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A Playstation PSP or $250 Visa Card or $20 off your rent each month

It’s Your Choice! Call us or stop by for details. Campus Connection formerly Melrose Apartments 1601 N. Lincoln Ave. Urbana 278-0278

University Fields formerly Sterling University 117 Sterling Court Savoy 355-1579

www.collegeparkweb.com

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buzz weekly

EDITOR’S NOTE PAUL WAGNER • EDITOR IN CHIEF

For the past few years, the

Crisis Nursery 12th Annual

Dinner and Auction Friday, June 3, 2005

Round Barn Centre in Champaign Appetizers Begin at 5:30pm The evening will feature cocktails, dinner, entertainment, raffle and live and silent acutions.

MA Y 12

JEFE, WOULD YOU SAY I HAVE A PLETHORA OF PINATAS?

end of the year has really just been a time for me to go home to some good food. But this year is different. The end of the year and graduation this year mark the end of an era.Two of my best friends, one of them my roommate for the last two years, are graduating. Some other good friends are graduating. A great girl I just met is unfortunately graduating and leaving. People I’ve worked with for two years are leaving. School just isn’t going to be the same without everyone. Graduation is sort of hard for the people getting left behind here, but, really, I’m glad I’m not graduating yet. I’m going to be a senior next year, and the real world is too fast approaching. For graduates, except those going to grad school or living here next year (Phil Henke and Melissa Hogan, just to name a few), the real world is here. Breathing down your neck. Of course, many of you have jobs lined up already, but some don’t. Some of you will travel the world. See the sights. Meet interesting people. Gather some great stories. But most people will be joining the work force. Either way, many people are leaving. Many friends are being left behind. But that’s ok. Life goes on, right? The friends we make in college are the friends we keep for life, right? I hope so. My life has been changed by my friends here at the U of I, as I’m sure your lives have been changed by friends. I guess what I’m trying to say is this: Cherish the time you have (left) with friends.They make all the difference.And to those of you taking the plunge and graduating, especially my friends, Congrats. You did it. And, most importantly, good luck with life.Yeah, I know, that’s a general statement, but I like to think it covers everything. And don’t forget your friends back at school, we’ll be thinking about you. For my friends that are graduating but staying in C-U, this summer and next year are gonna freakin’ rock! - Paul

Reserve your seat today for only $50 per person by calling 337-2731. All proceeds benefit the Crisis Nursery. The Crisis Nursery is a private, not-for-profit agency committed to creating an “Island of Safety” and to the prevention of child abuse and neglect.

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | T H E S T I N G E R | C L A S S I F I E D S

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Cover Design • Brittany Bindrim Editor in chief • Paul Wagner Art Director • Claire Napier Copy Chief • Stacey Ivanic Music • Kyle Gorman Arts • Brian Warmoth Film • Andrew Vecelas Community • Susie An Calendar • Erin Scottberg Photography Editor • David Solana Designers • Nikita Sorokin, Sue Janna Truscott, Glenn Cochon, Hannah Bai, Claire Napier Calendar Coordinators • Cassie Conner, Austin Happel Photography • Sarah Krohn, Adriana D’Onofrio Copy Editors • Jen Hubert, Nellie Waddell Staff Writers • Matt Pais, Randy Ma, John Loos, Imran Siddiquee, Todd J. Hunter, Devon Sharma, Jennifer Crabill, Courtney Hrejsa, Frank Kroliki, Kerri Mullen, Cornelia Boonman, David Just Contributing Writers • Michael Coulter, Seth Fein, Jeff Nelson Production Manager • Meredith Niepert Sales Manager • Anna Rost Marketing/Distribution • Louis Reeves III Publisher • Mary Cory

Other Rentals 500

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APARTMENTS

HOUSES

OLD TOWN CHAMPAIGN

2 bedroom and 7 bedroom house on campus for Fall 2004. 367-6626.

510 S. Elm Available Fall 2005. 2 BR close to campus, hardwood floors, dishwasher, W/D, central air/heat, off street parking, 24 hr. maintenance. $525/mo. 841-1996. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

506 W. Springfield August ‘05. 6 bedroom, 2.5 bath furnished home. Huge, beautiful, hardwood, parking. Ted 766-5108. 617 W. CHURCH Beautiful 6 BR 3 Bath furnished home. Hardwood floors, two porches, off-street parking and more. Only $2100/mo. 369-0500.

430

Unfurnished

Eight to Nine Bedroom Fall, Campus, $2850 367-6626

NEED A 1 BR!

Convenient 1 bedrooms near downtown Champaign now available. From $390. 508 W. Hill, C. 511 W. University, C. 515 W. Washington, C. These and other apartment locations also available for leases starting throughout the summer. 352-8540, p.m. 355-4608 www.faronproperties.com

SUBLETS

HOUSES

440

ROOM & BOARD

1 BR. Available Now. Parking included. 6th & Stoughton. $400/mo plus utilities. 630-205-4889

CLOSE to campus. Starting May 14 includes utilities, internet/cable hookup, laundry, parking. $600/2 BR, or $275/1 BR. 815-919-3331.

ROOMMATE WANTED 550 1 bedroom, near campus $300 per month 367-6626

FURNISHED

AVAILABLE NOW AND FOR FALL Share beautiful furnished 3 bedroom apartment at Third and Clark. From $225. Ted 766-5108

NEGOTIABLE

PARKING/STORAGE

e-mail: Summer Only

57 E. Green St. Champaign, IL 61820

Announcements800

ALL INCLUSIVE Presidential Tower. 2 BR. Utilities, Ethernet, cable and parking included. Price negotiable. 618-581-1888.

call:

217.337.3801 We reserve the right to edit submissions. Buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date. Buzz magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students. First copy of Buzz is FREE, each additional copy is $.50

LOST & FOUND

460

SUBLETS Summer with Fall Option

Beginning of June. Spacious 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath, two balconies. Near campus. Accessible bus stop. $624/mo. Reasonable utility bills. Opportunity to renew lease. 217621-2970.

Lost 1/10th size violin one block west of the Music Building, reward $100. Call 586-7200.

Sick of it?

Sell it! Call 337-8337 for details.

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Found. Digital camera. Call to describe. Ask for Beth 333-3704.

© Illini Media Company 2005

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Rent storage for the summer. Student special. Own your own storage. 384-5302

450

SUBLETS

write:

540

Want community? Vegetarian meals? Affordable private rooms? www.couch.coop

4th/ Daniel, 2 bedroom, parking, a/c, balcony. 815-762-5305

buzz@readbuzz.com

510

FREE IPOD SHUFFLE TO EACH TENANT! 2 houses. 3 1/2 blocks from quad. 606 & 608 E. Stoughton. 8 bedroom, 3 bath. Available June 1, 2005. $2000/mo, $2000/mo. plus utilities. Free parking. (630)205-4889.

Near Engineering Campus. Includes cable, A/C. Only $450/mo. 847-9242116

TALK TO BUZZ

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letter to the editor

Furnished

APARTMENTS

buzz weekly •

I ALMOST HAD A PSYCHIC BOYFRIEND BUT HE LEFT ME BEFORE WE MET.

SCOTT HAYS

C-U SMOKEFREE

I would like to begin a response to a certain

Buzz columnist—who shall remain nameless. Like Bill Hicks, 430,000 Americans every year have made the unfortunate choice to die by smoking cigarettes. And 63,000 nonsmokers die every year from disease caused by smokers’ second-hand tobacco smoke. Everyone’s “rights” and everyone’s “choices” inevitably impact others around them. Unlike this Buzz columnist’s other bad habits, his smoking habit directly impacts the others around him. Smokers inhale only about 15 percent of the smoke produced by their cigarette, while 85 percent of the smoke from a cigarette is exhaled by the smoker or simply burns into the air from the lit end.To voluntarily take up a potentially lethal habit is one thing, but to subject your habit on the owners, managers, employees and customers of the restaurants and bars you choose to patronize is something else. But isn’t a “private business” free to allow in or exclude whoever they like without the intrusion of a “Communistic” government? While we live in a free country, a business is actually a privately owned place of public commerce. With the exception of Mr. Buzz Columnist, most business owners know that as operators of a place of public commerce, they are subject to a wide variety of regulations, none of which were initiated by myself or the C-U Smokefree Alliance. Rather than being rooted in Communism or the Taliban, the right of our government to regulate commerce is written right into the U.S. Constitution. The question is not whether government can regulate private businesses, the question is whether the negative impact on the public’s health caused by a business owner’s decisions warrants any particular regulation. To answer this question, we must turn to facts, not armchair legal analysis, innuendo, hyperbole and name-calling. The CDC estimates that every year, 63,000 non-smokers die prematurely of diseases caused by exposure to second-hand smoke. It is the third leading cause of death in the U.S. Proportionally, that translates to 19 deaths of non-smokers annually from disease caused by secondhand smoke in Champaign-Urbana. Secondhand smoke is classified by the EPA as Class-A “known human” carcinogen, the same classification assigned to asbestos. Second-hand smoke contains over 43 known carcinogens including toluene, benzene, acetone and formaldehyde. If restaurants were routinely adding such chemicals to the food we buy, a business would be shut down in a week, and the business would likely (and rightly) be subject to other forms of prosecution as well. Yet smoking customers routinely add these chemicals to the air in every smoking restaurant they visit every time they light up. If this were a personal dispute between the columnist and myself, I would have walked away long ago. But I can’t walk away now. In

the last year and a half, the C-U Smokefree Alliance has signed on over 3,600 supporters. Public opinion polling shows that 75 percent of C-U registered voters support increasing smoking restrictions in restaurants, and over two-thirds of the restaurant owners or managers support a smokefree restaurant ordinance. We at the C-U Smokefree Alliance have documented too much support for protecting public health for any of us to walk away now. Less than half of C-U restaurants are smokefree while only 16.7 percent of Champaign County’s population are regular smokers. This means that smokers have a full array of dining choices while the 84.3 percent of non-smokers’ choices are quite limited. Many C-U residents would in fact like to “stick our nose” into many local businesses, but secondhand smoke unfortunately keeps our business away. I speak for our group when I say that the C-U Smokefree Alliance has no interest in “breaking down freedom in America” or opening any worm cans.We have a very narrow and specific policy goal in response to a very significant and deadly social problem. We hope you will join us in convincing our city officials to clear the air in Champaign and Urbana, then we can all go out for an evening and have a healthy, happy city. C-U Smokefree! Dr. Scott P. Hays (PhD) is President of the CU Smokefree Alliance. He is employed parttime by the U of I as a Research Scientist with the Center for Prevention Research and Development. He does not think that Seth Fein is “up to no good.”

Puzzle

www.readbuzz.com

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I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | T H E S T I N G E R | C L A S S I F I E D S


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HELP WANTED Full/Part Time

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• PLEASE CHECK YOUR AD! Report errors immediately by calling 337-8337. We cannot be responsible for more than one day’s incorrect insertion if you do not notify us of the error by 2 pm on the day of the first insertion. • All advertising is subject to the approval of the publisher. The Daily Illini shall have the right to revise, reject or cancel, in whole or in part, any advertisement, at any time. • All employment advertising in this newspaper is subject to the City of Champaign Human Rights Ordinance and similar state and local laws, making it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement which expresses limitation, specification or discrimination as to race, color, mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual orientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, prior arrest or conviction record, source of income, or the fact that such person is a student. • Specification in employment classifications are made only where such factors are bonafide occupational qualifications necessary for employment. • All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Act of 1968, and similar state and local laws which make it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement relating to the transfer, sale, rental, or lease of any housing which expresses limitation, specifications or discrimination as to race, color, creed, class, national origin, religion, sex, age, marital status, physical or mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual oientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, or the fact that such person is a student. • This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for real estate that is in violation of the law. Our readers are informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal oppportunity basis.

DEADLINE:

2 p.m. Monday for the next Thursday’s edition.

RATES: Billed rate: 35¢/word Paid-in-Advance: 28¢/word Photo Sellers 30 words or less + photo: $5 per issue Garage Sales 30 words in both Thursday’s buzz and Friday’s Daily Illini!! $10. If it rains, your next date is free. Action Ads • 20 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $14 • 10 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $7 • add a photo to an action ad, $10

Employment 000 010

HELP WANTED Full Time

020

HELP WANTED Part Time

Administrative Assistant

HELP WANTED

020

Part Time

Nargile Lounge is now hiring Djs/Promoters. We are seeking all styles of music. Please apply in person on Monday, May 16th and Tuesday, May 17th between 4 p.m. and 8 p.m.

for DI/Buzz Advertising

Looking for a fun, energetic, detailoriented individual to work part-time (approximately 20 hours a week) in the DI/Buzz Advertising Department. Must be well-organized and proficient in Excel and Word. Excellent communication and analytical skills required. Availability to work during U of I breaks a plus. Great opportunity to learn and grow as part of a vibrant company. Apply at: The Daily Illini, 57 E. Green St, Champaign, or send your résumé to nelliott@illinimedia.com. The Daily Illini/Buzz is an equal opportunity employer.

House cleaning for professional couple. Must be experienced, efficient and through. 3-4 hours Twice per week. Summer and school year. Start immediately. Car required. Leave message describing self at 359-7487 $9.50/hr.

035

HELP WANTED Summer Jobs

Nargile Lounge is now hiring Bartenders, Waitresses, Doormen, and Hookah Personnel. Please apply in person on Monday, May 16th and Tuesday, May 17th between 4 p.m. and 8 p.m. Experienced is preferred.

HELP WANTED

030

Full/Part Time

Services

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BUSINESS SERVICES

Earn $5000 as an egg donor. Must be 20-29 and a non-smoker. Please call Alternative Reproductive Resources at 773-327-7315 or 847446-1001 to learn how you can help a family fulfill its dreams.

KEEP LOOKING. You’ll find the perfect job for you.

290

WANTED! Picture of a woman handing a book to Kenny Chesney at the end of the concert at the U of I on April 8th. Will pay $50.00. Call 217497-2668.

Transportation 300 AUTOMOBILES

310

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APARTMENTS

WESTGATE

APARTMENTS

• Clean 1 & 2 Bedrooms • Superior • Dependable, 24hr. management NOW LEASING maintenance • Short-term Leases FOR FALL • Free Parking • 24 Hour Courtesy • On Busline Gate House

359-5330 359-5330

Hours: M-F 9-5 Sat 9-1 • www.westgateapts.net

410

Furnished/Unfurnished 1 bedroom lofts $497 2 bedrooms $545 3 bedrooms $650 4 bedrooms $1000 Campus, parking. Fall 04, 367-6626 Available Now. 2 bedroom on campus. $550 per month. 367-6626.

TO PLACE A CLASSIFIED CALL 337-8337

Quality apartments and houses for rent • Many pet-friendly locations • Furnished AND Unfurnished units • 9 month leases negotiable at some locations

Don’t get stuck with only those highpriced apartments left for Fall. Wellmaintained 2- bedroom furnished apartments near Beckman and Engineering. Dishwasher, AC, ethernet and off-street parking available. $595- $630/mo. 493-8487

1006 S. 3RD, C.

Aug 2005. 1 bedroom. Location, location. Covered parking & laundry, furnished & patios, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

NO BULL!

Remodeled apartments that redefine campus living. 3 and 4 bedroom apartments available at 810 S. Oak St. between John and Daniel in Champaign. 3 bedroom apartment at $999/mo. (only $333 per roommate!) 4 bedroom apartment at $999/mo. (less than $250 per roommate!) High-speed internet, water, and trash included! Laundry in building. NINE MONTH LEASES NEGOTIABLE

217-384-6930

www.johnsmithproperties.com

APARTMENTS

420

Furnished 1 and 2 Bedroom Apartments

Security Building 502 E. University, C. Quiet Building. Huge bedrooms, AC, furnished, parking, Aug. 05. 369-0237. www.zhengrentals.com

1 Bedroom Quiet Luxury Apartments New Security Building

Beckman View Apts.

605 E. Clark St., C. Furnished, washer/dryer, A/C, balcony, dishwasher, intercom, ethernet, microwave, covered parking. www.mhmproperties.com 337-8852 Furnished one bedrooms and efficiencies from $325, $365, and $395 near John and Second or Healey and Third. 356-1407.

• On-campus or off-campus • Excellent Tenant Union record • Weekend/evening showings by appointment

CALL US AT (217) 384-6930 VIEW OUR LISTINGS @ www.johnsmithproperties.com

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | T H E S T I N G E R | C L A S S I F I E D S

420

APARTMENTS

509 E. White, C.

Aug. 2005. Large 1 bedrooms. Security entry, balconies, patios, furnished. Laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

MA Y 12

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207 Wright Engineering Very Large, New 1 Bedroom apt. Free parking. www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 or (217)841-3028

307 & 310 E. White 307 & 309 Clark

Fall 2005. Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Secured building. $320/month. Available June 1 and August ‘05. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 or 841-3028 3rd and Clark August ‘05 beautiful, furnished 2, 3, and 4 bedroom apts. Ted 766-5108.

DELUXE 2 BR

309 N. Busey, U. August of 2005. Fully furnished, W/D, ethernet and parking available. Close to Beckman. $595/mo. Call Chris anytime, 841-1996 or 403-1523

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GREAT VALUE

306- 308- 309 White August 2005. 1 & 3 Bedroom furnished apts. Balconies, patios, laundry, dishwashers, off-street parking, ethernet available. 352-3182, 8411996, 309 S. First. The University Group www.ugroup96.com

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HEALEY COURT APARTMENTS

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307- 309 Healey Court. Fall 2005. Behind Gully’s. 2 bedrooms. Ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

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JOHN STREET APARTMENTS

503- 505- 508 E. White

Now & Fall 2005 2 and 3 bedrooms. Furnished with internet. Parking and laundry available. On-site resident manager. Call Kenny, 493-0429. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

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58 E. John August 2005. Two and three bedrooms, fully furnished. Dishwashers, center courtyard, on-site laundry, central air, ethernet available. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 Showings Monday-Friday 10-5 Saturday 11-4

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506 E. Stoughton, C

For August 2005. Extra large efficiency apartments. Security building entry, complete furniture, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, Champaign. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

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FOR YOUR MONEY!

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$595-$630

602 E. Stoughton

Unique 1 & 2 bedroom apartments. All furnished, laundry, internet, and parking available. Must see!! THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

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2 Bedroom Apts Beckman/Engineering Campus

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• dishwasher • furnished • spacious • off-street parking • air conditioned • ethernet access Located just two blocks from the University of Illinois

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493-8487

Each Unit Features

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INTRO

under the cover

Editor’s Note This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow News of the Weird • Chuck Shephard First Things First • Michael Coulter

AROUND TOWN Coffee and Music • Jennifer Crabill q + a with Kimberly Rice The Local Sniff • Seth Fein

LISTEN, HEAR Third Stone Reunites • Seth Fein Bloc Party review • Imran Siddiquee The Bravery review • Kyle Gorman Garbage review • Frank Krolicki Sound Ground #75 • Todd J. Hunter Parasol Charts Dusting for Vomit with Melodic Scribes

MAIN EVENT Bob n’ Dave • Dave King

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT Creation Arts Studio Exhibit • Courtney Hrejsa White Teeth review • Kerri Mullen (Th)ink • Keef Knight Artist’s Corner with Paul Karpenko

THE SILVER SCREEN Battle of the Bad Guys • Devon Sharma Crash review • Matt Pais Downfall review • David Just Movie time listings Loos Ends • John Loos Slowpoke • Jen Sorenson Drive Through Reviews

THE STINGER Free Will Astrology Life in Hell • Matt Groening Jonesin’ Crosswords • Matt Gaffney

Jeannine Baestoso's "Free Spirit" assemblage in front of various works of art at Creation Art Studios. p. 15

CLASSIFIEDS Letter to the Editor • Scott Hays

New Building “Lofts on John” One bedroom, unfurnished, W/D, dishwasher, opening August 05 $650/mo. Near John and 2nd. Call 356-1407

• Washer/Dryer • Furnished • Broadband Internet • Balcony or Patio • Granite Countertops • and Much More!!! • Dishwasher

Prices start at only $995 per month

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Corner of Clark & Gregory

• Easy walking distance to Krannert Center, Engineering Campus, and the Illini Union. • Also right on the MTD Green Line for easy bus access.

buzz weekly •

YES, EL GUAPO. YOU HAVE A PLETHORA.

uNDER c OVER

604 E. White, C. Security Entrance For Fall 2005, Large 1 bedroom furnished, balconies, patios, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

105 E. John

Available Fall 2005. 1& 2 bedroom furnished, great location. Includes parking. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

Free Best Buy and Campus Tan gift certificate with each signed lease!

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Furnished

Efficiencies. Available now and Fall 2005. Secured building. Private parking. Laundry on site, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

www.lookatusedcars.com

Apartments

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1005 S. SECOND, C

BEST VALUE 1 BR. loft from $480. 1 Br. $370 2 BR. $470 3 BR. $750 4 BR $755 Campus. 367-6626.

Mentor and critic for literary and visual arts. $25/hr. 217-417-0233

Merchandise 200

APARTMENTS Furnished

110

WANTED TO BUY

Camp Counselors- Gain valuable expreience while having the summer of a lifetime. Counelors needed for Outdoor Adventure, Arts, Aquatics, and more in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. Apply online at www.pineforestcamp.com

410

Furnished/Unfurnished

Organic vegetable farm, planting, harvesting, sales, equipment operation and maintenance. Full-time and part-time positions available. 217643-2031

INDEX

APARTMENTS

PHOTO • AUSTIN HAPPEL

PHONE: 217/337-8337 DEADLINE: 2 p.m. Tuesday for the next Thursday’s edition.

Employment Services Merchandise Transportation Apartments Other Housing/Rent Real Estate for Sale Things To Do Announcements Personals

MA Y 12

FUNNY SENTENCE HERE.

THE

22 • b u z z w e e k l y

Spacious, sunny Victorian. 1 bedroom & study. Available August. Year lease. Hardwood floors, laundry, parking. 217-621-6067

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buzz weekly

SEW OLD WOMAN, SEW! LIKE THE WIND!!

n e w s n o t

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oF thE

LEAD STORY — Not the Hardiest of Citizens: Windsor, Ontario, hair stylist Waddah (Martin) Mustapha was awarded the equivalent of about US$270,000 by a court in April after he testified that he became racked with depression upon seeing a fly inside a commercial bottle of water at his salon. Presumably, damages would have been more if Mustapha had actually drunk from the bottle (or even opened it). As it was, he and his wife vomited, and he required extensive psychotherapy for nightmares, loss of sense of humor, increased argumentativeness, lack of desire to shower regularly, and constipation.

C O M P E L L I N G E X P L A N AT I O N S — In April, Laura and Edmund Gerstein of Boca Raton, Fla., who want to save their beloved backyard grapefruit tree from the state’s citrus canker eradication program, formally claimed immunity for the tree under a provision in the 1949 Geneva Conventions. The Gersteins pointed to a paragraph on protecting crops needed for civil-

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LUCK I SEEM TO HAVE.

Thomas Jefferson

wEiRd

chuck shepherd

ians’ survival during wartime, in that, said Edmund, “As I understand it, (the U.S.) is in a state of war.” (Responded a state Department of Agriculture spokesman,“That tree will be coming down.”) — An arbitration panel in April issued a twoyear suspension to champion cyclist Tyler Hamilton for having transfused another person’s blood for a race in Spain last year. At the panel’s hearing in March, according to an April New York Times story, Hamilton and his lawyers had denied the charge and raised the possibility that maybe Hamilton had a “vanishing twin” who had shared the womb with him during his first trimester, which would account for why he wound up with some blood that doesn’t match his “other” blood. — More Compelling Explanations: (1) Police in Morrisville,Vt., who arrested a teenager in April for allegedly removing a corpse’s head in a cemetery tomb, said the suspect had spoken of using the head as a marijuana bong. (2) A young woman who in December sued an Austin,Texas, distributor of steamy “spring break” videos, admitted that she had consented to be in a video topless, but now

said she was only 17 at the time (and therefore a minor) and now fears the video’s circulation will hamper her in “college,”“career” and “church.”

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS — Thanh Nhat Le, 51, was arrested in Dorchester, Mass., in April, when he tried to cash a check he wrote to himself for $7,550 on his account at a Sovereign Bank. He had opened the account two weeks earlier, handing over $171 in small bills. He was certain that he had plenty of money in his account, though, because in the interim, he had also mailed the bank three checks for deposit: one for $250,000, one for $2 million, and one for $4 billion. — In March, Jonathan P. Mitchell, dressed in black and wet from crawling in the nighttime mud up to a store in the KOA campground near Watsonville, Calif., was found by police, stuck and dangling from the rafters after trying to climb in through the roof. However, the manager admitted that he had not locked the door that night and that Mitchell could have just walked in. Three

weeks earlier, in Fostoria, Ohio, thieves broke in and carried off a safe in the office of a local organization that serves the poor (Fostoria Bureau of Concern), but director Susan Simpkins said that not only was the safe empty but the bureau had decided to junk it a while back and was looking for someone to haul it away.

RECURRING THEMES — In Springfield, Mass., in April, Thomas P. Budnick became the most recent man who was convicted at a trial in which he had persuaded the judge to let him act as his own lawyer, to then argue with a straight face on appeal that his conviction should be overturned because his trial lawyer was incompetent. (The decision is pending.)

CUTTING-EDGE RESEARCH — (1) Homelier-looking kids get taken care of by their parents less attentively than do the goodlooking ones (e.g., they don’t get buckled into carts as frequently in supermarkets, and are allowed to drift further away in the store) (reported Dr. Andrew Harrell, University of Alberta, April). (2) Gay men resemble women in their approach to reading road maps (determining directions by, for example, use of landmarks, rather than the typical heterosexual male approach of spatial reasoning) (reported by psychobiologist Oazi Rahman, University of East London, February).

NO LONGER WEIRD — Adding to the list of stories that were formerly weird but which now occur with such frequency that they must be retired from circulation: (73) Pranksters who playfully carry away a prominent local mascot figure and abuse it or subject it to a “ransom” demand or photograph it in zany places, such as people who took the stuffed buffalo from the field house at Milligan College (Elizabethton, Tenn.) and suspended it from the ceiling of the campus chapel (April). And (74) the toddler who grabs the family’s car keys and somehow manages to drive a respectable distance at least semi-safely, as did the 4-year-old boy in Sand Lake, Mich., who drove his mother’s car a quarter mile to a video store in the middle of the night (February).

GOD’S WILL — In January, a 69-year-old minister at Covenant Presbyterian Church in Oviedo, Fla., suffered a fatal heart attack in mid-sentence during a sermon, as he was quoting the scholar John Wesley, “And when I go to heaven....” And in April, at least 52 Hindu pilgrims drowned in India’s holy Narmada River when a power-generation dam upstream released water. COPYRIGHT 2004 Chuck Shepherd Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate

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WE'RE NOT PLAYING SPIN THE BOTTLE; HOW OLD ARE WE? MORE IMPORTANTLY, HOW OLD ARE THEY?

jonesin crossword puzzle

I FIND THAT THE HARDER I WORK, THE MORE

y o u r e v e r y d a y n e w s but hell, we’re weekly

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Across 1 Road curve 5 More up to the task 10 Heat, Magic, et al. 13 Song on screen 14 Material to keep away from rain 15 Hosp. areas 16 Knighted Julius Caesar portrayer who helped decriminalize homosexuality in Britain 18 Project (out) 19 ID-assigning org. 20 Concrete chunks 21 "___ will ever know!" 23 "Wake Up...You're Liberal!" author Ted 25 Bob of "Mr. Belvedere" 26 Actor currently playing Tevye on Broadway in "Fiddler on the Roof" 31 Fibber's fess-up 32 Tests with presentations 33 Quagmire 34 Grabs with a cursor and moves 35 Police blotter figure 39 Like many triangle angles

40 Horn section members 41 Rugged bi actor who played a boxer in "From Here to Eternity" 46 Tarzan's "kin" 47 Electrical units 48 Varnish ingredient 49 Line to the audience 52 18%, maybe 55 You can have a blast with it 56 He played Darrin on "Bewitched," but came out much later 59 Paint swatch option 60 Heart parts 61 Anthony Hope's "The Prisoner of ___" 62 Type of financing 63 Expressionless 64 Rice-shaped pasta Down 1 Life stories 2 (Non-gay) Best Actor nominee for "Pollock" 3 Former Giants pitcher Robb who retired in 2005 4 "Mush!" moves it 5 Like a pirate on the briny

6 Tulip starter 7 Long-term appeal, as with news stories 8 Dot follower 9 Reason for eye drops 10 "I ain't kiddin'" 11 Sultanate surrounded by Malaysia 12 To the back of the ship 13 Downtown Julie Brown and others 17 In a not-so-healthy way 22 Mo. for early Scorpios 24 Madison and 5th: abbr. 25 Some addresses 26 Word spoken while pointing at a guy 27 Word on beer bottle labels 28 Poster's site 29 Spittin' nails 30 Like beavers, it's said 34 Roach-killer once hawked by Muhammad Ali 35 It's read for bread 36 1999 David Cronenberg thriller 37 He calls the shots 38 LA setting

39 They may be rightwing 40 Playful, humorous version of the minuet 41 First name in 2005 prison releases 42 Yell before a raid 43 Empty ___ (parent whose kids have moved out) 44 "Dude, I don't want to know" inits. 45 "Star Wars" saga character who speaks in object-subject-verb format 49 Prefix meaning "high" 50 It's shown in some clubs 51 Phrase akin to "jolly good" 53 ___-European 54 Bake sale organizer, maybe 57 Gomez's much hairier cousin 58 Home of Kraftwerk and bratwurst: abbr.

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crossword

Answers on page 23.

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buzz weekly •

NO, WE WILL NOT DIE LIKE DOGS! WE WILL FIGHT LIKE LIONS! BECAUSE WE ARE THE THREE AMIGOS!

first things first

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Radio.

Getting a job after graduation

Bill Cosby

Kneepads DO help...

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ARIES

(March 21-April 19)

For all I know, you may someday author a book called How To Attract Your Very Own Millionaire Spirit Guide. If you do, you will begin writing it during an astrological phase much like the one you’re in now. In fact, it could even be this week. You’re more aligned with the cosmic cash flow than you have been in a long time; you’re more likely than usual to stumble upon dumb financial luck and generate money mojo. See if you can hear the whispers of that millionaire spirit guide as you fall asleep tonight.

TAU RU S

(April 20-May 20)

PHOTO • DAVID SOLANA

Christians in Denmark celebrate communion the way it’s done in many other places: They eat a flat, tasteless wafer that symbolizes the body of Christ. Soon that may change, however. Some of the nation’s best bakers have embarked on a campaign to whip up more delectable versions of the traditional host. This developing story reminds me of your current state, Taurus. It’s a perfect moment for you to spice up a bland ritual, to get more thrills from a duty you regard as important, or to add variety to a sacred task you’ve done the same way for a long time.

GEMINI

A jogger runs past a new parking lot that was recently built on the west half of Huff Fields.

(May 21-June 20)

Larry Colvin, a prisoner in North Carolina’s Buncombe Correctional Center, was scheduled to finish his four-month sentence last March 16. But just a few hours before his official release, he escaped. There’s no word yet on whether he has been recaptured, but you can bet that when he is, the legal system will return him to jail for more than a few hours. Let this serve as a model for what not to do, Gemini. It would be crazy for you to try to wiggle out of your ongoing ordeal now that you’re so close to its end. Endure the remaining time with poise and patience, studying its lessons until the lessons are truly done. It’ll all be over soon.

CANCER

(June 21-July 22)

It’s the Fertile Inquiry time of year for you, Cancerian. The more questions you ask yourself, the better you’ll feel. Here are a few to get you started. What do you want to be when you grow up? Are you prepared to start nurturing yourself as well as you nurture others? When will you dismantle the barriers within you that prevent those who love you from loving you with all their power? Are you finally ready to act on the understanding that home is not just a building, but a state of mind, and that you need to work harder to foster that state?

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22)

Our goal is to rouse you out of your rut by any means necessary. I think the best way to do that is by stirring up a lot of wicked fun. It’s certainly far superior to waiting around for a stroke of fate to kick your ass. So please undertake an aggressive plan that includes activities like these: Put on an inflatable sumo wrestler costume and play a bagpipe as badly as possible; write a love letter to your evil twin; see how far you can spit a mouthful of expensive wine; mix stripes with plaids, cashmere with polyester, and yellowish-green with reddish-purple; organize a party in which you and your friends act out scenes from your favorite TV show; make believe you are the ocean king or thunder queen; meditate naked under a waterfall.

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

As public schools decline and private schools become more expensive, increasing numbers of parents are homeschooling their children. I predict that an analogous phenomenon will arise among religious groups. Called the “homechurch” movement by Christians, “homesynagogue” by Jews, and “hometemple” by other traditions, it will consist of people creating altars and conducting worship sessions in their own abodes. Seekers pursuing this approach will eliminate the middlemen and serve as their own priests, priestesses, and rabbis. If you have even the slightest attraction to this meme, Virgo, launch your own version of it. It’s time to crank up your spiritual intentions. The Divine Wow wants to talk. Homework: Do you allow your imagination to indulge in fantasies that are wasteful, damaging, or dumb? I dare you to stop it. Testify at www.freewillastrology.com.

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MICHAEL COULTER • CONTRIBUTING WRITER m a y

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(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

[Caution: Information in this horoscope contains references to exotic sexual practices. If you might be offended, stop reading now. I present this material because you are in a heightened state of arousal, both physically and metaphysically, and could benefit from outrageous provocations as you rethink your approach to intimate acts of love.] The ladybird beetle copulates for up to nine hours at a time, and males may have three 90-minute orgasms in one session. Bonobo apes are not obsessed with orgasm, but have frequent erotic exchanges of every variety, from intercourse to mutual masturbation to oral sex; homosexual contact is common. The male sponge louse disguises himself as a female to aid his seduction strategies. As soon as praying mantises begin coitus, the female bites off the male’s head and eats it; sex continues, however. The slime mold comes in 500 genders, and at least 13 of these have to collaborate in order to have a successful mating session.

SCORPIO

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Would you like to transform yourself from being a slave of your desires into being a master? It’s a perfect time to work on that worthy project. Here’s what you should do: 1. Keep talking yourself out of being attached to trivial goals and keep talking yourself into being thrilled about the precious few goals that are really important. 2. Whenever you are overwhelmed by a desperate longing to be loved, transform the feeling into a fierce determination to give love lavishly.

S AG I T TA R I U S

(Nov. 22-Dec.21)

Your fellow Sagittarius Ludwig van Beethoven created sublime music under trying conditions. He was often in poor health, struggled financially, never found love, suffered from depression, and became deaf, yet somehow became one of the greatest composers in history. As you finish up this arduous phase of your own cycle, he’s your official role model. Let him inspire you to produce small miracles even in the face of puzzling difficulties. If necessary, resort to what Beethoven often did to stimulate his creativity: Pour a bucket of ice water over your head. It might also help to know that Goethe described our hero as “completely untamed.” Do you think that quality had something to do with his high level of attainment?

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Scientists believe that sooner or later they will figure out why cancer cells are virtually immortal, and then apply that understanding |o keeping normal cells alive much longer, thereby dramatically extending the human life span. I believe you have an analogous opportunity right now, Capricorn: If you decode the success formula of a nemesis, you will give yourself a tremendous boon that will boost your vitality and expressiveness.

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

For one week, Aquarius, consider suspending your fascination with the shock of the new. Instead, steep yourself in the subtle teachings of the old. Seek out elders who haven’t lost their spark and ask them humble questions about your most enduring mysteries. Read books and listen to music and watch movies whose creators have been dead for at least 50 years. Muse about what you were doing in mid-May of 1993. Make a shrine on which you put an image of an ancestor, a leaf from a tree that began growing before you were born, and a symbol of a goal you gave up long ago.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-March 20)

One of the world’s longest streets is Figueroa Street in Los Angeles. It runs 30 miles. In contrast, Bridge Street, a lane near my house, is about 50 yards long and connects two lengthy roads to each other. The path you’re on right now, Pisces, has a metaphorical resemblance to Bridge Street. Your time on it will be brief, and it will serve as a bridge between two phases of your life story. Soon you’ll turn onto a longer thoroughfare more like Figueroa. In the meantime, pay maximum attention to the sights and sounds. This leg of your journey will be short, but it will reveal clues that will be essential as you shift gears.

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know school gets tough this time of year, and I’m sure there are several out there adding Red Bull and amphetamines to their espresso in an effort to achieve alertness nirvana, but now might be a good time to take a quick break and look ahead to the future. I’ve been in the work force for awhile now, so I feel somewhat qualified in advising those graduates who will soon find themselves employed for the first time. It’s a tough world out there, but with my help, you should be able to half-ass your way up the corporate ladder and lie your way down. From what I’ve read, it shouldn’t be too hard for some of you. Sixty-two percent of hiring managers plan to recruit recent college grads. Well good for you lucky bastards.When I graduated, I wasn’t really recruited for much of anything. One friend from high school offered to let me sell pot for him, but he didn’t really offer much in the way of health insurance, so I decided to wait for a job that was a little more suited to my degree. Sadly, this degree was in liberal arts, meaning I was qualified to do anything that didn’t require skill. After drinking a crapload of beer and watching a lot of baseball games, I eventually stumbled into a low paying, downwardly mobile sort of job in television. Even then I felt sort of lucky.The highlight of my resume was my previous work experience, which included such sought after skills as hay bailing, blacktop maintenance, printing and truck loading. I’m sort of amazed I’m not still living in my parent’s basement. Still, I’ll do what I can to make sure as few of you as possible fall into my footsteps. One of the big things employers look for is relevant experience. This is a fine time to become creative. If, for example, you and your buddies stole tests and then sold them to others, mention that you were involved in an “alternative learning group whose goal was to improve test scores.” It sounds so freaking boring no one would dare ask you more about it. Also, mention something like “public service.” You can rationalize almost anything into this category, from bartending to prostitution to gambling. I mean, hey, that stuff is helping someone, right? The next big point is professionalism during the interview.You should always dress the part. If you want to be a salesman, wear a nice

suit because that’s what salesman wear. If you want to be an aide to the president, wear a clueless look on your face because that’s what he wears. If you want to work in a roadside rest area wear knee pads because, well … Employers also look for enthusiasm in job candidates.The problem is they expect you to be excited about the job itself and not the other stuff. For example, if you say “I’m very interested in the growth of the company and can’t wait to become a part of it,” that’s a good statement. If you say “Man that chick in the blue dress is smoking hot. I am totally gonna try to Michael Coulter bang her if you hire me,” is a videographthat is not a good state- er, comedian ment. Sure, one may be and can be forced sincerity while the heard on WPGU other is genuine, but you 107.1 Thursdays must remember, the guy at 5 with Ricker hiring you may be trying workin’ it. to bang her as well. No one likes competition. It’s also important to remember that there will be a certain culture in your new place of employment, and you should try to fit in as best you can. If you want to do public relations for a major oil company, you may need to take off the nose ring and the “Rage Against the Machine” t-shirt. If the guy hiring you has a bunch of golf paraphernalia strewn across his desk, don’t mention that you’re really into badminton. Um, actually, never mention that under any circumstances. If you’re ever lucky enough to finally land a job, there are also some things to keep in mind. It’s one thing to go to class with a hangover, but this won’t fly in the work place. Thusly, it’s a good idea to just keep drinking through the night and go to work still drunk. You’ll seem friendlier, and the resulting hangover won’t rear its head until well into the afternoon. If you have a few pops at lunch, you can even avoid this malady! Your new employer will also expect you to ask questions.They know you’re just learning and will need help from time to time. It’s best if you, once again, keep these questions work related. “Is there a department code for the copier?” is a completely legitimate question. “Is it cool if I just look at Internet porn this afternoon?” isn’t an especially good question. So, graduating seniors, good luck in your job quests. Have fun, and don’t take it too seriously. After all, it’s only the next fifty or so years of your life. You’ll soon discover why people actually get enjoyment from golf.

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As soon as

coffee is in your stomach, there is a general

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commotion. Ideas begin to move. Similes arise; the paper is covered. Coffee is your ally, and writing ceases to be a struggle.” Honoré de Balzac • French author THE AMITYVILLE HORROR 2 STARS

C-U CAFES: COFFEE, CREAM AND LIVE MUSIC or the upbeat tunes of a blue grass band, the variety and change of “People will get pretty into it,” Koth said. “You go to a place pace live music brings to a cafe’s nighttime setting can make the like [a coffee shop] to hang out with friends and socialize. But I can environment very different from its daytime feel. do that at my friend’s apartment or at my house. I go to a bar to Aroma employee Chris Lempa said during the day, the cafe is sim- have a good time.” Laurence recently finished a tour in early April. She, s much as some students attending one of the nation’s top ilar to a study hall—people seated one to a table, fingers busily clicking along with California-based proclaimed “party schools” might hate to admit, not everyone away at their laptops. At folk singer/songwriter Rachel enjoys inhaling clouds of smoke and dodging menacing moshers in night during the shop’s acoustic music series, the Garlin, will be touring the order to hear live music performances. Midwest in May. For those who would gladly take the music minus the toe-tram- space becomes much It’s very intimate. The purpose is not Most musicians do not pling, sweat-bathing and crowd surfing, there exists a growing scene more social. “It’s very intimate,” begin careers touring the in downtown Champaign and Urbana some still might call an unto go drink. The purpose is not to go country.theirPerformances Laurence said, noting at coftapped resource—how about that coffee shop around the corner? socialize. The purpose is the music. fee houses and cafes can get Aroma Cafe, located at 118 N. Neil St. in Champaign, is a pop- that sometimes the musicians’ names circulated ular study spot and lunch break for nearby locals. This Latin- performers are just four -Joni Laurence around town and even earn inspired coffee shop has become a city favorite among other spe- feet away from the audience. “The purthem a profit. Some cafes, such cialty shops in the area since its opening on April 1, 2003. as Strawberry Fields, offer a Every Thursday night Aroma Cafe dims the lighting, sets the stage pose is not to go drink. flat rate to performers, while others decide the pay based on ticket and pulls the chairs a little closer for the shop’s acoustic music series. The purpose is not to go socialize.The purpose is the music.” When she is not performing, Laurence serves as a talent coor- sales at the door. Owner Lissette Wells stumbled upon her neglected dream of openLaurence recalls one particularly successful performance at ing a coffee shop with live music when she rediscovered her old dinator for Verde Gallery, located at 17 E.Taylor St. in Champaign. She books musicians, singers and bands up to three months in Corkscrew Wine Emporium, located at 203 N. Vine St., when journal and an entry she had written 10 years before. Wells hoped to someday open a smoke-free cafe that would advance for Verde’s Acoustic Version Concert Series. Acoustic friend and New York City-based singer Sam Shaker had a surVersion takes place at 8 p.m. on the first and third Friday of every prisingly large turnout, considering her musical roots states offer live acoustic music in a relaxed, comfortable atmosphere. “There is a time and place for the bars, and sometimes people month. The series began April 1, featuring the semi-progressive, away.Twenty-nine of her cds sold, and Shaker earned more than old-time music group, ThisBigStringBand, and will end June 17 $170 in tips. just don’t feel like it,”Wells said. “Sam said, ‘I didn’t recognize three-quarters of those people!’ With the help of folk singer/songwriter and friend, Joni with a performance by The Salamanders, a local jazz group. Strawberry Fields Cafe at 306 W. Springfield in downtown and I said, ‘neither did I!’ and the manager said, ‘neither did I!’” Laurence, Wells arranged to have an acoustic music series every Thursday from 8-10 p.m. at Aroma.Two years later, coffee drinkers Urbana is recognized as one of the more family-friendly venues Laurence said. “She was totally blown away.” Green Mountain Grass has played live so often that the fourstill enjoy hearing the sounds of live music backed by the soft that offers live music performances. Green Mountain Grass, a local bluegrass band known for its speedy instrumentals and harmoniz- man group has acquired a group of followers that attend concerts humming of the espresso machine. Whether the sounds are the soft, clear notes of a solo guitarist ing vocals, regularly plays at the popular cafe because of the expe- on a regular basis. Wilmoth said that the group is more likely to rience and exposure it provides. experiment with new songs and techniques in a coffee house setDave Wilmoth, mandolin player and ting because the environment is more laid-back and there is less singer for Green Mountain Grass, appre- pressure to perform. ciates the variety a small, local cafe offers University of Illinois student Jessica Shoger appreciates the in contrast to a crowded concert or out- variety of musical talent the city is exposed to. A person can door festival. choose from several live music performances almost every night “The atmosphere is a bit more sub- of the week. dued,” Wilmoth said, clad in a simple “A few years back there wasn’t such a diverse group of talent white t-shirt reading,“Got Grass?” in bold available to the public,” Shoger said. Now I can see a bluegrass jam font. “The interaction between the audi- Tuesday, a guitar player Thursday and then maybe a live band play ence and the band, though, is stronger.” over the weekend.” At bars and festivals, Wilmoth points Local talent showcased at Verde, Aroma and Strawberry Fields out that as audience members consume has included Green Mountain Grass, Sadunga, Noisy Gators, G. more and more alcohol, they tend to Lee, Angie Heaton, Jill Sissel, Mark Clark, Ripley Caine, and become more involved in the music and Rachel Garlin. sometimes even a bit wild. “I’m blessed to be a part of the music scene here,” Wells said. “We have seen all kinds of nudity,” “They’ve got great attitudes, and it is great to meet them and work Wilmoth said. with them.” Music enthusiast Dan Koth, a student Local venues have continually increased their selection of music at the University of Illinois, agreed that it performances in response to Champaign and Urbana’s growing interis nice to see one of your favorite bands est and demand. Laurence hopes to see even more opportunities for play at a smaller venue because “you aren’t local music-lovers to come out and enjoy live performances. halfway up the stadium.” He adds, howev“If we build it, they will come,” Laurence said. buzz er, that the mood of a concert at a club or bar tends to be more energetic. Joni Laurence performs May 5, at Aroma Cafe, 118 N. Neil St., Champaign. JENNIFER CRABILL • STAFF WRITER

PHOTO • DAVID SOLANA

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Ryan Reynolds & Melissa George The Amityville Horror doesn’t exactly break any new ground, but it is less laughable and maintains a stronger, more consistent tone of creeping terror than the recent Hide and Seek or The Ring Two. Like the poor family that chooses to live in a mansion with evil in its walls, this unnecessar y remake of The Amityville Horror simply revisits something that was better left dead. (Matt Pais) BEAUTY SHOP 2.5 stars

ing for the team can be comfor ting even when they lose. Fallon and Barr ymore make a charming, romantic duo with offbeat chemistr y. It’s a fitting tribute to love and baseball. (Matt Pais)

up the south end of a cow in the lowbrow fish-out-ofwater comedy Man of the House. For some reason, it took three writers to put together this nonsense, and not one succeeded in making it funny. (Matt Pais)

HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY

MILLION DOLLAR BABY 3 STARS

Martin Freeman & Mos Def In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, interspace time travel is little more than extending your thumb and killing time around the universe while the Earth is put back together. There’s not a lot of depth, sophistication or cohesion to the movie, but its wink-wink sense of sly British humor more than succeeds in advancing it past the easygoing giddiness of a kid-friendly sci-fi fantasy. (Matt Pais)

Clint Eastwood & Hilary Swank It does take an unexpectedly dark twist toward the end that should knock most viewers back a few steps. Yet, Million Dollar Baby never swings hard enough to send you reeling. It’s enough to win a judge’s decision, but it’s no knockout. (Matt Pais)

THE INTERPRETER 2.5 STARS Nicole Kidman & Sean Penn If I’m not mistaken, a thriller should be thrilling. Granted, there are some nail-biting sequences and spine-tingling moments, but there is too much vapid space used for filler. The Interpreter should have been exciting throughout, not melodramatic in some par ts and corny in others. (Paul Prikazsky) KUNG FU HUSTLE

Queen Latifah & Alicia Silverstone Beauty Shop is mostly a “woman’s film” that even appeals to a youthful male audience, with lots of sexy female eye candy that never misses the director’s gaze. It has undeniable crowd-pleasing appeal for those who like urban comedy with a less vulgar approach. You also won’t be offended by any harsh political put-downs of past civil rights leaders, like the first Barbershop film. (Syd Slobodnik)

3.5 stars Stephen Chow Kung Fu Hustle delivers action, drama, comedy and even a little suspense. Overall, this move will make you laugh and then some, and just goes to prove that slapstick is universally funny. What more could you want from a movie? (Brian Nichols)

3 stars Drew Barr ymore & Jimmy Fallon Fever Pitch understands that the people who have season tickets near you can feel like a family and that root-

Loos enDs MOVIE NEWS BY JOHN LOOS

Remember when Dorothy’s house fell on the Wicked Witch o f t h e E a s t ? We l l , Meinhardt Raabe was the one who confirmed she was dead. After playing the munchkin coroner role 66 years ago, the 4-foot-7-inch Raabe, now 89, has published a memoir entitled Memories of a Munchkin: An Illustrated Walk Down the Yellow Brick Road. Along with his experiences on the Wizard of Oz set, the book also covers his flying airplanes for the Civil Air Patrol and working for Oscar Meyer. It seems like there is a lot of nostalgia for the munchkins, but what about the beloved flying monkeys? For once, I’d like to see a memoir titled Memories of a Winged Monkey: How to Shit in Mid-Air. Remember when the MTV Movie Awards were quasi-laughable? Well, this year, the nominees actually seem to be worth a damn. Up for Best Picture are five critically and commercially successful films:

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Lewis McGibbon & Alex Etal There’s a tenderness here that belongs to Etel and McGibbon, two fine young actors who not only embody their own par ts but play off one another so well that they work mar velously as brothers. The movie is undeniably theirs, two per formers whose total age is under 20 but possess an innate honesty beyond their years. In a movie concentrating on what to do with money that you haven’t earned, these boys show that the greatest riches they have are each other. (Matt Pais) SAHARA 1 star Matthew McConaughey & Penelope Cruz There is cer tainly an unfitting clash of action and comedy in Sahara . The characters are laughed at, not with, and they deser ve to be. Action-comedies do not need to give up on characters and stor y to provide action and comedy. (David Just)

MAN OF THE HOUSE

SIN CITY 3.5 STARS

1.5 stars Tommy Lee Jones & Cedric the Entertainer Only a true pessimist could have predicted that, 12 years after accepting an Oscar for his work in The Fugitive, Tommy Lee Jones would be sticking his hand

Bruce Willis & Mickey Rourke Sinfully sexy and deliciously enter taining, Sin City is pumped with more testosterone and male fantasies than a Las Vegas bachelor par ty. If you can get past its boorish, hyper-macho approach to the sexes, director

FEVER PITCH

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I AM JACK’S RAGING BILE DUCT.

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Rober t Rodriguez will plunge you deep into a seedy, intoxicating world of sleaze, deception and revenge. (Matt Pais)

Fresh flicks

opening this weekend

KICKING AND SCREAMING Will Ferrell & Robert Duvall Comedy galore as Ferrell plays a youth soccer coach who finds himself on the opposite side of the field from his father (Duvall). The real highlight should be Mike Ditka’s supporting role as an assistant coach. (Andrew Vecelas) MINDHUNTERS Val Kilmer & LL Cool J If you happened to see a trailer for this movie over a year ago and are wondering why it’s just coming out now, your guess is as good as ours. Kilmer leads a team of FBI profilers who discover a serial killer in their midst. Like any movie whose release is stalled for over a year, expect this to be awesome. (Andrew Vecelas) MONSTER-IN-LAW Jennifer Lopez & Jane Fonda Lopez stars as a woman who has the perfect man in her life, except for his mother, who doesn’t take too kindly to her son’s new love interest. Fonda takes a bow for the first time in 15 years…in a J.Lo romantic comedy nonetheless. (Andrew Vecelas) UNLEASHED Jet Li & Bob Hoskins Jet Li plays a martial arts killing machine (go figure) who starts to rebel against his master when he is taken under the wing of a blind piano player (Morgan Freeman). Sounds about as good as any other American Jet Li film, though the fight choreography by Yuen Woo-Ping could make this something special. (Andrew Vecelas)

Kill Bill, vol. 2, Napoleon Dynamite, Spider-man 2, Ray and The Incredibles. Among the other nominees are Oscar winners Hilary Swank (Million D o l l a r Baby ) for Best Female Performance and Jamie Foxx ( Ray ) for Best Male Performance. Oh, MTV. You do something like this that makes me want to respect you, but then I turn you on and I see some pathetic teenage girl freaking out because daddy ruined her “Super Sweet 16” by not getting her the right color Lincoln Navigator, and I realize how much I truly, deeply loathe you. Remember when Loos Ends wasn’t an integral part of your weekly reading material? I can’t either. Well, my friends, this is my last column as I am graduating and undoubtedly moving on to make millions of dollars and blowing it all on Hummers and cocaine. I’d like to thank all those celebrities who are failing in some way, be it in career, romance or life, for making this column easy to write. I’d also like to thank the good people at Buzz for giving me this column, most notably Andy Vecelas. Most of all, I’d like to thank you, the readers, for ingesting my irreverent nonsense every week. It wasn’t always funny, but at least my goofy headshot was always there, smiling like it was.

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CRASH MONSTER-IN-LAW (PG–13) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 10:00 11:45 Sat. 11:00 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 10:00 11:45 Sun. - Tue. 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 10:00 Wed. 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 Thu. 11:00 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 10:00 KICKING & SCREAMING (PG) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:15 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:25 7:00 7:30 9:20 9:40 11:40 Sat. 11:10 1:15 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:25 7:00 7:30 9:20 9:40 11:40 Sun. - Wed. 1:15 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:25 7:00 7:30 9:20 9:40 Thu. 11:10 1:15 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:25 7:00 7:30 9:20 9:40 UNLEASHED (R) Fri. & Sat. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:50 12:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:50 MINDHUNTERS (R) Fri. 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 11:50 Sat. 11:10 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 11:50 Sun. - Wed. 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 Thu. 11:10 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 LOT LIKE LOVE (PG–13) Fri. 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 11:50 Sat. 11:10 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 11:50 Sun. - Wed. 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 CRASH (R) Fri. 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 10:00 12:15 Sat. 11:00 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 10:00 12:15 Sun. - Wed. 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 10:00 Thu. 11:00 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 10:00 FEVER PITCH (PG–13) Fri. & Sat. 1:00 3:15 5:30 7:45 10:00 12:15 Sun. - Wed. 1:00 3:15 5:30 7:45 10:00 Thu. 1:00 3:15 5:30 7:40 10:00

HOUSE OF WAX (R) Fri. & Sat. 1:00 4:00 7:10 9:40 12:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 4:00 7:10 9:40 KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (R) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:00 2:00 4:00 5:00 7:00 8:00 10:00 11:00 Sat. 11:00 1:00 2:00 4:00 5:00 7:00 8:00 10:00 11:00 Sun. - Wed. 1:00 2:00 4:00 5:00 7:00 8:00 10:00 Thu. 1:00 4:00 7:00 10:00 SAHARA (PG–13) Fri. & Sat. 1:15 4:10 7:15 9:50 12:20 Sun. - Wed. 1:15 4:10 7:15 9:50 AMITYVILLE HORROR (R) Fri. 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:00 11:50 Sat. 11:00 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:00 11:50 Sun. - Wed. 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:00 GUIDE TO THE GALAXY (PG) Fri. & Sat. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:40 11:55 Sun. - Wed. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:40 Thu. 1:00 3:10 5:25 7:30 9:40 INTERPRETER (PG–13) Fri. - Thu. 1:15 4:05 7:05 9:50 XXX 2 (PG–13) Fri. - Wed. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 10:00

MATT PAIS • LEAD REVIEWER

A

Crash is thoughtprovoking in a rare, daring way.

MILLIONS (PG) Fri. 1:30 4:10 7:10 9:20 11:30 Sat. 11:15 1:30 4:10 7:10 9:20 11:30 Sun. - Wed. 1:30 4:10 7:10 9:20 Thu. 11:15 1:30 4:10 7:10 9:20 ◆ STAR WARS: EP. III (PG–13) Midnight Wed. 12:00 Midnight Thu. 11:15 12:00 12:45 1:00 1:45 2:15 3:00 3:50 4:20 4:45 5:15 6:00 7:00 7:20 7:45 8:30 9:00 10:00 10:30 10:45 11:30 12:00

Showtimes for 5/13 thru 5/19

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head-on collision of political posturing and racial intolerance, Crash is more than just an articulation of the division between people of different backgrounds. It’s about the thin line between love and hate that exists between cultures in America, and the 21st-century atmosphere of fear, anxiety and resentment that keeps everyone on opposite sides of an invisible fence. Co-written and directed by Paul Haggis (Million Dollar Baby), the film is a tragic look at two days in the lives of diverse citizens of Los Angeles and their inability to coexist. There’s a racist cop (Matt Dillon) with a father whose business was run into the ground by African-Americans, his more open-minded partner (Ryan Phillippe) and the black couple (Terrence Howard and Thandie Newton) they pull over for hardly any reason at all. There’s an arrogant district attorney (Brendan Fraser), his prejudiced wife (Sandra Bullock) and the black youth (Larenz Tate and Ludacris) who take their car because they never steal from their own race. And there’s a detective (Don Cheadle) sleeping with his Hispanic partner (Jennifer Esposito), a locksmith (Michael Pena) with a young daughter and a family of Persian store owners

Downfall is one of the best films of the year.

in the United States in March, centers around Adolf Hitler’s emotional, psychological and physical collapse at the close of World War II. The film, directed by Oliver Hirschbiegel, was nominated for the Best Foreign Film Oscar and was certainly one of the best films of the year. The film opens with five women applying to be Hitler’s (Bruno Ganz) new secretary. They arrive in the middle of the night and wait outside his personal office. They are nervous, excited and a bit scared, just as the audience is, to see the man they so revered. The door opens, they peer in, craning their necks to see him but are unable to catch a glimpse. After several moments of anxious anticipation, the figure emerges from the room. To their, and our surprise, he’s short, hunched over and rather soft-spoken. He invites one of the women into the office and begins dictating a memo for her to type. When she is unable to keep up with him, he doesn’t get angry. He doesn’t refuse her the job or throw her out. Rather, he calmly suggests they start over and she try again. Shortly thereafter, she is hired. The film advances to April of 1945, and a

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persecuted as potential terrorists from the Middle East. As timely and poignant as nearly any movie since 9/11, Crash captures the separation that people create between themselves and the absence of interpersonal connection that pervades mainstream society. The fast-paced, modern-day world here is one in which everybody aimlessly and selfishly navigates unmarked highways of loneliness and alienation, and all people are CRASH • THANDIE NEWTON & MATT DILLON victims of one another’s subjective and ethnic bias. Haggis paves each road nity that depends on itself to preserve justice and with meaningless good intentions, constructing equality. Instead, skepticism leaps across color relationships that dissolve instantly upon any lines in a single bound. It’s a movie about the threat of oppression simply because, when the dangers of everyday life and the way that even going gets tough, the tough often prefer to the simplest dialogue between people can sound more like procedural mumbo-jumbo and racial stick to their own kind. Unlike Million Dollar Baby, which was pre- repression than the expression of culturallysented without subtlety or valid points of con- appropriate conversation. The defensive universe of Crash is in ethnic versation, Crash is thought-provoking in a rare, daring way that acknowledges humans’ indif- discontent and cruel, manipulative denial. As ference towards opportunity. The characters the dedication and saving grace of law here engage in fascinating, intelligent conver- enforcement is overwhelmed by misjudgment sation that only unravels into constant mistakes and off-target sympathy, Haggis constructs of paranoia, doubt and aggression. Stereotypes a spiraling whirlwind of star-crossed karma. are enforced, and ignorance is maintained as Though a crash between cars has its own the only alternative to a society in which peo- doomed poetry in Crash, the deadly conflict ple of different races are quicker to judge and between races takes on its own form of fleetretreat than they are to accept and interact ing hope and lingering despair. It’s a wake-up call for anyone who allows their mind to sleep freely with one another. There’s a disturbing undercurrent about the through the choices that bring everyday peochallenge of creating a unified, assorted commu- ple together or, more often, tear them apart.

much different Hitler arrives. His left hand is always behind his back, shaking erratically from the Parkinson’s Disease that afflicts him. He heads down into his bunker where he will remain until his death. The bunker goes deep underground through seemingly endless tunnels, at the end of which are a war room, bedrooms, a kitchen, a dining room and whatever else one would need to lead a nation while living comfortably. DOWNFALL • BRUNO GANZ One of Hitler’s stenographers, Traudl Junge (Alexandra Maria Lara), remain forever loyal to him and continue to pledges to stay with her leader until his, and launch attacks as if he were still there. They her, death. She assumes most of the narrative would rather put a gun in their mouth than control of the film as her struggle to decide surrender to the Russians. Is it really possible to feel sympathy for whether to stay in the bunker or flee Hitler and Nazi Germany? The film doesn’t becomes the focal point of the story. Hitler’s lunacy begins to get the better glorify Hitler, but it doesn’t seem to hate him of him in the bunker as he barks orders to either.Wisely, the film stays somewhere in the his generals who share looks of absolute middle and lets the audience decide for itself confusion when he isn’t looking. He tries how to feel. In most cases, people won’t symto mobilize armies that exist only on his pathize with Hitler, but they’ll have a new maps and in his head. His incessant holler- perspective from which to look at him, and ing is heard through the walls by the rest of this is where the film really succeeds. The film looks and feels very authentic his officers and staff who are terrified at the constant clattering of artillery above them. thanks to Hirschbiegel’s direction and Rainer He talks of his plans for when Germany Klausmann’s cinematography. Ganz’s brilliant wins the war even as the Russians get clos- performance as Hitler is so genuine that he gives it a documentary quality. Downfall is one er and closer to Berlin. The scenes after Hitler’s death are perhaps of the best films of the year and certainly the the most provocative. All of his officers most memorable.

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the local sniff

LION’S GATE FILMS

I ONCE FOUGHT FOR TWO DAYS WITH AN ARROW THROUGH ONE TESTICLE.

s c e n e

seth fein

And a well-detailed complaint that you knew was a comin' raditional weddings have always been a sore spot for me. I have been to many of them in my day, and I am still waiting for the one where I feel like I can relax. It’s not because the church or the pastor presiding over it. Not because of the expensive cake or the stupid song they play coming down the aisle. Not because people have the tendency to introduce the wedding party as a basketball team when they enter the building. No, for me—it’s purely selfish and financial. When my cousin, staff writer for Buzz Logan Moore, popped the question to his girlfriend, former Buzz editor Marissa Monson, my first feeling was total happiness.These two are meant for each other. I knew from the first time that I saw them holding hands that this was inevitable. And I was glad because Logan had taken to bitching about women almost as much as me, and at the time I would be damned if anyone else in my family took that crown from me. But then, after about a minute or so of elation, I had another thought. “Mother of Darkness. I’m gonna hafta rent a stupid-ass tuxedo.â€? I hate it. $100 for a total of five-six hours of use. I mean, I like getting cleaned up and into a nice pair of duds as much as the next person, but if I am going to spend $100, well, I better be the one holding onto it afterwards. I tried my best with Logan. I tried to convince him that he needed to lay the smack down, selfishly of course, and coerce Marissa into allowing his wedding party to be able to dress nice, but with clothes that we could own afterwards. I offered him a case of beer, free tickets to ALL my shows and the bigger room in our house. I even went so far as to get down on my knees and beg, screaming—â€?Please, Logan! Please! Don’t make me spend money on this socially-constructed piece of poop. I beg of you! Please!â€? He said he’d do his best. Evidently, his best was not good enough. By the time you are reading this, I will have picked up my gear from Michelle’s Bridal and will have hung it in my closet. I will have cursed under my breath and shaken my head, looking at it on the hanger. I will have contemplated suicide. In the end though, I don’t really care. It’s not important. My mother agreed to pay for half of it, and so the damages aren’t so bad.And in all truth, they are really good looking clothes. Not a tux—but a hot-ass black suit with a cream colored tie. I look good in it and my girlfriend thinks so too. And there is no accounting for just how far that might take me. It is rare. What is important, though, is their union. This is a couple who I have no doubt about. If I did, I would have Seth Fein is from Urbana. never written anything about them, let alone published it. For real—he doesn’t I wish them the happiest of days this Saturday and on mind the tux—but you their honeymoon in San Francisco. I look forward to better believe that them inundating their children with as much liberal theology, dry cleaners will have good literature and new music as I can find. And I doubt their work cut out for they’ll mind.We are very much on the same page when them. He can be reached it comes to religion, books and music. I believe in Logan at sethfein@hotmail.com. and Marissa.They should be the model for all young couples: honest, loyal, loving, compassionate, great taste in music, drinkers of good beer on occasion, readers of fine novels, collectors of vinyl records and the best friends that anyone could ask for. Here is to you Logan and Marissa. I knew this was coming, and I am so proud to call you family. We all are. May you find yourselves happy and at peace for years to come, in each others arms and invited to a wedding where you each have to spend $100 on a suit you don’t get to keep at a time when your power bill is ridiculous, your cat develops a skin disease and a show you promoted falls flat on its ass. No worries.You can be sure that it won’t be my wedding. Am I going to get it for this one or what ‌

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Congratulations Logan and Marissa!

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MY REPUTATION GROWS WITH EVERY FAILURE.

T

NEWMARKET FILMS

18 • b u z z w e e k l y

Kimberly Rice is the sexual health educator for McKinley Health Center. Before she came to the University, Rice worked at the University of Buffalo’s health center while working on her master’s degree. Her work at the U of I includes providing students with information about sexual health and development through individual appointments, outreach programs and training students to be peer educators. Why do you think sexuality and peer education is important?

People are very anxious about their sexuality, sexual behaviors and sexual health. They usually have limited resources and support systems with which to access information and dialogue about what they are going through. I think it is imperative that students are provided with accurate information to assist them in becoming sexually healthy adults. But providing information is not enough. It is important that students have a safe space and a safe person with whom to talk about their sexuality development and experiences. Peer education is such a wonderful model for providing education. Students are able to talk more candidly with other students. The peer educators are better able to meet the students where they are at, use their language and understand their perspective because they have common or shared experiences.The thing I enjoy most about using peer educators is the growth and empowerment the peers themselves experience.

this is the first time they are receiving sex education. And most students still hold many myths about sexuality and reproductive health that they received as young people from family, school programs or friends. It is frustrating when a student comes to talk to me who has recently been diagnosed with HPV and asks, “How come I've never heard about this before?� Many students are appropriately angry when they come to see me. What do you like to do when you're not working?

I enjoy exercising, cooking and hosting dinner parties. I'm also involved in a newly created community coalition called Campaign for Comprehensive Sex Education (CCSE). Our mission is to advocate for medically accurate, age-appropriate, comprehensive sex education in public schools. I have really enjoyed being involved in this initiative. What advice do you have for people who have questions about sex?

Be careful of accessing information from Web sites. There is a lot of misinformation out there.Visit trusted sources such as cdc.gov, aasect.org, teenwire.org and siecus.org. Compare information across sites to ensure you have accurate information.

What do you say to people who have misconceptions about sex education?

Education needs to be driven by research. And what the research shows us is that abstinence-only programs don't work. Comprehensive sex education includes information about abstinence, which I think many people don't realize. Research consistently shows that providing people with information, contraceptive methods, etc., does not increase the likelihood they will engage in sex. It does however, increase the likelihood that when they do engage in sexual behaviors, they will protect themselves and make good choices. In my opinion, not providing young people with the knowledge and resources they need with respect to their sexual development is child maltreatment. What is the best part of your job?

Working with, advising and educating the students. They drive my work. I am also fortunate and grateful to work at an institution that supports open, honest and accurate sexuality education. I really enjoy meeting with students who come in for individual appointments to discuss sexual health concerns that they have. What is the most challenging part of your job?

Trying to reach 40,000 students with healthy sexuality messages and dispelling myths and inaccurate information they have received. For many students,

PHOTO • SARAH KROHN

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8 • buzz weekly

IT'S CLEARLY A BUDGET. IT'S GOT A LOT OF NUMBERS IN IT.

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Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies when you were younger? For fun?

I didn’t see anyone laughing!

- The Simpsons

BATTLE OF THE BAD GUYS Round One DEVON SHARMA • STAFF WRITER

M

arch Madness may be long over, but that’s hardly any reason to quit gambling on brackets. After all, biology and astrology aren’t studied only in the spring, so why shouldn’t bracketology also be a year-round science? And you hardly see alcoholics or drug addicts sobering up for an off season, so why should gamblers have to quit? So for those of you who lost money on less than accurate NCAA brackets, Buzz is here for you with a chance to redeem yourself and prove that you can fill out the best bracket the world has ever seen. Buzz’s bracket pits eight of the greatest villains to ever be featured in cinema against each other. Each of the bad guys has their own strengths and weaknesses, and many even have bizarre sexual quirks, but each of them is, in their own way, a right evil bastard. But only one can make it all the way through the bracket and be crowned world’s greatest movie villain.

HANNIBAL LECTER (Anthony Hopkins - Silence of the

Lambs) With an appetite almost as scary as the shark’s and an intellect at least twice as scary, Hannibal is a frightful villain, indeed. A psychologist by trade and a psychopath by hobby, Hannibal will get inside your head. And then he’ll eat it.

WARDEN NORTON (Bob Gunton – Shawshank Redemption) As evil and vile a

villain as there ever was, Warden Norton doesn’t have the excuse of being a machine, or an animal, or even a psychopath. Instead, the bible-thumping Norton is perhaps the scariest type of villain of all— an ordinary man. It’s just that this ordinary man is capable of extraordinary cruelty. Kind of like how Pauly Shore is capable of making In the Army Now.

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COMMODUS (Joaquin Phoenix – Gladiator) Speaking of Disney, this Roman emperor has got a whole bunch of latent sexual issues. It’s hard to say which makes him more appalling of a villain – that he brutally murders a general’s family, or that he totally wants to bump uglies with his sister.

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JAFAR (Jonathan Freeman - Aladdin) Jafar, slithering snake that he is, uses

bribery, trickery, hypnosis, even attempted murder to get his hands on an enchanted lamp. All so he can be granted three wishes by the genie in the magic bottle. Of course, if he was smarter, he would get his hands on Christina Aguilera instead: after all, she’s far easier to get.Thanks to a pension for turning into a giant serpent, Jafar narrowly beats out Ursula as Disney’s best bad guy; a title which some analysts think nearly ensures him a spot in the Final Four greatest movie villains.

,OCATEDMIDWAYBETWEEN#HICAGOAND-ILWAUKEEON) AND2OUTEIN'URNEE )LLINOIS

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is quite as merciless as the shark. Man, woman, child; it makes no difference to the shark. Hell, given the opportunity, he’d eat Mother Theresa without a moment’s hesitation. And she’s gamey. Worst of all, just when you think you’ve finally rid yourself of the shark and made it safe to go back in the water, one of his damn relatives has to show up in a sequel and make a mess of everything. Of course, the shark’s family may just be the cause of his ill-temperament; you think your family is embarrassing? Just imagine the shark family reunions ‌ talk about a bubbly-blood bath.

THE JOKER (Jack Nicholson – Batman) The caped crusader’s first—and only truly intimidating—nemesis was the Joker, who made frequent use of ingenious and humorous methods of murder such as ‘electrocution by hand buzzer’ and ‘asphyxiation by poisonous-water-squirting lapel flower.’The true father of prop comedy, the Joker probably could have made a killing as a stand-up comedian, but instead decided to go down that ‘crown prince of crime’ path, which lead him directly; first, into a vat of acid, and second, off the side of a building. But at least he made a lot of people laugh—and die—along the way. THE T-1000 (Robert Patrick – Terminator 2)

Like Agent Smith, the T-1000 is a machine hell-bent on destroying the human resistance. Also like Smith, the T1000 is cold, efficient, ruthless and will never, ever quit until he has accomplished his mission. Unlike Smith, however—who is perpetually well-dressed—The T-1000 isn’t afraid to murder while in the nude. He’s just like a Heather Graham: killer when naked.

AGENT SMITH (Hugo Weaving – The Matrix) What makes Smith such a

fearsome villain? He can dodge bullets, for one. He can also take over anybody’s body at any time, which means he potentially exists within the Matrix everywhere, at any time. Plus, in the later films, he starts replicating himself ‌ asexually, which might explain his constant state of frustration. When you get right down to it, though, what is Agent Smith? He’s a creepy old white dude who knows kung-fu, and let’s face it, the world doesn’t get much scarier than that—whether it’s all just a computer simulation or not. So, there you have the elite eight of greatest movie villains. Fill out your brackets, and be sure to check out next week’s Buzz to see the results. buzz

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PHOTO • AUSTIN HAPPEL

ar tist’s corner

BRIAN WARMOTH • ARTS EDITOR

Anyone wandering the University of Illinois Quad late at night last fall was bound to have caught a glimpse of a lanky Belarussian man trying to save the campus from the threat of a mummy.And while Paul Karpenko is featured as the unlikely hero in Chris Lukeman’s forthcoming film The University of Illinois -vs- A Mummy, the Minsk native and math/computer science senior has spun a bundle of his own self-written and directed projects since he arrived in Urbana from his second home of Newton, Mass. His most recent film Assassins was screened at the April 30 Illini Film and Video Student Film Festival. Copies are available, along with his other creation, Acetaminophen, at his Web site http://paulkarpenko.com/. Why does film capture your interest as a medium?

I like film as a medium because it’s the art form closest to real life in its presentation, but at the same time, it’s still entirely subjective, which allows for some excellent subversion. Student Film, specifically, allows me to express myself in a way almost impossible a decade ago. With today’s incredibly cheap digital cameras, pretty much anyone can make a movie, which is a double-edged sword, of course. I would think far more people regularly watch movies than go to art galleries, examine photographs or attend plays. Because of that, people are very much aware of what a movie is supposed to look like, and so they’ll be much quicker to deem a film unprofessional versus another artwork.This makes it very hard to make a film as a student that is actually “good.” My theory is that if you take yourself and your film too seriously and try to make a film in the vein of a Hollywood production, you will fail.There will always be dead giveaways that it’s a student film. Bad lighting, bad sound, bad acting, shaky camerawork, awkward editing and so on.These things are impossible to escape since you don’t have millions of dollars to keep them in check. Because of this, I always think it’s best to make student films with a bit of self-awareness—of both yourself and your medium. Not to say that you shouldn’t be original, but you have to be aware of the confines of cheap student filmmaking and choose your battles. What was the premise and inspiration for Assassins?

The premise of Assassins is very simple. It’s based on the popular game of Assassins that’s played around college campuses. Everyone is given a name of a person to assassinate with a water pistol, so everyone becomes

NIGERIAN PYRAMID SCHEMES PAID FOR MY TUITION.

Paul Karpenko

hunter and hunted at all times.The idea to make a film about this came about my sophomore year. I knew I wanted to make another movie with IFV, but I didn’t have any ideas. That was, of course, until we played a game of Assassins at ISR, and I was the first one out. I realized it was the perfect idea for a student film. I’d make an action movie—something that’s incredibly hard to do if you’re going to be serious about it, with real guns, etcetera—but the water pistols would add the exact dose of tongue-in-cheek-ness that would be needed. Now I could make the characters take the game as seriously as I wanted because the audience would always be aware of the preposterousness of the situation. How does the screenplay-writing process usually proceed for you?

It’s been different every time. The first One Day’s Hell didn’t have a script and the second One Day’s Hell was written over a few weeks as a collaboration with my friend Rory. Assassins was the first movie I wrote entirely by myself. I didn’t want to at first and actually begged a lot of my friends to write it for me, given a loose premise. But nobody had time, which is very indicative of a student film: If you don’t write it yourself, no one will unless you pay them. So I just sat down and wrote it over the course of two or three days. The bonus of writing your own script, of course, is that you’ll write scenes that you both want to shoot and, more importantly, have some idea of how to shoot. If someone else wrote it, I would have had to change some things around simply because I either wouldn’t know how to or be physically unable to shoot them. And even though I wrote it myself, I still left out several shots and scenes. Either the lines didn’t work, we didn’t have a location, or we just ran out of time.

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What came first for you—computer science or film? How has your experience in computer science influenced your work in film?

I’ve always been a huge film geek. From about sixth or seventh grade till the end of high school, I saw pretty much every movie that came out in theaters. I’d go every week, sometimes twice a week, regardless of whether or not I got someone to come with me. So I think getting into filmmaking was a pretty natural progression. The computer science stems from my interest in technology. I definitely majored in computer science more for the promise of a job, though, than some deep-rooted passion. I’ve always been more into the artistic side of computers. Sophomore year in high school, for example, I made a seven-minute-long 3D-animated movie called Andromeda with an animation program called Lightwave 3D. I still do a bit of 3D-animation, now mostly in 3D Studio Max. So, there’s definitely some room for intersection between filmmaking and computer science. If I can understand the technological aspect of filmmaking as well as the artistic, I think it can only be a good thing.

THIRD STONE REUNITES! BOW DOWN YOUNG CHILDREN! FOR THE MASTERS OF ROCK HAVE RETURNED... SETH FEIN • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

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istening to Bryce Johnson speak of his days in the seminal hard rock band is easy. He has story after story of rock and roll glory, and he can recount each tale as if you were at each show, raising a cold one to the sheer power chord madness and bombastic mayhem of Third Stone. His favorite story, though, is when they opened for Tool at Mabel’s in the early ’90s, just before they got huge. “So, there we were, playing to a crowd of about 30, and this guy with a baseball cap is just kind of staring at us from the front row. I could see that he was no average listener: he was taking us in—all of us. I never felt so judged on stage as I did that night. When they took the stage, no one was really sure what to expect. No one had really heard much about Tool. By the end of the first song, the place was dead silent. It wasn’t that we weren’t into it. We were. Everyone was. We all were just so amazed that we forgot how to applaud.” He speaks the same of his own band with total exuberance and energy but with different tones. He is aware of the presence that his band had on the local scene in the early and mid-90’s, and he knows that people have been asking for this reunion for some time now. After five years and countless other performances in different bands, the four members of Third Stone have decided to rock the stage again, and this one may be the very last time. “We were a great band. We’re still a great band. This is something that has been in the works for a while. And none of us really know where it’s going to lead,” Johnson says.

How did you get involved in film projects here on campus?

I actually came to the University knowing I wanted to join a film club. I was walking around on Quad Day my freshman year, looking for one, when this guy Anthony yelled, I swear to God, “You! You look like you want to make movies!” and shoved a flyer with “IFV” on it in my face. Since then, I’ve been pretty involved with IFV, even taking the reins as president one year. IFV is an excellent resource for anyone who wants to be involved in filmmaking on campus. We have tons of equipment, from cameras, lights and microphones, to a Macintosh with FinalCut Pro for editing. It’s incredibly easy to get started.

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The reason for the reunion show is simple. It had nothing to do with boredom. It had nothing to do with trying to relive the dream and put the band back together. What spawned it all was Johnson’s wife and her need to see them take the stage as a whole. “Basically, since we’re all still great friends, my wife and Bryce’s wife would give us shit when we were out, playing pool or whatever,” says Tom Grassman, guitarist. “She never got to see the band play and would always be like ‘What the hell? Just do it for fun!’And we were never really opposed, but we all had different projects going on and it became difficult to schedule it around those priorities. For whatever reason, it just made sense to all of us this winter and so we said,‘Fuck it. Let’s do it and do it right.’” Doing it right has meant many practices over the last few months, rehearsing in Grassman’s basement and going over their songs time and time again to make sure that they are done correctly, as if to show their fan base that they have yet to miss a beat, even after five years. These guys are still best friends, despite the fact that they all have their own lives, wives, families and bands. Jeff Markland, the drummer, plays relentlessly, every weekend with the crowd-pleasing X-Krush, traveling throughout the state, delivering the “rawk” to everyone who needs it. Johnson used to play with his own outfit, Spacemod, and is in the process of forming a new band with his brother. David Ward, bassist, is not currently playing with anyone. Grassman is the most prolific of all the boys, playing guitar in possibly the best ’80s cover band in 10 states, The Brat Pack. He also goes through a metamorphosis, changing into his alter-ego,The Krusher, and plays drums for local hard rock act, Sick Day, fronted by the venerable Adam Wolfe. This reunion show, he says, is a welcome change to his schedule. “This was my first band, at least, in terms of bands that were really going for it. So to be back in the basement with these guys has been so much fun.”

In addition to the show, they have also decided to make a DVD, complete with a mock storyline of what happened to the members of Third Stone, along with live performances and the like. It all fits in with what their original intention was to begin with when they formed the band. “To have fun. That’s what playing music is supposed to be about. It’s hard work, but it’s a lot of fun. And that’s why we split up in the first place,” says Johnson. “When it wasn’t fun for me anymore, I left. I think we’re back to the place where it’s fun for all of us again because it’s on different terms.” As for a permanent reunion, bassist Dave Ward says no way. “It would ruin the energy that we have now because the only thing that we want is to be friends and have some fun together. If we actually were to get back together, we would start thinking in terms of ‘making it’ again or whatever, and we aren’t thinking of it that way. We just want to play this show and give the fans a great time.” To say that the reunion show of Third Stone is a big happening for the local scene from the ’90s would be a gross understatement. In their day, this band of hooligans captured the entire scene and had them screaming for more. Crowds would come out by the hundreds each and every time to worship the ground they walked. While things have changed some since those days, some things have not. “Theater. Opera. Pornography. Stage props. Killer Sound. You name it. We’ll have it. I even came up with a new hand sign for rock music to retire the old one (referring to the gesture where people use one hand to give what Texans use for the Longhorn),” says Johnson. “We’re the closest thing you’re gonna get to Spinal Tap this side of the Mississippi.You can bet on it.” And you should bet on it this weekend. If there is one thing that Third Stone does repeatedly, it is bringing out the animal in people. They are highly charged and filled with theatrics that most bands dare not dream of emulating. In their time, they were the bitch’s brew. And they remain that way to the day. buzz Third Stone plays a reunion for the ages this Saturday at The Canopy Club in Urbana. Cover is $7, and they’re joined by Pariah, Sick Day, and Lidlifter. Come prepared.They rock hard like no one else.

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www.canop yclub.com www.canopy Every Monday! presents: $1 Drinks!

Every T uesday!

OPEN MIC/JAM $2 Long Islands! $1 PBR Drafts! W edneday, May 11

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Garbage “Bleed Like Me” Geffen BY FRANK KROLICKI

Shirley Manson, who once seemed pretty damn sure she was paranoid and confidently belted that she was only happy when it rained, continues this unlikely juxtaposition of emotions on Garbage’s fourth studio offering, Bleed Like Me. But this time, the band does it with a harder edge than ever. Taking a glance at the disc’s song titles— “Why Do You Love Me,”“Bleed Like Me” and “It’s all Over but the Crying” —might suggest that Garbage has dived into the depths of material laced with insecurity and desperation. And it wouldn’t be an unfounded conclusion, considering the making of the album involved a great deal of internal fighting, which almost resulted in the band breaking up. But as much as Bleed Like Me is unsure and scarred, it is venomous and upfront. Spotlighting crunchy guitars and straightforward melodies, while downplaying the electronic clutter, the band delivers its toughest and most solid material to date. The raunchy opener, “Bad Boyfriend,” positions Manson as a vixen who can be as sexually powerful as she is seductive. She proclaims,“If you can’t love me honey/ Go on just pretend/C’mon baby, be my bad boyfriend,” over a sluggish-yet-hard rocking backdrop that features pulsating drums from special guest Dave Grohl.The disc quickly moves into more melodic territory, as Manson conjures the likes of Debbie Harry and Chrissie Hynde on the wary pop anthems,“Run Baby Run” and “Right between the Eyes.” “Why do You Love Me,” the first single, sports a cutting guitar riff and repetitive chorus that meld to create a sound Garbage drummer and famed producer Butch Vig describes as “sped-up girl group.” A similar frenetic aggressiveness is present on “Why Don’t You Come Over,” a half-warning, half-dare directed at the object of Manson’s angst. Fans of 1998’s Version 2.0 will admire “Metal Heart,” which begins innocently enough but explodes into a techno romp accompanied by slightly disturbing lyrics. Here, Manson proves she is as paranoid as ever.“I wish I wasn’t flesh and blood/I would not be scared/Of bullets built with me in mind/For then I could be saved.” Slower songs, such as the title track, balance the mix. Here, Manson stages a call-to-arms for all the emotionally

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(featuring members of Creed & Sevendust)

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Thursday, June 2 nd

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The U ltimate

Led Zeppelin Tribute Friday, J une 3 rd

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Friday, June 17th

THE HEADHUNTERS (Herbie Hancock`s former backing band as heard on "Headhunters" and "Thrust")

Tickets for advance shows on sale now at: The Canopy Club, Family Pride, and Bacca Cigar, or call 1-800-514-ETIX. Or print tickets at home on JayTV.com!

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unstable self-abusers of the world, set to a simple arrangement carried to its end by the sing-song repetition of “you should see my scars.” “Happy Home” is an epic closer that finishes with a two-and-a-half minute instrumental buildup wavering from hopeful to dark, all while managing to avoid sounding pretentious. Bleed Like Me proves that Garbage can still masterfully sound wounded and triumphantly vicious at the same time. Not only does the music rock harder than on any of the band’s previous three releases, Manson’s lyrics are more revealing, personal and biting.You’ll likely want to give her a hug after it’s over but will think twice for fear she’ll kick your ass if you come too close.

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Bloc Party Silent Alarm V2

BY IMRAN SIDDIQUEE

When you think block parties you think drunken college students parading around Frat Park, people dancing in the streets to Tom Petty or even little kids running through fire hydrants on hot summer days. You probably don’t think of an artsy indie band from London playing some sort of post-garage rock combination of Franz Ferdinand and The Futureheads. Or maybe you do. In a world where The Killers and Modest Mouse sit side-by-side with Kelly Clarkson and Ludacris on the singles charts it is obvious that popular taste is veering towards something much more eclectic. So don’t be surprised if you hear Bloc Party’s lead single “Banquet” at your next frat event. It is an infectious rollicking performance of electric guitars, dance beats and heartbreaking vocals. The melodies stand out, but the foot-stomping beat that bookmarks the beginning and ending of the song put it into classic territory. The quartet from across the pond are riding high on a humongous wave of buzz that has critics hailing them as this year’s Ferdinand. While the Franz were a huge success last year, the better postpunk/indie rock album from last year was The Futureheads’ debut, and this band shares more in common with that maniacally creative piece. “This Modern Love” is the other side of Bloc Party, a relaxed yet poignant ballad-ish look at (surprisingly!) modern love. What really comes to the forefront is the vocal prowess of lead singer Kele Okereke, as the group dips into a capella for a few moments. There is a dreamy brit-pop feel that glazes over the entire album (even the cover art is so The Man Who) and gives the record its heart. The title, Silent Alarm, somehow perfectly describes the fluctuating noise of the album. It soars high on rockers like “Helicopter” then comes down to earth on ballads like “So Here We Are.”They artfully capture the earnestness of the U2s and Coldplays of the world on some tracks then follow them with nods to Gang of Four and Blur on the next. It’s a fusion that produces mostly stellar results. The album does lack the consistency of The Futureheads’ or Interpol’s debut (occasionally slipping into overt politics on “Price of Gas”), but the same energy is present and is what is most exciting about all these albums. People cling to the energy, they dance to the energy, and they fall apart with the energy. The reason indie music such as this has become so widespread nowadays is precisely because of this, and Bloc Party has an ample amount to spread.

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Douglas Adams

c h a r t s PARASOL RECORDS TOP 10 SELLERS 1. Orange Peels • Circling The Sun (Parasol) 2. Shout Out Louds • Very Loud EP (U.S.) (Bud Fox/Capitol) 3. Moonbabies • War On Sound (A Hidden Agenda) 4. Animal Collective w/ Bunyan, Vashti • Prospect Hummer (Fat Cat) 5. The Raveonettes • Pretty in Black (Sony) 6. Russian Futurists • Our Thickness (Upper Class) 7. Feist • Let It Die (Interscope) 8. David Fridlund • Amaterasu (A Hidden Agenda) 9. Jennifer O’Connor • The Color And The Light (Red Panda) 10. Lucksmiths • Warmer Corners (Matinee)

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The Bravery The Bravery Island

BY KYLE GORMAN

In case your right arm has been trapped under a boulder for the last year, new wave is back. (If you ever mistaken a Futureheads’ track for an XTC b-side, you’ll know what I mean.) When the Bravery’s single “An Honest Mistake” leaked at the beginning of this year, I was equally put off by the obvious pandering to people who missed it the first time and a soulless guitar outro only Neil Schon could love. Thanks to a feud sparked by fellow (but infinitely more entertaining) new new-wavers The Killers, we now know that (in)appropriatelycoifed-and haired-frontman Sam Endicott previously lead a band with the telling name Skabba The Hutt. If there’s anything that shouts “trend-jumper” louder than being in a ska band a few years back, it would have to be playing in a new wave band right now. I tried to find something pleasant in this recording, but my efforts were always punished, not rewarded. Endicott, who also produced the album, seems alternately to be a victim of musical insensitivity or of tone-deafness. Chugging LFOs and string synths paired with his supremely ridiculous couplets make it hard to figure out exactly what record he stumbled upon in his parents’ collection. I believe there’s a right way to “do it again” musically, but this certainly isn’t it.

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LOCAL CREATION AT WORK COURTNEY HREJSA • STAFF WRITER

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ocated at 1102 W. Washington in Urbana, Creation Art Studios and Gallery appears relatively unassuming from the outside. Once inside, however, it’s clear that Jeannine Bestoso’s brainchild is bursting with creative energy. The space is divided between an open, cultivating space for after school art classes for kids and night workshops and studio time for adults, a professional framing area, as well as exhibition space for the works of Bestoso and her students. The three different purposes of the space blend seamlessly in a single display of the process of creating a finished piece. Overall, Bestoso’s unique studio and gallery cultivates a feeling of openness and inspiration. Having recently just participated in the Boneyard Arts Festival, Bestoso is again ready for another professional exhibit. From May 2-May 29, the gallery space

presents the Spring 2005 Art Exhibition, which includes the works of local artists Melissa Mitchell, Mark Reutter, Amy Richardson and Wesley Waters. Waters’ own store, Butterfly Beads, is located next door to Creation Art Gallery. The gallery will be open for viewing during regular hours: Tuesdays through Fridays, 1-5:30pm and Saturdays 1-4pm. Appointments can be made if necessary. buzz In true testament to Bestoso’s dedication to all aspects of the art world, she is also available for portrait or mural commissions. Additionally, registration for summer classes and sessions has begun. All ages, levels and interests are accepted and invited. Please call 344-6955 with questions or to make an appointment.Additionally, the gallery and studio can be visited through their Web site http//www.creation artstudios.com.

KERRI MULLEN • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

A friend of mine once mentioned that if

you like his favorite book, you like him. If you reject it, you reject him. I can’t say that about White Teeth. This book is not me, it has nothing to do with me, but I read this book happily, as happily as one can read a book. It began in Spring Break when I was so delighted to be out of curriculum-reading that I picked up this red chomper of a book and started to devour it. After the devouring, as I got near the end, I paged slower, lagging, dragging. Not because of the book but with everything, everything else, I had to take it in little bits for weeks, like ice cream, like dessert. It’s about two families, the Bowden/Jones and the Iqbals. Clara Bowden begins the book as a nineteen year-old Jamaican who marries the boiled-egg-English Archie Jones. Alsana and Samad Iqbal are Bangladeshi, living in England. Another generation is born (not exactly chronologically, but that’s sort of the point), Irie Jones

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and the twins - Millat and Magid Iqbal two sides of a secular Muslim extremist/scientific, beatific atheist coin. Religions, Muslim and Jehovah’s Witness, fade in and out, and the book sprawls roughly 142 years of history, given in pieces. This is what reminded me of Salman Rushdie’s Midnight’s Children; the crashing themes of past, present and future colliding (and especially past). Nearly all of the characters meet in a chaotic mouse-spectacle conclusion. So this book is great, and I read it with joy but as I said, it’s not me.This, I suppose, means that these characters have nothing to do with me. But this big book, the design of it, the bald ambition and what Zadie Smith has done, that’s more me. And what she has done is - at the age of 25 - written a large, meaty book with three families of characters who get involved, involved as Alsana Iqbal describes it: “It is just a consequence of living, a consequence of occupation and immigration, of empires

and expansion, of living in each other’s pockets ... one becomes involved and it is a long trek back to being uninvolved.” The problem for Zadie Smith in press has been an oversimplification of this “involved” term. She published an ambitious book at a young age, and Google searches will now turn up roughly 890 image results for her name (she’s real pretty), as well as a few scattered surly interviews. What the book does is encompass a big chunk of history for a few involved people, as the families and histories and pasts and ideologies they belong to get messed up together like scattered papers. The chapters are titled things like “The Root Canals of Mangal Pande” and “Canines:The Ripping Teeth” (it can be a bit heavy-handed with the teeth) and are arranged so that I can imagine the book falling apart, the binding broken, and the chapters scattered around, mixing with each other like colonizer and colonized, like generations.

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U R B A N A

ASSEMBLY HALL | First & Florida, Champaign 333-5000 AMERICAN LEGION POST 24 | 705 W Bloomington, Champaign 356-5144 AMERICAN LEGION POST 71 | 107 N Broadway, Urbana 367-3121 BARFLY | 120 N Neil, Champaign 352-9756 BOLTINI LOUNGE | 211 N Neil, Champaign 378-8001 BOARDMAN’S ART THEATER | 126 W Church, Champaign 351-0068 THE BRASS RAIL | 15 E University, Champaign 352-7512 THE BRIDGE | 124 W. White St. Champaign THE CANOPY CLUB (GARDEN GRILL) | 708 S Goodwin, Urbana 367-3140 CHANNING-MURRAY FOUNDATION | 1209 W Oregon, Urbana CIVITAS | 112 Main St., Urbana0 COURTYARD CAFE | Illini Union, 1401 W Green, Urbana 333-4666 COWBOY MONKEY | 6 Taylor, Champaign 398-2688 CURTIS ORCHARD | 3902 S Duncan, Champaign 359-5565 D.R. DIGGERS | 604 S Country Fair, Champaign 356-0888 ELMER’S CLUB 45 | 3525 N Cunningham, Urbana 344-3101 EMBASSY TAVERN & GRILL | 114 S Race, Urbana 384-9526 ESQUIRE LOUNGE | 106 N Walnut, Champaign 398-5858 FALLON’S ICE HOUSE | 703 N Prospect, Champaign 398-5760 FAT CITY SALOON | 505 S Chestnut, Champaign 356-7100 THE GREAT IMPASTA | 114 W Church, Champaign 359-7377 THE HIGHDIVE | 51 Main, Champaign 359-4444 HUBER’S | 1312 W Church, Champaign 352-0606 ILLINOIS DISCIPLES FOUNDATION | 610 E Springfield, Champaign 352-8721 INDEPENDENT MEDIA CENTER | 218 W Main, Urbana 344-8820 THE IRON POST | 120 S Race, Urbana 337-7678 JACKSON’S RIBS-N-TIPS| 116 N First, Champaign 355-2916 JOE’S BREWERY | 706 S Fifth, Champaign 384-1790 KRANNERT ART MUSEUM | 500 E Peabody, Champaign 333-1861 KRANNERT CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS | 500 S Goodwin, Urbana Tickets: 333-6280, 800-KCPATIX LA CASA CULTURAL LATINA | 1203 W Nevada, Urbana 333-4950

LAVA | 1906 W Bradley, Champaign 352-8714 LES’S LOUNGE | 403 N Coler, Urbana 328-4000 LINCOLN CASTLE | 209 S Broadway, Urbana 344-7720 MALIBU BAY LOUNGE | North Route 45, Urbana 328-7415 MIKE ‘N’ MOLLY’S | 105 N Market, Champaign 355-1236 NARGILE | 207 W Clark, Champaign NEIL STREET PUB | 1505 N Neil, Champaign 359-1601 THE OFFICE | 214 W Main, Urbana 344-7608 OPENSOURCE | 12 E. Washington,Champaign http://opensource.boxwith.com PARKLAND COLLEGE | 2400 W Bradley, Champaign 351-2528 PHOENIX | 215 S Neil, Champaign 355-7866 PIA’S OF RANTOUL | Route 136 E, Rantoul 893-8244 RED HERRING/CHANNING-MURRAY FOUNDATION | 1209 W Oregon, Urbana 344-1176 ROSE BOWL TAVERN | 106 N Race, Urbana 367-7031 SIDE BAR | 55 E. Main, Champaign 398-5760 SPRINGER CULTURAL CENTER | 301 N Randolph, Champaign 398-2376 SPURLOCK MUSEUM | 600 S Gregory, Urbana, 333-2360 THE STATION THEATRE | 223 N Broadway, Urbana 384-4000 STRAWBERRY FIELDS CAFE | 306 W Springfield, Urbana 328-1655 TK WENDL’S | 1901 S Highcross, Urbana 255-5328 TOMMY G’S | 123 S Mattis, Country Fair Shopping Center 359-2177 TONIC | 619 S Wright, Champaign 356-6768 UNIVERSITY YMCA | 1001 S Wright, Champaign 344-0721 URBANA CIVIC CENTER | 108 Water St., Urbana VERDE/VERDANT | 17 E Taylor, Champaign 366-3204 VIRGINIA THEATRE | 203 W Park Ave, Champaign 356-9053 WAKE THE DEAD CAFE | 1210 E. Eldorado St. Decatur 233-4525 WASHINGTON STREET PUB | 600 S. Washington, Tuscola 253-6850 WHITE HORSE INN | 112 1/2 E Green, Champaign 352-5945 ZORBA’S | 627 E Green, Champaign 344-0710

buzz pick

Dusting For Vomit #6: Melodic Scribes

eMeRGeNCe

v e n u e s C H A M P A I G N

MA Y 12

NICE SET OF OWLS.

1. Name five bands or musicians that you would want at your show.

3. Where would rather play: Air force base cotillion or opening for a puppet show?

If it was in the crowd, then I would go with Polyphonic Spree and the Wu-Tang extended family, because that would be our biggest crowd ever right there. I’d like M83 as our backing band. I dig the funk/jazz hip-hop groups I’ve seen, but I think it’s time somebody stepped up and started rapping over something with noise. On stage I would also like someone of the John Mayer caliber, if only to get some girls in the audience. And finally, that great local band that I am friends with. I love you guys,and you truly rock.

Well, you know, I support the troops and everything ... but not as much as I support being elbow-deep inside of something warm and fuzzy. Plus we do a lot Raffi covers and whatnot, so the puppet crowd is more or less our target audience.

2. Analog or Digital?

5. Is Harsh (of Harsh Promo) the sexiest man on earth?

I still use my walkman—the analog iPod. Because we are too cheap to put any of our music on record, we are in the process of developing a live set run completely off instrumental dub records. I already started working on my dreads. This is going to change the world.

Harsh is a beautiful man and much more dependable than any girlfriend I’ve had. I always knew where he was ... on my couch or in my fridge. And if he wasn’t there he would leave a note. Always.

sound ground #75

TODD J. HUNTER • STAFF WRITER

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I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | T H E S T I N G E R | C L A S S I F I E D S

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Because Ro Knew will be there, and he actually has potential. Antimatter is a super rapper. And I am the most eligible bachelor in all of Illinois.

PHOTO COURTESY OF MELODICSCRIBES.COM

The Scribes will appear with The Wylde Bunch, The Agenda, Krukid, and others at the “Mic Massacre” this Friday at The Canopy Club. The show also includes poetry sets from Harsh and Aliteration.

For the past few weeks and into the next, Verde Gallery is showcasing the women’s work as part of their “Emergence: International Women in the Arts” show. It ends on May 21, and there are still several events at Verde this week to wrap-up the exhibit. Check it out before it’s gone.

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4. Why should anyone come to your show?

k i n g

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heUrbana-Champaign Independent Media Center, which from February 2002 to May 2003 doubled as the premier all-ages concert venue in the area, announced last week it would relocate from 218 W. Main to 202 S. Broadway. The new location is the old Urbana post office, constructed in 1914 and lavishly renovated in 1986. The move means IMC again can function as a concert venue; furthermore, it comes in time for the scheduled launch of WFRU 104.5 FM, “Radio Free Urbana,” in June.Audio and video production facilities and public-access Internet terminals also will be available. Next Wednesday, Soma Ultralounge opens at 320 N. Neil in Champaign. Manager John Kosmopoulos promises to “bring the club style from big cities like Los Angeles, New York and Chicago.” The back room has a dance floor with a projection screen and DJ booth, with resident DJs J-Phlip and Mertz (Thursday) and Bozak (Friday and Saturday). This follows the lowerkey opening last week of Tracks, an upscale sports bar and restaurant at 116. N. Chestnut in Champaign, where City of New Orleans once stood. Tracks also has a dance floor and disc

music

jockey, with plans for bands in the beer garden this summer. Nargile Lounge and Upanotch Records are proud to announce a new partnership. Lawrence Hardwick of Upanotch Records has purchased 50 percent of sanyankanta LLC dba Nargile, and Nargile general manager Garenne Bigby has acquired 25 percent of Upanotch Records. According to Bigby, this enables better booking and promoting opportunities. The entire Upanotch Records roster, which features “hot young prospects like Dre Bill, Identity, Lights Out and young Prez,” will appear at Nargile May 22— but beyond that, Bigby seeks to diversify the label with local rock. An inhouse cd duplication service, Carohart, is also in store. Rescheduled from April 7, Kate Hathaway shares the spotlight tonight at Aroma with Cleveland bard J. Scott Franklin. Show time is 8, and there is no cover. Free live, local music continues tomorrow at 5:Tommy G’s Bar and Grill hosts Tom Grassman, aka “The Krusher” from Sick Day, and Cowboy Monkey presents blues band The Impalas. At 9, The Canopy Club is home to a hip-hop showcase with Wylde Bunch, Melodic Scribes, Reese T, Ro Knew, Krukid, Al-Iteration, and Harsh; cover is $5. At 10, Colonel

this week in music Rhodes headlines at Nargile with Shipwreck and Buffalo Saints. Also at 10, Jim Cole’s Traveling Country Road Show pays a visit to Cowboy Monkey; cover is $4.This is coincidental (but not ironic) because the original name for Colonel Rhodes was Country Rhodes. Saturday, Music Among the Vines resumes at Alto Vineyards (central branch) on Duncan Road. The first installment for 2005 features the jazz of Jeff Helgesen and Rachael Lee. Show time is 7:30, and cover is $3. At 9, Third Stone plays out for the first time in five years and releases a DVD. The reunion is at The Canopy Club, and the revised lineup is: Third Stone, Sick Day, Pariah and Lidlifter. Cover is $5. At 10, husband-and-wife duo and hot commodity The Elanors rejoins The Wandering Sons and The New Kentucky Quarter, two Americana bands based in Madison, for a concert at Cowboy Monkey. Cover is $5. Also at 10, Mike ‘n Molly’s showcases The Opportunists, Camaro Rouge (exThe Drapes), and The Frame.

THE HURLY-BURLY

#75

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Todd J. Hunter hosts WEFT Sessions and Champaign Local 901, two hours of live local music every Monday night at 10 on 90.1 FM. Send news to soundground@excite.com.

Weezer’s first LP in three years, Make Believe, will air for the first time on the popular internet networking tool, MySpace. Tracks can be found easily and legally on http://www.myspace.com/weezer. The Flaming Lips have recorded a cover of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” for an upcoming Queen covers album. “I think we did it justice,” remarked singer Wayne Coyne, also adding that their new album, At War With the Mystics, will be released in January 2006. American MTV allegedly has refused to play British Sea Power’s video for “Please Stand Up,” claiming that the line, “wetter and wetter,” would be inappropriate for airplay. Of course, as British music news site Drowned in Sound sees it, it’s probably because Good Charlotte has that video spot anyway. Texas’ Secret Machines will release an EP on June 7, featuring one original song and four covers.

w H at tH e He L L? MOMENT OF THE WEEK According to MTV News way back in April, Snoop Dogg wants to work with Franz Ferdinand. Or as Snoop refers to them, “the dudes who sing ‘Take Me Out.’” Somehow, I know there are girls out there dying to be on “Indie Rock Chicks Gone Wild: But Not Before They Tell You About Their Feelings and How Much They Like Dinosaurs, Pirates and Robots.”

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | T H E S T I N G E R | C L A S S I F I E D S


Henry Ward Beecher

thursday friday

buzz pick

THE ELANORS, THE WANDERING SONS, THE NEW KENTUCKY QUARTER

Saturday, May 14, Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, $5 If you have not caught the husband and wife combo known as the Elanors, you are missing out. The intertwining vocals of of Noah and Adriel Harris are intimate and intense. The group, named after the couple's niece, has been compared to everything from a stripped down Radiohead to Wilco to Rufus Wainwright. This weekend, they host some dear friends from Madison, Wis.: The Wandering Sons. The Wandering Sons are in the midst of recording a new album at Rockford's Fuse Studios. Influenced by rock, early country, blues and folk, they can be described as true Americana. Fans of the genre will also enjoy the music of The New Kentucky Quarter, who were named Best Americana Artist with the Best Americana Album at the Madison Area Music Awards. The band cites The Beatles and Jeff Buckley as influences and has earned comparisons to Coldplay, Belle and Sebastian and Travis. –Cassie Conner

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May 12

May 13

Live Music Doxy [cover band] White Horse Inn 9:30, TBA Jazz Mayhem The Iron Post, 7-9pm, TBA Acoustic Music Series: Kate Hathaway, J. Scott Franklin Aroma, 8pm, free Jammin' Jimmy Bean Tommy G's, 9pm, free Kilborn Alley Cowboy Monkey 10pm, $3

Live Music The Impalas [blues] Cowboy Monkey 5pm, free Chris Raymen Jazz Trio The Iron Post, 5-7pm, TBA Tom Grassman Tommy G's, 5-7pm, free Pocket Big Band The Highdive 5:30-7:30pm, $3 Medford, SoiBomb, Ryan's Hope, Punch Drunk, Wasteoid Workforce Wake the Dead Cafe 6-11pm, $5 The Infinity Room The Shed, 7pm, $5 Scott McKenna Borders, 8-10pm, free Urbana Booking Co. and Harsh Promo Present: Wylde Bunch, Melodic Scribes, Reese T., Ro Knew, Krukid, ALiteration, Harsh The Canopy Club, 9pm, $5 Mother Popcorn The Iron Post, 9pm, TBA Jim Cole's Traveling Country Road Show Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, $4 Colonel Rhodes, Shipwreck, Buffalo Saints Nargile, 10pm, TBA Lost Boys [80's hard rock covers, originals] Tommy G's, 10pm, cover Country Connection Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, $1

DJ Generic DJ Jackson's Ribs-N-Tips, 8pm, TBA DJ J-Phlip [house] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Bozak Boltini, 10:30pm, free Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Pia's of Rantoul 9pm-1am, free Dancing UIUC Swing Society McKinley Foundation 9:30pm-12am, free Fitness Belly Dance for Fitness The Fitness Center Champaign, 8pm, $7-$9 Belly Dance for Fitness Gold’s Gym, Champaign 7:30pm, $7-$9 Workshops Cooking and Baking with Sugar Replacements [learn techniques to decrease calories and fat] Mettler Center, 6:30pm $15-$20 www.mettlercenter.com Books Meet Matthew Stover, author of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith Pages For All Ages, 7:30pm

DJ DJ Mighty Dog Jackson's Ribs-N-Tips 9pm-2am, TBA DJ Bozak [hip hop, downtempo] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Tim Williams [top 40/hip hop/house/dance] The Highdive 10:30pm, $5 DJ Elise Boltini, 6-10pm, free DJ J-Phlip or DJ Lil Big Bass Boltini, 10:30pm, free

Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke American Legion Post 71 in Urbana 8pm-1am, free Dancing Belly Dancing [Performance by Nora] Verde Gallery, 7pm, $5

saturday May 14

Live Music Music Among the Vines: Jeff Helgesen and Rachael Lee Alto Vineyards 7:30pm, $3 Third Stone Reunion Show with Sick Day, Pariah, Lidlifter The Canopy Club, 9pm, $5 Candy Foster and Shades of Blue The Iron Post, 9:30pm, TBA The Elanors, The Wandering Sons, The New Kentucky Quarter Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, $5 Kilborn Alley Tommy G's, 10pm, cover Country Connection Rose Bowl Tavern 9pm, $1 DJ DJ Mighty Dog Jackson's Ribs-N-Tips 9pm, TBA DJ Night Paulie's, 9pm, free DJ Resonate [hip hop] Barfly, 10pm, free Graduation Party: DJ Bonsu Nargile, 10pm, cover DJ Tim Williams [top 40/hip hop/house/dance] The Highdive, 10pm, $5 Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo's, 9pm-1am, free Dancing Tango [lesson & dance] Verde Gallery, 8pm, $5 Kids Storytime Pages for All Ages 11am, free

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

Kid’s Cook [kids learn to take their health into their own hands by making wholesome snacks and meals using healthy ingredients and a big dose of fun] Mettler Center, 10am, $5-$9 Girls Only [discussing Regarding the Fountain, by Kate Klise] Pages for All Ages, 1pm, free Workshops Scrapbook Class [have the opportunity to complete six 12 x 12 doublepage spreads] Mahomet Community Center 9am-3pm, 12 pgs for $45-55 Call 217-586-5887 for reservations

sunday May 15

Live Music Kilborn Alley Jackson’s Ribs ‘n Tips 8-11pm Russel Park Music Series: Tony Escobar and the Tones Wind, Water& Light Gallery 2pm, free Hot Club d'Urbana The Iron Post, 8-11pm, TBA The Crystal River Band Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free Liquid Courage Open Mic Night Geovanti's, 8pm-12am, free DJ DJ Wesjile [hip hop] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ JB [80's rewind/funk classics] Boltini, 10:30pm, free

monday May 16

Live Music Jazz Jam with ParaDocs The Iron Post, 8pm, TBA Open Mic Night hosted by Brandon T. Washington Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, free Quad Remedy Tommy G's, 10pm, free Finga Lickin' The Office, 10:30pm, free

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12 "Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures."

DJ Ear Candy [house DJs] Nargile, 9pm, free DJ Delayney [hip hop/soul] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Elise [deep sultry house] Boltini, 10:30pm, free DJ Missus Mike 'n Molly's, TBA

Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo's , 9pm-1am, free

Workshops Great Grains [Participants use a variety of high nutrient grains to create a number of homemade whole grain breads] Mettle Center, 10am, $15-$20 Silk Painting Class [abstract design] Wind Water & Light, May 16th - 23rd Monday 10:00-12:00, 1:00-3:00, 4:00-6:00pm May 17th 1:00-3:00, 4:00-6:00

Workshops Body Maintenance–Better Backs Mettle Center, 6:30pm, free Tarot Study Group [Guided discussion of a variety of Tarot-related titles and the cards themselves. Members of the group will be both teachers and students-beginners and experts welcome. May’s topic is divination practice] Pages For All Ages, 7pm, free

Books Sci-Fi Group [discussing Robert Sawyer's Mindscan] Pages for All Ages, 7pm

tuesday May 17

Live Music Leigh Meador Organ Trio The Iron Post, 7pm, TBA ThreeLegChair Moonstruck Chocolate Co. 8pm, free Bluegrass Jam Verde Gallery, 7-9:30pm, free Open Jam/Open Mic hosted by Mike Ingram The Canopy Club, 9pm, 21+/free, $2/under 21 The Crystal River Band Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free Adam Wolfe's Acoustic Night with Jess Greenlee Tommy G's, 10pm, free Open Stage Espresso Royale Goodwin & Oregon, 8pm, free DJ 80's Request Night with DJ Reaganomics Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, free Subversion: DJ ZoZo, DJ Evily, DJ TwinScin [goth/industrial/electro] The Highdive, 10pm, $2 Karaoke Tremblin BG Barfly, 10pm, free DJ J-Phlip or DJ Lil Big Bass Boltini, 10:30pm, free DJ Mike 'n Molly's, TBA Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Neil St. Pub 8pm-12am, free

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Fitness Belly Dance for Fitness The Fitness Center Champaign, 8pm, $7-$9

buzz pick

Kids Storytime Pages for All Ages, 7pm, free

wednesday

HotClub

d’Urbana

Sunday, May 15 Iron Post, 8-11pm

May 18

Django Reinhardt's music is some of the most enduring of the 20th century. The gypsy guitarist was the first virtuoso of his instrument and popular music hasn't been the same since. His unimpeachable sense of style and swing, and his technique and history are all things of legend–with the help of fiddler Stephane Grappelli, he played occupied France during WWII as the Hot

Club of Paris. Now three locals—Apollo Project front man Billy Kirst and brothers David and Adam Moss—are recreating the music as Hot Club d'Urbana. They play The Iron Post Sunday at 8pm.

............ –Kyle Gorman

Live Music The Apollo Project Nargile, 10pm, free Chambana Jackson’s Ribs-n-Tips 8-10pm Ed O'Hare and Friends Rose Bowl Tavern 9pm, free Blues Night: Kilborn Alley Tommy G's, 10pm, free DJ Chef Ra [roots, reggae] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Boltini 10:30pm, free

ART and THEATER Digital Media Student Juried Exhibition [The annual student juried exhibitions serve as a collection of the best student work for the current academic year] Parkland Art Gallery May 16-June 16 Opening reception May 16, 6-8pm Mon-Thur 10am-2pm, Tues-Thur 6-8pm

Karaoke The Cheezy Trio [live band karaoke] The Iron Post, 9pm, TBA Liquid Courage Karaoke Geovanti's 10pm-2am, free Lectures, Meetings, Discussions Open Poetry Night [writers may read their own work or just listen] Illini Union Bookstore,7-8 pm Fitness UIUC Yoga Club Illini Union room 406 7:30pm, free Theater Improv @ Verde [featuring Zoo Theatre Company] Verde Gallery, 8pm, $4 Books Mystery Bookgroup [discuss Dead Lagoon by Michael Dibdin] Pages for All Ages, 7pm

Not Enough Space [An international touring exhibit marking the 25th anniversary of the incarceration of two Puerto Rican political prisoners, Oscar López Rivera and Carlos Alberto Torres, in U.S. federal facilities] UIUC Main Library, first floor, 1408 West Gregory Drive, Urbana. Spring 2005 Art Exhibition [work by Jeannine Bestoso, Melissa Mitchell, Mark Reutter, Amy Richardson, and Wesley Waters] Creation Art Studios and Gallery through May 29 Artist Reception with music by Jimmy Rowland May 6 from 7-9pm Hours: Tues-Fri 1-5:30pm, Sat 1-4pm and by appointment, 344-6955, www.creationartstudios.com

Centennial High School Student Art Show [For this unique display, the students in artist and educator Shannon Batman's class have created wonderfully expressive self-portraits. The students were inspired by a variety of artists including Frida Kahlo. The framing for this show was partially funded by a Tepper Grant awarded to instructor Shannon Batman.] Pages For All Ages through May 31 Artist Reception May 13, 5-7pm Mon-Thurs 9am-10pm, Fri-Sat 9am-11pm, Sun 10am-9pm "Invisible Infrastructure: Maps and Photographs" [Works by Christian Sandvig and Hope Hall] Humanities Lecture Hall through July 22 805 W. Pennsylvania Ave, www.iprh.uiuc.edu Mon-Fri 8:30am-5pm Quantum Garden [original prints by Charles Segard] Aroma Cafe through June 4 Mon-Sun 7am-12am

Emergence, International Women in the Arts [An international yet local exhibit, featuring artists and performers from all over the globe who live in the C-U community] Verde Gallery through May 21 Tue-Sat 10am- 10pm Mapping Sitting: On Portraiture and Photography [this exhibition ventures into uncharted territory with photographic and video installations and uses portraits by Arab photographers, including passport studio photographs, photo "surprise," itinerant photography, and group portraits to present a dynamic picture of the Middle East. Organized by Walid Raad and Akram Zaatari.] Krannert Art Museum through June 5. Gallery conversation and lecture from Radd April 28 at 7pm, KAM lobby Tue, Thu-Sat 9am-5pm, Wed 9am-8pm, Sun 2-5pm Suggested Donation: $3 Aroma Cafe is looking for artists to exhibit their work. If you are interested in exhibiting your art, please contact Amanda Bickel, art coordinator at Aroma Cafe at art4aroma@yahoo.com.

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S


Henry Ward Beecher

thursday friday

buzz pick

THE ELANORS, THE WANDERING SONS, THE NEW KENTUCKY QUARTER

Saturday, May 14, Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, $5 If you have not caught the husband and wife combo known as the Elanors, you are missing out. The intertwining vocals of of Noah and Adriel Harris are intimate and intense. The group, named after the couple's niece, has been compared to everything from a stripped down Radiohead to Wilco to Rufus Wainwright. This weekend, they host some dear friends from Madison, Wis.: The Wandering Sons. The Wandering Sons are in the midst of recording a new album at Rockford's Fuse Studios. Influenced by rock, early country, blues and folk, they can be described as true Americana. Fans of the genre will also enjoy the music of The New Kentucky Quarter, who were named Best Americana Artist with the Best Americana Album at the Madison Area Music Awards. The band cites The Beatles and Jeff Buckley as influences and has earned comparisons to Coldplay, Belle and Sebastian and Travis. –Cassie Conner

* * * * * * * *

May 12

May 13

Live Music Doxy [cover band] White Horse Inn 9:30, TBA Jazz Mayhem The Iron Post, 7-9pm, TBA Acoustic Music Series: Kate Hathaway, J. Scott Franklin Aroma, 8pm, free Jammin' Jimmy Bean Tommy G's, 9pm, free Kilborn Alley Cowboy Monkey 10pm, $3

Live Music The Impalas [blues] Cowboy Monkey 5pm, free Chris Raymen Jazz Trio The Iron Post, 5-7pm, TBA Tom Grassman Tommy G's, 5-7pm, free Pocket Big Band The Highdive 5:30-7:30pm, $3 Medford, SoiBomb, Ryan's Hope, Punch Drunk, Wasteoid Workforce Wake the Dead Cafe 6-11pm, $5 The Infinity Room The Shed, 7pm, $5 Scott McKenna Borders, 8-10pm, free Urbana Booking Co. and Harsh Promo Present: Wylde Bunch, Melodic Scribes, Reese T., Ro Knew, Krukid, ALiteration, Harsh The Canopy Club, 9pm, $5 Mother Popcorn The Iron Post, 9pm, TBA Jim Cole's Traveling Country Road Show Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, $4 Colonel Rhodes, Shipwreck, Buffalo Saints Nargile, 10pm, TBA Lost Boys [80's hard rock covers, originals] Tommy G's, 10pm, cover Country Connection Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, $1

DJ Generic DJ Jackson's Ribs-N-Tips, 8pm, TBA DJ J-Phlip [house] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Bozak Boltini, 10:30pm, free Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Pia's of Rantoul 9pm-1am, free Dancing UIUC Swing Society McKinley Foundation 9:30pm-12am, free Fitness Belly Dance for Fitness The Fitness Center Champaign, 8pm, $7-$9 Belly Dance for Fitness Gold’s Gym, Champaign 7:30pm, $7-$9 Workshops Cooking and Baking with Sugar Replacements [learn techniques to decrease calories and fat] Mettler Center, 6:30pm $15-$20 www.mettlercenter.com Books Meet Matthew Stover, author of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith Pages For All Ages, 7:30pm

DJ DJ Mighty Dog Jackson's Ribs-N-Tips 9pm-2am, TBA DJ Bozak [hip hop, downtempo] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Tim Williams [top 40/hip hop/house/dance] The Highdive 10:30pm, $5 DJ Elise Boltini, 6-10pm, free DJ J-Phlip or DJ Lil Big Bass Boltini, 10:30pm, free

Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke American Legion Post 71 in Urbana 8pm-1am, free Dancing Belly Dancing [Performance by Nora] Verde Gallery, 7pm, $5

saturday May 14

Live Music Music Among the Vines: Jeff Helgesen and Rachael Lee Alto Vineyards 7:30pm, $3 Third Stone Reunion Show with Sick Day, Pariah, Lidlifter The Canopy Club, 9pm, $5 Candy Foster and Shades of Blue The Iron Post, 9:30pm, TBA The Elanors, The Wandering Sons, The New Kentucky Quarter Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, $5 Kilborn Alley Tommy G's, 10pm, cover Country Connection Rose Bowl Tavern 9pm, $1 DJ DJ Mighty Dog Jackson's Ribs-N-Tips 9pm, TBA DJ Night Paulie's, 9pm, free DJ Resonate [hip hop] Barfly, 10pm, free Graduation Party: DJ Bonsu Nargile, 10pm, cover DJ Tim Williams [top 40/hip hop/house/dance] The Highdive, 10pm, $5 Karaoke Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo's, 9pm-1am, free Dancing Tango [lesson & dance] Verde Gallery, 8pm, $5 Kids Storytime Pages for All Ages 11am, free

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S

Kid’s Cook [kids learn to take their health into their own hands by making wholesome snacks and meals using healthy ingredients and a big dose of fun] Mettler Center, 10am, $5-$9 Girls Only [discussing Regarding the Fountain, by Kate Klise] Pages for All Ages, 1pm, free Workshops Scrapbook Class [have the opportunity to complete six 12 x 12 doublepage spreads] Mahomet Community Center 9am-3pm, 12 pgs for $45-55 Call 217-586-5887 for reservations

sunday May 15

Live Music Kilborn Alley Jackson’s Ribs ‘n Tips 8-11pm Russel Park Music Series: Tony Escobar and the Tones Wind, Water& Light Gallery 2pm, free Hot Club d'Urbana The Iron Post, 8-11pm, TBA The Crystal River Band Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free Liquid Courage Open Mic Night Geovanti's, 8pm-12am, free DJ DJ Wesjile [hip hop] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ JB [80's rewind/funk classics] Boltini, 10:30pm, free

monday May 16

Live Music Jazz Jam with ParaDocs The Iron Post, 8pm, TBA Open Mic Night hosted by Brandon T. Washington Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, free Quad Remedy Tommy G's, 10pm, free Finga Lickin' The Office, 10:30pm, free

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12 "Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures."

DJ Ear Candy [house DJs] Nargile, 9pm, free DJ Delayney [hip hop/soul] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Elise [deep sultry house] Boltini, 10:30pm, free DJ Missus Mike 'n Molly's, TBA

Liquid Courage Karaoke Geo's , 9pm-1am, free

Workshops Great Grains [Participants use a variety of high nutrient grains to create a number of homemade whole grain breads] Mettle Center, 10am, $15-$20 Silk Painting Class [abstract design] Wind Water & Light, May 16th - 23rd Monday 10:00-12:00, 1:00-3:00, 4:00-6:00pm May 17th 1:00-3:00, 4:00-6:00

Workshops Body Maintenance–Better Backs Mettle Center, 6:30pm, free Tarot Study Group [Guided discussion of a variety of Tarot-related titles and the cards themselves. Members of the group will be both teachers and students-beginners and experts welcome. May’s topic is divination practice] Pages For All Ages, 7pm, free

Books Sci-Fi Group [discussing Robert Sawyer's Mindscan] Pages for All Ages, 7pm

tuesday May 17

Live Music Leigh Meador Organ Trio The Iron Post, 7pm, TBA ThreeLegChair Moonstruck Chocolate Co. 8pm, free Bluegrass Jam Verde Gallery, 7-9:30pm, free Open Jam/Open Mic hosted by Mike Ingram The Canopy Club, 9pm, 21+/free, $2/under 21 The Crystal River Band Rose Bowl Tavern, 9pm, free Adam Wolfe's Acoustic Night with Jess Greenlee Tommy G's, 10pm, free Open Stage Espresso Royale Goodwin & Oregon, 8pm, free DJ 80's Request Night with DJ Reaganomics Cowboy Monkey, 10pm, free Subversion: DJ ZoZo, DJ Evily, DJ TwinScin [goth/industrial/electro] The Highdive, 10pm, $2 Karaoke Tremblin BG Barfly, 10pm, free DJ J-Phlip or DJ Lil Big Bass Boltini, 10:30pm, free DJ Mike 'n Molly's, TBA Karaoke "G" Force Karaoke Neil St. Pub 8pm-12am, free

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Fitness Belly Dance for Fitness The Fitness Center Champaign, 8pm, $7-$9

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Kids Storytime Pages for All Ages, 7pm, free

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HotClub

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Sunday, May 15 Iron Post, 8-11pm

May 18

Django Reinhardt's music is some of the most enduring of the 20th century. The gypsy guitarist was the first virtuoso of his instrument and popular music hasn't been the same since. His unimpeachable sense of style and swing, and his technique and history are all things of legend–with the help of fiddler Stephane Grappelli, he played occupied France during WWII as the Hot

Club of Paris. Now three locals—Apollo Project front man Billy Kirst and brothers David and Adam Moss—are recreating the music as Hot Club d'Urbana. They play The Iron Post Sunday at 8pm.

............ –Kyle Gorman

Live Music The Apollo Project Nargile, 10pm, free Chambana Jackson’s Ribs-n-Tips 8-10pm Ed O'Hare and Friends Rose Bowl Tavern 9pm, free Blues Night: Kilborn Alley Tommy G's, 10pm, free DJ Chef Ra [roots, reggae] Barfly, 10pm, free DJ Boltini 10:30pm, free

ART and THEATER Digital Media Student Juried Exhibition [The annual student juried exhibitions serve as a collection of the best student work for the current academic year] Parkland Art Gallery May 16-June 16 Opening reception May 16, 6-8pm Mon-Thur 10am-2pm, Tues-Thur 6-8pm

Karaoke The Cheezy Trio [live band karaoke] The Iron Post, 9pm, TBA Liquid Courage Karaoke Geovanti's 10pm-2am, free Lectures, Meetings, Discussions Open Poetry Night [writers may read their own work or just listen] Illini Union Bookstore,7-8 pm Fitness UIUC Yoga Club Illini Union room 406 7:30pm, free Theater Improv @ Verde [featuring Zoo Theatre Company] Verde Gallery, 8pm, $4 Books Mystery Bookgroup [discuss Dead Lagoon by Michael Dibdin] Pages for All Ages, 7pm

Not Enough Space [An international touring exhibit marking the 25th anniversary of the incarceration of two Puerto Rican political prisoners, Oscar López Rivera and Carlos Alberto Torres, in U.S. federal facilities] UIUC Main Library, first floor, 1408 West Gregory Drive, Urbana. Spring 2005 Art Exhibition [work by Jeannine Bestoso, Melissa Mitchell, Mark Reutter, Amy Richardson, and Wesley Waters] Creation Art Studios and Gallery through May 29 Artist Reception with music by Jimmy Rowland May 6 from 7-9pm Hours: Tues-Fri 1-5:30pm, Sat 1-4pm and by appointment, 344-6955, www.creationartstudios.com

Centennial High School Student Art Show [For this unique display, the students in artist and educator Shannon Batman's class have created wonderfully expressive self-portraits. The students were inspired by a variety of artists including Frida Kahlo. The framing for this show was partially funded by a Tepper Grant awarded to instructor Shannon Batman.] Pages For All Ages through May 31 Artist Reception May 13, 5-7pm Mon-Thurs 9am-10pm, Fri-Sat 9am-11pm, Sun 10am-9pm "Invisible Infrastructure: Maps and Photographs" [Works by Christian Sandvig and Hope Hall] Humanities Lecture Hall through July 22 805 W. Pennsylvania Ave, www.iprh.uiuc.edu Mon-Fri 8:30am-5pm Quantum Garden [original prints by Charles Segard] Aroma Cafe through June 4 Mon-Sun 7am-12am

Emergence, International Women in the Arts [An international yet local exhibit, featuring artists and performers from all over the globe who live in the C-U community] Verde Gallery through May 21 Tue-Sat 10am- 10pm Mapping Sitting: On Portraiture and Photography [this exhibition ventures into uncharted territory with photographic and video installations and uses portraits by Arab photographers, including passport studio photographs, photo "surprise," itinerant photography, and group portraits to present a dynamic picture of the Middle East. Organized by Walid Raad and Akram Zaatari.] Krannert Art Museum through June 5. Gallery conversation and lecture from Radd April 28 at 7pm, KAM lobby Tue, Thu-Sat 9am-5pm, Wed 9am-8pm, Sun 2-5pm Suggested Donation: $3 Aroma Cafe is looking for artists to exhibit their work. If you are interested in exhibiting your art, please contact Amanda Bickel, art coordinator at Aroma Cafe at art4aroma@yahoo.com.

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | W I N E & D I N E | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | C L A S S I F I E D S


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I’M ALL DRESSED UP AND READY TO FALL IN LOVE!

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U R B A N A

ASSEMBLY HALL | First & Florida, Champaign 333-5000 AMERICAN LEGION POST 24 | 705 W Bloomington, Champaign 356-5144 AMERICAN LEGION POST 71 | 107 N Broadway, Urbana 367-3121 BARFLY | 120 N Neil, Champaign 352-9756 BOLTINI LOUNGE | 211 N Neil, Champaign 378-8001 BOARDMAN’S ART THEATER | 126 W Church, Champaign 351-0068 THE BRASS RAIL | 15 E University, Champaign 352-7512 THE BRIDGE | 124 W. White St. Champaign THE CANOPY CLUB (GARDEN GRILL) | 708 S Goodwin, Urbana 367-3140 CHANNING-MURRAY FOUNDATION | 1209 W Oregon, Urbana CIVITAS | 112 Main St., Urbana0 COURTYARD CAFE | Illini Union, 1401 W Green, Urbana 333-4666 COWBOY MONKEY | 6 Taylor, Champaign 398-2688 CURTIS ORCHARD | 3902 S Duncan, Champaign 359-5565 D.R. DIGGERS | 604 S Country Fair, Champaign 356-0888 ELMER’S CLUB 45 | 3525 N Cunningham, Urbana 344-3101 EMBASSY TAVERN & GRILL | 114 S Race, Urbana 384-9526 ESQUIRE LOUNGE | 106 N Walnut, Champaign 398-5858 FALLON’S ICE HOUSE | 703 N Prospect, Champaign 398-5760 FAT CITY SALOON | 505 S Chestnut, Champaign 356-7100 THE GREAT IMPASTA | 114 W Church, Champaign 359-7377 THE HIGHDIVE | 51 Main, Champaign 359-4444 HUBER’S | 1312 W Church, Champaign 352-0606 ILLINOIS DISCIPLES FOUNDATION | 610 E Springfield, Champaign 352-8721 INDEPENDENT MEDIA CENTER | 218 W Main, Urbana 344-8820 THE IRON POST | 120 S Race, Urbana 337-7678 JACKSON’S RIBS-N-TIPS| 116 N First, Champaign 355-2916 JOE’S BREWERY | 706 S Fifth, Champaign 384-1790 KRANNERT ART MUSEUM | 500 E Peabody, Champaign 333-1861 KRANNERT CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS | 500 S Goodwin, Urbana Tickets: 333-6280, 800-KCPATIX LA CASA CULTURAL LATINA | 1203 W Nevada, Urbana 333-4950

LAVA | 1906 W Bradley, Champaign 352-8714 LES’S LOUNGE | 403 N Coler, Urbana 328-4000 LINCOLN CASTLE | 209 S Broadway, Urbana 344-7720 MALIBU BAY LOUNGE | North Route 45, Urbana 328-7415 MIKE ‘N’ MOLLY’S | 105 N Market, Champaign 355-1236 NARGILE | 207 W Clark, Champaign NEIL STREET PUB | 1505 N Neil, Champaign 359-1601 THE OFFICE | 214 W Main, Urbana 344-7608 OPENSOURCE | 12 E. Washington,Champaign http://opensource.boxwith.com PARKLAND COLLEGE | 2400 W Bradley, Champaign 351-2528 PHOENIX | 215 S Neil, Champaign 355-7866 PIA’S OF RANTOUL | Route 136 E, Rantoul 893-8244 RED HERRING/CHANNING-MURRAY FOUNDATION | 1209 W Oregon, Urbana 344-1176 ROSE BOWL TAVERN | 106 N Race, Urbana 367-7031 SIDE BAR | 55 E. Main, Champaign 398-5760 SPRINGER CULTURAL CENTER | 301 N Randolph, Champaign 398-2376 SPURLOCK MUSEUM | 600 S Gregory, Urbana, 333-2360 THE STATION THEATRE | 223 N Broadway, Urbana 384-4000 STRAWBERRY FIELDS CAFE | 306 W Springfield, Urbana 328-1655 TK WENDL’S | 1901 S Highcross, Urbana 255-5328 TOMMY G’S | 123 S Mattis, Country Fair Shopping Center 359-2177 TONIC | 619 S Wright, Champaign 356-6768 UNIVERSITY YMCA | 1001 S Wright, Champaign 344-0721 URBANA CIVIC CENTER | 108 Water St., Urbana VERDE/VERDANT | 17 E Taylor, Champaign 366-3204 VIRGINIA THEATRE | 203 W Park Ave, Champaign 356-9053 WAKE THE DEAD CAFE | 1210 E. Eldorado St. Decatur 233-4525 WASHINGTON STREET PUB | 600 S. Washington, Tuscola 253-6850 WHITE HORSE INN | 112 1/2 E Green, Champaign 352-5945 ZORBA’S | 627 E Green, Champaign 344-0710

buzz pick

Dusting For Vomit #6: Melodic Scribes

eMeRGeNCe

v e n u e s C H A M P A I G N

MA Y 12

NICE SET OF OWLS.

1. Name five bands or musicians that you would want at your show.

3. Where would rather play: Air force base cotillion or opening for a puppet show?

If it was in the crowd, then I would go with Polyphonic Spree and the Wu-Tang extended family, because that would be our biggest crowd ever right there. I’d like M83 as our backing band. I dig the funk/jazz hip-hop groups I’ve seen, but I think it’s time somebody stepped up and started rapping over something with noise. On stage I would also like someone of the John Mayer caliber, if only to get some girls in the audience. And finally, that great local band that I am friends with. I love you guys,and you truly rock.

Well, you know, I support the troops and everything ... but not as much as I support being elbow-deep inside of something warm and fuzzy. Plus we do a lot Raffi covers and whatnot, so the puppet crowd is more or less our target audience.

2. Analog or Digital?

5. Is Harsh (of Harsh Promo) the sexiest man on earth?

I still use my walkman—the analog iPod. Because we are too cheap to put any of our music on record, we are in the process of developing a live set run completely off instrumental dub records. I already started working on my dreads. This is going to change the world.

Harsh is a beautiful man and much more dependable than any girlfriend I’ve had. I always knew where he was ... on my couch or in my fridge. And if he wasn’t there he would leave a note. Always.

sound ground #75

TODD J. HUNTER • STAFF WRITER

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Because Ro Knew will be there, and he actually has potential. Antimatter is a super rapper. And I am the most eligible bachelor in all of Illinois.

PHOTO COURTESY OF MELODICSCRIBES.COM

The Scribes will appear with The Wylde Bunch, The Agenda, Krukid, and others at the “Mic Massacre” this Friday at The Canopy Club. The show also includes poetry sets from Harsh and Aliteration.

For the past few weeks and into the next, Verde Gallery is showcasing the women’s work as part of their “Emergence: International Women in the Arts” show. It ends on May 21, and there are still several events at Verde this week to wrap-up the exhibit. Check it out before it’s gone.

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4. Why should anyone come to your show?

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heUrbana-Champaign Independent Media Center, which from February 2002 to May 2003 doubled as the premier all-ages concert venue in the area, announced last week it would relocate from 218 W. Main to 202 S. Broadway. The new location is the old Urbana post office, constructed in 1914 and lavishly renovated in 1986. The move means IMC again can function as a concert venue; furthermore, it comes in time for the scheduled launch of WFRU 104.5 FM, “Radio Free Urbana,” in June.Audio and video production facilities and public-access Internet terminals also will be available. Next Wednesday, Soma Ultralounge opens at 320 N. Neil in Champaign. Manager John Kosmopoulos promises to “bring the club style from big cities like Los Angeles, New York and Chicago.” The back room has a dance floor with a projection screen and DJ booth, with resident DJs J-Phlip and Mertz (Thursday) and Bozak (Friday and Saturday). This follows the lowerkey opening last week of Tracks, an upscale sports bar and restaurant at 116. N. Chestnut in Champaign, where City of New Orleans once stood. Tracks also has a dance floor and disc

music

jockey, with plans for bands in the beer garden this summer. Nargile Lounge and Upanotch Records are proud to announce a new partnership. Lawrence Hardwick of Upanotch Records has purchased 50 percent of sanyankanta LLC dba Nargile, and Nargile general manager Garenne Bigby has acquired 25 percent of Upanotch Records. According to Bigby, this enables better booking and promoting opportunities. The entire Upanotch Records roster, which features “hot young prospects like Dre Bill, Identity, Lights Out and young Prez,” will appear at Nargile May 22— but beyond that, Bigby seeks to diversify the label with local rock. An inhouse cd duplication service, Carohart, is also in store. Rescheduled from April 7, Kate Hathaway shares the spotlight tonight at Aroma with Cleveland bard J. Scott Franklin. Show time is 8, and there is no cover. Free live, local music continues tomorrow at 5:Tommy G’s Bar and Grill hosts Tom Grassman, aka “The Krusher” from Sick Day, and Cowboy Monkey presents blues band The Impalas. At 9, The Canopy Club is home to a hip-hop showcase with Wylde Bunch, Melodic Scribes, Reese T, Ro Knew, Krukid, Al-Iteration, and Harsh; cover is $5. At 10, Colonel

this week in music Rhodes headlines at Nargile with Shipwreck and Buffalo Saints. Also at 10, Jim Cole’s Traveling Country Road Show pays a visit to Cowboy Monkey; cover is $4.This is coincidental (but not ironic) because the original name for Colonel Rhodes was Country Rhodes. Saturday, Music Among the Vines resumes at Alto Vineyards (central branch) on Duncan Road. The first installment for 2005 features the jazz of Jeff Helgesen and Rachael Lee. Show time is 7:30, and cover is $3. At 9, Third Stone plays out for the first time in five years and releases a DVD. The reunion is at The Canopy Club, and the revised lineup is: Third Stone, Sick Day, Pariah and Lidlifter. Cover is $5. At 10, husband-and-wife duo and hot commodity The Elanors rejoins The Wandering Sons and The New Kentucky Quarter, two Americana bands based in Madison, for a concert at Cowboy Monkey. Cover is $5. Also at 10, Mike ‘n Molly’s showcases The Opportunists, Camaro Rouge (exThe Drapes), and The Frame.

THE HURLY-BURLY

#75

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Todd J. Hunter hosts WEFT Sessions and Champaign Local 901, two hours of live local music every Monday night at 10 on 90.1 FM. Send news to soundground@excite.com.

Weezer’s first LP in three years, Make Believe, will air for the first time on the popular internet networking tool, MySpace. Tracks can be found easily and legally on http://www.myspace.com/weezer. The Flaming Lips have recorded a cover of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” for an upcoming Queen covers album. “I think we did it justice,” remarked singer Wayne Coyne, also adding that their new album, At War With the Mystics, will be released in January 2006. American MTV allegedly has refused to play British Sea Power’s video for “Please Stand Up,” claiming that the line, “wetter and wetter,” would be inappropriate for airplay. Of course, as British music news site Drowned in Sound sees it, it’s probably because Good Charlotte has that video spot anyway. Texas’ Secret Machines will release an EP on June 7, featuring one original song and four covers.

w H at tH e He L L? MOMENT OF THE WEEK According to MTV News way back in April, Snoop Dogg wants to work with Franz Ferdinand. Or as Snoop refers to them, “the dudes who sing ‘Take Me Out.’” Somehow, I know there are girls out there dying to be on “Indie Rock Chicks Gone Wild: But Not Before They Tell You About Their Feelings and How Much They Like Dinosaurs, Pirates and Robots.”

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | T H E S T I N G E R | C L A S S I F I E D S


10 • b u z z w e e k l y

MA Y 12

YOU’VE BEEN CONVICTED OF ASSHOLEISM!

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I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

lead review

www.canop yclub.com www.canopy Every Monday! presents: $1 Drinks!

Every T uesday!

OPEN MIC/JAM $2 Long Islands! $1 PBR Drafts! W edneday, May 11

ONLY THREE BUCKS for awesome World Beat & Funky Rhythms!!!

Friday, May 13th

Poetry & More H ip H op!

Saturday, M ay 1 4th

with g uests

Sick Day, Pariah, Lidlifter

Saturday, May 21 w.

1.

Garbage “Bleed Like Me” Geffen BY FRANK KROLICKI

Shirley Manson, who once seemed pretty damn sure she was paranoid and confidently belted that she was only happy when it rained, continues this unlikely juxtaposition of emotions on Garbage’s fourth studio offering, Bleed Like Me. But this time, the band does it with a harder edge than ever. Taking a glance at the disc’s song titles— “Why Do You Love Me,”“Bleed Like Me” and “It’s all Over but the Crying” —might suggest that Garbage has dived into the depths of material laced with insecurity and desperation. And it wouldn’t be an unfounded conclusion, considering the making of the album involved a great deal of internal fighting, which almost resulted in the band breaking up. But as much as Bleed Like Me is unsure and scarred, it is venomous and upfront. Spotlighting crunchy guitars and straightforward melodies, while downplaying the electronic clutter, the band delivers its toughest and most solid material to date. The raunchy opener, “Bad Boyfriend,” positions Manson as a vixen who can be as sexually powerful as she is seductive. She proclaims,“If you can’t love me honey/ Go on just pretend/C’mon baby, be my bad boyfriend,” over a sluggish-yet-hard rocking backdrop that features pulsating drums from special guest Dave Grohl.The disc quickly moves into more melodic territory, as Manson conjures the likes of Debbie Harry and Chrissie Hynde on the wary pop anthems,“Run Baby Run” and “Right between the Eyes.” “Why do You Love Me,” the first single, sports a cutting guitar riff and repetitive chorus that meld to create a sound Garbage drummer and famed producer Butch Vig describes as “sped-up girl group.” A similar frenetic aggressiveness is present on “Why Don’t You Come Over,” a half-warning, half-dare directed at the object of Manson’s angst. Fans of 1998’s Version 2.0 will admire “Metal Heart,” which begins innocently enough but explodes into a techno romp accompanied by slightly disturbing lyrics. Here, Manson proves she is as paranoid as ever.“I wish I wasn’t flesh and blood/I would not be scared/Of bullets built with me in mind/For then I could be saved.” Slower songs, such as the title track, balance the mix. Here, Manson stages a call-to-arms for all the emotionally

DARK N EW D AY

(featuring members of Creed & Sevendust)

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Thursday, June 2 nd

ZOSO:

The U ltimate

Led Zeppelin Tribute Friday, J une 3 rd

2. w. special guest HANNAHMcEUEN

Friday, June 17th

THE HEADHUNTERS (Herbie Hancock`s former backing band as heard on "Headhunters" and "Thrust")

Tickets for advance shows on sale now at: The Canopy Club, Family Pride, and Bacca Cigar, or call 1-800-514-ETIX. Or print tickets at home on JayTV.com!

3.

unstable self-abusers of the world, set to a simple arrangement carried to its end by the sing-song repetition of “you should see my scars.” “Happy Home” is an epic closer that finishes with a two-and-a-half minute instrumental buildup wavering from hopeful to dark, all while managing to avoid sounding pretentious. Bleed Like Me proves that Garbage can still masterfully sound wounded and triumphantly vicious at the same time. Not only does the music rock harder than on any of the band’s previous three releases, Manson’s lyrics are more revealing, personal and biting.You’ll likely want to give her a hug after it’s over but will think twice for fear she’ll kick your ass if you come too close.

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Bloc Party Silent Alarm V2

BY IMRAN SIDDIQUEE

When you think block parties you think drunken college students parading around Frat Park, people dancing in the streets to Tom Petty or even little kids running through fire hydrants on hot summer days. You probably don’t think of an artsy indie band from London playing some sort of post-garage rock combination of Franz Ferdinand and The Futureheads. Or maybe you do. In a world where The Killers and Modest Mouse sit side-by-side with Kelly Clarkson and Ludacris on the singles charts it is obvious that popular taste is veering towards something much more eclectic. So don’t be surprised if you hear Bloc Party’s lead single “Banquet” at your next frat event. It is an infectious rollicking performance of electric guitars, dance beats and heartbreaking vocals. The melodies stand out, but the foot-stomping beat that bookmarks the beginning and ending of the song put it into classic territory. The quartet from across the pond are riding high on a humongous wave of buzz that has critics hailing them as this year’s Ferdinand. While the Franz were a huge success last year, the better postpunk/indie rock album from last year was The Futureheads’ debut, and this band shares more in common with that maniacally creative piece. “This Modern Love” is the other side of Bloc Party, a relaxed yet poignant ballad-ish look at (surprisingly!) modern love. What really comes to the forefront is the vocal prowess of lead singer Kele Okereke, as the group dips into a capella for a few moments. There is a dreamy brit-pop feel that glazes over the entire album (even the cover art is so The Man Who) and gives the record its heart. The title, Silent Alarm, somehow perfectly describes the fluctuating noise of the album. It soars high on rockers like “Helicopter” then comes down to earth on ballads like “So Here We Are.”They artfully capture the earnestness of the U2s and Coldplays of the world on some tracks then follow them with nods to Gang of Four and Blur on the next. It’s a fusion that produces mostly stellar results. The album does lack the consistency of The Futureheads’ or Interpol’s debut (occasionally slipping into overt politics on “Price of Gas”), but the same energy is present and is what is most exciting about all these albums. People cling to the energy, they dance to the energy, and they fall apart with the energy. The reason indie music such as this has become so widespread nowadays is precisely because of this, and Bloc Party has an ample amount to spread.

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | T H E S T I N G E R | C L A S S I F I E D S

Douglas Adams

c h a r t s PARASOL RECORDS TOP 10 SELLERS 1. Orange Peels • Circling The Sun (Parasol) 2. Shout Out Louds • Very Loud EP (U.S.) (Bud Fox/Capitol) 3. Moonbabies • War On Sound (A Hidden Agenda) 4. Animal Collective w/ Bunyan, Vashti • Prospect Hummer (Fat Cat) 5. The Raveonettes • Pretty in Black (Sony) 6. Russian Futurists • Our Thickness (Upper Class) 7. Feist • Let It Die (Interscope) 8. David Fridlund • Amaterasu (A Hidden Agenda) 9. Jennifer O’Connor • The Color And The Light (Red Panda) 10. Lucksmiths • Warmer Corners (Matinee)

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The Bravery The Bravery Island

BY KYLE GORMAN

In case your right arm has been trapped under a boulder for the last year, new wave is back. (If you ever mistaken a Futureheads’ track for an XTC b-side, you’ll know what I mean.) When the Bravery’s single “An Honest Mistake” leaked at the beginning of this year, I was equally put off by the obvious pandering to people who missed it the first time and a soulless guitar outro only Neil Schon could love. Thanks to a feud sparked by fellow (but infinitely more entertaining) new new-wavers The Killers, we now know that (in)appropriatelycoifed-and haired-frontman Sam Endicott previously lead a band with the telling name Skabba The Hutt. If there’s anything that shouts “trend-jumper” louder than being in a ska band a few years back, it would have to be playing in a new wave band right now. I tried to find something pleasant in this recording, but my efforts were always punished, not rewarded. Endicott, who also produced the album, seems alternately to be a victim of musical insensitivity or of tone-deafness. Chugging LFOs and string synths paired with his supremely ridiculous couplets make it hard to figure out exactly what record he stumbled upon in his parents’ collection. I believe there’s a right way to “do it again” musically, but this certainly isn’t it.

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LOCAL CREATION AT WORK COURTNEY HREJSA • STAFF WRITER

L

ocated at 1102 W. Washington in Urbana, Creation Art Studios and Gallery appears relatively unassuming from the outside. Once inside, however, it’s clear that Jeannine Bestoso’s brainchild is bursting with creative energy. The space is divided between an open, cultivating space for after school art classes for kids and night workshops and studio time for adults, a professional framing area, as well as exhibition space for the works of Bestoso and her students. The three different purposes of the space blend seamlessly in a single display of the process of creating a finished piece. Overall, Bestoso’s unique studio and gallery cultivates a feeling of openness and inspiration. Having recently just participated in the Boneyard Arts Festival, Bestoso is again ready for another professional exhibit. From May 2-May 29, the gallery space

presents the Spring 2005 Art Exhibition, which includes the works of local artists Melissa Mitchell, Mark Reutter, Amy Richardson and Wesley Waters. Waters’ own store, Butterfly Beads, is located next door to Creation Art Gallery. The gallery will be open for viewing during regular hours: Tuesdays through Fridays, 1-5:30pm and Saturdays 1-4pm. Appointments can be made if necessary. buzz In true testament to Bestoso’s dedication to all aspects of the art world, she is also available for portrait or mural commissions. Additionally, registration for summer classes and sessions has begun. All ages, levels and interests are accepted and invited. Please call 344-6955 with questions or to make an appointment.Additionally, the gallery and studio can be visited through their Web site http//www.creation artstudios.com.

KERRI MULLEN • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

A friend of mine once mentioned that if

you like his favorite book, you like him. If you reject it, you reject him. I can’t say that about White Teeth. This book is not me, it has nothing to do with me, but I read this book happily, as happily as one can read a book. It began in Spring Break when I was so delighted to be out of curriculum-reading that I picked up this red chomper of a book and started to devour it. After the devouring, as I got near the end, I paged slower, lagging, dragging. Not because of the book but with everything, everything else, I had to take it in little bits for weeks, like ice cream, like dessert. It’s about two families, the Bowden/Jones and the Iqbals. Clara Bowden begins the book as a nineteen year-old Jamaican who marries the boiled-egg-English Archie Jones. Alsana and Samad Iqbal are Bangladeshi, living in England. Another generation is born (not exactly chronologically, but that’s sort of the point), Irie Jones

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Jimmy Rowland performing live at Creation Art Studios Friday evening.

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and the twins - Millat and Magid Iqbal two sides of a secular Muslim extremist/scientific, beatific atheist coin. Religions, Muslim and Jehovah’s Witness, fade in and out, and the book sprawls roughly 142 years of history, given in pieces. This is what reminded me of Salman Rushdie’s Midnight’s Children; the crashing themes of past, present and future colliding (and especially past). Nearly all of the characters meet in a chaotic mouse-spectacle conclusion. So this book is great, and I read it with joy but as I said, it’s not me.This, I suppose, means that these characters have nothing to do with me. But this big book, the design of it, the bald ambition and what Zadie Smith has done, that’s more me. And what she has done is - at the age of 25 - written a large, meaty book with three families of characters who get involved, involved as Alsana Iqbal describes it: “It is just a consequence of living, a consequence of occupation and immigration, of empires

and expansion, of living in each other’s pockets ... one becomes involved and it is a long trek back to being uninvolved.” The problem for Zadie Smith in press has been an oversimplification of this “involved” term. She published an ambitious book at a young age, and Google searches will now turn up roughly 890 image results for her name (she’s real pretty), as well as a few scattered surly interviews. What the book does is encompass a big chunk of history for a few involved people, as the families and histories and pasts and ideologies they belong to get messed up together like scattered papers. The chapters are titled things like “The Root Canals of Mangal Pande” and “Canines:The Ripping Teeth” (it can be a bit heavy-handed with the teeth) and are arranged so that I can imagine the book falling apart, the binding broken, and the chapters scattered around, mixing with each other like colonizer and colonized, like generations.

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PHOTO • AUSTIN HAPPEL

ar tist’s corner

BRIAN WARMOTH • ARTS EDITOR

Anyone wandering the University of Illinois Quad late at night last fall was bound to have caught a glimpse of a lanky Belarussian man trying to save the campus from the threat of a mummy.And while Paul Karpenko is featured as the unlikely hero in Chris Lukeman’s forthcoming film The University of Illinois -vs- A Mummy, the Minsk native and math/computer science senior has spun a bundle of his own self-written and directed projects since he arrived in Urbana from his second home of Newton, Mass. His most recent film Assassins was screened at the April 30 Illini Film and Video Student Film Festival. Copies are available, along with his other creation, Acetaminophen, at his Web site http://paulkarpenko.com/. Why does film capture your interest as a medium?

I like film as a medium because it’s the art form closest to real life in its presentation, but at the same time, it’s still entirely subjective, which allows for some excellent subversion. Student Film, specifically, allows me to express myself in a way almost impossible a decade ago. With today’s incredibly cheap digital cameras, pretty much anyone can make a movie, which is a double-edged sword, of course. I would think far more people regularly watch movies than go to art galleries, examine photographs or attend plays. Because of that, people are very much aware of what a movie is supposed to look like, and so they’ll be much quicker to deem a film unprofessional versus another artwork.This makes it very hard to make a film as a student that is actually “good.” My theory is that if you take yourself and your film too seriously and try to make a film in the vein of a Hollywood production, you will fail.There will always be dead giveaways that it’s a student film. Bad lighting, bad sound, bad acting, shaky camerawork, awkward editing and so on.These things are impossible to escape since you don’t have millions of dollars to keep them in check. Because of this, I always think it’s best to make student films with a bit of self-awareness—of both yourself and your medium. Not to say that you shouldn’t be original, but you have to be aware of the confines of cheap student filmmaking and choose your battles. What was the premise and inspiration for Assassins?

The premise of Assassins is very simple. It’s based on the popular game of Assassins that’s played around college campuses. Everyone is given a name of a person to assassinate with a water pistol, so everyone becomes

NIGERIAN PYRAMID SCHEMES PAID FOR MY TUITION.

Paul Karpenko

hunter and hunted at all times.The idea to make a film about this came about my sophomore year. I knew I wanted to make another movie with IFV, but I didn’t have any ideas. That was, of course, until we played a game of Assassins at ISR, and I was the first one out. I realized it was the perfect idea for a student film. I’d make an action movie—something that’s incredibly hard to do if you’re going to be serious about it, with real guns, etcetera—but the water pistols would add the exact dose of tongue-in-cheek-ness that would be needed. Now I could make the characters take the game as seriously as I wanted because the audience would always be aware of the preposterousness of the situation. How does the screenplay-writing process usually proceed for you?

It’s been different every time. The first One Day’s Hell didn’t have a script and the second One Day’s Hell was written over a few weeks as a collaboration with my friend Rory. Assassins was the first movie I wrote entirely by myself. I didn’t want to at first and actually begged a lot of my friends to write it for me, given a loose premise. But nobody had time, which is very indicative of a student film: If you don’t write it yourself, no one will unless you pay them. So I just sat down and wrote it over the course of two or three days. The bonus of writing your own script, of course, is that you’ll write scenes that you both want to shoot and, more importantly, have some idea of how to shoot. If someone else wrote it, I would have had to change some things around simply because I either wouldn’t know how to or be physically unable to shoot them. And even though I wrote it myself, I still left out several shots and scenes. Either the lines didn’t work, we didn’t have a location, or we just ran out of time.

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MODERN

MUSIC IS AS DANGEROUS AS NARCOTICS.

- PIETRO MASCAGNI

What came first for you—computer science or film? How has your experience in computer science influenced your work in film?

I’ve always been a huge film geek. From about sixth or seventh grade till the end of high school, I saw pretty much every movie that came out in theaters. I’d go every week, sometimes twice a week, regardless of whether or not I got someone to come with me. So I think getting into filmmaking was a pretty natural progression. The computer science stems from my interest in technology. I definitely majored in computer science more for the promise of a job, though, than some deep-rooted passion. I’ve always been more into the artistic side of computers. Sophomore year in high school, for example, I made a seven-minute-long 3D-animated movie called Andromeda with an animation program called Lightwave 3D. I still do a bit of 3D-animation, now mostly in 3D Studio Max. So, there’s definitely some room for intersection between filmmaking and computer science. If I can understand the technological aspect of filmmaking as well as the artistic, I think it can only be a good thing.

THIRD STONE REUNITES! BOW DOWN YOUNG CHILDREN! FOR THE MASTERS OF ROCK HAVE RETURNED... SETH FEIN • CONTRIBUTING WRITER

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istening to Bryce Johnson speak of his days in the seminal hard rock band is easy. He has story after story of rock and roll glory, and he can recount each tale as if you were at each show, raising a cold one to the sheer power chord madness and bombastic mayhem of Third Stone. His favorite story, though, is when they opened for Tool at Mabel’s in the early ’90s, just before they got huge. “So, there we were, playing to a crowd of about 30, and this guy with a baseball cap is just kind of staring at us from the front row. I could see that he was no average listener: he was taking us in—all of us. I never felt so judged on stage as I did that night. When they took the stage, no one was really sure what to expect. No one had really heard much about Tool. By the end of the first song, the place was dead silent. It wasn’t that we weren’t into it. We were. Everyone was. We all were just so amazed that we forgot how to applaud.” He speaks the same of his own band with total exuberance and energy but with different tones. He is aware of the presence that his band had on the local scene in the early and mid-90’s, and he knows that people have been asking for this reunion for some time now. After five years and countless other performances in different bands, the four members of Third Stone have decided to rock the stage again, and this one may be the very last time. “We were a great band. We’re still a great band. This is something that has been in the works for a while. And none of us really know where it’s going to lead,” Johnson says.

How did you get involved in film projects here on campus?

I actually came to the University knowing I wanted to join a film club. I was walking around on Quad Day my freshman year, looking for one, when this guy Anthony yelled, I swear to God, “You! You look like you want to make movies!” and shoved a flyer with “IFV” on it in my face. Since then, I’ve been pretty involved with IFV, even taking the reins as president one year. IFV is an excellent resource for anyone who wants to be involved in filmmaking on campus. We have tons of equipment, from cameras, lights and microphones, to a Macintosh with FinalCut Pro for editing. It’s incredibly easy to get started.

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PHOTO COURTESY OF THIRD STONE

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The reason for the reunion show is simple. It had nothing to do with boredom. It had nothing to do with trying to relive the dream and put the band back together. What spawned it all was Johnson’s wife and her need to see them take the stage as a whole. “Basically, since we’re all still great friends, my wife and Bryce’s wife would give us shit when we were out, playing pool or whatever,” says Tom Grassman, guitarist. “She never got to see the band play and would always be like ‘What the hell? Just do it for fun!’And we were never really opposed, but we all had different projects going on and it became difficult to schedule it around those priorities. For whatever reason, it just made sense to all of us this winter and so we said,‘Fuck it. Let’s do it and do it right.’” Doing it right has meant many practices over the last few months, rehearsing in Grassman’s basement and going over their songs time and time again to make sure that they are done correctly, as if to show their fan base that they have yet to miss a beat, even after five years. These guys are still best friends, despite the fact that they all have their own lives, wives, families and bands. Jeff Markland, the drummer, plays relentlessly, every weekend with the crowd-pleasing X-Krush, traveling throughout the state, delivering the “rawk” to everyone who needs it. Johnson used to play with his own outfit, Spacemod, and is in the process of forming a new band with his brother. David Ward, bassist, is not currently playing with anyone. Grassman is the most prolific of all the boys, playing guitar in possibly the best ’80s cover band in 10 states, The Brat Pack. He also goes through a metamorphosis, changing into his alter-ego,The Krusher, and plays drums for local hard rock act, Sick Day, fronted by the venerable Adam Wolfe. This reunion show, he says, is a welcome change to his schedule. “This was my first band, at least, in terms of bands that were really going for it. So to be back in the basement with these guys has been so much fun.”

In addition to the show, they have also decided to make a DVD, complete with a mock storyline of what happened to the members of Third Stone, along with live performances and the like. It all fits in with what their original intention was to begin with when they formed the band. “To have fun. That’s what playing music is supposed to be about. It’s hard work, but it’s a lot of fun. And that’s why we split up in the first place,” says Johnson. “When it wasn’t fun for me anymore, I left. I think we’re back to the place where it’s fun for all of us again because it’s on different terms.” As for a permanent reunion, bassist Dave Ward says no way. “It would ruin the energy that we have now because the only thing that we want is to be friends and have some fun together. If we actually were to get back together, we would start thinking in terms of ‘making it’ again or whatever, and we aren’t thinking of it that way. We just want to play this show and give the fans a great time.” To say that the reunion show of Third Stone is a big happening for the local scene from the ’90s would be a gross understatement. In their day, this band of hooligans captured the entire scene and had them screaming for more. Crowds would come out by the hundreds each and every time to worship the ground they walked. While things have changed some since those days, some things have not. “Theater. Opera. Pornography. Stage props. Killer Sound. You name it. We’ll have it. I even came up with a new hand sign for rock music to retire the old one (referring to the gesture where people use one hand to give what Texans use for the Longhorn),” says Johnson. “We’re the closest thing you’re gonna get to Spinal Tap this side of the Mississippi.You can bet on it.” And you should bet on it this weekend. If there is one thing that Third Stone does repeatedly, it is bringing out the animal in people. They are highly charged and filled with theatrics that most bands dare not dream of emulating. In their time, they were the bitch’s brew. And they remain that way to the day. buzz Third Stone plays a reunion for the ages this Saturday at The Canopy Club in Urbana. Cover is $7, and they’re joined by Pariah, Sick Day, and Lidlifter. Come prepared.They rock hard like no one else.

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8 • buzz weekly

IT'S CLEARLY A BUDGET. IT'S GOT A LOT OF NUMBERS IN IT.

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Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies when you were younger? For fun?

I didn’t see anyone laughing!

- The Simpsons

BATTLE OF THE BAD GUYS Round One DEVON SHARMA • STAFF WRITER

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arch Madness may be long over, but that’s hardly any reason to quit gambling on brackets. After all, biology and astrology aren’t studied only in the spring, so why shouldn’t bracketology also be a year-round science? And you hardly see alcoholics or drug addicts sobering up for an off season, so why should gamblers have to quit? So for those of you who lost money on less than accurate NCAA brackets, Buzz is here for you with a chance to redeem yourself and prove that you can fill out the best bracket the world has ever seen. Buzz’s bracket pits eight of the greatest villains to ever be featured in cinema against each other. Each of the bad guys has their own strengths and weaknesses, and many even have bizarre sexual quirks, but each of them is, in their own way, a right evil bastard. But only one can make it all the way through the bracket and be crowned world’s greatest movie villain.

HANNIBAL LECTER (Anthony Hopkins - Silence of the

Lambs) With an appetite almost as scary as the shark’s and an intellect at least twice as scary, Hannibal is a frightful villain, indeed. A psychologist by trade and a psychopath by hobby, Hannibal will get inside your head. And then he’ll eat it.

WARDEN NORTON (Bob Gunton – Shawshank Redemption) As evil and vile a

villain as there ever was, Warden Norton doesn’t have the excuse of being a machine, or an animal, or even a psychopath. Instead, the bible-thumping Norton is perhaps the scariest type of villain of all— an ordinary man. It’s just that this ordinary man is capable of extraordinary cruelty. Kind of like how Pauly Shore is capable of making In the Army Now.

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COMMODUS (Joaquin Phoenix – Gladiator) Speaking of Disney, this Roman emperor has got a whole bunch of latent sexual issues. It’s hard to say which makes him more appalling of a villain – that he brutally murders a general’s family, or that he totally wants to bump uglies with his sister.

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JAFAR (Jonathan Freeman - Aladdin) Jafar, slithering snake that he is, uses

bribery, trickery, hypnosis, even attempted murder to get his hands on an enchanted lamp. All so he can be granted three wishes by the genie in the magic bottle. Of course, if he was smarter, he would get his hands on Christina Aguilera instead: after all, she’s far easier to get.Thanks to a pension for turning into a giant serpent, Jafar narrowly beats out Ursula as Disney’s best bad guy; a title which some analysts think nearly ensures him a spot in the Final Four greatest movie villains.

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is quite as merciless as the shark. Man, woman, child; it makes no difference to the shark. Hell, given the opportunity, he’d eat Mother Theresa without a moment’s hesitation. And she’s gamey. Worst of all, just when you think you’ve finally rid yourself of the shark and made it safe to go back in the water, one of his damn relatives has to show up in a sequel and make a mess of everything. Of course, the shark’s family may just be the cause of his ill-temperament; you think your family is embarrassing? Just imagine the shark family reunions ‌ talk about a bubbly-blood bath.

THE JOKER (Jack Nicholson – Batman) The caped crusader’s first—and only truly intimidating—nemesis was the Joker, who made frequent use of ingenious and humorous methods of murder such as ‘electrocution by hand buzzer’ and ‘asphyxiation by poisonous-water-squirting lapel flower.’The true father of prop comedy, the Joker probably could have made a killing as a stand-up comedian, but instead decided to go down that ‘crown prince of crime’ path, which lead him directly; first, into a vat of acid, and second, off the side of a building. But at least he made a lot of people laugh—and die—along the way. THE T-1000 (Robert Patrick – Terminator 2)

Like Agent Smith, the T-1000 is a machine hell-bent on destroying the human resistance. Also like Smith, the T1000 is cold, efficient, ruthless and will never, ever quit until he has accomplished his mission. Unlike Smith, however—who is perpetually well-dressed—The T-1000 isn’t afraid to murder while in the nude. He’s just like a Heather Graham: killer when naked.

AGENT SMITH (Hugo Weaving – The Matrix) What makes Smith such a

fearsome villain? He can dodge bullets, for one. He can also take over anybody’s body at any time, which means he potentially exists within the Matrix everywhere, at any time. Plus, in the later films, he starts replicating himself ‌ asexually, which might explain his constant state of frustration. When you get right down to it, though, what is Agent Smith? He’s a creepy old white dude who knows kung-fu, and let’s face it, the world doesn’t get much scarier than that—whether it’s all just a computer simulation or not. So, there you have the elite eight of greatest movie villains. Fill out your brackets, and be sure to check out next week’s Buzz to see the results. buzz

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THE SHARK (Jaws) Perhaps no villain in movie history

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CRASH MONSTER-IN-LAW (PG–13) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 10:00 11:45 Sat. 11:00 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 10:00 11:45 Sun. - Tue. 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 10:00 Wed. 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 Thu. 11:00 1:10 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:30 7:00 7:40 9:30 10:00 KICKING & SCREAMING (PG) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:15 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:25 7:00 7:30 9:20 9:40 11:40 Sat. 11:10 1:15 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:25 7:00 7:30 9:20 9:40 11:40 Sun. - Wed. 1:15 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:25 7:00 7:30 9:20 9:40 Thu. 11:10 1:15 2:00 3:20 4:30 5:25 7:00 7:30 9:20 9:40 UNLEASHED (R) Fri. & Sat. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:50 12:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:50 MINDHUNTERS (R) Fri. 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 11:50 Sat. 11:10 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 11:50 Sun. - Wed. 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 Thu. 11:10 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 LOT LIKE LOVE (PG–13) Fri. 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 11:50 Sat. 11:10 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 11:50 Sun. - Wed. 1:30 4:00 7:10 9:30 CRASH (R) Fri. 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 10:00 12:15 Sat. 11:00 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 10:00 12:15 Sun. - Wed. 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 10:00 Thu. 11:00 1:10 3:20 5:30 7:40 10:00 FEVER PITCH (PG–13) Fri. & Sat. 1:00 3:15 5:30 7:45 10:00 12:15 Sun. - Wed. 1:00 3:15 5:30 7:45 10:00 Thu. 1:00 3:15 5:30 7:40 10:00

HOUSE OF WAX (R) Fri. & Sat. 1:00 4:00 7:10 9:40 12:00 Sun. - Thu. 1:00 4:00 7:10 9:40 KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (R) (2 SCREENS) Fri. 1:00 2:00 4:00 5:00 7:00 8:00 10:00 11:00 Sat. 11:00 1:00 2:00 4:00 5:00 7:00 8:00 10:00 11:00 Sun. - Wed. 1:00 2:00 4:00 5:00 7:00 8:00 10:00 Thu. 1:00 4:00 7:00 10:00 SAHARA (PG–13) Fri. & Sat. 1:15 4:10 7:15 9:50 12:20 Sun. - Wed. 1:15 4:10 7:15 9:50 AMITYVILLE HORROR (R) Fri. 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:00 11:50 Sat. 11:00 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:00 11:50 Sun. - Wed. 1:00 3:00 5:00 7:00 9:00 GUIDE TO THE GALAXY (PG) Fri. & Sat. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:40 11:55 Sun. - Wed. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 9:40 Thu. 1:00 3:10 5:25 7:30 9:40 INTERPRETER (PG–13) Fri. - Thu. 1:15 4:05 7:05 9:50 XXX 2 (PG–13) Fri. - Wed. 1:00 3:10 5:20 7:30 10:00

MATT PAIS • LEAD REVIEWER

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Crash is thoughtprovoking in a rare, daring way.

MILLIONS (PG) Fri. 1:30 4:10 7:10 9:20 11:30 Sat. 11:15 1:30 4:10 7:10 9:20 11:30 Sun. - Wed. 1:30 4:10 7:10 9:20 Thu. 11:15 1:30 4:10 7:10 9:20 ◆ STAR WARS: EP. III (PG–13) Midnight Wed. 12:00 Midnight Thu. 11:15 12:00 12:45 1:00 1:45 2:15 3:00 3:50 4:20 4:45 5:15 6:00 7:00 7:20 7:45 8:30 9:00 10:00 10:30 10:45 11:30 12:00

Showtimes for 5/13 thru 5/19

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DAVID JUST • STAFF WRITER

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Downfall, which opened in limited release

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head-on collision of political posturing and racial intolerance, Crash is more than just an articulation of the division between people of different backgrounds. It’s about the thin line between love and hate that exists between cultures in America, and the 21st-century atmosphere of fear, anxiety and resentment that keeps everyone on opposite sides of an invisible fence. Co-written and directed by Paul Haggis (Million Dollar Baby), the film is a tragic look at two days in the lives of diverse citizens of Los Angeles and their inability to coexist. There’s a racist cop (Matt Dillon) with a father whose business was run into the ground by African-Americans, his more open-minded partner (Ryan Phillippe) and the black couple (Terrence Howard and Thandie Newton) they pull over for hardly any reason at all. There’s an arrogant district attorney (Brendan Fraser), his prejudiced wife (Sandra Bullock) and the black youth (Larenz Tate and Ludacris) who take their car because they never steal from their own race. And there’s a detective (Don Cheadle) sleeping with his Hispanic partner (Jennifer Esposito), a locksmith (Michael Pena) with a young daughter and a family of Persian store owners

Downfall is one of the best films of the year.

in the United States in March, centers around Adolf Hitler’s emotional, psychological and physical collapse at the close of World War II. The film, directed by Oliver Hirschbiegel, was nominated for the Best Foreign Film Oscar and was certainly one of the best films of the year. The film opens with five women applying to be Hitler’s (Bruno Ganz) new secretary. They arrive in the middle of the night and wait outside his personal office. They are nervous, excited and a bit scared, just as the audience is, to see the man they so revered. The door opens, they peer in, craning their necks to see him but are unable to catch a glimpse. After several moments of anxious anticipation, the figure emerges from the room. To their, and our surprise, he’s short, hunched over and rather soft-spoken. He invites one of the women into the office and begins dictating a memo for her to type. When she is unable to keep up with him, he doesn’t get angry. He doesn’t refuse her the job or throw her out. Rather, he calmly suggests they start over and she try again. Shortly thereafter, she is hired. The film advances to April of 1945, and a

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persecuted as potential terrorists from the Middle East. As timely and poignant as nearly any movie since 9/11, Crash captures the separation that people create between themselves and the absence of interpersonal connection that pervades mainstream society. The fast-paced, modern-day world here is one in which everybody aimlessly and selfishly navigates unmarked highways of loneliness and alienation, and all people are CRASH • THANDIE NEWTON & MATT DILLON victims of one another’s subjective and ethnic bias. Haggis paves each road nity that depends on itself to preserve justice and with meaningless good intentions, constructing equality. Instead, skepticism leaps across color relationships that dissolve instantly upon any lines in a single bound. It’s a movie about the threat of oppression simply because, when the dangers of everyday life and the way that even going gets tough, the tough often prefer to the simplest dialogue between people can sound more like procedural mumbo-jumbo and racial stick to their own kind. Unlike Million Dollar Baby, which was pre- repression than the expression of culturallysented without subtlety or valid points of con- appropriate conversation. The defensive universe of Crash is in ethnic versation, Crash is thought-provoking in a rare, daring way that acknowledges humans’ indif- discontent and cruel, manipulative denial. As ference towards opportunity. The characters the dedication and saving grace of law here engage in fascinating, intelligent conver- enforcement is overwhelmed by misjudgment sation that only unravels into constant mistakes and off-target sympathy, Haggis constructs of paranoia, doubt and aggression. Stereotypes a spiraling whirlwind of star-crossed karma. are enforced, and ignorance is maintained as Though a crash between cars has its own the only alternative to a society in which peo- doomed poetry in Crash, the deadly conflict ple of different races are quicker to judge and between races takes on its own form of fleetretreat than they are to accept and interact ing hope and lingering despair. It’s a wake-up call for anyone who allows their mind to sleep freely with one another. There’s a disturbing undercurrent about the through the choices that bring everyday peochallenge of creating a unified, assorted commu- ple together or, more often, tear them apart.

much different Hitler arrives. His left hand is always behind his back, shaking erratically from the Parkinson’s Disease that afflicts him. He heads down into his bunker where he will remain until his death. The bunker goes deep underground through seemingly endless tunnels, at the end of which are a war room, bedrooms, a kitchen, a dining room and whatever else one would need to lead a nation while living comfortably. DOWNFALL • BRUNO GANZ One of Hitler’s stenographers, Traudl Junge (Alexandra Maria Lara), remain forever loyal to him and continue to pledges to stay with her leader until his, and launch attacks as if he were still there. They her, death. She assumes most of the narrative would rather put a gun in their mouth than control of the film as her struggle to decide surrender to the Russians. Is it really possible to feel sympathy for whether to stay in the bunker or flee Hitler and Nazi Germany? The film doesn’t becomes the focal point of the story. Hitler’s lunacy begins to get the better glorify Hitler, but it doesn’t seem to hate him of him in the bunker as he barks orders to either.Wisely, the film stays somewhere in the his generals who share looks of absolute middle and lets the audience decide for itself confusion when he isn’t looking. He tries how to feel. In most cases, people won’t symto mobilize armies that exist only on his pathize with Hitler, but they’ll have a new maps and in his head. His incessant holler- perspective from which to look at him, and ing is heard through the walls by the rest of this is where the film really succeeds. The film looks and feels very authentic his officers and staff who are terrified at the constant clattering of artillery above them. thanks to Hirschbiegel’s direction and Rainer He talks of his plans for when Germany Klausmann’s cinematography. Ganz’s brilliant wins the war even as the Russians get clos- performance as Hitler is so genuine that he gives it a documentary quality. Downfall is one er and closer to Berlin. The scenes after Hitler’s death are perhaps of the best films of the year and certainly the the most provocative. All of his officers most memorable.

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the local sniff

LION’S GATE FILMS

I ONCE FOUGHT FOR TWO DAYS WITH AN ARROW THROUGH ONE TESTICLE.

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seth fein

And a well-detailed complaint that you knew was a comin' raditional weddings have always been a sore spot for me. I have been to many of them in my day, and I am still waiting for the one where I feel like I can relax. It’s not because the church or the pastor presiding over it. Not because of the expensive cake or the stupid song they play coming down the aisle. Not because people have the tendency to introduce the wedding party as a basketball team when they enter the building. No, for me—it’s purely selfish and financial. When my cousin, staff writer for Buzz Logan Moore, popped the question to his girlfriend, former Buzz editor Marissa Monson, my first feeling was total happiness.These two are meant for each other. I knew from the first time that I saw them holding hands that this was inevitable. And I was glad because Logan had taken to bitching about women almost as much as me, and at the time I would be damned if anyone else in my family took that crown from me. But then, after about a minute or so of elation, I had another thought. “Mother of Darkness. I’m gonna hafta rent a stupid-ass tuxedo.â€? I hate it. $100 for a total of five-six hours of use. I mean, I like getting cleaned up and into a nice pair of duds as much as the next person, but if I am going to spend $100, well, I better be the one holding onto it afterwards. I tried my best with Logan. I tried to convince him that he needed to lay the smack down, selfishly of course, and coerce Marissa into allowing his wedding party to be able to dress nice, but with clothes that we could own afterwards. I offered him a case of beer, free tickets to ALL my shows and the bigger room in our house. I even went so far as to get down on my knees and beg, screaming—â€?Please, Logan! Please! Don’t make me spend money on this socially-constructed piece of poop. I beg of you! Please!â€? He said he’d do his best. Evidently, his best was not good enough. By the time you are reading this, I will have picked up my gear from Michelle’s Bridal and will have hung it in my closet. I will have cursed under my breath and shaken my head, looking at it on the hanger. I will have contemplated suicide. In the end though, I don’t really care. It’s not important. My mother agreed to pay for half of it, and so the damages aren’t so bad.And in all truth, they are really good looking clothes. Not a tux—but a hot-ass black suit with a cream colored tie. I look good in it and my girlfriend thinks so too. And there is no accounting for just how far that might take me. It is rare. What is important, though, is their union. This is a couple who I have no doubt about. If I did, I would have Seth Fein is from Urbana. never written anything about them, let alone published it. For real—he doesn’t I wish them the happiest of days this Saturday and on mind the tux—but you their honeymoon in San Francisco. I look forward to better believe that them inundating their children with as much liberal theology, dry cleaners will have good literature and new music as I can find. And I doubt their work cut out for they’ll mind.We are very much on the same page when them. He can be reached it comes to religion, books and music. I believe in Logan at sethfein@hotmail.com. and Marissa.They should be the model for all young couples: honest, loyal, loving, compassionate, great taste in music, drinkers of good beer on occasion, readers of fine novels, collectors of vinyl records and the best friends that anyone could ask for. Here is to you Logan and Marissa. I knew this was coming, and I am so proud to call you family. We all are. May you find yourselves happy and at peace for years to come, in each others arms and invited to a wedding where you each have to spend $100 on a suit you don’t get to keep at a time when your power bill is ridiculous, your cat develops a skin disease and a show you promoted falls flat on its ass. No worries.You can be sure that it won’t be my wedding. Am I going to get it for this one or what ‌

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Congratulations Logan and Marissa!

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MY REPUTATION GROWS WITH EVERY FAILURE.

T

NEWMARKET FILMS

18 • b u z z w e e k l y

Kimberly Rice is the sexual health educator for McKinley Health Center. Before she came to the University, Rice worked at the University of Buffalo’s health center while working on her master’s degree. Her work at the U of I includes providing students with information about sexual health and development through individual appointments, outreach programs and training students to be peer educators. Why do you think sexuality and peer education is important?

People are very anxious about their sexuality, sexual behaviors and sexual health. They usually have limited resources and support systems with which to access information and dialogue about what they are going through. I think it is imperative that students are provided with accurate information to assist them in becoming sexually healthy adults. But providing information is not enough. It is important that students have a safe space and a safe person with whom to talk about their sexuality development and experiences. Peer education is such a wonderful model for providing education. Students are able to talk more candidly with other students. The peer educators are better able to meet the students where they are at, use their language and understand their perspective because they have common or shared experiences.The thing I enjoy most about using peer educators is the growth and empowerment the peers themselves experience.

this is the first time they are receiving sex education. And most students still hold many myths about sexuality and reproductive health that they received as young people from family, school programs or friends. It is frustrating when a student comes to talk to me who has recently been diagnosed with HPV and asks, “How come I've never heard about this before?� Many students are appropriately angry when they come to see me. What do you like to do when you're not working?

I enjoy exercising, cooking and hosting dinner parties. I'm also involved in a newly created community coalition called Campaign for Comprehensive Sex Education (CCSE). Our mission is to advocate for medically accurate, age-appropriate, comprehensive sex education in public schools. I have really enjoyed being involved in this initiative. What advice do you have for people who have questions about sex?

Be careful of accessing information from Web sites. There is a lot of misinformation out there.Visit trusted sources such as cdc.gov, aasect.org, teenwire.org and siecus.org. Compare information across sites to ensure you have accurate information.

What do you say to people who have misconceptions about sex education?

Education needs to be driven by research. And what the research shows us is that abstinence-only programs don't work. Comprehensive sex education includes information about abstinence, which I think many people don't realize. Research consistently shows that providing people with information, contraceptive methods, etc., does not increase the likelihood they will engage in sex. It does however, increase the likelihood that when they do engage in sexual behaviors, they will protect themselves and make good choices. In my opinion, not providing young people with the knowledge and resources they need with respect to their sexual development is child maltreatment. What is the best part of your job?

Working with, advising and educating the students. They drive my work. I am also fortunate and grateful to work at an institution that supports open, honest and accurate sexuality education. I really enjoy meeting with students who come in for individual appointments to discuss sexual health concerns that they have. What is the most challenging part of your job?

Trying to reach 40,000 students with healthy sexuality messages and dispelling myths and inaccurate information they have received. For many students,

PHOTO • SARAH KROHN

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commotion. Ideas begin to move. Similes arise; the paper is covered. Coffee is your ally, and writing ceases to be a struggle.” Honoré de Balzac • French author THE AMITYVILLE HORROR 2 STARS

C-U CAFES: COFFEE, CREAM AND LIVE MUSIC or the upbeat tunes of a blue grass band, the variety and change of “People will get pretty into it,” Koth said. “You go to a place pace live music brings to a cafe’s nighttime setting can make the like [a coffee shop] to hang out with friends and socialize. But I can environment very different from its daytime feel. do that at my friend’s apartment or at my house. I go to a bar to Aroma employee Chris Lempa said during the day, the cafe is sim- have a good time.” Laurence recently finished a tour in early April. She, s much as some students attending one of the nation’s top ilar to a study hall—people seated one to a table, fingers busily clicking along with California-based proclaimed “party schools” might hate to admit, not everyone away at their laptops. At folk singer/songwriter Rachel enjoys inhaling clouds of smoke and dodging menacing moshers in night during the shop’s acoustic music series, the Garlin, will be touring the order to hear live music performances. Midwest in May. For those who would gladly take the music minus the toe-tram- space becomes much It’s very intimate. The purpose is not Most musicians do not pling, sweat-bathing and crowd surfing, there exists a growing scene more social. “It’s very intimate,” begin careers touring the in downtown Champaign and Urbana some still might call an unto go drink. The purpose is not to go country.theirPerformances Laurence said, noting at coftapped resource—how about that coffee shop around the corner? socialize. The purpose is the music. fee houses and cafes can get Aroma Cafe, located at 118 N. Neil St. in Champaign, is a pop- that sometimes the musicians’ names circulated ular study spot and lunch break for nearby locals. This Latin- performers are just four -Joni Laurence around town and even earn inspired coffee shop has become a city favorite among other spe- feet away from the audience. “The purthem a profit. Some cafes, such cialty shops in the area since its opening on April 1, 2003. as Strawberry Fields, offer a Every Thursday night Aroma Cafe dims the lighting, sets the stage pose is not to go drink. flat rate to performers, while others decide the pay based on ticket and pulls the chairs a little closer for the shop’s acoustic music series. The purpose is not to go socialize.The purpose is the music.” When she is not performing, Laurence serves as a talent coor- sales at the door. Owner Lissette Wells stumbled upon her neglected dream of openLaurence recalls one particularly successful performance at ing a coffee shop with live music when she rediscovered her old dinator for Verde Gallery, located at 17 E.Taylor St. in Champaign. She books musicians, singers and bands up to three months in Corkscrew Wine Emporium, located at 203 N. Vine St., when journal and an entry she had written 10 years before. Wells hoped to someday open a smoke-free cafe that would advance for Verde’s Acoustic Version Concert Series. Acoustic friend and New York City-based singer Sam Shaker had a surVersion takes place at 8 p.m. on the first and third Friday of every prisingly large turnout, considering her musical roots states offer live acoustic music in a relaxed, comfortable atmosphere. “There is a time and place for the bars, and sometimes people month. The series began April 1, featuring the semi-progressive, away.Twenty-nine of her cds sold, and Shaker earned more than old-time music group, ThisBigStringBand, and will end June 17 $170 in tips. just don’t feel like it,”Wells said. “Sam said, ‘I didn’t recognize three-quarters of those people!’ With the help of folk singer/songwriter and friend, Joni with a performance by The Salamanders, a local jazz group. Strawberry Fields Cafe at 306 W. Springfield in downtown and I said, ‘neither did I!’ and the manager said, ‘neither did I!’” Laurence, Wells arranged to have an acoustic music series every Thursday from 8-10 p.m. at Aroma.Two years later, coffee drinkers Urbana is recognized as one of the more family-friendly venues Laurence said. “She was totally blown away.” Green Mountain Grass has played live so often that the fourstill enjoy hearing the sounds of live music backed by the soft that offers live music performances. Green Mountain Grass, a local bluegrass band known for its speedy instrumentals and harmoniz- man group has acquired a group of followers that attend concerts humming of the espresso machine. Whether the sounds are the soft, clear notes of a solo guitarist ing vocals, regularly plays at the popular cafe because of the expe- on a regular basis. Wilmoth said that the group is more likely to rience and exposure it provides. experiment with new songs and techniques in a coffee house setDave Wilmoth, mandolin player and ting because the environment is more laid-back and there is less singer for Green Mountain Grass, appre- pressure to perform. ciates the variety a small, local cafe offers University of Illinois student Jessica Shoger appreciates the in contrast to a crowded concert or out- variety of musical talent the city is exposed to. A person can door festival. choose from several live music performances almost every night “The atmosphere is a bit more sub- of the week. dued,” Wilmoth said, clad in a simple “A few years back there wasn’t such a diverse group of talent white t-shirt reading,“Got Grass?” in bold available to the public,” Shoger said. Now I can see a bluegrass jam font. “The interaction between the audi- Tuesday, a guitar player Thursday and then maybe a live band play ence and the band, though, is stronger.” over the weekend.” At bars and festivals, Wilmoth points Local talent showcased at Verde, Aroma and Strawberry Fields out that as audience members consume has included Green Mountain Grass, Sadunga, Noisy Gators, G. more and more alcohol, they tend to Lee, Angie Heaton, Jill Sissel, Mark Clark, Ripley Caine, and become more involved in the music and Rachel Garlin. sometimes even a bit wild. “I’m blessed to be a part of the music scene here,” Wells said. “We have seen all kinds of nudity,” “They’ve got great attitudes, and it is great to meet them and work Wilmoth said. with them.” Music enthusiast Dan Koth, a student Local venues have continually increased their selection of music at the University of Illinois, agreed that it performances in response to Champaign and Urbana’s growing interis nice to see one of your favorite bands est and demand. Laurence hopes to see even more opportunities for play at a smaller venue because “you aren’t local music-lovers to come out and enjoy live performances. halfway up the stadium.” He adds, howev“If we build it, they will come,” Laurence said. buzz er, that the mood of a concert at a club or bar tends to be more energetic. Joni Laurence performs May 5, at Aroma Cafe, 118 N. Neil St., Champaign. JENNIFER CRABILL • STAFF WRITER

PHOTO • DAVID SOLANA

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Ryan Reynolds & Melissa George The Amityville Horror doesn’t exactly break any new ground, but it is less laughable and maintains a stronger, more consistent tone of creeping terror than the recent Hide and Seek or The Ring Two. Like the poor family that chooses to live in a mansion with evil in its walls, this unnecessar y remake of The Amityville Horror simply revisits something that was better left dead. (Matt Pais) BEAUTY SHOP 2.5 stars

ing for the team can be comfor ting even when they lose. Fallon and Barr ymore make a charming, romantic duo with offbeat chemistr y. It’s a fitting tribute to love and baseball. (Matt Pais)

up the south end of a cow in the lowbrow fish-out-ofwater comedy Man of the House. For some reason, it took three writers to put together this nonsense, and not one succeeded in making it funny. (Matt Pais)

HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY

MILLION DOLLAR BABY 3 STARS

Martin Freeman & Mos Def In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, interspace time travel is little more than extending your thumb and killing time around the universe while the Earth is put back together. There’s not a lot of depth, sophistication or cohesion to the movie, but its wink-wink sense of sly British humor more than succeeds in advancing it past the easygoing giddiness of a kid-friendly sci-fi fantasy. (Matt Pais)

Clint Eastwood & Hilary Swank It does take an unexpectedly dark twist toward the end that should knock most viewers back a few steps. Yet, Million Dollar Baby never swings hard enough to send you reeling. It’s enough to win a judge’s decision, but it’s no knockout. (Matt Pais)

THE INTERPRETER 2.5 STARS Nicole Kidman & Sean Penn If I’m not mistaken, a thriller should be thrilling. Granted, there are some nail-biting sequences and spine-tingling moments, but there is too much vapid space used for filler. The Interpreter should have been exciting throughout, not melodramatic in some par ts and corny in others. (Paul Prikazsky) KUNG FU HUSTLE

Queen Latifah & Alicia Silverstone Beauty Shop is mostly a “woman’s film” that even appeals to a youthful male audience, with lots of sexy female eye candy that never misses the director’s gaze. It has undeniable crowd-pleasing appeal for those who like urban comedy with a less vulgar approach. You also won’t be offended by any harsh political put-downs of past civil rights leaders, like the first Barbershop film. (Syd Slobodnik)

3.5 stars Stephen Chow Kung Fu Hustle delivers action, drama, comedy and even a little suspense. Overall, this move will make you laugh and then some, and just goes to prove that slapstick is universally funny. What more could you want from a movie? (Brian Nichols)

3 stars Drew Barr ymore & Jimmy Fallon Fever Pitch understands that the people who have season tickets near you can feel like a family and that root-

Loos enDs MOVIE NEWS BY JOHN LOOS

Remember when Dorothy’s house fell on the Wicked Witch o f t h e E a s t ? We l l , Meinhardt Raabe was the one who confirmed she was dead. After playing the munchkin coroner role 66 years ago, the 4-foot-7-inch Raabe, now 89, has published a memoir entitled Memories of a Munchkin: An Illustrated Walk Down the Yellow Brick Road. Along with his experiences on the Wizard of Oz set, the book also covers his flying airplanes for the Civil Air Patrol and working for Oscar Meyer. It seems like there is a lot of nostalgia for the munchkins, but what about the beloved flying monkeys? For once, I’d like to see a memoir titled Memories of a Winged Monkey: How to Shit in Mid-Air. Remember when the MTV Movie Awards were quasi-laughable? Well, this year, the nominees actually seem to be worth a damn. Up for Best Picture are five critically and commercially successful films:

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Lewis McGibbon & Alex Etal There’s a tenderness here that belongs to Etel and McGibbon, two fine young actors who not only embody their own par ts but play off one another so well that they work mar velously as brothers. The movie is undeniably theirs, two per formers whose total age is under 20 but possess an innate honesty beyond their years. In a movie concentrating on what to do with money that you haven’t earned, these boys show that the greatest riches they have are each other. (Matt Pais) SAHARA 1 star Matthew McConaughey & Penelope Cruz There is cer tainly an unfitting clash of action and comedy in Sahara . The characters are laughed at, not with, and they deser ve to be. Action-comedies do not need to give up on characters and stor y to provide action and comedy. (David Just)

MAN OF THE HOUSE

SIN CITY 3.5 STARS

1.5 stars Tommy Lee Jones & Cedric the Entertainer Only a true pessimist could have predicted that, 12 years after accepting an Oscar for his work in The Fugitive, Tommy Lee Jones would be sticking his hand

Bruce Willis & Mickey Rourke Sinfully sexy and deliciously enter taining, Sin City is pumped with more testosterone and male fantasies than a Las Vegas bachelor par ty. If you can get past its boorish, hyper-macho approach to the sexes, director

FEVER PITCH

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I AM JACK’S RAGING BILE DUCT.

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Rober t Rodriguez will plunge you deep into a seedy, intoxicating world of sleaze, deception and revenge. (Matt Pais)

Fresh flicks

opening this weekend

KICKING AND SCREAMING Will Ferrell & Robert Duvall Comedy galore as Ferrell plays a youth soccer coach who finds himself on the opposite side of the field from his father (Duvall). The real highlight should be Mike Ditka’s supporting role as an assistant coach. (Andrew Vecelas) MINDHUNTERS Val Kilmer & LL Cool J If you happened to see a trailer for this movie over a year ago and are wondering why it’s just coming out now, your guess is as good as ours. Kilmer leads a team of FBI profilers who discover a serial killer in their midst. Like any movie whose release is stalled for over a year, expect this to be awesome. (Andrew Vecelas) MONSTER-IN-LAW Jennifer Lopez & Jane Fonda Lopez stars as a woman who has the perfect man in her life, except for his mother, who doesn’t take too kindly to her son’s new love interest. Fonda takes a bow for the first time in 15 years…in a J.Lo romantic comedy nonetheless. (Andrew Vecelas) UNLEASHED Jet Li & Bob Hoskins Jet Li plays a martial arts killing machine (go figure) who starts to rebel against his master when he is taken under the wing of a blind piano player (Morgan Freeman). Sounds about as good as any other American Jet Li film, though the fight choreography by Yuen Woo-Ping could make this something special. (Andrew Vecelas)

Kill Bill, vol. 2, Napoleon Dynamite, Spider-man 2, Ray and The Incredibles. Among the other nominees are Oscar winners Hilary Swank (Million D o l l a r Baby ) for Best Female Performance and Jamie Foxx ( Ray ) for Best Male Performance. Oh, MTV. You do something like this that makes me want to respect you, but then I turn you on and I see some pathetic teenage girl freaking out because daddy ruined her “Super Sweet 16” by not getting her the right color Lincoln Navigator, and I realize how much I truly, deeply loathe you. Remember when Loos Ends wasn’t an integral part of your weekly reading material? I can’t either. Well, my friends, this is my last column as I am graduating and undoubtedly moving on to make millions of dollars and blowing it all on Hummers and cocaine. I’d like to thank all those celebrities who are failing in some way, be it in career, romance or life, for making this column easy to write. I’d also like to thank the good people at Buzz for giving me this column, most notably Andy Vecelas. Most of all, I’d like to thank you, the readers, for ingesting my irreverent nonsense every week. It wasn’t always funny, but at least my goofy headshot was always there, smiling like it was.

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NO, WE WILL NOT DIE LIKE DOGS! WE WILL FIGHT LIKE LIONS! BECAUSE WE ARE THE THREE AMIGOS!

first things first

coulter

No.

Rules.

5

Radio.

Getting a job after graduation

Bill Cosby

Kneepads DO help...

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ARIES

(March 21-April 19)

For all I know, you may someday author a book called How To Attract Your Very Own Millionaire Spirit Guide. If you do, you will begin writing it during an astrological phase much like the one you’re in now. In fact, it could even be this week. You’re more aligned with the cosmic cash flow than you have been in a long time; you’re more likely than usual to stumble upon dumb financial luck and generate money mojo. See if you can hear the whispers of that millionaire spirit guide as you fall asleep tonight.

TAU RU S

(April 20-May 20)

PHOTO • DAVID SOLANA

Christians in Denmark celebrate communion the way it’s done in many other places: They eat a flat, tasteless wafer that symbolizes the body of Christ. Soon that may change, however. Some of the nation’s best bakers have embarked on a campaign to whip up more delectable versions of the traditional host. This developing story reminds me of your current state, Taurus. It’s a perfect moment for you to spice up a bland ritual, to get more thrills from a duty you regard as important, or to add variety to a sacred task you’ve done the same way for a long time.

GEMINI

A jogger runs past a new parking lot that was recently built on the west half of Huff Fields.

(May 21-June 20)

Larry Colvin, a prisoner in North Carolina’s Buncombe Correctional Center, was scheduled to finish his four-month sentence last March 16. But just a few hours before his official release, he escaped. There’s no word yet on whether he has been recaptured, but you can bet that when he is, the legal system will return him to jail for more than a few hours. Let this serve as a model for what not to do, Gemini. It would be crazy for you to try to wiggle out of your ongoing ordeal now that you’re so close to its end. Endure the remaining time with poise and patience, studying its lessons until the lessons are truly done. It’ll all be over soon.

CANCER

(June 21-July 22)

It’s the Fertile Inquiry time of year for you, Cancerian. The more questions you ask yourself, the better you’ll feel. Here are a few to get you started. What do you want to be when you grow up? Are you prepared to start nurturing yourself as well as you nurture others? When will you dismantle the barriers within you that prevent those who love you from loving you with all their power? Are you finally ready to act on the understanding that home is not just a building, but a state of mind, and that you need to work harder to foster that state?

LEO

(July 23-Aug. 22)

Our goal is to rouse you out of your rut by any means necessary. I think the best way to do that is by stirring up a lot of wicked fun. It’s certainly far superior to waiting around for a stroke of fate to kick your ass. So please undertake an aggressive plan that includes activities like these: Put on an inflatable sumo wrestler costume and play a bagpipe as badly as possible; write a love letter to your evil twin; see how far you can spit a mouthful of expensive wine; mix stripes with plaids, cashmere with polyester, and yellowish-green with reddish-purple; organize a party in which you and your friends act out scenes from your favorite TV show; make believe you are the ocean king or thunder queen; meditate naked under a waterfall.

VIRGO

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

As public schools decline and private schools become more expensive, increasing numbers of parents are homeschooling their children. I predict that an analogous phenomenon will arise among religious groups. Called the “homechurch” movement by Christians, “homesynagogue” by Jews, and “hometemple” by other traditions, it will consist of people creating altars and conducting worship sessions in their own abodes. Seekers pursuing this approach will eliminate the middlemen and serve as their own priests, priestesses, and rabbis. If you have even the slightest attraction to this meme, Virgo, launch your own version of it. It’s time to crank up your spiritual intentions. The Divine Wow wants to talk. Homework: Do you allow your imagination to indulge in fantasies that are wasteful, damaging, or dumb? I dare you to stop it. Testify at www.freewillastrology.com.

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MICHAEL COULTER • CONTRIBUTING WRITER m a y

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(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

[Caution: Information in this horoscope contains references to exotic sexual practices. If you might be offended, stop reading now. I present this material because you are in a heightened state of arousal, both physically and metaphysically, and could benefit from outrageous provocations as you rethink your approach to intimate acts of love.] The ladybird beetle copulates for up to nine hours at a time, and males may have three 90-minute orgasms in one session. Bonobo apes are not obsessed with orgasm, but have frequent erotic exchanges of every variety, from intercourse to mutual masturbation to oral sex; homosexual contact is common. The male sponge louse disguises himself as a female to aid his seduction strategies. As soon as praying mantises begin coitus, the female bites off the male’s head and eats it; sex continues, however. The slime mold comes in 500 genders, and at least 13 of these have to collaborate in order to have a successful mating session.

SCORPIO

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Would you like to transform yourself from being a slave of your desires into being a master? It’s a perfect time to work on that worthy project. Here’s what you should do: 1. Keep talking yourself out of being attached to trivial goals and keep talking yourself into being thrilled about the precious few goals that are really important. 2. Whenever you are overwhelmed by a desperate longing to be loved, transform the feeling into a fierce determination to give love lavishly.

S AG I T TA R I U S

(Nov. 22-Dec.21)

Your fellow Sagittarius Ludwig van Beethoven created sublime music under trying conditions. He was often in poor health, struggled financially, never found love, suffered from depression, and became deaf, yet somehow became one of the greatest composers in history. As you finish up this arduous phase of your own cycle, he’s your official role model. Let him inspire you to produce small miracles even in the face of puzzling difficulties. If necessary, resort to what Beethoven often did to stimulate his creativity: Pour a bucket of ice water over your head. It might also help to know that Goethe described our hero as “completely untamed.” Do you think that quality had something to do with his high level of attainment?

CAPRICORN

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Scientists believe that sooner or later they will figure out why cancer cells are virtually immortal, and then apply that understanding |o keeping normal cells alive much longer, thereby dramatically extending the human life span. I believe you have an analogous opportunity right now, Capricorn: If you decode the success formula of a nemesis, you will give yourself a tremendous boon that will boost your vitality and expressiveness.

AQUARIUS

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

For one week, Aquarius, consider suspending your fascination with the shock of the new. Instead, steep yourself in the subtle teachings of the old. Seek out elders who haven’t lost their spark and ask them humble questions about your most enduring mysteries. Read books and listen to music and watch movies whose creators have been dead for at least 50 years. Muse about what you were doing in mid-May of 1993. Make a shrine on which you put an image of an ancestor, a leaf from a tree that began growing before you were born, and a symbol of a goal you gave up long ago.

PISCES

(Feb. 19-March 20)

One of the world’s longest streets is Figueroa Street in Los Angeles. It runs 30 miles. In contrast, Bridge Street, a lane near my house, is about 50 yards long and connects two lengthy roads to each other. The path you’re on right now, Pisces, has a metaphorical resemblance to Bridge Street. Your time on it will be brief, and it will serve as a bridge between two phases of your life story. Soon you’ll turn onto a longer thoroughfare more like Figueroa. In the meantime, pay maximum attention to the sights and sounds. This leg of your journey will be short, but it will reveal clues that will be essential as you shift gears.

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know school gets tough this time of year, and I’m sure there are several out there adding Red Bull and amphetamines to their espresso in an effort to achieve alertness nirvana, but now might be a good time to take a quick break and look ahead to the future. I’ve been in the work force for awhile now, so I feel somewhat qualified in advising those graduates who will soon find themselves employed for the first time. It’s a tough world out there, but with my help, you should be able to half-ass your way up the corporate ladder and lie your way down. From what I’ve read, it shouldn’t be too hard for some of you. Sixty-two percent of hiring managers plan to recruit recent college grads. Well good for you lucky bastards.When I graduated, I wasn’t really recruited for much of anything. One friend from high school offered to let me sell pot for him, but he didn’t really offer much in the way of health insurance, so I decided to wait for a job that was a little more suited to my degree. Sadly, this degree was in liberal arts, meaning I was qualified to do anything that didn’t require skill. After drinking a crapload of beer and watching a lot of baseball games, I eventually stumbled into a low paying, downwardly mobile sort of job in television. Even then I felt sort of lucky.The highlight of my resume was my previous work experience, which included such sought after skills as hay bailing, blacktop maintenance, printing and truck loading. I’m sort of amazed I’m not still living in my parent’s basement. Still, I’ll do what I can to make sure as few of you as possible fall into my footsteps. One of the big things employers look for is relevant experience. This is a fine time to become creative. If, for example, you and your buddies stole tests and then sold them to others, mention that you were involved in an “alternative learning group whose goal was to improve test scores.” It sounds so freaking boring no one would dare ask you more about it. Also, mention something like “public service.” You can rationalize almost anything into this category, from bartending to prostitution to gambling. I mean, hey, that stuff is helping someone, right? The next big point is professionalism during the interview.You should always dress the part. If you want to be a salesman, wear a nice

suit because that’s what salesman wear. If you want to be an aide to the president, wear a clueless look on your face because that’s what he wears. If you want to work in a roadside rest area wear knee pads because, well … Employers also look for enthusiasm in job candidates.The problem is they expect you to be excited about the job itself and not the other stuff. For example, if you say “I’m very interested in the growth of the company and can’t wait to become a part of it,” that’s a good statement. If you say “Man that chick in the blue dress is smoking hot. I am totally gonna try to Michael Coulter bang her if you hire me,” is a videographthat is not a good state- er, comedian ment. Sure, one may be and can be forced sincerity while the heard on WPGU other is genuine, but you 107.1 Thursdays must remember, the guy at 5 with Ricker hiring you may be trying workin’ it. to bang her as well. No one likes competition. It’s also important to remember that there will be a certain culture in your new place of employment, and you should try to fit in as best you can. If you want to do public relations for a major oil company, you may need to take off the nose ring and the “Rage Against the Machine” t-shirt. If the guy hiring you has a bunch of golf paraphernalia strewn across his desk, don’t mention that you’re really into badminton. Um, actually, never mention that under any circumstances. If you’re ever lucky enough to finally land a job, there are also some things to keep in mind. It’s one thing to go to class with a hangover, but this won’t fly in the work place. Thusly, it’s a good idea to just keep drinking through the night and go to work still drunk. You’ll seem friendlier, and the resulting hangover won’t rear its head until well into the afternoon. If you have a few pops at lunch, you can even avoid this malady! Your new employer will also expect you to ask questions.They know you’re just learning and will need help from time to time. It’s best if you, once again, keep these questions work related. “Is there a department code for the copier?” is a completely legitimate question. “Is it cool if I just look at Internet porn this afternoon?” isn’t an especially good question. So, graduating seniors, good luck in your job quests. Have fun, and don’t take it too seriously. After all, it’s only the next fifty or so years of your life. You’ll soon discover why people actually get enjoyment from golf.

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SEW OLD WOMAN, SEW! LIKE THE WIND!!

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LEAD STORY — Not the Hardiest of Citizens: Windsor, Ontario, hair stylist Waddah (Martin) Mustapha was awarded the equivalent of about US$270,000 by a court in April after he testified that he became racked with depression upon seeing a fly inside a commercial bottle of water at his salon. Presumably, damages would have been more if Mustapha had actually drunk from the bottle (or even opened it). As it was, he and his wife vomited, and he required extensive psychotherapy for nightmares, loss of sense of humor, increased argumentativeness, lack of desire to shower regularly, and constipation.

C O M P E L L I N G E X P L A N AT I O N S — In April, Laura and Edmund Gerstein of Boca Raton, Fla., who want to save their beloved backyard grapefruit tree from the state’s citrus canker eradication program, formally claimed immunity for the tree under a provision in the 1949 Geneva Conventions. The Gersteins pointed to a paragraph on protecting crops needed for civil-

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LUCK I SEEM TO HAVE.

Thomas Jefferson

wEiRd

chuck shepherd

ians’ survival during wartime, in that, said Edmund, “As I understand it, (the U.S.) is in a state of war.” (Responded a state Department of Agriculture spokesman,“That tree will be coming down.”) — An arbitration panel in April issued a twoyear suspension to champion cyclist Tyler Hamilton for having transfused another person’s blood for a race in Spain last year. At the panel’s hearing in March, according to an April New York Times story, Hamilton and his lawyers had denied the charge and raised the possibility that maybe Hamilton had a “vanishing twin” who had shared the womb with him during his first trimester, which would account for why he wound up with some blood that doesn’t match his “other” blood. — More Compelling Explanations: (1) Police in Morrisville,Vt., who arrested a teenager in April for allegedly removing a corpse’s head in a cemetery tomb, said the suspect had spoken of using the head as a marijuana bong. (2) A young woman who in December sued an Austin,Texas, distributor of steamy “spring break” videos, admitted that she had consented to be in a video topless, but now

said she was only 17 at the time (and therefore a minor) and now fears the video’s circulation will hamper her in “college,”“career” and “church.”

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS — Thanh Nhat Le, 51, was arrested in Dorchester, Mass., in April, when he tried to cash a check he wrote to himself for $7,550 on his account at a Sovereign Bank. He had opened the account two weeks earlier, handing over $171 in small bills. He was certain that he had plenty of money in his account, though, because in the interim, he had also mailed the bank three checks for deposit: one for $250,000, one for $2 million, and one for $4 billion. — In March, Jonathan P. Mitchell, dressed in black and wet from crawling in the nighttime mud up to a store in the KOA campground near Watsonville, Calif., was found by police, stuck and dangling from the rafters after trying to climb in through the roof. However, the manager admitted that he had not locked the door that night and that Mitchell could have just walked in. Three

weeks earlier, in Fostoria, Ohio, thieves broke in and carried off a safe in the office of a local organization that serves the poor (Fostoria Bureau of Concern), but director Susan Simpkins said that not only was the safe empty but the bureau had decided to junk it a while back and was looking for someone to haul it away.

RECURRING THEMES — In Springfield, Mass., in April, Thomas P. Budnick became the most recent man who was convicted at a trial in which he had persuaded the judge to let him act as his own lawyer, to then argue with a straight face on appeal that his conviction should be overturned because his trial lawyer was incompetent. (The decision is pending.)

CUTTING-EDGE RESEARCH — (1) Homelier-looking kids get taken care of by their parents less attentively than do the goodlooking ones (e.g., they don’t get buckled into carts as frequently in supermarkets, and are allowed to drift further away in the store) (reported Dr. Andrew Harrell, University of Alberta, April). (2) Gay men resemble women in their approach to reading road maps (determining directions by, for example, use of landmarks, rather than the typical heterosexual male approach of spatial reasoning) (reported by psychobiologist Oazi Rahman, University of East London, February).

NO LONGER WEIRD — Adding to the list of stories that were formerly weird but which now occur with such frequency that they must be retired from circulation: (73) Pranksters who playfully carry away a prominent local mascot figure and abuse it or subject it to a “ransom” demand or photograph it in zany places, such as people who took the stuffed buffalo from the field house at Milligan College (Elizabethton, Tenn.) and suspended it from the ceiling of the campus chapel (April). And (74) the toddler who grabs the family’s car keys and somehow manages to drive a respectable distance at least semi-safely, as did the 4-year-old boy in Sand Lake, Mich., who drove his mother’s car a quarter mile to a video store in the middle of the night (February).

GOD’S WILL — In January, a 69-year-old minister at Covenant Presbyterian Church in Oviedo, Fla., suffered a fatal heart attack in mid-sentence during a sermon, as he was quoting the scholar John Wesley, “And when I go to heaven....” And in April, at least 52 Hindu pilgrims drowned in India’s holy Narmada River when a power-generation dam upstream released water. COPYRIGHT 2004 Chuck Shepherd Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate

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WE'RE NOT PLAYING SPIN THE BOTTLE; HOW OLD ARE WE? MORE IMPORTANTLY, HOW OLD ARE THEY?

jonesin crossword puzzle

I FIND THAT THE HARDER I WORK, THE MORE

y o u r e v e r y d a y n e w s but hell, we’re weekly

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Across 1 Road curve 5 More up to the task 10 Heat, Magic, et al. 13 Song on screen 14 Material to keep away from rain 15 Hosp. areas 16 Knighted Julius Caesar portrayer who helped decriminalize homosexuality in Britain 18 Project (out) 19 ID-assigning org. 20 Concrete chunks 21 "___ will ever know!" 23 "Wake Up...You're Liberal!" author Ted 25 Bob of "Mr. Belvedere" 26 Actor currently playing Tevye on Broadway in "Fiddler on the Roof" 31 Fibber's fess-up 32 Tests with presentations 33 Quagmire 34 Grabs with a cursor and moves 35 Police blotter figure 39 Like many triangle angles

40 Horn section members 41 Rugged bi actor who played a boxer in "From Here to Eternity" 46 Tarzan's "kin" 47 Electrical units 48 Varnish ingredient 49 Line to the audience 52 18%, maybe 55 You can have a blast with it 56 He played Darrin on "Bewitched," but came out much later 59 Paint swatch option 60 Heart parts 61 Anthony Hope's "The Prisoner of ___" 62 Type of financing 63 Expressionless 64 Rice-shaped pasta Down 1 Life stories 2 (Non-gay) Best Actor nominee for "Pollock" 3 Former Giants pitcher Robb who retired in 2005 4 "Mush!" moves it 5 Like a pirate on the briny

6 Tulip starter 7 Long-term appeal, as with news stories 8 Dot follower 9 Reason for eye drops 10 "I ain't kiddin'" 11 Sultanate surrounded by Malaysia 12 To the back of the ship 13 Downtown Julie Brown and others 17 In a not-so-healthy way 22 Mo. for early Scorpios 24 Madison and 5th: abbr. 25 Some addresses 26 Word spoken while pointing at a guy 27 Word on beer bottle labels 28 Poster's site 29 Spittin' nails 30 Like beavers, it's said 34 Roach-killer once hawked by Muhammad Ali 35 It's read for bread 36 1999 David Cronenberg thriller 37 He calls the shots 38 LA setting

39 They may be rightwing 40 Playful, humorous version of the minuet 41 First name in 2005 prison releases 42 Yell before a raid 43 Empty ___ (parent whose kids have moved out) 44 "Dude, I don't want to know" inits. 45 "Star Wars" saga character who speaks in object-subject-verb format 49 Prefix meaning "high" 50 It's shown in some clubs 51 Phrase akin to "jolly good" 53 ___-European 54 Bake sale organizer, maybe 57 Gomez's much hairier cousin 58 Home of Kraftwerk and bratwurst: abbr.

21

crossword

Answers on page 23.

Silver Bullet Bar 344-0937

Need a Place to Celebrate

1401 E. Washington, U. www.silverbulletbar.net

Graduation?

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Dinner Tues-Thurs 4 -8 , Fri-Sat 4 -9 PM

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Early Bird Menu 4 -6:30 Tues-Sat PM

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030

HELP WANTED Full/Part Time

000 100 200 300 400 500 600 700 800 900

• PLEASE CHECK YOUR AD! Report errors immediately by calling 337-8337. We cannot be responsible for more than one day’s incorrect insertion if you do not notify us of the error by 2 pm on the day of the first insertion. • All advertising is subject to the approval of the publisher. The Daily Illini shall have the right to revise, reject or cancel, in whole or in part, any advertisement, at any time. • All employment advertising in this newspaper is subject to the City of Champaign Human Rights Ordinance and similar state and local laws, making it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement which expresses limitation, specification or discrimination as to race, color, mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual orientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, prior arrest or conviction record, source of income, or the fact that such person is a student. • Specification in employment classifications are made only where such factors are bonafide occupational qualifications necessary for employment. • All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Act of 1968, and similar state and local laws which make it illegal for any person to cause to be published any advertisement relating to the transfer, sale, rental, or lease of any housing which expresses limitation, specifications or discrimination as to race, color, creed, class, national origin, religion, sex, age, marital status, physical or mental handicap, personal appearance, sexual oientation, family responsibilities, political affiliation, or the fact that such person is a student. • This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for real estate that is in violation of the law. Our readers are informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal oppportunity basis.

DEADLINE:

2 p.m. Monday for the next Thursday’s edition.

RATES: Billed rate: 35¢/word Paid-in-Advance: 28¢/word Photo Sellers 30 words or less + photo: $5 per issue Garage Sales 30 words in both Thursday’s buzz and Friday’s Daily Illini!! $10. If it rains, your next date is free. Action Ads • 20 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $14 • 10 words, run any 5 days (in buzz or The Daily Illini), $7 • add a photo to an action ad, $10

Employment 000 010

HELP WANTED Full Time

020

HELP WANTED Part Time

Administrative Assistant

HELP WANTED

020

Part Time

Nargile Lounge is now hiring Djs/Promoters. We are seeking all styles of music. Please apply in person on Monday, May 16th and Tuesday, May 17th between 4 p.m. and 8 p.m.

for DI/Buzz Advertising

Looking for a fun, energetic, detailoriented individual to work part-time (approximately 20 hours a week) in the DI/Buzz Advertising Department. Must be well-organized and proficient in Excel and Word. Excellent communication and analytical skills required. Availability to work during U of I breaks a plus. Great opportunity to learn and grow as part of a vibrant company. Apply at: The Daily Illini, 57 E. Green St, Champaign, or send your résumé to nelliott@illinimedia.com. The Daily Illini/Buzz is an equal opportunity employer.

House cleaning for professional couple. Must be experienced, efficient and through. 3-4 hours Twice per week. Summer and school year. Start immediately. Car required. Leave message describing self at 359-7487 $9.50/hr.

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HELP WANTED Summer Jobs

Nargile Lounge is now hiring Bartenders, Waitresses, Doormen, and Hookah Personnel. Please apply in person on Monday, May 16th and Tuesday, May 17th between 4 p.m. and 8 p.m. Experienced is preferred.

HELP WANTED

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Full/Part Time

Services

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BUSINESS SERVICES

Earn $5000 as an egg donor. Must be 20-29 and a non-smoker. Please call Alternative Reproductive Resources at 773-327-7315 or 847446-1001 to learn how you can help a family fulfill its dreams.

KEEP LOOKING. You’ll find the perfect job for you.

290

WANTED! Picture of a woman handing a book to Kenny Chesney at the end of the concert at the U of I on April 8th. Will pay $50.00. Call 217497-2668.

Transportation 300 AUTOMOBILES

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Quality apartments and houses for rent • Many pet-friendly locations • Furnished AND Unfurnished units • 9 month leases negotiable at some locations

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Remodeled apartments that redefine campus living. 3 and 4 bedroom apartments available at 810 S. Oak St. between John and Daniel in Champaign. 3 bedroom apartment at $999/mo. (only $333 per roommate!) 4 bedroom apartment at $999/mo. (less than $250 per roommate!) High-speed internet, water, and trash included! Laundry in building. NINE MONTH LEASES NEGOTIABLE

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509 E. White, C.

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207 Wright Engineering Very Large, New 1 Bedroom apt. Free parking. www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 or (217)841-3028

307 & 310 E. White 307 & 309 Clark

Fall 2005. Large studio, double closet, well furnished. Secured building. $320/month. Available June 1 and August ‘05. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 or 841-3028 3rd and Clark August ‘05 beautiful, furnished 2, 3, and 4 bedroom apts. Ted 766-5108.

DELUXE 2 BR

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GREAT VALUE

306- 308- 309 White August 2005. 1 & 3 Bedroom furnished apts. Balconies, patios, laundry, dishwashers, off-street parking, ethernet available. 352-3182, 8411996, 309 S. First. The University Group www.ugroup96.com

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HEALEY COURT APARTMENTS

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307- 309 Healey Court. Fall 2005. Behind Gully’s. 2 bedrooms. Ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

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JOHN STREET APARTMENTS

503- 505- 508 E. White

Now & Fall 2005 2 and 3 bedrooms. Furnished with internet. Parking and laundry available. On-site resident manager. Call Kenny, 493-0429. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

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58 E. John August 2005. Two and three bedrooms, fully furnished. Dishwashers, center courtyard, on-site laundry, central air, ethernet available. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182 Showings Monday-Friday 10-5 Saturday 11-4

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506 E. Stoughton, C

For August 2005. Extra large efficiency apartments. Security building entry, complete furniture, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, Champaign. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

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FOR YOUR MONEY!

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$595-$630

602 E. Stoughton

Unique 1 & 2 bedroom apartments. All furnished, laundry, internet, and parking available. Must see!! THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

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2 Bedroom Apts Beckman/Engineering Campus

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• dishwasher • furnished • spacious • off-street parking • air conditioned • ethernet access Located just two blocks from the University of Illinois

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493-8487

Each Unit Features

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INTRO

under the cover

Editor’s Note This Modern World • Tom Tomorrow News of the Weird • Chuck Shephard First Things First • Michael Coulter

AROUND TOWN Coffee and Music • Jennifer Crabill q + a with Kimberly Rice The Local Sniff • Seth Fein

LISTEN, HEAR Third Stone Reunites • Seth Fein Bloc Party review • Imran Siddiquee The Bravery review • Kyle Gorman Garbage review • Frank Krolicki Sound Ground #75 • Todd J. Hunter Parasol Charts Dusting for Vomit with Melodic Scribes

MAIN EVENT Bob n’ Dave • Dave King

ARTS + ENTERTAINMENT Creation Arts Studio Exhibit • Courtney Hrejsa White Teeth review • Kerri Mullen (Th)ink • Keef Knight Artist’s Corner with Paul Karpenko

THE SILVER SCREEN Battle of the Bad Guys • Devon Sharma Crash review • Matt Pais Downfall review • David Just Movie time listings Loos Ends • John Loos Slowpoke • Jen Sorenson Drive Through Reviews

THE STINGER Free Will Astrology Life in Hell • Matt Groening Jonesin’ Crosswords • Matt Gaffney

Jeannine Baestoso's "Free Spirit" assemblage in front of various works of art at Creation Art Studios. p. 15

CLASSIFIEDS Letter to the Editor • Scott Hays

New Building “Lofts on John” One bedroom, unfurnished, W/D, dishwasher, opening August 05 $650/mo. Near John and 2nd. Call 356-1407

• Washer/Dryer • Furnished • Broadband Internet • Balcony or Patio • Granite Countertops • and Much More!!! • Dishwasher

Prices start at only $995 per month

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Corner of Clark & Gregory

• Easy walking distance to Krannert Center, Engineering Campus, and the Illini Union. • Also right on the MTD Green Line for easy bus access.

buzz weekly •

YES, EL GUAPO. YOU HAVE A PLETHORA.

uNDER c OVER

604 E. White, C. Security Entrance For Fall 2005, Large 1 bedroom furnished, balconies, patios, laundry, off-street parking, ethernet available. Phone 352-3182. Office at 309 S. First, C. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com

105 E. John

Available Fall 2005. 1& 2 bedroom furnished, great location. Includes parking. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

Free Best Buy and Campus Tan gift certificate with each signed lease!

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Efficiencies. Available now and Fall 2005. Secured building. Private parking. Laundry on site, ethernet available. Office at 309 S. First, Ch. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

www.lookatusedcars.com

Apartments

420

1005 S. SECOND, C

BEST VALUE 1 BR. loft from $480. 1 Br. $370 2 BR. $470 3 BR. $750 4 BR $755 Campus. 367-6626.

Mentor and critic for literary and visual arts. $25/hr. 217-417-0233

Merchandise 200

APARTMENTS Furnished

110

WANTED TO BUY

Camp Counselors- Gain valuable expreience while having the summer of a lifetime. Counelors needed for Outdoor Adventure, Arts, Aquatics, and more in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. Apply online at www.pineforestcamp.com

410

Furnished/Unfurnished

Organic vegetable farm, planting, harvesting, sales, equipment operation and maintenance. Full-time and part-time positions available. 217643-2031

INDEX

APARTMENTS

PHOTO • AUSTIN HAPPEL

PHONE: 217/337-8337 DEADLINE: 2 p.m. Tuesday for the next Thursday’s edition.

Employment Services Merchandise Transportation Apartments Other Housing/Rent Real Estate for Sale Things To Do Announcements Personals

MA Y 12

FUNNY SENTENCE HERE.

THE

22 • b u z z w e e k l y

Spacious, sunny Victorian. 1 bedroom & study. Available August. Year lease. Hardwood floors, laundry, parking. 217-621-6067

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I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | T H E S T I N G E R | C L A S S I F I E D S


buzz weekly

EDITOR’S NOTE PAUL WAGNER • EDITOR IN CHIEF

For the past few years, the

Crisis Nursery 12th Annual

Dinner and Auction Friday, June 3, 2005

Round Barn Centre in Champaign Appetizers Begin at 5:30pm The evening will feature cocktails, dinner, entertainment, raffle and live and silent acutions.

MA Y 12

JEFE, WOULD YOU SAY I HAVE A PLETHORA OF PINATAS?

end of the year has really just been a time for me to go home to some good food. But this year is different. The end of the year and graduation this year mark the end of an era.Two of my best friends, one of them my roommate for the last two years, are graduating. Some other good friends are graduating. A great girl I just met is unfortunately graduating and leaving. People I’ve worked with for two years are leaving. School just isn’t going to be the same without everyone. Graduation is sort of hard for the people getting left behind here, but, really, I’m glad I’m not graduating yet. I’m going to be a senior next year, and the real world is too fast approaching. For graduates, except those going to grad school or living here next year (Phil Henke and Melissa Hogan, just to name a few), the real world is here. Breathing down your neck. Of course, many of you have jobs lined up already, but some don’t. Some of you will travel the world. See the sights. Meet interesting people. Gather some great stories. But most people will be joining the work force. Either way, many people are leaving. Many friends are being left behind. But that’s ok. Life goes on, right? The friends we make in college are the friends we keep for life, right? I hope so. My life has been changed by my friends here at the U of I, as I’m sure your lives have been changed by friends. I guess what I’m trying to say is this: Cherish the time you have (left) with friends.They make all the difference.And to those of you taking the plunge and graduating, especially my friends, Congrats. You did it. And, most importantly, good luck with life.Yeah, I know, that’s a general statement, but I like to think it covers everything. And don’t forget your friends back at school, we’ll be thinking about you. For my friends that are graduating but staying in C-U, this summer and next year are gonna freakin’ rock! - Paul

Reserve your seat today for only $50 per person by calling 337-2731. All proceeds benefit the Crisis Nursery. The Crisis Nursery is a private, not-for-profit agency committed to creating an “Island of Safety” and to the prevention of child abuse and neglect.

I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | T H E S T I N G E R | C L A S S I F I E D S

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Cover Design • Brittany Bindrim Editor in chief • Paul Wagner Art Director • Claire Napier Copy Chief • Stacey Ivanic Music • Kyle Gorman Arts • Brian Warmoth Film • Andrew Vecelas Community • Susie An Calendar • Erin Scottberg Photography Editor • David Solana Designers • Nikita Sorokin, Sue Janna Truscott, Glenn Cochon, Hannah Bai, Claire Napier Calendar Coordinators • Cassie Conner, Austin Happel Photography • Sarah Krohn, Adriana D’Onofrio Copy Editors • Jen Hubert, Nellie Waddell Staff Writers • Matt Pais, Randy Ma, John Loos, Imran Siddiquee, Todd J. Hunter, Devon Sharma, Jennifer Crabill, Courtney Hrejsa, Frank Kroliki, Kerri Mullen, Cornelia Boonman, David Just Contributing Writers • Michael Coulter, Seth Fein, Jeff Nelson Production Manager • Meredith Niepert Sales Manager • Anna Rost Marketing/Distribution • Louis Reeves III Publisher • Mary Cory

Other Rentals 500

420

APARTMENTS

HOUSES

OLD TOWN CHAMPAIGN

2 bedroom and 7 bedroom house on campus for Fall 2004. 367-6626.

510 S. Elm Available Fall 2005. 2 BR close to campus, hardwood floors, dishwasher, W/D, central air/heat, off street parking, 24 hr. maintenance. $525/mo. 841-1996. THE UNIVERSITY GROUP www.ugroup96.com 352-3182

506 W. Springfield August ‘05. 6 bedroom, 2.5 bath furnished home. Huge, beautiful, hardwood, parking. Ted 766-5108. 617 W. CHURCH Beautiful 6 BR 3 Bath furnished home. Hardwood floors, two porches, off-street parking and more. Only $2100/mo. 369-0500.

430

Unfurnished

Eight to Nine Bedroom Fall, Campus, $2850 367-6626

NEED A 1 BR!

Convenient 1 bedrooms near downtown Champaign now available. From $390. 508 W. Hill, C. 511 W. University, C. 515 W. Washington, C. These and other apartment locations also available for leases starting throughout the summer. 352-8540, p.m. 355-4608 www.faronproperties.com

SUBLETS

HOUSES

440

ROOM & BOARD

1 BR. Available Now. Parking included. 6th & Stoughton. $400/mo plus utilities. 630-205-4889

CLOSE to campus. Starting May 14 includes utilities, internet/cable hookup, laundry, parking. $600/2 BR, or $275/1 BR. 815-919-3331.

ROOMMATE WANTED 550 1 bedroom, near campus $300 per month 367-6626

FURNISHED

AVAILABLE NOW AND FOR FALL Share beautiful furnished 3 bedroom apartment at Third and Clark. From $225. Ted 766-5108

NEGOTIABLE

PARKING/STORAGE

e-mail: Summer Only

57 E. Green St. Champaign, IL 61820

Announcements800

ALL INCLUSIVE Presidential Tower. 2 BR. Utilities, Ethernet, cable and parking included. Price negotiable. 618-581-1888.

call:

217.337.3801 We reserve the right to edit submissions. Buzz will not publish a letter without the verbal consent of the writer prior to publication date. Buzz magazine is a student-run publication of Illini Media Company and does not necessarily represent, in whole or in part, the views of the University of Illinois administration, faculty or students. First copy of Buzz is FREE, each additional copy is $.50

LOST & FOUND

460

SUBLETS Summer with Fall Option

Beginning of June. Spacious 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath, two balconies. Near campus. Accessible bus stop. $624/mo. Reasonable utility bills. Opportunity to renew lease. 217621-2970.

Lost 1/10th size violin one block west of the Music Building, reward $100. Call 586-7200.

Sick of it?

Sell it! Call 337-8337 for details.

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Found. Digital camera. Call to describe. Ask for Beth 333-3704.

© Illini Media Company 2005

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Rent storage for the summer. Student special. Own your own storage. 384-5302

450

SUBLETS

write:

540

Want community? Vegetarian meals? Affordable private rooms? www.couch.coop

4th/ Daniel, 2 bedroom, parking, a/c, balcony. 815-762-5305

buzz@readbuzz.com

510

FREE IPOD SHUFFLE TO EACH TENANT! 2 houses. 3 1/2 blocks from quad. 606 & 608 E. Stoughton. 8 bedroom, 3 bath. Available June 1, 2005. $2000/mo, $2000/mo. plus utilities. Free parking. (630)205-4889.

Near Engineering Campus. Includes cable, A/C. Only $450/mo. 847-9242116

TALK TO BUZZ

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letter to the editor

Furnished

APARTMENTS

buzz weekly •

I ALMOST HAD A PSYCHIC BOYFRIEND BUT HE LEFT ME BEFORE WE MET.

SCOTT HAYS

C-U SMOKEFREE

I would like to begin a response to a certain

Buzz columnist—who shall remain nameless. Like Bill Hicks, 430,000 Americans every year have made the unfortunate choice to die by smoking cigarettes. And 63,000 nonsmokers die every year from disease caused by smokers’ second-hand tobacco smoke. Everyone’s “rights” and everyone’s “choices” inevitably impact others around them. Unlike this Buzz columnist’s other bad habits, his smoking habit directly impacts the others around him. Smokers inhale only about 15 percent of the smoke produced by their cigarette, while 85 percent of the smoke from a cigarette is exhaled by the smoker or simply burns into the air from the lit end.To voluntarily take up a potentially lethal habit is one thing, but to subject your habit on the owners, managers, employees and customers of the restaurants and bars you choose to patronize is something else. But isn’t a “private business” free to allow in or exclude whoever they like without the intrusion of a “Communistic” government? While we live in a free country, a business is actually a privately owned place of public commerce. With the exception of Mr. Buzz Columnist, most business owners know that as operators of a place of public commerce, they are subject to a wide variety of regulations, none of which were initiated by myself or the C-U Smokefree Alliance. Rather than being rooted in Communism or the Taliban, the right of our government to regulate commerce is written right into the U.S. Constitution. The question is not whether government can regulate private businesses, the question is whether the negative impact on the public’s health caused by a business owner’s decisions warrants any particular regulation. To answer this question, we must turn to facts, not armchair legal analysis, innuendo, hyperbole and name-calling. The CDC estimates that every year, 63,000 non-smokers die prematurely of diseases caused by exposure to second-hand smoke. It is the third leading cause of death in the U.S. Proportionally, that translates to 19 deaths of non-smokers annually from disease caused by secondhand smoke in Champaign-Urbana. Secondhand smoke is classified by the EPA as Class-A “known human” carcinogen, the same classification assigned to asbestos. Second-hand smoke contains over 43 known carcinogens including toluene, benzene, acetone and formaldehyde. If restaurants were routinely adding such chemicals to the food we buy, a business would be shut down in a week, and the business would likely (and rightly) be subject to other forms of prosecution as well. Yet smoking customers routinely add these chemicals to the air in every smoking restaurant they visit every time they light up. If this were a personal dispute between the columnist and myself, I would have walked away long ago. But I can’t walk away now. In

the last year and a half, the C-U Smokefree Alliance has signed on over 3,600 supporters. Public opinion polling shows that 75 percent of C-U registered voters support increasing smoking restrictions in restaurants, and over two-thirds of the restaurant owners or managers support a smokefree restaurant ordinance. We at the C-U Smokefree Alliance have documented too much support for protecting public health for any of us to walk away now. Less than half of C-U restaurants are smokefree while only 16.7 percent of Champaign County’s population are regular smokers. This means that smokers have a full array of dining choices while the 84.3 percent of non-smokers’ choices are quite limited. Many C-U residents would in fact like to “stick our nose” into many local businesses, but secondhand smoke unfortunately keeps our business away. I speak for our group when I say that the C-U Smokefree Alliance has no interest in “breaking down freedom in America” or opening any worm cans.We have a very narrow and specific policy goal in response to a very significant and deadly social problem. We hope you will join us in convincing our city officials to clear the air in Champaign and Urbana, then we can all go out for an evening and have a healthy, happy city. C-U Smokefree! Dr. Scott P. Hays (PhD) is President of the CU Smokefree Alliance. He is employed parttime by the U of I as a Research Scientist with the Center for Prevention Research and Development. He does not think that Seth Fein is “up to no good.”

Puzzle

www.readbuzz.com

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I N T R O | A R O U N D T O W N | L I S T E N , H E A R | M A I N E V E N T | A R T S & E N T E R TA I N M E N T | T H E S I LV E R S C R E E N | T H E S T I N G E R | C L A S S I F I E D S


A Playstation PSP or $250 Visa Card or $20 off your rent each month

It’s Your Choice! Call us or stop by for details. Campus Connection formerly Melrose Apartments 1601 N. Lincoln Ave. Urbana 278-0278

University Fields formerly Sterling University 117 Sterling Court Savoy 355-1579

www.collegeparkweb.com

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Buzz Magazine: May 12, 2005