T H E
FRIDAY NOVEMBER 21
I f any of you happened to be walking along KxhibitionRd. at 7.0 a.m. on the 13th, you would have witnessed a strange sight - the President of R.C.S. pulling a handcart, pushed by Mr. Gamett, who, i n turn, Obviouswas pushed by the Editor. l y some pertinent explanation i s called for.
FIERCE FIGHTING O N
i d you return from Morphy Day perfectly dry and/ or oomplete with trousers? I f so you were indeed fortunate. An abnormally high Spring-Tide, coupled with a surfei t of enthusiasm resulted i n one of the wettest Morphy Days f a r years. In contract to the usual haphazard brawling, there was evidence this year of e f f i c i e n t organisation, which allowed the mmmimnm amount of harmless (1) enjoyment for the combatants and obviated the intervention of the l o c a l police.
Mines, handicapped as usual by numerical i n f e r i o r i t y , evolved a plan X to ensure R.O.S. were d i s the safety of their mascot Mich (see Fage-+ f o r further details). playing their newly christened thermometer Theta for the f i r s t time. Guilds' f a i t h f u l Spanner was again braving the fearsome elements - the primeval forces of Nature: Pire(works) Earth(olods) and "ater(buokets of) together with the ingenuity of E.C.S.
The day undoubtedly went to Guilds, partly by superior tactics and partly by sheer weight of numbers. In addit i o n t o the inevitable barrage of f l o u r and mod, R.C.S. were further disconcerted t o f i n d themselves subjected to an ignominious assult from decaying, fly-blown pears. Indeed, some of their number taking exception to t h i s p u t r i f y ing presence, were rather glad of t h e i r impromptu bathe i n the swollen Thames.
The Presidents were transported as usual t o the scene of the crime by their respective chariots Bo, Jez and Clem: the advent of the l a t t e r was followed by the most amazing sight of the afternoon. Graham King, the Mines President, began t o wade kneedeep into the water, with umbrella a l o f t ( i t wasn't even raining at the time) and perched upon a fence, the floodwaters swirling about his feet. This peculiar behaviour was motivated by the a r r i v a l of the Miners' launch, which eventually took him aboard. Unfortunately Graham i s endowed with l i t t l e sense of the dramatic, f o r he d i d not f a l l i n : anyone with the merest streak of a r t i s t r y would have done so.
An o f f i c i a l declaration of war, and the 'Battle of the towpath bridge" began. After b i t t e r fighting, Theta was oaptured by the Guildsmen, who then staged a strategic withdrawal, triumphantly flciurishing their booty aloft. A truce was called on t h i s unholy struggle for the purpose of oheering the crews i n the Lowry Cup race, i n which R.C.S. pipped Guilds by a small margin. The a c t i v i t i e s i n the intervening period between this and the Morphy race might adequately be termed "aqua-sport". Fortunes varied from the sublime - Mr. Leston flung bodily into the Thames, emerging, and being flung back again; to the ridiculous - a pathetic figure clutching two halves of a pair of sodden jeans and protesting weakly: "It's How right he not cricket, you know." was.
Xandra, the lovely Queen of Jez, could r e s i s t the advances of the determined Guildsmen no longer and was spiri t e d away into their alien midst. Enraged at this dastartly move, R.C.S. launched a vicious counter-attack, and even the superior numbers of the Guildsmen could not withstand the fury of the onslaught. Dave Clark was isolated and ceremonially jettisoned
Tho previous night, i . e . Morphy night, a band of R.C.S. revellers were racking their besotted brains f o r seme appropriate method of ending the celebrations. Quite by chance they came upon an old car resting wearily against the Roderio H i l l Building. How nice, they thought, i f this could be overturned i n front of Guilds. Accordingly, they propelled the vehi c l e thenoe and swept i t into a tidy heap on the steps. To complete the operation, they roped o f f the area, planted a few pickaxes amongst the wreckage and surrounded i t with red lamps; then the culprits disappeared.
A l l was silence - the lamps t i n t ing the stream of petrol meandering l a z i l y i n the direction of the Underground Station. The advent of the porter was followed by the police and a f i r e engine, to wash o f f the petrol from the pavement. A dishevelled labourer, who professed ownership of the car informed the o f f i c e r that he thoughtit must have been a student prank - as i f they needed telling!
At 6.40 a.m. that Thursday morning, the f i r s t floor'phone shattered the delicate silence of the Hostel: the night watchman wished to inform the President that, unless oertain ropes, pickaxes and lamps g e returned by breakfast time, I.C. was going to be prosecuted - Hence the unprecedented early morning exercise. w
into the unfriendly Thames. dripping Presidential coat gave a few curt orders and, i n next to no time, the opposing President was spewing fi3h and fungi from the same waters. Dave Clark, perhaps feeling that he was unsuitably attired for a further dip, changed his clothes and was accordingly returned to the overstocked river. The l o t of a President i s indeed arduous. The end of the Morphy cup race appropriately terminated the afternoon'3 Entertainment.
THE CHANCELLOR'S SPEECH
Mr. Heathcoat Amcry, in his su-nnary of the economic outlook at home and abroad, presented an optimistic picture of our future prospects, but at the same time he stressed that we mist not lapse into complacency. A l l efforts of the Governments 3ince the war to put our economy on a firm basis have been frustrated by i n f l a t i o n , u n t i l recently: the r i s i n g c r i s i s last Autumn was largely due to influences abroad, but i t was countered by the l*h bonk rate and the top p r i o r i t y given to the elimination of i n f l a t i o n . There has also been a f a l l i n import prices which has more than balanoed our f a l l in exports, and the result i s the best situation for sterling since the war: our gold and dollar reserves have r i s e n by ÂŁ47CM during the l a s t year (partly achieved by a loan of ÂŁ70M and by a lapse of payments to the U.S. and Canada), and s t e r l i n g debts have been reduced?by ÂŁ300M.
Internally, the Chancellor's aims are threefold: a) to maintain the strngth of sterling b) to keep prices stable. a) to maintain the highest possible level of production and employment. Hare he took the opportunity of appealing to his audience to stop eating potatoes, as these were the one item rao3t l i k e l y to r i s e i n price due to the bad crops this year!
The greatest danger i s the increase of wages, dividends and p r o f i t s : the former have risen by 4 $ over the last year, whioh i s a higher figure than that for the cost of l i v i n g or the r i s e i n production: i f this occurs during the next year we are l i k e l y to be priced out of the world markets, for at the moment industrial produotion is lower than l a s t year, and i s unlikely to improve i n the next few months.
Also, the national figure of 2.3^ for unemployment is low in comparison with that for most other oountries. This is a serious problem because of i t s concentration In certain areas such as South Wales and Mersey side: on tnis subjeot Mr. Amory said that while the "overnment extended grants to industrie. settling up i n areas of high unemployment, rie did not think i t was his responsibility to maintain the 3ize of any particular industry - we must develop new industries according to demand with the labour force from the old ones, end leave the s i pie manufacturing processes to less developed oountries. In answer to a question on Gow ernment controls, the Chancellor replied that direct oontrols lead to hoarding and hence achieve a d i f f erent result to that intended: i t was better for him to encourage the productive industries rather than the consumptive ones, and to reduce the back rate as f a r as possible. To another question about agriculture, he gave three reasons for the fact -that i t ( i n coming with steel) i s a favoured industry: i n two world ware we have nearly starved to <ieath, the economic consideration dictatsd by an un-balanoe of payments, and the social reason of maintaining a b a l anoe between town and country. The Government subsidy ensures thai the Public doesn't pay mare than worid prices for food* In conclusion Mr. Amory repeated his b e l i e f in a free economy: decisions are better taken by the men i n oontrol of industry than by a minister i n Westminster.
The new Lord Mayor received the l o y a l greetings of City and Guilds College through the sonorous medium of a Boomalaka.
After the procession, C * G paid a v i s i t to that small place i n the Strand, but finding l i t t l e of interest, l e f t for L.S.E. But not before Mary and Jane had casually removed the King's flag, and a trouserlens resident had been looked into the g i r l s common-room.
The annual conflagration and hopeful burning of "Chubby" ( i n effigy only) was overshadowed by the I.C. Lunar Probe - a splendid, gleaming machine i n s t a l l e d on a launching pad i n the centre of open ground.
The rocket launching was complete down to the l a s t detail - periodic announcements over the loudspeaker systems were accompanied by r e a l i s t i c taped sound-effects, intended to b u i l d up anticipation towards aero-hour, 9,30. They were also necessary to warn people away from the infernal machine - considering the contents and the preparations that went before i t , a vmry necessary precaution, as denizens of the f i r s t floor Had come to know f o r some 14 days previously.
Between them, the Chairman of the Entertainments Committee and an exPresident of the Dram. Soc, produced the biggest smog ever known at I.e., together with periodic detonations which l e f t shattered nerves and blackened ceilings. F i n a l l y whan the experimenters were s a t i s f i e d the rocket was assembled - the main charge being a waste bin of gunpowder (and, i t i s rumoured, 2 gallons of petrol). Hence the warning.
When the long-awaited countdown was oarrled out, the rocket produced very l i t t l e i n the way of a show - the sound effects far surpassing After a hurried investthe visual. igation, an announcement was made that a re-test of the rocket would be carried out: before most people had a ohanoe to look i n the right direction, Harlington, (and probably London Airport too; was shaken by an explosion that Woomera would not be ashamed of.
Fewer Guildsmen than usual participated i n the procession this year, as the majority of the floats were manned by the T e r r i t o r i a l s . Bo and a supporting company assembled, as they are wont, on Ludgate H i l l where they entertained the crowd i n the inimitible fashion we have come to erpeott to quote the DAILY EXPRESS " a crowd of students on Ludgate H i l l put the sold iers out of step....."
S A B O T A G E
Seeing the maddening horde approaching, L.S.S. barred their gates and so the Guildamen retired to the Enbankment An advance party i n f i l t r a t e d into the enemy's camp and a determined attack was made on their Union. Fierce fighting ensued but the entrance to "Beaver" was blocked by an impregnable wall of fire-extinguishers. Finding that their strength was being wasted, the attackers withdrew, and after a few Parthian shots descended upon a hostelry f o r purposes of recuperation. Hews was later received of the unfortunate Guildsman who became isolated from the main body during the fightingHe was transported, trouserless, into P i c a d i l l y Circus and released therin. His appearance provoked considerable speculation among the residents, but their worst fears were oonfounded when he immediately caught a taxi back to I.C.
Why, after suoh preparations and calculations, had the rocket misfired? It was not the f a u l t of button-pusher John Sheldon, be assured of that. Sabotage was the answer. The button closed the c i r c u i t not to the Probe, but to an inferior version strapped to i t s side - attached by person or persons unknown, under the impression that i t i s vary funny to ruin the result of hard and devoted work, and a l l the more funny when suoh sabotage i s carried out xlth such a large and appreciative audisnce.
To those who made the Probe, oongrat-ilations - at least the f i n a l explosion was spactacular enough ; to those who attempted sabotage, t r y to show more intelligence and a sense of occasion.
SOCIETY The addresses read t o the Huxley Society this term have distinguished themselves by an extraordinary lack of cliches, and the ensuing discussions have generally been very l i v e l y . The "Challenge to Christianity" scheduled for delivery by Mr. J.E. Coates turned into a challenge to Humanism: -while casting doubts on various basic tenets of Christianity, the speaker held that Humanism was f a i l i n g i n i t s task of providing a set of moral values suited to the present day. Ethics and p o l i t i o s could not be separated, as the Church seemed to think; the fundamental p o l i t i c a l issues of our day are ethioal,and the Humanists should lead the way.
Almost the entire audience at the joint meeting of the Huxley Soc. and the S.C.M. took part i n the discussion on the Lambeth Conference. While the results of the Conference seemed t o betoken a more humanistic attitude on the part of the Church, the Christians resisted attempts t o convince them that the Bible 3hould be done away with. Heathens who preferred a more humanit i o replacement - e.g., a concensus tended to get slaughtered.
Dr. Charles Bibby, whose biography of T.H. Huxley should appear next April , gave an entertaining and interesting address on the subject of "T.H. Huxley, Soientist and Humanist". T.H.H. had l e f t school at an early age and did not go to university; nevertheless, or consequently, he developed into a man of great character and vast i n t e l l e c tual stature. Among other exploits, he engaged i n duels with Mr. Gladstone i n the columns of THE TIMES, the then Prime Minister usually emerging very much the worse f o r wear, i n spite of the fact that Huxley's l e t t e r s were not infrequently returred fox toning down before the Editor would dare to print them. In Dr. Bibby's opinion, Huxley would have thought very l i t t l e of the present set-up of I.C. In 1881, part of the function of R.C.S. was to train Science teachers. and Huxley considered this a v i t a l "role, His views on education were quite definite, and admitted by his c l e r i c a l antagonists to be sound; they are to a large extent embodied i n our present day educational system.
Incidentally, the 1958-59 Calendar refers to Huxley as a vigorous supporter of the "broader policy" of "the d i f f u s i on of scienoe generally as applied to productive industry". This i s a most novel concept of ''broad", and the Administration i s to be congratulated on what i s probably the f i r s t original idea i t has had since Huxley died. While the hacks who oompiled t h i s "Short History of the College" have credited Huxley with "ideas and personality", they have carefully omitted any ment i o n of what these ideas were (apart from the nonsense quoted above), even though h i s views on the training of teachers, for example, were implemented i n the curriculum of the Normal School of Science. His ideas were too unconventional to l a s t . P.B.Levin.
Having heard well-founded rumours that a horde-of maddened N.E.C. men were about to descend upom the College the "Carrot" was therefore sent o f f immediately to Kew Gardens, - for classification. The N.E.C. men, on a r r i v a l were i n formed of the fate of their beloved mascot and departed i n peace, their President being o f f i c i a l l y informed by 'phone.
With the, "Carrot" was dispatched the followioa l e t t e r : -
Bear S i r ,
Ted H i l l , a well-known figure i n the Geology Department, i s a laboratory Superintendent but i t wasnot for this that our oontenrporary THE TIKES chose to publish his photograuh.
He i s possd, next to his beehive, on top of the Botany Building! " i n the background i s the Albert Hall over whioh the bees f l y on t h e i r way t o the park". With things l i k e bees kept under our very noses (as i t were) i t i s high time that the presence of any other strange creatures was brought to the notice of the students.
On the afternoon of 5th Nov. as a result of a well organised raid, carried out by a number of geologists, the "carrot" wa3 abducted from N.E.C., brought back to South Kensington, painted i n the colours of the Royal College of Soienoe and displayed the following day i n the entrance h a l l of R.C.S. It was proposed that Mr. Heathcoat ' Amory,who was giving a lecture that lunch hour, would be asked to autograbh this weird specimen, but this did not materialise.
An attempt by Guilds to steal the object was forestalled by i t s removal to the hostel, since this would only have resulted i n a fight, causing no doubt, as other inter-college rags have done i n the past, a great deal of damage; as well as disturbing a rather distinguished v i s i t o r .
Please find enclosed one large oarrot discovered during a botanical expedition sponsored by the Royal College of Science Student Union of South Kensington. Our botanical department suggest t.'iat the purple and s i l v e r colouration may be due to a sudden change of environment, whilst the letters R.C.3. appear to be an unusual photosynthetic phenomenon. We are taking the opportunity of forwarding this specimen in the hope that your experts w i l l combine to produce a comprehensive classification . The carrot i s the treasured vegetable of Northampton Engineering College, St. John St., Clerkenwell, Phone CLE 0201. We understand that you w i l l be contacted by the above College who are eager to hear of your conclusions. P. Emerson, Vice-President R.C.S.
A reply wa3 received the following Monday Dear S i r , The remarkable vegetable r e f erred to i n your l e t t e r has arrived here. The ourious colouration i s not, as your botanical department surmises, due to a physiological oause, but i s the result of the action of a pathogen commonly known as "rag", a somewhat common virus a f f l i c t i n g the youth of these realms. There i s apparently no cure. Dulce est desipere i n loco. Dr. N.L. Bor, Assistant Director.
Making b i s l a s t appearance i n I/mdon during t h i s v i s i t t o England, Paul Robeson w i l l be singing a programme of negro spirituals and popular ballads at the Royal Albert H a l l on Sunday eveni&g, November } Q t h »
We are producing a special 12-page bumper edition to mark the Christmas festivities. This w i l l be on sale i n a fortnight - PRICE 6 d . The increase i n price i s due to the extra printing involved. We strese the fact that the prioe of this issue w i l l be 6 d . as we are only too well aware of the financial inertia, whicn prevails at Imperial College. Even now some people s t i l l express surprise when t h e i r offer of 3 d . f o r FELLX i s refused. (The prioe rose from 3d, to 4d> TWO YEARS AGO)
Also at the Albert Hall on the _ame afternoon, the Vienna Boys Choir i s making a return v i s i t : founded i n 1498, this choir has now gained a reputation of being one of the best i n the world. Their programme w i l l include a musical version of Mollere'a play, "The S i l l y G i r l s " , i n f u l l costume, and » number of Austrian f o l k songs.
Next Sunday at the Royal Festival H a l l , Stefan Askenase w i l l be playing a popular selection of piano works by Chopin. Handel's Messiah i s to oe performed by the Henry Wood Festival Sooiety at the Albert H a l l on Tuesday, 25th Nov: the soloists, E l s i e Morison, Kathleen Joyce, Riohard Lewis and John Cameron w i l l be well supported a large choir drawn from seventeen amateur societies.
LIMERICK COMPETITION FELIX announces his Annual Competi t i o n f o r the best limerick, beginning with the following f i r s t l i n e : "A clever young student from Bow...." CONDITIONS; (1) There shall be two classes; - P r i n t able and Un-prlntable. (2) The winners of each class w i l l receive due reward. (3) No member of the FELIX s t a f f , o r any of t h e i r offspring, may take .part i n t h i s competition (q.) The result of the Competition w i l l j be announced at the FELIX dance tomorrow.; Entries to "FELIX" (Limerick Coop.) v i a Union Rack or Room 7 3 , to arrive by 6.0pm. tomorrow. TOMORROW IS THE CLOSTTfG DATE The following communication has reached us from the College Security Officer;STAFF AND- STUDENTS SHOULD NOT LEAKS WALLETS, CHEQUE-B0O!S OR ANYTHING OF VALUE IN JACKETS, WHEN WORKING IS SHIRT SLEEVES IN LABORATORIES OR OFFICES. Among recent Property found
PORTABLE RADIO GENT'S UMBRELLA
1935 Morris 8 . Two-seater Tourer. Exo. Condition, New hood and re--wire 1957. fellow Body with Black wings. Go anywhere. Bargain at £65. Apply: SR. GB<X»TENHUIS, Room 210 C & G . HOFFNUNG INTERPLANETARY MUSIC FESTIVAL. Saturday 22nd. I have 4 tickets f o r the Hoffnung Interplanetary Music Festival for sale. The seats are i n a box and cost me 12/6 each and a l l morning queuing. For sale singly or together, the t i c kets w i l l go to the highest offer t o reach me on the evening of Friday 21st . David J . Irving.
Being given i t s f i r s t performance this season i s Mozart's "II Seraglio", at the Sadler's Wells Theatre on Wednesday next. The trend of translating successf u l French productions into English and bringing them to London oontinues with the opening l a s t Wednesday at the P i c c a d i l l y Theatre of "Hook, Line and Sinker": this i s an adaption by Robert Morley of Andre Roussin'a "Le Marl, La Femme et l a Mart", and the oast includes Mr. Morley and Joan Plowright.
LIKELY STORIES No 3 by Scraper George 0'Donovan made cockroaches. He didn't actually make very many, but they 'begat one another i n the usual In due way and waxed very numerous. course, as was s t a t i s t i c a l l y inevitable, there evolved Arthur and Nelly, who were so s c i e n t i f i c a l l y roinded that their families sent them off to I.C.
Now, the cockroaches didn't know that George 0'Donovan made them, but they were shrewd enough to suspect that someone had and, i n order to keep on his/her right aide, i t was their custom to sacrifioe some of their number every Christmas. When Arthur and Nelly came home after their f i r s t terra of s c i e n t i f i c training, they suddenly realised how bareerio their fellows were. "Tea can't do t h i s , i t ' s "Indeed?" hot human" they protested. remarked the High Priest, and he raise d his eye-brows and sharpened h i s knife.
And i t oame to pass accordingly, that George 0'Donovan looked out of his window and observed Arthur and Nelly on the verge of extinction, whereupon he arose i n great wrath and smote the assembled multitude with a gross of thunder-bolts. When the holocaust had subsided, there remained only Arthur and Nelly who, without further ado, f l e d back to I.C. Which i s why most cockroaches l i v e i n the Lower Refeotory.
K N O W I N G
Two plays of *ell-earned popularityi "Duel of Angels", a different -slant on the Rape ef Luoreee, and set in Alx-on-Provenoe i n the 19th Century i s at the Apollo, Shafteebury Ave., u n t i l December 6th: the oast include? Ann Todd, Vivien Leigh and Peter Wyivffarde.
Next door, at the L y r i c * i s another piroduotion with a truly Preach flavour! "Irma Le. Douce", set to muslo t e l l s of a young law student'a oOmplioationc with a prostitute, and, were i t not for the fact that anything French is. forgivable, would be d i s t i n c t l y near the mark.
Booking has now started f o r the "West Side Story", a new Ameriarn musi c a l whioh opens i n London (Her Majesty's) on December 12th: this i s a r e hash of Romeo and J u l i e t , enlivened by. Mew York's gang warfare, and i s supposedly the toughest musioal ever to have come from Amerioa,
Within a stone's throw of I.e., and worthy of an hour's perusal, i s the London Museum, adjoining Kensington Palace: here may be found collections of robes, tapestries and objate d'art i l l u s t r a t i n g the history and social l i f e of London from the Middle Ages. The State Apartments of the Monarch during the 18th and 19th Centuries (the birthplace of Q. Victoria) may also be seen. Open Sundays 2-4 p.m. Ad. free.
Three men stood at a window, watohingjone f l i c k of a newspaper from the man leaning against the wall opposite, Mid they were galvanised *tnta action. Plan X was under way.
The date was November 12th, the object of the plan was to keep a certain Mitchelin Man i n a safe plaoe, and yet be at Putney, and the sero hour was L.W 3>.nu At this time five men, one carrying a yellow, black, and white, rubber model, boarded a waiting car i n Prince Consort Road, and drove off towards Hammersmith. Thirty-five minutes l a t e r they embarked on a fast launch at Hammersmith Pier, and made their way to Putney.
On the towpath two groups of the enemy were fighting one another; pears, thunderflashes, and smoke screens were being used by the dye s t a i ned savages.
After a l i t t l e rnanoeuvering a wet President, who had arrived i n his smoke belching Regal Chariot, was picked up from the railings, having waded across the flooded roadway. Immediately the Red Ensign was replaced by the flag of the Royal School of Mines, and "Mitch" proudly raised on high.
The launch was used as a mobile grandstand from whioh to watch the •races. Maybe the Mines crew would have done better i n the launch than i n t h e i r shells. -
FELIX KULCHER Dear S i r ,
LETTERS ENGLISH Dear S i r , I was interested to read the contribution 'The .Queens English' i n your previous issue; I feel i t brings out very well an attitude which i s very prevalent i n academic c i r c l e s and one with which I disagree. Starting by confessing uncertainty as to why we are here at a l l - which i s understandable i f he regards the 'Science & Technology' of our t i t l e as " S c i e n t i f i c irrelavancies" - your contributor continues to ask "What i s an education?", concluding that i t i s a process aimed at turning the student into a 'benefit to humanity' - presumably on a plane with mains water and sewage farms, not a tool to enable the student to obtain a larger share of the good things of l i f e - which i s why most of U3 are here,if we bother to think about i t .
Our training i s aimed at enabling us to produce something which others w i l l buy. Frequently this requires a jargon, almost a foreign language, among our colleagues for Queen's Engl i s h i s not a suitable tool - but we have only to say to our oustomer 'Here i t i s , i t works*. I f i t does not work i t i s best buried without a report i n impeccable English,for l i f e i s too short.
Language i s , at best, an inadequate tool , a l i v i n g thing which constantly changes t o meet our needs but never catches up the flying thoughts i t strives to express. We augment the written word with many forme of symb o l i c notation of which mathematics and the engineers drawing are perhaps good examples.
The only v a l i d test of a word i s does i t express the required meaning? A sausage, a sossige or even a sozzidge are very similar under the skin, even Shakespeare spelt his own name i n several ways.
Perhaps numpty Dumpty went too far when he said "When 1 use a word i t means just what I want i t to mean", but every writer of a report should have always before him the next remark "The question i s , whioh i s to be Master - that's a l l " .
In various parts of your l a s t i s s ue i t was revealed that a) the College i s overcrowded b) the refectories are 'chronically' congested ( i t i s often quioker to go to one of the cheap caff's around Gloucester/Road, but the proletarian c l i e n t ele i s already complaining of overorewding, and a s p i r i t of revolution i s in the air.) c) many of the students are s e m i - i l l i terate. d) the vast majority cannot take their drink like gentlemen, and e) Mooney i s steadily losing apparatus. And Mr. Taylor is alarmed that the College no longer requires a pass at 0So am I. As I Level i n Eng. Lang. see i t , there are two possible solutThe f i r s t is of ions to our problems. course to make entrance requirements more stringent) preferably eliminating i d i o ts, drunks and kleptomaniacs. To do this, 0-Level Eng. L i t . and an unblemished Scouting record might be adequate. The second solution, which would only occur to a man of genius, would be to eliminate people like Literate John Taylor, Gentleman John Braaley and, above a l l , myself - I'm sorry I came, really. May I suggest that only those who have actually f a i l e d 0-Level Eng. Lang, should be admitted.
Having wonderful time, wish you were here, Fred (String) Wheeler.
HALLS OF RESIDENCE Dear S i r ,
Contrary to general opinion, i t appears that somebody does read this column, far Nelson has received the following l e t t e r : Dear S i r , I would l i k e to oorreot an item of news which appeared i n the last Nelson's Column. F i r s t l y , Peter Soott became a father after his term of office as Entertainments Officer for Mines, and secondly, my wife has already had the baby which was reported as being expected. R.S.M.U. Entertainments
This i s a very interesting l e t t e r from Mr. Rsmu, especially the l a s t information, which i s unique, for this i s the f i r s t known case of a baby being born before i t was expected. Who said I.C. was backward?
One of the Editors i s sharing a new g i r l friend called Belinda; he says that, although she's a b i t 'slow to start, once hot, she turns over wonderfully.
We hear that there i s a move to throw labourers out of the bar when they come i n for a drink and ask to have their helmets f i l l e d . It seems that Soottie can't get the brim under the pump.
We the undersigned would l i k e to suggest that there i s a good case to be made -for the inclusion of Constituent College Halls of Residence i n the plans for the Princes Gardens site. We are concerned that at no stage i n the development of these plans have the Constituent College Unions been consulted about a question whioh i s so fundamental to their survival.
There i s general agreement that smaller units are l i k e l y to command greater loyalties than the large and amorphous Imperial College Union. The controversy i s concerned with the composition of these units. We suggest that the most effective division should take account of both our traditions and our learning, and we believe that we should preserve the status quo with regard to the Constituent Colleges.
Tours f a i t h f u l l y . S.W.O. Iverraee. Editors' Note: Which conclusively proves Mr. Taylor's Point.
FOR SALE - 1956 B.S.A. D3 150 C . C . BANTAM MAJOR with s/arm rear suspension. Good nick, goes l i k e the clappers. ÂŁ60 o.n. o. - Wanted l i t erature on Scotts (1957 approx.) J.P. Billingham
The Colleges embody almost a l l of the tradition which i s assembled under the name of Imperial College. There i s no doubt i n our minds that the separation of students into Halls of Residence on any arbitrary principle w i l l mean the effective end of the Constituent Colleges. We believe that this would be a bad thing for the Imperial College. We remain, s i r , Yours etc. E.A. Warwioker Graham King Peter Kassler P.E. Emerson
LVF. F.D. John I.M.
Butters Stevens A. Nation Plummer
I THINK THEY OUGHT TO MAKE IT| A NATIONAL HOLIDAY.
FELIX COMING EVENTS. 3"°ON
VARIATION A THEME
B Y S I
HOPOLOGY What i s a "Hop*'' According to the Encyclop.iia Moronica, i t i s not (as Rugby men w i l l imagine) that dark lump that slides down th'= throat i n a careless pint j f Whitbread l i k e a longdead mousej but a social gathering of doubtfu" significance wher*; unusual physi c a l behaviour -patterns and a b i l i t i e s are counternanoeo.
Thus, although i t i s "a b i t off" to paw a partner at a private party, i t i s accepted that recreative wrestling and v e r t i c a l gymnastics w i l l be d i s played at such a gathering.
Glassy-eyed, the anxious male, "Homo anticipans", l i c k s his l i p s as he surveys the f i e l d before him. No j o l l y farmer even studied and prodded sheep more oarefully than he, before the lucky victim i s saluted with the tradi t i o n a l and time-honoured greeting: "Care to creep, Kid?" Grasping the oontrols he steers off at a dangerous angle, with out signals, trying hard not to tread on the pedals too often.
'•'hat happens after the Hop finishes o f f i c i a l l y has been a special study of mine - i t varies with the hop Although and the closing hour. I.CvW.A. can rightly boast "We never close" without lisping, a l l good things must end sometime - on the average, normal conditions return by the following Saturday morning just i n time, i n fact, for the next Hop.
Sig w i l l appear at the F e l i x Hop Nov. 22nd., i n the Union, to psychoanalyse any with troubles - two couches, no waiting.
A tfOMEVY ^
"Photography and Public Relations" by C.D.V. Knight.
I t i s rare indeed, I find, as I wander unseen with my tape-recorder, notebook and camera team among the happy c >ples, to hear the old gamb i t "Come here often". No, the I.C. man has more inventive genius than this. Specimens I have recorded inolude -
"I work i n a wind-tunnel, you know.." "I nave such t cosy room i n the Hostel.." ".. well, I can t e l l you what parthenogenesis i s not" and many more, a l l reflecting the many and varied interests of this College.
Tuesday 2nd Deo. Railway Soc: talk by H.A. Vallanoo on "The Last Days of the L.B.S.C."'. UNION MEETING.
Thursday L.th Deo. UNION DEBATE. Film Soc. "Italian Straw Hat".
OFTEN 6EEN SAU)
OF FEMININE APPEAL . PUBUSH A Mfl&AZ/NE
IN THE PAST THAT " F E L . X " LACKS
CONTN I UN I G OUR ROMANTC I , SERIAL
UNCOVERED A PLC*"
FOA WO/OEM STUDENTS A T I.C.
AJSK HE HAS PROCURED ONE
A T GREAT
"FSUNE " -•—
T H E STORY SO FAR :
MR IA I M IS BEAUTF I UL ANP POOR AND SO 6HB 16 ENGAGED TO RODNEY WHO IS UGLY A S U l RICH. AT A PARTY MIRIAM M E E T S FAEP, A P OOR BUT 8AIU.IANT ENGN I EER . HE IMMEDIATELY SHOWS THAT HIS DRAWN I G-BOARD I S ' N T THE ONLY THIN* HE HAS bESHZHS ON 8Y PRETENDING THAT HE THINKS THAT C0N6EOW . £NOES"S I PLAYED U K S ••POSTMAN'S KNOCK". HE KISSES MIRIAM AND BAYS THEY WEAE MEANT TOR ONE ANOTHER. SHE SEES THAT HIS
Go to the top floor and you w i l l see a different phenomenon, resembling the f e r t i l i t y r i t e s (or wrongs, perhaps) of the Sdos i n their wild acti v i t y and athletic caperings; the delicate i n mind w i l l claim no harmonic or xuel significance here, but they are wrong - the whole business i s a fallacy.
In addition, the torpid can find comfort i n the various lounges of the Union, a comfort marred only by'the regrettable tendency for the lights to go out so that few couples can read last week's newspapers and this has ruined many an evening.
Saturday 29th Nov. Riding Club Hop, 7.30-11 p.m.
On second thoughts, perhaps they do not do that at alx, perhaps the men of I.C. have something el3e i n mind, who knows?
The zoologist i s fascinated by the many varieties of "Sniggus athleticans" he can obtain here and, provided with notebook and sheltered by a Life-reserver (some of the kicks are high and hard) he may wander to his heart's content amongst the happy natives, who ignore tlic intrusion.
Tuesday 25th Nov. General Studies: "Archaeology and tha Bible" by D.J. Wiseman, O.B.E. "Looking at Sculpture" by Mrs. Renee Maroouse. •The Violins" by Dr. B.W, Robinson. Railway Soc. Presidential address by Prof. Kay. Wine Tasting Soc. "Port", by B.C. Furly.
Thursday 27th Nov. Joint meeting of the Exploration and N.H. SoodetieB: report On the Norway expedition, with slides and photos. Parliament, with the Liberal Government i n office, and the Socialists i n opposition. General Studies: "Britain Since 1851: B r i t a i n and the widening World", by A.J. Taylor.
f T H g
Saturday 22nd Nov. BE SURE NOT TO MISS THE F E L I X HOP: DANCE TO GOOD MUSIC IN ROMANTIC SURROUNDINGS FOR A PHENOMENALLY LOW PRICE.
Wednesday 26th Nov. Railway Soc. v i s i t to L.T.E. L i l l e Bridge Depot.
Everyone else of the same name has asked me to point out that they are no relation to the other Mr. Leston.
Weekend. 21-25rd Nov. Mountaineering Club meet i n N. Wales.
COfOUAOT BLACKS MATCH HER TINTED NYLONS
...AND 8ELIEVCS HIM.
MEANWHILE , 0 N HEARING THAT THE CAT HAS EATEN THE. CHRISTMAS
DINNER, M«->ALS HAS THE FIRST NI6HT I HAVEMET! OF SHOCK . HAH Off PROM WORK THIS RODNEY LOSES HIS WEEK T H E F I R S T WI6HT.. JOB, AN3> FRED LOSES H>S AT LONG LAST MR IA I MDEAD PANTS ON NKAPHY PAY J U S T THEN ROWVEY CAMS TO HER SENSES. SUB SO PRO A N * MIRIAM NOW STASGEAfiB IN-VAUNK, XECmSbTO VVATCH LOW SHOT A N * WITH HIS BOW- HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON ZOSH OP THE NATIONALTIE C&0OKE2 • INSTITUTE OF «AAPE» NAIL-" ITS ONLY A H£A}ACHA AND HO*NET HAS NO ATTRACTION FOR H E * OIUAS AT OAM&E-STATIONS H E SAID, FOR WE KNEW . . . . S>HE CRIES • (HIANP&.) on THAT SHE HAD PLENTY OF ASPAOS BUT NO FOKCEPS"AFTER ALL" SHE TOtt 'YOUISPOOA( C 0NT> NEXT j N O W R E A D O N . THE MTHAOOn TAP," IT TELEVISION.
PELIX SOCCER The 1st XI, strengthened by four University Players, beat University College 4 - 2 i n the 1st Round of the U.L. Cup on Wed. Nov. 8th, i n a very keenly contested game at Harlington. Goals were scored far the College by Casemare ( 2 ) , Coups and James (penalty). The 2nd Round w i l l be played on Deo. 6th at Harlington, when C.E.H. w i l l be the v i s i t o r s and the Winners of this match w i l l enter into the Semi-Pinal.
The U.L. Winter Relays Competition, .and Tjalve trophy for f i e l d events, took place on Wednesday 12th Nov. Conditions were not exactly perfect: a persistent drizzle hanging over a porridge track, with a mud bath i n the middle, whioh soon had the throwers slipping badly, causing their implements to pursue rather erratio and dangerous directions.
Since the cup game the 1st XI have beaten L.S.E. 2-1 and R.M.A. Sandhurst 4-1 and i t i s hoped that this winning form w i l l be retained throughout the Season.
In spite of Nature's aggression, performances were quite good for the time of year and the I.C. relay teams excelled themselves. Our sprint relay (4 x 110 yards) team, consisting of 3 freshers, took both the heat and f i n a l with contemptuous ease.
The 2nd, 3rd and 4 t h XT' s have done quite well i n their matches, although disappointing results have been obtained i n some League matches. In t h e i r new League thi3 year, the 5th and 6 t h XL's have both made very encouraging starts to the Season. The 5 t h XI must be congratulated on i t s unbeaten League programme. The 7 t h XI i s s t i l l continuing t o run t h i s term and with the present support i n the club i t looks l i k e becoming a permanent fixture.
The f i r s t team has furthered i t s unbeaten record with three more victories. The matches against St. Catherine's College, Cambridge and Middlesex Hosp i t a l were Voth very close, I.C. winning both 3 - 2 .
A v i s i t to Oxford on Saturday, November 15th brought a much more decisive victory, Keble College being beaten by 5 - 0 . The seoond team has shown some unprovement. They l o s t to C.E.M. 1st team 3-2 but were successful against Kings 2nd, 3 - 2 .
C.R. Evans the f i r s t string has played for the Uar <srsity 1st team i n both t h e i r matches and B.W.E. Avient and B. Haywood have played for the second team, also on two occasions.
The olub was 4 t h out of a large f i e l d i n the long medley relay, but the race of the afternoon was the f i n a l of the (220 220 440) relay, before which I.C. was only 1 point behind St. Mary's College Hospital. Although on the last l e g we had a lead of 15 yards, the St. Mary's anchor, iiorman Putter U.L. f i r s t string, eventually closed the gap t o just beat U3 at the tape. Thus for the second year I.C. have just been beaten i n these relays. The f i e l d events were very d i s appointing for the club with many of our best men"otherwise engaged". Special thanks are given to those who keenly turned out at last minute notice. Consequently, I.C. were disgracefully 6th equal: but congratulations are expressed to our long and t r i p l e jumpers who saved the position from being even worse.
Despite a University Crosscountry Race the previous day two members (A.E. Brown and J.H. Collins) of I.e. took part i n a "Two-raan-Tenmile" relay at Hurlingham on Sunday morning.
Totalling 47 mins the distance they were from Battersea (46:55) 71 seconds per 440 yd.
17.6 sees for second to a team - en average of lap.
It i s hoped to introduce more of these races i n the near future. A l l athletes, who are interested, should keep an eye on the notice board.
BRIGHTON RUN The traditional weather of driving drizzle and cold winds greeted the start of the Veteran Car Club's Annual Run Boanerges, running better than ever before, jjot off to a good start, just before 8 o'clock, f u l l y laden with Mr. Moore, the C & G Motor Club Committee and Dave Clark - C & G President. A record turnout of police lined the route out of London and f o r once we were greeted with enthusiasm and respect by all. By the time we reached Streatham the rain had begun to penetrate and Dave Clark l e f t us to return home. + flask! But with Mr. Moore at the wheel and Brian Wellstead on the thrott l e we rocketed on, past red t r a f f i c lights, to the right of "Keep Left" signs, and everywhere with complete priority. At Thornton Heath Pond a Volkswagen dithered i n front of us and we were forced to collide with i t s rear wing (which crumpled absorbing most of the impact). A quick inspection revealed no serious damage to Bo, so we changed drivers and were off again.
A few more stop3 - an i n l e t valve check, o i l replenishment, and to free a jammed top gear - sufficed; and a3 the clocks were striking 12 o'clock we entered Brighton and signed o f f in Madeira Drive. Then followed an admirable lunch at Clarges Hotel-with 45 members of C & G and R.C.S. Motor Club present. The afternoon saw more heavy rax> for the Parade, but as we l e f t the outskirts at about 5 o'clock the heavers at last relented and we f a i r l y burnt up the back roads through Horsham to Here again a large party of Dorking. Motor Club members greeted us at the hospitable White Horse Inn.
At half past eight we l e f t Dorking echoing to a mixed cacophony of Jeaebel's b e l l , Bo's exhaust, and cheering friends. After one long stop at Wimbledon, Bo eventually limped t e last few miles home and reached Guilds at just on 11 o.m. h
The committee would l i k e to draw attention to the coaching scheme which has now be-. started. The coaching i s heavily s_L.sidised and i t i s hoped that a l l members of the club w i l l take advantage of this exceptional opportunity. 1
SAIL/NG In the hotly contested series of points races run by the U.L.Sa.C. three I.C. Boats are very well placed. In the f i r s t three races (each with t h i r ty boats starting) our places hive been
The entry l i s t f o r the Whitley Cup, the College individual championship, B i l l be posted shortly and the f i r s t round w i l l be played o f f before Christmas.
Race 2nd 3rd 6th 2nd Race 1 s t 2nd 3rd Race 5 t h 6th
C O M E T O T H E FELIX H O P TOMORROW
C.J. Farrow G. Taylor C.J. French J. Wilcgynski C.J. French G.C. Taylor C.J. French
(2091) 1325) (2168)
JAZZ ATTIC AT 7.30
"COFFEE FOR CATS*
PLAGE 짜0UR O^DSR L0~
So fer two very close team race3 have been held. The college defeated Southampton Unive-.-sity by J pt but lost by 5 pt to Reading University. The return matches at home ore eagerly awaited.
EDITED BY K.W. L U D L A M .
RUGBY The 1st XV are continuing to enjoy a good season, having reached the seoond round of the U.L. Cup by defeating (quite convincingly) Chelsea Poly. They sustained their f i r s t defeat against Bridgwater by the narrow margin of 5-0. This i s a very creditable result against such a strong team, bearing i n mind that I.C. were without some of their key players. The second team were also defeated for the f i r s t time last weekend, by London Welsh Dragons. This was by far t h e i r strongest fixture to date, having been moved up one side from l a s t season. Next season the 1st XV w i l l play the "Druids". Last Saturday the 'A' XV, a side almost unchanged from that which was chosen, were unlucky to lose 6-8 t o a f a i r l y strong London Welsh 'A' XV. Two breaks i n the f i r s t half gave the v i s i t o r s an 8-0 lead. The second h a l f 3aw the extra fitness of the o o l lege side come into play and the Welsh side were hard pressed to hold their lead. Taurins kicked two penalties.
The lower side3 are enjoying mixed successes, but from a l l accounts they are enjoying their Rugby and are now entering into the ' S p i r i t ' of the Club.
I f anybody i n the College would l i k e t o start playing Rugby, they would be very welcome. Their support i s needed to enable us to f i e l d a l l of our teams each week, and i n return we oan guarantee thejar very pleasant Saturday evenings away from a l l the cares of the world.
C L U B
Nov. 5th 1st XV Nov. 8th 2nd XV "A" XV Ex "A" XV
v Chelsea Poly.
v U.C. 2nd XV won 30-0 lost 0-42 v Esher "A" v Charing X Hospital Ex A won 31-0 v Borderers won 30-3 v Sidoup "C" lost 6-13
"B" XV EX B XV Nov. 12th 1st XV v Royal Vets. Nov. 15th v Bridgwater 1st XV v London Welsh 2nd XV Dragons v London Walsh "A" XV Ex "A" Ex "A" XV v London Welsh "B" "B" XV v Borough Rd. 2nd XV Ex "B" XV v Southall Tech. 1st v Kings College "C" XV IV
C R O S S COUNTRY. The f i r s t team travelled to Birmingham on Nov. 8th to take part i n the "Midlands Match", i n which the major London Colleges ran against a number of Midland Universities. The result was highly satisfactory from our point of view - with I.C. 1st Birmingham 2nd and Manchester 3rd, with the other London Colleges well and t r u l y beaten. The team scores were:
won 23-3 lost
JUDO On Sat. Nov. 8th I.C. Judo Club drew a closely fought match with Cambridge University. Out of 6 contests, J. Bowles won his , 4 were drawn and one lost. On Sat. Nov. 15th I.C. entered a team of 5 i n the B r i t i s h Universities Eliminations far the South Eastern Team. Three of our number fought t h e i r way into the Regional Team; the other, two are reserves. The Captain, John Shepperd, d i d very well by beating the Cambridge Captain by a powe r f u l Tewaza (Hand Throw), so that he now leads the Regional Team i n the Finals on 29th Nov. at the Budakwai.
The swimming section continued their undefeated run, and enhanced t h e i r ohanoes of wining the University Championships again, beating KINGS by 33 pts. to 17 pts. Individual winners for I.C. were Harford, Loveman and Shorey, who had good support from Wilson, Alloook, Jones and Poet. A polo match followed i n which I.C. Baa ham 2, Jones, beat KINGS by 5-2. Larson, and Shorey, scoring for I.C.
M O R P H Y DAY The Lorry Cup was the f i r s t to be raced f o r on Wednesday. With the high tide flooding the towpath the crews paddled out to Hammersmith Bridge i n poor v i s i b i l i t y . I t was evident right from the start that the race was between R.C.S. and Guilds; the Miners however putting up a gallant show. R.C.S. quickly went into a lead which they never looked l i k e losing, eventua l l y beating Guilds by one length.
A fast start was made i n the Morphy Cup race, a l l three crews rowing well for about a t h i r d of the mile when R.C.S. crowded Guilds and the race A good start was had to be rerowed. again made, Guilds going into the lead and rowing a steady 32 with R.C.S. 34. and Mine3 28. Mines were soon out of the race but R.C.S. held on a few feet behind Guilds. It seemed to be anybody's race u n t i l the boathouse where Guilds showed their power, to f i n i s h a length ahead of R.C.S. This well rowed race was one of the closest seen and certainly well worth watching.
Despite their suocess i n i n t e r collegiate matches, the water polo team has yet to record a win, against London olub opposition. Last week's v i s i t o r s Richmond, defeated I.C. by 8 goals to 2. The I.C. team cracking in the second half of a very fast game. Both goals far I.C. were scored by Hart.
The next week, opposition was provided by a team of University players, who won a hard fought match by 5 goals to 4. Goals f o r I.C. were scored by Jones 2, Hart and Shorey.
The second team have yet to score their f i r s t victory, but at present, although a third division team, they have been forced to take on second division teams. As a result defeat i s not entirely unexpected; i n fact the team ha3 done very well i n loosing to more experienced opponents by narrow margins. Last week they l03t 6-2 t o L.S.E.; Mears scaring both goals for I.C.
2. 3. 4. 5. 6.
I.C. 72 Birmingham 83 Manchester 83 Kings (London) 197 U.C. (London) 215 L.S.E. 217
The I.C. team must be congratulated for this f i r s t - c l a s s performance. Their individual positions were: 4. Collins, 6. Briggs, 8. Larknm, 17 Jaeger, 18. Brown, 19. Cleator ( i n a f i e l d of 66).
On the same day the I.C. second and t h i r d teams easily defeated Goldsmiths College, the race being won by D. Hammonds, who was followed i n by Warren, Huntley, Barker, Auton, James (I.C. taking the f i r s t s i x places). The captain appears i n a very lowly place i n the results of this race, but i t should be mentioned that he was l e d astray and ran a mile too far. (What led him astray?!!).
The following Wednesday, I.C. defeated Q.M.C. at Petersham by 32 pts. to 50. The f i r 3 t s i x I.C. positions were: 1. A. Brown and G. T i l l y (equal, 29:55); 4. Bernard; 7. Hammonds; 8. Warren; 10. Sandoz.
On Saturday, Nov. 15th, I.C. defeated U.C., but were beaten by a strong Vale of Aylesbury A.C. team. The I.C. team was, of course, weakened by the fact that our 6 best men were running for U.L. against Oxford. The numerical strength of the Club this year i s shown by the fact that we had 17 men i n this race. The f i r s t s i x I.C. positions were f i l l e d by 4. T i l l y , 7. Bernard, 8. Gilbert, 10. Rayment, 13. Hammonds, 14. Manson.
London University were narrowly defeated 32-47 by Oxford, but we congratulate John Collins of I.C. who was the f i r s t London man home, i n 4th place, only 20 sees, behind the winner. Briggs finished 10th and Larkum 13th for the In the second team U.L. 1st team. match Oxford beat London 40-62; the three I.C. representatives, Jaeger, Cleator and Brown finished 7th, 9th and 12th respectively.
We hope a l l SPORTSMEN w i l l come to the 'PELJJC* HOP.
Published by FELIX BOARD Imperial College Union S.W.7, Printed by S'lL VOUS PLAIT Ltd. 307a, Telephone Plao W.14-