Page 1

Volume 7, Issue 4  The Day of Beer  September 25, 2009 

Everyone, well mostly the uber conservative  right,  is  making  a  big  stink  these  days  about  the  changing  tide  of  the  American  landscape.    Turn  on  the news,  and  all  you  hear  about  is  socialism  this,  or  fascism  that.    Gloom  and  doom  are  the  hot  topic  right  now,  just  like  every  other  day  of  the  year  for  the  past  century.    And  who  can  blame  the  media?    Rainbows,  puppies,  and  sun‐ shine  never  really  make  any  money  the  tobacco  industry driven media circus.  But what about the  one  topic  nobody  has  seen  fit  to  mention?    The  topic  that  was,  in  the  not  so  distant  past,  at  the  forefront of our own little slice of Americana here  at ASU – totalitarianism. That’s right, I said it.  Bet you never thought  that  such  a  serene,  friendly  institution  like  our  own could be capable of one of the most heinous  and  brutal  ruling  ideologies  known  to  the  free  world.  Oh, the things you can learn.  And sadly,  though  there  have  been  many  improvements,  there have also been just as many cover‐ups, lies,  and  backdoor  deals  that  have  secretly  kept  the  totalitarian reign alive in the underground of our  fair  school  to  this  day.  Hop  in  my  way  back  ma‐ chine  and  I’ll  tell  you  all  about  it.    *insert  flashback music* See,  back  when  ASU  was  still  know  as  San  Angelo  College,  I  think  that’s  what  it  was  called  but  who  knows,  the  ancient  scrolls  have  been  long since lost, burned, or buried under the Uni‐ versity  President’s  house  (along  with  Jimmy  Hoffa),  the  elders  of  our  now  prestigious  institu‐ tion  conceived  of  a  plan  to  transform  the  then  small  college  into  a  university.    A  grand  idea,  by  all accounts, and many of the townspeople were  more than happy to oblige this change because it  would  boost  economy,  morale,  and  pre‐marital  sex which, as we know results in pregnancy (and  ball cancer) 100% of the time, thus increasing the  population.    However,  there  was  one  small  con‐ tingency of people who did not desire this change  – the Quakers.  They saw the streamlining of the  college  to  a  university  as  an  affront  to  God  be‐

Beer truck unload 

Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006  Something to Read in Class Today 

ASU: Home, Sweet, Home or Devil’s Playground? By: The Bear Jew cause  of  the  influx  of  population  and  the  lack  of  bathrooms. Time passed, and the college became a uni‐ versity, much to the dismay of the Quakers.   The  founding  fathers  of  the  university  quickly  had  them  all  killed,  maimed,  or  forced  them  into  death  marches  to  Fredricksburg  and  Shiner.    Many  lives  were  lost  on  those  marches,  and  the  production  of  oatmeal  fell  234%,  doom‐ ing the world to eat grits (bleck!).  With the Quak‐ ers  gone,  the  fathers  of  the  now  Angelo  State  University school needed to come up with a mar‐ ketable  brand  logo  and  mascot.    After  much  de‐ bate,  and  days  of  cuddling,  they  decided  upon  the  elegant,  yet  powerful,  ram  –  an  icon  that  endures  today.    Majestic  as  the  ram  might  be,  they needed a way to lure unsuspecting children  to  sporting  events  and  indoctrinate  them  with  the ASU blue and gold.  Since Barack Obama was‐ n’t  around  to  speak  to  school  children  yet  be‐ cause  he  was  still  schlepping  around  Kenya  or  Mongolia  or  wherever  the  hell  he’s  really  from,  the fathers of the university settled on a cartoon  ram named Tuffy to gain the trust and interest of  the  children.    But  something  still  wasn’t  right.  Plenty of young boys were hip on ASU, but  barely any girls, which would have sufficed if ASU  were run by priests like at Notre Dame (or if that  pesky  women’s  liberation  front  had  never  hap‐ pened*). Thus, Scooter was born as a life partner  and  viable  option  to  dupe  young  girls  into  the  ASU atmosphere. For a while, things went swimmingly at ASU  – there were plenty of new faces on campus, the  sports teams still had team members alive at the  end  of  the  games,  and  there  was  much  fornica‐ tion.    Then  came  the  1960’s,  a  time  of  dramatic  change,  a  time  of  peace,  love,  political  unrest,  and  drugs  all  across  the  nation.    Dark  days  lay  ahead for  the  fathers  of  ASU.   It  was  during  this  time,  that  Tuffy,  the 

Continued on page 3

Quote of the “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” —Benjamin Franklin Week

The Beer Time Beer: one of life’s greatest things. Everyone may marvel at modern medicine and space travel but booze is one of the few things that has lasted us though the ages since the dawn of man. I mean come on it makes you fill great and the ladies look even prettier than they are ready are. Let’s face it booze is great, in fact it is so great that the Germans thought of this creato: “Drink beer to kill the weaker brain cells so that the stronger ones would work h a r d e r a n d mo r e e f f i cient.” Drink your heart out cause booze makes the world go round in a somewhat circle. Drink to enjoy the flavor, to get over a women, to get the courage to talk to a women, to stand in line at midnight for the release of Halo ODST, drink to get drunk. Do it legally though because if not you go to jail where guys named Bubba will be your new lover. I mean this

cause Bubba don’t buy you flowers or dinner afterwards. He just leaves, jerk. So enjoy your inebriating drinks within the bonds of the law, unless you are on my ship the “dirty whore” in which the crew is required to drink or face being locked up in the brig with fifty kittens in heat. That would actually suck so if you are in the presence of captain fuzzybeard drink till you get alcohol poisoning. Capt. FuzzyBeard NOTICE: THE RAMDICULOUS PAGE DOES NOT CONDONE DRINKING ALCHOL, ESPECIALLY ON CAMPUS AND MINORS SHOULD NOT DRINK ALCOHOL UNLESS WITH THEIR PARENT OR GUARDIAN OR WHERE OTHERWISE PERMITTED, THIS APPLIES TO ALL

Obama Files Well, this week is our beer issue, so I thought it fitting to discuss  President Obama’s taste in beer. In one blog I looked at, they were  discussing what beer would be served for Officer Crowley, Profes‐ sor Gates, and the President. It pointed out that Officer Crowley’s  favorite was Blue Moon (very good choice, sir) and that Professor  Gates’  favorite  was  Red  Stripe  (yet  another  winner),  so  what  is  our  President’s  favorite  beer?  Well,  according  to  Wiki  Answers,  which is by all accounts the most reliable source on the internet,  his  favorite  beer  is  Bud  Light.  Are  you  freaking  kidding  me?  Bud  Light?  Don’t  get  me  wrong,  bud  light  is  ok,  especially  when  you’re  looking  for  some‐ thing  cheap  but  not  well…  Keystone,  but  come on! He can afford good beer; he’s rich!  And if he’s trying to make himself sound like  a  good  American  drinking  a  good  American  beer,  well  swing  and  a  miss  Mr.  Presi‐ dent.  Anheuser  Busch  was  bought  out  by  InBev  SA,  a  Belgian  com‐ pany, last year. So does our Presi‐ dent  really  have  bad  taste  in  beer? Or does he just not drink  beer, so he doesn’t know any  better? Either way, I am very  disappointed.  

George Ferguson’s Ramdiculous Reader Involvement 

What do you think about Angelo State traditions? Each week, or occasionally, our old “rant man” G‐Ferg will be challenging  you, the Ramdiculous Readers to write an article about a RANDOM topic.   Are  you  ready  to  take  the  challenge?    You  will  win  things,  you  never  know, it could be a t‐shirt or a trip to the Bahamas or even a new CAR!!!   The choice to participate is yours and yours alone… now enter the Tem‐ ple of George Ferguson’s nightmares, here is your first challenge... 



Continued from cover

affable mascot became interested in  drugs,  dropping  acid  and  taking  marijuana tablets, and sleeping with  boys**.    This  did  not  sit  well  with  the  university  elders  who  told  Tuffy  that  if  he  did  not  change  his  ways,  there  would  be  swift  repercus‐ sions.  Tuffy refused, and the elders  did the only thing they could – they  reimaged  ASU’s  logo  and  had  Tuffy 


For Sale 50 Golf balls $5 Call (325) 514-5619 Mug W/ Yogi Tea $1 Call (325) 212-0379 Bubble Wrap $1 Call (325) 212-0379 Jeep Bikini Top $10 Call (512) 567-4460

snuffed out  by  the  replacement  The  university  elders  decided  mascot,  Roscoe,  who  in  that  because  of  the  new  mascot,  those  days  was  a  and  a  generous  do‐ high  ranking  nation  from  an  made  man  for  unnamed  bene‐ the  Gotti  fam‐ factor,  we  pre‐ ily.    Scooter  sume  it  to  be  was  worried  she  Satan, that the school  would  be  next,  needed to be revamped  so  she  commit‐ and  given  a  new  ted  suicide  the  logo.      However,  there  next  day  in  a  would  be  much  trepidation  in  basement  surrounded  by  harlots  this  decision,  many  lives  would  be  and Jerry Garcia. lost, and billions of dollars of embez‐

We are now running classified ads in the Ramdiculous Page, this is a service to the students of ASU, please email to insert your free classifieds (max one per student)

*The Ramdiculous Page does not condone  sexism. **The Ramdiculous Page, while not gay, does  not discriminate against those who choose to  live the alternative lifestyle, although the  prospect of butt sex is just weird. 

T h e D ay o f B e e r

          What  would  you  do  if  I  sang  out  of  tune?  Would  you  stand  up  and  walk out on me?  I bet you would, cause  you’re a jerk.  But I can bet that there is  at  least  one  time  that  you  would  stay  and  listen  to  me  ramble  and  warble  in  the most atrocious manner at the top of  my lungs. And that, dear friends, would  be  if  I,  you,  or  both  of  us,  were  com‐ pletely and utterly smashed. Yep, you’d  stick around then. And not just because  I  was  the  one  bought  all  of  the  alcohol,  you  freeloading  anus  face.  You’d  stay  because  things  are  much  funnier  when  you’re  drunk.    And  what’s  the  fastest,  cheapest,  sometimes  most  disgusting  because  the  next  day  you  wake  up  and  taste  old  shoes  way  to  get  drunk??....BEER!!              Yes,  beer  ‐  that  wonderful,  magical  elixir  of  the  gods  that  makes  the  hot  girl  slutty  and  the  ugly  chick  bearable.    If  you  think  about  it,  beer  is  probably  the  only  true  friend  you  have.    It’s  always  been  there  for  you,  and  always  will  be,  unless  we  end  up  having  another  Prohibition  Era.  God  it  must  have  sucked  to  be  alive  in  the  1920’s.  But  what  is  it  about  beer  that  always  has  us  clamoring  for  more,  more,  more?  How  do  you  like  it?  How  do  you  like  it?  More,  more, 

Campus Reflections: Beer Classifieds

zled and laundered money would be  spent.    That’s  a  story  for  another  day.  Tune in next week for our con‐ tinuation  of  this  dark,  remorseful  story  as  we  continue  to  examine  ASU’s  history  that  we  may  or  may  not have made up. ‐‐The Bear Jew

Too many under-agers Memory forgetter Class misser Overrated Over promoted Oder enhanced Busted partier GROSS!

more….Sorry, channeled Rachel Stevens  for a minute.  Beer, for all its downsides  like  causing  public  drunkenness,  bike  theft,  and  waking  up  to  a  severe  head‐ ache  next  to  a  disturbingly  large,  pock‐ marked  beached  whale,  is  intrinsically  and  ethereally  good.    How  can  you  go  wrong  with  liquid  bread  in  an  alumi‐ num  can?    You  just  can’t,  unless  you’re  drinking  watered  down  horse  piss  like  Natural  Light,  Coors  Light,  or  Key‐ stone.  With those three you should just  beat  your  head  against  a  wall  for  three  hours, same effect.              And  while  getting  hammered  on  beer  is  fantastic,  how  many  people  neglect  the  other  fantastic  beers  of  the  world  just  because  they  don’t  want  to  step  out  of  the  comfort  zone  and  be  adventurous? Answer: too many. So, for  you,  the  intrepid  Ramdiculoholic,  I  submit  to  you  a  conglomeration  of  beers  that  you  should  try,  along  with  the reasons for this. Granted, a fair few  of  these  are  hard  to  come  by  in  San  Angelo,  or  even  the  US,  but  well  worth  the  wait  if  you  can  make  trips  to  Europe.   1.S a m u e l  Adam’s Oktoberfest –   simply  delicious.  Fairly  hoppy,  but  with  a  hint  of  Au‐ tumn  brewed  right  in. If you like rich, full  bodied  beer,  this  is  a  must have.  2.Leinenkugel’s  Summer Shandy – an  all  around  taste  de‐ light.  Light,  lemony,  and  luscious.  Best  enjoyed  with  barbe‐ que,  but  is  great  all  year  round.  Does  smell like Pledge, but  so what?  3.K o s t r i t z e r  Schwarzbier  –  a  trip 

down malt  lover’s  lane.  Thick,  rich  and  dark with a clean finish. Nothing beats a  dark German beer….nothing.  4.Greene  King  IPA  –  aged  1  year  before  bottling,  it  has  a  hoppy  taste  with  slightly  bitter  finish.  That’s  what  makes  it  great  though.  And  it  compli‐ ments  Mexican  food  very  well,  big plus  in Texas.  5.Shiner  Commemorator  –  very  dark,  hoppy  taste.  Finishes  with  a  chocolate  malt  taste  that  twinges  the  nose a bit. Probably my favorite beer in  the world.     I  would  continue,  but  I  would  sound like a huge alcoholic since I have  tasted, and enjoyed, somewhere around  80  different  beers  in  this  lifetime  (and  123 in my previous life). Though, if you  ever need a helping hand at discovering  the  nuance,  subtlety,  and  complexity  of  a new beer to enjoy, you know where to  find me. Prosit!   —Samuel Clemens 

-Joan of Arc


Poetry Time Beer is yummy, beer is good Beer tastes how a beverage should Lagers, ales and porters too Beer just makes me go WOOHOO!

WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Hello to all. In today’s issue of the Ramdiculous page I was told to talk about beer. Beer is crazy for all those who drink it. If you are at party and you see someone passed out on the couch, it is highly encouraged that you draw funny shit on their face. It’s not funny for them, but it is hilarious to those watching around them. IF you are remotely attempted to draw on their face, there may be a consequence from the police. They will most likely give you a big long speech on how its drinking is wrong and you shouldn’t drink and drive. Drinking and driving is very dangerous and you can cause injuries to drunken people walking down the street. This article is meant to be a little humorous but it is not meant to be taken seriously. So please don’t go around telling your friends and parents that Krazy Kendra said it was ok to draw on a drunken person’s face. If you do happen to draw on someone, you better watch your back because when you get drunk someone is going to draw on your face. Or even worse someone might place another drunken person next to you and make both of you puppets. Then next thing you won’t realize is that someone videotaped the whole thing and it is now posted on YouTube the next morning. Won’t you be the talk of the school when class begins the next day? Also as a fair warning, always have a desig-

nated driver among you. That is unless the designated driver decides the want to get totally wasted and leaves you behind. Then you should always have a fair backup plan. The best idea would be to play rock, paper, and scissors to see who has to be the designated driver. If you are the designated driver, please don’t drink because you have to be the one that videotapes the whole thing and posts it on YouTube. This example shows to never mess with the designated driver because they may but you on blast in front of your class the next day. Also be well aware of the nerds. If you mess with them, they will seek revenge on you. You all say the movie Revenge of the Nerds at least once in your life right? That movie is 100% true by the way. That is all for me, it Krazy Kendra signing out.

A Letter from a Lover Dear Beer, I’m not real good at express‐ ing my feelings, but at this point  in  our  relationship,  I  think  it’s  time that I sit down and thanked  you  for  everything  you’ve  done  for me. First,  I’d  like  to  thank  you  for  making  the  ladies  at  the  bar  more attractive looking, which in  turn  boosts  my  self  esteem  and  allows  me  to  think  more  highly  of  myself  than  I  already  do.  Thanks  for  making  puzzles  the  slightest  bit  exciting,  and  walk‐ ing  almost  impossible.  Thank  you  for  helping  me  get  a  good  night sleep, even though by good  night sleep I mean a rough morn‐ ing  curled  up  around  the  toilet  during  my  first  three  midterms.  Thank  you  for  helping  me  be‐ lieve  that  I  was  a  good  juggler,  while juggling apples in the Wal‐ Mart produce section at 3 in the  morning.  I  am,  however,  a  little  disappointed  that  the  security 

guard didn’t  find  it  quite  as  en‐ tertaining as I did. Thank you for  making school both hard to go to  and  a  couple  of  times  hard  to  spell.  Thank  you  for  the  head‐ aches that no amount of Tylenol  can  cure,  the  memories  that  others  have  of  me  and  the  bumps and bruises that I cannot  recall.  Thanks  for  making  What‐ A‐Burger  taste  so  much  more  amazing  than  it  usually  does.  I  can’t thank you enough for help‐ ing  me  find  a  place  to  give  me  money  too  and  allowing  me  to  get  even  closer  with  the  San  Angelo Police Department than I  was before. I  know  you’re  busy  with  everything, but I was hoping that  maybe  we  could  get  together  this  weekend.  You  could  bring  your friends if you’d like.   Love, Alvin Shabaz Jenkins

—Krazy Kendra




Claire Chomout

Claire is an interesting person to say the least. She has a way of making you scratch your head and go “hmm…” with a lot of the things she does. That’s not all there is to her though. Claire is also an excellent volleyball player and a first class Pac Man player. You should see her; she tears those weird little monsters up! She is also the younger sister of Seth Chomout, so the fact that she turned out as well as she did (you know with out severe emotional trauma) is quite remarkable and really speaks to her character. Basically Claire is awesome, and those of you who don’t know her… well you’re probably just fine.

ADVERTISE WITH US.  If you would like your ad to appear in the   Ramdiculous Page, please contact us at    

Advertising Guidelines  1.  Deadline  for  ads  to  be  submitted  is  1:00pm  the  Tuesday  before publication.  2.  Ads will be received only if they are complete. Ramdiculous  Page will not create any ads.  3.  Ad size will not exceed one‐quarter of a page.  4.  Organizations/events  may  have  more  than  one  ad,  but  no  organization/event  will  be  allowed more than one‐quarter  of a page in ad space.    Ramdiculous  Page  will  not  advertise  for  any  off‐campus  event  except  in  certain  circumstances,*  or  anything  of  questionable  nature. This includes but is not limited to:   Alcohol   <—haha this is the beer issue   drugs   tobacco   illegal activities  *Exceptions  to  this  rule  will  be  determined  the  staff  of   Ramdiculous Page 


Top Ten


Ways to drink beer  

Hanzel and Lumpkin recount encounters with strange acquaintances. By Allan Hanzel and Roy Lumpkin Disclaimer: If only this wasn’t true….

Imagine This

By: Sandy Arbor 

If Tom (the creator of Myspace) and the Facebook guys got together for a beer which ends up being a drinking match and started randomly singing Lindsay Lohan and Boys 2 Men songs

Hanzel: Our  night  began  innocently  enough  as  we  pulled  from  the  Robert  Massie  parking  lot,  off  on  a  grand  so‐ journ  to  procure  some  good  eats,  set‐ ting  out  due  to  the  fact  that  the  caf  closes  early  on  Sundays.  Yeah,  great  f****** job, ASU staff.  Lumpkin:  There  we  were,  heading  west  into  the  setting  sun  like  our  for‐ bearers did all those years ago in their  own  white  Ford  Ranger  covered  Wag‐ ons; souls ablaze with manifest destiny  and gullets screaming for the slaughter  of many a cow.  Hanzel: After thirty minutes riding the  loop‐  Lumpkin:  Which,  yes,  sounds  very  kinky.  Hanzel:  ‐we  came  to  three  distinct  conclusions.  One,  the  radio  is  almost  one  hundred  percent  certain  that  if  you liked it you should have put a ring  on it.  Lumpkin:  Two,  whichever  mayor  promised a chicken in every pot and a  ceramic sheep on every corner did his  job right.  Hanzel:  And  three,  although  the  inter‐ net  swears  by  all  the  powers  that  be  there  is  a  Popeye’s  in  San  Angelo,  Mapquest  once  again  has  done  us  a  great wrong.  Lumpkin:  Should’ve  went  Google  maps.  Damn  our  skewed  loyalties!  So  finally  we  pulled  into  a  shopping  cen‐ ter  and  decided  most  expediently  to  sup on the cuisine of either Chick Fillet  or the oh so scrumptious Wendy’s.  Hanzel:  So  it  was  decided  that  we  would  ride  the  waves  of  fate  in  the  same  manner  as  the  late,  great,  fic‐ tional  Harvey  Dent,  letting  a  coin  sail  through the air to decide for us.  Lumpkin:  The  dire  spirits  of  chance 

that day  decided  to  err  on  the  side  of  the  Fillet.  The  spirits  of  ‘Closed  for  Renovation’ had other ideas though.  Hanzel: “All praise be to Dave Thomas,  founder  of  flavor!”  And  so  we  skipped  like the merriest of men into the doors  of the aforementioned Wendy’s.  Lumpkin:  We  stepped  into  line  and  that’s  when  we  first  laid  eyes  on  her,  the  mysterious,  mammoth,  man‐ handed curious stranger.  Hanzel:  I  couldn’t  take  my  eyes  from  her  meaty  hairy  knuckled  paws  that  she was then waving in the face of the  bright‐eyed, naive cashier.  Man  Hands:  “Look,  let  me  say  this  again. I want a number 5 and I want it  as difficult as possible.”  Cashier: “Come again ma’am.”  Man  Hands:  “I  want  the  pickles  inside  the beef. Not on. Not in. You’re going to  slice  the  patty  open  and  insert  the  pickles.  Then  I  need  to  swap  out  my  drink  for  a  small  milkshake,  but  I’m  lactose intolerant and unless you want  me  crapping  violently  on  your  floor  mid‐meal  then  you’ll  cut  out  the  dairy  part  of  the  that  shake  and  replace  it  with  your  chili.  None  of  this  machine  made sludge either. Hand stirred.”  Hanzel: “There is a bear yelling at that  cashier.”  Lumpkin:  “No,  bears  don’t  wear  muu‐ muus.”  Man  Hands:“Now  for  my  fries  I  want  onions  instead.  Not  onion  rings.  Fried  onion sticks. Are you getting all this or  am  I  going  to  have  to  report  your  in‐ competency to your manager?”  Lumpkin:  We  stood,  mouths  agape  in  abject  terror  at  the  monstrous  female,  a  burning  sense  of  pity  for  the  poor  employee.  Hanzel  was  continuously  jabbing  me  with  an  elbow,  speaking 

with less  caution  than  the  situation  warranted.  Hanzel:  “Dude!  Man  hands!  Are  you  seeing this shit!? Mine don’t even look  like that.”  Lumpkin:  “Shut  up!  She  is  right  there!  Three feet man! Keep your damn voice  down!”  Hanzel:  “Screw  you!  She’s  got  little  forests  on  her  knuckles.  Aw  sick!  She  has a wedding ring! You think she has  the gall the touch people with those.”  Lumpkin: “Do I need to take you out of  here? You are a God awful excuse for a  human. Shush!”  Hanzel:  ”No!  Can  you  imagine  those  things  caressing  a  child!  Prison,  she  deserves prison!”  Lumpkin:  Thankfully  the  lumbering  behemoth  remained  ignorant  to  our  presence  as  she  continued  to  berate  the cashier who was now wiping copi‐ ous amounts of sweat from his brow.  Hanzel: We both crossed ourselves and  said  a  silent  prayer  for  the  young  lad  as  he  franticly  swept  his  fingers  over  the  touchpad,  entering  an  order  so  grotesque  not  even  a  mother  could  love it.  Lumpkin:  She  then  glared  back  at  us  for  a  long  moment,  those  spite  filled  eyes seemingly studying us with a feral  muumuu hunger.  Hanzel:  She  stood  aside  at  long  last  and  we  placed  our  orders  in  shame,  walking  back  to  take  our  seats  at  a  booth,  giving  a  final  curious  glance  back to the cruelly shaped marvel, still  waiting on her meal.  Lumpkin:  “Wait  dude.  Isn’t  that  your  English TA?”  Hanzel: “I hope not.”

10. Dixie Cup  9. Bat  8. Beer Bong  7. Upside down  6. With your pants  off  5. Off your   girlfriend’s  stomach  4. With a straw  3. At the Alumni  Center during  Ram Jam  2. For breakfast  1. Out of Das Boot 


Who’s This? Jump online to  The Incredible Question tell us who this  What is your favorite kind of Beer?  is…   Jayton Bryan VanPelt  the kind in my hand 


Last Weeks Correct Submissions  It is Jak  Thank you,   Sarah Sanchez  and  Katherine Crilley  

Last We e k s Sudoku Solution We are your voice, the voice of  the Students of Angelo State.  Be  heard, we would like to know  what you love about ASU, what  you hate about ASU and what  you think needs to be changed  around here.  We are here for  YOU!    If you have a comment, complaint, concern, or question, don’t  hesitate to contact us.  Via email, via phone   (325) 942‐2063, via our suggestion box in the UC, in our office UC  133 or even come attend our meetings at 6 PM on Monday nights. 

Ally McKinney  Beer of the root  Kelly Gee  Yuengling Lager from the  Northeast. 

Jeff Harris  Free  Jenn Doran Prichard  My favorite beer is a   margarita. 

Fish out of water Am I the only one that visualizes the literal meaning of what people say? For instance, let's say a colleague of mine happened to remark that she was feeling like a "fish out of water." If i heard that, I would automatically envision her flopping around on a desolate dock, trying her hardest to get a gasp of fresh air. Think about someone literally falling in love. What type of disgusting tub of goo would this love substance be? I think it would be comparable to purple pudding. Imagine making a mountain out of molehills. I can see the look on all of those moles' faces when they get their hills taken for some experimental mountain-building escapade. They would be pissed off little rodents that would probably seek some form of revenge. If I were you, I would be very weary of the path of a rodent's wrath. I wonder if anyone has every frozen their feet in blocks of ice, just to be able to use the excuse that they couldn't make an event because they got cold feet. I have, unfortunately spilled the beans on several occasions. Literally.. Lots and lots of beans. A gargantuan array of beans scattered askew. It was a monumental day.

I worry about the nut job that hears things through the grapevine. Since wine is made from grapes, I wonder if it would be safe to assume that people that hear something "through the grapevine" were simply three sheets to the wind at the time. Three sheets to the wind? Where did that saying even come from? I picture three sheets of toilet tissue fluttering haphazardly through a windy monsoon. Everyone really should challenge themselves to think literally about the ridiculous things that people say these days. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that it will make a boring conversation go by with a lot more amusement. And if it doesn't, then you're back to square one. Bummer. I'll see you on the flip side! Pseudo Nim *to save yourself from embarrassment, don't take the term "I'll see you on the flip side" literally. If you flip over this piece of paper, I WILL NOT be there to see you.


Movie Times CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS - 2D 3:15 5:45 8:15 10:45

THE INFORMANT! 2:05 4:55 7:45 10:35 9 - CinéArts 3:10 5:30 7:50 10:15

FINAL DESTINATION: DEATH TRIP - 2D 7:40 10:10 JENNIFER'S BODY 2:30 5:15 8:00 10:40

Ramdiculous Observances

LOVE HAPPENS 1:35 4:25 7:15 10:05



R. E. A. D. in America Day   (Start your day with a healthy  dose of the Ramdiculous) 

VFW Day  (Thank a vet, not the pet kind) 


Sunday Ancestor Appreciation Day  (Old people fart, and don’t  even care, lucky!) 

National Women’s Health and  Fitness Day 

Thursday World Vegetarian Day  (have YOU ever seen a   healthy vegetarian?) 

Monday Yom Kippur  (Hey Jews, NO EATING) 














BLAME IT ON THE AH-AH AH-AH AH-AL-CO-HOL Ah yes, beer. There comes a time in every young man/woman’s life that he or she delves into the fun and exciting adventures of alcohol. For some their experiences are new and fun, while others get drunk entirely too quickly and make an ass out of themselves by getting sick all over your driveway (not naming names, cough person whose name starts with a J cough). The bottom line is that almost everyone has a story to tell you if you give them the time of day, and when I was told our format for this week was beer I threw up my arms in glory to the sky fully knowing that I had one (if not several) of these hum-dingers. I was not like most kids at my high school. Alcohol and drinking underage did not appeal to me, namely because a scholarship was the only hope for me to get into college. So not only was my head always buried in a book, but I had to make sure I didn’t get into any trouble that would keep me from getting said scholarship. I also wanted to be able to drink legally and not have it lose its appeal as it likely would for many of my classmates once they turned 21. So with that background in mine, let’s fast forward to my story! Before I moved to where I live now, I use to live in a fancy shmancy upscale neighborhood where all the houses looked the same. At the top of this neighborhood are a bunch of much larger houses that belong to doctors, lawyers, etc. My best friend in the whole world just happens to live there. Often times I would go over to his house and we would drink and play video games, although the first couple of times more drinking than video games ensued. Even though he was not old enough to drink, his parents were home so it was legal. Anyways, one day we decide we are out of alcohol and that we should make a trip to Wally World and purchase some more. My friend was completely out of cash so I used a gift card that I won in a poker tournament at school and bought the beer. My





friend pointed out what he wanted and left out of the store way ahead of me and was standing in a row of cars next to his. On my way out I am immediately flagged down by a security guy from the store. I know he is a security guy because this is the same guy who wanted to check a trash can that my mom and I bought to make sure we didn’t stick anything in it to try and sneak out of the store when we moved. Anyways, he is walking up behind me full speed and quickening a little bit saying “Hey! Hey you!”. The first thought that ran through my head was one full of expletives and something I definitely cannot repeat. I immediately thought my life and future was over and I would be going to jail. If you have ever seen Ocean’s Eleven then you would know what I mean. I turn around and look at him, bag of beer in tow, and ask him what was up. Thank goodness he just had my ID I left on the counter and was chasing me down to give it back to me. My friend saw the whole thing go down and immediately laughed and continued to laugh all the way back home, and looking back on it now it was quite funny. The only reason that I was so nervous is because Wally World happens to be huge sticklers when it comes to purchasing for minors. I know this because one day I was with my very own MOTHER who bought a single bottle of beer and they carded me because apparently I looked a little “young”. My friend constantly needles me about this to this day. Anyways, here is a list of fun things to do while drinking beer, and a not so fun list of things to do while drinking beer: Do Don’t Do Strip Poker Real Poker Rock Band Calculus Homework Video Games Explore houses under construction Nature Walks Communicate Write artiklez Facebook, MyspaceListen to classical music Cry like a ninnyboy







Published every Friday and available to students on campus.  This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper.   We welcome all letters.  Please include your name, position, and an email address.  All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned. Submit your letters via our email, or  website  Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous  Page.  By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or Myspace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing.  If you  are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. 


Ramdiculous Page