never be taken seriously again, having an official record of suffering from a condition that fell into the uneasy realm of mental health. Eventually, I found what little self-esteem I had left and dialled the number. Next thing, I was in a GPs office, stammering at a doctor asking them for help. The doctor was warm and welcoming. I wasn’t judged and was treated with respect and understanding. I found doors opening to positive progressive advice and guided help. I was initially given medication to treat my symptoms. The meds seemed to numb my soul. I felt doped, plastic and empty - not an ideal tool for recovery, but part of the healing process all the same. I was referred to the NHS ‘Healthy Minds Team’ and was initially given a course of guided self-help sessions with a mental health practitioner. These sessions helped me to understand what depression and anxiety were and how they affected me, both physically and mentally. I was given workbooks to fill out and diaries to keep, along with guides and exercises to rationalise my thoughts. When I started reading about ‘abstract thought and abstract behaviours’, I felt abnormal as I didn’t understand the clinical terminology but I went with it and used those terms as further aides to recovery. The few friends I had left advised me to push for counselling, since my depression at that stage was far too deep for the self-help sessions to sort out. I needed more focused one-on-one help. I needed to express myself and empty my thoughts onto a professional, so I asked my doctor to refer me for counselling and CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). I was offered 8 sessions that could lead to an addition of 2 extra. Was this enough? No, not at all. It was all too brief, but what limited time I had was very helpful and supportive. As the session limit was set, my negative thoughts stepped in. My mind became obsessed with the limited time I had and found myself wondering if I could cope when they came to an end.
Throughout these counselling sessions I was given the tools to rationalise my negative feelings and overthinking. I found that I was doing what I thought would please others, before considering pleasing myself and in turn undervalued myself as a whole. Most important of all I was getting more focused personal support. I could talk and express myself to someone who could openly tweak and adjust my faults and give me positive guidance by correcting my emotional posture. I found myself constantly self-analysing my thoughts and moods, often finding that the scenarios that I’d over thought and got worked up about were totally unfounded. I started to understand that I couldn’t read the future, I was no medium. The future, by definition, is fiction not fact.
I WAS EMBARRASSED AND FRIGHTENED THAT I WOULD BE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST IN BOTH MY PERSONAL AND WORK LIFE. My counsellor was, and is, awesome and I wish I still had their help and guidance. I am improving all the time, although I do slip into anxiety and paranoia that gets picked up by my nearest and dearest. I try to use the snippets of guidance I was given to help me when I do falter. I am more relaxed about admitting to suffering from a mental illness since realising that I am simply one of the 1 in 4 people in the UK who suffer from this curable condition. There is no need to feel embarrassed to ask for help. We can overcome other illnesses and infections, and depression is no different. Depression can be tamed and overcome, but the limit on one to one treatmentneeds to be lifted and the Government and NHS must provide more time and help. Talking it through was what helped me the most. It’s not expensive.
thecalmzone.net - CALMzone Helpline London: 0808 8025858 Outside london: 0800 58 58 58
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