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Ramdiculous Page Angelo State's Finest Paper Since Fall 2006

Annual Study Tips for the Final-ly Challenged

A Volume 3, Issue 10

December 7, 2007 Day of Mourning for Dingle-Fritter and Gooseberry Humple

Included in this issue:

Ram of the Week


Weekly Rant


Quote of the Week


Facebook Invasion


Poetry Time


Who’s this?


Thoughts To Ponder




Colbert Cornert


So Damn Awesome


Darwin Awards


Dante Residential




Finals once again draw nigh, it's time to crack open those books for the first time and put on the Ecuadorian coffee and pull allnighters. For most of us, this has become old hat. We have finely tuned our study strategies and skills to become the world's greatest crammers. And yet, for some, this shall be the first foray into the dizzying world of university finaldom. And so, in accordance with our tradition, we, the staff of the Ramdiculous Page, offer up more tips to success in the realm of academia. Some say that studying is the best way to attain the grades you desire, and that can be true. However, most people who study often times end up suffering from what scientists have come to call "book blindness." This phenomenon occurs when a person is found to have studied for an excessive amount of time. The precise length of time has recently been pinpointed at anywhere between

1 and 2 hours of study time. This is not straight study time however, but cumulative. And so, our staff has done extensive research on this subject and has devised a mostly fool-proof method of studyology that is certain to stave off the onset of "book blindness" and potentially increase information retention. The process is very simple and can be implemented at any time and any place that books or studying are to abound. The first thing you must do is find a quiet place to study, a dark corner of the library, the Tom Green County Public Library, a coffee house, a frat party or a boat house. These places have environments that are the most conducive to learning and thus provide the basis for the rest of the theory we have developed. After you have found a place that is suitable, it is imperative that you text each and every person in your phone's contact list to see what they are doing. If any of

Boat (Dramatization) them tell you that they are studying, ask them if they are following the prescribed steps, as outlined here. If not, they are no longer your friend and you should distance yourself immediately before they are struck by lightning. The next step is equally important. You must crack open all your books and lay them one on top of the other, making sure to focus on the material you are at least 50% sure will be on the final. After that, it's time to take a break. Get up and Continued on page 3

Picture of the Week

Ramdiculous Observances Saturday - Take It In the Ear Day (WHAT??!) Sunday - National Pastry Day (heck yes!!) Monday - Festival for the Souls of Dead Whales (yeah, that sounds festive) Tuesday - Most Boring Celebrities of the Year Convention (guess we'll finally see if Winona Rider is still alive) Wednesday - National Ding-A-Ling Day Thursday - Ice Cream and Violins Day (cause those fit together so well) Submit your photos at


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Rams of the Week There are firsts for everything… even Ram of the Week, this week we are recognizing two Rams, Ross Powell and Savanna Steele. This great pair are preparing to start a life together on December 15 @ 5:00 PM at College Hills Baptist Church, and would like to invite anyone who knows them to come help them celebrate their big day. We at the Ramdiculous Page would like to congratulate them on their new journey.

Awkwardness... Having your drunk neighbor reintroduce themselves to you 4 times in the same hour.... This section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that make a normal person feel awkward… Submit your thoughts @

Weekly Rant Hoy voy a escribir en espanol solamente. Si tienes una problema con esto por favor ahogate. Porque es tu turno para abrir la mesa con todos los ninos. Y tambien tienes un gato en tus pantalones que esta escribiendo el libro en fuego. Y

The Mist Oh, where to begin. The Mist is the latest Stephen King film to come out and is certainly not the best. As much as I have a desire for King films to be good, or great, this one sinks all hope. The cinematography is pretty well top-notch, but the acting and the overall plot is as campy and shallow as you can possibly get; picture Touristas plot with porno acting and you have the overall gist of The Mist. The film begins with a monsoon caliber storm erupting in a small, lakeside community and ravaging the homes nearest the waterfront. After that, things go quickly into the evil mist taking center stage and all hell breaks loose. I should point out that the "mist" actually resembles more of a fog, and that did not sit well with me being that the movie, The Fog has already been made. Long story short, the mist holds a

dark secret that was released upon the world by the military. And if you are curious as to what the evil is, it is pre-historic looking spiders, pterydacchtyls and an octopus. Yea, an octopus. Well, the ending is as dark and cruel as it is brilliant. I don't want to give it all away, but the main character ends up making a utilitarian choice that ends up being ill-fated. Needless to say, I laughed very hard. It was unexpected and hilarious. And yet, overall the film failed miserably. I would have to say that it's probably one of the worst films I've seen all year. Thus, this film gets a much deserved, hard earned D-. There really was no hope for this from the start, but you can always hold that candle until it burns you. -Kendall T Longbottom

ahora quiero ver a la medicina con la cucaracha empregnada. La leche tiene mucho hambre. Debes servirle cosas grandes con un pico de gallo. La boca esta debajo de la nariz. Abre la boca y saque tu garganta porque no es bueno. Es malo. Muy malo. Hoy es lunes, el dia que la tortilla se invento. Me gust alas tortillas. Te gusta las tortillas? Por que? Yo quiero abrir la ventana por que hay una mujer afuera y no se valla por que ella no le gusta zanahorias. Quiero acostarme en el piso por que mi cama quiere comereme. First person to translate this correctly gets to know who I am…..on Facebook. If you are not creepy then you may get to see me in person from an obtuse angle. —George Ferguson

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Continued from page 1


stretch, walk around a bit to get your blood flowing; poor circulation is the leading factor in causing "book blindness." Once you have returned from your break, it is time to get to studying. But be careful, if not done properly, you will get "book blindness," and die. And remember, don't study in the missionary position, don't study standing up, just don't study! Alright? Okay, everybody take some pencils. Not really, but this next step is the absolute key to the study method that will help keep your sight firmly as is -- only study each subject in 2 minute spurt s. That's right! You have to alternate subjects every two minutes and make sure that you do not accumulate any more study time than one hour. The principle is simple, it is much like the 2-minute drill in football. The faster you are able to progress and move forward in your activity, the more points, or information, you are able to score, aka retain. By switching every two minutes, your brain is able to fire neurons more rapidly and spark more knowledge that will seep into your brain, increasing the chances that you will not go "book blind" and keep the information you study. And that's it! Simple, right? Now, make sure you follow this advice and you will most probably, maybe, somewhat ace all your finals. Have a good break, and take luck! --Samuel Clemens

Karshi, Uzbekistan

What do you want for Christmas?


Quote of the Week “We have a two party system, the Democratic party, a party of no ideas, and the republican party, party of bad ideas” - Lewis Black This Week’s Happenings Television… If you want it back let us know…

i want a new sterep for my car b/c mine is a piece of junk

A copy of the Ramdiculous in color.

When our favorite shows come back we will put random ones here… i.e. Lost...

Upcoming Events

BSM Activities Ignite @ 7:30 PM on Monday Freshmen Bible Study @ 7:30 PM on Tuesday Logos Lunch @ 12 PM on Friday

Holiday Dinner Theatre, "XSR: Die!," 7 p.m. Nov. 29-Dec. 1 & Dec. 6-8, 1 p.m. Dec. 2, Modular Theatre. Graduation, 10 a.m. & 2 p.m. Dec. 15, JC/SA.

Consumables of the Week Drink:


Snack: Gingerbread


Make sure you have at least one this week

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Glen Meadows Baptist Church would like to invite you to its college ministry! We meet at the Lake House at 9:00 AM on Sunday Mornings, as well as Tuesday evenings at 7:00 PM. Come early and stay late and use our free washers and dryers, as well as the big screen TV, free food and drinks, and a load of fun. Come by and check it out. Oh yeah, the Lake House is across the street from the Glen Meadows, which is west on Knickerbocker. Take a left down American Legion Road and it is the first lake house on the right.

POETRY TIME (sung to the tune of “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”) Oh the last week of classes is here There’ll be finals all ending And RamPoints you’re spending cause you saved them all year Oh the last week of classes is here It’s the hap-happiest week of them all

When: TONIGHT 9pm Where: The Oasis (1421 W Beauregard) Cost: $5 at the door

You don’t want to miss it.



With that final goodbye To that class that you tried for the fourth time this fall It’s the hap-happiest week of them all

If you do, tell us at: And we will put your name in the paper.

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Thoughts To Ponder •

If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

Looking for a customized website for your business?

How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown? (512) 567-4460

Brainteasers A

80% of our readers prefer Colbert to Stewart

These are some brainteasers, if you don’t know what they are go home… the answers will be down there next week...

Words of wisdom from the great Stephen Colbert

Gross over-estimate

"You know what you can't outsource? You can't outsource balls. America is the world leader in balls." Art by:



Blanket Man up

Charlie Brown From Peanuts


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Jokes You May or May Not Find on Laffy Taffy Wrappers Q: What falls down but never gets hurt? A: A dead baby! (haha..guess I'll reserve the first class seat on the train to hell)

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Horoscopes Aries- Did you know that thumb cancer exists? If you use knockoff brand batteries, you will get it. Taurus- After you eat, be sure to visit the doctor. Chances are you just ate a porcupine. Gemini- Go buy some medals to satisfy your need for satisfaction.

Q: What do you get when you cross a grape with a lion?

Cancer- During the Vietnam War, the Vietnamese had tunnels bored into mountains‌.COOL!

A: A grape nobody picks on. (yea, that's an actual joke)

Leo- Wear a helmet on the fourth Sunday of each month. Virgo- Begin a daily acupuncture diet. Make sure the needles are sterile.

Q: What did the man say when the picture fell on his head?

Scorpio- Your refrigerator is infested with non-human beings. Use 204.5. I heard it kills them (do you get the obtuse joke? DO YA?) Sagittarius- ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!

A: Ow. (oh that's classic)

Capricorn- Ode to the elevator fart people. Ode to you, elevator fart people, thank you for letting us know we are alive. Your attack on our olfactory senses is a relief to those of us who wondered if we were really breathing.

Q: What's brown and sticky?

Aquarius- Trees grow back. So does grass and toilet scum.

A: A stick! (lol..wish i had thought of that one)

Pisces- The act of launching your roommate into a pool is not advised. You will be sorry in many ways.

Hello, again, and welcome back to our continuing examination of Why Stephen Colbert is So Damn Awesome. This week, sadly, we shall have no article. Our hope and intention was to have conducted an interview with the illustrious Stephen Colbert himself via phone and provided you with a transcript of the encounter. However, the fascists at Comedy Central and Colbert Nation, would not return our numerous requests dating back to late July of this year. We apologize for the inconvenience, but ask you not to slight Stephen Colbert for the shortcomings of his affiliates. Perhaps 53 e-mails and 10 phone calls is just not enough to solicit contact with our favorite pundit of all time. This truly is a dark day for the Ramdiculous Page. We hope you will continue to join us, however, as we will continue to investigate further into the life of Mr. Colbert in the upcoming spring semester.

We also have the RAMDICULOUS PAGE in color, online!

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Darwin Awards Joe, 20, was drunkenly driving through an upstate New York farm town. He drove his car into a ditch and hit a power line. The only way he could get his car out of the ditch without getting a DWI was to steal a nearby farm tractor, and drag the car out himself. He goes to the farm, and gets a tractor drives it out to the scene of the accident. He then proceeded to drive into the down power lines. Electrocuting himself to death.

Ramdiculous Page T-Shirts? Ok, so all semester we have been trying to get some shirts‌ We will have them the first week of school next semester. Be prepared, they will be ten bucks.

Ok Ram Rugby fans, this year there are only two home games left, so plan for them. Saturday, December 15, 2007 (alumni game) Saturday, January 19, 2008 (University of Texas) Remember: new players are always welcome.

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Movies That We Want To See


To Bring *REAL* News to ASU

1:15pm 4:15pm 7:15pm 10:05pm AUGUST RUSH 1:40pm 4:40pm 7:40pm 10:30pm Hitman

Ramdiculous Staff Find out Soon!

1:10pm 4:10pm 7:10pm 10:00pm


Fred claus


1:35pm 4:35pm 7:35pm 10:25pm



Published every Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University system or this newspaper. We welcome all letters. Please include your name, position, and an email address. Letters are subject to laws governing obscenity, libel and privacy. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned. Submit your letters via our email, Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook or Myspace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable. If you are a teacher you need not worry, we will not use your profiles.

Kayla is sad because she doesn't like her hair cut. She decided to give it up for missions - so this Friday come see Kayla Spence get a mullet for missions. Check the BSM at noon on Friday...


Saturday - Take It In the Ear Day (WHAT??!) Brainteasers 5 Sunday - National Pastry Day (heck yes!!) Angelo State's Finest Paper Since Fall...