“ An excLusive look at the latest WEDDING FASHIONS & an inside look at Lubbock’s NEWEST PLACE to tie your knot”
A SPECIAL One-on-One with
TEXAS TECH MEN’S BASKETBALL COACH
The New Place to
Tie Your Knot Vo lume 1 Issue 2 2013 - 1 4 Wi n t e r E di t i o n
Monday â€“ Saturday 10am-8pm | Sunday 12pm-6pm
5026 Frankford Ave. Lubbock, TX 79424 | 806.687.3000
Winter Issue 2013-14
CONTENTS “ An execusive look at the latest WEDDING FASHIONS & an inside look at Lubbock’s NEWEST PLACE to tie your knot”
The New Place to Tie Your Knot Believe it or not, more people “pop the question” in winter than any other time of the year. Winter in Lubbock is no exception, and rumor has it there’s a new place in town.
A SPECIAL One-on-One with
Coach Tubby Smith
TEXAS TECH MEN’S BASKETBALL HEAD COACH
The New Place to
Tie Your Knot Vo l u m e 1 I s s u e 2 2 0 1 3 - 1 4 W i n t e r E d i t i o n
COVER PHOTO: COVER MODEL SARAH BROWN TRINITY CHURCH WEDDING CHAPEL PHOTOGRAPH BY CRIS DUNCAN, CJ DUNCAN PHOTOGRAPHY
6 One Verse Later New York Times bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst shares her personal journey of brokenness, abuse as a child and the woman she is today.
Tubby Smith Interview Learn critical keys to success from Coach Smith as he shares from his personal life experience and 39 year basketball career.
24 21 Blind Sighted At the age of fifteen, Jennifer lost both her sight and the dream of becoming an artist. Although her life experiences have been difficult, she chose to continue. Learn how she overcame difficulties one obstacle at a time.
Hidden In Plain Sight How safe do you feel in Lubbock? Test your street smarts and learn the 5 best ways to keep your family safe this shopping season!
ED IT O R - I N - C H IEF B r a d F ro e s e CR E A T IVE D I R E C TOR Hadley Fletcher CO P Y E D I T O R M a r i l y n G a r re t t CO LU M N W R I T E R C a r l To t i CO N T R I B U T IN G WR I TER S J e re my M c F e r r i n G l o r i a To t i C h r i s L a w re n c e CO N T R I B U T IN G P HOTO G R APHER S C r i s D u n c a n , C J Du n c a n Ph otogr a ph y E m i l y M o o re , E mily Moore Ph oto B r a d F ro e s e S P E C IA L T H A N KS C o a c h Tu b b y S mith , TTU S a n g K i m, S a n g Kim’s Ta e Kwon Do Du s t i n C a z i m e ro , Tu xe do Ju n c tion Jennifer Nash - Bliss | Bridal | Wedding | Gift S A LE S I N Q U I R I ES 806.370.0486 s a l e s @ re l i ve l i f e m agazin e .c om ED IT O R IA L SU B MI S S I ONS e d i t o r i a l @ re l i v e l i f emagazin e .c om O F F IC E S 7 0 0 8 S a l e m Av e • L u bboc k, TX 7 9 4 2 4 W E B SI T E w w w. re l i v e l i f e ma ga z in e .c om S O C I A L M E D I A INFOR MATI O N f a c e b o o k . c o m / re l iv e life magazin e tw i t t e r. c o m / re l i ve life
f l i c k r. c o m / p h o t o s / re liv e life magazin e p i n t e re s t . c o m / re l iv e life
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Gloria Toti is the Women’s Ministry Director at Trinity Church in Lubbock. Much of the time, you will find Gloria looking for opportunities to make a few more gals feel valued. Gloria & her husband Carl, along with their two sons, Nathan and Jonathan, moved to Lubbock in 2001 and fell in love with the community.
Jeremy McFerrin grew up in Cotton Center, TX prior to attending Texas Tech University. After a one year stint as the assistant women’s coach at South Plains College and three years under Todd Duncan, he has filled the role of athletic director and head boys basketball coach at Trinity Christian High School. Jeremy and his wife Becca are proud parents of Jett, Brecklyn, and Jacoby.
Chris has spent the majority of his life in the restaurant business. Prior to that, he served his country in the Presidential Honor Guard under President Ronald Reagan and later in Desert Storm. He currently serves in church ministry. Chris is married to Robin, his wife of 25 years, and has two daughters, Jordan and Cassie.
kne erse V
ysa TerKeurst is no stranger to success. She is a New York Times bestselling author and the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She uses her strong voice and incredible writing style to encourage women all over the world. If you have ever read one of her books, you know how hard it is to put down the highlighter. She seems to squeeze in one great thing after another. Her gut-honest-style makes women feel they are not alone. Her life-story is not filled with an endless road of victories either. It actually reads like a before-andafter narrative. If one does not know both sides of her journey, one might be led to believe that the doors of opportunity swung wide open for her and her gifts, and the negative elements of life never touched her. Nothing could be further from the truth. At a very young age, her life began to be filled with fear, rejection, abandonment, abuse, shame, guilt, and brokenness.
“The sexual abuse I endured as a child was horrific.” By the time Lysa was a young teenager, she found herself staring at the permanent marks on her soul. She had no idea how she could go on living with such turmoil. As far as she was concerned, her life was too far gone for anything good to come out of it - until the day when ‘hope’ came looking for her. She read the verse:
“‘ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Those were the words sent by one of Lysa’s friends, who, at the time, specialized in handing out Bible verses. This time, the verse arrived in the mail. As Lysa read the verse, it seemed to come alive with a
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personal message, and it collided with her heart. She heard:
“Lysa, I know the plans I have for you… Lysa, I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you…Lysa, I have plans to give you a hope and a future.” She had not heard anything like this before. Up to that time, her life had been exposed to more harmful situations than she cared to remember. Before she knew it, she was on her knees crying with loud sobs. In an unexplainable moment, the heavy weight of sin, shame and brokenness was lifted off of her. Her heart found a new home that day and a bigger story began. She says,
“God stopped for one that day, and it
Today, she is on a mission to show the world her scars and the reality “that Jesus really does work” . With humility and brokenness of another kind, she goes to work every day knowing that there are many who desperately need to hear the message of hope. She is determined to be one of those “Bible-thumping
friends who dares to share a verse.”
Lysa is living the dream. The broken girl stepped out of her world of ashes into her world of beauty. Her life proves that no matter what you have done, and no matter where you have been, it is not too late to start again. Her life message is all about encouraging women to stop struggling on their own. “It does
not matter what others think about you; as long as you know that God thinks the world of you, you are going to make it.” Is it time for your attention to be drawn to something greater than what your current reality is? I hope you said, “Yes!”
In a recent interview, I asked Lysa: Growing
up, did you ever see yourself doing what you are doing today? No, I can’t say that I did. Although, I have always had a strong fascination with writing, I don’t think I could have imagined
things would work out this way. For as long as I can remember, I was the little girl who loved expressing herself with words. I wrote poem after poem after poem. When other girls were making up cute songs and dance routines, I was busy writing poetry. While they were asking their moms to watch their creativity, I was running downstairs to pull up a chair for my mom to sit and listen to my poems. I have always enjoyed bringing written words to life. I guess another clue of my love for writing could have been recognized each time my teachers announced that a report had to be written and presented. I would notice a strange dynamic: where most of my classmates would moan over such an assignment, I could not wait to write my report and then get up in front of the classroom and present it. It was the best thing in the world for me to participate in this type of activity. Although I didn’t know it at the time, my desire to be a public speaker and an author was showing up at a very young age.
As a child, what did you want to do when you grew up? When asked this type of question, I never found myself saying, ‘I want to be in ministry. I want to be a leader. I want to be a speaker. I want to be a writer.’ I never said any of those things. Instead, I said things like: ‘I want to be a country music singer, or I want to be the first female President.’ Sounds pretty diverse, huh? I obviously didn’t have an accurate picture of what I wanted to do or be, but in time, I gravitated toward the giftedness of effective communication. I have to say that I have thoroughly enjoyed the journey.
We know you work very hard; why do you do what you do?
Did you ever imagine your life would have such impact in changing culture?
I love what I do. Everything emanates from a real passion of fulfilling my calling as a wife, mom and minister. One of the greatest honors I work for daily is modeling before my kids what it looks like to serve the Lord with great joy. I love it when my mom and minister roles intersect. Each time this happens, I realize that I am teaching my children how deep my love is for God and for them. I do what I do because God put something in me, and that sweet ‘something’ makes me love what I do. Now, is it challenging? Absolutely. Do I always effectively balance all of my responsibilities? No, I do not.
Oh wow! Am I changing the culture? That’s a sweet surprise. I don’t often think about it in those terms. I don’t try to think about it in a broad scope. It is my desire to reach people one by one. I try to keep focused on the person right in front of me. I want to lay my head on my pillow at night knowing that I am making wise investments in my own life and the lives of others. My focus is simple: individual people, stewarding my gift, and moving forward. So for me, if those individuals add up to be a culture who are being impacted by me, then wow… what a sweet surprise.
Do I sometimes struggle with the constant demands of people’s expectations of me? Yes, absolutely! I do struggle with that.
What was your childhood like? Let’s just say that I have a natural bent for adventure. Viewing life through the lens of adventure helped me navigate some of the hard things I experienced growing up. There was a lot of hurt and disillusionment in my home. My dad was an atheist and made choices that impacted my family in chaotic ways. At one point, my dad totally abandoned me, and the devastation was unbearable. Throughout my entire childhood, there were horrific tragedies occurring at least every three years. As a little girl, I was tossed about in the waves of circumstances, and my heart seemed to drown in the havoc each time. I remember thinking that life revolved around three-year cycles where things would be really good, and then they would be really bad. When I thought that things couldn’t get any worse, they would. Some of the real hard things I faced resulted from my parent’s divorce. I remember being overwhelmed with unbearable sadness. The final blow came when my younger sister, whom I loved very much, tragically lost her life at the age of 16 months old. I was devastated by this loss and decided that my broken heart couldn’t take another cycle of pain. At the time, I didn’t have a deep relationship with Jesus to keep me anchored. I was tired of being let down by others, including God! So, off I went to escape the pain in my heart. You and I know that kind of plan never works. Today, I can’t thank God enough for His mercy that rescued me from the pit of hopelessness. He released me to experience the adventure I had always longed for.
What do you want others to know about you? I want everyone to know that I am passionately in love with Jesus and passionately enamored with His truth! I strive to share that truth with others in a way that doesn’t just preach well but actually lives well. When I write and when I speak, I imagine packaging God’s truth into beautifully wrapped gifts that enter into the sacred places of the heart. Today, I desperately want to make a difference in the lives of those who are broken. I have a deep desire to tell them that they are not alone. 8
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If someone asked for a random piece of advice, what would you say? Well, because I’m very focused on the topic of my next book…which by the way is ‘The Best Yes - Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands’, I would have to say that I want women to understand how to more effectively use the two most powerful words — yes and no. I would also tell them that we must never confuse the command to love with the disease to please. For more information about Lysa, and to order her books visit: proverbs31.org
- the victim of sexual abuse. - the broken child. - the unwanted daughter. - the throw-away person. - the girl who shook her fist at God and walked away. - the woman who chose abortion.
- the one who dared believe that she was wanted. - the one who found forgiveness. - the one who learned to love. - the one who watched God prove that He had a plan for her. - the one who uses her life to help others.
LIFE LESSONS â€œAfter 39 years of coaching, I never thought I would get fired,â€? admitted Texas Tech
Head Basketball Coach, Tubby Smith. The very next day after leaving Minnesota, Coach Smith was offered his position at Texas Tech University. There is no doubt this is the place he is supposed to be, a place where his experience will make the difference both on the court and in the lives of Tech players. Coach Smith is perfectly positioned for the opportunity to join Lon Kruger of Oklahoma as one of the only coaches in NCAA history to take five different teams to the NCAA Tournament. Coach Smith has taken Tulsa, Georgia, Kentucky (National Champions 1997-98), and Minnesota there, making Texas Tech the next team he plans to lead to the tournament.
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Coach Tubby Smith
Menâ€™s Head Basketball Coach
T E X A S
T E C H
U N I V E R S I T Y
Lesson : Passion
oach Smith knows that success comes from passion. The only way to be successful is to “have passion about your job,” he says. If you are in a profession, or studying something you are not passionate about, then why else are you in it? Many people talk about not having jobs or being without work, but as Coach Smith’s dad, Guffrie Smith, taught him —
“You can make a comfortable living doing just about anything if you try to be the best at it.” Try to be the best at whatever you are doing and people will recognize your zeal and passion. Many people sit around waiting for opportunity to come by chance, but what does it take to own it? How many of us have had the position we wanted just fall into our lap without working for it?
“A job is a job; you can get a job when you can’t get much of anything else in life,” Coach Smith said as we discussed modern culture and society. Many people wait for success, but the people who have success show passion, drive, and determination. Coach Smith’s legacy continues with several of his players following his footsteps and becoming coaches themselves. Why? Passion! You share your passion with your team, co-workers, family and friends, and it’s contagious. Passion sells what you are doing and why you are doing it. If you are passionate, even time cannot hinder success.
Lesson : Faith & Family
oach Smith recommends establishing a priority system for the important values in your life. His values are comprised of faith, family, then basketball and friendship. Balancing passions and values proportionately helps you succeed with the support of your family and friends. As a basketball coach myself, this is something I have tried to balance in my own life. Every day, my faith and passion for the game and competition are expressed through a relationship with my athletes. The time I invest in my family insures that my wife and kids are my biggest fans. They attend games, travel with me to scout opponents, and participate in team dinners. Our families become involved in our calling as coaches. Coach Smith has the support of his wife, Donna, and extended family. You can see the support and passion he has passed to his family as his two sons played for him over his career. Coach Smith is clearly a man whose faith and passion have been passed on to family, former players, and staff members — by example, illustrating his belief that, “Life is a journey, it’s not a sprint.”
“The best thing for me was being raised in a Christian environment”, said Coach Tubby Smith.
“Balance passion and values proportionately, and never let faith or family fall out of your top priorities.”
In our interview, I asked Coach Smith, “What is the biggest challenge you face as a coach?” His response -
“LIFE” As coaches, we teach daily X’s and O’s, but it goes much deeper than this. Why did a kid not set a screen? Why do we not reverse the ball to the other side? Why will you not pass the ball? What is the deeper issue? Very often, the answer is LIFE. What is going on with the players off the court? Is there something that a kid has going on in his life that is affecting the way he plays? These are some of the challenges that we face as coaches, discovering the deeper issues at play. Coaches want their athletes to be their best, and we are constantly striving to bring out the best in them. Every coach wants to play a player for the positive things they bring to the team. The best coaches are encouragers and gain peak performances from their athletes by driving them to do their best every possession. Good coaches are able to use values such as faith and family to help their athletes achieve peak performance.
Lesson : Surround Yourself with Great People
hat makes Coach Smith great at continuing to be one of the top coaches in the nation? The answer is simple: he is deliberate about surrounding himself with people who make him better. Do your friends make you better? If not, you need new friends. Coach Smith discusses the importance of being a leader and how he has determined to place other coaches and staff around him who make him better at what he does. Of course, as a leader you will be challenged daily and have to point out areas that need improving, but you utilize the strengths of the people around you. Also, as a leader you must identify your own weaknesses, rather than hiding them, and be willing to empower people around you to help you develop them into strengths.
Lesson : Finish the Job
nderstand that you have been blessed to make a difference in the lives of others. Coach Smith doesn’t see retirement anywhere in the near future.
“No man ever got a chance to retire unless he finished the job.” And his job is not finished. He is still impacting lives on a daily basis. Taking words from legendary Coach John Wooden, Coach Smith reminded me,
“Be quick, but don’t hurry... God has blessed us with an opportunity, so we shouldn’t rush through it, but rather, utilize it. There will always be work, but you must work in moderation to be successful in life.” In essence, moderation and prioritizing our values proportionately prevents burn-out and aids us in the most meaningful accomplishment in life: the investments we make in each other. relivelifemagazine.com
NEW PLACE to tie your THE
SHOT ON LOCATION AT Trinity Church Lubbock New Trinity Central & Chapel
PHOTOGRAPHY Chris Duncan - CJ Duncan Photography www.cjduncan.net
MODELS Jeremy & Sarah Brown (COVER) Robby & Rebecca Winkler Drew & Ashley Neill
HAIR STYLING Laura Pringle - Panache Salon
MAKE-UP Sheila Joy - Independent Beauty Consultant - Mary Kay Heather Womack - Independent Beauty Consultant - Mary Kay
WEDDING GOWNS Jennifer Nash - Bliss Bridal | Wedding | Gifts 3806 50th Street Suite 100 Lubbock, TX 806-368-5743 www.lubbockbliss.com
TUXEDOS Tuxedo Junction 5217 82nd Street Suite 117 Lubbock, TX 806-795-9331 www.tuxedojunction.com
SPECIAL THANKS TO Trinity Church Emily Moore - Emily Moore Photo Dustin Cazimero - Tuxedo Junction
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Blind Sighted blind·sight (blndst) n.
The ability of a blind person to sense the presence of a light source.
Courage in the
Blindness by Gloria Toti
Jennifer was enjoying life as a high school student. She had high aspirations of using her creative and artistic ability after graduation. She loved drawing caricatures with vibrant color schemes and dreamed of the day when she would work as a commercial artist or cartoonist. While attending high school, she noticed that students were bumping into her while passing down the halls. She didn’t move out of their way because she couldn’t see them coming. This situation was quite different from the eyesight weakness she experienced in junior high. She knew something was wrong but never imagined that life was about to deal her such a devastating a blow. From one day to the next, the course of Jennifer’s life seemed to close in on her without much warning. The ophthalmologist prescribed stronger eyeglasses, but that didn’t seem to help. The next step was a visit to a specialist. After a series of tests were taken, Jennifer and her parents received devastating news. relivelifemagazine.com
“Jennifer’s diagnosis is a rare degenerative eye disease called Retinitis Pigmentosa. This disease slowly eats away the retina of the eye. There is neither cure nor correction for the damage already done. She has already lost so much sight that her retinas will only continue to deteriorate until she is totally blind.”
You have authored several books. How does someone who can’t see write a book?
Lessons I Learned in the Dark was my first book. It was written 10 years ago, and I didn’t even know how to type. I Over the next year, Jennifer completely lost her vision. wrote everything out on paper Her dreams of becoming an artist faded into the darkness with a black flair pen. My of her new reality. friend, Karen, committed to type everything I wrote. Then she patiently read everything Greater Dependency back to me over and over again. What a friend and what Although she states that nothing in the process was easy, a process. 45,000 words later, deep down inside Jennifer had faith that God was going my first book was published. By to ‘see’ her through this. She discovered what it truly the time the third book came meant to have “blind faith” ; she took hold of God’s along, I had learned to type. I open hand and stepped out into absolute darkness. had also purchased a computer and a software program that For Jennifer, the journey allowed me to listen to what began at the age of 9 when she You have to know whose hand was being typed. My computer dedicated her life to Christ. you are holding in order to step and I became quite the team; Although she was young, she into the darkness of an I typed and it talked back to took her commitment very me [chuckle]. And, don’t seriously and was genuinely uncertain future. forget that I am not able to interested in connecting with use a mouse. I have to use keyGod personally. commands to navigate around, which really has worked out just fine. Actually, when Losing her sight didn’t change Jennifer’s belief in God. someone’s mouse goes out in our home, they come to It actually did the opposite. She learned dependency on me for help. Him and wondered why it took her so long to learn this valuable lesson. You will often hear her say that, “The Assistive technology has allowed me to enjoy a new sense darkness was not as scary as it seemed it would have of independence. So, back to your original question — I been”. guess a lot of sheer determination and patience allows a blind person to become an author. She went off to college and met her husband, Phil Rothschild. They now have two incredible sons and recently gained a beautiful daughter-in-law. Today, Jennifer is an author, speaker, and Bible teacher. She tells her story to tens How do you feel about public of thousands of speaking? women across the country every I have the greatest benefit because year through her I can’t see the audience. So, I don’t Fresh Grounded have to get nervous, and that Faith conferences makes things easier. On a serious and many other note, I feel it is something I have platforms. to be a good steward of. I don’t take lightly that people sitting Jennifer’s life declares in an audience perceive that that even on the road of someone on a stage has credibility intense suffering, God is by virtue of simply being on the faithful. platform. I figuratively walk up on that stage on my knees. I want to be Her strong relationship with her parents helped ease extremely mindful of truth, so I don’t the pain of transitioning from a world of light to a world walk up there with a ton of confidence. I of darkness. Her husband Dr. Phil gladly received that never occupy a stage with an attitude of, “Hey, baton and has helped keep the vision of hope alive in listen everyone, I have something to say.” I always her heart. want to speak in the shadow of the Cross… so I don’t blow it.
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You can’t reference your notes when you speak. Is that difficult?
Growing up, did you ever see yourself doing what you are doing today?
It takes a little extra effort. Obviously, out of necessity, I spend a lot of time going over what I want to say. I walk through the process with as much precision as I know how. I think about what needs to be said, and then I meditate on the key points… and I then I depend on God a lot. When I was growing up, I had the privilege of watching my father minister and learned a lot from him.
What has blindness shown you? Blindness has exposed my own brokenness in a profound way. Some might think that the blindness is what makes me broken — that it’s my weakness or my handicap. For me, it was the blindness that became the illuminating factor in my life and showed me how much I needed God all along. The blindness didn’t make me need God. The blindness just showed me that I needed more of Him than I had realized. It exposed to me my own depths of brokenness. The benefit of walking in darkness ushered me into a deeper dependence on Him. I found, in darkness, the one thing I should have been doing all along in the light. I have found a lot of joy and freedom in depending on Him rather than myself. Blindness doesn’t define me. Blindness proved that my identity is not found in the things of this world.
Absolutely not! Before I lost my sight, I wanted to be an artist. After losing my sight, God gifted with me a musical gift. I believe God allowed this as a way for me to release what I had been expressing with pen and paper through my artistic work. For me, things seemed to have transferred from art — to music — to the written and spoken word. Looking back, I can see how God orchestrated every step to bring me to what I am doing If you could eat one thing for a month, today. If I had known I was what would it be? I would eat cheese pizza every day. capable of doing this, I would have desired it sooner [chuckle]. What is your favorite movie? What about Bob. If I had known enough to know What is a favorite kind of ice cream? what I wanted to I love a good chocolate do, I would have frozen custard. wanted to do this. It’s another Do you think you are strong? wonderful way of I think I am strong-willed. And communicating the I think I have strong opinions, and I don’t know if that is the creativity and the kind of strength to have. beauty of the Lord.
What was your favorite subject in school? I had great affections for English. What is your favorite TV show? I love anything on the history channel, but I must admit that I am very amused by Duck Dynasty.
Who in your life has influenced you the most, and how did they do it?
Well, I have two answers to that question. Joni Eareckson Tada had been an incredible influence over me the summer What is the name of the device you use before I lost my sight. Her first book to detect the color of your clothes? entitled Joni was the last book that I I call him Buford. read. I believe that God just tucked her right into my heart. He gave me a hero for my heart. I had no idea that I was going to face a similar, yet different, What is one of challenge through losing my sight as a teenager. She lost the hardest things you’ve ever her ability to walk as a teenager. I know God gave her done? to me. There were so many times when I thought about To be honest with you, some of her joy, her consistency and the hard things actually take place her loyalty toward the Lord. throughout several days of every Actually, I still think of her week. Life in the dark has a way of today. I often remind myself, giving me choices: Will I be grateful “If Joni can do it — I can do or grumpy? Will I be filled with joy it.” She definitely has been an or wallow in self-pity? In my world, influence. a simple thing such as accidentally
leaving a cabinet door open forces me to make a hard choice. When l bang into something that results in a black eye, I find myself dealing with this thing called ‘hard choices’. Believe me, the black eyes aren’t the hard part of this process; the hard choices are. Choosing how to respond to each of these situations has become the hardest thing I have ever done. The daily-ness of blindness provides a lot of moment-to-moment checking-in with myself and challenges the core of what I am made of.
Next, I would have to say my parents. They both fulfilled a different role in my life. My Dad was my pastor, and I learned the Word from him. Even though I didn’t realize that I was learning it, I learned the art and skill of teaching and public speaking from him. My mom influenced me greatly in showing me how to be gracious, how to be a lady and how to love people. relivelifemagazine.com
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hidden in plain sight by: Chris Lawrence
How safe would you say you are in Lubbock? It might surprise you to know that just as recent
“Hub City” as the 6 most dangerous place to as 2010, Forbes ranked the th
live in America.
So let’s test your
“street smarts” DO YOU...
Jog or walk by yourself early in the morning or late at night when the streets are quiet and deserted? Stuff your purse with cash, keys, credit cards, and checkbook - and then leave it wide open on a counter, your desk or the floor? Put your wallet in a jacket, which you then hang up or throw over a chair? Let your mind wander - thinking about your job, or all the things you have to do - when walking or driving? Think it’s a waste of time to lock your car when you’ll be back in a few minutes? Or leave your front door or garage door open when you are at home?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you need to change a few habits. relivelifemagazine.com
So how do you start? You must first realize that you could become a victim. The latest U.S. Department of Justice figures show that crimes are at their lowest levels on record. Yet, this is no time to be complacent. All you have to do is turn on the news, and you know the facts. Bad things happen to good people; it seems crime is everywhere. “Regardless of the improved crime rate, crime still affects everyone in all types of neighborhoods; it crosses economic and racial lines. There is a particular spike during the Christmas Season,” says Darren Walters, Lieutenant, Lubbock Police Department. “Desperation can set in, and the novice criminal can be born.” “It is a reality,” Officer Walters says. “People are being victimized or are being targeted to be victims each and every day.” “Criminals don’t want to get caught,” says Walters. “They ask themselves, ‘Does this person look like an easy target? Does this person look vulnerable? Can I get away with something here?’” If a criminal does target you, you should know this: there are things you can do to prepare and protect yourself. You should also know that there are basically two different characteristics of criminals.
CRIMINAL PROFILES: ONE:
Criminal one is a spontaneous criminal; he doesn’t know his target and just seizes on opportunity. This is the one who might reach and grab you or your belongings. They are usually flying by the seat of their pants and really do not have a great plan.
The other criminal is the one who knows his target beforehand. This type of predator is responsible for 78% of all crime. He plans his crime sometimes 6 to 12 months before it goes into action. Many times, victims will have run across them in their everyday life; they have stood out to the criminal or even worse been introduced by a friend or an acquaintance. Sometimes the victim doesn’t know the predator, but you can be assured they know the victim, and they are very dangerous. Criminals know very well that we are all creatures of habit, and they will exploit those habits to commit both violent and non-violent crimes against you. It’s a simple concept to the criminal: when you become habitual in your day-to-day routines and lifestyle, you also become predictable. When you become predictable, you stand a much greater chance of becoming a victim.
To avoid becoming a victim, you need to take charge of your own safety. There are no guarantees, but actively tuning your thoughts and actions toward crime prevention and self-defense can help lower chances of becoming a casualty.
PREVENTION: Preventing crime from happening requires an active mind and body. It means paying attention to your instincts, to other people, and to your surroundings. It means constantly training your brain and limbs to act defensively. It is more than just a few martial arts moves. It is a way of life. “Security has to be habitual,” says Walters. “If you allow yourself to get into a lax way of thinking when it pertains to your security, it is very difficult to change that pattern when you find yourself in notso-safe situations.”
To clarify his point, Darren points to security alarms that people have in their homes but do not turn on. The hardware does nothing to thwart burglars if it is not used. People have an internal alarm as well. It usually tells them they are walking into a bad situation. Yet many ignore it because they have a false sense of security or are in denial that crime can happen to them. The best defense is to be aware of your surroundings. Trust your instincts. “If it doesn’t seem right, then it’s probably not,” advises Walters.
You should also act confident & focused. Just as you can sense people’s feelings, others can sense yours as well. Predators look for people who are meek, mild, weak, unfocused, and distracted. “Criminals are looking for easy pickings. They’re looking for someone who they can take by surprise and will likely not resist,” says Walters. He suggests presenting yourself in an assertive manner. When walking down the street, make eye contact with people who look at you. That signals the would-be offender that you are in charge and aware that they are there. The first and most important item to put into effect is Prevention. The following suggestions seem to be common sense but are often ignored by many. In most cases you are in control of the circumstances in which you place yourself. Just by being aware that you are a potential victim of a personal crime is the first step toward prevention. [ CONTINUED ON PAGE 29 ]
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1. Trust yourself. Be aware of your 2. surroundings. 3. Payto theattention people around you.
confident & 4. Actfocused. 5. Plan Ahead.
[ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 26 ]
Probably the least expensive measure you can take to protect yourself against crime is to incorporate “security conscious” habits into your daily routine and lifestyle that make you and your family less vulnerable. The best prevention is Precaution. A basic rule is to stay alert to your surroundings . Trust your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable in a place or situation, leave . “There’s a saying in the martial arts world that the best form of self-defense is not putting yourself in a position where you have to defend yourself,” says Sang Kim, a sixth-degree black belt master instructor in Sang Kim Tae Kwon Do. “We all have a right to be safe.” “Think through what you will do,” urges Master Kim. “Will you willingly give up your wallet or your purse, and if you’re willing to do that, isn’t it a good idea to make a photocopy of all your identification and credit cards and keep the information in a safe place?” Some of the plans will depend upon a person’s age, gender, and personal fitness, but Kim reminds us that even highly-trained FBI agents can get caught off guard and have no qualms about escape as their primary plan.
FIGHT or FLIGHT: There is some debate over whether fleeing or fighting back will provide the least risk. Kim, however, says it’s best to err on the conservative side, which is to run away if possible. If escape is not an option, Kim suggests firm resistance, particularly in cases of rape or sexual assault. With people you know, he urges being clear about saying “No” to sex, and to avoid flirting or sending mixed messages. With both intimates and strangers, he says physically resisting and then escaping is the best option.
“Submitting to an attack because of fear does not prevent it,” says Kim. Sang Kim
Sixth-Degree Black Belt Master Instructor in Sang Kim Tae Kwon Do
Taking steps to prevent crime can help lower chances of an attack, but there are no guarantees of complete safety. For this reason, it’s a good idea to have several plans on how to defend yourself and your property. ~ Sang Kim
He says surveys and anecdotal evidence show that the difference between rapists who have completed rape and those who have attempted it is their victims’ reaction. “In the completed rape, the victim usually froze and submitted,” he says. “In the attempted rape, the victim fought, resisted, and escaped.”
Tips for Escaping or Fighting Back How do you escape, fight, and survive?
Have an escape plan. Wherever you are or wherever you are going, know the layout of the place and visualize an escape route. “Thinking this way is not being paranoid, it’s being cautious,” says Kim. If you’re at home, knowing where your power switch is, and knowing your way in the dark, can give you an advantage over intruders. If you’re outside, knowing the layout of the town — where the sketchy areas are, where populated streets and venues are — can help you both to prevent and escape an encounter with an attacker. If you’re at work, knowing the structure of the building can give you an idea where to flee.
Train your body. You don’t have to have the physique of a football player to defend yourself, but it helps to be in relatively good shape. “How can you rely on yourself if you’re not physically fit?” asks Kim. “Could you run? Could you kick them? Could you last a little bit in a battle?” Remember, you don’t have to win the fight against an attacker. You just need to be able to survive it. Kim says people who fight back may have more chance of injury, but they have better chances of survival. “You might get a black eye or a broken arm, but if you don’t get raped, the black eye and the broken arm are going to heal far quicker than the trauma of being raped,” he says.
React quickly to danger. Response time is critical. Since the offender is counting on a surprise ambush to carry out his crime, you need to use the same element of surprise to escape or counterattack. Sang Kim says this could mean running toward lights and people, or it could mean screaming “Fire, Fire, Fire” instead of help to get people’s attention. If you are grabbed by the wrist, Kim says to try to juggle your hand so that you can pull it away in the area where the attacker’s fingers can open up. If escaping is not an option, Kim says quick and efficient self-defense is key. “If you’re just flailing about, you may be ineffectively exerting energy, and that will cause him to question what you’re doing,” says Kim. He recommends striking only at vital targets, which are areas of the body where you can inflict the most pain and damage. This will likely make it easier for you to disable the offender and get away. Some vital targets include the top center of the skull, eyes, temples, ears, windpipe, knees, insteps, base of skull, and spine.
According to Sang Kim there are three very basic defense moves that can save your life, each with a primary motive to separate you from the predator.
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For more information about how to defend yourself and avoid crime, check out classes that are often available at schools, local community centers, local martial arts facilities, and hospitals. Kim also recommends checking out books on selfdefense and talking with your local crime prevention officer. No matter how safe you think a neighborhood might be, it’s still not a good idea to leave the front door open, your valuables in the car, your purse on top of your office desk, or to flaunt all of your expensive jewelry and other belongings. “These actions simply provide temptation and opportunity for offenders,” says Walters. He also advises against walking through dark, isolated alleys, fields, or parking lots. Bad things happen in “safe” areas all the time. In fact, would-be attackers lurk around places where they can have the opportunity to catch people off guard and remain anonymous. They don’t want to get caught. Unfortunately, nobody can stop crime from occurring. You do have control over your own actions, however, and this is where prevention comes into play. By using some simple techniques and being aware of your habits and surroundings, you can be your own best line of defense.
So let’s see how you do now. Here are a couple of scenarios to think about: SCENARIO ONE: What do you do? You get home from work or shopping and the front door is cracked open. Do you think: Who left the door open? Did I leave the door open? Or is someone in the house?
Answer: Assume someone is in the house. Call the police,
and they will come and check your home to see if it is safe or has been burglarized.
SCENARIO TWO: You’ve been out shopping, and when you get home you cannot find your garage door opener. Do you think it probably fell out of the car, or it’s been misplaced? What if someone broke into my car and took it?
Answer: Go with ‘it has been stolen’ until you have it in
your hands. A way that criminals gain access to your home is by taking garage door openers - following you home and breaking in with you home or when you leave. Tip: Always make sure you lock the door between the garage and home.
LAST ONE: There is a knock at the door, and it’s after 7:00 pm. When you go to answer it, there is someone asking for something or needing help. What do you do? Open the door and find out what is going on? Pretend you’re not at home?
Answer: This one is up to you to use your best judgment.
However, you need to have a game plan for situations like this one. Home invasions are rapidly on the rise. Criminals of this crime usually work in pairs and have spent time planning their assault. So trust your gut, stay alert and be ready for anything.
Calendar of Events
THE SEASON OF GIVING AND THE JOY OF PLAY HISTORIC TOYS FROM HOLIDAYS PAST When: November 2013- January 2014 Where: TTU Museum - 3301 4th Street An “Up from the Basement” exhibition from the Museum’s History collection, in celebration of “Joy of Play - A Season of Collaborative Exhibitions” with the Silent Wings Museum. For more information visit the website below.
Tickets available through select-a-seat.com www.lubbockmoonlightmusicals.org
The Louise H. Underwood Center for the Arts 511 Avenue K
CHRISTMAS AT TRINITY When: Wednesday, December 24th at 4:00 p.m. and 5:30 p.m. Where: Trinity Church - 7002 Canton Avenue
THE NUTCRACKER When: Friday, December 13th at 7 p.m. Saturday, December 14th at 2 p.m. Sunday, December 15th at 2 p.m.
Celebrate Christmas Eve with your family at Trinity Church with special musical and dramatic elements, a candle light vigil and a surprising sneak peek at the new Trinity Central, along with an inspiring Christmas message from Pastor Carl Toti.
Where: Civic Center Theatre - 1501 Mac Davis Lane
Admission is free. Please arrive early for all services.
Market Street presents Ballet Lubbock’s Nutcracker. Lubbock’s favorite Holiday tradition!
Ballet Lubbock’s mission is to change lives. Founded in 1969 by Suzanne Aker, for the past fifteen years Ballet Lubbock has been led artistically by Yvonne Racz Key. For more information and to purchase tickets visit the website below or call 806.785.3090. www.balletlubbock.org
CHRISTMAS ON BROADWAY When: Thursday, December 19th at 7:30 p.m. Where: Cactus Theater - 1812 Buddy Holly Ave. The stellar cast of vocalists will leave you spellbound! Did you know that many of our traditional Christmas favorites were born on Broadway? This is a must see for your holiday entertainment. Tickets are $25. For more information and to purchase tickets call 806.762.3233. www.cactustheater.com
MADRIGAL DINNERS When: December 21-23 2013 The Moonlight Dinner Theatre, a subsidiary of Lubbock Moonlight Musicals, will present its first annual Madrigal Dinners on two weekends in December. The production, entitled “Christmas Joy — Past and Present,” will be held in the Christine DeVitt Icehouse Theatre. There will be plays, dances and audience participation. Cost: $45 - $100 For more information and to purchase tickets call 806.770.2000 or visit the website below.
LUBBOCK SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA PRESENTS, “GREATNESS” When: January 17-18 2014 Where: Lubbock Symphony Orchestra - 601 Avenue K The Lubbock Symphony Orchestra’s performances titled GREATNESS will feature brilliant Bulgarian guest conductor, Pavel Baleff at the baton conducting works by Richard Wagner, Giovanni Bottesini, and Franz Schubert, as well as the LSO’s very own Mark Morton performing on double bass. The evening will open with Wagner’s sentimental Siegfried Idyll. Mark Morton, tenured gifted LSO double bassist, will then perform Concerto for Double Bass No. 2 in C minor with the orchestra. This virtuosic showpiece will feature the double bass like you’ve never heard it before! Evening concludes with Schubert’s Symphony No. 9, D. 944, in C Major, otherwise known as “The Great.” www.lubbocksymphonyorchestra.org
FRESH GROUNDED FAITH EVENT When: January 24-25 Friday at 7:00 p.m. and Saturday at 9:00 a.m. Where: Trinity Church Lubbock - 7002 Canton Ave Fresh Grounded Faith National Women’s Conference hosts New York Times best selling author Lysa TerKeurst from Proverbs 31 Ministry, along with Bible teacher, speaker, and author Jennifer Rothschild and worship from Michael O’Brien. Jennifer discusses the story of her blindness and the lessons she learned in the dark. http://prize31.com/events
THE ROADSHOW TOUR THIRD DAY, SKILLET, JAMIE GRACE AND MORE When: Sunday February 9 at 6:00 p.m. Where: United Spirit Arena 1701 Indiana (Texas Tech Univ) Featuring Skillet, Third Day, Jamie Grace, Andy Mineo, Royal Taylor, We As Human, Soulfire Revolution, Vertical Church Band and The Neverclaim. http://www.rushconcerts.com/theroadshow2014/
LUBBOCK COMMUNITY THEATRE PRESENTS: GODSPELL When: February 14-16, 21-23, & 28 - March 2 Friday & Saturday performances at 7:30 p.m. Sunday Matinee at 2 p.m. Where: Lubbock Community Theatre - 4232 Boston Ave First produced on Broadway in 1971, this rock opera broke new ground in its stage treatment of the historical Jesus Christ. Based on the Gospel according to St. Matthew, it deals with the last days of Jesus, including dramatized versions of several well-known parables. And yet it is something more — a religious experience, a demonstration of joy, and celebration of the family of man. www.lubbockcommunitytheatre.org
Just A Thought
A “Mistaken Certainty” is something one accepts to be true that in reality it is not true. Many times, these mistaken certainties are selfimposed constraints that prevent us from truly living. When our mind accepts misguided concepts as fact, these disempowering beliefs influence our actions, despite the lack of substance or validity. When we see ourselves through the lens of insufficiency, we may go through life, consciously or subconsciously, looking for facts to support this type of belief system, regardless of how far from the truth they may be. These false perceptions can act like prison bars and keep us trapped in disbelief.
But Jesus answered and said to them, “You are mistaken, not understanding the Scriptures, or the power of God.” Matthew 22:29 (NASB77) Mistaken certainties can originate from the beliefs we have about God or ourselves, which are simply untrue. “I can never change;” “God can’t use me;” “My marriage can’t get better;” “I’m not good enough for someone to love;” and “I’ll never get ahead.” Too many individuals get caught in the web of this type of destructive thinking. How do we begin to neutralize these very powerful Mistaken Certainties? The first step out is to acknowledge our susceptibility to the syndrome that is holding us back from our full potential. We must be willing to face the truth and accept it, no matter how uncomfortable that particular truth may be.
“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32 We are free only to the degree we have accepted the TRUTH! Most of the time, accepting that truth will require us to relinquish the falsehoods we have embraced. Recently, we completed a Beyond construction project on our campus. Obviously, before we could build anything new, we had to tear down and remove the old, nonfunctional buildings. Do you have any nonfunctional edifices established in your life that need to come down before new ones can replace them? Are you living according to Mistaken Certainties or the TRUTH of Jesus Christ and your true identity in Him? — Carl Toti