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Fences Are Fucking Evil John Hugar The fence probably seems like a harmless thing. Something that merely exists as a barrier between one building and another. But I can promise you, it’s something far more sinister than that. Fences are not only an evil device, possibly born in the fieriest pits of hell, but they just might be responsible for all of the problems in modern society today. First off, let’s think about what a fence does. It often acts as a means of separation. They separate one house from another, the kid who is strong enough to jump over the fence from the kid who isn’t, the player who is strong enough to hit a home run from the player who pops out at the warning track. Let’s be honest; it’s no coincidence that the American Dream involves owning a “white picket fence”. It’s not just about accumulating enough wealth to be able to afford such an item, it’s about being able to effectively keep the neighbors out. Fences are also pretty divisive. If they weren’t we wouldn’t have to phrase “sitting on the fence” to describe someone who has yet to make up their mind about a given political issue. One side of the fence would have all the pro-choice people while the other would have all the pro-lifers. The fence exists as a means of keeping the two sides from ever reaching a consensus. Once again, it’s all about the separation. So, let’s see where we are so far. Fences exist to divide us, both physically and emotionally. But why do we have to be divided? If we want to achieve the brotherhood and equality that all the hippie musicians of the 60s speak about, wouldn’t the first step be to tear down all the fences? Wait, I’ll go one step further with that: Wasn’t the Berlin Wall essentially just a very large fence? And what was the reason for it? Once again, to divide people who believed different things. In this sense, it was a physical and emotional barrier.

However, it did inspire David Bowie to write “Heroes�, where two lovers on opposite sides met at the wall and shared a tender kiss. And what was the point of that? To show us that love can conquer any fence. As usual, Ziggy Stardust shows us the way. So, for all the reasons, fences are an unnecessary bother. They exist to keep us separate from each other. They promote class warfare, and they stop us from reaching an understanding. On top of all that, have you ever tried to climb a fence? And you have one leg on each side? And that one of the spikes hits you right in the balls? That shit hurts! And it ruins your pants! That settles it! Tear all the fences down now!

(Art by Ben Park)

[Fences help to keep things out] Fences help to keep things out. Preventing people from making me pout. With rigid walls, and a sturdy post. They ensure I am a lonely host. A lonely host who wont feel harm, By falling prey to someone's charm. Me, myself, and I make three, Reveling in my misery. This fence of mine will be my doom. forever alone, locked in this tomb. I realize now when it is too late. This fence I built, could've used a gate. -Jeffy Weffy

My World Divided The vast expanse of grass and trees The perfect size for games Friends just a safari away Or if needed a daring rescue One day ends another begins Something has changed What are these holes? What are these posts? This isn’t good It’s not fair Every morning as I look My great world grows smaller No more safaris No longer to rescue My world divided I hate this stupid wall Some much time later it seems like years A hole appears in that bad wall A head shows followed by a shout “Come into my fort and swim in my moat”! By: Allison Courtney


[Recreate a creation] By: Anonymous I want to recreate a creation Something big Something amazing I want to create a re-creation It will be three stories high High enough for a library on the top floor Floors done with marble class Classical modern will be the outside Outside will have a huge lawn of grass Grass accompanied by flowers of the best kind Kind of like something out of a magazine Magazines won’t be the main inspiration It will have lots of rooms Rooms for everyone in the family that visits Visit my kitchen, garden, and pool Pool table in the basement with entertainment of love Each room will be designed for a person Personal touches are the best for a home Homie feelings with an air of elegance and awe Awesome equipment, comfortable furniture Furnish each room with a different theme Themes that are possible not just imaginable Imagine the bicycles, cars and skateboards you will see See a whole imaginary house It is surrounded by a huge fence Fences of corresponding material for corresponding areas Areas that are enclosed and made only for us Then I will destroy and tear it down Starting with that huge gaudy fence on the borders The borders missing next is the top floor Floors will be removed and smashed into splinters Splinters and fluff, clouds and swirls A recreation of a creation A creation of the mind

They are arguing. They are not seeing eye to eye. They are disagreeing, and presenting, and rebutting, and riposting, but mostly they are just arguing. They are saying things to eachother. Things like “Yes, but…” and “Well, no. If…” and “Supposing we assume that…”, but mostly they are not saying very much at all. They are trying to remain civil, but they are becoming angry. They’re really getting into it now. One man is saying that, while he respects the other man’s opinion, he cannot abide by its existence, and the other man is still not saying very much at all. Now one man’s dagger is making sharp arguments to the hole in the other man’s stomach, and the hole is softly burbling that it concedes; all is in agreement. —Metonymically Meta-anonymous in Chicago

By: Meg Leach

Hey hey good-lookin’—

—and welcome to the second issue of ROCKET LAWN CHAIRS— read it or rub it on your nipples, whatever toots your whistle—who are we to judge?

The issue you hold in your hands was built around the common theme: FENCES. Were you touched? Were you tickled? Were you turned on? And are you… inspired? Are you suddenly filled with an overwhelming and incapacitating urge to be part of homegrown magazine publication? If so, read on—this is the page with the submission rules—


Everything is accepted. Photography, drawings, paintings, comics, poetry, short stories, instruction manuals, recipes, hieroglyphics—if it can be put on paper, we will run it.


We will edit your work as much or as little as you desire. If you want us to scour your work over for grammar and spelling, we will do that. If you want us to run your piece with eraser smudges and cross outs, we will do that as well. If you submit a piece without instructions, we will run it as we see fit.


Submissions are accepted in two different ways. The first is through email: The second is by using our physical drop box in the Lockwood library. To do this, insert your submission in any random book and send the title and call number to our email. We will email you when your submission is received. 4.

The theme of the next issue is: MATCHES. Submit anything you want, so long as a match is in there somewhere. We accept submissions until the last day of the month, and will run the next issue as close to the first Monday of each month as possible. (There are some exceptions, but this month isn’t one of them, so don’t worry about it.)


Barring some act of mysterious funding, this magazine is printed entirely using prostitution wages and print quotas. If you want to donate your print quota, send us an email and we will arrange a time to meet with you and print things.


This is the most important rule: this magazine likes to travel. Please don’t throw it away—take it with you and leave it somewhere. Leave it in your chemistry class, or Starbucks, or an airplane. Stick it in a random mailbox, or hide it in a laundry basket. Give it to a stranger. Pass it on, and if you put it somewhere really cool, send us an email, because we like shit like that.

We hope you enjoyed the second issue. Now go have an adventure—and then come back and tell us about it so we have something to print. Be hearing from you soon.

Rocket Lawn Chairs 2  


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