Ramdiculous Page Angelo State's Finest Paper Since Fall 2006
R.I.P Ramdiculous Page
A Volume 1, Issue 8
December 8, 2006 Take it in the ear day
Included in this issue: Ram of the Week
Quote of the Week
Thoughts To Ponder
Hello, loyal readers. The most important thing to remember in a situation such as we have been presented here, is not to kill the messenger. For that is the part being played by the staff of the Ramdiculous Page today. We are sad to report that, through a string of incidences, propaganda, and ill will being expressed through the powers that be of our prestigious Angelo State, the Ramdiculous Page has come to its’ conclusion. Do not despair or mourn us too long, for we have every intention of fighting for our freedom. However, at the present time, certain entities and persons have made every attempt that is legally possible to dispel our lucrative paper. As we all know, breaking up is hard to do, so it is with a most heavy heart that we are penning this, our final issue. The worst part of the whole messy ordeal is that, even though our top notch staff covered all bases and followed all guidelines, there was instituted a new bylaw that incorporated within it a loophole for our competition. Thus, through the new statutes, the Ramdiculous Page is
Picture of the Week Don’t Feed The Bear of Texan’s D200 Hall
now in violation of university rules. For the past month, we at the Ramdiculous have been embroiled in a heated legal battle with the SGA, who has the backing of the president of our fair university. Although Dr. Hindman is slated to step down, he understood and appreciated the views of those at the Ram Page and hence, sided with them. Not only was this somewhat expected, but in all honesty, it was the smart move. The Ram Page has been around far longer than we have and has, loosely, a wider “fan base.” The whole thing began when a staff writer from the Ram Page voiced a complaint with one of the advisors. Sadly, this complaint led to a formal injunction being levied against the Ramdiculous Page, which we found, at first, humorous and we took it as a joking rib at our paper. However, once we began receiving emails and phone calls as follow-ups to the original complaint, the situation became more clear as serious. The heat was on, oh, the heat was on and soon, our entire staff
The Apocalypse (dramatization) was being summoned for questioning by the University. We were informed, in no uncertain terms, that our paper, while ingenious, funny and ballsy, was in fact, an affront to the university itself. When we inquired as to how, the only reason given was that certain factions of loyal alumni, current students and professors were displeased with how the paper might reflect upon the school. Undeterred by the lackluster response, we posed another question. How could our paper reflect badly upon the University when no one outside the immediate area of the school had ever read it? Continued on page 5
Strange Observances (holidays etc…) Saturday: National Pastry Day (have a bear claw) Sunday: Festival for the Souls of Dead Whales (poor shamu) Monday: National Noodle Ring Day (propose to an Italian girl) Tuesday: National Ding-a-Ling Day (we can only assume...) Wednesday: Ice Cream & Violins Day
Thursday: National Lemon Cupcake Day (mmm, cupcakes) Submit your photos at email@example.com Don’t even bother...
Volume 1, Issue 8
RAMbelle OF THE WEEK Nichole enjoys being outside, the river, sailing, the beach, road trips, and late night talks. Her interests include Jesus, taking pictures, writing, art, music, baking, crocheting, and film. Her favorite kinds of music are Shane and Shane, TBS, Jack Johnson, Snow Patrol, Damien Rice, The Pixies, Hawk Nelson, MCR, and The Used. She likes movies such as The Breakfast Club, Joe Dirt, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Mrs. Doubtfire…
Nichole is from Sam Barlow High in Oregon, she is here at Angelo to work on getting her nursing degree. In her own words, these are her heroes: My Mother for the strong life she lead. My Father because he continues to persevere. My Brother because he continues to believe. Brooke because of her amazing faith. My Nanna for her unconditional love. My aunt for her generosity and unbelievable heart.
She’s pretty and believes in God
THE WEEKLY JOURNAL
by: George Ferguson
Here is the next edition of the weekly rant. All of us have one of those special friends. You know, the ones who aren’t afraid to show, do, or say what they may be thinking right at that moment, no matter how Ramdiculous it may be. Those people for the most part have a uplifting This section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that make a normal person effect on you. Today I will be paying tribute to such a person. feel awkward… This is a man with the highest moral standards, codes of honSubmit your thoughts @ firstname.lastname@example.org esty, and righteous attributes. You may know this person, as he has been a dear friend to many upon many of us at Angelo State, as well as anywhere in the world he has ventured. I took the liberty of interviewing him, just to hopefully get his secret as to where his humor comes from. Ladies and Gentlebugs, I give you the one and only, Adam Skelton! The interview went as follows…. Me (I bet you would like to know who Me is):Thank you for meeting with me Adam. Adam: you’re very welcome. I am privileged to have such an honor such as being featured in the amaza-zing Ramdiculous Page. Me: would you mind if I asked you some very personal questions? Adam: Shoot. "I want to go home," a young woman whimthe gross-out centerpiece as if himself grossed out Me: let’s begin with a doozy.. What has been the best part of your college experience? pers in the first scene of "Turistas." She's strapped to and reverts to what he knows best. "Turistas" cli- Adam: Well, I would definitely have to say not the classes, but the people I have gotten to meet. an operating table, and to judge from her muffled maxes with a long, dark pursuit through a warren of Me: What has been the craziest thing you have ever done? shrieks and the malevolent-looking figure reflected underwater caves. The intent may be to induce Adam: Oh golly gee wiz…I would have to say that one night when Jacody Huckabee and I drove in her pupil, the procedure under way is something claustrophobia, but the sequence is so murky and around town and yelled at random people…(laughter) other than routine. Thus begins the first release disjointed that it inspires only confusion. Me: Sounds like a smashing evening on the town. from Fox Atomic (20th Century Fox's new genre Every now and again, "Turistas" connects Adam: You stinkin’ betcha division), a wholly predictable bit with the harsh reality Me: Do you prefer to eat at the U.C. or the Cafeteria? of slasher unpleasantness and a of the real world — one Adam: Hands down the U.C. The cafeteria gives me constipation from all the preservatives they muddled cautionary tale on the in which, thanks to the put in the food. It’s just not pretty. American propensity for foreign ongoing war in Iraq, Me: Hm…Did you prefer living on or off campus? m i s a d v e n t u r e s . Americans are increas- Adam: I prefer living off campus. My first year or so I lived in the now quarantined University Set on the beaches and in the ingly viewed as imperiTower. And now I have inherited lung cancer. Thanks ASU. rain forests of rural Brazil, the alist aggressors. There Me: ouch. Who was your favorite professor? movie is a scenic variation on is one political diatribe Adam: Dr. Wheeler. Because he always gave insightful interpretation, he obtained good chalkthis year's "Hostel," which against the sins of the board writing skills, and he lectures much better than a piece of dry steak. devised some gruesome fates for rapacious First World, Me: Sounds tasty. Tell me some of the goals for your life. Ugly Americans at play in the but it loses much of its Adam: Glorify God, no matter what the geography is. former Eastern Bloc. The sting for being deliv- Me: Geography? stereotypical Brazilian backdrop ered by the evil doctor Adam: Yes. Just go with it. (Miguel Lunardi) as he Me: Touché. Ahem…What is your favorite campus building? of free-flowing caipirinhas and rummages about in Adam: How is that even relevant to the interview? Hm? THAT’S TRASH! But I will answer it…I bikini-clad babes is a natural fit someone's abdominal for the teen-horror genre, where personally liked the Vincent building. I took many a great naps in that place. cavity. the karmic laws are rooted in a Me: How sweet. What would you do if you had a piece of hard candy, a spare tire, a dishwasher, The heroes (led by a deep, punitive Puritanism. The and a 2 X 4 piece of mahogany wood? leaden Josh Duhamel) Adam: Ummmm I would wash the tire, candy, and piece of wood in the dishwasher, then build bumbling British sex tourists will are punished for their be duly sacrificed. But not before a tank. A big tank. The army kind. Bigger than the sun. insensitivities and their Me: Wow. Umm. Yea. What is your favorite musical artist? the buxom blond whose only invasiveness: assuming Adam: If I had to listen to them forever, I would choose Shane and Shane as my soft/mellow memorable line is "Would you Brazilians speak guys mind if I went topless?" music. Also I would like Thrice for the hard rock stizuff. Spanish, not Portu- Me: Good choice. Ladies, this next question you should pay special attention to. Adam, tell me. "Turistas" seeks to exploit guese, and taking the current craze for tortureWhat are some specific qualities you look for in a girl? photos of local kids as Adam: Oh Geez! I should have seen this one coming. To tell the truth, I want a girl that causes porn, but it lacks the relentless if they were zoo exhibsadism of the "Saw" franchise. me to want to know my God better. She also has to be kind, patient, loving, and laughs at its. But "Turistas" — in bearing out their worst fears More than half the movie is dull buildup, as the my jokes. (much laughter ensued). and then some — is less a critique than an embodi- This was the end of the interview. I just want to say a personal thank you to Mr. Skelton. He has lambs (clueless gringo tourists, thrown together after ment of paranoid x e n o p h o b i a . all blessed our lives with his humor, and most famous quote- THAT’s TRASH! If you see Adam, a bus accident) are herded slowly to the slaughter Basically, dont waste your time unless you are that be sure to wish him luck in his future endeavors. Until next time, may your hard drives be next (an organ-harvesting mad doctor). mentally incapable of remember the plot to Hostel. to empty, and your word documents favored by all. This is the first horror effort from director This movie gets a large D for dumb. John Stockwell, a pro at aquatic voyeurism ("Blue --Towndrow P. Snood Crush," "Into the Blue"). Here he hurries through
When your professor continually tells you:“whatever gets you off”
Volume 1, Issue 8
WEATHER: Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Quote of the Week
“Sometimes a single awkward moment can turn into a lifetime of memories”
Can you believe it’s not butter? Casey Grounds
This Week’s Happenings
no i can not
Primetime TV Show
Final Destination 1 & 2
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
The Amazing Race 10
How I Met Your Mother
The New Adventures of Old Christine
most definitely Jacob Cox
Lost would go here if ABC wouldn’t have put a 13-week break in the hit series, We are disappointed. Survivor
yes...yes i can
Upcoming Events FINALS
BSM Activities The BSM ministry and activities will continue through the end of dead week. Join us as we close out the semester together!!!
Consumables of the Week Drink: Robitussin Snack:
Star Crunch Make sure you have at least one this week
Volume 1, Issue 8
Hey UC… FU This is a letter to the editor :)
Recently, there have been some complaints about not only the quantity and quality of food being served to ASU students, but also the increased pricing of the food in the University Center. Additionally, some students feel that the manner in which the food items being purchased are labeled causes confusion, befuddlement and anger. Take, in example, the story of one student who, for lack of a better term, flew off the handle because of the outrageousness of the price of his meal at supper time. This student had been getting the same thing, day in and day out, without fail, for the past two and a half months. Never before had he had any problems with acquired his sustenance, nor was the mention of being over the prescribed amount agreed upon between student and university discussed. Now, the thing you are all thinking, is that the extra flow was being taken from the wonderful “points” that we are so generously doled at the beginning of the semes-
ter. Such was not the case for our plucky young gentleman, no, his points had been usurped by the dubiousness of the Chartwell’s trolls through the cleverly disguised Chik-Fil-A. For, being a green meat, this poor soul had no idea that Chik-Fil-A was only available through the point system. One would thing that these types of things would be either discussed or posted in plain view, but oh, no. The devils down at the UC hide their shameful and wicked deceptions, making life miserable for all. Yet, this is not the major cause for concern. The biggest problem is that the “tax fairy” has decided it would be a fun little joke to visit and triple the existing tax just for the hell of it. Our young man, who always eats the same thing, like clockwork, approached the register the other day to find that his queasily and 20 oz. Drink, which normally cost him his allotted $4.85, was a delightful and insane $5.30. How in the world does something like this
happen? And if the “tax” and “price” was to go up, does it not stand to reason that proportionally, the allotment of necessary money to obtain sustenance should go up as well? Things like this blatant display of fascism, price gouging and racketeering should not be allowed to continue. We must stand together and fight the powers of oppression, high food cost, world hunger, AIDS and George Bush. No longer shall we be silent while our food, however mundane it may be, is ripped from our very hands by the tyrannical, fascist nazis that raise prices, levy taxes and don’t change the marquee with the old prices still on it. How dare they, this is our school, it is our food. We must band together and end the madness. Viva la revolution! Viva la vie bohéme! --- Guy Fawkes If you are offended don’t look at us, look at the Ramdiculous Policy (page 6)
Thoughts To Ponder x If ketchup is good on French Fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes?
a big fluffy jacket is not only stylish but it keeps you warm too!
x If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
x If a hermaphrodite got sent to a certain gender prison, which one would it get sent to?
If you would like your ad to appear in the Ramdiculous Page please email us: email@example.com
the fashion police
DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS???
this weeks do’s and don’ts big purses are hott right now! You can never go wrong this season with a dress, leggings, and tall boots!
If you do send your answer to firstname.lastname@example.org
Volume 1, Issue 8
MERRY XRISTOSMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT I find it sad that the Christmas holiday has come to a X-mas holiday, but as the world usually gets what it wants, I have risen to the occasion. I personally think that we should stop using this horrid, blasphemous abbreviation, but as we human, we could see it in a better way… So let me start by asking all you Christophers, Christines, and Christinas out there: would you like to be called x-opher, x-ine or x-ina? I didn’t think so… so what makes you think that Jesus Christ would like his birthday replaced with a main component of the game tic-tac-toe? I mean when you talk about Jesus, you don't refer to him as Jesus X, that would just be weird… Now I can continue and show you how the letter X is powerful… Just as Christ was and is. Enter words
beginning with X:
x X-men: they have superpowers… So does Jesus
x X-ray: it can see all… So can Jesus
well Jesus was pretty X-treme, he died on a Cross...
x X-axis: in math we see that it goes on forever… Just like Christ’s or should I say X’s love and forgiveness for everyone.
this stands for crosssection, I know this because I read it in the dictionary… Jesus died on a cross. Just to name a few, just as these suggest, the letter X is reserved for very important powerful things. But still
would you like your name changed to a letter? Why do we do things like this, does it even make sense? Can we change other holidays and shorten them? Halloween is a pretty long word, how about H-ween or E-day for Easter? 4-day for Fourth of July? Or could we even use symbols such as Ɔ -day for valentines? Well the real reason we use X for Christ is because the original Greek word for Christ is Xristos, this is why the X has been used to abbreviate Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone, or should I say X-mas Well as Nacho would say it…
Well back in the day when Jesus was born they didn’t have cameras, so here is a painting...
Once again, as with every year, it is time for Christmas. So, inevitably, finals are looming, lights have gone up, and people are complaining about other people saying Merry Christmas. But what’s all the fuss about? Christmas existed way before anybody alive now, so what gives some people the right to decide that Christmas is offensive? There is no reason for people to be offended by a holiday. That’s about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop. Honestly, why get upset just
Continued from page 1
The answer we were given was, “it just does and you have to stop.” We are not rocket scientists here at the Ramdiculous Page, actually far from it, but such an elementary level answer seemed, to us, that there was really no substantial evidence against our actions. Hence, we continued to print and that is when the real trouble began. We soon learned that the SGA, in an emergency session, at the request of the esteemed Dr. Hindman, had passed a bylaw prohibiting our further printing of anything not sanctioned through the Ram Page. Unfortunately for them, our crack team of lawyers heard this and soon began levying litigation to the effect that this situation was now parallel to the Microsoft monopoly. Ergo, the whole mess expanded and our small-time paper was now entrenched with the powerhouses of the University. After many days of research, bickering and mudslinging, the staff here at Ramdiculous, with the aid of our
because someone wishes you a Merry Christmas? What good does that do you? For one thing, Christmas, while being a predominantly Christian holiday, is celebrated the world over. Whether or not people choose to actually celebrate the reason Christmas exists is another matter, but the holiday is present for everyone and all persons recognize the day as being Christmas. Secondly, who cares if someone tells you Merry Christmas? If that’s offensive to you, you have bigger problems. I want to know who decided that we should lump all holidays together and make them all happy. What if some holidays aren’t happy? Not that I’m saying they are unhappy, but one always wonders “what if.” The idea of “Happy Holidays” is total hogwash drummed up by the corporations and atheists to make them-
lawyers, found a gap in the bylaw that would allow us to continue printing, at least until the end of the semester. Upon being informed of the oversight, the SGA attempted to amend their recent legislation. This displeased our staff and our law team to the point that we sighted immediate and expedient cessation of all the false legislation aimed at shutting down our wonderful paper. Being that the emergency session had convened solely to attack our paper and not further the University as a whole, the bylaw that was passed through could not stand. However, not to be outdone, the SGA and the other powers that be, sighted that they had also passed a small measure to up the tuition in order to pay for our new dorm being constructed. We were, as you say, up a creek without a paddle. Our lawyers broke the news to us that, even if the measure of tuition hiking was false (which we found out later it was), that we had exhausted every possibility save for
selves feel less exclusionary because they are sad individuals. Yes, I said it - atheists are sad individuals. Alert the ACLU! We have a hate crime being committed. Oh, wait, no, that doesn’t work because atheists are the ones we are seeking to please. Therefore, I, being Christian, am the one having the hate crime committed against me, but I can say nothing because that would infringe upon others rights while mine have already been trampled. In essence, Happy Holidays is an offensive term meant to degrade people, exclude Christianity from our religious melting pot and appease atheism. I say screw that, Merry Christmas!!…. And Happy Hanukkah! Happy Kwanzaa!…. Oh, and a Happy New Year, too!! -- Randy Neumann
hiring a civil rights group to back us. Not wanting to spend the money on such expensive lobbyists, the Ramdiculous Page staff made the decision to request that we be allowed to finish printing our paper at the close of the semester. Graciously, the SGA and Dr. Hindman agreed that this would be fair, provided that we not print anymore after the Christmas break. Reluctantly, our staff agreed, solely so that we would not be blackballed from the University. And so, loyal readers, new friends, five foot bears, and sexual deviants, we bid you all a fond farewell. We had a good run while it lasted. Best regards. --Samuel Clemens Disclaimer: if you plan on doing anything stupid such as this: (1) drop out of ASU, (2) hurt yourself or anyone else, or (3) protest the SGA or Dr. Hindman; please email us first!!! We are working with them to bring the Ramdiculous Page back and any negative publicity from the readers of the Ramdiculous Page could jeopardize our return.
A NGELO S TATE ' S F INEST P APER S INCE F ALL 2006
To Bring *REAL* News to ASU
Movies That We Want To See
APOCALYPTO Ramdiculous Staff Wouldn’t You Like To Know
12:10pm 3:40pm 6:55pm 10:15pm
BLOOD DIAMOND 10:25am 1:50pm 6:40pm 10:00pm
THE HOLIDAY e-mail: email@example.com
10:10am 1:25pm 4:45pm 7:50pm 10:55pm
W E ’ R E O N M Y S PA C E
12:00pm 2:25pm 5:00pm 7:30pm 9:55pm
CASINO ROYALE 12:45PM 4:10PM 7:30PM 10:20PM 10:45PM
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
STRANGER THAN FICTION
let us know…
10:15am 4:10pm 9:45pm
THE NATIVITY STORY 11:00am 1:35pm 4:25pm 7:15pm 9:50pm
VAN WILDER: RISE OF TAJ 7:10pm 9:35pm
RAMDICULOUS POLICY Published every Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas State University system or this newspaper. We welcome all letters. Please include your name, position, and an email address. Letters are subject to laws governing obscenity, libel and privacy. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned. Submit your letters via our email, firstname.lastname@example.org. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration.
Published on Aug 19, 2009