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WHAT I HAVE WATCHED THIS MONTH / ISSUE 2 / august

t h e d a r k k n i g h t r i s e s


t h e d a r k k n i g h t r i s e s dir - Christopher nolan, star - christian bale, anne hathaway

It’s ten in the morning and I’m outside the York City Screen with my friend Sam, we are both in Batman t-shirts as are the 150 other people waiting to get in. Some have taken it further and are in full Dark Knight Batman costumes and others in Joker costumes. Not many film franchises can get people this excited I mean there is literally a guy next to me who is physically shaking with excitement for Christopher Nolan’s trilogy finale and he will not be disappointed. Inside the cinema the projectionist has put a cardboard cutout of the Bat-logo in front of a spotlight so all you see on the screen is a huge Bat-logo; it’s pretty special. The house lights finally go down and people are cheering and clapping. For those who haven’t seen the other Batman’s and don’t get why people are so excited for The Dark Knight Rises let me put in perspective: it’s like if your dog came back from the dead and gave you a million pounds then set you up with Alison Brie (or girls: Jon Hamm). The film itself is incredible. I’m not sure where to start. O.k well it opens with some U.S marshals taking a prisoner onto a plane to take him somewhere then all of a sudden it gets commandeered by none other then Bane played by Tom Hardy, Warrior, and everything kicks off there’s guns and wings getting torn off of planes and people being kidnapped, basically Nolan punches you in the face and says remember I awesome I am? Well I’m back. Let’s start with Bane. Tom Hardy makes for a fearsome and brutal Bane who masters the art of acting with your eyes. The amount of times he looks dead at you and sends shivers up your spine is substantial by the end of the film, his coldness and lust for destruction makes for a terrifying character. He shows his strength over Batman at several points during the film the main one being when he breaks Batman’s back in their first fight of the film, when this happens it immediately establishes him as the hardest and most in control of all the villains in Nolan’s


trilogy. You are also quickly introduced to Anne Hathaway, One Day, who plays Catwomen, a complex character who you never get a good read on until right at the end of the film. The last big new edition to the Dark Knight family is Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 500 Days of Summer, who plays Blake a G.C.P.D officer who questions the actions of the Captain and is Batman’s secret ally all the way through. Both Hathaway and Gordon-Levitt fit right into the cast and give superb performances to match that of Christian Bale and Gary Oldman. Nolan had set himself such a high standard in terms of direction to live up to with Batman Begins and The Dark Night so it’s needless to say I was expecting big things from DKR and he manages to meet these expectations and then some. The Dark Knight Rises is a lot more impressive in terms of big scale fighting and action scenes but also in showing the true emotions of Bruce Wayne/Batman. Nolan shows him in a much different light at the start of the film, he reveals the deep heartache being suffered by Wayne after the death of Rachel. It makes Bruce Wayne look very weak not like the strong Batman we know him as which makes it all the more impressive when Batman makes his glorious return to tackle Bane. Throughout the rest of the film Nolan builds on the dark story lines he lays out in The Dark Knight and exposes Batman as weak before building him right back up again. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the last person you see then the credits go up. Everyone in the cinema is applauding and I think it’s safe to say A truly incredible end to that Dark Knight Rises is a hit with the hardcore Batman community in the trilogy with more action York. Checking the Twitter pages later show that it’s a hit across the and angst than the first two parts put together. DKR is board and to be fair it’s not a surprise it had everything going for it and all you will talk about for Christopher Nolan was the perfect person to bring it all together. He left weeks. open ended enough to give us hope he might return with more Batman Advice: See it at least once in the cinema then buy it on super related adventures but ended it so that your sufficiently satisfied with it special edition Blu ray and watch being over. All round I literally can not fault DKR at all. it on repeat for a week.

10*


god bless america dir - bobcat goldthwait, star - joel murray, tara lynne barr

let’s start with the kardashians I was really excited about watching this film and had been ever since I saw the first trailer for it so when I got round to seeing it I didn’t know what to make of it. It started o.k but it just got really depressing really quickly. I had been expecting a light hearted film with times of darkness mainly being when he gets told he has cancer etc but it starts dark and never picks up. I like the idea of taking out all the horrible people in the world who make you doubt humanity which he does manage to do very well but the joke gets old very quickly and some jokes are repeated over and over (mainly about the Kardashians). However much I didn’t think the story was up to much the direction was beautiful as you would expect from Bobcat Goldwait. Every scene was very visually interesting and some of the shots were very on edge, a prime example being when a baby gets shot out of camera view and the mother is covered in blood it’s a moment where your not sure if you should be laughing or not. It is a dream sequence I was just talking about but still it’s a bit intense! I think it’s worth going to see because you will definitely have an opinion on it and you might love it as well but for me it was a bit too un-expectedly depressing. I do like depressing films don’t get me wrong but this was depressing for no reason and if it had been more light hearted would’ve made for a instant cult classic you’d want to see time and time again.

6.5*

Go see it but expect to come out hating the world. Advice: Wait and just rent it


magic mike dir - steven soderbergh, star - channing tatum

Fact is, the law says you cannot touch! It’s cool Matthew McConaughey we have no intention of touching your scantily clad body or your leather covered genitals so you can cease your concerns. For anyone that has not seen an advert for Magic Mike the general premise for the film is as follows: Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer and Matthew McConaughey are all male strippers and the film follows their lives for three or so months. In those three months a lot happens Pettyfer loses a load of drugs, McConaughey plays the guitar when rips his trousers off and Tatum ‘finds love’ and has lots of sex. It’s sounds like I’m hating on this but it actually wasn’t that bad, the story itself is pretty solid and McConaughey gives a very impressive performance. When I went to see it my expectations couldn’t have been lower I usually hate Channing Tatum and that goes double for McConaughey but both of them had good believable characters and gave solid performances. The one thing I have to say about Magic Mike though is that it has the potential to be a superb Shame-like indie film, put in the hands of the right director, lose the happy ending and get rid of Pettyfer and you could be onto something gold. Overall I would recommend seeing Magic Mike but do be warned it has a lot of scenes with Tatum and co grinding, stripping and thrusting so if your a super macho guy you won’t like it but if your a normal human being you’ll probably enjoy it.

5*

If your girlfriend wants to see it take her because it’s not that bad. Advice: See it once, repress memories of Matthew McConaughey’s buldge.


brave Dir Mark Andrews Brenda Chapman Star Kelly MacDonald Billy Connolly Emma Thompson Robbie Coltrane Release 13 August

dredd Dir Pete Travis Star Karl Urban Lena Headey Olivia Thirlby Release 7 September

the imposter Dir Bart Layton Star Adam O’Brian Anna Ruben Release 24 August


IMDB says: Determined to make her own path in life, Princess Merida defies a custom that brings chaos to her kingdom. Granted one wish, Merida must rely on her bravery and her archery skills to undo a beastly curse. I say: However I love Pixar and everything they do I’m finding it hard to get excited about Brave, it just doesn’t quite feel like a Pixar film. The characters don’t seem like the usual playful ones like in Toy Story, Cars and Up however the voice cast is up to the usual Pixar standard with Boardwalk Empire’s Kelly MacDonald taking the lead. I’m not saying it looks bad but just that I’m not going to rush to see it like I did with Up.

excitement 3/10

IMDB says: In a violent, futuristic city where the police have the authority to act as judge, jury and executioner, a cop teams with a trainee to take down a gang that deals the realityaltering drug, SLO-MO. I say: This is the latest in the comic book re-boots and it should be a good laugh, it’s definitley not going to be up to Dark Knight Rises but there will be lots of explosions The villian is on a suped up version of crystal meth and she can control time and Judge Dredd himself tries to imitate Christian Bale with a deep voice and a mask. Orange wednesday?

excitement 5/10

IMDB says: A documentary centered on a young Frenchman who convinces a grieving Texas family that he is their 16-year-old son who went missing for 3 years. I say: This looks hauntingly incredible. A missing kid re-appears but is completely different and doubts of his identity come into play. I think this film could be a complete mind blender. It looks very well shot and the story sounds very intriguing, the advert reminded me of Catfish so here’s hoping for something of similar quality and weirdness.

excitement 7/10


t.v

new girl is back!

w h o ’ s t h at

gurrrrl

(it’s zooey deschanel)


make your mind up zooey deschanel E4 have finally started showing the second half of New Girl season one after getting us all hooked on Zooey’s adventures back in the spring they suddenly cut us off but it’s all ok because she’s back! This means we can continue to watch Nick and Jess play the will they won’t they game and watch Schmit continuing to try and seduce Cece, meanwhile Winston gets no story lines. Also in this half the season we get to meet the gangs crazy and depressed landlord, Remy, who assumes that because he fixes Jess’ door him, Jess and Nick will be having a threesome. In short it keeps up to the same quality that the first half showed but luckily this half doesn’t feature annoyingly hipster love interests and a lot less Dirty Dancing sing a longs. The thing that I loved about the first half of New Girl was that I could finally stop hating on Zooey Deschanel because I no longer saw her as Summer from 500 Days of Summer in which, lets face it, she is a complete bitch. She plays the character we would’ve expected from her a super quirky person who loves big glasses and vintage clothes. In real life if we met someone like this there is no way they would a. Be friendly or b. talk to us but Jess gives off a friendly vibe who you think if you saw her in the street she’d actually be nice to you. Anyway I’ve gone off topic. We rejoin Jess and the gang a few weeks later on from where we left them, Jess’ needy and nerdy boyfriend is long gone and Jess is on the hunt for a one night stand and Schmit is hot on the scene to give help. What Schmit doesn’t tell Jess is that he has been sleeping with Cece for a while now so he starts acting weird when Jess suggests girls he should talk to. Needless to say this situation goes downhill ending with Jess at some weird guys house and an ex eating cereal as they hook up. The rest of the season carries on in this manner with some crazy episodes the best one being when Jess tackles Nick in a game of American football and Nick ends up in hospital and gets told he might have cancer cue crazy last night on earth episode where everyone gets mega drunk and things get oddly romantically awkward. When writing this there were 3 episodes left in the season and if they are to the quality of the rest of the season it has been a superb opening season for New Girl which has already been renewed for a second season. I think this may carry on for many more seasons following the success of similar shows like It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Hopefully in the seasons to come we will see more of the other characters, especially Winston who seems to have been in the background this season depsite being one of the funniest characters when he actually gets a line. Also expect big things from Zooey Deschanel in the film world and also watch out for her musical side project She & Him. Season two of New Girl starts sometime next year and season one is available to watch right now on 4OD.


will they? won’t they? maybe. schmit? no. back on nick. has cancer? nearly hooks up on a beach. doesn’t happen.


Mad men

suit. check CIGARETTE. CHECK BABY. CHECK Inappropriate sexual comment. check


I’m going to title this story: Roger Sterling and the Picture So Good We Used it 3 Times. We left Mad Men with Roger and Joan giving in to their urges after surviving a mugging and in season 5 the result of that night are born. Joan’s husband still thinks it’s his and Joan’s mum moves in with her to offer her some very questionable parenting advice. Meanwhile Roger tries LSD, makes some racially questionable jokes, oggles Don’s new wife, sings Frere Jacques, endures a growing resentment of his new wife, mocks Pete and chats up Pete’s secretary. Lane didn’t want to miss out on the action either so he finds a wallet and tries to steal some guys girlfriend then get’s angry and punches Pete...right in the face. This is just in the first couple of episodes. I don’t want to tell you everything that happens because this has just been the most incredible season of Mad Men so far and if you have not seen it yet stop reading now and go watch it. The amount of twists and shocking revalations this season has been outstanding but the main thing I want to focus on is how Roger Sterling has gone from being the best character in Mad Men to being the best character to ever be in a TV show. This does mean that I’m saying he’s better then Walter White, Larry David and Lil’ Sebastian. I’m going to explain why. For starters he is the best dressed man on TV you never see him out of

a tailored suit, the only time he takes that suit is to have his way with a women miles out of his league. Secondly upon seeing his baby boy for the first time he doesn’t at the wonder of his new child but instead calls him a brat and makes a joke about Joan’s breasts getting bigger. He is the only man who man who can manage two affairs and a marriage at the same time and not get caught despite not caring if he does get caught. Finally he feels he has seen and done enough in his life that he no longer needs to make an effort at work and instead focuses all of his engergies on torturing Pete Campbell and drinking so much scotch his blood/alcohol levels lean heavily toward a 20/80 split. Mad Men is only getting better and there is so much more to look forward to as season 6 has already been given greenlight. Made by AMC who also make Breaking Bad it’s clear that this studio has its act together making the two best shows on TV. They managed to make televison shows that have the quality of directing, strong and deep charaters and incredible story progession that you would expect to see in a high quality cinematic release. There are so many good things about Mad Men I could spend all day talking about them but instead for those of you who haven’t seen season 5 yet and are looking for a good reason to I will leave you with this: Betty gets amazingly fat and is scared to leave the house.


1. Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Freak Book, S6 E5

2. Louie, Duckling, S2 E11

3. Weeds, Bill Sussman, S3 E5

4. The Office, Product Recall, S3 E21

5. Family Guy, Three Kings, S9 E6

6. 30 Rock, Dealbreakers Talk Show #0001, S4 E7

7. Eastbound & Down, Chapter 10, S2 E4

8. Community, Introduction to Statistics, S1 E7


rewatch

I’ve cherry picked my favorite episodes and films I’ve seen in the past month, details below.

9. Batman Begins, 2005

1. Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry chauffeurs John McEnroe from the airport then buys Ted a book called ‘Mondo Freak’ for his birthday and ruins his party. Classic L.D. 8* 2. Louie, a double length episode where Louis goes to Afghanistan but ends up looking after a duckling that his daughter puts in his bag. 7* 3. Weeds, U-Turn does a drive by in a Toyota Prius. Also Marvin gets shot. Amazing. 7* 4. The Office, Bears, Beats, Battlestar Gallatica. 6* 5. Family Guy, they retell three classic Stephen King books in classic Family Guy style. The best being The Shawshank Redemption. Cleveland plays Morgan Freeman and kills it. 5*

10. The Dark Knight, 2008

6. 30 Rock, to get the O in his EGOT Tracy remembers events from his childhood. He had a messed up and amazing childhood. 8* 7. Eastbound & Down, it’s Kenny fucking Powers y’all. Kenny takes it too far showboating whilst playing for the Charros. 7* 8. Community, Abed is Batman. 10* 9. Batman Begins, get in the mood for D.K.R by watching the first two in the trilogy. 9*

11. Immortal, 2004

10. The Dark Knight, Batman fights the Joker and it’s just incredible. 9.5* 11. Immortal, my uncle made me watch this and it is the worst film I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen a lot of bad films. You need to watch it to appreciate how bad it is the CGI is horrific and the acting is stiffer then a plank of wood. 1* 12. Monsters Inc, did you know Steve Buscemi is the voice of Randall? It blew my mind. Yeah also the film’s pretty good too. 7* 12. Monsters Inc, 2001


JEEPERS BATMAN, HAVE YOU SEEN CHRISTIAN BALE’S BAT SUIT? batman, 1966 dir - leslie martinson, star - adam west, burt ward

Obviously the original Batman is not going to as impressive and visually spectacular as Christopher Nolan’s but it doesn’t stop it from being an incredible fake shark fighting, Bat-Copter-ing, Lycra clad masterpiece. In the first five minutes we are treated to Batman and Robin flying the Bat-Copter then descending the Bat-Ladder to fight an evil shark which they defeat by using Shark Repellent Bat-Spray; the shark then explodes, naturally, then they race back to the Bat-Cave to call the Commissioner on the Bat-Phone. See where I’m going with this? This however is not the best thing about this film, the best thing is that ridiculously preposterous clues are worked out in seconds with even more preposterous answers. The prime example of this being when The Penguin dehydrates some pirates then re-hydrates them in the Bat-Cave Batman figures out what has happened in about 2 seconds. Either Adam West is genius or this film is amazing. I recommend that you watch this version of Batman before the next time you see Dark Knight Rises because it shows just how far the Batman franchise has come in 50 years. Despite being possibly the cheesiest film ever made it is a classic in it’s own right and your film collection is not complete without it.

8* Holy high definition Batman we can buy this on Bluray? Yes and do it. Do it now.


the definitive list of the bat-fight words used (all 85 of them) AIEEE! AIIEEE! ARRGH! AWK! AWKKKKKK! BAM! BANG! BANG-ETH! BIFF! BLOOP! BLURP! BOFF! BONK! CLANK! CLANK-EST! CLASH! CLUNK! CLUNK-ETH! CRRAACK! CRASH! CRRAACK! CRUNCH! CRUNCH-ETH! EEE-YOW! FLRBBBBB! GLIPP! GLURPP! KAPOW! KAYO!

KER-SPLOOSH! KERPLOP! KLONK! KLUNK! KRUNCH! OOOFF! OOOOFF! OUCH! OUCH-ETH! OWWW! OW-ETH PAM! PLOP! POW! POWIE! QUNCKKK! RAKKK! RIP! SLOSH! SOCK! SPLATS! SPLATT! SPLOOSH! SWAAP! SWISH! SWOOSH! THUNK! THWACK! THWACKE!

THWAPE! THWAPP! UGGH! URKKK! VRONK! WHACK! WHACK-ETH! WHAM-ETH! WHAMM! WHAMMM! WHAP! Z-ZWAP! ZAM! ZAMM! ZAMMM! ZAP! ZAP-ETH ZGRUPPP! ZLONK! ZLOPP! ZLOTT! ZOK! ZOWIE! ZWAPP! ZZWAP! ZZZZWAP! ZZZZZWAP!


ISSUE #2 not everything. not yet.

next issue: Dark Horse


#2 What I Have Watched This Month