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Welcome, citizens of Sunset!

News

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New Classes

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World News

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Double Truck

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Sports & Activities 10 Sunset Individuals 12 Entertainment

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For those of you who have been waiting for an eternity to see the re-

going through a midlife crisis?� Fear not—it was no career change at all! we felt a certain temptation toward villainy, we also felt that such an avenue would be detrimental to our attempts to get the administration to approve a ten by a group of extraordinarily talented, brave and beautiful (most of us,

their innermost secrets, but also worked hard at minimizing our expenses

voice whatsoever and the newspaper shall be solely a one-way conduit of

sneaky Lit Mag!) readers expect to see in our paper this year? Well, our pa-

Happy reading! Amy Wang Co-Editor in Chief

Amy Morales Co-Editor in Chief

Co-Editors Amy Wang a.k.a Nightwing & Amy Morales a.k.a Black Canary reveal their true identities. Many had already guessed that they were not mere mortals.

Got a special Senior in your life?

Give them a shout-out in the Senior Edition of The Scroll. Watch for details in www.thesunsetscroll.com.


NEWS Natalie Valent

Wonderwoman

caused by utter and complete surprise due to her

near the student parking lot; she was unable to make with textbooks and notebooks in hand, unsure about The state also strongly recommends an extra dosage of homework for a week in order to ensure a There are no new reports of other deaths, but many dazed students are still being found parading

homework hours varying anywhere from two to -

IB textbooks lay scattered around the outline of the dead IB student Monica Green. Her body was found yesterday afternoon by a group of juvenile delinquents fulfilling their community service hours. Photo by Hutton Sutherland

The Scroll Amy Wang Nightwing

The Scroll plans to debut a new telepathic model of publishing news on May 15, which, when fully operational, will supplement current print The technology needed for such a monumental innovation was discovogists believe the device to have extraterrestrial origins and the method ly, anyway,” says The Scroll adviser

year, after piloting a predominantly digital platform, staff members deinnovations, much controversy has cided to venture into telepathy and The Scroll swelled around the concept and imbecome leaders in the telepathic in- least-productive member as the human broadcaster to accommodate this Many students and teachers have voiced complaints, outlining concerns a telepathic platform, The Scroll - about the potential violation of ethical ductivity of each member at the end principles, intrusion of privacy and of the month, and the individual who the possibility of telepathic broadis deemed to be the least productive casting posing a distraction during - will be forced to become the new dible nature of the advertisements, ty of The Scroll heavier sales of the advertisements,”

- be able to back out, for in an amaz- The Scroll and Peruvian governments were preThe Scroll, all members were rehas incurred three fatalities (victims der maximum-security lockdown in a right to the artifact, a staff member included two humans and one ingovernment facility, not in the hands secretly spirited the orb back to The font—guarantees their participation of some random teen-age civilians in human testers were donated to a rival in experiments deemed ‘grossly inhuSuch an innovation is the result - on Ethics and are currently banned by atomically accurate” cast-and-plaster


NEWS Bryce Patel Professor X

be incorporated into the high school physical education programs, but many are unsure of the Slip ‘n Slides are outdated and that many better

- Slides when they could be using it for something gon legislature concluded the discovered budget cooler, like trampolines,” said senior Ethan Bar-

supplies, but Walmart had a great sale on Slip teachers, they spent the remaining budget money

Before sending the new Slip ‘n Slides to Beaverton high schools, Oregon State Senator Joel Bolton tests them out to make sure they’re in working condition. The Slip ‘n Slides will be used in a new PE program next school year. Photo courtesy of h2ohno.net

we had to take advantage of such a great deal and amount of money spent on school supplies, many others were disappointed that the Senate allocated more money to entertainment than to believe the budget money could have been better scented markers are appropriate for high school Legislators claim the Slip ‘n Slides will

The Scroll Anamika Vaughan Mermaid Man

came to The Scroll as the switch to a digital newspaper brought in new

water where there were so many The Scroll staff began to resist the fame and the money once they

with a bloated budget and bloated egos, the staff members have de-

unexpected recognition for the cuttion proved to be too much to han-

wealth and fame has proven to be

the profound success of the online newspaper, which received over one

The staff will begin to end their staff is leaving to make room a regular life for themselves, and to make Swarmed by yearbook paparazzi, the Sunset Scroll staff members show off their best scoff. That was their last photoshoot before resigning.

us about purchasing an advertisethat were otherwise unavailable due ment on the website,” says adviser Big newspapers, like The New York Times, often pester the newspaper staff members for story ideas in an chases like empty classrooms and Many staff writers complain of effort to attract more bigger audienc- small businesses,” says copy editor constant paparazzi invasions, inces- money, however, allowed the staff powering wave of younger Sunset to invest capital in other ventures

sue of The Scroll end for these staff members,” says up sooner but we have to wait for

story about corruption, but in hind-


Soraya Go

Alex Groshans

Jak-Jak

Dirty Bubble

Sunset faculty will be unveiling a

Starting next school year, Sunset High School will be offering downs in the past year due to the unex-

mud? Some of these things sound more like military boot camp ac- administration decided that action was will be mandatory for all students tivities than activities for a high dents are continuously challenged by to take and pass the class in order school PE class,” says a Sunset the intense workload of making copies The course will include a boot going to make students eat magsponsibility to prepare students for the camp unit to get the students into challenges that await them in life, and While board members denied we determined this to be the necessary swim through a tank of electric eels, along with participating in class, stating that the way to make

least one semester for even a gifted stu-

as complex received little consideration for an introductory class when com-

ism are simply unnecessary,” said an Junior Katie Waldrip struggles to copy a worksheet. Her difficulties are not unique for firstyear teacher’s assistants. Photo by Hutton Sutherland

rather eat an eel than swim with shape, which will also be beneend of each semester, each stu- mance,” says PE teacher Kevin dent will be expected to complete - some physical outlet in order to ities of these courses will be inspired by the hit television show that it would help with student To some parents, this seemed discipline and help the students like an extreme change to the

thought that the only class which merit- issue was discussed at a school ed some sort of introductory level class board meeting shortly before it was voted in as a new installment

-

Hannah Dodge Flash Gordon

forgot the concept of sleeping after months of mentally grueling and time-consuming workare hard at work planning a new class in hopes

informed by Starbucks employees about issues concerning coffee shortages and claims that

with the continually growing demands for caflearn how to take power naps between passing thusiastically on other possible aspects of the low-making, counting sheep and reading for their plans to reteach the idea of sleep to activities would definitely make me fall

Working in the early morning hours, senior Emma Downey works on her homework. Future IB students can look forward to ‘sleepology 101’ beginning fall of 2036.


Shreyans Khunteta Deadpool

-

with easily obtainable firearms,” said Goldberg in the viral video

them or robbing them of their ourselves from the Jewish impe- ceiving such weapons so easily and simply could never have come to be without the aid of the you cannot trust the government a long history of being vocal opponents of big government and is controlled by secular Zionist of bemoaning increasing secuGoldberg said that he and othbloodsuckers who do not truly care for the people,” stated Gold- nization has often expressed its long and cooperative relationship between the two organizations would never be able to protect - later in the future, emphasizing

can go down to a gun show at the local convention center and come away with a fully automatic assault rifle without a background check and most likely without an

of government interfering in the lives of the people and corporations, we both are highly against the secularization of society, we both wish to bring the word of God back to the people and we

you waiting for?”

see no need to continue being enemies,” said Goldberg of the

dren die all the time, but guns last Goldberg stated that in the ticularly Egypt, much of the population live in fear of the government monitoring them, executing

and we expect a cooperative and fruitful partnership between the Al-Qaeda gun enthusiasts gather to discuss their brand new weapons. Al-Qaeda has officially announced its support of the NRA.

to have a meeting together this

Check out our website! www.thesunsetscroll.com

And follow us on Twitter!

@theshsscroll


Bryce Patel Professor X

- help stimulate the economy, but others claim the government is pandering to big with a bipartisan answer to the current pharmaceutical corporations by increasantidepressants were a much better solution to the dire economic situation than businesses over consumers,” said House - consumers get their drugs and the comtion supported not only by both par- panies get their money, so everyone ties, but by the pharmaceutical lobby as The bill will be funded by an increase The bill will make the antidepressant in federal taxes for people of all income Prozac available over the counter rather than only through prescription, allowing loans which they can use to purchase Proponents of the bill claim it will

After receiving a massive government loan to pay for her medication, junior Anamika Vaughan prepares to take her daily dose of Prozac. Prozac was made available over the counter on March 15. Photo by Haily Hargrave

Sharada Menon He-Man

Last Friday, older white males took to the streets to protest in-

songs and dances to express their

tion-wide rallies to bring atten- in order to convey the struggles Leaders of the movement, in-

-

cite the rise of affirmative action for minorities as the cause of the against others without punitive growing hatred against the ask?” Protesters hope to bring with the anger that is directed awareness about the emotional at me and other rich, respected harm that racist comments and positive racial stereotyping can have, especially on grown white even cry about it because of opplaints is the immense pressure Police officers have targeted to achieve placed on privileged picketers, claiming to be unable to stand the rhythmless songs have been reported, but doctors blame failure on sexism or rachave observed increased amounts Kevin Barry and Ben Hughes, two old Caucasian males, picket for their rights. The Genthe difficulties and extreme chaltlemen’s International Right’s League (GIRL) have organized protests across America. Leaders of the anti-whitePhoto by Haily Hargrave male-hate movement use protest


or person standing in his way, but who exactly is this bold person during the day?

has faced many villains and troubled students in his lifetime, but there are always

We all know that Lovings is a person who helps others when needed, but what

-

Kienlin Before the bell, science teacher Brian Kienlen beats stoichiometry into his chemistry students brains, but after school he takes to the skies and beats the brains out of

Man, Kienlen confesses that before he invented the suit, he had another idea for his

the ozone layer,� said

said


battle with ferocious enemies and braves his brainless students with his signature Both as teacher and megasoldier, Brown has remained patriotic through and

fortable, but now it adds an extra spring to my step,� said Brown has been able to bridge the gap between superhero and superteacher with

been running out of volunteers lately,� said out for onesie wedgies,� remains his inspiration both in lectures during class and

to a widely believed rumor, she is secretly the superhero Hawkeye, known for mem-

multiple instances in which she acted beyond normal human capacity to apprehend

said

said By day, Lambach is an ordinary math teacher, helping students everywhere


Macklin Turnquist

Captain Underpants

Which Sunset sports team had the most

performances to their scoring ability, lock

swim team, as many would think, it was -

the season, but also during last summer

able to give a dominating performance every night on the court,” said sophomore -

room to build more muscle so we could

we were able to feed off the energy of the

now looks to cap it off with a state chamand it is rumored that several scouts from -

because the games were so intense and

ented at basketball and the team is so With emphatic gestures, sophomore Kinsley Rowan

and junior Natalie Valent boast of their season. The girl’s team ended with a perfect record. The team attributes their dominating Photo by Hutton Sutherland

from big-name schools have taken the tivates me even more to play harder and

sea son go after such a perfect year? The answer will have to wait for another year,

Jenny Fessler Barnacle Boy

age of such a daring prom took Sunset by storm when the idea was originally turned down by school administrators, turning once normal students into a rabid pack of

officials were called to the scene in an effort to coax the wild teens down from students were referred to a local psychi-

among the first to speak up about the instating the gender flip prom theme was a result of the pressure felt by administra-

about the issue that they took to the halls -

ten minutes and caused concern schoolStudents took their picketing all the

for so long before we actually addressed the school, and we are really sorry for any-

teenagers went into fits of hysteria due to Eager for Prom, senior Emma Downey and junior lack of

in supporting the gender switch theme,

be

and looking your best, and sometimes you

Dylan Vazquez show off their gender-bending duds. “Gender Flip in the City” will be the theme this year. Photo by Hutton Sutherland

Gabe


Sage Steineke

Co-Editors in Chief

She-Ra

Amy Morales-Amy Wang

News Editor

Anamika Vaughan

Opinion/Editorial Editor Mady Coughlin

Features Editor Anna Kemper

Entertainment Editor Alex Groshans

Sports & Activities Editors Sunset’s Madrigals appear to “singing” happily in this pre-scandal photo. Ever since the accident occurred the Madrigals have refused to be photographed. Photo by Hutton Sutherland

Just last week in a live performance gone horribly wrong, it was revealed that the beautiful voic-

Jarka, were so devastated that they were driven to -

The well-dressed teens were standing before a

Macklin Turnquist-Natalie Valent

Double Truck Editor Anna Kemper

Photo Editor Hutton Sutherland

Meredith Waggoner sneezed, and her solo began fanaticism for The Madrigals and is in search of a thy, though the name may not look as cool on the

Copy Editors Bryce Patel-Jenny Fessler

Design Team Anna Kemper-Olivia Kramer-Jake Peden

Madrigals tried to help cover it up with their own die-hard Madrigal fans that refuse to believe the voices but it only ended up worsening the situa- claims and have even begun sporting t-shirts and tion as their backup track began a moment after -

ing us Madrigals in the ability of duplicating our voices and we will not have him embarrassed by

With all the controversy flying around, the

Staff Writers

Hannah Dodge-Soraya Go-Shreyans Khunteta-Jake Peden-Sage SteinekeAmelia Turnquist

Staff Photographer Haily Hargrave

Adviser Eloika Rozendaal

Hard-core Madrigal fans have had polar oppoEditorial Policy

The Scroll is written by the students of the Publications class. It is edited by an editorial board who makes all content-related decisions and is responsible for all material appearing in The Scroll. The opinions presented in The Scroll do not nessecarily represent the position of the entire staff, Sunset High School, or the Beaverton School District. As a public forum for student epression, The Scroll welcomes letters to the editor and comments on articles, but reserves the right to revise inappropriate letters and comments. All letters and comments must be signed and may be edited for length, accuracy and clarity.


Macklin Turnquist

Captain Underpants

Twins Cole and Jordan Hurwitz recently claimed that their best friend senior Tucker Hutchinson’s revolutionary and new socially interactive website was originally their idea that he stole from them. Although the twins, both seniors, clearly lack the skills necessary to build up the website’s popularity to the degree Hutchinson has, they are taking it to court and are planning to sue for at least 60 million dollars. Jordan Hurwitz. “We deserve that amount of money. It is a small price to pay considering the amount of emotional troubles we’ve gone Nothing is going well for the twins; this could have been their

not listen and told them to just wor- thing they are going to do, ask to Hutchinson. Whether or not the ry about swimming and academics. twins will be granted the lawsuit, “Needless to say we are exAt the moment, the situation is quite tense between the twins and their troubles, remains to be seen. Hurwitz. “This website could have been our big boost because without it we have literally nothing going for us. Come to think of it, maybe we should demand more money in the lawsuit to keep us Even the twins have used the website that Hutchinson created to socialize with their friends online. The twins are trying to stir up a fan base on the site to boycott people from using the website that could have been theirs. “I can’t believe these guys

Last chance to get the 2012/2013 yearbook. No Joke!

Hutchinson. “First, they claim the squandered by Hutchinson. idea was theirs which is bogus, then Hurwitz twins point fingers at their friend Tucker Hutchinson, accusing him of The Hurwitz twins even reported stealing their social media idea. The twins will take Hutchinson to court in a multhe theft to the Dean at the Univer- and now they joined the site? What timillion dollar lawsuit. sity of Pennsylvania, but he would madness is this? What is the next Photo by Hutton Sutherland


Soraya Go Jak-Jak

The classic beauty, the evident kindness, and the angelic voice, it’s no surprise that senior Katelyn Heywood is more than she claims to be. Due to the compiled evidence, it has been concluded that Heywood is, in fact, Snow White. “To be honest I’m not surprised,” says senior Ali Riley. “At first I thought it was just her being a Mormon, but I wouldn’t even be surprised if her little sister Jamie was actually one of her dwarves.” Several extraordinary events have been reported from multiple Sunset students throughout this year. The events were scarce in the beginning, but as the year continued they became increasingly common. “Katelyn usually drives herself to school but she needed me to pick her up one morning,” says senior Amy Davis. “When I got to her house there were about a dozen deer in her backyard. I was so confused.” Suspicions arose once again in November, when Heywood left class, claiming to be in need of the restroom. When she didn’t return, a concerned classmate went looking for her. “It wasn’t sickness, it wasn’t constipation,

Heywood serenades a little friend of hers in the courtyard during lunch. Katie enjoys spending her free time interacting with the local animals. Photo by Hutton Sutherland

it was Katelyn in the courtyard with fifty birds,” says senior Ryan Pfeifer. “She was singing to them.” When discovered, Heywood disregarded any claims that her behavior was unorthodox. However, she came clean with her true

identity after the most recent incident in February on Valentine’s Day. “I left my room for five minutes, just five minutes and when I came back I almost had a heart attack because there were dozens of rats sitting on my desk,” says choir director Chris Rust. “Of course there was Katelyn, trying to calm me down, reassuring that they were only there to help clean my messy desk.” After recovering from shock, Rust confronted Heywood, asking her if there was anything she needed to share. Her true identity was revealed, along with the discovery that she was in fact seeking refuge in Portland after a narrow escape from her evil mother. “I tried so hard to fit in, but I can’t help how magical I am,” says Heywood. “I guess animals are my thing.” A vote was taken and it was agreed by all that Heywood would be allowed to stay, as long as she would keep her wild life under control. However, in order to maintain her safety, Heywood will be moving to BYU Idaho come next fall, where she will spend the next years of her happily ever after.

Hannah Dodge Flash Gordon

When asked for her response on the news of her brother, Zia B letter grade on his progress report on March 8, 2013. Klocke made Klocke, older sister and junior, agreed that it truly was uncharacterthe shocking discovery when advisors handed grades out, marking istic of Kai to have such a drastic dip in academic performance. But the halfway point of the school year’s third quarter. When asked what class the B was earned in, Klocke simply looked this year as a sophomore is only preparing him for the inevitable as a tipper, later revealed to be Cina Rad, Klocke’s school peer and good junior. He should think of it as just skipping a step and being ahead class. Rumors are spreading throughout the halls of Sunset about the “It’s not too bad I guess, I mean everyone gets a B sometime don’t incident. Many students believe this less-than-perfect mark will be a one-time occurrence, but some predict that Kai Klocke is headed into who am I kidding? I just wish I could go back in time and redo it, a downward spiral of bad grades. Since Kai Klocke’s B-Day, he’s been spotted in his room, burNo longer referred to as a genius, Klocke’s teachers also seem ied under a fortress of textbooks and listening to Khan Academy on repeat.


Anamika Vaughan Mermaid Man

performance while scouting for potential teacher Shannon Schilling to be a secret underground rapper, his sudden callback as a sound effects guy for a new animated series took most -

meant gravitational potential energy because he was leaning over to talk to me from the

He is expected to begin doing the sound voice through the circuitry of the sound sys-

underground rapping career as his surprising sound effects career rises to inter-district stardom, and his students will continue to be

Rookie rapper Shan-dawg Schilling flashes his signature physics gang sign. He will be releasing a new album this fall called “Quantum Consciousness.� Photo by Hutton Sutherland

Sage Steineke She-Ra

only to return home and have to wash his hair

when he was approached by a scout for Pan-

am making a difference in the world makes it

lash Herbal Essences spent the last couple of his contract with Pantene and come work for magazine advertisements, some of the more interesting duties include flirtatiously flipping my hair once every five minutes and having to brush each lock one hundred times before

Dobashi shows off his locks in one of the latest sistant to follow him around with a fan at all Pantene ads. His early life struggles with danThough being a shampoo model sounds druff have made him proud of the shiny tresses he has recently sported due to the shampoo swap. a day teaching and grading papers at school

so overwhelmed with the pressure from each company that late one night he did the unspeakable: he picked up his electric razor and

grow out his hair again and sign with Tresem-


Amy Morales Black Canary

Mady Coughlin Superwoman

Currently, the staff and students at Sunset are scrambling to get through their day, but they have not considered what can happen in the near future. The month of March will bring both ups and downs.

A group of freshmen girls use their smartphones to post Instagram photos of their lunches. Many students are preparing for the new law by getting in the habit of posting all of their meals and snacks. Photo by Hutton Sutherland

Aquarius (January 20–February 18): Your originality will come as a shock to everyone when you unveil your latest invention at the end of the month. Pisces (February 19–March 20): Someone will hack into your Facebook account and reveal the secret you’ve been hiding. The upside to this messy situation is that the revealing post will get millions of likes, making you Facebook-famous. Aries (March 21–April 19): The person who you have been in love with for the

A new law mandating all Instagram users to take pictures of their food before they eat will be put into effect June 11, 2013. Instagram has worked with the government to put this law into place because of the inconsistent food posts by many users. “We feel that the new legislation is not much of a change because most users already post the majority of their food intake on our site,

Taurus (April 20–May 20): There will be many favors asked of you. Lay out your priorities and evaluate who is worthy of your time and who isn’t. Gemini (May 21–June 20): will happen in a dreadful location: the gym. Time to get off the couch. Cancer (June 21–July 22): There will be an amazing party that has the power to positively change your social status; however, your parent/guardian will not let you attend. If you try to sneak out and go, your tires will get slashed. Leo (July 23–August 22): Your Twitter days are numbered because your followers are getting tired of seeing your overwhelming hashtags. The number of followers that you currently have will slowly decrease until you have none, and you will be irrelevant. Virgo (August 23–September 22): Congrats! Your YouTube video will go viral. Say hello to overnight fame and your own reality show. Libra (September 23–October 22): This isn’t a good month for you. An over-

said an Instagram spokesperson. Violators of the law will receive a hefty fine depending on the time of day, amount of food and location which they neglected to take a picture. Because of this, many Sunset students are reverting to their old Myspace profiles, as a way to network socially in place of Instagram. “I forgot how cool Myspace is. Now that all of my friends and I are back on using it to connect, it reminds me of old times. I’m glad they made the law, actually, and I now have a new and better

Scorpio (October 23–November 21): Someone will curse you. Every time you go out and eat fast food, you will instantly gain 10 pounds. There is no way to break this curse. Sagittarius (November 22–December 21): Your Hogwarts acceptance letter Capricorn (December 22–January 19): You will construct an extraordinary dinner for your family and friends; unfortunately, they will get vicious, uncontrollable diarrhea the next day. Hang up your apron and go back to ordering take-out.

Ehfad. who continue to use the site and are outraged by the new rules. “Instagram just isn’t the same now that the majority of my pictures are of food. Before it was artsy and fun to show off what I was eating, but now that I post everything I eat it just seems like my followers because they are constantly bombarded with pictures of my meals, rather than pictures of me and my friends or my Instagram has decided not to comment on the reaction to the new rule and stands by it’s new law. It is expected that Instagram will soon become obsolete. We are now left to wonder: what will the next hit social networking site be like, and what will be its down fall?


Entertainment

The Scallion  

The satire edition of the Sunset High School student newspaper The Scroll.

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