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Ramdiculous Page Angelo State's Finest Paper Since Fall 2006

Scientists Develop New Theory on Light Emission

A Volume 3, Issue 9

November 30, 2007 Ham and Roast Beef Night Included in this issue:

Ram of the Week


Weekly Rant


Quote of the Week


Facebook Invasion


Poetry Time


Who’s this?


Thoughts To Ponder




Colbert Cornert


So Damn Awesome




Dante Residential




For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. The new information suggests that electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Because of this, scientists are now petitioning to have the misnomer 'light bulb' changed to Dark Sucker. The Dark Sucker Theory, as it is now being called, coupled with the existence of dark suckers conclusively proves, according to scientists, that dark has mass and is heavier than light. This breakthrough is being heralded as one of the biggest discoveries since the invention of Albert Einstein in the scientific community. The Dark Sucker Theory, though still in its infancy, has given light to the way we view the world. First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right

next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Likewise, Dark Suckers in a parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones used to 'light' the interior of our domiciles. As with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. Scientists contest that this is proven by the dark spot that develops once a Dark Sucker becomes full of the darkness. Currently, a team of top scientists are attempting to determine if there is a way to re-suck the darkness out of the Dark Suckers and store it in another container so that the Dark Suckers can be made to be reusable, rather than just disposed of. The first breakthrough in this new theory came when a scientist became trapped in his laboratory during a blackout. He lit a candle and instantly saw that the darkness around him was sucked

Sucker (Dramatization) away into the candle, as opposed to the old way of thinking wherein light pushed the darkness outward. A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages Continued on page 3

Picture of the Week

Ramdiculous Observances Saturday - World AIDS Day (do something helpful and selfself-less to aid the fight) Sunday - Feast of the Finger Stalls (whatever those are) Monday - National Ice Cream Box Day (build one, then eat it) Tuesday - Wear a Beard of Bees Day (hope you're not allergic) Wednesday - Bathtub Party Day Submit your photos at

Thursday - National Gazpacho Day (yum) .

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Rambelle of the Week Alicia is a sophomore here at our beloved Angelo State. She comes from the thriving metropolis of Greenwood, TX, home of the prancing weasel festival. She is majoring in history and minoring in English (couldn’t handle the sciences apparently), and she plans to teach at the high school level. Alicia is a joy to be around, and she inspires everyone she comes in contact with. She truly is a deserving Rambelle of the Week.

Alicia Campbell

Awkwardness... When your roommate comes out of the bathroom and says: “that was the first really good poop I’ve had in a while” This section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that make a normal person feel awkward… Submit your thoughts @

Weekly Rant So how ‘bout them Cowboys. Actually I could care less about football…just shoot me ok? It’s just not my thing. Well anyways, don’t y’all hate the crazy wheels on the shopping carts? I know I do, and I do everything I can in order to not select the rollingly challenged grocery holders. I think the Chinese factories that make all these carts should be fired. Yes, fire complete factories. The workers can stay because they are good people. I just believe that as a customer, I am entitled to a pleasant, no-holdsbarred shopping experience, and these nincompoop shopping carts are like a friend who keeps you from meeting girls, or the girl’s friend who you want to meet because she doesn’t let her near you. I think you may perhaps know what I am talking about. Oh the oddities! -George Ferguson

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Continued from page 1

WEATHER: Bilbao, Spain

of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range. However, they are portable and can suck the dark away from you where ever you move with it. There are also other portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again. Secondly, dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle, either. Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. That is why it is called light. Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

What is your favorite Christmas tradition?

--Samuel Clemens

Watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation....EVERY Christmas Eve!!!!

Quote of the Week

-Greg Hickey

mistletoe!!!! :-* hehe

“It’s not his fault he’s Asian!” This Week’s Happenings Television… If you want it back let us know…

-Anne Smith Eating tortilla soup while watching a christmas story 24 hour marathon in my underwear by the fireplace -Brian Wingert

When our favorite shows come back we will put random ones here… i.e. Lost...

Upcoming Events

BSM Activities Ignite @ 7:30 PM on Monday Freshmen Bible Study @ 7:30 PM on Tuesday Logos Lunch @ 12 PM on Friday

Holiday Dinner Theatre, "XSR: Die!," 7 p.m. Nov. 29-Dec. 1 & Dec. 6-8, 1 p.m. Dec. 2, Modular Theatre. Graduation, 10 a.m. & 2 p.m. Dec. 15, JC/SA.

Consumables of the Week Drink:

Sweet Tea


Nilla Wafers

Make sure you have at least one this week

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Glen Meadows Baptist Church would like to invite you to its college ministry! We meet at the Lake House at 9:00 AM on Sunday Mornings, as well as Tuesday evenings at 7:00 PM. Come early and stay late and use our free washers and dryers, as well as the big screen TV, free food and drinks, and a load of fun. Come by and check it out. Oh yeah, the Lake House is across the street from the Glen Meadows, which is west on Knickerbocker. Take a left down American Legion Road and it is the first lake house on the right.

POETRY TIME Snow Gliding gently to the ground Leaves Falling through the crisp autumn air Love Enveloping the hearts of thousands Hope Renewing spirits of the downtrodden

Powering out of Texas, Vendetta Black is a breath of fresh air to a stagnate music scene. Their captivating live show and undeniable passion in their music keeps fans coming back for more. Make sure to catch these guys on tour. It is an unforgettable experience! $5 cover; Show starts at 9pm You can check out Vendetta Black at:

Peace A fading thought to which we cling



Christmas A time of joy, celebrating Larry King

If you do, tell us at: And we will put your name in

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Thoughts To Ponder •

Do penguins have knees?

Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?

If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes?

Looking for a customized website for your business? (512) 567-4460

Brainteasers A

Gross estimate

80% of our readers prefer Colbert to Stewart

These are some brainteasers, if you don’t know what they are go home… the answers will be down there next week...

Words of wisdom from the great Stephen Colbert

Broken record


I before E except after C


Ice cube


"Now, I'm not the smartest knife in the spoon, so explain this to me -we're supposed to help folks out of poverty by giving them a financial reward for being poor? Doesn't add up. If being poor is a never-ending money party, where's the incentive to be rich?"

Lois Griffin -- I Am America (And So Can You), pp. 165

From Family Guy Thank you Danasha Hill

Art by:


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Volume 3, Issue 9

Jokes You May or May Not Find on Laffy Taffy Wrappers Q: Where do sick boats go? A: To the dock! (wow, that's awesome)

Q: What's an owl's favorite subject? A: Field Mice! (hahahahah)

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Horoscopes Aries- Peeing in the shower is not advisable due to the fact that urine causes athletes foot that doesn’t go away for at least 5 years. Taurus- Have you ever noticed that salad fills you up, but doesn’t satisfy? Gemini- Try bison steak this week. While purchasing it you will meet your future spouse. Cancer- How ‘bout them Yankees? Leo- Reading the Ram Page kills brain cells.

Q: What's a vampire's favorite food?

Virgo- Fry 3 eggs each day and your cell phone bill will be much lower.

A: Bloody Mary's (lol, so true)

Scorpio- Learn to play an instrument. It makes you more better smart. Sagittarius- ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!

Q: Why did the squirrel swim on his back?

Capricorn- Ode to the freakishly small television. You suck, freakishly small television, I cannot see you from 7 feet away.

A: He wanted to keep his nuts dry!

Aquarius- Save the pennies! That’s what the hippies used to say. Now look at what happened to them. They are goodbye. Pisces- The actions of your cat (namely puss-puss) will prove detrimental to your well-being.

Hello, again, and welcome back to our continuing examination of Why Stephen Colbert is So Damn Awesome. This week, in our 9th installment, we have decided that in honor of Stephen Colbert's recently passed half-birthday (Nov. 13) we shall now have a moment of silence to pay our respects to such an awesome person being alive for another half year. Also, we should pray that he continues onward to his real birthday so he can continue being awesome for the world. Thank you. We hope you will now join us in singing the traditional half-birthday song, God Bless America. And a 1, and a 2, and 3 -- Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood bless America! Land Colbert loves! Stand beside her, and guide her, to his loving arms full of love. From his browline, to his staunch chin. To his jaw set firm in truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuth! God bless America! His home, sweet hooooooooooome! God bless America! Colbert's awesome!

We also have the RAMDICULOUS PAGE in color, online!

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Darwin Awards John, a real estate attorney, was skimming leaves from his pool when he noticed a palm frond caught in the power lines. Years of education equipped John with enough reasoning power to become a successful litigator. Yet his education did not equip him with sufficient acumen to avoid becoming a toasty critter, when he reached up with the long metal pole and poked at the palm frond. John was, for once, the path of least resistance. His family, perhaps as an homage to his litigation skills, sued both the utility company and the pool supply store, which failed to disclose the danger of using the pool skimmer on power lines.

Ramdiculous Page T-Shirts? Yes, they are coming!!! Do you have a great shirt idea? Send it to us at

1992, California) Snakes flick their forked tongues in the air to "smell" the world, collecting molecules and analyzing them by pressing the tip of their tongue into small olfactory pits. An inebriated twenty-year-old man, apparently unaware of this biological fact, took umbrage when a wild rattlesnake stuck out its tongue at him. Tit for tat! He held the rattler in front of his face and stuck his tongue out right back at it. The snake expressed its displeasure at this turn of events by biting the conveniently offered body part. The toxic venom swelled the man's face and throat, choking him to death.

Ok Ram Rugby fans, this year there are only two home games left, so plan for them. Saturday, December 15, 2007 (alumni game) Saturday, January 19, 2008 (University of Texas) Remember: new players are always welcome.

So come to find out that Dr. Maxwell is the professor that drew the pictures on the boards in the Cavness Building. Apparently Dr. Maxwell is an amazing artist, after interviewing a former student of his, Dr. John C. Smith, III, we learned that during Labs, Dr. Maxwell would draw the experiment on the board, and you could look down and it would look exactly the same. As Dr. Smith recalls, even the glimmer of light and shadows were impeccable.

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Movies That We Want To See


To Bring *REAL* News to ASU

1:45pm 4:45pm 7:40pm 10:30pm AUGUST RUSH 1:35pm 4:35pm 7:30pm 10:20pm

Ramdiculous Staff Find out Soon!

Beowulf 1:50PM 4:50PM 7:25PM 7:45PM 10:15PM 10:35PM


Fred claus


1:40pm 4:40pm 7:35pm 10:25pm



Published every Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University system or this newspaper. We welcome all letters. Please include your name, position, and an email address. Letters are subject to laws governing obscenity, libel and privacy. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned. Submit your letters via our email, Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook or Myspace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable. If you are a teacher you need not worry, we will not use your profiles.


Colbert Cornert 5 So Damn Awesome 6 November 30, 2007 Quote of the Week 3 Facebook Invasion 3 Dante Residential 7 Thoughts To Ponder 5 Ham a...


Colbert Cornert 5 So Damn Awesome 6 November 30, 2007 Quote of the Week 3 Facebook Invasion 3 Dante Residential 7 Thoughts To Ponder 5 Ham a...