s down o n the l e a d e r s . S t e a d i l y i m p r o v i n g Ian Isherwood pulled the team up to 5 t h , w i t h a time o f around 5 0 m i n s . A l a n L e a k e y started off w e l l , and h a d m o v e d up to 3rd at one p o i n t , but unfortunately lost both t h e s e p l a c e s at c o n t r o l 9. He e v e n t u a l l y f i n i s h e d w i t h a time of 44 m i n s , o n l y a f e w y a r d s b e h i n d the 4 t h p l a c e d team.

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