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ADULTERY PREVENTION IT’S UP TO YOU LADIES

A D U LT E R Y P R E V E N T I O N IT’S UP TO YOU L A D I E S

BY ERSKINE KENNEDY

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ADULTERY PREVENTION IT’S UP TO YOU LADIES By Erskine Kennedy

TABLE OF CONTENTS 1.

INTRODUCTION……………...................................1

2.

HISTORY…………………………............................8

4.

MARRIAGE..............…………………....................36

6.

CURES……………………………..........................64

3.

5.

7.

EPIDEMIC: WHY MEN CHEAT…….....................22

POLYGAMY SYMPTOMS..……............................58

PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS………….........................70

8.

CURES……………………………..........................78

10.

CURES………………………………....................112

9.

11.

12.

EMOTIONAL SYMPTOMS…………..................104

PSYCHOLOGICAL SYMPTOMS…….................122

CURES…………………………............................138

CONCLUSION……….....................................................158

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"I wrote this book as a way to voice the

frustration of the hundreds of husbands who have crossed my path, who seem unwilling or unable to voice their frustrations about what they have to deal with. It is also written with hope that the situation can be reversed so that the beauty of marriage may be enjoyed." ERSKINE KENNEDY


INTRODUCTION


ADULTERY PREVENTION IT’S UP TO YOU LADIES

DO YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY?

1


INTRODUCTION

OR DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT?

2


T

ADULTERY PREVENTION IT’S UP TO YOU LADIES

he purpose of this book is to explore a few of the various factors that lead to adultery, and deal with it from an aspect that has not been explored enough, if at all. I really believe that adultery is an epidemic that we face, but it can be minimized, if not totally eradicated, if all of the factors that cause people to commit adultery are fully explored. This topic really needs to be fully examined through workshops, discussions, symposiums, etc. Then the lessons learned need to be applied and the preventive measures, derived from those sessions, should be properly instituted. From the dawn of time, it seems as if men have had issues with monogamy. Whereas I know that women also have committed and continue to commit adultery, this book is focusing on men, because they are the main culprits, and because I feel that I am better suited to tackle it from that aspect.

I know that there have been many discussions, analysis, arguments, symposiums, seminars, webinars, workshops, counseling sessions, and the laying on of hands, regarding this topic, yet it is still prevalent, even in the church. Why is that? Why is it that we have advanced in so many areas like medicine, where we are able to treat and cure diseases a thousand times better that we did one hundred years ago; made such advancement in technology that things we used to dream about a few years ago are now a reality (look at the original Star Trek from the 1960’s and you see cell phones and video conferencing that were just a fantasy then), yet still we have not been able to reduce the desire of men to look outside of their marriage for ‘greener pastures.’ In order for you to understand my point of view, it is necessary for you to know a little about me. I am a Christian and have been for over twenty years. I have made my share of mistakes and done many things that I am not proud of, but I serve a loving and forgiving God who is touched with the feelings of my infirmities. He sent His Son on earth to die on 3


INTRODUCTION

the cross for our sins, because and in spite of, what we have done. So when He took on that human body, He also had the same human frailties that we have so even though He did not sin, He fully understands the dumb stuff we do. I can go to Him and ask Him to forgive me and to help me to be the man He envisioned me to be. He wants us all to serve Him and allow Him to be the Lord and Savior of our life.

The genesis of me writing this book was a combination of many factors that came together at the same time. I was writing a book on foreclosure prevention, a job I did for almost ten years, when one of our Pastors preached a message on the prophet Elijah. He showed how God sent a raven, one of the most selfish birds, to feed Elijah by the brook during the famine: in spite of the famine, God took care of his people. Then God told Elijah to go into the city where He instructed a widow to feed him. When he met the widow, she said that she did not have much and that she was preparing a meal for herself and her son. She stated that that was the last of the food she had and that they were going to eat it and die. Elijah told her to make him a meal first out of the little she had. She obeyed, and she was so blessed that she never ran out of food during the famine.

Then the Pastor challenged us: If you had no fear, what would you do? My response to the challenge was, I would love to be a motivational speaker, minister and author. God spoke to me and told me that the book that I am writing is for me. He wanted me to write a different book for Him first. Just like the widow, I had to trust and obey Him, in spite of the circumstances. This is significant, because the reason why I had the time to write a book was because I was laid off from my job. That book, I believe, was going to make me money. This book is the result of my obedience. (Its purpose is not to necessarily make money, but to be the platform for my calling.) I also had been asking God to show me how wants to use me, and I believe that this book would be the platform. Understand, 4


ADULTERY PREVENTION IT’S UP TO YOU LADIES

we have not dealt with my finances yet, which I am in need of right now.

So, how I actually started on this book is due to a series of events. My wife and I usually have discussions on various topics (except sports, in which case she just listens). We talk about current events, athletes and things like family values and what is expected of us all. Whereas she does not participate in the sports discussion with me, she would follow the human interest story of athletes, which is fascinating to her. So any discussion we have about sports is about the athletes and their lives off the field. That is why she watches the T.O. Show, Basketball Wives and to some extent, The Greatest Catch. She has even started saying “Child Please” Chad Ochocinco’s favorite slang. (ssshhh do not tell her I told you that.) I was thirty pages into the foreclosure prevention book when news broke of Tiger Woods and his adultery and I was spurred, by God, to change course (got the joke? Tiger plays on a golf course) and write a book about adultery and its causes, but from a different perspective.

My wife and I have had many discussions concerning Tiger Woods’ adultery and we always seem to come down on different sides. She always takes it from Elin’s point of view: She empathizes with the pain and heartache that Elin has had to deal with, because of her husband’s philandering and thinks that Tiger deserves whatever she did or did not to him. She came up with a prophetic saying. There were a lot of people who assumed that Elin hit him with one of his golf clubs. My wife said that if that was true then: “The same instrument that he used to bring him fame and fortune was the same instrument that was used to bring him down.” For me, whereas I was not actually on Tiger’s side, I was not ripping him the way the rest of the world seemed to be. I was curious to know why he did what he did and was it to the extent to which he was accused. What also gave me the impetus was the fact that too many 5


INTRODUCTION

people just make judgments about people and situations after barely scratching the surface. Tiger, like many other rich athletes, are usually envied by many people, so any chance they get to bring them down is exploited to the hilt. That is the topic of another book I am thinking of, so I will leave it there. But isn’t it odd that this man, who was loved and embraced by so many, is now looked upon with so much scorn. You would think that he was a mass murder or a child molester or committed some despicable act. Some of you may view adultery as despicable. However, you need to remember that you always have to put things into perspective, because as bad as adultery is, there are a lot of things out there that are a whole lot worse. However, depending on who is involved and your stakes in the situation, the degree of despicableness (is that a word? I do not see the red line under it as I am typing) changes.

Whether we want to admit it or not, adultery is very much a part of the fabric of our society. There have been so many people accused of it, famous and otherwise, that I believe an honest discussion of the subject needs to take place. As I mentioned earlier, when adultery takes place, we blame the man, call him all kinds of names, pity his poor wife and we move on. Obviously, that method is not working, because it is still prevalent. We need to start having serious discussions as to why adultery is so prevalent in our society, before we have no more families left.

Adultery, cheating, running around, or whatever you may call it, is very prevalent in our society, yet there are not many people who do not even want to begin to have a meaningful discussion about why it occurs. Maybe they are afraid that it would reflect on them. Maybe they are guilty of doing it or aiding and abetting in it. In my uneducated days, I was guilty of aiding and abetting a few times, but now that I know better, not only am I not doing that anymore, but willing to look at it to see how I can help to eliminate it. Let me state again that it is not only men to commit adultery, but I would not insult your 6


ADULTERY PREVENTION IT’S UP TO YOU LADIES

intelligence to even begin to think that I can have a meaningful discussion as to why women do it. I know of my temptations and thought processes as a man trying to live right and do the right thing. Also, because I have spoken to many men who face the same temptation and issues, I believe that I am better equipped to tackle the subject from that aspect. Whoever thinks he is standing firm had better be careful that he does not fall 1 Corinthians 10:12 (Today’s English Version)

In dealing with this issue, we have to make sure that we do not feel that we are better than anyone else. I mentioned that verse because there were several members of Congress who called for President Clinton’s impeachment due to the Monica Lewinsky’s scandal, and they ended up in the same predicament. They were either hypocrites or they really thought that they were standing on firm ground. They felt like they were better than him, and they had the right to point fingers, only to fall into the same trap. That scenario is repeated over and over in everyday life, because many people who have criticized Tiger Woods have done it, just not to the extent that he has been accused of. However, whether it was with one woman or fifteen, you are no better than him, so you had better take heed. What is amazing to me is that we believed every woman who came forward, without any real basis, claiming to be his mistress. (That is such an old word. I believe the new word is ‘jumpoff.’) Tiger has refused to divulge any details, so anybody could step forward and claim to be his mistress and get their fifteen minutes of fame with no repercussions, because we would believe them. Also what does it say about the state of our society that people are not ashamed to stand up and say that they had sex with someone else’s husband. 7


Adultery Prevention INTRO  

Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? That is the question that wives have to ask themselves when dealing with their husbands...

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