WHAT IS
30 LIKE?
MY STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS AS A CHILD WAS FRENETIC. THOUGHTS JUMPED FROM, “I WANT ICE CREAM!” AND, “WHERE DID MY STUFFED DOGGY GO?” ALL THE WAY TO, “WHAT WILL I LOOK LIKE AS AN ADULT?”
she might also be surprised if I said that the
Jump ahead a few years. 20-year-old Jessica
What I have learned in the twenty years since I
resemblance ends with the physical. Spiritually
had a stronger relationship with God. Once again
first pondered the question of what I would look
speaking, grown-up Jessica is unrecognizable.
she thought, “Now I get it. Now I am no longer
like in the future is this: God is sanctifying me
childlike.” While clearly pride and humility were
and keeping me aware of the process. It was
At seven I was neither convinced that God
still being worked out, I was actually growing in
a neat moment when it dawned on me that,
existed or that He didn’t. While I had some
my faith. God would reveal aspects of my life I
with each passing year of my life, I have grown
exposure to church as a child, I didn’t
needed to work on, relationships I needed to
closer to God. The best part is that this growth,
understand the concept of God. I sang, “Jesus
mend, habits I needed to break and I would
this sanctification, will only continue. So that
Loves Me,” but failed to see the profound,
actively seek to do so. The thought of having
curiosity of childhood returns. It finds me here
life changing truth in those lyrics. It would be
finally grown up in my faith would reoccur
at 27, once again thinking, “I wonder what I will
another ten years until it clicked in my mind that
however, and I would take pride in how much
look like when I am 30?” This time, however,
Christianity meant relationship. So there I was,
I had changed. This seemed to be the pattern
I ponder in terms of my spiritual appearance:
at 17, thinking I had finally figured it all out; that
every few years—God would prompt growth then
Where will God take me? What will He teach me?
surely I looked different from my younger self.
need to remind me that it was not the last time
Where will He use me? How will He grow me?
True, I knew more about what my faith meant,
I would have to strive for maturity. But the fact
but I mirrored my childhood self in selfishness,
remained: there had been substantial spiritual
rebelliousness and immaturity. Apparently some
growth from age seven to 17, 17 to 20, 20 to 22
struggles know no age.
and so on. Each year I grew and looked different spiritually than I had any year prior.
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