Vol. 11, Issue 2 October 34, 2011 (This day doesn’t even exist.)
Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com
Back to the Future + Junior Dance Club = BAD I was your typical twelve-year -old geek in junior high, a veritable fountain of useless trivia and poor social skills. The Adderall didn't help, but let's not stray from the topic at hand. Back in those days, Internet usage was a damn hard thing to come by. We didn't get Internet access in the Parsons household until 2001, so most of my 'net usage came from my grandfather, my aunt, or my parents’ workplace. So there I was one day, perusing Back to the Future fansites for no good reason other than Back to the Future is the best movie trilogy EVER. I firmly believed it then, I firmly believe it now. That particular day, I found an interesting bit of trivia about Part I. As it happens, Doc doesn't throw away Marty's letter after ripping it up! It's a quick slight-ofhand, but Christopher Lloyd puts the torn letter fragments in his coat pocket! That's how Doc was able to keep the note, tape it back up, and survive the terrorists' gunfire! OOOOOH! This was HUGE news to Young Bryce. I absolutely had to share this fascinating movie trivia with EVERYONE. And what a cowinkydink, Junior Dance Club's big fancy dance was
that evening. First off, let me apologize for what comes next in our story. Understand that I was still twelve, and VERY much still a bright-eyed, fascinated kid. Still am, actually, but back THEN I had even worse social skills than I have now. Which is saying something. For you see, I told EVERY SINGLE GIRL I DANCED WITH ABOUT DOC'S LETTER. Even the ones who hadn't seen BTTF. And I think that later on in the evening, I realized how much of a dork I'd been. Facepalm. But OHHH, it gets better. Several years went by. Junior Dance Club became a distant memory in my Central High School years, and the little BTTF faux pas became nothing more than an embarrassing memory. I was counting on being safely forgotten by the girls from other junior highs that came to Central, and I was nearly positive that the Glenn JHS girls had forgotten about it completely. And I made it to my senior year without anyone bringing it up. So yes, it was in the back of my mind, and I figured I'd never hear about it again.
One day in Ms. McKinney's English class, before class started, a girl I liked named Christie Smith beckoned me over to where she was sitting with a group of female classmates. "Hey Bryce," she said, giving me a curious look. "Were you in Junior Dance Club?" I immediately didn't like where this was going. "Yes," I said nervously. "Were you that guy that told me the secret to Back to the Future?"
Oh sweet, merciful God, no. "He told me all about how Doc saved this note," she told the girls. "I hadn't seen that movie then, but I've seen it since," she added. Seeing what must have been a truly horrified look on my face, she quickly added, "But it's okay, it's totally cool!" That did it, then. A girl I crushed on in high school knew my geeky secret and shared it with people who probably would forget it a day later. Fortunately, I was able to laugh it off, and she even mentioned it in my senior yearbook when she signed it. Christie Smith. Haven't kept up with her. I should look her up sometime.
Quote of the Week
“Jeez, dude. Put some pants on.” -Ancient North American proverb
-Bryce J. Parsons
Vol. 11, Issue 2 Something to read in class today Top Editor Bryce J. Parsons R
Benevolent Dictatress Christine Boswell I
Artists and Writers The Usual Ramdiculists & Goons
Whoomp There it is P
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For the last time, NO! Ramdiculous didn’t steal the Ram Page
MISSING: Have you seen me?
Last Friday, a scoundrel stole every Ram Page on campus. I swear on my mother’s soul, it was NOT us here at Ramdiculous. And I’m not saying that to be funny. We really did not do it. While we DO have a rivalry with the Ram Page, and dislike the Ram Page’s lesser forms of newspapery deliciousness, we just don’t go around throwing out copies of their paper. Why don’t we do that? Is it because they work really hard on their paper, and we don’t want to make the Ram Page staff feel bad? Oh hell no. We don’t care about that. Truth is, we leave the Ram Page in place because it is a heinous crime to steal every single copy of the Ram Page. It really is. Ramdiculous believes in freedom of speech. To remove the other paper for whatever reason deprives students of the opportunity to choose another paper, even if we disagree with the Ram Page here at Ramdiculous. So screw you, Ram Page thief. Screw you HARD.
Fall 2011 Schedule
the incredible question
High Noon (Nov. 5) A Man for all Seasons (Nov. 12) Guys’ Night In (Nov. 19) A Bronx Tale Glory The Rainmaker Tears of the Sun Boyz N The Hood Rob Roy The Mission: Impossible Marathon (Dec. 3) Mission: Impossible Part I Mission: Impossible Part II Mission: Impossible Part III All movies start at 7p.m. in the Texan Hall Community Room, unless otherwise stated. Be sure to look for us on Facebook!
Word of the Day: etiolate (v.): 1.) To make pale through lack of light, especially of a plant. 2.) To make a person pale or sickly-looking.
Picture of the Week: Thatâ€™s what she said
Difficulty: 3 (Normal)
Poetry Time. On the Topic of Space and School and Other Such Things By Miss C. Boz
Twinkle twinkle little star Studying for tests is very hard Up above Concho so high Birds and bats go flying by
Difficulty: 29 (Hard)
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Top Ten Space travels 10.) Apollo 16 9.) Apollo 13 8.) Apollo 17 7.) That time that the Doctor took the TARDIS to the Eye of Orion and met his past regenerations 6.) Apollo 14 & 15 (tie) 5.) Apollo 12, with centerfolds on the moon 4.) Anything with Planet Express 3.) The Genesis planet 2.) Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum nuking an alien mothership in Independence Day (1996) 1.) Apollo 11
Zombies in the Bronze Age By Robert Thompson One of the things that makes the past infinitely more interesting than the present was how little we knew about the world around us. The edges of the map were far closer and darker than we could ever understand and people faced the real threat of being annihilated by forces they did not understand. I’m fond of saying that history is more interesting than anything Hollywood has come up with lately and I stand by that statement, but I constantly think about how wonderful it would be if Hollywood A: Made a conscious effort to accurately reproduce an historical event, or B: Choose the correct historical event to take in another direction. Imagine what it would be like if one day we just stopped hearing from Canada, no news comes out, the people we send up there never come back.
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Imagine that by a few years later we lose contact with everyone north of the Red river. Imagine the tension and the panic as that big black line on the map gets closer and closer and then one day some guy with a HAM radio gets a message from Abilene, “Were under attack. They can’t be stopped. You can’t fight them. Run.” That sort of thing. A few days later, it, whatever it is, is knocking down your door. I’ve just described the collapse of the bronze age, an actual series of events that took place in the Eastern Mediterranean three thousand years ago. Kingdoms fell, cities were burned to the ground, and to this day we still don’t know exactly what happened. What we do know is that Egypt, the superpower of the age, was so weakened that it collapsed soon after. Cast Mark Strong as Rameses and make it a movie about zombies and not barbarian hordes and I guarantee it will be a blockbuster.
Everyone is sick of Kim Kardashian By Thomas Nast SAN ANGELO, TX—People have decided that Kim Kardashian is NOT worthy of conversation. “Really, I don’t know why I kept up with her,” said sophomore Angelina Spoova. “I don’t even know her.” National polls show that the American population have finally realized that it’s actually pretty stupid to follow the hijinks of some California chick that they don’t even know. “Seriously, I have better things to do,” said Spoova. “I could learn Flemish. In fact, I think I’m going to do that now.” Kardashian had no comment.
Laconic Trope of the Day
Batman Can Breathe In Space
Robert Thompson is the Ramdiculous Page’s Bronze Age
“In space, oxygen tanks are optional.”
Zombies Editor, and also on the cover this week. In fact, go back and take a look at the cover. We’ll wait here.
TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.
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Roland Emmerich is a Bloody Moron
l, Christine Boswel Ramdiculous VP