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Ramdiculous Page Angelo State's Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 Volume 5, Issue 8       Birth of a Ramdiculous Icon   October 17, 2008  Included in this issue:

Ram of the Week

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Weekly Rant

2

Quote of the Week

3

Facebook Invasion

3

Thoughts To Ponder

3

Gears

3

Who’s This?

4

Poetry Time

4

Colbert Cornert

5

The Johns

6

Horoscopes

6

Dante Residential

7

Physics

7

President

8

Sudoku

10

Movies

10

Alphabet soup As an alabaster albatross advanced auspiciously and angrily, an awkward ape ate apples. Being bald but bold, brilliant badgers banged boisterous banjos beautifully. Carelessly, cerulean crustaceans cautiously crested cartographic creations cackling callously causing calculating cornhuskers creamy causations concomitantly cooked creatively. Defiant daffodils danced dreamily, daring dormant draft dodgers decisions decidedly devised during daylight defecation. Emmanuel, eating elephants, ensured educational edification earnestly even evocatively, earning earwigs equal elucidation. Fallacy faltered floatingly from farther facets fabricated fawningly for fu-

Picture of the Week ASU’s Got Talent

ture feathered flight fastidiously filching fervor frontward forsaking floricide forthwith. Greater grandmothers gathered gloomily gaining glib gastric garnishments giving generous gallimaufry generally gleaned glowingly. Hatred held hands helplessly, hanging haphazardly heathen harpoons harmoniously homeward, hearing how haecceity hollered harm hollowly. Iamatology inquires inwardly, insisting impudently irrationally in irritating Indians incessantly intending improvement into incest irksomely. Jaculation jumps joyously, jousting justice jubilantly justifying jocularity. Kainotophobia kept keystones knitting knowingly, knouting kinetogenic kickiewickies. Lopsided lollygaggers

Daffodils (dramatization)

lunged lazily, leaving loopholes lanced lasciviously longing leeward lest labiomancy lose luster. Macadamization makes men moan meaningfully, mastering malacophonous minstrels madly. Nacarat narcoleptics need not nouns never noted, nevertheless, narcotics named nastily now near nosocomiums. Oh, on opalescent openings our own Continued on Page 8

Ramdiculous Observances Saturday—World Menopause Day (oh great…) Sunday—Evaluate Your Life Day (just don’t get depressed when it turns out badly) Monday—World Toy Camera Day (buy one, play with it once, then watch it break) Tuesday—Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day (go tell them you support them..like a jockstrap) Wednesday—iPod Day Thursday—National Mole Day (pet your friends mole(s))


Volume 5, Issue 8

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News At A Glance Alzheimer’s patients hold protest rally, forget the location and wander aimlessly through downtown. College Station city council is considering removal of all ATMs around town. Council spokesperson reports that this move is to keep all the college students from getting confused. Man marries woman with multiple personalities; indicted by grand jury for polygamy.

Ramdiculous Podcast… Check it out on iTunes Search Ramdiculous

Weekly Rant So here  I  sit  listen  to  a  aboot,  but  it  was  some‐ band  that  pretty  much  thing  along  the  lines  of  rocks  and  my  brain  is  not hitting the crosswalk  going  into  convulsions  button  when  there  are  because of its awesome‐ only  2  cars  coming  late  ness. I am listening to it  at  night.  Anyways,  I  rather  loud, as it should  want  to  say  thank  you  be listened to. However,  to  the  three  girls  that  there  are  some  bands  actually  waited  for  a  that  do  not  deserve  to  couple cars and I to pass  be  listened  to  at  any  them  last  lazy  Sunday.   sort  of  volume….end  of  Thank  you,  from  the  this  rant. I    want  to  give  bottom  of  my  heart.  a shout out to the three  This  is  why  I  keep  writ‐ young  ladies  who  actu‐ ing  and  don’t  go  all  ally heeded my plea last  emo… Sunday.  I  don’t  know  how  many  people  re‐ I love you,  member  what  my  col‐ umn  last  week  was  George Ferguson 

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ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the Ramdiculous Page, please contact us at ads@ramdiculous.com Advertising Guidelines 1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 5:00pm the Monday before publication. 2. Ads will be received only if they are complete. Ramdiculous Page will not create any ads. 3. Ad size will not exceed one-quarter of a page. 4. Organizations/events may have more than one ad, but no organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of a page in ad space. Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any offcampus event except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable nature. This includes but is not limited to:  alcohol  drugs  tobacco  illegal activities *Exceptions to this rule will be determined the staff of Ramdiculous Paper

Ram of the Week Adrian Peña Man, now this guy is one cool dude. He is super friendly, and always eager to help out. He even mows the lawn of the Baptist Student Center (ironic, the one Hispanic on the BSM leadership team, and he’s the one that mows the lawn). In any case, Adrian is also someone who’s easy to get along with, just as long as you don’t beat him in ping-pong. Trust me, you don’t want to see what happens when he loses at ping-pong. I don’t remember three days of my life as a result of making that mistake. Overall, he’s a cool guy though, and he’s working on that temper thing. (For anyone who might take it upon themselves to get offended on Adrian’s behalf, know that I am a personal friend of his, as I am of all of the “Rams of the Week” of whom I write; thus, anything said in this article is said in good humor; and should it offend the person toward whom it is directed, I have no doubt that he/she would make it known to myself or another member of the Ramdiculous staff, and amends would be made. I am not worried about that however because all the subjects of this article understand the concept of a joke, and don’t get offended when one is made.)


Volume 5, Issue 8

Awkwardness ...

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People asking the Ramdiculous Page for [real] news. Hey all you Ramdiculous fans, here’s your chance to get in on the action. We want to hear from you what you want from us. We are also looking for some help, so if you can write, let us know, send us some of your stuff.

How about photographers, if you have some pictures send ‘em our way. Are you a artist, draw us a cartoon. Do you have an opinion? Let us know. You can help us. Send your submissions to us @

page@ramdiculous.com

Quote of the Week “His torso is like a newborn baby, and his legs like an overgrown house plant.”

invasion

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Thoughts To Ponder 

If the serving size on a can of soda is one can, then why is the serving size on the little can one can, too? Wouldn't the little cans be 2 cans?

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Would you die if you didn't pee?



Could you be a closet claustrophobic?

What Grinds my gears

By: J-Dizzle You Know What Really Grinds My Gears... Big Dick Pills! I think we can break these pills down into two categories. One group such as Cialis and Viagra are legitimate solutions to that dreaded erectile dysfunction. Though their commercials are awful these are legit drugs for old guys with a problem. The second group is the one that grinds me more because of their utter stupidity. These are the pills such as Enzyte or ExtenZe which are supposed to cause "natural male enhancement".

Does anyone think that this would really work? Even steroids don't make you just grow, you still have to work out. I did some research and all these big dick pill companies seem to be sued left and right for their false claims. So the answer is no they do not cause penis growth (in case you were still wondering). The reason I hate all these pills is their damn commercials which include old men, singing stupid dick songs, smilin' Bob, and true testimonies of how their penis grew.

What is your favorite Ramdiculous Page column? The top ten

All of it so good! Who could possibly choose?

-Lauren Shero

-Aimee Ashcraft

anything by that DREAMY Samuel Clemens -Brian Wingert

The Darwin Awards!!! -Derek Hopper


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Volume 5, Issue 8

Consumables of the Week Sponsored by:

Across from ASU 2424 Vanderventer (325) 947-9462 Drink:

Multi-V (Lemonade Flavor) Vitamin Water

Snack:

Cream Cheese Muffin

Meal:

Chicken Carbonara Sandwich Make sure you have at least one this week $1.00 off Basket With Student ID

Interesting Facts about the Ramdiculous Page 10. The Ramdiculous Page was started in a dorm room by 2 guys 9. Celebrates diversification with 6 writers, 2 women, and 1 homosexual. 8. It has used over 1000 reams of paper, which is approximately 180,000 pages (3000 page limit my butt) 7. Has burned 3 copies of the Ram Page and 1 copy of the Student Handbook 6. Celebrates “The Day Without Shoes” annually as well as “No Pants Day” 5. Is an Equal Opportunity Offender 4. It was originally going to be named the Cashew Times. 3. Ramdiculous.com has international status, having online visitors from Venezuela, Costa Rica, and China 2. Knows that this penultimate statement is correct. 1. Is paid for by you, the reader, thanks for the funding.

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HORRORS OF THE INTERNET This week I’m going to delve into the “Oh, those guys?” Dobney gave Walker treasure trove that is fan fiction. A a shrug. “Two of them are dead, itchy misunderstood art, fan fiction occurs trigger finger. As for the rest, they are when people with strange ideas and too either hurt or knocked out.” much time write scripts, chapters, entire “You son of a….” books, or episodes based on their favorite media. The internet is full of terriWalker smacked his brother on the ble things, but this is probably the most head to get him to shut up. “That entertaining of them all. With everymouth of yours is going to get us into thing from the popular Lord of the trouble!” For a brief moment he felt Rings books to Punky Brewster, http:// guilty for hitting his brother. “I’m www.fanfiction.net is the worldwide sorry…Just try to relax.” hub for aspiring writers to share their Dobney took hold of Walker as the ski work with the public, not that the pubmask men moved in behind Corbett. lic cares. This week’s featured user is The man placed his pistol just inches “spudtrooper” with an impressive 5 full away from Corbett’s scalp then pulled episodes of ‘Walker, Texas Ranger’ the trigger. under his belt and 6 more in the works. His episodes average around 32,500 “NO! Not again!” Walker pulled at words each though, so I’d grab a snack the man’s grip on his arms. “Corbett!” before sitting down to one of these masterpieces. Let’s have a look at an For the dramatic conclusion to this episode titled “Enemy in the Shadows” excerpt… visit http://www. fanfiction.net/ The ski mask man smirked then vios / 3 4 3 4 4 1 8 / 2 9 / lently kicked Corbett in the left leg Enemy_in_the_Shadows. This week’s sending him to the ground. “How does Roundhouse Kick Awareness Award that feel!” goes to featured writer “spudtrooper” for his brilliant work. Runner up goes “Makes me want to kick your ass if I to “TygerMoon Foxx” for his 93,475 could!” Corbett writhed on the floor in word 21 chapter Walker epic “What obvious pain. “Man you are so lucky Price Humanity?” right now that I can’t move!” H4X7R0N

Walker knelt next to Corbett then looked up at Dobney. “Where are the officers?”

DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS??? If you do, tell us at: ramdiculous.com And we will put your name in the paper.

LAST WEEK: Daphne from Scooby Doo Thanks to: Mikela Moss-Ukena


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POETRY TIME Ignite @ 7:00 PM on Monday

Does a feather ever learn how to float Must a bridge try to lay over a moat Does anyone really like the taste of goat No one knows Does the grass ever want to be cut Is it hard to get out of a rut Does it hurt to get a splinter in your butt Definitely

Logos Lunch @ 12 PM on Friday

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Freshmen Bible Study @ 7:00 PM on Tuesday

Volume 5, Issue 8

Dear Celesta Dear Celesta,

Celesta,

My boyfriend has been cheating on me for weeks and I keep taking him back because I don’t want him to be with anyone else. I’m just not the same without him. I don’t think I can move on without him. I want to know how to handle this situation if he keeps cheating on me does this give me permission to cheat on him. Would that balance out the situation?

My ma keeps snoopin in my business she reads my diaries and goes through my texts she even calls my friends up to ask where I really was last night. I need to put an end to this but I don’t know how. Any ideas?

Love, 80% of our readers prefer Colbert to Stewart

“What does a three year old Nepalese living goddess have that Stephen doesn’t?” Art by:

http://www.isthistomorrow.com/

A confused puppy Re: Dear Confused puppy,

-anonymous Re: A-mama-must: That’s what I’m calling you…first of all let me just say that a mama always want’s to be in your life one way or another and I think you should be honest with her and tell her what she needs to know. If you choose not to lay it all out in the open for her then don’t leave your stuff out. But on the other hand you should probably write something really fictional and bad in your diary so that she will read it and never go through your stuff again. It would be funny but be careful I don’t know your mama and it could hurt her.

First of all let me just say I am tired of women thinkin’ it’s ok for their man to cheat if you pretend you don’t know. GET AWAY FROM HIM. It’s plain and simple he DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. You want to fix the situation but you can’t and by you staying with him it lets him know it’s ok to cheat on you. Get out and find a real man. Cheating on him -Celesta does not balance the equation. He is using you. Dump his ass. E-mail your questions for me to answer at celestaadvice@yahoo.com! -Celesta


Volume 5, Issue 8

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This Day In The 1700s: Horoscopes October 17, 1707— German composer Johann S Bach marries his niece, Maria Bach.

Aries—you will now, inexplicably burst into song and dance. Taurus—fever blisters are not what they seem, you actually have herpes simplex. Gemini—dark things are in your immediate future tonight.

Pragmatic Patsy Dear Pragmatic Patsy, I hate my roommate’s dog. He is creepy and stares at me. Sometimes I think he wants to eat me. He soils the carpet. I’m afraid to complain because I’m getting a pretty good deal and I like the situation other than the dog. It runs around like a crazed demon licking and biting me. Tim the Terrified Dear Tim the Terrified, Have you considered homicide? If you can pull it off without your roommate knowing it was you, go for it. Also— stealing it and letting it go out in the country where it will bound free until it is bit by a predator or starves to death. You could scare it so much that every time you enter the room it runs away. If you don’t have the stones to do any of the above, you could just ask your roommate to

keep the dog outside, or just away from your room. You could train it to leave you alone. Perhaps you should think about finding other ways to occupy the dog, such as planting dead birds or other animals around to keep it distracted from bothering you. Another option is buying a tennis ball and playing fetch with the little guy, but you would have to do this constantly to keep it away, which would consume all of your free time. But, as a bonus, you could learn to throw with your left hand. Maybe it licks you and bites you and wants to eat you because you smell good or look tasty. Try not showering or wearing deodorant, perfume, or aftershave of any kind. Hope this helps.

niños para mi estómago Cancer—Darius Rucker will not come visit you no matter Capricorn—never trust a leo, how many letters you write to they drink Ovaltine and smell like the back of a rusty pack of him. matches you pick up in a hoLeo—enjoy Ovaltine, it’s tasty tel bar. and helps you avoid lawn Aquarius—death shall befall gnomes. you if you do not undergo an Virgo—take the blue pill, it immediate colonoscopy to will make you smell like hot remove that toy car your cinnamon rolls buddy insisted was so rare it Scorpio—true to form, you had to be hidden in your butt will crack a rib while skinny Pisces—crackers are your dipping in a pool filled with friends, eat them copiously hot gravy without water and enjoy the Sagittarius— mi culo está ardi- salty goodness of your tongue endo para usted...desea a sus later in class.

DARWIN AWARDS (26 February 2008, France) A 71-year-old pensioner met a shocking end when his sneaky attempt to illuminate his garden shed with power siphoned from the National Grid backfired spectacularly. In his attempt to light his shed for the dark winter months, the gentleman illegally opened a major junction box at the front of his house, intending to hard-wire a power cable to his garden shed. Unfortunately, the poor chap attempted to do this rewiring during a major downpour.

Tenderly, Pragmatic Patsy E-mail me with your concerns, questions, needs, credit card numbers, SSNs, or any other information I may find helpful at pragmatic.patsy@gmail.com

The fatal result was all too predictable. He was deep fried immediately, and declared dead at the scene. Lessons to learn: 1 - Don't hardwire your shed to a local power substation 2 - Don't hardwire your shed to a substation... in the rain!


Ramdiculous Page

Volume 5, Issue 8

For you who cannot get a hand on a Ramdiculous Page, we would like you to always be able to pick up a Ramdiculous Page. We are the voice of [some students at] Angelo State University, and we would like to invite all readers, students, faculty, bums, nurses, monkeys, fictional characters, and even Ram Page employees to enjoy us from anywhere in the world so check us out @

RAMDICULOUS.COM

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We also have the RAMDICULOUS PAGE in color, online!

KNOWING KNATURE – The Science You thought you knew by D’ino I’talles, affiliated loosely with the Angelo State Award winning SPS Chapter.

We’re back again! Now with even more fun things to discuss. On today’s agenda, we take a look at a common household implement – the microwave oven. Nearly every household has one, and all college dorms have one. So how do these magical boxes work? Why they use microwaves! Seriously though, why do we use microwaves? For this we need to look back in history to see where this little box of fun comes from. Back during the early days of radar, scientists noticed that objects in the path of the radar beam were heated by some mysterious force. Radar, of course, uses radio waves to ‘feel’ what is around it. Because of this scientists learned that things could be heated by using energy waves. Snazzy! So why do we have microwaves instead of radiowaves in our homes? Simple, microwaves are more efficient. In order to heat a slice of pizza with radio waves in the same time as a microwave, we would need lots and lots of energy – more than 220 volts! Microwaves are more efficient than radiowaves, ok, now how does it really work? The microwaves that are emitted by the magnetron (this is the cool part of your microwave) interact with the molecules of fat and water in whatever is placed in the microwave oven. The waves set up a resonating oscillation in these molecules, and then they emit heat in the form of thermal energy. Ah, so now we see that our slice of pizza is being vibrated enough to make it warm on that cold morning before class. But there is always a down side to things (well, depending on how you look at it anyways…). There are dangers with heating things in a microwave. Water, for instance, is very dangerous to heat in the microwave. As the water is heated it reaches temperatures well in excess of boiling – 200 or 250 degrees centigrade! This isn’t really a problem, except for the fact that the water cannot release any energy by boiling. The reason, too much surface tension. This is very dangerous! If the surface of the non-boiling 250 degree water is broken too quickly then the water could literally explode out of the container! I did this once people, and it shattered the glass. This means there are many things which are not safe to put in a microwave. There are, however, lots of things that are really fun to put into the microwave – albeit they can be rather messy. Soap for one, man that’s awesome! Marshmallows, CDs, DVDs, tinfoil, those are cool to play with in a microwave. In any case, now we know how and why microwaves work. Also, we know of many fun and possibly explosive things that we can microwave. So, until next time, be safe and try putting some soap in your microwave!* *putting soap in your microwave is not explosive – just very messy!

http://www.ramdiculous.com/dr

http://community.livejournal.com/dante_res_comic/


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Volume 5, Issue 8

Discombobulation Continued from page 1 opiates overtly overuse oval orifices on October’s opaque obeliscolychny. Pardon parson, perchance persons patched perfunctorily per pupil pageantry perilously parse psychotically. Quizzically, queens quite queerly question quacking quarrelers, quietly quantifying quests quackled querulously. Restitution reigns righteously, rebounding robust robots riddled remnants rhetorically rantizing reanimated

radishes rathe. Sacchariferous saplings sample sexual solace solemnly, summoning Sudanese sisters southward swiftly so someone’s selfish salification shall soon surmise Satanic seaweed swathed salubriously supporting sequential saprostomousness. Tightening turncoats takes tantric talking to topographers through tanacles taught thoroughly twisted tenements taking turns torturing tepid tortoises topically. Unctuous umbrellas underfoot undertake umbilical unification, undoing unwanted uranism, unless unlike urns underwear unloosens utmost utterances

under ursiform uxoricide. Vaginal vessels verbalize verbosely vestibules valiantly vying, vilified, veritable verses vainly verified velamentously. Washballs wander wonderingly westward, wisely watching wharfingers while welking wildly, weaning wants woefully whether whiskerandos wish widdershins wail wisely with wurzel. Xanthoderms xilinous xenomenia xylophones. Yeaning yams yell youthfully yonder, yet yedding yonkers yex yellowly, yowling you yegg! Zabaglione zooms zoophorusly

Page 8 zig-zagging, zoodikers!! --Samuel Clemens, Esq, MD, DDR, ADHD, TMI Note: All words that appear above are factual, tangible words. Their use in this article may or may not be correct, but who cares now you know more things than you did before reading this. Also, if you made it through all of this you have too much time on your hands. Get to class!!

Movie Review WARNING! The following article contains a movie review. Only continue reading if you enjoy learning what someone else thinks about a movie you may or not have seen or have any desire to watch. Also, spoilers are imminent. You have been warned!

original however as the Terminator trilogy already showed us what could happen if a computer starts to do what it thinks is right, however Eagle Eye does not contain time travel nor robot assassins, making the film seem a lot more plausible. Even with its similarity, the movie is good action with a very good story with big named actors and actresses. The movie's twists were surprising even when the movie as a whole is not. I rate this movie eight yummy meaty out of nine and half. Go watch this movie soon, for it will be leaving theaters soon. Send your movie r e q u e s t s t o page@ramdiculous.com and I will write for you again next week.

It is I ASU Campus, your awesome Movie Reviewer Guy, Smitty!!! As per your requests through page@ramdiculous.com I went and watched a movie that I really did went to see, so I thank you. I went and watched Eagle Eye this past Tuesday afternoon. The movie does live up to the hype you may or may not have been hearing around our beautiful college campus. While I do not agree that the -Smitty McSmitherson Tyberifilm is better then the new ous-Rex O'Toole the Third Batman movie, The Dark from the Golden Forest of Knight, it is still really enjoyGnome Alaska. able. The story is not fully

A Note From Your SGA President Welcome, apparently you, the reader are tired of hearing about me… so here are some things going on today and tomorrow: ASU Homecoming Bonfire ASU Homecoming Parade Ram Jam at Alumni Center ASU Homecoming Football Game

That is all, well I think so at least. I hope the Rams win. If anyone sets off the fire alarm in Texan hall, I will personally see that your microwave is removed from your room, because you shouldn’t be able to use such a powerful machine, if all you are going to do is burn popcorn or try to warm a poptart still in the wrapper. Sorry, I am going to try to not rant much anymore… Ram’em


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Volume 5, Issue 8

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Campus Reflections: Seth Do you want to know who one of the strangest people you can find here at ASU is? Seth. Yes, I just said that. And I reserve the right to write this article on my dear, personal friend because we are actually friends and not just according to Facebook. Seth, Seth, Seth…. Hmmmm…. Seth what is there really to say about him? He should be in the NBA because he is abnormally in gigantic proportions tall. I mean, seriously, have you ever walked beside this kid. He’s HUGE!!! I never related so closely to an ant ever in my life until the day I met him- In the Texan Hall lobby. Why do I remember that? Because he scared all the holy cow crap out this

little then-freshmen with his massively tallness. So, unless you are abnormally tall, I suggest you to stay away. He likes to pick on those of us whom are normally sized strolling about, not having to duck under doorways, and it’s not funny, Seth. NOT funny! We normal-sized people do not appreciate the whole “Hey, I have the paper you need and I’m holding too far above your head to reach!” Not cool. Not cool at all. I bought a set of Ironman shoes just because I may need them to retrieve whatever item Seth may be holding hostage at the given time. And that, I’ll admit, is fun. Sorry, about the hole in the roof of the Rassman… It’s there, go

Leditor to the Editor Dear Sir or Madam: I am writing to you in response to your heinous perpetuation of such an elaborate joke. While I enjoy your paper on a weekly basis, I cannot believe that you would neglect to include any real news in your News at a Glance section last week! I don’t know who you think you are, but I, being an avid reader of your paper, as well as a news junkie, glean all my worldly news knowledge from your paper. I was very distraught when I turned to the News at a Glance page and only saw the word “news” under the headline. I fully comprehended the joke but I was appalled that in order to understand it, I had to repeatedly and quickly flip the page back and forth! That’s not even news!! It was just cruel!! How dare you fail in your duty to report the world’s greatest, most irrelevant news stories and play a joke on your readers! For shame Ramdiculous Page! For shame! - Daryl Inigo Montoya Silverstein

check it out. Seth is a University of Texas fan. It’s quite evident if you ever decide to grace his office with your presence. UT stuff is EVERYWHERE! (Even covering up the sacred Texas Tech emblem painted on the wall! *gasp*) He does get props for that. Because even in the abnormal elevation that his head resides in at all given times, except sleeping I assume, the lack of oxygen has not affected his judgment on what Big 12 school to support. So grab your bullhorns and go say hey to this strange, strange person roaming our campus. He should be easy to spot. Joan of Arc

gone country What is going on with the world? I know it’s a difficult question to answer. Nobody really has any clue as to how we got to where we are these days -- we only know that it sucks. The economy is still trying to stem the tide of blood cascading out of Wall Street, turmoil abounds in the upcoming presidential election, and, worst of all, Sebastian Bach has become a country music artist. Now, I would be willing to bet that not too many people actually know who Sebastian Bach is in this day and age, so let me enlighten you. Sebastian Bach was, at one time, the front man of a huge 80’s hair metal band. Yes, hair metal. His band toured with and emulated bands such as Ratt, Poison, Wasp, and Twisted Sister. But now, Mr. Bach has decided to go the way of others from, or imitating, his era such as Kid Rock by crossing over to the dark side of music, aka country. I don’t slight him for trying to resurrect a long dead and defunct career, it is an admirable goal. But really?!? Country music? How in the world do you go from playing sold out arenas with hundreds of thousands of screaming, pubescent, ratty-haired teenage girls (and some guys) to twanging away on an acoustic guitar in smoky barrooms with drunk, depressed, obese middle-aged women in leopard print K-Mart blue light special tube tops and pleather pants that their butt cracks are constantly trying to devour? Oh sure, the ratted hair is still pleasant, but now it’s held up by a combination of too much hairspray, vomit, spittle, and spunk, and poorly dyed a “platinum” blond with the nasty brown roots prominently displayed unabashedly. ‘Tis a sad, sad day when a bastion of 1980s lore and success must succumb to the depths and disappointments of being a country singer. Honestly, actions such as this beg the question “Who's Next?” Well if history is any indicator, perhaps it will be James Hetfield or perhaps the entirety of Zao. At any rate, you have to wonder how in the world the “cool” thing to do suddenly became to change yourself completely, forsaking success, to make country music. I mean, I understand that plenty of the chicks who are in the country music racket are incredibly sexy and alluring, who can argue with Taylor Swift, Kelli Pickler, or that chick from Sugarland, but there’s only so much aesthetics should be able to influence. --Charlemagne the Magnificent


Ramdiculous Page A NGELO S TATE ' S F INEST P APER S INCE F ALL 2006

To Bring *REAL* News to ASU

e-mail: page@ramdiculous.com

WE’RE ONLINE www.ramdiculous.com

Movies That We Want To See

Body of lies 1:15pm 4:10pm 7:10pm 10:05pm quarantine 11:35aM 1:55PM 4:20pm 7:20PM 9:40PM The express 1:10pM 4:05PM 7:05PM 10:00PM Max payne 12:00pM 2:30pM 4:55PM 7:55PM 10:20PM Sex drive 11:50PM 2:25PM 5:00PM 7:45pm 10:30PM City of ember 1:30pm 4:40pm W 1:05pm 4:00pm 7:00pm 9:55pm

WHAT THE DEUCE?

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RAMDICULOUS

POLICY

Published every Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University system or this newspaper. We welcome all letters. Please include your name, position, and an email address. Letters are subject to laws governing obscenity, libel and privacy. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned. Submit your letters via our email, page@ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook or Myspace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are a teacher you need not worry, we will not use your profiles.

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President 8 The Johns 6 Horoscopes 6 Weekly Rant 2 Angelo State's Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 Poetry Time 4 Who’s This? 4 lunged lazily, le...

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