Ramdiculous Page A ngelo State' s F i nes t P aper Since F all 2 00 6
A Volume 2, Issue 8
March 30, 2007 Take a Walk in the Park Day
Included in this issue: Ram of the Week
Quote of the Week
Thoughts To Ponder
Last Issue’s Answers
So there are certain things in nature that just occur, well, naturally. Some of these nature-like things have rules. I’m not talking about “don’t run down the hall with scissors to catch your three legged cat” kind of rules, though. I’m talking about rules like what goes up must come down, a chain is only as strong as it’s weakest link, cats always land on their feet, birds never chirp before sunrise… and so on. Well, the birds outside my window just don’t seem to have received the memo on about these rules, or laws, as I call them. So I’m lying in my bed in my room the other night and the window is open and I’m at that point to where I have just drifted off and this bird starts chirping. We’re talking 1 or 2 in the a.m. and here’s what I’m thinking, “Are you FREAKING kidding me? Doesn’t this stupid bird know about the LAW?!!?!” So I open one eye and catch a glimpse of this bird and he is just singing his little heart out sitting in a tree staring out at me, slightly taunting me (I know, right?!). So I get up and shut my window. Do you think that helped? Absolutely not. Zero. Zip. Nada. I can still hear the dang bird and it appears he has now upped the decibels on this sweet little song. Ok, so now I’m done playing around and am plotting against this devil bird. I’m thinking about where I can obtain a shotgun in the middle of
Picture of the Week
the night. Now don’t get my wrong, some birds are glorious (hummingbirds, jay birds, red birds), but this is a grackle. I just abhor grackles. They’re dirty and gross and they poop on everything that comes within 12 feet of them. I would have had no trouble blasting the fire out of this little grackle but the fact of the matter is that yes I am from Texas and no I have never owned, nor touched, a gun. At this point I start feeling like a pretty sorry Texan but then remember that I need to focus on the murder more attentively. Then I get this other idea. What if I got a bird bath and put it outside and instead of filling it with water I, oh I don’t know, accidentally filled it with gasoline? But then I thought wait, gas is expensive. that would never work. And then, I think, what if I fill the bird bath with bleach or hydrochloric acid or maybe just some AlkaSeltzer. I soon become giddy with the thought of that ridiculous, law breaking bird ingesting an Alka-Seltzer and watching his pathetic black body exploding right before my eyes. Now, of course, I am too tired to do so being that it is so late at night, but that thought played in my head over and over again like the skipping record of Milli Vanilli at the Grammy’s. Only, I remember that I am not, so I feel much better about my own plight. Finally, the blasted bird shuts its ugly yapper and I am able to get to sleep.
Grackle (dramatization) But rest assured that if that grackle ever comes backle, I intend to implement my plan and use the birds remains as spackle for the crackle in my hallway bathroom. -- The One Legged Stripper **Ramdiculous Page does not endorse or condone acts of animal cruelty nor does the writer of this article. So don’t do it!
Strange Observances (holidays etc…) Saturday - Day Everyone Says "31" a Lot (self-explanatory) Sunday - Festival of Positive Threats Day (make sure to smile..?) Monday - Spring Fever and Medical Aid Appeal Day (not a clue what this means) Tuesday - National Find a Rainbow Day (if it's not raining, remember that this is San Angelo) Wednesday - Victims of Violence Day Thursday - Go For Broke Day (bet it all on Shady Longbottom in the fourth)
Submit your photos at ramdiculous.com
Volume 2, Issue 8
RAM OF THE WEEK Activities: Air Force ROTC, Bellydance, Flying, Reading, Eating, Working out and Sleeping Interests: The Military, mostly Air Force. Flying. Biology...just about anything Favorite Music: Country....but i listen to all kinds Favorite TV Shows: Battlestar Gallactica, House, The Closer, Treasure Hunters, Dirty Jobs, Inked, Dog the bounty hunter, Cowboy U.. Favorite Movies: The Notebook, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Legally Blonde, We were soldiers, Black
Hawk Down, Saving Private Ryan, Pride and Prejudice, Straight from the heart, The Magic of Ordinary days. and so on and so forth Favorite Books: Pride and Prejudice, Eragon, Eldest, All the Harry Potters, The book of the dead, Band of Brothers, Fly boys...etc Favorite Quotes: When you play, play hard. When you work dont play at all. About Me: I'm 18 years old and I'm freaking Amazing
THE WEEKLY JOURNAL
by: Geor ge Fer gu son
It’s the time of year when we don’t want to do anything. At least I don’t. all I want to do is sleep and eat. Maybe a little bit of work so I can eat, but not too much work. But have hope! The summer is near and all the hot dog eating contests and Wal-Mart raiding are in sight! Just don’t get kicked out for playing a 3 string guitar asking for money for new guitar strings and school while serenading customers. EspeThis section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that make a normal person cially don’t serenade the 50 year old women with a jumbo pack of feel awkward… toilet paper. No good song can be made about a granny and her toilet Submit your thoughts @ ramdiculous.com paper. She loves it dearly, as do I. And how about this toilet paper around campus? It’s kinda rough, but it gets the job done. Like President Bush….kind of. And now, a riddle. See if you can figure it out.
Overhearing a conversation in which someone says: Blacks are more of a nighttime thing, then noticing that a African American was walking by...
The Last Mimzy The Last Mimzy is disturbingly reminiscent of E.T., with about half the charm. Though the visual effects are sometimes stunning and the young actors are endearing, the film feels as if it's trying to force a sense of wonder and awe upon its youthful audience, rather than simply letting an intriguing story unfold naturally. The film is based on a short story by Lewis Padgett about a sister and brother who stumble upon a mysterious box on the beach that changes their lives. Rainn Wilson, hilarious in The Office, is inadvertently comedic in this role, thanks to his caricatured part as a New Age-y science teacher. His girlfriend is even more of a stereotype. Both detract from the story of the children's discovery, which includes a stuffed bunny named Mimzy. The ambitious story tackles time travel, pollution and environmental devastation, as well as life on other planets. It's more sure-footed when dealing with those topics than when it attempts to create a sense of gritty reality as the kids and their parents are rounded up by imposing squadrons from the Department of Homeland Security. These segments jeopardize the film's dreamy potency.
Many questions are left hanging throughout. When the seemingly levelheaded babysitter sees the little girl do the humanly impossible, why does she run off screaming rather than tell the child's parents? And why wouldn't the parents, who are told "it was just a magic trick" by their young daughter, ask to see said trick? Those are only two of the story's plot holes. Worse are the obvious attempts to borrow liberally from E.T. (even to the point of casting newcomer Chris O'Neil, who bears a strong resemblance to E.T.'s young Henry Thomas). There is some enchantment to be had in Mimzy, but the magic centers on the children and their discovery. Unfortunately, the movie grows muddled with too many tedious segments involving adults. Overall, the recommendation would be to only see this film if you have any contact with children who are very (and I stress VERY) young and would buy into this or are very attached to bunnies...or are mentally handicapped in some way. The Last Mimzy had the potential but muddled itself down with the adult cast and trying to walk a storyline through when all that needed to be done was focus on the children and let things flow. Therefore, this film gets a D-. --Kendall T Longbottom
I am an overly-pragmatic skeptic person who invariably rubs some people the wrong way while also vividly living the way I am, which is neither entirely sarcastic or entirely optimistic, but I even out to a nice comfortable laid back sarcastic person who likes to make snide remarks and overgrown statements about hair, all-the-while staring down at you from my high locus in society, which also involves a curse/blessing in which I am inadvertently overjoyed, while the thought of capitulating who I am happens to forbearingly alter the process of thought through which spontaneous ideas flow, causing mass catharsis which I kind of wish I did not have to experience due to my lack of understanding in the matter of these methods which others use to expel the idealistic views of what they want the world to be while in the meantime it is not to be seen, what they want to see. The globe is a place far greater than I, and I do not wish to make an imprint noticeable not to anybody but my Creator and His locus that I am destined to predispose upon notwithstanding that my life may not be meant to be lived in the destination I am currently thinking of. But don’t get me wrong. I’m not complicated…. If you are interested, please email us at ramdiculous.com and let us know how you interpret this. After all, there is no right answer.
Volume 2, Issue 8
WEATHER: College Station, Texas Picture of Kyle Field
Quote of the Week
“If God were a girl, his butt would look like that.”
Where have all the flowers gone?
This Week’s Happenings
The underpants gnomes took them, of course!
Primetime TV Show
How I Met Your Mother
Bam’s Unholy Union
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?
probably where all the cowboys have gone... if i were guessing.
Jessica Chambers I ate them.
Upcoming Events BSM Activities Monday: Ignite @ 7:30 PM Tuesday: Freshman Bible Study @ 7:30 PM Wednesday: Logos Lunch, $1 Lunch, @ 12:00 PM SEE PAGE 7 For More info on REZ week!
Baseball and Softball. Check RamPort April 2—Last Day for Withdrawal for Spring April 6—Good Friday (School Holiday)
Consumables of the Week Drink:
Ants on a Log Make sure you have at least one this week
Volume 2, Issue 8
DARFUR something has been on my mind quite a bit, once again, lately. and it is disappointing that so little is being done by those who are capable of producing not only change, but ultimately helping to end such grave situations. now, i know that most people will dissent and say, "well, how can you want to change that when so much is going wrong here" or be even more callous and say "who cares?" but, here's the thing: it is something that is going on in your world and it is something that shoud be cared about no matter what. i speak, of course, of the genocide in darfur. yea, yea, roll your eyes. sit back and say, "not again," but many of you have not yet heard me speak of this. moving on... darfur has been embroiled in deadly conflict for four years now and over that time has seen more than 400,000 darfurians murdered and slaughtered in a most malicious fashion by arab camel farmers known as janjaweed. these janjaweed are backed by the sudanese government and are being allowed to raid villages, abuse and rape women and children, and kill anyone they encounter solely for the purpose of being able to have the land to farm their camels. the sudanese government officials, who are allowing and encouraging this to happen, are simply trying to gain favor in the sight of the arabs in hopes of acquiring oil money (sounds similar to the iraq conflict, but that is another point all together). anyway, just over two years ago, the bush administration officially recognized the problem as genocide. this would normally indicate that something was going to be done by our government to aid the darfurian people and help to
keep them safe. sadly, this has not been so. the bush administration prefers to sit back and vote on measures that they think will help and then chooses not to expend the man power, money, or effort to actually take a stand and act. they would rather play g.i. joe in the sandbox for seemingly the same reasons the sudanese are allowing this genocide. peace agreements were drawn up in may of last year, but deadlines were intentionally ignored and the violence escalated. the situation grows increasingly worse with each passing day and people seem content to sit back and ignore the problem. it is, quite simply, outrageous! i know that there are problems in our own communities that we would rather see fixed first (a disheartening by-product of capitalism), but honestly, to sit back as people are murdered for no reason and without thought or remorse makes those who do nothing just as guilty. i mean, people will bitch and moan and take up arms to fight abortion because it is the senseless and heartless killing of an innocent life and yet not be as passionate about the exact same type of murder being committed elsewhere simply because they are "not there, so what does it matter." hypocrites! if you are going to fight for the right to life of a pre-natal child, certainly you should be willing to do the same for someone who is already alive and staring death in the face! what saddens me the most is
that i have attempted to enlighten people about such things, and though they hear me, they are not listening to me. i have also tried to begin a STAND group (look it up) on our campus, but no one i talk to seems to want to have anything to do with it (or they think i am insane). anyway, i continue my fight to find someone, anyone, who will join me in my endeavors because it is the right thing to do. trying to save lives is something everyone needs to be concerned with regardless of where those you are trying to save live. on april 28, i will be participating in the 400,000 faces project which is going on nationwide in an attempt to further educate the public and make our government realize that something needs to be done NOW. on this date, i (and hopefully others if they can be found) will place 4000 pieces of paper, each containing 100 pictures of students from around the US, around the campus to represent each of the 400,000 people (though the number has grown exponentially) who have been killed in darfur. this will serve to make people realize just how badly something needs to be done and hopefully, will insp ire others to get involved and help spark action.
POETRY CORNER A sight for sore eyes? Oh no, just a very sore sight Filling me with the farthest thing from delight. Instead, there's feelings of horror; oh yes, it's way past fright. Man, will I have nightmares tonight.
There really should be a law to protect us from this. It's about things like this you don't reminisce. It takes some people years of therapy to recover, And everyone else, yes, they still suffer.
Why did he do it? What was there to gain? No one thought it looked good, but he wore it just the same. You know what I'm talkin about; I know you've all seen those. Those dirty old men in those nasty old speedos
Thoughts To Ponder â€˘
What is the parking situation like at the Special Olympics?
Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS???
If you do, go to: ramdiculous.com
Volume 2, Issue 8
Crazy Ride there are ups and downs on roller coasters much like in life. however, at least on a roller coaster you can see them coming and not have to be casually strolling along and be smacked in the face by a down. sometimes planes go down over the ocean and then people get really sad. not that that has anything to do whatsoever with roller coasters, but it was a nice thought. back to the point. life is like a hurricane, here in duckburg. dang it! i've gone off course again! roller coasters mimic life in every facet, all you have to do is know how to pay attention. first, there is the waiting in the long line to board the coaster. this represents the waiting that each of us must go through before being born. we are but a tiny sperm waiting with millions of others to be allowed through the turnstile and get on the ride. a ride that we will never soon forget, if the roller coaster you are on is a good one. after you get on the roller coaster, usually you are held in the loading bay for what seems like an eternity just building up the anticipation of the ride ahead. and again, in life, we are allowed to board our vessel, but must wait nine months before the true ride of life begins. once the roller coaster begins moving, everything is new and exciting. there is a lot of anticipation and exuberance at the beginning because we all know that something amazing is bound to come soon and make us all crazy with excitement. again, this can be paralleled in life. as a newborn, everything in our world is new and exciting and we cannot wait to experience everything we can find. we explore, investigate and encounter something amazing around every bend. heck, even being on a bridge, a bridge charlie. a magical bridge of
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hope and wonder is the most awesome thing ever! now, once we encounter that first imposing and large hill on the roller coaster, our nerves begin to quiver and our heart beats faster. this is akin to the first time you "fall in love." everything is exciting and you are nervous around that special person because you don't know what awaits you just yet. the anticipation builds as you climb to new heights in your relationship and you feel as if nothing could ever bring you down. but as we all know, all good things must come to an end. the crest of the first hill on the roller coaster and the subsequent plummet, and occasionally spiral, downward is synonymous with the break-up. that moment where you realize that nothing is going to be alright (or so you think) and that the downward plunge you are taking is never going to end. on the roller coaster though, the dive ends and you are immediately flung into another quick upshot where you feel that things are finally leveling off again. in life, this is representative of your first rebound girl or guy. you pick them up at a sleazy bar or dirty motel room and suddenly, before you know it, you are having awkwardly passionate intimate moments with someone you only just met. but then, the roller coaster dives down again and life throws you a curve by informing you that you have AIDS or some other terrible sexually transmitted disease because you lack the will power to wait and find out if you can make it on your own. sometimes, roller coasters have loops placed to, well, throw you for a loop. and like the roller coaster, life throws you for loops as well. like when you think everything is going alright and suddenly you find out that your girlfriend is pregnant with her cousins baby because at the family reunion, she got com-
A These are some brainteasers, if you donâ€™t know what they are go homeâ€Ś the answers will be down there next week...
pletely trashed and thought her cousin was lance bass and threw herself at him. then on top of that, and besides the fact that no woman will ever have sex with lance bass, she still wants you to be the father and pay for everything because she just lost her job, her house, her dog and her belly ring at the race track. anyway, when you near the end of the roller coaster, you become depressed and listless because you know that it is almost over and the fun, joy and joyness that you were enjoying is soon to be no more. this is much like growing old and ultimately dying. most elderly people live in a state of depression, not eating or sleeping well, because they know that the end is near; the light at the end of the tunnel is coming for them (and hopefully it is not a train). once you disembark the coaster, this is your representation of death. you get off the ride and no longer are a part of what you used to be. but luckily for you, roller coasters are hindu and you can reincarnate yourself as many times as you wish by standing back in line..... and now a poem::: the bunny in my brain goes hip, hop, hip, hop. the horsey in my heart goes clip, clop, clip, clop. the sandals of my soul go flip, flop, flip, flop. hip, hop, hip, hop, clip, clop, clip, clop, flip, flop, flip, flop.... love. --Albert Einstein
The Answers from last week:
Down in the Mouth Black Eye
Somewhere over the Rainbow Flash in the Pan
Volume 2, Issue 8
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Sports Scores Softball: 8-6 ASU Baseball: 9-8 ASU GO RAMS & RAMBELLES
SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES: WRONG? In my last article, I pointed out the hidden message within an issue of our own Ramdiculous Page of a few weeks ago. At first this disturbed me simply for the content of that message. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how wrong something like that is. To put that in there in such a subtle but noticeable way is an obvious attempt at subliminal messaging, and that is just wrong anyway you look at it. The idea that someone would try to take ad-
vantage of your subconscious in order to make you do something or make you believe something: it is simply outrageous. Any form of subliminal messaging borders on the line between advertisement and the tearing to shreds of our free will (it is a fine line). And I believe that line is crossed each and every time a person attempts to use subliminal messages to control your mind. It’s your mind, but they want to treat it like it is theirs; so send a
message to all those who might take adva nta ge of this method. Tell them, “never again,” and to stay the heck out of your head, and keep their own twisted beliefs to themselves. If they want to convince you to do something, they should do it the old fashioned way: by paying you off.
80% of our readers prefer Colbert to Stewart
Words of wisdom from the great Stephen Colbert “Can you imagine how long it would take to fill a bathtub with the President’s underwear moisture?”
By: George Orwell “All animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others”
Ramdiculous Page REZ is short for ‘Resurrection’. This week is REZ Week, the week before Easter, in which the Christ followers on campus host many events in San Angelo. These events include free meals, a block party, free concerts, movies, and other fun things to do. REZ week is about sharing God’s love across campus. EVERYONE is invited!
April 1 – REZ Week Block Party A special block party held near the ASU pavilion. It will be a night of free games, tournaments, and food. It will be followed by a free concert. Starts at 5 PM. April 2 – REZ Week Campus Worship Service Join us at the Super Slab for a FREE Meal and a special time with the band Ornan’s Floor and Kevin Kirkland from Katalysts Ministries. Meal served at 6:00 PM. April 3 – REZ Week Freshman Night All ASU Freshman are encouraged to join us at the ASU Lake House for a night of games and free pizza. Pizza served at 7:30 PM! April 4 – REZ Week LOGOS & Movie night LOGOS will be moved to Wednesday during this week. Join us at the ASU Pavilion for a great lunch (ITS FREE!!) and a special speaker. Ryan Dalgliesh will be sharing with us on this day. Starts at 12 Noon. That evening will host a showing of the movie: “The Passion of the Christ.” (Location & Time: TBD) A special gathering will meet after the movie for feedback.
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