the struggle leading to depression, guilt, and debilitating hopelessness. Finally, do not break confidentiality. Intimate sexual issues are a difficult topic for most people to discuss. When a person shares her confusion about sexuality, it is a sacred invitation into the inner most part of her being — to be treated with dignity, humility, respect, and confidentiality. We all desire privacy and confidentiality when we share our most intimate battles; this is particularly true for those who struggle with sexual identity issues.
Five Recommendations First, create a safe, nonjudgmental place where an individual can share his or her painful experiences and ask questions without fear of reprimand, judgment, or shame. One cannot measure the value of a grace-based presence. Jesus has called us to be His hand extended — in essence, “Jesus with skin on.” In the presence of another empathic, deeply caring, nonjudgmental person, one can find deep comfort and strength to face another day. Provide a sanctuary of safety and let the Holy Spirit use you as a conduit for His grace and healing. Second, knowledge is powerful. The more you educate yourself regarding the issues surrounding homosexuality, the better prepared you will be to assist those who come to you for help. Educate yourself on the Scriptures regarding homosexuality and differing views of biblical interpretation. Be informed and current about research relating to a biological basis, neurological studies, and prenatal hormonal predisposition to same-sex attraction. Be willing to discuss and grapple with the individual’s questions, anger, and confusion. Next, instill hope. All of us need hope based in God’s power and love. Scripture affirms God is able to do above and beyond what we could ever imagine. The same God who created
ten Key Points to rememBer • • • • • • • • • •
The causes of homosexuality are varied, complex, and not completely understood. Homosexual orientation is different from homosexual behavior. Sexuality is part of a person’s identity — not just a behavior or act. Even those who report leaving the homosexual lifestyle often still struggle with same-sex attraction and may not ever report being heterosexual. Marriage will not cure homosexuality. It may make the struggle harder. Heterosexuality is not the goal. The goal is sexual purity and being conformed to the image of Christ. People have a deep need to be accepted unconditionally. Demonstrate unconditional, positive regard for the person. Accepting a person as he is does not imply you are condoning a behavior. Let God separate the sinner from the sin. Convey warmth and compassion for the person in the struggle. Be genuine, empathic, and respectful. Conviction from the Holy Spirit produces repentance, renunciation, redirection, and repair. — MELODY D. PALM, Psy.D., LCP
the world out of nothing can heal a damaged identity. He can change what a person submits to Him, aligning it with His perfect will for his life. God can redirect sexual orientation. God also extends His faithfulness and grace to those who do not experience change and choose a life of celibacy. God’s never-ending love pursues men and women who continue to grapple with their sexual identity and wrestle with related Scripture. No matter the stage of healing, God’s grace is sufficient. We can hold out hope that God can and does change people, His mercies are new every day, and He is committed to the process of helping all of us be conformed to His image. He who began a good work in us will complete it. God does not give up on us, no matter how hard or long the struggle. Another critical key to helping an individual with a sexual identity crisis is to help her find true identity in Christ Jesus. While sexuality is a vital aspect of everyone’s identity, it is only one part of a complex structure of social, familial, biological, and religious constructs. For those struggling with issues of sexuality, desiring resolution or acceptance of the struggle can become their sole
focus. They may believe finding their true sexual identity is the ultimate goal and will bring peace and fulfillment. In reality, a true sense of value and identity only comes from establishing identity in Christ Jesus. Identity based on sexuality, profession, ethnicity, religion, or anything other than Christ will never satisfy the search for wholeness and acceptance. Our search for meaning, significance, security, and hope begins and ends in Christ alone. Finally, support the person in her journey to wholeness and holiness. One who struggles with sexual identity issues can benefit from a same-sex mentor or friend whose own sexual and gender identity is secure and healthy. A person who can model safe and appropriate same-sex friendship and intimacy can be healing. Find men and women in your church who are willing to walk with people through this difficult, rewarding, challenging, and life-changing process.
Conclusion Due to the intrinsic and intertwined nature of sexuality and sense of self, the struggle with sexual identity can be exhausting. Experiencing life as part enrichment / Fall 2010
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