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Ramdiculous Page A n g e l o St a t e ' s F i n e st Pa p e r S i n c e Fal l 2 0 0 6

Student Attacked At Concert Volume 1, Issue 1 October 13, 2006 Festival of Unmediated Play Day

Included in this issue:

Ram of the Week Movie Review

2 2

Quote of the Week

3

Weather

3

Street Interviews

3

Comics

4

Classifieds

4

Philip Wiggins (name changed to preserve identity), a student at ASU was viciously and savagely attacked last Tuesday night at the City Auditorium during the Seventh Day Slumber concert event. Wiggins, a senior Kinesiology major, was aiding a group of fellow students perform a public service when the attack occurred. While other colleagues dedicated their efforts to monetary exchange, souvenir booth management and gate operation, Wiggins was among the select few to be chosen for the security detail, a task that many now view as daunting. After allowing the throng of concert goers to make their way toward the main stage, the security regiment began implementing the prescribed formation for crowd control. Wiggins was on point, standing center stage among the young and raucous juveniles who ranged in age from 8 to 16 years, and flanked by two of his cohorts, Stephen Reimer and Grego ry Washburn. The evening was progressing as all had foreseen until the third band came on stage. As the band sallied forth into the second song of the set, Wiggins began to notice that the sea of adolescents was pulsing, undulating and pushing to-

ward him. No sooner had the thought of something bad befalling a crowd member, Wiggins fell under attack. His olfactory bulbs began to sense something foul wafting his way. The overcrowded space that confined Wiggins was becoming a breeding ground for offensive, odiferous scents that rocked the unsuspecting security guard on his heels. Wiggins searched for a way out, desperate for an escape, for a moment where he would no longer be inhaling the stench of pubescent body odor coupled with halitosis and unrestrained flatulence. He could find none and was forced to succumb to the thought that perhaps on that spot, he might very well perish from methane overexposure. It was in his last moments of coherent thoughts that Philip Wiggins was saved. A hand pulled him from behind and up onto the stage where he was a head above the decaying odors below. He was taken backstage and attended by medical personnel. No lasting damage was caused, thankfully, as the EMT told a worrisome Wiggins that yes, his nose hairs would grow back in a couple of days. Following the incident, Wiggins

Outrageous Concert (dramatization) held a press conference where he had this to say, “Being on security detail was supposed to be a rather posh position, I never imagined myself being attacked in such a heinous manner.” Indeed, the security detail was numerous and fairly adept at handling the run of the mill situations, but none of the men accompanying Wiggins were prepared for what happened. In the time since, Philip Wiggins has continued to heal and lead as normal a life as possible. He has since ended his moonlighting career as a security guard for teen and pre-teen concert events. —Samuel Clemens

Picture of the Week There’s a new paper in town

Strange Observances (holidays etc…) Saturday: Be Bald and Be Free Day (shave your head) Sunday: White Cane Safety Day (wear dark glasses) Monday: Maintenance Personnel Day (go hug a janitor) Tuesday: Four Prunes Day (they help your digestion) Wednesday: Festival of Poetic Terrorism Day Thursday: Pickle Market Fair Day (buy a pickle)


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RAM OF THE WEEK Corban Thornell, our inaugural Ram of the Week, is a clean cut, all-American kind of guy. He’s a member of the AFROTC, the BSM and a devoted Christian. Studying some type of “smart person” major, Corban is currently a sophomore who enjoys life to the fullest. Clearly, he is attractive, most notably to his current

significant other. When class is out, you will most likely find Corban killing innocent animals, playing various intramural sports or getting his chill on. Upon learning of his nomination as our ROTW, Corban had this to say, “Um, sure.”… What a guy. Corban Thornell, our Ram of the Week. Brought to you by the letter C and the number 6

Corban Thornell

Sorry Ladies He’s Taken :(

Awkwardness... Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning The great movie franchise, if it can be called that, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, has once again stooped to a new low with it’s misguided prequel to the whole Thomas Hewitt story. As a general principle, I am not in favor of making prequels, especially not after the original film has already been out for 32 years. Now, there are times when prequels are in order, but only if you are George Lucas and have grossed billions and cultivated a phenomenon that has earned the right to span three generations. Other than that, a movie about characters the general public is already cognizant of is simply overkill and the standing version should be left alone. That being said, I believe I shall now delve into my review of Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. Overall, the movie presents well on-screen, though I felt that it did not portray accurately enough the time in which we are told the story takes place. The movie, we are informed, is taking place during the mid-1960’s and yet, the feel and flow of the film clearly are present day caliber. This shatters the already deteriorating and fragile line (due in part, to a more readily knowledgeable public) of suspense that is supposed to engross the audience. The “grainy” quality that was present in the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre (not the remake of 2003) was part of the ambiance that held the audience’s mouth agape throughout the film. I, for one, wish this film had been truer to the past and paid homage to the scaled back, lower budget predecessor that started

the whole frenzy of Chainsaw fans. The atrociously done opening scene where a woman gives birth to the child who would become Thomas Hewitt by simply laying on the floor as the child writhes out of her womb of its’ own accord does not bode well nor set a good tone for the remainder of the film. No one can have a child by laying down and doing nothing other than scream in agony while an infant thrusts itself out. I found this to be not only in poor taste but a terrible job of writing and filming. As the film progresses, more anomalies appear throughout causing many questions to arise. In example, how could someone still be conscious after taking a sledge hammer to the back of the head? Yes, this happens and no, it could not really happen. That amount of force with a blunted metal object would knock out even the most stout person. There are numerous moments where the characters could and should take the time to escape and yet refuse, lest they been seen as intelligent. Honestly, I don’t know how many more times I can watch a movie where the pathetically portrayed, helpless girl runs back into a house, up a staircase or back to a car where a psychotic killer is already waiting to rip her apart. Find a new dead horse to beat because that one has been in

When sitting in a class and your professor says: “I coach football because I like young boys.”

This section of the Ramdiculous Page is for things that make a norm a l

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the glue factory for 20 years now. Additionally, the characters are poorly developed and the dialogue is stale, predictable and, for most of the film, painfully used to state nothing more than the obvious. Not too mention that the audience is not given much of a back story for them either. I suppose now we will have to wait for the prequel to the prequel to come out so we can understand where the main characters for this film come from. There are a few good moments in this film, which I will not ruin for you here, if you so desire to see this particular atrocity. But for the most part, it is full of the same boring cliché moments that the last Texas Chainsaw Massacre had and they are done in the exact same manner. The useless ride in the car with a dead body, though humorous the first time, is idiotic here. Not to fret, dear reader, the meat packing plant chase scene reappears (though no wet t-shirt girl in the freezer this time) as well as the backseat murderer and the running in the woods while being chased by a chainsaw. All your favorites make an appearance because heaven knows nothing new ever comes from a “horror” film in today’s mindless, MTV driven culture. The film does live up to it’s name with the amount of killing that occurs, but moreover because it massacred my brain and senses for having sat through such a trite attempt at a horror film. The only good thing about this film that I found, besides the eventual ending, was, um, well, no that pretty much was the only good thing about it. I must say that as soon as the credits began rolling, I sprinted for the exit hoping that maybe I would hit a wormhole and be jettisoned back in time to where I had not seen that film and saved myself two hours of my life. I definitely give this film the fat, stinking, festered F that it deserves… for shame on you, Tobe Hooper for letting this heinous film be made and for attaching your name to it. --Towndrow P Snood


Volume 1, Issue 1

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WEATHER

:

Majuro, US Marshall Islands

Quote of the Week

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it’s just to bad that you’re blind

Which “Snow White” dwarf are you?

Tyler Nauert

SLEEPY

This Week’s Happenings Primetime TV Show

Time

Channel

Day

Deal or No Deal

7:00 PM

3 NBC

Friday 10/13

UT vs Baylor

6:00 PM

11 TBS

Saturday 10/14

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

7:00 PM

2 ABC

Sunday 10/15

The Amazing Race 10

7:00 PM

5 CBS

Sunday 10/15

7th Heaven

7:00 PM

14 CW

Sunday 10/15

How I Met Your Mother

7:00 PM

5 CBS

Monday 10/16

What About Brian

9:00 PM

2 ABC

Wednesday 10/18

Lost

8:00 PM

2 ABC

Wednesday 10/18

One Tree Hill

8:00 PM

14 CW

Wednesday 10/18

Survivor

7:00 PM

5 CBS

Thursday 10/19

CSI: Crime Scene Investigators

8:00 PM

5 CBS

Thursday 10/19

Aly Mackie

SLEEPY Cady Taylor

DOPEY

Upcoming Events Homecoming Week (schedule enclosed) BSM Activities

GO RAMS!!!!

Consumables of the Week Drink: Orange Soda Snack: PEZ

Monday: Ignite @ 7:30 PM Tuesday: Freshman Bible Study @ 7:30 PM Friday: Logos Lunch, $1 Lunch, @ 12:00 PM

Midnight Madness 11:00 PM Saturday 10/14

Make sure you have at least one this week


Ramdiculous Page A NGELO S TATE ' S F INEST P APER S INCE F ALL 2006

To Bring *REAL* News to ASU

Movies That We Want To See

The Covenant (2:05), (4:45), 7:40, 10:30 Ramdiculous Staff Wouldn’t You Like To Know

Gridiron Gang (12:45), (1:30), (3:45), (4:50), 6:55, 7:55, 9:40, 10:35 Jackass: Number Two (1:50), (4:00), 7:10, 9:30

e-mail: ramdiculous@gmail.com

WE’RE

ON

MYSPACE

myspace.com/ramdiculous

Open Season (12:15), (1:45), (2:30), (4:10), (5:15), 6:30, 7:30, 9:15 Jet Li's Fearless (2:20), (5:05), 7:45, 10:25 Employee of the Month (12:25), (2:45), 6:35, 9:50 The Departed (12:55), (4:05), 7:05, 10:05

Classifieds

If you would like your ad to appear in the Ramdiculous page please email us @ ramdiculous@gmail.com

RAMDICULOUS POLICY Published every Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas State University system or this newspaper. We welcome all letters. Please include your name, position, and an email address. Letters are subject to laws governing obscenity, libel and privacy. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned. Submit your letters via our email, ramdiculous@gmail.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration.


Homecoming Schedule

Friday, October 20th 1:30 p.m.

Campus Tours, Office of Admissions

5 p.m.

President’s Golden Exes Reception UC Tower Lobby

Tuesday, October 10th

6 p.m.

Preliminary Elections for HC Queen and King Each Computer lab all day UC 1 p.m. - 5 p.m. Food Service Center 5 p.m. - 7 p.m. (Student Senate)

Registration/Wells Fargo Homecoming Dinner UC C. J. Davidson Conference Center

8 p.m.

Pep Rally, Run Through Sign Contest*, Step Contest*, Multi-Purpose Sports Complex (rain site: CHP)

Wednesday, October 11th

9:15 p.m.

Torch Parade (ROTC) from Pep Rally to Bonfire site

9:30 p.m.

Bonfire* (ROTC), Knickerbocker & University (behind Foster Field)

Preliminary Elections for HC Queen and King Each Computer lab all day UC 1 p.m. - 5 p.m. Food Service Center 5 p.m. - 7 p.m. (Student Senate)

Sunday, October 15th

Saturday, October 21th

11 a.m.

Washer Tournament*(Block & Bridle) ASU Pavilion

9 a.m.

Alumni Bingo Brunch ASU LeGrand Alumni & Visitors Center

4 p.m.

Brisket Cook Off* (Delta Sigma Pi) ASU Pavilion

11 a.m.

Parade* begins at Foster Field Parking Lot

2 p.m.

Gospel Ramplosion Music Festival UC C. J. Davidson Conference Center

2 p.m.

Campus Tours, Office of Admissions

3 p.m.

Campus Tours, Office of Admissions

4 p.m.

Ram Jam LeGrand Alumni & Visitors Center

4 p.m.

Ram Gate San Angelo Stadium Parking Lot

6 p.m.

ASU v. Texas A&M Commerce Football Game, San Angelo Stadium Halftime Presentation of HC Court & Announcement of Queen & King Spirit Stick winner Announced 3rd Quarter

Monday, October 16th 7 p.m.

Nominee Presentation* (Delta Zeta) UC C. J. Davidson Conference Center

Tuesday, October 17th Final Elections for HC Queen and King Each Computer lab all day UC 1 p.m. - 5 p.m. Food Service Center 5 p.m. - 7 p.m. (Student Senate) 5:30 p.m.

Distinguished Homecoming Scholar Contest (Honors Student Association)*,UC C. J. Davidson Conference Center

Wednesday, October 18th Final Election for HC Queen and King Each Computer lab all day UC 1 p.m. - 5 p.m. Food Service Center 5 p.m. - 7 p.m. (Student Senate) 7:00 p.m.

For more Information on Homecoming events contact the Center for Student Involvement at 942-2062

Recycled Percussion Concert, ASU Pavilion (University Center Program Council)

Thursday, October 19th 7:00 p.m.

* Spirit Stick points will be awarded.

Step Contest Preliminaries

This Week at ASU is a newsletter printed each week by the Center for Student Involvement. Information to be included should be submitted no later than Wednesday of the week prior to the desired week of publication and can be e-mailed to Elvia.Sanchez@angelo.edu. If you have questions or comments, please call 942-2062. Elvia Sanchez - Managing Editor Rick Greig - Editor

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(holidays etc…) Ram of the Week 2 Quote of the Week 3 Street Interviews 3 Wednesday: Festival of Poetic Terrorism Day Monday: Maintenance Pe...

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