Weekly Rant By: George Ferguson I know the title say “Weekly bowl with just the right Rant”, but what it should amount of enthusiasm. Furi‐ really say is “Aunt Jemima ously I rammed the faucet saves the world”. I say this to the “on” position and because, on a recent trip to grabbed about 1.3 gallons my over‐infested shopping of water. Since I am not in location, I became attacked possession of a beater, I by an over‐whelming urge heinously used a fork to mix to make pancakes. I picked the water and syrup to‐ up some good stuff (mix‐ gether. This took the better wise). Then I obviously part of my afternoon, and I needed some topping to go am glad to say that it was on top (because that’s what worth it. After 4 hours of topping means). Guess beating, the mix was silky what I saw!!!!! I bet you smooth, much like howard can’t! I saw some SUGAR stern’s hair. I was so caught FREE AUNT JEMIMA’S PAN‐ up in my beating that I for‐ CAKE SYRUP!!!! I know what got to grab a pan to cook you are thinking…No the perfect ‘cakes in. aware freakin’ way dude. But I'm of the dire predicament I here to offer my personal was now in, I ripped the testimony that there really doors off my cabinet with is heaven on earth. Need‐ such force that only Monte‐ less to say, I bought the en‐ zuma and his revenge could tire bottle. Yes, I acciden‐ be proud. I turned my stove tally the whole thing. The on to the highest setting entire thing!!!! All $3. (which causes death) and When I got home I decided gently with much TLC set that I was well on my way my beloved pan on the to a perfect body. You stove (a Teflon pan, mind know, the kind that has 13 you). When my pan reached abs, 4 biceps, and several the ever sexy degree of pan‐ latissimus dorsis. All with cake cooking, I carefully below 2% body fat. I will be sprayed some non stick a tank. So hurriedly and spray on the beautiful pan. with much passion I tore As I gingerly poured the open the package of pan‐ pancake mix in the cake mix. I was sweating bowl……..ah screw it. I'm with intensity. I grabbed the bored. I'm done. largest mixing bowl in my possession. I slammed the I love you entire package of mix in the
AND NOW BOYS AND GIRLS, IT’S POETRY TIME!
When I’m lonely, I simply think these thoughts And all is well:
Daffodils and cherry trees Simple tents and canopies Butterflies and busy bees Dying by the hour Hope is lost among the seas Death lurks amidst the fleas Kill me now, I beg you please Before I lose my power
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