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Located in the heart of Nedlands, we at City Toyota have spent 15 years building our reputation as Perth’s best prestige Toyota dealership, winning the Toyota Metro Dealer of the Year award four years in a row. We have a large selection of all makes and models with low kilometres; used and ex-factory demo, luxury 4x4s, people movers, and passenger vehicles. If we don’t stock it we will find it for you.

City Toyota Nedlands 199 Stirling Highway, Nedlands, Perth, WA 6000 T 1300 034 472 DL12195 MRB693














SN149223. Immaculate condition!!!!!! This Prado GXL V6 petrol auto is in excellent condition. Some standard features include, towbar, alloy wheels, sidesteps, 8 seats, aircon, cruise, power windows and central locking.

SN149253. Finished in stunning Crystal Pearl & loaded with accessories including bull bar, tow bar, spotties plus all the luxuries to keep you & your family comfortable this summer,17” alloys, dual zone climate control & much more.

What a find!!! This is a very clean & very well looked after privately owned .Rare model with all the GXL features incl. bucket seats, electric windows and ariele, central locking & front facing 2nd row seat. Lots of features!




195,016 KMS

56,411 KMS

172,093 KMS











Popular and rare 4.2 litre T/DIESEL engine with AUTO transmission and gas *Extremely low km’s* Represents great value and boasting fantastic feature’s injection. This is one of the best condition cruisers we have seen for the age including; genuine alloy bull-bar, 17” alloy wheels with Bf Goodrich at’s, side with an excellent exterior & spotless interior it is a credit to the previous owner. steps, 6 disc stacker, bluetooth phone connectivity with aux in & much more.

18,486 KMS




1300 034 472



SN149274. This demo is presented in stunning red exterior with dark grey cloth interior. This cruiser has many features including - *4.0 Litre petrol engine *5 speed automatic* air con *17`` alloys* reverse parking camera* & much more.



40,430 KMS


SN149238. This 4.2Lt t/diesel auto is a credit to its previous owner with a bull bar & tow bar. A massive 3.5 Tonne towing capacity & Toyota’s legendary reliability this is the total package with loads of features & full service history. 58,147 KMS





SN148754. This wagon includes features such as 3.0L turbo diesel engine, 5 speed auto, high & low range 4x4 to get you out of sticky situations, sat nav, sunroof, leather trim, side steps & more.










SN149073. Turbo diesel GXL Prado ** with features including- keyless entry with push button start, tough 3.0Lt d4-d turbo diesel engine, sports auto trans, 17`` alloys, multizone climate control, front/side/curtain airbags & so much more.

SN149492. ** Just arrived, petrol GXL ** King off the road & at a price unheard of in the WA market with low kms and amazing standard features such as, climate control air con & so much more.

SN148888. Stop less with a massive 150 litre long range tank in this luxurious auto 3.0Lt turbo diesel VX Prado with nudge bar and tow bar. Well appointed with leather seats, heated front seats & more.





46,688 KMS

58,567 KMS




2012 MY13 TOYOTA



SN149162. This is a Toyota ex demo. Done only 1100kms! Hard to find d/cab with 4.5L t/diesel engine & 5sp man. Save $1000’s off the new price with options such as heavy duty alloy tray & factory diff locks!

SN149332. . This cruiser is the best of the best with a long list of features such as 4.5l V8 twin turbo diesel with a super smooth 6 speed auto,genuine tow bar, sat nav, Bluetooth, cool box fridge centre console, KDSS, cruise control & much more.

SN149331. Beautiful late model Sahara. This cruiser is the best of the best with a long list of features such as 4.5l V8 twin turbo diesel with a super smooth 6 speed auto, genuine tow bar, sat nav, Bluetooth, & more.







AFTER Matthew Nunis HOURS 0448 071 101 All prices are GST included, stamp duty applies on all advertised vehicles unless stated. Some pictures for illustration purposes only.

For more info, simply scan this QR code.

ironman 4x4 bull bars

suspension Kits steel cable

synthetic rope

Deluxe commercial $1260

9,500lb $750

9,500lb $899

protector $1430

12,000lb $850

12,000lb $999

black commercial $1089

50mm liFt nitro Gas


50mm liFt Foam cell






Photos shown are product examples only, actual products may vary depending on vehicle model.

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NEW SOUTH WALES 8 Ironbark Close Warabrook NSW, 2304 Telephone (02) 4968 0211

WESTERN AUSTRALIA Unit 9/511 Abernethy Road, Kewdale, WA 6105 Telephone (08) 6254 4444

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Prices do not include freight or fitting. Prices are subject to change without notice

Products available from over 800 stores Australia wide For your nearest distributor call 1300 731 137


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RISKY BUSINESS This issue comes with a warning - it’s not for the easily offended. Why? Well, despite our best efforts to be a modern, 21st century nation, it’s true to say that many Aussies aren’t that comfortable dealing with sex. There. I’ve said it. Especially if the kind of sex we’re dealing with has been the result of a business transaction with one of the nation’s 20,000 sex workers. There’s a lot of misinformation surrounding the world’s oldest profession, and in an attempt to dig a little deeper, I interview Beverly Clarke, boss of gentleman’s spa, Mackenzies. We also take a closer look at what’s really going on with the incidence of STI’s around minesites - the stats may surprise you. Malcolm Day, the brains behind one of the most successful online businesses in Australia - - shares his story so far, and I interview Madam Becky, a larger than life ex-Madam from the UK, a true one off who’s helping some of the most sidelined in society (the disabled and the elderly) access sex workers more easily. Now I’ve got all that off my chest, so to speak, you’ll find the usual suspects are all present and correct in this, the first issue of RC of 2013. Sport lovers are particularly well served in the next 100 or so pages. We’ve got features on the Woodside Tour de Perth with an interview with Luke Durbridge, the talented local rider who is the event ambassador. In Rising Stars, a clutch of Foxtel commentators reveal who looks particularly tasty from the latest swag of new club recruits as the AFL season swings into action, and we’ve got the upcoming Lions Tour covered too - with tickets to giveaway to the opening match right here in Perth. Travel-wise, I packed three generations of my family and a mate and lapped every luxurious moment up in Karma Jimbaran’s amazing family-friendly villa to die for in Bali. Anna Hartley, our Parisian-living ex-Perth babe, shares the secrets of the city she now calls home, and there’s an unforgettable trip across the US of A in a corvette which could make your heart sing (especially if you’re a rock n’ roll/blues fan). Entertainment’s more than covered too with Gill’s exclusive interview with Arnie, as well as new flicks Warm Bodies, Beautiful Creatures and Cirque du Soleil’s 3D extravaganza featured too. We started with sex so that’s how we’ll end - Chopper gives you his take on hitting the right note, romantically. You have been warned...

with interactive contents



Perth P.O. Box 444 Northbridge WA 6865 (t) (08) 9381 1295

MANAGING DIRECTOR Cornelius Curtin EDITOR Gabi Mills CREATIVE DESIGN Barbara Bertoli PRODUCTION MANAGER Amber Carrier CONTRIBUTORS Heath Black Heath Franklin Anna Hartley Lee Johnson Jude Jones Jordan Liest Gill Pringle Debbie Russo Matthew Zuckerman ADVERTISING ENQUIRIES EDITORIAL ENQUIRIES GENERAL ENQUIRIES

Rock Candy Magazine is published in Western Australia by Candy Media (WA) Pty Ltd and distributed free of charge to resource industry workers at various locations around Western Australia. All rights reserved. No material published in Rock Candy may be reproduced in whole or part without prior written authority. Views expressed in Rock Candy are not necessarily the views of the editor or publisher. Rock Candy takes no responsibility for the accuracy of information included or submitted content. © 2012 Candy Media.

Gabi Mills

read it online!!!



Average Net Distribution April 12 – December 12 95.05% verified bulk distribution



Vines Members enjoy a range of benefits that others can only envy. For starters, there are 36 magnificent golf holes that champions such as Norman, Els, Westwood and Scot have all graced.

Membership benefits include:*

• Full access to two championship courses – Ellenbrook & The Lakes • Club house overlooking the Lakes course • Live online booking system • Unlimited access to gymnasium, squash courts, flood lit tennis courts and Members pool • Discounts across all aspects of the Resort including accommodation and dining • Equal playing rights for male and female with access to organised club competitions • Includes membership to the Miners Golf Club Contact the Vines Club Office during business hours on (08) 9297 0701 or email for further information.

Enq uiries: +61 8 9297 3000 | Verdelho Drive, The Vines WA *Conditions apply.







Ideas to liven things up in the bedroom.


You get the picture.



Cycling champs flock to the city for world class series of races.


Freo shows its fun side as it welcomes performers from around the world.

52 - ALL THE FUN OF THE FESTIVAL’s founder, Malcolm Day reveals (nearly) all.



Our special extended feature lifts the lid on the myths that surround sex work.



Excited about the forthcoming Lions Tour? We’ve got tickets to giveaway for the first match right here in Perth.


How to avoid risky sexual behaviour.


RC’s guide to the best (and worst) food to eat in bed.

82 - FOOD

Think you’re hard enough to swim with a great white? Lee Johnson shows you how.


Visit iconic US music locations in a classic Chevvy. Yes, you!


An insider’s guide to the world’s sexiest city.


Going on holiday with nana and kids in tow? You could do worse than stay at Karma Jimbaran.


Missing that lovable old pooch? Here’s the festival for you.


Relax. Chopper’s got some lurve advice for us all.


Meet Bruce Peel, President of Disabled Surfers Association of WA and South West WA.


We put Superbike star Mike Jones put through his paces.


The Drug Aware Pro Margaret River gears up to showcase the world’s greatest surfing stars.


Issue 05 - March 2013










Byron Bay hosts a cavalcade of blues stars.


Better than Twilight? You betcha.


Zombies have hearts too, you know.


Circus just got sexy - and yes, they’re really flexible.


Arnie’s back - and he ain’t leaving til he’s shot lots of stuff.


Tatt past its use by date? Silq’s Adele Brunt can sort you out.

40 - INK

Subaru’s Liberty X drives Jude Jones around the bend.


Jordan Leist hearts Motorvation.


AFL’s young pretenders - and Foxtel hosts predict who’ll scoop the ladder’s top four spots.


Sexy gear gets the pulse racing.




! competitionS !


The V8 Supercar Championship roars back into Perth from 3 to 5 May and looks set to get revheads’ hearts racing. To celebrate the fastest show in town, we’re giving away double weekend passes to the Chill Perth 360 at Barbagallo Raceway Wanneroo to TWO lucky readers. This year there’s a brand new field of V8 Supercars taking to the track with the launch of the Car of the Future project.   The arrival of four factory-backed Nissan Altimas from Nissan Motorsport and three Mercedes-Benz AMG E63 racers from Erebus Motorsport V8 to contest the Holdens and Fords will shake up the field and create a new level of rivalry.  

To enter, email and tell us why you should win in 25 words or less by April 20. The lucky winners will be notified by email by April 21. For more event information visit . Tickets are on sale from

★ We’ve got TEN double 3D passes to giveaway for Disney’s OZ The Great and Powerful, the amazing new movie starring Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz and Michelle Williams. Released on March 7, the Sam Raimi directed 3D fantastical adventure imagines the origins of the beloved wizard character first brought to life in the classic movie, The Wizard of Oz.

For your chance to win a double pass, answer this simple question and email your name and details to by March 20. WHO PLAYED DOROTHY IN THE WIZARD OF OZ? WAS IT 1. JUDY GARLAND 2. LIZA MINNELLI, OR 3. BEYONCE?


What interest rate are you paying? Too Much

Is your bank looking after you? Probably Not

Is there a better deal out there? Yes. With LOAN MONSTER.

The only thing scary about us is our pet monster.

Fancy yourself as the next big thing in cycling? Well, you’ll need a bike – and fortunately we’ve got one to giveaway. Thanks to our friends at Bikeforce Joondalup, we’ve got a fabulous Malvern Star Switch 263, worth $499 to give away to one lucky winner.

To be in with a chance of winning this sick prize, answer this simple question and email you name and details to by April 30. WHAT IS THE NAME OF PERTH FESTIVAL OF CYCLING’S AMBASSADOR? IS IT 1. LUKE SKYWALKER 2. LUKE DURBRIDGE, OR 3. LUKE PERRY?


We’ve got five awesome Tuff Tool Bags for five lucky readers to win. At $149.95 + $20 shipping total value, these tool bags are the business for DIY enthusiasts or the handyperson in your life.

For your chance to win one of five Tuff Tool Bags, email by April 30 with your name, address and answer to this question: WHAT ARE YOU LIKELY TO SEE A LOT OF ON THE TUFF TOOL BAGS FACEBOOK PAGE? 1. TOOL BAGS 2. SHOPPING BAGS, OR 3. MONEY BAGS?


We’ll get back to you within 24hrs.. even on the weekends.


more !!! page 72 - 3 night fishing holiday at Eco Beach

page 86 - 2 copies of the book, Beating the Blues

page 90 - 2 Double Silver Passes to see Lions Vs Western Force


Gadgets & stuff

Find all the products at &

TOUCHE LOVE DICE $14.95 If you’ve run out of ideas, let the Touche Passionate Love Dice dictate what you do next to your lover. The first dice details what action you need to carry out and the second dice tells you on which body part you may use to fulfil the action. With directions like Kiss, Buttocks, Lick, Neck - well, you get the picture. Surprisingly there isn’t a ‘Washing up’ or ‘Change the kitty litter’ option.

SEX! THE BOARD GAME $49.95 Board games used to be for rainy afternoons, competitive kids and bored parents. Not any more. Sex!The Board Game allows you to make your move around the board, as you and your lover engage in ‘erotic foreplay and tantalizing treats’. Pass the dice, vicar.

TOUCHE BODY SLIDE BODY MASSAGE SET $89.00 The Body Slide is designed for regular massages and for body-to-body massages. It has inflatable sides, so you won’t make a mess. You can use it as often as you like thanks to the fact that it’s made of sturdy and lasting material. When you’re done, simply wash the Body Slide with water and some soap. There’s enough for about five litres of lubricant (wow - Ed). Give your love life a complete new dimension by bringing the body-to-body massages to your bedroom giant bottle of lubricant included apparently.

SPIDER EGG $15.95 Easy to use, fun and disposable. A ribbed spider web pattern will catch you on a pleasure trap and can be used solo or with a partner.

EDGE - DELAY GEL FOR MEN $24.50 Are you a Johnny Come to Quickly Lately? Then fortunately there’s just the thing to help you last longer than it takes to read this caption. Edge, made from natural ingredients, has been formulated with ye olde Asian herbs to help delay your moment of joy, which has the knock on effect of meaning your lover won’t do that disappointed face you’ve come to dread at the end of it all.

FRENZY FOR ULTIMATE PLEASURE POWER $24.50 Designed to heighten sexual desire and sensitivity, Frenzy is said to dramatically increase your lady’s chances of sexual arousal and at the very least, provides most gals with a pleasurable ‘tingling’ sensation. So a bit like what happens after you’ve chopped some birds eye chillis and you go to the dunny, perhaps.


ON FOR HER $34.95

ADORE LUXURY BY SWAN INCLUDES ADAPTER RECHARGING STAND $229 This delicate and elegant bulb stimulator promises ‘waves of enthusiastic pleasure, carrying its luscious sensual nature throughout your body’. Crikey. Most bulbs I know are planted in the front garden and offer very little pleasure in that department.

It’s said to feel like a warm vibrator producing an almost electrical sensation. We’re told that to describe it to men, the easiest way to explain it would be like putting a weak 9-volt battery on the tip of your tongue - and who hasn’t done that on a boring Thursday afternoon? This product produces several sensations, starting with an immediate warming effect, then followed by an electrical vibration tingling effect that actually pulses. If your girl struggles to reach the big O then this could change all that users report reaching a third level of ecstasy which presumably involves a full orchestral soundtrack while eating oysters and having a foot rub from Brad Pitt playing out in their heads.

REV1000 $169 Just when you thought it was all about lady pleasure, please say ‘well hello there’ to the Rev1000. It’s a seven speeds, seven function rechargeable male ‘masturbator’ which allows you to indulge yourself with the softly textured internal sleeve that caresses as it twists, (yes, twists), spins and rotates around your John Thomas.

TOUCHE PASSIONATE KIT $49.00 Running low in terms of romantic inspiration? Then sort yourself out with this Passionate Kit. Strew rose petals on the bed and massage your partner with the massage device and massage oil. Then spend happy hours peeling off oil soaked petals from each others torso. What’s not to love?

COBRA BLACK/RED $149 Let the cobra work it’s magic as a smooth, soft silicone hugs your todger closely for thrilling stimulation. Two powerful motors release pulsing vibrations providing right-on-the-spot stimulation. And thanks to the click n’ charge recharge technology, pit stops are short and efficient.

PLAY STRIP POKER $24.95 In case you need a bit of help organising the time honoured card game with benefits, here’s just the thing to get the party going with a swing. The ingenious Strip Poker Kit contains everything you need to play one of the most popular strip poker games of all, based on five-card draw, as well as some seriously sexy variations on the age-old game. All you need to do is make sure you’re not wearing those hilarious undies your mum gave you in Year 12.

DOUBLE HOLE CUP $17.95 Despite looking like an upmarket deoderant, the Tenga Double Hole provides refreshment of a different kind. There are two different openings to experience two amazing sensations - the red side is tight and grips firmly with 63 nubs in a narrow passage, while the silver side gently wrap around your member with its 73 nubs. It sounds complicated, but once you’ve found your ideal setting, you’ll experience a whole nub-ber level of pleasure.



fashion in fashion out











Whoa, baby. If red’s the letter of the day, then you’re in luck with this scorchingly hot ensemble.

If pretty in pink is more your style, then this ultra romantic collection is right up your street.


You can’t go wrong with black and white, especially if you happen to be blessed with the curves of Victoria’s Secrets Angel Candice Swanepoel.

Get ready for a chain reaction in this set which has got everything covered (well, everything that matters anyway). Sexy friend an optional extra.

Look smokin’ hot in this polka dot mesh bustier with removable garters and matching thong. Featuring saucy and sophisticated hand embroidery and stunning front panel detailing.




A sexy number designed to make hearts race. Keep your naughty little secret under wraps with this bold bustier.


A sizzling garment boasting sophistication. Be poised and perfectly polished in this divine zipper front satin corset fit for a princess.


Structured and sexy, the thrills will be fast and furious in this microfiber bustier with mesh For those who like it hot, look no further than this ruffle trim. Featuring cute ruffle detail and beautiful bustier. Sexy lacing detail and seductive ruffles contrasting black piping to tease and please. surround the bra. We love the halter neck tie too.



DESIGNED AND BUILT RIGHT HERE IN WA ar! ll o D r u o Y r fo n a V e r o M



Q Genuine waterproof floor Q Fully insulated Q Unique ‘quick fill water’ system Q Innovative design

4 HOCKING RD, KINGSLEY WA (Cnr Wanneroo Rd & Whitfords Ave) D/L 23044


PH 9309 4200


rising stars



rising stars

of the


Fox Footy’s star commentators share their top tips for the 2013 season – who’s hot to trot, and who should be looking to their laurels.

Former Hawthorn captain, inductee of the Australian Football Hall of Fame, host of After the Bounce with Danny Frawley, Sundays 7.30pm and AFL Insider, Tuesdays 8.30pm.


Played 364 games for Western Bulldogs, Brad is a regular on the rotating panel for for League Teams on Thursdays at 8.30pm.

Brad Johnson

5 questions!!!

Jason Dunstall


I’ve got my eye in particular on Joe Daniher (Essenden father/son selection).

There are a number of quality young players to come out of last years National Draft. Jack Viney (Melbourne) and Joe Daniher (Essendon) will have immediate impacts with there respective clubs as father/son selections.  Others to impress will be Jimmy Toumpas (Melbourne), Jake Stringer (Bulldogs), Oliver Wines (Port Adeliade), Sam Mayes (Brisbane) and of course the Number 1 selection to GWS, Lachie Whitfield.


I’m looking forward to seeing how Carlton fare under Mick Malthouse in 2013. Big watch on interstate teams Sydney (reigning premier but no-one ever tips them), West Coast and Adelaide.

This is going to be another tight season in terms of the number of teams that will fight it out for a top eight spot. Up to 13 teams will be in contention with as many as five teams fighting it out for the last two spots in the eight as the season closes out.  Hawthorn, West Coast, Carlton and Sydney will control the top four.


I think that 2013 will be a top year for Patrick Dangerfield (Adelaide Crows).

I think Marc Murphy will have the best season of his career and will push for the Brownlow in 2013. Also the Brisbane Lions duo Redden and Rockliff in the midfield should help push their claims for a top eight spot.


I’d never promote the idea of naming players that might’s a tough environment, so hopefully all players will have a fruitful year.

A close eye will be kept on Kurt Tippett as he returns to the field in the middle of the season. Will he be able to have an impact in his first season with the Swans after coming off a lenghty suspension?


1: West Coast Eagles 2: Hawthorn 3: Sydney 4: Collingwood

1: Hawthorn 2: West Coast Eagles 3: Carlton 4: Sydney

21 Played 241 games, kicking 145 goals for North Melbourne, now an award winning commentator and regular on AFL Insider, Tuesday at 8.30pm.

David King

I cannot wait to watch Jack Viney for the Dees. Guaranteed toughness and aggression, he will probably get suspended in his first season but will have significant impact. Joe Daniher at the Bombers will be a star but may take a bit longer to shine, and look out for Nathan Hrovat at the Bulldogs for some silky moves when given the opportunity.

Fremantle will challenge for a top four spot, and Richmond will take giant strides and make the top eight, finally. The yellow and black could be the story of 2013.

I’m looking forward to watching the midfield guns, Cotchin, Dangerfield, Shuey, Fyfe, Beams who’ll be taking over Brownlow favouritism from Judd, Ablett, Swan and Mitchell. My wildcard? Daniel Pearce is set to enjoy a new environment, particularly at Subiaco, with Ross Lyon’s disciplines and midfield weaponry.

I’m concerned for the rate of improvement of the Gold Coast Suns as a team and I’d be very wary of players who’ve had their pre season compromised from January onwards. Alarm bells are ringing for Nic Nat, Dale Thomas and Adam Goodes.

1: Hawthorn 2: West Coast Eagles 3: Collingwood 4: Fremantle Dockers, Sydney or Richmond could fight it out for fourth. If West Coast can finish top two, they will prove hard to stop in 2013.


s ke c ondom


e condo ms

G et

te ste d

Travelling for work or pleasure? HIV and sexually transmissible infections are on the rise. Don’t bring them home.



Gabi Mills

Sex workers the truth behind the headlines




hey’re seen as a scourge on polite society, a threat to the very fabric of marriage and an unsociable sign of the times. Add to the mix headlines like ‘AIDS worry from FIFO miners’ risky sex’ (The Australian), and ‘Fears as sex workers cash in on the new mining boom’ (Queensland Sunday Mail) and it’s no surprise that antipathy is whipped up towards this, the oldest profession. It’s not a new story. Sex workers have had a bad rap since Mary Magdalene became the original Scarlet Woman, and now it seems that Australia’s estimated 20,000 sex workers – female, male and transgender - are to blame too for the decline in the sexual health of FIFO workers intent on a little going down time during their days off. But is that really what’s going on? Academics Professor John Scott (University of New England) and Associate Professor Paul Maginn (UWA) are cautious about such claims. They contend that blaming female (or male or transgender) sex workers as the source for the recent spike in STIs in regional mining towns completely ignores the sexual health practices of the mainly male clients who use sex workers. And, it also ignores the sexual health practices within the local communities in regional towns. Paul and John highlight that the general public tend to have an unbalanced and distorted image of sex work and sex workers. Most people tend think of sex workers as street walkers. Street-based sex work however only accounts for about 10-15 per cent of the spaces that sex workers provide their services. Most sex work, like ‘regular’ sex, is actually conducted behind closed doors houses and apartments (in-call services), hotels and motels (out-call services) and of course brothels as well as certain types of massage parlours and saunas. It’s true that a working girl plying her wares on the street is working in a more challenging realm, and could be at more risk in general, while sex workers who work from a brothel, as escorts or visiting homes or motels are more likely to take care that their sexual health is tip top with regular testing demanded by many madams before they even earn a dime. If they didn’t, and became sick, then their income stream would dry up straight away. But there are potential other factors at work in the case of FIFO mine workers. FIFO workers who regularly engage in casual sex – oral vaginal and/or anal - whether that be with sex workers or non-sex workers increase their chances of contracting an STI. There have been some media reports for example that Australian FIFO workers living off-shore and/or holidaying in parts of Asia are engaging in unprotected casual sex. If true, the risks of catching an STI under these circumstances are considerably higher.  The issue then is this. Are these STIs transmitted to local communities in regional mining towns and FIFO workers’ partners when they return home to Australia? Demands for ‘bareback’ or ‘natural’ sex from FIFO workers engaging the services of sex workers do occur but the low rates of STIs amongst Australia sex workers would seem to suggests that they practice high standards of sexual health. Recent claims about spikes in STIs in regional mining towns being caused by FIFO sex workers are unproven.  Nevertheless, the sexual health of FIFO mine workers is a matter of policy concern and warrants further research so that effective strategies can be put in place to minimise the prospects of contracting an STI. What the research definitively shows however is that there has not been a single documented case of a sex worker in Australia receiving or transmitting HIV infection during sexual intercourse with a client. That’s quite something, when you think about it. In fact, research points to the fact that Australian sex workers have the lowest rates of STI infection for any population in the community – and among sex worker populations in the world. So it seems that there’s something else at work here. In an industry that notoriously could do with a bit of good PR, the moral panic caused by those shouty headlines is actually reinforcing an erroneous view, with nobody bothering to look behind the easy tabloid sell. Sex workers who operate in a professional way are much less likely to pass on an STI to a FIFO worker intent during a spot of sexy time than, say, a casual encounter with a stranger in a nightclub. There’s simply no evidence to suggest that sex workers are responsible for this particular evil in today’s society. It’s easier to pass the buck for the consequences of a quick fu*k to those who have no voice in polite society than to face the facts that you’re more likely to get an itch in your pants because of a chance encounter over a pint than through an appointment with a pro. Sure, you can argue that prostitutes offend morals or make people face taboos they’d rather not face – but think about this. Sex workers provide a service, a service for which there is a clear, unending need. They’re not looking for love, to break up your marriage, to come between you and your loved one. They don’t even want to hear from you again, unless you’re there for another appointment. And for that service, they aren’t thanked or rewarded by society. They’re derided, shunned and made scapegoats for diseases that, in many cases, are simply not their fault.


the general public tend to have an unbalanced and distorted image of sex work and sex workers



In safe

hands Becky Adams - aka Madam Becky – is intent on providing an essential service to those on the sidelines of society – the disabled, the elderly, the infirm – but it’s a service which has got Middle England up in arms. Why? Because Madam Becky believes everybody should have the right to have sex, and she’s the woman to help them achieve the big O.

The Sessions dvd is out on April 10


t’s an issue that’s hit the headlines in recent months thanks to the movie, The Sessions, starring Helen Hunt – the fact that sex is not the preserve of the fit and able bodied. In the film, Hunt plays a sex surrogate who helps a man confined to an iron lung lose his virginity, a contentious theme which prompted arguments about why sex surrogacy was seen as a ‘good’ thing, while sex workers are deemed anything but. Anybody with half a brain can see that there’s a hypocrisy at work here – after all, the (happy) endings are of course the same whoever you’re lying next to – does it really matter if in one case you’ve got a prescription and in the other case a bill to settle? A paradox indeed. Tragically, the untold story for many disabled or elderly people is that it can be hard, if nigh on impossible to achieve the kind of sexual encounter many of us take for granted. Enter stage left Madam Becky – a 44 year old mother of two, ex-brothel madam and award winning writer from Milton Keynes in the UK. She’s a no-nonsense shot in the arm for those on the sidelines of society, especially as she’s come up with the concept of Para Doxies, a non-profit telephone based service where volunteers find trusted sex workers for people with disabilities. It’s kicked up a storm of publicity in the UK, and later in the year, Madam Becky will be visiting Australia to spread the word over here too. “I’d been running brothels in the UK for 20 years and sold them to one of my ladies in 2009,” says Becky. Enjoying her ‘retirement’, Becky wrote her memoirs – Madam – Prostitutes, Punters and Puppets – to critical acclaim after being nominated for an award by the Outsiders’ Project and the TLC trust, two organisations who help those with disabilities access sex workers. It was a lightbulb moment for Becky. “I realised that there was a need for a service to this part of society, so came up with Para Doxies. It became clear to me that people in general had very little idea how disabled people could express themselves sexually, and that for too long, they’d been marginalised.” A common problem for those on the fringes of society can be communication and accessibility to sexual services, something Becky witnessed during▶ her days as a madam. “A customer with poor communication,


perhaps due to a speech impediment or disability, can have problems even making a booking over the phone. Nobody has the time to spend deciphering what they’re trying to say and too often, they’d just be hung up on, the girls assuming that they’re heavy breathers. “At Para Doxies we understand that it may take several weeks to establish what they want. Moving people with mobility issues is hard too, so we search for ladies who have wheelchair access, or who have had careers in the caring professions and so are used to lifting people onto and off beds.” Becky, who has become something of a tabloid darling in the UK for her pioneering work in the sex world realm, is no shrinking violet but despite her ease at being in the public eye, she’s passionate about forcing the public to confront taboo subjects. “I like to think of myself as a sexual activist. I get angry about how politicians sit in the UK and marginalise the most vulnerable people in our society – the disabled and sex workers. There’s a concerted effort in the UK to make sex work illegal, and there are also some who believe that disabled people shouldn’t be sexual. Creating a debate about this whole area is a vital part of what I do.” Becky is looking to Australia as a

country already embracing the concept of accepting that those with disabilities having a sexual identity, citing Rachel Wotton, who was featured in the documentary,

Scarlet Road ( “Rachel is already doing amazing work with disabled clients, and is way ahead of the UK’s current situation. I’m hoping to come to Australia in the next few months to see what you’re doing there.” Despite Becky’s admirable intentions to make life a little more bearable for some of our less fortunate brothers (and sisters), it can be hard for her to attract working girls. “I take a lot of care to find the right ladies,” she says. “A lot come from nursing or caring professions, which means that many have the right background, with police checks and first aid training already in place. Many volunteer their services too, working free of charge.” In due course, Becky hopes to have a dedicated centre for clients to visit, the first brothel just for disabled customers of its kind in the world, and long term, she’s hoping to educate the public about what’s legally possible in terms of sex work. “Some might say I’m an anti authoritarian inconvenience – sure, it’s a role I enjoy, but at the end of the day I’m just trying to get the public on side.” You can follow Madam Becky on Twitter and visit Para Doxies online at




Gabi Mills



Profession If you’ve ever been curious about what goes on behind the closed doors of one of Perth’s leading bordellos, wonder no more.


f your idea of a brothel is based on Hollywood’s vision of such an establishment, this is probably what you’re seeing in your mind’s eye right now. Swing doors lead you into a turn of the century hotel in the Wild West with buxom gals hanging over balconies, beckoning alluringly to sex-starved cowboys. The bar man’s setting up some rye on the bar, and over there, the 19th century equivalent of Michael Bublé is giving it some on the piano. OK, so clearly this is my imaginary version of a brothel, but if you’re version even comes slightly close, you’d be wise to think again if Perth’s leading bordello, Mackenzie’s, is anything to go by. For a start, at Mackenzie’s there aren’t any cowboys (well, none when I visited), no honky tonk piano, and no booze to lubricate the transactions which take place under its calm and well run roof. Ruling the roost is Beverly Clarke, one of the most impressive business women I’ve ever met (and I’ve met a few). Tough but compassionately fair with her girls’ interests paramount, no nonsense but with a wicked glint in her eye. She’s the kind of manager who runs such a tight ship in a notoriously shady industry that she almost gleams with pride with the position she’s carving out for Mackenzie’s as a ‘gentleman’s club’ complete with classy day spa facilities tailored for men alongside the king sized beds. In short, if Carlsberg made brothel managers, Beverly would be it. From the moment you cross the threshold, with its zen-like water feature gently tinkling in the lobby, it’s time to put your off colour opinions about what a visit to a brothel might be to one side. The spacious welcome area, where clients initially meet the girls is more airport executive lounge than you might expect. Contemporary music floats around in the background, and there’s a fridge of non-alcoholic drinks to choose from, should you have an attack of the dries. Low slung sofas in dark tones complement a masculine

palette, offsetting the girls themselves – all leggy sophistication, silky hair, clothes as if they’re on a date to a club rather than hanging out on a street corner. It’s all a carefully controlled exercise in making clients feel at ease with parting with their cash in what is essentially a business transaction for sexual services within the convenience of a rented room - which is the limit of Beverly’s involvement in the exchange. In her sophisticated, sensually furnished office within the heart of Mackenzie’s, original art with a sexy twist hang on the walls. “My son painted most of the life drawings which hang in here and in some of the rooms,” says Beverly proudly. I’m shown around a selection of rooms, all with carefully constructed themes and am impressed at the non-seedy nature of their décor. The vibe is more CBD hotel than hole-in-the-wall knocking shop, with some smart interior design decisions taken by Beverly personally, again setting Mackenzie’s apart from the rest. There are rooms with a Parisian slant, or one especially for the would-be CEO – the Boardroom. There’s a specially adapted room for disabled clients, and one for those after hand relief only. Just a massage table and reclining chair in this one, no double bed. The reason why Mackenzie’s feels so well run is because Beverly has approached the business in an unusual way – unusual certainly in terms of the way the industry has traditionally been tackled. And this is partly because of her background - rather than emerging through the ranks of fellow sex workers, Beverly has never been involved at the sharp end of the industry. “I was working at a high level in the corporate world as a Financial Controller,” she says. Unfortunately she was struck down by advanced bowel cancer at the height of her career, enduring months of painful chemo and radiation treatment. In remission but now unemployed with two sons to support, financial salvation arrived from an unexpected quarter. “A client of mine was creating a website for Langtrees (probably WA’s most well known brothel brand). They required help to improve their accounting ▶

30 Queen Bee: Beverly Clarke rules the roost at Mackenzies.

systems and the newly employed accountant required additional help.” Initially Beverly was reluctant to take on the position due to preconceived ideas in respect to assumed exploitation of women involved in the sex industry. In the late 80’s she had studied a number of units towards an Arts Degree in Women’s Studies which had coloured her thinking. After reminding herself that she didn’t make moral judgements and all businesses require accountants and sound financial systems she agreed to work as a consultant part-time. “It became clear that here was a business that could do with some help, so I gave it a go. “After all I specialize in cleaning up messes.” After providing accounting services as a consultant for a number of years Beverly was given the opportunity to lease Langtrees for three years. The strong will to survive Beverly had displayed in her fight with cancer stood her in good stead as she navigated Langtrees through tricky waters, until finally striking out on her own, with Mackenzie’s. “I think of my role now as more akin to a social worker – I’m there for the girls because sometimes they simply have nobody in their lives that they can talk to. When I meet a new girl, I’ll always ask them why they want to work in this industry. If they reply ‘because I need the money’ and it’s a short term cash flow problem or they are younger than 21 I try to talk them out of it.” At all times the girls are encouraged to have an exit strategy and to

come into this industry with a goal of what they want to achieve. “Although you don’t have different rules for different ladies you must be flexible and consider each worker’s unique situation. If they are studying or working full time or have very young children you must allow them to work shorter shifts or come on shift at short notice”. However, the draw that some girls can earn a $1000 a night during busy shifts can be too much to resist for many, intent on capitalizing on the fact that, according to Beverly, ‘sex is an easily tradable commodity’. Businesses involved in the sex industry are not allowed to advertise for working girls or support staff. According to Beverly she relies on word of mouth to attract sex workers and ensures that she provides them with the best possible establishment for them to work from. “It is always gratifying when a new working lady says that someone who has worked for me in the past told her to come to MacKenzie’s,” says Beverly. “It reinforces that we are doing something right. We have a number of ladies who have returned to MacKenzie’s after trying out a different establishment because they know we have a zero tolerance to drugs and alcohol on the premises.” During any day, there are between two or three girls available, and a minimum of six on week nights, rising to up to 15 at weekends. Each girl signs on for eight hour shifts, servicing a diverse demographic of clients. “We have all sorts who come to Mackenzie’s – some who don’t have any intimacy in their relationships any more, or

maybe they’re a FIFO worker who just doesn’t have the time for to develop a relationship, or simply someone wanting some variety, or not in a relationship at that time” Beverly is keen to point out too that the girls have a choice of which client they ‘service’ – one of the few establishments that allows this autonomy. There’s a girl for every taste, it seems, with several favourites flying in from the eastern states for a few weeks every couple of months, or more mature ladies on call for those who prefer the hands of experience. “We don’t generally cater for fetish clients or those seeking bondage and discipline services as they require specialised sex workers,” says Beverly, “We never make any moral judgments about why somebody visits our establishment. Every adult has a sexual need or a desire to be touched and have intimacy in their lives. We are just in the business of providing pleasure, which is no bad thing. “Any booking that is for more than an hour is normally not about sex, it is about connecting or just being able to touch and cuddle someone, or to have someone listen to them,” she says. Sexual health is a super high priority with swabs and blood tests carried out at regular intervals – ensuring that Beverly’s girls are some of the healthiest sex workers in town. Equally those who spend time under her roof are not allowed to do so without a full intimate check up. “The girl will examine the client’s genitals for any sign of disease, and if she’s in any doubt, she will call in a


colleague for a second opinion.” So if you’re hoping to sneak in for a quick shag with an untreated dose of crabs, forget it. Like her pal, Malcolm Day (see page 36), Beverly has just completed the Kokoda Trail, and her team of eight raised over $65k for Cure Cancer Australia which will fund a researcher for nine months. “I was working 90 hours a week and just wanted to start reclaiming my life. It was an incredible experience, I climbed 1000m on my second day – me! Who’s afraid of heights!” Mackenzie’s also offers an escort service to hotels or private residences, and Beverly’s seen her fair share of famous faces passing through the lobby door, as well as unusual requests. “It’s one of the few industries that’s recession proof, and even if you’re not the most stunning girl, you’ll do well if you have a great personality and can talk to men,” says Beverly. However, clients would do well to understand that above all, MacKenzie’s is an extremely well run business – not a dating agency. “Sometimes you need to make them understand that they’re there not for a date, but for a service. “It’s not a want, it’s a need.”



Successive State Governments have tried unsuccessfully for many years to legislate in respect to the Sex Industry. Beverly is continually lobbying policticians, writing submissions in response to Green Bills and liaising with other professionals in an attempt to get workable, clearly defined laws to regulate this industry. Her work in this regard is still ongoing.



Gabi Mills Barbara Bertoli


Malcolm Day is the brains and marketing whizz behind adultshop. com, Australia’s most popular online store for all things sexy, making millions from the nation’s collective desire to moan, moan, moan.






ou might think that everything about the guy behind Australia’s most successful online adult store would be playful. For instance, his two poodles are of the toy variety, and clearly adore their lord and master. Instead of employee of the month certificates on his HQ’s walls, there are giant glossy images of naked chicks in intimate clinches cheek to cheek with framed excerpts from the society pages with Mal and his dazzling smile, front and centre. And downstairs, there’s a warehouse packed to the gunnels with the kind of beautifully packaged sex toy equipment guaranteed to make you go to work with a skip in your step. But for this particular hero of his own toy story, the buzz he gets from the business is light years away from what you might think for a man who’s got 24/7 access to the best funtime products in the world. “I’d love to change the censorship laws of this country,” says Mal, gently ruffling his lapdogs’ soft fur. “I just hate the illogicality of it, and the fact that effectively nine people sitting on a board get to decide what the entire nation can or cannot watch in the privacy of their own homes.” For this quietly spoken guy who was brought up in social housing by his single mother Betty, the country’s rules concerning what we can and cannot watch if we fancy a bit of X-rated movie action is a sore point, and not just because it means his company has lost money as a result of not being able to stock certain titles. “It’s the illogicality of it all that gets me angry. The US, the UK and New Zealand – our closest trading partner – can all sell the movies we can’t without any trouble.” His pursuit of this ‘illogicality’ went as far as the courts, and ultimately cost the company $1.5million in legal fees in 2009, thanks to the government winning the day. “We import master copies of films, and then we edit out unacceptable content – for instance an ass being spanked. So you might end up seeing an ass with a red mark on it, but not the actual spank. Then we submit it for classification, and it’s classified as an X18 +. The fact is in those other countries, it would be classified as an R18+ and our contention was that the same should apply here in Australia.” The rules around what’s acceptable in the classification board’s eyes, and what’s not can lead to some pretty ludicrous situations. “There was a movie which was a sex parody of Star Wars, with the actors ‘fighting’ with light sabres, then going on to have sex. We had to take the scenes with the light sabres out because the board believed that if you include sex with violence it will promote sexual aggression to those who watch it.” The Customs Act argues that at the time of importation, a film’s content may be objectionable and often a Customs

agent would impound the film, while Day argued that they always ‘cleaned up’ the film’s content, editing out any objectionable material, before passing it onto sale. “We have never found any instances of those movies making it to a point of sale in an uncleaned up state. However the same can’t be said for pirated copies of movies of course which are widely available.” If Day and his team had won proceedings, he predicted instead of making a mere $10million per year in movie sales, they could have raked in something closer to $100million. However, it’s not as if Day is on skid row as a result. There are currently 15 stores, and he’s also the managing director and major shareholder of Calvista Australia Pty Ltd, Australia’s largest distributor of sex toys and adult DVDs. And as rides the crest of a wave courtesy of 50 Shades of Grey and the interest in experimental sex and toys it created as a result, Day and his team are happy to reap the rewards. “At the peak of the book’s popularity, we experienced a massive amount of new customers as they realised that it was ok to play with toys, smashing the taboo that had surrounded the subject up until then.” The rush to invest in a rabbit may have subsided a little since those heady days earlier in 2013, but Day is not one to rest on his laurels. The boy who started earning money aged 10 doing a paper round, would go on to oversee high rise construction projects, running a phone sex company which made ‘tonnes of money”, before walking the high wire in a different sense as managing director of his own publicly listed company – “Our chairman at the time of floating the company, Reg Gillard, said that being a project manager of a high rise project wasn’t dissimilar to running a company. So I learned quickly and adapted.” In the early days of the company, they spent $1million a month on marketing, taking the biggest billboard in Sydney for a series of witty ads which captured the public’s attention but didn’t necessarily translate into purchasing clicks. “I swapped the strategy from offline to online marketing after I worked out it was costing us $2200 to create an average customer – that was way too much.”

Nowadays, the brand has evolved to become the female sex toy shop of choice, with among other things, a range of dildos, vibes and sleek ‘eggs’ to choose from to hit their own particular sweet spot. And thanks to Mal’s dedication to his job, the ladies (and gents) of Oz have new products to choose from all the time. “I attend sex toy expos in LA and Germany during the year and although you might think it would be the sexiest work trip going, it’s not. It’s a business at the end of the day, and I’m always product testing and watching the packaging evolve.” To illustrate this he showed me a new toy which came in a box just like my GHD straighteners back home. Gone are the days of a tacky bit of cancer-causing plastic in a bubble wrapped brown box. “Our most popular ranges (of sex toys) are priced from $150 to $200 and customers are visiting the site or our stores maybe three or four times a year.” Well known for his charity work, Mal recently completed the Kokoda trail, raising funds for the SAS Resources Trust. “It was the most horrendous thing I’ve ever done,” he says. “I’m super fit but because the trail’s really undulating and you’re trekking for 10 to 13 hours a day in wet boots, it’s really tough going. “Every so often we’d stop at a significant site on the trail and our trail leader would read out a poem or a reading and we’d all cry. I’ll never forget the experience or what those poor Diggers went through.” The after effects of Kokoda are lingering too, beyond the mental effects it’s had on Mal’s psyche. “I’ve already lost six toenails since I got back, and actually lost another one while having sex on Saturday. “My girlfriend Jewel asked what was wrong when I shouted out but I wasn’t about to say that a big toenail had just come off at the bottom of the bed.” And that’s Mal all over – the millionaire who’s just like you and me.



t o H city

muscle cars

in the

This year’s Motorvation showcased a fine stable of muscle cars, all put through their paces in front of an audience, hungry for more rubber, more smoke, more damn fine motors. Words & Pics: Jordan Leist


otorvation is no doubt the biggest horsepower party on the calendar for the Western Australian modified car scene. The event showcases the best muscle cars, street machines, show cars and the ever popular burnout weapons our great state has to offer. For 27 years the event has been run successfully and this year’s show was no different. Running over three days of jam

packed action the event drew in excess of 800 vehicles. The two major draw cards for the event were shipped in from the East Coast – Steve Loaders neat as pin UNLOAD VE Commodore and the totally insane 623-cube KILLA-B Camaro that belongs to Steve Nogas. Both cars were displayed in the elite pavilion and then given an absolute hiding out in the snake pit to a massive crowd on Saturday night. The event is both about show and go, although the power of the burnout scene does overshadow the cars the parked up

in the tent. In saying that, it is hard to not admire the dedication it takes to craft a dedicated show car – take for instance this year’s Grand Champion Lenard Vidot. His immaculate, Spicy Orange HQ Monaro took over ten years to build. “It has been a full on build for the last few years. I was desperate to finish it. In the last week we had to pull some all-nighters. The car had no interior, no glass and was missing a bundle of other stuff too. I was still bolting the bumpers onto the car as it was leaving the shop on the tilt tray” he told RC. The attention to detail ▶


muscle cars


muscle cars

Too hot to handle: Motorvation provided an eyeful in more than one way - but it was the smokin’ cars which thrilled the most.

and their constant strive for perfection is on another level with these builders, and they deserve more credit than they are given. Outside of the tent it all about loud motors; tyre smoke and action, action, action. The drivers get to lay as much rubber as they want all weekend with the highlight of the proceedings being the burnout qualifying rounds and the finals on Sunday afternoon. In an Australian first, local burnout legend Matt Purnell qualified two separate cars in the Blown Class and then managed to take the top spot and the runner up position. It was a history making effort. Making it even more impressive was the fact that it was his new Holden Ute BLACKOUT that took the title whilst making its debut! In the Open Class (non-supercharged) the top 5 spots were won by the ever popular Holden Commodore. Ranging right from the early 80’s examples to the current VE edition it was Aaron Edmonson in his SLIPP3RY Commodore that got the win. If you haven’t had a chance to get down to the Motorplex and witness the events that unfold you are missing out. Easily one of the best venues in the country and with enormous crowds and energy going on the experience is something else. Luckily, the next party is only a year away so you plenty of time to get ready for it.


WHEN IT’S TIME TO MAN UP! 315 Great Eastern Highway REDCLIFFE WA 6104 Phone: 08 9477 5439

Providing full time placement, labour hire and equipment hire solutions specialising in professional staff, skilled miners and maintenance personnel. Premium Mining Personnel pride themselves on their network of industry contacts which optimises the comparability of candidates to clients.



Jude Jones


A beeping

good drive The freedom to drive without some nagging backseat driver seems like a distant dream in these days of Sat Nav and Siri. And, as Jude Jones discovers, Subaru’s Liberty takes computer intervention to another level with its onboard advice bot, Eyesight.


’m a terrible driver. This fact comes as a bit of a shock, leaves me a tad abashed, because I’d come to the conclusion that, after 20 odd years on the road, I’d kinda got the hang of it all. It has, after all, been over a decade since my last prang – I’ve got the ridiculously cheap comprehensive insurance to prove it – and I really have left my hooning days behind. Nowadays, even if the shopping centre car park is virtually empty, I have no desire to pull off a dramatic handbrake turn, do a donut or sign my name in tyre marks on the blacktop. Nope, I really thought I’d conquered driving, become a true knight of the road, the kind of chap that old people like to have ferry them to and from the legion. Christ, I even now how to merge. Apparently, though, I’m still way

off meeting the exacting standards of the Subaru Liberty X. This cute mid-size sedan, you see, comes equipped with a funny little gizmo called Eyesight. Basically, what this bundle of computer chips does is, with the help of strategically mounted cameras, keep a constant eye on the road to warn you about things. In essence, then, you’ve got yourself a virtual nagging wife next to you whenever you get behind the wheel. OK, that may be a bit harsh. The theory behind Eyesight is a good one. It calculates, for instant, whether you’re about to hit the car in front and, as well as singing out its little beep-beep warning, will adjust the speed your going and try to do all it can to stop a potential drama becoming a crisis. Which, of course, one simply can’t knock. Other functions, though, do occasionally

border on the grating. The ‘car in front of you has moved off’ advice offered when you’re sitting at, say, a red light and you don’t instantly pull away when it goes green is very reminiscent of an old girlfriend who used to chide me mercilessly from the passenger seat. Still, she, like the Liberty X, was very pretty and I liked having her around, so I’ll forgive Eyesight this quirk – it does, after all, crop up only when the blue moon’s shimmering – but the one warning that really did begin to cut to the quick towards the end of my week’s trial was the ‘lane sway and departure warning’. It was this feature that convinced me that my presumption of driving competence was completely unfounded. The beep that pointed out that I wasn’t absolutely in the correct road position, you see, beeped probably a couple of times a minute. Every time I took a corner, it seemed,


motors little Liberty wasn’t happy with the way I did it. If I dared change lanes on the freeway without indicating she got quite upset. And that one time when I was in a hurry? When I honestly didn’t get anywhere near topping a speed limit but admittedly drove a bit harder than normal? Well, there was so much beeping going on there that it was like watching a Tarantino movie heavily censored for the old maid audience. All in all then, despite the worthy intentions of Subaru’s eggheads, I can’t help but think that the Eyesight is a gadget too far, a little bit too much nannying, despite the fact that anything anyone does to try to cut down the highway death toll is a good idea. Which is a shame, because the nagging beeps aside, the Liberty X is more or less faultless. It’s one of those cars that you’re proud to get into. It has a personality of its own, stands out from the crowd in a market populated by far-too-many faceless clones. The one I borrowed for a week was a beautiful metallic cherry red, a look-atme paintjob that accentuated the Lib’s chunky, almost cuboid good looks. Inside was all black leather and a load of gadgets that you do want – GPS, lovely stereo, Bluetooth, leccy seat adjustment, the whole caboodle – and she offered a smooth, extremely comfortable ride. She’s quick too. Her 2.5 litre fourcylinder engine pushed her quickly up to speed – 10.1 seconds to 100kmh, 123kW at 5600 rpm for those of you who like those kind of figures – and she always felt powerful and in control, as all Subarus with their all-wheel drive tend to. And, of course, even without factoring in the Eyesight’s extra vigilance, the Liberty X is safe as houses, boasting that sought-after five-star rating – and it’s easy at the bowser with 100km on just eight litres of gas. All in all, then, there’s enough pretty about the Liberty X to overlook her occasional nagging. And, hey, at least it shows she cares.

Subaru Liberty X 2.5litre available from $44,490



Gabi Mills



slate When it’s time to say ta ta to that tatt you’ve grown to hate, you might think the only solution is to wear clothes to hide it, all the time. Fortunately, you’ll be pleased to hear that there are a better option out there which won’t involve you wearing a onesie in the height of summer.

It may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but for an increasing number of ink lovers, the passion which drove them to have a full sleeve of work or shoulder design can fade as quickly as the colours on their skin. It may be that you are no longer in love with ‘Sue 4 Eva’ or have swapped allegiance from the Eagles to the Dockers (unlikely, but you never know). Or a youthful tatt may not now suit your climb up the corporate ladder. In the past, you just had to suck it up if you no longer loved your tatts. Either that, or face long, expensive and painful procedures involving laser which had often dodgy outcomes. Laser removal of tattoos has its own risks thanks to the types of ingredients used in making the pigment in some of the colours used. When those pigments are exposed to laser light, the molecules are literally exploded into smaller pieces while at the same time the enormous heat generated can cause changes to the pigment’s composition. This can then release chemicals into the body – some of which are seriously detrimental to your health. Despite these concerns, laser treatment was often the only option – despite the fact that laser removal can only zap a limited range of colours, leaving others completely untouched. So you might get rid of part of that Australian flag plastered across

your back, but not all of it. Not ideal. Fortunately, things have come a long way in the last few years, with new, laser-free techniques offering ‘colourblind’ removal of all pigment blends – a real advance in this area of cosmetic treatment. Adele Brunt, owner of Silq Medispa in Nedlands, has pioneered the laser-free approach to tattoo removal for several years, and is seeing a marked increase in requests for the service from tattooed clients who are just over the whole inked thing. “Now that there is a real alternative to laser treatment, I’m seeing a steady flow of enquiries from clients who’ve heard about a more effective solution to unwanted tattoos,” says Adele. The difference with the technique that Adele uses is that the body’s own healing processes work to safely remove the tattoo pigments, without releasing them into the body’s lymph glands as is the case with laser removal. It’s still not, however, a speedy solution, often taking up to a year to completely remove a large tattoo. “You need to leave 12 weeks between each treatment, but clients have told me that they’re so pleased with the results it’s worth the wait.” The number of visits you’ll need of course depends on the size of the tattoo – Adele

says on average clients need four visits. “The system we use makes use of the body’s natural ability to form a scab, which occurs when the lactic acid-based proprietary liquid brings the tattoo pigment to the surface.” Once the scab falls off, there’s no more pigment – no matter how exotic the colour – and the skin is once more clear as the day you were born. “It’s so gentle in fact that moles and freckles remain in place even after treatment.” It’s no more painful than getting a tattoo in the first place, but for those with a quivering lip, a local anaesthetic can be given. Small circles are created over the surface of the tattoos, and if you look after the healing process properly, the risk of scarring is minimal. “The more people hear about this system, the more I anticipate being able to give people back unblemished skin,” says Adele. So if your Celtic band is oh so 2003, there is a solution – and it won’t leave your skin in a bigger mess than when you started.

Treatment starts from $450 (depending on the size of the tattoo) per session. To discuss the removal of your tattoo, call Adele on 08 9386 2998 or visit





3 Miracle worker: Adele Brunt (above) of Silq Medispa is one of the few expert practitioners of non-laser tattoo removal operating in the Perth area - and she’ll soon be taking the business up to the Pilbara too. The process used by Adele allows the body’s own healing process to safely remove tattoo pigments - even really exotic ones which lasers can’t remove. Adele also offers cosmetic tattoo proceedures including eyebrows, lip work and nipple areola (after a masectomy). Turning back time: Right, the gradual process of removal over a series of sessions reveals the unblemished tattoo- free skin below something many of Adele’s clients thought they’d never see again.



Gill Pringle



be back (and back, and back, and back…)



Hanging up his acting hat is simply not an option for Arnold Schwarzengger, says Gill Pringle who discovered that the star of new flick The Last Stand is as hungry as ever for screen glory.


Top gun: Arnie shows them how it’s done.



uggest to Arnold Schwarzenegger that there comes a time when all good action heroes must hang up their weapons, and his eyes narrow, lips pinching into a frown of disapproval. Clearly “retirement” is a dirty word. Thus, at 65 years old, the former Mr Universe and two-term California governor is shooting his way back to the box office, starring in his first film in a decade, The Last Stand. “I haven’t considered retirement yet, because I haven’t really heard of any good experiences of people who have done that. I have seen people that have retired at the age of sixty, being the head of a studio, or people who have retired from politics at the age of 65, and all these people are lost and don’t quite know what to do; they don’t feel productive,” he says in that famous Austrian accent that not even 40 years of California living can dispel. “I think it depends on what kind of person you are, maybe some people feel great joy in retiring. But I don’t think I would be that kind of person. I think I would get bored, I always like to have a challenge. I always like to be actively involved and travel around and work. Look, I grew up to be taught to be useful, and to work and to produce and to do something that benefits people, and so somehow I always feel like you have to do that.” If Schwarzenegger rarely admits to any weakness, then he concedes its an uphill struggle to keep on top of the ageing process. “I feel the same as I felt when I was 25 years old, the only thing is that my body doesn’t feel the same. The mind feels the same, but the body is less forgiving as you get older. “The changes happen gradually. From the time you are forty, you realize that injuries come more easily, you have to warm up more, you have to prep yourself more before you do stunts, or any activity or when you go skiing. I can no longer ski for eight hours a day because I don’t think my knees are going to hold up, so you reduce the amount of hours. With everything, you make certain adjustments and you enjoy life exactly the same way, but you are not a machine,” says the man whose most famous role was actually playing a machine, starring in The Terminator for three instalments. If the former California Governor - who could never actually pronounce the word “California” correctly - may have lost his female fans after publishing his insensitive biography, Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story, last year, then he plans to win back at least his movie fans with his big action come-back film, The Last Stand. Playing a US sheriff in a sleepy town close to the Mexican border, he does battle with a gang of ruthless drug king-pins. Clearly these morons didn’t get the memo: Don’t mess with Arnold. He shrugs nonchalantly when you ask what happens in real life when someone messes with him: “Look, it depends if you are talking about a physical confrontation or if you are talking about just messing with me because

there’s always those times where you have confrontations in your career. I mean politics, in the movie business you have confrontations and those things, and you always try to eliminate the enemy and try to succeed.” Not that Schwarzenegger is hanging his hat on The Last Stand alone. The title is a misnomer, given that he’s already completed two additional action films: Mikael Hafstrom’s prison thriller The Tomb, co-starring his old pal Sly Stallone, and David Ayer’s drug enforcement action flick Ten, co-starring Australia’s own Sam Worthington. He’s also signed on to star in two further action films, Captive and Unknown Soldier and is busy developing a script for Triplets, expanding on his 1988 Danny DeVito comedy Twins with the introduction of Eddie Murphy’s “triplet”. “So now with Eddie Murphy being the triplet, and it’s like ‘Wait a minute! How do you have a black guy?! What kind of a gene pool is this?’ That is what makes people laugh, so they are writing the movie, and we have a deal in place,” he says without a trace of self-doubt. Furthermore he plans to return as Conan, the role that first signalled his transition from world-class body-builder to viable box-office star in the early 80s when he starred in Conan the Barbarian and Conan the Destroyer. “Conan is a natural. We did the first one with Universal Studios and they now bought the rights again, and asked me if I would like to do this. I told them I always saw Conan coming full circle with me being King Conan and especially today with the new technology and visual effects,” he says, failing to even mention Jason Momoa’s own modestly-successful 2011 attempt to re-capture the Conan magic with a new take on Conan the Barbarian. “Conan has been king, he has been emperor, the ruler of the castle, and he steps down and disappears, until the castle gets in big danger again and


Here’s your chance to win one of THREE copies of Arnie’s book, Total Recall. Email your name and contact details to by April 30 and you’ll go into the draw. Good luck!

then they try and bring him back.” No-one has ever accused Schwarzenegger of modesty, and he’s not about to start now. Fully aware of his own iconic status, he’s even given thought to who might portray him if ever a film were made about his life: “I thought maybe Joe Manganiello,” he muses. Not that he’s particularly appreciative of the True Blood star’s recent turn as a male stripper in Magic Mike although he did get to check out Manganiello’s pecs up close when the pair recently filmed Ten together. Somewhat disapproving of Manganiello’s stripper gig, he says: “I have nothing against it personally, but my goal was always to compete and be the best in bodybuilding and to go and make big movies and be a leading man, so [stripping] was never anything that I was going after.” Schwarzenegger’s story truly is extraordinary. From his humble beginnings in a small Austrian village; a boy with an almost unpronounceable name and an abusive father - to his domination of both the bodybuilding world and Hollywood, ultimately marrying into the blue-blooded Kennedy family and amassing a fortune. If there is one thing that has put the skids on Schwarzenegger’s quest for world domination, it’s that irritating clause in the US constitution that prevents those born on foreign soil from ascending to the highest office: “I would have run for President in two seconds if they changed the Constitution,” he tells me when we meet in Atlanta shortly after President Obama’s re-election. “It would have been one of those things where my wife would have said, ‘What are you doing?’ Just like the Governorship, when you read my book, you will read all about it - how shocked she was when I said, ‘I’m running for Governor’. So amazingly enough, in the land that gave me everything, I can’t complain about the one thing I can’t get. I think its too late for me to get them to change the law,” says Republican Schwarzenegger whose estranged wife Maria Shriver is famously part of the Democrat Kennedy clan. If she tolerated his right-wing politics then she put her foot down and filed for divorce when, upon leaving the Governor’s mansion, it was revealed he had fathered

a child with the family’s live-in maid. Today the now ex couple put on a united front for the sake of their four children: Katherine, 23; Christina, 21; Patrick, 19 and Christopher, 15. He realises they have a tough act to follow: “It is very, very challenging for kids, because you have to figure out, where do you fall? Do you fall into the category of ‘I want to please my parents and therefore I am going to try as hell to be like them?’ Or you say, ‘That’s not me. I want to live a normal life, I want to work in a pet store, I have no interest in this searching and climbing. My wife was the host of a national TV show, and for me to be Governor of California, and to blow up buildings and be the most highly paid actor? That can’t be easy for them. “Now it happens that my son Patrick is totally following my footsteps. He is working out like a maniac, he has an extraordinary body, and he’s better looking than me. He gets his looks from his mother, and he’s very talented in acting and he has gotten various different parts. Directors always tell me that he’s a great performer and very disciplined, and at the same time, he’s doing what I did, studying business and economics and learning how to invest.



He’s at the Marshall School of Business at USC and so I am very proud of him. “Katherine, my oldest daughter, is trying to recreate Maria’s career with a vengeance. This is going to happen, there’s not even a doubt that it will; this determination, that she has from her mother, because she’s much more looking at her as the role model, and Patrick looks more at me. My other daughter is at Georgetown University in Washington DC.” Not that he’s about to start living vicariously through his kids: “I can’t see me ever retiring. Retiring from what? From having fun? I’m having a good time doing movies. I have a great time promoting health and fitness and the running of Arnold Classic World Bodybuilding Championships and the fitness expos. So why would I pull back from that now and do what instead?” To keep on top of his hectic schedule he still finds time to train seven days a week: “I work out every day. I ride the elliptical and do the bicycle. I swim sometimes for half an hour and then I train with weights. I don’t like to waste time.” To borrow from the immortal words of the Terminator: “He’s back”.



t s u j s u c r Ci ingle , by Mark Fellman Burlesco LLC, leil So Du ue rq Ci copyright ed all rights reserv

story: Gill Pr x photos: All pi

Cirque Du Soleil Worlds Away is playing at cinemas nationally now.



There’s a certain set of questions that gentlemen will ask you after they realise you’re an acrobat, the first of which is often ‘So are you flexible?’ My reply depends on the day and how politely they ask it,” laughs Erica Linz, one of Cirque du Soleil’s premier aerialists, who has brought her talents to the big screen in James Cameron’s grand 3D re-imagining of these beloved stage shows in Cirque du Soleil Worlds Away. “There’s a fantasy surrounding gymnasts and this whole universe which is funny because gymnasts are people who’ve spent much of their lives being disciplined and training. But men have this wild idea about gymnasts whereas the opposite is true and they tend to be very straightforward people,” says Linz, 31, who stands at 4’11” and weighs 94lbs. If the circus was once annoying clowns, dodgy acrobatics and miserable-looking performing animals, then Cirque du Soleil set about transforming that image back in 1987 when two Canadian former street performers got together with a vision of something far more chic and sexy. Today it’s a global industry boasting 19 shows in over 271 cities on every continent except Antarctica. The shows employ approximately 4,000 people from over 40 countries, generating an annual revenue of more than US$810 million. When it came to translating the essence of Cirque for the big screen, rather than merely filming one Cirque show, producer James Cameron put together a never-before-seen story featuring new Erica Linz, Cirque du Soleil’s premier aerialist. characters travelling through the worlds of Cirque du Soleil and using acts from six of the brand’s most popular Vegas-based shows - O, KÀ, Mystère, Viva ELVIS, Zumanity and The Beatles LOVE. Starring with aerialist Igor Zaripov as lost lovers in search of one other, Colorado-born Linz knows all about falling in love with the circus: “I was 18 when I left home to try my luck in Vegas. My parents were very worried and it was only afterwards I learned that they had also run away from home to join the circus. “My mom was a clown and my dad rode the unicycle. But they both worked in hospitals for my entire life, so I never imagined they were that cool. Nobody ever thinks their parents might have been cool,” says Linz who has now retired from long-running shows KÀ and Mystère, her enviably petite frame enabling her to literally double as a child, most recently portraying a boy in a Spiderman costume in a popular US commercial. “There’s a romanticism about the idea of running away and joining the circus and for generations there have been husband and wife partners but it’s never had a sexy image until Cirque du Soleil. Then they took that to a new level with Zumanity. “I think anybody involved in the circus is ultimately a romantic. “I’ve been with my boyfriend Nathan for 11 years but we’re not married and there’s something really romantic about the idea of getting up and choosing each other every day and not taking each other for granted,” she says. Linz has had her fair share of admirers over the years: “There was a gentleman who came and saw me fly at least once a week for a few years when I was in Mystère. I’m hesitant to talk more about it because it ended up being a pretty uncomfortable situation,” she says, insisting that her own popularity was dwarfed by that of KÀ’s Japanese baton artist Noriko Takahashi. “Noriko is amazing and has unbelievably dedicated fans. Whenever someone showed up with five dozen roses in a giant crystal vase, you automatically knew it was for her. She’s just one of those few people who people fall in love with on stage.”

“I think anybody involved in the circus is ultimately a romantic.”




Gill Pringle

film If a mov ie th and Julie at’s basically R om tw like you ith zombies so eo r perf unds new rele ect storyline, th en ase W will tick arm Bodies every b ox.


loving dead W

hen zombie romance Warm Bodies topped the US box office recently, it hammered a stake through the heart of Hollywood’s love affair with vampires. The collective lust for these pale-skinned blood-suckers has fuelled a veritable cottage industry of vampire entertainment over recent years; the Twilight movie franchise and TV’s True Blood leading the way. These were the new breed of sexy modern vampires - no dusty coffin-dwelling Draculas needed apply. But as Nicholas Hoult’s undead slacker has proven in Warm Bodies, the public has plenty of love to give to the right zombie hottie. Warm Bodies began life humbly enough as a seven-page online short story entitled “I am a Zombie filled with Love”. Generating huge internet buzz, author Isaac Marion expanded it into his debut 2010 novel which hit the bookshelves the same time as TV’s The Walking Dead premiered, signalling the dawn of a new zombie era.

Rights to Marion’s book were quickly snapped up and Jonathan Levine was enlisted to adapt and direct this film about a lovelorn zombie living in a post-apocalyptic world, unhappy with his soulless lifestyle. As star-crossed lovers, Teresa Palmer’s warm-blooded Julie and Hoult’s zombie must overcome not only a legion of rampant super-zombies but also the disapproval of Julie’s zombie hunter father played by John Malkovich. Hoult, 23, found inspiration for his own zombie shuffle, watching Shaun of The Dead and Zombieland. “It’s a very odd thing to do - to pretend to be a zombie. I would stumble around a little bit, and if I was particularly hung-over then I’d feel as though I could do a really good zombie. Other times, I would do my zombie walk on the treadmill at the gym if I thought nobody was looking,” laughs the actor who also worked with a movement coach. Australia’s own lovely Palmer, 27, muses that the undead might actually be a metaphor for today’s disenfranchised society: “I think the zombies represent a lot of broken spirits that,

in society, I’m faced with them all the time: depressive people, cynical people. To me, at the core of what Warm Bodies is the fact that love can prevail; love breathes life back into people, and I’m just a huge believer in that.” And while Warm Bodies’ author insists the film is not “Romeo and Juliet with zombies”, Levine couldn’t resist inserting a pivotal Romeo and Juliet-esque balcony scene. Of course, much of the humour comes from Hoult’s voice-over narration given that his zombie state has rendered him virtually monosyllabic to the point where he can only say the first letter of his own name, ‘R’. “The Romeo and Juliet thing? I think I was probably one of the last people to cop onto that!” says Palmer. “I finally figured it out when we were shooting the scene when I’m asking Nick ‘Do you have a name?’ and he’s trying to say his name and I’m supposed to guess what he’s saying, ‘Richard, Robert…’ And I end up saying ‘Romeo?’ and then Jonathan said ‘Don’t actually say Romeo’! In that moment I was like ‘Aaah. Now I get it!’ But I love that we play homage to one of the greatest love stories in the world.”




Warm Bodies will be in cinemas from April 11





� Teenage kicks


s it a book? Is it a comic? Or is it an original idea? Rarely does the latter actually make its way to the big screen and Hollywood - faced with a dwindling supply of comic book heroes - is increasingly turning to literature in search of the next blockbuster. Harry Potter and Twilight, both based on Young Adult book series, are today viewed as the Holy Grail of film-making, leading to a steady stream of copycats, most recently with Beautiful Creatures, based on the first novel of a four-book collection. What all of these book-to-movie franchises share in common is a supernatural romance involving teens possessed of special gifts. Based on the best-selling YA novels by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl, Beautiful Creatures is a Mortal-meets-Witch love story, throwing up the same Mortaland-Vampire struggles with interspecies romantic issues as the Twilight franchise. The parallels are obvious, so much so that when writer/director Richard LaGravenese was casting Beautiful Creatures, his two first choice leads ran kicking and screaming in the opposite direction, fearful of Rob and Kristen-style fame and all that entailed. But after Jeremy Irons, Viola Davis and Emma Thompson signed on, the two younger actors gave Beautiful Creatures a second look; Alice Englert and Alden Ehrenreich ultimately changing their minds and taking the lead roles of Lena Duchannes and Ethan Wate. In a generation motivated by a desire to get famous, you may ask yourself why both actors were so picky. After all, neither is exactly a household name. But it all becomes clear when you learn that Englert, 18, is the daughter of celebrated



Kiwi director Jane Campion and that Ehrenreich, 23, was discovered in high school by Steven Spielberg, his mentor ever since. Reluctant to trade on her mother’s success, Englert says: “I was born into a film family, born into loving stories, but I got into acting the way everyone else does, in that you do the hard slog of auditioning, and you hear a lot of people say ‘no’ and you don’t take it personally.” The actress who has no formal training plunged into the acting game headfirst when her mother cast her in her short film, The Water Diary six years ago. “I studied with my mother and I respect her work a lot. We love working together. Mine was a home-grown experience.” But luck, not nepotism, was on her side when LaGravenese came across one of Englert’s old audition tapes: “Richard pursued me actually. And once I’d actually read the script I had so much respect for the story and everyone working on this, so I auditioned and I got it.” She identified easily with her teen witch character whose magical gifts separate her from her mortal classmates: “She’s a young girl, she’s insecure and she’s in love, she feels things, she feels out of control - I feel that all the time. “I’ve also moved around a lot as she has. I know what it’s like to not know where you stand in a place and, because of that, not really wanting to get into something,” says the Sydney-born actress who spent her childhood trotting around the US and Europe accompanying her mother on film sets. If Englert’s lovestruck teenager is all angst, then Emmy Rossum has the

Craving a new Twilight hit? Beautiful Creatures fits the bill, says Gill Pringle.

most fun of all, portraying a siren who persuades men to obey her every whim. “It was almost too much fun. I was surprised they actually paid me to do the film. I got to dress up in lots of costumes and be really glamorous and evil. I haven’t actually looked good in a while on film,” points out Rossum, 26, whose first big break was as the glamorous ingenue in the movie version of Phantom of The Opera, and more recently starring as a slutty loudmouth in TV drama Shameless. “I feel like I’ve been doing my TV show for so long, I’ve become used to no hair and makeup and all of a sudden here I am in wigs and mascara, three sets of lashes, long fingernails, lace and Christian Louboutins.” If Rossum were truly possessed with the powers of a siren, she has a private fantasy about how she’d use them. “I’d have men cook amazing feasts for me because I feel like I’m always cooking the amazing feast on dates. I’m running around trying to make sure the lobster doesn’t burn then the dude is like, ‘Yeah, this is tasty.’ I’m like, ‘that’s it? That took four hours. I julienned all the vegetables’.” And while Beautiful Creatures is set in a magical world, Rossum hopes audiences see beyond the gimmickry into the real heart of the story. “It’s a sweet love story dealing with the same problems anyone encounters in their first relationship. It’s not just that they can’t be together because she’s magical and he’s mortal, it’s also about what people go through and the arguments they have. The way Richard writes a teenage voice is intelligent; not snarky or silly or patronizing.”



he graceful streets of Fremantle will shortly host some of the world’s most acclaimed street theatre, music, comedy, circus and cabaret performers. Since 1999, the event has grown to become the largest streets arts festival in Australia – and this year is set to be the biggest and best yet, attracting an estimated 150,000 spectators. French company Bilbobasso will headline the Festival this year with ‘Polar’, a visually stunning performance combining bold flame work and the intensity and infinite tenderness of Argentinean tango. Bilbobasso captured the attention of Festival Director Alex Marshall on a rainy night at the Chalon dans la Rue in France and he knew at that point he wanted to bring the act to Freo. “This show had everything – it was sassy, sexy, dramatic and world class theatre on the street. It was pouring down with rain, but it didn’t stop the enormous audience from being transfixed. “We’re thrilled to be bringing this amazing show to Australia for the first time. It is a reflection of where the Fremantle Street Arts Festival is headed and a testament to the event that we are able to attract these world-class artists,” said Alex. With the exception of a few ticketed night shows, most performances over the weekend are ‘free’, with the rule of the game being to pay what you believe the entertainment was worth as the artists pass their hat through the crowd.



Gabi Mills

freo festival FREO FESTIVAL FACTS Over 20 street theatre, music, comedy, circus and cabaret artists are taking part in the 2013 Fremantle Street Arts Festival. 13 of these are international and seven will make their Australian debut during the Festival. Last year 110,000 patrons passed through the Festival generating over $3.7m for the local economy. This year, artists will travel to Fremantle from France, Italy, Spain, Belgium, Ireland, USA, Portugal, Japan, UK and Canada.

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@ 54

Must see highlights BILBOBASSO (FRANCE) Think a magical combination of the romance and passion of an Argentinian tango in a mash up with flame throwers and you’ll get the picture. When a mysterious young woman and a ruthless gangster meet, their attraction seems destined for tragedy, but can the dance save her? Descend into a world of dangerous cabaret, where lovers give themselves to desire and the flames of passion light up the night. Magical and madcap: An international line up of talent will take to the streets of Freo in March for the Southern Hemipshere’s largest arts festival.

LE DUE E UN QUARTO (ITALY) Puppetry meets street theatre as two precocious (and disturbing) newborn babies careen their prams through the streets inviting passers-by to join in their mischief making. Performance company, Senza Denti (‘without teeth’) has been recognised internationally for its ‘biting’ humour. THE PRIMITIVES (BELGIUM) The law of the day is laughs first, safety second as The Primitives celebrate the Day of the Carpenter. Two brothers set to work on their planks of wood, measuring, marking, singing, stumbling, cutting and, well, bleeding. But have no fear, determination and your encouragement will see their creation come good in a hilarious ode to men and their tools. The Primitives will also be holding a five-day workshop at the Spare Parts Puppet Theatre prior to the Festival for those local performers keen to develop their skills.


FADUNITO (SPAIN/CATALAN) Be comforted, confronted, taunted and delighted as a roving wheelchair reminds us of our shared humanity and vulnerability. While some turn a blind eye, others take a playful spin in a show that will change the way you see impairment. LORDS OF STRUT (IRELAND)


Ireland’s hardest working man-band bust out a hot acrobatic/dance/comedy extravaganza – proving they are destined to be the most famous dancers who ever lived (probably). ROB TORRES (USA)


Get set for mesmerising physical comedy and flourishes of circus fun as international man of mirth Rob Torres shows you the hilarity in the everyday world. GABEZ (JAPAN) Get your pulse pounding as this dynamic Japanese duo spin, flip and burn up Freo’s sunbaked pavements with their scorching synchronised dance moves. Then marvel at a slow motion Kung-Fu fantasy that fuses humour with exceptional stage fight choreography. THE CHIPOLATAS (UK) After 20 years and 43 countries, this revered trio is more popular than ever, continuing to push the boundaries of live entertainment, blending traditional styles with breathtaking innovation. GRANT GOLDIE (UK) Gravity-defying performer will leave onlookers gobsmacked as glass balls move weightlessly across his body, suitcases float in mid-air and a broomstick stands effortlessly on his fingertips. DADO (CANADA) Drink deeply from a dazzling cocktail of weird and whacky worldclass vaudeville featuring an array of original props, physical comedy, improvisation and unusual instruments of eccentricity. LES VITAMINES (CANADA) Physically daring, comedically delightful, Les Vitamines have only one goal: to put a smile on their audience’s faces. So line up, line up for some startling acrobatic skills with generous serves of laughter.


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Matthew Zuckerman

Byron Bay will be a pretty sweet spo t in March thanks to a storming five day long blues festival, with a roll call of music greats and rising stars set to riva l Woodstock.




“A festival is a pop-up city. You have an instant microcosm of the world around you. I just hope we can stick around for the whole thing.” Grace Potter, The Nocturnals.

If you build it, they’ll come.” That’s a pretty good premise for a story about baseball, a fantasy set in Iowa, and it made for a pretty good film (Field of Dreams starring Kevin Costner). But how about if you switch the subject from baseball to blues and the setting to Byron Bay… and the fantasy to real life? Well, Peter Noble (the Kevin Costner of this tale) did just that, establishing a blues festival in Byron Bay, and they did come. They’ve kept coming for more than 20 years and 20,000 of them will be coming between March 28th and April 1st this year. “Since 2008 we’ve had our own site,” says Peter, “and that’s very different from renting a site two weeks before. As soon as people come in they can see the difference. Drainage, loading, power… all the things an event site needs.” Byron Bay Bluesfest is now a mammoth five-day festival with a cast list of musicians to rival Woodstock itself. Peter didn’t get to go to that epochmaking event, and he hasn’t been to Glastonbury, Bonnaroo or any of the other successful festivals around the world. “I don’t have any plans to go either,” he laughs. “I don’t want to be influenced.” He seems to be doing all right as it is. The 2013 line-up is staggering in its range – not only blues and R&B, gospel, funk and rock & roll, but everything from folk and punk to reggae, country and prog rock. And the list of headliners is even more astonishing. “This is the sixth or seventh year we’ve been trying to get Robert Plant, and we’ve finally got him,” says Peter with joy. “And now he’s got a new band that is featuring loads of Led Zeppelin songs as well as his own stuff, so I’m glad we’ve got him this year.” Add names like Paul Simon, Santana, Iggy Pop & the Stooges, Bonnie Raitt, Shawn Colvin and the Steve Miller Band

to the line-up, and you’re talking about a serious assembly of musical talent. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. “I’m really looking forward to seeing Wilco,” Peter enthuses – still a true music fan after all these years – “and Michael Kiwanuka, one of the next generation.” There are plenty of younger musical acts including Counting Crows, Rufus Wainwright, Dropkick Murphys, Seth Lakeman, The Lumineers, Grace Potter and The Nocturnals, The Zak Brown Band… The list goes on and on. Then for the dyed-in-the-wool blues fan, you’ve got Taj Mahal, Robert Cray, Allen Toussaint, Mavis Staples, Ben Harper and Charlie Musselwhite, and the up and coming William Elliott Whitmore. “The first time I was in Australia I was opening for Frank Turner,” says Whitmore, home on his farm in Iowa between gigs. (Both Turner and Whitmore will be appearing on the opening day of the Bluesfest, on March 28th.) “I never thought I’d ever get that far from home, but the folks were really enthusiastic, so I’m looking forward to returning. I’ll get to meet a lot of folks and see old friends.” Grace Potter will be looking to make new friends when she and The Nocturnals arrive on their first visit to Australia. “We’re so excited to get down to the festival at Byron Bay,” Grace says. “A festival is a pop-up city. You have an instant microcosm of the world around you. I just hope we can stick around for the whole thing.”

Class of 2013: Byron Bay Bluesfest has attracted global stars, including (from left) Ben Harper, Santana, banjo supremo William Elliot Whitmore, the Dropkick Murphys, and Grace Potter.

She’ll be playing on the first and third day of the festival, so she just might get her wish. According to Peter Noble, about half of the paying audience will stay for the whole five days, down from two-thirds four or five years ago. “But that’s not a problem, quite the reverse. The five-dayer veterans bring their own food to cook and consume much less. One-day festival goers pay more to get in and they consume more. “But we’re very aware that there’s less disposable income around nowadays and the festival is not cheap. On top of the ticket, there’s a long flight or drive, food, drink. People don’t go out and spend money like they used to, so you’ve got to be the one event people choose.” And that’s just what the people are doing. Many of the VIP packages are already sold out for this year’s festival and ticket sales are doing well, even in this year’s wobbly economic climate. “We always hold back some for sale at the gate to dissuade scalpers,” Peter says, “and there’s a ticket exchange plan on the website in case you buy a ticket but then can’t come.”




Byron Bay Bluesfest runs from March 28th to April 1st. Tickets range from $545 per adult for the full five days to $139 for the opening day, and $179 for the mid-festival Saturday (which will see Robert Plant, Wilco, Iggy & the Stooges, Grace Potter and the Dropkick Murphys among many others). For all ticket prices, the full line-up and playing schedule, as well as information about travel and accommodation, go to au or call (+61) 2 6685 8310.



Gabi Mills

red dog festival


days Can’t get enough of that iconic red pooch who stole our hearts? Then spend the WA Day long weekend at a new event – the Red Dog Festival.


e was a special mutt, no doubt. And to celebrate the Pilbara’s most famous four legged friend, the first event of its kind has been planned for May 31 to June 2 in the Pilbara. With loads of fun stuff to get up to at the Red Dog Festival, it’s the chance for locals and FIFOs to come together and enjoy some community spirit in the name of the big russet pooch. The flagship event – the Red Dog Fesitval Relay – is a team adventure relay covering an epic 336 kms of the West Pilbara landscape. Teams of four will run, cycle, walk, swim, paddle and drive their way through the eight-leg event over two days. Peter Kay, who is organising the event, is looking forward to celebrating all that the Pilbara is famous for – and introducing ‘Pilbara virgins’ to the stunning scenery around the Millstream-chichester National Park as well as the Dampier archipelago. “Red Dog Festival was conceived in the spirit of the famous red kelpie,” says Peter. “The community spirit, the adventurous streak and the will to wander using all manner

of transport – that’s all reflected in this event.” He’s not wrong. As part of the relay race, participants will swim in the MillstreamChichester National park, paddle around the archipelago, drive through the spinifex-fringed red rock landscape, cycle through the inland Pilbara, run between townships and camp out under the stars “We’ve been planning the festival for 18 months,” says Peter, who’s also added a line up of social events, live music and other fun stuff to bookend the sporting endeavours. And of course there will be dog shows too. Koko would be proud, up there in doggy heaven.

Registrations are now open for the Red Dog Festival Relay. If you’re interested, register at Teams are limited to 100. For all the latest news and updates, visit Red-Dog-Festival/19716466 3754027?ref=ts&fref=ts

Stretch yourself: The Red Dog Festival will give participants the chance to explore the true majesty of the Pilbara landscape - on land and on the water.


red dog festival


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In the



Gabi Mills







t was one of those spur of the moment conversations which turned a little bud of an idea into an organisational freight train. Three generations of gals from the same family plus one best mate, taking the chance to hang out together in one of Bali’s most beautiful villa resorts, Karma Jimbaran. Me, my mother, and my nine year old daughter Daisy thought it might be fun to nip over to Bali for five nights of bonding, braiding and babi guling, joined by my friend Julie from Dubai, which in her case involved 24 hours of travel. That’s friendship, that is, right there. We arrived in the early afternoon, just skirting the latest cyclone flirting with the Pilbara and were immediately introduced to the deep joys of the Karma VIP service. Our party of three was whisked through customs, luggage collection and the usual clamour at the exit without having to exchange even two words with a Balinese official. Red tape turned into ticker tape, as we stepped into our limo, complete with little jars of homemade cookies to munch on the 20 minute drive to the resort. Before we knew it, we were stepping through the threshold to our home for the next five days – no need to check in, Ms Gabi. We can do that later. We’d been upgraded to a four bedroom villa but that description doesn’t really do justice to Villa 35’s spectacular scale. My mother had her own pavilion, set apart from the main living area, complete with

Glory days: Below and left, Karma Jimbaran’s villas are spacious in the extreme, plenty of room for Daisy (right) and the rest of Gabi’s party (bottom pic) to spread out and enjoy themselves.

four poster bed, bath and shower room and all mod cons. Meanwhile, Daisy had the option of two beds to sleep in for her stay, while I swanned around in the master suite which was set above Julie’s double sized room. Mine was a giant space, complete with dressing room and the largest bath I’ve seen for a very long time, as well as a rainforest shower. Mosquito nets were supplied (and necessary during our visit in the wet season), as well as mosquito coils and spray in every room. The Karma way is to anticipate the whim of each guest and exceed it, and Sali, our villa’s personal butler, more than managed this during our stay. A plate of fresh fruit? No problem. Yakult to calm a jittery tum? Of course. We had a fully stocked kitchen, complete with microwave, fridge filled with Bintang and other cold drinks, and an ever-replenished tea and coffee station. On the way to the villa, our chauffeur thoughtfully offered to stop off at a nearby Pepito supermarket, so we had topped up on essentials – which for four girls off the leash meant Magnums, mini Cornettos, more Bintang and juices to top up our duty free liquor. We had chosen Karma Jimbaran for several reasons, but one of the most important was The Three Monkeys kids’ club. Daisy was keen to make some new friends while away from home, as well as try some of the activities on offer,

and the club seemed just the ticket. Situated just above the Karma Lounge (where breakfast, lunch and dinner is served), the kids’ club was a comfortable spot, perfect for depositing your two to 12 year olds should you fancy a bit of kid-free time, secure in the knowledge they’ll be having fun too. During our stay, Daisy bobbed in and out of the club making a picture frame for her Dad, dressing up as an Indonesian lady, and had half her hair braided into minute little plaits, complete with beads. All for free. She could also have learned some Balinese cookery skills, watch a movie, made a kite, or made a doughnut out of a flannel (no, we don’t know why either) – in short, for even the most ADHD kid, there should be something to spark an interest for an hour or two. There’s a sense of privacy and complete serenity at Karma Jimbaran which makes you feel like you’re the only guests around. Once the teak hand carved doors to your villa complex are closed, it could just be you, your family and, in our case, the little big clawed crab which scuttled in and out of the pool who were experiencing the Karma vibe. In fact there are around 40 villas of varying sizes scattered across the spacious resort, some perched higher up the hill which slopes gently away from Jimbaran beach, just across the road from reception. Little fish restaurants cling to the beach, every night creating a fug of BBQ smoke as they vie for



passing trade. Red and white snapper, crab, giant prawns, and squid – all cooked stiff fresh, caught that morning by the fishermen who still ply their trade in traditional boats before most of the tourists in the strip have even woken up. You can eat cheaply and well here – and if you get the timing right (around 6pm) you’ll chomp while the sunset puts on the best free sideshow in town. During our stay we ate here and at the Karma Lounge, enjoying an impromptu singsong with resident guitarist, Alfonse, who obliged Daisy’s desire to bang out a delightful rendition of One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful”. X Factor, look out. It was an example of how accommodating the entire staff at the resort are, reserving

special smiles for us, no matter what onerous task they were performing, from the daily turn down and cleaning of our rooms, to delivering breakfast the morning after the night before. If we’d needed it, there’s a babysitting service on tap, but we were happy to take Daisy along with us if we went out, or, if we were chatting into the night, she would watch in-room’s TV’s Disney channel nightly movie til sleep crept over her. The problem with Karma Jimbaran is that it’s too seductive. It’s too hard to leave and that’s a shame because Bali is one of the most vibrant, exciting cultures to explore, right on WA’s doorstep. However, I did manage to wrench myself away (with Daisy in tow)

Terms & Conditions: Prices based on travel late September to early November. Prices correct at the time of publishing, are per person based on twin share. On sale 31 Mar ’13. Prices subject to availability, fuel surcharge increase, seasonal variations and currency fluctuations. Prices subject to change without notice. Conditions apply. Licence 9TA 1193.


1300 789 567

to experience a not-to-be-missed nightly expression of Bali’s innate spirituality. The temple at Uluwatu, a half hour drive from the resort, is one of Bali’s nine directional temples, the 11th century buildings clinging to the edge of an impressively scary looking clifftop. Our driver, Lincoln, looked at the gathering clouds as we arrived, and said he hoped there wouldn’t be rain. I was more worried about the collection of voracious monkeys we’d been warned about. Don’t take bags, wear jewellery or in fact anything that can be wrenched from your body by a pair of little monkey hands as these macaws give the Artful Dodger a run for his money. Even spectacles can go walkabout so the umbrellas ▶


Idyllic: The villa’s plunge pools offer a private oasis of luxury under Bali’s sultry skies.

travel Daisy and I held were more for self defence than any light shower we might encounter. The temple grounds are impressive but we’d come for the nightly Kecak dance, performed by 150 of the area’s local men, all bare chested with printed cloth around their waists. The name is derived from the ‘cak cak’ sound the men make while they chant, telling the story of how the monkeylike Vanara helped Prince Rama fight the evil King Ravana, in a scene from the Ramayana. We got front row seats in the natural auditorium and were entranced by the hypnotic chanting of the men, all sitting crossed legged around a fire. However, Lincoln’s prediction of a ‘shower’ was a gross understatement. By the time the second round of chants began, an almighty storm was unleashed within a matter of second. Our umbrellas were thrust upwards and tourists began to scatter in all directions, as parents in thongs and t-shirts clasped toddlers to their chests, immediately drenched by the downpour. Daisy and I rushed back towards the entrance, gamely waving our umbrellas around at any would-be monkey thieves. It was, frankly, all a bit terrifying to be caught in the middle of one of nature’s most dramatic maelstroms but thankfully I had an answer to quell Daisy’s mounting hysteria. The gold arches of McDonalds’, bright like a beacon, provided just the comfort a little girl far from home and soaked to the skin could need. Nuggets never seemed so wonderful. Our days passed simply enough, punctuated by a dip in the plunge pool which became scattered by frangipani from the ancient tree overhanging it’s azure waters, reading trash and choosing nibbles from the clever tapas menu at lunchtime. There’s a chic little shopping centre, Jimbaran Corner, just down the road with the added bonus of offering golf cart-based rides back to the resort, much to Daisy’s pleasure. As a special treat we arranged for the chef to create a BBQ just for us around our own villa’s pool and were overwhelmed by the mountains of food – fresh seafood, steak, pork, chicken and fresh salads, homemade dessert and champagne. There’s a spa, a boutique, a library and a gym in the resort too, and we all took advantage of the program of massages and mani/pedis on offer, either in your villa or at the spa itself. There are plenty of specially designed man-based treatments too, and a steady stream of relaxed looking clients of both sexes would pad in and out of the spa throughout the day. Too soon it was time to pack and leave, regrets felt that we didn’t make it to Ubud/explore the hinterland/move at all, really. However, we had put the world to rights on several occasions, laughed til we cried, realised that the bonds between us all were stronger than ever, and, in Daisy’s case, realised that being a cheeky monkey was no bad thing after all. Gabi and her party stayed courtesy of Karma Resorts in Villa 35 at Karma Jimbaran for five nights.

2013 2014 rates







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Rock chicks


If you can bear to prise yourself away from Karma Jimbaran, there’s another oasis of tranquility just up the road at the Ayana Resort and Spa. Famed for its stunning Rock Bar, literally set on some impressive crags, it’s the perfect place to sip a cocktail as the sun goes down. But before you get your hands on a mojito, why not try the resort’s world class Thalasso spa to get your spirit and soul aligned in preparation for the evening’s pleasures ahead? One of the world’s largest Aquatonic Seawater therapy pools contains over 700 million litres of seawater, supplied direct from the Indian Ocean. An ancient treatment program going back five millenia, it’s believed seawater has curative properties, helping to restore minerals lost through stress and poor diet. Thanks to the fact that the chemical composition of seawater is so similar to that of our blood, the skin happily absorbs all the trace minerals and ions present in seawater as you pass through 12 hydromassage stations, which contain over 60 individual therapeutic jet streams, micro-bubbles and geysers. It’s the effort-free way to revitalize your knackered old body while doing little more than floating from station to station. Two hours later, symptoms of eczema, psoriasis, muscular pain and stress should be a distant memory, while your skin feels like a supermodel’s thanks to the natural benefits of the seawater you’ve been submerged in. Get there two hours before sunset, and you’ll enjoy the Rock Bar’s stunning views, encased in a glowing new birthday suit (though you should probably get dressed if you want to get served). Aquatonic treatment – 2 hours/$55 Special offer – Book a Rock Bar VIP package and receive an bonus Rp1,000,000 credit to be used at Rock Bar. More details at

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story: Anna Hartley Photos: Helen Alexis Yonov illustrations: Barbara Bertoli


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The iconic sites of France’s first city are familiar to most people but what about the Paris that only the natives know? Here’s our guide to the parts of Paris that the locals would like to keep to themselves.







ometime around 250BC Jean-Pierrius-Baptistius, the first member of the Parisii tribe, dropped his bag by the grassy banks of the Seine, squinted at his sundial, and lit a cigarette. Fifteen minutes later a neighbouring tribesman with a stone tablet around his neck arrived. After carving a picture and getting lost he asked for directions to a good hotel. Jean-Pierrieus-Baptistius shrugged. This set the tone for all future interactions between tourists and locals in the City of Lights. But without an article such as this which will guide you away from the usual tourist traps, you can’t really be blamed for getting it wrong. So ecoutez bien mes amies (listen up friends), this here is the low-down on some of the lesser-known, cooler and more interesting places in the city. This is how to do Paris like a local.


The Saint-Martin canals were originally built to provide the city with clean drinking water, but now it’s a watering hole of a different kind. When the weather is fine every man and his dog, guitar and eight closest friends comes down to hang out. When the sun has set, join the bar-hoppers between the grungy Le Point FMR down to L’Atmosphère, or hit tiny Cafè Bonnie on rue des Récollets for the best Cuba Libres and Mojitos. Just be ready to be regularly asked for cigarettes (clopes) by wayward fourteen year olds as you cruise around this area. Still in the east, but further south, the ultra hip Wanderlust in the 13th district alternates between nightclub, restaurant and cinema. Adjoining the modern bright green luminescence of the Cité de la Mode et du Design it is hard to miss. Close by, and later on, the fleet of boat clubs such as le Petit Bain, permanently anchored opposite the Bibliothèque François Mitterrand, always have the coolest electro, house, dub-step and hip-hip international acts.




Now we’ve got drinking sorted, it’s time for some home truths about food. Frogs legs will disappoint you, Nutella and banana crepes will not. There is no such thing as a typical Parisian dish, as the city has always drawn upon the best cuisine of everywhere else, and Parisified it, something Le Pré Verre in the Latin Quarter or La Gazzetta near Bastille do very well. Don’t be shy to engage the waiter in a long discussion about each dish on the menu and ask for his recommendations. They are Parisian. They know food. Trust them. A word on Asian food too. There are almost as many Japanese restaurants in Paris as there are boulangeries, but after puzzling over your first “Japanese” cheese-wrappedin-meat-on-a-stick you will be craving something real. You want Rue Saint-Anne. This street north of the metro Pyramides is a haven of authentic Asian restaurants, such as the very well priced Higuma. Every night of the week a line snakes out the door of this hot spot, but the tables are small, many and change hands quickly so you don’t have to wait for long.


An apero (predrinks) is the traditional way to start a night out, but buying wine in France can be a bit of a nightmare, as bottles are not helpfully labelled with their grape variety as in Australia. In France it’s all about the region and vinyeard, or chateau. So how the hell will you know what you will like? Don’t despair, its actually very easy. For a perfectly good bottle of wine, follow these rules: take a 10E note out of your wallet. Go to your nearest shop, look at the tops of the bottles of red until you see the number 33 (Bordeaux region), buy the bottle with the 10, and spend the change on a bottle opener, because screw-tops don’t exist here.


The Champs Elysee is supposed to be the most beautiful avenue in the world, and it’s renowned for its fashionable shops and people. In reality, most of it is overcrowded with tourists, beggars and cheap chain stores, which frankly removes some of the allure. For real Parisian style, you can’t go wrong in Saint Germain-des-Pres, with the super hip stores like Zadig and Volataire, agnès b and The Kooples. However if you are on a traveller’s budget, remember that frip is hip. Frip, short for frippery, means vintage or thrift, and The Marais is the best place to get hold of one-of-a-kind and re-born duds. Ranging from the beautiful Hippy Market on Rue de Temple to the Kilo Store, a gigantic vintage paradise where you pay per weight, to the crammed, chaotic Freepstar on Rue de la Verrerie, these are great places to find something unique about which you can later casually say “Oh this? I picked it up in Paris”.


Because most Parisians live in shoeboxes, they are very good at taking advantage of their beautiful public parks and gardens. Parc Monceau, Le Jardins du Luxembourg and Le Butte Charmont are among the best places to while away the hours with a book or lover (when in Paris, your significant other is always your ‹lover›). Not many people know that you can also walk all the way from Bastille to Cours de Vincenes without touching the ground; along the Promenade Plantée, a true secret garden which was a former above-ground train line, and the world’s first elevated park. Walking among the blooming roses and surrounded by the loamy, leafy aroma of nature, you can easily forget you are in the middle of one of the most densely populated cities in the world.


Local knowledge: Paris is packed with secret treasures, like beautiful public parks, hip stores, public art spaces and of course food and drink to rival the best in the world. Forget the traditional tourist hot spots like the Champs Elysee and the Eiffel Tower and live like a local during your visit to one of the most beautiful cities on Earth.

Back on ground level, there are galleries, theatres and cinemas on just about every street in Paris, so locals turn to A Nous Paris, a free weekly magazine you can find in every metro station, to narrow things down a bit. There is always something going on for free, and the smaller galleries and theatres usually have the weirder, cooler stuff on. Just keep the tiny Studio Galande in the Latin Quarter, and the comedy troupe The Improfessionals under your hat, because there isn’t enough room for everyone.


Speaking of heights, for some reason, the minute anyone gets to Paris the first thing they want to do is get up above it. That is, climb the Eiffel Tower. Yes, the view is fantastic, but many argue that you can get a better one is from the top of Montparnasse Tower in the 14th, the only high-rise in the city and possibly the ugliest building ever constructed. Next to having a great view of the Eiffel Tower, the best part about being at the top of Tour Montparnasse is that you can’t see Tour Montparnasse.




un apero = pre-drinks resto = restaurant bon app! = enjoy your meal! miam miam = yum yum ca va? = how’s it going A plus/A+ = see ya later Sante! = Cheers! Merde! = Shit!


un mec = a guy une meuf = a girl kif-kif = same-same j’ai la gueule de bois = I’m hungover

Terms & Conditions: Prices based on travel late September to early November. Prices correct at the time of publishing, are per person based on twin share. Prices subject to availability, fuel surcharge increase, seasonal variations and currency fluctuations. Prices subject to change without notice. Conditions apply. Licence 9TA 1193.


1300 789 567

Paris is a stunningly beautiful city, perfect for walking, and the coolest parts are the ones that reveal themselves as you explore. If you look carefully, you’ll notice that everyone always finds time for a threecourse lunch, a lingering glass of wine, or a leisurely conversation on a park bench. Beauty and attention to detail are what makes Paris, Paris. So try to resist the urge to look at the city through the lens of your camera, and take to the side streets. Let the city unfold in front of you, and find beauty in the small things. You’ll do Jean-Pierrius-Baptistius proud.

Win Win Win!!! WIN A THREE NIGHT FISHING HOLIDAY AT ECO BEACH! Here’s your chance to sample some of the world’s best fishing and holiday in style at Eco Beach. The idyllic Eco Beach is giving one lucky reader and a guest the chance to sample the resort’s unique vibe in our fantastic competition. Stay for three nights in an Ocean Front Eco Villa, and enjoy one day’s boat fishing for two, and one day’s land based fishing for two during your stay. Valued at $2650, this is a real getaway from it all treat – and all you have to do to enter is TELL US IN UNDER 25 WORDS WHY YOU SHOULD WIN THE CHANCE TO FISH OFF THE PRISTINE KIMBERLEY COAST. EMAIL YOUR ANSWER TO COMPETITIONS@CANDYMEDIA.COM.AU, AND MARK YOUR ENTRY ‘ECO BEACH’ BY 30 APRIL 2013.

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Ever fancied tooling along the freeway in the US in a Mustang Convertible and dropping by the Deep South’s most iconic musical and heritage spots along the way? Your wish is our command, say Swing Across Texas tour organisers John Davis and Greg Clayton.



g n i r e v Disco

r e h t o M ad Ro


STORY: Gabi Mills


t’s every muso-lover’s dream – to find themselves in the shadow of Graceland, outside Sun Studios or enjoying dinner at BB Kings in Memphis. Standing in the footsteps of the giants of rock n’ roll, just for a moment at least breathing the same air as Elvis, Buddy Holly and all the blues and country greats who lived and died in this incredible cradle of creativity. The Swing Across Texas tour has been put together to give Americana and music aficionados a unique chance to experience the American Way, from behind the wheel of a Mustang Convertible during a 21 night trip of a lifetime from LA on June 15 to Nashville on July 6 2013.

With over 40 years experience in the tourism and entertainment industries in Australia and the USA, tour leader Greg Clayton admits to a lifelong love affair with music – and American music in particular. Thanks to his expertise, the tour will come alive as he shares his wide knowledge of music genres, explaining the story behind the iconic venues visited. John and wife Colleen Davis meanwhile are the specialists in self-drive tours, and have been running them in the USA, UK and New Zealand for three decades. Thanks to their knowledge of the US – they lived there for years – they’ll bring a local’s knowledge to all the hidden places only a small group

on a tour like this can experience. The itinerary is the stuff of legends, the route map stretching like a gunslinger’s belt across the deep south of America, taking in the names of towns that sound like a a muso’s dream itinerary – Memphis, Nashville, the Mississippi, the Alamo and the Mother Road herself, Route 66. Once you’ve disembarked at LA, there will be the chance to glide down Mulholland Drive, shop like Lindsay Lohan on Sunset Boulevard before heading off to Las Vegas and Prince Harry’s favourite party spot, the Hard Rock Hotel. Driving times vary every day – for instance you’ll drive 266 miles (four hours ▶


Get your kicks on Route 66: This epic road trip will take in numerous iconic music-related sites as well as landscapes straight out of the movies. Just remember to pack your camera and an iPod playlist to fit the road map.

travel 25 minutes) to Las Vegas from LA, and just a couple of hours on another day from Flagstaff, Arizona to Albuquerque, New Mexico – but it’s no great torture to be behind the wheel of one of the world’s great muscle cars especially when some of the most stunning landscapes – both natural and man made - you’ll ever see will be passing by the windshield. You’ll stand in awe on the edge of the Grand Canyon, drive along the historic Route 66 to Amarillo before the great state of Texas opens up before you like a preacher man’s billowing gown. You’ll walk where Davy Crockett wore his rabbit skin hat near the mighty Alamo river, before reaching Austin – arguably the music capital of Texas. Home to many well known Americana artists, this is the place to enjoy live music until your feet can’t tap anymore. Then it’s on to Fort Worth, to stay in the famous Stock Yards precinct, and the chance to visit Billy Bob’s, home to the world’s largest honky tonk (that’s a type of bar that provides musical entertainment if your knowledge of deep

fact box

The trip costs $7,350 per person based on two people sharing a room and car hire (single supplement: $3,750), and includes: • 21 Nights accommodation • 22 Days Mustang Convertible hire including Loss & Damage Waiver, 2nd Driver • 21 Breakfasts & Hotel Parking • Eight dinners • The Bluebird Café – Nashville • Country Music Hall of Fame – Nashville • Wildhorse Saloon – Nashville • VIP Graceland Tour – Memphis • Sun Studios – Memphis

south lingo is less than encyclopedic). After a brief nod to Dallas and its infamous grassy noll it’s time for some good ole’ rhythm n’ blues at Clarksdale, Mississippi – home of the fabled Cross Roads where legend has it blues guitarist Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil. It’s also home to Clarksdale native and pretty damn famous actor Morgan Freeman’s Ground Zero Blues Club – a not to be missed chance to eat a fried green ‘sammich’, voodoo burger or maybe a plate of fried catfish. By the 18th day, you should be pumped for perhaps the highlight of the trip. Pull on those blue suede shoes and prepare to walk in Memphis, stay at the Peabody Hotel and eat at BB King’s diner. Then it’s time for a VIP trip to Graceland, Sun Studios, Heartbreak Hotel and perhaps a moment to muse next to the eternal deep dark Mississippi River itself. Nashville is the tour’s final destination but there’s one little gem to fit in before you fly back home. Take the back road via Tupelo, and you’ll find yourself outside what those who know these

• BB King’s Dinner & Show – Memphis • Dinner at Morgan Freeman’s Ground Zero Blues Club – Clarksdale • Dinner at Billy Bob’s – Fort Worth • Buddy Holly Centre – Lubbock • Las Vegas Show – Las Vegas • Comprehensive road book with daily route notes • GPS Navigator with full route planning (returned at tour end) • Personalised hardback and digital photo album • Classic Driving Tours Travel Pack

things is the birthplace of rock n’ roll itself – Elvis Presley’s childhood home. It’s fitting that as a grand finale there’s a treat in store for you and your tour compadres – a farewell dinner at one of Nashville’s legendary venues, The Blue Bird Café, the place where some of country music’s greatest stars have performed. Who knows – this might be the night you might get to leave your hat on with Joe Cocker or Stand by Your Man with Dolly. To book a place on the Swing Across Texas tour (June 15 to July 6), contact - places are strictly limited so be quick to secure your spot on this tour of a lifetime. STOP PRESS…. The Classic Driving Tours team have just added an additional departure date, leaving on the 6th July 2013 and returning on 27 July. It runs in reverse from Nashville to Los Angeles with exactly the same content.

the cars YOU GET TO CHOOSE FROM A FABULOUS RANGE OF AMERICAN MUSCLE CARS. The base car included in the itinerary is a Mustang Convertible or Coupe but if you want to upgrade to something with a little more muscle choose between Dodge Challenger RT, Corvette Convertible, Chevy Camaro SS, Cadillac CTS 2 door, Ford Mustang GT Premium or a Chevy Camaro SS Convertible.

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Bowers & Wilkins 800 Series Speakers as used in the Jones’ Family Home Theatre, Cottesloe

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Gabi Mills


Cycling is set to shrug off Lance’s dark shadow in 2013 with a series of top events in Australia, including Perth’s own Festival of Cycling from 7 to 14 April.


orget Lance Armstrong and his sorry saga played out on the world’s stage. There are plenty of true blue cycling icons out there – Britain’s Bradley Wiggins and Cadel Evans to name just two giants of the sport – who have inspired many to pull on the tight shorts and pound the streets on two wheels before the sun hits full strength. Capitalising on the nation’s renewed enthusiasm for cycling, Perth will host a series of world class road cycling races in April, in the heart of the city itself. Attracting elite riders from Australia, Japan, China, Singapore and New Zealand, it’s hoped Perth’s Festival of Cycling will do for the sport what Wimbledon does for tennis each year, encouraging a new generation of Cadels to ride off into the sunset. Spectators are encouraged to cheer on their favourites as the races tear through the streets of Perth and there are plenty of events to enjoy during the week long festival.

Free wheelin’

The Cycling Australia National Masters Track Championships kick off proceedings at the Midvale Speed Dome, WA’s only indoor velodrome. Seating up to 2,300 people, and made from high grade Siberian pine, this will be a high octane event, perfect for spectators after a speedy thrill. The UCI World Cycling Tour (UWCT) follows, with a maximum of 15 qualifier events culminating in the UWCT Final. This is an event which has won a reputation as a leading UCI-sanctioned qualifying event for amateurs and masters on the global cycling stage. This will be a stunning opportunity for Perth to show the world just what a beaut place it is, with the event split into two stages. Stage One involves a 20km time trial around Rotto, while on the second day there’s a 112km road race around Perth to enjoy. And then it’s the turn of the festival’s top event, the Woodside Tour de Perth, to roll into action, heralding the first event of the 2013 Subaru National Road Series – Australia’s

premier road cycling series of races. The jewel in the festival’s crown, this will give spectators the best chance to witness the thrill of a road cycling race up close and personal, in the heart of the CBD. The event which takes place over a series of days will include racing around Rottnest Island, up to the Perth Hills with a one hour criterium in Kalamunda’s town centre, before climaxing with a 112km race in and around Perth itself. Finally on April 14, there’s a Café Ride, which is a mass participation ride, open for all. So whack on your cycling helmet, adjust your racing seat and get ready for Perth’s contribution to the renaissance of the pushbike. Registrations are currently open for all events. UWCT Perth is now giving the opportunity for competitors to race on behalf of clubs, shops or corporate teams. For more information, visit


cycling Luke Durbridge, Ambassador for Perth’s Festival of Cycling tells RC all about the rush of two wheel speed


RC: What is it about cycling that you love?

LD: What I love about cycling is the freedom your bike gives you. I can get on my bike and go wherever I want. I love pushing myself to the limit - either up hill or going full on down a descent. I love how I can travel the world racing my bike.


RC: Who’s your hero?

LD: Growing up I had a lot of cycling heroes or people that I looked up to, but now I race against most of them so I guess it’s hard to still call them heroes Most of the older Aussie cyclists are always willing to give advice to me which is something I don’t take for granted and truly appreciate.


RC: If you weren’t a cyclist, what would you be? LD: I would play rugby, hopefully for the Western Force. I also always wanted to be a Wallaby.


RC: What’s involved in being the Perth Festival of Cycling Ambassador?

5 6

LD: Perth is my home and I grew up riding my bike around the streets of Perth, so when I was asked to be an ambassador for Perth’s Festival of Cycling I jumped at the chance. It’s a great opportunity to give back to the community. The world-class series of races aim to grow the sport of cycling in Perth.

RC: Do you like your nickname - Turbo Durbo? LD: I think its kind of funny as it started out as a joke username when I was 12 and now it’s my nickname and used pretty much in every newspaper or headline I am in. It’s one that suits my style of riding so I’m starting to embrace it. However, I don’t refer to myself as Turbo.


RC: Where would you like to be in 10 years time? LD: That is a tough one to answer. In a cycling sense I would have loved to have won the world time trial title by then and represented my country at the Olympics. All I want is to continually improve each year as there is always more to learn.

RC: What do you do in your spare time? LD: I listen to a lot of music. I bang the drums every now and then. Plus I have a lot of nana naps during the day to recover from training.


RC: Tell us about your dream bike ride. LD: It would be on an old school Colonago [bike frame] with full carbon lightweight wheels and Campag record gearing that I can ride around the river in Perth with a few extra kilos around the waist when I retire.



Lee Cooper Lee Cooper for Oceans Downunder ©




white e d i r e l knuck



Diving with sharks isn’t for the faint-hearted but as Lee Cooper discovers, if you’re after the ultimate adrenaline rush, nothing comes close to spending some up close and personal time with the ocean’s greatest predators.


xtreme sports offer all kinds of adrenalin thrills but none of them come close to the adrenalin hit you’ll get when you come face to face with a great white shark for the first time. We went out on Calypso Star Charters for a four day trip to Port Lincoln in South Australia to see if we too could experience that type of adrenalin hit for ourselves and we weren’t disappointed. The trip to our destination from Perth involved a flight to Adelaide then a short flight to Port Lincoln, then a four hour boat trip over to the Neptune Islands. The islands are known worldwide for their great white population, which tend to congregate in front of the many seal colonies which inhabit the steep but accessible rocky outcrops. The Islands themselves are nothing spectacular to look at but you can tell that there is something just not quite right about the waters when 200 seals stand on the edge peering into the water with none of them game enough to hop in for a swim. On the other hand, we were very keen. After our briefing by skipper Andrew, we sat scattered around the decks of the boat to see if we could glimpse any shark action. Andrew was busy getting ‘chum’ sorted out in the form of a big bucket of blood and fish bits. Then a huge piece of tuna gill plate was tied to a rope. This was the bait which would really attract the big fish. Once the chum was thrown into the water a mass of baitfish filled the water which considering the overcast conditions and the breeze, was relatively calm. Suddenly there was the yell “SHARK!” We had only been there for 13 minutes – impressive stuff. We all clambered to the rear of the boat to see our first glimpse of a great white shark. It was awesome. Only four metres in length this male shark (believe me, you can tell), made a couple of runs at the bait only to be disappointed as Andrew pulled the gill plate towards the boat and pulling it out at the last second. A raised head and lovely view of a perfect row of huge white triangular teeth was our first real experience with a white. It was definitely time to ‘kit up’ and jump into the cage. We had all drawn straws before we had arrived so we had our order of who was going in first. Naturally having an older brother and sister, I was used to cheating at such things so of course I was first in line with my buddy who was also quite appreciative that I had learned the art of cheating when drawing straws. We put on our dry suits (the water was a chilly 12 degrees) and stood at the back of the boat. We relied on Andrew at this stage to tell us when the shark was facing the opposite direction so we could jump across on top of the cage and drop in through the latch door. Even without a four metre Great White shark waiting for us this would be a tricky manoeuvre, but once we were given the signal, the adrenalin had already started to pump and we managed to get in relatively easy. Once inside the cage there were two regulators to breathe from and plenty of line to be able to move around the cage. To stop you falling over when the shark hits, there are bars around the base of the cage allow you to tuck your feet underneath and there are quite large openings to be able to see, photograph or video your shark friends while in the cage. You can hook up your Go Pro to video the whole experience too which is the best way to capture the real life pant filler moments. And there were plenty of those. Once we had set ourselves up in the cage we started to look beyond the walls to see what lurked in the deep cold waters of the Neptune Islands. The water was surprisingly shallow (about 20 metres) so you could see the bottom quite clearly. There were huge stingrays cruising around the bottom amidst the sand and a few visible rocks. Suddenly the cage shuddered and there was an huge crash. Turning around at the same time my buddy and I were confronted with a huge set of open jaws and a shark which had a very good hold on the cage with its teeth. My feet were taken out from under me, thanks to the sheer force that our new friend had unleashed on the cage. I dropped my camera which thankfully had a lanyard on it so I didn’t lose it. I quickly worked out at that point that the bars to put your feet under were a really good idea and began to use them properly. We spent the next 30 or so minutes watching out as a couple more sharks appeared from the distance until eventually there were six sharks circling, bumping and chasing the baits around the cage. Andrew would throw baits out and get the sharks to chase it towards him (and us) as we were directly underneath where he was ▶


diving standing. The sharks would speed in and launch at the bait just as he pulled it out of the water giving us a full view of a wide open mouth and lots of teeth. Occasionally the shark would either mistake the speed it was travelling and hit the cage, or out of sheer frustration it would just latch onto the cage and have a chew. It didn’t matter either way to us as the excitement was intense. Our photos were pretty cool too for amateurs – or at least we thought so until we saw some of the others. The next group went in after us and enjoyed some of the same intense shark activity while we stood above taking photos of all the stuff going on at the surface. We saw a great white catch a bird that was sitting on the surface in one chomp. We also saw something that reminded me of my childhood days of being pushed around as a kid by my older brother and sister. There were a bunch of seals sitting on the rock edge looking on at us (about 30 metres away) when suddenly one of the seals hobbled up behind another smaller one and belted it knocking it into the water – water which was by now full of great white sharks. Almost as soon as the seal hit the water and frantically paddled to the rocks, all of the other seals turned on the seal who’d pushed the little one in and started screaming at him. Really hollering as loudly as possible. Upon that the naughty seal dropped his head down and slowly waddled over to a section of the rock in the shade and sat on his own. The other smaller seal made it back to the group safely and was treated to lots of attention from the other seals while the naughty one watched on. Proof perhaps that even in the seal world sibling rivalry exists. Being in the cage gives you great insight into the way great white sharks work. They seem to have a pecking order based on their size. In the shark world, size means respect and the sharks would go up to chase the baits, one by one. During the whole session, there was never direct competition for the same bait. The smallest shark that was feeding would instantly drop to the bottom and stay there when a larger shark arrived on the scene to feed. This would continue and the sharks on the baits would just get bigger and bigger and there would be more and more swimming at ground level underneath the cage. When the large female sharks came along – an impressive six metres in length - this shark was like a bus, the males all dropped to the bottom and left the female to do her thing. The females seem to be a little less aggressive than the males. Despite their scary reputation, we witnessed sharks playing with the sting rays on the bottom. They were taking turns in swimming underneath them and flipping them over. Then just as the sting ray would right its self, another shark would come in from another side and flip it over again. They never took a bite - it was just as if they were playing with them. After getting a chance to observe

launched yle e it h w at e r g etre s st “A male fivbeotmtom in a typical Air oJauwt of the from the – almost completelyn the cage…” of attack straight back down o water and

Heart stopping: Now is not the time to remember you’ve got a shark phobia as these majestic kings of the sea get up close and personal to everything in their path.

these massive creatures close up, I saw their inquisitive side. They weren’t the killing machines we’ve heard all about or what the media may have implied. They would all investigate the massive lump of bleeding flesh before them and give it the odd nudge before coming back around and committing to the bite. The only ‘unpredictable’ ones were the male sharks around three and a half to four metres in length. They are the teenagers of the great whites world, tend to be very flighty and at times quite aggressive. Not much different to teenage humans in society when you think about it. There was a couple of occasions where the sharks launched up onto the top of the cage and made a hell of a commotion for us all to see. Fortunately I had the video rolling underwater when a male five metre great white launched from the bottom in a typical Air Jaws style of attack –almost completely out of the water and straight back down on the cage, latching onto the opening where we were looking out of and then shaking the cage as it tried to free its bottom jaw. There was a really eerie sound of bending metal and breaking teeth as shark’s teeth literally broke off and flew out in all directions. I did try to catch one but the cage was bouncing around too much. That was the point I truly understood just how much strength these amazing creatures really have and how if they really did want you, they wouldn’t bother asking first. If you are interested in diving with great white sharks, there are a couple of places we’d recommend. For Calypso Star charters, you can do day trips as well as live aboard trips like ours. Alternatively we have another fantastic option available for 2014 where the adrenalin junkies among you can not only cage dive with the great whites, but exit the cage and play with them to. Extreme enough for you? For more information on diving with sharks, email Perth Scuba at info@ or call 08 9455 4448.

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What’s the best thing to eat when you’re between the sheets? Toast, despite it’s ubiquitous nature, has a terrible effect on sheets thanks to its shower of crumbs. So if you’re planning on making a bed nest complete with a foodie twist, here are RC’s top tips for a perfect horizontal feast.

And so to bed story:

Gabi Mills

♥ Lamb chops with mint sauce Bear with me on this one. Marilyn Monroe loved chomping on a juicy lamb handle or two (or so legend goes), so if it’s good enough for one of the world’s hottest screen sirens, it’s sure as eggs good enough for you. Make sure you wear some kind of bib however to soak up the juices. An acceptable alternative would be barbecued ribs although you’d probably need to add a finger bowl to wash your paws in afterwards or risk mucky handprints on your sheets.

♥ Boiled eggs and soldiers Yes, I know I said toast was a dodgy choice, but when it’s soaked through with a runny yolk, there’s no crumbs to be had, especially if you’re adept enough to stuff the floppy plank of yellow toast into your mouth without incident. A tray would be a good idea with this mini feast – and of course a big mug of tea.

♥ Ice cream Forget the chocolate varieties – too many opportunities for unfortunate brown skid marks to explain away, post bed picnic. Choose lighter-hued flavours like vanilla, strawberry cheesecake or even a fruity sorbet. The bigger the tub the better, especially if you’ve got a boxed set like Breaking Bad to work your way through before it’s time to kick the day into touch.

♥ A full Sunday roast No, I haven’t gone mad. The concept of ‘Total Bed Dining’ is best exemplified by those lucky souls who have given up on vertical eating altogether, no matter how large the meal is in front of them. With a bit of forward planning, and a savvy investment in one of those bed table/tray things you see characters in black and white movies eating their breakfast off, even the most ambitious catering can be achieved. Why not go the whole hog and include a linen napkin, a small carnation in a vase and a carafe of wine to accompany your meat and two veg? Go on. You’re worth it.

♥ Pizza/Kebab/Fried chicken Chinese takeaway Let’s face it, This is probably what most people eat in bed after a night on the sauce. Who hasn’t woken up face down in a small silver foil container full of stir fried noodles, or stepped out of bed straight onto a solitary slice of cold Domino’s, wearing it like a pizza slipper? I once awoke in a hotel in the north of England only to be confronted by the alarming sight of cold lasagna stuck to my elbow – an illadvised late night room service order which failed to be consumed in the traditional manner. When bed picnics get dirty, it’s best just to roll with it, and put it down to experience. Just change the damn sheets.


And here are the foods to avoid

Spaghetti Bolognese

Sauce splatters, people.

Any soup.

There’s nothing romantic about getting your wheatgerm between the sheets.

Unless you’re drinking it through a straw from a closed container. In which case you’re probably in some kind of hospital.

Soup Cereal Red wine Honey It may have worked for Kim and Mickey in 9 and a Half Weeks, but it ain’t going to look pretty the morning after in Duncraig with Shane and Wanda covered in a sticky goo.



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Indulging in risky sexual behaviour is something our columnist Heath Black witnessed all too often during his days as an ALF star. Here’s his take on how to avoid falling into the trap of repeat offending.

“Those young AFL stars took risks with their sexual health and ultimately their mental health came under pressure too...”



We’ve got two copies of Beating the Blues: A self help approach to overcoming depression by Susan Tanner and Dr Jilian Ball to giveaway. This bestselling book is based on Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), a highly effective treatment for changing destructive and unhelpful thinking habits and overcoming feelings of lethargy, hopelessness, and suicidal impulses. Full of exercises, questionnaires and case studies demonstrating how to use the techniques in everyday life, the book also has a chapter to guide families and friends in supporting their loved ones suffering depression.

For your chance to win a copy, send your name and contact details to by April 30 2013. The winners will be contacted by email by May 1 2013.

t’s fair to say that in the first couple of years of my career with AFL, many of those around me thought that their egos were bullet proof, giving off the vibe that they were like Superman when it came to chasing and winning women. They acted like hunters, and saw women as prey – an idea that these days completely appalls me. At the time though, they thought that the kind of women they’d meet in bars after a match were a by-product of the AFL industry. They showed them all a lack of respect and had the single aim of taking somebody home at the end of the night. They saw it as their right and I’d suggest that there are many young guys (and girls) in society today – you may even work with them, or be one yourself - who have a similar attitude. Those young AFL stars took risks with their sexual health and ultimately their mental health came under pressure too as it became clear that operating like some kind of sexual predator would do their long term sense of self no good at all. They may have seen women as trophies but hopefully realised eventually that these women were no different to their mothers, their sisters, their aunts. It dawned on me that living this kind of double life was not the way to go. I saw other guys around me running two lives – two different phones, two different sims so that they could run around behind their partner’s back without raising any suspicion. Behaving like that has a knock on effect, making you effectively be one person at home, and another one out on the road – not a healthy way for most people to conduct themselves. After a ‘conquest’, some people would boast about it, crowing about the latest knotch on their belt, and sure, in the short term something like that can make you feel powerful and good about yourself. But the morning after inevitably left them feeling low, and didn’t provide the long term high a committed, loving relationship can do. Even well into my current long term relationship, it took me a few years to work out what it really meant to respect a woman and love them properly. I had a lot of therapy which helped me change my mindset from blaming women from ‘leading me astray’ to taking responsibility for my own actions, and making changes to the way I viewed relationships with women. I’ve spent a lot of time in respect and responsibility programs and would also recommend any reader who’s worried that their sex lives are taking a risky turn, to dispense with the beer goggles asap. Drink and drugs are well known to encourage a loss of inhibitions and too often are the root cause of dodgy experiences. You may be feeling pressured to behave in a certain way because of peer pressure, or because everybody in your group does it. Remember that everybody has the choice of how to behave and the most important thing you can do as a first step is to ask yourself why you’re behaving a certain way, and then to make your own choices.

and what the experts say ...


Joshua Hawes principal psychologist at Critical Components


s we all know sex is fun and usually plays a big part in most of our lives. This article is not about saying don’t have fun but it is about having fun without the problems that come up from the sticky situations we get ourselves into now and again. It’ll be no surprise to hear what three of the major contributors of risky sexual behaviour are - peer pressure, alcohol and drugs. These factors increase the chance of having negative sexual experiences and prevent us from seeing what could go wrong at the time. I am sure that most of us have had a little too much to drink and thought what the heck, only to wake up the next morning wanting to chew your arm off to get out of there or stressing about what has just happened. THE FOUR MAJOR IMPACTS OF ENGAGING IN RISKY SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR ARE: ▶ The chance of catching a sexually transmitted disease (sure to ruin your time off plus its pretty embarrassing having to explain it to future or current partners); ▶ Unwanted pregnancy; ▶ Being caught out cheating or having a partner cheat on you, and finally ▶ The unwanted financial pressures all of the above can have on your life. Take the test below to see if you have engaged in risky sexual behaviour in the last year.


Give your self a score of one for each category if this occurred for you as a result of risky sexual behaviour.


Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI’s) 1=Yes 0=No Unwanted Pregnancy (scares, termination and birth) 1=Yes 0=No Add up all of your scores to see what your total is out of seven. Remember the lower the score the better.

If you have any questions or need any advice, please shoot me an email and I’ll be glad to help.

Relationship Concerns (cheating) 1=Yes 0=No Financial pressures (expensive gifts, sex workers, strip clubs) 1=Yes 0=No


Now give your self a score of 1 if any of the three items have been involved in any of the risky sexual behaviour above Peer pressure 1=Yes 0=No Alcohol 1=Yes 0=No Drugs 1=Yes


TOTAL If you do score a total more than 3/7 then you are at a high risk of negative life impact (things going to SH¥T). If you have a score of 1-3 then you are at a moderate risk of negative life impact form risky sexual behaviour. If you wanti to reduce or eliminate your risky sexual behaviour first look at sorting out the causes relevant to you. Once you’ve done that, then the peer pressure, alcohol and drug factors and the other consequences will reduce automatically. Sorting out the causes of risky sexual behaviour can be pretty hard going on your own so make sure seek appropriate support from mates, family and health professionals. Stay safe and have fun without the complications.


88 By Debbie Russo


Let’s talk about sex... Say G’day to Debbie We’re stoked to have The FIFO Wife, aka Debbie Russo onboard here at RC as our regular columnist. She tells it how it is, from the other side of the FIFO fence - as one of those perennially waiting for a partner to come home, then go back to work just a few weeks later, literally left holding the babies. So here’s a few words from Deb herself: “Im 35 but I will forever be 26. I have three yummy boys aged 6,4 and 2 years old. I live in the country and I love it. I’ve been a FIFO wife for thirteen years now. I love it most days - note the word most - and I believe this is a lifestyle you either make it work or you dont. Its up to you. Its hard work but its worth it.” So we hope you enjoy Deb’s honest take on being a FIFO wife - insight guaranteed.

When Rock Candy said this issue was about sex I cringed. Mar Although far from prudish, until recently I hated talking about sex without any vodka in my 2013 belly. Talking about sex, despite the fact that most people do it, made me uncomfortable — until I started writing about it on my blog. That was like ripping off a Band Aid. Now I’ll talk about it anywhere with anyone; although within reason and sometimes in a whisper. ‘Bumping uglies’, ‘slap and tickle’, ‘canoodling’ or plain old sex, whatever you want to call it, let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about why you should and shouldn’t be having it and how you can get more of it. Perhaps. Now occasionally, very occasionally, we (meaning us ladies) don’t mind the odd quickie, but not all the time. So, if you aren’t into doing a little ground work then you should consider bachelorhood as a lifestyle choice because this article is not for you. Getting sex, and more importantly great sex, takes a little ground work. Some prior planning is involved; and I’m not talking about straightening the sheets before taking the literal plunge. Things must be prepared days, weeks and months ahead of time. Good sex, and your likelihood of getting it, requires a good relationship. You can’t expect the motor to purr without regular runs and ‘tune ups’. The better the tune ups the better the sex will be for both of you. Studies show that if your emotional state is healthy, then you’ll end up with the better orgasms. It’s worth knowing too that this is a two-way street. If she isn’t doing the same for you then she isn’t worth the time or effort you’re making. As the old adage says, ‘it takes two to tango’. A good relationship involves stuff other than sex. It doesn’t just happen, and FIFO relationships require just a little more work than most. You need to communicate, compromise, invest in time with each other, communicate some more and then, if it’s a romantic relationship, ultimately have sex. Simple. It doesn’t have to be ‘hotel sex’ every time but good sex — whatever type it may be. Don’t tell me that you’re tired or that you have just got off a night shift, and that it’s easier to do it on your own. Maybe it is but is it as much fun? Leave a relationship too long without any sort of sex and you become roommates. You may say otherwise but it’s true. A division forms. You stop touching each other and then

you stop talking to each other. Then you start to bicker because you don’t really know what is wrong, what went wrong or how you got to where you’re at. Then it all becomes too hard. So, sex is important for all romantic relationships. If you need a little jump start to help get into the mood because of a hard day, or because the kids have made you weary, then consider these ideas. Have a drink in bed, sleep naked, get into shape, take the TV out of your bedroom or read Fifty Shades of Grey together — it’s sure to get the imagination going and give you a laugh if nothing else. Having sex allows the juices - and conversation - to flow. However, if you do need more of an incentive to have a little bit of slap and tickle here are a few things maybe you didn’t know about sex. Sex is good exercise. During sex 600 muscles are used so, technically, you’re getting a workout. Now I don’t know about you but I know what I would rather be hitting — and it’s not the gym. Chemically, sex has been proven to lift one’s mood and reduce depression. That’s why you feel so damn good after sex. It improves your immune system. A Wilkes* study found people having regular sex had more antibodies than those who didn’t. Moreover, sex releases stress. It boosts your self-esteem and creates stronger intimacy within your relationship. Couples become closer. They become ‘honeymooners’ again. And isn’t that we want, that amazing feeling all the time? It feels so good being loved up. Researchers** at the University of Pittsburgh and North Carolina found that those with more loving, physical contact showed the highest amounts of oxytocin . Oxytocin is released during sex and kissing. Oxytocin creates the urge to bond, and after sex there is a surge, which is where the desire to connect and cuddle comes from. Voilà — more sex. If that’s not reason enough here’s the clincher for me. A Scottish study showed that those who had regular sex looked younger by up to 10 years. Research shows that when an orgasm triggers a rush of endorphins and growth hormones these can help heal the damage caused by environmental and lifestyle factors. If that’s not a reason to get some loving on the go, I don’t know what is. So stop, turn the TV on for the kids, grab your lover — preferably your partner — lock the door and do it. Its good for both of you. Xx Deb *Wilkes University The effect of sexual behaviour on immune system function. Paper presented at the. Eastern Psychological Association Convention, Providence, RI,. April, 1999. **



Gabi Mills



here’s a clock ticking down the days, hours and seconds on the website, marking time until the beginning of the much anticipated British and Irish Lions Tour of 2013 kicks off in June. The Lions are coming, we’re warned – and it’s a thrilling prospect for anybody with a passion for the game they play in heaven. Training has been in full swing both here in Oz and in the UK and Ireland for many months, ensuring that the teams will be in tip top condition when the nine match march around Australia launches right here in Perth on June 5 at Patersons Stadium. Then the boys in red will cross the nation and play at Brisbane, Newcastle, Sydney and Canberra before playing the first Test against the Qantas Wallabies on Saturday 22 June at Suncorp Stadium in Brisbane. Then it’s on to Melbourne, for the second

test before the grand finale at the ANZ Stadium in Sydney on Saturday 6 July. The high tech sports science behind every one of the ferociously competitive players in 2013 is a far cry from the more sedate age when the first official tour hit the road in 1910. Thanks to Cecil Rhodes (the man who gave his name to Rhodesia, today’s Zimbabwe), requested the tour of the British Isles Rugby Union Team to play in South Africa. It wasn’t until 14 years later however that the Lions’ name was hit upon by a group of journos, thanks to the emblem on the player’s jerseys. Australia would have to wait until 1989 before it was included as a destination for an entire Lions Tour – and ever since, a tour which includes the Great Southern Land is a guarantee of exciting matches, entertainment and a very welcome injection of funds into the economy.

The last tour, in 2001, was a record breaker, with an excess of 2.1 million hits on Ticketek during the 20 minutes the Sydney Test tickets were briefly on sale before being snapped up by avid fans. The second Test under the roof at Colonial Stadium (now Etihad Stadium) shattered the stadium record with a sell-out crowd of 56,605 while the third, final and deciding Test in Sydney at Stadium Australia set a new record peak for television audiences with three million viewers nationally tuning in. There’s no doubt that 2013’s test will challenge those record breaking numbers – early indications show that the 2013 British & Irish Lions tour to Australia is looming as this country’s biggest rugby tour in history - with nine games including three tests to put our homegrown rugby stars through their paces against a British Lions team, hungry for revenge.



The nation expects... By Foxtel Sports and Rugby HQ host, Nick McArdle


WIN !!! Win tickets to the Lions Tour first match – right here in Perth It’s been 12 years in the making and now the British & Irish Lions are coming to Perth. For your chance to win one of two double silver passes to watch the Lions take on our own Emirates Western Force on Wednesday 5th June, simply email to go into the draw. The competition closes on May 8, and winners will be notified by telephone/email on May 9. Good luck!

Tickets are valued at $50 each.  Total value is $200.   THE BRITISH & IRISH LIONS PLAY THE WESTERN FORCE ON WEDNESDAY 5TH JUNE AT   PATERSONS STADIUM. Get your tickets now at


he British and Irish Lions tour has been 12 years in the making and for a player it is basically a once in a lifetime opportunity to take on the combined might of England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland. Former players who’ve experienced a Lions tour speak of the experience with great reverence. John Eales lead the Wallabies to victory the last time the Lions ventured down-under: ‘’There is just something magical about a Lions tour. The fact that it only happens once every 12 years and is the best of the best from Great Britain and Ireland; that makes it much, much more than another Test series. I wanted to play in it and I wanted the Wallabies to win more than ever, because after watching so closely the last series and realising how special it was, I knew this was our chance.’’ Outside of a World Cup it is the biggest event in World Rugby, but in some ways even more special because it’s more rare. Tickets for the test matches in Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney sold out within minutes in February, but there’s still a chance to see the tourists when they play the five Australian Super Rugby sides as well as a combined NSW/QLD country side. The Lions side will be big and powerful and the style of rugby we’ve seen during the Six Nations suggests it will be a hugely exciting series. There are signs that some of that familiar stodgy Northern Hemisphere rugby could be a thing of the past. They’ll be tough and experienced up front and England 7 and Captain Chris Robshaw has been in outstanding form. Their backline will be dripping with skill… look out for Manu Tuilagi to do some damage, if chosen, with his unique mix of speed and brutality in the centres. Questions remain for the Wallabies. Who will be the skipper? Who will wear the 10 jersey? Will league/AFL convert Israel Folau be a factor? And we can’t wait to find out the answers. Watch all nine matches live and uninterrupted in high definition on Fox Sports throughout June.



e v a W s d r a z i w




Surf grou pies west in M will flock to WA ’s south arch as compete in the 20 the ocean’s elit 13 D e River Pr o, with W rug Aware Marg are A’s hotly tip ped to p own Taj Burrow t erform t o the ma x.

ewly crowned world number ones Joel Parkinson and Stephanie Gilmore will headline an incredible field of the best surfing talent in the world at the 2013 Drug Aware Margaret River Pro from March 16 to 24. And this is a double whammy with style as it’s the first time ever that both the male and female ASP World Champions will be competing together at Surfers Point. Event organisers are said to be stoked with the line-up in the men’s draw, with the lowest ranked surfer in the men’s Round of 96 currently ranked at 101. The strong lineup for the men is believed to be a direct result of the full reinstatement of the Drug Aware Margaret River Pro back onto the World Championship Tour in 2014. Joel ‘Parko’ Parkinson tops a list that reads like the who’s who of Australian surfing, with Mick Fanning, Taj Burrow, Josh Kerr, Julian Wilson, Owen Wright, Adrian Buchan, Kieren Perrow, Bede Durbidge, Kai Otton, Matt Wilkinson, Adam Melling and Yadin Nichol all returning to the challenging conditions at Surfers Point. Local Yallingup sensation Burrow could be forgiven for thinking the crown should land firmly on his shoulders, as Surfers Point is right in his patch.   “This is an exciting time for Margaret River,” Burrow said. “The waves in the region are world class and to bring the ASP WCT-level surfers here is going to be big for the region. I get jealous of Mick (Fanning) and Joel (Parkinson) every year for having an event at their home and the advantage of getting to sleep in their beds and surf their local spots. “I’m sure all the kids out west will be excited to see the world’s best surfers in their backyard.” They will be joined by defending Margaret River champion John John Florence, Brazilians Adriano De Souza, Alejo Muniz, Filipe Toldeo, Willian Cardoso, Heitor Alves and Wiggolly Dantas, American’s Damien and CJ Hobgood, Kolohe Andino, Brett Simpson, Nat Young and Patrick Gudauskas, South African’s Jordy Smith and Travis Logie, along with 2012 Vans Triple Crown winner Sebastian Zietz of Hawaii. This year’s line-up of men’s talent is highlighted by the fact that De Souza, Smith, Muniz, Toledo and Pires all did not compete at Margaret River in 2012.  While the men’s competition will remain an ASP Prime event this year allowing entry outside of the top 32 ranked males, the women’s will be a full blown World Tour event in 2013.  As a result all of the Top 17 in the world will compete at Margaret River, headlined by Gilmore, who was inducted into Surfing Australia’s Hall of Fame in February.    The addition of the Drug Aware Margaret River Pro onto the 2013 ASP World Championship Tour for the Women has been met with unanimous support from the world’s best female surfers.  Jessi Miley-Dyer, the ASP Women’s World Tour Manager summed up the thoughts of all of the leading surfers when asked for her comments. “Personally, I’m really pleased to have a big, powerful reef break back on tour as it will provide the girls with a venue that tests the foundations of power surfing”, said Miley-Dyer.  “I think everyone is going to be excited to see the Top 17 in some quality waves out at Surfers Point and watching the new generation of young women do battle with the elements and one another.”

Catch all the action on FUEL TV on Foxtel, which will broadcast LIVE the final stages of the Drug Aware Margaret River Pro (16-24 March) or visit



Gabi Mills

who’s this, then?

“It’s tra an imme nse c vel hav lose ling at feeli to ing sp ng alo your k300km/ eeds ng t nee h an he b slid d itum ing en… ”

mike jon es



Rock Candy: Who are you?: Mike Jones: My name’s Mike Jones although, some like to refer to me more commonly by my nickname, Mad Mike. I’m an 18 year old up and coming motorcycle road racer from Brisbane in Queensland, Australia. RC: What do you do?: MJ: I compete as a professional motorcycle road racer in the UEM European Superstock 600 Championship for the Agro On Racedays Honda team. I’m also furthering my education by studying a part-time





Bachelor of Business degree majoring in Marketing as an external undergraduate student with Central Queensland University. RC: When and how did you become involved with Superbikes? MJ: I first started riding a motorcycle at the age of three thanks to my father’s influence. As I continued riding throughout my youth, my passion grew immensely and now I want to win a World Championship. RC: What is it about the sport that particularly attracts you?: MJ: The main reason I compete is for the

feeling of success, but the adrenaline rush is what particularly attracts me to the sport. I enjoy winning races and aspire to be the best. The adrenaline rush is a natural high that always leaves you wanting more. RC: What special skills do you need to be a top Superbike rider?: MJ: There aren’t any particularly special skills as such to be a Superbike rider. It’s more of a developmental process of understanding the fundamentals to riding a motorcycle. I’ve worked heavily on this with the coaches from the California Superbike School. The


who’s this, then? MJ: I would really like to see the sport expand with more kids involved in junior road racing. As a junior road racer, I competed in the Motorcycle Road Race Development Association (MRRDA) which is the perfect breeding ground for up and coming racers like myself. The sport needs more up and coming racers of the future. RC: If you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing?: MJ: I’d probably be playing soccer. I started playing soccer at the age of five and finished when I was 12 to continue


differentiation between the top level Superbike riders is their amount of understanding and their ability to apply it practically on the bike. RC: Is the sport winning more attention from fans new to the sport thanks to being shown on Foxtel? MJ: I think it’s great for fans to have the option to watch motorcycle racing on television as it allows them to follow their favourite rider throughout the year, if they’re unable to attend all of the events. RC: How would you like the sport to expand?

motorcycle racing with full focus. I achieved well in my last year of playing soccer and felt I had potential in that too. RC: Describe the feeling when you’re riding on your Superbike: MJ: It’s an immense feeling travelling at speeds close to 300km/h and having your knee sliding along the bitumen while watching everything ahead of you rush past in a blur. I’m in my own zone when riding, my attention is only spent on what’s happening right at that very instant and nothing else.

Wanna see Mike and his mates in action? AUSTRALIAN SUPERBIKE CHAMPIONSHIP Rd 2: 5 – 7 April Symmons Plains, TAS - V8 Supercars Rd 3: 18 – 21 April Hidden Valley, NT Rd 4: 14 – 16 June QLD Raceway, QLD Rd 5/6: 1 – 4 August Sydney Motorsport Park, NSW Rd 7: 4 – 6 October Phillip Island, VIC AUSTRALIAN FX SUPERBIKE CHAMPIONSHIP • 5th Apr - 7th Apr 2013 | Round 2 Winton Motor Raceway Vic • 3rd May - 5th May 2013 | Round 3 Wakefield Motorsport Park NSW • 23rd Aug - 25th Aug 2013 | Round 4 Queensland Raceway Qld • 4th Oct - 6th Oct 2013 | Round 5 Sydney Motorsport Park NSW (4.5km track) • 15th Nov - 16th Nov 2013 | Round 6 Sydney Motorsport Park (4.5km track)

See every Superbike round of the World live and ex Championship Foxtel’s Sp clusive on eed chann el.

Fact box


If you would like to volunteer or join a surf session by DSA, visit for a timetable of events in WA.


bruce peel he rowa he rowa local



e might describe himself as ‘shark bait’, but Bruce Peel is way braver than that. After a motorcycle accident 24 years ago, Bruce didn’t let the mild inconvenience of losing a leg hold him back. For the past eight years, Bruce has become a fixture for the hard working organization which enables disabled would-be surfers to get in the water and enjoy the thrill of the sea. A familiar sight on his custom built BMW three wheeler bike, Bruce is looking forward to another year at the helm as president of the organization which he says has ‘changed my life’.

Rock Candy: What do you love about living in WA? Bruce Peel: The generosity of the people, especially among the surfing and disability fraternities. RC: What could you do without? BP: Bad vibes, bad attitudes, and obviously considering I’m an amputee, my right leg. RC: What couldn’t you do without? BP: My family and granddaughter, and my DSA friends. RC: What are you most proud of? BP: I’m proud of what I’ve been able to achieve as President of the WA Disabled Surfers Association and how I’ve seen lives changed, both able and disabled. RC: Where would you like to live if you didn’t live in WA? BP: Anywhere there is a DSA branch, and as there are 16 around Australia and New Zealand, it wouldn’t matter. RC: Who is your hero? BP: Anybody with a disability who leaves their comfort zone and has a go at surfing. RC: Tell us something we don’t know about you. BP: I’m originally from New Zealand and barrack for the All Blacks – but don’t hold that against me. RC: What’s the last thing you think about at night? BP: My daughter, and her daughter – that’s if I’ve got time as running the DSAWA is a full time job, but I love it. RC: What one thing would make your life better? BP: Recognition of the DSA as a whole by all levels of government for the things we have achieved as a totally voluntary group.


THE MONEY YOU MAKE FROM YOUR MONEY Financial Security Through Property


Ben Kennedy has a two-on-one-off roster in the Pilbara, and rents in Highgate so he can enjoy his lifestyle when he’s at home. He recently decided to develop an investment portfolio through property with Investor Assist. He’s young and fit now to do manual work, but doesn’t want to have to do it forever, so this is a way of securing his future.

WHY WERE YOU LOOKING FOR ADVICE? I didn’t know much about property investment and felt that there was so much information out there, I thought it would be a good idea to get advice from experts. So I did some research on who could help.

WHY DID YOU CHOOSE INVESTOR ASSIST? Investor Assist were just way better. They had all the information I needed and their service is free. I was really impressed when I saw the scale of experience feeding into Investor Assist from their sister companies within the bigger Alcock Brown-Neaves Group. They did all the groundwork to understand what type of investment was right for me, talked about tax depreciation returns based on my wage, then found properties that were affordable to my circumstances and had lots of room for capital growth.

WAS IT REALLY THAT EASY? They took care of everything from start to finish so I didn’t need to do a thing. I liked that there were no surprises and nothing to worry about. And they stayed connected with me when I was up at work, so I never felt remote in the process.

SO HOW’S THE FUTURE LOOKING? I purchased an investment in Woodvale and six months in, it’s ready to go. I’m really motivated to retire at a reasonable age and I’ve realised property investment allows this. It just makes total sense to me. Unlike a lot of my mates who are spending all their money, I’m really serious about planning long-term and securing my financial future.




2 One-on-One to nut out a strategy with the best returns for you

3 We research far and wide to find your perfect investment

1 Download the eBook – it’s your guide to property investment


Brand new home handed to tenants we’ve selected

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LET’S MAKE SMART PROPERTY INVESTMENT THE NEW FIFO CLICHÉ. There’s a whole world out there that thinks all you spend your money on is big nights and jet skis – the kind of stuff you see page after page in these mining magazines. They assume you aren’t thinking smart or long-term with your money. We assume otherwise.

A WAY TO MAKE ALL THAT MONEY, MAKE MORE MONEY The simple and smart way to secure your financial future is through developing your property investment portfolio. To see how simple, check out the 5-step diagram above.

ALL THE HARD YARDS ARE DONE FOR YOU You have very little time to organise anything when you’re back home. Even less while you’re on-site. But that’s okay, because we have a start to finish investment process that’s so simple all you’ll need to do, once we get the ball rolling, is check your emails from time to time.

NOW FOR A BIT OF BRAGGING We’re really experienced at what we do. As the investment arm of the Alcock Brown-Neaves (ABN) Group – Australia’s leading construction, property and finance company, we’ve

got end-to-end services covered. We provide tools, resources, and personal strategies to find the perfect investment property for you. We then develop it with WA’s favourite builders and awardwinning finance and legal suppliers. And all of this under the one group. Over 50,000 homes have been built through this efficient, knowledgeable and trusted supply chain.

INVEST SOME TIME IN US TODAY Take the next step to developing a smarter investment portfolio. Download our free eBook – Financial Security Through Property, visit or call us on 9200 7200.

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omebuyers are about to discover the latest in modern home design as Satterley Property Group unveils its newest display village in Austin Lakes. The nine home display centre in South Yunderup not only exudes contemporary and sophisticated styling but also practicality and convenience. Try-before-you-buy is a logical approach for anybody about to make one of the biggest, if not the biggest, financial investment of their lives. The leading home builders featured in the display village include; Commodore Homes, Dale Alcock Homes, Red Ink Homes, Cachet Homes, Celebration Homes, 101 Residential, Home Group WA, Aveling Homes and DreamStart Homes. The Austin Lakes display village will showcase the latest designs, gadgets, and innovations and there will be experts on site to help with pricing and concepts

that will appeal to people from the first homebuyer to the investor or retiree. A weekend car tour of the village could end up saving a buyer thousands of dollars as they compare kitchens, bathrooms, home theatres and other aspects of the various houses on display. Satterley’s chief executive Nigel Satterley said the village exhibits the most comprehensive range of new homes, setting a quality benchmark for the estate. “This display village is about to bring a new dimension to Austin Lakes and I expect many buyers will choose a house and land package after they visit the estate,” he said. “Some of WA’s most reputable builders are on show in the village which will underline the extensive choice available for buyers.” When complete, Austin Lakes will consist of around 3000 lots and it will be the largest development in the region. “It is a modern development

that’s magnificently positioned in nature amidst a breathtaking mix of natural bushland and water.” The master-planned community is only 10 minutes by road from Mandurah, seven minutes to Pinjarra, about an hour from Bunbury and 45 minutes from the Perth CBD. All nine builders are now busy completing the finishing touches to their state-of-theart homes in preparation for the Austin Lakes Home Show on Saturday, April 13. This grand event will not only celebrate the opening of the display village, it will also be a fun-filled affair full of family entertainment. The village will showcase expertise areas such as interior design and gardening workshops and the children will be entertained with free activities such as face painting, an animal farm and more. Home sites at Austin Lakes start from $130,000 and home and land packages begin from $271,000.



property RED INK HOMES: TASMAN MKII Discover a spacious home designed for relaxed living and entertaining. This home has cornerless stacker doors to the airy alfresco area which connect to the living areas. A fully fitted pantry and island kitchen bench ensure the kitchen is practical. The three-way family bathroom offers two vanities and a separate toilet and all the minor bedrooms are doublesized. The home theatre room features awning windows and 31-course recessed ceiling with light trough. CELEBRATION HOMES Celebrate life in a home with a galley kitchen including sleek, stainless steel appliances, Caesar stone bench tops and a generous walk-in pantry. This open plan design incorporates an undercover alfresco and dedicated home theatre for great movie nights. The master bedroom is steeped in luxury with its large, walk-in robe and resort-style ensuite with twin vanity basins for pure indulgence. AVELING HOMES Exceptional living comes into its own in this beautiful three-bedroom home. The spacious and deluxe master suite includes a big walk-in robe

and a stunning ensuite with double vanities. Enjoy light, open plan living and dining, plus an audio-visual room with feature recessed ceiling. There’s also a separate study for the ultimate in convenience, and an airy alfresco with high ceiling. 101 RESIDENTIAL: THE BREVA Take relaxed and stylish living to new heights in a home offering no less than four bedrooms and three bathrooms, including a guest suite with an ensuite to add convenience and privacy. Discover a separate theatre room designed for escaping into big screen entertainment. The open-plan living and dining areas are in the heart of the home and open out to a generous alfresco for outdoor relaxation. HOME GROUP WA: EDEN PLATINUM This three-bedroom home has an inviting entry foyer which leads through to the large alfresco area. The modern kitchen overlooks the spacious dining and family room which is enhanced with high ceilings. Designed with style in mind, the master-bedroom includes a customised walk-in robe and a modern-style ensuite. It is fair to say, this well presented and practical home ticks all the boxes.

Di N Op spla ew en y V ing illa So ge on !

Start your Austin Lakes adventure

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Saterley’s bringing back the fun outdoors lifestyle you enjoyed as a kid with their friendly new town, Austin Lakes in South Yunderup. Tere’s 283 hectares of open space to explore via walking trails and bike paths. Just a short stroll away, you can enjoy fishing and boating at Murray River. It’s why it’s a great place to grow up and a great place to stay young. Lots range from 330m 2 to 760m 2 and there’s land available from $130,000 and house & land packages from $2 71,000.

For more information, contact Gino Monaco on 9368 9064 or visit


The Last Word

Love guru A

by Heath Franklin

lright, Chopper here. How are ya? Today I’m gonna be breaking off a chunk of the biggest topic I can think of. Sex. And while I’m not going to tell you what to do once your undies are off, I will walk you through things right up until they get smelly. First of all, identify a suitable candidate. We’ve all been in a police line-up, so we know looks can be deceiving. I’ll start this by saying I get a lot of guys coming up to me asking how they can date a bikini model. Then you look at their face, which looks like a ham that lost a fight with a tennis racquet and you think ‘where did you get the idea that you could get a bikini model?’ Your plan should be to find someone who is pretty much as ugly as you then go somewhere dark and have a chat. I know I’m a 4 with my personality, maybe dragging me up to a 5 on a good day; so I don’t even waste my time making play on a 7. OK, so I’ve cornered myself a tidy 6 and when they talk I don’t want to punch myself (so things are going well). Now I have to make an impression. The key to this is knowing that you are, at your very essence, a piece of sh*t. This means if they find out anything about your past there is good chance they will leave you quickly and wait for a taxi somewhere very public and brightly lit. You also want them to think you are interested, nay intrigued by them. The answer to both of these is: when you are on a date ONLY ask them about themselves, without stopping to talk about yourself for a second. I once dated a girl for five weeks and the only thing I said was ‘Really, that’s amazing. Tell me more.’ It was in week six she asked me a question for the first time, which just happened to be ‘have you ever stabbed anyone?’ and then it was all over. If they really start probing you for information take them somewhere loud, like a noisy night club. That way you can answer any question you like and pretend you didn’t hear over the music. ‘Are those prison tattoos?’ ‘Pardon? I can’t hear over this music’ ‘I said are those prison tattoos?’ ‘Yeah, I do a lot of work for charity. Seeing the look on those kids’ faces makes it all worthwhile.’ Then buy them a drink ASAP while they are still slightly disoriented by your alleged love for your fellow man. Another thing you have to keep in mind on a date is that no one has sex with their friends, so whatever you do DON’T become friends with your mark, I mean date. Make sure you don’t have any friend stuff in common. If they like a TV show, pretend you have no idea what it is, even if you are stinging to talk about the season finale of Glee. Let’s face it - you can sit around in your pyjamas eating ice cream in front of the telly with your mates from work whenever you want; but the reason you haven’t yet is because it’s a sh*t thing to do. Alright, that’s all the tricks in my bag. That should hopefully get you right up to the point where you’re fumbling around in the dark. Remember, always be a gentleman and apologise afterwards and try to have a getaway car or taxi waiting out the front so your exit is at least as premature as the rest of it.


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