Ramdiculous Page A ngelo State' s F i nes t P aper Since F all 2 00 6
Our Only Defense
A Volume 2, Issue 7
March 23, 2007 National Chip and Dip Day
Included in this issue: Ram of the Week
Quote of the Week
Thoughts To Ponder
Last Issue’s Answers
In the blink of an eye, everything can change. Not just because you momentarily lost focus because you closed your eyes, but they can really change. Sometimes, these changes are for the better - like when a baby gets its diaper changed - and enhance your life in some way, but often times, the things that change are not exactly what you expected. We all know that plans change, that's a given, and that underwear changes, in most cases, daily. Unless you just had a really exhausting day the day before and fell asleep without showering or even changing to pajamas and then woke up late then for class the next morning, and rather than free ball it because jeans chafe, you wear the same underwear you had on yesterday when you worked out for three hours just before heading back to your room to sleep. These things happen, and are occasionally expected, but what happens in that brief moment when you close your eyes to blink and you completely miss something that you know is important? When you close your eyes, who knows what sort of devilry is occurring? Any number of things could be going wrong or right and you just missed everything because your eyes were dry. stupid eyes and their irritating dryness. In the blink of an eye, the world could suddenly all burst into flames or George Bush could address the nation and say that we are finally leaving Iraq (a pipe dream, yes but it could happen). Or, and this is the most amazing thought ever, in that single moment that your eyes are shut,
Picture of the Week Pinecone?
a donut could appear right in front of your face and a blind pygmy could snatch it without your ever having noticed. Great, you just missed out on a free donut. But seriously, when you blink, there are thousands upon thousands of possibilities that could play out or not. Remember that time in the third grade when you had to sneeze really bad and you tried to keep your eyes open but you couldn't? Well, you should have tried harder to keep them open because when your eyes were closed during your sneeze, you farted. Not only that, but Michael Bolton (not the one from Office Space) appeared and stole your box of crayons. That's right, Michael Bolton stole your 64 pack of crayons with the awesomely awesome built-in sharpener on the back that you had to beg and plead to your parents for so that you could be the coolest kid in your class. Oh, and that time in high school when you were in chemistry class and you nodded off because your teacher, who looked like Mario, was droning on about electrons and their ring-like whatever (you know, S-1, S-2, etc). Boy did you miss out! That was the one time that the girl sitting next to you got so bored with listening that she was going to lean over to you and ask if you wanted to make out. But when she noticed that you were sleeping, she decided that listening to the lecture was actually more fun. Oh, yea, and your wallet got stolen by some rough guy named Molly, a biker from South Dakota who likes to break bottles with his face and looks oddly similar to your ex-girlfriend from freshman year.
NEVER CLOSE THEM
So, all in all, what have we learned today? Keep your eyes open, never shut them. Be afraid to shut them. Heck, be afraid to squint or cross them. Well, maybe you could cross them. But never under any circumstances, close your eyes, or you will miss something of great significance. And then where will you be? I dont know, maybe you'll be homeless, I guess it depends on how long your eyes are closed. —Samuel Clemens
Strange Observances (holidays etc…)
Saturday - National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day (yuck, fruit) Sunday - Waffle Day (make a trip to IHOP) Monday - Spinach Festival Day (everybody can be like Popeye) Tuesday - National "Joe" Day (hey joe, where you goin with that gun in your hand?) Wednesday - Something on a Stick Day Thursday - Festival of Smoke and Mirrors Day (fool everone...) Submit your photos at ramdiculous.com
Volume 2, Issue 7
RAMbelle OF THE WEEK Interests: God, Cheerleading, FOOD, Shopping, Scrap booking, Friends, My family, the BEACH!! Favorite TV Shows: Greys Anatamy, American Idol, Gilmore Girls, FRIENDS, the Price is Right, Oprah Favorite Movies: The Little Mermaid, All Christmas movies, Remember the Titans, The Devil Wears Prada Favorite Books: The BIBLE!! About Me: I ♥ God, He is the reason why I live!
I ♥ my family! My parents are absolutely amazing and without them I would not be who I am today, I ♥ the BF, Reid!! He is absolutely amazing!! I ♥ Mexican food! I ♥ the beach and laying out in the sun! Kayla is a Cheerleader who transferred here from Dallas Baptist University this semester. She always has a lot of energy. And despite her amazing appetite, she seems to keep her figure.
Awkwardness... Being so nervous for a date that you show up without a shirt on for fear that you would sweat on it and smell bad. This section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that make a normal person feel awkward… Submit your thoughts @ ramdiculous.com
Three Hundred If a film manages to tell an old story in an appreciably new visual way, that's not nothing. By that measure "300" succeeds. It's a fairly entertaining bloodbath designed to put audiences ringside in the cage match of the 5th Century B.C., as the Spartans square off against the Persians. It's the few against the many, and the few are mighty fit. The movie should've been called "Ode to a Grecian Ab." The script adapts the 1998 book by Frank Miller and colorist Lynn Varley. Miller is best known for his "Dark Knight" books and the "Sin City" tales of sadistic woe, and the look of "300"copper-toned, shadowy closeups and a conspicuously bleached-out palette-is, like the "Sin City" film version, very close to its source. This is a mixed blessing. For a story replete with open-air combat "300" is strangely claustrophobic. And for a film with lotsa flesh and even more blood, it's light on flesh-and-blood characters. I realize most people don't go to action movies for nuanced character development (that's what YouTube is for), but beyond the Spartan king and queen and Xerxes, the Persian interloper most likely to confirm the administration's suspicions about that part of the world, you can't tell the skull-crackers without a scorecard in "300." The screenplay doesn't expand the graphic novel's skeletal narrative so much as replicate it, dutifully. In flashback we see young Leonidas, preteen Spartan-in-t raining, testing "his wits and will against Nature's fury." He survives howling winds, an attack of a demon-eyed wolf and a torrent of digitized snow to become King Leonidas. Life is good with Queen Gorgo and the gang until an emissary for Xerxes arrives in Sparta, demanding fealty and subservience. The meeting does not go well for the spokesman, and the rest of the picture depicts the Battle of Thermopylae and the various ways a Spartan can kill a foe and keep on killing.
Some of this works as pure, blood-soaked eye candy. Snyder has talent, and in certain shots taken directly from Miller's book-n otably the silhouetted bit wherein the Spartans force the enemy fighters off a cliff to their doom-you're getting comic book imagery that happens also to be cinematically viable. The actors don't have a chance against any of it. Gerard Butler, lately of "The Phantom of the Opera," plays Leonidas in stolid 1962 Steve "Hercules" Reeves fashion, struggling to fill his own dramatic pauses. Also, Butler apparently stole Sig Ruman's beard from "A Night at the Opera," and it's hard to invest fully in a Spartan king when you're waiting for one of his subjects to crack, "Don't point that thing at me, it might go off. "I saw "300" with a big crowd ready to rumble, and while they may well have gotten what they wanted from it, the only audible response came when Lena Headey's Queen Gorgo exacted revenge on a particularly odious politico. The film periodically grinds to a halt whenever the actors, including good ones such as Headey, are required to deliver that quaint old standby, dialogue.In the main the Spartans are a rather dully invincible lot, at least until the final reel. For contrast's sake Xerxes (Brazilian actor Rodrigo Santoro) seems to have been guestdirected by Mel Gibson, so sniveling is he in his decadence. His silver eye shadow alone is enough to make a Tin Man weep, and if Frank Miller happens to be looking for his next graphic novel supervillain, he could do worse than the obvious: The Silver Eye Shadow. **Courtesy of: Chicago Tribune's Michael Phillips
THE WEEKLY JOURNAL Sorry there is no weekly journal! :)
by: Geor ge Fer gu son
Volume 2, Issue 7
WEATHER: Lake Tahoe, Nevada
Quote of the Week
“I have a real job now. I talk homeless people into joining the Army.”
Colbert or Stewart? Joanna Luke
This Week’s Happenings
Colbert is his prodigy, but a good example of second parts sometimes being better
Primetime TV Show
Friday Night Lights
Rules of Engagement
Bam’s Unholy Union
Trevor Whittaker Colbert.... The man invented his own words, plus he has his own ice cream.... so suck it stewie
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?
Colbert, no wait, Stewart
Upcoming Events BSM Activities Monday: Ignite @ 7:30 PM Tuesday: Freshman Bible Study @ 7:30 PM Friday: Logos Lunch, $1 Lunch, @ 12:00 PM
Consumables of the Week
Baseball and Softball. Check RamPort
Saturday: Discover ASU 9:30 AM, Davidson Center
Swiss Cake Rolls
Sunday: Pippin 2 PM, Modular Theatre
Make sure you have at least one this week
Volume 2, Issue 7
We're Moving Sit down, we need to talk. Talk is cheap. Cheap means inexpensive. Inexpensive things usually break. Breaking up is hard to do. Do I really need to kow all of this for the exam? Examine the problem before you and decide which is the correct move. Move away from me, thou foul beast of the night. Night time is the right time. Time is but a momentary constraint upon the existence of man. Man has no enemy but himself and in this, he must learn that all things rudimentary are cast down upon him at the living of his own life. Life cereal now comes in chocolate flavor. Flavors are different tastes applied to food items in order that one can experience diffent things. Things are but extensions of the human mind brought into existence through the desire of thought. Thoughts can be deep or shallow depending upon which end of the pool you are in. In the middle of the night, I dream of nothing. Nothing can be as meaningful as something if the end result has the desired effect. Effective learning occurs when one has a brilliant teacher. Teachers teach
things to those who are willing to be taught that which is to be taught by those who have the ability to teach and do it well. Well water tastes the best if it is cold. Cold is the opposite of Sunday. Sunday is a type of pizza. Pizza has nothing to do with calculus. Calculus is most often seen as pointless because it is so difficult. Difficult tasks are usually held off until the last because people are lazy. Lazy afternoons are the best because you do so much work that your head feels like it is going to explode and you feel as if you have accomplished everything in the world. World News Tonight with Peter Jennings, wait, it's not him anymore is it? It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Times New Roman is a font used on computers. Computers were invented by Al Gore. Gore is a term used to describe scenes of violence. Violence is not good. Good is good. Good is not bad. Bad is bad. Bad to
the bone. Bones provide attachments for muscles. Muscles provide tensile strength responsible for causing motion during contractility. Contractility is a word I dont really feel like talking about, it has bad memories. Memory was a song from Cats. Cats poop in litter boxes. Boxes are handy for packing. Packing is done when you are getting ready to move. Moving is hard. -Albert Einstein
What can save you from your sins? What can put your mind at ease? What can cleanse you from within And bring the devil to his knees? Nothing but the "Z-3 Master Ultra Force Temptation Blaster": With everything to cleanse you faster
And save your soul from sure disaster. So sin beware; your end is near Now that the new Z-3 is here!
DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS???
Thoughts To Ponder •
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
Why doesn't broccoli come in a can?
If you do, go to: ramdiculous.com
Volume 2, Issue 7
There is a copy of the Ramdiculous Page from February 9 which has been sitting beside my computer for, well, probably six weeks. It was only recently though that I noticed something strange. I kept staring at it, and I knew that something was not right, but I could not put my finger on it. Then, all of a sudden, it hit me like a bag of ripe tomatoes. Right there in the front page article, right under my nose: a hidden message. How did I not see it? If you look closely, certain letters from the first two paragraphs are darker than others*. Once you find those letters, all
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you have to do write them all out, then reverse the order, then reverse the order again, and it will spell something which offers frightening insight into the mind of our beloved editor. The letters are i, l, o, v, e, a, s, h, t, o, n, k, u, t, c, h, e, r. The sad part is, I should have seen it all along. I knew something was up when I saw that picture of Mr. Kutcher in front of the UC. If he had really come to ASU don’t you think someone would have noticed? And why come just to take a picture in front of
the UC? It just doesn’t make sense. His picture was obviously superimposed, and why would the editor take the time to do that unless he wanted to tell us something? All I can say is, I’m worried. By: George Orwell
“All animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others” *It may be necessary to trace these letters with a pen until they appear darker Opinions of this writer should not be considered those of the Ramdiculous Page. Neither are we trying to imply that the editor of this page is a homosexual who is madly in love with Ashton Kutcher however strong the evidence may be.
These are some brainteasers, if you don’t know what they are go home… the answers will be down there next week...
The Answers from last week:
S**t in my Pants You’re under arrest
Search high and low Crossbow The good, the bad, and the ugly ***** = censored by ASU Com. Dept.
Volume 2, Issue 7
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Sports Scores Softball: ASU 9, Abilene Christian 1 Men’s Basketball: ASU 61, TAMU Kingsville 85 Baseball: ASU 10, Southwestern OK 2
Wacky World of Sports Everybody loves sports. For the most part, everyone has played or been a part of a sports team at some point in their life. And of course, the sports that most, if not all of us, have played have been what would be considered mainstream (i.e - baseball, volleyball, football, etc). But I would venture a guess that none of us have competed in any of the aptly dubbed "obscure sports." For just a moment, I would like to give you some insight into a few of these strangely obscure, and loosely deemed, sports. Extreme Ironin g While it is questionable whether or not Extreme Ironist "Siltkicker" will be accepted into the Guinness Book of World Rec ords for ironing his shirt in a dirty bog in Yorkshire, England, he definitely may have been the first to do so. Siltkicker made a name for himself when he ironed a shirt under 14 inches of ice. Th e Ext reme Iron in g Bureau, however obsc ure, take themselves very seriously, albeit in an obsc ure and hilarious man ner. Ext reme Ironers from around the world compete for the coveted Rowenta Award, which is given to the most extreme ironist, whether iron ing atop Mt. Everest, rock-climbing, sc uba diving, snowboarding, in extreme climates, or in diverse at mospheres. They have been featured on Good
Morning America, Fox News and the BBC. The sport's founder, rightly nicknamed Steam, recently ret urned to his home in Leicester, Englan d, to iron while suspended from a crane inside a glass box. Bossaball A brand new sport born in Belgium early in the 21st century, bossaball is like a combination of beach volleyball and competitive trampolining, with a live South American soundtrack thrown in.It's played on a specially designed inflatable court that features a round trampoline on each side of an adjustable volleyballstyle net. The entire court and surrounding area are heavily padded for safety and the trampolines are circled by a big red barrier called the bossaw all.Bossaball h as quic kly become popular in Europe and South America and the portable court has allowed it to be played on beaches, in schools and at music festivals. Bossaball is played between two teams of either three, four or five people. Each team is allowed up to eight touches before returning the ball. And players are allowed to use their hands, feet or head.Really bossaball is all about timing. The high number of touches is used to try and set up a spiker bouncing high on the trampoline for a big smash.If a
team allows the ball to be groun ded on the trampolin e they give up three points. Anywhere else on the court is worth one point. But if the ball bounces off the bossawall it is still in play and the rally goes on. The first team to 30 points wins the set. Sepak Takraw The traditional form of the game is a lot like hacky sack (aka footbag), with a group of players standing in a c ircle and trying to keep the ball in the air without using their han ds. The modern form developed during the 1930s after the introduction of the net. Sepak takraw is played between two regus (teams) of three players, the left inside, right inside and back. The court is about the same size as a badminton court and the net is 1.52 metres high. Tradition ally balls were hand-woven from bamboo or rattan but most modern ones are synthetic.Play begins with a serve. One of the inside players lobs the ball to the back, who must keep one foot planted in the serving circle and kick it over with the other. Each team is allowed three touches before returning the ball and can use their head, knees or feet. The first team to score 15 points wins the set and a match is the best of three sets. -- Phil Harmonic
80% of our readers prefer Colbert to Stewart
Words of wisdom from the great Stephen Colbert “You were in Willie’s trailer right now? Do I have like a wolf head or something.” “I’m not going to say ladies first, but you do have the pigtails.”
Do you want to know where the best places in San Angelo are to eat??? Well you have the right paper once again… Over this semester we will be ranking different dining establishments based only on taste. Each week we will tell you which establishment has the best food.
This contest is based on the Ramdiculous Staff’s taste buds. We encourage the reader to try out the different restaurants on this list. We were not bribed in any way for the outcome of this contest. NOTHING INFLUENCED US. All results are final. We take no responsibility for any action that results from this story. Food is good and we like it, this is why this story is run. —RAMDICULOUS PAGE Once again we have failed you, due to spring break, we did not do our regular taste testing. But we would like to recommend Packsaddle Bar-B-Que on Knickerbocker out towards the KOA. It is amazing… Mention the Ramdiculous Page! If you would like to be included in the Ramdiculous food testing competition drop us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org, thanks
WRITE FOR US!!!! SUBMIT YOUR ARTICLES @ RAMDICULOUS.COM Please welcome Dante Residential to its new home, the Ramdiculous Page!!! Take that Ram Page
A NGELO STATE' S FINEST P APER SINCE FALL 2006
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Movies That We Want To See
300 Ramdiculous Staff
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Wouldn’t You Like To Know
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W E’ RE O NL INE
THE LAST MIMZY
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let us know…
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I THINK I LOVE MY WIFE 7:25pm 10:10pm
RAMDICULOUS POLICY Published every Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas State University system or this newspaper. We welcome all letters. Please include your name, position, and an email address. Letters are subject to laws governing obscenity, libel and privacy. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned. Submit your letters via our email, email@example.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook or Myspace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable.
Movie Review 2 Poetry Corner 4 Who’s this? 4 Ram of the Week 2 Angelo State' s Finest P aper Since Fall 2 00 6 NEVER CLOSE THEM Wasco’s Corn...