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The Fareham Flyer Bulletin of the Rotary Club of Fareham D1110 UK President Duncan Colin – Jones Service above Self

Bulletin No. 354 The New Year. It’s customary for many journals to review the events of the last year, and I thought that we would have a quick look back through past Flyers to remind ourselves of what we had done.

January. Our Wishing Well

John Coghlan It is with deep sadness that we report the loss of John Coghlan, our longest serving member, who passed peacefully away at 3am on Sunday 30th December. John had suffered a severe stroke a couple of weeks before, and had not thereafter regained consciousness. John, a Paul Harris Fellow, joined Fareham Rotary Club in 1967 and was a regular attender at all functions right up to the end. John acted as Club Registrar, a position he held for over 20 years, and had only recently handed over the reins to a younger member. John leaves behind a widow, Sylvia, and son Richard, Pippa his wife and family. Our thoughts and prayers are with them at this sad time.

had a face-lift, and we adopted the routine of designating a specific charity for a quarterly period. Since last January the Well has collected £1215 for our various charities.

JANUARY 2013 Our late friend Murray Bell wrote, in his own inimitable style, a special article on Alverstoke. The News reported that we had collected £2790 during our Christmas collections at Sainsbury’s and Fareham Precinct.

March. How can we forget

Additionally £293 has been collected from the 99p Store during the past 12 months.

the event reported in the March Flyer? I refer of course to the ‘Call My Bluff’ evening, organised by those masters of entertainment – The Soberton Mafia. It was a wonderful evening, which raised the grand sum of £1250.


April. This featured President

The highlight was our success in the 2nd round of the darts contest, where we surprised ourselves by actually winning!

Linda presenting a cheque to Stubbington Study Centre, as a contribution to their School fund. The Flyer featured Stubbington this month.

May. By this time we were

at Leckford farm and the Waitrose Water Gardens. Brilliant weather and a great time had by all.

preparing for the Diamond Jubilee– Pres Linda sent Loyal Greetings to HM the Queen and received a letter in reply

Another highlight was the annual ‘KidsOut’ trip to Paulton’s Park.


We opened the Wheelhouse to the public on a Sunday morning. Tea and refreshments were handed out, as well as a heart monitoring session. The weather was none too kind, but the event was successful.


In August we reported on an evening in the Wheelhouse, to witness the review of seven P & O liners celebrating 200 years of the Company. The weather was awful!

October. Sadly, our October issue lead with an obituary to Past President Murray Bell. Also featured was our 5th Thursday evening at Lauro’s restaurant, Fareham and an excellent talk by Lynn Turner, Head Teacher at Wykeham House School.

November. What a month!

July. We reported on a very successful trip to Cabourg, An outstanding event was Fareham Rotary’s involvement with the Olympic Torch Relay, when we provided marshals for the route through Fareham.

Also, Duncan Colin-Jones took over the leadership from President Linda.

September. In this issue we reported the wonderful day out

Three new members of the Soberton Mafia joinied us, and a new Interact Club was formed at Wykeham House School.

Also, the Soberton Magic Evening, in aid of CURE, the organisation correcting club

foot in Malawi – over £1500 raised in one ‘magical’ evening!

The first two days, as time will tell, all proceeded very well, as Rotary magic cast its spell – collecting. One shutter at the Sainsbury’s store refused to work as it had before, remaining firmly fixed to the floor – connecting!

December. The year ended with our Interact Club taking part in Children in Need with a sponsored cycle ride.

This turned out to be a treat, keeping icy winds off feet, as Christmas music set the beat for collecting. Homer Simpson, in Santa gear was the main attraction here, despite the competition posed by some of us in silly clothes – collecting.

£900 amounted, from FSC a lot more counted – collecting. On Saturday, to our dismay, another crowd had claimed the day; for not withstanding what was planned –it was Hospital Radio with Sultan Band – collecting! Tony Cove, our Master Planner, in a most professional manner, swinging to action straight away, negotiates an alternate daycollecting.

Our Wheelhouse won the Wessex Award for Community Service.

Let’s now look forward to another great year in 2013.

The Saga of Christmas Collections. Its Christmas time, and as you know, no matter whether rain or snow, there is a place we have to go – collecting! But this year, much to our delight, we had to man another site as well as Sainsbury’s every night – collecting. FSC, now that’s the place, where those more delicately braced, took up their tins and bravely faced – collecting.

Bits of tinsel, Santa hat, flashing lights, and this and that – anything to make it funny and thus increase our pile of money – collecting!

Rotarians then took up the fight, and filled new slots into the night -Pam and Emily there till five, and then two Davids did arrive, together with Terry, Rotary Friend – collecting till the bitter end!

One morning found us all quite shocked to note the entrance had been blocked - by police, who were to all advising, ‘Go back, go back! The water’s rising!’

By then relief was on the way – Tony and Mike to save the day, helped by a dog – Pip by name – a master of this wellknown game- collecting!

On Friday we were there again, having survived the wind and rain, determined that today would be the best collection in history.

By then a story did appear that seemed to make it very clear – It filled us all with cries of sorrow- no collecting here tomorrow!

Money kept on rolling in to Rotary’s collecting tin – over

Tony set the target they should make, so they collected till well after eight, and when at

last the coins were counted, a magnificent sum amounted – from collecting. So let everybody know, come Hell, high water, rain or snow – cancelled days, late change of plan – Tony Cove and his Gang, will beat them all with true élan – collecting!! Suffice to say, that despite obvious difficulties, the good people of Fareham most generously donated over £3000 to our good causes. Special thanks should go to Tony Cove and Mike Hurley for all the hard work and time so generously given to make this important event such a success, and to each and every collector who answered the call, sometimes at short notice.

followed by traditional Christmas Pudding (or fruit salad) was enjoyed by all. The room was attractively laid out, with circular tables set with crackers and coloured napkins lending a festive appearance.

On completion of the meal, we were given a fine reading by that master of spoken word, that raconteur extraordinaire – our very own Sergeant-AtArms Mr John Rowlinson. A compilation of merry exchange letters twixt Santa and an obstreperous youth was delivered by Mike Hurley. Following this was the arrival of none other than Mr Santa Claus, who with a jolly Ho Ho Ho handed gifts to the ladies. Gifts were also handed round the tables so that each of our Lady guests received a present.

Our Christmas Lunch Our Christmas lunch with our guests was held again this year at Cams, and proved to be a well-supported and joyous occasion. A carvery comprising a full Christmas fare of turkey and ham and all the trimmings,

After a short break, The Soberton Mafia Thespians entertained us once again, with a fine production of that wellknown classic ‘Goldilocks and the Three Bears’

Ponderism 1 I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Ponderism 2 Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Now some Bloopers…

The audience was in fine voice, and joyfully responded to the banter of ‘It’s behind you’ and ‘Oh yes it is!’ - Such festive jollification! On completion of the performance our President gave sincere thanks to the thespians on behalf of us all, and following the Loyal Toast we departed for our Christmas break.

____________ The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ________ The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'

(These all appeared in church bulletins or announcements.)

A thought for New Year.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.

__ Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. ____ Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of

course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account ÂŁ30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an OFFENCE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of

his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public figure, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH #1. To make an appointment. #2. To query a missing payment. #3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. #4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. #5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. #6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. A Password will be communicated to you at a later

date, to that Authorised Contact mentioned earlier. #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 to 9 #9. To make a general complaint. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if less prosperous New Year. Your Very Humble Client. And remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to hack us off.

Not very PC is it?

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to over 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started...... _________________________ On collecting

And from Mike Eastwood My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And then the fight started........ ………………………………

by Dave

Mum the pushed the trolley away, and, turning her head towards me said – ‘Just like his father!’ _________________ We did advise potential givers, who found themselves short of change that we would be willing to accept credit cards – provided they left their pin numbers! Although this raised a few smiles, it didn’t work! ________________

A young woman came out of Sainsbury’s, with her small girl sitting in the trolley, and a young boy holding on beside. She had obviously given each child a coin to put in the Rotary collection, and pushed the trolley in my direction. The little girl held out her hand and dropped the coin into the bucket with a grin. The boy on the other hand stood back, drawing his fisted hand up inside his coat sleeve. Mother then spoke sternly to him, threatening to cancel Christmas etc if he didn’t give the coin. After much more persuasion the money was very reluctantly, and with a scowl, released into the bucket.

Rotary Olympic Christmas Tree A picture of our entry in the Christmas Tree Festival, held at the Methodist Church Hall, Fareham.

NOTICE. The Rotary Club of Romsey Test will not be meeting consistently at its regular venue, the Abbey Hotel in Romsey, from now until end March 2013 It is therefore advisable to contact the Club Hon Sec, Gren Lamb-Hughes ( , or the Club President, John Gould ( ) or the President Elect, Keith Cameron ( ) to establish where the Club is meeting on the day you may wish to attend.

Ponderism 3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism

Christmas greetings page.

Very many thanks to all who took advantage of the greetings page last month – ( above.) In excess of £100 was raised through your generosity. Dave

A very colourful picture from our partners in Salt Lake Central, courtesy of Lekhon, their journal..


















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Fareham Flyer January 2013  
Fareham Flyer January 2013  

The monthly journal of the Rotary Club of Fareham